I really struggle to get my head round weasels

(286 Posts)
HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 18:46:52

I've seen them. I know what they look like, and often catch them whizzing across the road at weasel warp speed.

But their size always surprises me. Every time. I know they are small. But when you look at a picture of a weasel or think weasel, you think bigger. You don't think "oh, a weasel. That's a little bigger than a hamster that is". Or I don't. I go, ooooh a weasel. Wow, it's tiny, every time, the surprise never abates.

I struggle with weasel physics. That the actual weasel is not the size of the concept of weasel in my head.

I'm not sure how to fix it. confused

fanjobiscuits Thu 06-Jun-13 18:48:23

Weasels are brilliant. I've never seen one in real life though <envy>

Salmotrutta Thu 06-Jun-13 18:48:25

Compare it to a stoat.

That'll fix you.

Witt Thu 06-Jun-13 18:49:24

I'm exactly the same. The weasel on Springwatch last night seemed really small to me even though I've seen them many times before.

Salmotrutta Thu 06-Jun-13 18:49:25

They are quite evil actually.

Meaner than a junkyard dog.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 18:50:58

I don't like stoats. They have stupid tails and end up on coat collars.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 18:51:54

<<clasps Witt to bosom>>

So its not just me. Yay.

Perhaps its a survival mechanism?

Dozer Thu 06-Jun-13 18:53:42

"Weasel" is a very satisfying word.

Also like "pop goes the weasel".

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 18:53:59

Pine marten, like a weasel on steroids.

complexnumber Thu 06-Jun-13 18:54:02

I remember seeing two stoats frolicking on the grounds of a Sussex Stately Garden, it made my day.

OP, your thread title has also made my day, fantastic smile, I am thinking how I might drop it into casual conversation tomorrow.

Salmotrutta Thu 06-Jun-13 18:54:04

I always wonder who the heck wanted a freaky dead animal, complete with head and tail, hanging round their neck...


SoniaGluck Thu 06-Jun-13 18:54:54

They are quite evil actually.

What put me off weasels was reading the Little Grey Rabbit stories. The weasel in those books was scary.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 18:54:57

And yes, weasel is an excellent word.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 18:55:46

The weasels in Wind in the Willows are well 'ard.

HalfSpamHalfBrisket Thu 06-Jun-13 18:57:00

Salmotrutta; "Compare it to a stoat. That'll fix you"
Aha! My dad's favourite 'joke':

"Weasels are weasely recognised, because stoats are stoatily different"

Try thinking of them as a fast furry pencil with legs. Works for me and I'm a professional doncha know <expert nod>

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 18:58:23

But weasels shouldn't be pencil sized. Weasels are the wrong size.

Fuzzysnout Thu 06-Jun-13 18:59:37

Yes, and those of you of a certain age might remember how very naughty Tufty the squirrel's friend Willy weasel was. All that running out from behind ice cream vans without looking.

Weasels are bad (and tiny).

Perhaps you'd be more comfortable with a pine marten?

Salmotrutta Thu 06-Jun-13 19:00:43

There are some horrible weasels in Stephen King's The Stand.

Far too weasely for my liking.

SoniaGluck Thu 06-Jun-13 19:01:35

Gobblers grin

Fuzzy I had forgotten all about Tufty. <nostalgic>

Salmotrutta Thu 06-Jun-13 19:01:55

But Pine Martens are so rare now sad.

One of the few things I haven't seen in real life.

Like wild cats or badgers.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:02:41

I suffer a bit from Giraffes too. I know they are big. But when you see them you go "fucking hell, that's huge" you'd think elephants would be the same, but they are reassuringly elephant sized. Giraffes have shock factor.

fanjobiscuits Thu 06-Jun-13 19:04:06

Nooooooo! Weasels can't be evil. Please tell me they have a good side?

I've never seen a badger <oh the irony> even though i grew up in the country... sad

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:05:25

Giraffes I can deal with, but Giraffes eyes mess with my brain t o o b i g.

i have seen giraffes in the wild though, and they are ridiculously tall

<considers name change>

500internalerror Thu 06-Jun-13 19:05:51

Weasels ate about the size of cats. Aren't they? confused

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:06:07

I've seen badgers, and baby badgers. They were all badger sized so no lasting trauma.

I am rather lucky. I used to work in a barn in a forest in a field. Lots of wild life.

MrsWolowitz Thu 06-Jun-13 19:06:07

Caterpillars freak me out every time.

Why are they hairy? Why? They don't need that hair, no other bug needs to be wiggy.

I think how thickly they must be if they crawled up your arm with their freaky sniffing heads and it makes me want to tear my skin off.

<has ishoos>

balia Thu 06-Jun-13 19:06:42

It's because of the wind in the willows that the confusion arises - they are clearly not to scale. And the animals of farthing wood. Great massive mutant weasels.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:06:54

No. But weasels SHOULD be the size of cats. Someone should tell them.

Salmotrutta Thu 06-Jun-13 19:08:44

Weasels are sooooo not the size of cats 500!

They are small and elfin. About the size of a very, very long thin tiny thing.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:08:50

They are hairy so you don't eat them MrsW. Clearly you are more receptive so just run away screaming at them, rather than taste and spit.

I shall now always think of caterpillars as wiggy though grin

baby badgers? envy

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:09:13

Animals of Farthing Wood! God I loved that book.

Have it somewhere, must read it to the dc's.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:09:26

Yes. Stretch a hamster and you have a weasel.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quoteunquote Thu 06-Jun-13 19:10:07

Pop goes the weasel, means, taking your iron to the pawn shop.

