Mumsnet top 40

(150 Posts)
LassieGoHome Fri 14-Jun-13 19:54:29

To the tune of I wanna dance with somebody

Clocks strikes upon the hour,
And the buns begin to fade.
Still enough time to figure out,
How to put my <wine> away.
I've done alright up 'til now,
It's the Daily Fail that shows me how,
And when the night falls, AIBU calls.

Oh! I wanna chat with somebody.
I wanna shoot the breeze with somebody.
Yeah! I wanna chat with somebody,
And be told YANBU.

Theselittlelightsofmine Fri 14-Jun-13 20:02:13

grin Go for it

grin You have a lot of time on your hands.

Me too!

To the tun of 'Hit me baby one more time'

My loneliness is killing me
And I
I must confess that I still judge (i still judge)
When I mumsnet I lose my mind
Give me some wine
Pass the pombears one last time

To the tune of 5ive 'Keep on moving'

I woke up today with this feeling
That mumsnet will be the start of my day
And if the OPs are trolling
Olivias telling me not to say

When the boring threads are dying,
Gotta keep on, keep on trying,
All the sausage rolls are flying (ahh),
Never look oh you gotta hold on and
Not stop 'til the trolls have fucked off and
Keep moving, don't stop Mnetting(ahh)

These are fantastic!!!smile

LassieGoHome Fri 14-Jun-13 20:18:19

grin to A Million Love Songs Later:

Put your head against my posts
What do you say
A million words just trying to make
The AIBU of the day
Close your eyes but don't hold back
What you have judged
A lass who's trying to say three words
And tell you where you've fudged

A million flounces later
And here I am trying to tell you that I don't care
A million flounces later
And here I am

I like to report it, report it
I like to report it, report it
I like to report it, report it
You like to troll it

I made it through the AIBU
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how wrong I was
Until I found Mumsnet

I was told to slow cook meat
I'd been bad, all I had was not naice ham
you made me buy
Yeah, you made me buy
hummus and pesto to try

FeralStreep Fri 14-Jun-13 20:29:37

When the kids have gone to bed
Is there time for one more thread
One more thread
Take your wine in hand

I wanna sit down
I wanna log on
I wanna tell you
I wanna shine on
In this viper's nest
I wanna read about booble plates
Cubes of poo and all the rest

I've got ham but it's really naice ham
I've got ham but it's really naice ham


Forgot to say that's to the tune of 'Like a virgin'

coughingbean Fri 14-Jun-13 20:59:00

jeez hmm grin

LassieGoHome Fri 14-Jun-13 20:59:49

That's the stuff! grin

To: When will I be famous

Yes you're suitably smug
With controlled crying and the red rug
Yes you are
Well you've read the mumsnet blogs
And you've started to type <snogs>
You're the best by far
But you keep asking the question
One you're not supposed to mention

When will I, will I be Royal?
I can't answer, I can't answer that
When will I see I agree with xx?
I can't answer, I can't answer that
And I can't tell you when
You'll see your post up in classics
When will I, will I be royalty?

To the tune of Abba's 'Dancing Queen

AnyFucker could be a guy
Night is young and the goadings high
With a bit of TalcandTurnips , everything is diagrammed
You're in the mood for a chat
And when you MrsJay

You are the posting queen
Young and bored, only twentytwo
Posting queen, feel the sting
From the judgy pants, oh yeah

You can post, you can laugh
Passing the time of your life
Ooh see that MammaTJ, watch that SparklingBrook
Dig in you posting queens

LassieGoHome Fri 14-Jun-13 21:07:39

You gotta troll with it
You gotta make up lies
You gotta rant away and lurch
Don't let anybody use advance search
'Cause it's all too much
For me to fake

AnyFucker could be a guy
Night is young and the goadings high
With a bit of TalcandTurnips , everything is diagrammed
You're in the mood for a chat
And when you see MrsJay

You are the posting queen
Young and bored, only twentytwo
Posting queen, feel the sting
From the judgy pants, oh yeah

You can post, you can laugh
Passing the time of your life
Ooh see that MammaTJ, watch that SparklingBrook
Dig in you posting queens

That's better

So I lurk yeah
Just lurking on the down low
So nobody knows I'm here
So I lurk yeah

Ooh SPs I love a bit of Abba. I thought you would do a Cliff number. grin

To the tune of our Cliff's 'Mistletoe and Wine'

Mumsnet time, Pombears and Gin
Children neglected but its ok its benign
With a knob head neighbour and no kids named Demi-Leigh
A thread about how Peter loves his kids

A thread for saving, a thread for laughing
A thread to leave the basterd, hes deceiving,
Perving and discussing and judging ever after.

Unashamed bump as I'm enjoying tis grin

LassieGoHome Fri 14-Jun-13 21:39:02

me too, grin, DH is at work and DS is in bed. I need entertaining.

I've run out of ideas sad

Brilliant SPs. <standing ovation>

I have no ideas. sad

Where's all the creative MNetters? They normally rush to these threads

Go over to the Drunk Thread and lure some over with your witty charm SPs.

