Roman Mumsnet

(197 Posts)

Can you find me some sandals to go with this toga?

AIBU to think that my slaves don't need a day off?

Who is your favourite person in the Forum?

What else?

InTheNameofTheWeeMan Sun 26-Aug-12 22:04:12

Anyone fancy fiddling? It's an entertainng past time.

ArtexMonkey Sun 26-Aug-12 22:07:53

A woman cut me up out in the chariot park earlier. She didn't even have children with her. Aibu to have my slave carve 'Incultis' on to her chariot?

amistillsexy Sun 26-Aug-12 22:08:55

AIBU to park my chariot in the disabled bays if all the P&C ones have gone?

My DH spends all his spare time at the Colosseum. He cavorts with dancing slave girls. Should I leave the bastard?

Any quick and easy recipes for using up a glut of garum?

My hypocaust has broken <first world problem>

grin

Gigondas Sun 26-Aug-12 22:10:08

Anyone got any good fish sauce recipes?

Anyone else finding they are much more interested in dh since reading ars amatoria?

LadySybildeChocolate Sun 26-Aug-12 22:10:21

Longissima dies suus est hic adero voluerint speculum vini.

AIBU to drink my wine unwatered? The slaves are revolting (bloody Spartacus) and I don't know how to put the children to bed.

woahwoah Sun 26-Aug-12 22:11:29

Which level reading scroll is your child on?

I'm pregnant but not sure who the father is. He said his name was Spartacus though .....

ArtexMonkey Sun 26-Aug-12 22:12:08

Help, i only have two denarii to feed a family of six until the
ides of March. Does anyone know where i can get the cheapest dormice?

LemonMousse Sun 26-Aug-12 22:12:20

Anyone got a good recipe for Naice Baked Dormice?

SheelaNeGig Sun 26-Aug-12 22:12:37

What's for dinner?

Wolves nipple chips or pickled dormice?

AIBU to worry that the quality of latin is declining?

Shakey1500 Sun 26-Aug-12 22:12:50

Which side are you on Roman? The People's Republic of Judea? The Judean People's Republic?

<don't flame me I know they're probably misquoted grin )

Its the Friday Night Orgy Thread!

caramelwaffle Sun 26-Aug-12 22:14:12

Colosseum?! Colosseum?! It's worse than trying to get tickets for the Olympics!

ArtexMonkey Sun 26-Aug-12 22:14:26

Has anyone put their underfloor heating on yet?

SheelaNeGig Sun 26-Aug-12 22:15:34

AIBU to want to move away from the smouldering volcano? DH thinks it is perfectly safe as its been doing that hissing and grumbling foverver but i have a feeling of foreboding.

People are predicting that the world will end in 79. Something about a volcano?!
WIBU to pack a bag to carry on my slaves back, filled with supplies for emergencies?
What do you suggest I include?

Tee2072 Sun 26-Aug-12 22:16:10

I live right near Pompeii and there seems to be so much ash lately.

Top tips for cleaning it up?

Is this baby name plebby?

Tee2072 Sun 26-Aug-12 22:16:57

Man, III crossposts!!

I found a secret mosaic in my spouse's latrina the other day - it depicts him in a compromising position with a young concubine (and several dolphins).

Should I leave the Spurius?

SheelaNeGig Sun 26-Aug-12 22:17:37

MN meetup?

I suggest in the forum.

Book club topic: The Satyricon? A set of good dinner party ideas or bit 'try to hard'?

Dh and I want our first Winter festival as a married couple alone. AIBU not invite my DMother and DMiL, especially as they are the same person?

Jamdoughnutfiend Sun 26-Aug-12 22:20:17

I have just been to see a villa that is a do-er upper. DH seems to think that we can live as it is, but I hate the mosaics in the grand hall and the lead pipe work needs replacing? Should I sell a couple of slaves and do the work first or live in it a while to see if the mosaics grow on me?

Is it me or do the Praetorian Guards get younger......

Shakey1500 Sun 26-Aug-12 22:20:30

Sheela I heard that a Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum though? Wouldn't risk it. wink

Somebloke Sun 26-Aug-12 22:20:35

Quadratum stercoris?

