I've just cupped my CO's penis by accident.

(290 Posts)
NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 14:50:25

I work at a friendly, very well known company and have since the very beginning of their existence. All of the original staff do hugs and kisses on the cheeks as we have worked through thick and thin together.

My CO came over to introduce me to someone who is hoping to become a corporate client and went in for a hug.

I was totally unprepared and only got one arm around, the other was left straggling and I accidentally cupped his balls.

WE BOTH KNOW I CUPPED HIS BALLS, we exchanged a 'I know you know I just felt your balls look'

I'm mning in the toilet, shuddering in shame. sad

ViviPru Wed 12-Jun-13 14:51:48

I can't visualise... I need a diagram I think

<snurk>

HormonalHousewife Wed 12-Jun-13 14:52:00

shame on you

hussy grin

emblosion Wed 12-Jun-13 14:52:08

Sorry but grin

You're going to have to resign....

foofooyeah Wed 12-Jun-13 14:52:09

Im laughing my head off!

bigTillyMint Wed 12-Jun-13 14:52:32

grin

Oh well, you are a very friendly team!

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 14:55:41

If you imagine going into an embrace, one hand is too slow to go around and gets caught in between the two bodies.. on the cock! Oh God. blush

NinetiesBitch Wed 12-Jun-13 14:55:54

grin

So. Size?

Imgonnachange Wed 12-Jun-13 14:56:58

That. is. amazing.

That's definately a conversation starter at this years X'mas party... Oi Newbiedude, remember when we first met and I grabbed a massive handful of your bollocks? grin

LIZS Wed 12-Jun-13 14:57:00

omg pmsl

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Wed 12-Jun-13 14:57:08

Is your company Ann Summers?

Areyoumadorisitme Wed 12-Jun-13 14:57:28

gringrinThat made me smile! Thanks for brightening up my afternoon!!

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 14:58:28

My hand was in a natural relaxed cup position. I instinctively flattened my palm when his crotch landed in there so didn't get a proper feel, he was in chinos so very thin material. <gag>

Trying to mn on the sly..

ParsingFancy Wed 12-Jun-13 14:59:22

Thank you, OP. grin

I feel so much better now about grappling my friend's elderly DM's breast...

DonnyOsmondsTeeth Wed 12-Jun-13 15:00:25

Is he attractive? grin

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Wed 12-Jun-13 15:00:51

you probably just made his day

Gunznroses Wed 12-Jun-13 15:01:45

I dont understand how on earth a hug turns into cupping balls shock
ARE YOU SURE IT WAS HIS BALLS? grin

whatsleep Wed 12-Jun-13 15:02:11

Oh my god that's hilarious grin I'm am cringing for you!

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 15:03:28

Sadly not Ann Summers.

He's quite posh and very authoritarian, I can imagine him telling me I cupped it all wrong.

forevercloudy Wed 12-Jun-13 15:03:41

Ha! grin

ViviPru Wed 12-Jun-13 15:03:59

Thank you Nobody. That is much clearer.

on the cock <shudder>

Hilarious grin

NoelHeadbands Wed 12-Jun-13 15:04:27

Oh no that's awful. That's the kind of shit that will wake you up screaming, in a cold sweat, just as you were dropping off to sleep sad

The only thing I have that's similar is the eye exam I had, where the optician's packet came to rest lightly on my knee hmm We both stiffened. We both knew what was happening. I could feel him trying to manoeuvre 'it' off the knee, but it was kind of caught confused. What a relief when it was all over. But at least I didn't have to face him again

elfycat Wed 12-Jun-13 15:05:58

I've done the thing where you don't realise the person is behind you and cop a quick feel. I can say that one of my colleagues wasn't wearing underwear. Yuk!

Go out and apologise. Say you have a phobia about things like that and have just spent the last 2 hours cleaning your hands, no offense meant Sir but I'd NEVER have done that on purpose.

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 15:06:17

I wish I could provide a diagram, I could draw one and then run it through the xerox but it's just too risky.

Just now I send a diagram of stick woman cupping stick mans genitals to all staff.

gunz It was definitely balls, there was a brief squishiness.

ViviPru Wed 12-Jun-13 15:08:32

Oh no Noel that's horrendous!

I do hope this thread attracts even more squirmsome tales, I'm right in the mood for them thisarvo.

cardamomginger Wed 12-Jun-13 15:08:44

grin

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 15:10:40

stifling my laughter at noel

I have runny laughter eyes from shame/cringing/finding the whole situation very funny.

grin grin

SuperiorCat Wed 12-Jun-13 15:11:36

grin grin grin

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Wed 12-Jun-13 15:12:50

This thread is the reason I love mumsnet and why I could never give it up.

burberryqueen Wed 12-Jun-13 15:12:59

grin grin grin grin

MrsDeVere Wed 12-Jun-13 15:13:56

You could pretend you did it on purpose.
You know, sort of brazen it out...
Mind you that could lead to problems.
Who would you do it to? Would you do it to middle management or just keep it to COs?
What about your female colleagues? A quick boobie squeeze?

I am sure if we all put our head together we can work it out.

HibiscusIsland Wed 12-Jun-13 15:14:08

Oh Gawd. You've set the ball rolling now and your office is going to become like a Carry On movie with lots of pinching of bums and "Ooh matron"s everywhere. Did your CEO do this expression when you cupped him? www.beaugrande.com/Kenneth%20Williams%20UPP.jpg

oinkment Wed 12-Jun-13 15:14:19

Wonderful!

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 15:17:16

Hibiscus- he doesn't look too dissimilar to Kenneth Williams now you come to mention in.

Yeah maybe it can just be like my thing?

'here comes Nobody, watch your cock Alan, she likes to cop a feel'

ViviPru Wed 12-Jun-13 15:17:22

You've set the ball rolling now

I sincerely hope she hasn't.....

mumblechum1 Wed 12-Jun-13 15:17:39

You've set the ball rolling now love it |Hibiscus

nohalfmeasures Wed 12-Jun-13 15:17:55

Crying with laughter here!!
it's one of those situations that you both know about but will never mention to each other. Don't apologise -it'll be awful , just never speak of it ... (apart from on here of course smile)

ChocolateBridesmaid Wed 12-Jun-13 15:18:53

Oh dear god...you have just made my day and probably his too smile

NomDeClavier Wed 12-Jun-13 15:19:20

That's a very friendly company <wink, wink, nudge, nudge> grin

He might think you're trying to come on to him now....

grin shock
(===E )
(l 3>/ ))
| || | ||
| || | ||
cDD ccJ

^ I have attempted to recreate the moment of hand/knacker-sack interface through the medium of emoti-art. I found the whole men's area a bit of a challenge, to be frank.

Lovecat Wed 12-Jun-13 15:19:48

Wearing Chinos? Posh and Authoritarian with a hint of Kenneth Williams?