LassieGoHome Fri 14-Jun-13 21:48:38

I know, sad maybe I should go back to my usual name wink

And we need Talc for some illustrations.

Ill head over now! Might come back intoxicated though

I have drunk all my Black Cherry cider.

LassieGoHome Fri 14-Jun-13 21:50:00

oooh, that sounds tasty!

Not as much as you would think Lassie. Slightly disappointing.

LassieGoHome Fri 14-Jun-13 21:53:11

I love normal cider, when I was up the pole with DS I craved it day and night. dunno what that says about me/him

We're caught on a site
I cant log out
Because I need you too much mumsnet

Why can't you see
That you're controlling me
No one seems to believe a word I say?

I can't post on here
With suspicious minds
And we can't post our thoughts
without suspicious minds

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Fri 14-Jun-13 22:07:49

Last Friday night
Yeah we had a drunken thread
But I shoulda gone to bed
When I started a new thread

Last Friday night
Baby heave stuck up for me
But it was still quite funny
It was my first flaming

Next Friday night, do it all again........


Natural grin

What is real life?
Is Mumsnet just fantasy?
Caught in a Bunfight
To escape from reality
Open your prodile
Look up to the roundup and see
I'm just a bored woman, I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy post, easy judge
A little drunk, little mad
Anyway the thread goes, doesn't really matter to me, to me



SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit Fri 14-Jun-13 22:40:38

Avoiding all work
While mumsnet's available
Pro-pampas grass swingers
Count car keys
On 1-2-3-4-5 fingers
Life at centreparcs
Is paranoid
On the vino
Take your chances...

To the tune of girls and boys, by blur. The chorus holds good.

NumTumDeDum Fri 14-Jun-13 22:43:40

To the tune of Valerie (Amy Winehouse version)

Well sometimes I stay in by myself
And look across the talk boards
And I think of all the things what cha doing
And in my head I'm quietly judging

Oh since I've been on board
Well my house has been a mess
And I've missed your classic threads
And the way you like stress
Won't you come and argue?
Stop making me out unreasonable
Won't you come and argue, argue with me?

Did you have to read the Mail?
Put your links on up to see, did you click on cliff richards?
I hope you didn't catch a flame
I hope everyone thinks you're yanbu
Are you shopping anywhere
Changed the colour of your hair? Try style and beauty
And did you have to change your name?
You were goaded all the time, are you still pissy?

grin Knew people would turn up with their creative selfs

LineRunner Fri 14-Jun-13 22:52:12

Judgey judgey night
Paint your drunk thread blue and grey
Look out here comes Father's Day
My eyes have seen the weasels and the trolls

Cannot pay the bills
Asda robbed me at the tills
Got dog shit on my espadrilles
When walking past the trolleys by Iceland

Dreadful underpants
Leave the bastard, cling to me;
Let us wallow in our pedantry
And then Mumsnet will set us free

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit Fri 14-Jun-13 23:09:46

<Weeps gently> dog shit on espadrilles. Duuude.
And Valerie.

You guys. <chucks randoms on shoulders with a manly boff>


Morning SPs. I still have no inspiration. sad

Tiredmumno1 Sat 15-Jun-13 08:12:16

Fantastic grin

SP you are brilliant. wine x 1,000000

You cant just post that. Get a song done Tired and SB

My brain is too full of bum/oral sex I can't possibly think of songs too!!

NumTumDeDum Sat 15-Jun-13 12:09:57

Ode to I'mtoohecsyforyourparty
To the tune of I'm too sexy (obvs)

I'm to hecsy for mn, too hecsy for mn
So hecsy it hurts

And I'm too hecsy for AIBU, Too hecsy for AIBU
No way I'm AIBU

I'm on mumsnet, you know what I mean
As I post my opinions on the forum
On forum, oh on the forum yeah
I post my opinions on the forum


NumTumDeDum Sat 15-Jun-13 12:26:50

Oh hang on before the Capitals police arrive that should have been I'mTooHecsyForYourParty. Also I think the line should be: No way I'm being unreasonable not AIBU.

Can you tell it's dd's contact weekend and I have too much time on my hands? wink


MNHQ should bring these out as a MN Album.

Olivia could sing them grin

mrsdinklage Sat 15-Jun-13 12:56:31

SP's - we need more - these are great

KalevalaForMePlease Sat 15-Jun-13 13:05:57

Well at first I was afraid, I was petrified
Felt I'd never belong on mumsnet or online,
And I spent oh so many nights just lurking on the boards
But I grew strong, and I learned how to spot the troll...

And so I'm here, on AIBU,
I'm not some busy little person with better things to do,
And so you felt like starting a thread about parking or getting wed,
Now I'm saving all my vitriol for you!

Foooorrrrr yooooooouuuuu!

LittleMissGerardButlerfan Sat 15-Jun-13 13:09:27

Can I do a netmums one?