My MIL took my DS1 to see the Gladiators at the colliseum. AIBU to have her crucified?

I hear Gaul is quite nice at this time of year. Anyone got any good travel tips?

RagingDull Sun 26-Aug-12 22:23:12

what did the romans ever do for us? grin

Amelia canem non amat. Should I look at rehoming Brutus?

LadySybildeChocolate Sun 26-Aug-12 22:23:56

Square crap?? grin

Is it lower class to not have an en-suite vomitorium?

LadySybildeChocolate Sun 26-Aug-12 22:25:00

Cur non Amelia sicut canis?

Aibu to blame the school for ds losing his Paledamentum?

Boudicca, Femenist Heroine, or Pyromaniac rebel?

Its been 25 years since I studied latin, can you tell? grin

Somebloke Sun 26-Aug-12 22:27:49
pixipie151 Sun 26-Aug-12 22:28:45

What ladysibildechocolate said.

LadySybildeChocolate Sun 26-Aug-12 22:28:58

grin Hahaha! Thank you, Somebloke!

BrevilleTron Sun 26-Aug-12 22:29:31

They are building an aqueduct next to my villa and some bloke called Offa is asking the council to construct a 'dyke'. Should D'us H'us complain or AIBU?

FasterHigherBeardierDaddyman Sun 26-Aug-12 22:29:32

Dear MNHQ, have you thought of upgrading your slates to wax tablets? They smash less often and will enable techius to concentrate on other things.

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Sun 26-Aug-12 22:31:43

So, DH and I were in the vomitarium the other day.....

Mirage Sun 26-Aug-12 22:32:10

I'm thinking of making dpony a senator,AIBU?

LemonMousse Sun 26-Aug-12 22:32:23

Hi - I'm new here - just come over from NetMaters smile

Kleptronic Sun 26-Aug-12 22:32:24

My womb's gone to my head again.

BrevilleTron Sun 26-Aug-12 22:35:28

Net Maters!! That's worse than the People's Front Of Judea!
Harlot!! Splitter!

Only jesting I promise grin

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff Sun 26-Aug-12 22:36:24

Brian is not up the duff, she is a very naughty boy!

any attempt to turn it into a python loveathon

Sunnytimescoming Sun 26-Aug-12 22:40:33

AIBU to shave the slavegirl so we can eat our feast off her without fear of those annoying wiries getting stuck in our teeth?

Whats the funniest thing you've ever overheard at the Forum?

LemonMousse Sun 26-Aug-12 22:43:04

Handholding please! DS wants to go off and invade Britain but he's my PFB sad

I've found a shopping tablet!!

Keema - that would have to be Quis custodiet ipos custodes?. Not that funny in itself you'd think but one of the inbred lunatic that's currently running the place Tiberius' henchmen heard him and hauled him off to the Circus. DH was there and said it was a brilliant show, five types of wild animal and the disgraced senator with a single spear - we Romans really are the best in the Ancient World when it comes to putting on and inventive show. envy grin

MyndAndMist Sun 26-Aug-12 22:53:23

AIBU to take a night off for the Bacchanalia and leave DH at home with the kids?

Oh gods, my typing has gone to pot. That should have been a 'too' in the Satyricon post and an 'an' in the last one. blush blush

Can I blame the unwatered wine from my first post? [hopeful]

Is an amphora of wine a night too much?

Northernlurkerisonholiday Sun 26-Aug-12 22:56:20

I need to fit out dh with some new tunics. Which weavers are best? Any discount codes?

Can anybody suggest a family chariot that will accomodate three cradles across the back?

MeanAndMeaslyGabeeshAges Sun 26-Aug-12 22:57:17

saggy Wouldn't go to Gaul, the sky might fall on your head, by Toutatis.

AIBU for not letting my DS use these new public toilets? He can't go with all those people watching and they keep borrowing his sponge on a stick.

Also, my DH keeps going to Egypt on 'business' but I think he's got some bint there pregnant. What should I do? Apparently she has a very nice nose.

Discipuli, pictoram spectate.

Sunnytimescoming Sun 26-Aug-12 23:00:21

Sunday night property porn

here

MeanAndMeaslyGabeeshAges Sun 26-Aug-12 23:01:19

Also, is anyone else sick of all the Graffiti in Pompeii? It's disgusting, who will think of the children?

