My son (19) has just found out I lied to him and he is not happy

(160 Posts)
KelperRose Sun 28-Oct-12 13:15:26

When he was little we took him to Disneyland Paris and he fell in love with Chip from Chip and Dale....

He followed them around got their autographs and was besotted with Chip...he didn't like Dale

Upon leaving we went to the giftshop to buy him a cuddly chip toy, only they were all out of Chips and only had Dales left.

So I bought the Dale and told him it was Chip .....the difference is in colour of their nose

For years and years this soft toy has been his bedtime companion he still cuddles it now......

Then on Thursday he went to the Disney shop with his girlfriend to buy her baby cousin a present and he wanted suggested a Chip

RightUpMyRue Sun 28-Oct-12 13:16:47

Disgusting. You should be ashamed. I'm calling SS.

Sorry but there is no way back from this, i'm afraid. his xmas present this year is everything on ebay that is chip related grin

SoleSource Sun 28-Oct-12 13:19:45

NEE NAW NEE NAW

It's the police, you're surrounded.

Straight to the nick for you my sunshine

ZombieArmsDragOnTheFloor Sun 28-Oct-12 13:20:25

Well, he can't have been that besotted with Chip if he didn't spot he had the wrong chipmunk. It is his own fault for being unobservant.

Wolfiefan Sun 28-Oct-12 13:20:47

He did get the right one but it was very cold/warm and the nose changed colour?!

KelperRose Sun 28-Oct-12 13:21:05

Then when he saw the Chip and they Dale he said 'this shop has chip and dale mixed up'

That's Chip the one with the burgandy nose

His girlfriend laughed at him and pointed out no Chip is the one with the black nose

Apparently he then turned round to his his girlfriend 'my whole life is a lie'

He came back devastated that for years and years I'm convinced him soft toy was Chip when it was in fact Dale ......and his really sort of upset by it.

Moral of the story ....never lie to your kids

TessCorpseDissect Sun 28-Oct-12 13:21:59

Tell him Chip got a nose job due to pressure from the film industry.

ZombieArmsDragOnTheFloor Sun 28-Oct-12 13:23:37

Why, for the love of god, did you not colour the nose in with a felt tip??

Its shocking. The shop ran out of Chips and painted the noses of some of the Sales. Terrible. (What was so bad about Dale that nobody else wanted a Dale toy either?)

FannyFifer Sun 28-Oct-12 13:24:53

Think he needs to get a grip.

TessCorpseDissect Sun 28-Oct-12 13:25:10

I feel sorry for Dale sad

AnEerieAirOfHorror Sun 28-Oct-12 13:25:18

shock How could you?

You will have to make amends. By taking him back to Disney and getting a real Chip.

VerityClinch Sun 28-Oct-12 13:27:59

I had a book of baby animals when I was little and my parents used to read it to me and we would make the animal noises etc.

One of the animals was a baby pine martin.

My parents didn't know what noise a pine Martin made.

Rather than fess up to their ignorance, or, y'know, just go and find out, they told me it went "Marty Marty Marty Marty"

When I was 30, I came face to face with a real live pine Martin for the first time in my life, in the company of my boyfriend (now DH).

I will NEVER FORGIVE MY PARENTS. angry

akaemmafrost Sun 28-Oct-12 13:28:40

shock OMG I have read some terrible things on MN in my time but that really takes the cake OP. I am going to have to hide this thread.......

KelperRose Sun 28-Oct-12 13:30:23

the thing that made it worse was he came in and said 'Mum I've got something to tell you can you sit down'

I thought he was going to tell someone had died or something.

He made me a coffee then leant forward all serious and said 'You know Chip .well he isn't Chip he is Dale'

I had to then tell him I knew he was Dale and I had hoped he would continue throughout life without never finding that fact out....I kept the Dale is Chip rouse longer than Santa!

WofflingOn Sun 28-Oct-12 13:31:52

This really needs to go into classics as a dire warning to all the parents here who take liberties with the truth. So they can be on their guard for the next couple of decades.
OP, like Zombie, I'd have used a black felt tip.

LondonGhostInChainWrackedBoots Sun 28-Oct-12 13:34:00

PMSL at he then turned round to his his girlfriend 'my whole life is a lie'

I discovered that my Ariel doll was a replacelemt when we replaced our oven 3 years ago - the original had fallen down the back and DM bought another. I was livid (at the age of 20 blush )

TessCorpseDissect Sun 28-Oct-12 13:34:51

Tell him that what you did was a GOOD thing.

You gave Dale (formerly known as Chip formerly known as Dale) a loving home. He might have otherwise been left on the shelf or worse.

Has your son ever seen Toy Story 3?

I need say no more.

LondonGhostInChainWrackedBoots Sun 28-Oct-12 13:35:59

X-post OP - you mean you could have just pretended that you didn't know! Why did you crack woman!?!?