To the tune of we are young

We are huns
So lets set the swearers on fire
And put our reusables in the drier
And set tickers about our son

That's the best I can do, I'm no Talc grin

KalevalaForMePlease Sat 15-Jun-13 13:20:17

Kevala used to work for the man
Then she had a baby, spent more time at home, for love,
Oooh, for luuurrrve

Kevala dreamed of mumsnetting all day
Telling people LTB, YABU, it's tough,
So tough

We gotta post on, ready or not,
It doesn't make a difference if you're yoni or not,
We've got each other, a bunch of vipers,
We live for AIBU!

Woah, we're half way there,
Woah ho, living on mumsnet,
Take my hand, don't be afraid to swear,

Woah ho, living on mumsnet,
You live for the bun fights when it's all you've got left!

KalevalaForMePlease Sat 15-Jun-13 13:21:39

Kalevala, obvs.
Stupid autocorrect, ruining my creativity!

You lot are fan-bloomin'-tastic. Especially SPs Bohemium Rhapsody, that was truly inspired.

I've nominated this thread for classics.

KalevalaForMePlease Sat 15-Jun-13 13:40:51

Tumble out of bed, stumble to the laptop,
Pour myself a cup of entitlement,
And tut and sneer at all the losers online,

Jump on AIBU and the blood starts pumping,
Someone's put a poem in a wedding invite,
Folks like me will bring that person down to size!

Posting on mumsnet, what a way to spend your morn,
Gotta keep on top of all the wank badgers and trolls
Feel like I'm wasting my time cos they never LTB,
It's enough to make me actually sit and play with DD!

NumTumDeDum Sat 15-Jun-13 14:30:03

Kalevala what's the tune for the last one? I got Livin' on a prayer for t'other.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 15-Jun-13 14:30:10

grin num

NumTumDeDum Sat 15-Jun-13 14:35:06


No matter what Olivia tells us
No matter she says
No matter what Mumsnet teachs us
What we post its true

No matter what The One Show says
However Gina attacks
No matter what they call us
We'll always have each others back

I nip into RL for a couple of hours and this is what I come back to? Very happy.

where's Lassie the thread creater?

Two lines on the 'No matter what' can be altered.

'No matter what The Wright Stuff say'

we no that mitmoo will be back

^ That's the proper version. The other is the radio edit grin

amazingmumof6 Sat 15-Jun-13 15:00:37

people disturbing when I'm on MN should really be told:

"Don't stop me now,
I'm having such a good time,
I'm writing a post
Don't bug me now, I don't wanna stop at all!"

a la Queen

not very creative, but you get the gistgrin

Tiredmumno1 Sat 15-Jun-13 15:01:46

Sorry I vanished, I shall think about it, and pop back if I can think of one smile

<this could take a while> grin

To the tune of Despicable Me by Pharrell

pim having a bad bad day
its about time that I made a thread
steam coming out of my ears
oh judgemental me

I'm having a bad bad day
If you make personal attacks thats ok,
Olivia thinks its so fun to see, huh
Judgemental me

[Verse 1]
Why ask if you are unreasonable?
Why are you using their and not there?
Why use a nickname without capitals?
Why do you troll? is that all you got?
Why do you like seeing people in shock?
But my question to you is why twat?
Why go to the shop and in a onesie?
Just get dressed when you go for gin

lissieloo Sat 15-Jun-13 15:13:28

I'm still here SPs! took ds to the fair this morning.

lissieloo Sat 15-Jun-13 15:21:27

To Frankie Valli's I Love You Baby:

You know that YABU
Can’t take the tru-uth
You know the grapes aren't to touch
You make such a fuss
At long last Justine arrived
And I thank God that I drive
You know that YABU
No P&T space for you

I love you Mumsnet
And if it’s quite all right
I need you Mumsnet
To cheer my boring night
I love you Mumsnet
Trust in Cod when I say
Oh, Style & Beauty
Don’t bring me down I pray
Oh, Chat and Classics
Now that I found you, stay and let me love you
MN let me love you...

NumTumDeDum Sat 15-Jun-13 15:26:23

I like to post it, post it
You like to post it, post it
We like to post it, post it

A la Reel to Reel

Num I have already done that tune

<shakes head in disbelief>


Tiredmumno1 Sat 15-Jun-13 15:35:49

It's crap (advance warning) gringrin

Mumsnetters just wanna have fun (tune of girls just wanna have fun)

I log in, in the morning light,
My DH says when you gonna get off that site,
Oh husband, dear
We are the important ones,
And MNers, they wanna have fu-un
Oh MNers, wanna have fun.

The trolls post in the middle of the night,
Olivia yells, read our guidelines,
Oh Olivia, dear,
You know you're still number one,
But MNers wanna have fun,
Oh MNers just wanna have fu-un.


Tired That is ace! I even sang it to the tune!

NumTumDeDum Sat 15-Jun-13 15:44:30

SPs I never said I was original! grin

Tiredmumno1 we demand more!

