To pelt my cakes at this mum's head in the playground this afternoon? <fume>

(931 Posts)
MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:00:29

The school are having a cake sale tomorrow and have BEGGED for donations of cakes. They have been Facebooking about how desperate they are all week as they want to make a dent in the £12,000 target needed for some new play equipment in the playground. One might think that flogging cakes at 30 pee each is not the way to make a dent but that's another thing...

I am pushed for time this week but I thought I could do some cornflake easter nests with some mini eggs on top as a quick alternative to baking and frosting two dozen fairy cakes. So I went out and bought the stuff (which I reckon cost more than they will get from the sales tbh) Then I replied to one of the FB begging messages saying "I will bring some cornflake easter nests tomorrow, will have about 40" Then one of the PTA wimmin replied "Ha ha! That's great but be prepared to take most of them home as they don't sell as well as real cakes."

Fuck. You. Bitch.


Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 13:03:35

Oooooooh. angry
I'll buy some. Love 'em.

tutu100 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:04:34

I think in that case I'd reply "ok then I won't bother". Cornflake cakes are the best sellers at my son's school and pre-school fetes. The kids love them.

HazeltheMcWitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:04:43


They do sell, don't they? Maybe I just live in a very unsophisticated area?

The economics of cake sales are off, aren't they?

BitBewildered Wed 27-Mar-13 13:04:45

YANBU. Fairy cakes are shit.

HazeltheMcWitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:05:17

OMG! Why did I use so much punctuation there?

Nancy66 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:06:29

i'd take those over another motherfucking cupcake any day.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Wed 27-Mar-13 13:06:30

Stick them in the freezer overnight so the edges are really sharp, then pelt the fucking bitch grin

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:07:09

Oh how very fucking rude.

I wouldn't waste them on her, I'd just save them and eat them at home over the Easter weekend.

Rude. I love chocolate crispy cakes.

Makinglists Wed 27-Mar-13 13:07:20

With mini eggs on top and loads of chocolate whats not to like - I thought that was a standard kid fave. Fair enough it may not be to all adults taste - but if your cake sales are anything like ours its normally the kids (well with the parents money) doing most of the buying.

MikeOxardAndWellard Wed 27-Mar-13 13:08:01

I would respond very simply 'you're welcome'. Rude bitch. x

SanityClause Wed 27-Mar-13 13:08:31

IME, anything with sweets on is popular with children.

Maybe it's different at your school though? hmm

hmm to her BTW, not you!

MintyyAeroEgg Wed 27-Mar-13 13:08:36

Please please please please please please please please please please please Please please please please please please please please please please please Please please please please please please please please please please please Please please please please please please please please please please please Please please please please please please please please please please please
do what tutu100 says! I beseech you thanks.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 13:08:46

I now have a craving for them.
So, as it turns out YABU.

ipswichwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:08:52

YANBU, although don't pelt your cakes at her, use her crappy cakes. I'll come buy all your lovely cornflake cakes since they (and rice krispie cakes) are far superior to regular cakes. so there

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:09:16

grin at BeingAWife giving tips out for maximum injury!

I bought some really pretty easter themed paper cases from Waitrose too. I am going to make an extra effort with them to make the kids want to buy them. I might even bring out the coloured sprinkles to lure the kids to buy. You know how the little ones can't resist a fucking sprinkle angry

Sell them on MN then present the school with a cheque for the full £12,000 with the local press covering the event. grin Post a copy of the photo on FB.

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:09:46

Just seen that this is you, Twatters. smile

Save a couple that don't work so well (chocolate doesn't set, for e.g.) and pelt her with those. Although the frozen sharp edge idea appeals, I prefer the idea of sticky chocolate nests lodging in her barnet for the day. grin

ipswichwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:10:50

dammit, now I'm craving them too.

KoalaFace Wed 27-Mar-13 13:12:04

Make them and when you leave wave your empty tupperware at her and shout "I told off some of the children for using your 'real cakes' as cannon fodder in a cake fight. You're welcome!"

Still18atheart Wed 27-Mar-13 13:12:04

We had a charity cake sale last week and the chocolate cornflake cakes sold a lot quicker than the traditional cupcakes/ fairy cakes.

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion Wed 27-Mar-13 13:13:54

I'm with tut100 I'd post again and say I won't bother then.

Wrt the cake throwing, freeze some and make the other's sticky. The best of both worlds wink

Sparklingbrook Wed 27-Mar-13 13:14:10

Make some of those dangerous flapjacks with sharp corners and a slingshot. angry

Willow36 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:14:41

I'd buy them over cupcakes/fairy cakes. They are my absolute favourite.

She's being a bitch. Refuse to buy any of the cakes she makes.

thezebrawearspurple Wed 27-Mar-13 13:15:16

I'd eat them rather than wasting any on her head, throw stones insteadwink

FakeHotCrossLobsters Wed 27-Mar-13 13:16:15

Email the school and tell them that the PTA are actively discouraging parents from donating in this way with their smug sneering at your efforts and that the only reason you are sending the buns in now is that you had already done the shopping for the ingredients, but they can whistle in future.

And I agree about the pricing. I made a load of buns for the children's centre once and they sold them at such a ridiculously low price they would have been better off if I'd baked nothing and given them the ingredients money instead.

ENormaSnob Wed 27-Mar-13 13:16:17

I'll eat them along with anything else that stays still long enough

Cornflake cakes are the best.

And they are well harder than poncy fairy cakes.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:16:33

Maybe she is just trying to put me off making the cakes because she knows my skillz will show up her sunken lemon drizzle cake? Honestly, she does one every bake sale and it NEVER sells. The kids always go for things with the most colours on, don't they?! Then all of the other bake sale twats mums coo round her going "We'll have some now with our tea!" and she always goes "That's why I make one of those, sothere is always some left for the mums! Kiddlies don't like traditional cakes!" As if it was all a nefarious plan on her part not to make something the kids will buy rather than the truth, which is nobody bought her cake because it looks like the dog trod on it.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 13:16:35

If you could rustle up some rice krispie ones I'd like those even more!

There's an entire thread ATM in the food forum about how cupcakes are shit!

Busy aren't I.

WowOoo Wed 27-Mar-13 13:16:41

Given a choice at a cake sale, ds will ALWAYS go for cornflake cakes. if there's a mini egg there too it's no contest.

You must make them look tempting so that they'll be irrestistible sell outs.

Then you can say 'In yer face, PTA woman'. grin

sue52 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:17:38

Your easter nests are perfect for this time of year. Most children would prefer them to fairy cakes. Ignore the rude pta woman.

We've had the debate of the economics of spending more money than the cakes generate for the school fair before. It did not end well grin
(just a warning)

I never knew they were the poor relation of the cake world. It's maybe snce the cupcake has become the cake du jour

fuzzpig Wed 27-Mar-13 13:20:37

What an ungrateful cow.

I am more likely to buy cornflake cakes TBH (and now I'm annoyed because I've already ordered my groceries and didn't add them to the list sad) because at least you know they'll be yummy, unlike fairy cakes which may well be burnt/dense etc.

myalias Wed 27-Mar-13 13:20:43

She is wrong I went to a tea party the other day with an amazing choice of cakes, the first one I chose was a cornflake chocolate cake with mini eggs on top.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:21:26

"We've had the debate of the economics of spending more money than the cakes generate for the school fair before. It did not end well"


What happened? I mean, what actually is the flipside of the argument?! AFAICS, there isn't one?!

<waits to be told I am wrong>

ArtVandelay Wed 27-Mar-13 13:21:30

I hope they sell out. And you should bribe your child and their friends to stage a fist fight over the last cake, just to rub it in that your crispy cakes are the best things ever.

fuzzpig Wed 27-Mar-13 13:22:01

Oh and you should definitely reply "oh, shall I not bother then?"

I doubt she will say no, because then she will really look like a twat, so you can still do them.

Lizzylou Wed 27-Mar-13 13:23:17

Choc crispy cakes and mini eggs are the dogs.

What a twatbag.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:23:33

OK I am going to write it to her, see what she says...

Werll IIRC I kept saying that if the sole purpose was to raise money (which I was told it was) then asking the parents to spend £10 on ingredients which raised £5 for the school was a silly way to go about it.
If there is more to it - community spirit, event, interest I n baking etc, then fine, but if the primary aim is financial then this is silly. I was told I was wrong because it was £5that otherwise wouldn't have gone to the school. hmm

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 13:24:28

What a crass response from her. If they've got Mini Eggs on top, of course they'll bloody sell.
I'd be so tempted to respond, copying everyone in, with Tutu's idea.

I donated some food to our school's foodbank scheme (which sends the donations to the city foodbank). OK, it was a couple of tins of chickpeas and some mystery tin of food from the local Chinese supermarket, but fuck it, it's food.

Next newsletter, there's a message from the cah who organises it to drum up donations with the proviso ".....please no tins of chickpeas or weird things from the back of your cupboard....".

Get fucked.

OK, I get that they may not help if no-one wants them (I would hope at least the chickpeas would be appreciated, though), but what a churlish message.

No more rooting in my cupboards for your glorification, missus.......

At DS' s school, those cornflakes cakes are like crack cocaine. The kids would happily fight each other to the death for one.

If we were selling them with mini eggs on them, we would have to take weapons.

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 13:24:36

grin at Sparklingbrook

And given what I've just said this would be completely illogical but I'll happily pay you £2 to eat one yourself, as another person hgas mentioned, 'sell' them on MN and make loads of money, that'll shut her up
(which of course would be the main aim!)

babyfirefly1980 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:25:13

Theres gratitude for you..what a miserable mare.

KatieMiddleton Wed 27-Mar-13 13:25:25

shock That is so rude. Please reply:

Yes, you are the expert on cakes that do not sell. I will save my time and just eat the mini eggs myself

Or get a pinny with "I'm with Bitch-face" on and stand next to her. Actually I'm thinking a range of PTA inspired, passive-aggressive homewards and gifts would make a fortune.

Bunting the spells out CUNT in naice Cath Kidston florals, MOTHER FUCKER tea towels and the pinnies.

I'd buy them.

shock at the chickpeas
They're so versatile too

VanitasVanitatum Wed 27-Mar-13 13:25:47

Say 'I'm sorry, did you mean to be that rude?'

Then pelt her with frozen cornflake nests anyway.

juanca Wed 27-Mar-13 13:26:19

Can you hire a local rent-a-mob to turn up and start screaming 'OH MY GOD, CRISPY CAKES!' and fall on you like a pack of wolves and shower you with a basket of 10p's?

Am so sick of cupcakes. They are dead to me, I don't even see them anymore. I would be all over your crispy cakes.

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 13:26:24

Re cake sale economics, our school held one recently where the cakes were a quid a pop!

