For the first time ever DH & DS went off to do the xmas food shop......I am still laughing...

(241 Posts)
Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:06:48

...his parting words
"don't look worried Mrs MLV...I got this" <<non festive black power salute gesture>>

he spent almost £300 <<faints>> <<#whatthehell>>

he bought amoungst other things
12 pack of kitchen roll
24 luxury toilet rolls- the type that are about 12 tog and will block up our feeble pipes
A partridge
8 different olives
Masses and masses of lemon jelly???
Premier Champagne (he's teetotal) I drink Cava
Popcorn (with sour cream and chives Heresy
the whole biscuit aisle
a farking Heston Blumenthrill cake (£25!!!???)
a crate of festive cheeses
8lb gammon
salmon
bike helmet
fancy bubble bath
posh candles (that smell)

Please share with me tales of bizarre shopping to take off the edge..grin

PS.. I am still laughing every time I open up the fridge...(which has hardly anything in it)

cupcake78 Mon 24-Dec-12 13:11:59

I love this! Especially the scented cards, how thoughtfulgrin.

trumpalot Mon 24-Dec-12 13:13:21

tee hee x xx remember it s the thought that counts "!!

cocolepew Mon 24-Dec-12 13:13:48

grin brilliant! Is he partial to a bit of jelly then?

£300?????

I'd fucking kill him not laugh.

Seriously I can feed all of us 3 for a month on that!

I would be sobbing. sad

SavoyCabbage Mon 24-Dec-12 13:16:08

A partridge! Did you ask for a partridge or was it an impulse buy?

Did he get bacon? You need bacon.

ooooh which Heston cake was it? DP is absolutely SHIT at shopping, I have to write him lists complete with where a bouts he will find some things in sainsburys.

Loving the random bike helmet!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:16:45

the CLASSIC thing is I cannot eat gluten and there is little for me to eat...didn't fancy partridge and Olive fritatta for my brekkie...

he s now out as he declared "I will just get the last minute grocery items..the essentials I missed"

That'll be Dyoralite and a goat on a lead then grin

I am in a sick way really looking forwards to seeing what he has ...hehe

Have a lovely bath, light the candles, have a glass of champagne and sleep under the 12 tog toilet rolls grin

BeataNoxPotter Mon 24-Dec-12 13:17:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:18:37

Bossy what can I do? I can't take the stuff back- well maybe the bike helmet

I could do the same and feed me and the kids for aaaaages on that.

He said he will treat me (erm....I do like olives)

His xmas bonus went <<pouffe!!!>>

mamij Mon 24-Dec-12 13:19:32

LOL. I'm sorry but that made me giggle! DH is similar but not bad. I do send him with a list, but somehow he doesn't always follow it!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:20:19

I do NOT ask him for cabbage..
He said "I got this"

He had only just got out of the hospital (I'm not going to shout at the poor lamb grin) My mum used to do stuff like that and us kids would be angsty all xmas...

I didn;t ask him for anything.

He did not get bacon... but he did get 5 packets of chestnuts...

AdoraJingleBells Mon 24-Dec-12 13:20:52

Must say I'm impressed with

"The whole biscuit aisle"

Mine wouldn't bought more than a couple of packetssad

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:22:30

I may put a wallpaper table outside the house and put the Rocky Roads "bites in greeseproof papaer and flog them on...

PMSL @ goat on a lead.....

It sounds like a very strange bag they would produce on Ready Steady Cook. grin I hope he comes back with something resembling the ingredients for an actual meal.

DH likes to buy the whole contents of the bakery on his outings.

Startail Mon 24-Dec-12 13:24:00

I frequently write and NO BISCUITS on lists as DH automatically adds biscuits, beer and doughnuts to all shopping trips.

Beer lasts for ages, doughnuts I can resist, but biscuits we don't need. Everyone is silly and eats far too many.

So erm where's the food? grin

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:26:13

We've had such an awful awful few months that I am glad we are all healthy and happy and I've never eaten phesant.

Like I said, weirdly my dad used to do this kind of caper (trying to help) and my mum would screetch the whole festive season...it was stressful...

I will....ummm just drink Miso soup and try Port for the first time (yes that was on the list too)

PS- he never eats jelly

GrendelsMum Mon 24-Dec-12 13:26:28

I think that sounds brilliant - you're going to have such fun with all that wieird and wonderful food. One of my happiest memories from childhood Christmasses is my dad going into all the posh shops at 5pm on Christmas Eve when they did their mark downs and coming back with totally random food which we'd then eat all Christmas.

Light the candles and snuggle down with the popcorn and the wonderful champagne.

DorsetKnobwithJingleBellsOn Mon 24-Dec-12 13:28:21

Whats he going to eat when you eat the partridge as it will only feed one.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:28:46

GingerbreadMac...it was one that looks like a christmas pudding but it says choc cake on it. (i iwll not google it) Not like I can even have some.

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo Mon 24-Dec-12 13:29:17

My DH is not too bad on the getting useful stuff front, but last night he decided to go the the supermarket at midnight to pick up some last minute stuff (he doesn't normally get involved with Christmas food shopping).

I went hmm and he said "There'll be no-one there than time of night."

Cue much laughter on my part when he phone at 11.55pm to tell me:

"There's a queue to get into the shop!!!"

I think "No shit Sherlock," may have been my reply. grin

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:29:36

Grendel- he doesn't drink grin

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:30:54

Dorset knob...I think it's tiny hahahah
I love cauliflower though and butterbut sqaush- he bough 4 of those.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:31:30

Dumspiro- did he get what he wanted or did he give up?

ZenNudist Mon 24-Dec-12 13:35:14

Made me laugh. Loving the non controlling 'just go with it' attitude you got. You gotta laugh...

