I think my baby must have a wonky widget

(206 Posts)
McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 17:26:46

because it never ruddy sleeps!! I've had possession of this tiny human for 11 weeks now. I thought maybe it was jetlagged, or had settling in issues. You know, like when you get a new freezer?

But...mine keeps running on maximum speed, but the battery doesn't seem to discharge at a 'normal' rate? Some bugger installed a dynamo in mine hmm

Seriously. Is mine faulty?? Can I disconnect the Dynamo?

Does yours sleep, and if so how many hours during the day

numptymark1 Sun 16-Sep-12 17:29:41

mine used to be awake for a couple of hours then have a 10 minute power nap
-but god help you if you tried to move her when she was asleep

that pattern continued until she was crawling

so not long for you to wait grin

Mines faulty too. Sleeps ok in the day but only on me, you can forget it at night. Night is for gurgling, and smiling, and rolling over and trying to crawl.

I think I've made an error though because it's just gone past 6 months so I don't think I can take it back wink

TeamEdward Sun 16-Sep-12 17:33:28

Unless you kept the receipt, I'm afraid you're buggered.

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 17:36:31

So there's no way of getting even a re-programme then confused

I can get jack all done during the day, and am too knackered at night to do anything either

<glances at chaos> hmm

HarlettOScara Sun 16-Sep-12 17:37:49

I can't really complain about my 11 week old model.

Daytime naps can bet hit and miss (although she slept for 3 hours earlier but most days only manages a few naps of 30 minutes or so). However, she sleeps from around 10.30/11pm to 6-7am so I'm overlooking the slight daytime glitches.

Mine was fine until about 18 weeks then it developed the no sleeping fault - I was very smug until then blush

HarlettOScara Sun 16-Sep-12 17:45:36

Nooo...you mean there's still time for mine to go faulty?

<looks frantically for receipt>

Wolfiefan Sun 16-Sep-12 17:50:20

Try a reboot?!

There's a faulty batch my 'baby' still isn't sleeping nearly 4yrs later.

Sorry harlett!

doblet Sun 16-Sep-12 17:56:17

I had the same problem. Customer Services said it was a user error angry

MyCupsRunnethOverWithGold Sun 16-Sep-12 17:56:17

Faulty model here too just turned two-year old still thinks sleep is for wimps. I got her from the same place as the first one whose sleep function was perfect.

TeamEdward Sun 16-Sep-12 17:57:35

Have you tried turning it off and back on again?

On a slightly different tech issue, can anyone tell me where the volume control is on my 7 year old model and 4 year old model? Both seem ok when in seperate rooms, but when together there is massive interference and loud static.

GoldandOrangeAnnunziata Sun 16-Sep-12 18:02:48

Mines seem to have gone back to this now they are over 15, do you think I can still complain?

The only benefit is that it's so old, it can't function without being plugged into music, plus the volume is much reduced!

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 18:05:27

Mine sleeps when I'm awake and vis versa hmm

Now I'm wondering if it's me who's faulty grin

I was bumped. No handling manual, and not even a help line number. Even the tag it came with just fell off after a few weeks. I can't even say it was made in Taiwan hmm

I'm still waiting for my user manual.

Ahem my ds is 17.

ugh. DS was like this, up until 8mo or so. It is knackering. I used to carry him round in a sling to get stuff done in the house when he refused to sleep. Do dishes and laundry with him strapped to my back. Insane, but it worked. I'm 31 weeks pg now and this one had better sleep or I'm sending it right back!

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 19:12:38

Ouch at sending it back grin

I've strapped mine to me before, but it tends to leak hmm

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan Sun 16-Sep-12 19:17:08

bloody hell frreddie do you think it will fit?

happydotcom Sun 16-Sep-12 19:17:27

I've cut the labels off mine so no return!!

At 11 wks, ds would only sleep on me and scream all evening / night.

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 19:23:49

Mine is making a squeaking noise, so I've installed it in it's recharge cradle in the hope it might stop grin

Milliways Sun 16-Sep-12 19:28:53

Mine would sleep for ages IF connected to me - so a sling became part of Milliboys attire. If Milliboy was put down sleeping you had precisely 30 seconds before his alarm went off on max volume.

Took almost 6m to work out how not to set his alarm off. However, by around 9m old he was sleeping for 2 hours morning, 2 hours pm and then 12 hours at night! Similar pattern to that now he is 17 grin

QOD Sun 16-Sep-12 19:36:41

We upgraded ours to a delux Kevin version,
freaking big mistake,the snooze button works brilliantly but it immits a constant low pitched whine when awake.

I will MAKE it fit. It will surely be less painful than 6 months with no sleep.

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 20:19:03

I often think we should all be sent home with gas and air, so when it gets too painful we can walk around in that lovely haze <sigh>

I have had mine for nearly 3 year and it turns off now and again when I wish. Rest of the time it stays up running in circles. Think a switch maybe broke.

It seems to have frozen and broken down tonight as its repeating "mum, mum, mum, mum' over and over.

I was thinking of trading it in but I don't think they will accept it due to the listening malfunction. It only reacts to certain words such as chocolate, toys and firetruck.

I am thinking of doing an update but not sure how that will help. Its a 2.10 model and wondered if they work better at 3.00

ZiaMaria Sun 16-Sep-12 20:25:44

Take it to the baby change facility? grin

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 20:43:44

I'm fairly sure I overheard someone once saying that the 3.00 model whined slightly louder for a while. But the 4.00 model finally gets dispatched to another location temporarily during the day?

Can I upgrade straight to the 4.00?

The 2.10 version has a little whine at the moment but I thought that was issue with the programming.

It tends to also make strange noises and expect me to understand. Is that just the current model or do they all do that?

If I had know it would be like this I wouldn't have purchased it.

Think I need to change it but not sire trade ins are acceptable at this stage. Think warranty may have run out by now.

It has another owner that takes it twice a week maybe but it seems to come back worse.

StabbyMacStabby Sun 16-Sep-12 20:56:52

Yes OP, you're right about the external facility at 4.00. But the downside is when it returns for recharge after its shift, it tends to be what is technically called "tired and ratty". Breakdowns can occur with distressing frequency.

And personally, you spend a lot of its away time wondering whether its circuits are coping with the extra stimuli and what kind of examples of dodgy wiring it will exhibit when it returns to the ol' docking station. So a bit of "swings and roundabouts", really. <bites nails>

ISeeThreadPeople Sun 16-Sep-12 20:57:51

Now she was probably lying to get me through, but my hv said that non-sleeping babies are destined to be classically intelligent children. DD never, ever slept. It took hours to get her off and she'd sleep for a few minutes maximum. She finally slept well at night at nearly 3 but only between 11pm and 7am. From less than a year old she didn't nap for even a minute and was never asleep before 11pm. But she didn't need sleep, not in any real way. She was always happy and functioning and alert. And the hv was right. DD is extremely bright. And while she still doesn't sleep, she is happy to read for hours on end and doesn't need my constant attention when awake.

It took me until dd was 4 to have another. And ds sleeps like a dream. He slept through from near the beginning. I expect he's probably classically thick then. grin

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 20:58:02

Hmm I sometimes find any co-owners read a different user manual hmm

Did you not pay extra for extended warranty????

There is extended warranty isn't there???

<panics>

Can I upgrade to any model or do I have to allow it to upgrade its self?