They keep the rabbit population down so we need as many as we can get.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:10:17

Weasels are like a hairy hot dog sausage.

With legs obviously.

stretch a hamster and you'll have a prison sentence

I live in Ireland which is totally free of weasels.

Stoats are common though.

I like stoats, they run really funkily

We have lots of badgers though... Did you know they're part of the weasel family because I didn't til recently

I love MN.

I saw the title, thought 'mmm, I always think they are bigger than they are, I blame Farthing Wood', and I clicked the link to see what you were on about.

Does this mean I've basically internalized Mumsnet?

Salmotrutta Thu 06-Jun-13 19:11:15

Stretch a hamster for a very long time and you have a weasel.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:11:33

Yes, baby badgers grin. But from a distance, pissed off badgers are scary.

And EVERYTHING pisses of badgers.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled Thu 06-Jun-13 19:12:51

This thread has baffled me. Weasels are the size of cats, aren't they? You're messing with my head.

I'm not convinced that badgers actually exist. I have never seen a badger, and nor has any member of my immediate family. Nor any of my friends. People talk about badgers, and film dodgy looking animals in blurry night-vision (so they could be anything, frankly) claiming that they're badgers, but who has actually touched one?

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:13:24

Obviously I am neither suggesting or condoning the stretching of hamsters.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badgerwife Thu 06-Jun-13 19:14:13

Now I'm confused. Don't people have weasels as pets and keep them on a leash? Are they not like small cats then? <mind bogles>

I've seen a few dead badgers. They're always bigger than I think they're going to be.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:14:27

Never ever ever ever ever try to touch a badger. Unless you have a really good reason to rid yourself of an extremity.

Ours are very calm badgers.

Not asbo badgers.

Asbo badgers would be a bit scary.... They're well armed with all those teeth and claws

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:14:58

That's ferrets, badgers wife.

YouKnowOfTheCrunch Thu 06-Jun-13 19:15:02

I was talking about this very thing just a couple of days ago!

In my head they're only a little smaller than a ferret.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Was there a children's story or something that gave us all unrealistic weasel expectations as adults?!

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:16:14

I have touched a stuffed bagder.

I used to have a toy badger and his bum got singed on the gas fire, it really was 'as rough as a badgers arse' grin

Badgerwife Thu 06-Jun-13 19:16:35

And Googling weasels doesn't help give you an idea of their sizes either

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Youknow... Farthing wood friends! The weasels were massive

Facelikeafriendlyapple Thu 06-Jun-13 19:17:05

How are you with ferrets OP?

Hassled Thu 06-Jun-13 19:17:18


I'd rather think of badgers as mythical creatures - like unicorns, or summat.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:17:41

'Cat Found'


Farthing Wood was written by a man, wasn't it?

(This comment has potential for crossover with the 'you feminists drag feminism into everything' brigade).

Hassled Thu 06-Jun-13 19:18:06

So what are we saying here - weasels are the size of rats, basically? Well fed rats?

Badgerwife Thu 06-Jun-13 19:18:09

ferrets!!!!!! Bloody hell, I never knew. I thought they were the same thing. Ferrets look exactly the same though, just giant-sized

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

No, they're tiny, hassled. Much much tiner than rats.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:18:56

I can cope with ferrets. They are ferret sized.

YouKnowOfTheCrunch Thu 06-Jun-13 19:19:40

Summer rain that could be it, but I only read the (pictureless) books as a child. And I'd seen weasels lots.

Why?! Why are they so tiny? I think they've changed.

Or maybe I got bigger.

Hassled Thu 06-Jun-13 19:20:28

<head explodes>

MoDiddly Thu 06-Jun-13 19:21:25

Ahem....been waiting many years to use this little gem in context.

A stoat can be easily told from a weasel
by the simple fact
that its tail is blacked
and its figure is slightly the bigger!

<waits for applause>

SelfRighteousPrissyPants Thu 06-Jun-13 19:21:38

Mink are too tiny too.

YouKnowOfTheCrunch Thu 06-Jun-13 19:21:41

You'd have to take a rat, use an apple corer on it lengthwise and the core you have left would be a weasel.

cardamomginger Thu 06-Jun-13 19:22:50

Now I've given it some thought, I agree. I feel similarly about raccoons. Much, much bigger than they should be.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:23:08


Weasels are a head fuck
Giraffes eyes are wrong
Badgers are mythological creatures

Oh and according to LRD the author of Farthing would got weasel confused with penis. grin


I love you, honey. I was just thinking I'd been all reticent and got that one in under the radar.

LeonieDeSainteVire Thu 06-Jun-13 19:24:51

Just going back to Pine Martens, is it just me who thought they were birds for years - like house martins?


Just me then smile

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:24:54

Mink are the biggest bastardist evil fuck nuggets of all creatures.

whippetwoman Thu 06-Jun-13 19:25:03

This is my favourite thread ever. I am so happy.

Triumphoveradversity Thu 06-Jun-13 19:25:10

Pine martens? They squeal Marty, Marty, Marty!

Look in MN classics for pine marten reveal about lying to dc.

This ought to be in classics, btw. At 80 posts that might be a record.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:27:01

Weasels can FLY shock

Fillyjonk75 Thu 06-Jun-13 19:27:04

How do you tell a stoat from a weasel? Weasels are weasely identifiable. Stoats are stoatly different. <Ayethankyou>

Hassled Thu 06-Jun-13 19:27:19

I would pay good money to watch someone apple-core a rat.

Apologies, rat fans.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:27:54

Nor do we condone the coring of rats. Although some sort of non woodland creature abusive visual aid would be useful for Hassled, before she needs a lie down grin

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:28:10

Tbf that one looks like someone has stretched a hamster.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:28:58

<Strokes rat>

Not a euphanism.

