Tell me about the worst dinner party you've ever been to

(210 Posts)
IwishIwishIwish Sat 27-Jul-13 11:57:41

We had friends to dinner last night and despite feeling ill I did my best to do a good meal because my mum brought me up to always treat guests well however hard things may be otherwise.

It set me thinking about meals I've been invited to and then I remembered the horribly embarrassing meal we were invited to at a work colleagues of DP last year. I didn't really know them but we went along. On arrival we were served with a glass of ribena. Unusual I think to myself but I quite like ribena (dp hates it). We stood about politely drinking ribena then were told dinner was ready. In each place was a plate with a piece of toast (most of it cold) and in the middle a packet of tesco value pate not even opened and one knife. The 12 of us carefully shared it out. Hostess then produced an apple each cut into quarters with a slither of cheese followed up by a cup of tea or coffee and that was dinner (served with more ribena).

Maybe I'm just a horrible person but it has to be the worst dinner party I've ever been to! Socialising with friends was lovely but surely a dinner party is as much about the food as the socialising?

DP and I had brought a bottle of wine as had all the other invited couples but all of those were squirreled away by host and not seen again. I don't think they were short on money by the way though you can't always tell by looking so they may have been trying to make the best of a bad situation

So you got the starter and the cheese course but they just forgot about the main & dessert grin

How bizarre!

I've just read it again. It is even more bizarre second time around!

It is like a "pretend" tea party that children will have with their teddies.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 12:11:42

Wouldn't you love to hear the conversation the couple had before presenting you with that meal?

"What shall we cook?"

"Cook? Why cook when there's an apple in the fruit bowl?"

IwishIwishIwish Sat 27-Jul-13 12:12:10

It was exactly like that. Hostess kept saying she wasn't a very good cook so she'd just done her best - she said it so many times it became embarrassing. Oh forgot to add welcome glass of ribena was issued with a choice of a packet of cheese wotsits or prawn cocktail crisps.

Not a pom bear in sight shock

If they couldn't be bothered cooking - why not just pop open the pringles?

susiedaisy Sat 27-Jul-13 12:13:46

Wow op that's the worst dinner party I've heard of in a long while and I haven't got anything of my own to add to this thread, what did the other guests say??

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 12:14:16

I wonder what would have happened if one of the guests asked whether they could crack open the bottle of wine they'd brought?

"Just doing your best" could mean buying in takeaway food or ready meals or anything - but cheese and apple for dinner seems strange!

SpiderCharlotte Sat 27-Jul-13 12:14:46

When our hosts cooked our meal when we were there by browning some mince and mixing in a tin of macaroni cheese. Then they had an almighty row and she threw a cup at him and marched upstairs while DH and I turned inside out with embarrassment.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 12:15:05

I wonder whether they found a huge lasagne in the oven the next morning and thought "Shit, we forgot to give them their dinner!"

susiedaisy Sat 27-Jul-13 12:15:34

Even if she can't cook she could of got some fresh bread and more pâté from the supermarket with some nice ice creams and cheese and biscuits!!

IwishIwishIwish Sat 27-Jul-13 12:15:52

Suzie nobody said anything to them. We just graciously thanked her for a lovely evening then most of us went to the pub for a meal and discussed their cooking skills

Imperial grin

susiedaisy Sat 27-Jul-13 12:16:33


AlicesNextDoorNeighbour Sat 27-Jul-13 12:17:24

Haha that is beyond weird. If you cant cook, then don't invite people for a meal!!

I did forget to serve dessert once but it was New Year's Eve (tipsy) and everybody wanted a break after the main course.

People started leaving about 2.00am when I suddenly remembered dessert and rushed around serving it.

IwishIwishIwish Sat 27-Jul-13 12:18:25

We wondered that too Imperial. One woman said that she thought she'd smelt something cooking when they first arrived but it was agreed that it must have been wishful thinking. Perhaps it wasn't!

That's it! Whatever she was cooking was a disaster so they decided not to serve it and tried to brave it out.

Poor woman. I feel sorry for her now.

Nancy66 Sat 27-Jul-13 12:20:52

once had very awkward evening with a couple whose marriage was breaking up.

So lots of

'Sorry, we're out of wine. If somebody had gone out and got some like he was told instead of looking at porn on his computer we wouldn't be in this position'


'Well if a certain person got off her own arse a little more rather than expecting everyone to wait on her then perhaps her arse wouldn't currently be the size of a bungalow.'

etc etc...

IwishIwishIwish Sat 27-Jul-13 12:21:03

spidercharlotte that sounds horrendous! I hate it when couples row in front of us and thankfully its not happened very often and they're usually close friends

MrsGeologist Sat 27-Jul-13 12:22:11

The worst was staying with friends and their children (teens, so should have known better) spent a good portion if the meal slagging off their GPs because they were Northern. Calling them stupid and saying it must be the northern air and that they spoke funny etc.

We are Northern and their GPs were lovely people. More annoying was that the parents just let them carry on. Mine would have been sent to bed not only for insulting their GPs, but insulting the guests as well.

MrsGeologist Sat 27-Jul-13 12:23:29

If I cooked something shit, I'd own up to it and say, right shall we just get pissed instead?

I would MrsG, or ring for takeaway.

KoalaFace Sat 27-Jul-13 12:28:04

Hahaha! Genius!

I like to imagine that they burnt the beef and their chocolate mousse didn't set so they just through together some pate, apple and cheese.

When you all left they probably started high fiving and saying "well...we covered that well!"

cuillereasoupe Sat 27-Jul-13 12:28:53

I went to one with my ex years ago with an old school friend of his. The only thing I knew about this guy was what ex had told me, which was that he'd got his GF pregnant when she was 15 and then pressured her into an abortion, which didn't exactly make me warm to him. He and his wife and their other mate proceeded to completely ignore me all night. Very weird.

NatashaBee Sat 27-Jul-13 12:30:25

Exactly MrsGeologist. Or even not bothering to cook in the first place if you're crap at it, and just inviting people over for takeaway.

Cooking disaster doesn't explain the hiding of wine and serving ribena though.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 12:35:06

Did she call it Ribena or was she trying to pass it off as red wine? Was it served in wine glasses?

BonaDrag Sat 27-Jul-13 12:35:15

Hostess got progressively more pissed, threw a glass at me (missed) and said I was a whore. Turns out her husband fancied me and was not shy in telling her as much. Thankfully for all concerned I am uninterested in other women's husbands. Especially this one, who looked like an egg.

KoalaFace Sat 27-Jul-13 12:35:29

True Baroness maybe it was a scheme to collect wine to serve at their real dinner party the following evening!

ErrorError Sat 27-Jul-13 12:58:13

I went to a dinner party with friends and it was to be an array of vegetarian food, as one of the hosts was veggie and wanted to show that not all veggie food was boring. One of the guests had brought her mother who was visiting from Germany. This poor woman didn't realise the theme of the evening and had dared to bring a German sausage to the party as a gift, and the veggie woman gave daggers to anyone who tried to sample it. It was a bit awkward but luckily the host didn't say anything, though afterwards she got upset that her idea had been ruined.

I have been to a family dinner party where 3 of the guests sat waiting in their car outside, sent one of them in to say "sorry, we can't actually stay for dinner" and then drove off. No idea why and no explanation until months later, one of the absentee guests confessed that her dad had seen someone outside who he'd had a falling out with, got worked up about it and decided not to come in the house as he might create an 'atmosphere'. Not worst the dinner party ever, just extremely odd!

chipmonkey Sat 27-Jul-13 13:08:21

They sound like the Pom Bear people!

PasswordProtected Sat 27-Jul-13 13:18:44

An old friend of mine gave a dinner party to bid farewell to his neighbours, who were moving away. The main course was Coronation Chicken, but unfortunately my friend had forgotten to check that he had enough "good" oil to make the mayonnaise. He didn't. It was a Sunday evening, but back in the days when shops were not open 24/7, so he used fat from the chip pan - even thinking about it now makes my stomach turn.
To be fair he did warn me, so I had a very small helping, which I didn't eat. His other guests wolfed it down & had seconds!
The sad thing was that I had already tasted his version of the dish made properly & it was absolutely delicious.

BlahBlahBlahhh Sat 27-Jul-13 13:30:01

My fave has to be the one where one of the couples turned up....wife staggered in grabbing the banister to steady herself, thrust a bottle of non alcoholic wine into my hand as 'she doesn't drink' and then collapsed on the sofa to sleep off the pre 'going out drinks' (non alcoholic of course) she had consumed....luckily they are my best mates ! (And it's normally me doing that kind of thing blush). Loving the OPs worst that takes some beating !

I am loving this thread grin

BarnYardCow Sat 27-Jul-13 14:01:54

One where the hostess dissapeared to put the baby to bed, and came back down an hour and a half later, then served bread and fondue!

hermioneweasley Sat 27-Jul-13 14:03:54

Like OP the only bad one I've been to is where there was not nearly enough food. And I was sat next to a woman who was very marginally well known for her work (and who I admired) who turned out to be incredibly rude.

I am such a crap hostess - just cannot do it nicely and with aplomb - that I own up straight away. Its help self to wine, help self to food, and we always run out of wine glasses as everyone wants to try different wine with food.

But everyone leaves rolling in wine, having eaten and having had a laugh!
And people don't say no when I ask them to come back again and we do get invites back.

expatinscotland Sat 27-Jul-13 14:53:02

The one where the food poisoned the lot of us. My then-boyfriend wound up having to seek treatment in the same hospital where we worked.

FondantNancy Sat 27-Jul-13 15:03:21

OP yours is deeply weird. I'm sure there must've been a back story, although there is no real reason they couldn't have ordered a posh takeaway or even a pizza instead!

Mine was some new friends of DP's when we were new to the area. I can't remember how he'd met the guy now. There was a huge bowl full of change near the doorway. We didn't think anything of it and had a pretty nice evening until it was time to go. The hostess said something like "we like to check how honest our guests are," and she and her DH proceeded to empty the change bowl onto the living room floor and start counting the money while we sat, agog, wondering if this was some great gag, as the hostess was quite jovial about the whole thing.

Anyway. Turned out the bowl was 55p down. I swear it wasn't me and I'm pretty confident it wasn't DP. We were ushered out in very cool tones and never saw them again except once when I saw her in Sainsbo's and hid in the next aisle.

shock Fondantnancy!

I thought you were going to say they handed the bowl round like a collection plate for guests to put money in. That would have been bad enough but what happened was even worse. By a mile.

mayaswell Sat 27-Jul-13 15:18:15

A long time ago when i was newly living with DH he invited some friends of his round for lunch, I don't know why I did it, but I decided to cook a ham which we had with baked potatoes. I knew the wife slightly and the husband I'd met at their wedding and I'd drunkenly said something ridiculously inappropriate to him about going on honeymoon, which caused him to look confused and terrified.

