Anyone who remembers MarmaladeTwatkins' PTA cake sale/Lemon Drizzle arse of a woman come here please

(1001 Posts)
MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 09:53:03


She has just sent out a group email to 100 parents/the head, of the last AGM minutes. Then obviously wanted to bitch to one other PTA mum about THE HEAD but... has copied in the 100 parents... AND THE HEAD.

My life is complete. I am practically purring in pleasure. Cannot WAIT for this afternoon in the playground. grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 09:58:43

And she is moaning that the tickets for the "fashion show" are selling slower than expected and she is TELLING parents to get some from the school office, take them out onto the playground and do the hard sell on other parents shock

I went to the last one. I'm not stupid enough to go twice. It involved some heavily-made up middle-aged women 'modelling' tatty clothes that were never in fashion. It was SHIT.

someoneelsegottherefirst Thu 19-Sep-13 17:51:59

I remember your thread. karma ...

JessicaRRRabbit Thu 19-Sep-13 17:55:14

I remember the thread - shock and grin what happened at pickup time??

fuzzpig Thu 19-Sep-13 17:55:31

Hahaha, perfect grin

ThePearShapedToad Thu 19-Sep-13 17:56:03

I was thinking about "f*ck you lemon drizzle murderer. F*ck you up the bum" only this afternoon. In fact, I even made my friend join MN just to read it grin

You KNOW you have to now publish the email regarding the Head in all the bitchy detail wink


countingdown Thu 19-Sep-13 17:57:08

Haha, I remember how hideous she was - hope she has spent the whole day cringing!

Rooners Thu 19-Sep-13 17:57:53

I know I didn't approve of your cuz thread but the cake woman TOTALLY deserves what she gets. Marvellous news smile

(what was in the email?)

MrsMcEnroe Thu 19-Sep-13 17:58:46

Ha ha, I remember your thread - how amazing that this woman has now made such a spectacular faux pas!

Pixieonthemoor Thu 19-Sep-13 17:59:02

OMG the Drizzle-Bitch gets her comeuppance!!

LOVING that karma has come around and bitten her in the arse!!

(And where is my apron with "get fucked" on it?? I genuinely want one of those....!!!)

LegoAcupuncture Thu 19-Sep-13 18:00:29

Oh no! How humiliating for her. I love it!

What did DB say?

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Thu 19-Sep-13 18:02:07

Loved the lemon drizzle thread!

Now, more details please. What exactly did she say?

Fionar71 Thu 19-Sep-13 18:03:40

Total case of thread voyeurism - but, I'd love to read the original thread after the responses this thread is getting!!


grin She really is a charmer, isn't she?

Fionar Original thread here

MarthasHarbour Thu 19-Sep-13 18:14:48

drizzle bitch grin

I remember your thread and am doing a little dance for you smile

ILivebytheRiver Thu 19-Sep-13 18:15:58

ooh can't wait for the next instalment!

poorbuthappy Thu 19-Sep-13 18:16:44

Come on update woman!

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown Thu 19-Sep-13 18:16:59

Oh my god! Wouldn't you just die!

Fionar71 Thu 19-Sep-13 18:17:32

Thank you SunshineSuperNova

Brilliant grin

nicename Thu 19-Sep-13 18:18:39

Nice one!

Has she realised yet????

Coconutty Thu 19-Sep-13 18:22:01

I bet she is horrified, tell us more!

I think she will try to brazen it out. Iirc, without rereading the other thread, she has plenty of front.

cocolepew Thu 19-Sep-13 18:22:40

Haha nice one grin

insanityscratching Thu 19-Sep-13 18:23:54

ooh lovely grin can't wait for the updates.

headlesslambrini Thu 19-Sep-13 18:24:08

spill we need the details. copy and paste the email at least the juicy bits

KoalaFace Thu 19-Sep-13 18:24:11

Hurray! I loved that thread. I was giggling over "maxi skirts" and "cunt bunting" for days.

Feel ashamed for her.

CatAmongThePigeons Thu 19-Sep-13 18:24:52

Oh what comeuppance! Twatters, have you been forced into ticket sales? grin

ouryve Thu 19-Sep-13 18:25:30

Oh, I never saw your cake thread, but a blunder like that is a thing of beauty grin

Is it wrong that I have just double checked my emails in hope just in case? grin

Ah the karmic revenge against the cake murderer. Sweeeeet. grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 18:34:32

OK so she is doing the usual moaning about having to shift the AGM to a date more suited for another PTA member (who works FT, IIRC) then she starts moaning in earnest about fundraising ideas. I will C&P the first bit then the bit about the head!

"Well, even after all that bodging about with dates was a shame to not have a full show. But what can you do? Drag them by their ears? They're not children but they do behave like it. I can honestly say that when (name of her DS) goes up to secondary, I will knock this on the head.

Just feel like it's me doing all the fundraising ideas. A tuck shop? Fuck shop, more like. Who the hell is going to want to buy crisps and sweets at the end of school when there is a Budgens nextdoor? Fucking ridiculous idea. Same with the apples. We have 11K to make a dent in. A few bags of apples... Seriously.

Dorothy (name changed to protect the innocent!) has really fucked me off this time about the marketing of the barn dance. I do the posters, always have done. Now she's passed it on to Vera (nc) I really feel like she's trying to fucking well oust me. Vera is expecting to do all of the marketing now. She is a fucking moron with a photoshop package. Sorry to go on but I am really fed up girls. xxx"

I shit you not. Then the head gets a going over

"Deirdre (the head, nc) really upset me going on about how nice Vera's posters were for the fashion show, it's almost like she was doing it to get a rise out of me? What do you all think? It's all very cosy between them and it leaves me rattled if I'm being honest. Vera puts in minimum effort, gets maximum arse-kissing from Deidre. Wouldn't be surprised if they were dyking it up I've heard rumours about one of them. I'll say no more.

Anyway I'll see you all for the get together on friday. Hopefully it will be the usual gang and no interlopers LOL xxx"

shock shock shock

The Vera mum who's been doing some posters is really upset this afternoon. She said she feels really embarrassed. LDC was nowhere to be seen, quelle surprise! I really don't see how the daft cunt is going to make a come back from this grin I do feel bad for Vera, though.

Maryz Thu 19-Sep-13 18:34:36

I'm marking my place for the shit-hitting-the-fan update.

When we get emails from the school, they specifically say DO NOT HIT THE "REPLY TO ALL" BUTTON.

But some parents never-the-less send us all wonderful updates on their child's varying illnesses and other very personal information.

quietbatperson Thu 19-Sep-13 18:35:03

I remember! What happened at pick up?

BuskersCat Thu 19-Sep-13 18:35:09

'cunt bunting' has just jogged my memory grin

quietbatperson Thu 19-Sep-13 18:35:21


Maryz Thu 19-Sep-13 18:36:14

wonderful x-post there hmm

shock at "fucking moron"


And as for the dyke comments, words fail me.

CeliaFate Thu 19-Sep-13 18:36:38

This is gold. grin You've got to update us when LDC makes an appearance.

quietbatperson Thu 19-Sep-13 18:37:03

OMFG shock

HopeClearwater Thu 19-Sep-13 18:37:22


PoppyWearer Thu 19-Sep-13 18:37:32


Maryz Thu 19-Sep-13 18:37:57

To be fair, Vera comes out very well from all that - she is obviously willing and able. Far too able for LDC mum's liking.

I can't imagine coming to the school gate having written that. I just can't see how she could possibly face it down.

Oh, this is wonderful. What a feckin bitch grin

ItIsKnown Thu 19-Sep-13 18:39:47

Oh that is an awesome fail! grin

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown Thu 19-Sep-13 18:40:27

Oh my shock amazing!


But as for fund raising ideas, our school does fab cheese and wine parties, the social highlight of the automn!

As well as totally fab quizz night, with fish and chips delivered. Plenty of booze sold, merriment to be had, and lots of funds raised.

Shamelessly marking spot.

CeliaFate Thu 19-Sep-13 18:41:13

I am still pmsl at the thought of the Head's face when she read that email and the look on LDC's when she realised what she'd done.

iwantavuvezela Thu 19-Sep-13 18:41:56

Vera must be fumming smile

MutantAndProud Thu 19-Sep-13 18:42:29

That is the most brilliant email fail I have ever read!!!!

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 18:42:49

I read. And read. And read again. Especially the dyke bit. Does anyone really use that word now? Well obviously, yes.

She is well jel' of Vera. Vera used to work in graphics and did some shit hot posters for some event or another, so now the chair keeps asking her to do more, but LDC traditionally gets to do her shitty clip-art posters. Apparently, much behind-the-scenes placating had to be done during the last PosterGate affair.

shock What an utter, utter bitch.