OP how could you? grin

ladymariner Sun 28-Oct-12 13:38:47

Pmsl at verity's pine Martin, that's cheered me up no end grin

Shesparkles Sun 28-Oct-12 13:40:41

I'm HOWLING at "Marty Marty Marty" grin

LondonGhostInChainWrackedBoots Sun 28-Oct-12 13:42:52

So Verity - what is a pine martin noise does one actually make?

BalloonSlayer Sun 28-Oct-12 13:44:55

Actually LOL-ed at "Marty Marty Marty"

If I ever see a pine marten (whatever the feck that is) I am going to see if IT answers to "Marty Marty Marty." Maybe the one you met had a hearing impairment, or was sulking or something. Shy?

KelperRose Sun 28-Oct-12 13:45:45

thing is he's now gone of the toy....it's lying in the middle of his bedroom floor and normally it's always on his pillow.

I think he might have thrown Dale at the wall in disgust on discovering he wan't Chip

I have some black nail varnish, should I colour his nose now or is to late to make amends?

KelperRose Sun 28-Oct-12 13:47:37

marty Marty Marty ......lol

i think pinemartins just growl

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 28-Oct-12 13:55:44

My mum told me when I was 8 that my dog Pepsi was going to become a police dog and that's where she was taking him.

I only found out the truth a couple of year ago at 20 that he was been taken to be put down.

For years I was proud I had a dog good enough the police wanted him and even told people blush

RightUpMyRue Sun 28-Oct-12 14:00:22

Me and DP both LOLing at "Marty Marty Marty Marty" grin

Convert Sun 28-Oct-12 14:02:29

Oh god, I'm worried now. We had a book for ds1 with loads of animals in and we made up some of the sounds. He will be horrified to learn that camels don't say 'my humps, my humps, my lovely camel humps, check it out' grin
Actually we made up loads. Moles say 'I am a mile and I live in a hole'
Whales say 'alright boyo'
I think I'd better go and explain before its too late.

KelperRose Sun 28-Oct-12 14:03:36

SP I had a dog called Pepsi best name for a dog ever

TessCorpseDissect Sun 28-Oct-12 14:03:42

grin @ Convert having to go and explain before it's too late.

KelperRose Sun 28-Oct-12 14:15:11

I make up loads of stuff but I'm now regretting it all given the Dale situ

I think the worst one was I told my son the train 'The flying Scotsman' was how planes got invented.

it was called the flying Scotsman because it had to go really really fast and sort of 'took off' to bridge the water between Scotland and Wales..

Hence the invention of planes

He actually told his teacher this and convinced his primary two class that this was how planes were invented

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 28-Oct-12 14:18:32

Kelper he was a great dog but looking back there was no way he would have made it through police dog training! He was a bit taller then a Jack Russell grin

I remember the day my brother 18 now found out our dad was infact not the man in the barney costume! He was 15 when he found out and had believed it since he was 4/5 grin

He was not happy with us for allowing him to believe it

ZombTEE Sun 28-Oct-12 14:22:34

Oh your poor son. How could you! sad

Only...has he never watched any of the movies or TV shows?

Not laughing. Swear I'm not laughing. Or racking my brain to think of lies I've told my son that I'd better straighten out. Of course, he's only 3.

Marty Marty Marty!! grin Classic!

This really cheered me up.

Marty grin

TheHairyDieter Sun 28-Oct-12 14:28:08

Then when he saw the Chip and they Dale he said 'this shop has chip and dale mixed up'

That is so tragic grin. I do feel guilty for laughing, though...

VerityClinch Sun 28-Oct-12 14:42:24

Well that's just the point, isn't it, I DON'T KNOW WHAT FUCKING SOUND A PINE MARTIN MAKES DO I?angry

It sure as hell doesn't go Marty Marty Marty Marty though.

Stupid stoat/weasel/ferret type thing.

angry

VerityClinch Sun 28-Oct-12 14:42:40

And breathe...

WofflingOn Sun 28-Oct-12 14:47:14

Happy to help!
Here's a very annoyed pine marten
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=-lFgXK2WltM

Superabound Sun 28-Oct-12 15:14:07

I thought a pine marten was a bird blush

WofflingOn Sun 28-Oct-12 15:26:45

House martins are birds. Pine martens are large members of the weasel family.
I wonder if there's a pinemarten pokemon? That would say 'Marty Marty Marty'

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Sun 28-Oct-12 17:17:47

My parents told me that my dad used to be a stripper. I believed them until I was about 28. Their Laughter faded a bit when they realised that I'd told all my friends, whose parents were their friends!

Just tell him
"well at least I didn't buy you a Dale Wilton doll " and let him deal with it.

But I am deeply ashamed of your dreadful lying tendancies too.