You didn't just cup JOHNNIE BODEN, did you??? shockshockconfusedshock

Lovecat Wed 12-Jun-13 15:20:16

Talc, you are a genius grin

May09Bump Wed 12-Jun-13 15:20:17

god - that is so funny, made me laugh.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 12-Jun-13 15:20:56

Did it twitch OP? grin

burberryqueen Wed 12-Jun-13 15:21:11

grin @ talc

infamouspoo Wed 12-Jun-13 15:23:51

my tummy hurts from laughing
grin
'did it twitch' <dies crying with laughter>

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 12-Jun-13 15:23:52

Crying laughing at this. The diagram is ace.

You should be in for a raise if you get the contract, then!

Teehee blush can you stay in the toilets until the end of the day and have a full plastic surgery overhaul before tomorrow?

If it makes you feel better I'll tell you mine. DP's 75 year old gran fell over pissed as I was walking her to her door. I tried to grab her elbow, but grabbed her entire boob in my hand and wrenched it upwards to right her shock I shall forever remember the feel of elderly boob on my hand. The saving grace is there's no way she'll remember it!

Sidge Wed 12-Jun-13 15:24:22

Proper LOLs!

I gently lowered my left tit into a patient's cupped hand once so I share your pain...

seizetheafternoon Wed 12-Jun-13 15:25:36

How disconcerting! I hope that it doesn't come up in your annual review iykwim smile

pawnstar Wed 12-Jun-13 15:26:22

Oh I am suffering big style with a hangover and was decidedly grumpy before i read this, but it has cheered me right up!!

I once kissed my sisters FIL full on lips as the angles were all wrong! I was the colour of beetroot for the rest of the weekend i had to spend around him!

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 12-Jun-13 15:26:56

I wouldn't hide in the toilets.

You might start rumours wink

Fenton Wed 12-Jun-13 15:27:24

I have actual tears.

watch your cock Alan, she likes to cop a feel

ROAR

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 15:29:42

Can't contain laughter, thank god I finish at 4.

Talc- I couldn't of created a better diagram if i tried, extremely accurate, even down to my heels.

I don't think it's a situation that I could ever bring up, plus his wife works here too and I've already soiled my patch there.
When I first joined, all I did was spent my first day smiling nervously and my mouth became so dry my lip got stuck. I looked like this. I just kind of left it there until it came back down.

SHOOT ME NOW wine

So you're saying you ballsed up?

ViviPru Wed 12-Jun-13 15:30:09

Thank you for the diagram Talk I'm forming a very VIVID picture in my minds eye.

Fandango Sidge and pawn, thoroughly good effort.

LOVING "did it twitch?"

I can't get the word THROB out of my mind now.

LuisSuarezTeeth Wed 12-Jun-13 15:30:14

Sorry, this just SO funny!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Wed 12-Jun-13 15:30:32

.<snurk>

Oh dear. There, there OP.

<pats OP reassuringly on the shoulder whilst stiffling giggles>

ViviPru Wed 12-Jun-13 15:31:10

OP you're a liability. Cling to that job. CLING to it, woman. :D

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 15:32:23

I have serious regrets about my decision to start a company pension.

BlueSkySunnyDay Wed 12-Jun-13 15:32:43

Carry on?

You should be in for a raise

and

I hope that it doesn't come up in your annual review

you are reducing me to a 15 year old.

Branleuse Wed 12-Jun-13 15:36:02

now, about that promotion....

MrsSpagBol Wed 12-Jun-13 15:36:04

Thank you for making my day grin

burberryqueen Wed 12-Jun-13 15:37:13

well..as long as there are no hard feelings.....fnarr fnarr

flamingtoaster Wed 12-Jun-13 15:38:59

Just pretend nothing happened - the ball is definitely in his court (as opposed to your hand ...) Just be careful what you say during Wimbledon ....

I just love how MNers are ready to lend a cackle rather than support when their compares are going through teste-ing times.

smile

ViviPru Wed 12-Jun-13 15:44:06

Yes, we really ought to take it more seriously... she could find herself up for grope misconduct......

Compadres.

Obvis.

Branleuse Wed 12-Jun-13 15:46:29

youre lucky he didnt give you a bollocking

vintagecakeisstillnice Wed 12-Jun-13 15:48:29

Nice one Chaos....................grin

seizetheafternoon Wed 12-Jun-13 15:48:35

She was Branleuse or a real dressing down.

seizetheafternoon Wed 12-Jun-13 15:50:14

I forgot to be sympathetic when I was replying. Nobody, I really feel for you. You're having a hard day.

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 15:51:22

'you're lucky he didn't give you a bollocking' <snort>

My hand would strongly disagree!

Should I wash it? I'm very conscious to put it too close to my face.

DameFanny Wed 12-Jun-13 15:54:17

I bloody love Mumsnet grin

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 12-Jun-13 15:54:42

Assumed you'd gone to the loo to scrub your hand in the first place.

Starting to have doubts about your intentions Nobody.

elfycat Wed 12-Jun-13 15:55:42

You haven't washed you hand yet???

shock

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 12-Jun-13 15:55:52

<dying of laughing here>
<tummy hurts>

'the optician's packet came to rest lightly on my knee'

'I gently lowered my left tit into a patient's cupped hand once'

<dies again>

<revives a bit>

OP, he could probably win a packet if it went to tribunal ...

seizetheafternoon Wed 12-Jun-13 15:57:12

I would scrub your hand with domestos. You don't know where he might have had them.

elfycat Wed 12-Jun-13 15:57:27

*your hand.

Sorry too shocked by sweaty ball hugger hand NOT being boil-washed by this point after the incident! grin

VanitasVanitatum Wed 12-Jun-13 15:58:42

I thought accidentally squeezing my ex's df's manboob mid hug was bad.. Feel so much better now!! Thanks op grin

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 16:00:20

One last post before I shut down computer.

I haven't washed it yet, I went to toilet to MN about bloody awful experience and colleague came in. Said I got a call from DH and then walked out as there would no need to wash poor hand.

I couldn't run off to the loo straight after ball-gate as CO would know I was washing his bollock germs off.

And it's only Wednesday...

watchingout Wed 12-Jun-13 16:01:42

Just snorted my cuppa at THROB <sniggers like a 12 yr old >

PostBellumBugsy Wed 12-Jun-13 16:02:01

Roaring with laughter - thank you NPMBITC!

Moments like those are just priceless - it is almost as though time stands still for a brief second & you just know it will be imprinted on your memory for the rest of your life. Oh yes - you will remember that momentary squish of soft CO bollock for ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grin

flamingtoaster Wed 12-Jun-13 16:04:03

It's great that you take your company's wish for all it's staff to be on the ball so literally. <hands extra bottle of Domestos over>

Doughnutmaestro Wed 12-Jun-13 16:07:22

He's quite posh and very authoritarian, I can imagine him telling me I cupped it all wrong.

Is his name Christian Gray?
Swoon.