Still, on the plus side I won Heliogabalus' lottery the other day. On the down side, the prize was a dead dog.

MadBusLady Sun 26-Aug-12 23:01:27

AIBU to park my sedan in a Vestal Virgins only parking space?

localcrackpot Sun 26-Aug-12 23:04:53

There has to be more to life than spinning wool, right?

I quite fancy nipping down to watch the wrestling, but DH says it's no place for a woman... Seem to be plenty of women loitering outside though?

Cara filia me mordet. Nonne irrationalis fuissim clamare eaque excitare?

MadBusLady Sun 26-Aug-12 23:05:51

This old matron TUTTED at me in the macellum today when I gave DS a stuffed lark to eat while I did the shopping! I was going to keep the beak and pay for it at the end!

Lilymaid Sun 26-Aug-12 23:07:38

Property - we are thinking of moving to Pompei? DH has an offer of a good job in an inn there. Are the schools good? Any drawbacks or reasons why property should be so reasonable in the Bay of Napoli?

Northernlurkerisonholiday Sun 26-Aug-12 23:08:49

Dh wants me to dress like a slave girl. Would this be a dealbreaker for you?

CrispyCod Sun 26-Aug-12 23:09:44

Another lion has escaped the Coliseum again........

Sunnytimescoming Sun 26-Aug-12 23:09:55

feed that Essex lion some Christians

Sunnytimescoming Sun 26-Aug-12 23:10:21

xpost Crispy!

AIBU to be pissed off about this?

My DH Augustus and I decided to throw an orgy for DD's birthday last week. We sent out 40 or so handmaidens bearing invite scrolls - only about 5 citizens bothered to reply and on the day only one old man, a eunuch and a donkey actually turned up.

We'd hired a triclinium especially - plus some gladiators for entertaining the guests between 'courses'. The whole affair cost us a fair few denarii and the gladiators are refusing to leave the peristylium until they get paid.

Next year I just won't bother - we'll probably just take DD down to the Colosseum to watch a few Christians getting dispatched.

AIBU to think this is rude behaviour?

LemonMousse Sun 26-Aug-12 23:12:27

Wearing my judgey Toga but I saw a woman hand her child a Greggs Dormouse Roll and a FruitFlagon at the forum today!

MeanAndMeaslyGabeeshAges Sun 26-Aug-12 23:12:30

Infamy, infamy - they've all got it in for me!

localcrackpot Sun 26-Aug-12 23:16:16

Bastard bastard octopus swam up my sewer drainage and ate a whole pot of my garum! What do you do to keep the swine out? I'm thinking about getting one of those nautical gladiators with a trident and a net to stand guard... DH laughs every time I bring it up, but I'm not laughing. Any ideas?

Am I being unreasonable to think that the price of woad will go through the roof once we invade Britannia?

BombusBombus Sun 26-Aug-12 23:18:58

aibu to have a sponge in a stick to wipe my arse with?

Northernlurkerisonholiday Sun 26-Aug-12 23:19:17

Legions wives and sweethearts please help! My dh has been posted to Germania. AIBU to think they're all barbarians there?

arthurfowlersallotment Sun 26-Aug-12 23:20:42

DH OW is a Vestal Virgin. AIBU to dob her in and have the slut buried alive?

Also, would like to request a hail Caesaran Section even though it means I will certainly perish. AIBU?

PatFenis Sun 26-Aug-12 23:21:02

I have yet again had a neglegtion of invitoriuim to rellly importanto wedding - I have to assumium that I am indeed persona non grata

Giveaflyingfuckmuchio? No

I was just making up stupid words ^^ there - don't google them cos you will come up with shite all

Lilymaid Sun 26-Aug-12 23:21:35

Travel: Thinking of going to Gaul on holiday this year. I understand it is divided into three parts - which one is the nicest?

MadBusLady Sun 26-Aug-12 23:26:13

a hail Caesaran Section

THAT WINS. Stop the internet.

arthurfowlersallotment Sun 26-Aug-12 23:29:51

grin

localcrackpot Sun 26-Aug-12 23:30:35

That's probably the best use my Classics degree has seen in a decade...

