what is the oddest thing someone has done when you have visited their house?

(661 Posts)
2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny Fri 06-Apr-12 23:25:31

mine was my DB, he did warn me but tbh I was so...... shock
I was kind of 'oh ok"
he put old sheets on the floor to protect his carpet from...

dd's wheelchair wheels

guess where we won't be going again(this was after he insisted she was shoved in the corner of the table at a pub...just in case she got in the staff's way....WTF)

??? YOUR please

My friend insists on feeding meat to vegetarians and if they object she just picks it out and reserves it. I don't go there any more.

Your DB sounds a bit insensitive

We had a plumber round once when we were looking at getting a new bathroom installed, I was up there, showing him round, he asked if he could use the loo, I said yes fine.......he then wapped out his thingy and started to have a pee when I was still bloody stood there.

raffle Sat 07-Apr-12 01:32:48

DB...brother or boyfriend? Brother should know better, and boyfriend should be royally dumped.

My friend used to empty the ashtrayand dust bust round the table after each cigarette had been smoked! Lots of years ago now, but she seriously di not si for 2 minutes without jumping up!

raffle Sat 07-Apr-12 01:35:25

Lordy lord, sorry for typos, no excuse except wine!

TwinkleTwinklyStars Sat 07-Apr-12 03:10:44

I have two,

I was at a new friends home for a friday afternoon glass of wine coffee, it was only the second time I have been to her house.
I'd only been there for about 10-15 minutes when my host excused her self to go to the loo, over an hour later I was starting to become a little concerned, and shouted to ask if she was okay, I had no response so I went out into the hallway and called out again. This time she answered and apologised saying that she had suddenly come over all nauseous and felt extremely unwell. I said I would go home and she should call me if she needed anything.

A while later when a little drunk she told me that she had suddenly developed stomachache and then had horrendous dihorea, she said it was so bad she couldn't leave the loo, but she was too embarrassed to call out and tell me she had an upset stomach.

Another one was when DS and I where having a play date with another mum and her DS from nursery.
It was all going well until the woman's DH came home on his lunch break, he shouted her into the kitchen to make him a sandwich, she went in and closed the kitchen door, which was one of those doors with the dozen or so frosted glass panels in it.
Less then a minute later you could very clearly hear and pretty much see them having sex in the kitchen up against the fridge freezer.
I didn't know what to do or where to look.
Thankfully he was very quick and withing a couple of minutes he had gone out the back door, back to work.
The woman clearly seemed to think the had gotten away with it.

A few days later I spoke to another mum at nursery, when I mentioned the play date she quickly asked me "oh did you have to watch the shagging in the kitchen too?" as it turned out several mums had the same thing happen.
We found out later that they were TTC, but still that is no excuse for screwing in the kitchen when you have guests!

GwendolineMaryMagdaleneLacey Sat 07-Apr-12 04:09:35

Had sex in the same room as me. Without my involvement I hasten to add!

MyBaby1day Sat 07-Apr-12 04:51:37

Are you sure? Gwen? grin

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 05:21:40

Um, what, they just started shagging while you were sitting there, Gwen? Or were you all staying overnight in the same room? shock

2shoes - your DB is a thoughtless git. sad

GwendolineMaryMagdaleneLacey Sat 07-Apr-12 07:17:24

Staying overnight smile

Had a friend who was working over here. Her husband was at home in France. She invited me over for a visit. They lived with his family (we were all late teens at the time). Thinking I'd give the family some time on their own I made my excuses early and went to bed. I was shown to a bed in the corner of a room and I settled down with my Walkman iPod.

After a while the door opened and they came in. I hadn't realised we were sharing. Then they started to go at it like knives (what does that expression mean btw?). They hadn't seen each other for about 4 months so they had a lot of catching up to do! I soon learnt how actors learnt to play dead, I have never been so 'asleep' in my entire life! I didn't know where to put myself the next day especially as carnal pleasures were, at that stage, uncharted territory for me.

TroublesomeEx Sat 07-Apr-12 07:22:59

I was invited to stay at a friends house with her, her partner and our children.

They suggested we put a film on before bed. It turned out to be porn and then they both tried it on with me. Both. Of. Them.

I'd never given either of them any reason to think I'd be up for anything like that!!!

That was very odd!

ripsishere Sat 07-Apr-12 07:28:59

Folkgirl, was that in Essex?
Me and DH had the self same thing happen, although ours was after dinner. We'd all had a very nice time with plenty of alcohol. DH went to the loo, I went out for a ciggy when I came back it was in your face shagging, DH looking like a rabbit caught in the lights and the couple in question with their privates on display.

DucketyDuckDuck Sat 07-Apr-12 07:29:45

At my ex SIL house the morning after her husband was killed in an accident.

My ex MIL arrived and whilst we were sat in front room contemplating who to call first, we heard her moving around up and down stairs....I looked out and she had removed all sister in-law's husbands clothes and belongings to the wheelie bin outside. You might think it was shock, maybe on some level it was, but when I confronted her and told her to stop, she seriously could not understand what she was doing wrong.

Went to someone's house for a meal. Their pet POODLE had a place set at the table, I just remember sat opposite this dog which had a BIB ON whilst it slurped ice-cream off a plate. URGGGGGH.

BikeRunSki Sat 07-Apr-12 07:33:36

Drove 150 miles to see friends we hadn't seen for a year. When we got there they were watching '24' and proceeded to watch two episodes back to back before they would speak to us. Normally impeccably polite.

ConsiderYourself Sat 07-Apr-12 07:37:17

Might out myself here, but, went to a colleague and his wife's house for dinner. There on the hob, next to the cooking dinner, were his underpants being boil-washed clean....

KenDoddsDadsDog Sat 07-Apr-12 07:44:21

grin at the poodle

GoblersKnob Sat 07-Apr-12 07:52:23

Went to see some friends on a hot summers day, the kids had ice cream whilst the husband hovered with a cloth wiping up any drips they made off the concrete patioconfused

fuzzpig Sat 07-Apr-12 08:02:32

shock not sure who's story is worst so far!

Bucharest Sat 07-Apr-12 08:07:17

Went, with new and foreign dp, to stay with university friend and her soon-to-be husband. We arrived, after a long journey, at mid-day to find they'd already had lunch. hmm
That evening, after we had paid for dinner and cooked it, we were forced into a tedius game of Trivial Pursuit (remember I have a non-English speaking bloke with me) together with a guided tour of the bloke's Chelsea football shirt collection that he'd built a special case for at the top ofthe stairs (I don't care if this outs me and she reads it, we were treated appallingly) and made to watch his box set of Erasure videos. confused
Next morning, I asked if I couldhave a shower and he said no.

Never seen him, or her since.

I'm howling at the thought of a poodle with a bib on! grin

Some of these stories are crazy.

A place set at the table for a dog?

Bucharest Did he give a reason for no letting you have a shower? You did well to escape their friendship IMO.

OlaRapaceFru Sat 07-Apr-12 08:18:20

Nothing as weird as some of these. My best friend's DP used to have his own cottage about 100 miles from where they now live in London. They'd invited us to stay on Saturday night, we'd driven to their house, left our car there and then driven to his cottage in their car (this is relevant!). We'd had a great Saturday night, drinks in his local, met some of his friends, gone for a curry, then more drinks back at his cottage. Come Sunday morning we were all feeling a little fragile so decided we'd go to a pub, which was en-route before we hit the motorway but not walkable, for a comfort food Sunday lunch before driving back to London. Sat around chatting, TV was on too ... but at no point did they say anything about leaving to go to lunch. They, and we, ended up watching some drivel on the telly until they said "we'd better make a move to get back to London". I was absolutely starving by the time we got home - if we'd taken our own car, we could have left under our own steam and gone for lunch. confused

mummymccar Sat 07-Apr-12 08:53:42

I know somebody who inspects you for sharp items of clothing and then makes you remove them before you can sit on their furniture.

Joolyjoolyjoo Sat 07-Apr-12 09:02:37

Years ago a friend and I stayed with friends of her parents, while on holiday. the lady of the house was pretty fearsome- tall in all directions and with quite a temper. as well as her husband and children, they had her old mother living with them.

Early one morning, I woke up to an almighty row, in which my hostess was screaming at the old woman "you'll be getting that pill in your tea and that will be the end of you, you old bitch" Pulled the pillows over my head and went back to sleep. Got up a few hours later to find that "Granny is gone...to the local nursing home"! Hmm. That very day they dug a huge hole in the back garden to "bury a wasps nest"- I couldn't get out of there quickly enough!

BertieBotts Sat 07-Apr-12 09:09:45

shock Some of these are insane!

My worst one is that XMIL invites me and DS round and then leaves us sitting in the living room for an hour while she cleans the kitchen, and does general hoovering confused

Now she looks after him when I work at weekends so I don't have to be there grin

SarahStrattonsEasterName Sat 07-Apr-12 09:17:14

They're worse than insane Bertie. I can't think of a suitable word, but insane isn't strong enough.

My mind is waaaaaay past 'boggle'. All these people getting their bits out and shagging in front of others. And the rudeness. I have lead a very sheltered life for which I am entirely grateful.


Omh Jooly do you think the old lady is in the back garden?

Queenofcake Sat 07-Apr-12 09:17:48

Went to stay with MIL and FIL when the DC were small like 3yo and 6mo!

When MIL showed us to our bedroom we gave us towels. A bath sheet for DH 1 (yes 1) hand towel for me and the DC to share.

I didnt say anything at the time as a little taken back. When bathtime came around DH just helped himself to more towels from the airing cupboard for all of us but it ended up in an almighty row and a lecture about the cost of laundering towels in winter!!!

We have not stayed since.

Another previous time (just me and DH and DD1 aged 8 weeks) we were invited for Xmas. As we lived 400 miles away it involved a few nights stay and then we went to stay with other family. Anyway we spent Xmas day there, had a lovely Xmas dinner and tea. Had taken wine, chocolates, Xmas pudding and a xmas cake. Stayed a few nights. Helped wash up, tidy etc. 3 weeks later we received an bill in the post for the cost of our stay confused. I am really struggling to recall if we actually paid it!! I know DH called them to see if it was a joke but they were dealy serious! On reflection - I think we may have just posted a cheque off to them!
The reason we were so taken back is that they would come and stay with us for 10 days to 3 weeks at a time (we lived in a touristy place back then) a few times a year. We never charged them a penny! Sadly we moved house before they came to stay again because I wanted to charge them B&B rates!

threeleftfeet Sat 07-Apr-12 09:19:22

Jooly if you really think they murdered her you absolutely should call the police.

Even if it was years ago.

OlaRapaceFru Sat 07-Apr-12 09:25:31

"I know somebody who inspects you for sharp items of clothing and then makes you remove them before you can sit on their furniture."

<snort> my mind is boggling at what a sharp item of clothing could be grin

Mmmcoffee Sat 07-Apr-12 09:39:36

Years ago some friends bought a new living room suite, very pale cream leather sofa and chairs. Their two DC's were about 9mo and 18mo at the time. I remember thinking it was an odd choice. The suite came with a warning to not let anyone with dark clothing that 'might transfer' sit on the new furniture, 'i.e. new indigo-dyed jeans'.

We knew them for about five years. We were NEVER allowed to sit on the sofa in jeans, even ancient stonewashed jeans. Good job I preferred to sit on the floor with DD! I babysat in the evening for her a couple of times, and each time when I turned up she would point out the large bathtowel that she had kindly placed on the sofa for me to sit on.

pictish Sat 07-Apr-12 09:45:19

This is brilliant thread. There's nowt so queer as folk eh? shock

GinPalace Sat 07-Apr-12 09:57:46

I was invited to stay at a friends house who lived with his parents, the family owned a large dog. I was put in the spare room for the night, but it was clear from the smell and the copious quantities of hairs that it was usually the dogs bed - and the sheets were not changed! URGH!!!
I really didn't want to sleep there but the floor was no better - suffice to say I had a rubbish nights sleep as I was about as un-relaxed as you can get.

The next day at dinner the same dog (who was big enough to get his head well over the table) stole food off my fork on its way to my mouth - slobber on my fork and everything, this was very funny and a clean fork was not forth-coming. I wasn't hungry. Still friends though!!!!

Staying with the PILs, they live miles away so it is always an overnighter, I had a shower and was in our bedroom getting dried etc when the MIL (who knew full well I was just out of the shower) marched in, no knock on the door at all, and when I said 'can you give me a minute I'm not decent' she just said 'it doesn't matter' while she brazenly looked me up and down!!! shock She didn't have anything she wanted to say - she just had a good look and left again!!! She is not a nice lady by anyones standards for sooooo many other reasons than this.

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 07-Apr-12 10:00:12

The same as Gwen, but I was in the same bed as the shagging couple at the time... shock There was another person in there for a bit as well, but he went home.

My mother gives us tiny guest towels when we go to stay and has also charged me for going there at Christmas (when I was single).

DonkeyTeapot Sat 07-Apr-12 10:15:49

Wow, some of these are awful! If I had to share the dinner table with a dog, I'm afraid I'd be heaving and would have to leave, even if it caused offence. Then I'd post an AIBU on here smile

GinPalace Sat 07-Apr-12 10:18:37

Donkey agree!!! unfortunately their place was a looooong way from home and I was basically trapped. It was no fun having to fend off an animal while eating, a begging dog at the table isn't great at the best of times but when it is tall enough to clear your plate for you and this isn't considered weird it's a whole other ball game! hmm

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 07-Apr-12 10:26:52

I went for lunch with some people I know slightly the other day and they were odd. The husband started off by telling me he had googled me before I arrived and started to harangue me about an issue I had worked on years ago. This was not a good start. Anyhoo, we went to the kitchen table to have lunch, and they pulled the parrot's stand over, lowered it until it was the same level as the table and served the parrot salad onto a plate on the table. The bloody thing stank to high heaven as well, as its stand was covered in parrot poo. I suppose I should be grateful that the dog wasn't invited to join us too.

Charging for Christmas! I've bloody heard it all now and your own Mother as well. Different if it was pre-arranged, I know people who all chip in for the cost.

But to send a bill, Sheesh!

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 07-Apr-12 10:29:11

This thread is brilliant! I wonder if there's a parallel one somewhere along the lines of "what's the oddest thing a guest in your house has done": sample posts include "not joined in the after dinner sex"; "wanted to eat lunch in the middle of the day"; "wanted an exorbitant amount of towels and an actual shower in the morning"..... grin

GinPalace Sat 07-Apr-12 10:31:02

FamiliesShareGerms You made me properly laugh - thanks! I love it when someone you don't even know improves your day! grin

Nancy66 Sat 07-Apr-12 10:34:40

I went to somebody's house where (at the front door before being allowed over the threshold) I was given two choices.

1) I could remove my shoes and put on a pair of brand new slippers provided by the owner, pay £10 and be allowed to take them home with me afterwards

2) remove my shoes, not put on the slippers put slip plastic covers over my socks.

(i went for option 2)

SarahStrattonsEasterName Sat 07-Apr-12 10:38:12


Just how filthy were your socks?

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 07-Apr-12 10:40:16

I'd have gone for option 3. Not gone in.

Nancy66 Sat 07-Apr-12 10:40:22

my socks were perfectly clean. The woman was a freak

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 10:41:17

Mine is quite minor really - went to visit some friends when back in the UK, took a DVD for DS to watch so that we could chat in peace after dinner, but they both said "oo! we haven't seen that!" so we all had to sit and watch it. hmm

Complete waste of a visit - by the time the film was over, we had to go - so barely chatted to them at all!

A had a friend (notice the past tense) who had a DD the same age as my DS.
I didn't know her very well so when she invited us around for dinner I didn't know what to expect.
Our DC's were about 4.
She served the food (jacket potato cheese and beans) and we were all sat at the table. Fortunately my DS was a fairly good eater and managed to eat most of his meal. When he said 'I've finished' to me she screamed at him 'FINISH YOUR FOOD!' she then completely flipped at both children, was practically foaming at the mouth, banging on the table and shrieking 'YOU ARE TRYING TO TAKE ME FOR AN IDIOT - CHILDREN MUST EAT ALL THEIR FOOD!!!!' and then 'YOU WILL NEVER BEAT ME I WILL MAKE YOU FINISH YOUR FOOD EVEN IF WE SIT HERE ALL NIGHT!'
Her DD at this stage started sobbing and gagging on her food. My DS was just looking back and forth from me and her. I then made an excuse and left quickly. I would have loved to have taken her DD with me sad
We never spoke again.
The sad part - she's a primary school teacher hmm

SarahStrattonsEasterName Sat 07-Apr-12 10:50:01

OMG that is terrible. Just terrible. Poor, poor child.