ItIsKnown Thu 19-Sep-13 18:43:11

In her position I would be considering leaving the country moving house.

But I wouldn't be so nasty and in the first place and people like that rarely feel shame.

OMFG at dyking it up. How will she ever show her face there again?

Happiestinwellybobs Thu 19-Sep-13 18:44:25

Oh that is shock amazing. Karma has well and truly bitten her on the bum grin

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 19-Sep-13 18:44:55

Brilliant. Can't wait to hear the update (though I am slightly freaked out as my grans were Dorothy and Vera!).

Cybercat Thu 19-Sep-13 18:45:07

I bloody loved that thread when I was a lurker - may have to revisit it!

Hopasholic Thu 19-Sep-13 18:46:37

Brilliant! The Shame! What a mean,horrible vile excuse of a woman though, she's well and truly got her comeuppance.

Bet she's going to try and say someone Marmalade hacked her E mail and it had nothing to do with her grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 18:47:14

She was conspicuous be her absence this avo.

She normally barges her way through the playground, with her DS's massive keyboard case swinging off her shoulder.

There was some kind of 'crisis point' set up in the wooden shelter in the playground at home time. Loads of PTA wimmin were in there, with Vera, all looking concerned. I wish I was on the fucking PTA so I'd got a legit' reason to go in grin

Tweasels Thu 19-Sep-13 18:47:24

Oh my mother fucking god.

How do you recover from that. Hey, tell you what though, it makes me want to join the PTA if this is the type of shizzle that goes on.

They always look like a vision of innocence in Boden prints at our school.

FruitOwl Thu 19-Sep-13 18:47:54

I loved your original thread OP. I'm sure the Head read her email with interest. Forgive me a cruel chuckle grin

BumbleChum Thu 19-Sep-13 18:49:11

Ha hA haaaaa

MadameJosephine Thu 19-Sep-13 18:49:14

shock best email fail ever!!! I remember the original thread, she was a total bitch but this takes the lemon drizzle cake biscuit!

MrsPennyapple Thu 19-Sep-13 18:50:16

Beautiful! I bet lemon drizzle bitch is pooing her pants over what the head is going to say.

Vera sounds nice though, I feel sorry for her.

HeffalumpTheFlump Thu 19-Sep-13 18:50:28

There's no coming back from that one!! I loved the lemon drizzle bitch thread and that has made my day! grin karma at its absolute best!

StickEmUp Thu 19-Sep-13 18:50:41

Marks place!

Pachacuti Thu 19-Sep-13 18:51:03

Make sure you tell Vera that you've shared the email with a few thousand of your closest friends and we all agree that she comes out of it very well...

OvO Thu 19-Sep-13 18:51:08

I'd fake my own death if that was me. shock

That's actually painful to read. The muppet.

Fucking hell, this is why women need to have more going on in their lives than the fucking PTA. Who would get that irate over posters and cake sales?

I presume that the reference to a get together on Friday is a PTA meeting - if so, please, please go, Marmelade (I assume all parents are welcome).

TSSDNCOP Thu 19-Sep-13 18:52:13


God you'd have paid to be in her house at the exact moment she realised what she'd done.

I imagine her head imploded from the oxygen she gasped in.

Mandy2003 Thu 19-Sep-13 18:52:14

Crisis summit in the Breeze House at 3.30pm - excellent!!

How many "interlopers" could you get together to crash her do on Friday Marmalade? What a vile, vile woman!

georgedawes Thu 19-Sep-13 18:52:28

OMG that was 100x worse than I thought it would be.


You almost have to feel sorry for her! (almost)

OctopusWrangler Thu 19-Sep-13 18:52:49

She's the wally of the century!

headlesslambrini Thu 19-Sep-13 18:52:55

wow just wow. She is a first class nutter!

LtEveDallas Thu 19-Sep-13 18:53:33

Oh my god. Oh my good god. That is FABULOUS. Oh my dear God I am shock shock shock

Bloody hell, that's some crazy voodoo doll pins n shit you've got going on there Marmalade grin

TSSDNCOP Thu 19-Sep-13 18:53:40

It'll be standing room only at the next meeting.

Vera's a shoe in for new Chair grin

<waves ballot>

Maryz Thu 19-Sep-13 18:55:03

She will have to resign from the PTA at least.

She has called the head a dyke, accused her of favouritism and used very derogatory language about the head and various members of the PTA.

No-one will work with her ever again.

Who did she mean to send the email to? Would they agree with the sentiments, or are they embarrassed by it too?

georgedawes Thu 19-Sep-13 18:55:47

I would actually change my kid's school if that was me.

That is fucking brilliant. What a dickhead!

Should have punched the cake when you had the chance.

RedJeans Thu 19-Sep-13 18:57:11

Hahahahahahaha, so much worse than I was expecting! She'll never be able to set foot in the playground again

CeliaFate Thu 19-Sep-13 18:57:45

"She has called the Head a dyke" is the best thing I've read in a long time. I would have to emigrate if I was LDC.

BellaVita Thu 19-Sep-13 18:57:55

Oh fucking hell! That was just pure class grin.

I just said fucking hell out loud after reading the email and DS1 turned to me in horror grin and said "gawd mum wassup, it sounds serious" grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissStrawberry Thu 19-Sep-13 18:57:57

I also remember the cake thread but this is just far beyond that. I almost feel sorry for her. She is so self-absorbed or lacking intelligence that she thinks all this stuff but to put it in an email and then send it to the head is just <words fail me>.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 18:58:12

I don't think she would have sent it to the chair. She seems genuinely nice. There are a couple of snipers in there, though.

She is a bona fide cowbag. She is totally one of those people who uses people or only talks to people that might be useful to her. After the whole LDC affair, she found out that my BF at the school is married to someone quite famous. She found out when he came to collect their DC one day and she went all gooey-eyed over him. Since then, she has cornered my friend at every opportunity and tried to rope her into helping the PTA and getting her DH to do things too. The nasty cunt!

hiddenhome Thu 19-Sep-13 18:58:14

She is going to have to move to Brazil isn't she? grin

Epic fail, gotta love it!

BitBewildered Thu 19-Sep-13 18:59:03

Wow! That's impossible to come back from, surely?

headlesslambrini Thu 19-Sep-13 18:59:24

I would hope that the governing body ban her from the playground, pta and demand that she publically apologises to the head and everyone else.

TheHouseCleaner Thu 19-Sep-13 19:01:08

While I'm crying with laughter here I can't help wondering how many of the other 100 parents are Mumsnetters and out of those how many have seen this thread and are now desperately trying to work out whose mother you are, MaramaladeTwatkins. grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 19:01:12

I will try and time it so that I meet Vera on the walk to school tomorrow. She will tell me the gory details from the wooden hut.

BellaVita Thu 19-Sep-13 19:02:39

Precision timing is key MT!

lunar1 Thu 19-Sep-13 19:03:16

Loved the first thread but this is so much better!

Wow, that's a serious email!
Karma at its best.

She'll be asked to leave her precious PTA after publicly slandering the Head, surely?

PiratePanda Thu 19-Sep-13 19:04:41

Well the best thing is the Head will now have incontrovertible evidence that LDC is a bad thing for the school. If I were the head I would say the following:

"LDC, I could sue you for defamation. However, being the generous soul that I am I will be content to accept your resignation from the PTA."


NatashaBee Thu 19-Sep-13 19:05:03

It just gets better... I'll be back tomorrow morning to hear the Vera Update!

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 19-Sep-13 19:05:35

O.M.F.G. THAT IS amazingly good karma! grin

I remember your Original Thread. I am gobsmacked, utterly, totally.

This needs to go in Classics!

ClaraOswald Thu 19-Sep-13 19:06:32

Tell Vera what we all thick of the cuntpuffin.

How long until LDC child escapes to secondary?

I'm sure Vera is upset, but really she comes out of this looking absolutely great. All she's done is make some posters for events that the HT has commented positively on.

LDC, on the other hand, looks even worse than your previous thread did. She sounds ludicrously jealous and immature. She's probably already been removed from her head of the PTA position, because calling someone a 'dyke' is really not on.

The fact that she copied everyone in is genuinely hilarious.

stiffstink Thu 19-Sep-13 19:06:39

So at the time of The Lemon Drizzle the PTA had £12k to raise but months later they are still in need of £11k?

If the PTA film the fallout of Emailgate and sell it as a pay per view, ding dang dong you've got at least 11 large.

