The Norty Puddlehumpers present.... MUMSNET - THE MUSICAL!!!!

(1000 Posts)
EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 14:26:26

Come in! Sit down! Have a wine and the show will start soon!

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:27:07




MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:29:25

I love musicals. Can I be Rizzo?

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:30:25

<waits patiently in the wings>

<adjusts fluorescent lycra cycle shorts>

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:30:27

Or I'd like to Anita in West Side Story?

"A boy like that, he killed your brother..." (Sang Shirley Bassey stylee)

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:31:24

Oh, you are in for a treat.....I can't lay claim to the amazingness, but there are actual songs!! <squeals with glee>

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:32:12

Who are these Puddlehumpers then? (sorry not been around much recently)

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 14:32:52


anyone else who gets here in time

<are you lot dressed yet?>

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:33:01

Can I be Grace Kelly in High Society. please

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:33:45

You're obviously very elegant pagwatch. I'm more "fat friend" material.

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:33:49

<<weeps at being excluded>>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 14:34:03

AND BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff and Zombie (sorry)

<Rushes waddles in pulling on costume>

<Hands round ice water>

<Grabs bonkey so we can dance cluelessly together>


Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:35:25

Mardy I am indeed grace in my head. You are more Kristen Scott Thomas in my head - waspish and wry

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:35:55

<<cries more>>

CuttedUpPear Tue 28-Aug-12 14:36:01

<also weeps at being excluded>
[obvs not in the right quiches]

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:37:21

That's very kind of you Pag, but think more Dawn French before she lost the weight. I do have good hair though -- but not as good as hers--.

<joins in weeping>

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:37:45

Puddlehumpers a non-exclusive quiche, originating from a typo regarding TheJoyfulPuddle*J*umper, made by SayCoolNowSayWhip (if that's the correct NN, I prefer Whippy)

We like: cake, cheese, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, non-alcoholic drinks (mainly due to various pregnant members) and talking shite. Oh and making musicals (I missed that bit though)

We are also "Norty" as the original thread made reference to those amongst us who were not what they seemed, MNHQ pulled the thread, so we were "norty".

I think I've covered it all.

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:38:47

We have crashed a quiche.
We are unwanted.

<exits stage left>

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:39:30

NO, this is the Musical, to be aired to all of MN!

It is not a quiche crashing, you are welcome.

<placates Grace Kelly Pagwatch>

QuenelleOJersey2012 Tue 28-Aug-12 14:39:32

<cancels production meeting and gets comfy with Maltesers>

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:40:27

<picks up quiche crumbs>

Where's SayCool btw. haven't seen her for ages.

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 14:41:19

No no no, all are welcome, songs to be posted! Sing along, put on a costume! Join us!!!

::warms up throat. Coughs a lot::

KatoPotato Tue 28-Aug-12 14:41:47

Right! I've blocked a scene for a 'Circling Wagons' number. I need cloth swishers.

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:42:01

Maybe me and Pag and the other wannabes, could be invited up to the stage like the kids at the end of the pantomime, look cute, sing a song with an annoying lyric and be presented with a bag of crap goodies sponsored by the local rag.

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:42:27

It will be worth the wait fellow MNers....

SayCool is around, but she did have a poorly DD to look after so maybe not MNing as much as normal.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 14:42:54

SayCool's DD had whooping cough, she's been a bit tied up.
<looks down line of dancers on stage>
<makes sure Pombears are ready to throw to audience members>
<starts can-can music>

Opener: WE KICK ARSE! (by Empress)

We are a nest of vipers
We eat biscuits and we swear.
We might flame your arse on AIBU
But if you need us we'll be there.

We've got our oh fuck rucksacks
We've got our MN scarves
We're not just yummy mummies....
We're MUMSNETTERS! We kick arse!

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:43:22

<high kicks across stage>

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 14:43:55

And kick and turn and 1 2 3...

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:44:43

Nice costumes, but you need to wax a little better before you do those high kicks Brian.

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:45:14

Oh how lovely!
<<plumps cushions>

If anyone is going on stage though it should be my DD. she is very talented and is wearing her best frock.
<elbows to the front>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 14:45:50

<throws Pagwatch's DD a Pombear>

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:46:12

Will the Fat Arse Dance Troup be appearing?

BackforGood Tue 28-Aug-12 14:46:26

I'd love to be in a show, but my memory has gone completely since my first pregnancy - is it OK if I have the words in front of me while I@m on satge ?

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:46:50

<smoothes down muff> blush

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:46:58

it's behind you!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 14:47:57

<hurries performers off stage for quick costume change>
<throws BackForGood a copy of lyrics>

My mental 3yo and her imaginary friend Luke, the girl, would like to ride their elephant on in the finale please.

<Shimmy shimmy, waddle, jazz hands>

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:48:18

Oh no, it isn't

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 14:49:17


BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:49:20

<throws Fruit Shoots into audience>

<ducks as they are thrown back>

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:50:02

When's the interval? I need a weeeeeee!


QuenelleOJersey2012 Tue 28-Aug-12 14:50:44

<applauds wildly>

<drops Maltesers>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 14:51:34

<snuggles State to stop crying>
Yes to elephants. Mardy, have a wee quickly now while we're changing.

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:51:35

Er. This scene change isn't very swift.

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 14:52:34

<makes everyone stand up while I get out to loo>

<does very English over-apologising thing on the way>

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 14:52:55

ssshhh Mardy they're trying their best!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 14:53:49

If that means you're back from the loo we'll carry on....

<returns in black lace>


(Unashamedly stolen from Cell Block Tango from Chicago! The musical)
If you haven't seen Chicago, this will help.

And now the 6 merry moderators of MNHQ with their rendition of The Troll Block Tango!!

Troll! Sock! Petition! Attack! Spamming! Libel!
Troll! Sock! Petition! Attack! Spamming! Libel!
Troll! Sock! Petition! Attack! Spamming! Libel!

They had it coming. They had it coming, they only had themselves to blame. If you’d have been there, if you had read it, you would have done the same.

I met this poster all over the boards. She swore she wasn’t a troll. She had the saddest story.
But it started to not add up. So I did some investigating.
Not a troll? Not a troll my ass. Not only was she a troll, but she was trolling all over the ‘net.
So that night I put my finger on the big red ban button and sent her on her way!

She had it coming. She had it coming. She only had herself to blame. If you had been there, if you had seen it, you would have done the same!

So one day I’m sitting in front of my computer, and reports start coming in on this one poster. So I check it out and one of the other posters keeps agreeing with what the reported poster kept saying.
She was crazy! Agreeing with everything the OP said. So I knew it had to be a sock puppet.

She had it coming. She had it coming. She only had herself to blame. If you had been there, if you had seen it, you would have done the same!

Helen and I were in the office one day, having cake and tea and a few laughs when the report alarm started blaring!
I took a look and there it was, a link to a petition.
I hit the delete button so fast, my finger was sprained!

She had it coming. She had it coming. She only had herself to blame. If you had been there, if you had seen it, you would have done the same!

I loved that poster, I really did. But one day, she just started attacking people left and right. I had no choice but to ban her from the site.
But some people just don’t go away…

This poster started showing up all over the board, posting the same link and the same information over and over.
The reports started pouring in and I had no choice but to delete her!

She had it coming. She had it coming. She only had herself to blame. If you had been there, if you had seen it, you would have done the same!

You know how some people get mentioned on Mumsnet and it just scares you to death? SWMNBN was one of those.
We thought we had it covered, and everyone knew she was not a person to be named.
But there she was…named.
I had to ban the poster. What choice did I have?

She had it coming. She had it coming. She only had herself to blame. If you had been there, if you had seen it, you would have done the same!

