Mumsnet County … name a place, street, shop or service

(226 Posts)
WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 11:50:13

Your challenge is to suggest names for the places, streets and shops that would make up the County of Mumsnet.

The city would be called Forum. Its suburbs: Boden (designer, very expensive), Hunbury Hills (flashy and a bit TOWIE), Cleek (gated community).

sairygamp Tue 01-May-12 11:52:48

Pombear Palace Theme Park and P&C car park Ltd.

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 11:55:16

Lingerie shop called 'Judgy Pants'

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-May-12 11:56:49

The Attachment Parenting Velcro Factory...

The zoo would be a bit shit. Just some penguins, a bat and a nest of vipers.

A butchers called Naice Ham

KurriKurri Tue 01-May-12 11:59:06

A Pub called 'Terry Wogan's Cock' - with appropriate signage.

Local paper would be The Daily Wail, of course.

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 11:59:54

The hospital would have a Sporn department, where eager onlookers could watch and for a suitable fee could have a squeeze. A klaxon would sound to alert people that a real beauty had popped up.

KurriKurri Tue 01-May-12 12:00:06

A red light area called 'Pedant's Corner'

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 12:01:10

Rival Life Coaches called Jeremy Kyle and Matthew Wright.

OctopusSting Tue 01-May-12 12:02:13

It would have a river of sweetcorn running through it grin

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 12:03:28

Arf at River of Sweetcorn. grin

On that note, an Art Gallery displaying Cubes of Poo.

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 12:03:56

A furniture store called Twigs'n'Pebbles

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 12:05:01

<snurk> at Cubes of Poo

and surely an installation of 'poo pouffe' and 'bobble plate' called something like 'futility'

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-May-12 12:07:28

A firm of solicitors called 'Leave, The & Bastard'?

AngelWreakinHavoc Tue 01-May-12 12:07:46

There could be a bridge called trotters crossing over the river of sweetcorn!

There would be a restaurant that fed the entire sitting for the evening on one roast chicken.

Suggested name - 'Knives, Forks,Spoons'.

OpheliaBumps Tue 01-May-12 12:10:31

A fruit & veg shop called 'The Cutted-Up Pear'

LittleMissMcFartyPants Tue 01-May-12 12:13:28

A Fruit shop called cutted up pear

LittleMissMcFartyPants Tue 01-May-12 12:14:55

X post grin

beanandspud Tue 01-May-12 12:15:01

Has anyone mentioned the patisserie yet? No name needed - just a sign biscuit.

I'm assuming that MNHQ would reside in a building a bit like the Disney castle?

I'll volunteer to run the "PFB Baby Group" in the village hall.

nickelhasababy Tue 01-May-12 12:16:30


can i run the bookshop? please?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-May-12 12:16:44

I think there would be an entire business park of fancy companies with acronyms for logos..... AIBU Inc., SAHM Ltd, PIV-R-Us and OTOH Industries.

sairygamp Tue 01-May-12 12:16:50

Helicoper landing pad for nervous mummies?

nickelhasababy Tue 01-May-12 12:17:04

Bitter - SFK. [stern]
do not let Piste see your post, she'll be running round jumping for joy!

The bookshop would have to be run by Nickelbabe.

Ooh, weirdy x posts grin

nickelhasababy Tue 01-May-12 12:18:26

thanks grin

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-May-12 12:19:46

There would have to be a dark side. A few no-go areas.... the Gina Ford abandoned mine, the Breast vs Bottle flooded quarry and the I Voted Conservative lonely footpath....

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 12:19:55

<waves hand regally> But of course, Nickel although it will need a suitably MN name.

AngelWreakinHavoc Tue 01-May-12 12:20:11

The post office could be called 'x post' grin

nickelhasababy Tue 01-May-12 12:23:04

what, like Nickelbooks?
<funny, that's its RL name.... wink>

sairygamp Tue 01-May-12 12:23:05

The benefits zone..where 56 inch plasma tvs, pictures of x-boxes, and caravans could be looked at through glass screens..

nickelhasababy Tue 01-May-12 12:23:40

Angel - not "Stupid Blardy Sodding Post Office"? confused

takeonboard Tue 01-May-12 12:25:07

Troll Manor would be under Trotters bridge on the banks of the Sweetcorn river.