MrsOakenshield Wed 12-Jun-13 16:08:27

absolutely PMSL at 'He's quite posh and very authoritarian, I can imagine him telling me I cupped it all wrong.'

^cry

Oops!

crying at this thread!

Ball cupping, cock resting, breast lowering, elderly breat wrenching...

Only on MN grin grin

WeAreSix Wed 12-Jun-13 16:12:00

Was it worth it though?! wink

MyShoofly Wed 12-Jun-13 16:13:43

shock

That is all I can think of.

grin

HighBrows Wed 12-Jun-13 16:18:45

Nobody fabulous thread, you poor thing grin.

Talc I am dying laughing at the diagram! Utterly brilliant grin

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Wed 12-Jun-13 16:19:08

Nobody and noel, you are brave brave women and MN is a better place because of you.

Talc, once again you deliver the goods!

I am crying grin

Maryz Wed 12-Jun-13 16:19:22

Like this assuming you are on the left.

HighBrows Wed 12-Jun-13 16:20:34

I once had an awkward moment when my dentist told me I had a good gag reflex, we both had the grace to go red. shock

FeijoaVodkaStat Wed 12-Jun-13 16:21:15

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....................... Ah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

(and I laugh with the cringing knowledge of how it feels to have accidentally put my hand out behind me to grab a seat after losing my balance in a tram, only to find myself grabbing at some random (and quite alright looking) mans trouser front. Oh the shame. Still at least I never saw him again grin)

WeAreEternal Wed 12-Jun-13 16:24:29

I'm sorry Nobody but that is the funniest thing I have heard all day.

thefirstmrsrochester Wed 12-Jun-13 16:25:24

noel that happened to my friend. Optician got too close for comfort during her eye test so she crossed her knees to create a barrier.....and nudged his in the balls.
She goes elsewhere for eye tests now.

shockgrinshock

Tee2072 Wed 12-Jun-13 16:28:22

I am laughing so hard I'm crying!

Talc you are, without a doubt, the love of my MN life!

OP...quit. Immediately!

grin grin

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 12-Jun-13 16:29:52

' my dentist told me I had a good gag reflex, we both had the grace to go red.'

Bwahaahaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaaaa!

LittleMissGerardButlerfan Wed 12-Jun-13 16:30:27

I was just going to say we need Talc for a visual but it's already here grin

I go to a weekly modern jive class and accidentally grabbed a mans knob during a move. I was mortified and he never came back blush Some of the old men who heard about it always want to dance with me now hmm

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 16:32:56

Back home now and have just give my hand a good scrub.

I'm looking forward to never mentioning this to ANYONE in RL.
Not even DH, he might think CO's ball dust has been invited along to our sex life. <bleaches eyes>

ChallyCreaks Wed 12-Jun-13 16:34:30

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What a cock up.

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 16:34:50

He's no Christian Gray <imagines CO in leather catsuit>envy <<vom face, Kenneth Williams has been the closest comparison so far.

5madthings Wed 12-Jun-13 16:36:21

Ha ha ha ha grin

burberryqueen Wed 12-Jun-13 16:38:35

put your feet up OP you must be knackered..

Matildaandthematches Wed 12-Jun-13 16:38:37

Oh god, I feel your pain (though thankfully not his). My DH says cupping commuters is my worst habit. I've done it hundreds of times so I know how easily it's done. My hand just sort of swings at ball height. At least you had the presence of mind to flatten your palm. I instinctively 'clasp'. It's awful.

HighBrows Wed 12-Jun-13 16:40:17

cupping commuters is my worst habit. I've done it hundreds of times

NOoooooo!!! Really..... How?

shockgrinconfused

swavesey Wed 12-Jun-13 16:45:54

This is definitely, DEFINITELY, the best thing I've EVER read on MNet :-) Hi-flippin'-larious. Made my day...wanders off smiling....

ChewingOnLifesGristle Wed 12-Jun-13 16:49:27

grin Brilliant.

But it proves what I've always thought. All this modern malarky nowadays - hugging and kissing colleagues and friends ad hoc - it's not normal I tell you!

ChewingOnLifesGristle Wed 12-Jun-13 16:52:39

'I go to a weekly modern jive class and accidentally grabbed a mans knob during a move.'

Omg Portlygrin I'm crying with laughter at that.

DameFanny Wed 12-Jun-13 16:53:18

Why Matilda? Why do you automatically clasp?

[crying]

Calabria Wed 12-Jun-13 16:55:19

Managed to hold it together until "put your feet up OP you must be knackered.."

Crying with laughter now.

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 16:56:33

Matilda, must have an instinct- like when you grab your purse really quickly when someone knocks into you- just incase they steal it?!

portly thats hilarious grin

Matildaandthematches Wed 12-Jun-13 16:59:31

Well I have a bit of a swingy army walk and, as explained, hand is approximately at ball height at the top of the backwards arc. The clasping? I don't know! I think it's a reflex. Don't babies clasp your finger if you tickle their palm? I think it's something like that... I've got it more under control now but I have to seriously concentrate on not clasping when it happens. The most important thing is NEVER to make eye contact after. Keep walking! Am glad to find it's a common phenomenon and not just me anyway!

OhTiger Wed 12-Jun-13 17:01:45

I was doing do well until " I instinctively 'clasp'"

>gives up and weeps at thread< grin

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 17:02:09

Matilda- do the balls tickle your hand then? grin

Oblongata Wed 12-Jun-13 17:03:51

I've never accidentally groped anyone: I'm clearly doing something wrong. grin

Matildaandthematches Wed 12-Jun-13 17:04:54

Matilda- do the balls tickle your hand then?

A bit... [goes shy]. Everyone's a winner surely? I like to think of it as a public service. No one has complained yet. They have looked a bit speechless occasionally.

DameFanny Wed 12-Jun-13 17:08:09

grin

infamouspoo Wed 12-Jun-13 17:08:47

Matilda grin
Am imagining hundreds of bemused commuters

BookieMonster Wed 12-Jun-13 17:10:57

Such is the power of MN. NPMBITC, it really could be worse - you could be Matilda with her ball-cupping spasm.

THERhubarb Wed 12-Jun-13 17:11:47

The only problem is that if he does become a new corporate client, he will expect the same kind of hugs every time you meet.

In fact, he has probably based his decision on that hug. He's now thrilled at imagining all the hugs he's going to get from you.

All those office parties, social gatherings, business lunches. You've just made his day!

<wonders about launching bollockcup as a sideline to the mooncup>

BookieMonster Wed 12-Jun-13 17:11:56

Not that Matilda sounds that bothered!

BookieMonster Wed 12-Jun-13 17:12:51

If it has the same degree of innate suction, bollockcup would be a winner.

THERhubarb Wed 12-Jun-13 17:16:14

It would act as a protection aid (from cupping, stray hands) and a gatherer of bollock cheese.

