Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

(254 Posts)

I have just trapped a nipple between two plastic laundry baskets and almost severed it. Unbelievably painful, unbelievably embarrassing to tell anyone about in RL!!

Make me feel better by telling me your humiliating mishaps? Happy to bask in the warmth of other's distress grin

foreverhot Wed 28-Aug-13 22:07:34


Not me but DD2. She got a potty stuck on her head hmm Luckily I managed to get it off, but only just. I was having nightmare visions of us sat in A&E with a potty stuck on her head.

I was naked. It was midnight. I had an accident and need paramedics, and I was all too conscious blush

onepieceoflollipop Wed 28-Aug-13 22:11:23

sat on a wasp.

AlpacaPicnic Wed 28-Aug-13 22:12:28

I was laying in bed, naked as the day I was born, semi awake... realised I felt a bit chilly as the cover had slipped down, so grabbed a handful of 'cover' and pulled hard.

Only I had actually grabbed a handful of boob by the nipple instead.

The pain woke me up properly and hurt so much that I couldn't go back to sleep. My boob hurt for days!

greenbananas Wed 28-Aug-13 22:14:27

Got a black eye after a 4 year old Iworked with asked me to pretend to be a burglar. He hit me over the head with a plastic torch - all in good fun. Was quite difficult to explain to staff at my other job.

PivotPIVOT Wed 28-Aug-13 22:14:36

Severed a flap whilst shaving the lady garden blush

I thought it would be funny to go down the stair on dds plastic rocking horse....... it wasn't I thought I had broken my fanjo bone and had plastic friction burns down there that result in some funny walking, sitting and getting up manoeuvres, the shame dds were all watching at the time blush

HazeltheMcWitch Wed 28-Aug-13 22:16:18

Ouch, Pivot!!

I scarred my lip with a flying saucer.
Nope, not a UFO, but a sherbetty sweet.
20+ years that scar has been there, right in the middle of my lip.

foreverhot Wed 28-Aug-13 22:17:27

I thought it would be funny to go down the stair on dds plastic rocking horse

Brilliant grin

ImABadGirl Wed 28-Aug-13 22:17:30

was just about to post about my stupid injury...

just went outside to investigate outdoor light coming on and fell down 5 stone steps I'd forgot about only been living here 5 years and have grazed my elbow and left knee, fell like a sack of spuds and am convinced the dog is laughing at me grin

AlpacaPicnic I feel your pain, quite literally. But I still larfed, sorry sad [smaile]

OOh that was a smile not a Naice Smaile grin

AlpacaPicnic Wed 28-Aug-13 22:22:12

Its fair... everyone at work laughed too. I kept knocking it and wincing so I had to fess up.

I quite like <smaile> it sounds posh!

Lestagal78 Wed 28-Aug-13 22:23:06

I bent my little finger back tormenting ds with a toy banana.

happygirl87 Wed 28-Aug-13 22:23:36

Pivot I love your name- Ross Geller?! I have also done that- it stings so much!

lifesgreatquestions Wed 28-Aug-13 22:24:04

Not me but nipple related, my uncle had a nipple piercing, was an independent builder, working with his shirt off. There was a protruding nail...

Littlefish Wed 28-Aug-13 22:26:37

I am extremely well endowed in the nork region.

DH once pinned me to the bed by pushing himself up to a sitting position using his elbow on the bed. Unfortunately, my nipple was between his elbow and the mattress as my breasts were lying beside me on the bed (I was lying on my side). Unbelievably excruciating pain which stayed for hours. It was so painful that I couldn't shout at him and tell him what he'd done, so I just lay there, unable to move!

makemineamalibuandpineapple Wed 28-Aug-13 22:29:47

I have told this story on MN before. My son once got trapped in a bus stop bench. It was one where it has two or three horizontal poles that make up the bench a few inches apart IYSWIM. He was standing on it (bad parent I know). Anyway, he slipped and the force of the fall pushed his leg through and we couldn't get it out. We tried pushing/pulling/taking shoe off etc. in the end I had to call the fire brigade who dismantled the bench to free him blush

I did a karate chop on a Lego tower whilst having a tantrum. I ended up in A&E because I thought I'd broken my hand and I had to explain to the very unimpressed nurse what I'd done. DH was laughing like Mutley.

uggmum Wed 28-Aug-13 22:33:14

I burnt my entire chin with a pizza! The cheese slid off whilst I was eating a slice and it stuck to my chin.

It was very painful and I looked awful. It was red and scabby for 2weeks.

missrlr Wed 28-Aug-13 22:33:57

Went riding in The Wrong Bra and a shirt with embroidery across nipple type area. Bra broke completely at the furthest possible point from home and result was red raw nipples from embroidery on the ride back .....
It took weeks to resolve

Always wear the Right Bra when riding ......

Littlefish I am so identifying with 'my breasts were lying next to me on the bed' grin

oinkling Wed 28-Aug-13 22:40:44

Caught penis in the zip of my jeans during a commando phase. Pain came quickly. Also, the thought of how to stop the pain. Bits of me were physically meshed with the zip. Undo slowly and suffer? Undo quickly and risk an incident that could decide my future? Pain increasing fast. Snip the red wire or the green wire (and hope my own wire doesn't get snipped)?

I chose green. Slow. It got worse before it got better but then myself and my apparel achieved twoness. I stopped entertaining commando ambitions that very day.

Although I still zip up very slowly.

cafecito Wed 28-Aug-13 22:44:05

I cannot stop larfing

grin especially at pizza chin

MajesticWhine Wed 28-Aug-13 22:44:15

reminds me of the film "There's something about Mary" - you really need to see that Oinkling

zebrafinch Wed 28-Aug-13 22:44:44

As a child had to go to Casualty with a grapefruit pip in my ear. < thanks Dad for pushing it deeper when trying to extract it> It was very painful.

cafecito Wed 28-Aug-13 22:45:25

oinkling - ouch!!

MajesticWhine Wed 28-Aug-13 22:46:06

Yankee - any details?

McButtonwillow Wed 28-Aug-13 22:47:39

Using my new dyson Hoover recently when I was taking the hose attachment off and it got stuck to my boob and sucked in half of it but luckily I managed to turn it off before my nipple got sucked in too. Was bloody ouchy and I can vouch for their claim of no loss of suction.

foreverhot I had to be taken to A&E as a toddler as I did get a saucepan stuck on my head as a toddler playing soldiers blush

MajesticWhine Wed 28-Aug-13 22:49:52

Ok, here's mine. I was around 12/13 years old at a convent boarding school. I was fed up that I hadn't started my periods yet, and everyone else had so I was "practising" with tampons. I got one stuck having not unwound the string. I eventually went to the school nurse who, rather alarmingly, was a nun, and she had a go but couldn't get it out. I had to go to a local clinic and have it winched out with a metal instrument. Very uncomfortable. Prepared me for childbirth though.

SisterMatic Wed 28-Aug-13 22:53:04

Mcbuttonswillow I howled, sorry. grin

the horse down the stairs is hilarious.

I once thought to myself whilst eating a ice lolly, I wonder if it is true ice sticks to your tounge? hmmm

it fucking does I panicked and pulled the ice lolly quickly off resulting in about 3 layers of skin off my tounge.

hurt for days and days.

Littlefish Wed 28-Aug-13 23:04:35

grin Only those of us with truly huge norks can understand.... My lovely, but tiny breasted, sister simply could not understand what had happened when I tried to explain!

foreverhot Wed 28-Aug-13 23:09:17

flummoxedlummox I thought sauspans stuck on head was an urban myth grin Clearly not!

We've got one of these, the green bit comes off. DD took it out and then pushed the white part down over hear head. Wedged on pretty damn tight!

ecofreckle Wed 28-Aug-13 23:12:25

I like possible potty on head in a and e story best so far!
Mine was on first day of new job. Went to toilet for a wee. Wiped self and it felt like I'd stabbed myself with a shard of glass. Looked in toilet. Wasp. Must have been on toilet roll. It was a sting kind of inside the lips if that's not too much info. Couldn't share with anyone else as was new. Spent much of afternoon on Google which told me that no one appeared to have been stung on the fanjo before. I got some ice from kitchen and put in plastic bag down pants. This meant I rustled but worst of all it leaked all through my jeans. They must have thought I was an odd un.

foolserrand Wed 28-Aug-13 23:13:38

I recently wound up in A&E (under the advisement of nhs direct) because, whilst trying to remove a stud earring, I managed to pull the front off. The spike was pulled into my ear, along with a solder blob and I couldn't get it back out the front, nor could I pull it all out the back. Tried, hurt, stopped. My ear started swelling. Dp was called back from work to watch small dcs while the triage nurse yanked it out.

This happened weeks ago and the arsehole is still taking joy from the fact I am now a statistic as "injured by an earring".

ecofreckle OMFG @ fanjowasp!


foreverhot all my six older siblings took the piss for years. I was a very accident prone child and still have many scars from childhood at age 47 none from saucepangate, apart from emotional

Got up to the loo at some unholy hour last night. In my half asleep state managed to somehow stick my finger through the loo roll straight into my inner fanjo.....

I have long, and apparently SHARP nails. Woke up pretty sharpish when the searing pain hit, followed by blood.

Have spent today being stingingly reminded of those awful first weeks after childbirth, and it is still bleeding sporadically FFS!

18m old gave me a black eye playing with a toy piano. Looked great in all the Christmas photos.....
DH broke a finger hitting a golf ball. Nurse didn't believe him.

ecofreckle Wed 28-Aug-13 23:19:20

Shudder indeed. I have told a few people but don't think they appreciate the 'intimacy' of the sting!

QueenofallIsee Wed 28-Aug-13 23:20:09

this will totally out me but dd had best one ever. call from school to collect her mid morning, message said 'emergency dental trip needed'..raced there imagining teeth knocked out or braces broken. arrived to find dd in reception with a pen stuck in her braces. it was hanging there like a tusk. she had been chewing it in class and got it looped round. apparently she wrestled with it for almost a whole lesson before admitting what she had done. it gave her a lisp due to where is was stuck. i took one look at her, heard her lisp 'thorry mum' and fell about laughing

CarefulUpThere Wed 28-Aug-13 23:32:36

This wasn't embarrassing as such but did feel pretty ridiculous...

As a student we got to observe a few births, if mother to be agreed of course. I tried to help out where i could. After one quite quick and intense labour the midwife asked me to open a glass vial for her (syntocinon?) but instead I managed to jab it practically through my thumb...it bled loads!