Itstartshere Thu 19-Sep-13 19:07:39

Epic!! Karma is a bitch indeed. We need updates, by the way, as the shit hits the fan

Stravy Thu 19-Sep-13 19:07:46

shock shock shock shock

Dyking it up!!!!

Fucking moron



It was so much better/worse than I had hoped

NachoAddict Thu 19-Sep-13 19:08:28

Omg I would never be able to go the school again.

ouryve Thu 19-Sep-13 19:09:10

Wow. LDC lady sounds so Klassy, Marmalade. shock

Bloody well serves her right for being such a self absorbed bitch grin

InsertBoringName Thu 19-Sep-13 19:09:57

That's probably the best thing I've read ever grin

headlesslambrini Thu 19-Sep-13 19:11:36

anyone else feel really sorry for her DC's? I really hope that they don't get the fallout from this.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Thu 19-Sep-13 19:12:12

Mwah ha ha! Glad she has got her just desserts wink

Grumpla Thu 19-Sep-13 19:13:48

I am so joining the PTA. THIS is the kind of excitement that has been missing from my life.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 19:13:48

This is the thing about the PTA. Whilst i respect that they do valuable work for the school, they ain't going to make a dent in the playground target.

They always send a summary of funds out quarterly (IIRC) and they raise something like, say, £2K. Then £500 has to be paid back out for the deejay for the next disco etc etc. So really, they raise enough to buy a few tiddly bits, but her dream of single-handedly raising funds to buy a whole new set of playground equipment is not going to come true.

CatAmongThePigeons Thu 19-Sep-13 19:14:20

That is horribly wonderful. Horrible for those mentioned in the email, but fantastic for LDC being thoroughly screwed over by her own doing.


Leverette Thu 19-Sep-13 19:15:29


Epic cringe @ dyking it up

Shall I just nominate this for classics now?

I remember her.
Well if you fancy a stint on the PTA marmalade I think there may be a few vacancies coming up wink

ExcuseTypos Thu 19-Sep-13 19:15:34

shock. What a cow. shock

I think she'll have to emigrate.

I must say, I do like the idea of a 'fuck shop'. That would raise £11,000 surely?

TheRunawayTrain Thu 19-Sep-13 19:15:46


hiddenhome Thu 19-Sep-13 19:15:53

This should be in the Daily Mail grin

ExcuseTypos Thu 19-Sep-13 19:16:31

She obvs wants the playground to be named after her.

tethersend Thu 19-Sep-13 19:16:43

The PTA is only there to divert parents like her away from the teachers grin

Mckayz Thu 19-Sep-13 19:17:38

LDC is a nasty piece of work.

MamOfTwo Thu 19-Sep-13 19:19:10

Shamelessly marking place for further updates of LCD's downfall!

ChasedByBees Thu 19-Sep-13 19:19:10

shock what was she thinking?

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 19:19:32

I did chuckle at fuck shop, I have to admit.

I also must admit that their fund raising ideas are shite. Last week, they were selling apples from the trees in the school playground. The apples that have been attacked by randy wasps for the last fortnight. All sweaty and damp in clear plastic bags. Bleeeee. But, I have no better ideas, so I keep my gob shut. If you can't come up with anything yourself, that's the best thing to do as a rule, I think


TheTempest Thu 19-Sep-13 19:20:37

Oh my god. Can you imagine how she is feeling right now?

I would utterly die of shame!!

BusyCee Thu 19-Sep-13 19:21:02

I have just laughed so hard i snorted tea out of my nose and over bf'ing DS2. Her turn of phrase suggests she's the bastard love child of Margot Leadbetter and Bernard Manning.


ExcuseTypos Thu 19-Sep-13 19:22:19

When our village wanted a new playground, the committee applied to charities and lottery funds. They got the lot!

hiddenhome Thu 19-Sep-13 19:22:59

I bet she's sitting in a corner clutching a bottle of gin and rocking to and fro shock

georgedawes Thu 19-Sep-13 19:23:36

I wonder if the ht is a mumsnetter?

shock at LDC. I remember the earlier thread which was bad enough.

What kind of idiot commits that level of bile to writing anyway? You never know who will forward what to whom or post it to MN.

And what kind of organisation puts parents' email addresses in To or Cc fields in emails? Massive Data Protection fail there.

Salmotrutta Thu 19-Sep-13 19:24:14

This is quite simply one of the best Cringeworthy Moments I have ever, ever read!! shock

I would actually shrivel with embarrassment if I ever did something like that!

This is why I always ask myself "Would I be happy for this e-mail to be seen by anyone and everyone?"

MrsBungle Thu 19-Sep-13 19:25:22


I remember the previous thread. She's certainly got her comeuppance!

I can't wait for the next instalment! What a nob of the highest order she is!

Salmotrutta Thu 19-Sep-13 19:26:16

Is she the type to brazen this out Marmalade??

I'd have to emigrate within 24 hours...

Our PTA seems very tame and boring compared to this.

rumbelina Thu 19-Sep-13 19:27:30

Iesu mawr!

Quite priceless.

Oh, isn't Karma just sweeeeeeet

cake <<< not lemon drizzle

RinseAndRepeat Thu 19-Sep-13 19:28:00

I remember your old thread. And I'm so glad I didn't miss this one. It's amazing.

measuringcup Thu 19-Sep-13 19:28:41

Snorting at fuck shop grin

MrsHoratioNelson Thu 19-Sep-13 19:32:02

Fuck. Ing. Hell.

I think that is the very definition of Epic Fail grin

RandallPinkFloyd Thu 19-Sep-13 19:32:45


I think I love her.

yourcruisedirector Thu 19-Sep-13 19:33:17

This is a genuine joy to read grin

What more incentive could there be to join the PTA now!

trixymalixy Thu 19-Sep-13 19:33:17

Oh, how delicious. Please update as soon as you get more detai!

yourcruisedirector Thu 19-Sep-13 19:34:47

And you really need to suss out exactly which parents are in her little coven - it doesn't sound like it's unusual for her to spread her bile this way.

LittleMissGerardLouiseButler Thu 19-Sep-13 19:35:55

This is the best thread I have ever read grin

At least people will now see lemon drizzle for what she really is!

georgedawes Thu 19-Sep-13 19:36:36

I think if I even tried to write the worst email I could think of, it wouldn't be that good.

lurkydrizzler Thu 19-Sep-13 19:37:08

Poor woman grin
Marmalade I hope you replied back with 'Did you mean to be so rude?

lurkydrizzler Thu 19-Sep-13 19:38:53

I don't think you'll see her again. She's probably spent all day visiting potential new schools.

FairPhyllis Thu 19-Sep-13 19:39:45

If the thing on Friday is a PTA meeting that all parents can go to, it is your solemn duty to go, OP, and report back.

BoiledEggandToastSoldiers Thu 19-Sep-13 19:40:54

Cannot wait to hear the next instalment, she is indeed a "caaahh" smile

WibbleBoy Thu 19-Sep-13 19:41:04

I wonder if the content of the email will be officially recorded in the PTA meeting minutes? ;)

DatsunCogs Thu 19-Sep-13 19:41:08

I remember your last thread but this takes the biscuit...

Total cringefest - who says 'dyking it up'?


rainsofcastersugar Thu 19-Sep-13 19:43:17

Genius! I love a bit of karma smile

PyroclasticFlo Thu 19-Sep-13 19:43:41

Marmalade I remember the Lemon Drizzle vs cornflake cake debacle thread and loved it.

But this?

THIS is fucking genius. It's made my week grin.

Utterly, utterly brilliant. Can't wait for tomorrow's update!

BigW Thu 19-Sep-13 19:44:23

Holy crap! I remember that thread. Wowza.

HellonHeels Thu 19-Sep-13 19:44:31

I remember the lemon drizzle thread! Am crying laughing at that email!

"Dyking it up"?!

Also did she say "moron" shock or am I confused?

stealthsquiggle Thu 19-Sep-13 19:44:32

That is superb. Just amazing.

Do tell Vera that MN says she comes out of this looking good (after she gives us you the juicy details of the crisis meeting, of course)

impatienttobemummy Thu 19-Sep-13 19:45:10

I can't wait! Just read both threads... Comedy genius no wonder you are thrilled! Karma baby karma!

LemonBreeland Thu 19-Sep-13 19:46:07

OMG! That is so funny. I could cringe for her from here.

Absolutely just desserts though.

shock ohemgee. She is amazing!

Poor Vera...

DameFanny Thu 19-Sep-13 19:47:26

grin Oh Twatters you've made me happy tonight...

I do hope Vera's a mumsnetter - I like her already.