Mine currently is refusing to shut down. It looks like it is going on stand by but then its whiney noise starts.

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 21:00:12

It took me until dd was 4 to have another. And ds sleeps like a dream. He slept through from near the beginning. I expect he's probably classically thick then. grin

PMSL!!!

I don't remember paying for a extended warranty as I was pretty out of it when I first purchased it.

I hope there is! The co owner does seem to follow a different manual to me though so maybe it is getting its wires crossed.

I may have to speak to the co owner and check.

I will not be purchasing another either.

It works nothing like I expected. It looks good but it was purchased earlier then intended so maybe there are some loose wires or missing bits.

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 21:04:18

The trouble with the manual is it comes in too many languages.

Mothers tongue, and Bolleux

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 21:08:25

I know what you mean.

Mine was unwrapped too quickly causing it initial booting issues.

Sometimes I wonder if some physical manipulation would help.

I also won't be buying another unless drunk ever.

I'm going to try a forced shut down seen as it keeps going on send by every few minutes.

No one told be this. Maybe I should have read the small print

StabbyMacStabby Sun 16-Sep-12 21:12:52

The manual should have a doodah to attach to. I lost the manual so quickly I'm not sure I even read the first chapter. Certainly some of the functions came as a BIG surprise...

I seem to have been sent the compact version too, and all the accessories I get for it are intended for earlier versions. Not a big gripe, but I feel the manufacturer should be told. Plus, the add-ons aren't very good. This one won't write, no matter how many chocolate raisins I push into the upper external port. It just makes a noise. angry

I have a compact version too. The accessories for the 2.10 model just don't fit so I have to get the accessories from the 1.5 model for it.

The upper port is the worse. Mine accepts things then rejects them straight away while making noises.

5inthebed Sun 16-Sep-12 21:16:41

I am on to the V3 now, having stressed through the first and second ones. I was less than impressed when the v3 did not seem to get the sleep mode until 15 months. However, I've had the v3 for nearly 4 years now and can say it did grow on me.

I found v1 was the most stressful though, being a new gadget and all that. As with all things new and shiney you soon get the hang of it.

Good luck op.

NoToastWithoutKnickers Sun 16-Sep-12 21:21:42

I've got the 2.5 model. When I got it I was married to the kind of man who thinks user manuals are for wimps so we just pressed every button and made it up as we went along. Big mistake. Couldn't turn it off for months.

It's better at night now. Switches off pretty quickly but I can't adjust the timer in the mornings. It tends to require attention any time from 5:00, when it insists on using its 'tea making' facility until I'm properly awake.

If it's swiched on too quickly after it's day-time recharge I too get that peculiar whining noise. No idea how to switch it off apart from shoving biscuits in that hole bit near the top.

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 21:24:19

Mine seems to have switched off whilst I've been prattling on grin

Just had to deal with it as it bottom port had a bad malfunction.

Stand by is no longer a form it wishes to take so I'm trying for a full on shut down but it seems to want to mess with my hair saying 'piders'

Are there any add ons to ease the shut down process?

MNhoneydragonHQ Sun 16-Sep-12 21:32:58

My 2.9 editions trackings gone. When in shut down it keeps drifting into my bed. Attempts to reinstate it into the correct docking station result in s high pitched alarm and excessive functioning.

StabbyMacStabby Sun 16-Sep-12 21:36:01

OP, your edition seems to have had a rough ride to start with. Sorry to hear that.

SPsFanjo, I think your glitch with the upper port must be worse than mine. Mine operates a visual mode sometimes - at random, it feels like - and if the appearance of the foodstuff is assessed as being substandard it is rejected outright. Quite stressful. I was looking for the receipt as well as the manual because, to be frank, it had just been that kind of day - and all I could turn up was a dusty red book.

I remember in the early days of ownership of my CompactV1, I had faithfully taken it with me for all appointments, thinking it made a difference. Well, all this time later, I can categorically state that it need not have seen the light of day, for all the technicians care. I haven't written any notes about its updates or revisions, or any details about its functioning. Am I a bad owner?

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 21:36:32

Oh hell. Is this what happens as each model automatically upgrades confused

MNhoneydragonHQ Sun 16-Sep-12 21:43:47

Hah! Don't forget manual upgrades. I am not worrying about fixing dd editions tracking right now as I sm in the middle of a manual upgrade to change waste emissions. So far it is going well, although this is no guarantee of a straight forward upgrade. There is every chance we can crash at any time and have to reboot and start again.

Don't worry, McPhee, in a mere 14 or 15 years the no-sleeping malfunction will self-rectify - to be replaced by grunts-and-hibernates-under-duvet setting - but removing the model from the packaging duvet will require heavy machinery.

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 21:58:00

There are manual upgrades as well?

I may have to seek outside support for these.

<wimp>

Mine has finally shut down. It will no doubt recharge and its internal GPS will bring in to my bed.

Mine upgrades till the 3.00 in 2 month. How have you not broke yours in 15 year?! You must have a breakdown service

Help! I need an urgent repair! Mines been screaming for 2 hours now, thats not normal is it?

RollerCola Sun 16-Sep-12 22:22:28

In 'The Future' when we all have version 25.0 they will run completely by themselves & won't need any programming from us at all. We'll all look back and laugh at all the fuss the 1st Generation models caused.

My mum will be happy to hear that's as I'm 21.00 model grin still malfunction now and again

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 23:00:29

I'm checking yellow pages for you English

<frantic fumbling>

I'm the 37.00 model and I still malfunction blush

ThisOnce Sun 16-Sep-12 23:07:30

I saw the title and assumed you had wee flying at all angles grin

McPhee Sun 16-Sep-12 23:12:51

grin

Oh I never thought of that!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Mon 17-Sep-12 10:01:05

I have the 16.00 male model. He seems to have sprouted hair all over and be cultivating a layer of mould! Is the smell normal? Is it possible that a rat may have entered the inner circuits and died?

McPhee Mon 17-Sep-12 10:06:06

In my experience with the male 16.00, as soon as a female 16.00 comes within close proximity, this is normally rectified.

<hands wipes>

me23 Mon 17-Sep-12 10:11:36

Phew thisOnce I thought I was the only one who assumed this was a thread about a wonky willy grin

I also have a faulty 1.6 18 months of malfunctioning sleep mode!

The 2.10 version I own has had multiple malfunctions. Can't wait for the co owner to come collect it tomorrow.

It's whine has turned into a full on breakdown scream. It has leaking peep holes too which I don't think is meant to happen.

amck5700 Mon 17-Sep-12 10:45:31

Sorry to tell you Iseethreadpeople. I have two very bright boys who both slept (apart from the odd glitch when ill) right from in hospital. The childminder who looked after No1 was basically just looking at a sleeping child half the day and he still slept through every night. No2 even as a toddler would sleep for 2-3 hours every afternoon and still go to bed at 7ish for the best part of 12 hours smile They are both very tall for their age so I think they needed the sleep to grow.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Mon 17-Sep-12 10:50:11

Wipes? McPhee? I'm more tempted to steam clean him!