There was already lots of blood etc as poor woman just given birth, whilst i the eejit student was distracting her midwife by bleeding more over everything!

Whoever you were- I am sorry!

GinGuzzler Thu 29-Aug-13 00:29:49

Oinkling! shock

MrGin has never done that but I bet he can feel your <ahem... not literally> pain grin

Details? Nothing too dramtic, but I had dislocated my kneecap, which meant I could not move. I did manage to get the top half coveed before help arrived, so that was a dege of a blessing.

It was a comedy of errors that night, but it all ended simply enough when they dropped the stretcher a little on a spiral staircase and that reloacted the knee. I then leapt off the stretcher and relocated my clothes.

Bertrude Thu 29-Aug-13 07:32:00

I broken a bone in my hand playing golf Stealth so I definitely believe him!

I have also had chillifanjo, by getting a little frisky with husband after he had just eaten some chillis. Couldn't sit down for a while.

I also burnt my stomach whilst ironing naked. I swooshed the iron a little too dramatically as I was in a rush, and ended up with a horizontal burn on my belly right where the waistband of my trousers had to sit all day. That one fucking hurt.

MisselthwaiteManor Thu 29-Aug-13 07:49:20

I leaned across the table and dunked my boob in a bowl of hot soup, I was wearing a flimsy Tshirt which sort of soaked it up and held the soup on my skin. First time I've flung my top off before the end of a meal.

When I was a toddler my mum would tuck me in again before going to bed herself I used wave arms about caught her eyes a couple of time my dad was dragged in by his CO as he was RAF and was quizzed about hitting my mum my mum would remind me all the the time

I knocked myself out at a soft play centre blush I tried to stand up fully, and quickly, under one of the supporting poles designed for people under 5ft. I'm 5ft 6!!! I ended up in hospital with concussion. My friend has never let me live it down...

tropical1 Thu 29-Aug-13 08:05:15

When I was about 14, I decided to try tampons for the first time. I think they were called Playtex?? Plastic applicators with teeth . Got it in ok, but when I went to take it out, I came over all fuzzy headed. Went out of the loo, fainted on the landing, as I went down, hit my chin on the little metal bit that is on a door that closes it, cut my chin open and came round looking at swirly brown & orange carpet ( it was in the 70's (embarrassed) )with my mum & older brother standing over me. They'd been downstairs & heard the door slam followed by a thud.
Still got the scar....didn't use Playtex again.

missjimmy Thu 29-Aug-13 08:14:03

One of my early attempts at immac failed horrendously, when I left if on slightly too long on my upper lip. It was like a red moustache. Thought I'd done a good cover up job on it, went on hot date, got snogging, a few hours later went to the bathroom and my red moustache (covered up) was no longer covered up and instead turned into 2 grazed looking scabs! Oh the shame. I couldn't get me and my tash out of their quick enough.

pearlgirl Thu 29-Aug-13 10:26:01

Years ago I knocked myself out by bumping my head on the pointy corner of an open fridge door and recently broke my nose and gave myself two lovely black eyes by slipping as I got into the bath to shower and landing face first on the side of our cast iron bath - I work with teenagers who saw through all my attempts to cover the black eyes up and were sceptical about how it had happened.

PivotPIVOT Thu 29-Aug-13 10:32:27

happygirl yes it's one of my favourite episodes grin closely followed by "I'm FINE (fajitas)" and "The Routine"!

oinkling Thu 29-Aug-13 10:38:26

While I think about it, there was a chap I used to work with who had an embarrassing injury. I'll repeat the story in his words. If you want to assume there is more to it than meets the eye, you would not be alone in that.

He was in his bathroom naked but felt too warm. His bathroom window is quite high and he can only get to it by standing on the toilet. Because he didn't want to fall off the toilet and injure himself he went downstairs to fetch a broom and put the broomy end against the door and leant his buttock against the phallic end in order to steady himself. Unfortunately he still slipped and a terrible thing ensued for which he needed medical aid.

oinkling Thu 29-Aug-13 10:40:41

missjimmy Eek! I know how that feels. I once wronged my sister and she Immac'd my arm while I was sunbathing and asleep. It was the pain that woke me up.

Dobbiesmum Thu 29-Aug-13 10:43:49

First time meeting my what turned out to be future in laws, all went well and as I left I turned to say bye to DH's mum. I overbalanced, tripped over fresh air and landed 3 steps down flat on my back, narrowly missing one of the cats and bruising my entire arse. Future MIL went on to shout 'byeeeeee' in the manner of someone falling into a black hole for months afterwards..
Rolling down a hill in the local park, rolled over a pretty irate wasp and got stung on the thigh.
Walking home from a rare night out with DH and we got erm, slightly over amorous while walking through the park. Dodged into some bushes for a quickie, sorted ourselves out and walked home, all the time I'm thinking that I had scratched myself on the back and would have a look later. Got home and my parents just stared at me, as in our rush into the bushes I had ripped the back of my top open from top to bottom and had a lovely big red cut all the way down my spine which was starting to bleed rather a lot. Had to confess to parents as they thought we had been attacked...

PixieBumbles Thu 29-Aug-13 10:56:15

When I was 7 I was in school and for some reason decided it would be a good idea to blow into a pot of pencil shavings. Of course a bit flew up and hit me in the eye. It was agony. On the plus side while I waited for my mum to pick me up to take me to minor injuries I got to sit in with the class next door, who were watching an episode of Geordie Racer that our class hadn't seen yet. And I got given an eyepatch by the doctor, which made me so cool because I was totally like a pirate!

Silver linings and all that.

Also, I broke my foot last year whilst morris dancing. The triage nurse couldn't stop laughing.

Mogz Thu 29-Aug-13 10:58:14

A rather tipsy house party went downhill quite quickly because of an argument breaking out between myself and two lads. I somehow ended up handcuffed to one of the them whilst the other took the key and drove 15ish miles home.
After a few minutes of stunned silence, a but of giggling an thn swearin when we realised there was no spare key, We had to walk in to town, on a very busy Friday night, to try and find a copper who could free us.
Cue EVERYONE from my college classes being out and spotting us, many raised eyebrows and a badly hidden giggle from from the police officer on duty whilst he fetched this big cluster of keys to try. Not one of them worked, it turned out the cuffs I had were ones the police had not yet been issued. By this point my hand is going a bit numb and funny coloured so the cop offers to hacksaw us free if we can't get hold of a key.
Luckily it didnt come to that. We found someone who had the lad with key's mum's phone number; she wasn't impressed and sent him back to us immediately along with an apology card (she also later sent me chocolate cake) and soon we were free!
It didn't end there though, next day I had to explain to my dad why I had a big scab around my wrist and then by first break at college on Monday the whole bloody student body and most of the teachers knew. The only saving grace was my mum never found out so I didn't have to explain a) why I had handcuffs in the first place and b) what I was doing with them in a house full of drunk guys... blush

Fishandjam Thu 29-Aug-13 11:08:38

Had cooked napalm curry with Scotch Bonnet chillies. Forgot to wear gloves while chopping, and probably didn't wash my hands as thoroughly as I should have done.

Fast forward a few hours to bedtime. Was lying in bed in the all together, and got an itch below the 39th Parallel. Scratched said itch.


Took at least 24 hours and what felt like an entire tub of Sudocrem to feel better...

GinGuzzler Thu 29-Aug-13 11:24:34

Put hair remover down there and left it on a bit to long. Results were not planned result. Movement had caused it to spread to places not intended which stung and the landing strip I'd hoped for was a mere dot on a very sore and irritated area. It never grew back the same. I was once neat and tidy blush

Dh and I were dtd in the shower, I slipped and hurt my back; it was sore but not too bad, so I went to work.... (police, in uniform)

It got markedly worse as the day went on, and I ended up going to A&E and had to explain (whilst still in uniform) exactly how I'd managed to hurt myself blush blush

Weegiemum Thu 29-Aug-13 11:38:22

I broke my coccyx slipping on wet leaves.

I couldn't sit down for weeks!

namechangedjustforthis Thu 29-Aug-13 11:40:48

My story didn't involve me but it involved my daughter getting hurt because of me! Bad mother alert, I had memories of me and my brothers going down the stairs on a sledge, and having so much fun, and told my daughter about it and she wanted to do it so I was stood at bottom of the stairs with camera to catch her expression and she went down with my encouragement (she was scared!) and I honestly bought she had broke her back, she came down so fast and battered herself of every stair then crashed into the wall! I felt so bad! I'm not sure what possessed me to think it would be fun, and why my memories were nothing like the reality!

wigglesrock Thu 29-Aug-13 11:45:31

I was 17 and was smoking while kissing (oh the glamour blush ) the exceptionally cool beautiful young man I'd been lusting over. I put my hand with the lit cig around hid neck and promptly burnt myself in the middle of my forehead.

I had to be exceptionally sneaky quick thinking to explain that one to my Mum.

BabsAndTheRu Thu 29-Aug-13 12:12:11

Crying with laughter at the sledge down the stairs.

I caught my foot in the duvet while getting out of bed in the night for a wee. Landed face first on the floor. Huge carpet burn down the middle of my face from forehead to chin, and to top it all ended up weeping myself due to the shock and the fact I was bursting.

BabsAndTheRu Thu 29-Aug-13 12:12:48

Weeing not weeping

TenToWine Thu 29-Aug-13 12:26:02

ecofreckle, I have had a wasp sting on a flap. It was agony and swelled up a lot. We had a bit of an infestation at the flat I was staying in, and I think one must have been somehow tangled in my dressing gown when I put it on.

absentmindeddooooodles Thu 29-Aug-13 12:46:52

An ex and I were dtd in the middle of the day in his room. He got a bit over excited and decided to ( with no warning) bend my legs a bit too far backwards....cue me falling backwards off the bed and landing inbetween the gap between the bed and wall. Now, it was such a tiny gap that my knees both met with my face and knocked one of my teeth out sad blood everywhere and me butt naked still stuck in the gap.

His parents heard the commotion and run in tobsee what the problem is. His dad burst out laughing and proceeded to wheese his was downstairs and continue randomly going into hysterics for the next few days. Hismum on the other hand was never that nice to me again. ( rather strixt roman catholic)

Fishandjam Thu 29-Aug-13 20:49:33

Didn't I read on another fred that a MNer broke her foot with a Kegel weight, which shot out of her fanjo? And that she told the A&E nurse it was a frozen chicken? I remember laughing myself silly over that!