<<Tsk Tsk>>

Groovee Sun 28-Oct-12 17:33:04

Awww poor boy :-(

FrankensteinWippery Sun 28-Oct-12 17:37:02

I'm surprised you have been brave enough to start a thread about this. Undeniably cruel. He will be scarred for life. How can you sleep?

Chubfuddler Sun 28-Oct-12 17:40:38

Marty Marty Marty

Arf. Funniest thing on MN for many a day.

BeingBooyhoo Sun 28-Oct-12 17:45:22

"marty marty marty"

grin grin grin grin

my ds (7) is now not speaking to me because i wont tell him what i'm in kinks laughing at. he cant know parent's sometimes make stuff up.

Signet2012 Sun 28-Oct-12 17:49:52

I once told my dp that my hamster had lives for 11 years. Dp told me that was impossible so I got all the pics out and showed him "Sid" who lived until I was 15.

He went on the Internet to peovee wrong so next time I was at my dads I asked my dad to put him right.

Turns out Sid was actually about 6 versions. Each time it died they replaced the bloody thing. Until I found it dead myself.

I'm blush at the amount of people I have proudly announced to about that bloody hamster.

Signet2012 Sun 28-Oct-12 17:53:51

He also told me haggis was little goats type animals that lives high in the Scottish hills. Hills so pointy that you can't stand on them. When I asked how the haggis stood he told me their right legs where shorter than their left legs.

I believed that until I was 27. The look of delight on dp face as I matter of factory informed him of the haggis goats.

I'm too gullible.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 28-Oct-12 17:54:29

signet I had fish that lived for a strangely long time! shock they weren't the same fish were they?! Why the fuck have I only just realised this now?

Dad is coming round now so I will be questioning him! Seriously can fish live for years? Like at least 5 or 6? Just normal goldfish?

Chubfuddler Sun 28-Oct-12 17:59:29

We had goldfish that lived for 11 years vthey were huge. My mum was a nurse. There's no way she was lying to spare our feelings. Nurses don't do that stuff.

DizzyHoneyBee Sun 28-Oct-12 18:01:54

MeanandMeasly, that's a classic
Signet, sorry but I told my 7 year old that today and got a withering look along with a "don't be so silly" ;)

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 28-Oct-12 18:03:03

chub my goldfish never grew. I'll interrogate my dad tonight. He can't lie as well as my mum. I hope its not true. Police dog was far enough

Well, the stuff about haggiseses (haggii?) is true.

My dad told me that the cats' eyes were turned on in front of the car by a gang of veeeeery small men running along underneath the road, and turned off behind it by another gang of little men. He wouldn't lie to me.

ScarahStratton Sun 28-Oct-12 18:31:31

ROARED at 'Marty, marty' marty'.

Tried it out on Fat Fred, he just looked at me like this: hmm

Eglantyne Sun 28-Oct-12 18:44:22

Just drying my eyes after the camel going "My humps, my lovely humps"! grin

Iggly Sun 28-Oct-12 18:44:29

PMSL at marty. And the hamster. And police dog.

Ace!

BibiBlocksberg Sun 28-Oct-12 18:47:28

I have tears in my eyes after literally roaring with laughter @ 'my whole life is a lie'

Sorry to sound uncaring here but that's dramatics that only a 19 year could conjure grin

Growlithe Sun 28-Oct-12 18:49:11

'Marty Marty Marty Marty' ha ha ha grin

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 28-Oct-12 18:51:44

My dad has gone. He laughed at me for not working it out sooner.

I understand how your son feels. I loved fish that weren't even mine. I can never trust anyone again grin

BibiBlocksberg Sun 28-Oct-12 18:54:14

gawd, posted before I got to the camel with the lovely humps and the whale that goes 'alright boyo' now I'm off again grin

ScarahStratton Sun 28-Oct-12 18:55:21

Haggii STD. Definitely Haggii, like the Wise Men.

Convert Sun 28-Oct-12 18:58:28

Don't laugh! I'm only about 14 years away from DS needing to have 'a talk' with me about how I ruined his childhood grin still debating if I need to speak to him about it or hope he figures it out in time!

bissydissy Sun 28-Oct-12 19:09:39

I had a fish who lived for 16 years - one fish singular! It was an ugly fecker - there was not two fishes that fugly.

My siblings used to fill my head with lots of shite. Real corkers. Topsy and tim go to jail was a favourite book. Tunnels under the house. Make up scars under 12s. I was quite old before I sussed the tunnel one.

But still one fish!!!!!!!!!!!!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 28-Oct-12 19:15:00

I tell my sister all sorts.

She thinks a burdock is a creature that lives in the wood that has 2 legs and it legs are broke off and bones boiled to make the burdock in dandelion and burdock!