HappyAsChips Mon 27-Aug-12 00:59:10

Walking through the Forum the other day, noticed Mark Antony coming out of the Senate House. Have you seen his arse in that toga? Phwoar!

FairPhyllis Mon 27-Aug-12 02:46:51

KLAXON

DH has the plague - should I pop some of the swellings myself or take him to the OOH Temple of Aesculapius?

OhDearNigel Mon 27-Aug-12 03:00:29

Shit. I am a Vestal Virgin and also the OW. I just POAS and I am PG. confused WWYD ?

Has anyone got a really good garum recipe they can share ? Mine just ends up smelling like rotten anchovies.

We live in an insula. My NDN's DS got a typanum for Agonalia and now he will not stop drumming on it, particularly on their balcony on fine evenings. It drives me to drink. WIBU to knock the little blighter into the sewer next time I pass him in the street ?

Jacksmania Mon 27-Aug-12 03:32:59

The following Mumsnetters have stepped on my toga and left it dirty.
Seeing as I am a sebator's wife, I am going to demand that they be taken to the Colosseum and thrown to the lions.

<takes out tablet and writing instrument>
<begins list>

sashh Mon 27-Aug-12 03:43:39

All right ... all right ... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order ... what HAVE you lot done for US?

Minimammoth Mon 27-Aug-12 03:57:29

Just rummaging through the entrails searching for a portent. Apparently we're all doomed, doomed I say. The Ides of March are a long way off by Jupiter.

fridakahlo Mon 27-Aug-12 04:18:57

Oh dear nigel-it would not be a stick bur some barley and you would be waiting a few weeks for the results ( it grows quicker if you are).
DH has been offered a tax collecting role in Lugdunum,.just wandering if anyone has been or lived there, I understand the fashion houses are very good but suspect it would be otherwise lacking, culturally? Am I correct?

Clayhanger Mon 27-Aug-12 09:21:44

DH is under a lot of stress at work, what with his legion being decimated, but he keeps sloping off to hang out with some "Christians". AIBU to leave the bastard?

fivegomadindorset Mon 27-Aug-12 09:23:53

My DH is expecting me to peel his grapes. Is he controlling?

I think my DH is oil-lamping me sadsad

Has anyone else seen that new futuristic presentation down at the Hippodrome yet? It's called Ben Hur - they're using some of the most outlandish chariots I've ever seen. Blood and gore everywhere.

Makes a change from watching a lion chewing on a Christian's femur I suppose. What passes for entertainment these days is really quite beyond the pail. Give me a good old-fashioned naked slave orgy any day. sad

TheLastRavenhope Mon 27-Aug-12 13:39:48

AIBU to ask for divorce?

My DH, Claudius, keeps harping on about how he doesn't want to be Emperor and how he wants a republic instead now that Caligula is dead. Thankfully, the Praetorian Guard has some sense and have told him that the people will kill us all if he says no and won't let him talk to anyone until he changes his mind.

This is absolutely the last straw. I've had to put up with that barmy Livia trying to poison everyone, avoiding Tiberius who likes anything with two legs and a toga and keeping my head down around Caligula until the barmy sod married me to Claudius.

I think I bloody well deserve some recognition and adulation for that if nothing else, but Claudius thinks the people need a bloody republic. I ask you, a bloody republic?!

I've had enough and want to divorce him. Besides, that consul has rather nice legs...

Can anyone recommend a good chariot for thr urbs?

BoerWarKids Mon 27-Aug-12 13:49:59

<clicked thinking this was a typo'd thread about RowanMumsnet. Feels thick>

caramelwaffle Mon 27-Aug-12 13:53:33

BoerWarKids

It is about RowanMN...in a round about way grin You'd have to find the other thread.

Portofino Mon 27-Aug-12 14:15:06

DHus has been to the market and brought home IV new slave girls without discussing it with me first. II of them are twins and he says they will have the sole role of seeing to him in the bathhouse. Am I being selfish?

molepom Mon 27-Aug-12 14:15:34

I'm Spartacus

cocolepew Mon 27-Aug-12 14:22:14

Gladiator sandals, yay or nay? I'm not sure if they're a bit last year.