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 17:17:19

Bollockcupping- an invisible suction that draws hand to unsuspecting testicles

Man 1: 'I just got bollockcupped'
Man 2: 'yeah that happened to me last week on the tube'

My mum does always say theres always someone worse off than yourself...

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 17:18:03

ergggggh, I didn't imagine an actual cup rubarb

THERhubarb Wed 12-Jun-13 17:18:30

I feel a new hobby coming on grin

THERhubarb Wed 12-Jun-13 17:20:35

Anyone want to join me on pitching it to Dragon's Den?

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner can bollockcup Theo whilst I do the talking. And possibly Hilary as I'm sure she has a bollock or two....

Thank you for cheering me up. Great thread. grin

SybilRamkin Wed 12-Jun-13 17:21:28

Crying with laughter at this thread!

But what if other colleagues saw it and are now jealous that they didn't get bollockcupped too? Perhaps if you do it to everyone it won't be so noticeably cringeworthy - it could be the new team bonding activity to promote unity at the office?

Matildaandthematches Wed 12-Jun-13 17:22:02

It has only just occurred to me that essentially I have admitted to sexually assaulting hundreds of men on a public forum. Still, at least my victims don't have to look me in the face ever again. NPMBITC - if you go down for this, I've got your back ok? No one would mess with a couple of bollock-cuppers in clink.

BellaVita Wed 12-Jun-13 17:24:20

Howling!

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 17:25:17

I could bollockcup them all, I'm the fucking craziest bollockcupper out there <stealth boast>

I think I've finally found my calling.

cafecito Wed 12-Jun-13 17:25:35

grin

Jestrin Wed 12-Jun-13 17:26:02

grin excellent thread! I am indebted to Talc for the visual

cafecito Wed 12-Jun-13 17:26:14

tears of laughter here in a silent library <snirk> fab diagram Talc! grin

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 12-Jun-13 17:26:35

Can we nominate this for Classics? Fair cheered up a wet Wednesday and in fact has been the highlight of the month so far in my sad little life

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 17:27:05

That's a thought Sybil.. I've lost my bollockcupping mojo now. Gosh I hope he doesn't tell his wife, she already thinks I have cottonmouth.

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Wed 12-Jun-13 17:28:17

I think I might change my nn..

CelticPromise Wed 12-Jun-13 17:28:58

Hahahahahahaaaaa grin

Genius thread.

CelticPromise Wed 12-Jun-13 17:31:12

Matilda are you sure you don't have to see them again? I imagine a crowd of keen repeat cuppees surrounding you on your regular commute. Empty seats down the rest of the train grin

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 17:31:33

Does twirl and waves fingers of ball cupping hand grin

Laughing out loud at this thread, DS just called me a weirdo

topbannana Wed 12-Jun-13 17:34:42

Hahaha, very funny grin
I almost did the same to a very tall young lad at work last night. I felt a whisp of trousers material and snatched my hand back sharpish (unlike matilda arf arf!)
To add to this when the matter came up in conversation later he confessed to not even noticing
A personal low point in my life when my attempted groping of young men is not even noticed <sobs>

mymatemax Wed 12-Jun-13 17:35:37

omg, did it spring to attention?

PostBellumBugsy Wed 12-Jun-13 17:37:28

Shudders at mymatemax's question - but probably not as much as NPMBITC!!!!!

BookieMonster Wed 12-Jun-13 17:37:51

Perhaps we could spawn a new YouTube craze, a la the Harlem Shake. Do the Bollock Cup Now!!!!!!!

mymatemax Wed 12-Jun-13 17:38:54

I bet he was walking like john Wayne for the rest of the day smile

CinnamonAddict Wed 12-Jun-13 17:39:42

grin I had just managed to get this cycle shorts pic out of my brain someone posted weeks ago...it's back. .. .aaaarhg

flamingtoaster Wed 12-Jun-13 17:45:45

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner I think you should tell your DH - after all you can reassure him that a ball in the hand definitely isn't worth as much as two in the bush.

SybilRamkin Wed 12-Jun-13 17:47:04

My DH is exceptionally tall, and he often gets 'back-of-the-hand-accidental-brushing' of his groinal area by strangers. However, he's never mentioned actual 'cupping' before...

infamouspoo Wed 12-Jun-13 17:47:22

bollockcupping. <guffaws>

FFS I might be moving offices soon and have to work with men after working in a female only environment for the past 7 years. Have I got this to look forward to?

OP - I think the best thing to do is laugh it off at the time. "Whoops! Wrong side! Who's for a cup of tea."

Just realised my unintentional pun. grin

Absy Wed 12-Jun-13 17:49:42

"I've already soiled my patch "

I don't think you should admit that to anyone at work. They might take it the wrong way.

SybilRamkin Wed 12-Jun-13 17:50:38

I think you'll be ok Peppermint so long as you don't have the groin-gravity problems of others on this thread!

Arf, these things normally happen to me!
If it made you feel any better, I just accidentally sucked on the earlobe of the father of one of dd's friends.

We had just moved house and had invited dd's school friend to come and play after school. When her dad came to pick her up he handed me a lovely flowery shrub in a ceramic pot, as a housewarming gift. I leant to thank him whilst saying thank you when he thought I was proffering a kiss on the cheek (he is Israeli, I am Dutch, cheek kisses are the norm grin) As I was still mid-sentence I ended up clamping my mouth across his earlobe.

We did that same "I know you know I just nibbled your earlobe" look.

Said school friend moved house and schools not long after and whilst they have kept in touch with several of dd's friends and their parents we have been ignored every time we have tried to make contact.

blush

Not just!!! I meant once This was two years ago!!! (although the embarrassment is etched on my mind as if it had just happened)

MyBoysAreFab Wed 12-Jun-13 18:01:18

Oh god, I was once standing on a chair to reach up for a file (I am vertically challenged). My boss asked me something, I turned round to answer, he was right behind me and I literally thrust my fanj into his face. blush

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 18:02:59

I'm fascinated and openly embrace all of these bollockcuppers coming out of the woodwork. I'm so glad it's just not me.

I don't think I could tell DH, he would tell all of his mates and no doubt I would have a worse nickname than bollockcupper.

farmersdaughter Wed 12-Jun-13 18:03:20

Utterly outstanding thread.

Thank you for a very good laugh grin

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 18:04:57

Actually Chortling at the fanny thruster and ear lobe sucker.

What did your boss say myboys? Did he talk to your foof?

CinnamonAddict Wed 12-Jun-13 18:07:55

grin BC

The comparison between the newborn grasping reflex and Matilda's commuter cupping reflex has me in fits of silent hysterics grin

Jamdoughnutfiend Wed 12-Jun-13 18:28:09

Outing myself to anyone who knows me, I was once stuck in a black cab with the chairman and CEO of the huge company I worked for at the time. I was on the flip down seat, chatting away and the cab driver accelerated and then breaked sharply, i wasn't holding on, so flew forwards and I face planted into the chairmans groin [dies of shame reliving it] and blush my friend that was in the cab with me practically wet herself and just said to me "shame that is so embaressing!!" No shit! - I'd take a bollockcup any day....