IAmSheWhoMustBeObeyed Mon 17-Sep-12 10:50:44

My v.3 5.11 model does not have an off button. The co-owner and I have looked extensively and intensively for one but it is simply missing and tbh this can cause massive malfunction within every unit in the house.
V.1 13 model however has entered the hibernation mode and her battery needs a lot more recharging at weekends. However there is a slight malfunction ATM as although the top outer 'hair' part is cleaned every morning the rest of the unit is not maintained for days unless forced into the cleaning device (shower)

DinosaursOnASpaceship Mon 17-Sep-12 10:57:24

I think mine must have fallen off the back of a lorry or something and I have no warranty or guarantee for it. It's 15 months old now and will still only sleep on me, day or night. It also has a leak and continually leaves trails of snot and wee around, requires loads of maintaince as the ventilation nose gets blocked constantly and there is no volume control especially during the night. Maybe it is light sensitive and the darkness sets off an alarm. Who knows.

I will be purchasing from a well known provided next time, with customer feedback!

timetosmile Mon 17-Sep-12 11:00:20

Was I the only one who read the thread title and thought it must be about advice needed for a circumcision? blush

Mine finally went into standby at 10.40 last night. It's definitely faulty though, it kept squeaking and rolling every 2 hours and is emitting a sniveling noise today.

I don't think I'll be buying another, one is enough for me grin

Mine seems to have battery life problems. It spends most of the time plugged into one of my two recharge outlets.
8 weeks means it is still under warranty, right? Especially as they delivered two months before the agreed delivery date? ( they were lucky to catch me - I nearly wasn't in that day.)

WidowWadman Mon 17-Sep-12 12:38:22

Mine's come with a tilt switch which can't be disabled. Sleeps fine when held upright against ones chest, as soon as laid down will open eyes and scream bloody murder

BrainSurgeon Mon 17-Sep-12 12:54:41

Haver you tried Ctrl+Alt+Del,followed by End Task

<helpful>

StabbyMacStabby Mon 17-Sep-12 13:04:05

Mine did that too Widow. Also, the location detector module was wa-ay too oversensitive and could detect when the model was put into a moses basket, no matter how gently, carefully and s-l-o-w-l-y it was laid down. Then that triggered the alarm, and we had no idea how to override the alarm. It had no volume setting either.

One feature which really derailed us was the one where the unit detected that all the house lights had been turned off, and promptly filled the anti-soiling protection device from the lower external outlet. We were stunned at just how long this function went on for; it seemed like whole minutes. Then it transpired, notified via the alarm, that we had to get out of bed straight away to replace the now brimming over filled device with a clean one. (We looked like this shockshock)

You just can't negotiate with the earlier models. We tried it occasionally, when we were desperate. But we just looked like fools. <bitter>

My 5.1 seems to have dislodged or broken some internal wiring - maybe someone knocked it over or spilt juice on it while at the external facility? - as the sleep function, (which was working perfectly up to now) won't shut down when it should in the evenings, and therefore is still in sleep mode in the morning when I need it to be starting the external facility program.

There is a lot of whining and sometimes it makes shrill squeals and shrieks, then crashes and I have to reboot a lot.

I seem to recall a manual, but it was for an earlier version. This one seems to have been upgrading while in sleep mode. <ponders> I'm sure I pressed "install later"...

My v1.5.10 emits a constant chattering sound while I think my v2.2.11 has the wrong sound card - meant for the Rock Star deluxe app? Anyone know anything about how to deactivate? The later version is also fairly faulty in sleep mode, but I think that's quite a common problem and nobody I know has been able to solve that. The upgrade that I got with v1 at about 9 months just didn't work with v2.

thefog have you tried putting chocolate in the top port or even sweets? I have noticed if I do this the whiney noise seems to stop for a bit.

Mine is using its top port hole and is watching the moving pictures box.

It doesn't seem to be reacting and its listening to owner function seems to be malfunctioning at the moment. I think the moving picture box must interfere with the hearing ports on it.

mistlethrush Mon 17-Sep-12 13:34:21

Mine did the infuriating thing that they all do - of working perfectly when the expert was available (in nursery, sleeping on cushions at the side) but still malfunctioning when in operation at home.

This now appears to be undergoing a transformation so that rather than 'shut down' we appear to have a temporary shut down followed by restart when illumination is rekindled and further input (The Beano, Tintin, The Phoenix and the Carpet etc) is partaken. This leads to adverse operational capacity the following day.

Unfortunately I have yet to find the volume control, it must have dropped off or been hidden extremely well as my 7.5 version is still very loud. And the upgrades available can't keep up and I'm now at least 2 years ahead, having to buy version 10.

Jins Mon 17-Sep-12 13:34:37

I have two similar models and both are set to auto update. The updates are a bit of a mixed bag tbh and there's no way of installing a previous version. V17.11 is going well so far but I'm dreading v18 which is due next month.

Both mine whined in the early years and seemed to make strange jerky movements at unexpected times but this has settled into long periods of inactivity and the need for frequent charging.

I never got my user manual and I don't think the extended warranty is worth the paper its written on.

Yes, SP, chocolate appears to be the favoured input. It does work well but only for a limited time. Its intake is tremendous and would be continuous if not watched. I missed the boat with the MMFruit! program and it will not upload this program no matter how I try to install it.

That is the v2. I have an older v1 but it tends to make shrill noises mostly when the moving picture box shows repetitions of brightly coloured (red with white pixels added, mostly) plastic artifacts. (The MMFruit! program was a success in this model)

Sonotkylie Mon 17-Sep-12 13:56:36

My trouble is that the supplying company went bust early on - due to lack of sleep I think. Now have 5.8 version that has hardly stopped making noise and mess 12 hours a day for 4 years. Sometimes it doesn't even draw breath. Sleep function in comparison (or faulty memory) was faultless. Next step it starts to take over your Tv and computer too

McPhee Mon 17-Sep-12 14:08:06

This made discussion of the day shock

It must be a slow news week grin

widowWadman are you sure you haven't accidently been given a tiny tears wink

My model managed a total shutdown last night. Now I've raised my expectations haven't I hmm We're currently going through a partial re-boot though, so fingers crossed everything still configures upon re-start confused

Mines back on stand by but think bottom port is releasing waste.

Fruit function only works once then fails.

If any one is up for a trade I will swap my 2.11 model for the feline model.

EldritchCleavage Mon 17-Sep-12 14:13:09

I can't control the speed on my v2. There may be a problem with the alternator. It goes haywire whenever it's taken out of its box- so fast that it actually manages to climb the walls. It often does this in stealth mode, too, so I have to keep it in sight at all times.

On the plus side, when not in stealth mode it makes a lovely noise.

gindrinker Mon 17-Sep-12 14:38:10

Fanjo - I have the feline model. It has defective case and deposits fluff everywhere.
The snooze function has an auto GPS for the softest location.
It also has fridge door opening radar which overides the snooze function.

Sounds better the the 2.10 droid I have grin

It deposits small brick like pieces around and small auto mobiles.

SonotKylie - Mine have taken over the TV and computer already. There is no hope. My v2 5.1 is quite a slothful model anyway, needs more perambulatory output.

Jdub Mon 17-Sep-12 15:31:38

My v1 2006 model had a faulty 'sleep mode' until it was 4 - the v2 2009 model seems to perform better on this front, however, both seem to have severe volume control issues.

Oh, and does anyone know where the fuel gauge is in the compact models?

I think it is up at the top but not entirely sure. I haven't found it yet and mine nearly a 3.00

OhGood Mon 17-Sep-12 16:06:39

My version 2.5 is having download issues - fine on kitchen floor, instantly stops functioning on potty. Anyone know the helpline number?