Portofino Mon 27-Aug-12 14:24:56

AIBU to start a Punic War?

LineRunner Mon 27-Aug-12 14:27:26

I have to spend most of tomorrow picnicking with my MIL at the tomb of our ancestors. Last year she banged on all day about the glory days of the sodding Republic. AIBU to want to whack her over the head with an amphora?

Cremolafoam Mon 27-Aug-12 14:30:09

Anyone got a good low carb recipe for dormouse ? BIWI?
Got maximus Aurelius coming for prandium tomorrow and he's doing Atkinsius.grin

LineRunner Mon 27-Aug-12 14:31:28

AIBU to think that Emperor Nero actually is the finest opera singer in the Graceo-Roman world?

CountBapula Mon 27-Aug-12 14:32:01

This thread is surely destined for Classics. For more than one reason... grin

Hopefullyrecovering Mon 27-Aug-12 14:34:59

Arf at the hypocaust

Please can we have a discussion on suitable sandals now? All this relationship-thread stuff about slave girls, and the property-thread stuff about volcano issues is worrying me. I want to talk about sandals. And possibly togas, but sandals are my priority.

cocolepew - I am quite at a loss to understand the fashion for gladiator sandals. I was offered a pair round the back of the Colosseum the other day - they were soaked in gore and one still had half a leg and a foot in it shock

I'll stick to rubbing the soles of my feet with goat dung and trussing them in hemp, if you don't mind.

Alameda Mon 27-Aug-12 14:55:07

how did I miss this! (have to post as haven't quite mastered what to do with 'threads I'm watching')

frustratedpineapplepants Mon 27-Aug-12 14:55:56

Where's the best stall to haggle for salt, my usual provider had his hands cut off for diddling his taxes, and I don't fancy pink salt.

Alameda Mon 27-Aug-12 14:56:06

(Romans AND big cats might be a bit much for my excessive horn disorder though)

LineRunner Mon 27-Aug-12 14:59:51

My son's specially-imported Greek tutor has just decided to change the grade boundaries for Rhetoric. Can he just do this?

Tee2072 Mon 27-Aug-12 15:05:56

Oh do not get me started on the Republic! I was down at the forum the other day and this new bloke, Plato, or something? Anyway, he was going on and on about the bloody republic.

Like I don't have enough to worry about with all this ash...

FasterHigherBeardierDaddyman Mon 27-Aug-12 15:20:03

My new neighbour is a Gaul. Wibu to welcome them to the via by chopping his head of and enslaving his family? I really need someone to clear the floor in the vomitarium.

AIBU to check the contents of my eunuch's loincloth?

I'm a bit suspicious that there may be more 'in there' than there should be.

When he was waiting upon my teenage daughter as she took her ass milk bath the other day, I couldn't help noticing that he was staring a lot - followed by what I took to be tumescence in the phallic department.

When he is singing at supper, his voice is less than a sweet soprano - more like a basso profundo.

If I find out I've been sold a lemon by that bloody slave trader again, I shall be straight on to the Senate. Either that or I'll just see to the lad myself with my penknife - probably cheaper in the long run. angry

ella47 Mon 27-Aug-12 15:25:47

I want to sacrifice one of our bulls to Nemesis and ask her to do something vile to MIL, DH isn't that bothered about his mother but objects to having vole for dinner instead of roast bull. AIBU?

frustratedpineapplepants Mon 27-Aug-12 15:32:29

ella yabu to waste the bull. Why don't you sacrifice mil?

bananaistheanswer Mon 27-Aug-12 15:46:43

Help! I'm having some boundary issues with our neighbours, they're a rowdy lot. My mate Hadrian thinks we could just build a wall and that'll sort everything out. AIBU to consider letting Hadrian loose with his trowel? I'm worried it might antagonise things confused

Does anyone have any suggestions for Galley cruises? DH is suggesting that we visit Egypt, but I've heard they have a bad problem with asps and would prefer to go to Phoenica.

LineRunner Mon 27-Aug-12 16:13:20

Get Agrippa

fridakahlo Mon 27-Aug-12 16:19:32

Keema, as long as you bear in mind you cannot trust the Phoenicans as far as you can throw them, you shoukd be fine.