Tiredmumno1 Sat 15-Jun-13 15:48:28

grin So very glad you enjoyed <phew>

More??? Wasn't expecting that, I'll have a think wink

lissieloo Sat 15-Jun-13 15:50:46

these are all ace, btw.

Tiredmumno1 Sat 15-Jun-13 16:04:01

A quick verse for you lurkers smile

I will de-lurk (tune of I will survive)

At first I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinking I could never reply without you judging me,
But then I spent so many minutes thinking how you don't know me,
and I grew strong, and learned how to respond.

LineRunner Sat 15-Jun-13 16:19:06

lissie I love that song and I love your version. smile

Tiredmumno1 Sat 15-Jun-13 16:22:12

The end of Mumsnetters wanna have fun -

When the working day is done,
Oh MNers wanna have fu-un,
Oh MNers, just wanna have fun.

Some MNers take a boring thread,
and turn it into a funny classic,
I wanna be the one to be lots of fun,
Oh MNers wanna have fun.

(Copyright Tiredmum) grin

Not the best of finishes, I just didn't want to leave it with no ending grin

FoundAChopinLizt Sat 15-Jun-13 16:28:19

I lie awake
There's a topic
Riddled by a troll

And do you know
The place to go

When you're feeling old?

The Style and Beauty thread
Will sort out your bed head

And if you think your love life's dead
Try Reationships instead

And through it all
You offer me affection
A lot of love and direction
Whether I'm right or wrong

And if you are a troll
I might just be a fake Me
So go ahead and hunt me

I'm reporting you instead.

FoundAChopinLizt Sat 15-Jun-13 16:30:41

Angels, btw blush

LineRunner Sat 15-Jun-13 16:44:56

ChopinLizt I just sang that grin

nenevomito Sat 15-Jun-13 16:45:39

Bohemian Mumsnetty

Look how my life's changed
Since having the baby
I'm overwhelmed
By the choices that now face me
I'll go on line to have a whine and see
There is a forum
It holds answers for me

Because its baby come, baby grow
Toddler strop, school they go
Evil smelly teens then
Nest is empty again
You see.

Mumsnet, just fed my child
On a Gregg’s sausage roll
When he's just turned 6 months old

Mumsnet I've just had a race
Crashed my car into the last
Parent - child space

Mumsnet Oooooh
How did I miss that…
My husband was a lying cheating twat?
His affairs
Carried on
Should I just leave the bastard?

Too late, I have to go
I'm on here every night; I'm addicted to the site
Goodbye everybody; AIBU?
Going hide you threads and post in somewhere new.
Mumsnet Ooooh
I don't want to flounce
But sometimes wish I'd never logged on at all...

I see a little silhouette of a clique
No not us! No not us! We are really quiet lovely!
Put all the in-jokes on: Purpose of the thread gone eek!

You're so luffly
No your're luffly
You're so luffly
No YOU'RE luffly
You're so luffly
Luffs you so!

I'm gonna blow!

I'm just a step mum nobody loves me
She's just a step mum from a step family
Must not complain about her DSD.

Trends may come trends may go, Per Una is no
Yes Boden, though Per Una is a no
(it’s a no) Yes Boden! Per Una is a no
(it’s a no) Yes Boden! Per una is a no
(it’s a no) Una is a no
(It's a no) Una is a no (its a no) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Style and Beauty, Style and Beauty, Style and Beauty let me go
Beelzebub has some Mum Boots put aside for me
For me
For meeeeeeee!


So you think your opion on here's all that?
Be it feeding or homework or kids who are fat?
Oh, baby, better breastfeed that baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

But! Then we help each other, giving time for free,
That's what really matters,
That's what really matters to me...

In Bohemiam Mumsnet-eeeeeeeee!

nenevomito Sat 15-Jun-13 16:48:07

I may have posted this one before, but....

Sockpuppet 2000

They always post within 5 mins of each other.
They claim to be friend or their sister or brother.
They are a sock puppet, sock puppet
and they annoy a bit
Oh they thought that when it kicked off,
they could name change and back up their stuff
oh They always do it, when they've been acting like a shit.

Oh Mumsnet, do you recall?
When the site was quite small,
You recognised us all.
and when the puppets came to call,
You'd notice them and banned them all.

So I said let's go an post on AIBU.
Won't it be fun to back up ourselves too.
Be there at 2 o'clock and I'll troll there about poo.
I can claim that I'm the OPs mate
And that I know fact! everything is true
Just to pointlessly get one over on you.

You post
Your Boyfriend left you

You were the first girl at school to get breasts.
Martyn said that yours were the best.
The boys all loved you but I was a mess.
I had to watch them trying to get you undressed.
We were friends but that was as far as it went.
I used to walk you home sometimes but it meant,
oh it meant nothing to you,
cos you were so popular.

Oh Mumsnet, do you recall?
When the site was quite small,
You recognised us all.
and when the puppets came to call,
We didn't notice them at all.