I once told my brother when he was 8 that he was found behind a skip when he was a baby. I got in trouble for that as he believed me and cried for ages.

bissydissy Sun 28-Oct-12 19:16:10

Husband also has a favourite toy ' squirrel' from childhood. I had to break it to him it's a toy rat. Undaunted on the day dd was born he presented her with her own toy 'squirrel'. Shame it's clearly a fox. We maintain the pretence to this day as the truth is just too painful. It's an intergenerational cycle of species mistrooths. One day it will all come out

parsnipcake Sun 28-Oct-12 19:23:02

My mum told me that dwarves lived in cashpoint machines and gave the money out through the slot. I believed this until I was in my 20s when it dawned on me this would be cruel. I always used to shout thankyou through the slot.

I'm not surprised your son is upset, Kelper. Chip is great, but Dake is just irritating. Such a betrayal. He may never feel able to trust you again.

MMMarmite Sun 28-Oct-12 19:27:08

"My mum told me that dwarves lived in cashpoint machines and gave the money out through the slot. I believed this until I was in my 20s when it dawned on me this would be cruel. I always used to shout thankyou through the slot." grin

HorridHeffalumpsWickedWoozles Sun 28-Oct-12 19:28:35

Lots of things on MN make me smile, a few make me chuckle or even occasionally 'guffaw', but nothing has so far made me snort quite so much of my tea as "Marty Marty Marty" grin That's genius!

And then, whilst not fully recovered from hysterical tea snorting incident, someone comes up with "alrite boyo" and there I go again...

<genuinely holding sides from splitting>

grin grin

Chubfuddler Sun 28-Oct-12 19:29:33

Dwarves in cash points!

Some of you don't sound safe to be let out alone!

Growlithe Sun 28-Oct-12 19:29:43

I used to work for Lloyds Bank and told DD1 I was the woman who sings on the 'For the Journey' adverts (Just googled and its 'Eliza Aria'). Never thought for a minute she'd believe me.

About 6 months later it was on and she said 'Mum, did you really sing this?'. I felt awful grin

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 28-Oct-12 19:31:00

With all due respect to KelperRose's DS sad we've moved this to Classics

I luffs MN.

"Marty marty marty" had me crying with laughter but the vision of parsnip shouting thanks into the slot of a cash machine made me fall off my chair! I'm now in a heap on the floor, still giggling helplessly. grin

Snazzyspookyandscary Sun 28-Oct-12 19:33:36

Tactical error on your part - when he told you, you should have put on a shocked face and said 'what? The shop lied to me. HOW COULD THEY?'

Moral: if you're going to lie to your kids, never cough to it grin

PrincessSymbian Sun 28-Oct-12 19:35:40

Tears in my eyes from laughing! I used to tell my sister she was the abandoned offspring of aliens but she never believed me!

toomuch2young Sun 28-Oct-12 19:37:27

grin actually crying!!!! Brilliant!!
Whales... Camels... Dwarfs in cashpoint... Marty Marty Marty - could only be a MN classics thread!!
grin

Teladi Sun 28-Oct-12 19:40:37

The original post made me laugh out loud... "marty marty marty" made me laugh even louder... and then when I got to "my lovely camel humps" I am now actually crying! Place in classics well deserved here and an excellent cautionary tale for everyone. Amazing! grin

LimburgseVlaai Sun 28-Oct-12 19:41:05

My father told me a story about his colleague. This colleague had a cat, and one day he threw the cat a little distance away from him. The cat came back miaowing for more, so he threw the cat again. Again, the cat seemed to enjoy it.

So over the days he kept throwing the cat further and further, until he could throw it over the roof of the house.

And still the cat kept coming back, miaowing for more.

I believed this story for a long long time - also passed it on to all my friends. I have now told it to my children, and they believe it.

CBear6 Sun 28-Oct-12 19:44:28

Loving all the confessions here grin

I've convinced 3yo DS that if he presses the bell on the bus and it's not our stop, the wheels will fall off. He now very solemnly warns the other passengers of the perils of frivolous bell pressing.

When I was a kid I saw something on TV about pigs looking for truffles, I was amazed at these very clever truffle hunting pigs as I presumed truffles = chocolate truffles. My parents did nothing to discourage this belief and I didn't realise the truth until my mid-twenties. I used to watching cooking shows where they'd grate truffles and think 'yuck, chocolate and scrambled eggs?! And you're a chef!?'

My parents also convinced me that it was a good idea to stay in bed after bedtime because there was a witch flying around tapping on windows, if any boys or girls weren't in bed and peeked out the window she would steal them away. They went full on method acting with it too, when I questioned their tale they waited until I was in bed then went into the garden, got the long prop/pole for the washing line and used it to tap on my bedroom window. I screamed and screamed .....

LimburgseVlaai Sun 28-Oct-12 19:45:55

My father also told me that if you lift up a newborn calf, and then go back and lift it up every day, in the end you can lift up a cow. Still makes sense to me now.

Iggly Sun 28-Oct-12 19:50:37

shock at your parents CBear!!!!!

thewhistler Sun 28-Oct-12 19:54:18

I haven't laughed so much for ages. DH also ROFL.