VerityClinch Tue 01-May-12 12:25:45

The zoo has only one small dog.

It's a shit-zu



The supermarket would be a toss up between Waitrose and cunting Sainsbury

cocolepew Tue 01-May-12 12:25:56

They will be a herd of goats on the benefits zone green area.

BumpingFuglies Tue 01-May-12 12:25:59

Don't forget the goats sairy

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 12:26:13

There would be several schools in the locality:

Gifted and Talented Grammar, located near to Cleek. Everyone fights to get in there.

The public loos would of course be called "Cube of Poo"

iseenodust Tue 01-May-12 12:26:36

A school called The Inclusive Yet Selective Academy

cocolepew Tue 01-May-12 12:27:19

Don't forget The Olde brew Shoppe

MinnieBar Tue 01-May-12 12:27:28

There would be a massive bridge over to Nethuns the rest of the world that makes a trip-trap sound whenever walked over.

There would be a bunting factory to work in, naturally it is called Cuntings Bunting

takeonboard Tue 01-May-12 12:27:52

There would be a Greggs obv which would only sell sausage rolls and fruit shoots.

iseenodust Tue 01-May-12 12:28:12

x- post grin

cocolepew Tue 01-May-12 12:28:20

Pendants Corner

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 12:28:22

Minnie this would of course, be closed in the holidays and after 4pm grin

Massive zombie-proof fence circling the whole town. OFRS available at Waitrose/Cunting Sainsbury's grin

EduStudent Tue 01-May-12 12:30:21

A hairdressers called Booble Plate.

And a quiche shop.

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 12:31:19

Could the Bridge over the River of Sweetcorn have a Troll Booth please? grin

T'would make me vair happy.

takeonboard Tue 01-May-12 12:31:30

Ocado would deliver to all in the "cutted up pear" van driven by Jesus.

BumpingFuglies Tue 01-May-12 12:31:42

AIBU Alley. A highly dangerous and twisting concourse complete with flamethrowers, randomly activated biscuit catapults, wine "jumps", a series of "gavels" thrown by residents and entry permissable only by writing in whole words and sentences. Users are provided with hard-hats and there is gallery viewing for lurkers.

cocolepew Tue 01-May-12 12:33:19

They will be a truck stop just out of town where all the hairy handed truckers can meet.

MinnieBar Tue 01-May-12 12:33:20

The courthouse would also have to be very big to deal with all the cases that are put to the MN Jury. Following on from that, the gavel shop - called, of course, '<gavel>' - would do a roaring trade.

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 12:33:41

Marriage Guidance Counselling will be run by AnyFucker, obviously. Little do we know that she is taking bungs from the solictors, Leave, The & Bastard.

BumpingFuglies Tue 01-May-12 12:34:59

Residents should be provided with a copy of The Rules. It would have to be digital of course, since no-one should be expected to carry half their bodyweight.

BumpingFuglies Tue 01-May-12 12:36:20

The pubs should be called The Nobdie Inn and The Turning Tavern

MinnieBar Tue 01-May-12 12:37:01

There would have to be a quiche shop too, selling a very wide variety of quiches, some of which can only be accessed by going down the shop's side alley - it's a bit off the beaten track.

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 12:37:40

There are Wolefs in the Zoo. <gavel>

BumpingFuglies Tue 01-May-12 12:38:24

grin Minnie

KurriKurri Tue 01-May-12 12:38:45

A haberdashers called 'Thread about a Thread'

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 12:40:48

There is a crossing place over the river. It is called SWMNBN Ford.

MinnieBar Tue 01-May-12 12:42:18

Can I be the first person to say, 'Betcha this makes the roundup'?

nickelhasababy Tue 01-May-12 12:45:32

should that be the name of the Bookies?

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 12:46:49

Roundup is the name of the freebie local paper.

Love the haberdashers Kurri

I think the gated community would actually be called Le Quiche on the Hill

Peter Andre would run local courses for dads called 'Lovin' Your Kids Like Pete'

There would be a gift shop called Pebbly Shite

A lovely, local gynaecolagist would do home visits. Her name would be Ms Vagine.