Snatchoo Thu 29-Aug-13 21:07:14

OMG absentmindeddooooodles I have just cried at that! grin

I have cut the inside of my nose before, when washing my face and accidentally sticking my finger up there. It stung!

Also, it didn't hurt, but my sister still falls about laughing at me, about 14 or so, running into the patio doors full pelt to get the phone. She said I looked like a fly splatted on there grin

cocolepew Thu 29-Aug-13 21:27:29

Ahem, that was me with the weight. Obviously it was the biggest one in the set. Bastard shot out like a bullet.

DH stood on a plastic giraffe once and cut his foot. It was a bloodbath shock.

Wuxiapian Thu 29-Aug-13 21:51:25

ThreesyDoesIt, that's brilliant! I've laughed until I've cried!!

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Thu 29-Aug-13 22:04:25

Mine would totally out me. And DH's would as well. Might have to name change!

BatwingsAndButterflies Thu 29-Aug-13 22:05:16

OMG absent, I am crying!

DameDeepRedBetty Thu 29-Aug-13 22:10:08

Mine's a bit pathetic compared with this lot... I sort of jumped athletically over the back of a long bench seat in a pub, to get into a gap, rather than ask about six people to move to let me waddle down between the table and the bench iyswim. I caught the toe of my very funky new pointy boots (this WAS 1980-something so give me a break) and shot head first over the table, send glasses, ashtrays etc flying, and gave myself an enormous black eye which lasted for three weeks.

Both dtds are now getting embarrassed by my snurkling noises so perhaps I should stop reading this thread?

2kidsintow Thu 29-Aug-13 22:16:52

Poured nail varnish in my own eye.

Roller skated over my own hand and broke my finger.

I've just given myself a nosebleed while reading this thread! pretty sure I'll have a black eye too. that'll teach me to lay in bed on my phone grin

MrsWelly Thu 29-Aug-13 22:38:25

foolserrand the exact same thing happened to me when I was a teenager, it bloody hurt! So you're not the only one <<reassuring shoulder pat>>

When my now DH and I first got together he was just coming out of a "dry spell", leading to him being slightly "over enthusiastic" when we went to bed. My nipples were bruised for a week from his affections! He's calmed down now. Mostly.

chillinwithmyyonis Thu 29-Aug-13 22:39:40

I lacerated my finger on a corned beef tin, the one with a key you twist round. Went right through the fat pad and was flapping open. The doctor injected several painful locals into the wound itself, the irony, before stitching it. Havent touched corned beef since, not even a ringpull.

Purpleprickles Thu 29-Aug-13 23:10:15

On my lunch hour years ago and a cyclist rode his bike into me on the pavement. Thankfully due to my robust build smile he didn't knock me down just bruised my leg and my pride. To add insult to injury the incident was witnessed by loads of passers by and the only one to ask if I was ok was a very kind drunken tramp, and then I had to go back to work with a black tyre mark up my tan coloured skirt.

2kidsintow Thu 29-Aug-13 23:13:39

Oh yes, and I sewed through my own index finger with my sewing machine - the needle was so far in, I had to pull it out the other side with a pair of pliers.

Still makes me cringe now.

TheSecondComing Thu 29-Aug-13 23:23:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonMousse Thu 29-Aug-13 23:27:34

I've told this before on here but I shall wheel it out again for your enjoyment...

Slightly tipsy blind drunk after a night out (I was 19) climbed out of the taxi slammed the door and didn't realise until he started to pull away that I had jammed my thumb in the door. Had to trot along the street a few metres while banging on the roof with my handbag to alert him.

Poor taxi driver wanted to take me to A & E but I was "Oooh no it's fine really - doesn't even hurt".

Wrapped a tissue round it and went to bed - woke in the morning with a fat thumb and blood everywhere, then I did have to go to A & E blush

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa Thu 29-Aug-13 23:28:44

I hammered my own face.

I had borrowed my dad's hammer and was hanging it back up on a nail in his workshop. For some reason the nail was around 6foot up the wall so I had to stretch to hang it. I didn't hang it properly and it fell off and into my face.

Black eye sad

Thisvehicleisreversing Thu 29-Aug-13 23:32:32

I was fixing a hole in some jeans by hand but of course the needle was too thin and flimsy to go through the material.

So I stupidly decided to brace the needle against my thigh.

The fat end punctured my leg and got stuck. The popping sound when it came out was horrific.

No blood or anything, but I do have a weird dimple in my thigh muscle now.

StickyFloor Thu 29-Aug-13 23:42:23

I superglued ds's nativity costume to my leg.

I had left it to the last minute, it was the night before the big day, I had spent ages on it and when it was almost finished I tried to hold it up to admire the jewels and realised that it was stuck fast just above my knee.

The dilemma was which do I destroy, leg or costume? Well, I was that pissed off that I yanked it off my leg as there was no way I was going to wreck his costume after all that effort. It was a tiny area, just a few mm of skin, but my God what pain!

ChubbyKitty Fri 30-Aug-13 00:14:07

DP had some hot sauce at my birthday barbecue. He got it all over his hands putting it on his burgers. He did wash his hands but obviously some must have stayed like a weird nasty residue.

Later that evening, we went to bed. He thought he was treating me for said birthday.

It ended with me squatting in the shower almost in tears dowsing my foof with cold water and not-so-politely telling him he was a fool.

Another one.

When dh and I were first dating, we finally got around to dtd, which was the end of a long dry spell for him; as he orgasmed he passed out, headbutted me, and gave me a massive black eye.

I was late for the bus one day after work (a new job). As I approached the main road, I saw the bus approaching the roundabout - about 200 yards from the bus stop. I never usually run for a bus as I have this image in my head of missing it and the whole bus laughing at my attempts as it goes on by.

Anyway, I decided to be brave this day and make a run for it across a dual carriageway type road. I was going to make it and was feeling a sense of achievement, when I tripped over the curb and went head first into the bushes.

The bus just drove on by while I was lying on the pavement (half in bushes) crying.

I ended up phoning work as I couldnt get up from the ground so had a lift home in the end. Was off work then for several weeks as I had chipped some bones in both my knees and then ended up with an infection from the cuts.

theboutiquemummy Fri 30-Aug-13 06:08:18

Romantic weekend away we were in the tub tiddly when I thought I'd get out the bath n try some sexy dancing one leg over the side slipped cracked fanjo on the bath landed so hard on the floor pooh shot out

Romantic it was not

Boomerwang Fri 30-Aug-13 06:52:40

Another nipple story...

When I was working in a do-it-all store in the pet section I was carrying two trays of dog food (those 24 packs of tins) to a shelf. On the way they started to slip a little so I brought up my knee to knock them back up my arms a bit. I'd done this many times before with no problems. This time, however, I'd done it so hard the trays separated, both of my nipples inserted themselves into the gap, and then the trays came together. That hurt an astonishing amount, actually.

StickyFloor you've just reminded me of the time I superglued my foot to the floor. I posted about it on MN at the time as well. I was trying that thing I'd heard, that if you have very cracked heels you can fill the cracks with superglue and they'll heal?

Yup, glued my foot to the floor, and it was under my chair IYSWIM. So I couldn't even get to it to cut myself free. After much wriggling I managed to snip some of the carpet, but I had tufts stuck to me for several days, they wouldn't even soak off grin

Jamdoughnutfiend Fri 30-Aug-13 08:59:08

Boutiquemummy, I am crying with laughter.

My contribution - when very very happy drunk I triped over my own feet into a wall and headbutted it, but instead of just falling over, I sort of slipped down it with my forehead in contact with the wall - it was pebble dash, so had a random bumpy graze all down my forehead for about 2 weeks.

Also have a massive friction burn down my left leg from soft play a month ago from taking dd2 on the long slide - surprisingly painful and looks terrible!

absentmindeddooooodles Fri 30-Aug-13 09:39:09

Omg these are so funny. Has brightened up may day considerably to read others misfortune rather than concerntrating on the chaos that is my 2 year old, puppy, kitten and pissed off mummy cat :'/

GhostsInSnow Fri 30-Aug-13 09:54:02

Age 2 I decided the best place for a toilet training seat was my head. I announced proudly to my Mum that I was a princess and I had a crown and everything!
several litres of veg oil and four neighbours later I was freed from my crown.

Age 35, took the kids to Dinosaur World on holiday. They had one of those wavy slides. It looked fun. Didn't bother with a mat cos those are for kids. The last wave sent me sailing skywards and I landed on my back, breaking my tailbone in the process. No position was comfortable at all. Couldn't stand, couldn't sit for about 6 months. Pure agony.

Age 39, arguing with DD over something ridiculous. Needing to get last word I follow her into her bedroom, unfortunately as she is slamming door in teenage paddy. Foot is in door as she slams. One night in A&E and a broken big toe later I had a DD who for all intents and purposes became my man slave for the next 4 weeks out of guilt grin

Did once have to take DS to A&E on Boxing Day to have a cactus removed from his foot. He'd managed to kick it with the top of his foot. I'd removed the spines but where they had been caused a reaction. Trying to explain to the nurse why he'd attacked a cactus was something else. hmm

LadyEnglefield Fri 30-Aug-13 10:02:28

Have just embarrassed myself at work by snorting coffee up my nose while reading some of these posts!

I've always been very clumsy and accident prone but the most painful incident was when I fell over while having a snowball fight with the DCs and some of their friends. Didn't look too bad at first but the realised I had broken my wrist.

The shame came at the school gate when the DCs gleefully told everyone how it happened.

FeminaziStoleMyIcecream Fri 30-Aug-13 10:37:04

Heavily pregnant I was walking down the hill from the car park into work. It was quite a frosty morning and there must have been a patch of black ice. Next thing I know I'm flat on my back, sliding down the hill, as everyone going into work watches. I slid really fast right to the bottom of the hill before gradually slowing to a stop. I had to get onto all fours to get up and got a round of applause. blush Not one bugger helped me or asked if I was ok, they were too busy laughing. I was fine though. Slight bruising on my bum but my big winter coat and extra pregnancy padding protected me.

And just last week I was Mumsnetting on my iPad when it came loose from its cover and smacked me in the face, cutting my eyebrow quite badly. Blood everywhere and I've still got a black eye.

Ezio Fri 30-Aug-13 10:40:01

Stood on a plastic garden rake and got it stuck in my foot.
Skid on kitchen floor and nearly stabbed myself in the side, even just the tip of the knife hurt.

TVTonight Fri 30-Aug-13 10:48:15

I once won a point at tennis doing a fabulous over head smash. Unfortunately the racket slammed onto the top of the net and back up to hit me square in the face. I had a "Reverse Panda" double black eye for about a fortnight.