I said let's all meet up in the year 2000.
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown.
Be there at 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road.
I never knew that you'd get married.
I would be living down here on my own
on that damp and lonely Thursday years ago.

Oh yeah,
oh yeah.

Oh Mumsnet, do you recall?
When the site was quite small,
You recognised us all.
and when the puppets came to call,
We didn't notice them at all.

I said let's all meet up in the year 2000.
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown.
Be there at 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road.
I never knew that you'd get married.
I would be living down here on my own,
on that damp and lonely Thursday years ago.
Oh what are you doing Sunday baby.
Would you like to come and meet me maybe?
You can even bring your baby.
Ohhh ooh ooh. Ooh ooh ooh ooh.
What are you doing Sunday baby.
Would you like to come and meet me maby?
You can even bring your baby.
Ooh ooh oh. Ooh ooh ooh ooh. Ooh ooh ooh ooh. Oh.

This reminds me of school where you'd get the first line of a poem or essay and have to finish it off...

I'm disappointed, but not surprised that
I've not been banned yet, though I act like a twat
by starting threads all over this here website
with no purpose at all 'cept for stirring up shite.

nenevomito Sat 15-Jun-13 16:49:23

oh COCK I've just posted the half written version.
Cock cock cock cock cock.
Let me go and find the proper one.

FoundAChopinLizt Sat 15-Jun-13 16:53:51


Thanks, my life has meaning now wink

Get lucky by daft punk

She's up all night to throw buns
I'm up all night, I'm no hun
We're up all night it's such fun
We're up all night to check mumsnet

We've come too far
To admit that we are
I am no troll
So fuck off
Wank badger


lissieloo Sat 15-Jun-13 17:38:29

Ah, babyheave, I knew you'd come through grin

LineRunner Sat 15-Jun-13 17:52:44

babyheave rhapsody is brilliant. smile

Baby You have mad skilz! grin

To the tune of Rudimentals 'Waiting all night'

I've been waiting all night for you to
update the thread, update, tell me, tell me that you did now
I've been waiting all night for you to
Oh, oh, update me with what you did yeah
I've been waiting all night for you to
update me with what you did, tell me, tell me what you did now

Quick one while I'm sat on the bus

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Sat 15-Jun-13 19:54:41

I remember when I flounced off the first time
Saying, "This is it, I've had enough," 'cause like
People thought that I was a troll
So i said I needed space. (What?)
Then I come around again and say
"Mumsnet I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me."
Remember how that lasted for a day?
I say, "I hate you," I log off, you mail me, "I love you."

Ooh, I drank too much wine last night
But ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you

We are always, always, always gonna check the active
We are always, always, always gonna look for bunfights
I'll go check on my thread, check on your threads, check on me.
But we are never ever ever gonna leave mumsnet

Like, ever...

I'm really gonna miss the trolling fights
And me falling for it screaming that I'm right
And you would report, calm and find your peace of mind
With some thread title that's much cooler than mine

Ooh, you sent me a round up again tonight
But ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you

We are never, ever, ever leaving mumsnet
We are never, ever, ever leaving mumsnet

Ooh, yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Oh oh oh


Very good naturalblonde grintook me until ooooh to get the song and I had to start again

KalevalaForMePlease Sat 15-Jun-13 23:20:49

Argh! So sorry! My last one is to the tune of the great Dolly Parton's 9 to 5

KalevalaForMePlease Sat 15-Jun-13 23:35:03

Natural blonde, I love that one! Rhapsody is my favourite though

Very good.

Now That's What I Call Mumsnet


lissieloo Sun 16-Jun-13 15:00:48

To Pulp's Common People

She lived down south, she had just had a baby
She thought that stay at home mums were lazy
She chose her name, and then was flamed
She posted that her H was loaded
I said "do you give your children coca-cola
She said "sure"
And then she goaded some more, she said

"I want to live like common people
I want to do whatever common people do
I want to talk with common people
I want to talk with common people like you"
Well what else could I do?
I said "I can see that you are new"

She said she shopped at a farmers market
I don't know why
But I had call her a silly mare
She didn't care
I said "do you ever shop at Asda"
but she just laughed
and said "I like their pasta"
I said "Yeah
I'm not sure you'll fit in here
Are you sure

you want to live like common people
you want to see whatever common people see
you want to sleep with common people
you want to sleep with common people like me?"
But she didn't know what to do
she just posted in AIBU

Use Ocado for your shop
Mumsnet haircut and ask "who's Cod?"
Wear some Boden and home school
Pretend you never act the fool
But still you'll never get it right
'cos when you're in a new bunfight
watching posters climb the wall
if you emailed HQ they could stop it all

Can we have a vote MN?

CatherineHMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 16-Jun-13 15:32:18

These are all brilliant. Now what we need is for someone to make us a mixtape playlist.