They had it comin'
they had it comin'
They had it comin' all along
'Cause if they used us and they abused us
How could they tell us that we were wrong?
She had it coming,
she had it coming
she only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there,
if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same

MyDogShitsMoney Tue 28-Aug-12 14:56:52

<<sneaks in, sits at the back crunching boiled sweets with crinkly wrappers>>

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 15:00:08

Ha Ha!

Do you think they have regulation uniform of black body stockings at MNHQ?

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 15:00:10

damn I missed the Troll Block Tango!

Put me stockings n corset on too.

Oh well.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:01:33

That's ok Brian you're in time for the rest.


I'm still wrestling with my corset, what change is next, speeds s'not my thang when up diffed!

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:03:32

<dashes in>

<grabs feather boa>

<shimmys way to stage>

<hopes no one notices I'm late>

La la la la

<grabs State and starts dancing>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:04:41

<throws Boden cardigans over corsets>
<hands out MN scarves>
Just flutter them gracefully.

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:05:02

::grabs scarf::


MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 15:05:16

I need to go out and buy school shoes for the DCs. Don't want to miss it and all that, but I think I have to sit in clarks clutching a ticket.

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:05:30

<catches scarf>


EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:05:50

That's ok Mardy, you can buy the DVD.

MardyBra Tue 28-Aug-12 15:06:29

Can't you post it on YouTube for free?

<Wobbles around with bonkey>

<Snuggles into boden cardi> can I keep it?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:08:39

I suppose we could. We need to do one for the Knid anyway - it was all for her & she's NOT EVEN TURNED UP!

Yes State. <admires Bonkey's twirls>

Everybody ready on stage?

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 15:09:47


EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:10:40


THE WONDER OF MUMSNET (and MNHQ) (by NotHoneyDragon)

When no-one else can understand you
When everything you do is wrong
Mumsnet gives you wine and consolation
And gives you gin strength to carry on

And Mumsnet's always there to lend a hand
In everything you do
That's the wonder
The wonder of Mumsnet (and MNHQ)

And when you post the world is brighter
You know more than Google, Jeeves and Bing!
Your advice and links are worth a fortune
You can help with everything

Ill guess we'll never know the reason why
We love Mumsnet like we do
That's the wonder
The wonder of Mumsnet (and HQ)

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 15:11:52


<twirls scarf>

"We love you mumsnet we DOOOOOooooooooOOOOOoooooooooo"

<Bows, twirls and gets over enthusiastic>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:12:32

<bright smile>

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:12:32

<sways next to Brian>


Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:12:44

::wipes sweat::

::waves scarf::

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:13:07

<hushed voice>Do you think we might even get reviewed in Talk Roundup???

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:13:16

<pulls out secret stash of gin>


EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:14:00

<nicks some of Bonkey's gin>

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:15:12


Do you think we have captured the audience Empress ?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:16:31

<whispers back> Well, they're still here - I THINK they're enjoying it.

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 15:16:39

Empress we may have done, had you not mentioned it.


Not sure we captured the audience but if we keep going, they'll be putty in our hands!

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 15:17:34

I may have just sang The Wonder of You to my dog.

She enjoyed it and even the cat peered out from behind the curtain to see what was being murdered going on.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:19:50

Then let's carry on! (and hope Aitch doesn't notice)

This next one makes more sense if you've read the Sharon threads. Actually it only makes sense if you've read the Sharon threads.


Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Hearing Erasure,
No escape from reality.
Open your eyes, Look down at the wasp and see,
He's just done T-rex, he needs no sympathy
Because he's done the Owl, done the Mole
Done Spiderman, done them all
Any way he stands now doesn't really matter to me, to me

DH just threw the wine
Made a big splash on the wall, missed the carpet, but that's all
Poor wasp, its life had just begun,
But now DH has thrown the wine away.
Adam, ooh, Didn't mean to make you confused,
If the Rainbow videos aren't off this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.

Too late, Sharon has come,
Erasure's in her ears, it's the only thing she hears,
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
Gotta pick up truffles and pizza and face the truth,
Bungle, ooh, I don't want to be Zippy,
I sometimes wish I'd never been to Asda at all.

I see a little fruit and veg, Tesco man
Sharon, ooh, Sharon, ooh, will you SWITCH OFF ERASURE.
Wine flying and wasp dying, Mumsnet-mystifying me
(Sharon Sharon). Sharon Sharon. (Sharon Sharon). Sharon Sharon. Sharon Sharon she's a hoor.
(She lives next door). This wall's just painted and now it's all mucky.
It's just a wine-stained wall (but a clean carpet),
The wasp lost its life but how we didn't see.
Rainbow's on, switch it off, will you switch it off.
Bismillah! No, we will not switch it off.
(Switch it off!) Bismillah! We will not switch it off.
(Switch it off!) Bismillah! We will not switch it off.
(Switch it off.) Will not switch it off.
(Switch it off.) Will not switch it off. (Switch it off). Ah.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(Oh T-rex, T-rex.) Do the T-rex in Asda.
To do Tobey Maguire you have to have the face for it, for it, for it.

So you think you can mess up the wall throwing wine.
So you think you can T-rex and leave wasps to die,
Oh, DH, can't do this to me, DH,
Just gotta get Adam, just gotta get right down to Tesco.

Nothing really matters, as long as I'm not Zippy,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me.

Any way Sharon blows.

<Bangs brand new Clark's dinosaur footprint on sole school shoes together wildly in lieu of actual applause> We went, we took a ticket, we battled on through the masses, and emerged triumphant, and this is our reward grin
Can we have some of those nice ladies who bring gin icecream round on little trays? so I don't have to move from this chair grin
<loving every second of it>
No3 son is carrolling "Mummy I'm in love with you no matter what you weigh" at the minute too, so if you need a guest Artiste getaway diversion he's your PomCub grin

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:21:25

<adjusts freaky lighting>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:21:48

He can come on at the end if he likes, Pom, with Pag & State's DDs, State's DD's friend Luke and their elephant - and Sydney Tuna if he wants to join in grin

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:22:51

Pom i have some gin cake, any good?

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 15:23:28

<wild applause>

Right, I'm off to hand out lime and gin-infused sorbet to the audience.

a drunk audience is a receptive audience

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:24:56

<waits for audience to be suitably drunk>

Thank you for watching. We are now coming up to our finale and any DCs or animals who would like to join us on the stage are welcome. The chorus is pretty easy.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:25:22

<hands out lightsticks for waving>

<ponders> gin - cake - cake - gin - what's not to be good about it grin
I'll have a double slice please grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:27:56

<waits for stage to fill up>
<counts 2 DDs, one real DS, one imaginary DS, one elephant, one caterpillar & Hully's goat>

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:29:05

< shoves on the Bonkey Gpigs >

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:29:31

Anyone else?

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:30:38

gin cake?!?! Oh yes please! (and the recipe...)

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:31:38

<waits for Tee to finish gin cake>

Here we go...

Finale: WE ARE THE MUMSNETTERS (by Empress)

I've posted in Chat -
Time after time -
I've had my flaming
But committed no crime -
And deleted posts
I've had a few
I've had my share of wrist slaps from HQ -
But I've come through

We are the Mumsnetters, my friends.
And we'll keep on chatting - till the end -
We are the Mumsnetters -
We are the Mumsnetters
No time for Netmums
Cos we are the Mumsnetters - of the world -

I've taken advice
And made plenty of friends -
You brought me support and strength and everything that goes with it -
We're here till the end
(unless we flounce)

It's been Classics and quiches
Woolly Hugs and AIBUs
We consider it a challenge to fill HQ with gin -
And we ain't gonna lose -

We are the Mumsnetters, my friends.
And we'll keep on chatting - till the end -
We are the Mumsnetters -
We are the Mumsnetters
No time for Netmums
Cos we are the Mumsnetters - of the world -

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:32:19

::lines up for curtain call::

::falls over from gin cake::

LadyBeagleEyes Tue 28-Aug-12 15:32:39

This musical is awesome.
Did you write all the lyrics Empress?
You are so talented.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:32:51

<pulls Tee up>
<links arms & bows>

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 15:32:53

<throws pom bears into the audience>

<wipes away a silent tear at the rapturous applause as Empress steps forward to take a bow>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:33:46

Thank you grin

Tee wrote TrollBlockTango & NotHoneyDragon wrote The Wonder of Mumsnet.