MoominmammasHandbag Wed 27-Mar-13 13:26:32

At our school bake sale the resident domestic goddess berated my friend for bringing in shop bought cakes. My friend had a two weeK old baby and a seriously ill husband.
Goddess mum will never know how close she came to being lynched with her Kath Kidston pinny by a group of righteously irate mums.

Katir I am meant ti be taking my DC to the doctors and you are making me late, as I'm going to have to wipe the tears of mirth from my eyes

How about a fridge magnet "I never cook with wine. I just drink it and order a take away"

I really would text back and say "ok I won't bother then" and then don't .

I have to admit I do prefer cupcakes to crispy cakes. But I accept I am wrong!

5Foot5 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:27:55

Yes what tutu said but I wouldn't be able to resist adding something sarcastic like "Great motivational skills MrsX"

BTW I don't do FB but if you reply on there does that mean everyone will see it. If so, please do and show her up the snooty cow!

livinginwonderland Wed 27-Mar-13 13:28:09

oooh i want some now! i love chocolate crispy cakes! <makes note to buy some after work>

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 13:29:08

[snorting coffee out of nose] at KatieMiddleton

Please, please PM me if you ever start selling these.

Creamtea1 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:29:18

that above is the best course of action

toobreathless Wed 27-Mar-13 13:29:43


Agree I wouldn't bother.

I would put a comment on fb saying 'how lovely it must be to have so little to do that you have the time to bake 'real' cakes & spend all day on Facebook.


anotheryearolder Wed 27-Mar-13 13:30:06

Take your nests in - prime all your friends and their DC to RUN and buy your cakes. Then give her the finger grin

Ok dont give her the finger just smile smugly ... can you tell how much I loathed all that cake oneupmanship crap!

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 13:30:56

I know, Babyfirefly.

It's possible that the foodbank looks at non-mainstream foods and thinks "Oh no, we'll never shift this...." but a simple "We'd prefer more conventional/recognisable/simple foods, please, as it's likely to be more appreciated...." would have done the trick.

Anyway - send the email to the lemon-sucking madam....and then make some amazing flake-cakes. With Mini Eggs and a free wire and pom-pom chick to go with it.

Go on.

I've run out of tinned chickpeas. I looked in the cupboard last night and was devastated. We had to have lentils instead and dinner took too bloody long to cook.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:32:08

Next newsletter, there's a message from the cah who organises it to drum up donations with the proviso ".....please no tins of chickpeas or weird things from the back of your cupboard....".

shock Horrified but grin at the same time. Stupid cow! I love chickpeas!

Or get a pinny with "I'm with Bitch-face" on and stand next to her." grin

I think that 50 pee a cake would be better. 50p would also stop the greedy biffs buying PLATEFULS at a time. Seriously, one dad bought TEN CAKES the last sale and then they had to turn people away from the sale because they ran out of cakes. This is why they're so desperate for cacks. Because they keep selling out early. Well, price them more realistically, you thick mares, and you will have a more steady sale.

Stick those sparkler things in them.

Nancy66 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:32:50

at the sale just go along and stick your finger in all of the 'real' cakes.

FayeKorgasm Wed 27-Mar-13 13:33:23

OP. I would much much rather have a chocolate cornflake cake than a manky old fairy cake any day.

I can't believe how bitchy some people are. Definitely pelt her!

Iamcountingto3 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:33:29

Yup, definitely bling the buggers up with every sprinkle & mini egg known to man and then practiced looking surprised & confused when they sell out before anything else. The wander round innocently saying "wow, x said these wouldn't sell - & the kids loved them - wouldn't have thought....?"

tabulahrasa Wed 27-Mar-13 13:33:39

I'd just send her a message back...

Ah well, they can go in the pile of cakes nobody wants then, next to your lemon drizzle cake - HAHA!

I mean she can't complain, look its got haha on the end and everything.

anotheryearolder Wed 27-Mar-13 13:33:50

OMG Katie brilliant!

Dont tell anyone but for 12 years I iced Tescos plain fairycakes.
I had a stash in the freezer and just got a tray out each time - iced them badly- thats the secret or they look too perfect and transferred into a tin of my own. biscuit anyone grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:34:07

Cacks? Oh yes. All of the cacks all of the time.

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 13:34:34

Yeah, Baroness!

Mini Eggs, Easter chick, sparkler, cocktail umbrella.

Go know you want to.....

DontmindifIdo Wed 27-Mar-13 13:34:35

NO NO NO! Don't put that comment given she's done this so publicly and you know her cakes didn't sell last time put:

"Oh, I thought last year the cornflake cakes sold out first and it was the dull things that no one really likes that were left - I seem to recall there was a lemon drissle cake left last year, I hope whoever made that has ben advised to make something a bit more popular this year!"

Back atcha bitch!

olgaga Wed 27-Mar-13 13:34:43

Gosh that is really rude.

I only baked cakes for the cake stall once after I saw the pathetic prices they charged for cakes I'd spent about £7 on ingredients to make, plus hours spent making them.

I now just go and spend money on cakes and tombola instead!

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 13:34:52

Oh my god I desperately want a tea towel with MOTHER FUCKER emblazoned on it.

Do you reckon there is a market for twee floral goods with swear words embroidered on.

CUNT napkins.
COCKSUCKER tea cosies
ARSEHOLE tabards.

HazzleMcDazzle Wed 27-Mar-13 13:34:59

Well seeing as she's been so snotty on a public forum, she's going to look like such a prize dick when your crispy cakes sell out quickly then!

I'm organising a PTA cake stall for this afternoon, and would kill to get cakes like these. If you can get them over to deepest Essex by about 3pm I'll gladly have them!

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Wed 27-Mar-13 13:35:20

I'd have replied 'Ok, I'll leave it then. No point making them when they won't sell. Best of luck with the cake sale'

ICBINEG Wed 27-Mar-13 13:35:33

50p is deffo the international standard price for bake sale cakes....or £1 for a slice of magnificent gateaux.

IsSpringSprangedYet Wed 27-Mar-13 13:35:50

My kids lick the frosting off of cupcakes and leave the cake, so I always go for krispie things rather than cupcraps.

i will eat both though

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:35:51

grin Tabulah. I want to do that one!

Have just replied on Facebook with "Oh OK, I won't bother then. Shame as I thought you were desperate?" then a nice passive aggressive smile to end.

<awaits huffy response>

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 27-Mar-13 13:37:03

Oooh, handbags at dawn.

She can get to fuck, can't she? I wouldn't even bother with a response, although I do love tutu's breezy 'OK then, I won't bother.' grin

OP, if you bring some round to mine I'll put the kettle on. <<mmmmmm chocolate cornflake cakes>>

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 13:37:07

But you will do them, right?
With the sparklers?

kelda Wed 27-Mar-13 13:37:11

Pelt flapjacks at her instead. The triangular shaped ones. They are the weapon of choice at the moment.

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 13:37:17

Get Ouef me too!! grin and a floral Pinny with "Get Fucked" on it so I can look at it pointedly when someone interferes in the kitchen

I really want a chocolate crispy cake now. Not some shitty drizzle cake.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:38:14

ALSO, they are holding the cake sale in the shelter in the playground. WTF? It is BALTIC. They are wondering why only 3 people are volunteering to help. What are they? Thick? Move the venue to a classroom or the hall and you might get more people to help, you thick cunts.

Oooh, getting in to it now...

anotheryearolder Wed 27-Mar-13 13:38:42

grin am dying to hear what her reply is !

ICBINEG Wed 27-Mar-13 13:38:50

how about re-boxed luxury herbal tea bags in a lovely floral packet entitled 'Twatbags'

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion Wed 27-Mar-13 13:39:19

Or get a pinny with "I'm with Bitch-face" on and stand next to her.


issypiggle Wed 27-Mar-13 13:39:23

choc cornflake cakes are the best. don't make them, or just make them for your kids. sod the lot of 'em

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 27-Mar-13 13:39:26

x-posted with OP. PLEASE keep us updated.

GetOeuf and anklebiters, I'd buy all of those things. And some gardening gloves emblazoned with YOU WANKER.

Iamcountingto3 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:40:24

If its anything like our school, we had to hold our cake sales outside because otherwise every helper had to be CRB checked.
In fact I was told at one point that anyone who came into the school to pick up a table to take outside for a cake sale had to be CRB checked. I kid you not.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:41:08

I really feel that we may have seen the next big business just get born on Mumsnet. I am proud to have been here and would like a discount on a BitchFace pinny please.

anotheryearolder Wed 27-Mar-13 13:41:31

You could always get a "Did you mean to be so rude?" floral pinny to wear when you help at the next one !

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:42:31

Hmmm, dunno if it's the CRB thing. I have helped at discos etc and haven't been CRB checked.

Which is a good job because I am trying to keep my murder conviction secret.

LondonNinja Wed 27-Mar-13 13:42:44

Loving this.

CUNT bunting = marvellous.

Can't wait to hear old lemon-sucker-face's reply.

Eskino Wed 27-Mar-13 13:44:49

Reply with, "they're GLUTEN FREE MUTHAFUCKA"

And what happened to the poster who was going to start up the 'Darkside' baby book business? You know, the first trip to A&E, first vomit on baby-hating relative's silk blouse, the first time you dropped DC etc......

Iamcountingto3 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:46:08

fair enough, in that case they are just brainless. Fuck 'em and their hippo-flattened lemon drizzles.

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:46:27

I have a feeling that if an "I'm with bitchface" pinny came on the market, DH would buy one for himself! grin
<<hormonal, sleep-deprived and very fucking grumpy>>

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 13:46:47

Why is it that most people on PTAs are acvtually really nice (IME) but there is always one or two ratbastards who make you feel better about substandard cakes?

Poppet48 Wed 27-Mar-13 13:48:14

I'd choose a cornflake Easter nest over a fairy cake any day of the week, Ignore her smile

KatieMiddleton Wed 27-Mar-13 13:48:46

Hahaha at ARSEHOLE tabard grin

<Gets out pinking shears>

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 13:49:56

God marmalade that is a great response. Is it public on FB or is it a private message?

Kneedeepindaisies Wed 27-Mar-13 13:49:57

grin at 'Twatbags'

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 27-Mar-13 13:50:12

I can't wait to hear her response. Surely sane members of the pta must have seem and gone "nooooooooo, bitchface! What are you doing rejecting crispycrack?!"

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 13:51:38

All the parents are have watched the marmalade/Brenda exchange and are sitting there going 'ooooooooh' eagerly awaiting the next installment.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:51:49

I've had a reply but not from the cornflake cake hater.

The CHAIR of the PTA has responded "No ALL donations are gratefully accepted! Shop-bought, home-made, whatever you can spare is appreciated! Will look forward to seeing your nests tomorrow x"


Fuck YOU, lemon drizzle murderer. Fuck you right up the bum.