Someone needs to find a singer. This could be in the shops for Christmas. We need to ring Gareth Malone! grin

amazingmumof6 Sun 16-Jun-13 16:36:28

I can sing

Tiredmumno1 Sun 16-Jun-13 17:03:29

I demand a free copy grin

I thought Olivia could sing.

Talc can do album cover

Sparkling can make costumes from poundland materials


Tiredmumno1 Sun 16-Jun-13 17:05:30

And I love Now That's What I Call Mumsnet wink

To Carelless Whisper

I'm never gonna post again
Flaming me aint got no reason
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you think I'm BU
I should have known better than to start a thread
And try make you see that I'm right
So I'm never gonna post again
The way I used to before


amazingmumof6 Sun 16-Jun-13 23:37:14

SP who is Olivia and why am I being sidelined for major singing part? shock

I said I can sing, but seemingly that's not good enough - would I have to be MN royalty or something to be considered? confused

now I'm sad

<sulks in corner>

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Mon 17-Jun-13 00:00:39

It's nothing personal, amazingmum, honestly.

Olivia is the Mod Who Sings (when she doesn't have a cough). Last Christmas she sang this song for StateofConfusion's new baby.

Fantastic thread.

I've posted in Chat -
Time after time -
I've had my flaming
But committed no crime -
And deleted posts
I've had a few
I've had my share of wrist slaps from HQ -
But I've come through

We are the Mumsnetters, my friends.
And we'll keep on chatting - till the end -
We are the Mumsnetters -
We are the Mumsnetters
No time for Netmums
Cos we are the Mumsnetters - of the world -

I've taken advice
And made plenty of friends -
You brought me support and strength and everything that goes with it -
We're here till the end
(unless we flounce)

It's been Classics and quiches
Woolly Hugs and AIBUs
We consider it a challenge to fill HQ with gin -
And we ain't gonna lose -

We are the Mumsnetters, my friends.
And we'll keep on chatting - till the end -
We are the Mumsnetters -
We are the Mumsnetters
No time for Netmums
Cos we are the Mumsnetters - of the world -

Nagoo Mon 17-Jun-13 00:05:36

What a fab thread!

I'll be back!

amazingmumof6 Mon 17-Jun-13 00:31:02

ok empress I see. <stops sulking>

I don't care for fame, I was only offering to help. smile

"OP MN style!"

amazingmumof6 Mon 17-Jun-13 00:32:20

that should have been:


"OP MN style!"

SirBoobAlot Mon 17-Jun-13 00:47:33

A bit of Cher for you...

No matter how hard you try,
Can't stop me posting on that site.
No you can't break through;
It's VVU of you.
There's pombears on the table,
There's gin and wine on the side.
And you know that by 9 o'clock,
There's gonna be a thread to hide, oh!

Do you believe in life after mumsnet?
I can hear something inside me say,
"Don't be a dick, you're always posting".
Do you believe in life after mumsnet?
I can hear something inside me say,
"Don't be a dick you're always posting at onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne am.
Onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne am."

SirBoobAlot Mon 17-Jun-13 00:54:40

Someone needs to write a song about Terry Wogan's cock. The 'thing', not the poster...

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Mon 17-Jun-13 01:00:59


JoyMachine Mon 17-Jun-13 01:08:03

Babyheave- your Bohemian Rhapsody is brilliant! Scan properly and everything. (But I notice most posters are using AIBU. As 4 syllables, whereas I always pronounce it "eye-boo" in my head!)

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Mon 17-Jun-13 02:01:15

Maybe it's because I'm a Mumsnetter

Mumsnet isn't everybody's cup of tea
Often you hear outsiders complain
Nasty bunch of vipers but it seems to me
Nowhere else is quite the same.

Maybe it's because I'm a Mumsnetter
That I love Mumsnet so
Maybe it's because I'm a Mumsnetter
That I think AIBU? wherever I go
I've packed pombears and gin in my OFRS
Got my MN scarf and haircut on show
Maybe it's because I'm a Mumsnetter
That I love Mumsnet so.

Amazingmumof6 how about -

Iiiiiiiiii need a new scarf
This, this, this, this
Is the mumsnet style

To psy? Obviously I know no other words so can't carry on grin

Amazing You can share vocals. Also need backing dancers for the music videos that need making grin

amazingmumof6 Mon 17-Jun-13 17:17:18

fandago - yep, that's good!grin

SP - excellent!
I ain't dancing on a video though - unless if you manage to get me drunk and let me dance on a table!grin

However, I would be able to copy the crazy complicated moves of the background singers on Robert Palmer's "Addicted to love"!grin

and I would be happy to copy the look!

LineRunner Mon 17-Jun-13 17:24:52

One, Two, legs apart, that's a fine cock
Nice beige corduroys, nestling that cock
Pass me the brain bleach, head's full of cock
We're gonna dance round Wogan's cock tonight

Put your glad rags on and join me hun
For God's sake no-one make him come

We're gonna floral dance round Wogan's cock tonight

amazingmumof6 Mon 17-Jun-13 17:31:10

"I logged on to Mumsnet on a Monday

posted loads on Tuesday

got into a bunfight on Wednesday
and on Thursday & Friday & Saturday

so had to flounce on Sunday"

(Craig David /7 days)

lissieloo Mon 17-Jun-13 17:45:43

Nothing you can say,
can tear me away from naice ham.
Nothing you can do
could make me untrue
to naice ham

Can a long-time lurker have a crack? Not that this is my sentiment, but it went with the song!