GinPalace Sat 07-Apr-12 10:51:16

Ilovedaintynuts shock

MadamFolly Sat 07-Apr-12 10:51:51

Been pressganged into finding and hiding all the drugs paraphanalia so the police can come around to investigate a burglary without arresting the occupants of the house.

They also used to pour their bong water into next doors garden so if the sniffer dogs ever came round, they would be more interested in next door.

MadamFolly Sat 07-Apr-12 10:53:29

Ilove poor girl will have food issues for the rest of her life sad

MissGreatBritain Sat 07-Apr-12 10:53:36

DS and I were invited to the home of one of his school friends for lunch. I had only met the woman once before, but knew she was dieting (as was I) so was hopeful for a healthy, low-cal lunch.

When we arrived, we chatted while she made a big pile of sandwiches, got out crisps etc. Never mind, I thought, as I'd skipped breakfast in case this happened. She then proceded to give all the food to the DCs (in another room) and chopped up HALF A PINEAPPLE for me and her to share. I was absolutely starving, but there was nothing else forthcoming. I know I was trying to lose weight, but that was really something.

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 10:55:31

Ilove, that is appalling! shock Poor, poor little girl sad

tiredemma Sat 07-Apr-12 10:55:42

Invited us for dinner (7.30pm). When we arrived both host and her hubby were in their PJ's. And remained so throughout the night.

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 11:02:09

Oh my god, to that last one. "I will not be beaten" by a baked potato?

Really, though, you should have spoken to her about that - I know it would be a nightmare conversation, but she sounds deranged.

OlaRapaceFru Sat 07-Apr-12 11:03:00

Just remembered another one. My Mum was staying with us one weekend we'd been invited round to some friends for a Sunday afternoon barbecue. The friends, very kindly, invited my Mum too. So, there was the host couple, one other couple, DP, Mum and me - 7 of us in total. The hostess decided that, rather than letting people do their own thing with the French bread, it would be cut into slices and buttered. My Mum offered to help her. Between the two of them, they managed to slice and butter enough bread to feed an army - needless to say, the 7 of us didn't manage to make much of a dent in the pile of bread. I wonder what they did with the rest of it?

I probably should have spoken to her about it at the time but she was extremely intimidating. I took the easy way out and just avoided her.
My DS is 15 now and her DD is still a friend of his. She's a lovely girl. Have never uttered a word to her mother since sad

Salmotrutta Sat 07-Apr-12 11:07:15

Loving this thread - apart from the horrible bully mum story that Ilove told sad

I want a poodle in a bib! <sulks>

ovaltine Sat 07-Apr-12 11:09:09

ex MIL seemed to be obsessed with gettin me to drink at xmas. She knew i used to drink vodka so always bought lots and told me i had to drink it. I didn't drink alcohol at this time, spesh as her darling son was a raging alcoholic so someone had to be sober, and used to have to pretend to put vodka in my drink to get some peace and quiet. At our wedding she tried to get my dad to drink saying you can't have fun without it, and also her grandson's girlf even though she underage and on antibiotics she wasn't allowed to drink with. So glad She my ex MIL as was a freak.

Notalone Sat 07-Apr-12 11:19:36

DS had a playdate at our house with another little boy fron school. They were both around 6 at the time. I didn't know the mum very well at all and she had never been to my house before but when she arrived to pick him up I invited her in to wait while her DS got ready to go. When he came downstairs she asked him to hold her phone for her while she found something in her handbag so while she did that he started fiddling with the phone. He must have found an erm revealing video of her and her DH because ooohing and ahhing noises started coming from the phone and her bemused DS said "look what I've found mummy" and ran back upstairs to show DS. I remember standing there at the bottom of the stairs while this usually very calm serene mum ran upstairs chasing her DS into every room shrieking "Giiiiiiiivvvvveeeee ittttttttt baaaaaaaccccckkkkkkk. Oooohhhhh nnooooooooooo. Plleaaaaaassseee giivvve meeee my phhoooonnnnee!!!!!!" it seemed to go on for ages after which she retrieved her phone and her DS, walked back downstairs calmly, thanked me for the playdate and left to bang her head repeatedly against the steering wheel to drive home grin.
Funny enough DS was never invited to theirs for a playdate and she always looked highly embarrassed whenever we bumped into each other at the school gates

beatofthedrum Sat 07-Apr-12 11:19:57

Mine not that outrageous but it makes me laugh. My very nice friend brought her 2 year old to play with mine. They brought scones. While I was in the kitchen spreading butter and jam on some of them, she was in the living room crumbling the rest of them all over the carpet for the girls 'to snack on'. I am still giggling thinking of my surprised face when I returned to Crumb Land smile

GinPalace Sat 07-Apr-12 11:22:25

Beat your adult friend scattered scone crumbs over the floor for the children to eat up??? Have I read that right?

everlong Sat 07-Apr-12 11:22:34

beat without a plate?

I'm afraid the hoover would have been straight out in my house saddo

springydaffs Sat 07-Apr-12 11:24:16

I am totally astonished at these stories! shock to the power of 10

My only weird thing, dredged up from memory, is when someone invited me to lunch, put the roast chicken on the table and proceeded to wrestle with it with her hands with enormous gusto, grabbing at it and tearing it apart, separating out the portions and plonking it all on our plates.

totally mild in comparison to these stories though <makes me feel normal> <unusual>

SarahStrattonsEasterName Sat 07-Apr-12 11:25:06

She deliberately crumbed your carpet? I'd have fucking killed her. shock

GinPalace Sat 07-Apr-12 11:26:42

sarah I would love to know what meds beat is on to find that funny agree

SarahStrattonsEasterName Sat 07-Apr-12 11:29:45

Gin I simply can't get my head round it at all.

This thread is wonderful grin

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 11:31:37

I'm having trouble with the scone crumbs all over the carpet as well! I'd be livid and hand her the vacuum cleaner! shock

PigeonPie Sat 07-Apr-12 11:34:15

I'd have been worried what else they'd have picked up if it had been my carpet!

SarahStrattonsEasterName Sat 07-Apr-12 11:34:26

How can you laugh beat? I'd have punched her, then rammed the hoover up her arse.

bytheMoonlight Sat 07-Apr-12 11:38:41

When I visited a friend, her newborn ds was about 8 weeks ago, she left him lying on the sofa when she went to make a drink. I picked him up when he started screaming and she didn't return, she came running in then, grabbed him off me and marched into the kitchen with him. Apparently him laying on the edge of the sofa screaming was preferable to me picking him up?

In the same house, I visited and sat in the armchair to be told a couple of hours later: 'that's the changing chair, that's why we've spread that old blanket on it'. The same blanket I had been sitting on for two hours <<boak>>

Another friend made us soup for lunch and then put her bowl on the floor to let her Rotweiller lick it clean. I couldn't finish my soup after that!

myalias Sat 07-Apr-12 11:40:36

Years ago me,dh and ds were invited round to a friends house for an evening meal. When the friends dh opened the door we were shocked to see him standing there in his dressing gown!!! I said 'sorry have we got the wrong date?' he replied no, he had been working nights and had only just got up. It was embarrassing, he sat there with his gaping dressing gown - flesh city!! He carried on eating slurping his cornflakes talking with his mouth full. The dinner was served half an hour later and he ate it all and didn't get dressed the whole time we were there. Rudeness personified.

ABitSnowyOutside Sat 07-Apr-12 11:41:55

Not an invited visitor as such but a workman that I knew a little bit knocked at our door and asked to use the toilet.

Not only did he not flush but pebble dashed the toilet, half the wall and under the seat. angry

I boaked for weeks just thinking about it.

TheSecondComing Sat 07-Apr-12 11:47:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ggirltwin2pinot Sat 07-Apr-12 11:47:56

christ there are some nutters around!

weirdest is hostess at dinner party stood up literally straight after eating her dessert and said she was going to bed shock

we were all still eating

timetosmile Sat 07-Apr-12 11:53:15

Not as shoclkng as most of these, but I clearly remember driving halfway round the country to see (lovely) friends who sat us down to watch an extremely long video of their wedding which we had been at three weeks previously
"Ooooh, look, and that's you there, arriving at Church......there's your DH eating his starter.......ahh, look at your little DS dancing.....!"

HelenBaaBaaBlackSheep Sat 07-Apr-12 11:55:35

After reading these the OPs don't sound odd at all!

Never mind that HelenBaaBaa, after reading these even my family seem like completely sane and generous hosts. And that's saying something!winkgrin

KurriKurri Sat 07-Apr-12 12:07:16

Loving these stories grin

My (grown up) DS was at someone's house, to go through some paperwork and business details with him. The chap asked DS if he wanted a coffee, DS said yes and the guy disappeared into the kitchen.

Five minutes later the guy shouts 'how much coffee powder do you like'
DS 'about a teaspoon please'

five minutes after that

guy shouts 'do you take milk'
ds 'yes please

five minutes later

guy shouts 'do you take sugar'
DS 'no thanks'

Another five minutes passes, DS wonders how a cup of coffee can take 20 minutes to make. Then the guy reappears with one cup of coffee, sits down and starts to drink it.

DS looks at him bewildered, and eventually the guy says
'Oh it's probably best if you get your own, I'm not very good at making coffee for other people'

ZZZenAgain Sat 07-Apr-12 12:10:14

the oddest thing that has ever happened to me was when I was invited round to this woman's house at 5pm, purely for a social call. I got there about 7 minutes to 5pm and rang the bell and she told me to please wait on the bench outside her house because she had said 5pm and she wasn't quite ready to receive me yet.

I really wondered whether I should stay or go but I stayed and waited on the bench. Never have I encountered anything like that anywhere before. It was cold and drizzling. I thought that was extremely odd.

abbierhodes Sat 07-Apr-12 12:11:46

I feel like I need to start a thread entitled 'And then what happened?' We need the rest of the story on some of these!!

Joolyjoo, please tell me you are exaggerating/embellishing that story and that you don't really believe they killed their granny??!!!
(Also find it hilarious that there is more outrage at the crumbled scone post than the potential murder post!)

I also need to know about the person who was refused a shower- what did you say when he said no?

And girltwin2pinot- did she go to bed? What did the rest of you do?

GinPalace Sat 07-Apr-12 12:13:29

ZZZ You were left in the cold and wet?! Wow. One of those where your reaction is more of a stunned disbelief, than how you would actually react otherwise I suspect - would you stay again or next time leave?

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 12:15:49

sorry went to bed I meant my one and only Brother in my op.

ZZZenAgain Sat 07-Apr-12 12:16:49

come to think of it, I have never been back. She was altogether a bit odd. When I was allowed inside, she had tea poured out into cups etc. Very strange.

abbierhodes Sat 07-Apr-12 12:17:32

Not a hilariously funny one, but I always find it odd when people don't put guests first. So they'll say, I bought 5 cream cakes for my family but you'll have to have a digestive biscuit. Had this a lot with my ex's family. My family would do the absolute opposite.

Eggsits Sat 07-Apr-12 12:19:05

I once went to the house of someone I was organising an event with, to discuss the details. I arrived at the appointed time but she said that she and her DH had not yet eaten so would I mind waiting.

She set up a card table in the living room, and the two of them sat and ate, chatting occasionally to each other but completely ignoring me, sat in one of the armchairs. He poured them both a glass of wine, without offering me so much as a drop of anything.

Once they had eaten, they cleared away the plates and then she turned her attention to me. Very odd. Even odder is the fact that I didn't say anything.


Also I was once sleeping in a top bunk whilst on an activity weekend for a friend's birthday. Another friend and her new husband had sex in the bottom bunk, and conceived their first child....

We have never discussed the occasion.

MadamFolly Sat 07-Apr-12 12:23:53

I fell down the stairs at my ex's house when we were teenagers. It was quite a bad fall and I really hurt my ankle, there was some swearing involved as I was falling fuckingbuggeringcuntingOWjesus

All I got in the way of sympathy from his mum was a catsbum mouth and an extremly prissy "would you like some frozen peas for your ankle" yes I fucking would thanks

whackamole Sat 07-Apr-12 12:34:52

I fear I might have inadvertently been the bad hostess once, we had guests and I asked if they wanted coffee or tea, they said coffee. I then went into the kitchen to find we had no coffee, milk or sugar blush I was very embarrassed. I also had no change on me so although there is a shop about a minute away I couldn't even go an get any!

myalias Sat 07-Apr-12 12:38:02

When I was a teenager I went over to a mates house for a chat. It was in the summer and it was starting to get dark. I suggested her putting the light on and she said she wasn't allowed to put them on as her dad turned them on at 9.00 in the summer months. Her mum also made a catsbum mouth and called her away for a chat. On her return she said please can I not lean against the cushions as she likes them plumped up!!!!

ABitSnowyOutside Sat 07-Apr-12 12:42:42

I went to drop something off at someone's house.

Massive fluffy wolf dog making faces and gutteral noises.

I shouted to the owner that their dog was thinking about biting me. They replied that it would probably lick me to death. hmm. My how I laughed.

The dog bit my bum and made a hole in my new cardigan.

mrsnesbit Sat 07-Apr-12 12:45:50

I regularly babysit a friends baby girl.

When i arrive, they always have the Simpsons/war programmes on TV really loud, i mean loud enough that you cant talk or hear each other. So there is very little converstaion.

No offer of a coffee/tea/drink at all ever,
a few weeks ago i went straight from work as they were off out earlier than usual. Work was busy, i had not had time for a drink or any lunch, this was 6pm by then.
My friend Knew full well i was coming straight from work.
Knock at the door..pizza delivery...for them. wasnt offered even a crust! They stuffed the majority of a huge pizza each n their gobs, then closed the lids, put pizza boxes of the floor, said bye, then left.
All of this while a war programme blared in the background..so no conversation

I stepped over pizza boxes to take the baby to bed.

I have been too busy to babysit since. I was annoyed to say the least.

CroissantNeuf Sat 07-Apr-12 12:47:09

As a family we went to stay with another family that we see once or twice a year (DPs friends really).

Whilst there the other couple had a blazing row which resulted in a lot of shouting and door-slamming upstairs (whilst DP were downstairs with the children -ours and hosts).

The wife went off in a huff and we sat there not quite knowing what to do or say until DPs phone went. It was the host husband phoning from his mobile. During the door slamming the host wife had managed to break the bedroom door shutting the him in the bedroom and he couldn't get out. DP had to locate a tool kit and release him.

springydaffs Sat 07-Apr-12 12:51:12

I was backpacking with a friend and we dropped in on one of her ex-tutors. She had a huge dog who immediately clocked that I was on my period and started dramatically rooting around in my crotch. Horrified, I tried to dodge the dog's insistent snout. The owner laughed, turned and headed for the kitchen, leaving me literally running around like an idiot trying to get away from the wretched dog who simply wouldn't leave me alone. I was young and said nothing.

TwinkleTwinklyStars Sat 07-Apr-12 12:53:55

The scone thing is awful, it reminds me of a woman who I used to be friendly with who had a DD the same age as DS (at the time they were about 2), and two other children aged around 4 and 6.

On the few occasions that we spent a meal time at her house I was quite shocked/surprised/disgusted.
She would sit the children down at their own table, it was a small garden style plastic table with plastic chairs, which was in the kitchen (so they didnt ruin the carpets in the dining room).
She said she didnt allow them to sit at the dining room table as "it was very expensive and they would probably ruin it".
She would then serve the children their food on plastic plates, not children's ones but more like (cheap) picnic/camping ones.
She would cut their food up into tiny little pieces, no matter what it was, even pasta or chips. And even the older ones.
Now some might see all that as harmless, or normal, the thing that bothered me was that she did not allow the children to have cutlery, even the 6 year old, they were expected to (and they did) eat their entire meal with their hands. Even when the meal was something in/with sauce.
I personally witnessed them eating pasta and sauce, spaghetti bolognese, lasagna, sausage chips and beans, beans on toast, and scrambled egg, and even a sunday roast.