Also, have put in an order for companion model, and the website keeps asking me to enter my credit card details but I haven't had my order confirmed yet, which is worrying. Though on the plus side I won't have to take delivery for a while.

Hilarious thread!

JollyToddler Mon 17-Sep-12 16:24:09

My v1 1.5 has since 6 months of ownership been excellent at switching off for naps or at night time. I really can't complain about that function. However, there seems to be ongoing issues with fueling and emissions (solid, liquid and gaseous).

I haven't found the fuel gauge yet. It flummoxes me completely, to be perfectly honest. One minute the 1.5 is running along fine, making all sorts of happy noises, and the next it has broken down because it is in dire need of fuel. This can only be solved by instant refueling. It is not sufficient to wait 5 or even 2 minutes.

Mine also seems to have a great deal of emissions. Mostly of the solid or partially solid type. I use the 'Pampers' Add-on and change it regularly, but this doesn't seem to be good enough. We still end up with rehydrated raisins down its legs and over the floor. Maybe I'm using the wrong mix of fuel types. Surely these lower port explosions should have stopped by now.

I'm not at all clear why we're considering getting a v2.

cakeismysaviour Mon 17-Sep-12 17:33:56

I need help.

My v1 12 month old model is emitting a constant whining noise. Am I just outside the warranty period now?

I have only had the v2 model since the 13th and already it has got stuck in the 'on' position. hmm

Pistaposto Mon 17-Sep-12 18:39:06

Jdub I have similar versions and experiences.

Except things may be getting worse as the volume control issues seem to be spreading to the operator, which I fear may seriously malfunction unless the original defects are corrected or gin administered pronto.

ColumboIsMyHero Mon 17-Sep-12 18:45:35

I've just downloaded the Teething and Common Cold updates. They seem to be causing horrific interference with the Sleep programme and we're getting a frequent periodic 'wah-wah-WAH' combined with a constant emission of ectoplasm. Engineer said it was a drool/snot hybrid.

Wheresthedamndog Mon 17-Sep-12 19:17:02

I did not realise what was wrong with my 2007 v4.11 model until I rang the helpdesk. I was concerned about the constant high-pitched whine. The co-owner had no useful suggestions at all.

Rob from the helpdesk informed me that i have made a classic beginners error by attempting to resolve the issue through a reboot or fuel injection. This has been wrong. What i needed to do was reboot and refuel MYELF. This has now worked.

dementedma Mon 17-Sep-12 19:39:33

Very old models here, both developing serious communication problems and time keeping issues. No trade in value but lots of interest from collectors with an eye to the curved design of the older model

deste Mon 17-Sep-12 19:41:33

Sometimes there is a reset button at the back. Try it first before you think of getting a new one. That's the mistake we made with the tumble dryer. Bought a new one and then found the switch. Once you've bought the new one it's too late and you have to get rid of the old one. Our first model you could count on one hand the minutes he slept in a day. The second you could count the minutes she was awake in the day.

Eralc Mon 17-Sep-12 19:55:58

My 1.7 version emitted a foul smelling liquid from its mouth yesterday. And then refused to go into standby mode. And the 4.10 version is also doing the whining thing - seems to be a common problem. Maybe time to lodge a complaint with the ombudsman.

StabbyMacStabby Mon 17-Sep-12 20:23:06

My model seems to have uploaded a program called "The computer is MINE". I cannot shake its belief in this issue. It seems prone to developing these strange programs. Could it have been infected with some kind of malware? Its little circuits blow when I try to uninstall these notions - others are "I Want Another Ride On The Carousel" and "I Need An Ice-Cream". I definitely don't remember installing updates like that! confused

McPhee Mon 17-Sep-12 20:24:12

I hope all models young and old are behaving themselves tonight grin

Apparently my model is due for some outside maintenance in two weeks, involving some sharp implement shock

Is there any preparation needed before the event?

JollyToddler Mon 17-Sep-12 20:28:59

I sometimes think the co-owner installs updates when I'm not looking. I certainly didn't request them.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Mon 17-Sep-12 20:34:35

Ingestion of a paracetamol based syrup whether they need it or not as soon as you have returned to the normal residence. That's what one of my many pirate user manuals says.

StabbyMacStabby Mon 17-Sep-12 20:35:41

Yes OP, you will need lots of tissues and some method of comforting to hand. It's not nice... plus chocolate for you, to help you get over it. Ensure your little model's outer casing can be removed easily; you don't want to get caught out faffing around when the kick mode suddenly operates.

You will need your red book for this, to allow the techy people to make entries in it.

McPhee Mon 17-Sep-12 20:37:36

I wonder if I can herd my model out for such an update

I fear my leak mode may be kick started blush

Lifeisontheup Mon 17-Sep-12 21:36:44

Please can this go into classics? I've nearly wet myself laughing.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 17-Sep-12 21:39:46

Lifeisontheup

Please can this go into classics? I've nearly wet myself laughing.

Absolutely. (Me too!)

ChablisLover Mon 17-Sep-12 21:44:13

My baby is still faulty after 5 1/2 years.

It was doing well after the starting school update but now we have some bug known as being afraid of the dark. And waking up in the middle of the night.

Have tried rebooting and trying to run at full speed all day to wear down the faults but to no avail.

Someone told me the night waking ends about 11. So not too long to go now thengrin

I think my v2 has a virus. That's why the sleep mode is malfunctioning! <lightbulb moment>

Currently it is making him career up and down the landing, making pretend "toilet visits". Unfortunately the nearest technician has advised he is unable to help, although he has suggested the Santa "Bag of Bones" Program, but this seems a bit extreme.

Fortunately my other unit, the v1, seems unaffected.

I've had enough. Mine is definitely broken. I specifically ordered one which went into standby from 7pm to 7am. It only did that for a few weeks then it broke. It gets the 'weaning' upgrade next so msybe that will help? Although I have heard that that upgrade can cause a malfunction in the waste extraction port.

I'm not impressed, it looks nice and is very snuggly but, frankly, completely impractical. You just can't get the workmanship these days <yawnzzzzzzzzzz>

mumat39 Mon 17-Sep-12 22:04:15

you need the latest update 99.7.6.5.4.3.11.33.help!

otherwise know as earplugs!

grin

narmada Mon 17-Sep-12 22:06:30

My V.4 was nearly returned for a refund because she needed constant recharging and produced a high-pitched noise when un-docked from the two recharging points. She usually managed to shutdown fairly successfully at night .

V.2 performed well on getting him home from the shop but quickly developed faults. We had to let the battery discharge completely a few times - the system made an awfully shrill, high-pitched/ grating noise while this was going on but I am pleased we stuck with it as it now seems to perform better as a unit. Some people venture that this method can cause malfunctions of the cognitive circuitry further down the line but I really don't buy it.

TunaPastaBake Mon 17-Sep-12 22:22:48

I have a 2000 model - something wrong with the memory chip - I tell him to do something then he forgets what he is supposed to do .

However the sleep function works great now .

BlackSwan Mon 17-Sep-12 22:23:19

There's fine print written on the soles of my N8TY2.5: "This child has been manufactured with the greatest care but without the slightest regard for parental aspirations. Any perceived faults in the behaviour of this child merely reflect its uniqueness and will not give rise to any claim for a return or replacement. The manufacturer excludes all liability arising from mental exhaustion, sleep deprivation, constant whining, public tantrums, damage to property involving puke, wee, poo (including but not limited to exploding nappies), biting, damage to property involving indelible crayons, play-doh, objects thrown at family members or pets, violated flat screen TVs or anything manufactured by the Apple company. WARNING: caring for young children has been associated with headaches, loss of libido, financial strain, unexplained emotional outbursts, marital strain, premature greyness and balding. CARE INSTRUCTIONS: Approach with caution after nap time. Never, ever, feed a bottle after midnight."