Stravy Thu 19-Sep-13 19:47:36

She called Vera a 'fucking moron with a photoshop package'

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 19:48:17

She did say moron. Dyking it up is the one, though. How will she ever be able to look at Deirdre the Head in the eye ever again? <faux concern>

TSSDNCOP Thu 19-Sep-13 19:48:48

The only way out of it is to get her chequebook out and write a fat one for the entire 11 grand for the kiddy playground.

Then emigrate.

It's going to be years until she can remember this without sticking her fingers in her ears and going "lalalalalalalalalala"

Dilidali Thu 19-Sep-13 19:49:18

Oh my god! Oh Christ!!!! This is BAD!
I remember the lemon drizzle thread. Christ this is bad!

I feel so sorry for her!
I'd email her back, saying thanks for the email, keep me posted.

Oh my god!!!

ItIsKnown Thu 19-Sep-13 19:50:32

grin at all day looking at new schools. And on Rightmove.

BatwingsAndButterflies Thu 19-Sep-13 19:52:29

OMG, this has made my evening grin

peppapigmustdie Thu 19-Sep-13 19:52:29

Shamelessly marking my place... I would have to emigrate or go into some sort of witness protection scheme for Lemon Drizzle cake murderers.

IAmNotAMindReader Thu 19-Sep-13 19:52:31

Self engineered downfall. Classic.

She's going to have to go for the full package. New identity, plastic surgery, new life on another continent, counselling for the flashbacks.

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear grin

MadBusLady Thu 19-Sep-13 19:52:48

Oh thank fuck for that.

I don't remember the lemon drizzle thread but you do realise this is showing up in the active convo sidebar as "Anyone who remembers Marmalade Twatkins..."


I thought you'd been deaded!

lurkydrizzler Thu 19-Sep-13 19:52:52

This is going to get leaked to the local paper surely? I can picture the headlines now 'PTA in disarray' 'Lemon Drizzle in a tizzle'.

silverten Thu 19-Sep-13 19:53:09

Dear god. If this is the sort of drama you get from the PTA, I can't wait til DD goes to school...

That message is just.......jaw dropping in its awfulness.

How on earth can you recover from that???

silverten Thu 19-Sep-13 19:53:32

Oops. Sorry!

I think I might join the PTA too. DS2 has just started reception.

I bet ours is really dull in comparison.

DS1's school apparently have some kind of PTFA, but I've never seen any evidence of them so I think they're mythical.

sillyoldfool Thu 19-Sep-13 19:55:30

I remember the lemon drizzle debacle, this is just amazing!!! Can't wait for updates...

ItIsKnown Thu 19-Sep-13 19:56:00

Unfortunate preview but I reckon the title should be edited anyway to show that it MUST BE READ BY EVERYBODY! I didn't remember the lemon drizzle so nearly missed it shock

It should especially be read by Matthew Wright's researchers.

ShimmeringInTheSun Thu 19-Sep-13 19:56:05

OP the lemon drizzle dramarama actually enticed me to join Mumsnet, so yes, I remember it well!

AND a bonus, this thread has just unfrozen my numb and paralysed gargoylic facial features (marathon dental work), as my jaw just smacked the floor at her crazed crassness!

I appear to be almost normal again! grin

shock That is...
No words.
Seriously, who would EVER put that in an email?

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 19:57:10

"I don't remember the lemon drizzle thread but you do realise this is showing up in the active convo sidebar as "Anyone who remembers Marmalade Twatkins..."

I thought you'd been deaded"

Actually laughing! grin flowers

MadameGazelleIsMyMum Thu 19-Sep-13 19:59:01

Unbelievable fail. That email is just... There are no words.

Brilliant! grin
I remember the LDC thread. In fact I was thinking about it this morning. When I was going through my mothers cupboards and found a LDC cake mix packet, made me chuckle.

spiderlight Thu 19-Sep-13 19:59:15

Oh, that is glorious!! grin I have had an absolute arse of an evening so far but that has cheered me right up! Poor woman though.....there is just no coming back from a clanger of that scale, is there?

ItIsKnown Thu 19-Sep-13 20:02:33

DD was sitting across from me jabbering while I read the contents of the email and has never in her life seen someone's jaw drop much as mine did.

She is a stroppy teenager and we've had an enormous laugh about it together so thanks

RaspberrySchnapps Thu 19-Sep-13 20:03:21

I remember that thread. the 'citrus titted arsepart' has got her comeuppance. and she's done it all by herself too. that is bloody marvellous. Poor Vera and HT though, how unkind that email is.

she's going to have to change schools. Is Australia far enough or are there MNers there too?

JesusInTheCabbageVan Thu 19-Sep-13 20:03:41


Lemon drizzle in a tizzle... fo' shizzle

HeffalumpTheFlump Thu 19-Sep-13 20:03:50

My baby isn't even born yet, but your experiences have made me 100% certain that I will one day join the PTA, just in the off chance I will witness classic craziness like this.

JollySleepyGiant Thu 19-Sep-13 20:05:21

Wonderful. I love that you've quoted it for us.

<happy sigh>

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Thu 19-Sep-13 20:05:52


Thank you for the link. I can't believe I missed Drizzlegate. Mumsnet at its best.

Seriously, she is unhinged.

Pachacuti Thu 19-Sep-13 20:06:56

You know all those posts along the lines of "how can we encourage more parents to get involved with the PTA?" ? We have the answer right here; look at the recruitment drive that LDC woman is spearheading across the country.

ItIsKnown Thu 19-Sep-13 20:06:58

Hmm... I've had to change both DD's primary and secondary schools for various reasons. Being on the PTA would be a classic opportunity to let various people know what you think of them "accidentally" just before you left, if so inclined...

MadBusLady Thu 19-Sep-13 20:07:08

I have just searched MN for "lemon drizzle arsepart" to find the original thread and I blame you all.

TeamEdward Thu 19-Sep-13 20:07:11

There is no come-back from accusing the Head of "dyking it up". And it's only September... you get another 40-odd weeks to see her face the playground parents!

Herisson Thu 19-Sep-13 20:07:37

This is BRILLIANT and has cheered me right up.

I bet she's arranged a childminder/after school club/nanny/someone to pick the kids up for her.

Hassled Thu 19-Sep-13 20:08:48

Oh this has made my week grin.

LDC woman does do bitchy very well indeed, I have to say. I especially like "She is a fucking moron with a photoshop package."

We were all way, way too nice and normal in my PTA days. So many opportunities wasted...

quietbatperson Thu 19-Sep-13 20:09:35

Isn't the LDC thread the one that started the idea of punching cakes? If it wasn't I'm sure I remember it from about the same time.

SirRaymondClench Thu 19-Sep-13 20:09:38

This is fucking marvellous!

I can't wait to hear about the fallout from this! grin

SuffolkNWhat Thu 19-Sep-13 20:10:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JKSLtd Thu 19-Sep-13 20:11:51

Love this!

Have also just snorted wine reading the original LDC thread which I somehow missed at the time grin

JollySleepyGiant Thu 19-Sep-13 20:11:57

There has to be another mumsnetter at marmalade's school. I reckon you're going to be outed over this one!

K8Middleton Thu 19-Sep-13 20:14:21

Oh. My.

That is SO much better than I had hoped grin

I am awaiting the film version Last Days Of The PTA. Marm is played by someone gorgeous but wrily ironic like Linda Fiorentino and LemonDrizzleBitch will be played by Meryl Streep. She has the range and could spit the words "Fuck shop" and "dyking it up" with suitable venom.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 20:14:23

I reckon I will be outed. Out like a trout.

Oh well. It's worth it!

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 20:17:02

Oh my lord shock I'm embarrassed for her and I don't even like her based on the previous thread.

Also your pta is shite. We're a tiny village school and raise a few grand a year without much effort.

My pta is boring in comparison though grin

CeliaFate Thu 19-Sep-13 20:17:19

How do you nominate a thread for classics? This has got to be in it!

Thumbwitch Thu 19-Sep-13 20:18:04

OMFG Twatters - she's a right numpty, isn't she?!

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I thought it was bad when a friend of mine sent another friend a text saying she was thinking of dumping her boyfriend, only she sent it to her actual boyfriend by accident (needless to say he got in first) - but this is beyond that by many many miles.

I'd have to move. I couldn't ever be seen by anyone who had seen that email ever again. But then I'd never send such an email in the first place! shock

dutchyoriginal Thu 19-Sep-13 20:18:19

You're already in classics! in less than 12 hours! shock

totally deserved!

Ruprekt Thu 19-Sep-13 20:20:52

Oh. My. Life.

Pure genius.

This could go viral!