Her explanation for not allowing her children the 'privilege' of using cutlery..
"they are children, they are not mature enough for the responsibility of using such dangerous items"

She even did it in restaurants. she would sit there and cut up each of their meals into little pieces and then make them eat it with their hands.

It was the bizarrest thing i had ever seen.

mrsnesbit Sat 07-Apr-12 12:55:00

Also been to a friends after being invited for breakfast and the host has just disapeared, i mean, for uncomfortable length of time, when i went looking for her, she had gone next door but one to her aunties for a coffee, left us sat there.
Back door open, when i called her, her head popped out of the aunties back door and she came back..for us to make our excuses and leave.
Odd beyond oddness.

pictish Sat 07-Apr-12 13:03:03

My mum, my friend and I were invited to stay with my mum's friend and her family for a fortnight when they lived in France. We drove all the way from Scotland to their farmhouse in the Dordogne. When we got their my mum's friend's grown up daughter was also staying with her son, who was about 9.
This child delighted in tormenting my friend and I - we were both 14. He hid in our room to watch us get changed, poured syrup in our beds, call us names, threw things at us, stole our stuff and broke it.
Nothing was said.

On about the 4th day, my friend snapped and told him to fuck off.

We were ordered to leave within the hour. Which we did.

My mum and her friend never spoke again.

mancbird Sat 07-Apr-12 13:03:35

When I was about 13 I stayed at a friend's house for a sleepover. We were chatting and giggling in her room once we had gone to bed when we suddenly heard these strange wailing noises. Me being quite innocent thought it might be foxes in the field out the back, but no, it was her parents having loud and enthusiastic rumpy pumpy in the next room shock

I couldn't look her mam in the eye the next morning at breakfast and left pretty sharpish. After talking to some of my mates it transpired that this was a regular thing and that most of us had had to listen to this at some stage hmm I never stayed there again.

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 13:16:46

omg My brother is not as bad as I thought\

Bucharest Sat 07-Apr-12 13:39:31

The wedding one has reminded me of a wedding when I was a guest (so not at a house,but still freakcity) Our uni friend invited us allto London for his big day, it was going to be really snazzy, (they were quite well off) and we all paid afecking fortune in frocks, hotels and train fares.

The reception was in the church hall....and the bride and groom's family all came trotting in carrying tupperware boxes and got their own sandwiches out. We sat with rumbling stomachs. After about 2 hrs of embarassment the groom came over and said "we'reall going home now, do you need cabs calling back to your hotels?" confused We went to an off license and bought wine and sandwiches and sat on the heath cursing them all. (He had also forewarned us that if his Dad was in trousers we were to address him as Paul,but if he was in a frock, he preferrd to be known as Paula) (he came as paul, but only just really, you could tell paula was in there fighting to get out.)

I spent moreon my bloody frock than they spent on the entire wedding.

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 13:41:53

Bucharest, sorry but PMSL (and shock of course)!! What utter cheapskates!

Bucharest Sat 07-Apr-12 13:41:58

Oh, the first lot, not only wasI refused a shower (I think I sort of giggled hysterically) but when I'd arrived the day before I asked if I could ring my Mum and tell her we'd arrived. he said no to that as well.

It was nver going to end well after Iwon at Triv, because he'd been on 15 to 1...

LookAtAllTheseSinsIForgive Sat 07-Apr-12 13:44:47

When I was 17 my friend lived above a warehouse. When her family went on holiday she was scared of being there alone so roped me in to stay. I slept in my friends room, she slept in her brothers room. One evening we went to a quiz at her local. We got chatting to two blokes. I wasn't slightly interested in either of them and gave neither of them the impression I was. They walked us home and it was my clear my friend was up for some shagging.
She and one of the blokes paired off and disappeared to her brothers room where they proceeded to have loud sex. The other bloke took this as his cue to start pawing me. I told him in no uncertain terms to back off. I excused myself and locked myself in the bathroom to gather my thoughts and form strategies. I heard a door slam and when I went back to the living room he'd gone. I was so relieved. After 10 minutes I decided to head off to bed. I opened the door, switched on the light only to be confronted with the image of this bloke lying on my bed masturbating.He smiled and asked me to suck him off. I was sickened and shocked. I left the room and slept on the freezing couch with only my coat for warmth. In the morning I heard both blokes leaving. I overheard "my" bloke say that he found me repulsive and kicked me to the kerb (hence me sleeping on the couch). I said nothing as I was glad they were leaving. My friend came in and asked how it went. I asked if she knew he would get in my bed? She said yes. She was shocked I wasn't keen and said (and I quote) "At your size, you should be grateful someone wants to sleep with you!" I was a 16 if anyone wants to know.

AlpinePony Sat 07-Apr-12 13:49:16

OP, when I go to a restaurant I ask for an out of the way table so the buggy doesn't get under everyone's feet. Common courtesy I thought. I think perhaps you're reading more in to your brother's actions than is necessary.

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 13:56:32

AlpinePony my dd is not in a buggy, she is not a a small child either," so she should not be put out of the way" she should be just "put" at the table like anyone else.

AlpinePony Sat 07-Apr-12 13:59:56

Whatever. I'm just not a fan of getting in other people's way, be it buggy/bags of shopping/leaving my chair out etc., etc. Sorry but I think you're way overeacting about this.

garlicbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 14:00:00

An old school friend invited H and me for a party. We drove hundreds of miles. After a few drinks, it became obvious it was a partner-swapping party - apparently, they each shagged a neighbour, working their way around the close by house number confused

We were stuck there. We were young - these days, I'd have demanded duvets and slept in the car. But, having made it clear I didn't want to shag her neighbours, I tried to stay friendly by stationing myself in the kitchen to make the snacks, open bottles, etc. This worked until my friend came in for a chat. She perched on the worktop, chatting away, while one of the men came in and had sex with her!

H and I spent the rest of the party freezing in the garden, on our own ... with my friend's husband! sad

We declined her next invite.

garlicbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 14:01:26

Nice, Alpine. Did you miss dd's wheelchair?

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 14:02:26

Alpine, back off. 2shoes' DD is, as has been further pointed out, in a wheelchair. Unless you happen to believe that people in wheelchairs should be put out of the way as well, of course?

biscuit for those who don't bother to read the thread properly.

Codandchops Sat 07-Apr-12 14:05:58

WHEELCHAIR Alpine NOT a "pushchair"!!!

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 07-Apr-12 14:08:34

we were kicked out of MIL's house at aprox 11pm on evening after an argument about god knows what. She has a rather 'Jeremy Kyle' attitude. We were supposed to be staying as we lived 600 miles away. We ended up sleeping in the car suffice to say it was years before we agreed to stay with her again. Oh and unknown to me I was pregnant with our first DC who we lost to a MMC. I still think of her as partly to blame........[bwink]

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 07-Apr-12 14:09:07

oops wink

threeleftfeet Sat 07-Apr-12 14:11:10

At a relative's wedding they had a sit-down-meal reception in a function room of a nice pub.

The tables were laid with two wine glasses on them. The food was served by the waiting staff and everyone waited for wine to appear, which it never did.

There was no alcohol served with dinner. I wish they'd just said "if you want a drink please go to the bar". We didn't get one as we thought we would have been being rude, as we just expected it to arrive eventually.

(If we'd known we could have happily gone to the bar and bought wine for everyone, there were only about 20 guests.)

The bride and groom sat on a table on their own, and didn't say a word to each other. (They're both quiet people I guess). It was an odd wedding!

CeliaFate Sat 07-Apr-12 14:15:27

We were invited to dh's brother's house to teach them how to use their new camera (why they couldn't read an instruction manual...).

So we turn up, knock and ring the bell for 15minutes. Ring them. No answer.

We rang their daughter who said they were in.

After another 10 minutes dh's brother opened the door and said "sorry we didnt' hear you."

Taught them how to use the camera (sis in law in a short t-shirt nightie - she's 4 stones overweight).

The she cooks chicken nuggets and chips for dd, gave herself a portion and said "There's cheese in the garage if you want some, Celia"!!!! shock angry

She is an ignorant cow at the best of times, but that took the biscuit.

threeleftfeet Sat 07-Apr-12 14:20:21

"sis in law in a short t-shirt nightie - she's 4 stones overweight"

Are you aware how bitchy that sounds? I am probably at least 4 stones overweight by your judgement. If I choose to wear a nightie in my own home that's up to me! Perhaps she sees you as family and doesn't feel the need to get dressed to receive you.

If your problem was just the nightie, why mention the weight?

I'll leave it at that - this is a fun and lighthearted thread, and perhaps you didn't mean it to come across like it did.

NeedlesCuties Sat 07-Apr-12 14:20:34

Alpine YABU (I know this isn't an AIBU thread)

Some of these posts have made me laugh my head off. I can't really think of any outstanding freakery.... but I do have one that stands out.

One summer's day there was a family gathering - lots of aunts, uncles, kids etc etc. We'd had a lovely meal and had gone back to a relative's house. It was a boiling day, seriously warm and sunny. Everyone was sweating, kids running round in just their nappies etc. The hostess insisted on lighting the fire in her living room (the room we were all sitting in) and she couldn't understand why the rest of us thought lighting the fire was insanity. Even she herself said that it was very warm already hmm Her son almost had to wrestle the firelighters and matches out of her hands!

CeliaFate Sat 07-Apr-12 14:23:27

threeleftfeet I think you're projecting your own issues about your weight onto me.

threeleftfeet Sat 07-Apr-12 14:28:53

OK, then why did you mention her weight, please enlighten me?!

CeliaFate Sat 07-Apr-12 14:36:33

Because it's completely odd to me (which was the question the OP asked) to appear half dressed in front of guests when you're so overweight you have to lose 4stones before the hospital will even think about you for surgery (which is true in her case).
I wouldn't do that, I think it's odd.

Many years ago, a girl I worked with asked another friend and I to go to her house for a meal before we all went on a girl's night out. We both lived a quite a long way away so we were very grateful as it saved us going home first.

However once we got to her house, where she lived with her DM and DD we were confronted with this dog from hell! I love animals and really this dog wasn't frightening it was just extremely energetic, plus it was very, very stinky and I mean it brought tears to your eyes!

So we sit down on the settee and her DM brings in our meal, it was beans on toast. Lovely, lots of buttered hot toast and lovely china plates but all the while we are eating this mad dog is trying to climb up our legs to get to our food and no one takes a blind bit of notice. We ended up with the plates in the air over our heads, nervously chuckling and splattered in nasty stinking drool.

Worse was to come, when we had finished, her DM took our plates and just put them on the floor at which point the dog was allowed to lick them clean, his mission accomplished. Her DM went to to explain that they hardly had to do any washing up in their house, the dog made such a good job........and she wasn't joking!!!! <boak> My other friend and I just sat there stunned!shock

Not only that but later my other friend told me that when she had eaten her last piece of toast, the bottom of the plate had the remains of an old fried egg, just the yellow scrapings, so the dog must have missed that bit from a previous meal.sad

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 14:48:32

maybeIwillmaybeIwont envy=puke emotion

Bucharest Sat 07-Apr-12 14:49:00

Oh,now I've remembered another!

My boss and his wife went to stay with her old friends. And slept in a bed they later discovered was full of cold, cooked spaghetti.

KatieMiddleton Sat 07-Apr-12 14:50:04

When I was a child I used to have piano lessons at the teacher's home. She was generally a bit bonkers (for example she had been separated for years yet had several photographs of her wedding to a Fred West look-a-like on display and the whole place stank of cat litter) but the oddest thing she ever did was change her tights while giving me a lesson. She used to sit behind me and I could hear her jumping up and down to get them on. I did the only sensible thing. Kept playing.

Thank you 2shoes

MNHubbie Sat 07-Apr-12 14:52:24

I wish I could remember one that I could tell on here. grin at all I've seen so far though (well those that aren't angry).

fuzzpig Sat 07-Apr-12 14:52:59

Maybe they were trying to imply it was pasta their bedtime.

Bucharest Sat 07-Apr-12 14:56:13


Katie- every lesson? confused

Blimey there are some weirdfreaks around.

KalSkirata Sat 07-Apr-12 14:57:47

MIL allowed me and ds to stay at her house as we were catching an early Eurostar. We get there about 5pm and watch with some astonishment (ds was 11) as they made themselves a sit down dinner and eat it with none for us. When I asked if there as anything to eat MIL said 'I didnt think you'd want dinner'. DS and I had to go out and find a chp shop. we have never been back.

KatieMiddleton Sat 07-Apr-12 15:00:37

No not every time. Just once. That was enough. She was not a small woman and the floorboards wobbled alarmingly. I was worried I, she and the piano would end up falling into the flat below!

lop37 Sat 07-Apr-12 15:04:58

My DF's cousin lived about two hours away from us. We didn't see them often,but when we did we all got on very well. One summer we'd arranged for all of us to go over for the day.
It was a lovely sunny Sunday. When we arrived we found a note on the door, saying as it was such a nice day they had decided to go to Alton Towers. They wouldn't be back til very late,so unlikely we'd see them, and they'd left a chicken in the fridge for us to help ourselves..my dad was most pissed off!

TwinkleTwinklyStars Sat 07-Apr-12 15:06:20

I went to EXP's cousins wedding (when we were still together)
It was a similar situation to yours Bucharest, they are very wealthy and we had spent months listening to stories of how grand it was going to be.

We spent a fortune on outfits travel and the hotel.
The wedding was at a big Mannor house type place and we were all expected to stay there, the cheapest rooms were over £300 a night.

I should add that they had specifically requested no gifts to be bought (on the invitations).

the ceremony was very short and quite simple.
The wedding breakfast was in the restaurant, which did not seem to be set up for a wedding, it just appeared to be how it was every day as a restaurant. There was no seating plan, but enough tables so that most people just sat with their own family/friends, there were a lot of two seater tables so we sat alone (just me and EXp)
We were all brought menus (which were the standard day to day menus), and asked what we would like to drink.
It was pretty much just like being in a restaurant, not at a wedding.
It was very non weddingy atmosphere, everyone was just talking amongst themselves (at their own tables), there was no real conversations between tables.

The meal was lovely, and at the end of it there were no speeches or any toasts.
But we were brought the BILL. I was really shocked (as I could see where quite a few other people) as there had been no mention that we would be paying for our own meal and drinks (I think it was the fact that they had not mentioned it that people were annoyed about)

But then upon actually reading the bill we realised that not only did it list our food and drinks but an extra charge.
Our food/drinks came to about £100, but the bill was for over £200.

It turned out that not only did we have to pay for our own meal, but we were expected to pay for the wedding parties meals/drinks as well!
Not just the bride and groom, but all of the parents, family, and bridesmaids/groomsmen.

We paid it because we didnt want to spoil anything or cause trouble, but we were not happy about not being told.

There was then a reception in another room with a bar, the drinks were very overpriced, such as £17 for a small glass of wine.
It turned out that the drinks were not that expensive, but the prices had been inflated to cover the drinks for the wedding party for the night!

we went to bed early because we didnt like the atmosphere.

There was to be a breakfast in the morning, but I faked being extremely hungover so that we could avoid at as the same thing was suggested in regards to the bill.

When we went to check out we were asked for our credit card to confirm the payment (which we had already done, paid I mean).
They gave us a copy of our bill and receipt in an envelope and thanked us for our stay.
once we got out to the car I opened the envelop to find that our hotel bill of £400 had actually cost us over £600.
We went back in to ask why it was so much, expecting it was a mistake, to be told that all of the guests had paid for a portion of the wedding parties hotel rooms too!

I was livid and demanded that then refunded it immediately.
It took a complaint to the manager and over an hour of arguing to get them to refund the payment.

The next day I received a very nasty email from the bride saying that we had ruined their special day, that everyone else was happy to 'contribute' and that my 'pathetic cheapness' had ruined the entire wedding for everyone.
she also added a lovely rant about knowing exactly how much I earn and knowing that I could afford much more than I was asked to 'contribute'.

To be honest if we had been made aware of it before hand we probably would have been happy to contribute, but it was the way that they went about it that really pissed me off.

Needless to say we never spoke to them again.

But we did receive invitations to their DC's baby showers and christenings.
surprisingly we did not attend, but found out from other family members that they did the same thing RE the bills.

Just remembered another one! My DSIL went to visit friends for the weekend and it was decided that they would all have fish and chips from the chippy.