To the tune of "Rockstars"

Well I’ve been posting in line
But feel I’m never going to win
My threads are never classics
And ‘lighthearted’s wearing thing
And I’m further now from Royalty
Than I ever thought I could be

(tell me what you want)

I want some new in-jokes about a Yoni in Hull,
A cheeky wedding invite from a soon-to-be SIL
And a toddler who demands a cutted-up-pair from me

(so what you gonna do)

I’m gonna lurk and post til I reach fame,
And I will make an amusing user naaaaame….

Cos we all just wanna be mumsnet stars
Eating greggs and pombears at the best wine bar
With scarves and haircuts and real naice ham
Everybody’s got an indoor picnic plan
And we’ll hang out in the best soft play
With some PA comments if you're in our way
There’ll be no parties without RSVP’s
And the judgey pants will be down by our knees…
Yeah, we’ll all be mumsnet stars
Yeeaaahh we’ll all be mumsnet stars

Line That's a number 1 song right there grin music video of just a close up of TC thrusting

Revel You have skills

LineRunner Mon 17-Jun-13 18:19:52

Thank you, SP, I did feel suitably revolted as I wrote it.

|biscuitbiscuit MUMSNET SINGS ~ the album biscuitbiscuit|
| 99 CLASSIC hits including: hmmhmmhmmhmmhmm|
| -five that you may have heard of angryangryangry|
| -the rest: shameless filler blushblushblush Ronco|
|. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|

Tracks include:

King of the Goad Wankbadger Miller
It's Not Unreasonable Liz Jones
These Mum Boots are Made For Walking Fancy Sinatra
Sock Puppet on a String Banned-y Shaw
Living Poo Troll Cliff Dickhead
Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Boak Tree Tony Poorlando
Bridge Over Rivers of Sweetcorn Simon & Carbuncle
L.E.A.V.E.T.H.E.B.A.S.T.A.R.D. Naice Hammy Wynette
Summer Fights John Revolta & OliviaMumsnet
Bum Sexyback Justin Timbergland
Blue Mooncup The Arsels
Life is a StealthBoaster Ronan Bleating

...and many, many more

LineRunner Mon 17-Jun-13 18:39:09

Oh Talc. Dear, dear Talc. grin

Oh Talc I have been awaiting your arrival.

Cuba of Poo-a by the Gibson Brothers

Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a
Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a

A poo on the conveyor - right next to her mate
She looked and said "what's that - is it some pate?"

Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a
Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a

It came from the nappy - sliced through the troll-ee
A perfect cube of poo for all to see

Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a
Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a

Talc Bravo!


EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Mon 17-Jun-13 21:37:37

We have to do a Mumsnet Christmas album. Really.

We need MNHQ to sort it grin

amazingmumof6 Tue 18-Jun-13 09:01:31

"Her name is Lola,
she is a mamma,
with greasy greying hair
and a dress with sick in there.
the fridge is empty
and No Banana...."

( Copacabana)

amazingmumof6 Tue 18-Jun-13 22:53:31

I'm wide awake, you're in my arms and screaming
You're in pain, coz you are teething,
But it's 4 am! I'm seething..
We tried Dentinox, Bonjela and Calgel
Desperately begging Mumsnet for an answer
Coz every moment spent like this makes me feel like a failure!

I really wanna close my eyes,
I just wanna fall asleep
Would do anything, babe
But I won't put you in a sling!
I'm running out of patience now
I wanna help you, tell me how
Would do anything, but
I'm not driving and I won't sing!

Lying in my bed hyperventilating,
And I'm wondering what you're feeling
Why the fuck you are not sleeping
Then I realize
it's 5am! I'm crying!
I just want to end this night, because this is a nightmare
a nightmare, a nightmare

I really wanna close my eyes...


Shaky Tue 18-Jun-13 23:21:58

Please may I add my "Mumsnet Prayer"

Our Mumsnet, who art in HQ,
YABU be thy name
Thy biscuits come,
They will ge gone, with gin,
Naice ham and froot shoots
Give us this day our daily parking thread
And forgive us our sweariness
As we forgive trolls that trespass against us
And lead us not into the bunfight
But deliveries from waitrose
For greggs sausage rolls
The Pombears and the bumsex

Olivia, Olivia


Shaky Tue 18-Jun-13 23:48:40

I apologise to anybody who may have found my above post offensive. It was not meant as derogatory in any way and I was not making fun of the Lords Prayer.

I did not mean to offend anyone. I am sorry.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Wed 19-Jun-13 01:29:25

I am not offended, I am amused grin

If that helps.