<covers rats eyes>

Facelikeafriendlyapple Thu 06-Jun-13 19:29:05

I always feel sheep are considerably bigger than I remember them being. <muses about animals ability to confound expectations>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:31:33

I whole heartedly concur that Tasmanian Devils are a total let down.

Tasmanian devils are a whole heap creepier than my childhood mental image of them. And those noises shock

SoniaGluck Thu 06-Jun-13 19:34:25

I cannot cope with rats. Having Samuel Whiskers read to me put me off forever. I have been traumatised by child literature.

Unfortunately, it was DD2's favourite story when she was about 4. I had to read it every sodding night for weeks. hmm

Bah, come on here to do weaselly identified, etc etc and it's already been done twice!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

complexnumber Thu 06-Jun-13 19:39:09

I suggest that everyone ought to try to include the OP's:

"I really struggle to get my head round weasels"

at least once in their conversations tomorrow.

And then report back.

monsterchild Thu 06-Jun-13 19:40:55

I don't think we have weasels here, our former Mustelidae of choice is this handsome fellow. who is, actually, a bit bigger than you'd expect.

MrsKoala Thu 06-Jun-13 19:40:55

Weasel is the word we use in this house for penises. That is all i know about them really grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:41:17

Isn't it Tasmanian devils that are dying from the weird facial tumor thing? (technical)

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 19:42:56

SoniaGluck, rats are lovely and very misunderstood, though oddly my biggest boy looks a bit like a ferret.....

FlyLikeABird Thu 06-Jun-13 19:43:36

Nasty little fuckers. One got in my guinea pig's cage and attacked her. We chased it off but it came back while we were trying to sort out an emergency vet (to put poor GP to sleep) and it ripped her ears off sad

Nature's tough I guess.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianCat Thu 06-Jun-13 19:45:21

Beavers are much bigger than you think. I saw one years ago at a zoo and still haven't come to terms with it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 19:46:40

Their dams are massive.

Ohhhhh thankyou!

7 years ago i was driving home down a country lane and a little animal ran really fast across the road. I asked everyone what the hell it could be as it was "like a squirrel running on all fours but without the bushy tail and smaller".

Everyone said i was mental because everyone said stoats/weasels are all ferret sized. After 7 years you have revealed it was a weasel i saw.

I can die happy now!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled Thu 06-Jun-13 19:47:29

Wait - now you're telling me Tasmanian Devils are a thing? Not just a cartoon?

AuntieBrenda Thu 06-Jun-13 19:48:56

This is my favourite OP ever. Ever ever ever.

MrsHoarder Thu 06-Jun-13 19:50:17

Weasels are too small.
But badgers definitely exist, we used to live near a set of them. But then we moved to the countryside and now we don't see wildlife.

SoniaGluck Thu 06-Jun-13 19:51:36

Gobblers I know I should get over my aversion. It was the kitten dumpling that frightened me.

My daughter had 2 rats (Kenny and Duncan) and I couldn't bring myself to touch them . I did cry when they died - within a week of each other - as I am very soppy.

MrsWolowitz Thu 06-Jun-13 19:53:35

This has blown my mind

Is it hideously freaky or a little bit cute? So freaky.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrandPoohBah Thu 06-Jun-13 19:58:27

Rats are cute and make the best pets. When one of my pair died, the other buried her, it was very sweet.

I did not know weasels were that small. I also hadn't realised badgers were quite as big as they are until I moved to suburbia near a wood and saw them IRL.

I want a ferret,

ISeeSmallPeople Thu 06-Jun-13 19:58:54

Badger = nature's speedbump
Never see a live one, but every morning near here the roads are littered with black and white lumps.

I've watched ferrets racing in drainpipes

countryside culture

GrandPoohBah Thu 06-Jun-13 19:59:19

Oh, and yes - Tasmanian Devils are the ones dying of face-cancer.

MrsWolowitz Thu 06-Jun-13 20:00:00

Beer do you think the tentacle things wriggle individually or as one big spindly nose?

The more I think about the more I've decided that I don't like them either. Not as much as I dislike wiggy caterpillars though.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 20:00:21

Star nosed moles were not made on earth, the clue's in the name, clearly alien beings.

Beavers are indeed fucking massive.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:00:24

Why has someone exploded that moles nose? Why?

I just want to boast I have seen a pine Martin in the wild, but I've not seen a giraffe in the wild. I was cycling home one day and a weasel ran along the dry stane dyke beside me, and a stoat killed our guinea pigs - so I don't mind weasels and dislike stoats.

I have also seen an adder sun bathing. My favourite recent wild critter sighting was seeing a bee beetle which is like a ladybird that is dressed up as a bee.

Dh(who is Irish) calls weasels stoats or stoats weasels - I know weasels are weasily recognised and stoats are stoatally different - but I just can't remember if they have one or neither in Ireland.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWolo surely they are worse? Moles with wriggly caterpillars on their noses yuck, seem pretty alien to me!

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 20:04:54

This thread has made me realise how much I have missed mumsnet smile, pissing degree.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:05:41

I remember being thrilled to discover Narwhals were real blush

This is a favourite off the dragon household

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 20:06:54

Oh god
You too?
Causin' a commotion
'Coz they are so awesome

cakesonatrain Thu 06-Jun-13 20:07:22

I had no idea weasels were that small.

I'm with you on the giraffe thing though.

And beavers... How do they build a dam? I have seen them patching up one that already exists, but how do they start it off, without their materials just floating away??