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:34:52


<supports Tee>

<applaudes Empress>

So proud!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:35:02

<pushes Tee forward to take a bow>

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:35:43

<chucks cushion in front of Tee...just in case>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:35:48

And DZH crocheted all the costumes.

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:36:38

::falls over:;

Not so hard!

Thanks for the cushion Bonkey!

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:37:44

Can you hear that?

They love us!!! grin

QuenelleOJersey2012 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:38:54

<Throws loads of thanks thanks thanks>

<Does that whistling thing with thumb and finger in mouth>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:39:04

<helps Tee up>
<throws more PomBears>
<pulls everyone else forward to bow>
Do you think they want an encore?

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:39:34


Do we have one?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:39:39

<catches thanks>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:40:03

<Stay here & I'll look>

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:40:07

Hokey cokey? <desperate>

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping Tue 28-Aug-12 15:42:10

Oh, can I join? I can't sing but does it really matter I can learn smile

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 15:43:18

all are welcome, Dizzy, although you missed the actual performance BUT please feel free to eat cake/drink gin/non-alcoholic beer and pull up a pew!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:43:30

This is yours isn't it? Can we use it?

Chaos awoke in a fluster
To find someone had taken her toaster
IHaveYourToaster confessed
And off Chaos jets
Only to be taken asunder.

IHaveYourCauldron rubs her hands and cackles
Offering Chaos some tassels
But only if given biscuits
As requested.

But on her was the jest
When Mom Chaos did confess
That the toaster was with her
Fighting the weather
And making full English for all.

It all came to an end with Toaster's return
With glass raised in a cheer
And so we all learn
That to Mom Chaos
A mobile is something quite furrin...

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:48:03


EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:49:32

And that really is all folks!

We hope you've enjoyed the show. Our encore song was written by Tee2072.

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:49:50

<jazz hands>

Dammit! I went to pick up the dog from the groomers and I've missed the show! Baby had it's ladybird costume on ready for the big finale and everything. Although I think the idea of being fired out of my fanjo during the finale has caused it to creep back up into my ribs and it won't be making an appearance any time soon.

<Carries on Can Can-ing vigorously just in case>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:51:02

That's ok OI you were still on the cast list & the DVD will shortly be available.

It seemed to be a hit. We had an encore.

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 15:53:29

I wrote that? I have no memory of writing that!! grin

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:54:59

That'll be the gin Tee grin

Maybe I could still do the Amazing Cannonball Ladybird Baby with Placenta Parachute act for the DVD bonus feature? Or maybe I should just join a circus?

Anyway, you guys were great! I'm very proud to have been a part of it. grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:57:48

I think it was you, Tee. Were you ScaredTEECat at the time of the toaster thread?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 15:58:28

That would be perfect for the DVD bonus feature, OI!

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 15:58:55

OI That would be impressive!

My live birth thread is gonna be awesome! grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 16:03:12

The best live birth thread ever!

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 16:04:46

Are we going to start taking bets on when baby will get here?

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 16:10:05

<Fits velcro gusset to OI`s costume to facilitate the flying baby routine>

<With eyes tight shut cos I is a gentleman>

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 16:14:03

Andrew Lloyd Webber has been on the phone, can we finish off the season at the Redcar Empire as the Amazing Dancing Cow Show has been hit by a TB ban ??

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 16:15:56

<checks schedule>

I'm available for that DZH. I promise I'll be on time too...


<is sozzled after too much wine>

Pagwatch Tue 28-Aug-12 16:26:27

That was fabulous. You were all wonderful.


NoMoreNotNever Tue 28-Aug-12 16:33:05


MyDogShitsMoney Tue 28-Aug-12 16:33:44

<<stands to applaud >>

<<shuffles quietly out the back door>>

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 16:39:15

Yup, that would have been me! grin I remember the thread, I don't remember writing that.

In other news, I just miscalculated and put the chicken in the over an hour dinner until 7...A Small Boy™ is suppose to be in bed at 7...

Oops Tee! Can he have pudding first to keep him going?

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 16:48:22

He doesn't get pudding! Still debating what to do, may make him some pasta and stick in him bed on time and eat the chicken with my husband!

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 16:50:14

<Unlocks the doors to let the audience out>

<Takes pre orders for the DVD>

<Deletes rude waxing comment in the guest book from MardyBra (the one with the handlebar moustache)>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 16:59:34

<lays out bottles, glasses, nibbles and cake for after show party>

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 17:01:35

<Checks that Tee hasn`t watered the gin>

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 17:04:36

<Spreads out the Empress Home Catering Service cards around the room>

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 17:08:21

<Arranges comfy sofas for the Puddlehumpers who might overindulge>

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 17:17:39

Sorry, after all that excitement I had to have my afternoon snooze!

I feel better now.

Just waiting for my jacket spud to cook.

You all enjoy your aftershow party, I'm going to settle down and watch some TV.

has sprained thigh due to high kicking

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 17:47:06

Okay, for the first time in my life I am making my son pasta with jarred pesto.

Do I just throw the pesto in the micro to heat?

[usually cooks from scratch emoticon]

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 17:50:53

Once the pasta's nearly cooked, I usually drain it, add the pesto and stir until it's heated, doesn't take long.

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 18:00:16

Well, he's eating it.

Oh good Empress, that's what I did!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 18:07:02

Good grin

Seeing as the musical was all for Kniddy originally and she missed it, do you think we should give her a special presentation DVD and all sign it?

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 18:13:13

OI Can you hang on for the Christmas Special or do we need Brian to hurry up a bit ?????

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 18:16:41

soz, I'll only be 6 months at Chrimbo! Plus, a live c-section birth and baby-cannon-ball routine, not for the faint hearted grin

That. Was. Amazing. grin I've been crying with laughter applauding wildly reading this thread, you lot are magnificent!

So seeing as you've sort of used my name do I get royalties? Or free tickets to the sequel or something? wink

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 18:31:45

You can have an autographed DVD. Very exclusive.

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Tue 28-Aug-12 18:34:40

...and my (signed) fluorescent lycra cycle shorts.


They are prizes beyond compare, I shall treasure them always!

<looks for tongs to pick up Brian's shorts with>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 18:57:17

And of course you're going to join the quiche?

You can snuggle with us and eat cake.

You had me at cake. wink

So apart from libellous accusations of having inappropriate relations with puddles grin what's this all about?

Ooh ooh! I've got an idea <holds arm up in air like an over enthusiastic 5yo> We can do a live nativity, I'm due on december 22nd! --although the size of me you'd expect next week--

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 19:09:29

Love the nativity!

I can even supply a Donkey! More shetland pony with fake antlers, but close enough

<hands round cake>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 19:29:54


Joyful, it really started after the puddlehumper thread was deleted. I can't remember if you were involved but SayCool started a thread about that thread which went on for an astonishing amount of time before the mods noticed, and then Brian started this one, and we were snuggling and drinking and eating cake and chatting and thought it would be fun to be a quiche.

bonkey have you got your reindeer and donkeys mixed up lovey?