The friend's DH went off in the car, (chippy not in walking distance) and came back with just enough for him and his DW!

They then sat down at the table and proceeded to eat while DSIL, DBIL and DN sat in the living room with grumbling tums!

I said, 'why didn't you say something?', my DSIL said that they were too embarrassed! confused

pictish Sat 07-Apr-12 15:07:58

My mum once popped into a neighbour's house to hand him some photocopies he had asked my mum to do as a favour.
She emerged about two hours later having been treated to an impromtu ( but very insistent) concert of his entire repertoire on the hammond organ. Then he asked her out.

He must've though no woman could resist the lure of his organ.

She politely declined his offer of date.

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 15:09:49

Twinkle, what a bloody cheek! Mind you, you're lucky they said no presents. Imagine the wedding list.

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 15:11:21

Good grief, Twinkle. That even beats the Bridezilla thread where they've asked for the "wealthier" guests to cough up £500 each to help bring the Aussie rellies over to the UK! Am just shock at the outright mannerlessness of some people, seriously shock.

Twinkle I think I've heard it all now!

duchesse Sat 07-Apr-12 15:15:39

I am genuinely aghast at the rudeness of the hosts in these tales. How can people treat others like this?

I can see that some people are rather over-fond of their pets, so the pet incidents might conceivably be put down to battiness and/or eccentricity, but some of these people seem just appallingly rude.

The latest wedding story is just jaw-dropping.

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 15:18:48

Thumbbunny, that was a funny thread - gift list from Harrods and oh btw pay my mum's fare, will you?

TwinkleTwinklyStars Sat 07-Apr-12 15:18:55

that was their argument for expecting everyone to pay, that they had not asked for gifts.

If it had said, ' The bride and groom request that no gifts be bought but a contributions towards the costs of the reception instead'
that would have been fine.

But the joke of it was that i had actually mentioned that they had requested no gifts to the bride before the wedding, and she had said something along the lines of we thought it was a good idea since it is all going to be so expensive for everyone due to the venue'

I thought she was just being nice. hmm

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 15:20:16

I still can't get over the absolute gall of them, expecting everyone else to pick up the tab for their wedding!! Ugh, ugh ugh. shock

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 15:20:59

Imperial, it was hilarious in places, wasn't it? Until Matthew Wright's "researchers" picked it up then it all went quiet sad

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 15:25:22

Did they really? Did he mention it on tv?

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 15:25:44

Bloody easy job being one of Matthew Wright's researchers!

Thumbbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 15:33:19

Oh yes! hold on, I'll link to it, read the last few comments. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1438306-would-you-pay-for-a-place-at-a-wedding?pg=16 here you are. smile

mrsmillsfanclub Sat 07-Apr-12 15:35:10

dh and I drove miles to a married couple who were friends of dh. We had only just recently started dating so I had never met them before. The man of the couple was nice, but the woman was having some sort of strop and went off to her bedroom- at 7.30pm!!
We were supposed to go out for a meal together, but ended up getting kebabs for ourselves and the other man, who was very apologetic and I felt sorry for him. It was the longest 3 hours of my life and we never saw either of them again. Thank gawd.

xeno Sat 07-Apr-12 15:35:13

These are mind boggling! But the one i'm hmm about is why does being 4 stone over weight make being half dressed more shocking? Is celia implying that it would be ok if she was skinny??? confused

FIFIBEBE Sat 07-Apr-12 15:55:32

Not as shocking as most of these but seasonal. Myself and another friend were invited to an NCT friend's home for an Easter tea party. There were about 7 little children there. The hostess, myself and the other guest prepared the tea (cocktail sausages, bits of fruit, chocolate nest cakes, little biscuits etc - all M&S) and left the plates of food in the kitchen. We all played a game before tea. Whilst the game was being played the other adult guest went to the loo, she was the only person to leave the room. When we returned to the kitchen to eat the food, hardly anything was left. As the food was from packets it was obvious how many of each item was available. Only 1 or 2 of each item was left on the plates. The other guest said nothing when the question was asked about where the food had gone. Fortunately the children were too young to notice and the hostess quickly began looking in fridge for anything to fill the plates again. As far as we knew there were no food issues and it never happened again, but she must have consumed/kept for later about 40 items of food in 10 minutes.

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 15:56:36

Thanks for the link, am off to see if I can catch up on Matthew Wright!

springydaffs Sat 07-Apr-12 16:07:41

that is pretty shocking FIFI shock

fudgesmummy Sat 07-Apr-12 16:30:28

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny thank you,thank you,thank you for starting this thread-After a traumatic illness my dad died last week leaving behind a total family mess for me to try and sort out. Reading this thread has made me smile for the first time in what feels like forever. smile

Mine isn't that weird really.
Went for a weekend at SIL and BIL. Went out for a meal, went Dutch. The following morning she made waffles with strawberries and cream for her and BIL and gave us toast. I always thought that was slightly odd.
They also once had lunch in front of us without making us any, but I assumed that was the craziness of a new baby. I just went and washed up for them while they ate....
They are not ungenerous people though.
I've slept in a bed that was clearly usually for dogs as well and it felt like it took me weeks to get the hair out of my mouth.

threeleftfeet Sat 07-Apr-12 16:55:32

"Because it's completely odd to me (which was the question the OP asked) to appear half dressed in front of guests when you're so overweight you have to lose 4stones before the hospital will even think about you for surgery (which is true in her case).
I wouldn't do that, I think it's odd."

Then you do have an issue with weight. She was wearing a nightie in her own home and you are family. It was not a dinner party (if so, then yes it would be odd). But they'd asked you over to give them a hand.

I wear my nightie in front of my MIL and SIL (and they do in front of me). Two of us are overweight. Yes I'd rather be slimmer but I'll be damned if I'm covering up in my own home because it offends judgmental people!

I think it's great she feels comfortable enough to not have always need to cover up in front of her family.

Would you have a problem with her wearing a swimming costume on the beach I wonder?

marathonrunner Sat 07-Apr-12 16:58:07

TwinkleTwinklyStars I am shock at that. Good for you for insisting on the refund!!

PaulaMummyKnowsBest Sat 07-Apr-12 17:05:54

my dh once went to someone's house for tea..... they served cold beans on toast!

He didn't go there for a meal again grin

fluffyliquorice Sat 07-Apr-12 17:18:59

We were once invited round sisters house for the afternoon/evening a few days after Christmas, along with other sis, BIL and our children. We had a quick snack at lunch, assuming she would be doing food. We were all offered one drink and told they were not doing any food as they had her husbands family round the previous day and done a full spread for them so didn't feel like cooking today. Not offered so much as a peanut, not even the dcs. We played a board game then we all went home.

lesley33 Sat 07-Apr-12 17:20:11

Nothing like some of these shock.

But for my nephews 1st birthday I drove 7 hours to get there. I arrived on time and they weren't ready - fair enough - still running around getting organised. I sat there gasping for a drink for over an hour and at no point did they offer me anything, not even a glass of water, or theres the kettle Lesley.

It wasn't until the MIL turned up over an hour later that anyone was offered any drinks at all. My parents brought some champagne as well as lots of gifts. Was swiftly put in the fridge and never appeared again - they were offered tea or water instead.

wimini Sat 07-Apr-12 17:24:16

NCT group "friend" came to my house. I had DS1 (then 3mo) lying on a lambskin rug on the floor in front of the sofa. "friend" lifted DS1 onto a different playmat and then sat on the sofa putting her feet (with shoes on) on the lambskin. I was speechless.

Bump grin
Twinkle that's the worst I've heard

Sorry fudge sad

maddening Sat 07-Apr-12 17:28:09

I went round to a friends for a coffee, he and 2 male friends were all naked.

I acted all nonchalant grin

mummymccar Sat 07-Apr-12 17:28:44

Just thought of another one: when I was a teenager I was visiting my Grandparents, staying overnight with all my cousins and siblings. In the morning I was last in the queue for breakfast by which point all the bowls for cereal had gone. Grandmother picks up the bowl the cat is eating from, gives it a quick rinse, and gives it to me for my breakfast. Needless to say I made toast instead.

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 17:32:12

So sorry to hear about your dad, fudgesmummy. I can't imagine what that's like.

mrsotter Sat 07-Apr-12 17:33:22

I once took a nice bottle of champagne to a friend's engagment party, it was a summer garden party.

They put in the old bath they had filled with ice and beer, that everyone was helping themselves to shock

Never saw it again - wonder if someone took it home?

ZZZenAgain Sat 07-Apr-12 17:34:04

can't get over the cheek of that bridal pair twinkle. Imagine arranging with the hotel to bill your wedding guests extra for rooms, meals and drinks to cover the price of your own rooms, meals and drinks. That is so tacky, I am quite stunned anyone would try that one.

lesley33 Sat 07-Apr-12 17:35:32

I had forgotten when I stayed at a foreign friends family abroad. They were lovely and constantly made me massive meals which her mother urged me to eat. One day on the way back we stopped off at her grans who gave us a barbecue. she phoned her mum to tell her we wouldn't need dinner. I was relieved as my stomach got a bit of a break.

The next morning I got up to breakfast to be presented with the intended 3 course dinner for the night before. Of course to be polite I sat and ate all 3 courses and then a 3 course dnner that evening as well!

Convert Sat 07-Apr-12 17:43:25

This thread is brilliant! I'm so shocked at twinkle's wedding story. I can't believe the cheek of some people.

BillyBollyBandy Sat 07-Apr-12 17:47:47

I had a friend over who was doing BLW with her ds who was same age as DD. I asked her, did she want to use my highchair, or the splash mat, but she said no it was fine she was only giving him pasta.

I thought he should still go in a highchair, but didn't say anything as fair enough - cooked pasta isn't likely to make a mess.

She sat him down in the middle of my carpet in the lounge, and gave him a tupperwear container of pasta and tuna mayo. tunamayo!!!! He digs in, all of about 9 months old. I came back into the room, not having seen her actually give him the food to see a food tsunami across my floor.

I just stared at her, and she said "don't worry, I'll clean it up afterwards, ds likes to explore with his food".

Not been back to my house again to eat strangely.

Oh and I went to a wedding where they got married at 1, booked a really expensive venue for the reception but didn't tell anyone that the food wasn't served until 7. We were all hammered on the very expensive bar by that time.

thegreylady Sat 07-Apr-12 17:50:05

We were invited to a dinner party by a family whose DC I tutored. It was a biggish party of about a dozen guests. After dinner the host showed us a room he had made into a home cinema and invited us to sit and watch a film. This was about 9.30 and the film was almost two hours long (Ransom). We sat in the dark,in silence till the film ended and we sat and sat till after 15 minutes one of the guests switched a light on. We found that our hosts had gone to bed and the whole house was locked up,in darkness with alarms set. There we were 12 strangers trapped in a house near Ilkley Moor on a winter night. Eventually we made a bit of noise shuffling and chatting and the housekeeper appeared from her room,didn't speak,opened the back door and we all slunk off into the night.
The next time I tutored the children I asked the girl to thank her parents for me as we hadn't been able to before we left.
The family was from a non British culture and the girl asked rather nervously if her parents had given us a pleasant evening as they hadn't entertained in this country before. I just said it was lovely and that the food was delicious.

Mopswerver Sat 07-Apr-12 18:02:27

DH and I once went to stay with good friend of mine living in France. She was lovely as usual but we barely saw him for the whole weekend. He only got up around 3pm (stoner) and she insisted that we, our kids and hers (age 1, 3,3,and 5) be quiet so that we didn't wake him! It was absolutely freezing cold at the time but we chose to go out all weekend instead. He didn't even get up to say goodbye to us after lunch on the Sunday! Thankfully they are now divorced!

garlicbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 18:08:25

Is anybody else monitoring this thread in case THEY turn up on it?? shock

lesley33 Sat 07-Apr-12 18:09:55

Naahh - My SIL will be on NH.

ovaltine Sat 07-Apr-12 18:11:32

ha ha i was thinking that garlic!

i used to tell friends not to come over to see me as soon as I got home from work as i dont like to speak to anyone for an hour or so, i like to watch tv smile but they used to be there as i got home from work so i used to ignore them for an hour as they just never took the hint. they did say to my XP once about it and he just said oh you know what she's like. ha thanks!

MNHubbie Sat 07-Apr-12 18:16:30

shock twinkle That is... breathtaking! How the shock... nope I can not at all understand that. Had they never been to any other wedding, ever?

If that happened to us, even just the evening bill, in a place like that we'd have to check out and leave immediately begging my dad to help pay for the cost of our own dinner.


Hecubasdaughter Sat 07-Apr-12 18:18:07

XSIL came to visit while I was at work. Decided I hadn't done the kitchen well enough so 'cleaned it for me' . Rearranged all the cupboards and chucked out the Christmas cake I had baked the night before 'because it wasn't iced', chucked out my mincemeat which I only noticed after I had prepared the pastry. Guess who complained that I didn't give her home made mince pies like the year before. angry.

She is currently punishing me for several things she does not approve of by not speaking to me. grin bliss.

hormonesnomore Sat 07-Apr-12 18:20:55

It was my DSis's 50th birthday and we had a family gathering at her house.

During the evening, her normally lovely (and excellent host) DH disappeared out of the house and didn't come back until next morning.

He just turned up, didn't say anything - and she didn't bat an eyelid.

The rest of the family were a bit gobsmacked.

garlicbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 18:26:56

Did you ever find out, hormones?

lifeisfuckinggreat Sat 07-Apr-12 18:27:26

Got some corkers from when I did home visits for my medical job. Think my worst one was visiting an elderly gentleman who asked for any spare dirty gloves when I arrived. I was understandably reluctant to give him any because of cross infection and not really understanding why he wanted them. As we got into the appointment he confided that he fantasised about me and saw me as the ultimate dominatrix (I'm six foot tall and can be rather bossy but WTF?). I was speechless as he was in his eighties and I just didn't see it coming. BUT then he got down onto his hands and knees and started to lick my rather muddy boots..it took all the control I could muster not to kick him in the face.
My initial instinct was to give him a bollocking and leave but realised that I would be fulfilling his fantasies by doing that so I politely smiled and left.
Never returned, obviously!
Used to go to a patients house and he used to make me stand outside while he had a wank, and then let me in straight afterwards....My friends think I have some sort of magical appeal to old men.

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 18:30:12

Hormones, didn't anyone ask where he'd gone to at the time, or asked him where he'd been when he returned?

MNHubbie Sat 07-Apr-12 18:32:21

envy not at all wondering what it takes to get Lifeisfuckinggreat to come round and visit hmm wink

Threerogues Sat 07-Apr-12 18:33:27

It's obviously very sheltered where I live! I once went to visit good friend from school and her new DH, whom I had not met before as I hadn't been able to make the wedding abroad. As she showed me the wedding album and I commented on how well she and bridesmaids looked, he kept going on about how English women are so much better looking than women from N Ireland (she and I both). Then he insisted on talking me through their seven volumes of honeymoon photos. 'that's us beside a lake'. 'that's us on a bus'. I was by this stage just about ready to shoot myself when he started to shout at me for getting some of the photos out of order. I made my excuses and left before dinner.

annalovesmrbates Sat 07-Apr-12 18:50:52

I was bridesmaid for a friend. She arranged pre-wedding treatments a few days before the big day. Drove for over 2 hours to get there. She was out. I was offered no refreshments and her parents spoke ti each other in a language that I don't speak. Friend turned up - still no refreshments offered and I felt too awkward to ask. Treatments done and off I was sent for the 2 hour drive back. Thank goodness for the nearby garage!

Unexpected3 Sat 07-Apr-12 19:06:23

Again,thanks twoshoes I'm in the middle of a particularly sad and tough time but this thread has actually distracted me for a while and has made me smile.

sinisterduck Sat 07-Apr-12 19:09:31

Not a visit, but a male visitor (in fact my good friends boyfriend) came round to give me a lift to the pub to meet my friend and lots of other people who we were out that evening with. Very kind of him.

I was not quite ready and was grouting my face in the bathroom, so asked him to wait.

At the time I had one of those things with lots of blunt metal pins that you can press your hand/face into. Cant think what its called now.

When I came out he had kindly pressed his erect penis into it and showed me the result grin shock.

Was this the most inept come-on ever?!