KittyPryde Wed 12-Jun-13 18:30:54

Omg I'm dying here! This MUST go into classics. I thought it was bad when I kissed my dad's very attractive friend (he was closer to my age than dad's!) on the EAR! I'm socially awkward and rubbish with the whole kissing thing and I just..missed. Worse is that several past boyfriends and my now DP have had a bit of a thing about ear kissing, I really hope he didn't think it was intentional and I was coming on to him!

This reminded me of a bollockcupping incident with a doctor...

dd (15mo) was very very ill and had been throwing up everything we gave her, even water, so NHS direct referred us to the hospital, which has recently become a military hospital. In walks a rather tasty doctor in military uniform, and just as he position himself directly in front of me to listen to dd (sat on my lap) with his stethoscope, she decides this is the moment to make a miraculous recovery and dive for the floor. Cue me flinging BOTH hands forward and sort of dual handedly grabbing for his crotch blush

unfortunately, dds godmother was with me and also lunged forward to catch her, ending up smacking his arse in the process....

grin

Stop. All of you. Am feeding dd and there is much breast wobbling as I titter (ho ho).

I have cupped a few times blush Worst was walking into the station, just in front of a group of 20yo men (or so). I tripped over my own feet and literally scrabbled in mid air, catching hold of a man's wotsits on a backwards swing, and kind of grasping it as if it was a hand to pull myself up. I ended up on my knees on the station floor, with a well tugged poor man's privates held tightly in one arm.

I hurried off and caught my tube train but told it to a colleague (why?) and from his look of pure, abject terror, I am sure it must have hurt a lot.

If you had your bits pulled about three years ago in a station, by a tripping woman, - I'm very, very sorry.

MrsSpagBol Wed 12-Jun-13 18:50:34

This is just too funny - diagrams and all!!!

Jamdoughnut "face planted into the chairman's groin"
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I know the seat in the London cabs of which you speak and I can just picture this happening!!! I would have melted.

IControlSandwichMonkey Wed 12-Jun-13 18:51:04

I have never accidentally groped, cupped, manhandled or otherwise touched up another human being.

I need to go back to work. Being a SAHM is great and everything but you're rather limited with regards to accidental cupping opportunities. There's the postman of course with his sack and packets and the butcher with his tenderloin but in 6yrs of motherhood, it just hasn't happened.

VerlaineChasedRimbauds Wed 12-Jun-13 18:51:17

That doctor in the military hospital is probably looking forward to working somewhere less dangerous...

trikken Wed 12-Jun-13 19:06:20

I dont really want to admit this but was sorting the milk at work (supermarket) turned round quickly and immediately got a face full of some lady's breasts. I was mortified,she seemed less bothered though and we both quickly shuffled off in opposite directions.

KittyTwatknicker Wed 12-Jun-13 19:11:48

OP, I share your pain...I accidentally cupped the FD's balls at the Christmas do two years ago. Naturally I told everyone as I was pissed! He and I now have an 'understanding' and funnily enough get on like a house on fire. He knows that I know that he knows that I know...if you know what I mean grin. He's also not unattractive!

Hahaha cupping bollocks, suckling earlobes,groping train users and fannys in the face - only on mumsnet grin i have wept grin

elfycat Wed 12-Jun-13 19:19:09

My father once smacked my mother on the bum, then turned to see mum in the doorway smiling.

Her sister is the same height and build, same hairdresser and they shop for clothes together.

He'd just given his SIL a hearty pat.

KittyTwatknicker Wed 12-Jun-13 19:20:07

Forgot to say, it's become the stuff of legend at work. The rumour "he's gifted in more than just the Finance dept" has been oft quoted grin.

mumofoneandonebakingnicely Wed 12-Jun-13 19:24:08

The only option I can see going forward is he gives you a pay rise as I'm quite sure that wasn't in your original job description. ;) XXX

MyBoysAreFab Wed 12-Jun-13 19:25:08

BC There was some muttering and mumbling followed by some shuffling off (all by my boss not my fouff) and the incident was never spoken of again smile

Stixswhichtwizzle Wed 12-Jun-13 19:25:46

Oh my god. You lot have made me wake up the baby! I've been laughing so much but when I try to keep it in I sound like Muttley.

I have nominated this for Classics. smile

SirBoobAlot Wed 12-Jun-13 19:29:47

This is genius. Classics please!!!

I thought it was bad enough being out in a wheelchair, and constantly at crotch height.

FriskyHenderson Wed 12-Jun-13 19:29:59

Admiral grin In fact to all of you accidental cuppers and plungers grin

Isildur Wed 12-Jun-13 19:46:22

I groped my midwife blush.

She was quite large of breast, and when she was fiddling with the blood-pressure cuff, she got a bit too close.

I am the least tactile person ever, and when I realised there was a breast practically in my hand I tried to move away, but ended up doing a weird stroke/cuppy thing.

Sadly in my panic we did make eye contact..

I'm surprised my blood-pressure reading didn't see me admitted with suspected pre-eclampsia

ClaraOswald Wed 12-Jun-13 19:57:17

Look, at least you have a passing familiarity with the chap you cupped.

I was in the supermarket with DH a few years ago and he was being a twat, nudging me when I was leaning over into fridges and so on, so I thought that the next time he did it I would grasp his bollocks.

Well, I was leaning over into the mixed veg when I felt him nudge my arse more strongly than normal, so I swung my free arm backwards to give a nudge which was harder than I thought and as I made contact with the testicular area, he spoke.

From three fridges further up and on the other side of the fucking aisle! I think I went white then red then white again at this poor chap who had just had a punch in his nadgers.

I muttered sorry and ran off, leaving the freezer area immediately, DH following.

watchingout Wed 12-Jun-13 19:58:02

DH has just had to remove iPad from my hands to discover the reason for his wife's collapse, snorting, crying and wheezing grin

BeckyBrandon Wed 12-Jun-13 20:04:30

Jeez Talc, you absolutely crack me up grin

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 20:07:25

Bollockcup him watching that'll show the bastard!

Islidur but ended up doing a weird stroke/cuppy thing. I'm belly laughing

LondonBus Wed 12-Jun-13 20:08:38

Your CO introduced you to someone who is hoping to become a client, and you went in for a hug?

That's very, um, friendly.

You are basically pressing your breasts against their bodies anyway, so really, what is a little cup of the balls?

DameFanny Wed 12-Jun-13 20:11:51

Olivia tells me this is being put forward to the Classics Nomination sub committee. Which I think means they're all reading it with a cup of gin and a biscuit.

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 20:12:04

yes in a 'this is a long standing member of staff and we are all so friendly and flowery here' kind of way...