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 13:35:25

I'm thinking he went off to get some TurkeyTwizzlers™ and came back to the wrong trolley but was too shy to wrestle the Henry VIII lookylikey who had our very boring trolley full of basics...

Just athought

I'd mix the champagne with the Lemon Jelly.

Wear the bike helmet and make a bike from the roll of toilet paper.

Eat the biscuits while in the bath with the bubble bath and candles.

aftereight Mon 24-Dec-12 13:41:57

Oh thanks OP, I am crying laughing here grin

Please come and tell us what he classes as last 'minute essentials' when he arrives home smile

MammaTJ Mon 24-Dec-12 13:42:15

I went shopping for the first time in ages, not unsupervised, but with DP. I suggested something and the reply was 'That is why you are not allowed to do the shopping'.

I have done the classic male thing <gonna get flamed for being sexist> of being perceived at being useless at a task so the other one takes over and does it. grin

aftereight Mon 24-Dec-12 13:42:43

'"last minute essentials"

Meggle please report back on what his intentions for the truckload of lemon jelly are.

grin

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo Mon 24-Dec-12 13:50:33

Yep, he got everything - wasn't too bad once they actually let the crowds in.

The daft thing is, he's a chef and had already ordered the stuff from his supplier at work but forgotten to bring it home!

At least we'll have loads of goodies for New Year too!

How big of a crate of cheese are we talking?

MrsHoarder Mon 24-Dec-12 13:51:48

Rather hoping the last minute essentials include the pear tree grin

laurenamium Mon 24-Dec-12 13:53:22

Marking place to see what essentials he gets grin

BluelightsAndSirens Mon 24-Dec-12 14:00:16

Ah bless him, he must have got super market fever!

Glad you will just get on with it though and I can't wait to hear what the missed essentials Will be grin

TrillsCarolsOutOfTune Mon 24-Dec-12 14:00:19

DP and I went yesterday - I asked him "aren't you glad that I normally do this online?".

8 different kinds of olives sounds great though.

I must confess I did an online shop which arrived yesterday and Dh and I have had a slight falling out because I bought what I thought was 2 swede and it turned out to be 2 kilos of the buggersblush.

Can he let it go? oh no, not him pfffffft

KeatsiePie Mon 24-Dec-12 14:11:45

"That'll be Dyoralite and a goat on a lead then" made me whimper with laughter.

I'm impressed that you're not mad, you sound like a lovely person to be with.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 14:20:33

he's not back home yet BUT he did ring to ask me if we had mayonaise and .trifle spong
(no shitting you)

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 14:23:15

yes olives are delish especially chilli ones.

I'm actually a little bit of a control freak but I have some spuds and veg and am cooking the common as I type so we won't go hungry :-)

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 14:24:23

*gammon not common....
although you never know grin

waltermittymistletoe Mon 24-Dec-12 14:25:43

Oh I love this!!!

GoldMyrrhAndNonsense Mon 24-Dec-12 14:25:48

Fabulous! Love your attitude too.

ginmakesitallok Mon 24-Dec-12 14:27:09

DP has just popped to Tesco to get some special beer for Santa and some nice cider for me (obviously the 10 bottles of wine we have aren't going to be enough hmm ) Can's wait to see what he comes back with.

SaraBellumHertz Mon 24-Dec-12 14:28:39

This is exactly what DH would do given half a chance!

I no longer let him shop since on a cottage rental week he kindly went off to do the food shop, spent the best part of £300 and we still had to get fish and chips for dinner as there wasn't anything I could make into a reasonable (and quick bearing in mind three tired and hungry kids!) meal.

As far as I far as I could see it went on artisan bread, posh cheese and chuttney, lovely wine and some handcrafted truffles!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 14:29:53

oh sweet baby Jesus in the crib

text
"just in the pound shop"
forgot he is doing the kids xmss stockings for the first time ever also.

OhDearNigel Mon 24-Dec-12 14:29:56

wtf shock. I hope he bought a pear tree for your partridge....

OhDearNigel Mon 24-Dec-12 14:32:42

wtf are you going to do with all that jelly and 5 packs of chestnuts ? Have you got a coachload of visitors ?

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 14:33:14

it will be the year the kids remember their stockings having a spirit level,swiss chocolate,10 pack of Pringles and a usb flash drive in the shape of Kate Price.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 14:34:23

he did buy pears grin

fledtoscotland Mon 24-Dec-12 14:36:15

Am watching with baited breath to see what "essentials" he comes home with. Take my hat off to you OP, either you are taking diazepam or are just way more chilled out than me

OhDearNigel Mon 24-Dec-12 14:37:41

My Dh is going to Waitrose unsupervised later to check out the bargains. Heaven knows what he will come back with.

MrsMushroom Mon 24-Dec-12 14:38:00

Ooh sounds gorge! Pheasant and ham butties with lemon jelly on the side! He DID get bread didn't he? You can eat it in the bike helmet!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 14:41:52

LOL @ diazepam..no, and I'm not usually a laid back person quite the opposite but dh works away all the time and when he's home I work- I'm happy to have him around and as before , the last few months for many reasons have been awful...

eating a bizarre few meals for a few days is a walk in the park on a sunny sunday with ice cream for afters...

and no bread- just these poncey hand stretched baguettes that we'll be blitzing into breadcrumbs by wednesday or they will all lose teeth grin

lizzypuffs Mon 24-Dec-12 14:42:53

This made me laugh so much (sorry! ) it reminds me if the time my mum let me and dad do the Xmas shop when I was in my teens (many moons ago... (. He bought the whole booze aisle and hardly any proper food for £200! I got the fault for 'not stopping him'. Needless to say we were banned from ever doing it again! He was gutted because he genuinely had enjoyed it soooo much.

