He has eaten a fat ball

(298 Posts)
ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:09:13

And complained to me that it was a bit greasy.


the fuckwit has eaten the fatballs made by the children in a park last week and left in the fridge to solidify.

I have no idea what culinary delight he thought they were supposed to be.

I wouldn't mind but he was there when they made them!

BrokenToeOuch Thu 06-Mar-14 00:10:54

Hahaha, hilarious! What a greedy bastard pillock!

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:11:36

How ill will he be.

Raw lard and seeds fondled by many children and kept in a fridge for a week.

He'll be fine. ( crosses fingers)

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 00:11:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:13:58

Because there was football on the telly I nipped to a mates few accidental Vinos and home.

He thought I had left them for snacks.

I don't know what to do.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 06-Mar-14 00:13:59

"A bit greasy".


ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:14:37

Watching brief I think.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 06-Mar-14 00:14:43

You don't know what to do? Why do you have to do anything except maybe steer clear of the bathroom ?

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 00:15:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:15:31

I was thinking stomach pump.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:16:35

He is 48 years old ffs.

Stuff like this isn't in marriage guidance leaflets

HellomynameisIcklePickle Thu 06-Mar-14 00:17:46

I thought you were going to say the dog! That is revolting grin

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:18:44

When you think about it my cooking must be shite

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:20:41

Hahahahahahahahaha grin

"a bit greasy" <wheeeeezes>

How many bites in a fat ball? How many times did he think "hmm greasy yet crunchy, let me have another bite"?

PatFenis Thu 06-Mar-14 00:21:52

Tell him it was falafel and let him sleep happy grin

BrokenToeOuch Thu 06-Mar-14 00:22:20

He thought I had left them for snacks.

Stop it, DP is sleeping and rolled over to shhhhhh me!
I don't think he'll be ill at all, but may have a few emergency shits tomorrow grin

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:23:56

My next quandary is I want to go to bed now. Do I sleep in matrimonial bed and risk it or spare bed and leave him to whatever occurs?

I have meetings in the morning in a professional office with professional people who don't have fuckwits as dh's

CommunistLegoBloc Thu 06-Mar-14 00:24:29

This, and subsequent updates, are some of the funniest things I have ever read.

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:24:59

Spare bed if he's already asleep in yours. That's gonna be some Dutch oven tonight!

I'd leave him a bucket, put an unfolded bin bag under the sheet and retire to the tranquility of the spare room.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:26:36

Mrs cakes they had string through the middle of them to gang them up.

What fucking recipe starts with string as an ingredient.

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 00:26:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:27:51

He is a great tit <baboom-tish>

[bird joke]

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:28:36

Undies? He'll need to tuck his long johns into his socks...

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:28:38

Right spare bed it is.

I can hear him coughing upstairs.

I still can't get over the stupidity of it.
Fatballs for gods sake.

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:30:48

So... will you be making them again? Perhaps post the recipe as they are so delicious? wink

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:30:57

Oh I think he needs double bagging tonight. Undies and pjs.

I still can't comprehend how he managed it.

The sunflower seeds confused him.


ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:32:29


A Great tit if there ever was one.

Haha grin let us know if he starts nest building

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 00:36:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:36:45


A Great tit if there ever was one.

ADishBestEatenCold Thu 06-Mar-14 00:41:58



ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:51:02

Well a small victory small child has appeared in the main bed so old peckerhead is in sparebed. The only downside is that I have to sleep on his side of the bed.
Which doesn't smell right.

No anal leakage so far.

He is snoring. Must be effects of whiskey drunk whilst watching the match.

Let's hope the alcohol has killed any bacteria.

Lard is rendered pig fat isn't it. So it must have had some heat processing. I think I am clutching at straws

silverten Thu 06-Mar-14 00:55:24


Straight to Classics I think....

ballsballsballs Thu 06-Mar-14 00:56:40

PMSL at 'a bit greasy'. grin

BelleOfTheBorstal Thu 06-Mar-14 01:02:31

He was with you when you made them? Oh dear god!

musicposy Thu 06-Mar-14 01:07:24

Please stop, I have tears of laughter streaming down my face and I'm going to wake the rest of the household!
DH has eaten dog biscuits before (I suspect less accidentally than he makes out) but fat balls!
I'm so tempted to make some now and leave them out.....

toomanyeasterbunnies Thu 06-Mar-14 01:07:25

I'm failing miserably at trying not to laugh too loudly! grin

musicposy Thu 06-Mar-14 01:12:37

You could give him those charcoal dog biscuits that soak up fat and stop dogs farting; I reckon that would help.
No need to tell him what they are - just present them as breakfast biscuits. He'll be well away.

GoldfishCrackers Thu 06-Mar-14 01:14:02

Stop it! No matter how much I try to stifle the laughter I'm making the whole bed shake and am going to wake the whole house if I'm not careful.

Butterandnutellaplease Thu 06-Mar-14 01:14:53

Do you think he pulled the string through his teeth to get the last little fatty morsels off or did he just chuck that down his gullet too?shock

recall Thu 06-Mar-14 01:23:48

I can't believe he ate them even though they were strung together gringringrin very very funny

Bumpiemalumpie Thu 06-Mar-14 01:27:15

oh god, woke the new born with my stifled laugh not the snoring DH!!!

DrewsWife Thu 06-Mar-14 01:31:05

I'm laughing hard internally. I'm desperate to laugh out loud! grin

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 06-Mar-14 01:33:45

OMG! grin grin grin
That sounds like something dp would do! Men!!!

Patilla Thu 06-Mar-14 01:51:44

Oh this is hilarious. I'm sat here holding a baby who has not long been sick and whose tummy is still making odd gurgling noises.

This has cheered me up thank you.

CalmaLlamaDown Thu 06-Mar-14 02:32:31

I'm on a night shift and it made me laugh too, and there's not too many laughs around here at the moment I'm telling you.

Did his mates eat them too? They won't be allowed to come to your house no more.

I've never heard of a fat ball, it sounds vile.

Hopefully the lardy poo will wait until he's in the work toilet

Morloth Thu 06-Mar-14 03:11:38

My DH would totally eat a fat ball if it was sitting the fridge.

He would probably also then tell me they were nice.