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 19:42:45

Quite possibly blush grin !

Big ears and a donkey tail it is then..

Its because I have a pair of these for him already!

Disclaimer: Not my horse!

Haha! Brilliant!

--we have antlers and red nose for our car--

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 20:03:26

What is this quiche about?

Musical numbers.
Pregnant ladies.
Did I mention cake and wine?

That's about it, really.

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 20:09:15

< Ponders whether, after reading the Feminist threads, it will be possible to find three wise men ??? >

Ineedanewnickname Tue 28-Aug-12 20:10:02

Just watched it on catch up, you were all amazing! thanks

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 20:10:33

Sounds about right grin

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 20:10:44

But a chorus line of 3456548723459204 wise women would be awesome.

added quickly to avoid be labelled as sexist grin

Maat Tue 28-Aug-12 20:11:58

Brilliant thread.

Absolutely brilliant.

Empress yes I was on SayCool's thread - it went on for much longer than I thought it would! I think MNHQ couldn't decide whether to delete it or not but finally hit the big red button while I was driving home from a weekend at a friend's so I missed the end of it. sad

Tee that sounds fab!

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 20:23:09

Well then grab some cake and wine and come sit down!

I am lying on a sofa as I have eaten too much chicken...

IamtheZombie Tue 28-Aug-12 20:23:42

In addition to the Nativity, how about a Carol Service?

We Three Trolls

O Come All Ye Lurkers

And so on...

I'm so envy you've got all this done.

I have been stuck rewriting the living room and cleaning the toy cupboard out with the children <<shudders>> helping.

<applauds heartily>>

I'm stuck in the bedroom with a poorly, teething, cluster-feeding 8 month old who's struggling to sleep. wine is very welcome!

I love the idea of a carol service.

Oh and I performed my own Nativity last year - well sort of, DS decided Christmas Day was better than his due date (16th) then was in such a hurry he was born in triage. So I may take a back seat in any Nativity-related stuff this year!

DH wanted to call him Jesus. My gran suggested Rudolf... hmm

dearprudence Tue 28-Aug-12 20:41:16

Fuck, I'm late
<sidles in along the row, making everyone stand up>

I missed that - could you start again please?

Tee2072 Tue 28-Aug-12 20:57:02

Get dearprudence a DVD, please. Ta.

We can't agree on a boys name, maybe Jesus in honour of the mumsnet nativity grin

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 21:58:10

Just caught up with True Blood, I actually sighed when Alcide was on screen. blush

For those not in the know click and be happy! wink

Loving the Nativity idea!

DZH, I'm sorry, but no. I aint hanging on til Christmas for all the gin in, er, wherever gin comes from. We'll let State's baby be the star of that one.

Just watched Midwives, and managed to only cry twice! Although I did cry at a random photo of a dog on FB… blush

Puddle If you'd called him Jesus, you could have bought him a cabbage van grin <eyes State's bump speculatively> Jesus is nice... think of the career opportunities it would open with Ocado later on...
(has anyone nominated this for Classics yet? Those lyrics are too good to be forgotten see what I did there? )

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 22:22:09

OI I put my mobile in the washing machine when I was pg -by accident!

I didn't realise until I was sat in the mv's office for a blood pressure check. It was like a fucking waterfall! I couldn't speak I was so hysterical. blush . It took me 15 mins to calm down and explain wtf was going on. Mv was very hmm .

What i am getting at, is there's nowt wrong with crying at a dogs pic! grin

Haha! I forgot about mr ocado man jesus! I actually do want Noah but dp has said No, and so far has only suggested Dave, twat.

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 22:24:27


For a baby? hmm

I think I'd cry about putting my mobile in the wash even if I wasn't pregnant Bonkey!

Davey Babid?

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 22:25:44


Normally I would be seriously pissed off with myself that I had been so darn stupid! No tears, just angry !

If you want Noah, dig out every really really obscure Biblical name there is, and suggest them all. Sound very sincere as you do it, and pick your moments. By Christmas your DH will be begging you to choose something as nice and unremarkable as Noah wink
Start with Methuselah, go on through Jeroboam and Nebuchadnezzar, and end up with Jehosaphat and Uzziah, with all points between... that should do the trick grin

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 22:30:27

Noah is lovely! smile

bonkey I'm hoping he's joking he can be a bit of a pleb at times, and has a weird sense of humour. But Dave, really!

pom he'd see straight through me, I'm going to give it a try grin

He just asked if he can buy a canoe, I said, can I call the baby Noah, he said, can I buy a canoe? I said you answer first he said, if I can have a canoe. What a div!

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 22:34:55

If your calling the baby Noah, surely you would want a Ark ! wink

I'm sure a canoe isn't enough to change his mind, my top 5 names he doesn't like <mutters> our girls name is picked by me, I was norty and played the 'dead relative' card and would name a dd after my late Grandma, he dare not argue with that grin

DZH Tue 28-Aug-12 22:39:05


Move to the Channel Islands then DH can canoe and your DS can be Noah Sark

<Sorry, 30+ years with teenage boys has affected my sense of humour>


BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 22:39:54

Dh wanted Conrad for ds. shock

<means no offence to anyone with Conrad as a name, themselves or their dc's, I don't like it though> grin

I battered my way on that one!

I used to have a great-uncle Noah, you can adopt him for naming purposes if you like? grin

I wanted William or Oliver for DS but got vetoed. sad Girls names are easy, we had a shortlist of 3 for our potential DD2. Boys names are harder. If we decide to have DC3 it had better be a girl!

Cheers puddle if anyone asks we are 3rd cousins twice removed and I was very fond of Noah wink

Ill throw it to the puddle humpers, Noah, Theo, Zach, --i do already have a Jack-- Luca or Saul.

Love William, but we have one in the family, love oliver but its my best friends favourite name. Tis rubarb choosing names.

Boys names are so much harder, I agree Puddle. We have our girls name decided on, have done for a long time (since I got pregnant with DS), but there are no boys names we both love. DS went a week without a name, so if this baby is a boy too god knows how long he'll be nameless for before we can agree on one.

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 22:54:09

Not Zach! Soooo common now, they are bloody everywhere.

And not if you have a Jack! grin

showtunesgirl Tue 28-Aug-12 22:55:04

This sounds like MY kind of thread. grin

Genuinely, my ipod would have most people running screaming into the night unless you're a HUGE musicals fan!

I watched hairspray the other day, I was in heaven I tell you, dp kept asking me why I was smiling.

Thanks for the tip bonkey we currently reside in the land of jaydens, caidens, leylands and cinderellas hmm but will have left by the time wriggler arrives so I need a normal world opinion grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Tue 28-Aug-12 22:59:50

I like Noah.

NotHoney, I'm sorry you missed it. I hijacked your guidelines thread with a call but sounds like you had a lot on. Your song was a big hit. Have an autographed DVD and some wine.

accepts wine

it was one of those stupid moments.

well I have to empty the cupboard to get to the wire so why not tidy all the cupboards.

I am still slightly traumatised, but tidier

showtunesgirl Tue 28-Aug-12 23:03:37

Good morning Mumsnet!
You're always there, so I don't fret!
Every post is a fantasy
Every thread's like a symphony grin

shaky Tue 28-Aug-12 23:09:01

Wow very, very impressed with the musical, I loved it. Can't wait for the DVD, what a talented lot. Can I have a signed DVD please?