SummerRain Fri 30-Aug-13 11:00:56

The other night i was opening the door for one of the cats. I reached down to stroke him at the exact moment he jumped for the windowsill next to the door.

4kg of ginger cat hitting you in the nose hurts more than you'd expect sad

dp came running when he heard me scream but couldn't understand me when i told him what had happened due to the face that I was curled in a ball on the floor clutching my face with both hand blush

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 11:04:48

That reminds me Feminazi, we had had a really bad winter last year and there was lots of black ice. I was getting a lift to work 1 morning and as I stepped off the kerb to get into her car I slipped and half dissapeared under the back of her nissan juke. She couldn't see me but could see my shoe that had flew 3 metres over the road and could hear me crying her name. She had to pull her car forward, skare gingerly over the road for my shoe then try and help me up. We couldn't even get my OH to help as it was half 6 in the morning.

Eventually I'm standing, got to work putting a brave face on it dying inside wanting to cry in the end she sent me home as I was no good to anyone. work for the NHS and on feet all day as I had severely twisted my ankle and knee and had a bump so big on the back of my head it felt like an extra head had grown.

We still laugh about it. All she saw was me dissapear in her rear view mirror grin

Stinkyminkymoo Fri 30-Aug-13 11:08:35

I got kicked in the groin by my 7 month old

Colt. FML.

WallaceWindsock Fri 30-Aug-13 11:37:24

About a month ago I half woke up in the middle of the night. Half asleep I saw some long black legs on the pillow next to me. DP woke up to me yelling "spider invasion" and throwing myself head first off the end of the bed. I landed upside down on my head and my body sort of thudded after. Had a thumping headache for days. DP sniggered for days. angrygrin

OOh we made DoTD!

Chibbs Fri 30-Aug-13 11:51:29

haha! so funny!

BalloonSlayer Fri 30-Aug-13 12:06:52

I had to go to work looking like I had had a bad collagen lip job, thanks to DS2 standing up at the exact moment I bent down to kiss him goodbye on the top of his head. You could have stuck me to a window.

unlucky83 Fri 30-Aug-13 12:09:34

I'm quite accident prone..so have a few...but my latest was on a crowded busy UK beach this summer ...
Jumped onto some rocks to look in the rock pools ...shoes full of sand so slipped, tried again to one side couldn't get a grip, tried again no grip, tried again no grip - knew if I fell onto the jagged rocks I would really hurt myself ...so flung myself sideways to land on my side on sand...winded, lay on ground for a few seconds...got up to see several people had run to help me and everyone else was staring ...
DP? As soon as he realised I was ok (my arm and leg one one side were a bit sore, nice bruise on my wrist where it had hit a stone)-was killing himself laughing said it was a pity he didn't get it on camera ...couldn't decide more if it looked like I was doing a funky dance ...or trying to save a goal ....

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 12:16:31

OH has a clip on youtube that I filmed if him falling off a tree swing.

He spent a good half an hour pulling at it, hanging off it to see if it would take his weight. He was hapoy it would so got hold of it and swung. He returned to the side of the river bank and pushed himself off with great force to swing out even further. The handle snapped resulting in him doing a fandabulous faceplant into a rocky 1& half foot river. I couldn't breathe for laughing and all the way down the river were groups of people all with jumpy shoulders laughing at what we had all just witnessed. He did hurt his hand really quite bad but he was very 'macho' about it to make up for massive dent in his pride grin

dubstarr73 Fri 30-Aug-13 12:19:30
fackinell Fri 30-Aug-13 12:32:25

I got stuck in the baby seat of a shopping trolley once. Wouldn't happen now, my arse would be lucky to fit in the baskety bit.

Also fell out a curtained changing room with one leg in a pair of jeans.

Oinkling, Ooocha!! :O

PeaceAndHope Fri 30-Aug-13 12:52:42

I had a rash on my bum due to tacky moisturiser. I had to get it checked because I couldn't stop scratching my bum...

GhostsInSnow Fri 30-Aug-13 12:54:56

ginguzzler reminded me of DH one winter, gingerly walking to the end of the drive to de ice the back windscreen when suddenly he was flying on the ice. He ended up sliding face first down the drive whilst our DS just stood there watching. He really did hurt himself and ended up having to call in work because a 2 hour agonising commute after landing on your back wasn't pleasant.

However....after lots of tea and sympathy from me (who didn't witness the event) it dawned on me mid afternoon we had CCTV. I had tears streaming down my face as I watched him go flying repeatedly. When I finally could compose myself I uploaded it to Youtube and entertained all our friends with it as well. Fortunately he has a sense of humour.

Totally outing myself but it would be a crime not to share (and I'm still laughing now 3 years later!)

[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjNqAFkje-s Ice Slippage}}

GhostsInSnow Fri 30-Aug-13 12:55:23

Messed up that link didn't I?


GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 13:03:52

Your DS was vairy helpfull Charlie grin

CointreauVersial Fri 30-Aug-13 13:12:27

Well, I'm mighty thankful that I don't have big norks or a penis, tbh......

This has brightened my lunch-hour no end.

No major calamities for me, although I did have to attend a conference and make a presentation wearing a short skirt, with the two most spectacular swollen black knees, after an inebriated fall up a step the night before.

GhostsInSnow Fri 30-Aug-13 13:14:16

gin he was useless, partly what amused me blush

He did redeem himself that day though, he walked off to work and round the corner at the top of a very steep bank found a man on the ground who'd fallen and had obviously broken something. He called an Ambulance, stayed with him and when the ambulance couldn't get up the hill for the ice he helped the paramedics gingerly get him down to the Ambulance, all of which made him very late for work. He did have a good excuse though.

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 13:25:57

Charlie he sounds a lovely DS smile

Your DH certainly went down with a clatter. I can empathise his pain grin glad I don't have cctv outside my door

oinkling Fri 30-Aug-13 13:33:49

When I was at infant school, we had a fancy dress competition and my mum made me an octopus costume which was effectively like a huge painted toilet roll tube with foam legs hanging off the bottom of it.

Two problems to bear in mind: there were no earholes so I couldn't really hear what was going on around me, and there were no armholes so my arms were pressed rigid against my side.

There was a little stage erected in the playground and eventually they got around to awarding prizes for the best costume. When they called out the winner, I was half-sure they said octopus. I decided to wait and see if anyone else went up. When nobody did, I knew I'd won and started making my way up a ramp to the stage.

Unfortunately, in the time it took me to get there, the real winner had gone up; something I didn't notice until I was at the top of the ramp. Turning to get back down the ramp as quickly as possible, I lost my footing and, because I was in a huge toilet roll, I started rolling down the ramp.

I barrelled into a number of my classmates, knocking them to the floor. Having no free arms, I still couldn't get up myself. I didn't want to take off the costume and expose my identity so I rolled myself to the edge of the playground, knocking over about another dozen people on the way, then took off the costume and ran home.

The next day, everyone was talking about it. I told everyone that it had been my best friend in the octopus costume and to this day, nobody knows it was me. Unless you were at the same school as me, in which case I've just outed myself bigtime.

These are all brilliant grin

I might have to change my moniker as I haven't had an accident for 2 years now. I think that must be a record!

I was clearing the garden a few years ago at dusk. I ducked under the climbing frame to pick up a toy, but didn't duck far enough and whacked my nose on the crossbar.

I remember falling backwards with blood gushing from my nose, trying really hard not to lose consciousness. I rolled on my side so that I didn't drown in my own blood.

Dh thought I was playing a practical joke on ds1 who was helping me tidy up and didn't come out to help me. I had to shout for help. Dh sent ds1 with a single sheet of kitchen roll, and eventually an old tea towel.

I had broken my nose and had to lay on the sofa for the rest of the evening with an ice pack on my nose to get the swelling down. My friend also popped round to see me the same evening. I felt like a right div!

I also had to go to the opticians to have my glasses adjusted as my nose was so swollen. I thought my mum was going to wet herself laughing when she met me for lunch the day after.

I have also done the chilli fanny trick, and the falling out of the bath and hurting myself trick as well.

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 13:39:57

I have just howled reading that!! How I wish I had witnessed that. If it was anywhere near as funny as the mental image I had reading it I bet it was hilarious!

All of these are brilliant.

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 13:42:15

^aimed to Oinkling not yours soaccident, yours sounds bloody painfull.

<muffled snigger>

And the time in woke up with really bad heartburn, but also desperately needed a wee. My gaviscon bottle in the bedroom was empty so I rushed downstairs, started rooting through the cupboard for another bottle.

The next thing I knew I was laying on the floor in a large puddle of wee with my glasses on the floor. I was freezing, so I don't know how long I'd been out for.

I think I fainted with the pain of the heartburn, and fell and hit my head on the kitchen table, then fell to the floor and wet myself.

I had a headache for nearly a week, but fortunately no black eye.

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 13:43:56


They aren't that bad (are they?)

And I still have all my digits and other body parts. Nothing missing, though I am extra careful nowgrin

oinkling Fri 30-Aug-13 13:48:18

Gin The way everyone else seems to imagine it is exactly the way it happened. Although I have to imagine it too because from my perspective, I was inside a huge cardboard tube with my vision rapidly alternating between sky and ramp, sky and ramp, then a huddle of knocked-over classmates on top of me.

I just love that I was trying to minimise my embarrassment and inadvertently made it a million times worse. smile

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 13:55:31

grin @ sky and ramp

TwllBach Fri 30-Aug-13 13:55:42

I have been shaking with silent laughter, reading this thread grin

I don't really have anything to add... Unless my recent case of thrush thanks to an unplanned semi threesome counts.

ToriaPumpkin Fri 30-Aug-13 13:57:09

When I was a teenager my bedroom was in the attic of a farmhouse, so low coombed ceilings.

While making my bed one day I walked straight into said ceiling and woke up a little while later lying flat on my back staring at the sky. It took me a few seconds to realise I was actually staring at my blue painted ceiling, still clutching the sheet.

Reastie Fri 30-Aug-13 14:17:27

This thread is hilarious!

Nothing exciting to add other than grin

Reastie Fri 30-Aug-13 14:21:22

Oh yes just remembered. Once on holiday I was in the bathroom and bent down to pick up my towel and the edge of my boob touched the heated towel rail and it was so hot I got a burnt boob. It was so bad I've still got a bit of a scar. I spent the whole day of my holiday doing cold compressions to the area and moaning dramatically DH was very keen to check it was OK and very helpful with the cold compressions hmm

I complained to the holiday company afterwards mainly so someone else didn't burn any of their delicate areas as it was so burning hot (the other ones in the house were fine, just my blinking one was dodgy). They sent me a £50 voucher off our next holiday and probably got a giggle in the office grin

GhostsInSnow Fri 30-Aug-13 14:40:22

Toria has just reminded me of another....