19 year old drama, Marty and Welsh whales, and only just discovering about the goldfish.

ZombTEE Sun 28-Oct-12 19:54:58

I think that's the fastest a thread has been sent to Classics!

So deserves it!!

VerityClinch Sun 28-Oct-12 19:57:11

Ha! In Classics. I am so emailing this to my mum.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 28-Oct-12 19:57:39

Cbear if they aren't chocolate truffles then what are they?

ZombTEE Sun 28-Oct-12 19:58:47
SirBoobAlot Sun 28-Oct-12 20:02:48

PMSL at this thread!!!

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Sun 28-Oct-12 20:03:55

STGD - is your Dad my Dad?! I got told the exact sane thing about Haggises and Cat's eyes. It was a bit of a let down to find out in Science class how they really worked!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 28-Oct-12 20:06:04

TEE I did not know that blush I learnt something new from MN every day!

CBear6 Sun 28-Oct-12 20:07:01

Yup, truffles are mushrooms and not in the least bit chocolatey.

My dad used to tell me a story in installments about a family of coconuts. One day the dad of the family (apparently) sent me a coconut of my own which I found on the doormat with my address and a stamp on.

I was thirtyfuckingthree before I twigged that coconuts do not fit through letterboxes...

ZombTEE Sun 28-Oct-12 20:10:52

Chocolate truffles are called truffles because they look like the mushroom!

GruesomewhereInCanada Sun 28-Oct-12 20:13:22

signet I got told the same story about haggis too! As they have one leg shorter than the other they only live on hills. They walk up the hill in a spiral, eating as they go and when they get to the top they then roll to the bottom and start again.

IIRC pine martens martys have a fondness for custard creams or chocolate bourbons or the like don't they? It was on Autumnwatch.

Genius thread this. I'm trying to bf DS to sleep but I'm laughing so much that my joggling boob is keeping him awake. He's looking at me all hmm

Eglantyne Sun 28-Oct-12 20:14:14

My husband has had a succession of apprentices learning English. Over the years he has quietly fed them incorrect words and phrases. One of them, probably to this day, asked for a wench everytime he needed a wrench, and also once got up in a pub and, proud of his use of English colloquialisms, announced that he was just going to "spank the monkey", as he thought it meant going for a wee...

GruesomewhereInCanada Sun 28-Oct-12 20:17:55

This thread has really made me grin

When I was little, I had blue eyes and my older sister's eyes were green. She told me that people with green eyes were special because if you have green eyes it means you're a fairy.

Not too many months after this conversation my eyes turned green. You can imagine my disappointment...

My family must have told me many other things as well, but none spring to mind. I was a very gullible child blush

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 28-Oct-12 20:18:49

Dwarves in cash points grin

WofflingOn Sun 28-Oct-12 20:27:12

'I was thirtyfuckingthree before I twigged that coconuts do not fit through letterboxes...'

grin That make me cackle!

DS has AS, and as part of teaching him about jokes, we told his older, very clever sister that penguins choose to swim but can actually fly if necessary. In fact, they fly to South Africa to avoid the harshest Antarctic winter. Not every winter, only the worst. Which is why it isn't widely known.

He was so proud of himself, he lasted three days before he had to confess.

MorrisZapp Sun 28-Oct-12 20:43:44

My mum believes in telling children The Truth, regardless of age appropriateness. But she lapsed once, and told my brother and me that nipping people cuts off their blood circulation and can kill them.

I just never thought to question it.

Cue very odd scene when play fighting with my boyfriend when aged 19 or so. I don't suppose he'll nip anybody ever again.

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Sun 28-Oct-12 21:00:09

My dh is a wind up merchant. He's very shy and clever and seems very straight-laced but je's wickedly funny and has a great sense of humour .

When we first moved in together dh was tasked with buying some condoms. He went out and returned with a box of 12 which cost about £3. I was impressed and asked why they were so cheap. He told me that it was because there had been a warehouse fire and they were reduced because they were slightly fire damaged. A few weeks later we were out of them again and I suggested he go and see if there were any more fire damaged condoms left at the chemists. He stared at me for about 30 seconds before crying 'I didn't realise you actually believed that...'

10 years later and I'm still getting stick for that!

Absolutely pmsl @ convert's camel humps! grin

SoleSource Sun 28-Oct-12 21:07:08

Nip??????

ZombTEE Sun 28-Oct-12 21:09:02

As in a little bite? That kind of nip?

WofflingOn Sun 28-Oct-12 21:09:04

Scots for pinch.

ZombTEE Sun 28-Oct-12 21:11:24

Ah, thank you Woffling.

Help! Help! I replaced DS (aged 7) special cuddly toy last year who blew away as he was so threadbare. I told him Father Christmas and the elves repaired him so he was as good as new. I never thought I would have to come clean. DS will be devastated (again!)