Rezolution Tue 01-May-12 12:47:10

The main square would be called Four by Four Square with yellow lines all around it where only 4x4 vehicles would be allowed to park.
The council estate would be called Debtford and the town apartments would be Yuppy Landings.
The Shopping Maul would be where the local youths meet to fight socialise.
This thread could run for weeks. Yay!

beanandspud Tue 01-May-12 12:50:57

Ms Vagine would work from the 'Flamin' Fanjo' clinic Jaded

LittleFrieda Tue 01-May-12 12:51:58

There's a private school with a lake and its own fencing salle. And a state school with a car park and its own crack den.

There must be a goat farm.

Can somebody come up with a suitable name for the goat farm?

And a campsite called Bell-End Tenting

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 13:09:29

Holiday resort = Little Twunting By Sea

Could the goat farm be called 'Won't somebody think of the kids?'

Or "Get-Me-Goat" ?

MinnieBar Tue 01-May-12 13:14:02

Parking at Cunting Sainsburys/Waitrose is very, very strictly policed. There are 20 disabled spots (closest), then 20 parent-and-child spots. Anyone without a disability or a child has to park at least a mile away.

Non-compliance is punishable with universal cats'-bum-mouths from the entire population.

MinnieBar Tue 01-May-12 13:16:02

There is another shop, proprietor Marc Skids, that on one side only sells loo brushes. On the other, it only sells j-cloths, bleach and rubber glove combo packs.

Never the twain shall meet...

openerofjars Tue 01-May-12 13:18:31

No no, there is ONLY P&T parking. Cunting Sainsrose is round, so every space is exactly the same distance from it. There are only two aisles: Naice Ham and Free Grapes vs Froot Shoots and Sausage Rolls (a Greggs concession).

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 13:27:33

Public transport is run by Crealy Love Buses. All buses are orange and feature klaxons instead of horns.

And the hairdressers can obviously only do one haircut.

Buppers has to run the cupcakery grin
And we need a scarf shop.
And I shall run a little Olde World Market barrow selling...wait for it... Pot Noodles to go grin

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 13:34:24

What will I do? sad


Well Mortimer will have to have a role as Mayor or official mascot or something, so you can be his PA not helpful am I?
errm, erm, trails off pathetically

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 13:38:18

Yeah, that'll do nicely, nothing too taxing. grin

<cheers up massively>

You can have a blackberry <entices> grin and Organise Things, thus sparing everyone else from ever organising anything ever again grin

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 13:42:48

Urgh no.

<runs away>

Ummmm a lifetime supply of naice biscuits and a clip board so you can give the appearance of Organising Things without actually having to?

And the town hall clock will be stuck permanently at wine.

And a huge statue of Pombear in the middle of the Town Square. Made of solid gold or possibly Solid Gold Brass

mmebunty Tue 01-May-12 14:00:24

We need a stationers, pens, paper and of course the clipboard!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Tue 01-May-12 14:05:40

the toy shop could be 'the sock puppet shop'

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Tue 01-May-12 14:06:14

and there would have to be a duck pond

ElephantsAndMiasmas Tue 01-May-12 14:07:13

Bedlinen shop called The Spreadsheet, naturally.

A get together in the Village Hall every Friday night for ...

Sorry, lowering the tone.


knowitallstrikesagain Tue 01-May-12 14:14:09

A Jubilee shop called 'Bupcakes and Cunting'
A farm called 'Get Orf Moi Land'
A corner of the zoo devoted to lonesome animals with a 'Stranded Bear'
A town council meeting hall where all the final decisions are made called 'Show of Hands'
A construction firm called 'Sue Purbly Built'
A soft play centre called 'Chaos'
A rehab centre called 'Valium Redhead'
A watchmakers 'Tik Tok'
A toyshop 'Squeaky Toy'
A primary school 'Math Anxiety/Cant Spel'

EduStudent Tue 01-May-12 14:15:09

The Town Hall shall run AIBU. Citizens will be invited to attend hearings where people may ask if they are being reasonable or not. Citizens will be able to vote YABU or YANBU.