AmIGoingMad Mon 24-Dec-12 14:44:19

I am hysterical laughing at this! Please do keep us updated when he gets home!
I'm so impressed with how chilled you are- you are reacting in the way I would love to be able to! Fair play to him for wanting to take it on too!
Merry Christmas!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 14:46:15

No, please laugh, please do.

I didn't come on here to bitch, I came on here to share and to hear similar...and I have smile

Happy xmas

am weeing myself in anticipation...he is still in poundland prolly.....

FlibberdeGibbet Mon 24-Dec-12 14:48:25

megglevache, this is hilarious!

Went with my DP this morning - thought he should experience the great Christmas Eve Sprout Wars first hand form once. The supermarket was sadly not too busy, but I deposited him in a queue outside the butchers to collect the turkey. Enough people in there to bring him round when he fainted at the price ("£60! I was expecting £15" quoth he)

Please tell us what the essentials are! i am so hoping it's a goat on a rope!

Can you GET USB sticks shaped like Katie Price? I have a friend who would love one of those!

mousebacon Mon 24-Dec-12 14:55:21

Megglevache fab thread grin

How's it going with the other stuff you had going on?

Hope it's all good xx

charlottehere Mon 24-Dec-12 14:57:55

PMSL grin Good on you op for not being all stressed about it and just enjoying christmas. Hope you and your family have a wonderful time.smile

Glossynotflossy Mon 24-Dec-12 14:57:56

Has he got the pear tree?

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:01:55

he is back...!

merlottits Mon 24-Dec-12 15:03:59

I have the opposite problem - a DH who always 'under' buys.

The BBQ where we remembered at the last minute that we hadn't bought any diet coke (20+guests). He can back with two cans.

He will work out the amount a person will probably eat/drink and reduce it by half and buy that.

I know where it comes from. The infamous 'meet the parents' meal. My soon-to-be PIL, my DS, SIL, BIL, DH and me sitting at the table.
One garlic baguette gets put on the table. TUCK IN mother-in-law commands...yeah right!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:04:07

will type as he presents each clever purchase to me ...he is goes declaring "the non wheateater will not starve! wee wee

That's hilarious!

I didn't even realise that Heston Blumental made cakes. You learn something new every day.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:06:16

will type as he presents each clever purchase to me ...he is goes declaring "the non wheateater will not starve! wee wee

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:07:12

ok jumbo malaise for prawn cocktail
but no prawns

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:11:38

trying to do this in secret
that yuletide family favourite
Tea cakes

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:12:18

forgive typos...mayonaise not jumbo malaise...although grin

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Mon 24-Dec-12 15:13:02

I salute your attitude as well. I've never had to deal with this sort of thing myself but it's fun to watch...

naughtycloud1 Mon 24-Dec-12 15:13:56

like the festive cheese and champagne 25pounds for cakeshock gamon nice the rest shock

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:14:33

duck eggs

honestly...we have NEVER had duck eggs..
I'm going to have to photograph all this aren't I??? Or you'll not believe me...
Jumbo cashew nuts
mini cheddars
the biggest jar of gherkins I have ever held...I thought he may have won these in a competition along the way....

EuroShagmore Mon 24-Dec-12 15:14:34

I'm loving this thread. I'm reading it out to Mr Euro and it is making him look practical!

GirlsonFilm Mon 24-Dec-12 15:15:25

Tea Cakes grin - that gluten free seasonal treat pmsl.....but admire your calmness in the face of his (enthusiastic) Christmas madness

openerofjars Mon 24-Dec-12 15:16:47

Aw, bless him. He's actually lugging a whole woolly mammoth back to the cave, isn't he? grin

My DH is currently in the kitchen, being worried about an enormous ham... Man vs meat.

A partridge?

Is he going to B&Q for the pear tree, then? grin

Oh dear, I shouldn't laugh really as that's a LOT of money, but I am. Sorry. blush

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen Mon 24-Dec-12 15:19:20

Oh bless him!

My dh went shopping with dd yesterday to get me a present and came back with cargo trousers, for him, that were too small.

Even though he's put on 2 stones he just can't accept that logically his hips have spread. The shops have changed their sizing ;)

guanosoup Mon 24-Dec-12 15:19:26

My lovely dh went to town this morning, we are now the proud owners of a chicken, a joint of pork, 2 pots of pea and spinach soup, some organic fiery ginger cordial,
and last but not least, a bottle of organic pure agave sweetener. I have no clue what we are to do with that...! grin

On the other hand, we have no bread or cheese

Meglet Mon 24-Dec-12 15:20:02

'Glad' to know other people can't use fancy toilet paper as it blocks the loo. I thought it was just my house, budget loo roll here or it gets stuck.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:20:07

More Olives.....oh..these ones have been "tumbled" with fennel

What the fark...

bike helmet?? grin

poor little guinny on my tummy's getting all shaken from my giggles grin

snowflakehellokitty Mon 24-Dec-12 15:26:26

no pear tree wink

I think my parents will have spent about £25 plus champagne on Xmas food!! they're buying salty nuts like there's no tomorrow though? i have no idea why> everywhere i look there's a new packet inc under the tree!

(typing one handed, piggy is all stretched out with his foot in the air and he's gone all heavy- most adorable sight ever)

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:28:01

I promise later I will photograph...
I may be preoccupied setting up my pop up olive stall outside me house though :-)
pate
and the BEST...shampoo...
My dh has no hair....
"dammit, I thought this was bubble bath" More???

strumpetpumpkin Mon 24-Dec-12 15:30:11

If I send dp to do a shop, he generally comes back with about a hundredquids worth of exotic yoghurts and GU desserts, more tropicana than we can fit in the fridge, some steak and a packet of pasta

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:32:54

I'm loving "shops sizing has gone all squiff" husband in denial :-)
These duck eggs are called "posh birds"

This thread is so cheering me up grin

So is the decision I've taken to do some of my essay today cos I can't bear it hanging over me!

topsyturner Mon 24-Dec-12 15:35:39

Checks lavaches profile for address , cos I want to spend Christmas in your house !
grin

ohforfoxsake Mon 24-Dec-12 15:36:21

priceless!