Omg! parsnips dwarfs in cashpoints! And you shouted thank you through the slot! I'm dying here grin

weegiemum Sun 28-Oct-12 21:26:18

I'm from Perth, Scotland. Beautiful town onthe river Tay.

My dh convinced my dc that it was called the River Erth because it is brown and they called the town P-erth because that we where people went to pee in the river.

I had to 'fess up to ds when he had done a lovely map of Scotland and labelled the river 'Erth'!

Dying laughing! Welsh whales....genius grin

Interestingly my DH was also told the haggis story, maybe it's a generational thing?!

MmeLindor Sun 28-Oct-12 21:41:00

I love this thread.

I was about 19 years old before I realised what the strange plant that my uncle had growing in his cupboard was. And why he and the other uncles and aunts were sharing just one cigarette.

Campari Sun 28-Oct-12 22:38:41

Fire damaged condoms!!!! LOL grin

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Sun 28-Oct-12 22:56:15

campari it's a constant wonder to me that I didn't get pregnant until I was 31 tbh.

HoratiaWinWOOHOOHOOHOOd Sun 28-Oct-12 23:20:09

weeping with laughter

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 28-Oct-12 23:28:03

rofling my way through this, Especially not twigging that it would be cruel to keep little people in cash machines until 20 years old!

(Seriously though, it took me til sl1nky's post to figure out why Whales would have a welsh accent blush )

IvantaOuiOui Sun 28-Oct-12 23:29:03

For years my children have believed that 'Blackpool Pleasure Beach' was the little fair on the pier with the big wheel and carousel. This year they realised they'd been had. We just never took them to the other end.

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Sun 28-Oct-12 23:32:46

Another gem from my dh - he convinced me that if you spun a DVD round really fast on your finger the film would project onto the ceiling. I was a bit confused how uou'd get the sound and he told me that it would sense it wasn't plugged into a device and display subtitles.

I have two fucking degrees!

PrincessSymbian Sun 28-Oct-12 23:59:45

Oh Mean! Just shows the difference between intelligence and common sense!
Stbxh and I told our dd that Pennsylvania is called that because that's where all the pencils are made. And that Pennsylvania had an outbreak of Zombies during the nineteen seventies.
We are horrible parents who shall surely suffer for our cruelty

Mean that is utterly fantastic. grin

chinley Mon 29-Oct-12 12:37:01

I once convinced my younger sister that the worm medicine she had to take was actually dead, crushed up worms. She cried for hours and then grassed me up.

chinley Mon 29-Oct-12 12:39:08

That's the same sister who I once fed guinea pig poo, under the pretense it was a sunflower seed, then sprayed perfume in her mouth to get rid of the taste. I was a lovely sister. grin

ClaireDeTamble Mon 29-Oct-12 13:01:33

We have DD1 utterly convinced that when the ice cream man plays a song it means he has run out of ice creams.

To be fair, DH only told her that once, now every time she hears the ice cream van she very seriously says:

"Mommy, he's playing music, that means he's run out doesn't it?"

To which of course reply "Yes, it does", whilst inwardly laughing and feeling slightly guilty all at the same time.

CentreYourCheese Mon 29-Oct-12 13:25:39

I told my little brother that he was a baby gorilla that had been left on our doorstep, and we shaved his fur off every night when he was asleep.

I also told him that the whole world used to be black and white until a scientist invented colour one day, and that's why old films and photos were in B&W.

And I had him convinced for years that if you go on a mystery tour, the driver gets blindfolded so no one knows where you are going.

Bad, bad sister grin

freddiefrog Mon 29-Oct-12 14:22:15

LOL at 'Marty Marty Marty'

My grandfather told me that cats eyes were real cats in little boxes in a tunnel under the road. I believed it for years

We also had an 11 year old hamster

GruesomewhereInCanada Mon 29-Oct-12 21:30:07

chinley if it was the same worm medicine that I was given when I was little then it could have been chopped up worms, as it tasted so bloody rank

chinley Mon 29-Oct-12 21:36:57

It will have been gruesome. It was that pink powder you mixed into milk I think. Twas rancid.

ZombieArmsDragOnTheFloor Tue 30-Oct-12 07:41:15

I actually LOLed when Chris Packham announced on the One Show that there would be pine martens on Autumn watch.

VerityClinch Tue 30-Oct-12 07:55:08

Are there?! Oh, I'm setting the Sky+ for that one.

Then when everyone is a but tipsy on Christmas afternoon I'm going to put it on and DEMAND SOME EXPLANATIONS FROM MY MOTHER

grin Verity

MrsReiver Tue 30-Oct-12 10:51:33

A group of us at university managed to convince a lovely, but gullible, English student that Haggii were indeed wild animals living in the Highlands. They are unfortunately very easy to catch as due to their right legs being shorter than their left legs they can only run in one direction around the hills. The hunters just set up a large net and chase them into it.