Random interjections, biscuit throwing, tangential discussions and clarification of negligible details encouraged.

amicissimma Tue 01-May-12 14:23:12

The porn shop Estate Agent will have windows and windows full of bee-ootiful properties and knock-down prices.

FunnysInLaJardin Tue 01-May-12 14:24:23

I'm not clever enough to think of owt, but would just like to say good thread. It's made me grin

< was trying to work in something ref <gavel> and judges>

Kikithecat Tue 01-May-12 14:36:38

Clubs for swingers and so forth: "TGI Friday Night"

LemonMousse Tue 01-May-12 14:44:22


Cuntworm Cottages
Vagine Villas
Trollery Towers

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 14:51:59

The oldest part of town is 'Biscuitgate' there's a market there very other Thursday, at which MNetters sell organic veg and eggs from their chickens.

A pub called The Wolef Pack
A divorce solicitors called Leave The Bastard
A public notice.board in the high street for photoa of those banned from entering myleene klass et all
A fruit shop called Cutted Up Pear (or maybe a good name for a rival divorce solicitors)
Street names: Fanjo Mews, Quiche Close
Comedy club called Arf

NorbertDentressangle Tue 01-May-12 14:59:57

A carpet shop full of red rugs. Lots of them. Just red rugs.

Bespoke Plumbing Repairs by TiggyD Associates

- he will come to your house and replace all your soil/sewage pipes with new perspex see-through ones. All repairs tested on site by MrD himself. Special offers for any buildings over three storeys.


PLFHK Power Generation Plant

- situated just outside Forum, this state-of-the-art power station provides all the electricity needs for the city and all its suburbs. Runs entirely on the new eco-fuel discovery Pete's Love For His Kids - which is clean, orange green and abundantly available.

jaquelinehyde Tue 01-May-12 15:01:43

Don't forget the local rubbish dump, 'Mouldies' grin

ElephantsAndMiasmas Tue 01-May-12 15:02:07

Obviously a shady shop down an alley called The Oxo Tower.

An Ego Massage Parlour named Yanboo.

jaquelinehyde Tue 01-May-12 15:04:22

The local hall shall run hobbies and clubs in things like; lentil weaving, benefit bashing and troll hunting.

NorbertDentressangle Tue 01-May-12 15:07:14

A shop with very, very large windows called I Saw You Coming Pedlars

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 15:08:35

A rival shady shop, 'Centre Parcs'. For those who prefer Friday's offerings...

ElephantsAndMiasmas Tue 01-May-12 15:10:24

A travel agent called FTFOAWYGTFOA.

SarahStratton Tue 01-May-12 15:12:04

Mouldies Rubbish Dump made me wee a leetle bit. grin

IAmBooyhoo Tue 01-May-12 15:13:18

justine would be sheriff of forum county with olivia as her deputy?

And they could ride on a high horse across the Moral Highground

For all your domestic external lighting supplies: Gaslighting - run by the INeverSaidThat-YoureJustImaginingIt Family since 1856.

GoPoldark Tue 01-May-12 15:19:21

GCSE English Language exams in Forum County would be compiled separately from those in the rest of the country, because here No Is A Complete Sentence.

Abandoned Train Station

"Offline for a moment"

<glares at MNHQ>

IAmBooyhoo Tue 01-May-12 15:21:26

to their office, in forumHQ towers, postcode:TSSDNCOP (did i get that right? confused)

GoPoldark Tue 01-May-12 15:24:04

Oh mine wasn't a place, sorry. Ok, the wine bar where the hen parties go in Forum County would be called The Lolling Hun

wheredidyoulastseeit Tue 01-May-12 15:26:38

Leave the bastard soliciters to also be given the job of issuing red flags

LemonMousse Tue 01-May-12 15:27:16

'Bunfight-Nite' in the village hall alternate Thursdays.

lookingforchocolate Tue 01-May-12 15:28:30

a shadey place called lurkers corner

OrmIrian Tue 01-May-12 15:33:49

Deli called Nice Ham

EduStudent Tue 01-May-12 15:39:26

The hairdressers will offer only the MN haircut.