BonkeyMollocks Tue 28-Aug-12 23:10:40

<whips out Sharpie>

<signs and passes round>

shaky Tue 28-Aug-12 23:52:56

Thanks bonkey

RevoltingChildren Wed 29-Aug-12 00:03:29

I have musical theatre username, can I join in

RevoltingChildren Wed 29-Aug-12 00:05:11

We are revolting mumsnetters living in revolting times
We start revolting threads we type revolting rhymes
Well be revolting mumsnetters til our reviltings done
And well have the nethunners bolting
We're revolting!

IamtheZombie Wed 29-Aug-12 00:18:42


<Yawns> bedtime for me, don't have too much fun without me <signs dvd on way out>

DZH Wed 29-Aug-12 00:54:56

<Stamps "18+ Not for the Faint Hearted" on all the DVD cases>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 29-Aug-12 02:00:52

<grabs Sharpie & signs DVDs>
RevoltingChildren & Showtunesgirl, we'll sign you up for the Christmas special!

Tee2072 Wed 29-Aug-12 08:48:52

Okay. Who is going to hold my hand at 145 while they fit my Mirena? These things don't usually worry me, but I'm fretting a bit about this one...

showtunesgirl Wed 29-Aug-12 08:49:26

Excellent. I'll let my agent know. wink

Tee2072 Wed 29-Aug-12 08:59:14

Interesting cross-post... grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 29-Aug-12 09:09:19

I'll be with you in spirit, Tee. Here's a brew now and a wine for once it's all over.

Tee you'll be fine. But you'll probably feel weirdy and uncomfy this afternoon, so I'm prescribing mnet, sofa and cbeebies.

BonkeyMollocks Wed 29-Aug-12 10:07:21

Hope it goes ok Tee!

It fecking raining....again!

Which means ds, dh, and me stuck inside all day bored!

May have to go and harass my neighbour later. I bloody hare rain!

Morning all!

Will be thinking of you tee <winces> I've never been brave enough! I need to man up come january though, I adore my big dcs but never again do I want a close age gap!! ever!

So after our dvd signings, what's our next move? grin

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 29-Aug-12 12:16:47

I sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry - I'm late for my very own musical. blush

<settles down in comfy armchair with large supply of biscuits>

Right. Do start, please. smile

shaky Wed 29-Aug-12 12:18:39

tee I hope it goes ok for you today, I'll be thinking of you

Tee2072 Wed 29-Aug-12 12:27:35

Honestly, Knid! It's over!! You missed it...

Someone get her a DVD....


Thanks everyone. I have no idea why I'm nervous about this. I have no problem with smears or anything!

shaky Wed 29-Aug-12 12:55:02

knid here's my copy of the DVD, signed and everything
<chucks DVD over>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 29-Aug-12 13:03:30

No that's ok, Shaky, she can have a fresh one.
<chucks over other DVD>
But you're too late to have Brian's signed lycra cycling shorts.

Yeah, I got those! grin confused hmm

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 29-Aug-12 14:56:44

I have missed it? sad <cries> But ... can't you just do it all again? Please?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 29-Aug-12 15:10:44

Oh go on then, for you....

Go back to the start of the thread and we'll rerun it from there.

TallDwarf Wed 29-Aug-12 15:28:36

Yay came in just in time for the rerun!

I've been giggling all day about that Sharon song but have no one to share it with sad

Tee2072 Wed 29-Aug-12 15:33:46

I'm home now and can I just say...OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 29-Aug-12 15:48:50

Oh Tee sad

but it's all done now. Come and snuggle and have a wine.

TallDwarf, come and have some wine too. I'm glad I made you giggle all day grin. Share it with us.

Is it ok if I come on stage now, to mop up all that sweat & perspiration you girls have shed. Health & safety requires it be cleared up.

Tee2072 Wed 29-Aug-12 16:00:27

Thank you Empress. My husband is bringing home a bottle of the real stuff!

It took ages even though the doctor was very very good, it still was not pleasant! As I said to my husband 'I am very aware right now that I have a uterus.'

Also, I was hoping my Mummy would be online so I could get some virtual sympathy, but no sign of her. pout

N.B. I'm 43. I still think I need my mummy!

ShirleyKnot Wed 29-Aug-12 16:02:43

This was brilliant!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 29-Aug-12 16:20:49

Thank you Shirley grin

Poor Tee. We'll look after you virtually until your DH gets back.

Thanks, flatbellyfella. [tips janitor]

<Hands tee ice cream and duvet>

Tee2072 Wed 29-Aug-12 17:43:08

Thanks guys. Just throwing some dinner together, getting A Small Boy™ into bed and then am curling up under Slanket with a bottle of wine and watching Great British Bake Off from last night.

So no spoilers sweeties!

BonkeyMollocks Wed 29-Aug-12 17:56:03

Suddenly I can't wait for Monday!
Ds is driving me LOOPY!!!!

I haven't seen the Bake-Off either Tee but I think it's tarts week (insert own joke here). grin Sorry you're feeling sore, have another wine

This is brilliant Puddlehumpers! Troll block tango grin

Can I join <warms vocal chords> la la la la la la la mi mi mi mi mi mi mi

I have conducting experience and have my own tambourine

I love great british bake off, it is tarts week, some are amazing!!

Tee2072 Wed 29-Aug-12 20:22:21

Aaaaaa it's not on.

::wails in distress::

BonkeyMollocks Wed 29-Aug-12 20:30:30

< runs to top up Tee's wine >

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 29-Aug-12 21:44:17

<wanders in>
You can conduct the choir in the Christmas special, GlaikitFizzog grin
<takes wine
<wanders out>

Doesn't sound pleasant Tee. Here, try a cadbury's chocolate covered pretzel. I just discovered them yesterday. Bloody lovely. I may have accidently eaten a whole bag…

shaky Wed 29-Aug-12 21:53:20

Aw don't dry tee, here, have some maltesers

shaky Wed 29-Aug-12 21:53:49

Dry = cry, ffs

<sneaks in hoping not to be noticed, realises I'm a full day late, whispers oh bugger in case anyone's still there tidying up>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 29-Aug-12 23:29:39

Welcome to the Puddle, Jammy, have some wine and a DVD of the musical. I think we're just about cleared up now. We'll be starting rehearsals for the Christmas special next month if you're interested?

I've got an idea. What do people think about asking MNHQ (who did NOT come and see our show angry to perform the Troll Block Tango for our DVD deluxe extra feature?

I too am MOST disapointed at the lack of applause from HQ empress maybe we should all report op and ask for roundup? Big headed, maybe.

Tee2072 Thu 30-Aug-12 06:50:46

Morning all.

I actually dreamt the musical last night. Including a very pregnant OI doing the cancan!!! grin

Yes, very disappointed HQ hasn't been by to give us the accolades we so richly deserve.

<digs out baton> yay!! What are we singing for Christmas?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 08:15:17

I am quite tempted, State!

Tee grin

Glaikit, we're planning a Nativity, starring State, her new baby (on arrival) and Bonkey's donkey.

<looks forward to the dvd> Could I be a sheep please (always my best part at school)?

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 09:33:23

State Very subtle wink grin .

MNHQ should reward us all with our fabulousness with a box on chocolates and a bottle of naice wine each!

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 09:38:07

Its still.morning! If anything doesn't make sense ^ then that's why! confused

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 09:58:42

<puts kettle on>
Of course you can be a sheep, Jammy.

Bonkey, why don't you report the thread to MNHQ and offer them a copy of the DVD?

Yeay <goes off to think fluffy thoughts>

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Thu 30-Aug-12 11:47:15


Somebody take my laptop away from me please.

Or make me hide AIBU. shit/bat shit


Discissions of the day people!!! grin

Or even 'Discussions' <checks watch, yep still morning…>

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 12:04:54

Whoop whoop!