Guess I should have read that before we drove home from the hospital.

TunaPastaBake Mon 17-Sep-12 22:26:29

Washing instructions are a bit dodgy - I can't see where it says 'drip dry only' - mine forget what a towel is for and rip dry on the landing !

I had to do that with my first model, narmada. It was a very stressful two years and certainly clogged up my circuitry - I'm still not quite recovered from that time and need frequent shut-downs.

How ironic that now my v1 7.0 is in standby and has been for some hours, being one, who, before leaving the battery to fully discharge, would perform complicated manoeuvres such as the BabyGate Vault and the WoodenFloorHeadBash.

And it is the newer v2, who spent 75% of available time in Sleep Mode, switching on only for refuelling and waste extraction from the bottom port, who is now causing epic stress when required to shutdown for the overnight stint --I reckon someone's pulled the plug on him though--ssh

TwistyBraStrap Mon 17-Sep-12 22:38:38

I have a problem.

V1 (5.0 model) has an error which prevents it from staying still for more than 5 minutes unless you run the CBeebies program. We had an external error with the 5CH.00L upgrade so that has been delayed for some weeks. Both myself and the other owner are knackered, despite help from Customer Services.

V2 (1.1 model) is lovely but has volume problem, it's set too high despite having looked all over for the button. Volume lowers when we insert foodstuffs into the top port, however it has just upgraded to the walking model, and gets frustrated because it doesn't have the "open door" app.

Yet, somehow, I am still considering V3? Does anyone have any feedback - does V3 help with V1 and V2 or does it just complicate matters? I would also be getting V3 from the same place as V1 and V2, as I have a loyalty points card. Is V3 easier after the experience of V1 and V2?

My last model came on a BOGOF offer. They're the 1.3 model and one of each variety. For the first 9mths just when we think we'd fixed one the other went and broke/malfunctioned. Thankfully they seem to be working pretty much in time now but I certanly dont remember ordering the 'drama queen' variety for the female version and the manufacturer is deniying all knowledge of any mistakes and excepts no liability.

I also have the 2.5, 8.2, 11(nxt wk) and 12.7 versions. Ive had pretty much all the faults over the years but they do fix themselves (eventualygrin). Hardest fault to date is one 12.7 yr old developed 4 mths ago. Her moody and emotional buttons have been malfunctioning a bit lately and nothing we do stops it..... somtimes a cuddle helps but you have to watch you dont knock the foot stamping and door slamming button( that can be quite a sensitive one). But with a little help from google we have been reasured that this is only a temporary fault and will fix itself with a bit of patience and understanding.

McPhee Mon 17-Sep-12 23:08:48

Mine has developed a blockage and it's making an awful coughing sound tonight.

It splutters, whines, cries then screams. Yep. Def faulty. I'll be calling the recall centre in the morning to see if we need to do any maintenance to get it back to full working order. Thankfully I wont be alone. There's normally other models in there, also waiting for maintenance. I just hope that really loud, stampy one is feeling better....I wanted to disconnect his wiring blush

I'm not convinced it's what was promised in the nice shiny brochures hmm

Pistaposto Mon 17-Sep-12 23:16:34

BOGOF

PMSL

McPhee Mon 17-Sep-12 23:21:01

I've just realised this has made it in to classics shock

<needs a lay down>

HidingFromDD Mon 17-Sep-12 23:22:02

My v1 (17.0 model) seems to have a problem with the battery. I have to leave it on recharge until lunchtime but then it won't go into standby until midnight.
It also seems to require far more add-ons than it did initially and I'm quite ticked off that these weren't mentioned in the sales brochure.
My v2 (15.0 model) has a better battery life but requires constant refuelling.

darksideofthemooncup Tue 18-Sep-12 02:37:58

I never thought to extend the warranty on mine. It worked FINE all the way up until the expiry date and has now malfunctioned. I have tried to pass it on for servicing but they don't appear to be able to deal with this particular model

trumpton Tue 18-Sep-12 06:43:24

I have 3 antique models dating from 1980- 1985.
V2 has ,over the last 2 years , divided and reproduced twice thus forcing the original owner into "NuttyNana" mode. V2/1 ( 2010) was delivered exactly 2 years ago today which requires copious amounts of coloured sugar materials to be inserted into top port whilst the extended owner group emit audible droning of something which resembles " nappy bath day 2 dew" repeated at frequent intervals throughout the day .
V2/2 has only been unwrapped for 4 weeks but malfunctions in sleep mode and seems to have cloned V2 faulty volume control and needs frequent recharging from V2 refuelling points.
Co-owner of V2/1 and V2/2 has ,according to V2 , developed serious hearing disfunction during hours of darkness and is in danger of being dismantled with a sharp implement .
I can report that neither V1 nor V3 are showing any signs of interlocking with other models and dividing or reproducing so this doesn't seem to be an age related function. Although interweb research seems to indicate that interlocking may well be taking place in stealth mode in other locations.

Lifeisontheup Tue 18-Sep-12 07:11:12

First time I've reported a thread to ask for it to go into classics and it's happened!!!!!!!!!! I'm so pleased

McPhee Tue 18-Sep-12 09:08:14

Recall are expecting my model at ten o'clock. I'm hoping for just a quick service or MOT. Nothing is due for an upgrade just yet, it's more than likely a loose cable.

KatAndKit Tue 18-Sep-12 09:21:07

I have a latest 2012 edition but it seems to be missing some software and I have difficulty operating the standby mode. It also needs to be plugged into the docking station multiple times a day. This is not so much an issue but the real problem is the built in SatNav in this new model. Once taken out in the car it goes onto standby but as soon as the vehicle is parked it realises that it has reached its destination and the eyes ping back open again. How do I turn off the internal alarm?

FellatioNelson Tue 18-Sep-12 09:33:47

I really wish now that I'd purchased the extended warranties on all of mine. As new appliances under the initial 2 year guarantee (they were John Lewis babies) they were pretty much malfunction free, but as they've got older they've become increasingly unreliable and they cost me a fortune in endless maintenance costs. One of them appears to have no memory at all, and his wiring is definitely dodgy. To be honest it would probably be cheaper to chuck 'em out and get new ones, but I've become strangely attached to them, in spite of everything.

My first model is pushing twenty years old now, and it's very temperamental. It stays in sleep mode most of the time, and you have to kick it or whack it on the side to make it move.

dappleton Tue 18-Sep-12 09:45:55

My 2011 version has broken speakers - keeps making very sharp piercing noise's, it's at its worse when i'm trying to take any type of control - seems fine when on auto-pilot!
I consulted the handbook which said: "common after 12months, sound quality may start to improve after 3yrs".

PeriPathetic Tue 18-Sep-12 09:52:07

My 2001 model has been hacked! It's been uprgaded ahead of time and the colour display has changed to monochrome.

Sleep mode still takes a while to kick in, but restart is getting harder to do.

Also, her RAM is mightily dysfunctional - schoolwork takes a ridiculous amount of time and is lost from memory almost instantly, while the rest of the memory storage area seems to be full of boys and random crap.