Meggle Your DH sounds absolutely brilliant. grin

Okay, you might not be able to sustain this lifestyle beyond Christmas but it's like he has gone out and bought all of life's luxuries in one shop - regardless of whether they are needed - and his intention is to make it a very merry christmas.

FreeButtonChristmasTree Mon 24-Dec-12 15:41:02

Lololol. This is hilarious. WHY did he feel thzt you needed more olives?!

My DH has decided that this avvo is the perfect time to pack the loft (we're mvoing house in 3 weeks)! My hall is full of boxes...

LittleBairn Mon 24-Dec-12 15:45:15

I would LOVE DH to buy fancy loo paper but we have crappy piping if we use anything other than sainsburys cheap paper it blocks within a day. DH is SOOO pleased to to save the £ loo paper I fear I will never have a comfortable quilted wipe again. sad

I love it when my DH goes shopping too, he never quite manages to get an actual meal but he will buy the contents of the snack isle. He has no logic.
Today he considered picking Up a tub of fancy Italian ice cream from the ice cream parlour before it closes but then decidedly it's best not because he will sit around on his arse all Christmas getting fat.....instead he bought umpteen bars of chocolate, nuts and crisps. grin

I am wondering if I need some 'jumbo malaise'. grin

Is he going out again in a bit to follow the 'mark down man' round the supermarket just before closing? He really should. Think of the bargains. grin

LivingInAPinkBauble Mon 24-Dec-12 15:47:11

Loving this thread! Giggling away as although I have a DH who is good at food shopping he clearly has no idea about surprise presents! He asked me for ideas and amongst other things I suggested stud earrings. So far he has rung me to ask where the shop I suggested was, whether I can wear white gold (yellow gold makes my ears swell, I don't get it either!) and if I like heart shapes. Either this is an elaborate ruse or there will be heart shaped earrings to open tomorrow!

Mind you, we shopped this morning and I dropped him at work whilst I came home and unpacked it. I have found some random extra things that he has shoved in, he put it all in bags whilst I grabbed something we had forgotten, so my first chance to see everything!

Merry Christmas!

INeedThatForkOff Mon 24-Dec-12 15:49:09

My DH wouldn't buy any biscuits at all. Instead he would buy tonnes of veg (half of which would go to waste), wholewheat pasta <boak>, oatcakes, six types of hummus and various tinned beans. No meat (we're not vegetarian). OP, will you send you DH to pick up a few bits for me too?

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 15:50:26

heheh I bet it's a big ruse Living!

he's saving the stocking stuff until the kids are in bed....my sides will ache too much I fear.

He has just said to me "I just wanted to give you all the treats you we never have and spoil you me as we work so hard all year, I hope I did alright".... grin awww

BeataNoxPotter Mon 24-Dec-12 15:53:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Mon 24-Dec-12 15:55:27

Loving this thread grin

My DH insists on a list if he ever does any food shopping, and even then he misses half the stuff, so I have great admiration for your DHs inventiveness!!

I got a funny look from DH the other day- was making pate and the food processor died, so had to send him out to get a new one. When he asked if there was anything else I needed, I said, yes, a pomegranate. "So that's a food processor and...a pomegranate then?" Bet your DH wouldn't have queried the pomegranate. In fect, I bet you've already got one, haven't you, OP wink?

Doobydoo Mon 24-Dec-12 15:55:28

oLIVES TUMBLED IN FENNELL {grin} Absolutely {grin}

RedToothbrush Mon 24-Dec-12 15:57:07

erm, I hate to ask this, but how often does your husband go shopping?

I still need to know about the lemon jelly.

Have you mentioned in the past that your life is sadly lacking in lemon jelly?

Sorry have to mark my place to check back to see the stocking fillers. grin

NaiceDude Mon 24-Dec-12 16:06:46

I still need an explanation for the lemon jelly and the bike helmet! grin

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 16:09:19

redtoothbrush
lemon jelly will be nice and light after all that heavy food :-) was what he said
he NEVER does the food shop.
I need to know what the stocking fillers will be.

LittenTree Mon 24-Dec-12 16:11:57

meggle - we do need photos. I looked on your photos and saw a handsome man (surely not 'the one' of whom we speak? grin) and gorgeous children. But I await the forthcoming pear tree photo!

Here's me thinking DH's transgression, buying pastrami, not pancetta for the spouts was bad... though the spell checker gives me 'cetacean' for 'pancetta' so I should be grateful I did not fry my sprouts through with Minke whale, hey?

ratbagcatbag Mon 24-Dec-12 16:15:26

Shamelessly marking place for stocking filler update later grin

Same.

JustFabulous Mon 24-Dec-12 16:25:21

"and the BEST...shampoo...
My dh has no hair....
"dammit, I thought this was bubble bath" More???"

That made me actually LOL.

grin

DH has been bringing home bits of shopping and all have been very sensible. I feel cheated grin.

this thread has made me laugh and laugh, I simply must learn about the stocking fillers!

Meggle I have been in bed with a virus all w/e in between bursts of energy to try & prepare somewhat for tomorrow.

Your lovely DH has made me giggle so much I have cried. grin

Mulledandmerry Mon 24-Dec-12 16:49:39

Meggle..i think you and your dh have added some laughter to a lot of households tonight. What a great gift. Merry Christmas x

RedToothbrush Mon 24-Dec-12 16:50:13

I suppose the next obvious question is

Will you be letting him do the shopping again?