When DS was about 9 I did one of those stupid on the spot Ikea purchases of a loft bed. Now, we don't live in a big, high ceilinged victorian, oh no, a pretty standard modern semi.
It became apparent that the space between bed and ceiling wasn't much, but DS and I determined to tough it out.

Next morning DS comes downstairs with a perfect pattern of red, angry dots on his forehead. He'd forgotten he was in a loft bed, sat up as he usually did and met the artexted stippled ceiling with a wallop.

I admitted defeated and sawed 2ft off the legs.

macthecatsmum Fri 30-Aug-13 14:45:08

Oh one from my youth-at my best friend's house. I fancied her brother like mad. Sunday lunch-roast potatoes-so hot they made thermite look like an ice lolly. sticks to roof of mouth. I'm trying to flirt as well as being all lovely for my potential ILs(ha) When i could talk and asked for a drink of water, the blister covered the whole roof of my mouth.
the second one because it makes me feel better about being an idiot was youngest ds. fairground-funhouse-the two planks of wood going backwards and forwards. falls and somehow catches his upper thigh. how high up?-it almost put paid to grandkids. had to go to 1st aid and a and e. all i could hear on the other side of the door was dh, bil, other ds s and dns pissing themselves laughing. all holiday they would do a mime of planks going back and forward with an eeek eeek sound.

Allthatglitters789 Fri 30-Aug-13 14:45:11

Mine would have to be the time I folded a plastic deck chair on my boob blush bought tears to my eyes and still have the scar now.

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 14:45:28

I just knew it was going to be stipple grin grin

foxybingodotcom Fri 30-Aug-13 15:23:46

Almost everytime - when we move from naked cuddle to goint to DTD my DH levers himself up wtih his elbow on my bingo wing - actual agony. Puts you right off the notion.

7 months pregnant and I'd gone to the pub next door with two colleagues after finishing my shift. I had on a pair of new boots that had no grip on the soles whatsoever and ended up slipping and doing the splits by accident. It was loud and busy. No one really noticed I'd gone for a Burton and as I slipped one foot ended up under a stool. I had no choice but to tap a random man on the arse so he could stand up and set me free. He had a bemused look on his face and seemed a bit pissed off that I'd bothered him. A couple on the next table came to help me up. He just stood holding the stool until I had been helped up. Tool.

MummyPig24 Fri 30-Aug-13 15:50:29

I'd just started a new job aged 18, me and another girl went out for a ride. We were cantering pretty fast down the track and saw a low branch. We assumed the horses would keep on going so we ducked. The horses stopped dead, we both somersaulted straight over their heads. My friends hat came down and smacked her on the Nose, causing it to bleed. I flew straight into the nettle and bramble bushes. I was covered in scratches and stings including on my face.

catsmother Fri 30-Aug-13 15:55:31

This thread is somewhat like a better than usual episode of 'Miranda' .....

.... plenty of ideas for her next series here!

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 15:59:48

I have remembered another,

Me aged 12 new trainers that had the clasps on the side like walking boots so I'm walking all casual like thescoence lab as they were the first bang on trend trainers I'd had when the laces in left trainer caught clasps in right trainer resulting in me falling flat on my face as I couldn't seperate them. Ended up with grit in my hand still there and 6 stitches in my knee.

As a small child, I sat down on one of the 'down' escalators in C & A (remember them?). I was wearing a very typical short cotton summer dress (about 1976) and my knickers got caught in the 'teeth' at the end of the escalator.

I remember at the time being petrified that it was going to eat me alive - even though luckily it stopped automatically. Had to be cut free with a large pair of pinking shears from the haberdashery counter blush.

FatPenguin Fri 30-Aug-13 16:16:15

My most embarrassing was at the cinema. Me and my friend were messing about in the queue and i stepped back to get away from her and toppled over a man in a wheelchair, accidentally giving him a bit of a lap dance in the process. Onlookers stared in horror. He was lovely about it and even said sorry to me in a truly British fashion.

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 16:19:58

Arf at accidental lapdance grin

And another one (previously posted on MN)

I was doing a maintenance check on a bus; had been told the emergency exit was faulty, so I pulled the handle and shoved the door open with my shoulder.

It flew open, with me following. I hit the bus parked in the next bay and knocked myself out! blush

ivykaty44 Fri 30-Aug-13 16:56:54

I sat bare bottomed on a wasp.....

StickyFloor Fri 30-Aug-13 17:01:30

OP how could you have forgotten gluing your foot to the carpet? That has made me laugh all the more!

I mean, I regularly glue my fingers together and spend a few days looking like a Star Wars fan, but actually gluing myself to something else is not easily forgotten!

ErrorError Fri 30-Aug-13 17:21:21

Not me, but I've remembered a couple of willy related ones from college:

One poor catering student had been chopping chillis and then had gone to use the urinals... his tutor was asking around all the offices for milk he could pour on it to stop the burn!

A woodwork student was messing about with tools and bashed the heads of 2 hammers together, a splinter sheared off and lodged itself into his penis through his pants.

College had a sort of Fresher's week (where info about sex ed/joining clubs etc is handed out). A member of staff walking through the corridor slipped on a free condom and hurt his leg.

Recently my Mum had an accident. She had a little visit to A&E to glue up her eyebrow and has a big black eye... after falling over trying to pick up a cat poo.

oinkling Fri 30-Aug-13 17:49:43

Error I've done that with the chillies. Have also had a burnt umm... mini-oinkling after eating extremely hot food and then peeing a couple of hours later. It had gone right through me.

Oh, and if you want to stop people picking their nose, make them chop naga chillies. The pain is unimaginable for about two hours.

SuffolkNWhat Fri 30-Aug-13 18:24:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Fri 30-Aug-13 19:18:31

oinkling Just laughed so hard I cried and farted grin

JesusInTheCabbageVan Fri 30-Aug-13 19:19:33

Re the octopus, that is...

I super-glued my teeth once! I was gluing something ( can't remember what) and had the lid of the superglue in my mouth between my teeth (needed both hands for the gluing bit!) I tried to put the lid on the tube by pushing the end of tube into the lid while it was still between my teeth. I missed the lid and squeezed superglue all over my teeth. It stuck to my teeth but did not stick them together (thankfully).
I phoned my dentist and he fell about laughing reassured me that it wouldn't damage my teeth but just wear off gradually over the next couple of days (which it did!) Now I wonder quite how he knew this would be the case!

oinkling Fri 30-Aug-13 19:36:30

Jesus Hehe! I have inspired some strange reactions in people over the years, but that's a new combo. I am taking it as a compliment. smile

acebaby Fri 30-Aug-13 19:42:18

I got a bit over-competitive at wii sports table tennis and badly bruised my hand by whacking a wall blush

Mirage Fri 30-Aug-13 19:43:25

I have been bitten by a miniature horse.I can confirm that it did not have miniature teeth.hmm
Have also been bitten by a lamb,that drew blood.

ethelb Fri 30-Aug-13 19:51:04

Made some delicious belizian chilli sauce if I may say so myself. Made with a zillion scotch bonnets and habanero chillis. Which I chopped. By hand. Without gloves.

It was, my Dr friends who lived with me said, the first time they have heard of someone giving themselve second degree burns with capsasin.

I struggled to sleep for 3 nights I was in so much pain and the burns were all over my very sensitive finger pads.

unlucky83 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:00:47

My friend worked as a chef (very posh, expensive restaurant) - one of the girls had been chopping chillies and gone to the loo (being naughty - to the customer loos cos nearer and the restaurant was closed). Took a while before they realised she was missing...and then a while to find her... naked from waist down, sat in a sink of cold water - almost hysterical- too sore to get out of the sink, but knew the restaurant was opening soon and a customer might find her!
Another friend - (stupidly) using a big chefs knife to cut the middle out of a cauliflower in her hand - knife slipped - had to go to A&E with a knife sticking through her palm - cauliflower still attached!
Another restaurant - female chef - really proud of her very heavily sprayed straightened and styled hair (was naturally afro) - kept 'forgetting' to wear a hat cos it spoiled her hair .. .she couldn't get a gas oven to light - stuck her head inside to look - as ignited with a mini explosion setting her hairspray alight - quick thinking colleague picked her up and threw her - head first into a sink of really dirty washing up water! (She was fine, just shocked, hair a bit singed ...and did start wearing her hat and using less hairspray!)

ParkerTheThief Fri 30-Aug-13 20:02:09

I crushed my nipple while using a garlic press.

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 20:08:35

Elaborate Parker... You can't make a statement like that with an explanation! hmm

grin Unlucky83

ParvatiTheWitch Fri 30-Aug-13 20:09:31

A student housemate turned over in bed and accidentally flopped his cock onto the hot radiator right next to the bed. He said it really burnt his bell end.

I also love the story from one of my friends who used to go to school with a famous rugby player. They were in the pool having a swimming lesson, when said friend kicked out in the breast stroke style, scratching the vicitm's penis with his jagged big toenail. Even now, I laugh a bit when I hear his name.

MakeGlutenFreeHay Fri 30-Aug-13 20:12:55

I've had to stop reading half way through as I am crying with laughter and disturbing dd who is supposed to be going to sleep....

Mine is from 6th form, at a school very close to a uni's student bar. A few of us had nipped out for a couple one lunchtime, and come back slightly wobbly to an indoor PE lesson that involved all the traditional apparatus. I was concentrating so hard on balancing across the waist-high beam that the teacher's whistle made me jump and I slipped off - one foot either side. I hit the beam before hitting the floor..... As I rolled off I remember squeaking that I was ok, but my fanjo looked like a baboon's bum for days. I still shudder to remember!

Can I share one of someone else's? An acquaintance at uni was getting the nets down after a football game and rather than do the traditional thing of sitting on someone's shoulders to unhook the crossbar bits he climbed the side posts. And slipped. He was facing the hooks, which ripped his scrotum top to bottom.....even us girls felt his pain! He was wearing paper pants for weeks - and seemed rather proud of it all! Weirdo.