LineRunner Mon 27-Aug-12 16:29:09

Please help me with some advice, the situation in my family is getting out of hand. Years ago my grandad Hadrian built a really big wall, with special pointing and everything, and everyone loved it and it got a special award for suppressing the natives.

Now my brother Antoninus says he wants to build a really big wall as well, just a few miles further north. How can I convince him that it's futile and vain and no-one will ever care, and that within a few years all anyone will talk about is how much better Hadrian's wall always was? Please help.

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping Mon 27-Aug-12 16:31:08

Since we got these new lead cups my memory has not been what it was...should I be worried?

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping Mon 27-Aug-12 16:33:08

oh, and another thing, that troublesome Iceni tribe in Essex are being a pain again, they've let a lion on the loose again. What can I do about them this time?

fussychica Mon 27-Aug-12 17:01:39

Think I might have Legionnaires disease - was I so wrong to sleep with them all?

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping Mon 27-Aug-12 17:03:48

fussychica, yes - the fact that they were all wearing togas was a clue that it might not be a good idea!

fussychica Mon 27-Aug-12 17:06:25

But it was only 5000 men - perhaps I'd have been better stopping at the end of the Century.

zukiecat Mon 27-Aug-12 17:13:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping Mon 27-Aug-12 17:16:15

zukiecat, be afraid. Be very afraid - and sell the villa now before prices fall.

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping Mon 27-Aug-12 17:17:18

fussychica, 5000 men?! Be careful, zukiecat will feed you to the lions if you carry on behaving like that.

woahwoah Mon 27-Aug-12 17:20:10

Get Mary Beard over here now!

LineRunner Mon 27-Aug-12 17:23:20

Mary Beard hasn't been invented yet.

zukiecat Mon 27-Aug-12 17:26:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woahwoah Mon 27-Aug-12 17:26:34

Linerunner grin

We are renting a villa in Aqae Sulis next year on our trek north to conquer that skirt wearing tribe.

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping Mon 27-Aug-12 17:44:39

zukiecat, you can mention the spectacular views - it will one very, very soon

joanofarchitrave Mon 27-Aug-12 17:45:39

My gf snogs men who brush their teeth in urine. AIBU to love and hate this at the same time?

LineRunner Mon 27-Aug-12 17:45:58

Rowing boats at the ready, Zukie.

I'm absolutely howling with laughter at Legionnaires disease! grin

Portofino Mon 27-Aug-12 17:58:31

It is now VII o'clock - can I crack open an amphora yet - have had a bastard day training up a new slave.

fussychica Mon 27-Aug-12 18:12:11

Friends, Romums & countrymen.....oh you know the rest

Keema I aim to please - well that's what I said to the legions of men grin

zukiecat Mon 27-Aug-12 18:20:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Have just discovered that eunuch does indeed have full complement of bollocks.

Am sending him back to Honest Titus's Cash & Carry Slave and Handmaiden Emporium first thing tomorrow morning.

I am hoping for a full refund and a few denarii off a new latrine attendant. The last one we had never really 'wiped' properly hmm

RagingDull Mon 27-Aug-12 19:44:25

patience talc with the whole slave thing, you will get there eventually.

after all. rome wasnt built in a day.

meetupmisery Mon 27-Aug-12 19:50:54

I am Spartacus!

Cremolafoam Mon 27-Aug-12 20:02:11

Et tu Brute?
Dh et dd in horta sunt.

MrsShrek3 Mon 27-Aug-12 20:07:23

<libro marcam>
wink

TribbleTuckandDismount Mon 27-Aug-12 20:42:23

I sold some chairs and a maternity toga on roBay last weekendus, the buyer has yet to turn up. WIBU to sacrifice a goat to Proserpine to send Cerberus after him?

frustratedpineapplepants Mon 27-Aug-12 20:48:05

I'm Bwian!

FairPhyllis Mon 27-Aug-12 21:01:14

DH wants to move into one of the new insulae they're putting up on the Aventine. I don't want to live over a taberna, and my brother who's in the vigiles says that insulae are deathtraps - always burning down and collapsing. WIBU to go and live with my mother until he agrees to move out to the countryside?