Local smutty sex show with Bumsex Fridays (or is it Thursdays?)
Giant screens for showings of xfactor, apprentice etc with large screen live thread running next to it

TanteRose Tue 01-May-12 15:55:50

Rival travel agents to Elephants one upthread - OTBT (for the more adventurous traveller)

junkcollector Tue 01-May-12 16:02:16

All non drivers would have electroshock therapy and non lift-giving Citizens shouting "it's a basic life skill!" in their faces until they succumbed to the brainwashing truth.

KurriKurri Tue 01-May-12 16:16:33

An arid area on the outskirts of the County, called The Far Side of Fuck, used for the containment of bridezillas, guestzillas, present list senders, evil inlaws, and bitchy work colleagues etc etc.

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 17:24:52

MumsnetHQ pleeease can tech make thus into a virtual world like Second Life. We could lose days there!

RavenVonChaos Tue 01-May-12 21:43:03

Thanks ladies for making me laugh grin

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 21:51:07

Kurri I think the Far Side of Fuck should be a very big arid island with a holding prison, like Alcatraz.

I would also propose a Relative remedial school, for those with problematic MILS, SILs, etc.

iklboo Tue 01-May-12 21:53:35

Those who think the world revolves around them would live on the Entitled Estate.

debka Tue 01-May-12 21:54:47

The Far Side of Fuck should have a dungeon, called Fuck Off Some More. This contains, of course, SWMNBN.

DeadRisingPies Tue 01-May-12 22:03:43

Getting worried - is someone keeping a spreadsheet of all these brilliant ideas?

SkivingAgain Tue 01-May-12 22:08:40

A suburban cul-de-sac called Lady Gardens (there is one of these in a village in Herefordshire grin)

WhirlyByrd Tue 01-May-12 22:09:30

DeadRising are you volunteering to be our town planner grin

Can't believe no-one has opened a wine shop yet ... I'll do that.
Could be called Sauvignon Plonk .... or Philiglass and Sippit.

DeadRisingPies Tue 01-May-12 22:26:52

WhirlyByrd I never volunteer, just feed ideas and hope someone else does the work. Something like this would be good

DeadRisingPies Tue 01-May-12 22:28:20
CharlieUniformNovemberTango Tue 01-May-12 22:39:06

I could run the local Cuntstabulary. I'm down with the lingo already.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Tue 01-May-12 22:44:40

There would have to be a sex shop. It could be called ANAL (All Nice And Lubed)

And Hully can patrol the borders with her gun.

The "Never Google..." internet cafe (open 24 hours) should be smack in the middle of the red light district Pedant's Corner

DeadRisingPies Tue 01-May-12 23:16:01

Have we got a library yet? Need somewhere for the Mumsnet Classics.

OldGreyWiffleTest Tue 01-May-12 23:24:13

There would be a discreet red-light area nicknamed The Cunning Stunt.

And the daily train would be called Old Grey Wiffle Test.

The Swimming Pool would have a very large shallow end, where I could be found.

The Pit of Whinge would be next to the Mouldies dump.

OldGreyWiffleTest Tue 01-May-12 23:38:54

Would Of - the name of the local carpenter.

The interiors shop will only stock F&B from their exclusive MN range along with household items from the new Pedlar's Nest.

kotinka Tue 01-May-12 23:45:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeadRisingPies Tue 01-May-12 23:50:46

Scud Hut, on the Far Side of Fuck Island, for the porn addicted DHs. Maybe within the Alcatraz campus.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 02-May-12 10:47:44

Can I come? And what will I do?? <<draws a blank>>

The knitting circle can meet every Wednesday afternoon in the village hall to produce more Woolly Hugs.

And MN Royalty can live in the Big House.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 02-May-12 12:02:44

Well if nobody can think of a job for me, I'm just going to roam around MN County, torturing small animals and shitting in everyone elses gardens!

nickelhasababy Wed 02-May-12 13:37:34

surely you live in the window of the junk shop?

nickelhasababy Wed 02-May-12 13:40:30

btw - it's pedants' corner

SarahStratton Wed 02-May-12 13:40:39

I would like to volunteer border patrol with Hully. I have my own weaponry.

Stratton's Batton?

Oops, yes, so it is blush. That's to nickel BTW

nickelhasababy Wed 02-May-12 14:31:46


<pedant pendant>

SarahStratton Wed 02-May-12 14:33:45

btw - it's pedants' corner

Oh the irony.