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 24-Dec-12 16:54:30

Lovely thread, lovely attitude OP.
Thank you for not being furious and ranty and for making me laugh. Which doesn't often happen to me on a MN/partner thread.
Two words though, for next time. Shopping list. grin

piprabbit Mon 24-Dec-12 17:01:54

We sent the DCs to Poundland with a tenner each and told them to bust a gut buying their presents for all the relatives. They had a wonderful time (imagine being let loose in a shop and knowing you can buy anything, and the relatives are certainly going to be getting some Christmas surprises grin.

n.b. this is in addition to 'proper' gifts plus homemade truffles.

nkf Mon 24-Dec-12 17:09:10

He sounds a sweetie and so do you. Have a lovely Christmas.

Rupeomatic Mon 24-Dec-12 17:27:18

Thank you so much for this! Hilarious - have been reading it out to DH and crying with laughter. Fabulous grin

grin this has made me laugh out loud OP I had to read it out to DH as he thought I was going a bit insane! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

This is why men should never, ever approach a "big" shop solo, or at the very least without a list.

I once sent dp (whom I hasten to add had lived alone for a few years before me) to the supermarket for the shopping when I was ill in bed with a rotten virus. It wasn't Christmas thankfully.

He came back with:

A medium chicken
A box of 6 large eggs
A small bag of spuds
12 lagers.

That was it. For a week's shopping

I always write a comprehensive list now, including what shop to buy it from and in what aisle. I've gone so far as to describe packaging before as well.

TrillsCarolsOutOfTune Mon 24-Dec-12 17:43:31

"Men" should never? hmm

MulledwineGless Mon 24-Dec-12 17:45:52

Megg am loving the updates

Now waits with baited breath for the stocking fillers

RedToothbrush Mon 24-Dec-12 17:49:36

Speak for yourselves! My DH wouldn't have a problem with it. He'd be as good as me, without the need for a list.

The only thing he 'fucked up' on this year was he put four bottles of mulled wine in the trolley instead of two (he didn't think he'd put any in when he put the second lot in) and when he realised at the till he was 'too proud' to admit his mistake so bought all four.

He is very much forgiven drunken hiccup

Plomino Mon 24-Dec-12 17:58:29

Oh this is great . Haven't laughed so much for ages .

My DH has done almost the exact opposite . Nipped out for batteries and mayonnaise for prawn cocktails . Came back with the wrong size batteries ( ' I thought you said C's , not D's !' ) and a shitload of prawns . Apparently he just heard the phrase prawn cocktail and improvised . We now have no mayonnaise . At all .

So if I come round yours with the entire North Atlantic's stock of prawns that I now seem to have , we might manage to get a prawn cocktail together between us .

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Mon 24-Dec-12 18:12:02

This is the best Christmas thread I've read. It's made me cry laughing.

You both sound gorgeous.

Very, very Merry Christmas to you grin

MGgirl Mon 24-Dec-12 18:35:05

Best post I've read in a very long time.
Happy Christmas to you all !

a nomination for classics. grin

headfairy Mon 24-Dec-12 19:02:00

OMG Megg... I just checked out your profile to see if you had put some pictures of your hilarious shopping and wow, you and your family are gorgeous! grin

Love all your shopping, sounds like the crazy stuff dh comes home with on account of it all being discounted. Never mind that it's blooming impossible to make an edible meal out of it!

FrostyTheShosheman Mon 24-Dec-12 19:12:15

See in my house that would be me. Dh does the shopping and cooking.

I was sent with a list yesterday and strict instructions to stick to it.

AND tomorrow I have to switch the dinner on ( he has prepared most of it) as he will be working till 6, DS and DDIL are arriving at 6 so we will be eating about 7,

You wouldnt believe I always did it till I married him grin

(I did go off the list a bit as well grin

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 20:04:43

Plomino- me and you baby...enough prawn cocktail to make the bernie inn blance.

Oh my goodness genuine thanks..you are all so sweet. Thank you.
I'm very happy and slightly tipsy have just come back from a dear friend's house- she plied us with fizz and they were weeing at dh's list of shopping and want to share a mouthful of partridge tomorrow- dh bathing the kids now...will do photos now...he will not tell me what's in the stockings apart from the tantalising "aa batteries" because who doesn;t need them...

He's got them lighter fluid and Deodorgel™ hasn't he...I may have mad eup the latter

cocolepew Mon 24-Dec-12 20:20:10

Good grief, you are a very good looking family shock

Love that he bought shampoo..

LittleMissKitschmas Mon 24-Dec-12 20:22:49

Can this go in classics? I've been giggling at it rather a lot. The cat is very confusedgrin

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus Mon 24-Dec-12 20:29:22

Hahaha! This is brilliant. grin Another vote for classics.

Btw, posh birds eggs are lush, never had the duck ones though. The normal hen ones cost about £3 for 6 btw!

I do love this thread.

We are hosting family Xmas breakfast - he did the shopping.

The list said 'nice bread'

He bought thick sliced white hovis (plastic)

NaiceDude Mon 24-Dec-12 20:50:00

OP, your children are GORGEOUS! Mind my asking where your DH is from so I can go there to find someone to sire my children and have some like yours ?

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 20:55:19

hey I have added pics of the food feast...
had to do it in private

I feel like a spy

Loving the random packet of teacakes. smile

When I was younger my Dad always started his Christmas present shopping at 4 pm on Christmas eve. Cue many totally random presents. One year we (including my mum) each got a pillow. Not even a particularly nice one - think BHS cheap polyester. Another year we each got a low-energy light bulb from B&Q.

And he was king of the supermarket reduced aisle - drove my mum mad by getting home at 7 pm on Christmas Eve with, e.g., 4 half-rotten pineapples. 'But they were only 10p each!' - yes, but no-one actually wants to eat pineapple on Christmas Day...