Thankfully potential client was on the other side of CO so couldn't see offending hand. blush

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Wed 12-Jun-13 20:14:47

grin

nipersvest Wed 12-Jun-13 20:15:45

i have groped my dentist. i was having an injection, so was grasping what i thought were arms on both sides of the chair. he went red, then i realised the chair only had one arm, and i had actually been gripping on to his inner thigh blush

Matildaandthematches Wed 12-Jun-13 20:17:35

Sniggers childishly at 'Well, I was leaning over into the mixed veg'.

Yettish Wed 12-Jun-13 20:24:39

Oh god, this takes me back to when I went ice skating with a friend about 5 years ago and she lost her balance and sort of lunged across the rink and put her hand out to save herself and grabbed hold of the crotch of a bloke leaning at the side. She saved herself from falling over by hanging on to his tackle for grim death.

The look on his face. He made a kind of pained 'Oooof!' noise.

ExcuseTypos Wed 12-Jun-13 20:28:57

Sodding hilarious.

I've never cupped a man's genitles by accident. I did however once whisper(rather suductively) 'there's some willy shaped chocolate over there' into what I thought was my boyfriend's ear.

It wasn't him, it was a random stranger who looked at me as if I was a lunaticsad.

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 20:31:26

I can't believe how many of us there are. No mans genitalia are safe!

Gunznroses Wed 12-Jun-13 20:31:27

This whole thread is bollocks! grin

dementedma Wed 12-Jun-13 20:32:01

I don't understand talcs diagram:-(

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 20:44:55

I'm looking to see if I can find an image on google to depict what happened but 'accidental groping' is throwing back some unsavoury results.

Sidge Wed 12-Jun-13 20:44:58

So not only did I lower my left tit into a patient's cupped hand, but my colleague reached behind her without looking to open the Treatment Room door, and grasped instead a handful of the gentleman's area of the GP who had opened the door and come in without her noticing.

THAT'S the reason your family doctor never runs on time, readers, he's too busy being felt up by his nurses...

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 20:46:43

Sidge, did she twist it like a doorknob?

CouthyMow Wed 12-Jun-13 20:49:09

There is the time that I bent down to pick up a DC that was on the floor mid-tantrum, when some random really fit man comes bowling round the corner, and walked directly into me...giving me a facefull of crotch...

Sidge Wed 12-Jun-13 20:49:41

Yup.

I saw his eyes water from 10 feet away.

I have been the recipient of a crotch faceplant.

a good male friend of mine was sitting on a bench with some other friends, while the rest of us were standing facing them. this bench was at Glastonbury and my mate was shitfaced.

he drunkenly pitched forward off the bench, concentrated on holding onto his drink rather than putting his hands out to save himself and the only thing that stopped him landing on the floor was his face landing on my fanjo smile

CouthyMow Wed 12-Jun-13 20:54:19

AdmiralCLingus has me. I can't breeeeeeeathe.

cakesonatrain Wed 12-Jun-13 21:04:39

Never groped anyone accidentally, but am loving this thread. Can't laugh though as am lying on the bed waiting for DD to go to sleep!

pardonmytits Wed 12-Jun-13 21:06:26

Oh god, it hurts! Crying here. You lot are bloody funny grin

SelfRighteousPrissyPants Wed 12-Jun-13 21:07:07

I once accidentally fondled Colin Jackson's bum. I was a volunteer for some charity he was supporting and they had the lot of us in lines for a group photo, Colin was just in front of me to the left slightly. We had to put our fists in the air (to look young and dynamic I imagine hmm A looooong time ago by the way!) and my left arm was in a L-shaped plaster cast. The photographer made me put up the uninjured arm so my left hand was just at (taut) buttock height grin

Please note OP has not denied it was Johnnie Boden....

kalidanger Wed 12-Jun-13 21:13:22

I stumbled on one of those buses with very high bench seats at the back and my nose ended up 3" from some poor chap's crotch sad The momentum meant I couldn't stand up straight for at least 10 seconds sad I ended up screeching "OH MY GOD SORRY SORRY" and we just went grin at each other grin

DameFanny Wed 12-Jun-13 21:13:34

Noted Amber, noted wink

BollockCupper Wed 12-Jun-13 21:15:44

Dame, Amber sadly it wasnt Johnnie Boden sad

MsVestibule Wed 12-Jun-13 21:16:56

Not cupping, but still falls in to the Inappropriate Touching Of A Colleague category:

I was chatting with one of my workmates in a corridor, when she gesticulated wildly. Her fingers made contact with my nipple, which instantly sprang to attention. She noticed, I noticed that she'd noticed and the conversation ended fairly quickly...

So you want a grab of Johnnie's nutsack do you BC?

I reckon it's Hotchpotch.

YouKnowOfTheCrunch Wed 12-Jun-13 21:28:59

is there still time to get a few puns in?!

Clearly we all need to get a grip (!)

In many ways I think OP you really should be feeling very relieved that you weren't facing the sack.

Phew. I feel better now. And breathe.

grin

TigerseyeMum Wed 12-Jun-13 21:29:48

Oh god I'm doing crying snotfest at this thread.

I have never, thank god, managed to grope neither a stranger nor a patient, but as I spend all day talking and running groups there are times my tongue has a mind of its own.

The amount of times I've managed to accidentally say 'spunk' or 'cunt' and I managed to even work 'sit on the face' into the conversation.

Awkward, in extremis.

TryDrawing Wed 12-Jun-13 21:29:59

A friend of mine gave her very shy BIL a thorough cupping whilst simultaneously reaching behind her for her coat and saying goodbye to her MIL. Her MIL makes her nervous, so it took a few seconds and some strangled coughing before she realised she had missed the coat stand by some inches.

DryCounty79 Wed 12-Jun-13 21:31:44

Behind I have tears streaming down my face now, I have never heard of an accidental earlobe suck before! Brilliant! grin

GlitzPig Wed 12-Jun-13 21:32:10

Are we guessing who it is now? I guess one of the three founders of Innocent smoothies-am I close, OP?

StillInBigKnickers Wed 12-Jun-13 21:34:33

"WE BOTH KNOW I CUPPED HIS BALLS" grin grin

Wetwood656 Wed 12-Jun-13 21:37:16

I'm dying with laughter here.
I was studying Reiki and in a practise session by mistake I gently put my hands on this boys crotch (well he was about 20 and I was 50!) and we had been told to leave our hands in position for about 2mins. You can guess what happened and as my hands began to rise and I realised what I had done i quickly changed position trying to avoid looking at the projection and ignore his obvious lack of relaxation. At the end I said "did you enjoy that?" as a kind of tourettes thing grin

This is wonderful. Love this thread.

My tale of bollock grappling, on a work camping weekend, found myself in a tent with boss bil, who was scaring me with ghost stories. He pretended there was someone standing next to our tent. He tapped the tent canvas, (in the dark), I shot out of my sleeping bag, propelled with the unexpected bounce of the air bed into his groin which in the dark I thought it was the ground and got a handful of his bits, squeezed between my fingers.