MardyBra Wed 02-May-12 14:44:09

Can I set up the lingerie shop where you can all come and get fitted for your brassieres. Service with a scowl guaranteed.

Treblesallround Wed 02-May-12 14:47:42

Just out of interest, nickel, does one just hang around in pendants' corner?

knowitallstrikesagain Wed 02-May-12 14:50:39

Well if nobody can think of a job for me, I'm just going to roam around MN County, torturing small animals and shitting in everyone elses gardens!

Bit drastic, isn't it? Once always I was picked last for games at school, never once did I shit in someone's garden except Lucy Baker but the bitch should have picked me

NorbertDentressangle Wed 02-May-12 14:52:33

The local court room is presided over by Judge E. Pants

Saltire Wed 02-May-12 15:01:55

I have been nominated by me to oversee and test every bottle the wine shop. I need 2 volunteers to help me.

I shall have a lovely red rug in the entrance of the shop

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Wed 02-May-12 15:06:10

Sarah and hully are my border patrol deputies then. I shall sit in my office eating donuts and assigning codes for crimes which we can relay over the radio.

-- tries to think of something clever to illustrate my point but fails--

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Wed 02-May-12 15:07:03

also fails at strike through

Am I going to have to resign already? Sigh.

So just to be clear, on the high street we've got:

Cunting Sainsbury
Twigs and Pebbly Shite Gift Shop
Boden & Mini Boden
We saw you Coming Pedlars
Naice Ham Butchers
The 'One Haircut only' Booble Plate Hairdresser
Thread about a Thread Haberdashery
A small Farrow and Ball paint concession (could possibly be in Twigs and Pebbly Shite Gift Shop)
Fruit and Veg shop called 'Cutted Up Pear'
Toyshop called The Sock Puppet Shop
Linen shop - The Spreadsheet
Gaslighting - electrical lighting store
Off the Beaten Track Travel Agents
The Center Parcs Bum Sex Shop
A private members 'only if you are on benefits' shop selling 56"Plasma TV's, XBoxes, Caravans and upright swimming pools, situated on the Entitled Estate rather than the main high street

We also have the PFB Baby and Toddler Group
4 Pubs: Terry Wogans Cock, The Turning Tavern, The Wolef Pack and Nobodie Inn
The Flamin' Fanjo sexual health clinic run by Ms Vagine
The 'Knives, Forks, Spoons' restaurant
'Leave the Bastard & Sons' Solicitors
The Peter Andre's Love for His Kids - Dads centre running courses
The Cube of Poo Art Gallery
The Post Office - X Post
Various Business' in the Business Park including: AIBU & CO, SAHM Limited
The Arf Comedy Club
Schools including the 'Inclusive yet Selective Academy', 'Gifted and Talented Grammar' as well as a beautiful leafy private primary where pupils where blazers and boaters. There is also a state school (don't be put off by the electric barb wire fence) in a fabulously urban location next to the local crack den.
The Mouldies Rubbish Dump (sadly no recycling available yet)

Geographically & Historically speaking there is much to be enjoyed including:

The River of Sweetcorn
The Trip Trap Troll Bridge
The Far Side of Fuck Island (for the more intrepid visitor)
Won't Somebody Think of the Kids Goat Farm
The magnificent gold Pom Bear statue in the town square
MN Towers

Residential Areas include:

Lady Gardens (famous for beautifully cultivated gardens although there are still a few wild and free ones dotted about)
The Quiche on the Hill gated development modeled on the award winning St Georges Hill in Weybridge
Fanjo Mews
Indignant Close
Lurkers Corner (best avoided after dark)

Plenty of P&T parking spaces & all overseen by the good Mayor Judgy Pants

Someone needs to write the blurb for the British Tourist Board Website.