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:00:34

Coco I love that he bought shampoo too....he was giddy...I think they mustve have had PCP in the mince pie samples they were handing out.

Naice dude we are both forrin...I am of mixed Spanish/Portugese/French heritage, dh is afro Indian...so kids a beautiful St Tropex mix...I am not so gorge...passable with make up (that pic was taken 10 years ago!)

Dh says you cannot polish a turd and I tell him you can roll it in glitter...kabish....booooom!

NuclearStandoff Mon 24-Dec-12 21:03:06

hilarious.

My DH is a bit like this.

he cannot visit a supermarket without buying dishwasher salt. "in case we are running low'

ffs

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:06:50

Oh I am literally aching with laughter

dh showed me there first stocking pressy in a really coquettish way...

"a jumbo calculator each and tomorrow i will show them how to write BOOBS"
My daughter is 5

Seriously this man has a rather sensible hardcore job in the city????/

nkf Mon 24-Dec-12 21:06:50

You're a lovely looking family and Christmas lunch is going to be a lot of fun at your house.

CockBollocks Mon 24-Dec-12 21:09:19

Cream cheese AND creamy cheese?

Hilarious!!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:10:06

cockbollocks and philly

not a sentence |I ever imagined typed to be fair....

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:10:42

next stocking filler a satsuma...(wow , normal)

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:11:20

next stocking filler a Terry's chocolate orange (I see a theme emerging)

I so wish FC was bringing calculators here!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:17:44

Festive- do you mean BOOBS???grin

Ermagherd Mon 24-Dec-12 21:22:08

Puts my dh's purchase of 400 sprouts and two large tubs of bread sauce and one packet of make your own bread sauce, into perspective

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:23:08

I wish I could like posts on here :-)

ImpatientOne Mon 24-Dec-12 21:37:58

Love it grin

I wish our fridge wasn't full of such sensible stuff now, yours sounds so much more fun!

NaiceDude Mon 24-Dec-12 21:42:57

Can we all come over? grin

Keep the stocking fillers coming, this is superb!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:45:39

am looking over his shoulder as he wraps and tittering at your posts....chocs in the shapes of little bottles..

"those will be liquer chocs sweetheart, I'll take those"
packet of marshamallows

Yeah i used to love writing 58008 and 77345 on my calculator. Feel like we are going to be missing out on some fun tomorrow morning now sad

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:49:32

correction. what looks like a jar of liquid marshmallows called "FLUFF" WTF???

For a 5 year old girl.. a 6 pack of those party pirate things you blow and they make a noise and it unravels like a big air filled party willy...them things..
what are they called...Pirates theme...v. xmassy

Glow stticks

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:52:07

Yes, please do come and join us- I have enough salty ham, salty olives and erm salty salmon to sink the Bismark.....

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:53:07

snow globes
and finally
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

FryOneFatChristmasTurkey Mon 24-Dec-12 21:53:27

Marshmallo fluff, an american idea. My american friend who lives down the raod has told me she gets some, spreads it on biscuits (eg digestive, etc) sticks another on top and microwaves to make a sweet snack.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 21:54:06

post it notes..
DD will wee!

The end.
have a wonderful less-sodium filled xmas than me beautiful Mumsnetters XX

FryOneFatChristmasTurkey Mon 24-Dec-12 21:54:07

road, not raod hmm must be the rum

Plomino Mon 24-Dec-12 22:00:33

Thank you ! You have truly truly made my Christmas Eve such a giggle. Next year can I borrow your DH to do my shopping for the entertainment value ?

I hope your DC's love their stockings , and you all have a fantastic Christmas .

AmIGoingMad Mon 24-Dec-12 22:00:42

I'm off to be Santa now but have been so amused by this thread! No- that's an understatement- it's been hysterical!
Have a fantastic Christmas! X

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 24-Dec-12 22:13:21

I chocked on my wine reading your last post! shock

Does he know your, erm, true feelings about this?!

RedToothbrush Mon 24-Dec-12 22:21:33

Well he's certainly given you a christmas to remember thats for sure.

I've been giggling all the way though.

Me and DH await the results of your husband's shopping trip for bargins in the Christmas Sales. I vote we send him to buy your whole family a brand new outfit.

MulledwineGless Mon 24-Dec-12 22:24:50

You can hire him out next year!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 22:25:17

he buys my dd the most incredible clothes. she does dress like a loony but in a really good way. she's skills.

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 22:26:49

arf at hire him out.

I should start a thread on his experimental cookery...

Juustanothermnetter Mon 24-Dec-12 22:28:33

Amazing! You have a brilliant sense of humour and your dh has tried so hard. I hope you all have a brilliant Christmas tomorrow smile

RedToothbrush Mon 24-Dec-12 22:28:45

Meggle, have you ever left your DH home alone for a weekend?

LadyMaryChristmas Mon 24-Dec-12 22:31:24

Do your children usually eat Camembert and olives? grin

Tallgiraffe Mon 24-Dec-12 22:32:53

DSis and I have just cried with laughter at this. Enjoy your wonderful array of food!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 22:39:54

redtoothbrush
yes I have left him home alone

takeaway features heavily.

Oh what a great thread. Your DH is a legend!

Merry Christmas everyone!

NilentSight Mon 24-Dec-12 22:59:06

Is the bike helmet still in the fridge ? shock

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 24-Dec-12 23:04:43

Know people say this a lot for effect, but I am actually crying over "post it notes"!

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 23:22:33

Catpuss, she will chuffing well LOVE the post it notes. Really.