Riddo Thu 06-Mar-14 03:49:15

I'm weeping with laughter, fortunately already in spare room to escape DH's snores.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 06-Mar-14 04:05:32

NoArmani, fatballs are generally made to feed wild birds. You aggregate leftover fats (eg, from the grillpan) with bought seeds, shape into balls, add a string so you can hang it... Very Blue Peter. There are arguments that fatballs can kinda "glue" a bird's mouth, but I'm not sufficiently familiar with them to reiterate.

Fatballs are never intended for human consumption. grin

Ubik1 Thu 06-Mar-14 04:06:42

Am also on nightshift and am sniggering away...

ipswichwitch Thu 06-Mar-14 04:16:41

Laughing so hard I snorted and woke the baby!
So he took a bite, thought "hmm these are very greasy" and just carried on eating anyway?!?!?!?? What the hell did he think the string was for? confused (tell me he ate that too grin)

technosausage Thu 06-Mar-14 05:29:19


ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 07:17:29

Update is he is fine.

Not a bother on him.

He must have the Constitution of a donkey!

A very very stupid donkey.

I will ask him what he thought the string was for and amaze you with his reply when we have sorted the morning out.

NoArmani here you go. Yum. shock The shop bought ones smell so awful they make me heave.

MyGastIsFlabbered Thu 06-Mar-14 07:21:28

Shamelessly marking place for strong explanation grin

OMG he didn't eat the string did he Manifesto?

Bearandcub Thu 06-Mar-14 07:26:53

Oh my, this has made my day. Just read thread and had more anticipation than with the last whodunit I read!

Thank you Manifesto's Great Tit grin

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Thu 06-Mar-14 07:27:47

marking place yo find out if the string was consumed grin this I'd brilliant!

IceNoSlice Thu 06-Mar-14 07:28:35

What a tit! grin

Maybe today he'd like a bowl of mealworms :D

NymodigFruOla Thu 06-Mar-14 07:33:59

Fatballs washed down with whiskey shock?
Words fail me grin

SomethingAboutNothing Thu 06-Mar-14 07:35:28

Brilliant grin

headlesslambrini Thu 06-Mar-14 07:36:55

I need to hear about the string as well

diddl Thu 06-Mar-14 07:38:22


I';d have to LTB!

CambridgeBlue Thu 06-Mar-14 07:38:40

I have to know what he thought the string was for! Thanks OP (and OP's dozy DH), you have really cheered up my morning smile

TheCunkOfPhilomena Thu 06-Mar-14 07:39:30


Oh what a great tit indeed! grin

KaFayOLay Thu 06-Mar-14 07:47:24

Just imagine going in for a smooch after that shock

magicalmrmistoffelees Thu 06-Mar-14 07:52:12

Reading this thread has brightened my day after being up since 2am with a teething, snotty baby! Thank you

I can see why we have all flocked to this thread. I fear you are not out of the nesting box yet OP. Your dh may yet come home to roost unwell and have to perch for some time in the bathroom.

MissMalonex2 Thu 06-Mar-14 07:55:56

Reading this in train to work, snorting and in tears. shock Think there will be more to this story - not enough time for the fatball to have worked his way through his system yet

MothershipG Thu 06-Mar-14 07:55:58

This made me shake with laughter so much the dog trying to sleep on my lap is giving me filthy looks! grin

It really needs to be in classics.

Termagant Thu 06-Mar-14 08:16:11

This Is Just to Say

I have eaten
the fat balls
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for the birds

Forgive me
they were weird
so nutty
and so greasy.

Apologies to wcw!

Catsmamma Thu 06-Mar-14 08:18:18

what a ninny!

and yes...i need a string update.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem Thu 06-Mar-14 08:19:28

I'm sorry, but I'm having a damned good chuckle at this!

Bluestocking Thu 06-Mar-14 08:21:39

Is he preening himself? Does he regard this as a feather in his cap? He should be treading on eggshells after that performance. Try him on a chorus of The Birdy Song. etc etc.

OldLady, you shouldn't use grill pan/roasting tin scrapings or other cooked soft fats in fatballs, they can damage birds' plumage, and are often also salty - garden birds can't really tolerate salt. Lard/suet all the way for the birds.

Grill pan scrapings are fine for husbands and partners though smile

Oh dear op, what have you married?

Keep a close eye on your dc - just in case they have inherited the fat loving genes.....!

Grumpla Thu 06-Mar-14 08:39:43

Oh Termagent! gringringrin

KurriKurri Thu 06-Mar-14 08:42:20

gringrinat this thread.

My dog ate a fat ball once (her excuse = she's a dog). The resulting diarrhoea had to be seen to be believed, and (sorry to those eating breakfast) because it was so greasy it shot out of her like a bullet from a gun grin

ErrolTheDragon Thu 06-Mar-14 08:45:02

I thought it was going to be a toddler at the 'put everything in my mouth' stage... not a fully grown man.

Lard needs quite a bit of heat to render it out of the meat so it's sure to have been well cooked. And fat balls don't make wildlife sick so your DH may escape unscathed.

My neighbour puts fat balls out for the birds - a squirrel keeps stealing them and eats them sat on the fencepost, and once I saw it burying one in our lawn. Its a fat, happy squirrel.

Silverfoxballs Thu 06-Mar-14 08:46:39

So he thought it was a type of snack on a rope?

I really thought this was going to be about a dog and at a push a toddler.

NymodigFruOla Thu 06-Mar-14 08:53:57

<arf> at 'snack on a rope' grin

Cocolepew Thu 06-Mar-14 08:54:58


Moodykat Thu 06-Mar-14 08:55:12

This is literally the best thing I have read in days! Was feeling really shitty this morning and reading about your massive tit has made me feel much better! Thanks!

bigTillyMint Thu 06-Mar-14 08:56:01


Did it have nuts and stuff in the fat?

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Thu 06-Mar-14 08:57:28

Fantastic reworking of the William Carlos Williams poem!

I noticed this in active convos yesterday and presumed it was about a toddler or a dog. I was shock when I saw that a grown man ate them.
Greasy ?
Confused about the seeds ?
I have to know about the string.

Strawdolly Thu 06-Mar-14 09:06:25

Classic grin

AtYourCervix Thu 06-Mar-14 09:07:09


lucysmam Thu 06-Mar-14 09:07:59

Can always rely on MN to brighten up the boring bus ride to town grin grin

PumpkinsMummy Thu 06-Mar-14 09:10:00

shamelessly place marking to enjoy the tale of the result once it has worked thru his digestive system. Your poor DH, I wonder if he knows how much joy he has brought to so many MNers. Maybe you could remind him when he's shitting out his lungs?!