MakeGlutenFreeHay Fri 30-Aug-13 20:23:30

Oh yes, and a cricket colleague of my grandfathers' got hit a bit hard on the box, which split and snapped back together trapping a bit of sack..... They are tough plastic, and it took a lot of alcohol and the combined might of the team to remove it....apparently. Truly ouch.

tb Fri 30-Aug-13 20:24:55

Not me, but dh. He was playing 'horsey' with dd in the garden on the grass. He was on all fours, barefoot, and his feet were almost on tiptoes.

DD slid off his back, and landed on his feel forcing his toes to bend a lot more - the skin tore. He had great fun explaining to a+e that he'd been playing 'horsey'......for some genuinely weird reason they seemed sceptical.

It was how he did it - not some leaping off the top of the wardrobe type of injury.

dubstarr73 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:26:29

Im in tears here from laughing...keep going.

mrsmindcontrol Fri 30-Aug-13 20:31:03

I was recently putting the tent up & was at the stage where you clip the fabric onto the tent poles using those spring shut clamp type things. As I snapped one closed, I realised I had a wedge of bingo wing trapped inside. Ouch.

A few Xmas' ago, I was fairly pregnant and was sorting through tree decorations sat on living room floor. Rather than hauling my huge pregnant self up to retrieve decorations from around the room, I was scooting about on my bum. I managed to get a very pointy and VERY sharp decoration caught in my actual bum hole as I scooted across the floor. The motion caused a proper tear. That really fucking hurt.

AlpacaPicnic Fri 30-Aug-13 20:45:31

Ooh, Parvati... Does the rugby players name rhyme with Bill Darling?

I really hope so! I want another reason to giggle at him smile

ParvatiTheWitch Fri 30-Aug-13 20:50:48

No, sorry Alpaca.

AlpacaPicnic Fri 30-Aug-13 20:55:48


Any clues? Any teeny weeny clues?

:: bribes with cakes and wine::

MadeOfStarDust Fri 30-Aug-13 20:56:06

in Y7 at school ran to keep up with friends going to PE in the tennis courts and managed to run into a cable keeping the net taught - right in my mouth - I had an ear to ear smile like the joker in batman for weeks.

2 years ago I managed to fall down the stairs onto my right buttock - it was badly bruised and the muscle shifted upwards so I had one pert purple buttock and one saggy insipid one - still lopsided now!!!

Junebugjr Fri 30-Aug-13 20:58:58

Fell asleep while completely pissed with my bum up against a boiling hot radiator. Woke up the the smell of my behind literally cooking. I still feel the shame when I remember the resulting GP visit, and having to explain away the obvious stripey radiator marks all over my arse.

Broodzilla Fri 30-Aug-13 21:13:28

We were stuck in traffic due to roadworks in the city centre. I got fed up, as we were late. Decided to let DH finish the journey an find parking, got out, shouted instructions at him and started running... Found myself flat on the floor.

I'd somehow missed a gigantic, bright orange warning cone, run straight into it and tripped over, cutting my knee open and slashing my trousers. DH couldn't stop laughing... To this day, I don't know how I didn't see the cone.

Also, once, slightly drunk, I was lighting a cigarette with a match. Just as I struck the match, I noticed the box said "sulphur free"... I of course chose that moment to wonder what they smell of (you know, as the "match smell" is sulphur...) and before I could finish the thought, I'd sniffed the match. Which was burning. Wooooosh, said my nosehair... shock

BikeRunSki Fri 30-Aug-13 21:45:28

When DS was 9 weeks old I accidentally drank a glass of Milton fluid. NHS Direct sent me to A&E. A&E quickly established that I hadn' t poisoned myself. It then took me 2 hrs to convince thrm I didn' t have PND. I am very pleased that this kind of red flag alert system was triggered, but they really were not accepting that I am just an absent minded Muppet.

mazzi2fly Fri 30-Aug-13 21:51:07

When I was young, one evening I was bored so started a foot fight with my sister who was sitting in the armchair just opposite the sofa I was sitting on. What I failed to notice was, her bag of knitting next to it....

Yes, I impaled my foot with a knitting needle. I can still remember hobbling through to the bathroom to pull it out through my sock. It hurt for days. Oh, and the knitting needle was useless after that, buckled and bent.

CharityFunDay Fri 30-Aug-13 22:00:15

I went base over apex on a zebra crossing outside the Arnedale Centre in Wandsworth, because I trod on a banana skin. An entire queue of traffic was watching as I sped across the road on one leg, hit the metal pedestrian barrier, bounced off and landed on my arse. I could hear the laughter as I limped away. Then I had to go to A&E because I could barely walk and had to be laughed at by medics when I told them what had happened.

Chibbs Fri 30-Aug-13 22:12:34

I skidded naked through a steam room full of people and hit the wall on the other side. lying on my arse in the middle of the floor - no one knew where to touch to help me up!

Gratuitous Fri 30-Aug-13 22:27:41

I nettled my arse and my anus in front of a lovely and very cool man who usually dated cool types.

mouldyironingboard Fri 30-Aug-13 22:37:19

Many years ago my DF was pretending to be a Dr Who dalek to amuse my DB (aged 3 at the time). Unfortunately he got a sink plunger stuck to the middle of his forehead and had a perfect round purple bruise there for several weeks.

acsec Fri 30-Aug-13 22:57:45

I have sliced my hand with a bread knife tonight, slicing a ciabatta roll in half. DH and DSS laughed as I held my hand above my head to stop the blood.

I don't use applicator tampons anymore, as on more than 1 occasion I have caught a fanjo flap between the 2 tubes as I've been inserting, resulting in a very painful tube/flap/tube scenario!

CointreauVersial Fri 30-Aug-13 23:32:27

Ha, Mouldy, that reminds me of a colleague of mine who came into work one Monday with a round, purple bruise on his forehead and half his hair missing.

Apparently, if you apply a glass of flaming sambuca to your person, it creates a vacuum. And sets fire to your hair if you spill a bit.

GinGuzzler Fri 30-Aug-13 23:54:46

This thread has to go to classics. It has had me doubled up laughing. Please please please let it go to classics!!

cumfy Sat 31-Aug-13 01:05:41

Still waiting for the "ankle story" from last month.wink

I think I have posted previously about the almighty shock I got from a bottle of mustard. Proper sparks!

In Orlando, I went down a slide at a water park with such force, my bathing suit went right up my bum. My bum actually bled from the force of it.

A couple of days ago, at a family party, an uncle who I haven't seen in ages hugged me with such enthusiasm that he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I now have a giant bump on my nose. And have to be a bridesmaid in a couple of weeks. The photos will be lovely!

DaleyBump Sat 31-Aug-13 02:42:39

My dad superglued both his hands to the toilet seat an hour before his wedding grin

Secretswitch Sat 31-Aug-13 03:14:29

I have had a prosthetic leg for most of my life. It is simply a part of me. I do take it off to sleep at night. Last month I needed to use the loo in the middle of the night. I got out of bed and started off for the bathroom at a brisk clip. Sadly, I had forgotten to put my leg on. Not only did I fall to the floor but I wee'd in my pants too..
When I was a school girl, my mum had to ring up my headmistress to let her know I had broken my toe when I dropped my leg on it.

Mogz Sat 31-Aug-13 03:49:29

Haha @ Secretswitch, prosthetics are always good for a funny story.
My mate has a glass eye, he loves to freak people out by removing it and leaving it places. Once at a gig he dropped it into a new friend's almost empty drink, friend didn't notice and took a BIG swig to finish it off, nothing, then he started choking! We had to get one of the bouncers to heimlich him. Glass eye'd friend was slightly too happy about how much fuss his prank had caused.

dH severely broke his ankle, needing surgery and pins and may need another due to constant pain, while playing football with our 3yo. Look at me son! Slide tackle into the ball, crack, cry.

BikeRunSki Sat 31-Aug-13 07:22:55

I was asked to leave Kew Gardens once when I said a very rude word, because I'd swallowed a bee or wasp that had flown into my drink. I am allergic to bees.

BikeRunSki Sat 31-Aug-13 07:26:01

And I knocked myself out in a soft play centre, chasing after my 4 yo. Hofizontal cross bar, right height for preschoolers to get under, not 5'8" adults.

HandOfTheKing Sat 31-Aug-13 07:56:27

Not me but BIL - spent most of his adult life racing cars in various forms and survived loads of crashes with minimal injuries. Tripped over a spanner in his garage and broke his leg in several places resulting in numerous weeks in hospital and lots of pins.

BooMeowson Sat 31-Aug-13 08:46:51

My husband can't remember how old he was but he was young enough to bathe on his own with the door open.

He's lying in the bath when a cat launches itself into the bath, realises there's water and starts to scramble on his crotch before it screeches out of there.

His Mother was retelling the story to some friends she knows recently and casually asked me "Does he still have the scar on his willy?" shock

and no

LikeCandy Sat 31-Aug-13 11:13:59

Sat on a coat hanger that I'd put on the bed and forgotten about- with the hooky bit poking up :,(

Taken most of the skin off my bottom lip whilst ripping tape with my teeth - done ths twice, eating / drinking is unbearable with a raw lip!

musicwithrocksinit Sat 31-Aug-13 11:44:38

I was climbing over an old fence that was lined with electric fencing. The bit I was standing on snapped and I went fanny first on to the fence to be bashed, scraped and zapped in the same unfortunate place. Even my hairy mare had some sympathy for me then

musicwithrocksinit Sat 31-Aug-13 11:46:41

HAIRY MARE?! Haughty mare! A Freudian slip grin

My daughter, when she was about 18 months old, accidentally poked me in the eye with her finger. I guess her nails must have been a bit long as it really hurt, although it wasn't until a few hours later when I woke up in extreme agony and begged DH to take me to the hospital. The doctor was sceptical until she looked at my eye; she said she could clearly see a great long gouge in my eye. Ick.

Was the most painful thing ever, way worse than childbirth. And explaining that it was a humble game of peekaboo and a childs fingernail that had caused it was just the icing on the cake.

fackinell Sat 31-Aug-13 16:28:29

OMG Secretswitch that totally reminded me about and elderly male patient with a prosthetic leg! He had a hand on his zimmer, other hand pulling the boys dept to the side and I had the leg.he shouted go at the same time as stumbling, let go of his manhood and got a ball stuck in his prosthesis!! Cue much running and screaming up the hallway (me) and the male senior almost passed out.