<high fives Puddle Humpers!>

<grabs Brians laptop>


BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Thu 30-Aug-12 12:07:50

<steals back laptop>

<high kicks through the thread in celebration>

Now, my signed (and worn) fluorescent lycra cycle shorts have gone to a good home. Who wants my sweaty body stocking from the Tango piece?

It will fetch, literally, pennies on eBay.

grin at Tee's dream! Did my baby come firing out? Or did it stay as firmly put as it is in real life? (6 days to due date!)

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 12:23:37

Discussions of the Day?

WOOOOOOO!!!!!! <pops champagne>
<just misses Brian>
Give Kniddy your bodytocking.

Tee2072 Thu 30-Aug-12 12:25:41

Nope, baby stayed put! I was standing in the wings waiting for my cue and you have me a cheeky grin over your shoulder as you kept kicking. grin

Discussion of the day! So HQ is aware of the thread...

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 12:29:22

HQ is aware...but no wine and chocolates ?? hmm

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 12:50:04

And they weren't in the audience either.

Someone needs to take them a DVD so they can appreciate it properly and see why we deserve wine and chocolates.

Can I be stand by angel in the nativity? I can also make sheep costumes from fleecey under sheets if you need one jammy!

So we need songs for donkeys, sheep and Mary and the baby cheeses. Can I do a version of oh holy night? Maybe oh trolly night?

Thank you Glaikit, that sounds lovely (and not too itchy, can't be doing itchy on stage).

Can I do an MN Baa Baa Black Sheep please?
<think, think, what rhymes with gin?>

Pimms? Oddbins?

I'd even let them have my wine <puppy dog eyes at MNHQ>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 18:41:40

Baa baa MN Sheep
Have you any booze?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Our gin store is huge.

One cellar for Olivia
One for Justine
One each for both Helens
And the rest of the team.

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 18:45:37


Empress Your rather good!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 18:50:37

Thanks Bonkey. I can't stop singing it now and I'm getting weird looks from DW and DD.

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 18:51:48

This must go in Classics!

All the songs will be lost otherwise sad

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 18:56:46

Then the thing you need to do is report the thread to HQ and ask - I'm always on at them about something or other so better it's somone else.

and don't forget to mention the wine and chocs!

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 19:01:44

Ok, i'm on it.

Will offer them a signed dvd and gin.

How could they refuse! grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 19:03:56

Should be irresistible!

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 19:05:32

Done grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 19:15:08

Great grin

What did you say?

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 19:20:12

Could you please be ever so kind and plonk our Musical in Classics?

The songs are too good to be lost!

Pretty please??

The puddle humpers are happy to send gin and a signed dvd as a thankyou! smile smile

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 19:20:48

Maybe it should have been in song form? confused

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 19:24:50

No, that's great.

Although I would be impressed if they replied in song form.

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 19:28:17


BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Thu 30-Aug-12 20:10:14

Although I would be impressed if they replied in song form.

I think you may have just thrown down the gauntlet to MNHQ grin

If the come back and reply in song I will call the baby Jesus!

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 20:22:22

State Thats rather a good incentive! grin

Empress, another hit there! grin I want to write one, but my brain appears to be missing. It's rather frustrating.

You know that's in writing now State? You are bound by the Mumsnet code to keep your word.

Ireally hope they reply in song! Can't wait for the birth of baby Jesus!

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 20:26:57

Mumsnet code?

Maybe I should report again with States incentive! grin

I think they need to be made aware Bonkey.

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 20:38:41

To the best MNHQ in the world <creep>

We have in writing that StateofConfusion will call her baby Jesus if you could reply in song.

Please see below:

StateofConfusion Thu 30-Aug-12 20:21:18
If the come back and reply in song I will call the baby Jesus!

Myself and The Puddle Humpers thought this was something you needed to be aware of. wink

Please, please please Classic us!

Many thanks from The Puddle

Hows that?
Do I send? grin

Perfect. Do it!

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 20:47:14


MNHQ will have me for harassment soon

I actually like the name Jesus, bit too out there for me though...

Is your surname Jones State?

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 20:50:54

Pickled onion anyone?

I have discovered they are pretty much calorie free.

I may stink though.

OlympiaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 30-Aug-12 21:21:30


--MNHQ will have me for harassment soon--

Just a spoonful of sugar gin helps the thread-moving go down....

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 21:49:44

One line? You can do better than that, Olivia.

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 22:06:37

Well, I never knew there was a Music topic!

For me to name this baby Jesus I atleast wanted something original.

You have until december!

Music topic, music topic <flounces>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 22:55:01

Music topic?

MUSIC topic?

MUSIC TOPIC?????????????

<flounces after State>

BonkeyMollocks Thu 30-Aug-12 22:55:57

We're not good enough for Classics sad

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 30-Aug-12 22:59:33

All that work. All those rehearsals. And we're not good enough for Classics.


shaky Thu 30-Aug-12 23:37:05

I have asked for this to be put in classics too, (I didn't bribe MNHQ with extra gin or anything, honest)

Love it

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 00:19:30

Thanks Shaky.

We're in Parenting News which is something.

But it's not Classics sad

Tee2072 Fri 31-Aug-12 07:58:12

There's a music topic? confused

We were in parenting news? ::must read closer::

Means we won't make the round-up....

I'd put money on you ladies being in the roundup.

And for troll block tango alone this should be in classics!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 11:14:56

Troll Block Tango is a work of genius!

Thanks Glaikit, & yes you can be a standby angel.

State - have you warned your DH he might need to change his name to Joseph?

Tee2072 Fri 31-Aug-12 11:28:19


We're in the music topic, but the musical is over now and we're back to being a chat thread. So, does this mean we can only talk about music from now on? What about when I go into labour and want to tell you all the gory details - do I have to sing about it? confused

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 12:14:04

We are norty, so we will talk about whatever we like.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 31-Aug-12 12:22:23

This was such a brilliant thread, why has it been put in the backwater of Music so no one will see it? confused
Though of course being in a backwater means you can be norty.
Mitmoo grin.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 12:29:37

Stop it LadyBeagleEyes. Seriously - you'll scupper any chances we have of getting into Classics!
We are sad about being in Music sad

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 13:07:42

but thank you for saying it was brilliant smile

I am so sad we've been demoted to music.

If I knew how to blank post I'd fill chat with them until hq paid attention!


empress calling him joseph would be a nice change from his usual nickname, I'm sure he wouldn't complain grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 13:44:57

I've just emailed them asking why.

Did you ever get a response, State?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 14:01:36


EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 14:09:35


shaky Fri 31-Aug-12 14:38:27

How did we end up getting moved to music?

I asked for us to be in classics.

Maybe HQ are on the gin again?

showtunesgirl Fri 31-Aug-12 15:42:13

Now in Classics!!!!

shaky Fri 31-Aug-12 15:48:44



shaky Fri 31-Aug-12 15:51:18

Thank you HQ!

Enjoy the gin!

Told ya! I may also have bribed mnhq to move you to classics too <taps nose>

Tee2072 Fri 31-Aug-12 16:08:28


EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 16:12:12


Discussion of the Day. Parenting News. Talk Roundup and now Classics - there are no honours left to be had! Thank you v v v v v v v much MNHQ, we luff you xxxxxxxxxx

Yeay, well done!

<passes celebratory gin & chocolate cake and claps lots>

Hooray! grin

BonkeyMollocks Fri 31-Aug-12 16:29:11

Oh are we in Classics??


<cracks open champers>

I have to call the baby Jesus now, don't I?

shaky Fri 31-Aug-12 16:41:25

Afraid so state grin sorry!

Maybe if the baby's a girl you could call her Bee with Jesus as the middle name? Reckon you could get away with that.