I think next year I'll be relieved if he goes back to his scratching his balls on the sofa and not doing a thing .....and to think ....grin

AngelDog Mon 24-Dec-12 23:26:30

I was fed up and miserable this evening - but not any more. Thanks, Megglevache. smile

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 24-Dec-12 23:30:57

<<wipes eyes>> sorry. I'm a bit a lot overtired and hysterical! grin
I once had a Christmas where the ONLY present I got was a pound shop calculator. which didn't work
I wouldn't mind but the same person, gran gave me an identical pound shop calculator for my birthday! sad

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 23:39:29

Oh catpuss sad
come here next year and let my dh be in charge of the lucky dip?

I'm actually really glad this has raised a smile. Good. XX

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 23:40:24

Can confirm bike helmet is NOT in the fridge.

Its atop the fridge...

Lookingatclaus Mon 24-Dec-12 23:47:40

Love this thread! You and your family sound so lovely. Dp and I have just read it while waiting for dad to go to sleep and are splitting our sides with laughter, and he is munching on a pillow so he doesn't wake the girls. We'll be round too for some of the prawnless cocktail. Thanks for the laugh. Merry Christmas and lots of blessings to you all.

Allalonenow Mon 24-Dec-12 23:48:46

Well Megg you and your DH have brightened up a dismal Christmas Eve for me, so thank you.
I like his shopping style, so I'm wondering if you would perhaps loan him out?
Hope you have a lovely family Christmas.

Snazzyfeelingfestive Mon 24-Dec-12 23:51:17

I saw a lot of men people like your DH shopping in M&S this morning...

thinkfast Mon 24-Dec-12 23:58:49

Loving this! Your dh made everyone's Xmas! Enjoy the pheasant tomorrow with a few twiglets and pickles. Yum yum

Megglevache Mon 24-Dec-12 23:59:05

Blimey...most of our friends normally just roll their eyes at our escapades.

arf @ making a random man a pillow biting silent chuckler...

Casserole Tue 25-Dec-12 00:34:44

Oh Meggle I have loved this. Please can I come be part of your family? grin

Megglevache Tue 25-Dec-12 00:43:38

Noooooo casserole . you'd die of boredom

LAK11 Tue 25-Dec-12 00:48:32

This is the best ever thread. MUMSNET CLASSICS, pretty please......
Oi Helen/Rebecca/?.....c'mon, you know you want to, as a very special Christmas present to us all..... ???

BoyMeetsWorld Tue 25-Dec-12 00:56:28

* sings* and a partridge in a pear tree...

Whoops just woke DH up snorfling. Best Fred of 2012. Who wouldnt love a Chrimbo dinner like that... Worth every penny wink

Celticlassie Tue 25-Dec-12 01:27:58

Meggle - this was fab! Kept me going while waiting for Santa... Hope you all have a lovely, lemon jelly-filled Christmas!

BabylonElf Tue 25-Dec-12 01:41:28

Brilliant, simply brilliant!

Allalonenow Tue 25-Dec-12 01:54:56

Babylon happy birthday! What are you doing up so late?

Still haven't figured out what they are going to do with all that jelly!

Meggle, I have just chuckled myself silly at this whole thread. The cat is looking at me clearly thinking I have lost my mind!

I'm having the worst Christmas, recently divorced, lovely new boyfriend four hours away visiting family and I had to work so couldn't go. And worst of all, Ex has dd for Christmas and I won't get to see her again until fucking Friday.

But I laughed and laughed, and really I feel much better. Thank you smile

BaresarkBunny Tue 25-Dec-12 01:57:58

This has been absolutely brilliant.

BabylonElf Tue 25-Dec-12 02:01:42

Thank you AllAlone

Wide awake here - too excited to sleep!

Iheartpasties Tue 25-Dec-12 02:58:07

"I just wanted to give you all the treats you we never have and spoil you me as we work so hard all year, I hope I did alright"....

awwwww smile

arf at the hundred million olives in your fridge!!!!

giraffesCantFlyLikeReindeer Tue 25-Dec-12 03:13:08

grin

jaggythistle Tue 25-Dec-12 03:22:45

i discovered this thread at 3am when DS2 woke up for a feed. i have almost woken him and DH snorting with laughter grin ( and i can't reach a tissue and i have laughed through my nose trying to be quiet )

CecyHall Tue 25-Dec-12 08:13:16

I just showed DH the op.

His reaction- 'ah that's really nice, he's put a lot of thought in to it'

At least I know now never to send him for the shopping!

DeafLeopard Tue 25-Dec-12 08:53:08

Hilarious thread. Have a great Christmas. Did your floor get sorted Meg?

TobyLerone Tue 25-Dec-12 08:54:29

I love you, OP, and your amazing DH. Your family is beautiful smile

cuillereasoupe Tue 25-Dec-12 09:24:53

bless him smile

My darling DP bought a bag of twelve chicory yesterday to go with the four gently rotting in the fridge. For just the two of us. And I'll be away from Wednesday. I reckon he'll have turned into a giant green chicory by the time I get back grin

Place marking to read later grin

Megglevache Tue 25-Dec-12 10:08:31

\well you know when I initially started this thread i did wonder if I'd need a hard hat. I did wonder if I'd get flamed. What a delightful reaction not least because those of you having difficulty or feeling a bit blue had a smile and a wheeze through it. I mean- it's funny to me but people around me don't often share my sense of humour hehe.
Best pic of the morning was dd's face when she opened up her postIT notes. Honest! How can I not post it on my pics.

Megglevache Tue 25-Dec-12 10:11:24

Cuiller, I'll trade you some yummy chicory for some olives "tumbled" in orange peel and fennel...yes really tumbled

Def- floor is getting there although they did take out our loo and basin then declare- "we're going home to get ready for the xmas party now" at midday..."your loo is in the shed". grin

RedToothbrush Tue 25-Dec-12 10:33:56

Mind boggles at what Megglevache herself is getting from her husband!

Have a great day!