It will be front page of the Daily Mail next week. gringringringrin

WayHarshTai Thu 19-Sep-13 20:20:53

Oh this is brilliant. You realise it will probably make the papers?

blondieminx Thu 19-Sep-13 20:21:22

Just brilliant thanks for the hilarious update marmelade oh to be a fly on the wall in the head's office.

Talk about just desserts, LDC really has shown her true colours in spectacular fashion shock

Ruprekt Thu 19-Sep-13 20:21:22

WayHarsh.....great minds.....gringringrin

ArtemisKelda Thu 19-Sep-13 20:21:36

<arf> at 'Lemon Drizzle in a tizzle'

In fairness everybody who ever visits Mumsnet needs to have read LDC's email even if only to learn how not to communicate with people.

blondieminx Thu 19-Sep-13 20:22:29

Ahem Marmalade - was laughing so hard it affected my typing! Sorry!

FriskyHenderson Thu 19-Sep-13 20:23:07

Our school makes a real fuss about everyone being a member of the PTA. Every parent, every teacher.

I'm sure it's the same everywhere and therefore you have to elbow your way into the midst of the next meeting, formal or not.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 20:24:37

Oh God, no. I would be played by ...

UriGeller Thu 19-Sep-13 20:24:46

Brilliant MT. Nothing more to add but that I'm shamelessly marking my place for tomorrow's instalment.

treehouselover Thu 19-Sep-13 20:25:14

Love it! The first thread introduced me to the song I now sing every time we get a letter from the PTA

HootShoot Thu 19-Sep-13 20:25:48

That is amazing!! You definitely need to befriend a PTA member so we can find out what happened in the shack!

KenDoddsDadsDog Thu 19-Sep-13 20:26:15

This has kept me thoroughly entertained during a very long train journey. Better than a film.

LegoAcupuncture Thu 19-Sep-13 20:27:18

shock she won't be able to show her face at school ever again! Are we expecting her to hand her PTA notice in?

SarahAndFuck Thu 19-Sep-13 20:27:42

I was only thinking of Lemon Drizzle Woman this week. I was browsing the cake aisle deciding which cake I'd like to punch and there it was. Lemon Drizzle. It's hardly fair really. I like Lemon Drizzle, but it's always top of the punching list now.

She will be at home right now, desperately trying to change her DS's school by the morning and then wondering if she can style it out by pretending she had planned to move him "to a better one" all along.

Euphemia Thu 19-Sep-13 20:28:35

The middle paragraph had me shock. When I read "fuck shop" I thought that was you commenting, Marmalade! shock grin

Cow bag of the first order.

MissStrawberry Thu 19-Sep-13 20:29:08

I know she deserves it but I feel a little bit sorry for her.

Or maybe she is just a grade A twat.

TobyLerone Thu 19-Sep-13 20:29:11

OMG this is fucking BRILLIANT. How did I miss it?

Quint I wonder if we are at the same school.

Seriously does no one else find the amount of swearing in that email a tad OTT? I mean I am as up for a gratuitous and juicy Fuck the Fuck Off as the next gal, but I don't talk or write like that in real life. At least not most of the fucking time.

Preciousbane Thu 19-Sep-13 20:31:30

Pure thread gold, I remember LDC saga

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 20:32:40

How come we're in Classics? confused That all happened ver' quickly!

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 20:33:26

I thought that, hearts. And I swear like a motherfuckingshitcunt. Makes me wonder just how unhinged LDC actually is?

Thumbwitch Thu 19-Sep-13 20:34:09

You are indeed honoured, Twatters. I've never seen a thread get into Classics so fast!

MavisGrind Thu 19-Sep-13 20:34:18

This is marvellous! I am dying to be able to use the phrase 'citrus titted arsepart'..

Also a tiny bit sad as surely this can't get any better?? prove me wrong Twatters

TobyLerone Thu 19-Sep-13 20:34:33

The swearing comes across to me like the way children swear -- trying to look well'ard and make people think they're cool.

Damnautocorrect Thu 19-Sep-13 20:36:04

Absolutely amazing.
Thank you for sharing

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 19-Sep-13 20:36:29

She is the most deathly dull divvo. I imagine she thinks that she's risque for having a half a shandy in the week. She's THAT type.

I was thinking about the original LDC thread this weekend as my kids hoovered up the batch of rice krispie cakes we'd just made in double quick time.

I was also thinking of the cake punching when I overheard one Waitrose staff member ask another one to write off a cake: "What have you done to it?" "It wasn't me..."

I REALLY need to get out more. grin

PomCareBear Thu 19-Sep-13 20:37:19


what with this and the Louise saga I'm getting nothing done.

Thumbwitch Thu 19-Sep-13 20:40:51

Louise saga? Is that the thread where the OP is "fumming"? Or something different?

Yeah I sometimes swear like the proverbial sailor when the DDs aren't around and even sometimes when they are the odd Fuuuuuuuck slips out but oddly hardly ever in writing. I swear a bit at work too but have to be careful, it's a primary school.

Our PTA pales in comparison <sobs>

where did cake punching come from? It wasn't from LEmonDrizzleCunt was it. Didn't you used to punch cakes and getorf played supermarket skittles with tinned goods?

Omg the Fumming. Saw that earlier.

Twatters congrats on breaking the record for the sprint to classics!

::pootles off to find the thread::

littlemisswise Thu 19-Sep-13 20:44:31

OMG I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in the HT's office when she read that!shock

If I were LDC I would have left the country before school pick up time.

A gigantic email fail. Just read the other thread too instead of making cakes for cake sale. Now I was to do choc crispie cakes to see how many other MN in the school are reading these threads too!

RaspberrySchnapps Thu 19-Sep-13 20:45:32

'just desserts' gringringrin
her just dessert is a little chocolate covered cornflake cake, in a case with 'fuck you up the bum' written on it grin.

lurkydrizzler Thu 19-Sep-13 20:45:38

Forget the drizzle,I bet she looks like she's sucking on a lemon now! Hope she's not feeling too bitter! grin

LookingThroughTheFog Thu 19-Sep-13 20:46:23

I felt sorry for her in a vicariously mortified way right up to 'dyking it up' and the subtle, snide remark that she'd heard rumours.

What kind of vile person even thinks like that? Let alone snide it up with their mates?

Frankly she can fuck off with any sympathy.

lurkydrizzler Thu 19-Sep-13 20:46:42

Can you pm me her address so I can send a little lemon drizzle cake to cheer her up.

This is fanfuckingtastic smile

FriedSprout Thu 19-Sep-13 20:52:51

Can anyone link to the Lemon Drizzle thread? I can't find it anymore.


PomCareBear Thu 19-Sep-13 20:53:36

Thumbwitch yes there's fumming in AIBU and pavving in Chat. Both same OP.

sittinginthesun Thu 19-Sep-13 20:54:48

Wow. Just wow.

Mumsnet is truly on fire this week. grin

QueOnda Thu 19-Sep-13 20:56:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flossie82 Thu 19-Sep-13 20:57:21

Ha ha that is hilarious! Will she ever show her face again?! Off to read the original LDC thread now

Mintyy Thu 19-Sep-13 20:58:19

Omg omg omg!!!

I don't have time to read it all now but if this thread has gone when I return in an hour I swear I will throw myself under a bus. I HAVE to read it. I HAVE to see all of it.

CeliaFate Thu 19-Sep-13 20:59:02

FriedSprout Scroll up, someone linked to the original thread earlier.

ExcuseTypos Thu 19-Sep-13 20:59:11

If this were me, I'd arrive in school tomorrow in a full burka and face covering.

It's the only way I could cope!!

LEmonDrizzleIs linked right at the top of this thread

CeliaFate Thu 19-Sep-13 21:00:28

Here it is. The original thread

Ignore my weird syntax above ios7 is doing weird things

CatelynStark Thu 19-Sep-13 21:02:27

Christ on a broomstick! She's going to have to fake her own death, surely! grin

SpottedDickandCustard Thu 19-Sep-13 21:05:23

Oh My God x10000000000000

Please keep us updated on what happens next!

starfishmummy Thu 19-Sep-13 21:05:50

I was thinking a convent - do they still have closed orders?

This is fantastic!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 19-Sep-13 21:10:41

That email is clearly part of a bitching back and forth, isnt it? Theres a little group who bitch freely at every opportunity.
I wonder who the others are, they must be crapping themselves right now.

FriedSprout Thu 19-Sep-13 21:11:23

Thanks Celia smile

Just skimmed the other thread she is a real charmer eh! Glad she has her comeuppance - at her own hands no less.

CeliaFate Thu 19-Sep-13 21:13:33

Just read the original thread again. "Trifle looks like Willy Wonka's vomit" and "Fuck YOU, lemon drizzle murderer. Fuck you right up the bum" have made me snort laughing.