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 09:10:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly Thu 06-Mar-14 09:13:25

Why were they in the fridge? A trap for the unwary indeed.

traininthedistance Thu 06-Mar-14 09:14:28

Fab Termagant grin

This thread should be in Classics!

OnceUponAThyme Thu 06-Mar-14 09:16:39

there is no emoticon that will express my mirth!
I need to know what he thought of the string in them grin

Anniecarrieson Thu 06-Mar-14 09:25:05


Your DH will be the yardstick against which all other fuckwits are measured.

He forgot to put his trousers on and went to Tesco?
Yeah, but at least he didn't eat a fat ball.

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 09:32:26

Has he had his coffee yet? I reckon he has 25 mins post espresso, 40 mins post filter/latte/cappuccino and until he has a cup of tea after instant before the poosplosion.

SumBex Thu 06-Mar-14 09:34:59


I love the fact that you didn't need to. Specify it was your DH in the title or op, like he pulls this kind of stuff all the time.

DameFanny Thu 06-Mar-14 12:06:01

Crying laughing! Need to know what he said about the string please!

ipswichwitch Thu 06-Mar-14 12:11:18

Just watched a bloody great magpie swoop into our garden and fly off with a whole fat ball in its beak. He tried the same thing yesterday til he caught sight of my cat. I shall henceforth call him Mr Manifesto grin

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 06-Mar-14 12:31:57

<roars with laughter>

We've moved this to Classics now (hope that's OK ManifestoMT)

twofingerstoGideon Thu 06-Mar-14 12:34:02

shock shock shock shock shock

I thought this had to be either a dog or a toddler - not a 48 year old!! He really is legendary in his fuckwittery! Though I suspect he is still beaten by the Man Who Lost A BMW!! Only just, though!

As they were on string, did he dangle them in front of himself, and eat them like trying to eat apples on a string (the Halloween game)? Maybe you should put all his food on string from now on?

BuzzardBird Thu 06-Mar-14 12:40:43

Birds are very perceptive you know? I can see an Alfred Hitchcock scene coming on when they sense the fatball in his stomach as he is walking down the road...

BuzzardBird Thu 06-Mar-14 12:42:08

If he is into foods with string on I would hide your tampons OP hmm he will be in for a shock if he pops one of those in his mouth grin

Very pleased to see this is now in Classics! grin

PrincessOfChina Thu 06-Mar-14 12:45:45

I didn't laugh at this at all and have spent a while wondering why and I figured it out...

It's because my DH would absolutely, 100%, definitely eat a fat ball if I left one in the fridge.

DameFanny Thu 06-Mar-14 12:47:40

I'd be tempted to start filling the house with stringy objects... Sweet shop sugar mice, soap on a rope, decorative chilli garlands... See how far he'll take it...

SuburbanSpaceperson Thu 06-Mar-14 12:48:01

That's hilarious. I agree with whoever said that it's still working it's way through is system. There will be consequences, I'm sure of it. grin

SuburbanSpaceperson Thu 06-Mar-14 12:48:32

its not it's - flipping iPad

MothershipG Thu 06-Mar-14 13:23:33

May be there should be a new MN term to add to spoonyfuckers? Should we now have fatballfuckers for DHs/DPs with no discernible common sense and a tendency to eat anything?

Iloveonionchutney Thu 06-Mar-14 13:57:06

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius The man who lost his BMW?!!! hmm I am intrigued by this one!

This is hilarious OP, if he gets away without repercussions I'd have to wonder how often he does this sort of thing!

The husband of a regulation poster, LaQueen, lost a whole car. They were moving house, and had just bought a new car, but hadn't yet sold the older one. When they actually moved, they drove the new car to the new house, leaving the other one to be collected later. In all the chaos of moving, her dh forgot to get it, and some months later, he saw it for sale, on a garage forecourt - his neighbour had reported it abandoned, claimed it, and sold it to the garage.

She is not entirely cross about it because, as she says, it doesn't matter if she goes OTT at the shops, he can't complain because she has never lost a whole car.

It's a MN legend, now.

Quinteszilla Thu 06-Mar-14 14:42:05

Did he eat the string, or did he think the string was there to floss the seeds out from between his teeth after?

shemademedoit Thu 06-Mar-14 15:15:56

Hahahahahaha. Funniest thing ever.

comicsansisevil Thu 06-Mar-14 15:26:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCunkOfPhilomena Thu 06-Mar-14 15:28:41

Manifesto I just saw your DH, he's headed East for Spring here.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 15:30:06

Quick update

He said as I bought stuff at tebay services he thought it was of those artisan treats sort of scotch egg things.

He didn't eat the string nor the twig anchoring the string through the ball.

I think he was expecting a black pudding centre or something.

He has a loose stool but nothing to malevolent.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 15:34:13

Thanks for all the comments. Blushes

My first classic.

Pity it's for a fatball and not utter genius on my behalf but thanks for your gleeful interest in bowel movements and string.

BertieBotts Thu 06-Mar-14 15:34:51

There was a twig?! grin


WandaDoff Thu 06-Mar-14 15:35:38

PMSL grin

TheCunkOfPhilomena Thu 06-Mar-14 15:36:05

You Are Killing Me

one of those artisan treats sort of scotch egg things

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

MyGastIsFlabbered Thu 06-Mar-14 15:36:15

grin @ artisan scotch egg!

NymodigFruOla Thu 06-Mar-14 15:37:29

"If he is into foods with string on I would hide your tampons OP hmm he will be in for a shock if he pops one of those in his mouth". Oh blimey, this gets funnier and funnier grin

"He said as I bought stuff at tebay services he thought it was of those artisan treats sort of scotch egg things" - now I'm <roaring> grin grin

CinnabarRed Thu 06-Mar-14 15:37:57

The twig is brilliant!

bigTillyMint Thu 06-Mar-14 15:39:12

Artisan Scotch Egg grin

From Tebay services grin

But it must have tasted soooooo vile <bleuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrgh>

KittieCat Thu 06-Mar-14 16:01:35

I clicked onto this thread assuming said fat ball might've been munched by a curious toddler. Oh, how wrong I was.

KingCrimson Thu 06-Mar-14 16:11:56

Just out of interest, did he eat it cold, or microwave it?

Bagtrainlady Thu 06-Mar-14 16:12:13

I can't stop sniggering on my bus home! Artisan fatballs! With string & twigs - I am making Mutley-like noises as I try not to roar laughing on the bus!