The ham was inedible, salty and semi raw in places and every potato was bad when they were opened, so we basically ate salad on a cold winters day.

They were so nice about it all but I still feel embarrassed.

mayaswell Sat 27-Jul-13 15:21:20

fondantnancy that's weird. Lucky escape.

SmartiesMakeMeNaughty Sat 27-Jul-13 15:33:59

Staying at MIL's naice country house. She invited her moderately elderly, posho chums round for a dinner party. They all got gently shitfaced apart from one apple cheeked old dear who got monumentally wankered and started a huge argument with one of the other guests about his blue tit nesting box, implying he was falsely grandstanding about how many were in it.
We all tried to defuse the mounting tension. At one point she screamed "shut the fuck up Barbara! I want to hear what Harold to say about his so-called blue tits." Then threw a bread roll at her.
Apparently this happens all the time and I, the supposedly young and broad minded attendee, was the only person who was mortified.
Then they all drove home, including fighty blue tit woman, the designated drivers all having had a modest one bottle of red each at least.
When I remonstrated I was mocked for my uppity urban ideas about not killing people/yourself.

Mendi Sat 27-Jul-13 15:41:03

Friend of mine once went to a dinner party where, on sitting down at the table, the hostess announced it was time for everyone to chip in their contribution of £15 a head for the meal.

It was a pasta dish. Friends had taken 2 bottles of quite posh wine, as had the other guests. Nevertheless, they all paid up, mutely.


Winterwardrobetime Sat 27-Jul-13 16:00:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minifingers Sat 27-Jul-13 16:18:32

Went to dinner at the aunt of an Indian friend. I've always felt reasonably comfortable with hot food - lived in India for three years and Sri Lanka for a year and have eaten a lot of hot food, but this was on a different scale. The main dish was literally bristling with hundreds of tiny little chillies. I had three mouthfuls and found myself unable to speak or eat anything else or indeed do anything except impersonate a beetroot and cough feebly for the rest of the night. The aunt spent the whole evening giving me the evil eye for not eating much.

The most interesting bit of the night was looking at my friend's very weird relatives - there were a lot of first cousin marriages in her branch of the family, and at some point in 1973 chins had obviously become completely bred out of their physiology.

perplexedpirate Sat 27-Jul-13 16:21:25

Screaming with laughter at Barbara, Harold and the 'so-called blue tits'!
Brilliant. gringringrin

BlueStones Sat 27-Jul-13 16:22:42

Not really a dinner party, but in a restaurant one of the wives refused to speak to waiting staff. She whispered to her husband what she wanted (and she was darn picky) and he then had to repeat this to the staff. She wasn't shy, she just considered it uncouth to talk to "staff". Awful woman.

SmartiesMakeMeNaughty Sat 27-Jul-13 16:28:16

BlueStones a friend of mine had a mercifully brief relationship with a woman like that. She would eyeball everyone in the group, whisper her (usually unreasonable) demands and he would relay them to the assembled company. We called her Sooty.

EstelleGetty Sat 27-Jul-13 16:30:26

Sorry to bring weddings into this, but worst food-related gathering I've attended was one. Evening meal consisted of sandwiches, after copious amounts of drink. There had been no lunch. Everyone was pished and ravenous. The vegetarian option included fish, which most of the veggies there didn't eat. My pal had to run outside to throw up as she'd had plenty to drink but pretty much nothing to eat all day, and the very strong smell of fish in the dining area got to her.

LRDYaDumayuIThink Sat 27-Jul-13 16:31:05

I have nothing to touch these (darn, my mates just aren't dinner party types), but I did go to a cringey one with my ex's family. Ex told me to dress up posh so I was in a nice dress and heels. Got there and told to remove shoes (fine), and we're all milling around in suits and cocktail dresses and, erm, bare feet or socks. hmm

Food all served on fancy plates, cut-glass wineglasses, etc. etc., four courses. Embarrassingly shit school-dinner style food, stewed veg and packet gravy and so on, which everyone coos over and praises. So I am sitting there with a frozen grin on my face, when something starts sucking on my toes.

It was their dog.

I nearly screamed. I think was too young and daft to say 'your bloody dog is licking my bare feet', so sat through the rest of dinner putting up with intermittent dog toe-licking.

I thought I'd been extremely restrained but then ex's mum gave me a sour look at the end of the meal and told me pointedly that in their family, they appreciated good cooking and didn't make faces about it. blush

(My toes are twitching as I type this.)

Snowgirl1 Sat 27-Jul-13 16:35:36

DH & I went to lunch at DH's oldest friends and wife's. Talk turned to wine and DH's friend said 'Where's that bottle of wine Mr. Snowgirl bought us for our engagement'. Wife said "we're saving that for when we have friends round' shock.

DadOnIce Sat 27-Jul-13 16:39:53

"We called her Sooty" is just killing me grin

Fluffycloudland77 Sat 27-Jul-13 16:44:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDYaDumayuIThink Sat 27-Jul-13 16:47:37

shock snow that's awful. But hilarious. grin

Polyethyl Sat 27-Jul-13 16:54:31

I had a married couple as lodgers. The wife decided to throw a dinner party and invited a bunch of our mutual friends around. Three days before the date the husband had a brief bout of D&V. He recovered and was fine for the 48 hours before the dinner, so the party went ahead and the wife cooked a splendid roast beef. The guests arrived. We enjoyed drinks and starter with everyone except the wife being very jovial. She served the main course and we all tucked in with cries of appreciation for her cooking, whilst she sat silent, motionless and turned green. Suddenly she sprinted from the room to the loo and as we sat there - our cutlery hovering between plate and mouth - we heard her throwing up violently.

What is the etiquette in that situation? We were already half way through eating the food she'd prepared.

We poured ourselves more wine, and carried on eating regardless, occasionally calling through our approaval when we heard an entertainingly noisy bout of vomiting.

No one fell ill subsequently, and the rest of us had a lovely time, to the accompanying sounds of her illness.

Spartacus101 Sat 27-Jul-13 16:56:22

My friend's sister was hosting a bbq, just her, her DH and their dd, my friend, her DH and 2 dc, and the grandparents.

When my friend turned up she was charged for entry - £10 a head shock Apparently, the sister had decided, without telling anyone, that rather than asking people to bring something (coleslaw, dessert maybe) she'd rather just charge on the door for entry!! Her own family!! shock

Quaffle Sat 27-Jul-13 16:58:11

I'm crying at Sooty and Minifingers' friend's chinless family grin

Groovee Sat 27-Jul-13 17:00:30

Everytime we went to dh's brother's for "dinner"

He thought they were having mince and tatties, she thought spag bol. So we had hundreds of potatoes with a crappy tomato sauce and on my plate I got 1/2 the undissolved oxo cube while dh got the other half. Another time she made pasta bolognaise. The mince had a horrible sauce through it. She asked what her dh thought and he replied "it lacked tomatoes!" She replied "yes I didn't put tomatoes in, it was marscarpone sauce!"

We learned to eat before we go or else pick up a chippy on the way home.

Salbertina Sat 27-Jul-13 17:07:17

One the hostess firmly refused our bottle of wine due to its (supermarket tho goodish) label shock and told us to take it home, at another the host fell in the pool but carried on regardless. Still another an acquaintance turned up 1 hour early, without apology and proceeded to bitch about the hosts behind their backs.. Loudly .. While they were rushing to prepare our dinner... People can be so strange!

tigerlilygrr Sat 27-Jul-13 17:08:01

I went to one lunch party hosted by a friend of a friend's wife. To this day I wonder if I inadvertently gate crashed or something. We arrived, bottle of champagne in hand, to an obviously wealthy household. We weren't offered anything to drink at all, throughout the entire meal (not even water... literally nothing). The meal was fine and the husband very jovial but the wife glared daggers at my friend and me throughout! Not quite sure what was going on and have never been able to find out tactfully!

SlimePrincess Sat 27-Jul-13 17:17:25

I haven't experienced anything on par with some of these. I did once go to a friends house for tea and was served 1 cubic centimetre of chicken, 1 leaf of iceberg lettuce and a tablespoon of rice.

expatinscotland Sat 27-Jul-13 17:18:37

'Friend of mine once went to a dinner party where, on sitting down at the table, the hostess announced it was time for everyone to chip in their contribution of £15 a head for the meal.

It was a pasta dish. Friends had taken 2 bottles of quite posh wine, as had the other guests. Nevertheless, they all paid up, mutely.


I'd have left and taken the wine back, too.

BerylStreep Sat 27-Jul-13 17:25:27

We went to a bbq recently where our host produced one small packet of sausages. - Between us there were 3 adults and 4 children.

I also remember one years ago where the hostess insisted on getting up immediately and doing all the dishes. Sort of ruined the ambience.

FrauMoose Sat 27-Jul-13 17:25:41

When my daughter was 1 some friends of my husband invited us round for dinner. I booked a babysitter and was really looking forward to some civilised conversation that didn't revolve round small children, wasn't interrupted by having to deal with crying etc etc.

We got round there and after about 10 minutes a neighbour dropped the friends two children back from a swimming class. We had to wait around while they were fed some kind of nuggets and chips type dinner, and then a DVD was put on for them while our hosts began cooking for us. I was pretty hungry by the time food appeared, and everytime the longed for adult conversation seemed about to kick off one or other or both of the children of the house came in and started demanding their parents' attention. At no point did either of the parents say, 'Well actually we want to talk to Frau and Herr Moose. Please give us some space.' It ended up with the kids sitting on their parents' laps and/or clinging to them while directing the conversation.

The other thing I remember was dessert. The hostess said it was a special treat and it turned out to be Walls Chocolate and Mint Viennetta plus some Sainsbury's profiteroles. Herr and I can eat most things but both of us dislike the combination of chocolate and mint. I said I was so full after the delicious main course I could only manage a profiterole or two. So Herr looked daggers at me as he ploughed his way through a huge helping of Viennetta.

The friendship faded rather after that...

WeAreEternal Sat 27-Jul-13 17:28:07

I have two which I can never decided which was worse.

One where the hosts decided not to bother cooking anything suitable for me (I have an allergy) as it would just be too difficult and instead presented me with a take away menu upon arrival and told me to order something.

The host was hungry and my takeaway was taking longer than anticipated so she decided to serve the food while I sat with an empty plate waiting for my takeaway.
When the take away man knocked at the door, the host answered and shouted "Eternal it's your take away"
Yes, I had to pay for the take away myself, and it was horrible.

