10 year old ds just been asking about sex toys and what they are made of

(67 Posts)
HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 16:21:22

Having established he found out about them on the Internet I made a mental note to check parental controls I stammered my way through a child friendly explanation, whilst his horror visibly increased, as did my own trauma.

He then asked about the duck ones his father had brought home a while ago.

Turns out he was thinking about Stress toys.

We have agreed to Brain bleach and never speak of this again.

I wish I still drank.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Tue 06-Aug-13 16:22:49

Sorry but grin

You have just created a family legend which will be retold for generations....

MrsPresley Tue 06-Aug-13 16:24:31

I don't know whether to be shock or grin, so I'll just go with grin grin grin

bittenipples Tue 06-Aug-13 16:24:51

That's so funny! grin


ClangerOnaComeDown Tue 06-Aug-13 16:25:13

I just got in trouble at DS' s Kung Fu for laughing so loud! grin

You will never live that down!

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 16:26:59

I've said we can discuss it again when he's 17, hopefully he won't want too.


It was awful.

I thought I was a liberal approachable parent. Turns out I have my limits.

Daysies Tue 06-Aug-13 16:28:00

Ah I was having a rough day til now, thanks so much for the laugh!

Honey - it's a good job you didn't take him straight to the Love Honey website, where video demos ("The Hands") manipulate various marital accessories, to demonstrate their pliability and feel.

His face would have been shock for the next three days.

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 16:34:15

Time for a hearing aide?


Oh HoneyDragon. I have a 10yo DS. I can't even imagine....


HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 16:39:08

Tee. I didn't mis hear. I clarified he meant sex.

He gets words confused.

When he complained about his tentacles hunting instead of testicles that was cute.

Confusing sex toy with stress toy. Well, that's just the conversation to make you beat yourself to death with your own leg.

flamingtoaster Tue 06-Aug-13 16:39:45

Thank you for a great laugh! I'm sure he'll mention this in his Wedding speech!


CoffeeOne Tue 06-Aug-13 17:05:06

I have to know, what was your child friendly explanation?!

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:07:05

It started with When two people love each other. I may have mentioned tickling. Mostly I burbled a lot about him being 10 for FFS.

CoffeeOne Tue 06-Aug-13 17:12:54

haha poor you OP! I hope he forgets about it quickly smile

Mrsrobertduvall Tue 06-Aug-13 17:16:34

That's great.
Who was most embarrassed?

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:18:45

I was the most embarrassed

Ds was the most horrified

HerculePoirotsTache Tue 06-Aug-13 17:20:50

grin grin grin


HurricaneWyn Tue 06-Aug-13 17:25:46

You know that thread at the moment about jaw dropping things people say?

Your DS will be on it in a few years time talking about the time that he asked his mum about stress relievers & she started talking about dildos grin grin grin

That's hilarious though

absentmindeddooooodles Tue 06-Aug-13 17:27:18

Pahahahahahahahahaha. Just great. Poor you!

ImperialBlether Tue 06-Aug-13 17:30:27

Wasn't that the excuse for vibrators in Victorian times?

Your poor DS!

Mrsrobertduvall Tue 06-Aug-13 17:30:52

We need the full transcript so we will know what to say when our children ask about sex toys.n[ grin]

IneedAyoniNickname Tue 06-Aug-13 17:31:48


HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:32:59

Thank you all. Your sympathy for my predicament has me quite overwhelmed you shower of bastards grin

ineedtogetoutmore Tue 06-Aug-13 17:33:06

hahahahahaha wins funniest thread of the week award...

poor you and your ds

Eyesunderarock Tue 06-Aug-13 17:33:13

grin grin grin grin grin

I cannot tell my several tales of this happening to me in the course of parenting my DD and DS who are now both adults. Not helped by them having a father who doesn't do any sot of discussion involving personal bits and emotions.
Sufficient to say, if he tells you he's wet the bed when he's 13, check he's not meaning that he fell asleep with a drink before launching into 'Wet Dreams 101.'

IslaValargeone Tue 06-Aug-13 17:37:28

grin grin Oh dear, that made me laugh so much.

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:38:57

EyesInderARock grin

Did he forgive you?

noddyholder Tue 06-Aug-13 17:39:41

One of the boys at ds birthday party when he was about 10 told all the other boys about X mums shaking willy that they found at another birthday party they had been to the week before and asked if I had one they could play with

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 06-Aug-13 17:41:11

You mentioned Tickling!shock Please tell me what you said Honey. Please. grin grin grin

Eyesunderarock Tue 06-Aug-13 17:41:16

He's an Aspie, there is no forgive. grin
Merely irrelevant and unwanted knowledge being forced on him by an open 'You can tell me anything darling' mother. blush

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:43:07

Bloody Hell Noddy. That would have me leaving the country.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 17:45:05

I have to clear the history on the computer practically every time I go on mumsnet these days. Especially during Wimbledon hmm.

Which is a bit of a pain and I give out to the kids for clearing it. I say it's because I want to be able to access sites again, but it's really so I can see what they are up to. Obviously they are far more computer savvy than I am, so I'm giving up.

Fluffycloudland77 Tue 06-Aug-13 17:45:33

Did he think to ask you how you know what a sex toy is?