She will either move school or see her GP and be 'medicated'/ drunk when she wrote it ...although still not sure quite how she could come back from that!

Failing that she might suddenly discover the urge for full time employment grin

It's too terrible- how must she feel?!!

Will she keep her son off school maybe? Until secondary school.

misdee Thu 19-Sep-13 21:17:09

I come out of mn retirement and find this.

smile grin

SpottedDickandCustard Thu 19-Sep-13 21:18:42

Misdee what a wonderful time to return!

With this and the Louise/frumming thread MN is really spoiling us today!

TeacherShame Thu 19-Sep-13 21:19:56

This has to be the best update thread EVER.

flowers to ldc...the one that just keeps giving!

I read the original thread and I'm just shock reading this!

Maybe karma does exist.....

littlemisswise Thu 19-Sep-13 21:24:11

Just a little warning, don't google "fumming".

It was bugging me, but I was too scared to google (was bitten by dragonbutter) so I innocently asked DS1(18) to do it.blush He did and has spent all day shaking his head at me in total disgust

Catmint Thu 19-Sep-13 21:25:05

What a dreadful woman. Very interested to find out what happens next!

Hope your job is going well, Marmalade.

Lepreporn Thu 19-Sep-13 21:25:50

I was having a bad night. My dds goldfish died and I spent 2 hours comforting her. Then my baby dd got sick all over me and herself and the living room. This thread has cheered me right up. Thank you.

HepsibarCrinkletoes Thu 19-Sep-13 21:26:24

This is absolutely fucking brilliant! Thank you darling Twatters for sharing.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Thu 19-Sep-13 21:27:00

I remember your 'lemondrizzlecakepitamum'

This is great. karma at its best grin


Isn't Karma a wonderful thing?

I am dying to know: did you reply anything, Marmelade?
Maybe an innocent "Thanks for filling us in on your innermost thoughts" or somthing.


LemonDrizzleBitch Thu 19-Sep-13 21:27:31


YoureAllABunchOfBastards Thu 19-Sep-13 21:27:33

I fucking love this. Cheered me right up!

ThisIsBULLSHIT Thu 19-Sep-13 21:29:18

Oh my god. That is a truly unbelievable email to have sent by mistake.
She must be SOOOOO gutted.... grin

Fuck shop?!?! grin grin

I have not stopped reading the original since about half seven and have done NO work and am now drinking wine, on a school night too.

ThisIsBULLSHIT Thu 19-Sep-13 21:30:08

Good point pacific!!!!!!?

Valpollicella Thu 19-Sep-13 21:30:48

Gold medal FAIL grin

Marm darlink thank you SO much for sharing

Am agog at the 'dyking it up' No way outta that

NorfolkIngWay Thu 19-Sep-13 21:33:21

Howling at this- OMFG grin
Its like christmas, with a pony as your main present,new year,easter,winning the lottery and finding out that Rav Wilding is your husband !!! grin
Very upset that we never had any drama like this on our PTA !

WhereMyMilk Thu 19-Sep-13 21:34:02

Why is our PTA not this exciting? : o. I'd do more then!

YoniMatopoeia Thu 19-Sep-13 21:37:46

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

That is such an epic fail.


Ruprekt Thu 19-Sep-13 21:38:53

Here you are! In classics......

Aaaaand Ladies and Gentlemen, the MNHQ award for fastest ever move to Classics is........... ~~drumroll please~~



AllThatGlistens Thu 19-Sep-13 21:41:22

Fucking marvellous! it's time to bring out the cunt bunting methinks grin

What a glorious follow up to an already brilliant thread cake

FyreFly Thu 19-Sep-13 21:43:30

Sweet Beelzebub in a bathing suit grin

I remember the drizzla saga, this is just TOO good.

You know I'm not going to get any work done tomorrow, I'll be checking this bloody thread!

mistlethrush Thu 19-Sep-13 21:47:12

I remembered the Lemon Drizzle fiasco... so came to read, but am still incredulous that anyone could write that... then send it to such a wide mailing list grin

Ellsbells32 Thu 19-Sep-13 21:54:28

Make sure the cuntbunting goes up outside the school to celebrate how she has fucked herself up the bum.

WeAreSeven Thu 19-Sep-13 21:55:25

OMG, she's going to have to move to Van Diemens Land or someplace. Her uppance has come!grin cake cake

CoconutRing Thu 19-Sep-13 21:57:30

Lemondrizzlewoman will be lucky if the HT doesn't sue for libel!!

ItIsKnown Thu 19-Sep-13 21:58:57



I've never seen a thread make Classics so quickly either. MN record IMO.

Dubjackeen Thu 19-Sep-13 22:01:41

There. Are. No. Words... How on earth is she going to try and remedy this? It would be bad enough complaining about the ideas etc, but the stuff about the H.T...and Vera! She is going to be in serious sh1t. Having said that, she is one mega-bitch to say stuff like that, and as for putting it in an email...

SuperiorCat Thu 19-Sep-13 22:02:14

Best thread ever. Marmalade you need to be reporting back quick smart in the morning as MNers all over the country will be waiting your update by 9.15 grin

That would probably be defamation there CoconutRing wink

I was breaking my sides laughing at this update Marmalade...

I'm also solo disappointed that I'm on a training course tomorrow so I'll only be able to catch up late in the afternoon but I'm sure that it'll be worth waiting for

K8Middleton Thu 19-Sep-13 22:03:55

I reckon there might be a vacancy on the PTA Marm. Y'know, if you fancied it... grin

I think you'll need a bit of cunting for the Fuck Shop. Bring the punters in.

Epic typing fail

*so not solo (oops)

This has to be the funniest thing I've read in an age. grin

Her only course of action is to apologise until her eyes bleed. Then move house.

Salmotrutta Thu 19-Sep-13 22:05:30

We have some almost deserted Hebridean Islands up here.


... Just so you know.

"Oh God, no. I would be played by ..."

Yes, yes - this is exactly how I picture you, Marmelade!

Cluelessat30 Thu 19-Sep-13 22:12:53

Shamelessly marking place grin

I think she has to move her children to a new school. And grow a beard. AND fake her own death.

Wonderful thread though grin

Fuck Shop is brilliant!

Dyking it up, not so much.

I'm going to be refreshing this thread tomorrow morning, but I think either her DH will be doing the school run or her DC will be off sick.

ouryve Thu 19-Sep-13 22:17:55

In honour of LDCgate, I'm listening to Smash It Up by the Damned.

(Actually, I put the album on because that fucking NOT SO New song by Macca had got stuck on an overly cheerful cycle in my head and it Had To Go)

I find this particularly well timed as I've been pushing for a PTA meeting for ooh ages and today's HT's newsletter informs me it's next week on a school night hmm and I just have to hope/pray I can go otherwise the Extremely Urgent Thing I need to get approved won't be and we'll lose out on possibly a hundred pounds.

Or, in old money, two and a half cake sales.

Anyway, I'm feeling far more chilled. At least our PTA aren't idiotic enough to send out abusive and borderline illegally discriminatory messages to half the school.

GiraffesAndButterflies Thu 19-Sep-13 22:21:48

Marmalade, you do realise this thread is going to hit 1000 while we're all just waiting for your update from Vera. You better time it right and catch her tomorrow, don't let us down! grin

LEMisdisappointed Thu 19-Sep-13 22:22:09

Shameless marking of place for update

I wonder if she knows yet???

Is the head likely to have a sense of humour failure over this or will she take it on the chin?

Pennies Thu 19-Sep-13 22:23:42

Blatantly marking my place - can't wait to see how this one pans out. This is pure gold!!

cocolepew Thu 19-Sep-13 22:23:43

Oh my god I've just caught the update shock Absolutely epic.

I'm cringing for LDC not really

cocolepew Thu 19-Sep-13 22:24:12

Oops sorry.

LaundryFairy Thu 19-Sep-13 22:30:06

Anyone else notice that, according to the hand MN moon watch, it is a full moon today? Perhaps LDC will plead good old-fashioned lunacy and get herself locked up in a suitable institution. Then everyone can go and visit her in her padded cell and bring her cornflake cakes!

ArtisanLentilWeaver Thu 19-Sep-13 22:32:09

Is this 'Punch Her Lemon Drizzle Cake" Vera? grin

K8Middleton Thu 19-Sep-13 22:35:08

That full moon will be handy. I bet Marm's already in position, loitering behind a privet hedge so she can just oh-so-casually pop out from behind it as Vera passes tomorrow.