My risk assessment form was interesting that day!! grin

Secretswitch Sat 31-Aug-13 17:10:50

Really, prosthetics should carry their own warning labels on them!

mathanxiety Sat 31-Aug-13 17:48:07

I was sightseeing in a US city on a wet day just recently, carrying a cup of tea and going down a flight of steps near a popular sight. My right foot shot out from under me on a step and I crashed down on my left side. Got tea all over myself, got the seat of my shorts completely wet from the wet ground, and had to have DD1 come and rescue us (she lives there and had access to a car) - but DD2 and I had to walk quite a distance from where I had fallen to a spot where DD1 could get us with the car. SO embarrassing to walk along a busy street full of smartly dressed people looking as if I had wet my pants.

tulipflowers Sat 31-Aug-13 18:26:06

My DDis very accident prone, always walking into a lamp post or wheelie bins.
Though last winter when it was really icy, she got out if the car and suddenly she wasn't there, she was flat out on her back laughing. She tried to get up again, but fell over as her shoes had no grip at all, this was repeated about 8 times, it was just like the cartoons where their legs seem to run on the spot then they end up in the splits! She ended up crawling on all 4's to a non icy patch to stand!
I could not help her get up at all as was doubled over laughing so much. Good thing she can laugh at herself!

Chibbs Sat 31-Aug-13 21:45:00


absentmindeddooooodles Sat 31-Aug-13 21:57:00

Oooh have another couple.

This one was a friend while we were at school.
She had the biggest crush on a guy a xouple of years above, so seeing her chance to impress him she decided to start doing a stupid dance on one of the picnic tables in the playground. It was summer so she was weaeing a skirt. She staryed twirling around the umbrella pole and caught her skirt and knickers on the bit of metal where you wound the cord up. Got herswlf hooked on there. By this point we were all laughing so much that we could not possibly help her. She ended up teying to lift herself upwards to unhook her knickers butslipped and gave herself the biggesy cut all the way down jer bum cheek.
She had to be taken to the school nurse, skirt ripped etcpast the boy. She ended up with 12 stitches. She was 13. School was prpretty tough for her for the nezt few months bless her.

Ive just writtwn this on another thread but hey ho.
Went to a party in a quarry. ...v v deunk and went into the bushes on my own to have a wee. Pitch black, fell into a bloody huge hole and no-one found me for 2 hours sad came out witj scrayches all over my face and a broken rib. Worst bit was in my deunken state I was convinced there werw monsters in the hole coming to eat me.........
...... I dont drink much any more!

DaleyBump Sat 31-Aug-13 22:54:31

<Cries with laughter> how do you nominate a thread for classics? grin

utterlyashamedofmyself Sat 31-Aug-13 23:00:48

Oinkling I will forever remember the Octopus story , I was literally crying with laughter grin

Campari Sun 01-Sep-13 11:10:18

As a teenager I had a job in a fast food restaurant running food out the drive-through. Customer had ordered a milkshake, so I poured it out, but as I hurried over to the window I slipped on the floor, sending the cup through the air, and a whole pint of chocolate shake burst onto his car window!!!

Also, at the same job...we were all mucking about in the staff room, & for some reason I took it upon myself to show everyone how to do a Russian Cossack dance...I squatted, folded my arms & started kicking my legs out...my shoe shot off, hit a girl in the face, & I slipped back & broke my arse.

oinkling Sun 01-Sep-13 11:45:29

utterly People seem to find it so amusing that I'm thinking of writing a play based on the experience. It'll be audience participation and will consist of me in an octopus costume just rolling down a ramp at everyone who attends! wink

utterlyashamedofmyself Sun 01-Sep-13 11:54:10

Oinkling grin

Oblomov Sun 01-Sep-13 12:46:30

Had a moustache burn from eating pizza.
Fell yesterday, down some stone steps and have a black leg and a black eye.

BalloonSlayer Sun 01-Sep-13 14:22:26

Oinkling that play would go down a storm on the Edinburgh Fringe. You should do it.

HolidayArmadillo Sun 01-Sep-13 14:43:03

It was the weekend before I started university and was having a few drinks in the pub wit friends, we got a carry out and decided to adjourn drunkenly to another friends house. I swayed down the road with my bottle of wine clutched to me and at that point I decided now was the time to try and jump and click my heels together in a dick van dyke fashiony stylee. My feet got tangled up together and I fell theatrically to the ground, not wanting to sacrifice my wine I made the executive decision to allow my face to break the fall. I woke up the next morning with a black eye, grazed cheek and a bag of smiley faces in bed with me that I'd obviously used in a vain attempt to ice the swelling. Only one person at uni asked me how I got my black eye. They all just thought I was a mad bastard who got into fights...

oinkling Sun 01-Sep-13 17:15:38

Balloon Weirdly, that's where I was a couple of weeks ago. If only I'd have thought of it, I could be rich now.

I'm imagining the phone call to my mum, though. Mum, you remember that octopus costume you made me when I was a kid? Well, I need one that's six feet tall...

RandomEyes Sun 01-Sep-13 17:45:41

V important 2 day client conference meeting thing at work, had a few many mingling drinks in the evening not having had the chance to eat properly. Got cab home, all ok.

Flatmate heard me stumble in, then go back out after a couple of minutes leaving lights on etc. Flatmate got up after a while to see what was going on and found I'd got out for a stupid fag, tripped over my own feet blush been unable to break my fall due to my drunken state and had headbutted the pavement resulting in a broken nose, black eye, cuts and bruises. In my drunken (and maybe very embarrassed) state I refused to go to hospital and just went to bed/passed out.

Morning came too soon and obviously could not attend day 2 of the conference in that state - luckily boss was very understanding! Hardly left the house for 2 weeks while everything healed!

Note to self: Smoking can seriously damage your health! My nose has the scar to prove it!

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 01-Sep-13 17:51:46

An exploding jacket spud sprayed my face in molten potato and took all the skin off the bridge of my nose. My friends called me Mrs Potato Head for weeks.

Oh my, this thread has made me laugh for days now grin

DaleyBump Sun 01-Sep-13 20:38:20

Woohoo, classics!

I can add another one. Walking home last night, I tripped over nothing, absolutely nothing, and kind of skidded along the pavement on my knees and face. Now have a giant bruise on my left knee, all of the knuckles on my right hand are bruised, and very luckily I managed not to damage my face. God I hope that they all clear up before my sister's wedding next week!! Being a huge clutz is a terrible affliction!

I sat on a chair that was upside down... Had pulled it up to rest upon, it fell over, I sat. Had a very impressive looking bruisy scabs on each shoulder from the legs. Still have a scar.

ChubbyKitty Mon 02-Sep-13 12:45:30

I've just been making the cats a bed under my desk, and got up from sorting it all out. I avoided the desk as I'd planned, but forgot there's a heavy wood cd rack right where my head was meant to go.

With sharp corners too!

Bloody cats...

GinGuzzler Mon 02-Sep-13 12:49:01

Oinkling I think you should post a re-enactment on you tube. Charge people to subscribe and you will make a mint grin

BabsAndTheRu Mon 02-Sep-13 12:59:29

Oinkling read your story out to my DH and kids yesterday, they now want it as there bedtime story tonight. Have a feeling I may need to make an octopus outfit for Halloween, might need some advice from your mum, although will remember armholes.

oinkling Mon 02-Sep-13 18:37:30

You know, I think there might actually be a photo of me wearing the octopus thing. I looked a bit like one of those ghosts from PacMan. Will have to see if I can dig it out although the chances are not good. My parents have a whole room full of photos.

Oh, and I'd be officially very, very flattered if my octopus escapade becomes a bedtime story. smile

BabsAndTheRu Mon 02-Sep-13 20:12:01

Well oinking be flattered, read it earlier tonight for my boys who are now tucked up in bed after lots of giggles.

oinkling Mon 02-Sep-13 20:55:12

Aww, thank you. I really do love having a story that offends nobody and kids and adults find equally funny.

Some great stories on here, especially the oinking octopus grin

Anyway, I'm still accident prone into adulthood and have numerous scars and injuries. I'm actually now blind in my right eye and deaf in my right ear, which cause lots of confusion on a daily basis.

Another recent one was getting out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the loo whilst slightly oh okay, moderately inebriated. I stepped on a boot with a metal eyelet and managed to slice open the sole of my foot. I yelped but didn't realise how bad it was in the dark and carried on anyway.

I was woken in the morning by my ex screaming, there were bloody foot prints perfectly formed all the way to the toilet and back to the bed as if made by a one footed person. And the bed sheets looked like the scene from the Godfather involving the horse. Straight to A&E. shock

SummerRain Mon 02-Sep-13 21:34:30

Random... that story has just reminded me of another.

A group of us who worked in the same nightclub were out drinking before work hmm. One of the lads got paraletically drunk and seeing as he wasn't due at work that night we thought it best to send him home before we all went upstairs to start our shift so the boys walked him home and put him to bed, then came back to the pub. 20 minutes later we got a call to say he was in an ambulance on his way to hospital having fallen out a window, turned out he'd broken his back in 2 places shock.

When we finally got to see him a few days later and asked him how on earth he'd gone from unconscious in bed to unconscious on the ground 3 stories below in 20 minutes he told us he'd woken up with no idea how he'd gotten to bed, so he'd done what any 22 year old in that situation does and lit up a fag. He wasn't supposed to smoke in his room (rented house-share) so he'd stumbled over to the window to smoke, leaned too far out and fell, practically landing on someone walking on the footpath below who thankfully rang an ambulance... if he'd not been seen falling I don't think anyone would have called an ambulance as he was plastered and would have been assumed to be a passed out drunk on the ground (we lived in a student city so that wasn't exactly a rare sight)

So yes.... smoking can be very bad for your health!


But Twlbach, semi accidental threesome?! More info please!

Widget88 Tue 03-Sep-13 11:24:36

Not injury to myself, but the story still causes me to hysterically laugh/cry whenever I think about it:

My gparents were pottering in the garden and GD got it into his head that the felt on the shed roof desperately needed replacing (he's 73 and not in the best of health) cue GM telling him in no uncertain terms to forget about it and mow the lawn.
She pops into the front garden leaving him in the back, and OF COURSE he gets the ladder out, props it agains the shed and gets to work.

15 minutes later GM reappears with GD stuck in between the steps of the ladder - whilst at the top it had slipped, becoming wedged between a low wall and the shed door, and only being 5"4 and rather rotund, he was dangling 3 foot above the ground. GM starts hysterically trying to phone ambulance/fire brigade/ God before managing to get a chair under his feet a wiggle him out.

He was telling me the story whilst showing me the horrid scrapes all up his shins, and quite irritated that I couldn't breathe for laughing at him instead of being sympathetic!

oinking I can see a NC on the cards for you!

oinkling Tue 03-Sep-13 17:31:56

Buffy That one sent me hunting on the acronyms page. Alas, I was thwarted. You may have to enlighten me, or I'll go around all day thinking I've won North Carolina.