Davsmum Wed 27-Mar-13 13:51:53

YABU if you pelt her with anything - but not unreasonable to think she is being a bitch smile
Some people say stuff before they think - she may have thought it was amusing.
If I was pushed for time I wouldn't have made anything.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:52:26

It is private, GetOeuf. You have to be invited to their page to see it sad

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 13:53:11

Oooohhhhh....she got over-ruled . Baaaahahahahahaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!

Scereewwwwww you, you citrus-titted arsepart!

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 27-Mar-13 13:54:38


Thumbwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 13:54:43

Good for the Chair! She obvs has more sense then lemon sucker drizzle beeatch woman

Bet your nests outsell her shiteola contribution by loads. smile

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 13:55:57

Hey.....I bet she's looking a bit sour-faced now, eh? Eh?

ginslinger Wed 27-Mar-13 13:56:05

I am delighted by all of this. Telling her you're not going to bother and cunt bunting. Such is the stuff that dreams are made of.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 13:56:52

I think that she is eating sour grapes, this one.

She is secretary at the moment but that will stop once her child goes to secondary school in september. Secondary schools don't have PTAs, do they? So I suppose she is trying to cram in as much power-craziness as she can before her reign of terror ends!

I might apply for her job once she goes <evil>

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 13:56:53

Oh no marm wasn't asking for the FB page (not on facebook anyway) just wondering if the messages could have been seen by others or if it was private message.

But that is a RESULT. Now you are best friends with the chairman of the PTA. IN HER FACE.

crazypaving Wed 27-Mar-13 13:58:17

you've inspired me to make chocolate cornflake cakes for the first time with my toddler this weekend.

would love a motherfucker apron to do it in, while he still can't read.

I'd buy them in preference to boring old fairy cakes any day. Fairy cakes can be spectacularly awful if badly made, and are usually topped with far to much gunk, so I tend to steer clear. Chocolate cornflake cakes with mini eggs on the other hand - absolutely love them!

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 13:58:50

Secondary school have Receptionists


DuchessFanny Wed 27-Mar-13 13:58:55

Now you have to think of something cutting to say to accompany a scathing look at her left over lemon drizzle ...

"ah no luck selling AGAIN this year ? can i recommend Easter choccy crispy nests ?!"

grin at the chair usurping lemon drizzle cake bitch. I bet she's angry at the chair for showing her up.

ginslinger Wed 27-Mar-13 14:00:07

She's going to have to eat humble pie now. Or a humble fucking cupcake.

KatieMiddleton Wed 27-Mar-13 14:00:17

Fuck off cunty-chops bunting from the Leave The Bastard range... for when a restraining order is not enough.

<books slot on Dragons' Den>

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:00:49

Oh yes, GetOeuf! They can be seen by everyone at the school who's on the page. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ah CUNT.

BookieMonster Wed 27-Mar-13 14:01:26

No response from Lemon Drizzle Mum, though. I am dying to hear what she says. Do you think she'll be all passive aggressive at the stall tomorrow putting your cakes at the back of the table? You've got to watch these UberMum types.

Bakingnovice Wed 27-Mar-13 14:01:44

Choc cornflakes cakes are the best sellers at our school. I think it's because the buyers have cottoned on to the fact that 90% of the fairy cakes being sold are the '12 pack for 50p' ones from tesco with a few sprinkles thrown over.

grin that is a brilliant response! up yours snotty cake lady <blows raspberry>

i hope none of her cakes sell. your nests will sell really quickly. they tend to be very popular

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:02:40

You HAVE to update us!

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:02:56

People who go mad on primary PTAs end up on the governing body of secondary schools.

One good thing about that (if you are as narrow minded and petty as I am, and I am sure you are grin) is that parent governers need to be voted in, so their lobbying statement comes home with the newsletter and you can point and laugh and take the piss out of someone who have held a brooding resentment with since Year 6.

Hurrah for the chair!

DS(4) has been begging to make crispy cakes all week. Definitely primary school crack.

IME and IMHO children like stuff they recognise and know is reliable. Lemon drizzle might be nice but cornflake cakes will definitely be nice. And there's no danger that it might actually be coconut or something instead, which would be a HEINOUS CRIME and total waste of your 50p.

ipswichwitch Wed 27-Mar-13 14:03:35

how about re-boxed luxury herbal tea bags in a lovely floral packet entitled 'Twatbags'

I need those. And some arsebiscuits to go with them.

Booyhoo Wed 27-Mar-13 14:03:55

"Ha ha! That's great but be prepared to take most of them home as they don't sell as well as real cakes."

i would regard that as a challenge!

if i were in a devious sort of mood i might set up a wee stall outside the school gate and sell them to people on their way in and then make a big show of announcing just how much I myself, on my own with my own cornflake cakes, had raised for the school. emphasis on ME! grin i would of course hold one cake back to throw at PTA woman's head.

Startail Wed 27-Mar-13 14:04:26

We have friends of the secondary school, I don't know what they do.
I've done 11years of PTA. That is enough.

Ahem ... I already have a pinny emblazoned with


Bought for me by DH especially to wear when I'm cooking Christmas dinner, which I have down to a tee and no I don't want any help telling you what I want done will take time and mess up my carefully-honed schedule! (That man really knows me well grin!)

ICBINEG Wed 27-Mar-13 14:05:07

damn you all!

Just got asked by a senior colleague what I was so happy about...

I am not sure that CUNT bunting would have gone down well....I had to scrabble and tap dance and make something up about my DD.

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:05:50

Oddly enough, GetOeuf, Churlish Chickpea Denier composed a hilarious personal statement for her (failed) election bid.

How we laughed. And scanned it for future amusement.

Ha ha!

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:07:55

"(if you are as narrow minded and petty as I am, and I am sure you are"

Whatever gave you that idea? wink

I am really tempted now to volunteer to assist at the bake sale tomorrow. Just to be sure that old mrs. hair bear isn't hiding my cakes under her massive maxi skirt...

LifeSavedbyLego Wed 27-Mar-13 14:09:40

Cornflake cakes always sell out first! Is the woman mad? My DCs go to a moderately poncey school were the parents have a habit of giving individual polenta cakes or some such horror. Me I always make cornflake cakes covered in smarties or mini eggs, they go every time.

I once diverged into lurid cupcakes (the kind where you can taste the colouring) with clashing buttercream covered in sprinkles. I thought they'd be a hit, but not as much as cornflake cakes...

LangenFlugelHappleHoff Wed 27-Mar-13 14:10:37

I really want the cornflake nazi to be a MNer!!!!

Epic fail on 2 social sites!!! One can dream...

Floristneedsaname Wed 27-Mar-13 14:10:43

When the kids all come out covered in chocolate you'll know you have won.

But will you please make this little beauty for PTA woman.


minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:10:45

No-one can hold a petty grudge like

Especially when someone's behaved in an ill-bred manner.

DontmindifIdo Wed 27-Mar-13 14:11:11

please go along, hopefully all of yours will sell and she'll be sat with her big fat unwanted lemony mess !

Then loudly make comments about how well yours are selling and "gosh, perhaps you were wrong about what would sell!" In fact, sell them for 5p, it's not about the money now, it's about empty tupperwear.

TeamEdward Wed 27-Mar-13 14:11:31

My pinny says "Wine makes Mummy clever"

Our local Wonky WI had a bazaar recently - one stall was selling Cath Kidston stylee cushions with CUNT emblazoned across them.

apatchylass Wed 27-Mar-13 14:11:44

Oh, do volunteer Marmalade, and watch as your crispy cakes get demolished first - the kids will charge at them. Always first to go at our school sales. I hope the snooty mum provides joyless sugar free rock buns that get kicked around the playground.

My kids now just use Miranda Hart's tactic when people behave like that, and say 'Rude' with a massive polite smile on their faces.

LifeSavedbyLego Wed 27-Mar-13 14:11:59

You absolutely should volunteer and then get a photo of her wasp sucking face when your cakes sell out first.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 14:12:21

Right, I'm attempting a nap now (new baby = sleepless nights) but I need to know her reply. Please post when able. Thanks.

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:13:34

Ooooohhh...can you imagine if she is reading this?

Should be working right now, but I'm feeling all gleeful.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 14:13:45

Has she replied yet? grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:14:28

... the fuck?

Lemon Drizzle has just been on and said "Well obviously I was being sarcastic. They SELL BEST."


Have I totally misread things?

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Wed 27-Mar-13 14:15:29

<marks place for further updates>

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:15:30



I call BS on that one.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:15:50


"I won't be doing my lemon drizzle cake either."

Oh God...

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:16:32

Ha ha ha!!!!
This is ace.

She's read this.

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 27-Mar-13 14:17:21

She's seen this thread, hasn't she.

anotheryearolder Wed 27-Mar-13 14:17:24

Hmmm - she is backpedalling .

or is she here !shock

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:17:28

This is awkward.

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:17:47

Hells yeah!
And is trying to make OP look like the charity-crushing baddie!

Lizzylou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:17:52


She wasn't being sarcastic, no way.

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:18:36


minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:19:02

Deffo not....or she was being sarcastic in such a subtle way, she wasn't being sarcastic.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 14:19:08

No, you didn't get it wrong.
But good on her for bare faced cheek.

Still grin at "cunt bunting" FFS!
I'm trying to sleep!

Spottyblancmange Wed 27-Mar-13 14:19:38

I did initially wonder if it was a bad attempt at joking (because it's the type of thing I'd do then realise my tone didn't carry over fb IYSWIM) but the lemon drizzle... She's totally seen this I think.

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:19:44

I'm trying to work.....
This is too good.

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:19:48

She is backpedaling. Don't listen to her.

She is probably crying as we speak in her slightly grubby kitchen having squeezed 4 lemons for her triumphant cake, she is now sobbing as she hurls the juice down the sink because she has been upstaged by some crispy cakes.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 27-Mar-13 14:20:22

<cries laughing>

Sorry PTA lemon lady, but you know you were being a twat!

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:20:49

Lemon juice and tears......and bitter, bitter defeat....
With a bit of bile....

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:20:58

If she turns up tomorrow with loads of cupcakes with letters on spelling M A R M A L A D E I S A C U N T you will know you have been rumbled.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 14:21:06

Is she one of us?

Btw, not me because my lemon drizzle cake is fabulous.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 27-Mar-13 14:21:19

To be fair,it must be pretty shit to read a thread like this, and have that horrible sinking realisation that it is about you...

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:21:32

Get to sleep, ETB.

Iamcountingto3 Wed 27-Mar-13 14:21:49

<ha, ha>

jennybeadle Wed 27-Mar-13 14:21:53

You have SO been rumbled!

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:22:08

GetOeuf I have laughed coffee all down myself at that imagery. You naughty woman.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 14:22:17

Now go and make your cornflake cakes.

And FGS make them good ones. wink

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:22:22



come back.