Fancy bumping into you here! How are you feeling? <head tilt>

Ohmygod I felt a bit sick reading that email. It's like a suburban horror. She needs to employ some shit hot PR crisis team who can release an apology and claim she was jet lagged and on medication and her one teeny glass of wine sent her nuts.

There's just no recovery from that.

dedado Thu 19-Sep-13 22:44:30

It'd be funny if she tried her standby excuse "I was just being sarcastic, ha ha!" again.

The head must surely realise which people LDC intended to send it to. You know, the ones who aren't interlopers.

TobyLerone Thu 19-Sep-13 22:47:26

I would honestly move house and change the kids' school. There is no way of styling this out. No way, no how.

Imagine that feeling she got, as she almost-simultaneously hit 'send' and realised what she'd done.

It is as delicious as her scrambled-egg lemon drizzle wasn't.

RandallPinkFloyd Thu 19-Sep-13 22:48:19

Hec you're thinking exactly what I'm thinking.

It's one thing for LDC to think those things, (I mean dyking it up for crying out loud) but why is she so comfortable sharing those thoughts with her 'mates'.

They've been having a right cosy time slagging everyone off haven't they. You watch those 'mates' drop her like a hot brick now. They're going to throw her bitchy arse to the wolves without a backward glance.

Flatiron Thu 19-Sep-13 22:49:37

I must, must, must know whether LDC puts in an appearance tomorrow! This is better than the Archers - an everyday story of PTA folk. Who knew? Certainly not me, never having been within a barge pole's length of a PTA!

Ruprekt Thu 19-Sep-13 22:51:30

Dh says she has to move house and school. smile

nocarsgo Thu 19-Sep-13 22:55:46

Oh, this thread is delightful. The idea of a "crisis meeting" in the playground shelter at pick-up time is just excellent.

BogStandardOldWoman Thu 19-Sep-13 22:56:35

LDC is back?!
<settles back to read thread with large gin>

Strokethefurrywall Thu 19-Sep-13 22:57:08


I'm on a transatlantic flight tomorrow so man alive, I hope there's an update when I get home!!!

I fuckin luffs karma x

Maryz Thu 19-Sep-13 22:58:35

Yes Toby, I've gone from being amused to being horrified to absolutely cringing at the thought of how she must be feeling.

It is karma and all that, and she is obviously a Class A bitch, but I do feel for her son sad

And I agree the recipients must have been agreeing with her - unless of course they are so cowed they are just nodding and ignoring and she is just assuming they agree with her.

Wow. She sounds like a real piece of work. People like her always seem to slither their way out of even the most awkward situations, I really hope she gets what she deserves. Looking forward to tomorrow's update! grin

Maryz Thu 19-Sep-13 22:59:33

A fair few "agrees" in that sentence [oops]

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 19-Sep-13 23:01:01

OMFG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! grin Id love to be in your playground Marmalade!
What an utter utter cow!

Maryz surely no one would take this out on her son? Hadn't considered that, poor lad sad if she's as unpleasant as she seems, he may prefer being taken to school by the various people she employs to make sure she never has to show her face there again!

RubyRR Thu 19-Sep-13 23:02:15

Please can I come to school with you tomorrow? I haven't been able to eat LDC since your thread, will she ever be seen again?

Pimpf Thu 19-Sep-13 23:03:22

She's priceless, of course I'm just shamelessly marking my place!

Maryz Thu 19-Sep-13 23:03:37

Not deliberately, Ruby. But if everyone knows, and everyone is talking about it, some child will get to see it and is bound to spread the news. Plus the fact that he will know there is something really bad up if she stops going to the school having practically lived there for the last few years.

She deserves it, but I hope he can be protected a bit.

ExitPursuedByADragon Thu 19-Sep-13 23:06:26

I am truly shocked that anyone would swear in an email. I lead a sheltered life.

This is absolutely the best thing I have ever read on Mumsnet. I PMSL at "I really don't see how the daft cunt is going to make a come back from this"

YOU are hilarious. Love it.

BogStandardOldWoman Thu 19-Sep-13 23:12:30

She is vile! Vile and hideous. How will she come back from this? Lemon drizzle ain't going to do it, divided into 5. Unspeakable cow! Marmalade, thank you for the joy.

HarrietSchulenberg Thu 19-Sep-13 23:17:13

Pure schadenfreude this, but I LOVE IT! I would consider selling a kidney to see first hand how she tries to get out of that one.
I honestly think this is the best thread I've ever read on MN in the about 10 years or so I've been here.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 19-Sep-13 23:17:13

Brilliant grin

Sometimes life is sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet smile

(How is the NJ going??)

Awks Thu 19-Sep-13 23:17:52

She'll just say her sisters', neighbours' goldfish posted that "for a joke"

PareyMortas Thu 19-Sep-13 23:19:12

I love this, even DH who usually humours me when I tell a MN story is impressed.

Still18atheart Thu 19-Sep-13 23:20:28

Shamelessly marking place cake

Not often I'm speechless but that email is just shock

FreeWee Thu 19-Sep-13 23:22:00

Karma is sweeeet.

bootsycollins Thu 19-Sep-13 23:23:14

This my friends is what MN's all about. Hahahahaha! What a massive stupid uber cunt! I would honestly pay to see this shit go down in the playground. AKWARD! grin

Fantastic! What sort of loony sits down and composes that sort of shit...reads it through and thinks, "yes that about covers it" and presses send! And thanks for linking the original thread, it was BM (before MN) in my sad life so I missed it.

<goes and hangs out the cuntbunting for all to see>


Kamchatka Thu 19-Sep-13 23:24:59

Oh god she is clearly awful


This is a big challenge to her sense of self. I doubt she will be big enough to 'own her words' as the young people say. Or be able to see that she should.

Expect drama.

Dyke? shock

Fuck shop grin

Bhahaha. I've just realised there's a whole year of school PTA activities and school guff to get through.

Oh. The Christmas Fair, Nativity, class assembly, harvest festival, sports day. I think I'd actually put my glasses on a school event for the first time in nine years ... the people watching ripples will go on all year. grin

IAmNotAMindReader Thu 19-Sep-13 23:34:03

She's going to have to enter Witless Protection.

...Sorry, I just had to, I couldn't help myself grin

Have just read pertinent posts to DH.

He thinks email programs should have a warning message that pops up to say "you are sending this message to 104 recipients. Do you wish to continue?" and then you can go "fuck no".

TeamEdward Thu 19-Sep-13 23:54:57

I somehow doubt LDC will get her preferential PTA seat on the front row for the Nativity...

ZacharyQuack Fri 20-Sep-13 00:15:50

There's going to be the biggest turnout ever at the next PTA meeting. In fact the chair should call a special meeting as soon as possible to take advantage of the interest generated by LDC's brilliant viral marketing campaign.

RaspberrySchnapps Fri 20-Sep-13 00:18:28

have been re-reading original thread. how about a naice 'karma's a bitch' pinny to commemorate the occasion, with 'reply to all' on the pocket. and perhaps a flowery 'fuck shop' cake tin. possibly also a 'dykeing it up' teacozy?

WithACherryOnTop10 Fri 20-Sep-13 00:22:33

Oh my.... shock shock
I don't think I have snorted this much in a long time. I'm seriously reconsidering my working hours just so I can participate in school shenanigans if this is what its really like!
Thank you for cheering me up...
P. S what's cuntbunting?<hides face in newbie shame>

BogStandardOldWoman Fri 20-Sep-13 00:27:30

Bunting that spells out cunt. I want it.

BeaWheesht Fri 20-Sep-13 00:54:10


PTAs are scary funny things, I bet the head is just thinking FFS I'm going to have to deal with this whilst being civil to LDC. If I were a member of the PTA I'd send another email saying 'to clarify, the previous email represents only the narcissistic, homophobic, fuckwitted opinions of a select few ex members and not the PTA as a whole. If you'd like to come along for a normal discussion about posters, tuck shops and apples please feel free, we suddenly have some jobs which need taken over (not posters though, Vera's doing those!)

BeaWheesht Fri 20-Sep-13 00:54:23


PTAs are scary funny things, I bet the head is just thinking FFS I'm going to have to deal with this whilst being civil to LDC. If I were a member of the PTA I'd send another email saying 'to clarify, the previous email represents only the narcissistic, homophobic, fuckwitted opinions of a select few ex members and not the PTA as a whole. If you'd like to come along for a normal discussion about posters, tuck shops and apples please feel free, we suddenly have some jobs which need taken over (not posters though, Vera's doing those!)

Greensleeves Fri 20-Sep-13 01:25:12

Jesus I nearly vomited reading that

In fact I had to sit for a minute and reassure myself that it wasn't me this had happened to

I would stick my head in the oven before I would go back into that playground again

PLEASE update!