The other dinner party was the one where we arrived to find the other guests waiting on the driveway, the host was not home. After 20 minutes we finally got hold of the host, she said she would be five minutes, she was 40.
When she finally arrived home she has bags of shopping, she ha obviously been shopping.
We had to wait over an hour and a half while she got her kids to bed, then she said she would start dinner.
She refused any help and banned us from the kitchen, so we just all set there, without drinks chatting.
30 minutes later she appeared out of the kitchen with two bags of tortillas and a jar of salsa, which we devoured as we were starving.
Another 30 minutes later she reappeared with plates of sausage rolls, savoury eggs, cheese sandwiches, cocktail sausages and crisps.
One of the other guests joked that it was like a party buffet, and the host was very offended and sulked in the bathroom for an hour.
When she came out she said she was shocked at our reaction to her food as she always had such good compliments about her dinner parties.

She then announced that a program she wanted to watch was starting soon so we could either watch it with her "in silence" or go home, we all chose to go home.

mayaswell Sat 27-Jul-13 17:42:07

God, you couldn't make it up, could you?
Makes come dine with me seem dull.

BerylStreep Sat 27-Jul-13 17:45:23

We called her Sooty


Mhw02 Sat 27-Jul-13 17:47:54

I was at a family dinner party around Christmas time when I was 17 or 18. I was categorised as a child and made to sit in the living room with my very much younger cousins during dinner as "there isn't room for you at the table".

Between starter and mains I was dragged in to the dining room and told to "sing 'Silent Night' for the adults". I said I didn't want to sing. I was told I was spoiling the evening. Under duress, cheeks burning scarlet with embarrassment, I sang. Then I was sent back to eat with the children.

IwishIwishIwish Sat 27-Jul-13 17:58:45

Some of these are awful. Were did these hosts and hostesses go to finishing school (I need to cross it off hte list of options for DD and DS grin)

Guests being asked to pay for their dinner, take aways at different times to the main food for everyone else (then being asked to pay) you just couldn't make this stuff up

tigerlilygrr Sat 27-Jul-13 18:01:35

Oh just realised I was also the hostess of a terrible dinner party! You'll all let me off though... I think. We had ambitiously invited some friends round for dinner when my pfb was six weeks out. It went quite well but after the main but before the pudding my dd woke up and I had to go upstairs to comfort her. My equally sleep deprived DH followed me up to help and we ended up cuddling dd on the bed. The next thing I know it's morning, and our guests have all left! I can't even remember if they served themselves pudding now!

EroticTebbit Sat 27-Jul-13 18:08:01

Though we're not religious, STBXH and I became friends with the local vicar and his wife. I became good friends with the vicar- we both enjoy creative writing, and used to swap work, compare etc.
Anyway. We had them over one night for dinner. In front of his DW and my STBXH, he handed me a folded up piece of paper and said "I really wouldn't read it in front of anyone else." Obv, this made the others keen to know what it was.
So I went into the other room and skim-read it. It detailed a dream he had had about reaching into a woman's fanny and pulling stuff out!

The oysters were impeccably timed that evening.

Scaredycat3000 Sat 27-Jul-13 18:08:06

Tiger I think I'd have found that funny not bad. I mean very ambitious to host a dinner party with a six week old, sounds to me like you did quite well!

Reading this I'm not sure whether I'm glad or not about never going to a dinner party.

I feel like I need one of these experiences grin

tigerlilygrr Sat 27-Jul-13 18:09:29

Thank you scaredycat grin

SP Me too! grin

IwishIwishIwish Sat 27-Jul-13 18:12:29

Oh Tiger bless you. I hope your guests had the decency to clean up before they went. They must have realised what had happened. It sounds like the sort of thing I'd do.

Pollydon Sat 27-Jul-13 18:17:11

Hmm, 2 month old ds, went to SMIL. &FIL to be introduced to there pretentious friends, bear in mind SMIL was a fantastic cook , all started well, until the main course. Mine served on a side plate, as she announced to the table " Pollydon needs to watch her weight" ladies, I was a size 12 angry.

The vicar one has made me want to throw a dinner party and invite randomers just to observe!

FrauMoose Sat 27-Jul-13 18:17:32

The oysters were impeccably timed that evening

That's some kind of euphemism?

tigerlilygrr Sat 27-Jul-13 18:17:40

You can all come round to dinner at mine! (Bring your own pud)

ArtemisatBrauron Sat 27-Jul-13 18:20:49

Went for dinner at a work colleague's house with my vegetarian DH. They had asked us if we had any allergies/dietary requirements before we came and I had said "DH is vegetarian, but we are happy to bring a dish to share with everyone if you are planning to cook meat"

Colleague was horrified at very suggestion and said his DW was a nutritionist who loved cooking for veggies and liked catering for unusual diets.

We turned up, drank some wine, all very convivial. Wife stays in kitchen for a very long time. Everyone gets very hungry, wine is flowing though so no-one really notices.

Finally, we all sit down when invited by husband, who says "we're having thai green curry". Everyone makes appreciative noises. Wife comes out of kitchen with 4 boil in the bag rices, tiny tiny bags and divides them between the 8 plates (there was literally about 2 tablespoons of rice on each plate). Then she comes out with a small milk saucepan and scoops 2-3 cubes of chicken onto 6 of the 8 plates before realising that she has run out. Hilariously, DH has about 4-5 pieces of chicken and is looking at me telegraphing "do they know I am vegetarian"... but is too polite to say anything.

Husband looks at wife and growls (totally unsubtly) you haven't made enough...this ALWAYS happens. This is ridiculous" before sitting down in a massive huff.

Wife says "Oh no I am happy with just rice" and sits down to her 2 tablespoons of rice.

Everyone else feels guilty because they have 2 tablespoons of chicken on their tiny pile of rice but eats it anyway because we are starving.

DH eats all his rice and sauce but leaves the chicken.

Husband glares hungrily at DH'splate for about 15 minutes, then suddenly barks "Oh - you're the vegetarian!!!"

Wife cries out "What?!? You're vegetarian?? DH, why didn;t you tell me, oh no I am so sorry" etcetc

We were blush blush and left quite soon after, went out for some food with some of the other hungryguests who are now good friends!

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 18:32:45

Polly, how did you not burst into tears?

FairPhyllis Sat 27-Jul-13 18:37:53

I was invited to a dinner party that I didn't realise was a dinner party.

The hostess had written a deeply arch faux-casual style invite which failed to actually mention that dinner was going to be on offer: it sounded as though it was basically going to be a get together with some wine and nibbles. So I had a meal before I went and arrived to find a heavy duty coq au vin going on.

Several other people had interpreted the invite in the same way I had and had already eaten; hostess threw a strop because we apparently had ruined her perfect Martha Stewart-esque evening, and insisted on giving us (slightly) reduced portions, at which we picked while we watched everybody else eat.

redwellybluewelly Sat 27-Jul-13 18:46:29

A while back (10 years or so) a group if us who only really knew each other from our local decided ti start hosting dinner parties. They mostly involved far far too much alcohol and some rather dubious food but the one which stand out were the one where one guest went out for a fag after everyone course, the one where the guests wouldn't leave, the one where the vegetarian was completely forgotten until the roast beef was served, the one where the hosts had invited two couples and clearly forgotten so trips to make their dinner into three courses between six people we stopped at the chip shop on the way home and the other couple walked in behind us!

Oh and the one I hosted where one guy spend the whole meal asking his girlfriend why she wouldn't cook good food like this - cringe cringe - and she married him!

chipmonkey Sat 27-Jul-13 18:50:44

Friend and her dh were invited to dinner with the ILs. Her MIL served up dinner to everyone else including friend's dh and then said to my friend "Oh, DIL, I haven't got enough to give you a dinner, will I make you a sandwich?" Friend was very upset but refused sandwicb and went in to the next room to play with the kids.

Similar happened at Christmas dinner. Friend now refuses to visit her ILs.

primroseyellow Sat 27-Jul-13 18:54:24

Reading this thread with trepidation as all the worst dinner parties I have been to were mine.....

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 19:00:21

That is appalling, chipmonkey. She'd been invited, too? And did the MIL have a meal herself?

How could her DH eat his meal when there wasn't one for her?

Pmsl at sooty!

Sps, anyone else, youre welcome here. Do you like anything? Fray bentos?

I love this thread. I'd love to have the hosts' version if events (not that I dont believe op, just cant imagine what they thought)

BrennieGirl Sat 27-Jul-13 19:04:45

Some of these are hilarious.

I was once served super noodles at a dinner party.

Another time DH and I were invited to an old friend's for dinner. She had just gotten married and her new DH was an award winning chef. DH and I were rubbing our hands together in anticipation of a lovely dinner. We arrived with a bottle of champagne which she promptly put in the fridge "for another time". Her DH then served chicken with a Chicken Tonight sauce and boil in the bag rice followed by some sort of frozen gateau thing. I was never so disappointed by a dinner before confused.

Last one. A college friend invited me and another girl over for lunch in her new house. We bought a huge bunch of flowers and wine for the hostess. When we got there she told us that she hadn't had time to cook so we were going out to a local restaurant instead. She told us it was a bit expensive but very nice. The other girl was mortified as she didn't have any money with her so I had to lend her some money. When we got to the local town the hostess said we'd have to wait a few minutes before going to the restaurant because she just had to nip to the beautician to get her legs waxed! I really didn't enjoy my lunch.

Chipmonkey I hope your friend does the same to MIL. And why didn't her dh pull his mum up on her behaviour.

Crikeyblimey Sat 27-Jul-13 19:10:13

Not a dinner party but a wedding...

Some friends of my sister went round the room at their wedding with a box of crisps and handed everyone a bag!! That was the "food".

They are still really good friends and eat at each others houses regularly but my sis and bil know to have food first. This woman actually counts pieces of garlic bread and everyone gets one piece each (they are not badly off either - but that could be because the wife is so incredibly "frugal"!!)

One of my friends had a dinner party around 25 years ago. Starters was a large shared bowl of Bombay mix. Eventually the food was served around 10.30 by which time we were all really pissed, and very hungry.

It was home made pizza, and was very nice, but my friend spent the whole evening in the kitchen and took 2 1/2 hours to make pizza for 6 people!

Not dinner parties, but xh who couldn't cook did the following meals;

Jacket potato and fried egg. He didn't realise that 2 potatoes took twice as long to cook in the microwave, so we ended up having a fried egg started, and then plain jackets 15 minutes later

Hot nan bread with tinned spaghetti on top, then topped with a veggie cheeseburger

Veg curry, which didn't have enough liquid in, so there were loads of still dry spices in it.