AnxiousPanxious Sat 07-Apr-12 19:15:23

Once went round to someone's house for dinner, with the friends I was staying with. The man took an instant dislike to me and spent the entire evening making really personal comments every time I spoke. Comparing my breasts to fried eggs, that sort of thing (they're not, they're quite nice!). I have NO idea why he took against me or felt the need to let me know so vehemently, I'd only met him that evening and had barely said a word before he began. He went out of the room at one point and his wife said 'Don't mind him, it's just his way' WTAF????

Rdoo Sat 07-Apr-12 19:17:15

My DD (about 18 at the time) was staying at a friends house and in the morning my DD asked her friend could she have a shower, her friend responded with "of course, as long as you have your own soap and towel".

lifeisfuckinggreat Sat 07-Apr-12 19:20:54

sinister duck ha ha what an idiot, that is the most inept come on ever.
MNHubbie bad boy
I went over to a new patients house one day, towards the end of the visit I glanced under the chair to see a handgun.
It was the illegal kind, he seemed a nice enough man but who knows? After some thought I rang the police and they sent the fire arms police in to raid the house. I felt guilty for ages afterwards, silly I know. Once again, I never went back.

sinisterduck Sat 07-Apr-12 19:38:45

My friend still does not know he did it- some things are better left unsaid!

HillyWallaby Sat 07-Apr-12 19:41:32

Ok, reverse this - it happened at MY house. My neighbour (who was a close friend) went on holiday and her friend (a single mum) was dog sitting for her. I had met this woman a few times, got on great with her, and our sons knew one another so they had been playing a lot in the garden as it was the school holidays. I felt a bit sorry for her as she didn't drive and we were stuck out in the countryside, she seemed bored stiff and keen to chat, so I invited her in for a coffee one afternoon, and she stayed so long I ended up giving her son dinner.

After she has outstayed her welcome a bit too long, I needed to go out to collect my other child from somewhere about ten miles away, so I told her I needed to go out, hoping she'd leave. She just shrugged and said 'No problem, the boys are happy playing - I'll look after them both and wait for you to get back. We can crack open some wine.confused

So, not wanting to appear rude, and being a very non-confrontational person, I left her there in my house, and drove off, feeling a bit uneasy and annoyed.

I was gone a fair while and my DH came home from work. He went into the bedroom to take his suit off, had no idea she was in the house, and she just appeared, as if by stealth, in the bedroom and started chatting to him while he was half dressed. shock

She'd been upstairs for some reason. hmm

He made polite, stilted conversation with her until I got home, she was a cool as a cucumber apparently, not a trace of embarrassment or awkwardness, and then he pulled me aside and said 'WTF?' angryshock Mad stalker woman in my room!!!

She didn't leave as I cooked our supper, so we dutifully poured her some wine, and she stayed...gave her some supper (it was difficult not to) and she stayed....by the time she went home we were both in agreement that we thought she was a crazy woman. By the end of the fortnight we KNEW she was.

MNHubbie Sat 07-Apr-12 20:05:16

isgreattell me again...

BreastmilkCrucifiedALatte Sat 07-Apr-12 20:05:33

I'm reading this thread worrying that my DD may soon appear on this thread, so I'll get in there first.

At the moment, she is utterly insistent that she and only she may open the front door. There have been a few incidents in which DH or I have instead answered the door and she DD pushed the poor visitors back into the rain and slammed the door, before re-opening the door and shouting 'you can come in now I opened it' to them.

In my defense, she is barely big enough to reach the door handle...

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Apr-12 20:09:22

Woah Hilly, she sounds barmy!

Just out of interest, when she said "We can crack open some wine" did she actually HAVE any wine with her?

HillyWallaby Sat 07-Apr-12 20:14:51

OMG Twinkle that is beyond awful. shock I am utterly gobsmacked at that!

whatsallthefuss Sat 07-Apr-12 20:18:31

mine is the first time my now DH met my mum. My mum has problems with reality, she is also hard of hearing. i have to tell you that, and i had warned him. I had been dating him for a FORTNIGHT when i took him home to meet my parents.

He is from a very Lovely (much nicer than mine) but reserved family. Think the queen (DH) meeting Jim Royle (Mum).

He said to her 'how are you?'
she said 'well, i'm having a spot of bother with me knees' she stood up, and dropped her jogging bottoms to her knees, giving him a huge flash of her granny grabber knickers, in a fetching bubble gum white.

I was mortified. He didnt bat an eyelid, and carried on the conversation with her about her knees. he even felt them.

I was gutted. the first decent boyfriend i'd ever had and mother sees him off....
that was in 1991 and we have just celebrated our 15 wedding anniversary.

she is still as mad as a fish, but we live 300 miles away now. bless her!

HillyWallaby Sat 07-Apr-12 20:19:53

No, she didn't IB!

The other thing she did was ask me if I her son could come over and play with mine for a bit, on a different day. I said yes, no problem, and she then promptly went back to bed for about four hours and locked the front door to the house so her son could not get back in, and I was stuck with him the whole day, and she wouldn't answer the phone. I ended up having to take him out with me.

Like I said - crazy woman.

greenplastictrees Sat 07-Apr-12 20:30:24

Only got to the end of page 1! Am shocked that people appear to just have sex whoevers around!shock i struggle worrying that the hard of hearing elderly man in the flat upstairs might hear or the family next door!

MNHubbie Sat 07-Apr-12 20:46:50

allthefuss that's when you know you've got a keeper!

Hmm, we were once invited for new year in Northumberland, we live on the south coast. At the time we were renovating our house and were finding lots of very very expensive problems..
We were advised that we should stay in the village pub, she has guest rooms but we werent at that end of the pecking order, it was £125 per night plus breakfast.
We were then rung to check that we had dry cleaned all our clothes to make sure that they were clean with no pet hairs, that we would also be checked at the door and possibly we would not be able to take part in any of the planned dinners at her house but could come with everyone when they went out.

Being such filthy, dog loving pariahs we decided that we could save our £'s for our home and, with two weeks notice, say thanks but no thanks and stay at home.

We got a threat of an invoice for her wasted time planning the trip and for food that would go to waste......

outmonday Sat 07-Apr-12 21:14:16

I travelled 3 1/2 hours to a college friend's wedding. Knew he was marrying a posh girl from a wealthy family and everything was beautiful. Back to hotel afterwards, where canapes were served. Just canapes. Nothing else. Then everyone went home.

IllegitimateGruffaloChild Sat 07-Apr-12 21:19:54

Yep - I've been an evening guest at a wedding where no food was served. As everyone says - if you knew this in advance you could make your own arrangements.

But receiving an invite asking for dietary requirements (with a gift list hmm) makes you think you'd be fed, no?

ManyMomentsOfMadness Sat 07-Apr-12 21:20:52

Myself and a friend and our DC went to another friends house for her DS's birthday. It was a nice day so we had a small party for them in the garden.
Her DS started to get tired so she went in the house to ask DP to bath him.
She never returned!!
It took a while for it sink in that we had been abandoned in the garden. We went to go in to the house to check that DS was ok but they had locked the door confused
We asked her later what happened and she had 'forgot' about us!! Cheers.

Mirage Sat 07-Apr-12 21:29:26

We went to visit SIL and see her new house.It was a massive modern detached with a big kitchen and sitting room,but we weren't allowed to sit in those rooms.5 adults and 4 children under two had to squeeze into a tiny room about 6 x 9 ft,which was full of her dc's toys too.I could see her sitting room through the glass doors and it was decorated entirely in white with big ornate fake flower arrangements in it.She was perhaps worrried we'd mess it up.hmm

MeanMom Sat 07-Apr-12 21:41:00

Not sure if this counts but here goes:

Was living in a shared house with the girl who owned it and another girl. We had a bedroom each, as you do, but shared rest of house. Most Friday nights I would stay over at my boyfriends house.

One Saturday morning popped 'home' early ish to fetch something only to find a stranger sleeping in my bed!

Just grabbed what I needed and left. blush Turned out to be a male friend of girl who owned the place.

Boyfriend was appalled (he was leading a very sheltered life and had only ever lived with parents in luxury) and persuaded me I should make a deduction from my rent to cover it. I found it all very awkward and embarrassing (I was young) and moved out very soon after. Gutted 'cos I liked it there but - yeeeew for my sheets if I hadn't found out and also - Yeeeew! - how many times had it hapened without me knowing?

BibiBlocksberg Sat 07-Apr-12 22:03:27

shock @ all of these stories! Mind you, I needed cheering up tonight and this thread has certainly achieved that.

Some of the sex ones reminded me of that episode of Alan Partridge where he and his long suffering PA Lynne visit a friend of Alans and get propositioned - 'Lynne, these are SEX PEOPLE' hisses Alan grin

Anyway, this collection of weird host stories has reminded me of one of my own.

Years ago now, me and the boyfriend at the time drove from Dorset to Huddersfield in an old Austin Metro. It took for absolutely ever to get there.

Finally arrived and his mate looks me up and down and says to boyf - 'I thought you said she was pretty' - the Bastard! I bloody was too considering I was all of 19 years of age back then and the rest of them were in their 30's.

Friends wife had cooked a roast dinner which was of course greeted with much enthusiasm by the boyf and I after such an epic journey.

Plates arrived in front of us and we spent ages trying to find the roast chicken. Eventually we unearthed a few strands hiding under a piece of Broccoli.

Cleared table after the meal to find the hostess in the kitchen stripping meat off of an almost intact chicken.

'Oooh, yes, the cat loves chicken so this is for him' she says.

We had much trouble suppressing our shock faces I can tell you.

I have two cats of my own and I love them to death but there is no way on this earth I would ever keep back a virtually intact roast chicken for them.


hormonesnomore Sat 07-Apr-12 22:06:24

Garlicbunny, we never found out & assumed DSis & BIL had argued but the way they behaved was so strange I didn't like to ask confused

Not sure this counts as was in my own home, but DP got friendly with a guy at work, and as both he and his gf lived with their parents ended up inviting them over one night for takeaway, wine/beer and a film.

Friend offered to bring a DVD. Pleasant enough evening, few glasses of wine, conversation perfectly normal. New friend offered to put film on, and when I came back from refilling drinks the TV was lit up with a picture of a man shagging a chicken! shock.

WHO, just WHO, would think 'Animal Farm' would be a suitable dvd to watch with another couple they didn't know?

Awkward, especially as they were supposed to stay the night!

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny Sat 07-Apr-12 22:10:52

so glad that this thread has cheered a few people up,(except form alpinepony
hmm) it makes for interesting reading

hormonesnomore Sat 07-Apr-12 22:11:17

ImperialBlether, we just didn't ask. Which I suppose was equally strange.

They recently came to visit, stayed for lunch then left. They came all that way (they live abroad) just for lunch. I don't think BIL can stand my other people's company for very long.

MNHubbie Sat 07-Apr-12 22:29:59

Animal farm? Seriously.

PavlovtheCat Sat 07-Apr-12 22:39:07

Once had someone stay with me overnight with her boyfriend, and after they'd left the following day, found a used sanitary towel put on a bookshelf in the front room. The coupe had been staying on a sofa bed in that room overnight, so presume she could not be arsed to go to the loo...

MNHubbie Sat 07-Apr-12 22:51:35

at least it was the following day...

Once drove from Manchester to Exeter to stay with DH's DB and his then wife on a good friday so we said it'll take between six and ten hours, to get there (who knows with bank holiday traffic).

Anyway we got there about 1130am ish but we're told to go away because they weren't ready for us until 1pm! They spent the entire afternoon/evening telling us how they had to be up and out early the next morning so would need us to leave at about 6am and to make no noise that night as THEY HAD TO BE OUT EARLY! In the end we decided to not stay the night and went to a b&b instead! DBIL is not married to her anymore!

ConsiderYourself Sat 07-Apr-12 23:18:48

OMG, Pavlov, I did virtually that myself the other day when friend was staying. Feel mortified enough and now you mention it! Only it was in bathroom. Was removed and put down to take to bin in other room, only forgot it. She went in after me. When I went again in the morning I realised it was still there. Wasn't not arsed, just forgot.... aargh!

To make you forget that...
Once stayed with DH at his friend's house. The host couple showed us to our room... where we realised the bed was not "fresh", and when we straightened out the sheet, it had an Indian sub-continent shaped stain in the middle. Yuk! Worse though, although we took it off and slept on mattress... there was still the problem that they might think it was us that left it...

PavlovtheCat Sat 07-Apr-12 23:33:30

consider you were in the toilet itself, so easy enough t forget. My friend was in my front room, and put it on a book shelf...

I would less embarrassed in your position than in my friends. Except I never told her, as I was so embarrassed on her behalf.

MNHubbie Sat 07-Apr-12 23:51:50

True but consider not finding it for a week and wondering where the smell was coming from...

Marking my place smile

PavlovtheCat Sat 07-Apr-12 23:56:32

mnhubbie that is just a vile vile thought!

carabos Sun 08-Apr-12 00:00:32

Went to a friend's house for lunch. Her toddler DD was potty training at the time and friend put the potty on the table and DD sat on it throughout the meal shock.

mufff Sun 08-Apr-12 00:06:09

I was invited to a dinner party once. And after we had eaten dessert, the hostess pulled out some receipts and charged us for the dessert we had just eaten. Apparently, she had gone over budget for the dinner party.....................everyone was so shocked they coughed up the couple of quid required. I was pretty impressed that anyone would actually have the balls to do that although she turned out to be a sociopath extraordinaire

Another dinner party, different crowd. We were all happily tucking into a pheasant pie which contained pheasant shot that day 'on the hunt' hmm They were old aristoracy types - non-pretentious but jolly types iykwim. Anyhow, I was pregnant at the time and they were literally forcing me to get pissed......."come on, it's only a sherry? this wine is spectacular, you simply must try it....etc". It was extraordinary coercion and they would not take no for an answer. And then I took a bite into the pheasant pie and wooooooaaaaaahhhhh, there was something incredibly hard that cracked my tooth and then started me off choking........and much to my surprise, the reaction was not one of concern about my well being but "hurrrraayyy, you found the bullet, well done old chap". Lead bullet. Pregnant. Choking. Hurray indeed.

loubielou31 Sun 08-Apr-12 00:09:07

carabos Why? On the table? Why?
I'm laughing ouy loud at so many of these and completely shock at the rest. grin

dollydoops Sun 08-Apr-12 00:18:39

Before smoking became unacceptable indoors, one of my parents' friends used to have actual 'no smoking' signs up in her house. I mean, fair enough if you don't want people to smoke in your house, but why not just tell them? (I realise this is nothing compared to the majority of this thread btw!)

anniedunne Sun 08-Apr-12 00:28:05

Hermione YES dbil and exsil were rude, but...errm, what fucking unearthly time did you set off from home to be with them @ 11.30am ?

Queenofcake Sun 08-Apr-12 00:52:38

Another MIL one! We lived 3 hours away so "popping in" is not a weekly/regular event. We recently had been invited up to see them! Plan was to pop in and see them for a few hours in the afternoon, they had mentioned they would offer us a light late lunch and that they would expect us about 1.30, we would then go onto other family early evening to stay the night etc. Then a big family get together in a pub for Sunday lunch the next day before heading back home early Sunday evening.

So we turn up at ILs house just before 1.30 but there is no reply. We sit in car on their driveway and call their house and mobiles. No reply. After 45 minutes of trying this there is still no reply and we and DC are hungry for lunch. So we head off to a local pub for a light lunch. Whilst there we constantly phone but no reply.

After our lunch and 1 hour later we head back and they are in. MIL ushers us into the lounge and locks the front door behind us. FIL is nowhere to be seen. Bare in mind they invited us and have not seen us or DC for 3 months. We were made a cuppa etc but MIL makes no explaination as to where they were. An hour passes and FIL still nowhere to be seen. Eventually MIL tells us they had popped over to a neigbours at 1pm for a slice of birthday cake as it was neighbours birthday. No apology or mention of being over an hour late to greet us. but hey ho. After an hour and half FIL comes down stairs and says hello. DH makes a comment about wondering where he had been. FIL tells us he was upstairs bust downloading music onto his MP3 hmm - Dont mind us driving 3 hours to visit you then hmm.