BonkeyMollocks Fri 31-Aug-12 16:47:54

Jesus is better than Dave grin

Anything is better than Dave!!!

Bee Jesus grin that's brilliant!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 16:54:20

Not until MNHQ sing us a song, State - I KNOW they can do better than just one line!

<Stands behind empress>

C'mon HQ, for Bee Jesus wink

Classics! Well done! grin

OlympiaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 31-Aug-12 19:18:36


Not until MNHQ sing us a song, State - I KNOW they can do better than just one line!

A gauntlet, eh?

Tee2072 Fri 31-Aug-12 19:38:24

Uh oh....

tee what are you uh ohing about, I'm the one about to end up with the son of christ! <Wibble>

But then since ds goes to school with a cinderella, darceee, tadas and beckham. Little Jesus won't stand out. And its a cofe school maybe ill get extra brownie points.

But sod all that I can't wait to see HQs response grin there's enough of them to think up something amazing.

BonkeyMollocks Fri 31-Aug-12 20:22:17

Beckham? Tadas? Cinderella?


State where do you live? Fairyland? grin

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Fri 31-Aug-12 20:27:51

I wasn't going to come onto MN this evening, but what with me being incredibly famous now, having made my first ever entry into the Roundup, I thought I would grace you with my presence.

<high kicks once again, now trimmed, in celebration>

It is ridiculous how pleased I am being given a namecheck. You's lot will never hear the end of it.

Anyway, enough about me, soooo, baby Jesus eh State?


bonkey I swear to you they are real childrens names at his school! There are actually 2 cinderellas.

I live in Norfolk

--but the estate is akin to the one on shameless, I wish I'd known before moving in! Were in the process of house hunting now--

Yes baby Jesus, or Bee Jesus for a girl grin

BonkeyMollocks Fri 31-Aug-12 20:36:04

Brian My first mention on round up too. We can highkick together grin

MNHQ need to come up with the goods.

Bee Jesus is just genius! grin

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 31-Aug-12 20:55:46

<hugs Famous Brian and fellow stars grin grin grin

Thanks, Joyful grin

The challenge is on, Olivia!

If the wonderful creative minds at HQ write and perform a song for us before State's baby is born in December, she'll name him / her Jesus.

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Sat 01-Sep-12 11:37:07

I am sitting in hairdressers watching DD have her locs retwisted.

Started at 10:30. Entirely possible we'll still be here at 1.

BUT it's once every couple of months and it beats the days when every Sunday was spent unplaiting, washing and replaiting. And I have coffee and books and MN. DD is plugged into laptop watching Johnny English.

Morning empress once every few months sounds far better than once a week!

I need to face the food shopping shortly, we didn't bother last week as we were away and things are dire <looks at over excited slightly loopy dcs and sighs>

We have <whispers> nice weather here today! I have washing on the line and everything! Going to take the dog for a walk in a bit and try to shift this baby.

How's your DD's hair looking Empress? Hope Johnny English is a long film! Once every few months sounds a lot better than once a week, especially if you can sit with coffee, books and MN, and she can watch a film while it's done.

Good luck with the shopping State!

We have what I class as nice weather (when pregnant and grumpy) cool autumn breeze, bright but not sunny. Perfect imo smile

I'm yet to face Tesco, someone make me go.

The dc are finally quiet and still, first time in 6wks!!! Watching the new curious george film <hugs sky box>

Can't you do your shop online? It's too nice to be in a supermarket today, and quiet DC for the first time in 6 weeks is too good to ruin!

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Sat 01-Sep-12 14:52:09

State, online shopping is the answer to everything... Besides, you need to be getting acquainted with Ocado!

Weather's nice here too. Hair's finished and looks great thanks, OI. DW's taken her shopping now and I'm off to meet my DSis in town and take her to Ikea.

Get me some meatballs please Empress. Ta.

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Sat 01-Sep-12 15:20:34

<starts shopping list>

empress take meeee with yooooou!!! I've never been to ikea <whips out tiny violin> I went once as a child and slept in the trolley, my life is so empty having never browsed it!

Well I braved the food shop, no point doing online as were 2mins away and I only needed fresh bits iyswim about £20 worth, and I get all the tins/crisps/cereal etc in aldi on the way home.

I managed to keep control of the dc with the promise of blackberries haha!

Tee2072 Sat 01-Sep-12 17:33:52


Was a lovely day here in Belfast. Went for a walk and a coffee and to the butcher. Then played in the garden. Then had a nap. Now making gorgeous hamburgers from our butcher. grin

Glad the re-locking went well, Empress.

I adore Ikea...

OI I agree, too nice for grocery store. Nice jolly young man delivered mine a few hours ago. grin

Ah bliss, smallest state is sound asleep, just the bigger grumpier one to tackle now.

I just raided my wardrobe which I've been stashing bargains in I've found for <whispers> christmas, and discovered dd is almost done, Thankfully she is 4 in november so I can spread it out a bit! I got 10 disney princess dolls for £20 for her off a facebook sale page and forgot all about them blush

Now sorting bits I'd stashed for the baby so hopefully I can feel more prepared instead of woefully unprepared! I'm 24wks today and feel like times passing too fast!

And thanks to tees post burgers are now for dinner for me and dp <rubs belly> I went and got corn on the cobs and tomatoe chutney, mmmmm, pregnancy makes me a bit food obsessed!

BonkeyMollocks Sat 01-Sep-12 19:37:32

Evening all,
Spent the day getting school stuff sorted for ds, and sewing on the last of the bloody labels!. First day on Mon! <wibble>

State I have started for christmas too grin . I have too otherwise I am stuffed. Ds's birthday is in Dec too, so its a double whammy.

Yum to corn on the cob, however there is no graceful way to eat them....

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Sat 01-Sep-12 20:07:06

It was quite quick cos DSis had to catch the train home, but the meatballs were luffly and I got some for everybody <hands out bags and gives State two>

LOVE homemade burgers, best kind!

Barely started thinking about Christmas blush

Tee2072 Sat 01-Sep-12 21:08:36

Ack. I need to do the labels in LittleTee's uniform! Luckily he doesn't start for 3 weeks. I think I'm in denial...

Burgers were gooood. grin

oh crap id totally forgotten about naming ds' uniform, and ofc because i was foolish and pfb i have sew ins <weeps>

bonkey i have dds birthday end of november, dc3 due on the 22nd december hence the organisation this year. Plus me and dp are a bit mad about christmas blush

Cheers empress its been an hour since dinner so im ready for more grin

<offers round snack of dried apricots, saltanas and honey roasted cashews and peanuts>

BonkeyMollocks Sat 01-Sep-12 21:52:31

I bought sew in's because I was always jealous of my friends with their fancy name tags......I know know why my mother stuck to biro and marker pens.

Last year was the first time I got the christmas bug. Ds was just 4 so it was the first year he really 'got it' .

I know fancy burgers and meatballs..........

Ds is starting at the infant school Nursery on the 11th. I've bought a Sharpie laundry marker pen and some iron on labels but have labelled nothing yet. He don't have a uniform or anything, and his coat and bag already have his name written in because he used them for Preschool Playgroup, so he should be ok for now. I'm not stitching in proper name tags, got rather too much other stuff on right now!

We get worse every year, and take decorating very seriously, we have more boxes of christmas decorations when we move than any other thing including clothes and shoes, i already cannot wait to decorate 13 weeks and my house will be christmassy! <squeals>

That should say - "He doesn't have a uniform" btw.

Tee2072 Sun 02-Sep-12 06:38:52

I have stick in labels that come highly recommended. Stick 'ems I think they are called.

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Sun 02-Sep-12 08:32:50

We ordered a stamp with DD's name on. Still hasn't turned up angry

We are in the Copper Boxgrin

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Sun 02-Sep-12 09:53:08

We just beat Brazil at goalball!!!