Tiredmumno1 Wed 19-Jun-13 10:45:45

Ahem MNHQ, why is this not in classics yet, you cannot let these creative songs get deleted grin

Shaky grin I was thinking of doing one the same but thought I'd end up been flamed!

Amazingmum that Aerosmith is awesome, is beautifully captured the despair of the sleepless night wink

amazingmumof6 Wed 19-Jun-13 14:42:25

thanks Fandago - I wrote it a while ago. after a crap night of about 2 hours of sleep!

(obviously added the Mumsnet bit to fit )

I never thought I could ever "publish" it - it was only for my amusement.

I should have added that he band who sings my version is callled "Aerosick" grin

To the tune of KILLER QUEEN, by, er, Queen:

She hides Vino and chocolate
In her kitchen cabinet
'Have a biscuit' she says
'But OP, Welcome to Mumsnet!'
If there is no remedy
Go for AIBU jeopardy
At anytime an invitation
We can't decline

Fruit shoots on Mumsnet?
You're not versed in etiquette
But we still may be nice

We're the Mumsnet Queens
Sometimes nice and sometimes mean
Dynamite with an L.T.B
Guaranteed to post all night
and Anytime

Recommended by your friends
Who won't tell you their user names
Wanna try?

To avoid complications
She name changes when she's in the mood
In conversation
She says "Did you mean to be so rude?"
Met a man with red flags
And this group of MN hags
Will tell you to run away
Don't be that way inclined

Naice ham came naturally from Waitrose
For pombears we'll pay through the nose
Because they're terribly nice

We're the Mumsnet Queens
Sometimes nice and sometimes mean
Dynamite with an L.T.B
Guaranteed to post all night
and Anytime

Like to sporn or paint your fence like that
Don't give me a pear like that
If your DH is out of action
Need nice trousers for your ass
If your children drive you wild, wild.
MN's the one for you

We're the Mumsnet Queens
Sometimes nice and sometimes mean
Dynamite with an L.T.B
Guaranteed to post all night
and Anytime

Recommended by your mates
Bitching at the playground gates
You wanna try...

Shaky Wed 19-Jun-13 16:46:49

To the tune of "Last Friday Night" by Katy Perry

There's a froot shoot in my bed
Thers a tin hat on my head
Pombears all over the room
Oh Fuck Rucksack in the pool
I smell like a cube of poo
Olivia's passed out in the yard
Naice ham on the barbecue

This a biscuit or a quiche?
Pictures of my thread
Reported to hq
I'm banned
Oh hell
It's a deleted post
But I'm pretty sure I'm flamed

Last Friday night
Yeah we posted on drunk thread
And we wore our flame proof suits
Think I flounced but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we started parking threads
And we threw too many buns
So we hunted out the trolls

Last Friday night
We went to centre parks
Had bumsex in the dark
Then had yoni massage

Last Friday night
Yeah I think we changed user names
Always say we're gonna sock puppet

Whoa oh

This Friday night
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again

Trying not to click on links
Don't know what dragon butter is
Think I lost my MN scarf
Hooked my judgy pants too high
Passive aggressive on the boards
MN haircut just looks shit
Think I need greggs sausage roll
That was such an epic post

Last Friday night
Think I called somebody Hun
Got offended
Threw a bun
Think we logged off but I forgot

Last Friday night
We bought twigs and pebbly shit
Left the bastard, he's a tit
So we drank all of the gin

Last Friday night
We saw Terry Wogans cock
Needed brain bleach, it's not fair
Now I think I'm scarred for life

Last Friday night
Yeah I was unreasonable
Always say ODFOF

Whoa oh
This Friday night
Do it all again

amazingmumof6 Wed 19-Jun-13 16:57:44

jeff I think I love you


amazingmumof6 Wed 19-Jun-13 19:37:23

should have gone Hendrix

"Wild Jeff
- I think I love you
- I wanna know for sure. .."grin

LittleMissGerardButlerfan Wed 19-Jun-13 22:44:31

To the tune of the Addams family

There's Justine and theres Helen
Theres Rebecca and theres Rowan
An Olivia and some Ahems
The Mumsnet family

<clicks fingers>

apologies to those who I have missed out, I'm not good with names

Talc I love the album design grin

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 21-Jun-13 11:52:33

If you see a post and don't want to smile,
If the OP is a little wild,
Click on report and make our day,
We can take all the bad posts away.

Don't stop, clicking on report,
Don't stop, we'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
That post has gone, that posters gone.

Why not think about posters to come,
And not about the things that went wrong,
If the trolls are bad to you,
Click report and call MNHQ.

Don't stop, clicking on report,
Don't stop, we'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
That post has gone, that posters gone.

This is now in Classics - thanks for the suggestion.

Ta very muchly Rebecca grin a lady of good taste and talent.

lissieloo Wed 26-Jun-13 16:46:20

Rebecca, that's ace. And thank you! I've been here 6/7 years and this is only my second Classics thread grin

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