Megglevache Tue 25-Dec-12 10:36:31

Red...got a fantastic flashgun for my camera and an awesome umbrella. Amazing. Loved it and truffles.

Am feeling incredible spoilt.

No batteries though for the flashgun- have been plying the kids with olives so they give me their stocking batteries later grin <<evil>>

Megglevache Tue 25-Dec-12 10:37:22

Oh my god this is in Mumsnet Classics shock

You. Are. Nuts.

RedToothbrush Tue 25-Dec-12 10:37:29

Awwwww!

Yaaaay was hoping MNHQ might pop into the office for a few gins minutes!

<ponders who got the short straw this year>

grin Merry Christmas to the Meggle family !

LittleBairn Tue 25-Dec-12 11:41:56

Bless your DD she looks so pleased. grin
I bet all the kids at school will be jealous of her post it notes, all kids love them.

Megglevache Tue 25-Dec-12 16:41:39

yes, she was over the moon and has spent the best part of2 hours tapping away on her retro glitter calculator with matching glitter gel pen grin

sittinginthesun Tue 25-Dec-12 16:56:43

Ahhh, can't believe I missed this thread yesterday! What fun. grin

Merry Christmas, OP and her DH.

Charleymouse Tue 25-Dec-12 20:22:47

Hope you had a great day Meggle and managed to conjure a lovely meal out of those ingredients. Merry Christmas x

Megglevache Tue 25-Dec-12 20:25:38

ggreat food today...I think by the 28th we will all have gout!!!

AuntieMaggie Tue 25-Dec-12 20:42:54

This thread has made me smile... your dh is a legend!smile

itsMYNutella Tue 25-Dec-12 21:44:06

Meggle this thread is awesome! Laughed so hard at your DH being so sad he had bought shampoo instead of bubble bath it made my big belly hurt (39+5) Ahhh so funny.
DP won't go shopping unless he has a list because he doesn't have a clue what to buy. Although it isn't unusual for him to also bring home "treats" grin
Anyway, he has finished watching "the avengers" again so I better stop MNing

NaiceDude Tue 25-Dec-12 23:37:39

OP your DD is so gorgeous! This fred has made my Christmas, please thank your DH for being such a fabulous loon grin

GreenEggsAndNichts Tue 25-Dec-12 23:50:33

I love this thread smile

Megglevache Wed 26-Dec-12 00:58:12

ah thanks Naice...that's her all over...she's just the happiest most amazing soul.

MalibuStac Wed 26-Dec-12 01:52:18

Brilliant thread. Thanks so much for sharing. Sounds like a great time trying different foods. Glad you've had a good day.

DP only ever takes notes shopping otherwise he buys loads of junk food. Thabks for the giggles. smile

Megglevache Wed 26-Dec-12 08:36:04

grin
I'm not alone then !

ZillionChocolate Sun 30-Dec-12 09:54:45

I have a special Christmas shopping list on my phone. Just need to copy and paste this lot ready for next year.

ChristabelChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 10:00:33

So funny! If I ever send DH out to the shops he usually forgets or loses the list. When he comes back he puts the bags down and says "I panicked". We then usually get similar results to you! I once sent him out to get milk and eggs and he came back with a Playstation and AutoCar magazine.

ouryve Sat 05-Jan-13 23:28:52

Are all those olives gone, yet, Megg? Some of them will be getting close to their use by dates grin

Megglevache Fri 08-Feb-13 12:49:40

I know it's not a funny xmas list but I had to share.
Dh just came from the shop ..strict instructions to grit ham. nice but not tumbled in lavender or anything.

he came back with a bright yellow kettle, three pacakets of tea cakes, fancy apples and 8 tubes of youth paste because Collgate were on offer. No ham.

dashoflime Fri 08-Feb-13 12:53:41

Not Christmas related but DH once went to TESCO with our last tenner and came back with:

Dried worms
A Carafe (nothing in it-just a carafe)

dashoflime Fri 08-Feb-13 12:54:13

where can I get Youthpaste?

Megglevache Fri 08-Feb-13 13:42:46

dash....they sell worms in tesco ?

dashoflime Fri 08-Feb-13 22:28:13

Yep: dried worms in packets, for garden birds

MsWino Tue 12-Mar-13 14:38:22

loving this thread.
Have just joined mn and spent ages reading this. I have been giggling away to myself for ages. My DS is in bed ill & keeps shouting down to me "whatya laffing at now !!" lol

Still trying to find my way around here. Can anyone tell me how I can see the pics please?

Flossiechops Tue 12-Mar-13 14:44:33

mswino if you fancy a laugh you must head over to mumsnet classics, it's where all the best threads go. It's under 'site stuff', I was literally roaring with laughter at some of the posts!! You can only see pics by clicking on a users name and that's only if they have a profile! grin

Flossiechops Tue 12-Mar-13 14:45:24

Bollox this thread is in classics!! Sorry I didn't realize blush!

MsWino Tue 12-Mar-13 16:18:25

Thanks Flossiechops. I only found classics as I was reading another thread that linked to it.

I seem to get the horrible feeling that I will be spending too much time on here and never get any housework done from now on ..... though I never got much done before.. shock

I presume megglevache has changed her profile then as I cant click on the username. Never mind, I will have to imagine what it all looked like.

MsWino Tue 12-Mar-13 16:19:02

Wow, I have even managed a smiley smile

Flossiechops Tue 12-Mar-13 17:28:10

I know I've been on here a few years now and my house is a pig stye wink

widowerbutok Thu 18-Jul-13 16:32:57

Thank you OP... I have not laughed out loud like this for ages. Far too near the truth when it comes to being sent out for 'shopping.' "thought it was bubble bath" almost on the floor laughing!!!
ps I have a list printed off of a Word file these days, but still come back with something I don't need as I was sure the list was wrong...duh

Again..ty..x

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