He then says they were not in when we arrived because they needed to go to the shop to buy special food in for our lunch. We had not mentioned we had been to the pub and eaten whilst waiting for them to come home - but despite this they didnt offer us any lunch (thank god) and only a biscuit which we were told we could only have 1 each because they were Foxes and not Sainsburys own! We were never offered lunch - so what shop and special food for our lunch FIL was on about remains a mysetry - as does theire whereabouts as MIL says they were having birthday cake with their neighbour confused.

Just weird.

Anyway DC are bored etc etc so I suggest they play on their nintendo, which they have leftt in the car. I go to open the door to get it from car and cannot get out because the front door is locked. So I ask how to open the door, if there is a key etc. Both MIL and FIL ask me why I want the key. I mention I want to get something from the car and instea dof just handing me the key they continue to question me about WHAT EXACTLY I want from the car. Eventually they get the key and it just so happens DH gets the Nintendos in. 20 minutes or so later. One goes flat the DC need the charger which is......in the car. Once again we have aske "permission" to unlock the front door to go to OUR car. Once again they ask us why? what for?? etc etc. Absolutely bonkers shock

This time I go out. I am not allowed the key. Fil has to unlock the door for me. Then he stands there looking at me and waiting in the door way for me to find the charger. I am also thinking I had better bloodywell get anything else I need at the same time as obviously asking to unlock the door is a bit of an issue!! I eventually find the charger and go back in the house and FIL locks the front door and puts the key in his pocket.

It was bizarre!! Really odd! My ILs have always been rather odd and imo rude. But this was absolutely off the wall even for them.

BIL and SIL popped in whilst we were there and they had the same treatment when they needed to pop out to the car for the nappy bag for their baby!

It was more the big deal about hiding the key. It was they way they had to unlock and relock the door, they could not just say yeah heres the key, give it back when your done!!

Just weird and we have never found out where they were or why they didnt answer the door when we first arrived either!

Oh and also poor DD1 (13yo) was bemused but too polite to question it when MIL made her a drink of squash in a twin handled tommee tippee cup (thankfully minue the lid)!! grin

Queenofcake Sun 08-Apr-12 00:54:11

I am in stitches reading this thread!! Some mad mad stories on here!

Cannot believe the kitchen sex!! OMGblush and that wedding one where you had to pay for their wedding shock!!!!!!

Pickgo Sun 08-Apr-12 00:56:13

Went to a wedding of my X's friend a few years ago. Friend's cousin was there with her 2 boys (6 & 12) and DP. Wedding was lovely and reception in nearby hotel then evening party.

Come the eve party aforementioned cousin had arranged with her DM to collect boys and take them home to bed. Oldest one had made friends with some other boys and was having a whale of a time so asked to stay. The cousin agreed and asked her DM to just take youngest.
Her DM said no she was taking both home as the cousin needed some 'adult time'. Cousin says' no really it's alright DM leave eldest he's having great time'. DM starts to argue and shout at her daughter that she won't be picking up the pieces when her partner leaves her because they never have time to themselves.

Bride's mother hears the commotion and comes over and starts saying 'ahh leave him, he's having lovely time. is no bother etc.

Cousin's DM and bride's mother then start rowing at the top of their voices. Bride comes over and as row continues slaps Cousin's DM who 'is hysterical'.

Cue all out row with various people holding back various others now numbering about 15 people.

Manager of hotel arrives to calm everything down and ends up making the cousin's DM leave - with neither child!

We were shock but laughed after. Bride not quite so amused. Party ruined and she wasn't even a guest grin

muminthecity Sun 08-Apr-12 02:43:55

My friend and I were once invited to another friend's house with our DDs to celebrate her DDs 3rd birthday (Our DDs were both 6 at the time.) She said she wasn't having an actual party as she had only moved to the area recently and we were the only 2 friends she had made, and she wasn't close to her family. She told us that she would do a birthday tea for the DDs with cake and candles etc. She told us this about 3 days before, in front of our DDs who were both looking forward to it, this would have been obvious to friend.

We arrived at friend's house at the arranged time only to find her and her DD both still in their pyjamas, and her DD with a streaming cold. We handed over presents, made a fuss of her DD etc, then sort of just sat there not really knowing what to do with ourselves. My DD broke the ice when she spotted the huge, beautiful birthday cake on the kitchen side and asked friend when we would be having cake. Friend replied that as her DD wasn't feeling too well she wasn't going to do the birthday tea after all, and noone would be having cake. Our DDs little faces fell and we were just shock. None of us (not even the children) were offered so much as a glass of water in the whole time we were there.

We didn't say anything at the time (still in a bit of a daze!) but made our excuses pretty quickly, got out of there and took our DDs for a MacDs then onto posh cake shop for pudding as we felt so bad for them. As soon as we left, friend and I kind of looked at each other and just went "Did that..." "Do you think..." "Did you hear..." both shocked at the rudeness. We pulled 'friend' up on it afterwards and she just claimed she wasn't thinking and didn't realise the girls would be disappointed! shock

I still don't understand why she didn't just phone/text and postpone or cancel beforehand. (Maybe because she still wanted the presents...)

thecook Sun 08-Apr-12 02:44:00

A man from the insurance company came to look at damage caused by a leak. He asked a few questions and then said 'Can I talk to your husband? women don't tend to understand plumbing'. Then on noticing my huge cookery book collection, he says 'I bet you are a good cook, I find women are best off in the kitchen'

The fucking cheek of it. The mortgage is in my name. And I am responsible for it.

thecook Sun 08-Apr-12 02:48:17

And I have never been married!

wendieann Sun 08-Apr-12 03:44:40

Visiting my friend, she allows her shitzu to sit on the table... So it would wander all around our cups.... then paw at you to pet it... She would laugh, isn't he so sweet!

Selks Sun 08-Apr-12 04:12:55

Years ago as a penniless young student I decided to travel to the north of Scotland for a holiday. A friend arranged for me to stay the night at an acquaintances of theirs house en route, a suggestion I gratefully accepted as short on cash.
So the night in question arrives. The couple I am to stay with pick me up at the station and take me to their house. All well and good, and they seem like a nice ordinary, friendly middle aged couple.
We get in, they show me the spare room and a cup of tea is offered. Polite small talk is made around the kitchen table. After a while the wife gets up, puts her coat on, gives her husband a kiss and goes out. It's pretty late by this time.
Feeling a little awkward now, I attempt further small talk with the husband. However he leaves the room, and comes back in with a magazine.
He opens the magazine and brandishes it towards me. In it is a large picture of his wife, stark naked, legs akimbo. It is a swingers contact magazine. As I recoil in shock he calmly explains that they both enjoy sex with strangers. His wife has in fact gone for the night to meet up with a stranger -arranged through the contact magazine - for sex and won't be back for the night. So therefore, he continues, how would I feel about a night of sex with him!!

Panic! No I bloody do not want to!!

A thought runs through my head to leg it but then I consider that it is past midnight by now, I am in the wilds of Scotland miles from anywhere and don't really have a clue where I am.

So I mutter 'Erm no, it's not my sort of thing, I have a boyfriend, I'll just go to bed now on my own if that's ok, thanks for putting me up etc', and before anything else can be said I scoot off to my bedroom, and pull the wardrobe and the bed in front of the door to barricade myself in for the night. The man taps at the door feebly and asks 'Am I sure I don't want to have sex with him'. Yes, quite sure thank you.

I fled early the next morning.

Looking back, I don't know how I dared stay the night. And how polite I was! blush

hifi Sun 08-Apr-12 04:48:51

Ex bf mum made me sit on a towel if I was wearing jeans,it was a dark fabric sofa. Never allowed to use the loo at an old school friends house,had to pee in the garden.
If I was having a sleepover at one friends house I had to wait in sitting room while they had breakfast and I waited for the first bus.

Jolyonsmummy Sun 08-Apr-12 06:51:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nominated this for classics. Mnhq please excuse slighy boast tone, am on phone

ChangeyChangerson Sun 08-Apr-12 07:48:30

I have nc for this as it would out me!
Not at someones house but odd behaviour at a christening.

We went to a family christening (cousin my side) the service was at 12 so noone had eaten, there was a gathering afterwards, walking distance away. We got there, everyone was ravenous, they gave all the children bags of sweets, so they were running about like crazy high on sugar.

They passed the 11 week old baby round to have his picture taken being held by every guest. He was getting more and more upset there were 300 ish guests shock my elderly aunt has never had children and was uncomfortable holding the tiny baby, she was forced to and being ever so poilte sho obliged but was terribly uncomfortable.

At 3.30 we had to leave (we had arranged to go to a friends house for a cuppa after the christening) the food still hadnt arrived and we (me and dh) had to make a mad dash to a supermarket with 3 screaming children.

The food had been ordered for 4 oclock, 'so that everyone could get drunk and enjoy the disco first' it was a christening! We were expecting to be away by two ish at the latest!

fuzzpig Sun 08-Apr-12 08:26:16

Does Animal Farm really have somebody shagging a chicken in it? shock I watched that a lot as a child (mind you my parents never did put much thought into censorship...)

Or was it some cheesy porn version (Anal Farm?) grin

Years ago when I was living in London we had a bit of a house party, just a few close friends (teeny flat).
We were all hanging about in the kitchen, as you do, and noticed that one if my newer friends had vanished, nobody had seen him for over an hour.
Went to find him and found him bollock naked, sat at my computet, happily beating himself off and watching porn he'd downloaded to my machine. Cheeky fucker looked at me with a hmm face and implied I was being rude for interrupting him!

Scone crumbs shock

Dead granny shock

Guests pay for the wedding shock

And lots of being pursued for sex hmm

This has it all. grin

hamncheese Sun 08-Apr-12 08:45:12

When I was getting married my bridesmaid and I looked at dresses for her and saw some she liked. I then saw one she had liked as 20% off online (was debenhams) and text her to say, and offered to buy it if it was the one she liked. She then replied saying she would buy her outfit as a wedding gift to me and proceeded to buy it online which I thought was great.

Then she asked me to meet in town to look for her shoes and bag to match and to show me the dress on etc so we did and we found a pair of shoes she "quite liked" but were in the sale (so couldn't return) so she bought them anyway saying they would match the dress for other occasions even if she chose others for the wedding. Then we went back to mine and looked on ebay and she bought another pair she "may return". Whatever, she got some shoes and all was well.

At the same time I was doing a charity 10k so had emailed all friends family asking for donations. She replied to this to say that she couldn't justify sponsoring my run and she "didn't realise how much my wedding was going to cost her". I was mortified and confused so called her thinking some mistake had been made and she thought she had to pay for something else but then she told me on the phone that I hadn't offered to buy her two pairs of shoes and she was now in debt. I was at the time totally polite and said I thought she meant that she was going to buy them as the present as she said "outfit" but she then was saying only the dress. So I said that's fine, I'll send you money for the shoes and get your bag (I had already bought and given her jewellery as a bridesmaid present). But she wouldn't let it go and went on and on about how awful I was being! I hung up eventually saying I would talk later but then told her it would be best she wasn't bridesmaid.

Couldn't believe she would buy the dress which cost £150 but then call me stingy for not paying for her TWO pairs of shoes of around £30-40 which I didn't know I was to be paying for and which she would keep anyway. Plus we had bought her an expensive bridesmaid present and were paying for her hotel room on the night before AND after the wedding!!!! In the end my Mum decided to send her a cheque for the dress cost to cut all ties and perceived debts with her and she proceeded to wait to cash the cheque on the day of my wedding to make a point (a month and a half after she sent it).

INSANITY. Suffice to say I've never seen, or wish to see her, again!

CuttedUpPear Sun 08-Apr-12 09:03:08

This thread is brilliant.
My contributions:

On visiting my in laws for the first time ever (with DD, 3 step DDs and a 6 month pg bump), we walked in to the living room where FIL was sat sitting in an armchair with a bottle of beer in hand, in a string vest. (This was only 1992 btw). He said hello, and would I like a drink? I replied that I would, and he said "Go and look in the cupboard down the hall then" and proceeded to swig from his bottle, and turned back to the TV. The rest of the visit continued in the same vein. XP had inherited the same manners so am glad to shot of him now.
I know it isn't as shocking as some of these but wanted to offload!

My DM used to charge us rent for visiting over xmas. The rate was £25 p/w, this was 1984. I was 18 and a poor student. Good way of getting rid of us though, thanks mum.

Ours was when we were invited round by a friend of DH and his newish gf for a film and a takeaway. Went round there, all normal, had the takeaway, some wine and a catch up, then put the film on. It was a film about this guy who takes a job as a security guard in a condemned building, which turns out to be haunted, I can't remember the name of it.

So DH and I got settled on one double settee and DH's friend and his GF were on another, a couple of feet away. But instead of watching the film (which tbf wasn't very good) they spent the whole time writhing around on the sofa, one on top of the other snogging furiously! DH and I were watching the boring film, politely trying to ignore the practical sex show going on across the room.

This continued through at least half the boring film until suddenly GF surfaced from under BF, peered at the film for a minute and went "so who's that guy?" (that guy being pretty much the only character in the film in the film, which had by now been on for the best part of an hour).

Well they only got up and started the film again from the start. And then recommended relations on the sofa. DH and I had to watch the whole thing again from the start for no good reason.

We didn't set off especially early but there was just no traffic an this was pre-dc so no pit stops every ten minutes! it was and remains the best run we have ever had down there!

Dh is a panicker though so it would have been somewhere around 6:30 ish. He has chilled the fuck out calmed down since or I will kill him. grin

I forgot I say they didn't offer us lunch either! God love her but she was bonkers.

ihatethecold Sun 08-Apr-12 09:25:48

This thread is brilliantgrin. Makes me feel normal wink

ErikNorseman Sun 08-Apr-12 09:45:31

Recently I stayed with the ILs for a week. They live abroad and cultural norms are v different. There are 7 adults and 2 babies living in their 2 bed flat, plus an auntie and grown up cousin were staying, so pretty chocka. DS and I do get abedroom to ourselves but still. Anyway, SIL who doesn't live there invited us to stay at hers for 2 nights, plenty of space, just her, bil and dn, for peace and quiet. We happily went, first night there was lovely, great night's sleep etc.

The next day, she cooks an amazing lunch which never gets eaten because her nosy neighbour lets herself in to the house (she has access for the roof terrace) and they start to row about nosy neighbour coming in and snooping when they aren't home. Being a hot headed type of people this row soon gets physical, neighbour smashes sil's picture on the stone steps, SIL has to be restrained, other neighbours turn up and get involved. I'm trying to stay out of the way with DS and dn, getting pretty pissed off.

After it calmed down a bit we all went back to Mil's house where I stayed for the night. SIL went home with another SIL. Younger SIL comes back later brandishing a clump of hair that she has pulled out of beighbour's head, and showing a small cut on her finger from where she grabbed a knife from neighbour's DH shock

When SIL comes up the following day she asks me why I didn't being DS back down for the night? Hmmmmmm.....

Peachy Sun 08-Apr-12 10:08:21

'On visiting my in laws for the first time ever (with DD, 3 step DDs and a 6 month pg bump), we walked in to the living room where FIL was sat sitting in an armchair with a bottle of beer in hand, in a string vest'

Could have been worse!

First time I met my now FIL, he was also sat there having a drink... only when he got up it wasn't a string vest that was the issue, but that despite the jumper on his top helf, from waist down he only had string pants on!

Turned out he was known for it and even walked his dog like that; 6 years after he spilt from MIL at which time that and all similar oddities ceased immediately, I think he was trying to make uber-upright MIL chuck him out

Hmm I'm in a wheelchair and anyone wants to tuck me out the way better get prepared for an ear bashing let alone the fact I infact need more room to move

Your Dd is not a little child in a buggy to me it seems very odd


I'm fairly sure the George Orwell version doesn't have any bestiality scenes, but this was indeed some cheesy porn version from the seventies by the looks of the bushes

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 10:16:59

Leftwingharpie why didn't you leave when they re-started the film.... think I would have 'gone to the loo' never to be seen again at that point! shock

LetsKateWin Sun 08-Apr-12 10:19:00

These are so funny. I can't believe some people. I may do something bonkers to see if I will end up being discussed in a chat room. grin

HillyWallaby Sun 08-Apr-12 10:26:02

Although to be fair to the bed sheet on the carpet man, he may be one of those ultra fussy types who insists that everyone takes their shoes off when they come in his house and walk on his carpets. I suppose if the wheelchair wheels were the equivalent of outdoor shoes he was just treated the disabled person with complete equality. Did you have to take your shoes off, OP?