He was sceptical until I included the clincher, in a flash on inspiration I told him that because they are perfectly spherical with thick black fur, they are skinned before cooking. The skins are then cut into two half spheres are used for the tops of the bearskins worn by the Buckingham palace guards. I have no idea how I kept a straight face telling him that.

LittleBoxes Tue 30-Oct-12 13:05:37

I've said this before, but my mum convinced me that the Tweets (of Birdie Song fame) were AC/DC in bird costumes. She'd even roped my brother into the deception.

I believed this (and spouted it as an 'interesting fact') for 10 years, until I was at university and someone put me out of my misery.

GreatGretzky Tue 30-Oct-12 22:49:24

grin grin at dwarves in cashpoints, haggis goats, and 'my humps' camel.

"Marty marty marty" had me and DH in fits! Surprised we didn't wake the DC!

LeBoob Wed 31-Oct-12 14:56:51

"Marty, Marty,Marty" is now an' 'in' joke between me and dp, we was face timing our 14 week old while his dm was here earlier & said it. Baby laughed, dm was all hmm

grin

thewhistler Wed 31-Oct-12 20:50:14

Just watching a nature programme. Pine martens on it. Silent alas.

So DH goes "Marty, Marty, Marty."

An in joke that is now an extended one.

itsMYNutella Fri 02-Nov-12 13:18:23

Ha ha ha ha!! What a brilliant thread "Marty marty marty" brilliant!

I can't think of a lie my parents told me <possibly still terribly naive>...

But ... a very good friend of mine had a Hamster as a child. It was a very naughty hamster and used to escape and chew through wires for things like the television, the VHS player, speakers etc etc... anyway, her brother revealed to her, at a birthday dinner a couple of years ago, that her parents had actually poisoned the hamster because of the chaos it used to cause and it had not died naturally - which she had always believed until that point.

She was still really upset when she told me the story (can't remember why her older brother chose the occasion to tell her) and of course good friend that I am I was in stitches!!! grin

part way through this thread with tears streaming down my face
Marking my place to come back later
Marty...marty...marty

myhumps my humps my lovely camel humps grin

twizzlestix Fri 02-Nov-12 21:22:54

My great grandad told us some corkers:

My sister adamently argued with her class teacher in year 2 that a man sat on the end of the pier with a large fishing rod and intermittently pulled out the plug causing the sea to go away (tides) even at 29 she's still blush whenever it's mentioned!

He told us that wheat bales in fields were taken to factories and sliced up to make shredded wheat but the farmer left some in the fields to feed to shy giants!

We were also told that cows that grazed in fields with hills were bred to have one set of legs longer than the other to stop them toppling down the hill!

EsselBee Sun 04-Nov-12 01:33:31

Please don't let this thread die! It's been great grin

I remember asking my dad when I was about 6 why birds didn't get electrocuted when they sat on pylon wires - he told me they had rubber feet so they were insulated. I went through several years of being top of my year in science confused before repeating it to a boyfriend aged 16, only thought to question it when he cracked up...

Mind you, when my son started to understand the tooth fairy, I was slightly tipsy silly and also told him about the tongue fairy and eyeball fairy, for when they needed to get bigger - when he realised I was joking a few months later, he was only disappointed he wouldn't get the extra money!

thewhistler Sun 04-Nov-12 13:29:14

We very nearly called our new puppy, arrived yesterday, Marty, just for the pleasure of calling Marty, Marty, Marty Marty. Only the thought that none of us would be able to stop laughing and that we would out ourselves to MNrs in the park stopped us.

HollyMadison Sun 04-Nov-12 14:33:01

When I was at university my brainy engineering friend told me that the world was actually flat but spinning so fast, like a spinning coin, that it appeared round and that's why people said it was round. I beloved him for months. I have 2 honours degrees (although admittedly not in science) but am obviously a complete idiot.

justcallmemary Wed 07-Nov-12 11:42:54

I had a moment of madness last week and told DS that the bogeys in his nose were melted brains falling out from watching too much TV/playing computer games... He is 8 so I didn't think for a second he would believe me but he is telling EVERYONE and keeps eating bananas (which I told him mend the brain). I feel so evil but he has stopped tv completely!

McKayz Wed 07-Nov-12 11:57:22

I am dying at 'Marty Marty Marty'

emblosion Wed 07-Nov-12 13:21:47

A friend at uni told me that cars parked outside showrooms aren't ever stolen because they dont have engines. He said if someone wanted to buy a car it was towed round the back to a big garage where the engine would be lifted in by a small crane.

I believed him until I noticed him sniggering as I faithfully repeated the story to someone else not for the first time

My dad hated cats so much he would not admit they existed. When confronted with one of the creatures he claimed it was a cross between a rabbit and a bear called a Rabear. Only stupid people called these animals cats, said my dad. I didn't consider myself stupid, so I called my cat Rabear...
I can't remember when the truth dawn, but it was after I was married, so quite late.