<knows she's missed loads and deeply regrets every trying to summarize>

nickelhasababy Wed 02-May-12 15:47:08

where the jeff is my bookshop?!!!!

nickel babe books

MardyBra Wed 02-May-12 15:48:57

And my lingerie establishment? wink

nickelhasababy Wed 02-May-12 15:51:04

Cunting Sainsbury
Twigs and Pebbly Shite Gift Shop
Boden & Mini Boden
We saw you Coming Pedlars
Naice Ham Butchers
The 'One Haircut only' Booble Plate Hairdresser
Thread about a Thread Haberdashery
A small Farrow and Ball paint concession (could possibly be in Twigs and Pebbly Shite Gift Shop)
Fruit and Veg shop called 'Cutted Up Pear'
Toyshop called The Sock Puppet Shop
Linen shop - The Spreadsheet
Gaslighting - electrical lighting store
Off the Beaten Track Travel Agents
The Center Parcs Bum Sex Shop
A private members 'only if you are on benefits' shop selling 56"Plasma TV's, XBoxes, Caravans and upright swimming pools, situated on the Entitled Estate rather than the main high street
nickel babe books
MardyBra lingerie

<knew this would happen>

Yes, yes I know.


Tis the only way.

And then we can get organised on maps and planning

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Wed 02-May-12 16:28:51

Are we having an election for a mayoress?

Maybe we can declare independence and have our own house of uncommoners?

nickelhasababy Wed 02-May-12 16:32:57

my bookshop was mentioned by more than just me, early on in the thread, Jaded smile

TanteRose Wed 02-May-12 16:34:48

Surely we would have a Mooncup Museum?

Menstrual keepers through the Ages Exhibition, with practical workshops on folding techniques and What To Do in a Public Loo grin

Mardy - you could advertise using the strap line 'bosoms hoiked here'...

nickel I know. I KNOW. I initially thought I would just do a little summary of shops - top to bottom - nothing complicated. Then I realised I had to catagorise everything or it would all go cutted up pear shaped.

That's when it started to get ugly.

But I had put in too much work to give up so I posted in the full knowledge that there were errors and omissions shock

Knowing full well that the proprietors of the missing establishments, shops and businesses would rectify the situation grin

nickelhasababy Wed 02-May-12 16:56:18


nickelhasababy Wed 02-May-12 16:56:54

also, the junk shop with Saggyoldclothcatpuss in the window.

Saltire Wed 02-May-12 18:01:53

Ahem the wine shop shall be called "Is it wine o clock yet?...why yes it is " winewine in tasteful coloured letter with decor of pebbles and shite

Saltire Wed 02-May-12 18:02:34

And, flying on a big flagpole for all to see shall be a Saltire grin

iklboo Wed 02-May-12 19:34:19

Sorry if it's already been said, but the local constabulary will be the Grammar Police, won't they? <worried>

WhirlyByrd Wed 02-May-12 20:02:12

I am liking the way MN county is shaping up. When can we move in? grin

SarahStratton Wed 02-May-12 20:10:36

You forgot the Troll Booth on the Trip Trap Troll Bridge.

A male-only hostel called Cocklodgers
Are their rules on the length of time I can leave my laundry on the line, and do I get fined for using different coloured pegs on items?

Can we have a bell that goes off to signify tea and cake time in the town?

SarahStratton Wed 02-May-12 20:40:55

It is always brewwine and [cakey] o' clock. Always.

WhirlyByrd Wed 02-May-12 20:45:11

MadameChin the goodhousekewping pedants will be inspecting washing lines to ensure all laundry is pegged in a logical manner with matching pegs.

MardyBra's shop can sell a D+ bra range called "Lardjov Nork"

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 02-May-12 20:56:03

Ok. I'll sit in the window of the junk shop. Although I might make it an upcycling and repair shop with a wooden pet department!

Loudspeakers are strategically placed to broadcast the message "POAS!" whenever anyone mentions that their period is late.

SarahStratton Wed 02-May-12 20:59:38

Ravens, FailCats and LittleDogs are all protected species.

Can we have an 'Im in Labour' claxon with a electronic public noticeboard for updated in the town square? Then all us nutters keen supporters can congregate with flasks and nibbles whilst reading the updates?

shock I've just thought......who are we going to be Twinned with?

PistonHeads? grin - well, better than F 4 or NM

SarahStratton Wed 02-May-12 21:07:53

Daily Mail forum? <runs>

Digital Spy?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 02-May-12 21:09:38

Can we have an annual ticker tape parade? With sparkles and bunting? <<runs away>>

There would be a massive gate across the trip-trap bridge that has a sign "down for maintenance", every stinking night just when you wanted to get in.