Peachy Sun 08-Apr-12 10:29:57

Having met THC, LMAO at the idea of her being tucked aside...... grin

I'm sure vicar at friends Dd Christer ing will pop up soon or someone from the party . Who was asked where her then dp was . Describing the nutter who apologised saying Jesus could not make the christening due to work . But hoped to make the party after .

The look on her guests faces who thought I was taking the Mick and I was told in no uncertain terms that this is not an approaite time to make jokes like that .

Tried to explain I was not being funny Jesus really was busy. Not twigging as I was wrestling with a stropy 2 year old a grump ss age 9 and being pregnant and being pretty pissed of with Jesus too

In end friend had to say something as people were telling her that her friend was a nutter She stood up and said tHC is not loosing the plot and not called Mary her dp is really called Jesus .

I Am no longer with Jesus but do have 2 sons of Jesus

Gin I really have no idea! I suppose it wasn't so bad that we'd have wanted to make a scene about it, and it was a good tale to recount to all our other friends!

At least they weren't having full sex in the same bed as us, or conceiving their first child on the bunk below. By comparison with those tales it seems like quite reasonable behaviour!

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 10:54:40

Leftwingharpie - true!! grin

I think we are all having our shock thresholds adjusted here getting educated by this thread

I was starting to collect ideas for how to get rid of unwanted guests in an imaginative way.... but have realised it could take an awful lot to shift someone - even propositioning sex doesn't work! So may have to stick to being honest instead. wink

springydaffs Sun 08-Apr-12 10:55:14

grin grin Humancatapult

IllegitimateGruffaloChild Sun 08-Apr-12 11:04:08

Jesus is busy grin grin grin

Sorry but that is f*cking funny.

acsec Sun 08-Apr-12 11:23:32

When I was 13/14 I went on a school trip to France and my friend and I stayed with a host family. The family collected us from the pick up point and took us back to their massive house. They only spoke French to us (which was fine as between us we understood most of what was being said) However, after they'd shown us around and left us in our room to get sorted we compared notes on what we'd managed to translate. We both agreed the family had told us they had 7 children, and the bedrooms had suggested they were aged from baby to maybe our age, but there were no children in the house. We thought maybe they were at school/ daycare but we spent a whole week with the family and there were no children.

But the grandparents did turn up and were given our little lounge to sleep in, on the floor (strange as there were so many empty bedrooms.) We had to be up early every day to get driven to the French school for morning lessons, and had to go through the living room with the sleeping grandparents, skirting round the edge of the air mattress trying not to wake them.

Every morning the husband of the family would drive us to the school, not speak a word to either of us, drive SUPER scarily fast overtaking everything on the road and spend most of the time looking at my friend in the rearview mirror.

It was all a bit odd.

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny Sun 08-Apr-12 11:29:10

HillyWallaby oh he is fussy. no kids so he and his DW have a very tidy clean house.
but he didn't ask us to remove our feet.....

acsec that is really weird did you never get to the bottom of it?

acsec Sun 08-Apr-12 11:53:11

Being 13yr olds with overactive imaginations and having watched too many scary films we thought it best not to ask in case they didn't really have any children but hosted foreign students and kept them.

They were nice people, well the mum was, even though we probably only understood 1/2 to 3/4 of what they said to us. It was a fab school trip all in all!

ipswichwitch Sun 08-Apr-12 11:56:06

when me and DP were house hunting, we arranged a viewing for a sunday (being the only day the owner said they could do), which gave them 4 days notice. we arrived bang on time, and were told by the woman that we'd have to be quiet as her husband had got home half an hour earlier from a weekends fishing trip and had gone to bed, apparently refusing to stay up for another hour until we'd been and gone (this was at 2pm).
she said he'd been considerate by sleeping in their daughters room, as he assumed we wouldnt want to actually look in there (no, why would we want to look in every room of the house we may have been interested in buying?), but seemingly not considerate enough to wash first as he reeked of fish. and yes i did look in the room, to satisfy my morbid curiosity as to how someone could just sleep through a viewing - he did and snored very loudly too

crypes Sun 08-Apr-12 12:02:31

I love this thread, its hilarious following it and how everyone has been really polite in the most awful situations, even the most creepy and scary ones. Its that blighty spirit 'We can take it' lol

HillyWallaby Sun 08-Apr-12 12:19:13

But he asked you to remove your shoes, yes? Wheelchair wheels are more like outdoor shoes than like feet! wink I don't think it was a particularly offensive thing to do, if he is the sort who doesn't let people in in their shoes - it's no different really.
although people who do that get on my nerves

One of dh's friends had no food at the evening reception of his wedding and at his baby's christening he invited people to the church and then afterwards said they all had to go hom apart from a chosen few because their house wasn't big enough (it was huge). Even the Godfather got sent home from the steps of the church!

Someone came to stay with us when I was a student, rent free, she invited me to a party IN MY OWN FLAT and had a pet rat and parrot who roamed free and shat everywhere.

Dh's friends also asked us to come stay for the weekend - they had bought a fancy new apartment and were both consultant docs so not skint afaik. We showed up, went for dinner, came home, they went to bed and pointed us to the spare room - literally a room, no heating, no bed, no covers given, nothing.

leftmysociallife at the door No bed!!! No covers, good grief, what were they thinking!

cocolepew Sun 08-Apr-12 12:31:52

Not me but DH before I met him.

He had been going out with a girl and one night she asked him back to her flat. He went oi go to the loo and was astounded by the smell. The bath was full of shit in plastic bags.

He asked what was going on and she said "My toilets been broke for ages and won't flush properly."

Obviously pooing in bags is the first thing you'd think to do hmm.

ABitSnowyOutside Sun 08-Apr-12 12:56:56

Many years ago, my then partner and I were invited to stay for the weekend by a very eccentric but lovely friend of mine who lived in the Aberdeenshire countryside. It was December.

We had an interesting evening, chatting and drinking wine until late. My friend made us some 'Essential soup' - he never washed the pot but added ingredients to the original stock which I suspect was antique. He said we had to appreciate the 'Essence' of the vegetables, their soul which was perpetual hence the soup.

We eventually asked where we should sleep and my friend told us to wait a little while - he vanished outside.

We heard dragging sounds and thumps so called to him to ask him if he needed help. He said no but our bed was ready and we went up.

He had hauled an old mattress from outside - it had a film of frost on it, no sheets or blankets.
Partner and I lay on this freezing, bogging mattress with all our clothes on and pulled a curtain on to use as a blanket.
We both started to cry laughing but had to do it silently so as my friend was not offended seeing as he had gone to bother and everything. grin

The upshot was that I woke in the morning unable to move and my friend and partner carried me to the car then visited a woo back mender friend of my eccentric friend.

DinahMoHum Sun 08-Apr-12 13:02:12


Garliccheesechips Sun 08-Apr-12 13:07:30

Meeting old friend's fiance for the first time (they had been living overseas) at their new house.

Conversation was all normal, the usual, polite, friendly etc.

When my friend was out of the room I asked her if she'd made the cakes herself (just making conversation really) and her face darkened to a hard snarl.

She then (and I still struggle to believe this actually happened) shoved her face up close to mine and said 'Of course I didn't fucking make them myself, what a stupid fucking question to ask you stupid fucking cunt'.

I was shock

Then she called me a stupid slag.

When friend came back into the room it was as if nothing had happened.

Still in shock, I made my excuses and left.

The next time I met her, in the pub with a group of friends, she was all sweetness and light to me, until several drinks in she started with the stupid fucking cunt routine again.

I now avoid her (and sadly, him) like the plague. Though there's a mutual friend's wedding next year that should be interesting... hmm

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 13:08:49

Garlic double- shock

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 13:09:06

Did you ever tell him??

Garliccheesechips Sun 08-Apr-12 13:12:53

No, I've never told him. I told his brother who said she's a 'bit unstable alright'.
Ya think??

The only thing I can think to explain it is that she has a problem with her man's female friends, but really?

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 13:20:15

Sad - still on an optimistic note if an un-hinged foul mouthed woman like that can bag a man there is hope for any half-decent singletons out there!! grin

I had a great bloke-mate once who wasn't allowed to speak to his female friends! I called him once and we were chatting away when he said 'gotta go she's back' hmm - very sad, he went abroad sometime later and I missed him for ages. Don't know if he stayed with her.

Thread hijack over. smile

Threerogues Sun 08-Apr-12 13:28:11

My MIL complained that we weren't planning to travel to visit them over Christmas. Much as I wanted not to travel with the three rogues I relented (Christmas spirit and all that) and we travelled the 250 miles to stay on the days stipulated as suitable. On the third day of a four day visit she informed us that she was having a dinner party that evening but we weren't invited. It turned out though that three of DH's siblings and their partners and one of their daughters (4) were invited. We were told we would have to vacate the house with the kids until midnight. We left.

whackamole Sun 08-Apr-12 13:29:40

I'm utterly loving this thread! Trying to think of some myself

acsec Sun 08-Apr-12 13:41:48

When I was 11 I had a friend whose family were very strange. I went round for dinner and a sleepover one night and the older sister, who was a vegan, was in charge of making dinner. She took an opened tin of beans out of the fridge and scraped the mould off the top, and served them with some lentil-y stuff, I ate it even though it was pretty rank. After dinner the mum ran a bath and tried to make me have a bath with my friend so we could all see "the blossoming of our bodies". I said I was ok and had had a bath that morning. While friend had the bath lentil-weaver older sis and geeky little bro had an almighty row about older sis having moved the bro's toy cat. We then had to have a family meeting with me as the intermediary (sp?) finished off by group hug. When it was finally bed time, I was given a grotty sleeping bag and had to sleep on the floor of friend's room with no mattress.

The next time I was invited for sleepover I got my mum to tell them I was busy.

garlicbunny Sun 08-Apr-12 13:43:28

In my chaotic younger days I got the sack from a live-in job. I had nowhere to stay until one of the women from work offered to have me at hers. Really kind of her - she was a heroine, bringing up two very difficult boys (the younger was severely autistic) on her own with little money. I was to share a room with the elder son, who was about 15.

After we went to bed, the boy sat up and said he wanted me to tell him stories. Okay, I said. He then pulled a rifle from under his mattress, showed me it was loaded and pointed it at me! I spent the night telling stories at gunpoint. (I did include Scheherezade, but he didn't get the connection.)

Told his mum about it, she simply confiscated the rifle.

That night he had a knife.

I ran away the next day - am ashamed I left without telling her, and still sometimes wonder how things turned out for them all!

Lovecat Sun 08-Apr-12 13:48:24

Not on the scale of most of these (my eyes are popping!), but I was going out with a group of friends and we were meeting at one girl's flat - I knew her, but only as part of the group of people I hung around with.

She had white leather sofas with pink velvet cushions on them. While we were waiting for some others to turn up, she said to sit down. I was just about to lower my bum onto the seat when she shrieked (literally, like a banshee) and threw herself across the room to grab the pink cushion from behind me. "Noooo!" she glared at me. "They're not for sitting on! You'll spoil them!"

I was confused ".... ok....." and several people laughed and went 'oh, xxx and her cushions" - apparently she was notorious for this. Another (male) friend asked if he could use the loo while waiting. She said yes, but wait a minute, and went in first, returning with a fluffy bath mat and loo mat. "Men" she smiled at us "can't have them messing up my mats!" As soon as he returned she went back in, we heard hot water running and the smell of pine... apparently she disinfected around the loo after every visitor and no-one (including herself) was allowed to use the loo with the mats in situ in case of dribblage... which I can sort of see, those mats are a bit minging imho, but then why have them in the first place?

No-one's ever had sex in the same room as me, but a guy I met in Key West tried to persuade me that it would be a good idea if we got it on in my youth hostel room (that had bunk beds and I was sharing with 5 other girls!)... needless to say, he did not persuade me!

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 14:13:27

ApocalypseCheeseToastie - we were having double glazing installed last year. by a bloke who looked like Steptoe. I went up the stairs and as I passed the bathroom I saw him standing peeing and he just turned around and smiled at me mid-wizz! Dirty f-fer!

ToriaPumpkin Sun 08-Apr-12 14:16:51

Not nearly as impressive as some of these, but my aunt, who has four children aged 18 months to 13, a dog, two cats and keeps chickens and horses, never has soap or handtowels to be found anywhere in her house. She has three bathrooms, a kitchen sink and a utility room. Your only option is to use washing up liquid in the kitchen and either dry your hands on your clothes, use the teatowel or use kitchen roll.

When my mother commented on it she said "Yeah, we never seem to have soap in the house."

Garliccheesechips Sun 08-Apr-12 14:36:31

shock at ascec.

GinPalace - the worst thing is that my friend is a lovely, hard working, good looking man who would be considered a great catch. I don't think he realises he's shacked up with Lucifer.. Shall I tell him and then set him up with you? grin

This thread is brilliant. Keep em coming.

Riddzy Sun 08-Apr-12 14:36:43

Garlicbunny - you have described the end of Evelyn Waugh's A Handful of Dust - have you ever read it?

Undertone Sun 08-Apr-12 14:38:22

When 16 I went to stay with my dad's sister's husband's sister and her husband to do a week of work experience in said husband's small graphic design studio in the middle of the Yorkshire Moors. They lived in a tiny stone cottage on a bleak hillside.

I had never met the couple before, and they were very quiet and a bit peculiar. They were late 40s and childless, so the sudden arrival of a grumpy 16 year old girl into their lives round-the-clock probably threw them a bit. I remember the first evening about 9pm just sitting silently with them in their front room listening to the clock tick... and my eyes wandering around the room in desperation for anything to distract me... until with a start I saw on the mantlepiece that they had hung by its elastic a cheap plastic mask of a goat. Almost exactly like this one: www.starcostumes.com/lgimages/F61369.jpg

No explanation why it was there.

That was a looooong week.

garlicbunny Sun 08-Apr-12 14:40:25

Riddzy - No shock I'll get it!

Cremeeggsandkitkatsoldiers Sun 08-Apr-12 14:45:07

not told me when I ran out of toilet paper, I had about 3 rolls in there but they used it all - no problem I don't judge what other people do to their bums, BUT they were working together to smuggle napkins from the kitchen into the toilet for each other, it was the weirdest behaviour ever! .. rather than just asking had I any more (I did, in a cupboard).

Another one gave me a vicious hamster in a biscuit tin as a "thank you for having me stay" present?? (after out staying by about a week)

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 14:49:19

Garliccheesechips sadly I am married don't think I would be exciting enough for him, he clearly needs something higher octane than me!!! grin

garlicbunny Sun 08-Apr-12 14:56:58

a vicious hamster in a biscuit tin

Should be available on iwantoneofthose.com grin

Cremeeggsandkitkatsoldiers Sun 08-Apr-12 15:01:12

since we're doing other people's houses too..

stayed at the parent's of the brides's house before a wedding, they had a few spare rooms so were putting up a few people. I was there longest so generally heping out cause they were shite hosts

One newlywed couple had a room for a few days, then they went off somewhere else for a night, so I went to get the sheets off their bed before the sister of the groom arrived to occupy that room..

was laughed at by the family, apparently they don't change guest sheets.... EVER!!!

Cremeeggsandkitkatsoldiers Sun 08-Apr-12 15:02:42

oh and I was ordered to put them back on the bed, even though I'ld already got as far as the washing machine and there was an airing cupboard full of clean sheets

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 15:04:42

The first time I met FIL, I was standing up one minute and the next I was on his back - he'd given me a fireman's lift and was proceeding to walk around with me on one shoulder and his granddaughter on the other. I didn't wriggle as I thought that's probably what he want's. All I remember is seeing DHs upside down face looking acutely embarrassed!

Cremeeggsandkitkatsoldiers Sun 08-Apr-12 15:05:13

garlic we didn't have a cage or bedding or food or anything for it, didn't know a thing about hamsters! took it as we were so glad of a leaving present because it meant that the woman would finally LEAVE!

not sure if it had lived in the room she was staying in all the time she was there with us in it's tin sad) or if she had found it, stolen it from a neighbour, or bought it specially for us or what???

the thing lived for YEARS too!!

allthequeensmen Sun 08-Apr-12 15:08:34

When I was about 12 my parents reluctantly let me stay over at a school friend's house. They were known for being a rough family but it was a single Mum with four daughters around my age, so from my point of view it was a very girly fun environment and I was really pleased to be having a sleepover.