BiddyPop Wed 07-Nov-12 14:59:32

DH told DD the same story about the ice cream van's music meaning it had run out - she believed it for 4 years and only copped this summer (bloomin' van comes nightly to the estate in summer[grr])

My mother DIDn't lie to me when I was about 8, after a geography lesson in Sept/Oct sorta time, when the class teacher doing geography asked where was Lapland? I answered "up near the North Pole, where Santa keeps his reindeers" -to much hilarity in the class at the time (a mixed class of Y3 & 4). So a few weeks later, I was sat down at home and the truth about Santa was explained to me - I was devestated!! I hadn't been that bothered about everyone laughing at me, but this was cruel sad

ExasperatedSigh Wed 07-Nov-12 16:51:48

A dear friend of mine was told by his dad that Guinness is made from peat in the same way wine is made from grapes. He believed it until, aged 18 and recounting the tale of jolly Irish peat tramplers to his incredulous uni housemates, the truth dawned...

FeckOffCup Thu 08-Nov-12 21:43:18

I was told at the age of around 7 by a teacher that sheep have telescopic legs so they can stand on the side of hills. I believed it for years.

ElephantsAndMiasmas Fri 09-Nov-12 17:47:33

PENCILS FROM PENNSYLVANIA - that is genius.

I might do the Rabear thing, fluffy little buggers.

A girl at school had half the class convinced that in their house they only had limited "toilet time" every day, so if you needed to go and you'd run out of time, you had to borrow some from someone else in the house or just wet yourself.

mrskeithrichards Sat 10-Nov-12 09:09:28

I used to think the bales in fields covered in black polyvinyl were cows in sleeping bags.

2kidsintow Wed 02-Jan-13 23:09:32

My OH told our friend that people got their stripy effect lawns by sowing 2 different sorts of grass seed.

Egusta Sat 12-Jan-13 14:42:21

My dad, when he was young told his younger sister that people are born with a finite amount of words available to them, and if you talked too much then you would run out of words.

His sister did not speak for months. His desperate parents took her to child psychologists and everything before the truth came out.

My friend was told age 19 by her football mad boyfriend that fans were given songsheets on the way into the stadium so everyone would know the words to the chanting. She believed this for years until the World Cup came on and she wondered aloud as to who did the translations for other countries..... grin

steppemum Sat 12-Jan-13 16:10:43

just found this thread, and crying laughing

haggis - when I helped out at brownies, the district commisioner confessed at camp that she had taken a group of brownies on a trip to scotland. They were getting bored on the coach so she told them to look out for haggis. Little creatures, small enough to fit in a matchbox with their left legs shorter than their right so they could run round hills. When scared they curl up in a ball and look like a stone.
Once half of the brownies had spotted a haggis out of the coach window, the other half started to get upset that they hadn't seen one. So she told them that sometimes they were tiny red kilts which you might catch a glimpse of.
By the time they arrived all the brownies on the coach had seen a haggis.

When she retired we made her a tiny haggis in a matchboz wearing a kilt.

We used to go on holiday to France, and on holiday we always bought bottles of chocolate milk to drink, which (apparently) they didn't sell in England
As we drove through France we passed loads of brown jersey cows. On the way to Dover we passed only black and white cows.
I was told that brown cows make chocolate milk and black and white cows make white milk, which is why we could only get it in France.

I believed it for year.

Boomerwang Sun 13-Jan-13 09:42:15

My dad told me that electric windows in cars worked via a cable underground that received radio waves which were transmitted when you pushed the window button.

Surely it would have been easier to just tell me that the same thing that powered the car was what powered the windows?

My mother told me that a circle of mushrooms in the garden was called a 'fairy ring' and I would go out and check for fairies regularly.

Egusta That's brilliant grin In an evil way grin

Thingiebob Fri 01-Feb-13 22:58:11

A circle of mushrooms is called a fairy ring!

Whoatethelastcremeegg Sat 02-Feb-13 21:57:04

My mum told me when I was little that sun cream made you tan really quickly. Being a pale-skinned strawberry blonde, this was music to my ears. I was the whitest kid on holiday every year - we went through bottles of the stuff and I never once got burnt. I was at university before I twigged. It was most embarrassing to be on a beach with my friends rubbing oil over their bodies while I plastered an entire bottle of sun cream over myself.

Matildaandthematches Sun 26-May-13 20:48:02

My two year old is very into creepy crawlies and what they all 'say'. If you ask him what a beetle says he will tell you solemnly (in a Liverpudlian accent) 'we're bigger than Jesus'. Thanks DH.

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Sun 02-Jun-13 00:09:32

Matilda I damn near wet myself there and I'm holding you and your dh responsible. I'm still chortling now and I don't expect to stop any time soon.

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