FrimpongDench Thu 06-Mar-14 16:16:02

Do all artisan scotch eggs come with strings? Was he thinking it was part of some early/late Halloween hanging apples game?

Quinteszilla Thu 06-Mar-14 16:16:49

Artesan scotch egg. Somebody should tell Gails....

DramaAlpaca Thu 06-Mar-14 16:22:01

This is the funniest thread I've ever read.

I'm at my desk trying not to work snigger.

Artisan scotch egg grin grin grin

You have brightened up my day. Thank you smile

anklebitersmum Thu 06-Mar-14 16:24:59

I have tea coming out my nostrils OP, and an "It's not just a fatball it's an M&S fatball" mental image so thank you for that grin

My DH embarassingly would more-than-likely eat the fatball whilst grazing in the fridge for easy food and have the cheek to complain about it being "a bit greasy" confused

notso Thu 06-Mar-14 16:33:48

grin I am just imagining him marching in to Tebay services demanding a refund for the greasy scotch egg!

Rooners Thu 06-Mar-14 16:34:38

Twig? grin

MavisGrind Thu 06-Mar-14 16:39:05

In fairness to OP's Great Tit, an artisan scotch egg which looks/tastes like a fat ball is exactly the sort of thing you'd find in the farm shop at Tebay services! If not at Tebay then definitely at Rheged. [local]

Badvoc Thu 06-Mar-14 16:39:33

My dh would so eat a fat ball.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Thu 06-Mar-14 16:42:57

I bet you a tenner these are in the shops by Christmas....

CalamityKate Thu 06-Mar-14 16:55:57

Omg that's brilliant and SO the sort of thing DH would do!

He once ate a load of cheese cubes that he found in a tub in the fridge. Trouble is they were cubes I'd cut up as dog treats, had been there over a week and during that week had been in and out of my pocket and consequently were covered in crumbs of dog biscuit, assorted pocket fluff and dog spit.

A couple of weeks ago I made chocolate mousse using just chocolate and water. Gorgeous if you like dark chocolate but very intense. He declared that "God that mousse is horrible! Far too bitter for me. Didn't like it at all" but needless to say he ate a whole ramekin full ....

They're so thick at times.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 18:56:28

Ok the last bit of the saga.

I have got in from work now and thought a picture of the remaining fat balls would just round this off perfectly.

So 3 kids, 2 mine one friends, made the fat balls. All 3 balls were in the fridge.
I went in to retrieve one to take a picture and smallest one comes up behind me.
Oh we have to hang those up for the birds" "
yes I just need to take a picture"
Well take a photo of mine

That's not mine .... Where's mine gone.....
Lower lip quivering...

She knows it's hers cos different colour string apparently.

She is just about to have a massive hissy fit but stopped in her tracks when I said daddy ate it by mistake.

But it's for the birds. Mummy why did daddy eat it?
She told the oldest one and they have not stopped laughing

A family legend has begun.

I expect to be outed tomorrow as it will be all round the playground. I know some school mums go on mumsnet as I tell them how hilaire it is.

Off to photo the ball

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 18:58:47

King crimson it was raw not cooked raw lard with loads of seeds a sunflower seeds sticking out of it

It's the most obvious fat ball ever

DameFanny Thu 06-Mar-14 19:03:46

Please please say you'll start adding string to his plate... Please?

essexgirl46 Thu 06-Mar-14 19:06:54

my dog broke into the cupboard under the stairs once and ate some fat balls then pebble dashed the kitchen with liquid shit.....the heating had been on and it had sort of baked onto the surfaces it had hit...the smell hit me as i put my key in the lock and i had to clear up the mess whilst doubled in constant retching convulsions...i phoned my now ex husband who was "too busy" to help......don't buy fat balls any more.

Catsmamma Thu 06-Mar-14 19:07:29

i have been thinking about this all day and sniggering but really....it's an affront to your cooking....

the man who eats a fat ball and claims it to be a bit greasy.

I think you have had perfect provocation to kill.him.dead.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 19:14:56

Ahhhh you can't add pictures in classics

I will nip over and post in chat.

Then again do I really want to prove that I actually know someone that dense never mind have 2 childen to him.

Oh I love this so much grin

I'm going to find ways to slip "fat ball" into conversation tomorrow grin

BouncingJellyfish Thu 06-Mar-14 19:16:20

Hurting with laughter at "artisan scotch eggs!"

NCedToProtectTheIgnorant Thu 06-Mar-14 19:19:32

This whole thread is brilliant - laughing so hard here!!

Have to admit I would be using this for EVER - any complaints about my cooking - "you ate a fat ball", any complaints about a mistake I made - "you ate a fat ball", any complaints about anything - "you ate a FAT ball!". Hope you're more restrained than me!

MavisGrind Thu 06-Mar-14 19:20:43

Oh please play music by Fatball Slim when he gets home....and start reminiscing about Johnny 'Think of a Number' fatBall...

MrsWeasley Thu 06-Mar-14 19:21:06

This is brilliant and why I love mumsnet so much!

I thought my mum was bad, she let herself into my house saw a big pot of 'yoghurt' sitting on the counter (next to the paper and scissors) and helped herself to a big spoonful of it. Later when she mentioned she thought the yoghurt wasn't very nice I pointed out it was pva glue complete with a glue spreader!!

I almost wee'd a little!

Shartibartfast Thu 06-Mar-14 19:34:50

Fat balls grin
String/ twigsgrin
Tebay services grin

This thread ticks all the boxes OP

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 19:43:02

I have seen the picture. Ye gods. He is clearly a few seeds short of a bird feeder isn't he?!

confuddledDOTcom Thu 06-Mar-14 19:45:14

I can imagine it becoming the new condiment in the family "want some string with that?" I hope your daughter gets as much mileage as possible out of it too "but Daddy, you ate my fat ball sad"

I wonder if MNHQ can add pictures to posts and whether they would be willing to. Just flutter eyes at them wink

NymodigFruOla Thu 06-Mar-14 19:50:27

"She is just about to have a massive hissy fit but stopped in her tracks when I said daddy ate it by mistake. But it's for the birds. Mummy why did daddy eat it?"