The "you're so mean, I hate you" and door-slamming add ons are fully functioning, but thankfully the cuddly, chatty installation still works well... especially when it's way past bedtime hmm

Pistaposto Tue 18-Sep-12 10:25:51

I know what you mean FellatioNelson. Sometimes I catch myself thinking if the compact models weren't so damn cute they'd all get left out out on the kerbside. You wouldn't put up with these kinds of issues for anything else but sort of feel a sense of responsibility, don't you?

I have heard they get a bit more useful in other ways in time, and self funding with any luck. They're generally pretty bloody marvellous really, and at times when you least expect it. Like when V1 (Model5) picked me a load of marigold heads to float in my bath, when V2 first arrived and was malfunctioning badly all night.

Pistaposto Tue 18-Sep-12 10:28:42

Oh and good luck at the recall centre McPhee - hope they get it sorted smile

BoffinMum Tue 18-Sep-12 10:42:50

I keep trying to buy upgrades and with the fourth model, I think I might have got a more robust version, as it will obey commands, and there is less leakage generally.

Models 2 and 3 are in bed today as they had to power down due to a virus.

Jdub Tue 18-Sep-12 10:48:25

I see it as a major design fault that the 'Apple Z' un-do function has been omitted, but have to agree that, when V1 2006 and V2 2009 are fully synched on 'Play nicely together' mode, life is greatly enhanced by these modern and uniquely constructed devices!

TheWombat Tue 18-Sep-12 10:53:44

Interesting to see so many glitches happening.
My husband came with a 1999 and 2004 model. I understand sharing models with other end-users can result in rather serious malfunctions. So far I've been able to log in and log out every other weekend without serious breakdowns or password failures of the 'you're not my real end-user' variety.

I notice that the 1999 model is beginning to want to borrow my clothes though. Not easy because im reluctant to allow a 13 year old version to appear older than it really is.

LatersBaby Tue 18-Sep-12 11:41:29

I have the 2006 and 2011 models, both of the male variety, the 2006 model is great, the 2011 model is a....well, a bit of a nightmare at the moment! it has a cold, getting teeth and seems to have developed a "velcro" attachment - help! what do I need to do?

i think he seems to be going backwards, showing colic-like symptoms - wtf, hes 1!!!

upgrade needed urgently.

McPhee Tue 18-Sep-12 11:44:15

The v1 2012 version in my possession had a total breakdown in the re-call centre. Sadly there were no other models to take the attention away, only some very old users blush.

As I thought, no manual maintenance can be done. But the wiring will reconnect in time. This model needs to be installed in it's recharge cradle at an angle, to prevent internal congestion.

My user has offered outside support if needed.

BoffinMum Tue 18-Sep-12 13:05:47

I would recommend a vintage model. One of mine was manufactured in 1987 and now is self-financing, requiring little input generally, and has an immaculate case. Either they don't make them like they used to, or these items improve with age.

Myboots – a friend of mine also got hers on BOGOF. She was a bit miffed as she wasn’t told this until 12 weeks into the manufacturing period so she was a bit shocked. She has recently upgraded to V1.0 and says that the WINE and CHOCOLATE Apps are very helpful (for her, I think - not them).

I have mine on back order, the expected wait time is about 9 months and I’m half way through now. However, I’ve been told I’ll be getting V0.0 – does this mean it’s just a trial version? Can anybody tell me what functionality I will be missing? Can I still download upgrades?

EldritchCleavage Tue 18-Sep-12 13:54:27

V2 has been leaking green fluid all over the place and we are worried about damage to the auditory receptors. May need the recall centre today ourselves, which will not be fun what with the on-going speed malfunction and the constant high-pitched whine from v1. Still, I'm at work so it's my co-user who will have to find a way around that one.

2muchtimeonmyhands Tue 18-Sep-12 14:09:58

I tried to recycle mine 2 yr ago only to end up with a fine slapped on my recycling bin as I hadn't cleaned it first. Bloody council...

PetWoman Tue 18-Sep-12 14:16:33

I've got a v1 0.5 model. It was a great relief when, after 6 weeks of ownership, I was able to uninstall the alarm function which sounded automatically when it was placed in its recharging cradle.

I've got it plugged into a refuelling port at the moment. It's just interrupted refuelling to enter smile mode, so I think I'll hang on to this model.

McPhee Tue 18-Sep-12 15:13:00

Cupcakes your model will come with a leaky big end. They tend to backfire quite a bit at first, so be prepared for a lot of maintanence. This does improve with time.

I just hope the co-user hasn't engineered a dynamo in to the model. Mine seems to have had that installed upon creation.

FrankWippery Tue 18-Sep-12 15:33:17

The VFem18.10 has now left home and is relatively self sufficient, though it has taken many tears and tantrums to get to this stage. I'm thinking that it may well malfunction when it comes to laundry and money management after a few weeks at the Drinking Establishment we know as University.

The VFem17.11 model has been particularly hard going at times, did have a splendid sleep app which helped, however it also appeared to come with the foul mooded teenager app which I did NOT order, but on the upside it came with the advanced brain app, so that was quite helpful.

I have a male version of the V15 model, this is being upgraded to the V16 on Saturday, so I am assuming there's a chance that the grunt app will disappear when I reboot?

Finally, the VFem3.6 model appears to have come with every annoying app ever invented. I was hoping for a perfected version of the older models, but instead I got all the baddest apps going. She has a cracking cuddle app though, so I suppose I can accept that.

BoffinMum Tue 18-Sep-12 15:42:59

The thing I really hate is when you order then from the manufacturer, they often come in the wrong colour, and you are not allowed to swap them for what you originally asked for. For example, I thought matching pairs of pink ones and blue ones would look very nice in my house and optimise the use of the accessories and add ons I have ordered over the years. However the manufacturer sent me three blue ones and a pink one. I mean, what use is that?

FrankWippery Tue 18-Sep-12 15:47:06

Yeah, I know what you mean Boffin, I got three pink and one blue. Bad packing skills I feel.

BoffinMum Tue 18-Sep-12 15:49:40

I am up for a swap, if you like.

Jdub Tue 18-Sep-12 15:55:27

I have also found the specified delivery time a little suspect...V2 2006 was dispatched 6 weeks early - good job I was at home to sign for it.

Maryz Tue 18-Sep-12 16:01:55

One of mine (dd) had a switch on the back of her head which switched to "cry" every time she was put to lie down, and to "silent" when picked up.

Which was pretty fucking exhausting.

She also had an inbuilt light detector, switching on the crying at dawn every day for four years.

FrankWippery Tue 18-Sep-12 16:28:15

Boffin - yes, this could be something that works. Is there any particular model you're after?

TunaPastaBake Tue 18-Sep-12 16:35:45

Amazing how models two years apart although from the same manufacturers vary so much. Same manual but totally different operating systems.

KatAndKit Tue 18-Sep-12 17:50:31

I ordered mine on express delivery but was not impressed by the speed of the delivery service at all. It was definitely not "express" that is for certain!

BoffinMum Tue 18-Sep-12 17:51:03

I'd like a 2001 model in pink with detachable mouth and all terrain wheels, please.

FrankWippery Tue 18-Sep-12 17:56:26

Ah, I only have 93, 94, and 09 pink models. I have a 96 blue one though, but you're outblued anyway.