CSIJanner Fri 20-Sep-13 03:44:32

OMFG! Epic email fail

Love it!

MoominsYonisAreScary Fri 20-Sep-13 04:55:53

Oh dear grin

changeforthebetter Fri 20-Sep-13 05:10:01


I'm FT so miss out on these shenanigans. What a prize prat LDC is! Thank you for sharing this gem OP. thanks

MinesAPintOfTea Fri 20-Sep-13 05:35:16

I thought cunt bunting was bunting shaped like a cunt?

She will have to find a ft job that starts tomorrow and always be too busy to attend school events in future. Meanwhile future PTA chair can beg her to make cheap chocolate cakes because that's what the children want.

lurkydrizzler Fri 20-Sep-13 05:57:48

Well,on the plus side, at least LDC doesn't have to worry anymore about anyone 'trying to fucking well oust me'.

Incredible. grin

Howling at the talk of 'marketing' like it's a proper job. And shock at 'dyking it up' (but also slightly amused that she lives in a world where homosexuality is 'rumoured' - WTF?!)

Also slightly tickled by the Budgens reference, as though it's the grocery holy grail.

I reckon she'll come back with her usual 'I was being SARCASTIC' excuse and everyone will give her (and her cake) an even wider berth than usual.

Groovee Fri 20-Sep-13 06:18:12

shock that's karma for you x

FairyJen Fri 20-Sep-13 06:34:00

Usually sequels are crap compared to the original but oh my god!

GeordieCherry Fri 20-Sep-13 06:34:01

I don't think my jaw has ever dropped so far reading a post before. Bloody hell!

chimchar Fri 20-Sep-13 06:39:00

Fantastic update to the last thread.....
her arse has been well and truly bitten!!!

Can't wait for the next instalment!!!

TobyLerone Fri 20-Sep-13 06:48:40

Marmers, can't you start the school run now, just to make sure you don't miss Vera?

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 20-Sep-13 07:00:47

I hope you are all ready to go on the school run! Make sure Vera is ok, and get the goss, then take notes hurry back to report to us.

This thread is hilarious, for all the wrong reasons. grin

LDC Epic Fail. How can you recover from that? I would never show my face at school again.

Selks Fri 20-Sep-13 07:10:15

This is gripping grin, can't wait for the next update!

Just re-read her original post - seems she has e-mailed at least two, and they are planning to meet up TONIGHT- somewhere public too, as there is a comment about interlopers. Marmalade would obviously be too obvious but we need a team on MN spies to follow Lemon drizzle woman and eavesdrop on the conversation. Or even better if you are one of the intended recipients you must update us tonight - it is the reason namechanging was created. obsessed, me, never

MinnieBar Fri 20-Sep-13 07:18:06

I genuinely gasped out loud at 'dyking it up'. Homophobic caaaaah.

Am at actual work today sans wifi/where MN is banned (boo) but will be hanging my phone out of the window to get enough signal for further updates…

MissStrawberry Fri 20-Sep-13 07:39:00

I feel better when I know what I am doing each day and had no idea about this morning. I know now! Sat waiting for the update grin.

Still feel a bit sorry for the email sender though obviously she doesn't deserve it.

Flumpyflumps Fri 20-Sep-13 08:07:27

Not long til school run! Is it wrong to be so excited by this?!

Maplestrirrup Fri 20-Sep-13 08:09:10

I am love love loving this thread.
Surely there is coming back from this.
This has made my day, can't wait for the next instalment.
Really want a karma's a bitch apron, with reply all on the pocket!!

ginslinger Fri 20-Sep-13 08:26:45

this thread is amazing - I remember LDC and cunt bunting and now my happiness is complete. It is wonderful and I can't wait for updates.

Dubjackeen Fri 20-Sep-13 08:29:44

I did a quick retread of the original thread. I'd forgotten the bit where she sliced up the (scrambled egg) cake, and gave slices to five people, and left out Marmalade and the PTA Chair. Oh dear, oh dear!
I am still gobsmacked at the nastiness of her email. Such bile over making posters etc. Hate to say it, but serves her right, that she sent it to all. I just wonder who is going to stand by her in all of this...the intended recipients of the email? Would be interesting to see who will be at the gathering she mentions that is to take place today...lots of interlopers grin. I will now be glued to MN for the day, just as well I have a day off!

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Fri 20-Sep-13 08:33:31

Oh dear god, Twatters she's going to have to make every single parent cced on the e-mail a LDC now isn't she?

She'll then die a lemon drizzled death (self induced from lemon drizzle clagginess) and you can all lay cornflake cakes on her spot in the playground.

ExcuseTypos Fri 20-Sep-13 08:33:53

Oh I wish we could all be in the playground nowgrin.

Surely we could have been more organised and set up a few cameras over night.

We've let ourselves downsad

GoofyIsACow Fri 20-Sep-13 08:39:32

I bet she has been in Waitrose all day punching cakes in frustration!

What a bitch! grin

CeliaFate Fri 20-Sep-13 08:48:34

Marking my place.

SavoyCabbage Fri 20-Sep-13 08:53:34

This is truely AMAZING!

She will have to move schools.

CuttedUpPear Fri 20-Sep-13 08:55:01

Waiting with bated breath for an update grin

PollyPlummer Fri 20-Sep-13 08:55:44

I actually feel a bit anxious for the ldc, even if she does deserve it.
Not marking my place at all.

ShoeJunkie Fri 20-Sep-13 08:59:29

Hope Marmalade doesn't linger too long on the school run - we need updates grin

Sheshelob Fri 20-Sep-13 08:59:43

Ok. I give up. Watching this thread isn't enough. I want in.

If you weren't in Da Midlandz, Twatters, I'd swear LDC was my sister.

MardyBra Fri 20-Sep-13 09:02:24

Just thinking that if the 100 recipients were to forward the email to, say, five friends and they were to forward it to five more each. How long before it goes viral.

remember the mil email

I am having a stressful day, so I'd love their to be a stand up row in the playground, preferably commencing, ooh, about now. <vindictive>

MardyBra Fri 20-Sep-13 09:06:59

There must be some other mums from the LDC playground lurking. Any comments?

Prambo Fri 20-Sep-13 09:11:02

I fucking LOVE the sound of this women. Her emails are brilliant. Fuck the head and fuck Vera, I say smile

..and lemon drizzle cake sucks cock <fact>

Prambo Fri 20-Sep-13 09:11:14


ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Fri 20-Sep-13 09:12:53

Dammit woman, come on!

<refresh refresh refresh, gives up cos needs a wee>

PeterParkerSays Fri 20-Sep-13 09:23:21

Shamelessly jumping on the thread to keep up to date with your "accidental" conversation with Vera on the way to school this morning. Did you manage to meet up with her?

MarmaladeTwatkins Fri 20-Sep-13 09:30:36

Well, I have to say, it's all quiet on the Western front, pretty much.

I walked to school with Vera's DH as apparently their youngest DC has been up all night with a cough and they are both still in pyjamas. Her DH is FUMMING though. He said that LDC had better hope that he doesn't meet her in the village shock

LDC nowhere to be seen, as expected. I think there was some kind of summit going on in the head's office as I went in to pay DS's dinner money and the head's door is 40% glass. The chair was in there and two of the head honchos of the PTA. This is the time when I am really rueing not joining sad

I am at work today until 8 and DH does the school run. I have given him his brief and he knows what he must look out for. I've told him to log in here if needs be and update you all.

SpottedDickandCustard Fri 20-Sep-13 09:32:16

Ooh cheers for the update OP!!

I think action is being planned by the HT and PTA!

Kamchatka Fri 20-Sep-13 09:32:28

Marmalade thank you for posting your working hours, I can now relax until after 8 tonight grin

stealthsquiggle Fri 20-Sep-13 09:34:33

Damn it. If only we you had thought to bug the head's office.

Do you think Vera is a MNer? She needs our collective manly pats on the back, by the sound of it, although I like the sound of her DH.

Slightly envy that your DH will accept the briefing - mine would just go hmm at me and would, in any case, be largely oblivious to what was going on.

MarmaladeTwatkins Fri 20-Sep-13 09:37:29

I don't think that Vera is a MNer. I will give her a moral boost on Monday morning if I see her by taking the piss out of LDC's maxi skirts

I don't think that DH fully understands the gravity of the situation. He just nods and says yes in cases like this. Pffft.

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Fri 20-Sep-13 09:41:06

Oooh, Twatters you have gone beyond what is normally required of a true MNetter by enlisting the services of MrTwatters. May your service to online gossipers go down in history!