FairPhyllis Mon 27-Aug-12 21:10:16

Baby praenomina

Which do you prefer from Marcus, Lucius, Gaius, Gnaeus, Quintus and Titus?

Cremolafoam Mon 27-Aug-12 21:10:37

Yanbu Phyllis .
They are bloody death traps what with all that lava and ash. You want to get your dh to have a proper look at Villamove. Get him to take you out for a browse in the chariot tomorrow.

Cremolafoam Mon 27-Aug-12 21:11:39

Have always liked Sextus tbhwink

WWYD (have name changed for this - Friday night orgies toga parties, a funny thing happened on the way to the forum etc) :

I am becoming suspicious of step-MIL's plans for our family. DH was due to inherit everything, and when he died, our eldest two should have been next in line. Now we find her son is down in the will for 'sharing' the inheritance...Also, every time her slaves serve dinner we seem to become ill. We are being sent 'on Imperial business' to Asia Minor, meaning we will have no direct contact with DH's adopted father but step-MIL and her son will see him daily.
DH refuses to believe step-MIL is trying to bump us off has any ulterior motive. Help!

Tee2072 Mon 27-Aug-12 22:06:04

"WWYD (have name changed for this - Friday night orgies toga parties, a funny thing happened on the way to the forum etc)"

The winner!! grin

grin grin

FairPhyllis Mon 27-Aug-12 22:13:14

MoonlightandRoses Watch out for that governor of Syria and his wife. I hear she is a good friend of your step-MIL.

FairPhyllis Mon 27-Aug-12 22:33:19

I know, I know, another wedding thread. We've been invited to DH's sister's nuptia, and apparently it is BYO sacrifice? WTAF? I think this is incredibly rude, but DH doesn't seem to think it is odd. Who is BU?

FairPhyllis - I knew something was up! She was far too 'gracious' about us going, but I just thought it was because we wouldn't be in Rome any more. Now we're going to be spied on too? How can I make DH see sense before she drives us all into an early grave?

Also, YANBU with the BYO sacrifice - very rude. Maybe ignore the request and bring one of the fertility Lares & Penates statues instead? You can pick up some cheap inexpensive ones on the Appian Way. They couldn't get at you for it either as it would still be religious - ha!

LineRunner Mon 27-Aug-12 22:44:26

Saturnalia Challenge - 300 denarii on RoBay by festival's end

TribblusTuckusandDismountus, do join us in this challenge to divest oneself of unused furs, poisoned mushrooms and leather girdles.

No spells or incantations allowed.

I do not dispatch to Dacia.

OhDearNigel Tue 28-Aug-12 01:17:12

Book Club reading this week : the Satyricon. I hear from my ornatrix that it's ^really& racy

almapudden Tue 28-Aug-12 01:52:54

My STBXW cheated on me while I was on holiday, then tried to have her new lover proclaimed emperor in my place. WIBU to execute her in front of our two DCs?

GuestCelebrity Tue 28-Aug-12 13:34:50

alma Have you tried Relatus?

festivalwidow Tue 28-Aug-12 17:19:05

Is it too early to get my DS to use the lavatoria? The Oracle says to wait until he's III, but frankly the bleach vat could use a top-up.

Style & beauty: Walnut shells - is my slave girl am I using them incorrectly?
They are singing the hair off but the accompanying minor burns make my legs even more unsightly - how do you prevent this from happening?

LineRunner Tue 28-Aug-12 20:25:28

Contraception: I have followed Doctor Soranus's advice and tied a dead spider to my stomach, yet since shagging half the the Legion I appear to have all the symptoms of pregnancy. How can this be?

RagingDull Tue 28-Aug-12 21:23:51

im looking for a decent foundation girls - has anyone tried
maximus factorious?

LineRunner Tue 28-Aug-12 22:21:09

Yes, but you have to slap in on with a trowel.

FairPhyllis Wed 29-Aug-12 00:43:04

Good housekeeping:

Can someone suggest an alternative to stale urine as a washing agent? I own a laundry and the neighbours are beginning to complain about the smell.

Maybe send them over some garum? That should destroy help them overcome the stench from the laundry.