I'm being a proper suffolk girl today, taking the kids to see my Grandad in a field, he has a new tractor he wants to show them and it has two seats in so he'll take them for a ride. I've not been to his tractor since I was 13! They can't wait after seeing the police tractor at a fete a few weeks ago. Dp (city boy) is taking the piss out of me slightly, although he needs to shush as after 7yrs my suffolk accent is slowly creeping into his leicestershire one, its hilarious grin

Just fetching my little brother and sister up and we are off, although I'm now thinking, a 7, 5, 4 and 3yo in a field, I may need a lot of chocolate this evening!

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Sun 02-Sep-12 12:36:35

Sounds great State grin
Hope you and DP get a ride too.

Watching wheelchair basketball now. We are very high up.

Oh I hope I go into labour soon. I'm crying watching the Burghley Horse Trials ffs.

I didn't empress <paranoid> he was ploughing so very bumpy and uneven and the pregnancys made me a bit anxious. The dcs had a blast, loved every second and took turns for over 2 hours. Dp went in with the little two as they're --fecking mental-- not so reliable with behaviour which he loved.

And we didn't get lost finding him! Hurrah!

OI I feel your pain, I'm a weeping mess at times too, when was your due date?

Due on Wednesday, so 3 more days. But baby is so low I keep thinking surely it'll come early! DS was born the morning after his due date so hopefully this baby will be punctual too.

Your day out in a field with a tractor sounds fun. I'm a country girl so that's my kind of thing. grin

It was bliss oi where I live atm I hate as its so loud all hours, I cannot wait to move back to the quiet!

Sounds very uncomfortable! Neither of my dcs wanted to be born, and after a lengthy horrid failed induction the hospital discovered my body has NO reaction to either drug they tried so my only option was sun roof! They've already pencilled me in for this one, which in one way I'm relieved as I know what's happening --and won't become a glove puppet again, and treat everyone with rubber gloves an the enemy-- but also feel sad ill never experience the excitement of spontaneous labour, and actually giving birth.

Anyway enough of my whinging, where is everyone today, don't tell me you all have lives? shock

Tee2072 Sun 02-Sep-12 19:47:30

Yes. I had a life cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen. grin

LittleTee starts with his new childminder tomorrow. She's lovely but I'm still nervous...

BonkeyMollocks Sun 02-Sep-12 19:52:48

envy of the tractor rides!
Another country gal here!

Tee I'll join you with you nervousness, ds starts school tomorrow! confused

Aw Tee and Bonkey! Puddlehumper snuggles for you both. Ds starts at the infant school Nursery on the 11th, and I haven't really thought about it yet. He's been for a play there though, and used to go there for lunch club once a week before the summer holidays, so I'm confident he'll be happy there. smile

It's not long now til you can move is it State? Have you started looking for anywhere yet?

Tee2072 Sun 02-Sep-12 21:24:02

Well, he doesn't start at actual school for 3 more weeks since he's one of the youngest, if not the youngest, in his class.

I am not really worried about him starting either, he is quite good at fitting in and making friends, it's just Mummy gets weepy at change! Even though the child minder is so much more convenient for me since she's right around the corner. No more bus ride.

But we will have quite a walk to preschool when it starts!

I got all emotional when Ds finished preschool playgroup. He loved it there, and his key worker was fantastic. But because of the new baby coming at the same time as him starting nursery, I'm a bit distracted and probably not as emotional as I would have been. We'll see though, there's more than a week to go, and if it coincides with the 3-days-post-birth-cry-at-everything time, I'll be a wreck!

Good luck to tee and little tee, I'm sure he will be just fine, my ds was only 5 six weeks ago and he is now starting year one, they've split and mixed his class and I'm not impressed, he's very anxious and now seperated from everyone hed found security with!

OI contracts up october but LL has no desire for us to leave so no rush --except I hate the damn place--, fell in love with a house last week but pipped to the post by someone with a years rent up front shock I am over it now though as it would have been a risky move to a very rural village but it.was.perfect. No I'm being sensible were going home to our much loved town we started our family in and it will be worth the wait, its a very popular little place so 3 bed houses go like hot cakes, got to be on the ball and have a decent wedge of cash and our current let was deposit free (my LL is wonderful) so irresponsible here that I am I've applied for a loan, fingers crossed I get it and we can shift before this baby does smile

I can't even begin to explain how much moving means to me.

Good luck to little bonkey too.

I have just sorted through my pics from today, the dcs loved it so much and it shows. I'm expecting some shitty comments though for allowing them in a tractor, they had a seperate seat, and seat belt, on private land, that's not hugely negligent is it? blush

Good luck with the loan application. I know what it's like when you hate where you live and are desperate to move. When I moved in with DH (then bf), he lived in a horrible town that I hated. He didn't like it either (he never spent much time at home until I moved in with him), so we moved as soon as we could, but every day we lived there I got more and more depressed.

I hope little State settles into year 1 well, and makes lots of lovely new friends.

And the tractor rides aren't negligent! Sounds like you were very sensible, and they must have had the time of their lives! Ignore any shitty comments you get! grin

BonkeyMollocks Sun 02-Sep-12 22:16:39

Good luck with the move and the loan State , and two fingers to the fun stoppers wink .

Thank you, I do really love my house, just wish it was sound proof (awful neighbours, actually whole streets pretty horrible) and I could come and go by teleporting! grin we moved here thinking we'd stay but dps signed off work until new year (knee and hip ops) so savings gobbled up by that, which ofc co-insided perfectly with the much wanted bfp we'd decided to put on hold, but ah well, it all sounds shite but were actually quite happy, so new baby, house and he's hoping to change jobs instead of going back to his current one (builder, not great for a guy with two gammy hips/knees and one bad ankle) bless my broken man, he's a mean cook and does all the washing so maybe I should swap with him haha!

Really glad you don't think I'm awful, I was anxious about letting them but I have such fond memorys of being in his tractor and since my dad was never around my Grandads important to me, and I'm very aware of the fact that he won't be a farmer forever! Plus dd squealed and wouldn't leave the tractor at the fete alone so I had to get them over to him!

Anyone enough of my, very dull, life story.

<Rowntrees random anyone?>

I have ds home until thurs, and no plans, well I have my GTT test at 8.40 on wed, woo, a nice 30min drive to get there <weeps> might cave and hit soft play!

Definitely not awful at all! I wish I knew someone with a tractor so Ds could have a ride, he'd be over the moon!

If your ever in suffolk OI look me up smile

shaky Sun 02-Sep-12 23:23:05

Good Luke with everything state, was yours the jizz stinking car thread? That was ace, it took me 2 days to read, I loved it grin

shaky Sun 02-Sep-12 23:24:13

Look not Luke, sorry

Yes it was, I was sad when they left, they were our harmless nice neighbours! grin

I must go update it as were pretty sure OG is indeed pregnant!

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Sun 02-Sep-12 23:59:38

DD would love to ride in a tractor too!

Good luck with the move & loan State, & to your DS for Year 1.

OI, on DD's first day at nursery they said to OW "Stay for the morning until she's settled in a bit."

After half an hour DD announced, "You can go now, Mummy."

I hope the new childminder goes well Tee.

We spent the day at the Olympic Park grin

We saw GB winning at women's goalball, LOTS of wheelchair basketball & some wheelchair tennis. It was fucking fabulous. I realised at some point that I was getting really into all this & then remembered I don't watch sport. I'll go back to not watching it after the Paralympics is over.

EmpressOfTheGoldFlames Mon 03-Sep-12 00:01:21

Bonkey, let us know how your DS gets on. DD's starting