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:09:26

Gobblers, dh is driven mad by the rest of the household singing it grin. I also like

flyiiiiin Sqiiiirells, bombing through sky looking superfly.....

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 20:09:37

Their kick ass facial horn, BeerTricks wink

DameFanny Thu 06-Jun-13 20:10:25

I was really enjoying this thread till I clicked on the mole link [quiver]

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 06-Jun-13 20:10:43

I always thought weasels and stoats were a lot bigger, sort of the size of a pine marten.
My cat caught a stoat once and it was teensy.
I used to feed a pine marten with jam sandwiches, it used to come right up to the window ledge.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:11:55

I think we are ALL traumatised by the alien mole.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Jun-13 20:12:09

My kids do a great line in this whenever we are out and about.

We have a local national trust house that has a narwhal horn in the hall. Everytime we're there DS likes to loudly inform me and the rest of the room that "in olden days" people believed they were unicorn horns but really they are the horn of a whale called a narwhal. That kid is going to be the king of loud parenting when he's all grown up...

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:16:26

So how did they go from bloody big fish thing with facial horn to imaginary horse with horn?

Did someone lop it off a narwhal and stick it on a donkey or what?

littlewhitebag Thu 06-Jun-13 20:16:34

I get confused between voles and shrews. Are they the same thing? What is different about them? My dog catches them (one of them don't know which) and chews them like they were tasty gum. <boak>

monsterchild Thu 06-Jun-13 20:16:44

Gobblers, prairie dogs rock! They are as good as meerkats for the looking and barking

Dozer Thu 06-Jun-13 20:17:18

Am sure have seen fuck weasel on MN (obviously about someone with a penis LRD, perhaps not the Farthing Wood author mind you).

Have never seen any of these creatures in RL, dead or alive. Only rats, scratty foxes and grey town mice. Does that mean we are not living the country dream?

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:17:32

Shrews have pointing noses

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:17:41


I don't understand how people believed it either. The horns are massive taller than me (yes I know not hard) but still, would need a fucking big horse to keep it up.

GrumpyKat Thu 06-Jun-13 20:19:48

We hired a cottage in the Cotswolds once, and there was a weasel in the garden. It used to flash past the window at the speed of weasel sound about four times a day. He was weeny. Weasel physics= Tiny, speedy and MEAN.

Dinosaur bones? Maybe they thought they were giant horses.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monsterchild Thu 06-Jun-13 20:22:50

I think rhinos were what fed the unicorn craze, rather than narwhales...

RetroHippy Thu 06-Jun-13 20:22:54

I saw a weasel killing a rabbit while camping once (I was camping, not the weasel). The rabbit screamed.

Apparently it's a very rare thing to see and we were very lucky I don't think the rabbit felt lucky

I have a giant rabbit. He'd kick weasel ass.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:23:27

I think this thread has enough evidence to prove that weasels are in the wrong. Maybe we should petition parliament?

littlewhitebag Thu 06-Jun-13 20:23:34

Once they have been chewed up I am not sure the feet are identifiable tbh.

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Thu 06-Jun-13 20:23:35

Weasels have very annoying laughs. Trufact.

I also don't think naked molerats exist. I thing someone grafted some teeth onto a penis and took pictures. Sick bastard. But yeah - I think they're the modern day Fiji Mermaid.

monsterchild Thu 06-Jun-13 20:24:17

Beertricks, I agree, it's like the meerkats know they're being photographed. Only time until they start demanding royalties from those pics....

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:24:18

Monster, you might be right. Well Rhinos and too much opium.

PipkinsPal Thu 06-Jun-13 20:26:11

It's a fab word - weasle. I could say it time and time again. I saw the back end of a weasle once. They are savage killing machines and will kill and drag rabbits which are much bigger than them back to their burrows.

RetroHippy Thu 06-Jun-13 20:26:26

'They' need to rename weasels with a name that accurately portrays the size and meanness.

But when I try to think of something suitable, all I can come up with is weesel. hmm

Plomino Thu 06-Jun-13 20:26:29

We have weasels in our field . If we take the dogs out last thing before sundown , sometimes we see them playing round the old muckheap . Have also seen them 'do the dance ' which is hilarious . Dogs were fascinated and forgot to chase them ! Once they realised we were there , they were gone like a flash . Also saw a barn owl pick one off the road when it ran in front of me going home , which was quite impressive (not great for the weasel though )

Hassled Thu 06-Jun-13 20:27:34

GrumpyKat - I now have a mental image of a weasel in a dirty mac flashing through your cottage window.

This is because it seems my knowledge of small mammals is based entirely on cartoons, poor quality children's literature and my own stupidity.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monsterchild Thu 06-Jun-13 20:38:10

Fascinating theory, Beertricks, could be, could be...

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PipkinsPal Thu 06-Jun-13 20:41:17

I read somewhere that a weasle can squeeze itself through a wedding ring. Either they are tiny or someone has fat fingers.

cardibach Thu 06-Jun-13 20:42:43

Weasels are, indeed, unfeasibly small. Badgers are huge. We have an aggressive one living up the road - he eyeballs you most alarmingly when you drive past (after he has begrudgingly got out of the way). I ran over a badger once. Two distinct thuds for front and back wheels. Looked in the mirror, and it just kept on running. Bloody tough, badgers are.
We also have creature known as Neurotic Fox living near us. If you meet it in the lane when driving it leaps about in all directions unable to make a decision about where to go before finally choosing an escape route.
We also have Comedy Owl who hoots exactly like a bad cartoon.
It's all go here.

cardibach Thu 06-Jun-13 20:44:06

That's when you are driving, not Neurotic Fox. And I teach English for a living. Usually before wine to celebrate Thirsty Thursday, though.