You might need to change your MN name, and your real name, and get a new house, and new jobs. We can help!

mrsbungle Wed 27-Mar-13 14:22:31


I was going to write that PTA woman is a right rude cah but have now RTFL and things have moved on!

My DD starts primary in Sept - I am well scared of all this stuff!

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:22:45

Yeah, It'sall, but I'm transposing the faces of some of the prize knobheads round our way and am getting a big vicarious thrill.....

Machli Wed 27-Mar-13 14:23:00

I'd say "lol yes you're right, they'll be hanging round with that soggy lemon drizzle cake that makes an appearance sale after sale (is it the same one do you think? Ha ha)" as if you have forgotten its her that makes it.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 27-Mar-13 14:23:01

Team! Cunt cushions! Please tell me you took a photo.grin

TeamEdward Wed 27-Mar-13 14:23:12

My DS wants to know what's so funny. He's only 4. I don't think I can explain why "Fuck YOU, lemon drizzle murderer. Fuck you right up the bum." is so funny.

"Well obviously I was being sarcastic. They SELL BEST."
Eh? Did she mean she was trying to be ironic? Because saying "Well obviously I was being sarcastic" is basically the same as saying 'I was being nasty and hoping you couldn't think up a witty reply'. confused

snuffaluffagus Wed 27-Mar-13 14:23:32


I think we all need to sit down and chat about this to clear the air. Who wants to go first?

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:23:33

haha YES you can't just roll up at school tomorrow with any old crappy cornflake cakes slung together with one eye on the telly.

You will need to make sure they are gooduns don't drop them

Floristneedsaname Wed 27-Mar-13 14:23:40

Marm it'll be ALL YOUR FAULT that the cake sale doesn't raise the £12k now.

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 14:23:43

grin that would be funny (Sorry Marmalade but it would)

TeamEdward Wed 27-Mar-13 14:23:53

I've been trying to find the photos online - I thinnk they've been taken down sad

Undertone Wed 27-Mar-13 14:24:07

You have SO been rumbled. Bet she's thinking twice about maxi skirts now, too.

Some frantic backpedalling going on there. That was so not sarcastic. Just bloody rude.

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:24:31

Yesw 'well obviously I was being sarsastic' comes from the same cunt stable as 'I don't mean to be rude but...'

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:25:07

I don't know what is going on anymore, WhereYouLeftIt sad

PTA lemon drizzle lady, if you are reading. Send me a sign. Like the headteacher's last initial or the road the school is on.

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:25:07

Sorry, snuffle.....there is no coming back from this one.....

SecretLindtBunny Wed 27-Mar-13 14:25:19

She's a MNer.

Got to be.

TreadOnTheCracks Wed 27-Mar-13 14:25:21

Just imagine what everyone is thinking reading her comments - just the same as we have all been saying up thread. RISE ABOVE THIS! and chuck her cakes

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:26:32

OOh can you imagine if marm makes 2 dozen crispy cakes and her husband sees them in the morning and thinks 'ooh I will take these to work' and then marm has to go to Morrisons and quickly buy a load of crappy cakes to save face.

Kewcumber Wed 27-Mar-13 14:26:41

Ah the classic "Oh I was only joking..."

Seriously they need to charge 50p and its much easier to add up.

If you can't make a decent sized cake and cut into 12 teensy pieces and make a profit at a sales price of £6 then what on earth do you put into your cakes you lot?

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:27:19

This thread is more interesting than my entire life.

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 14:27:43

maybe she's a FB MNer..check her profile Marmalade...we need to know

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:28:06

It is awesome. A classic.

revolvenotevolve Wed 27-Mar-13 14:28:19

She's obviously seen this thread then

OzmaofOz Wed 27-Mar-13 14:29:09

grin this is fantastic, are you there PTA lady ?

IloveJudgeJudy Wed 27-Mar-13 14:29:26

No way was she being sarcastic. You just called her on her nasty message. In my very considerable cake sale experience, the cornflake/rice krispie nests sell the best, especially if they've got a little egg on the top.

Please report back on what happens tomorrow. I really can't believe how horrid some people are (well, actually I can, having so much experience!)

DisAstrophe Wed 27-Mar-13 14:29:36

Actually I take my hat off to both you and lemon drizzle cake lady as I completely failed to produce anything at all for yesterday's cake sale. Just slipped my mind and then couldn't be arsed to scrabble around trying to make or even buy something. And to compound my crime I didn't even buy any cakes as ds goes to after-school care on a Tuesday.

If you are reading lemon drizzle lady - I'm sure your cake is perfectly lovely and don't take this thread to heart.

Smudging Wed 27-Mar-13 14:30:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeamEdward Wed 27-Mar-13 14:30:42

TeWi Here are the naughty cushions including the gems "Fuck This Shit" and "Twee As Fuck"!

BAsically, I'd be expecting her and her PTA mates are going to turn up with a skinful of these tomorrow. And some big knives.

Januarymadness Wed 27-Mar-13 14:30:57

sod the cakes I would pay £££££ to witnessne next time you 2 meet face to face. Sell ticketd. Fund raising job done!

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 14:31:30

getouef. grin

middleagedspread Wed 27-Mar-13 14:31:51

No, you must make mungbean & broccoli cupcakes because all the children would prefer those to chocolatey cornflake nests of course.

fuzzysnout Wed 27-Mar-13 14:32:49

Oh, thank you so much OP. This thread has made me grin so much. Love love love cornflakes cakes & that lemon faced drizzle cake lady is a secret MNer.

If I start the offensive bunting & rude pinny business would I be a cuntrepeneur?

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 14:33:49

Not read the entire thread yet, but what a bitch. I personally go for different things, but 1) I'd never ever in a million years tell someone that the way she has and 2) children love the things, and they're the ones prodding mum to buy them. She is a complete idiot and I'm honestly angry on your behalf.

Yes, the economics of these cake sale things are totally off. Just get the parents who would donate a cake to give the amount of money they'd spend making it, and parents who would buy a cake to donate the money they'd spend buying one, and you'd have more money. Instead you have parents giving money AND precious time, and self-important bitches judging whether or not the offerings are good enough.

I'm sure someone in the thread has said it, but I highly recommend just buying cheap packs of basics plain cupcake/fairy cakes and decorating them yourself with the children. I say this as someone who adores baking for most occasions. Cupcakes are just not worth the headache, and the children (and most adults) won't know the difference once you've dressed them up.

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:33:55

lol at that cushion on the link 'Get Bent'

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:34:29

Read the thread greeneggs, it's a goodun.

issypiggle Wed 27-Mar-13 14:35:27

i'm off to go make rice crispie cakes now, the craving has just got too much

ICBINEG Wed 27-Mar-13 14:35:28

I don't think lemon drizzle is on MN at all.

If it were you and you read this you would be on the thread yelling

"I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT YOU DOZZY CAH!" Of course crispy cakes out sell 'real cakes' ya twat.

travellingwilbury Wed 27-Mar-13 14:35:48

This has made me happy !

Do you think she is looking for a marmalade cake recipe as we speak ?

KoalaFace Wed 27-Mar-13 14:36:39

I have been MN for 3 years and nothing has ever made me laugh so hard before. There are actual tears. I keep laughing like Muttley trying to be quiet and not wake DS from his nap!

Lemon Drizzle Lady - you know you were a twat. Come out of the shadows and apologise.

Marmalade. Thank you. Just thank you.

Also I'm going to need some cunt bunting when it goes on sale. Keep me up to date.

DisAstrophe Wed 27-Mar-13 14:36:48

Got a feeling that OP may be pulling our legs as she is insufficiently horrified by the prospect of being rumbled and suffering dirty looks for ever more at the school gate.

In any case this has really really made me laugh so well done OP.

LemonBreeland Wed 27-Mar-13 14:36:59

OMG this thread is hilarious grin

PTA lady I hope you've learnt not to be a bitch now.

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 14:37:02

£35 for a cushion?? shock

I can assure you I shan't be charging that for a 'PISS OFF KNOBHEAD' apron

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 14:37:44

GetOeuf oh hell I'm just catching up now. Have actually lol'd a few times. Will be back when I'm done.

LondonNinja Wed 27-Mar-13 14:39:16

Maybe she'll think twice about being rude. It wasn't on to suggest OP's wares wouldn't sell as well as proper cake! Passive aggressive cake-ishness isn't very nice.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 27-Mar-13 14:40:11

Those cushions are awesome.

BiddyPop Wed 27-Mar-13 14:41:03

I don't get (and sorry massive sideways turn on the thread, which has really cheered me up on a gloomy lunchbreak!! ) why people needing food from foodbanks have to get branded foods and more convenience type foods rather than basic ingredients? I was told off 1 year for having made up 3 hampers for the local "welfare organisation" at Christmas - because I had printed off the MABS cookery book (money advice and budgeting service) with easy cheap recipes and had also included basics like flour, plain pasta, plain rice and tins of plain beans, and some curry spices and other seasonings. And a couple of own brand items. I had spent over €300 on those 3 hampers (I was basically doing it as a "feed a family of 4 for a week" in my head)!! Most of the items were branded (often with "x% extra free") and I had been happy to include some items as I'd got a few BOGOF type deals.

But apparently the people these go to cannot cook basic foods and wouldn't know what to do with a bag of flour or basic herbs/spices. They depend on jars of sauces. They eat restricted diets (having not been exposed to other foods). They need lots of sugary foods. And the organisation doesn't like to be seen to be giving out "value" items to their clients.

So the reality was that they were expecting better food for their clients than I was eating myself (by the standards they were imposing on me as a donor). hmm

Sorry, massive sidetrack, just the chickpea comments got to me (not yours, the PTA ones).

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 14:41:23


MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:42:03

DisAstrophe, I don't care much. She started it by being vile on Facebook! <mature>

<looks at clock and gibbers>

I just saw I had an inbox message and I was too scared to click on it in case it was her grin (It wasn't)

Booyhoo Wed 27-Mar-13 14:45:00

i love MN grin

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:45:14

I've been in the position of having caught someone out over something, and she knew that I knew that she knew that I knew (you get my drift).
Saw her regularly in the park, and my tactic was, when crossing her path, to look over her right shoulder and plaster my most inane grin on my face, aimed at the air......(IYSWIM).

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 14:46:18

Have to say I'd pay for tickets to be on the playground tomorrow Marmalade

Buzzardbird Wed 27-Mar-13 14:46:52

Do you think oven gloves with "I'm cooking for the cocklodger" would fit in the range? hmm

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 14:47:03

K just finished reading the thread. My response hasn't changed but I'm definitely more amused than angry now. grin

Lemon drizzle lady, if you are reading this, you're now making yourself look like a petulant child with statements like that. Face it, it was an extremely poor moment to make a supposedly sarcastic comment. Suck it up and make your crappy cake for all to smile politely over.