LineRunnerFlameBurning Wed 29-Aug-12 22:43:20

Kill them.

Livia - is that you?

Allalonenow Wed 29-Aug-12 23:07:28

WWYD (sorry long)
I'm so worried about my DH, he is the secretary to a well known politician. He says he has invented a way of writing speech at the speed people speak at!!

I know this impossible, I fear he is losing his mind. He has been under a lot of stress at work lately, with elections and court cases, and I want to help him get through this.

I've taken him to Herculanuim for a relaxing Spa Day, and bought him some scented candles, but to no avail. He still seems distant and withdrawn, I am worried he could be having an affair, but I know he loves me and our child.

So which deity should I consult, and what would be an appropriate sacrifce be? We do not have much money, so BOGOF suggestions would help me.

SirBoobAlot Wed 29-Aug-12 23:22:11

My new neighbor is called Biggus Dickus. I really dislike these new names, what on earth is wrong with traditional ones...

SpiritInMotionDaddyman Wed 29-Aug-12 23:24:32

He has a wife you know...

LineRunnerFlameBurning Wed 29-Aug-12 23:42:36

Allaonenow, What year would be posting from exactly...??

LineRunnerFlameBurning Wed 29-Aug-12 23:52:32

...because if it's near the AD 79 mark I'd just leg it anyway ...

SandyMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 30-Aug-12 13:15:20

Hi there,

We're moving this thread to classics. smile

caramelwaffle Thu 30-Aug-12 17:11:16

smile

Awww yay, Keema got classics thread on the basis of my silly autocorrect ipad! grin

Oh my! <Crosses the Classics box on her MN bingo card>

grin

Just need to get banned now keema, quick call me a troll! grin

SpiritInMotionDaddyman Thu 30-Aug-12 17:58:04

What's the Roman version of classics? Neolithic?

drjohnsonscat Fri 31-Aug-12 09:56:30

I hate Gaul. So full of Gaullists who drive their chariots on the wrong side.

Also my MIL is coming to stay and wants me to take her toga down to the stream to bash it with stones. WWYD?

thecatsminion Fri 31-Aug-12 09:56:45

AIBU to judge my friend for using a wet nurse?

I found out here that DS and his mates have been out carving obscene graffiti around town.

Suitable punishment please?

funchum8am Fri 31-Aug-12 16:02:20

My brother is serving out at the God-forsaken edge of the empire and has sent a tablet saying it's wet and cold and he needs socks and a new cloak. Who's in for knitting some blankets for our brave legionaries in Britannia?

Allalonenow Fri 31-Aug-12 16:08:51

I've found a shopping list!!
Just spotted it as I was on my way home.
Very neatly written !! Here it is

agnina / caprina Viaticum Panis caseus radices
Ficus / uvae
Cepam
Lac
Fungi
Vinum

Scaphium sciphus. Lemiscus

Inyourhippyhat Fri 31-Aug-12 16:27:36

No you are not! I am Spartacus!

mamasin Fri 31-Aug-12 16:37:00

WIBU to decline an invitation to eat stuffed dormice at my MILs tomorrow? She has never liked me and since our dd was born has interfered in every way and has given her olives, honey and small birds to eat without my permission. She knows we are struggling at the moment, could she be extending the olive branch right into my face?!
funchum have just finished underpants for my brother - use doubleknit won't you !

ImNotInsaneMyMotherHadMeTested Fri 31-Aug-12 16:50:32

My next door neighbour plays the violin badly late at night.

It's keeping DD awake, should I put a tablet through the door or get my slave to call around.

Also, today he appears to have had a feast out the back for Saturnalia, and hasn't extinguished the barbeque properly.

It's making my washing smell and the smoke is getting thicker. Should I move or just put up with it?

ImNotInsaneMyMotherHadMeTested Fri 31-Aug-12 16:50:48

Oh and he's at it again with the bloody fiddle.

LineRunner Fri 31-Aug-12 17:27:07

Is your neighbour the one with a seemingly unhealthy interest in his female relatives?

FairPhyllis Fri 31-Aug-12 19:49:14

Style and beauty:

Oil-cleansing method - what kind of strigil is best?

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