SevenReasonsToSmile Tue 06-Aug-13 17:47:10

Thanks OP, I've had a stressful few weeks, I haven't laughed so much in ages

Mrsrobertduvall Tue 06-Aug-13 17:48:36

Did you produce one * noddy* for a particular interesting party game?

Pass the prick anyone?

Eyesunderarock Tue 06-Aug-13 17:52:27

I think it's the way that it slowly dawns on you that you've really not understood, and they are staring at you....and you just can't stop.
You bumble your way haphazardly to the end of the monologue and then there is silence whilst they are still staring at you.
And in your head there is a little voice going ohfuckohfuckohfuck.

noddyholder Tue 06-Aug-13 17:53:16

grin No! interestingly the woman in question was always the most straight laced and reserved in the playground! I never told her poor thing.

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:55:00


That post sums it up so perfectly

cocolepew Tue 06-Aug-13 17:58:11

grin love it!

Osmiornica Tue 06-Aug-13 18:07:14

I'm assuming you meant hurting not hunting. Testicle hunting would be most strange.

Osmiornica Tue 06-Aug-13 18:07:33

Missed out this grin

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 18:20:16

Yes, his "tentacles" were hurting.

Although testicle hunting conjures up some bizarre Elmer Fudd images

ClaraOswald Tue 06-Aug-13 18:21:46

If it had to be anyone, I am so glad it was you.


HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 20:24:41

Why thank you thanks <genuinely touched>

ClaraOswald Tue 06-Aug-13 20:27:08

Touched in the head?wink

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 20:30:49


Wiifitmama Tue 06-Aug-13 20:33:33

Just read this out to dh and after we had both recovered from our fits of laughter, he did say that asking the question "And what makes you ask that?" should always precede any lengthy explanations about sex or bodily functions smile

IamtheZombie Tue 06-Aug-13 20:36:48

Honey, perhaps the next time DS asks an awkward question you should tell him to ask his Auntie Zombie. That should at least buy you a bit of thinking time. grin

GigiDarcy Tue 06-Aug-13 20:36:59

I teach 10 year olds and have to teach sex ed. been asked such questions as 'what is a dildo' and 'how can 2 ladies have sex.' Got asked last year what a condom was, carefully explained, child walking past chimes in 'oh, my mum uses those.' I had to see her for a residential meeting the following week.

School uses a truly hideous video to explain how babies are made, involves naked cartoons chasing each other with feathers. I could send you a copy for DS if you like?! grin

Oldraver Tue 06-Aug-13 20:59:48

Oh for a moment I thought you were going to say he had found one.

Oh no DS was not jumping around the bedroom waving a jelly 'wiggly worm'

ChippingInHopHopHop Tue 06-Aug-13 21:08:07

Oh honeydragon I do love you.

I'm so grateful for a good pelvic floor!!

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 21:16:13


He actually has a question for his
Aunty Zombie. He wants to know what you do if Zombies invade your house? Do you

Blend in?

Ds loves Mumsnet since he found out it had a resident zombie smile

I don't often literally laugh out loud at things I read, but this has tears rolling down my cheeks. hah grin

Thumbwitch Sat 31-Aug-13 17:42:50

Ahhh Honey, another classic! I do love your threads. But I wish you wouldn't keep putting them in chat... can you get it moved, pleaseandthanks? grinthanks

HoneyDragon Sat 31-Aug-13 17:43:42


In chat the evidence is destroyed.

Thumbwitch Sat 31-Aug-13 17:57:34

<saves thread>

grin DS asked me about 'erections' recently. He's young and I was a bit hmm but hey, it's my duty, right? He'd got muddled up (he's developmentally delayed) and was talking about his Lego tower because he'd heard something about erecting something or other on TV. It was the end moment when I saw him gaping and staring, like it was a whole new hell, and then kind of feeling it filter through. He now runs away if I start explaining something blush

HoneyDragon Sat 31-Aug-13 19:46:57

It's awful isn't it. You can see the trapped look in their eyes but your mouth can't stop .

It's like they want to escape. But they can't. So they have to stay and your mouth blabbers on and you want the ground to swallow you up. And then you finish and there's silence as it sinks in what just happened.

Ooh, classics!

Thumbwitch Sun 01-Sep-13 01:50:41

YAY!! gringringrin

(Sorry honey wink)

Solo Sun 01-Sep-13 02:06:31

<Hysterical giggling here!!!> grin

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 01-Sep-13 17:35:02


grin DS asked me about 'erections' recently. He's young and I was a bit hmm but hey, it's my duty, right? He'd got muddled up (he's developmentally delayed) and was talking about his Lego tower because he'd heard something about erecting something or other on TV. It was the end moment when I saw him gaping and staring, like it was a whole new hell, and then kind of feeling it filter through. He now runs away if I start explaining something blush

I have just literally LOLLed like a cackling barmaid at this post and my 5 y/o DS called from the other room "what's so funny, Mummy?"
grinblush Nothing darling.

Solo Mon 02-Sep-13 11:00:18

Slightly different, but Dd (5.8) asked what a funeral director was. I was driving at the time, my Mum beside me, and Ds (15yo) sitting with Dd in the back (of course!)...Ok, how to explain it 5yo style.
"It's someone that looks after you when you die" says me. Now, it was dark and I couldn't see Dd's face, so not sure what that was doing, but Ds suddenly says to her "No! not Jesus!!!" hmm we all cracked up, but you might have had to be there! grin

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