DryCounty79 Wed 12-Jun-13 21:43:18

Can't. Breathe. Laughing. Too. Hard.
The grabbing on to random blokes tackle when falling over is killing me!

amessagetoyouYoni Wed 12-Jun-13 21:48:18

<chants> Classics! Classics! Classics!

My ribs ache from laughing.

Reminds me of the time I was under a desk at work trying to retrieve a phone charger from a plug socket and backed out from under the desk and straight into my boss's crotch...then, realising I had just forcefully slammed my entire arse in to my boss's package (and made a weird, involuntary squeal-grunt I have never made before oreince, but which sounded like a porn star about to come)...I crawled back under the desk.

What else does one do in these backing-into-your-boss's-cock / fondling your boss's balls / grabbing your granny' situations?

<high fives OP, with absolutely no accidental fanjo slapping>

amessagetoyouYoni Wed 12-Jun-13 21:49:10

*before or since

CinnamonAddict Wed 12-Jun-13 21:52:36

I seriously need to do some pelvic floor exercises <wipesuppuddle>

level3at6months Wed 12-Jun-13 22:02:44

I managed to do an open handed sweep of the classroom yesterday to explain a zoning idea that I thought was pretty smart but managed to cop a feel of the cleaner's ample bosom mid sweep. Eeesh. How we laughed blushblush

I hope you got a rise

Ok that's it! I'm practically wetting!

amessage just finished me off! <dies>

shock

grin that is brilliant! thank you op!

you will have to change your name to rachel green now grin

aldiwhore Wed 12-Jun-13 22:38:56

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner I think I actually love you. Thank you so much for sharing.

I think you need to tell your boss... just for my own amusement.

[where's the cheer the OP icon?]

aldiwhore Wed 12-Jun-13 22:40:30

amessgaetoyouYONI I also love you.

Alas none of my work buddies have balls, not even the male ones.

deleted203 Wed 12-Jun-13 22:46:10

Oh God...I am crying with laughter!

VivaLeBeaver Wed 12-Jun-13 22:50:05

One of my midwife colleagues went to scoop a baby off a dads lap once and scooped the dads balls/willy along with the baby.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 12-Jun-13 23:07:56

A joke somebody's just posted on Facebook:-

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

Not exactly accidental bollockcupping but still worth an airing. grin

LadyRabbit Wed 12-Jun-13 23:10:28

Has anybody else said amazeBALLS yet???

Tears of laughter here.

Not bollock-grabbing but I did managed to fondle/stroke the back of the surgeon performing my emergency C-section.
In my defence, I had been awake for about 52 hours, in labour for 48, and was hurried off to theatre without much discussion. I was trying to find somewhere to put my arm which was randomly flailing as I approached a state of delirium. After a few minutes of my arm going up and down his back he very politely said, "Could you not do that please?"

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Wed 12-Jun-13 23:38:51

Pmsl I bet you have a sexy dream about him to ought grin

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 12-Jun-13 23:54:59

Well I can honestly say, with my hand on my heart (stoppit!) that every ball-cupping, cock tweaking, earlobe sucking manouvre(SP?) I have ever executed has been unmisunderstandably deliberate even if not always welcome.

gringringrin

ExcuseTypos Wed 12-Jun-13 23:58:34

I've just had a thought about all this ball cupping.

It seems very common on here and all these victims men must be someone's partner.

Do they ever tell, I wonder? I'm going to ask DH in the morning.

MissMarplesBloomers Thu 13-Jun-13 00:17:58

<howling & wheezing like Muttley here too>

Tenas anyone?

CLASSICS CLASSICS CLASSICS

Futterby Thu 13-Jun-13 00:23:27

I once accidentally cupped a waiter's balls in an Italian café because I didn't notice him next to me and tried to shoogle the table forwards a bit. Hand slipped, properly grabbed his balls.

He didn't look or speak to me the rest of the time we were there grin

BlueSkySunnyDay Thu 13-Jun-13 00:25:53

The supermarket one and the under the desk forager finished me off, I've been trying to laugh quietly but the strange wheezing noise I was making was distressing the dog, she came over nudged me then went out to bed in disgust.

RalphGnu Thu 13-Jun-13 01:05:05

This thread has made me actually dribble with mirth! grin

burberryqueen Thu 13-Jun-13 01:23:57

top or bottom ralph?

kickassangel Thu 13-Jun-13 01:55:55

I once had a upping incident when doing Pilates. I was lying on the ground with feet raised and the instructor leant forwards. Al I could think was "do NOT let my toes twitch. Do NOT ...

satansgirls666 Thu 13-Jun-13 08:02:12

Haha in was at work the once and we were all good friends and as I went to get some money out of my managers pocket I somehow grabbed his ball instead he made is very clear in the salon what I had done I went a lovely shade of crimson

CelticPromise Thu 13-Jun-13 08:05:29

Westwood <snort> at 'Did you enjoy that?' grin

ItsallFeegle Thu 13-Jun-13 08:23:50

Hahahaha! Oh, OP I've only managed to read your OP but I will read the full thread, I just had to share my joy at your misfortune (lighthearted joy).

You've actually, really managed to make me lol!

Poor you grin flowers

Gunznroses Thu 13-Jun-13 08:31:11

"You can guess what happened and as my hands began to rise and I realised what I had done i quickly changed position trying to avoid looking at the projection and ignore his obvious lack of relaxation. At the end I said "did you enjoy that?" as a kind of tourettes thing grin"

Yes Westwood that's exactly like Tourettes!

ItsallFeegle Thu 13-Jun-13 08:52:06

This is a very inappropriate story but i'll share as there was no ill intent or malice, just a concerned colleague trying to comfort a resident in the nursing home, where I used to work.

This was approximately 15 yrs ago, and I was around 17.

A colleague and I were working together to wash and undress some of our elderly residents, for bed.

This particular lady was very gentle but was only able to communicate using noises.

We got her undressed, nightdress on and into bed. The nightdress was a thin cotton, think almost see through summer nightwear.

As we lay her down, my colleague noticed a distinct red mark through the lady's nightdress and lifted it just enough to investigate. The lady didn't seem to be in any discomfort but it did look like a red 'welt' or pressure mark (not a sore, just an angry red mark) on the resident's hip.

My colleague was full of soothing words, telling the lady we'd go and ask one of the RGN's to come and look and we'd get her sorted etc. all the while she was gently rubbing the mark on the lady's hip.

The RGN came straight away and duly informed my colleague that the mark on this lady's hip, the mark she'd been gently rubbing, was in fact her nipple.

<I'm wearing my flame retardant suit. And please believe me when I tell you my colleague was mortified>

JustinBiebermakesmevom Thu 13-Jun-13 08:52:20

OP - Was it more than a handful ? grin

My 3 yr old grabbed the buttocks of an old man who was standing in front of us in Lidl today. She went to rub her face between them and make a kind of farting noise (she's seen here Dad to this to me...strange family I know...please don't call SS) but I managed to stop her just in time....