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 20:47:48

We have Rurban foxes here. Christened one night by a very drunk dh, who on driving home in a taxi pointed out a fox in someones front garden, and went "oh a Urban fox" to which I pointed out we lived in the country. He couldn't managed to say Rural. So settled on "Rurban" and giggling grin

Nagoo Thu 06-Jun-13 21:01:24

fingers crossed

I'm on a stupid all so I apologise if I link like a dick grin blush

Nagoo Thu 06-Jun-13 21:02:35

app. duh.

anyway, that looks the right size to me. is that even a weasel?

SelfRighteousPrissyPants Thu 06-Jun-13 21:04:03

Who decides to measure a weasel?!

MoominMammasHandbag Thu 06-Jun-13 21:04:38

I have just realised that I have got to my advanced age believing that ferrets were basically weasels that had been tamed. So they are completely different animals then are they?

Nagoo Thu 06-Jun-13 21:12:09

I'd up the estimate from hot dog to family sized mattesons sausage grin

CouthyMow Thu 06-Jun-13 21:14:36

God, that thread title actually made me look like this ---> confused


<<Goes off to read OP!>>

Weasels are tiny but adorable. Worked at a wildlife rescue centre for 3 years- had a variet of pine martens, weasels, ferrets, badgers, hedgehogs, squirrels, some owls, some kestrels and falcons and more come through and I was always shocked.

What shocks me are elephants. We fed them at Colchester Zoo. Now, I know about elephants. I know they put food in their mouths, but when I fed them I kind of felt weird because I, for no real reason having seen elephants eating before etc;, believed they'd suck it up their trunk. I know they don't....but they should. Evolutionary failure to my mind.

CouthyMow Thu 06-Jun-13 21:22:43

One - weasels are like a hairy finger with legs. But they should be bigger.

Two - I have SEEN a badger. But I wouldn't want to touch one. I value my fingers. Badgers are ornery bastards and would bite you as soon as look at you...

CouthyMow Thu 06-Jun-13 21:23:19

Badgerswife - that's ferrets, that is, the ones on a lead that you are thinking of.

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Thu 06-Jun-13 21:29:38

If it hasn't already been mentioned, please may I suggest you tubing Ozzy the Weasel and Ozzy the Weasel War Dance. The second one made me all kinds of happy!

CouthyMow Thu 06-Jun-13 21:35:47

Feeding a giraffe is weirder. They eat like cows. Yes, I know they are cloven-hoofed animals too, but their tongues are surprisingly cow-like!!

Beehatch Thu 06-Jun-13 21:41:44

M&MMA you just beat me to it

I think weasels might just be the new kittehs


cardibach Thu 06-Jun-13 21:44:16

Weasels are cute! Ta Beehatch!

SoniaGluck Thu 06-Jun-13 21:47:01

Excellent, MeanAndMeasly I'm loving Ozzy. grin

iheartdusty Thu 06-Jun-13 21:50:18

someone mentioned voles. Now many voles are teeny tiny, but water voles - they are unfeasibly big! exactly like big plump guinea pigs.

meadow vole

water vole

ComeAlongPond Thu 06-Jun-13 21:59:44

What is the animal that is very big - bigger than a cat, maybe, and quite long - and looks like a stoat but with slightly badger-like facial stripes?

There was a big stuffed one in a pub I was in a while ago and we couldn't work out what it was. The owner didn't know, he thought it was a badger. But it was too thin in the body and its face wasn't pointy enough to be a badger. It's fur was a kind of sandy colour, with a slightly stripy face.

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 06-Jun-13 22:01:12

A pine marten ComeAlong?

ComeAlongPond Thu 06-Jun-13 22:04:59

Hmm, maybe... I think it had slightly smaller ears though, and wasn't as dark as that. And google isn't showing pine martens having very stripy faces - it was distinctly stripy in the face, enough that the landlord and two of our group were adamant it was a badger. (It definitely wasn't a badger!)

vastknapsack Thu 06-Jun-13 22:08:17

Going off on a tangent, sloths freak me out completely. They make me feel extremely uneasy. Wtf is going on with the weird toupee hair thing?

mawbroon Thu 06-Jun-13 22:08:58

Who mentioned hairy caterpillars?

I had a really bad allergic reaction after stroking hairy caterpillars as a child.

Do you still get them? I haven't seen one for years!!

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 22:09:18

Female badgers are skinnier than you'd expect?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 06-Jun-13 22:12:40

Ive seen stoats, weasels, bagders and an otter.
The otter was quaite large, weasels are teeny, stoats are HUUUGE, the one who lives in my paddock is the size of a BIG squirrel, and badgers seem to have a death wish. There are dead ones everywhere round here!

ComeAlongPond Thu 06-Jun-13 22:16:00

Could be a female badger I suppose - it was very pale though. Not at all grey, more blonde.

ComeAlongPond Thu 06-Jun-13 22:16:21

And it's stripe on its face was a slightly darker brown. Not black and white at all.

usualsuspect Thu 06-Jun-13 22:18:36

I'm amazed at the tinyness of weasels.

Who knew?

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 22:23:30

The weasels keep it quiet though.

bladders Thu 06-Jun-13 22:31:31

I was driving home a couple of years ago and saw what appeared to be a couple of lb of sausages linked together crossing the road. Thought I was going a bit mad but then found out it was Ma Weasel and her Weaselly crew of baby Weasels. Very cute. Collective name for a group of weasels ? A waggle of Weasels perhaps....

I saw a stuffed stoat and a stuffed weasel in the same display case & was surprised (nay, astounded) at the the tininess of one of them. Thanks to this thread I now know that the tiny one was a weasel.