<snort> <wheeze> <snort> grin

mawbroon Thu 06-Mar-14 20:21:50

Aw, he was obviously bang up to date with the latest health stories gringrin

Why Fat is Good for You sorry, dm link

Perhaps he is going to set a trend for new style healthy eating grin

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 20:24:21


I wouldn't mind he only got the word artisan from me and mumsnet cos I showed him the artisan slippers thread.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 20:34:13

Years ago my mum got a sleeping pill from a friend when we were travelling on a ferry overnight.

She took it faffed for a bit and then cleaned her teeth with mycel athlete foot cream .
I still laugh at this now.

mill3003 Thu 06-Mar-14 20:41:01

OMG, I can't breathe I'm laughing so much. "What fucking recipe starts with string as an ingredient" love it!

Pimmpom Thu 06-Mar-14 20:47:21

Absolutely brilliant! grin Hope he never has the cheek to say he doesn't like anything you've cooked. Can you imagine "Didn't really enjoy the Sunday Roast this week dear" grin

MyFirstName Thu 06-Mar-14 20:53:40

Thank you so much for this - I so needed it grin

shelley1977 Thu 06-Mar-14 20:55:25

The children keep asking me what's wrong as I'm laughing so much!

Dilidali Thu 06-Mar-14 21:10:07

This is the funniest thing I have ever read!!! Artisan scotch egg. Classic!

necklaceofraindrops Thu 06-Mar-14 21:28:28

I am bent double with laughter at artisan scotch egg!! grin

BankWadger Thu 06-Mar-14 21:36:32

OP I was in The Works today and saw these bird seed cake kits at the till and thought they would be the perfect gift for your DH grin

Howdidiigethere Thu 06-Mar-14 23:17:59

My OH just walked in on me snorting with laughter so I tried to explain why. He looked at me blankly so I tried again. Nope, still not getting it. Hmm, I'm slightly worried that he's now thinking "damn, why didn't i think of that? I know we've got some fatballs in the back of the shed somewhere . . . "

greathat Fri 07-Mar-14 09:11:03

This is absolutely brilliant!

Owllady Fri 07-Mar-14 10:30:20

And I thought mine was bad for eating a bowl of funny tasting onion rings and not realising it was actually calamari

Bluestocking Fri 07-Mar-14 12:19:29

I love Termagant's poem. My DP is a Scoffyfucker, he eats everything in sight, and to him I dedicate this version.

This Is Just to Say

I have eaten
the leftover pasta bake
that was in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for your lunch tomorrow

Forgive me
it was delicious
so carby
and so cheesy

PuppyMonkey Fri 07-Mar-14 12:30:06

Has anybody Tweeted this yet? I think I might... Tweet...geddit?wink

Quangle Fri 07-Mar-14 14:13:02

this is a brilliant thread. So much to enjoy.

Love Termagant and Bluestocking's poems (thinking of changing my name to Martinet just to be in their gang).

Love artisan scotch eggs (the new Greggs sausage roll, surely)

It's all reminiscent of the brilliant swearing and cakes thread.

OP I'm guessing it wouldn't be much of a stretch for your DH to eat a version of the Blue Peter dog food cake they used to make for the pets' birthdays?

Quangle Fri 07-Mar-14 14:17:57

Please tease him relentlessly about this.

"Pass me the salt would you starling - I mean, darling!" type of thing.


dingit Fri 07-Mar-14 14:26:30

Love this. Thank god he didn't eat the string. Just think, he would have made you a lovely necklace, with beads of shit.

StrangeGlue Fri 07-Mar-14 14:41:13

My cats once hunted a fat ball and I thought that was thick...

Love it!

Lastminutelizzie Fri 07-Mar-14 15:02:42

I have tears rolling down my face reading this post - thank you, haven't laughed so much for ages - it's made my day !

MsOrange Fri 07-Mar-14 15:02:50

He is so lucky you hadn't put meal worms in them...

Pliudev Fri 07-Mar-14 16:36:45

Thought mine was bad when he made a sandwich with 4oz of (solid) parmesan cheese.

Shartibartfast Fri 07-Mar-14 16:44:00

Link to [[http://www.handmadescotcheggs.co.uk/scotch-egg-style/artisan-scotch-eggs artisan scotch egg supplier].] No sign of any string

Shartibartfast Fri 07-Mar-14 16:44:27

whoops link fail! trying again!

Blatherskite Fri 07-Mar-14 16:45:21

The whole thread and then this finished me off -

"Pass me the salt would you starling - I mean, darling!" type of thing"


Now I have to stop reading as DS is trying to read over my shoulder to work out why I'm laughing so much and I don't want to have to explain what 'fucker' means!

preemieparent56 Fri 07-Mar-14 16:48:48

Does he cycle? Waterproof trousers and cycle clips would be a good start! LOL

DoctorTwo Fri 07-Mar-14 17:01:50

Artisan Scotch Eggs. <weeps>

ErrolTheDragon Fri 07-Mar-14 17:22:03

If your DCs don't want to make any more snacks for him, these are on special offer. only £7.50 for 50 balls, with extra flavour and nutrition! The list of what particularly enjoys them includes Great Tit so should be perfect.

ArtisanScotchEgg Fri 07-Mar-14 18:23:24

Beaut of a name change idea here grin

janebblogger Fri 07-Mar-14 19:07:11

I'm glad I dropped by to see what a 'fat ball' actually is. I thought it was some sort of hoax, 'Man eats fat ball' !! Like that guy and his penis beaker. Unbelievable. Was your hubby under the influence of something at the time of consumption?? How did the children take it after all their hard work? And now you've got those angry birds to deal with. Good luck!

Candustpleasefuckoff Fri 07-Mar-14 19:40:02

I have never laughed so hard reading something online. I don't think this can be beaten. Especially liked idea of playing the birdy song and starling not darling! Excellent.

compostwoman Fri 07-Mar-14 19:48:10

OMG I wept with laughter at this.

The Hand Made Scotch Egg company are just up the lane from us smile Totally yummy - unlike a fat ball.

How the heck did he not notice what it was???

shelsley Fri 07-Mar-14 20:28:24

Hahahahaha -this is hilarious! My first ever time on Mumsnet - love it!

Susiesinden Fri 07-Mar-14 20:37:31

This is hilarious!! I'm tempted to make these as a snack and see if my DH falls for it....(Moohahaha evil laugh) He is king fridge grazer and a food critic - might teach him to appreciate the normal stuff.