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:47:12

minou that's brilliant you nutter grin

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 14:47:39

Also, I might actually own some Cath Kidston shite if they had a Motherfucker line of tea towels.

SecretLindtBunny Wed 27-Mar-13 14:48:18

Are you doing the school run this afternoon as well?
Will you end up crossing paths swords with her?

She could possibly have been making a joke ut for the "real cakes".
Never on MN have I seen people being so scathing about lemon drizzle cake.
Maybe you could put a tiny candied lemon on the top of each nest?

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 14:49:12

Also also: some of us actually use chickpeas and 'weird' other tinned items. What a ridiculous comment from that food bank person!

I can't WAIT for DS to go to school!

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:49:39

I am doing the school run soon. I really don't want to go. I might get there 5 minutes late in the hope that she'll have gone? blush

DisAstrophe Wed 27-Mar-13 14:49:51

Fair enough Marmalade I take it back - you are just made of sterner stuff than me <backs out slowly just in case Marmalade chucks a frozen cake at my head for daring to doubt her>

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 14:51:33

biddypop it's because the recipients often don't have adequate cooking facilities.

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 14:52:06

Nooooo..go on time pinny'd up with chocolate smudges she says, stirring wink

dinkystinky Wed 27-Mar-13 14:52:12

Decorate your chocolate crispy cakes with choc mini fingers standing up in a two finger salute (though if pressed claim they're bunny ears)- that'll teach her!

GetOeuf Wed 27-Mar-13 14:54:12

Are you lot not on holiday yet?

They have been out of school since Thursday here.



She was rude. Yes siree...........


Goodluck op

FakeHotCrossLobsters Wed 27-Mar-13 14:55:40

She wasn't being sarcastic.

You've picked her up on an unnecessary snark and the Chair of the PTA has backed you up on it.

Now she's back peddling and has taken refuge in the "you just haven't got a sense of humour" line of defence that all bossy britches use when they say something that isn't obviously funny and they get called out on it.

Why be sarcastic in the first place anyway? Not that she was, she's just trying to save face now and doing it badly.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 14:56:16

Ours don't break up until tomorrow! shock It's terrible! They didn't break up for christmas until the 23rd!

I've lolled heartily at this. grin

Man up Marmaduke, do the school run with your head held high!

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 14:57:26

Yeah...she'd have said something along the lines of "Oh no, not flake-cakes.....noooo...they never sell! Mini Eggs....the kids hate 'em.....we want Garibaldi and sugar free pound cake!" with a wink.
IF she was really being sarcy.

Marmaduke? blush apologies Marmalade!

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Wed 27-Mar-13 14:58:58

Mm. Mine break up tomorrow too. Does the school street name start with W?

Pandemoniaa Wed 27-Mar-13 14:59:52

Don't pelt her with your lovely cornflake nests. Batter her with her fucking cupcakes.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 15:00:07

I quite like Marmaduke... makes me feel like a tough guy.

Minimou, you're right. I am good at detecting sarcasm. I don't think that was it.

KoalaFace Wed 27-Mar-13 15:00:43

<<nods emphatically at StealthPolarBear >> it is for sure the "proper cakes" that outs Lemon Drizzle as a PITA and her comment as serious.

Feels funny not to direct the comment directly at you actually Lemon Drizzle. I know you're out there...

Don't be upset Lemon! Make your cake and be gracious about other people's efforts and all will be right at the cake sale grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 15:01:12

No, Frequent! What area are you in, though? We are in the West Midlands.

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 15:02:50

Ours breaks up tomoz too, but I don't think it's our place!
Wish it was, though!
All we need now is Chickpea Churl to mount a response.......

I get the cooking facilities, limited palate issue - I really do, which is why I thought the chickpeas would do OK at least. Open the tin, heat them up....someone'll have them.....
It was just the high-handedness that did it for me.

Lizzylou Wed 27-Mar-13 15:03:02

Wonder if Lemon Drizzle beeatch will be wearing a maxi skirt today?!

This is brilliant.
So the lemon drizzle cake was only mentioned on here and not on Facebook? Am I correct in thinking that?

Well, lemon drizzle mum.....will this teach you not to be so horrid?

KatieMiddleton Wed 27-Mar-13 15:04:07

If she'd said "oh no, those don't sell... best give them all to me ;)" then you would think she was being funny. If there was no wink then she's just mean.

Gosh some of those cushions are a bit niche <clutches pearls whilst ordering a pair>

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 15:05:17

She wears a maxi skirt every day. I don't think that she could find jeans to accommodate her thighs tbh, unless she starts shopping at

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Wed 27-Mar-13 15:05:22

Shame. I am near London. Good luck!

TigerFeet Wed 27-Mar-13 15:07:10

LDC woman can't be on here, she wouldn't make shit lemon drizzle cake if she was.

mantlepiece Wed 27-Mar-13 15:07:19

I hope other members of PTA are mumsnetters too
The mrs lemon drizzle's of this world need to be buried and baked in their own cakes!

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 15:08:11

Right am off out now sad

bran Wed 27-Mar-13 15:08:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretLindtBunny Wed 27-Mar-13 15:09:39

Maybe she will send her partner to do the school run? Who will then have a passive aggressive go at Marmalade for upsetting her?

TuftyFinch Wed 27-Mar-13 15:10:02

Decorate your cakes with 50p pieces. Sell them for 20p.
LDC woman... you should have just said 'lovely, thank you' in the first place but I guess you know that now eh? Nevermind, it'll be July soon, not long.
If anyone wants to start a cunt bunting business I have hands and a sewing machine.

bran Wed 27-Mar-13 15:10:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KoalaFace Wed 27-Mar-13 15:13:30

I have miles of bunting that I made for my wedding 2 years ago. It's literally a waste of space.

But...if we turn it into Cunt Bunting it'll be awesome. A new lease of life!

"She wears a maxi skirt every day. I don't think that she could find jeans to accommodate her thighs tbh, unless she starts shopping at"
Oh MarmaladeTwatkins, you must be pretty sure she's not a Mumsnetter grin

TuftyFinch Wed 27-Mar-13 15:15:42

Let's start a business then Koala. Cunt Bunting. It's a nice oxymoronous name. Like bumble bees.

Zalen Wed 27-Mar-13 15:15:57

oops, keep reading PTA woman as PITA woman grin

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 27-Mar-13 15:17:18

She wasn't being sarky. She's just backtracking.

Hope the OP is OK.

Can't wait for the next instalment grin

RubyGates Wed 27-Mar-13 15:18:46

Do you think she got her lemon drizzle recipe from here?

CamperWidow Wed 27-Mar-13 15:19:56

Marking place with anticipation! grin

Pandemoniaa Wed 27-Mar-13 15:20:26

CuntBunting. Now that'd be a very fine username. As would FuckYouCushions. Although if one wished to be very wicked, a namechange to LemonDrizzleWoman could be entertaining.

Katisha Wed 27-Mar-13 15:22:38

Decorate your cakes with 50p pieces. Sell them for 20p

Genius Tufty!

Might do that at next sodding loss-making-in-real-terms cake sale.

fuzzpig Wed 27-Mar-13 15:23:20

Oh, DrizzleBitch is doing some pretty lame serious backtracking grin

This thread reads like a John O'Farrell novel grin

KoalaFace Wed 27-Mar-13 15:24:11

TuftyFinch it's a plan. I can just see us being interviewed by Struth Langford.

"Well Ruth it all started on Mumsnet. Marmalade was livid at Lemon Drizzle about a cake sale. As you can imagine we all rallied around Marmalade. The best inspiration comes to us at trying times. And Cunt Bunting was no different."

bran Wed 27-Mar-13 15:28:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSlug Wed 27-Mar-13 15:32:36

Bran I love that idea!

Been follwoing the thread with interest and almost wetting my pants in the process!

newgirl Wed 27-Mar-13 15:33:23

I think this is the death of lemon drizzle

Noone will ever make it again at risk of being the lemon drizzle woman from mumsnet

Selks Wed 27-Mar-13 15:35:05

Loving this thread! grin

And YES to the MN merchandise -

"I'm with bitch-face" pinny
"Did you mean to be so rude?" T-shirt
Cunt bunting

LemonBreeland Wed 27-Mar-13 15:36:46

bran that really is a great way to do it. Especially the morning drop off for people to buy for the office.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Wed 27-Mar-13 15:40:48

Nomination for Classics going in grin

OHforDUCKScake Wed 27-Mar-13 15:46:38

"I don't think she could find jeans to accommodate her thighs."

Omg if she is reading this then you are braver than me!

Good luck OP, although I think Lemon Drizzle Cake is going to need it more!!

Icelollycraving Wed 27-Mar-13 15:48:01

Best thread for ages! grin
Omg,she can't be one of us....looks around to see who I suspect.

thatsalovelyhat Wed 27-Mar-13 15:48:12

La la la, marking time till Marmalade or Lemon Drizzle gives us an update. Where I live there is a parenting group with frequent tea group meetings full of genuinely lovely people. There is a Christmas party and a summer party. But there is a stern warning in the newsletter in advance that you should please not even consider for a moment bringing mince pies or Mr Kipling cakes because the children (yeah right) do not like them and they do not get eaten. So patronising and off-putting.

And here is some good stuff.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 15:49:09

I seriously want lemon drizzle cake now. envy

TobyLerone Wed 27-Mar-13 15:51:10

Cake sales are fucking disgusting.

NigellaTufnel Wed 27-Mar-13 15:51:53

I have just eaten three chocolate crispie egg nests from DS's Pre school.
They were bloody lovely

Marmalade's been beaten to death with a whisk then wrapped up in the maxi skirt and disposed of by lemon drizzle woman!

OzmaofOz Wed 27-Mar-13 15:52:55

I really want chocolate cornflakes cakes now.

EggsitPursuedByAChocolateBunny Wed 27-Mar-13 15:54:53

I too am craving chocolate cornflake cakes.

<shameless marking of place>

anotheryearolder Wed 27-Mar-13 15:57:29

I have to agreeToby Norovirus sprinkles ??envy

When we do a cake sale we hold it at the church and flog massively overpriced (usually shop bought) cakes to the elderly mass goers.

We make fortunes!

As for the crispy cake vs fairy cake debate.... Having conducted extensive research on small people at parties I can verify that the plate of crispies is always demolished before the first fairy cake leaves the table. I've tried tipping things in favour of the fairy cakes by covering them in luminous icing and sprinkles but the plain as day crispies still get devoured first.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 16:02:54

hah Toby agree. I actually attend cake sales when I know a friend of mine has baked for it, because I love her cakes. I love my cakes as well (I would, I suppose!) but this way I'm contributing AND I know I'm going to get a very good cake in return.