Hope not, by the way - I've got absolutely nowhere to put it.

DaleyBump Tue 03-Sep-13 17:37:25

NC = namechange wink

oinkling Tue 03-Sep-13 17:46:17

Daley Doh! I should have worked that out. Octopuses are supposed to be clever. Perhaps that doesn't extend to oinktopusus, though.

DaleyBump Tue 03-Sep-13 17:49:23

There's your namechange! Oinktopus!

That's the ticket!

oinktopus Tue 03-Sep-13 18:45:19

Weee! My first ever name change. This could become a regular thing. I'll be oinkweasel next week.

crazyhamsterbackatlast Tue 03-Sep-13 19:03:03

Took me a while to get the name change <doh>

Tis a fab name grin

DaleyBump Tue 03-Sep-13 19:16:14

Fantastic grin

BramblyHedge Tue 03-Sep-13 22:35:56

I split my lip open with a refresher bar.

I tried to pole vault over a pedestrian barrier on Mile End Rd and got my ankle stuck in the rail. My now DH had to untangle me.

oinktopus Tue 03-Sep-13 22:41:17

crazyhamster You have insane rodents. That's a better name than I've ever had.

Shelley33 Thu 05-Sep-13 21:10:23

I once walked into a revolving door, I was so busy checking out my reflection, I hadn't noticed it had stopped revolving, had a lovely bruise right in the middle of my forehead.

Work as a nanny, a couple of jobs back I was working on a farm, going up the lane to collect eldest charge from school with 3yr old and 2yr old in tow, I heard a bee buzzing in my hair, I flapped at it, and managed somehow to knock it down my top where it was now perched on my boob, I whipped my top off and flapped it wildly at the bee which shifted to my arm and promptly stung me. My 2 charges stood googled eyed at my weird half naked dancing, whilst I tried not to cry at the pain of the sting.

The best bit is, just slightly further down the lane was an elderly gentleman releasing his racing pigeons, his eyes were on stalks, I had a flesh coloured bra on, so looked like I wasn't wearing one, think he thought it was his lucky day...

spudthegoose Wed 09-Oct-13 00:47:21

I must of been around 2 or 3 at the time - for some reason (don't ask why) I'd decided to sit in a plastic mop bucket (the type with a bit on the end for the mop head to be drained) and when it to getting back out... I was stuck. My feet were wedged under the mop-head bit and I couldn't budge. It ended up in a trip to A&E for the bucket to be cut in half and myself extracted - never lived it down [Blush]

Moghedia Thu 10-Oct-13 12:45:44

Went to a theme park with school wearing jeans. Started a surprise period in the line for a ride, and had to walk all the way back to the end. By the time I was in the bathroom my pants were all stained with blood, which then dried and spent the whole day chafing my thighs smile

Cupcakeannie77 Sat 12-Oct-13 20:05:39

I worked in A&E, it was a week before Xmas and 3am. A mother walks her 17 year old son in who was clutching his crotch area. I was sat on triage and asked for details. He'd had one too many and after a trip to la'trine he'd pulled his zipper up a tad too fast and had full scrotal entrapment. Because he'd had so much alcohol we couldn't give him anaesthesia so with a swift yank and a LOT of gauze three of us managed to release him. We sent him on his way with a prescription for paracetamol and instructions to only buy buttoned trousers!

Theunincredibles Sat 12-Oct-13 20:18:54

Fell asleep naked for a few hours on a balcony in Tenerife when I was a teen, woke up with a hideously burnt backside and couldn't sit properly for weeks. The flight back was agony.

On my first date with my now husband we went for a meal, I had lasagne and the dish was very hot! I loaded my fork and somehow managed to burn my wrist on the dish, I screamed and flung the loaded fork across the restaurant. We left very very quickly and DH likes nothing better than to tell people of out first date.

FTRscreamingInTerror Sun 20-Oct-13 10:30:19

Broke little finger trying to catch then 2yr old DS as he flung himself at me from the sofa, the pain gave me such a shock I dropped him blush oops
Since it was the 22nd of December it made wrapping the rest of the gifts tricky with 2 fingers strapped together hmm

Fionar71 Sun 20-Oct-13 14:52:15

I went to DNiece's christening (I'm one of her godparents) parked the car and went to restaurant for the party; shortly afterwards realised I'd left her gift and card in the car (not on display) and went to get them.

Caught my foot in an advert that was on the ground (stupid place to put plastic adverts but who knows where they got their wisdom from), fell and, as I landed, caught one arm on an Armco barrier that's there to stop the cars rolling down the ramp and into the lift shaft. Cue cut at top of arm/armpit that bled quite a bit. Grazed knees and sore other arm

Back to party and, after some first aid, pain relief and alcohol sort of enjoyed myself while ignoring the ache in my other arm. Time to leave and went to move arm but found I couldn't rotate my wrist. Taken to hospital by DM & DF (the hospital I worked in at the time) and had to explain what I'd done.

Firstly told by new junior Dr that it was just a sprain and nothing to worry about but had to wait for senior Dr to come and authorise my discharge. Senior Dr returned and Junior Dr told him of her decision, he looked at the X-ray to confirm no injury then asked her if she knew what a red dot on an X-ray meant - she said "yes, a fracture". He pointed to the words on the X-ray - I'd fractured my radius bone right up by my elbow joint.

When allowed to leave A&E I had to walk up to the ward I worked on and explain I wouldn't be in for the foreseeable future because of injury - ended up being off work for 9 weeks!!


bunglecat77 Sun 20-Oct-13 18:52:07

Some real corkers here - I'm shaking with laughter while trying to BF DS... Thought I'd share one of mine.

At uni, after an orchestra rehearsal I was supposed to be putting the chairs away. But being students, my friend and I were having one of those random discussions about childhood games. Leapfrog, to be precise. She dared me to leapfrog along the remaining row of chairs. And being a show off, I gave it a go - in time to music, seeing as someone was practising the piano in the room at the time.

It might have been OK, except that the music was quite fast, I built up a bit more momentum than I'd anticipated, and the last chair was a bit too close to the concrete wall that separated the practice room from the corridor...

I flew into the wall face first and slid down it, landing in a giggling (if somewhat winded) heap on the floor. Fifteen years later, my friend still cries with laughter whenever she remembers it.

Walking two greyhounds at a rescue kennel. Dog one pulled to the left, dog two pulled to the right, both my feet left the ground and I ended up flat on my face between them! Quickly picked myself up and thought I'd got away with it until the lady who ran the kennel shouted the length of the yard "are you ok Kittens?!" blush

vole3 Mon 27-Jan-14 07:08:39

Only just found this and have spent the last half hour crying.

Two stories to add - bunking off general studies went to Sainsburys with my friend. She didn't notice that the automatic door hadn't opened, walked straight into it and knocked herself out.
Second is a cautionary tale about button flies - got the call to take a uni hall of residences friend and her boyfriend up to A&E as he had drunkenly buttoned himself up through the foreskin. She had to sit in the backseat of the car applying pressure to the wound to stop the bleeding.

JumpingJackSprat Mon 27-Jan-14 21:13:13

I used to work in a pet shop and I was cleaning out the hamsters when I got bitten by a Roborovski hamster- which are very small, fast, bad tempered little things. He bit me through my thumbnail and wouldn't let go. He was literally just dangling off my thumb. When I managed to get it off the little bugger dropped a foot or two onto the table and legged it completely unhurt while my thumb with puncture wounds on both sides started pouring blood. I had to catch it in a room full of animal cages. Took me about an hour if I recall. Couldn't admit to my colleagues what had bit me so I told them it was the unhandled african grey instead of the smallest animal in the place.

JumpingJackSprat Mon 27-Jan-14 21:17:03

I used to work in a pet shop and I was cleaning out the hamsters when I got bitten by a Roborovski hamster- which are very small, fast, bad tempered little things. He bit me through my thumbnail and wouldn't let go. He was literally just dangling off my thumb. When I managed to get it off the little bugger dropped a foot or two onto the table and legged it completely unhurt while my thumb with puncture wounds on both sides started pouring blood. I had to catch it in a room full of animal cages. Took me about an hour if I recall. Couldn't admit to my colleagues what had bit me so I told them it was the unhandled african grey instead of the smallest animal in the place.

TiredyMcTired Mon 10-Feb-14 21:44:39

I broke my leg after running away from a clown in a circus who was trying to get me with a giant ticking stick. I ran up the stairs and as I turned to get into the seating I slipped and fell about 8 feet through the gap under the seats. I couldn't move so the circus people had to manhandle a hole in the side of the big top for the ambulance people to get me out.

PricillaQueenOfTheDessert Tue 11-Feb-14 00:09:32

Years ago an ex-colleague spent ages trying to get me to leave my job to work for her company. Eventually I agreed when they offered me a fantastic package because she'd bigged me up so much.
The weekend before I was due to start, my roomie from uni came to visit. We got absolutely wasted and went back to a house party, where I stupidly started a water fight. On wood laminate flooring, I slipped, smacked my head on the ground and knocked myself out. When I came round, I had chipped my front teeth, broken my arm and had a perfectly formed purple black eye around my entire eye socket.
I can still picture the look on my new colleague's faces when I turned up for work on the Monday morning - this much-anticipated, uber multi-skilled professional with a comedy black eye and arm in a sling.

Elfers Tue 11-Feb-14 10:23:45

On a chilly visit to the parents (aged about 28), it snowed and the hill they lived on was like a sheet of ice, so my sister and I decided to relive our childhood sledging fun....however I had forgotten the delicate art of steering and was heading for the thick hedge at the verge. Instead of just rolling off, I put my arm out to save me and cracked my elbow on the frozen road so hard a massive lump and bruise covered my entire arm. The funny part is my ruddy sister laughed so hard she actually wet herself, and her uncomfortable comedy walk back up the hill to the house was quite something.... Same sister is also responsible for throwing a bar of soap at me in temper just as we were leaving to go on holiday, resulting in a massive fat lip - bless her.

HRHwheezing Tue 11-Feb-14 18:46:06

In my student days I was staying in digs and the blokes down stairs were partital to playing 24 hours from Tulsa very loudly.

In jest, although later I didn't see the funny side. I used a broom to bang hard on the floor below.

My fatal mistake was I was not wearing any shoes and the broom met my toes with such a force as to break them.

Gene Pitney has never been the same.

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