Might leave the string out tho even he's not THAT stupid wink
(Hope he did actually survive the night tho)

Hang on a minute, that stilton and apple artisan scotch egg, the whole one,in second picture from left, does look exactly like the fat ball picture posted earlier (except they forgot to add string and, er, a twig...)

Scarletohello Fri 07-Mar-14 20:59:42

Hmmm was he on a low carb diet..?

rlawrance Fri 07-Mar-14 21:58:15

I don't want to alarm you but my dog ate a pat of butter - just butter, not congealed lard and germy nuts - and he was sick as a, well a dog actually and had the worst case of the squits I've ever seen. Brace yourself, it could be a rocky ride (especially when you consider what rubbish patients men are.) I would stick to the falafel story and hope he blames a dodgy burger or something.

EBearhug Fri 07-Mar-14 21:58:21

I suppose it's not so different from eating dripping, or a nice bit of German Speck.

Dh has eaten at Tebay services, and says he doesn't recall being offered fat balls!

NK2b1f2 Fri 07-Mar-14 22:35:06

There, you've done it now. I tried to give up mn for Lent just for a laugh and then this thread has brought me back [well worth it, too] grin

Inlovewith2014 Sat 08-Mar-14 09:37:31


tinder Sat 08-Mar-14 09:51:09

So I told my husband about this and he said "I can see the appeal. It would be good on toast!" I bet he would too!

chattychattyboomba Sat 08-Mar-14 10:01:15

Reminds me of the time my late Pa tucked into the puff pastry thinking it was cheese, then commented "don't buy that cheese again! Bloody awful" (yet proceeded to eat AN ENTIRE SHEET of it)

Or how about when he confused my mum's hemorrhoid cream for mouth ulcer cream. That was an interesting day.

This thread is truly hilarious!

chattychattyboomba Sat 08-Mar-14 10:45:23

F.y.i RAW puff pastry in sheets from the freezer.

Lastminutelizzie Sat 08-Mar-14 11:44:15

When my daughter made fat balls at Cubs they added dead magots, so I think he got off quite lightly with the seeds.

cherrybath Sat 08-Mar-14 13:31:42

I once went away for a couple of days, leaving a bowl of home made egg custard in the fridge so that the children could make ice cream in the new ice cream machine. When I came back the custard was still there - but he had made ice cream with a bowl of white goose fat that was also in the fridge. And he had also made them eat it - with no flavourings or sugar. Nobody had been sick, but apparently they had told him that it tasked like chicken.....

BanSidhe Sat 08-Mar-14 14:19:12

I am really, really glad I have been diligently doing my pelvic floor exercises and that I'm reading this in the privacy of my own home! Amaze(fat)balls!!!

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Sat 08-Mar-14 14:25:00

This thread has inspired me to go to the pet shop to buy a new fat ball feeder for the garden!

MissHobart Sat 08-Mar-14 15:17:35

Pahahaha! grin

ZingSweetMango Sat 08-Mar-14 16:42:15


beautyguru Sat 08-Mar-14 18:28:07

Pahahaha!!! So glad this has gone in classics,absolutely bloody brilliant!! Thank you for sharing, you have made my evening, haven't laughed so hard in long time!

silverten Sat 08-Mar-14 20:22:50

Excellent thread, so glad to see this in Classics. This has also now reminded me of the time my dad decided to make horseradish sauce using the stuff he'd grown himself.

Much harrumphing and ceremony ensues, as my dad is the sort of man who is typically shy of the kitchen and only has one cooking method in his skill set (frying- his pies have to be seen to be believed).

Hours of drama, piles of washing up. All pets retired to quiet corners for the duration.

Several jars were produced- no artisan airy-fairy rustic labelling or pretty lids, oh no, for this was the pinnacle of Manly Condiment.

Liberally slathered over his plate containing my mother's excellent Sunday roast, it was quite a treat for us to discover that instead of mayonnaise, he had, in fact, used lard by mistake...

Doubletroublemummy2 Sat 08-Mar-14 22:37:47

That's the kind of thing that mine would do too! I often wonder how he actually survived this long without one to one support?!

spiderlight Sat 08-Mar-14 23:30:02
sandy1969 Sun 09-Mar-14 00:02:23

If it had looked like an Artisan Creme Egg we might have understood. Even with the twigs and string.

Having been married for some years I can perfectly well believe a man could get to the end of a fat ball before complaining. It's in the realms of normal male behaviour. But still absolutely hilarious thank you.

sandy1969 Sun 09-Mar-14 08:06:20

Only just occurred to me he must have been chomping through the lard and seeds trying to come across the egg.

ZingSweetMango Sun 09-Mar-14 21:30:07

makes me think you married Joey Tribbiani.wink

IamInvisible Sun 09-Mar-14 21:53:34

This is brilliant but it is just the sort of thing DH would do!

YarnyStasher Sun 09-Mar-14 22:08:42

Cherrybath !!!! grin

JustBreath Mon 10-Mar-14 10:41:36

HAHAHAHAHAHA I'm in hysterics!

exhaustedmummymoo Mon 10-Mar-14 10:59:05

mannifest how is your DH this am? Sorry but had to have a giggle as its the sort of thing mine would do too! Btw how many did he eat before the yuk factor set in? Sorry can't stop laughing!!

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 10-Mar-14 11:12:59

Twigs, seeds, string.

How the duck did that not alert him to the fact it's not for human consumption.

grin bloody brilliant thread

JustBreath Mon 10-Mar-14 12:08:13

Still lmfao!

BoffinMum Mon 10-Mar-14 12:12:27

My DH reckons he might have confused them with Aldi frikadellen. He says it is an easy mistake to make when a man is clearly being deprived of man-friendly snack foods.

Aintnobodylovesnanbetter Mon 10-Mar-14 12:29:06

He's really had his feathers ruffled bless him
You would have thought taking that first bite would be enough to put him off especially when he came across the string
Made me chuckle though thanks op

DontWannaBeObamasElf Mon 10-Mar-14 13:00:09

How did I miss this last week?! Saw it on Buzzfeed. How funny!

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 10-Mar-14 13:50:20


Forago Mon 10-Mar-14 14:13:36

This is hilarious - a well-deserved classic.

"Daddy ate it by mistake" - hilarious!

morerummorefun Mon 10-Mar-14 14:14:32

This has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever read on mn! Tears are streaming down my face.
My dh once swallowed a packet of imodium thinking it would help his toothache!