Also, when I make my lemon drizzle cake (and I will, damn this thread), it's going to be properly soaked in syrup and have a ton of glaze on it. Because I'm a child when it comes to icing. smile

MyNameIsAnAnagram Wed 27-Mar-13 16:05:00

Lemondrizzlelady, if you are reading, please please please make a marmalade cake for the bake sale this year grin

littlemissbunny Wed 27-Mar-13 16:06:12

Marmalade if your school didn't break up on a different day to ours I would think it was a member of our PTA saying that! I think every PTA has one!!

I'm also shamelessly marking my place

whattodoo Wed 27-Mar-13 16:12:30

Oh shit. blush my thighs are HUGE from all the lemon drizzle cake I devour.
I know in my head that I am not lemon drizzle lady, but why do I feel ever so slightly doubtful?

Right, I'm making crispy cakes now and I have NFI about quantities. Anybody?

WireCatWhore Wed 27-Mar-13 16:13:39

Best. Thread. Ever. grin

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 16:16:43

Horry 200g chocolate, 50g butter, 2 tbsp golden syrup melted together. Add roughly 250g of bran or corn flakes. grin

TobyLerone Wed 27-Mar-13 16:19:36

It's just chocolate, melted, and rice krispies stirred in until you can't get any more in and coated in chocolate.

It's wrong to put golden syrup or butter in it.

Also, BRAN FLAKES? What fresh yogurt-weaving hell is this?

thanks Marmkins.

This thread has it all.

<<goes to buy chocolate cornflake cake ingredients>>

whattodoo Wed 27-Mar-13 16:21:49


Would it be wasteful to use granola?

nipersvest Wed 27-Mar-13 16:22:01

oh, please don't make crispy cakes with butter and syrup!! just plain old melted chocolate and either corn flakes or rice crispies is all you need.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 16:23:47

In the US we melt marshmallows for our rice crispy cakes. Makes them chewy (not the crispies ofc but the mixture is chewy instead of hard). Melt butter and marshmallows, stir in rice crispies, pat them in a buttered tin. Best thing evar.

Bran grin grin

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 16:24:28

Just nominated it in Classics!

It has been the best one ever!

Pandemoniaa Wed 27-Mar-13 16:26:05

Would it be wasteful to use granola?

Yes. It'd ruin lovely crispy cakes. Granola, indeed! The very idea! Pshaw!

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 16:28:53


the kids love 'em. Mum always used butter & golden syrup

Branflakes are half the price of cornflakes (I was very skint) and DD1 now qualifies chocolate in her lunchbox with a haughty "they're healthy-they've got fibre in" grin

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 16:30:06

I've just worked out the measurements for ours, for anyone wanting to give them a go: 6 cups rice crispies, 3 tablespoons butter, 280 grams of plain (or vanilla) marshmallows. In a very large pan melt the butter, then add marshmallows to melt those. Remove from heat, stir in the rice crispies. Then press the mixture into a buttered 9x13" pan, or it would probably fit in two small pans. Let it cool.

Also amazing with a spoon or two of peanut butter added to the mixture. Probably remove a TB of the butter if you decide to add PB.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 16:30:11

God, no. MIL makes her cornflake cakes with syrup and MARGARINE. They are a greasy mess and a relatively healthy (OK,not healthy healthy but not that bad either!) treat is turned into an artery-blocking festival. Yuck.

Anyway, when I got to the school I didn't see LemonDrizzleMaxi. The chair collared me however and I said that I was sorry if I'd said something to make LDM not want to contribute her cake? Well I don't think she is a MNer grin The chair lady said "Oh it was something I said, actually. Not you, so don't worry." I wonder if I have put a cat amongst the pigeons and the chair has berated her lemon drizzle shambles behind the scenes? I don't think she has read this thread anyway. thank fuck

TobyLerone Wed 27-Mar-13 16:31:43

It's wrong for them to be chewy. They need to be sharp, so that they cut the roof of your mouth into ribbons, especially if you use cornflakes.

grin @ fibre.

TobyLerone Wed 27-Mar-13 16:32:53


Oh, god, I hope the Chair said to her "please don't make that gopping lemon drizzle cake this year."

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 16:33:05

shock Margarine??? BORK

Guess I could negate the butter tho hmm

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 16:36:32

I am SURE it's margarine. Sure of it. I can detect that greasy, tasteless, chemically stuff at a hundred paces.

And they never hold together properly when you add syrup/butter. They aren't rock hard and weapon-like. Unlike mine. <admires rock-hard cakes setting in fridge>

Oh God, I am getting smug like lemon drizzle, aren't i?

pollywollydoodle Wed 27-Mar-13 16:37:37

an aside to biddypop - a lot of the foodbank food goes to people with limited cooking facilities eg just a ring/ shared facilities/little money for fuel to cook with so food that is quick to put together and cook through is often most appreciated.
never heard of a problem with value foods

SecretLindtBunny Wed 27-Mar-13 16:37:42

Be proud of your Weapons Grade Cornflake cakes!

EldritchCleavage Wed 27-Mar-13 16:38:50

What the PTA needs to do is find the best cake makers and ask them to donate a voucher for cake or pudding making that they can auction. My sister (who is truly fab at cakes) does this for her kids' schools. The voucher (saying she would cater a birthday, dinner party or similar but wedding cakes excluded) went for about £250 last time, because word's got round about how good she is.

Anyone doing cornflake cakes with Bran Flakes wants shooting, sorry.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 16:38:53

grin pff I was going to come in and note the ripping of the roof of your mouth to shreds, but I can see it's already been said.

Love them to be chewy, but I reckon it's about what you've grown up with.

They're also about all I can make in my currently oven-free kitchen.

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 16:40:46

Well I shall have to try the basic recipe then Marmalade you know, the one with no syrup and fibre wink

pollywollydoodle Wed 27-Mar-13 16:40:56

marmalade if you need ammo, next time make triangular (ninja star) flapjackswink

bran Wed 27-Mar-13 16:42:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 16:43:30

Oh God, I tried to make flapjacks once and I'm not sure what I did wrong but I was left with squares of shit that were porridge-like AND jelly-like in their consistency.

Too much fucking effort as flapjacks are shit anyway. wink

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 16:44:24

don't get me started Bran I still can't eat Angel delight thanks to Mum sad

chocolateshoes Wed 27-Mar-13 16:45:29

oops - late to pick DS up from footie cos so engrossed in this thread!!! At least he's getting choc crispy cakes for tea now though!!!

Thewhingingdefective Wed 27-Mar-13 16:45:53

I must have a cocksucker tea cosy. I am incomplete without one.

Salmotrutta Wed 27-Mar-13 16:46:20

Poor Lemon Drizzle Mum sad.

Perhaps that was her signature cake and now she's crying into her mixing bowl sad

Snorting into my cup of tea.
Best thread in ages.

LemonDrizzleMaxi has obviously been reprimanded behind the scenes! Love it. Can't wait to hear next installment.

So......when are the pinny's available??

SecretLindtBunny Wed 27-Mar-13 16:47:40

My last attempt at flapjacks were definitely the sort that could take someone's eye out.

I am currently waiting for my latest bread attempt to cool down enough so I can try it to make sure it's not a house brick. This time it actually looks like a loaf.

ariadneoliver Wed 27-Mar-13 16:47:55

Haven't read the whole thread yet but anyone wanting a sweary tea towel could do worse than this for a close up click on the picture then when the pop up picture appears click on it again.

ArtVandelay Wed 27-Mar-13 16:48:01

When I was little, my friends mum made her mini egg nests with shredded wheat and chocolate. It was very, very realistic and tasted okay from what I remember.

Salmotrutta Wed 27-Mar-13 16:48:21

I was joking by the way.

"Thewhingingdefective Wed 27-Mar-13 16:45:53

I must have a cocksucker tea cosy. I am incomplete without one. "

There's a sentenceI had to re-read a few times before I understood it!

pollywollydoodle Wed 27-Mar-13 16:50:27

but marmalade flapjacks are so capable of damaging a pta member/a human that some schools have banned them

ps if you had porridgy shit you were doing it wrong...chewy but crunchy with large "slicing" oats sticing out is the way to gosmile

mowbraygirl Wed 27-Mar-13 16:50:57

The kids will love them especially with little eggs on top I am sure they will go quicker than the cupcakes the rude stupid woman.

TobyLerone Wed 27-Mar-13 16:51:03

Oooooh, I bloody love the ones with shredded wheat. They're proper nests! They're the absolute worst for ripping your mouth to shreds, though.

Thanks for recipes - didn't realise what a vipers' hornets' nest I was stirring up though! grin

Undertone Wed 27-Mar-13 16:54:31

<whine> Marmalade can't we tempt you to make and take in a totally amazing lemon drizzle cake? or a disguised delicious shop-bought one

pollywollydoodle Wed 27-Mar-13 16:55:34

no to shredded wheat...looks right but tastes wrong...there's a reason it only gets used at easter you know

ginslinger Wed 27-Mar-13 16:58:10

I only make flapjacks if someone is constipated because they seem to shift anything. Maybe I should actually read the recipe

MrsHoarder Wed 27-Mar-13 16:59:24

Forget ldc lady, i'm waiting for the chair to turn up with a marmalade cake.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Wed 27-Mar-13 17:05:08

This thread has cheered up my otherwise crappy day.

Chairlady is definitely an MNer.

By the way, has anyone actually --been brave enough to-- Googled 'cunt bunting'??

SayCoolNowSayWhip Wed 27-Mar-13 17:06:34
Lucyellensmum95 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:06:36

I love those cornflake cakes - love love love better than bloody fairy cakes any day

Twatters - HERE is an apron that might convey your sentiments in a subtle and conciliatory fashion.


\ /
/ \

This thread its excellent. I am enjoying it immensely. well done Marmalade!

I don't like cornflake cakes because there's breakfast cereal in my nice dairy milk
And they split into a million crumbly pieces when I bite into them

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 17:12:54

StealthPolarBear.....or StealthLemonDrizzleWoman?

Lindyhopper29 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:15:13

What an awful woman Marmalade

We had a bake sale at our school and everything went - even the weird-looking and mis-shapen cakes!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Wed 27-Mar-13 17:15:45

Awww. Is it wrong that I was really hoping LDM had read this thread?

No cause I'd always suck the chocolate off and leave the rest
In fact that's pretty much my life motto

Echocave Wed 27-Mar-13 17:16:44

Haha this is a classic thread!
In your face lemon drizzle lady!

OP you are vindicated. I love those crispy cakes so you already had my vote.
Minouminou, your 'Get Fucked' has made me roar with laughter on a packed train. Brilliant!

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 27-Mar-13 17:18:55

I'm glad you haven't been killed, OP. Was starting to imagine a Tales of the Unexpected-style thing where Embittered Lemon-Obsessed Hag PTA Woman grated you up and folded you into her latest vile cake.

I thought syrup was quite the thing for cornflake crispy cakes? Makes them hold together better ...?

simplesusan Wed 27-Mar-13 17:18:55

So glad the chair has some sense.