The only disaster I can remember dh(2) was when her drained the noodles to go with the stir fry, and nearly all the noodles accidentally fell out of the colander and into the sinkblush

I once made a cake though and forgot to put the sugar in itblush

cyberfairy Sat 27-Jul-13 19:26:10

I was invited to a friends for dinner who had eaten and drunk large quantities of food and red wine at my house. I was starving so was my partner. I bought a good bottle of wine. She then bought in a small economy cheese and tomato pizza and carved it into four. The wine was not seen again.
Then again I invited some friends to dinner years and years when I was a student and a shit cook, the soup 'set' and even when my friend turned the pan upside down, nothing dripped. I think I might have used Bisto. She was a real foody too. They then went home to find out they had been robbed.

rockybalboa Sat 27-Jul-13 19:31:35

That's the weirdest excuse for a dinner party I've ever heard of! I used to have dinner regularly with 3 colleagues taking turns to go to each other's house. But they never spoke and I got fed up trying to drag conversation out of them each time, I was sick of the sound of my own voice. I snapped at them one night and said they needed to start bloody talking. It got a bit better but they were still hard work.

SignoraStronza Sat 27-Jul-13 19:33:00

I remember when my ex's friend and his boss and awfully posh wife called in on the way back from a business thing and we were obliged to take them out to dinner. The crustacean dish the lady ordered started to walk across the plate, at which point she calmly stabbed it with her fork, dismembered it and gobbled it up. I was expecting fresh seafood, but surely not that fresh! I just looked on aghast and felt rather ill. I did wonder whether this was a normal French thing (their nationality) but surely they have their food even slightly cooked?!

Another time, all ready to dish up, the latecomers arrived, plonked their baby in a bumbo right in the middle of the ready laid table and proceeded to make an hour long performance art of spoonfeeding it a three course pureed meal. While we all waited. And waited.Apart from my dc, who was creased and ravenous by this point so we gave her some of the (by now, going cold food) on a plate in the living room and sent her off to bed. They still didn't get the hint!

queenofthepirates Sat 27-Jul-13 19:46:30

Not my dinner party but friend and her husband had a party to celebrate the end of Ramadan. There were many very hungry guests invited. Except they are relaxed Muslims and they didn't know what time the end of the fast was and served up around 10pm. She said they were on the verge of being lynched.

figrus Sat 27-Jul-13 19:52:58

We had 'a girls night in' once in my friends house. She had a lasagne in the oven. She is allergic to perfume. Someone had liberally sprayed perfume before going out. Hostess started sneezing so she popped upstairs to take an antihistamine. Starter was yummu but hostess started swaying and mumbling nonsense. On checking her tablets, she realised that she had mistakenly taken a sleeping tablet instead of an antihistamine tablet. So we popped her into bed, took the lasagne out of the oven, helped ourselves to the pavola in the fridge, washed the dishes, got drunk and let ourselves leaving a 'thank you' note on her table.

Salmotrutta Sat 27-Jul-13 19:53:01

I'm shock grin and confused in equal measure here!

My friends are all quite normal and we don't really do dinner parties - more casual suppers where everyone pitches in.

I need some mad friends!

I also want to meet the roll-throwing guest with Barbara and Harold! Priceless! grin

ScarlettInSpace Sat 27-Jul-13 19:55:19

I'm now thinking of going on come dine with me so I can share in the bad dinner party stories grin

Except I'll end up being the one who drinks all the wine then tells them all that they are twats crown & has to crawl into the next day with the hangover from hell and apologise even though everything I'd said was right

Haha I just wrote the story of my life right there ^ grin

figrus Sat 27-Jul-13 19:57:45

Another friend had a BBQ for her dh 50th. She asked me to bring a bowl of potato salad, which I dutifully did. I presumed other guests, 60 of them, were bringing salads etc... Another friend brought a cheese cake. She called us for food, buffet style, in another room. There were 20 chicken wings and 10 spare ribs, my salad bowl and the one desert. The first 10 people through filled up their plates, presuming there was more food to come from the BBQ. The next 50 got nothing.

ModreB Sat 27-Jul-13 20:03:22

Not a dinner party, but a family get together at my DGM's when I was about 13yo. We were waiting for a distant relative to arrive, she had been held up in traffic, after driving about 300 miles, so DGM decided to serve the meal (Roast Beef and all the trimmings) as she didn't want it to spoil. There were about 15 of us there.

Distant Rellie turned up just as we were about to eat, and my DGM realised that she hadn't done her a meal, and all the food was gone shockblush

So, while my DUncle delayed had a conversation at the front door with the Distant Rellie, a plate was passed around the table for donations. 1 person gave a spud, one a slice of meat, another a spoonful of veg, and so on, until Distant Rellie had a full plate.grin

All the while my mad DAunt was screeching "Come in Distant Rellie <name>, come in" until my DGM got so cross with her that she stabbed her hand with a fork, sort of stage shouting whispering "Shut up you stupid cow, shut up until we've got a dinner for her" grin

Buzzardbird Sat 27-Jul-13 20:08:54

I had the worst dinner party ever when my guests started a full on screaming argument and left before dessert. I had been up since the crack of sparrow fart creating this masterpiece and was so pissed off I got on MN only to discover a thread by one of my guests blaming it all on her DH (which is certainly wasn't his fault)

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 20:08:57

figrus, hadn't the hosts prepared anything? And had they asked everyone to bring something but some hadn't?

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 20:10:08

You found your own dinner party on MN, Buzzardbird? Did you confront her? Can you link to the thread?

ISeeSmallPeople Sat 27-Jul-13 20:11:07

The enormous tower of fish fingers.

To be fair, in the hostess' home country vegetarians are viewed with great suspicion, before being offered some chicken, so she may have been a little flummoxed by the thought of my vegetarian father grin he doesn't eat fish either

And one where my flatmate & I were the awful hosts. We were students, and abroad so our reading of the instructions was a little off. we 'made' a sauce that should have had milk added, we added water. And then poured it over everything. It was vile. Pudding was chocolate fondue which was much better smile

Xiaoxiong Sat 27-Jul-13 20:15:37

I have a few but the best ones are my parents:

- v formal dinner with my father's work colleagues, hostess was wife of the big boss and had the maid make the whole meal (this was not in the UK) but made a big deal about how she had actually made the dessert herself - think it was creme caramel or creme brûlée. Served everyone else, bites taken, everyone gulped a bit but trying to impress big boss they try and choke it down. Hostess tries her own, bursts into tears and disappears for the rest of the evening - she had mistaken salt for sugar.

- dinner hosted by parents, one guest intentionally lit his hair on fire (apparently he thought it would be funny). When doused with wine he snarled at my parents that his shirt was stained and they had ruined the joke confused

- dinner hosted by very posh friends of parents (husband is now a baronet but at the time was a waster sent out to HK having failed in London) - my father was given a bottle of champagne to open, managed to rocket the cork straight into forehead of the hostess followed by a jet of champagne that melted her pancake makeup off. She clapped her hands to her face and sprinted off to the loo, where she reapplied her face meticulously and appeared again without a hair out of place. That party apparently ended with some rather dodgy party games (passing champagne bottles between pantyhosed knees etc) but my parents have never elaborated, thank GOD.

And I have one of my own to contribute:

- dinner with a colleague of mine and her boyfriend who had moved in up the road from us - didn't know her very well and had never met him at all. We went round on a warm summer's evening with a bottle of fizz and a bottle of red, ravenous and ready for a good dinner. When we arrived the house was like an oven - my friend greeted us, seated us in the sauna-like living room with two glasses and our bottle of fizz, and then disappeared for the best part of the next hour. Raised voices were heard through the wall and in our embarrassment we drank our way through the entire bottle blush so when dinner was finally served we were quite drunk. First course was individual cheese soufflés which were delicious but you could have cut the atmosphere between them with a knife. Nothing offered to drink, not even water, and we were gasping with thirst. Then another 45 min at the table alone while hosts fought in the kitchen again, then we were presented with lamb chops (also delicious) while hosts had plain sausages confused Still nothing offered to drink - I asked for water, they both disappeared for ages (long enough to wash up a water glass) and finally came back together with a mug of warmish water. The boyfriend was an self-important bore and came out with every Pooterism under the sun.

Buzzardbird Sat 27-Jul-13 20:17:43

Yes Imperial will search for thread, was last Christmas, not sure if it will still be there...

BerylStreep Sat 27-Jul-13 20:21:25

Buzzard Did you out yourself by commenting on the thread?

Buzzardbird Sat 27-Jul-13 20:26:27

I think I resisted the urge to comment if I remember correctly as others were saying what I needed to say and I was in tears ( like a wuss) I am trying to remember her name at the time because she changes it all the time but I can tell when it is her as she has a particular way of writing.

madamecake Sat 27-Jul-13 20:27:34

Not a dinner party, but a wedding reception. The father of the groom had sadly passed away the year before, and a photo of him was placed on the the top table, which I thought was a nice way to remember him on the day.
However, the photo had its own place setting, and was served not only all four courses of the wedding breakfast, but glasses of wine and champagne for the toast. Was very strange, and a bit sad really.

Stealth Crisp sarnie and a load of alcohol and I'm happy grin

auntmargaret Sat 27-Jul-13 20:28:29

I want to know if Xiao's parents posh friend is Chris Patten?

deleted203 Sat 27-Jul-13 20:31:03

grin. It was probably the one where my DS1 (now 19) pooed in the toilet for the first time - and was so proud of it that he fished it out and, for some unknown reason, placed it on a sort of 'pillow' of cotton wool and carried it triumphantly down to the dinner table - whereupon he presented my MIL with the 'ceremonial turd'...

DD1 was shouting, 'Oh dood boy!' and MIL was recoiling in horror, shrieking 'get it away from me'.

I just took another slug of wine and and raised my eyebrows wearily I seem to remember.

currentlyconfuseddotcom Sat 27-Jul-13 20:33:33

I'd started dating someone at uni but he was older and had graduated and was a little more sophisticated than me, he invited me to a dinner party at his house, I still remember beforehand we went to a wine shop and he was browsing the selection in a way which made me squirm - so we went back to his house and he cracked on with cooking but I drank some red wine which I wasn't used to, I just fell asleep on the sitting room sofa and missed the entire evening. No idea if anyone came into the room and wondered who the sleeping woman was.

I woke up the next day when he came in to rouse me, he had put a blanket over me, and waved food remnants in my direction because it was 8am and I hadn't eaten. I was so embarrassed I never saw him again.

jcscot Sat 27-Jul-13 20:37:23

We have to do a lot of formal (and informal) entertaining due to my husband's job and have a huge store of dinner party stories. sometimes the entertaining is compulsory (ie: bosses, company colleagues etc) and sometimes it simply fun (having people round because we "owe" them and it's our turn) and sometimes by blackmail (there was a tradition of "gnoming").

The worst one I hosted was a dinner for a group of young men and women about to finish their training course (my husband was on the staff at the training establishment). Please bear in mind that social etiquette is actually part of the course they were on.

Firstly, only one of them sent an acceptance to the invitation although one of the females (three males, two females were invited) left a message on my answering machine an hour before dinner telling me she hoped the food wouldn't be "...fattening as she was on a diet...".

They all arrived together - half an hour late.