MoominMammasHandbag Mon 10-Mar-14 14:19:49

DP just informed me that MiL once made "bird cake" to a fatball recipe and left it in the fridge. FIL complained loudly that she was a rubbish baker. Didn't stop him scoffing the lot though.

BertieBotts Mon 10-Mar-14 14:30:22

Where on buzzfeed? grin

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 10-Mar-14 14:39:08
BertieBotts Mon 10-Mar-14 14:42:46

ROFL, they translated "dh" as "dear heart", oh dear grin

BertieBotts Mon 10-Mar-14 14:44:15

Great summary, though.

Deathwatchbeetle Mon 10-Mar-14 14:50:44

(Shakes head) Men, like little children, should NOT be left alone for a minute. Truly frightening what they get up to!

WhateverTrevor83 Mon 10-Mar-14 15:24:02

So funny. What a loony!

BoffinMum Mon 10-Mar-14 15:25:05

It may be on Buzzfeed BUT IS IT ON TWITTER YET?????


<boom boom>

Euphemia Mon 10-Mar-14 19:18:15


SometimesLonely Mon 10-Mar-14 20:16:52

ManifestoMT That made me laugh because I was on a youth hostelling holiday once with a schoolfriend. We had a shed (dark inside) just outside a farmhouse. She got ready in the morning and came bleating to me, "Sometimes, I've just cleaned by teeth with Veet." Her gums were burning and all I could do was laugh .... She's never forgotten that.

phantomnamechanger Mon 10-Mar-14 22:50:01

this is hilarious, cherrybaths OH is worse than the OPs "dad this ice cream tastes of chicken" hmm

OMG <snort>

NymodigFruOla Tue 11-Mar-14 08:15:11

"makes me think you married Joey Tribbiani" grin grin Zing

TeamWill Tue 11-Mar-14 10:03:58

Is he feeling chirpy this morning ? grin

ZingSweetMango Tue 11-Mar-14 13:17:45


remember when he ate the entire content of the fridge including the brown thing in a pot?
that's what comes to mind.

(and in that case it's a good thing Joey doesn't share food!wink grin )

SnotandBothered Tue 11-Mar-14 13:53:54

This reminds me of a friend of mine whose husband found a cheesy wotsit in the bed, had a moan at my friend for eating crisps in bed and then proceeded to eat it hmm. He then went on to moan that it was stale and finally drew breath long enough for her to point out that it was in fact not a 'wotsit' but an old foam earplug.

He had worn them a few weeks before when the baby was crying a lot and he had to be 'on his game'.



ZingSweetMango Tue 11-Mar-14 13:55:24

earplug! EARPLUG! grin grin grin grin grin

mathanxiety Tue 11-Mar-14 15:17:41

He probably had all kinds of fond thoughts about you, leaving a plate of snacks for him to enjoy during the match ...
<bless grin>

Has he coughed up a furball yet?

Candustpleasefuckoff Tue 11-Mar-14 18:09:12

Popped into petsathome earlier to let children spend 10min looking at the fish / reptiles / rabbits. Whilst in there thought - must buy some wild bird food. Was with husband (who I had shown this thread to) we were looking at the v unappetising fat balls and laughing about your husband's culinary taste when turned around to find my nearly 2 year old DS had picked up a rectangular slab of a fat ball, chomped through the plastic and had a mouthful of it. Nearly screamed when the label said also contained meal worms! Was scrapping nuts and seeds off his tongue and hands - yuck. Maybe your DH has started a new craze that is going to spread across the nation? Child seems fine btw. That'll also teach me and DH for laughing at others.

Fidelia Tue 11-Mar-14 21:53:49

Oh I'm laughing so hard...maybe your 2yr old is a reading genius and has been secretly lurking here grin

ballsballsballs Tue 11-Mar-14 22:08:56



BlueSkySunnyDay Tue 11-Mar-14 22:15:42

A few years ago we went out for a Christmas meal and were served something which was very similar - probably one of the most disgusting things I have ever been served in a restaurant. One of my friends said "this is just like one of those balls you put out for birds"

I am still puzzled to this day exactly what it was meant to be (some kind of stuffing ball?)

BlueSkySunnyDay Tue 11-Mar-14 22:18:40

Ahh Sometimes on a similar theme - my gran was in a rush to go out one morning and put "hairspray" on.....only to find out it was actually the dogs anti-mate spray!!!! grin

Tyto76 Tue 11-Mar-14 22:22:30

This is so so funny, thank you. I'm crying with laughter

PigletJohn Tue 11-Mar-14 22:50:33

in winter, I always try to get DP to ask the man on the Pets and Garden counter if he's got Fatballs.

She never will sad

BlueSkySunnyDay Tue 11-Mar-14 23:02:59

Piglet John that really made me laugh.

SnotandBothered Tue 11-Mar-14 23:34:03

ballsballs: yep, an earplug. Apparently it was pale yellow, squishy and quite wotsit-esque grin

He has never lived it down.

ballsballsballs Tue 11-Mar-14 23:58:09


Artemisia48 Wed 12-Mar-14 08:40:35

This 'snack with a string' story is one if the funniest I have ever read. Qualifies in the top 10 of the 'Mumsnet Thread Lap'!

grimbletart Wed 12-Mar-14 17:09:19

I left a lamb casserole in the oven for my DH when I went out. When I got back he said it was delicious except for one piece of meat that was tough as hell and absolutely vile. Yes DH that was the bouquet garni bag.

Many years ago my Dad, who was rather fond of prunes, went into the kitchen to put more prune juice on his prunes Didn't bother to put the light on. Took one mouthful and spat it out. It was chip fat that had been left to cool and solidify. Looks remarkably like prune juice, especially in the dark.

GimmeDaBoobehz Wed 12-Mar-14 17:56:58

No, just no.

Why would you even want to eat them?

They don't even look appetising.

trufflehunterthebadger Wed 12-Mar-14 18:08:21

My DH, who thinks MN is a total waste of time, has just pissed himself laughing at this thread :D

You will be able to dine on this for years, OP

Bahhhhhumbug Wed 12-Mar-14 18:11:57

If he gets arsey because he has been outed just say 'Who rattled your cage?'

ZingSweetMango Wed 12-Mar-14 18:21:12

MN is a total waste of time



PigletJohn Wed 12-Mar-14 18:48:16

he's right.