I hate the sounds foxes make. Really scaaaaary.

Bimblepops Thu 06-Jun-13 22:32:37

Threads like this are one of the reasons I love Mumsnet.

Thank you all!

I love weasels too, even though they are tiny.

Hassled Thu 06-Jun-13 22:34:42

Google tells me:
Male and Female stoats and weasels are referred to as a dog and a bitch respectively. The young are called kittens or kits. Collective nouns for a group of weasels include boogle, gang, pack and confusion.

A Confusion of Weasels grin. How apt.

Could it have been a Polecat ComeAlong? They are fairly sizeable.

HD - maybe you think weasels are cat sized because they think they are and are projecting the image to annoy you? Just a thought.

[ not desperate to mark place in thread or anything ]

monsterchild Thu 06-Jun-13 22:43:13

Weasels just look cute!

And please tell me if there is another animal in the world that has as much fun as an otter? I'd just love to play with them!

HoneyDragon Thu 06-Jun-13 22:46:27

An otter ate Terry Nutkins finger.

Sh1ney Thu 06-Jun-13 22:48:17

A weasel is weasily told from the stoat by the simple fact that his tail is black and his figure is slightly bigger smile

usualsuspect Thu 06-Jun-13 22:48:41

Has Michaela danced with the weasels on Spring watch?


I love a good weasel!

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 06-Jun-13 22:55:44

Oh yes, otters.
How cute are otters.

ComeAlongPond Thu 06-Jun-13 22:56:40

Oooh it might have been a pole cat! That looks most like it - are they fairly large?

monsterchild Thu 06-Jun-13 22:59:16

A friend lost the end of her nose to a horse, Weasels don't hurt people, teeth hurt people!

I think the males are - no-where near badger size mind, but they can be quite sturdy creatures.

There have also been cases of cross-breeding with other Mustelids to make properly large ones (according to Wikipedia anyway).

VivaLeBeaver Thu 06-Jun-13 23:09:34

I've seen a family of badgers. Sat in a car park watching them for a good hour so they're real!

I've seen a stoat do a crazy stoat dance at the side of the road for no apparent reason.

I once had a ferret come in our house though the cat flap.

LittleFeileFooFoo Fri 07-Jun-13 00:25:48

A polecat? Isn't that a skunk?

piprabbit Fri 07-Jun-13 00:36:22

I saw a weasel once. I thought it was a mouse, but it went on for much longer than was reasonable. That was years ago though.

This spring I have mostly been seeing vast quantities of roadkill badgers and deer, far more than usual. Perhaps the weather is getting them down.

SoftlySoftly Fri 07-Jun-13 01:07:57

I'm a bit shocked by weasel size, I'm a country girl too. Bastard weasels have shaken my rural knowledge!

How do they take down rabbits has that bloke just got finger skin like a rhino? ?

Nagoo Fri 07-Jun-13 01:50:47

I've been thinking, is it that the weasels look bigger as they are wearing unflattering lederhosen?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pennybubbly Fri 07-Jun-13 07:31:26

What the fuck is a Pine Marten?
And why have I never heard of one?

Pennybubbly Fri 07-Jun-13 07:32:45

OK, I've googled.
But really, they've been made up in recent years, haven't they?

Cooroo Fri 07-Jun-13 07:46:55

Lyra's daemon, Pantalaimon, ends up as a pine marten (why do I want to use caps for PM?). But they are scary - google pine marten football attack.

Thread was making me very happy till I got to the star-nosed mole. That is wrong and very nasty.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyDragon Fri 07-Jun-13 09:27:13

Pink weasels are a species in their own right. They are condiderably larger than standard weasels with a tendency toward muffin toppage when wearing skinny lederhosen.

So not the same thing as a common garden weasel that has sent out misleading propaganda about its size for many many years.

HoneyDragon Fri 07-Jun-13 09:28:26

Considerably. FFS why did my mistake have to italicised. Can we just pretend my hayfever has extended to my typing?

lionheart Fri 07-Jun-13 09:56:32

This thread has made me laugh (and google weasels).

Rhinos are very big.

I aboslutely struggle with weasels too. I'm nodding my head furiously here. I never thought I would be so emphatic about weasels.

I saw one the other day and it was teeny. I thought it was a baby weasel. Bt apparently that's how big they are.

I always thought they were the size of a small cat. But they are actually the size of a baby weasel. grin

lionheart Fri 07-Jun-13 10:00:45

I do often marvel at the wonders of evolution but sometimes, you can't do anything but think WTAF???!!!

Star nosed mole a good example.

Take that coconut crab thing webecoist.momtastic.com/2009/02/03/the-9-strangest-animals-on-earth/

Can you imagine putting your rubbish out and having to negotiate one of those?

lionheart Fri 07-Jun-13 10:04:49

I think the weasel discrepancy is because David Attenborough has to compete with a cartoon menagerie (Disney and all that).

Thisvehicleisreversing Fri 07-Jun-13 10:14:44

My dad woke one night to hear our lovely big white bunny screaming. He ran out in his pants to discover a mean bastard ferret attacking him (bunny not pant-clad dad)

So he shot him. grin

Bastarding ferret.

Bunny was fine. (and lived till he was 13!)

Great shot, Dad!

lionheart Fri 07-Jun-13 10:26:50

Must have been a very good shot, they are tiny. wink

SixPackWellies Fri 07-Jun-13 10:34:13

I saw a weasel take a mouse once right in front of me. It was incredible.