Menu was Watercress Soup with homemade sourdough bread, Duck in a whisky and cream sauce, Chocolate and Chestnut Souffle followed by cheese and port etc.

I served the soup and took my seat. Cue one of the male guests expressing surprise that I was joining them for dinner - "Isn't this only for personnel?". Then one of the other male guests took a spoonful of the soup, tilted his spoon to let the soup drip back into the plate proclaiming "What exactly is this?".

One of the females was so quiet that I never heard her utter a word all evening and she didn't even reply when I tried to draw her into conversation. The other female was so loud and abrasive and talked over my head throughout dinner.

Third male guest pinched my backside as I cleared the table after the starter.

During the main course, the male guest who'd expressed surprise at my daring to sit down and eat, proceeded to lecture my husband about his job and correct him on various points he felt were salient and to tell the colleague (and best friend of my husband) who had also been invited that she didn't have a clue about things.

Then he asked my husband about their placements after training - when my husband told him that it would be decided partly on his recommendation, guest said that the trainees had decided that they wanted the list in advance and would "...divvy it up amongst themselves...".

Over dessert, I ventured an opinion on some current affairs topic that was being discussed only to be told by strident female that she was surprised I'd even thought about it - "...isn't it a bit out of your depth?"

By the time they left - we practically threw them out as quickly as was decent - I had smoke coming out of my ears, my husband's colleague was aghast at the thought of working with them and my husband was composing a strongly worded letter to the instructors on their behaviour.

Three of them never bothered with a thank you note (and they never brought a gift) and of the two who did send a note, one addressed it to my husband, thanking him for organising caterers!

On the flip side, we did attend the world's best dinner party during our time at the training establishment. All the staff lived on site and one of the bosses organised a Safari Supper - drinks at one house with one set of guests, starter at another house with a different set of guests, main and dessert as starter and then everyone back to the bosses house for cheese, port and brandy. It was an utterly fabulous evening - not everyone on the staff chose to take part and there were lots of people semi-drunkenly cycling around the patch between houses as they made their way from one course to the next (occasionally knocking on the wrong doors!). It was in our first couple of months there and it was a great way to get to know everyone.

FrauMoose Sat 27-Jul-13 20:41:30

My parents were rather modest people - and not great cooks - but did feel an effort should be made to put on the style for guests. I'd have been around 8 when there was a visitor for lunch, and the Heinz cream of tomato soup was served with little cubes of fried Hovis.

My father passed the Hovis cubes to our visitor with a great flourish and said, 'Do have some croissants.'

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 20:54:54

jscot that is an incredible story! They had the nerve to think you should just wait on them? I would be furious!

Can you please please give us a hint as to the careers these people would be having?

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 20:55:18

Love the croissants, FrauMoose!

jcscot Sat 27-Jul-13 20:57:59

Imperial - Army Officers. I believe only one is still serving. I did get my revenge...

currentlyconfuseddotcom Sat 27-Jul-13 20:58:42

Frau I love your Dad smile

ErrorError Sat 27-Jul-13 21:08:36

PMSL at "Shut the fuck up Barbara!" grin

Fluffycloudland77 Sat 27-Jul-13 21:15:01

"Shutthefuckupbarbara" should surely be a nn on here soon.

FondantNancy Sat 27-Jul-13 21:22:21

Loving the blue tit ruckus and the 'croissants'! More please...

Oldraver Sat 27-Jul-13 21:28:31

jscot I live in a developement of seven houses and we had a few Safari partys to get to know one another. At the last one we kept on having to wait for him from no35 and her from no20.....they kept disappearing into his house and would come out together..almost everyone knew what wa sgoing on apart from the wife of no35

Went for dinner at a very old and dear friends house. When we got there it was obvious she had been drinking, she kept banging into things and slurring her words. To be fair the dinner was lovely, I'm not quite sure how she did so well given how leathered she was. We got through dinner, lots of red wine was drunk, then she said she was going to the loo. She never came back. We all had a bit of a joke about it, she had obviously just gone for a lie down etc etc, fair enough. We all carried on drinking, then about half an hour later we heard her coming down the stairs. We all looked up as she walked into the dining room, and she was stark naked. She was stark naked and sleepwalking! We all kind of looked at each other aghast, she mumbled something about seahorses, then turned around, went into the living room and lay down on the couch.

Her other half covered her up with a blanket, and to this day we have never ever told her what she did...

chipmonkey Sat 27-Jul-13 21:35:33

Imperial, the dh said afterwards that he hadn't noticed! hmm But the MIL sounds totally toxic and her children all enable her "That's just Mum, ignore her" type of comments. So friend now has nothing to do with her.

jcscot Sat 27-Jul-13 21:37:00

I am agog at the naked hostess!

Old raver, I don't think there were shenanigans at our SS but I was a bit too tiddly to notice!

KoalaFace Sat 27-Jul-13 21:40:01

I am loving this thread! I keep laughing and trying to read out to DH amidst giggles and snorts.

Croissants! Shut the fuck up Babara! Those hideous trainees....

This thread is solid gold.

deleted203 Sat 27-Jul-13 21:45:02

Actually, I once (when single) was invited to dinner by some kind, elderly acquaintances who thought I needed to get out the house more.

When I arrived on their doorstep, complete with bottle of wine, having booked a babysitter, it was completely obvious that they'd forgotten all about it - and had already eaten.

They ushered me in apologetically and then rushed frantically about the kitchen, pulling open the freezer and desperately looking for something they could cook for me. I kept apologising and telling them it was fine - I wasn't particularly hungry - but they insisted that I had come round for a meal and they would feed me.

The DH ended up cooking me Birds Eye Cod Steaks and Oven Chips. Even worse, some well to do neighbours popped round to see them just as he was dishing up my meal and I was introduced to them as 'this is sowornout - she came round for a meal' and the whole bunch of them politely insisted on sitting at the kitchen table happily watching me as I forced my tea down - crimson with embarrassment!

I felt like Little Orphan Annie!

yegodsandlittlefishes Sat 27-Jul-13 21:50:29

We were invited around to dinner by neighbours soon after moving to a new place (this was before children). Dinner consisted of a 'buffet' of large platefuls of ketchup sandwiches. Cheap, nasty tasting ketchup with no butter or spread, on cheap, thin white bread.

Then the couple proceeded to talk about their sex lives (and the dp's impotence) in embarassing detail.

Another time, we had stayed over at a friend's house for a lovely party. Asked to stay for lunch the next day, we had leftover cold rice salad. We then went on to stay with relatives and suffered 5 days of agonising food poisoning (from the rice salad).

I haven't had time to read the whole thread but surely surely someone must have said "Pom bear anyone?"

Once we were invited to a bbq at our friends Mums house, we got there to find that we were expected to clear thin massive overgrown bit of garden before the bbq could even be laid out, while the mother and owner of the house sat in her kitchen smoking spliffs and drinking tea. There was no food in sight.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 22:00:25

Has anyone else nominated this for Classics? It's a fantastic thread.

SanityClause Sat 27-Jul-13 22:14:33

When DH and I were in our twenties, we had been invited to a couples' house for dinner - they were quite a bit older - so we invited them back for dinner.

On the evening, it just got later and later, and they hadn't turned up. We finally put the food (salmon steaks) in the freezer, as we thought they weren't coming. At about 9:00 or 9:30, they finally turned up. He was absolutely bladdered. DH seems to remember he had been at the rugby at Twickenham all day.

She was obviously absolutely furious with him. She would have been in her 50s and was about 20 years older than him, and she had been a teacher, so had a bit of a schoolmarm-ish way about her.

Obviously, I was a lot younger, and found the whole thing excruciatingly embarrassing.

We did see him afterwards, for drinks at the pub and so on, but I don't think we ever socialised with her again.

SanityClause Sat 27-Jul-13 22:15:41


jcscot Sat 27-Jul-13 22:17:57

We also threw a dinner party where no one turned up. I had asked my husband for a copy of the S&S list in order to unvite various people for dinner. Husband couldn't be bothered so said he'd send out the invitations.

Dinner night arrives, the porc aux cassis was perfectly done...and no one turns up.

Turns out the husband had confused the date and everyone was expecting to come the following Thursday. So, we knocked on our neighbours doors and had fourteen of them round for dinner instead.

I couldn't possibly comment on the animated discussion had by my husband and I after the event.

youarewinning Sat 27-Jul-13 22:31:09

2 pages on and I'm still PMSL @ we called her Sooty grin

These are brilliant - keep them coming.

IneedAyoniNickname Sat 27-Jul-13 22:36:24

I've never been to a proper dinner party, but sil invited us round for dinner once. My.ds2 and her ds1 were toddlers, maybe 18months-2years ish. Ds1 must have been 3 1/2-4. When time came for her to cook, she told us that she was doing turkey dinosaurs and smash for the dc, but there were only 5 in the bag, and her ds ate 3, there were only enough for ny ds' to have 1 each! This was followed up by, "oh and we don't have enough dinner for all the adults, but there's a McDonald's on the way to yours that you can eat at."

Bearing in mind (or is it baring?) She was always telling us how well off they were, and being aware that we were on a shoe string budget which was stretched by the drive to hers, I was just :shock

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 22:37:06

What's the S&S list, jcscot?

insideleg Sat 27-Jul-13 22:37:46

I was invited to a dinner party of a colleague to celebrate a staff bonus we had all received. The meal was actually lovely - a whole salmon, steamed, with a range of beautifully prepared vegetables. Unfortunately I got absolutely pissed as we all started drinking before eating. The mother of one of the attendees came to collect her and offered me a lift home. I was rolling around in the back of her car and felt very sick but was so shy and drunk I couldn't say 'stop the car'. I proceeded to be sick in my hands and finally managed to pipe up 'I'm terribly sorry but I have been sick'. The mother stopped immediately and i carefully got out to empty the contents of my hands onto the road. Somehow, the salmon acted as a weird 'thickener' and I had actually managed to fill my cupped hands with a moussy like vom but not spill a drop. I had never met these people before and never met them again.

EatYourCrusts Sat 27-Jul-13 22:38:49

We met a mad old friend in the street after losing touch with him after university. He asked us to dinner at his old flat later in the week, so we arrived, sat down, started eating... Then his tenants came home, not room-mates, they rented the place from him. He lived elsewhere, he'd invited us there for old times sake, and not thought to mention it to them.
Poor couple! They were very accepting; I would have gone mad!

VivaLeBeaver Sat 27-Jul-13 22:40:12

This story is from 12 years ago.

Me and dh went to his best friends house (and his wife) for dinner. Lovely couple, we all get on great. They're great hosts and top your glasses up all night.

I was shit faced as was dh. Dh at about 1am snatched my mobile off me and dialled my mum and was shouting down the phone that I was drunk. To this day I don't actually know if he made the call/my mum heard this.