BoffinMum Tue 18-Sep-12 18:10:12

I might be tempted to make you an offer on the 2009 model if it's surplus to requirements, but I am not keen on letting my own 2009 model go as I think it's actually a bit of a collector's item, this one. Even though we didn't keep the original packaging.

FrankWippery Tue 18-Sep-12 18:17:18

Yes, I think I may have problems letting go of the 2009 one. It is the only model of mine that rarely answers back and goes to bed before me. Also, and most importantly, it is the only model that can't reach either the chocolate supplies or my vodka.

dementedma Tue 18-Sep-12 21:58:22

Read the small print when you order! I ordered two pink models to arrive in close succession and was shocked when a blue model arrived a good 10 years later. I swear I never ordered it but manufacturers refused to accept it back. The blue model comes with an extra widget which is interesting.once the pink models become vintage they are strangely attracted to this blue model widget and tend to go into stealth mode to enable them to interact with widget bearing blues.you MUST install the contraceptive app and check it is functioning on a regular basis,as a malfunction can result in your model dividing and replicating!

McPhee Tue 18-Sep-12 22:01:04

Static interference issues here.

I've installed v1 2012 in to the recharging cradle, and commenced download of todays info, but it's still making that noise.

It's user is now suffering from tension in the cranium.

Lifeisontheup Tue 18-Sep-12 22:19:32

This should be made into a book and given to all new parents.

BoffinMum Tue 18-Sep-12 22:35:42

MNClassics? grin

2.10 model is with the co owner and apparently it shut down early and easily.

I need to get that manual so I can find this straight shut down button.

Today before despatch it was in whiney screech mode. even the upper port refused to.accept chocolate

Frakiosaurus Tue 18-Sep-12 23:04:59

McPhee to prevent leak mode while the virus protection is being installed insert your feeding device into the large upper port wink

I was most disappointed with mine at first - I ordered it express delivery by DHL and it arrived 4 days late via fanjo hmm plus all the expensive user manuals weren't written in the right language for the model I received - they all uses angelbaby and the operating system on my device appears to be devilchild.

The hardware is of excellent quality but updates have tended to appear early, sleep mode is faulty and the why app has been installed a full 6 months ahead of schedule.

I am currently in the latter stages of the manufacturing process of v2. V1 model 3.9 objects to this and numerous add ons and restarts do not seem to fix the endless malfunctions.

V1 is currently with the co owner (whose manual is definately not the same as mine) and the house is horribly quiet. When V1 returns the novelty wears off quickly and the countdown begins to the next co owner period.

Although I am central to the manufacturing process, I take issue with the fact that I have no say in the colour of packaging it will come in, or what programmes it will be installed with. The sensitivity of the alarms is also of worry.

Frakiosaurus Wed 19-Sep-12 06:51:21

Does anyone know what to do in case of reversion to an earlier session? Mine is currently running 1.5 but the sleep mode last night was more like 0.15!

FrankWippery Wed 19-Sep-12 07:03:45

All I can say from experience is to prepare yourselves for when the time comes for your upgrades to the V18/V19 models. THere is NOTHING you can do to prevent the Hangover Grump App being automatically installed. You will wish you still had the V0.1 to V3.5 issues.

Startailoforangeandgold Wed 19-Sep-12 08:29:31

After initial fuelling issues, fixed by the bottle upgrade and the stir yoghurt into everything upgrades my pink V1.14 functions pretty well.
It has wonky wiring in its reading and writing circuits. I'm told that's a design error and no upgrade is available.

My pink V2.11 is seriously malfunctioning this morning. The unnervingly organised ap has failed totally. Tool bag is not packed for its trip to the continuous up grade centre and it has missed its transport slot.

Co-owner has had to deliver it. This means it's owner is malfunctioning as the coffee Ap has not been run.

McPhee Wed 19-Sep-12 10:10:44

There seems to be a lot of malfunctioning going on. I hope it's not a virus, my model isn't fully protected yet. I might download something to tide us over.

My v1 2012 had a temperature guage issue last night, needing some stripping down of the outer protective wrapping. Thankfully this glitch seems to have been short lived. The user is in need of intravenous liquid sustenance

Pistaposto Wed 19-Sep-12 11:29:20

McPhee sounds like you may need Generic Incumbant Neurofixer (G.I.N.) for users. I swear by it. Most effective after viral improvements when administered by the co-owner (or similar) with special addition T0N1C, in the feet-up position on a weekend.

Though please be aware it's not usually recommended more than once a week or before 9pm. And do be warned, other user problems are reported if over-used.

<helpful>

Startailoforangeandgold Wed 19-Sep-12 11:40:42

Unfortunately, when the continuous upgrade centre opens for its autumn session units appear to exchange a lot of rogue software. Viruses are common and virus checking applications don't seem to function as it gets colder.

Failure of my V2.11 to enter stand-by mode at a reasonable hour despite a intermittent software glitch, has not aided smooth running.

I'm hoping mine comes back from co owner with no glitches but I know that won't happen as it seems to malfunction for me a lot.

It tends to get stuck on run mode when in my possession. This run mode doesn't lead to a shut down though.

I'm not looking forward to the upgrade in a couple of months to the 3.00 but next year it will be going for 3 hours a day to a establishment. Not sure how this will affect the circuits but I expect the seeing ports to leak an awful lot more

Eggrules Wed 19-Sep-12 11:51:02

I have an oral agreement for a temporary transfer of a pool v2.8. The mid section bend function will not operate when I try to insert it into the mobile perambulator device. I can't recall how I solved this issue with my own upgrade (now v5). I need to be careful with this loaner, any ideas?

The bend function on my 2.10 model also has glitches so I had to stop using the mobile device at 2.00. It now uses walk mode but this can lead to it needing a recharge while out which causes leaking seeing ports and loud whiney noises.

McPhee Wed 19-Sep-12 12:06:15

I find softly inserting a knee joint in to the broken bending section most effective wink

Eggrules Wed 19-Sep-12 12:14:28

The walk mode is non functioning on this (abnormally dense) model.

Leaking seeing ports and loud whiney noises are more bothersome on this model than my own.

I resorted to the application of flat, circular, button-shaped discs made from cocoa solids, fat, sugar and milk powder. I am concerned about reports on my performance back to the owner.

Eggrules Wed 19-Sep-12 12:19:23

I was concerned about applying a gentle external force but will combine this with a distraction technique in future.

After lunch, I will be setting a sleep mode for one hour.

Frakiosaurus Wed 19-Sep-12 13:40:27

I find that instead of the mobile perambulation unit I have had to invest in a number of carrying cases for my device...

KatAndKit Wed 19-Sep-12 13:45:45

i have found that the alarm goes off when device is placed in the perambulation unit. i had expected the device to go onto standby mode in the unit.

previously i have been able to initiate standby mode by plugging the device into one of my refuelling stations. however this no longer works as the alarm goes off as soon as the sleeping device is placed in the recharging cradle. can i disactivate this new function?

NomNomingiaDePlum Wed 19-Sep-12 14:39:41

my v0.9 model appears to be running an app (separation anxiety) i definitely didn't install that i don't recall being included in the original spec; the older model (v3.8) certainly didn't come with this, so i am wondering if it's some sort of glitch? rebooting doesn't help. any ideas?

McPhee Wed 19-Sep-12 17:27:18

Right that's it.