It cost me a fortune last time I baked for school, not to mention the time and effort.

I really wanted to send in shop bought cakes but dd would have non of it.
Then there is the expense of giving dd money to buy cakes. she always looks for mine, because they taste nice, so ineffect I am paying for them twice.

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 17:20:36

I nearly got lynched once for suggesting that we all gave ingredient money to the school instead of having a cake sale, so as to make more money.

Apparently that wasn't "in the spirit of giving" or something.

Anyhow, it's still Lent. Aren't they all off chocolate?

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:25:18

What if snarky PTA lady is Marslady??? shock

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:27:26

ooooh, maryz, thts a point, cake sale tomorrow at DD's school (heads off to check PFA fb page) <sits on fingers to prevent me from posting provocative - but its a catholic school and its lent> post. Hmmmm, wonder if i should email the priest let him know that there is blasphemy afoot??

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 17:28:32

No,no,no,no NO Maryz The whole idea is that you spend your money on the ingredients and then your kids buy somebody else's god awful creation them all back again with your money. confused

oh and DD1 made a catsbumface when I mentioned Lent & chocolate in the same sentence blush

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:29:21

I paid £3.50 for a cornflake cake (it was a giant one) in the cafe in greenwhich park once blush It was lush

lolaflores Wed 27-Mar-13 17:35:38

ARSEHOLE TABARDS.....with one cut in on the back

GET OUEF that is priceless. Started a nosebleed with snorting.
I want some of these. _Perhaps burnt into the fabric with snot stripes too...Too much?
they will sell. lets get some ideas down on paper....come on

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 17:38:03

Talc, I am actually debating getting the "Don't Like My Cooking?" apron. I love it and conveys my mood most days in this house.

lolaflores Wed 27-Mar-13 17:39:48

I really want to know how these fuckers promote themselves of "In Charge of Shit" (now theres an apron) just how? Do they look in the mirror and say
"Time to take control love"
Just why would yous ay that to someone. Its not the European Bank or anything it is some poxy cakes.

thebody Wed 27-Mar-13 17:40:51

Tell her her comments are as stupid as her business sense.

A cup cake sake making a dent in a £12000 target!!!!

Or alternatively just message a 'do fuck off dear'

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Wed 27-Mar-13 17:43:12

PTA Chair is definitely a MNer grin

Lovecat Wed 27-Mar-13 17:46:09

Loving this thread, particularly the suggestion that LDM is Marslady grin grin grin

Year 6 had an end of term cake sale for Comic Relief last week. They were charging a whole Pound for what I am convinced was a Tesco value fairy cake with a dribble of water icing and a shake of 100's & 1000's on top. I blush to admit that I actually said 'WHAT?' at the poor child selling it... (I did buy it, as I had DD nagging me for it. Would much rather have had a choccy cornflake nest).

TotallyBursar Wed 27-Mar-13 17:46:15

I am undone <goes full Austin>

Marmalade - just thanks, you have crafted a thread of perfection!

Once one pta woman brought in, to sell mark you, a load of rich tea biscuits that had been iced by her toddler & tiddler's mates. Now I don't know if anyone else remembers the nursery biscuit - covered in icing, miscellaneous debris and snot, handed over with pride & a bite missing - but fit for human consumption they are not. PPs mention of norovirus sprinkles reminded me with horror.
Shared with DH - I can hear snorts of mirth from the office!

I really want a 'piss off spoony fucker' apron...and a cornflake cake please.

HRH008 Wed 27-Mar-13 18:10:33

Yes, yes, yes ... Anything with spoonyfucker or stirryfucker would be fantastic. It´s DH´s favourite mumsnetism.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Wed 27-Mar-13 18:10:43

Amazing thread! Well worth the 15 page read!!!

lolaflores Wed 27-Mar-13 18:14:23

I am knocking up a demo apron, using spuds cut in half as a form of printing things. anyone still with me?
Pics as I have them.

IAmLouisWalsh Wed 27-Mar-13 18:14:30

Turn them into triangular flapjacks?

amothersplaceisinthewrong Wed 27-Mar-13 18:17:42

THey will sell like hot cakes if my experience at PTA events is anythign to go buy!. However not much of a dent will be made in the £12000 needed! So a lot of hard work by the dedicated few I suspect. Good luck!

nubbins Wed 27-Mar-13 18:20:54

now I really want to make co-ordinating spoonyfucker and stirryfucker applique cushions instead of getting on with my coursework. dammit. thanks a bunch.

This thread has cheered me up no end. I thank you, one and all.

Inspired, I shall be making nests with the DC this weekend.

anklebitersmum Wed 27-Mar-13 18:27:49

lolaflores pics are absolutely required. I have some nasty chintz Kath Kidston type material en route too so do share

IAmLouisWalsh Wed 27-Mar-13 18:29:24

Shit. Must RTFT before posting!

Bobyan Wed 27-Mar-13 18:34:25

Why not buy the fanciest lemon drizzle cake and pass it off as your own, then bribe your friends to buy it.

That will fuck her off far more than just selling your other cakes...

minouminou Wed 27-Mar-13 18:38:42

Normally I forget about lighthearted threads as soon as I leave, but this has stuck in my butterfly brain......

Marmalade you have GOT to find out what the chair said to Lemony Snickett....

eggerlicious Wed 27-Mar-13 18:40:03

Kids love them! Just watch them all go then give a smug grin to the wimmin wink

TallGiraffe Wed 27-Mar-13 18:46:06

The PTA chair has to wear her MN scarf to the cake sale now surely?

ilovecolinfirth Wed 27-Mar-13 18:48:10

Shove her posh fondant fancies up her arse! Seriously though, choc cornflake cakes are ALWAYS a favourite, yours will def sell out. I reckon she already looks like a real idiot as she's been so public in making the very rude comment. I'd be tempted to just write 'how rude' and leave it like that. X

drjohnsonscat Wed 27-Mar-13 18:59:37

Love all of this. I think lemondrizzlelady is the PTA woman who right royally pissed me off this week by:

a) sending round a bossy letter telling us all to sign up for two hour slots at the summer fair and, in brackets "Dads, we'd love to have your help too". In fact that is so annoying by itself that I'm reliving my initial annoyance, right here and now on the sofa

b) pigeonholing me just now with her clipboard to ask which slot I would be taking and then challenging me when I said none (because, just because...I don't even have the head-space to rehearse the hundreds of reasons why I am not taking a stall) with the words "I have two children too and I'm managing to do it".

So, so annoyed. Oh and she was responsbile for the spelt-flour chocolate (but more likely carob) cake monstrosity I accidentally bought last time.

sherazade Wed 27-Mar-13 19:00:36

Cornflake cakes sell really well. btw In our school we raise thousands through cake sales, you would be suprised!

CheerfulYank Wed 27-Mar-13 19:02:52

Pmsl at this thread!

And I want that pink Fuck This Shit cushion soooo much.

drjohnsonscat Wed 27-Mar-13 19:08:47

It's a shame more people don't know Dolly Parton's "Harper Valley PTA" - perfect for humming under your breath to righteous PTA drizzlers.

SusieSusieSheep Wed 27-Mar-13 19:09:27

This thread has proven the following:

1) Ptas are bullshit
2) Facebook is bullshit
3) Ptas on facebook are total bullshit
4) Cake sales are, to some extent, bullshit (especially regarding the actual making of money)

So treat them all like heroin and JUST SAY NO

BellaVita Wed 27-Mar-13 19:11:34

Marmalade, I love you grin. This thread has had me snorting grin

saulaboutme Wed 27-Mar-13 19:12:49

Omg what a bitch. You should reply "we'll see you ungrateful cow, or maybe I won't bother"
Have them all talking about it and I'd say why I said it!
God the cake sales bring out the worst in the parents. Hate them and the rivalry.

at our school they're charging extortionate prices. we aren't even told what the fundraising is for which I've brought up over the years. I've heard the cake sellers say they have to cover their costs but isn't it "donation" of cakes so fuck the costs!!

CheerfulYank Wed 27-Mar-13 19:13:18

It's Jeannie C Riley DrJohnson. grin (Classic country nerd)

Dying to know how it gets tomorrow! grin

KindleMum Wed 27-Mar-13 19:14:29

drjohnsonscat - I love Harper Valley PTA! I used to work with someone who used to sing it at every opportunity - works party, karoake, had 2 beers, it's Tuesday...

CheerfulYank Wed 27-Mar-13 19:15:51

Oh, I guess she did do a cover of it! Sorry DrJohnson! blush

drjohnsonscat Wed 27-Mar-13 19:19:56

truthfully, I thought it was hers anyway, no idea it wasn't her song or her original rendition! Good to add to my country music knowledge!

And how much would you love to have Dolly on your PTA. So much more fun than uptight lemon drizzle lady.

If PITA PTA lady is on here, she has to do the random letter abusive cupcakes.

OP - I would have been tempted to reply "maybe yours don't"

I love Harper Valley PTA.

Go Dolly!

Catbert4pm Wed 27-Mar-13 19:26:52

I decided to buy pancakes for the school pancake disco, as I was happy to make pancakes for the family but didn't then want to have to do another batch for the disco. The next day an email was sent by the PTA head honcho thanking everyone who brought pancakes "especially those who MADE them". It highly amused me then, and it still does now. When it comes to PTA stuff, I bake/make when I feel like it, and buy when it suits.grin

whosiwhatsit Wed 27-Mar-13 19:32:14

Good luck tomorrow, marmalade. I'm shamelessly marking my place as I must know how the showdown goes tomorrow.

FrankWippery Wed 27-Mar-13 19:41:16

Fuck her, she's clearly an inadequate cunt.

Be sure to give her a kick from me.

tethersend Wed 27-Mar-13 19:41:41

Tell her that they're ever so moreish on account of your secret ingredient.

Dealer-grade Moroccan hashish.

Also marking place, can't wait to hear about bakesalegate tomorrow grin

saulaboutme Wed 27-Mar-13 19:53:09

Gosh so sorry came in really late on this op.

Make your cakes and be proud.

Wouldn't it be awful if a wee sparrow shat on hers lol.

Btw, tell her to her face you found her comment discouraging. She wasn't "obviously" being sarcastic. Very bad spirited.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 19:57:16

I really need to know how the bake sale goes.
As my nap attempt was unsuccessful sad I need the excitement of cake gate to keep me going.
I will accept further cunt bunting style humour or PTA fb updates. Don't be shy op, I'll be here all night.

Undertone Wed 27-Mar-13 20:03:01

Has it already been suggested that they raise the £12k by selling obscene soft furnishings and houseworkwear? Literally sweep all the cakes aside off the tables then slap down the piles of bunting customized with CUNT in marker pen?