I was furious and we ended up wrestling on their front lawn. Dh's mate got us inside at which point I rugby tackled dh into an open fire, which had a fire going. Dh was stranded on top of the fire and had to be pulled out by his mate!

We all flew off on holiday together the next morning at 6am. Dh was puking in the check in queue!

Dilidali Sat 27-Jul-13 22:40:28

We were living abroad and my mother comes to see us and tries to stuff us italian style. I knew it was coming, so when my mother calls me at work for the 60th time to ask: and ragu, did you want ragu, knowing damn well I am veggie, I called my husband and said: you grab someone, anyone from your work and bring them home, my mother has gone mental in the kitchen again.

So he brings this couple, expats like us, who were a bit too genuinely enchanted by my mother's cooking, apparently they had no functioning kitchen. Eternally grateful, they invite us back to theirs, italian mother in tow, as their kitchen had been fixed.

It was freezing in their house/kitchen, absolutely could see your breath, mother starts muttering. I placate her, once the oven is on, it'll warm up. They bring tealights on the table, bread chunks, and various little dishes with stuff like raw onion, beans from a tin, really and I mean really disintegrated boiled to death pasta and cheerfully ask me to translate for my mother. The hostess then proceeds to do an impersonation of Nigella on a cookery program, I kid you not, with commentary on tossing the beans into the pasta ever so carefully till the full flavour and juices run together etc. my mother is getting agitated: whAAt is she doing, madonna, the hostess continues undisturbed, mixing the cold beans, cold congealed pasta and onions, my mother hyperventilates: she is not serving THAT is she? Oh yes she is! I kept shooting daggers at my mother: eat, crissake, she made an effort to cook for you, my mother: like hell she is, she is deranged, I am not eating, translate that without saying it is SHIT, eh?
I honestly can't remember how we ended the whole spectacle, but on our way out the hosts gleefully told us the problem with the kitchen was that the sewage pipe burst into the kitchen, took a week to clear up. To which my mother looks at me and through gritted teeth says: ragu. You will have the fucking ragu now.

jcscot Sat 27-Jul-13 22:44:36

Imperial, the S&S list is the Staff & Social list. It gives the list of staff at a unit complete with names of spouses and children, addresses, contact details etc. It's how you know who to invite and how to invite them.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 22:47:40

Ohh okay, thanks. We don't have that where I work grin

HumphreyCobbler Sat 27-Jul-13 22:55:19

We were at friends once when the host attempted to pour the unwanted liquid from the chicken dish into the dog bowl. He tipped the whole main course into the bowl. Then he apologised and fished out the chicken and proceeded to serve it up.

There was a dog hair in mine. DH was nearly gagging, he doesn't like dogs at the best of times.

ArtisanLentilWeaver Sat 27-Jul-13 22:56:08

Not a dinner party but a lovely friend once invited my dd and I for lunch. She lived in a very grand house in an exclusive part of town.

She cooked something in a tiny pot then set the table with what I thought was a doll's tea set. The smallest bowls I have ever seen. She cut half a slice of bread into cubes and poured us a miniscule amount of soup which had nothing in it, no onions, nothing.

Halfway through my soup I felt hysterical laughter welling up made worse when my dd said she was full up. My friend was full up too so decided we would skip pudding which was an apple between the three of us. I had brought a big bag of food so it was not like there was nothing to eat.

I cried into a towel shoved in my mouth in the bathroom.

hf128219 Sat 27-Jul-13 22:59:27

When another guest did a shit in a top loading tumble dryer and the hostess discovered it the next morning when drying her table linen.

Such a great thread, I'm scared to host a dinner party now!

quietitude Sat 27-Jul-13 23:29:15

jcscot how did you get revenge on the arrogant officers...?

ErrorError Sat 27-Jul-13 23:34:38

I've actually been to another quite recently, a 5 course lunch affair with a former client of my Dad's. The food was lovely, and the woman also lovely, but she was the only one drinking alcohol and got progressively more pissed as the afternoon went on. She ended up cracking sex jokes in front of my prudish parents while I squirmed, and then fell asleep at the table just after serving the cheeses.

I had also forgotten to tell her I'm vegetarian, but I politely ate the chicken goujons and brussels pate, because she'd just finished telling us a story about a rude person at a previous dinner party who neglected to tell her of their dietary needs beforehand. So I thought this was not the time, and endured the gripey tum later!

ShimmeringInTheSun Sat 27-Jul-13 23:35:36

I am in awe of these stories........ they're jaw dropping! grin

Mine is from my student nurse days......

A fellow (male) nurse invited me to a party he was hosting at his flat that evening after shift finished. Being a rather naive gormless 18 year old (well, this was back in the 70's) I went along at the given hour and as time passed and my glass was refreshed once too often, I then began to wonder where all the other guests (and food) were.
When I saw him lock the door and put the key in his trouser pocket I sobered up bloody fast.
What followed was like a black and white silent movie farce as he chased me round the furniture from room to room.
Eventually I managed to grab a cushion, hide behind a door and as he came through I clobbered him full in the face. He keeled over like a skittle, hit the door frame, and just lay there like a felled tree! I had to rummage through his trouser pockets for the key and then just legged it.

I never told anyone about what happened as I felt so stupid for falling for it.....but he never mentioned it either....probably cos he got ko'd by a mere slip of a lass....or maybe he got amnesia! Who knows!

chipmonkey Sat 27-Jul-13 23:40:10

hf that is gross!

starfishmummy Sat 27-Jul-13 23:40:42

Relatives rent a holiday cottage nearby every year. Last year we were asked over for the day. The meal was a buffet and it was all food (including cooked meats) that they had bought at their home and taken with them - by the time we visited it was a good 10 days old. After lunch the food was left uncovered on the counter ready for the next meal.....(luckily we weren't staying for that and had a macdonalds something from a service station on the way home).

BerylStreep Sat 27-Jul-13 23:42:24

Bloody hell Shimmering! That's scary.

jcscot Sat 27-Jul-13 23:57:28

Revenge was surprisingly simple. In the immediate aftermath of the dinner party, my husband's colleague christened the group as The Four Shits and a Bitch. We just made sure that everyone else we knew in their destined cap badge (the same one to which my husband belongs) knew about them. What they failed to grasp in their general ignorance of army spouses is that we talk to one another - from generals' wives all the way down the ranks.

We knew the nickname had stuck when they group turned up for their Young Officers' course and the instructor greeted them with "I've heard about you; you're the Four Shits and a Bitch!". I would love to say they learnt from their mistakes but you wouldn't believe what they did at dinner at the Brigadier's house (pretty much a repeat performance).

In all fairness, two of them grew up and developed some manners but two resigned their commissions early and one was sacked.

jcscot Sat 27-Jul-13 23:58:36

Hf - that's appalling!

MaryBateman Sun 28-Jul-13 00:01:13

When we were about 18 - so many years ago now - some friends rented a flat as housemates and threw a housewarming do for all their mates. We were told not to bring anything, they had sorted food and booze.

We arrived to find they had more booze than the local supermarket, which was great! But the food they had artistically laid out on a table consisted of about four bowls of crisps and nuts, a plate with an entire loaf's worth of slices of buttered bread all of which surrounded a centrepiece large dish full of peas! Pea and crisp sandwich anyone? They never explained and we didn't ask. Yup. Fish and chips on the way home!

quietitude Sun 28-Jul-13 01:09:24

Love it jcscot grin

HintofBream Sun 28-Jul-13 07:36:59

We were entertaining three couples for dinner. One chap had arrived straight from his club where he had had a few drinks, and visited the loo several times before the meal was served. In the middle of the main course he went again and reappeared looking dreadful and in agony. Luckily another guest was a GP, she grabbed her phone, called an ambulance saying we had a case of acute urine retention, and he was quickly carted off. When we merrily reminisce over this incident another guest always remembers that due to the crisis he never received the second helping of duck which he had been offered.

ShimmeringInTheSun Sun 28-Jul-13 09:48:39

Not half as scary as it would have been for him Beryl had our ward sister, or better still the Matron got to know about it. They were terrifying enough on their own, but together they were a legend!

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Sun 28-Jul-13 11:02:56

These are great grin keep them coming grin

Chihuahuahua Sun 28-Jul-13 11:09:36

I never actually got to this one...

Friend texted me to ask if me, DH and DC wanted to come over for dinner. Except that she didn't, she accidentally texted a colleague of hers with the same first name, not someone she knew well enough to have over for a meal.

However, the colleague texted back that she would love to come. Friend replied asking who she would be bringing, colleague texted it would just be her and John. Now, John is not the name of my DH, but friend assumed it was just a weird predictive text thing and planned dinner, inviting two other couples we knew.

On the day, they are having drinks in the garden when colleague and husband turn up, of course she has no idea why they are here, and makes awkward conversation until her DH twigs and starts mouthing behind their backs "It's the wrong Chihuahua!"

Now, I think I would have had to have come clean and had a laugh about it, but they didn't want to admit there had been a mistake, so the couples that knew each other and these poor not-really-invited people had a meal in what must have been a bit of an odd atmosphere, especially at first.

Friends are convinced that the colleage and her DH wouldn't have noticed anything amiss, but if I'd turned up for dinner and been met with blank, uncomprehending looks, I would have thought something was a bit off...

Jins Sun 28-Jul-13 11:14:25

One my DH insisted on cooking for. He managed to pick ingredients for each course that I cannot choke down even to be polite. They were spectacularly poor choices for a coeliac (me) as well including bread integrated into the starter and couscous with the main. I never have dessert as I'm not fond of the inevitable fruit/cream combinations so I went hungry that night.

I may possibly never forgive him grin

The guests enjoyed the meal though so that's all that matters. I had to sneak into the kitchen for chocolate

chipmonkey Sun 28-Jul-13 13:11:52

Jins, what an awful thing for your dh to do! My friend is coeliac and when we eat at hers, I expect a gluten-free meal, it wouldn't be fair on her or her dh to expect anything else. And you can cook lovely gluten-free meals

Am PMSL at "It's the wrong Chihuahua!" I know that's not your actual name but it makes it sound funnier!grin

Jins Sun 28-Jul-13 13:21:22

Oh it was just thoughtlessness and lack of cooking skills. He knew I'd swerve the starter due to the goats cheese and I usually just have salad or veg rather than the carbs so he thought I'd be ok with the main. I hadn't made my aversion to peppers and olives clear enough in the past grin

He's much better nowadays. Ive had some wonderful meals. It was just that one that combined virtually everything I really dislike into one 3 course meal. He was mortified when he realised but there's not much you can do when you're sitting at the table. My 'not for me thanks' said all that was necessary grin

DameFanny Sun 28-Jul-13 14:34:40

I gasped at the OP, hooted at Sooty and cheered the army rejects.

But mostly I'm relieved no-one's mentioned any of my attempts grin

jayho Sun 28-Jul-13 14:40:43

Veggie couple who would always serve us what became known as 'vomity pie'.