DalekInAFestiveJumper Fri 07-Jun-13 11:13:25

I once attended a party where the host had pet prairie dogs. I discovered this fact when I sat down on the sofa with my glass of wine and a three pound rodent popped up from between the throw pillows and LAUNCHED itself at me.

It turns out prairie dogs are very unusually large (to my mind, at least!) and affectionate, and also I can make a variety of startlingly high pitched noises.

KansasCityOctopus Fri 07-Jun-13 11:28:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pfaffer Fri 07-Jun-13 11:32:19

Has anyone mentioned weasel milk?
Apparently it's the closest thing to human milk in the animal kingdom.

lionheart Fri 07-Jun-13 11:46:11

That's just peculiar, Pfaffer!

TheWombat Fri 07-Jun-13 11:55:43

I am concerned that weasels will be left with an inferiority complex / identity crisis after all this confused.

Stropperella Fri 07-Jun-13 11:56:01

A tiny but very fierce weasel once bit the end of my dog's nose. The dog was so surprised, he forgot to attack the weasel. So it lived to fight another day.

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 07-Jun-13 12:34:24

Hi all,

Thanks for the reports, we've moved this thread to classics now.

HoneyDragon Fri 07-Jun-13 12:36:00

See, with weasels it's all about the element of surprise <<nods sagely>>

I want a pet Prairie dog envy

HoneyDragon Fri 07-Jun-13 12:37:29

blush oh dear. Does this means its never going to be deleted?

I've seen pine marten shite, on hols in France (nature walk with the owner of the gite). Full of cherry stones, apparently they like cherries. Saw the most butterflies ever on the same walk, they were fantastic.

I see a lot of badgers, but usually about half an inch thick and 4 feet across (I have a 40 mile commute every day on a road through Wicklow). Plus a lot of flat foxes and other furry squishy things.

Had baby rats in the garden two weeks (field behind me) but they haven't visited since I stopped putting bird food out. Years ago my parent's dog cornered a rat and then didn't know what to do with it. Dog barking for 10 mins, rat hissing in corner of garden. V funny. Finally called dog off (well dragged her) and rat ran off and didn't return.
(do you all think there are lots of rats in my life now? grin )

*two weeks ago

Oh, visited a house years ago where one of the people volunteered at the zoo, and was hand rearing a lemur (I think).

V v cute, big eyes, bottle fed, she had to bring it home at night as it needed such regular frequent feeds. It was in what looked like a mini baby's cot in her room!

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Fri 07-Jun-13 12:47:26

Weasels are smaller than squirrels?????


We used to have a dachshund who loved humping his toy badger. I think he'd have fled in terror if faced with a full sized one though.

TheRealFellatio Fri 07-Jun-13 12:49:47

I have stroked a beaver. It was very soft and silky.

STOP IT. You are a disgrace. angry

GoofyIsACow Fri 07-Jun-13 12:58:44

<stops shouting>

And fucking massive, i nearly ran one over, it was stood in the middle of the road, bold as brass, i came round a corner a little too fast a lot of years ago and... Well fuck, it was the size of Jeanette Kranky...

OvO Fri 07-Jun-13 13:04:26

I was sure weasels were small cat sized. shock

I just asked my DH and he knew they were tiny. This has really annoyed me for some reason. What a bastard, knowing that when I didn't.

BookieMonster Fri 07-Jun-13 13:11:27

Tasmanian Devils (the real ones, not cartoon impostors) are freakishly intimidating. They square up to you and eye you off while in the enclosure right in front of the "These beasties are well fucking hard and have a bite per inch force of twenty squillion to one so don't even think about getting close or they'll fucking have you" sign. Doesn't matter how small they are. They are evil fuckers.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 07-Jun-13 13:12:52

Did you know that there is a government department that deals with damage to houses caused by badgers?!
Something attacked our catflap one night, huge clawmarks and big chunks of it ripped off, scared our two labs to whining, quivering heaps.
General consensus was it was a badger.

BookieMonster Fri 07-Jun-13 13:13:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoreOfWhabylon Fri 07-Jun-13 17:48:59

Oooh! I have seen a blonde badger - it was dead though.

It looked just like this one (scroll down a bit).

BoreOfWhabylon Fri 07-Jun-13 17:52:59

Have also seen teeny tiny weasels and bigger kick-ass stoats.

Has anyone mentioned wombats yet? Now, they are big, big bastards and solid, like tanks.

AND... they produce cubes of poo!!

WestleyAndButtockUp Fri 07-Jun-13 18:05:06

When I was five, I pretended to my dad that I'd seen a fox.

He didn't believe me and asked me to describe it.

I said it was about as tall as a man on its hind legs, and it was wearing a red jacket.

So he said he did believe me.

BoreOfWhabylon Fri 07-Jun-13 18:16:55

grin Westley

Nagoo Sun 09-Jun-13 10:11:01

I feel I must confess to provision of misleading information.

don't ask why, but I have been dwelling on this. I was horrified to discover that my measured weasel was a stoat.

I can only apologise.

I posted in good faith and I am as betrayed by that site as you have been by my erroneous posting.

always always check the facts. don't trust what you read online.

I am so sorry if this has perpetuated anyone's weasel size delusion.


HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 10:29:48


You can tell it was a stoat because of its tail.

We were all just too polite to mention it grin

Besides, its hardly your fault. It's all these weirdy woodland creatures that wander about brazenly flaunting their wrong sizedness.

Nagoo Sun 09-Jun-13 10:37:17

<needs hug> but they said it was a weasel sad it looked legit. -- I may sue--

HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 10:39:18

It was the weasels wot wrote the article. It's all part of their evil plan to confound us with their tiny statures.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 09-Jun-13 10:44:26

Does anybody remember that Aussie daytime soap years ago where they had a pet wombat. He was lovely, I'd love to have a wombat.
I see pine martens up here, (Highlands), in my last house I used to feed them bread and jam, they have very sweet teeth.
I moved a 10 minute walk away but don't encourage them as they might attack my cats or vice versa.

HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 10:44:56

Country Practise?

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 09-Jun-13 10:46:35

Yes Honey, that was it.grin
And wombats are considerably bigger than weasels.

HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 11:05:36

Yes. That woman's are bigger than weasels is one of very few certainties in life.

I loved Country Practise, the wombat was called Fatso

HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 11:05:55

Woman's? Wombats.

BoreOfWhabylon Sun 09-Jun-13 12:46:27

Wombats are weasels in reverse; they are much, much bigger than you expect them to be (like about 5 stone in weight).

They lure you in by pretending to be small and cuddly, but they are big, grumpy and they bite. Hard.

QueenofDreams Sun 09-Jun-13 13:25:17

I never knew weasels were that small. I thought they were similar in size to ferrets. I asked DP if he knew how big weasels are and he said small cat size. Can't believe it.

On another note apparently in many places it's illegal to own a pet weasel as they're classed as being dangerous, even to humans. I wonder if Ozzy's owner is aware of this?

HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 14:36:57

Perhaps they class Ozzy as a lodger?

Or law enforcement owners don't believe he's too small to be a weasel, because everyone knows weasels are the size of cats.

CalamityKate Sun 09-Jun-13 14:50:54

The stoat can be easily told from the weasel, by the simple fact that his tail is blacked, and his figure is slightly the bigger

I read that in one of the "Children of Cherry Tree Farm" books by Enid Blyton when I was little! Tammylan the wild man was teaching the children about wildlife grin

CalamityKate Sun 09-Jun-13 15:27:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Um, are you on the right thread Calamity? Or have weasels been behaving badly towards supermarket checkout operators?

FWIW, when discussing abusive human men, rather than weasels, wombats or stoats, I do agree with you.

mignonette Sun 09-Jun-13 16:52:22

I saw two Weasels copulating at the side of the road. They looked like a large moving furry pretzel.

Just as well they are small. They are so ferocious that any larger and they'd be making off with our children.

mignonette Sun 09-Jun-13 16:53:09


The wombat was called Fatso.

mignonette Sun 09-Jun-13 16:53:41

Sorry ladybeagle

MacaYoniandCheese Sun 09-Jun-13 16:54:44

We have These. They are the stuff of urban legend...apparently they attack and kill pets and small children sometimes.

I could never get my head around why anyone would want to keep a ferret as a pet...we have neighbours that walk them on a leash and dress them up and have little hammocks for them. For weasels. Get a cat FFS or a hamster.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JuliaScurr Sun 09-Jun-13 17:11:17

now an otter would be otterly different

BanjoPlayingTiger Sun 09-Jun-13 17:16:45

What a brilliant thread.
I too am shocked that weasels are tiny. Id have sworn they were the same size as ferrets.

I have seen a badger though. It was a LOT larger than i thought.

Ferrets stink like pee. It's gross.

Are there racoons in England?

Calamity I loved those books!

HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 17:49:05

grin large furry pretzel

Trinpy Sun 09-Jun-13 17:57:55

Ferrets are evil. I have a scar across my nose from where a ferret attached itself to my face by its teeth at a friend's wake a few years ago <outs self>. I had to prise its jaws apart with my thumbs just to get it off. Evil bastard.

I am learning a lot about woodland animals from this thread.

mignonette Sun 09-Jun-13 19:38:51

Why was the ferret at the wake?????? smile

I am conjuring up a mental image of a 'Wind In The Willlows' style event with ferrets dressed up as Mafia type undertakers.....

FringeEvent Sun 09-Jun-13 19:42:54

I mentioned this thread to DH earlier, and then showed him a weasel video on youtube (this one) - totally blew his mind.

He's just returned the favour by asking me how big I imagine a kiwi (the bird) to be.

"Well", I said, "I've always assumed they're about the same size as a kiwi fruit."

Nope. This is how big a kiwi is.

orangeandemons Sun 09-Jun-13 20:02:36

Are weasels the ones that people put down their trousers? Or is that ferrets? Or even trouser snakes.....?

HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 20:32:44

Ferrets go down trousers.

Something to do with sailors.

HoneyDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 20:34:04

Trouser snakes tend to be indigenous to trousers rather than go up and own them.

<<consults big book of phallic wildlife>>

Hassled Sun 09-Jun-13 20:56:08

I have returned with the INSANE NEWS that Foosa are real things.

I'm watching Madagascar and as I'm now starting to doubt the wisdom of basing my entire knowledge of the animal kingdom on books and cartoons (thanks only to this thread}, I thought I'd turn to Google to check for accuracy.

And here they are. Actually Fossa but I prefer Foosa.

SoupDragon Sun 09-Jun-13 21:00:13

Wasn't there a MNer who thought Pine Martens went Marty Marty Marty?

CalamityKate Sun 09-Jun-13 21:34:56

Oh whoops wrong thread!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Tue 11-Jun-13 15:39:58

I have been in the presence of weasels.
It was in the car par at the western end of Froggatt Edge, and I heard the unmistakable sound of aggressive mustelids. Three of them, chittering with rage and sinuously leaping about.
I was extremely conscious of my exposed toes peeping from my Tevas; their teeth were much in evidence. As the OP says, the size is all wrong.

BoreOfWhabylon Tue 11-Jun-13 16:45:40

I want to be in the presence of weasels! if we believe in them, then they will come <mystic>

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