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 20:12:29

OK have decided to shit-stir a bit and have just commented under the PTA chair's comment offering my services at the sale. <snigger>

babybarrister Wed 27-Mar-13 20:13:11

This one of my favourite threadsgrin

blackeyedsusan Wed 27-Mar-13 20:16:26

op, you are going about this all wrong. you need to use weetabix, presoaked in milk and sculptered into points. leave to harden, then disguise with chocolate. I also recommend inch wide elastic to launch

scratchandsniff Wed 27-Mar-13 20:16:36

YANBU what a Cheeky fucker. I've made some today eaten about 10 they are yum. Cup cakes are so last year smile

MyDarlingClementine Wed 27-Mar-13 20:17:58

I havant read all this yet, but I just wanted to say I adore cornflake cakes, I really do, I would much rather buy those than plain sponge actually.

UterusUterusGhali Wed 27-Mar-13 20:20:27

Marking place.

Please take a kick-arse lemon cake in too!

What did you say?

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 20:21:48

I missed the chairs comment bit.
What was that then?

KoalaFace Wed 27-Mar-13 20:22:51

Hooray Marmalade grin

Don't forget your "Smug Bitch" apron to wear while pulling bastard face at LDC lady!

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 20:23:12

Awwww, thanks everyone for being kaind about cornflake cakes and not making me feel like a shit mother. You're a lovely bunch. brew and a cornflake cake for you all at Casa Twatters.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 20:30:48

I just said "OK, will bring my nests in tomorrow. Also, I am now free tomorrow afternoon if you need another pair of hands to shift some cakes?"

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Catmint Wed 27-Mar-13 20:31:52

Whoever it was way up thread who coined the phrase, " citrus titted arsepart" I think I love you a bit and I am appliquéing your words onto an apron.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Wed 27-Mar-13 20:34:04

Blackeyedsusan grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 20:41:01

BlackEyedSusan, I am going to save the conical Weetabix creations for when MIL comes round wink

scratchandsniff Wed 27-Mar-13 20:41:09

Now read the whole thread. Bloody brilliant. Have let out a few piggy like snorts whilst chuckling at it.

This is one of the funniest threads ever. Marmalade I love that you just volunteered! grin

Sailormercury Wed 27-Mar-13 20:43:51

I would like an apron with I am Sharon on it.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 27-Mar-13 20:49:26

Chair has taken up my offer of help grin

<dusts off pinny>

TobyLerone Wed 27-Mar-13 20:52:30


Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 20:53:44

Ok, just found it.
Ooh, tired now

cocolepew Wed 27-Mar-13 20:57:08

This is so funnny grin

Me and friend were in the PTA but didn't brown nose fit in.

Helping at a craft fair every PTA member was giving a high viz jacket (no idea why), with '(school name) PTA committee member' on it. Except ours.
So we wrote 'Harper Valley PTA committee member' on it.
We were asked to leave the PTA, but decided to stay on for another 2 years smile.

gordyslovesheep Wed 27-Mar-13 21:00:05

Marmalade I think I love you grin

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 21:01:13

oh thank god. Looking forward to this carrying on tomorrow. My favourite thread in a long time. smile

drjohnsonscat Wed 27-Mar-13 21:05:09

love the high-viz jackets at craft fairs. Am picturing you marshalling in squadrons of mums carrying homemade bunting and personalised cupcake cosies with those fluorescent paddles they use to guide aircraft into their bays. Or maybe you need the high-viz in case you need to become the fourth emergency service - say a fight between the Kirstie Allsopp craft gang and the Jane Asher cakes gang breaks out.

Oh my goodness!

I can just picture you like Mrs Doyle, "have a cornflake cake, go on go on go on will you not have a lovely cornflake cake go on go on go on".

Hide the LDC under the table. If challenged, say it looked so lovely you thought you'd save it for the parents.

Sparklingbrook Wed 27-Mar-13 21:07:37

Or maybe Mrs Overall Horry. grin

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 27-Mar-13 21:08:42

So, its cup-cakes at dawn then? Will you slap her face with your oven gloves or pinny?

Bluelightsandsirens Wed 27-Mar-13 21:13:48

Brilliant, will you be able to update whilst actually selling?

shewhowines Wed 27-Mar-13 21:14:22

I've just bought the stuff to make bloody nests now. Sod the diet. sad

wetsand Wed 27-Mar-13 21:25:29

Excellent thread! Please report back after tomorrow's showdown sale

Blatherskite Wed 27-Mar-13 21:28:12

DD made Shredded Wheat nests at pre school on Monday. 6yo DS has been begging to make the same ever since so I'm sure yours will sell fast Marmalade.

Love that you've volunteered too. Looking forward to hearing all about it tomorrow

dinkystinky Wed 27-Mar-13 21:29:25

Are you going to be up all night Marmalade stitching your bespoke bitch face apron?

itsMYNutella Wed 27-Mar-13 21:39:30

While DS has been enjoying his epic feed I have been chuckling away at this thread; thank you marmalade!

I really want to make cornflake cakes now - my brother bought me a bag of precious mini eggs when he visited recently. There must be a cornflake equivalent here (Germany).... Might amuse the locals & family this Easter with cornflake nests...

Oh and I'll be placing my order cunt bunting and accessories as soon as you get the business going!! grin

RaspberrySchnapps Wed 27-Mar-13 21:49:19

best thread ever. "screw you, you citrus-titted arsepart!" was a real highlight.

Marm, if she brings you your own, personal, lemon drizzel cake as some kind of friendship gesture whatever you do, DO NOT EAT ANY (or give it to anyone you like).

DublinMammy Wed 27-Mar-13 21:51:11

Weeping, honestly weeping, and snorting with laughter at this, arseparts and cunt bunting are the best, good luck tomorrow Marmalade, let us know how it goes.

xigris Wed 27-Mar-13 21:52:26

Oh this is fabulous! Can't wait to hear how it goes at Cake Sale of Doom tomorrow. Can you update us in real time like Jack Bauer, please Marmalade? Bloody hate PTA megalomaniacs, DS1's school is rife with the twats. This thread has given me the inspiration to make cunt bunting crispy nest cakes at the weekend

Sitting in the dark reading 18 pages of pure comedy. Learning to laugh inwardly and try not to wake my 5 mo DD and feeling secretly pleased I have 5 years before the hell that is the PTA

Uppermid Wed 27-Mar-13 22:01:54

Shredded wheat are also good for Easter nests

Medal Wed 27-Mar-13 22:10:42


Fantastic thread, please please update us on what happens tomorrow, good luck! Bet your nests will sell out twice as fast as her poncy drizzle.

MrsMeeple Wed 27-Mar-13 22:12:11

You should make sure yours are priced at more than hers. Then when you out-sell her it will be double so sweet. wink

HoobleDooble Wed 27-Mar-13 22:15:16

Maybe make her her very own personal cake, just as a peace offering? I'm thinking maybe Bran Flake coated with Ex-Lax chocolate?

Selks Wed 27-Mar-13 22:16:10

grin @ the 'fuck this shit' cushion

trixymalixy Wed 27-Mar-13 22:19:45

I've also been inspired to make Easter nest cakes with the kids. Mmm mini eggs.

VivaLeBeaver Wed 27-Mar-13 22:24:07

Peanut butter in chocolate cornflake cakes is lush.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 27-Mar-13 22:33:38

itsMYnutella You can get cornflakes in Germany, go to Aldi or Lidl. My in-laws always have them when we visit them there. I'm not sure which one they get them from, but they're probably available at both.

LandofTute Wed 27-Mar-13 22:44:30

OP how do you know that lemon drizzle doesn't read mumsnet? I assume you do know because of your later post about her massive thighs? Or are you just very brave? grin

<waits for tomorrows update>

op i really really hope you have mn on your phone so you can update us every second hour! grin

Vendettamoon Wed 27-Mar-13 22:47:36

I made chocolate crispie nests tonight. I use melted mars bars in mine. They are squidgy yet firm and lovely. I am low carbing so have been sniffing them.

Marmelade - I notice from one of your earlier posts that she refers to the children as kiddlies. For this alone, she must die.

babybarrister Wed 27-Mar-13 22:52:44

Take an iPod with Harper Valley PTA and play Dolly v loudly during cake salegrin

KayHunt Wed 27-Mar-13 22:58:58

I want some cunt bunting and a chocolate crispy cake. I must listen to Harper Valley PTA tomorrow as I walk though the playground

This is a brilliant thread, thank you!

quoteunquote Wed 27-Mar-13 23:00:03

thanks, I needed a laugh.

blondieminx Wed 27-Mar-13 23:00:47

Best thread in ages grin

I want some naice cuntbunting!

rumbelina Wed 27-Mar-13 23:10:43

"Fuck you lemon drizzle murderer. Fuck you right up the bum" is one of the best things I've ever read on the internet.

mutantninjamyrtle Wed 27-Mar-13 23:31:45
CheerfulYank Thu 28-Mar-13 01:28:22

I agree Runmbelina! I laughed harder at that comment than I have at anything in ages.

Tortoiseontheeggshell Thu 28-Mar-13 02:20:12

Oh excellent, I do love a good righteous indignation thread. Well done, marmalade.

COCKadoodledooo Thu 28-Mar-13 07:36:53

Unashamedly marking place for this afternoon's update grin

Have just read this thread from beginning to end and it's brilliant!

Oh and drjohnsonscat wonder if I know you?! We had the same letter this week and it really pissed me off too. Fuck 'em, we're going away this year grin

itsMYNutella Thu 28-Mar-13 08:23:52

Thanks greeneggs I'm off to look for them today smile

It's cake sale day!


Emilythornesbff Thu 28-Mar-13 08:34:53

It's a beautiful day. Just right for a cake sale.

BiddyPop Thu 28-Mar-13 08:35:28

I am looking forward to sneaking in for updates during the day!!

And thanks Pollywollydoodle - I had wondered about that when there was a lot of talk of "middle class families really struggling", but I guess I hadn't thought as much of those who always struggle. (I usually give a large bag to the supermarket trolley collections so I was taken aback at the reaction to my efforts to go farther).

KoalaFace Thu 28-Mar-13 08:41:34

It's today!

::sighs with contentment::

I might make some chocolate nests to scoff while waiting for updates. It'll feel more festive that way...

Ionasky Thu 28-Mar-13 09:10:05

i can't seriously believe there's a woman out there who has a cake hierarchy and believes one cake is better than another! Why do we get so invested in flipping cake? Don't get it. Mind you, my baking is terrible.

wetsand Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:10

A fine day for a bake sale, a very fine day indeed..

OP......I'm on training day (should be doing something constructive but this thread is great!)......haven't read whole lot.....yet.......but as a regular cake stall organiser,contributor and now on teaching staff, I know that crispy cakes ESP with eggs get eaten whereas lovingly decorated by an adult ( for adult appreciation) are generally licked a bit then dis guarded by the kids.
She's rude.