Mine is definitely faulty, and I'll be storming the re-call centre first thing in the morning. There's stuff leaking all over the place, I can't keep up. I've even plugged one hole and it still seeps past shock. The temperature guage is up and down like a prozzies knickers. I'm starting to wibble blush

The co-owner is 400 miles away!! Thank goodness for my user!!

HarlettOScara Wed 19-Sep-12 18:58:57

The daytime sleep function on my not-quite-3-month-old version seems to have rectified itself...but at the expense of the nocturnal sleep fuction <yawn>

McPhee Wed 19-Sep-12 21:41:22

V1 2012 inserted in to recharge cradle

User inserted in to maxi size recharge cradle

Downloading...............................................................................

SPsFanjoShiversTheTimbers Thu 20-Sep-12 12:44:33

My 2.10 has crashed. It is on the floor with it limbs slightly twitching. Think its circuits have been over used due to speed mode been stuck on zoom for a couple of hours.

BlueyDragon Thu 20-Sep-12 14:52:17

The next time I get one of those calls claiming to be Microsoft and telling me my computer has a virus, I'm going to read them this thread.

grin

BlueyDragon Thu 20-Sep-12 14:53:45

McPhee, I hope the recall centre was able to help with your V1 2012 issues today.

tb Thu 20-Sep-12 15:50:31

Had mine for 14.11 years, and no matter how hard I've looked, cannot find the 'oh shit' button that vintage models used to have (ca 1980).

McPhee Thu 20-Sep-12 20:20:37

SPs. The twitching must be down to overload. I've had similar issues tonight too. Once mine was covered it entered sleep mode with no apparent glitches. I hope you've had similar success?

The recall centre recycled the same information today. So no further progress today. I fear they may not know enough about my model.

discrete Thu 20-Sep-12 20:26:27

I'm afraid to say both of mine came with the same defect. Unfortunately, the wonky widget responsible seems to also be responsible for regulating speech quantity (mine are stuck on MAX).

They are also lacking a mute button or ANY sort of volume control (I've looked everywhere, it's just not there!).

dementedma Thu 20-Sep-12 23:04:33

V19 pink model has stopped communicating and now shows a default message of "out.back later". Excessive probing can sometimes generate previous default messages of "dunno" "fine" "later" and "whatever" bit interactive communication has completely crashed. Will pouring alcohol into top port lubricate Things?

McPhee Fri 21-Sep-12 09:53:48

Our glitches seem to have suddenly ironed out today. My model has been in circulation for 12 weeks now. How has that happened???

Do other users remember their ownership passing so fast??

KatAndKit Fri 21-Sep-12 10:19:14

My device is downloading the sharp white hardware upgrade in the upper port. This is resulting in several software glitches. I need to consult the troubleshooting manual about this before it prevents the device from engaging the standby mode.

Startailoforangeandgold Fri 21-Sep-12 10:43:18

V2.11 still has an intermittent virus causing pain in main processed unit and fuelling tube.

Have applied Calpol Ap and sent it to continuous upgrade centre.

It is not functioning to it's normal standard.

Still refusing to go onto standby at the correct hour.

BoffinMum Sat 22-Sep-12 07:33:39

I thought I might attempt a bit of servicing on my models today. There seems to be some overgrowth in the top module that may require trimming. I may leave this to a professional as I think the parts concerned are not user serviceable. grin

ShipsCat Sat 22-Sep-12 08:05:20

My v3 2.10 still needs refuelling at night in order to return to sleep mode. Is this due to user error? It has so far successful resisted bribery and rewards. It seems like I've missed the window of opportunity to reprogramme it in this mode...

McPhee Sat 22-Sep-12 08:41:07

Oh dear shipsCat, it does sound like you may have lucked out missed your window. Applying some cold turkey to your model may be necessary, and some patience gin to the user.

Your model may display some unpleasurable functions during this time.

You may want to move out grin

StabbyMacStabby Sat 22-Sep-12 23:35:18

Feefo have emailed me, at long last, for a review of my product!

Should I mention all the stuff about delivery being 14 days after the original date I was given, or the two days to actually get it out of its packaging? Plus all the glitches with the programming, the mysterious unrequested uploads, the viruses, that time it inserted some cornflakes into its upper external port then promptly gushed a ghastly, smelly, chemically liquid all over my jeans?

Hmm. No.

"Five stars. Highly recommended. Very satisfied customer."

BoffinMum Tue 25-Sep-12 11:38:20

My 3.5 model requires refuelling at bedtime but then proceeds to leak in the small hours. I suppose taping up the exit hole isn't an option?

McPhee Sat 29-Sep-12 21:49:05

Oh dear

We have a very over wonked widget tonight

I may have to call the helpline

There is a helpline isn't there??????

If you google Oddbins I find them very helpful in times of need grin.

Ds is behaving perfectly tonight, been fast asleep since 7pm. This, of course, is because daddy is in charge tonight so I can relax and catch up on sleep. I swear the child is laughing at me. Tomorrow we'll be back to tantrums and sleep refusal.

FTRsMammy Sun 14-Oct-12 17:40:00

<enters stage left, wearing wistful smile>

Ah I remember when mine was a 2. Version, in hindsight those were the good old days. I now have a 3.10 it's sleep function is pretty reliable however when given an instruction it has inexplicably started repeating "no way José" and that's when it even responds to an instruction at all (faulty hearing ports!)
Also ladies, and I don't wish to alarm anyone but there is no manual it's all a big con to make you think there's a switch to fix everything and there's not!!! sad
On a final note what do you do about a banjaxed fuel port, mine doesn't seem to be able to put anything in without making a huge mess over its outer coverings, any advice greatly received smile

McPhee Sat 27-Oct-12 21:32:22

I'm expecting a cataclysmic disaster tonight, as my models clock will be out of synch

Is there a special code we need to use to prevent overload tomorrow?

No one pre warned McPhee about a timing interference issue confused

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 21-Jul-13 22:48:37

Just found this:

Our model 17.6 is mostly fine, apart from inordinate wallpaper changes and some non-standard modifications to the audio and olfactory inputs. Networking capabilities are as expected, although speech mode somewhat glitchy with a lot of upper register white noise. It's agitating for a mobility add-on, but has been informed it needs Job 1.0 installing first. This caused brief crashing and bandwidth on the local network was compromised.

Currently in ad-hoc mode with another 17.6; this model has been shown a meat cleaver entirely by accident so no client systems are expected. Yet.

Oh dear, I need the nations help

Model has now reached its breaking point, and at 1.9 is showing constant signs of wear and tear. The whine is a constant 'no', and its dragging its limbs behind it. Lowering the vocal tone by its user is having no affect, neither is highering the vocal tones. Infact, I am wondering if the owner should just leave the system alone, and maybe hide in the shed hmm

GinSoakedMisery Mon 24-Feb-14 23:02:04

Have you installed the Cbeebies App?

Yes, but it just bounces round the room shouting 'daisy daisy daisy'

It might be time to roll it out to an outside engineer hmm

Trumpton Mon 24-Feb-14 23:24:13

Have you downloaded it in its docking station for at least 60 mins during the day ? Even if the the high pitched whining continues it can be ignored if you are ingesting a cup of tea and biscuits.

mrstigs Tue 25-Feb-14 10:09:47

I currently have three models at home due to closure of the external facility. V8.4 and V6.3 seem to be have compatibility issues and V2.3 seems to be having semi regular episodes of very high pitched noise output. Considering legal ramifications of listing all units on Internet based auction site.

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