ZingSweetMango Wed 12-Mar-14 18:52:26


D0oinMeCleanin Wed 12-Mar-14 19:01:26

When my mum and dad first got married they were skint. My mum was delighted to find a market stall selling really cheap mince and bought loads of it. She went home and made mince stew with it and left it in the oven for my dad before going to work. It was the nicest mince stew he'd ever tasted, he told her.

The next week she took him to the market, to show him where she bought the mince. It was still there, right below the sign that read "Minced Meat Scraps - Pet Food" grin

Euphemia Wed 12-Mar-14 19:19:02


ZingSweetMango Wed 12-Mar-14 19:52:40

a friend of mine was very selfish and she made a point of never sharing things like shampoo and shower gel with her room mates.
(cheap stuff, mind you)

so they pranked her by making a mix of washing up liquid and washing powder, lemon juice and a bunch of crap etc poured into her shampoo bottle.
she used it and started going on about how the manufacturers must have changed the recipe as it is the best shampoo she ever had!

they only told her what happened a few months later.

RomulanBattleBagel Wed 12-Mar-14 20:18:35

I am only about halfway through reading this thread, and I was laughing... 'Artisan' has now tipped me over the edge

grin grin grin

flamingtoaster Wed 12-Mar-14 20:28:17

This thread has made my evening. Thank you. I am surprised he could eat it - it must have been hard to swallow.

ColinFirthsGirth Wed 12-Mar-14 20:32:04

Well I suppose it could look like a huge falafel if you skint abit!

ColinFirthsGirth Wed 12-Mar-14 20:34:09

sorry squint abit not skint!

FlockOfTwats Wed 12-Mar-14 20:59:58

This has made my week.

What on earth did he think when he got down to the twig???

Lanabelle Wed 12-Mar-14 21:36:12

well... did it work out ok then? He's still alive I take it? oh lordy, I would have asked sooner but I get so far down and between the baby sleeping on my bladder and the hilarious running commentary above it has taken me till now to get this far :O

ZingSweetMango Wed 12-Mar-14 21:43:06

I kind of want to know what happened the other end.

I hope his bowels didn't get blocked up.

NewLisaLife Wed 12-Mar-14 22:29:39

Haha sat giggling at this. I just asked Dh 'would you eat a fat ball?'
He looked at me gone out, I told
Him about this thread and he shook his head! Lol

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 12-Mar-14 23:17:45

Wow, is this still a thing?

SarahAndFuck Wed 12-Mar-14 23:55:35

My DH once complained to me that "the pick and mix you bought tastes awful, don't get it again."

Me: What pick and mix?
DH: The one you left in the kitchen, the chocolates with the pattern on them.
Me: grin You mean the chocolates with the paw prints on them? They're dog chocolates.

He was with me in the pet shop when I bought them.

I'm going to put a fat ball in the fridge just to see what will happen grin

HereIsMee Thu 13-Mar-14 00:07:47

I am lying in bed crying with laughter. Surely the twig should have alerted him that something was wrong. How could he have forgotten the children making them.

Hogwash Thu 13-Mar-14 00:44:27

This thread is hilarious - DH came to check I was OK!

I hope you are never prescribed pessaries OP - he may think they are giant tic-tacs!

Hogwash Thu 13-Mar-14 00:46:10

(woman on maternity ward next to me ate hers grin).

ZingSweetMango Thu 13-Mar-14 07:24:47


I can see you going round the petshop, buying various snacks and laying it out as a treat selection for your DH!grin

Artemisia48 Thu 13-Mar-14 09:07:32

Is your H aware that he is now a Mumsnet Icon?...

SarahAndFuck Thu 13-Mar-14 10:38:13

Zing it would be worth it. I could probably get away with claiming the mealworm mix for the blackbirds is actually a bombay mix, see what he makes of that.

It would be like "I'm A Celebrity.." in our fridge, only less orange and without Ant and Dec. grin

maffive Thu 13-Mar-14 11:20:46

DH has just asked me why I'm roaring with laughter. His response to the eating of fatballs was "Probably quite healthy - better than most of the processed crap you get in the shops". confused

Guess what he's having for dinner tomorrow... wink

ZingSweetMango Thu 13-Mar-14 12:16:18


do it! record it! put it on YouTube! grin

frumpity33higswash Thu 13-Mar-14 13:20:51

sounds rude and indijestible

boofted Thu 13-Mar-14 16:33:58

I have not laughed as much as this for a long long time. Brilliant. DH laughed a lot too. Probably because he would do something like this.

CleopatrasAsp Thu 13-Mar-14 18:28:08

This thread is hilarious. I was once baking but had to leave the mixture in a bowl as some relatives turned up. As I was faffing about making tea one of the relatives pinched a bit of the mixture saying: 'Oh, marzipan, my favourite!' I really don't think it was his favourite since he had just eaten raw ginger biscuit dough - still, serves him right for putting his germy fingers in my baking!

ErrolTheDragon Thu 13-Mar-14 18:58:44

Once when my ILs visited, FIL helped himself to a handful of nibbles. Except it was pot pourri.

mathanxiety Thu 13-Mar-14 23:42:01

DD1 once took a bite of what she thought was cheese samples on a plate in the Whole Foods Market. It was actually artisan soap, lovingly handcrafted and very pricey and clearly marked 'Artisan Soap'.

Would that be soap for artisans, soap made by artisans, or soap made FROM artisans, mathanxiety? grin And did it taste nice?

Hogwash Fri 14-Mar-14 13:38:23

Bumping because I don't want this thread to end!

nolongerbumpieorlumpie Fri 14-Mar-14 14:27:52

I want an update on the aftermath!!

mathanxiety Fri 14-Mar-14 14:37:30

From the look of horror on DD1's face, it wasn't one bit like cheese.

McChocolate Sun 23-Mar-14 11:41:02

DH has just extracted himself from the bedroom, worried I am crying. Well I am, but from laughter. Couldn't stand up straight for a while there.

jelly6jane Fri 26-Dec-14 02:33:56

this has really made me laugh. You shouldn't worry as he IS a grown up and therefore responsible for his own actions ;)

wtffgs Fri 26-Dec-14 10:22:45


Posh, v senior colleague once ate pot pourri at a social event! shockgrin

SoDiana Sun 04-Jan-15 16:58:55

I have drank engine oil from a Lilt bottle, smuggled a lump of solidified grease thinking it was toffee and finally commented on the spicy sauce on the olives which was in fact, green chillies with mayonnaise. In my defence, I was a child in the case of the former two.

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