Went one Friday, had said vomity pie, rest of meal and then prepared to leave. They came to the door to wave us off. DP started the car and began to reverse out of their drive. Ran over their cat.

jayho Sun 28-Jul-13 14:43:14

Jins has reminded me of one related to my sister. She realised her marriage was over when her husband said he was going to make a special effort and cook her dinner.

He served stuffed tomato starter, steak main and creme brulee for pud.

My sister is vegetarian and allergic to eggs and tomatoes sad

BCBG Sun 28-Jul-13 15:01:32

DH and I were invited to dinner by fairly good friends - the day before, the wife rang and asked if there was anything we'd rather not eat. I am generally veggie, but can get by if I'm not asked, but she did ask, so I said that I could eat fish but not meat, and definitely nothing 'obviously dead' i.e. with bones or eyeballs. So we turn up the next night and the main course plopped in front of me was.... a dead pigeon, trussed, still with claws (no head, thank God) that had been shot by our host. One pigeon per guest! I am quite quick at sliding the odd unwelcome piece of steak onto a neighbour's plate without anyone noticing, but I couldnt even bring myself to touch the bird blush. I kept thinking to myself 'why on earth did she even ring up to ask?'......

My story is almost a complete opposite to some of the stories on here!

About 5 years me and ex-p were invited t dinner by one of ex-p's senior colleagues and his new wife.
When we got their the wife said she hoped we didn't mind but she'd decided not to serve a starter but just canapes instead. We said that ws great. She then showed us to the living room where there were about 20 large plates of 'canapes' so that it looked a bit like a small wedding buffet! (There was just the 4 of us eating)Every 30 seconds she would pick up one of the plates and stick it under our noses so we had to take something.

She later took us through to the dining room where she presented us with the main course. It was a roast dinner but one that i have never seen the likes of before or since....It wouldn't have looked out of place as one of those man v food challenges! Each one was on a serving plate like the ones you use to put the turkey on at Christmas. On my platter there was:
enough pork to cover a normal size dinner plate
10 large roast potatoes
3 full size yorkshires
probably enough mash to fill 2 soup bowls
4 different types of veg ( about several large tablespoons full of each)
2 full size sausages (!)
All smothered in gravy

Ex-p had the same. We were both shockshock at being presented with this mountain of food. But we didn't want to be rude so we both started to plow our ways through it. I managed to eat about 1/2. P managed about 2/3 of his, but by then we were well and truly stuffed. I had to force myself to swallow the last few mouthfuls (ever seen that christmas dinner episode of the Vicar of Dibley? Yeah, like that grin)
When I (closely followed by P)finally admitted defeat and put down my knife and fork and said 'thankyou very much, that was delicious (which it was tbf) but i'm completely full now' The wife proceeded to burst into tears and run from the room. Her DH followed her whilst we sat downstairs wondering what was going on. Eventually the husband came back and said his wife was very upset as we had offended her by not eating the meal she had slaved all day over and obviously thought her cooking was terrible!
We apologised and repeated that the meal was delicious but we genuinely were just full. The husband then threw away the last of our food and said he'd tell his wife tat we had finished it off whilst they were upstairs. He said this was what he usually(!) had to do when they had guests confused. Eventually he persuaded her to come back down. After spending 1/2 hour raving about how delicious the food was to the sullen looking wife we decided to make our escape. At which point she said "you can't leave yet, you haven't had pudding!"
{faints} shock
Pudding was bout a third of an apple pie each, swimming in a bowl of custard. She sat eyeballing us the whole time so we had to force down every bite. By that point i had gone beyond stuffed and my mouth just swallowed the food on autopilot without me even tasting it. We then staggered to the front door as fast as possible before she could suggest cheese and crackers grin

chipmonkey Sun 28-Jul-13 17:53:58

ThisIs, that is awful! Did she really think that was a normal amount of food to serve? Did she eat that much herself?

Fourwillies Sun 28-Jul-13 18:20:41

Vote for classics!

CalamityJ Sun 28-Jul-13 19:19:19

Am I little miss judgey pants that the worst one I've been to was where everything was ready meal? There's a very posh shop in our town that sells posh ready meals and all three courses were from there. Now don't get me wrong the meal was lovely tasting but given the wife is a teacher and was on 6 week summer holidays (DON'T get me started on teachers working during the holidays, I KNOW but they've done better dinner parties on a working week Saturday) I just would have expected at least one home cooked course. Believe it or not the one where the guest got hammered and fell asleep on the sofa was better than that because at least the food was home cooked and before he passed out the guest was a real hoot

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Sun 28-Jul-13 19:26:50

I once hosted a 'dinner party' (am not really posh enough to say 'dinner party' and feel a bit of a numpty even writing it down).

I had loads of lovely wine and cooked a beef stew (one of the meals I do best) with dumplings, roast potatos, Yorkshire puddings and lovely veg.


But forgot about the desert until the last few minutes so had to nip to Tesco Express on the corner to find one.

Guests were given an Easter egg each..!

hmm blush

chipmonkey Sun 28-Jul-13 19:32:13

Calamity, some people are just not into cooking. I go to a dinner party for the company more than the food. I have one good friend who hates cooking so we will always get something simple when we go to theirs for dinner but it doesn't bother me. I always cook from scratch and my friend always apologises when we go to her but I don't think she has anything to apologise for. We get fed and wined and have lovely company, what more could you want?

stayupallnighttogetlucky Sun 28-Jul-13 19:44:27

Hows this. I wasn't there but I heard about it from a friend who was. My ex step mother was a social climber. No other words for it and clearly my dad didn't help her up the greasy pole enough so he was out (phew lucky escape IMHO). She attended a dinner with her new lawyer partner and as the dessert was served announced "I've been thinking about it and I've slept with all your husbands except yours Verity". Cue instant strained silence which continued for the rest of teh meal and all coffee etc. was refused as couples left clearly ready for huge arguments and difficult explanations.

I can well believe she'd said it too she is a bitch extrodinaire and we were well rid of her. I'd ahve loved to be a fly on the wall at all those couples homes later on that evening

Feel very sorry for the hostess who I knew quite well and is a very pleasant friendly kind lady (Not sure how Verity's husband fell through the net though)

Groovee Sun 28-Jul-13 19:47:17

Mrs that's so funny but I'd have been grateful for such a fab pudding.

Stayup shock what a fanny she was. Well rid of her.

Three come to mind, two from the same bloke.

Number one: He invited about ten of us round for dinner in his posh new flat. We arrived with wine, which was whisked away and never seen again. So we were offered one half glass of cheap plonk with no refills "until we see if anyone else turns up".
The meal was ... a microwaved ready meal divided between all of us (think one tablespoonful on a paper plate) followed by a shared (bought) value chocolate brownie traybake. Yum.

Number two, same guy different party; all of the guests were male couples, including the host and his partner. After some (limited) food and drinks, they started swinging and suggested that we put our car keys in the bowl to choose a partner. ExH and I were the only straight couple there, he began to look very uncomfortable and all I could think of was "One of them's going to be a bit disappointed"smile
At that point we made our excuses and left. I often wonder if they were winding us up or if SE16 did have a gay swinging scene.

Number three was a chap who'd been to uni with ExH, after we ran into him one day we invited him + partner to dinner, nice evening if a bit dull. The fun began when the invite was reciprocated.
Turned up, there were about ten other people who obviously knew each other and weren't interested in talking to us. Starter was fish and seafood, which I don't like, but could live with. Conversation was all about their trips round Australia - as we've never been we just sat and said nothing. And so it went on all evening.
Finally we got up to go, I popped to the toilet and disturbed the host mid wee.
We never heard from them again.

Don't do dinner parties now.

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola Sun 28-Jul-13 20:11:29

DH and I were visiting family friends - mother and son- while abroad on holiday. We had a lovely day out, then invited back for dinner, which we bought together at a local shop. Nice wine, but I was driving so only had one glass.

Near the end of a nice dinner, we decided that we would stay over (invite was pressed on us and certainly not unwelcome from hosts' pov) so I could drink a bit more.

About ten minutes later - during which time I had downed about half a bottle had a bit too much to drive, mother says, "ooh, my programme is on now, I can share the sofa bed with you"! And proceeds to ignore us while watching The Bill. Son gives us something to wear in bed, DH has a bum-skimming shirt and I have something similar.

They both merrily say, don't mind us, get undressed and in the sofa bed if you want, we just want to watch this. They don't speak to us for the rest of the evening.

In the morning we decide to leave early, without waking them, but can't even get into the toilet as they have locked all doors out of the room we were sleeping in. We managed to climb through a small window and escape!

All very strange.

KeziaCunningham Sun 28-Jul-13 20:26:07

I was the dinner party guest from hell once.

DD must have been about 3. I'd not long split up from ex-P and while I don't remember being particularly down, a good friend must have thought I needed to get out. She invited me along as a last minute extra to a dinner party at her house with three (childless smug) couples. I explained it was too short notice to get a sitter, but she was really lovely and said no problem, it would be great to have DD there, she's no bother, she can go to sleep upstairs and I could stay with her in spare room etc. Really lovely of her and I happily accepted.

She then said DD would be welcome to join us for dinner. She'd serve up early and then give me chance to settle her before dessert. All good, except friend didn't communicate this to her partner, who was cooking, so he ended up rushing the cooking and serving up the minute the other guests arrived following some urgent hissed whispers in the kitchen.

DD was pretty hungry and tired by this point and not being particularly charming. Friend had chosen to serve pasta because I said she'd eat that, but friend's DP mixed all the pasta in with a rich tomato sauce which DD flatly refused to eat. The more tired, hungry and whingy she got, the more fuss she was making about everything that was put in front of her, to be met with patronising pitying looks from the smug marrieds.

She flatly refused the pasta with tomato sauce on it, and in my desperation to get her to eat I ended up sucking the sauce off each bit and handing it to her. She then started saying it was too hot, (she would only eat cold things at that age) and I snapped at her, saying it was completely cold and to stop being silly. The host overheard and grabbed the plate saying "so sorry -I'll warm it up for her" and I had to chase him into the kitchen to rescue it.

I was so stressed at the hassle we were causing I couldn't relax and just wanted to leave but couldn't as I'd had a drink. I went up to put DD to bed and stayed up there about 2 hours and pretended I'd fallen asleep next to her!

I know at least one of those couples has two young kids now. I really hope they look back and change their judgy opinion of me!

Idislikemymil Sun 28-Jul-13 20:31:28

I really don't like dinner parties. I find it to be a very 'forced' situation and can't relax. The worst one I had was actually at my house and my dp had cooked. He's usually a very good cook, but it all went wrong and the food was nearly inedible. It was 5 years ago and still makes me cringe now.

Kezia, desperation through sucking the sauce off the pasta grin the things we will do!