ItsallFeegle Thu 13-Jun-13 08:54:26

Oh Justin - grin blush that's hilarious!

Aren't small children such trouble?

BollockCupper Thu 13-Jun-13 08:54:29

Level3 I can imagine your cleaners face>shock, did she do a little jump?

This is all very carryon-ish.
My DH has never been cupped, I told him about original incident and he howled.

No he's not CO of Innocent Smoothie, he's been on the telly lots but I think there are a few secret Mners at work so couldn't reveal his identity.

BollockCupper Thu 13-Jun-13 08:56:53

Especially as the whole office might get bollockcupping. Like that episode of Friends where Chandlers boss won't stop slapping him on the arse.

waterlego Thu 13-Jun-13 09:27:14

'the optician's packet came to rest lightly on my knee. We both stiffened'

Stiffened! <wheeze>

Pixielady83 Thu 13-Jun-13 09:33:10

OP I feel your pain, this is a very timely thread as I had an accidental bollock clasp this week too! I was striding to get out of the station and the upswing of my hand caught the bollock area of a fellow commuter <shudder> I stuttered sorry and ran away.

It reminded me of two other groping incidents. First in my y7 French class when a male friend stretched his arms up in his seat and got a double handful of the very attractive French teachers bosoms as she was walking behind him grin he was mortified, she disengaged and pretended nothing had happened.

Another one was at a wedding, posing for photos with a group of friends, a friend's DH put his arm around me and ended up with a handful of boob. He moved his hand pretty quickly but the photo always makes me giggle as he looks a bit shock in it.

watchingout Thu 13-Jun-13 13:30:11

Message to self. Do NOT pick up this thread during office lunch break. Getting funny looks as I can't explain hysteria<crying again>

fieldfare Thu 13-Jun-13 13:38:30

I read this last night, and after a bit of a shitty day, it really made me howl with laughter. Thankyou all for sharing! grin

cakesonatrain Thu 13-Jun-13 13:39:01

Did you bollockcup a dragon, op?

This thread is freaking hilarious. Matilda- you should come with a warning lol.

brickiemum Thu 13-Jun-13 14:01:36

Or...op, is he a VIRGIN no more?

chimchar Thu 13-Jun-13 17:34:22

Thank you for this thread...it has made my entire week!!!

chimchar Thu 13-Jun-13 17:35:00

Oh, but I didn't 'get' talcs picture....can someone explain?

JulieAnderton Thu 13-Jun-13 19:59:08

OMG - you didn't cup the inventor of the ballbarrow and the bagless vacuum cleaner did you?

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 13-Jun-13 20:32:59

In the hope that BollockCupper wasn't expecting this thread to go pfffft after 90 days (do tell us if you were!) we're moving this to Classics

Yay!! Well done NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner. grin

I feel your pain, today it was photo day. I had to kneel in front of my colleague (arty photo not smutty!!!), photographer said,' sit back on your feet!' I did so and my head smacked colleague's nether regions as he was right behind me.
He didn't make eye contact for ages afterwards.

chimchar - it's supposed to be the Boss Man on the left with 3> (bollocks) and all - he's embracing with his ====E arm

and

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner on the right. You might be able to make out her / arm going in for the nadger-fondle. You may also be able to discern Nobody's buttocks ))

I think you might have to suspend your ideas of standard anatomy and maybe squint a bit. 'Tis tricky.

Chottie Thu 13-Jun-13 21:00:10

Thank you everyone who has posted on this thread smile my sides ache and I have tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks. The perfect antidote to a sh*t day at work smile

Daughteroughter Thu 13-Jun-13 21:04:14

It was johnny boden want it

BlueSkySunnyDay Thu 13-Jun-13 23:43:44

Nobody - your client probably thinks you and your CO are having an affair now grin

CrumblyMumbly Fri 14-Jun-13 10:04:33

Slightly tamer but I was interviewing people for a job with my manager. We interviewed a woman who was quite nervous, when it was finished we said goodbye and my manager kind of leaned in a bit. The woman then kissed her... there was kind of a stunned silence (with me desperately trying not to laugh). The poor woman was mortified. However, even though we gave the job to somebody else - we thought she was so lovely that we managed to create a part time role for her until a full time one came along! So the point of this story is you may get a rise (no, re-phrase that har har). It may not be a bad thing!

dufflefluffle Fri 14-Jun-13 10:08:49

This has cheered me up no end: thank you!

chimchar Fri 14-Jun-13 10:27:17

talc
Thanks for that....I see it now! sort of

so glad this has gone to classics...I proper "lol"'d ! grin

ParsingFancy Fri 14-Jun-13 10:34:37

Ahh. I thought the

>

part of

3>/

was Nobody's hand mid-cuppage. Getting a good clasp.

'Tis a fabulous pic either way. thanks to Talc.

Parsing - well it was actually, but I then thought that casual onlookers might assume that it was a short and pointy knob.

Obviously you see things the way I do grin

BinarySolo Fri 14-Jun-13 14:44:24

An ex colleague of mine once told me about his mother sitting on the floor at a friend's house when the family Labrador walked passed her. She extended her arm and gently tickled the dog's testicles. She has no idea why. The same colleague was very good pals with a male colleague he sat next to. Seeing his bum peeking out from under his desk one day he went over and goosed him. The goosee whacked his head on the desk then crawled out in shock to reveal that he was in fact a guy from IT rather than the intended victim who was stood behind grinning!

Had another friend that whacked her driving instructor in the groin when attempting to change gear. That one always made me wonder!

OP, it could have been far worse. At least you didn't absent-mindedly sniff your hand after the cupping.

FeegleFion Fri 14-Jun-13 14:44:28

Crumbly that's brilliant! I'm so glad you managed to offer her something too! missing a trick here

NobodyPutsMyBabyInTheCorner Fri 14-Jun-13 17:00:56

After a brief thread inspired name change I'm back.

So embarrassed glad we made it into classics.
I'd like to thank my CO's balls... thanks

LadyClariceCannockMonty Fri 14-Jun-13 17:34:28

I'd like to thank your straggling hand, OP. grin

foofooyeah Sat 15-Jun-13 16:34:19

Read the rest of this and in tears of laughter.
Just remembered was with my sister on a bus once. We were standing, she was holding onto the pole thingy, and the bus stopped suddenly. Cue her swinging round the pole she was holding and planting her large bosoms straight into the face of a bloke sitting there. Knocked his glasses askew. When he had finally got his breath back he was smiling.

Burmillababe Mon 17-Jun-13 06:55:00

This is hands-down the most funny thread I have ever read!! grin

My DCs asked me what was so funny, I've had to tell them selected (suitably edited) sections, they are howling with laughter over the taxi faceplant and the supermarket freezer incidentgrin.

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