Ooh, we could have floats and far too much alcohol they way they do for Mardi Gras in New Orleans <studiously ignores the 'ticker tape / sparkles' comment>.

NorbertDentressangle Wed 02-May-12 21:26:36

I think it would have a bat sanctuary too.

blackeyedsusan Wed 02-May-12 21:40:20

you haave forgotten Lissies tea shop!

The Labour Klaxon needs to do a different klax than the Pustule Eruption Klaxon, which both need to be different to the Zombie Apocalypse/Generalised End of the World Klaxon...
We need a Klaxon Control Officer - volunteers anyone?
Where's Apocalypse when we need her?

Oooo and somewhere to put Zombie's wheelie bin - maybe in a purpose built bin-shelter right beside the statue in the Town Square?

AfternoonsAndCoffeespoons Wed 02-May-12 22:01:20

A construction firm called 'Sue Purbly Built' shock I have spent hours, no days, trying to 'get' that name! <thick>

TheOriginalSteamingNit Wed 02-May-12 22:03:27

Every year the locals would make mannequins to hang on the walls of houses and sit on the village green, as one sees in villages. It would be the straw man competition.

sleepychunky Sat 05-May-12 20:09:21

And Norman the Foreman would of course be in charge of any building work that needed to be carried out.

ifeellove Sat 05-May-12 20:45:18

Public loos have a special POAS cubicle with neon + and - sign above for all to see

Professional handholders available for hire

Can we have a shop that just sells Pom Bears?

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Sat 05-May-12 21:06:35

A pub called " the Mooncup". sorry if it's been done, cba to read whole thread! grin

Whoopydofoxpoo Sat 05-May-12 21:23:23

Would dogs be welcome in this town ?

taxiformumplease Sat 05-May-12 21:25:29

custardo corner cafe.

CuttedUpPear Sat 05-May-12 21:26:07

<Arrives clutching keys to Fruit n Veg shop>
<Lays greengrocers grass out on table outside>
<Arranges Cutted Up Pears and other delights upon table>


taxiformumplease Sat 05-May-12 21:26:36

joules horse riding school.

Whoopydo - of course! Bags, scoopers and ketchup (for the fox/badger poo) to be provided at strategic locations throughout the county.

Do we have a municipal park yet, BTW? Think it would have to be FENTON Park smile.

But, we don't want cutted up pear, we want cutted-up pear...

Whoopydofoxpoo Sat 05-May-12 21:41:28

Moonlight - thank you !

FENTON park - yes ! (no deer please )

CuttedUpPear Sat 05-May-12 21:52:55

I think you'll find that I am the proprietor of said shop and will stock it accordingly.

ClicksArse Sat 05-May-12 22:04:30

Do we have a white good store yet called "The Maintenance Wash(ing Machines)?

Whoopydofoxpoo Sat 05-May-12 22:07:59

A really speedy broadband service !

and an internet forum that never goes off line angry at least not without warning !

Can I have an tower in the middle of the city with escher staircases and lots and lots of goblins please??

And no bloody broken bananas either [stamps foot]. (Yes, I am that customer grin).

Jareth - sounds good, but you are aware goblins will have to follow the same clean up rules as dogs, and I understand they are far messier?

Its alright. We can just shoot them out of canons towards any invading nethuns zombies

dontcallmehon Sat 05-May-12 23:32:44

The Goodhousekeeping cleaning emporium. Stacked with useful cleaning items. Also the good reads library which sounds an alarm to alert the other residences if you choose the wrong type of book. Spill the drink coffee shop and crèche where mums can drink coffee whilst their little darlings run amok.

dontcall wouldn't the Spill the drink coffee shop be the other side of the bridge from us? [Hopes]

dontcallmehon Sun 06-May-12 00:11:34

Yes, Spill the drink would be in Hunsbury. We could have a naice coffee shop which serves lemon drizzle cake.

Phew - lemon drizzle cake you say? Do you think they would serve it with a side order of chocolate almond cake? Lemon and chocolate is a v.good combination.

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