Howstricks Sun 28-Jul-13 21:34:17

Dh and I went to a lovely dinner party where the hostess served the a gorgeous cake for pudding but kept licking her fingers whilst dishing slice for guest 1 then scoop up crumbs to add to bowl, lick fingers..slice for guest 2.. get cake into bowl with help from licked fingers, another quick suck and so on. Mind you I might be a bit precious about people adding saliva to my was lovely apart from that.

trikken Sun 28-Jul-13 22:09:34

The worst one so far was mine. Made a lot of effort cooking everything from scratch, all my best stuff out. Garden made nice as was eating outside, perfect I think. Time for everyone to be arriving but no one showed up, not even an apologetic text. Kids were most disappointed as their friends were supposed to be coming with one of the families.

elvisola Sun 28-Jul-13 22:29:33

These are all much worse than mine but we are regularly invited to dinner parties by a couple who like to serve things as they are ready. It tends to go:

Bowl of peas on table followed 10 minutes later by a plate of stuffing balls, followed 10 minutes later by carrots etc. Time between peas and meat generally 40 minutes all the while being encouraged to eat up whilst its hot!!

We all sit around tucking into a little forlorn pile of peas and wondering if the gravy might come out at some point before desert. The food is yummy I just prefer to have it on the plate at the same time.

Solaia Sun 28-Jul-13 22:38:10

I heard a story about a dinner party for around 10 senior male professionals all in the same field, who all brought their wives. Very posh and all very nice.

One single, male guest arrived a little late and everyone was already seated. He walked into the dining room, took one look at the table and for some unfathomable reason declared cheerily 'oh look, how funny, a whole table of married couples, and in everyone one of them there has been an affair'

Whilst this statemet was sadly true, it was not necessarily known to all of the wives at the time. I can only imagine the atmosphere for the remainder of the night...

Taffeta Sun 28-Jul-13 22:40:07

About 12 years ago DH and I went to a work colleague's for a murder mystery evening. 2 of our friends went too, but we didn't know the other couple.

My character was asked to wear low cut top, short skirt etc. So I did. The woman from the couple we didn't know set about me the minute we arrived. I think she called me a slag a few times, didn't seem to get it was a character thing.

Murder mystery finished, we moved onto dinner, where she sat next to the engaged host and rubbed his legs under the table, v obviously. We then played that stick a post it on your head and guess who you are game, and she totally lost the plot at me as I was Colin Powell and there was some kind of argument about how you pronounce Colin. Which degenerated rapidly into her calling me a slag again.

I ignored her. I was just open mouthed at it.

Marlinspike Sun 28-Jul-13 22:50:05

I went to an adult pool party once, where there was a definite atmosphere as the host's wife was having an affair with the husband of another guest. A memorable evening for all the wrong reasons!

At another dinner party, one of the guests drank so much he passed out under the table. Apparently this was quite normal behaviour for him, so we all just carried on as if nothing had happened.

CalamityJ Sun 28-Jul-13 23:14:07

chipmonkey you are right of course. It is the company rather than the food which was delicious. I think it's probably the fact the hosts were pretentious knobs who when they came round to ours for a wine tasting and dinner party night, turned up an hour late when the wine tasting chap was waiting for them (3 couples including me & DH; other couple were on time), refused to drink any of the wines because they weren't French but bloody nice and then dominated the conversation all night boasting about the hypothetical house they were going to buy on the nicest road in our town they've just bought an average house on an average road! Actually that sounds like the worst dinner party!

I think it's cos they boast about being great at everything but couldn't be arsed to home cook the meal.

I admit I'm quite fussy but will stomach most things to be polite. Broad beans and peas are not negotiable. I'm also not a fan at all of goats cheese. I think I was the guest from hell with my "Are you serious?" response to the hostess's announcement that the first course was pea & broad bean purée on a bed of goats cheese! I genuinely thought my DH had had a quiet word telling her to wind me up. He was quite happy to have my portion! grin

chipmonkey Sun 28-Jul-13 23:46:22

I LOVE goats cheese! I would have taken it off you as well!

Wbdn28 Sun 28-Jul-13 23:52:49

> If you cant cook, then don't invite people for a meal!!

That's why I don't do dinner parties sad

cocolepew Mon 29-Jul-13 00:59:38

Love sooty and croissants grin

When me and DH were newly married MIL made a big hooha about us spending Christmas day with her. I really don't like her or FIL and DH isn't mad on them either! grin

Christmas breakfast was a big thing in their house so we had to walk to their house for 8.30 for boiled eggs and baps. Then MIL and FIL announced they were going to bed because they had worked the night shift in Christmas eve. leaving the dishes for us to do.

SIL and her boyfriend were there so we decided to start drinking straight away. MIL had soup in the pressure cooker and SIL and myself were in charge of it. Being totally pissed instead of putting the weight's on when we were supposed to we opened it and the soup shot up and hit the ceiling. It was thick vegetable soup and it just hung there. I had to climb on the worktop and scrape it down with a spoon. By this time we were nearly hysterical with laughter.

Then we heard MIL and FIL having sex.

When they came downstairs MIL expressed surprise at how little soup there was, served up the dinner and then I had to go upstairs to be sick.

After dinner games resulted in DH and his dad nearly coming to blows over an answer (FIL does not like to be wrong).

I don't remember much more hmm

Xiaoxiong Mon 29-Jul-13 09:32:01

auntmargaret not Chris Patten smile This was about 5 years before he came out and became Fat Pang.

Oh dear Calamity we're having guests round for lunch in the garden today - broad beans and pancetta, with goat's cheese and crusty bread, and there are sugar snap peas in the salad. You would hate me forever.

trikken did you ever find out what happened? Did you or they get the date wrong? That would make me sad

Fourwillies Mon 29-Jul-13 12:34:50

Cocolepew grin

Mine isn't funny but it was probably the most boring evening of my life. ExDP's best friend and wife invited us for dinner along with his brother and SIL.
Said brother spent the entire meal talking and the only topic of conversation was the minutiaea of the lives of the people in the small town he lives in, who none of the rest of us (except his wife, obv) knew. This was LITERALLY the only topic all night. Four hours felt like four days and I found myself having to fight to stay awake. I was so relieved when we could finally escape. The hosts are lovely and had made a fabulous meal but Bore Brother spoiled the whole night.


FrauMoose Mon 29-Jul-13 16:01:26

I once went to an awkward dinner party with a woman I rather liked.

I think her background was quite down-to-earth. Later in life she'd acquired - and subsequentlyhed - a rich executive husband, which meant she was particularly keen to do things properly. This meant that with it being a dinner party and all, she wanted her leather jacketed left wing academic boyfriend to wear a suit and tie. Which he had refused to do.

At the time I had a three month old baby, who I was breastfeedin. My friend seemed vaguely horrified that I'd be bringing the baby, but couldn't actually get it together to disinvite me.

What with her disapproving of boyfriend's lack of tie and me for sticking the baby up my blouse at intervals, it was rather a tense evening.

AnotherStitchInTime Mon 29-Jul-13 19:33:42

Worst dinner party was my own.

At Uni I lived with 3 guys, all lovely.

One night we had a dinner party for some friends. Lovely roast beef and a chocolate fondue with fruit for pudding. One flat mate couldn't be there.

Unbeknown to me the missing flat mate had been exhibiting some strange behaviour of late (I had been working and staying at my then boyfriend's flat, so not home much).

He arrived back in the middle of dessert and started behaving very erratically. He then tried to strangle another of my flatmates and all the male guests had to pull him off and restrain him while he calmed down.

I called the Police as he then attempted to drive in his car, they spoke to him and he then disappeared all night.

BerylStreep Mon 29-Jul-13 19:52:15

Cocolepew grin

I can cope with poor food but when at BILs you get about 50mls of wine then they put the bottle away!

chipmonkey Mon 29-Jul-13 21:21:07

I had friends who used to do that too, but they seem to have learned their lesson!grin

Groovee Mon 29-Jul-13 21:40:07

Another shock

TeeManyMartoonis Sun 19-Jan-14 00:05:16

So I read this thread fairly aghast a few months ago. Tonight I can now add my own:

- Got to the house of a friend of a friend who had invited us for dinner. We wee running about 15 mins late so I texted him to say we were sorry and we were on our way (they live in london, long journey, and we were asked to be there at 6-6.30??) We arrived and he ushered us into the living room where there were some bowls and a saucepan. he said they had already eaten 1st course but eh could re-heat it. We said that if it wasn't too much trouble, that would be lovely. So 1st course comes out - it is tinned soup and bread. Fine, ok. I have a little bit (not much in the pan for two of us). he then starts saying about cake and biscuits, which he brings out (still in their boxes) and puts on the table.

And that was it. Not even a glass of wine.

I am still in shock.

ZingSweetApple Sun 19-Jan-14 00:44:15


Vintagecakeisstillnice Mon 20-Jan-14 20:54:22

Mine isn't so much bad as just odd.

We were invited to a friends of OHs, at this point I'd not meet his wife. Anyway knowing that friend was a chef was really looking forward to it.
Can't remember what the starter was, but the main was a chicken casserole. It was the blandest thing I have ever eaten, seriously it tasted of nothing. . .

But the wine was good and plentiful and the wife and I hit it off, so that was great. Anyway at some point in the night she mentioned that they'd been visiting family and severally of them were elderly and poorly and the night they got back she was desperate for a curry. So we assumed they got in to the habit of cooking blandly while away.

We had them over with some other mutual friends, we had a curry night (OH is Anglo-Indian) we made several dishes going from mild to blow your head off. Both of them dived on the hottest dishes.

A few nights out at restaurants where they both order and eat adventurously, then they invite us back again, with another couple, this time game pie again even the home made pastry tasted of nothing. Seriously you'd actually have to go to lengths to make food this bland. It's so odd.

The worst thing is they are lovely! Really nice people, and she is sooo proud of her husband cooking, to say anything would hurt both of them.
We love spending time with them but I can't eat another meal like that.

alwaysworryingmum Tue 21-Jan-14 00:47:56

I loved my friend's dinner party's. She'd quite often invite us over for supper too.

I stayed over for a few days after moving away to a different area.

She'd scraped dinner plates clean into a pan then serve up guests left-over food again the next day as supper.

cithkadston Sat 25-Jan-14 11:11:54

Some friends invited us to their house for a Sunday lunchtime roast. We duly arrived at 11am as per their invite, only to find that not only was nothing being cooked, they hadn't even bought any food yet, and their cooker wasn't working and they wanted DH to help them fix it!

Cue me sitting bored in their house for hours whilst the cooker was getting fixed. At about 3pm the woman finally decided to go to the supermarket to get something in to eat. she got back at about 4pm and dinner (which was actually quite nice) wasn't served until gone 6.

God knows why I just sat there all day! These days I'd get up and leave!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now