Anyway it got to about midnight on a red hot summer's night, us girls were all sharing the attic room wearing little cotton nighties, sweating half to death when a drunk but pleasant man comes wandering in to the bedroom. He asks how we all are, what we're up to etc then leaves the room. I asked the girls who he was and they just shrugged, they didn't know.

I thought it was very odd but then got on with out night and thought no more of it. I then lost contact with this family over the following years..

I found out just a fortnight ago that the Mother was working as a prostitute at the time and that her 'clients' would regularly just roll up at pub kicking out time shock

Feel really sad for that family actually, they had a really dysfunctional history.

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 15:09:27

Cremeeggs good grief you've had a colourful life! grin

<my hamster only lived to 3 sad >

everlong Sun 08-Apr-12 15:13:30

I'm going to read this from the start with a cup of tea very soon

your screen will end up covered in that tea, everlong grin

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 15:24:03

I have just remembered the best story ever!

I had a lovely boyfriend when I was 17. One summers day we had a waterfight and needed to dry off. In the family bathroom all the towels were on hooks. There were 5 hooks, 4 with a bath towel, presumably one for each of the family and and on the 5th a smaller hand towel. I went to grab the hand towel when Tim shouted "Nooo, not the bum towel!" Yes, my friends, they had a bum towel....

WTF is a bum towel?

Was it a bum towel that they all used? confused

ick ick ick ick ick

everlong Sun 08-Apr-12 15:30:24

jareth sounds like just what I need smile

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 15:31:12

I know the more you think about the bum towel the worse it seems!

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 15:31:48

Maeb you pick some boys with rum families don't you? grin

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 15:32:56

jareth - maybe they each had an allocated corner of bum towel...even now it makes me shudder shock

OlaRapaceFru Sun 08-Apr-12 15:33:17

OMG, a 'bum towel' is enough to make you <boak> in the first place, but the thought of sharing one ...


Pandemoniaa Sun 08-Apr-12 15:35:36

I've got three examples that shine out - have mentioned one of them before but is worth re-telling.

When DP was married to his ex-w they (and their 3 dcs) went to stay with her brother and his wife and 3 dcs for Christmas. They'd driven some 300 miles to do so, arrived on Christmas Eve and all had a thoroughly pleasant evening. On Christmas Morning, dp's then SIL got up, made herself a breakfast tray and took it back to bed from where she announced she was "thoroughly bored with Christmas" and would not be coming downstairs again until Boxing Day.

Unfortunately, her boredom with Christmas had clearly emerged a few days earlier since it was discovered that the cupboard was surprisingly bare. As a result, DP and his then BIL spent the rest of the morning visiting such local cornershops as were open to put together a rather unique Christmas dinner. On Boxing Day, SIL re-emerged and behaved as if nothing had happened.

The second tale concerns a former boyfriend whose parents we went to lunch with. Rather to my surprise (given that his mother was obsessional about housework) their budgie was allowed to fly free during lunch and made several not very stealthy bombing raids on our dinner plates. It finally nested on top of my head (I have to admit that I am not wonderful with birds) and when I asked (very calmly) my boyfriend if he could perhaps remove the budgie, his mother said "Poor Joey, does nasty Pandemoniaa not want to share her dinner nicely with you?"

And finally, in the days before we had any dcs, we were invited to tea with a friend whose parents lived 200 miles away and who he (a teacher) was spending his holiday with. We (me, ex-h and 2 mutual friends) were en route to a boating holiday and teacher friend (tf) insisted we pop in for tea. He kept assuring us that his mother's teas were "famously lavish" and that the table would be "groaning with lovely home made cakes". So insistent was he that it seemed impolite to refuse.

Except that when we turned up (as pre-arranged!) she gave us an extremely baleful look and reluctantly admitted us to her pristine front room. We were told which chairs we were allowed to sit on - "not, there, that's Daddy's Chair!" and with a suspicious glance, she returned to the kitchen having summoned tf in with her. We were then treated to an argument about Eccles cake "they are to have half each or I'll have to bake another batch" and that we were not to be given butter in the sandwiches or "they'll eat them all". On being allowed into the, equally pristine, dining room we were presented with a beautifully laid table that contained very very little in the way of food. Most of it might as well have borne little "Keep Off" labels. Conscious of Ecclescakegate all but one of us treated them as if they'd been laced with anthrax. However, (tf) pressed us to "dig in". So one of us did and praised their deliciousness. Worse, he went back for a second! TF's mother then turned to him and said "Presumably you've got Southern manners. Do you eat like a pig at home too?"

We made our excuses fairly shortly after that and left. "Have an Eccles cake" remained a cue for hilarious laughter for many years afterwards.

you need a bum towel, everlong grin wink

argh - there was meant to be a question mark somewhere in there! blush

Cremeeggsandkitkatsoldiers Sun 08-Apr-12 15:40:43

"Poor Joey, does nasty Pandemoniaa not want to share her dinner nicely with you?" shock

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 15:45:02

GinPalace - don't I just! Sometimes I think that it can't always be other people that I'm probably more to blame, or the wierdo...and then I remember the bum towel and I know that it's not me grin

fuzzpig Sun 08-Apr-12 15:46:56

Bum towel?!?


Snowsister Sun 08-Apr-12 15:47:30

I was living abroad and my mum came to visit for a week. A friend of mine who was a native of that country invited us over for lunch.

The previous year she had visited my family for a fortnight and mum had cooked her lots of great meals using local produce and was looking forward to trying her country's dishes.

We arrived at her apartment in good time and she greeted us enthusiastically, but then grabbed her bag and ushered us out the door. She then led us down a dirt track near a beach for about a mile until we reached a cafe where she told us we would have lunch.

At the end the bill was handed to us.shock

Cremeeggsandkitkatsoldiers Sun 08-Apr-12 15:48:36

I think my neighbour has a bum towel - she came out of my bathroom with dripping hands moaning about how it wasn't clear which towel was our hand towel so she couldn't dry her hands (err, the smallest one at the top of the towel rail obviously!!) so she couldn't dry her hands

maybe she thought it could have been a bum towel?

she is strange anyway

Snowsister Sun 08-Apr-12 15:48:42

And she worked in hospitality!

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 15:54:52

Cremeeggsandkitkatsoldiers - maybe she'd had a waterfight at Tim's as well. After that experience I don't trust the smallest towel is the hand towel either...

Greythorne Sun 08-Apr-12 16:01:20

I went to a wedding which started at 1pm. The service was very long, including long readings in another language (ie not English, wedding was in London). Afterwards, the couple had laid on coaches to transport everyone to the venue. The coaches got stuck in Saturday afternoon traffic in central London. Took 2 hours+ to get to the venue.

Venue was......an empty marquee. In their garden, a huge, beautiful marquee hut no chairs, no tables. Just a big empty marquee. Loads of Champagne but no food for hours. Lots of speeches in various languages.

Finally about 9pm, waiters emerged with some trays of cheese cubes. That was the food. There was nearly a riot.

It had been a hot, stuffy city wedding with no food, loads of alcohol that had started 10 hours before. Elderly relatives were reduced to sitting on the floor of the marquee out of exhaustion and hunger. Burly blokes started grabbing the trays of cheese and hogging them for their wives and children.

It was like a microcosm of life after the nuclear holocaust, every man for himself.

We eventually repaired to the local Starbucks and bought up all their muffins for sustenance.

Funny thing is, the bride and groom had a fab time and thought (think to this day) that it was an amazing, chic wedding and they brag to everyone about the vast quantities of Bollinger that were drunk.

They obviously had spent a lot of money on it but just got it very wrong.

I am sure I speak for most guests when I say we would have preferred non vintage cava and hearty p,atefuls of sandwiches and sausage rolls, the most basic party food ever, versus their Bollinger and cheese cubes.

5inthebed Sun 08-Apr-12 16:27:30

I went to visit my (childless) aunt and uncle once. They had a Yorkshire Terrier who was completely spoilt, was cooked chicken, liver and steak for meals as she wouldn't eat dog food.

Aunt had a habit of sitting the dog on visitors knees because "Penny likes a cuddle". The dog was a nervous wreck, sat shacking on my knee the whole time and unsurprisingly vomitted on my leg. My aunt ran over, piced the dog up and proceeded to clean the dogs face with a wet wipe, cooing over it the whole time. Not even a "here 5inthebed, have a wipe for the dog vomit on your leg". Had to go sort myself out in the bathroom.

AKMD Sun 08-Apr-12 16:30:42

shock How rude can some people be?! It makes me never want to go to a wedding again...

This wasn't at my house but I used to be invited to lunch at my then-boyfriend's house every Sunday. He lived with his parents, who were lovely. His brother and SIL used to come round ever Sunday lunch as well and after lunch the SIL would immac her DH's back in full view of everyone else. I got used to it after a while but grin

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 16:31:36

Worst wedding I ever attended was the evening do for a man who I'd only met once before and briefly at that. He was an acquaintance of a friend of ours, and he'd invited us all to the evening do. Why I don't know but we felt obliged to go.
When we arrived the bride was sitting on a chair outside the hall which I took to be a lovely gesture of greeting all the guests. Apparently though she'd taken an ecstasy tablet during the wedding and was having a bad turn! How romantic! How to make your special day really special - take an E in front of all your family! Surprisingly enough it was quite a skeezy do, we left after an hour and we never saw him again.

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 16:35:04

AKMD - That is outrageous! I've just retched as I read that grin

welliesandpyjamas Sun 08-Apr-12 16:37:44

When I was living abroad I was invited to lunch at a colleague's house, to meet her extended family, and eat lots of traditional food. Very nice, very hospitable, very welcoming. Nice.

After lunch they brought out about half a dozen traditional costumes from different parts of the country. I think she used to do folk dancing pre kids. Anyway, they then insisted that the rest of the afternoon was spent with me traying on each of the elaborate costumes, having my hair done differently for each one, and posing for lots of photos in different settings and poses. The reasoning was that my family would (obviously) love to receive 100 photos of me in various folk outfits hmm I honestly don't think there was anything dodgy to it, just the hostess and her family maybe living her youth and enjoying dressing up the foreign girl grin I still have some of the photos which I didn't post air mail to my parents despite the colleague's insistence and often remember that odd afternoon!

welliesandpyjamas Sun 08-Apr-12 16:38:17

--traying- trying

AKMD Sun 08-Apr-12 16:38:18

I was very impressed that his hair grew so quickly as to need doing every week. Amazing.

welliesandpyjamas Sun 08-Apr-12 16:38:43

Oh bugger, you can see what I was trying to correct blush

JuliaScurr Sun 08-Apr-12 16:41:04

sinister 'grouting my face'
grin ha!

SarryB Sun 08-Apr-12 16:43:47

This thread is making me feel like I've lived a very sheltered life.

The only thing I can think of was when I was about 14 years old, and round at a mate's house when her sister and mum had a very loud argument about how the mum loved my mate more then her.

Does not compare to some of the stonking stories on here!

Pandemoniaa Sun 08-Apr-12 17:09:41

The ecstasy at a wedding story reminds me of reading some of the posts on a well-known bridal forum. In my defence, someone had posted some terrifyingly bad photographs and a friend had asked if I could respond to a "Help, wtf can be done with these? request.

However, and to get to the point, I found the place weirdly fascinating. In particular the number of brides who did reports of their wedding day and proudly announced how incoherent or chemically challenged they'd become. Would you really want your wedding day memories to mainly revolve around passing out shortly after the first dance? Or actually consist of very few memories at all? Only there did seem to be a surprising number of brides who'd stressed for months and months over the colour of the box the favours were in yet treated the actual event like a Saturday night in Bingeville On Sea.

(I suspect this is actually worthy of a whole thread in itself, mind)

CanIhavesomeginnowplease Sun 08-Apr-12 17:10:38

Hahaa oh dear lord these are too funny!

MrsSchadenfreude Sun 08-Apr-12 17:12:02

I've thought of another one. We went to visit DD1' godmother and her husband who live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. They collected us from the airport and took us to their house. Lovely lunch, DD1 sitting at the table with all of us, DD2 had early lunch and nap in travel cot. Godmother's husband and DH decided to open another bottle of wine, as you do, sitting at the table. DD1 was playing nicely with a puzzle (she was three at the time). I'd just come downstairs from checking on DD2 to see DD1's godmother come in from the kitchen and scream at her husband for "being a fucking useless drunk." She picked up a dining chair and smashed it over his head, breaking the chair and cutting his head really badly. shock

I picked up DD1 and we hid in the bedroom while WW3 raged beneath us, with DH trying to see to her DH's head, and her screaming and smashing things in the kitchen. DH finally came upstairs and we stayed in the bedroom till the next morning, when we ventured downstairs for breakfast to find DD1's godmother and her husband being all lovey dovey, and cooking us a rather fab breakfast. The incident was never referred to again, but we haven't seen them since (and this was 10 years ago!).

Byeckerslike Sun 08-Apr-12 17:20:19

Mrs shock did he have a bandage on his head or anything!??

missingmymarbles Sun 08-Apr-12 17:26:59

This thread is hilarious! I'd read the lot if there weren't 33 pages grin
There are some right weirdos around!

My DCousin's DW invited us round for dinner then announced she was off to bed. No big deal really, but a why bother inviting us? A bit rude we thought, but then now we know her better - hardly a surprise.

Fairly recently, DH, DD and I were invited round to some friends' house for a pizza tea where everyone's brings something, with them and their DS and a few others. We were first to arrive and I was laden with various bits and pieces of food. I aimed for the kitchen to unburden, but was halted and asked to take my shoes off so as not to damage their wooden floor - in their hallway! Apart from that being extremely rude, I usually take my shoes off at people's doors anyway, and these people are fully aware of that.

Not a patch on the majority of what I've read, but rude nonetheless.

Lambzig Sun 08-Apr-12 17:30:27

A friend of mine went round to a new acquaintance for a dinner party. There were a bunch of people she and her DH knew there (about 12 in total) and dinner was lovely. After dinner the host and hostess suggested everyone retire to the bar - they had built a very posh shed at the bottom of their garden complete with comfy sofas and a bar and a music system for entertaining. My friend noticed that the roof was held up by a metal pillar in the centre of the room.

After a while the hostess disappeared, only to return in a basque and stockings and proceed to do a very erotic pole dance for all the guests.

I met the hostess at a party a few months later and she told me that she likes to do it for guests as her DH likes to show off his wife's skills.

missingmymarbles Sun 08-Apr-12 17:33:30

And blimey! Who has sex when there is someone else trying to sleep in the same room shock ?
Haha {bugrin] did laugh at the thought of a parallel thread written by people disparing of the weirdos who don't have sex in front of their dinner hosts!

GeekLove Sun 08-Apr-12 17:34:49

In our pre-dc days dh and I where still in contact with university friends. Since most where still living a student lifestyle while DH and I were doing postgrad degrees/jobs. Still we were happy to crash at theirs as they were in shared houses so we usually slept in the living room with our own bedding.
We aren't in contact with them anymore for a couple of reasons...

Once one of them offered us some sweets and left the bag in the living room. Over the day as other people came in and out some ate them and we though nothing of it. Until on the way home when DH revealed to me that our host was upset about the sweets being eaten and had charged us £1 each for the privalidge of eating them.

Last time we stayed with them they were hosting a NYE party to which we were going to. We asked how we could help and were given a non-committal "whatever" which we Interpreted as "do what you think is necessary". So we prepared some food for the party and tidied the front room. The front room really was squalid so we chucked all the obvious rubbish, kept anything that looked like paperwork and moved stuff from surfaces into the (empty) draws and cupboards.

The party was a success and those staying crashed in the living room as planned which was fine if a bit crowded.
So in the morning, mindful of the fact that our hosts seldom surfaced before noon even when it's not NYD we got up, had cereal bars for breakfast as usual, when to see other people with the plan to meet up with our hosts in town as discussed. When this didn't happen we didn't worry since we could see them tomorrow as we were stayi g another day.
We went to the pub and came back with the plan to pay computer games with our hosts it was about 22.00. Until they said to us "you're going home. Now". We had enough time to get our bedding and make an exit. For all they knew we could have both been over the limit and as it happened we were the only people who were kicked out. Cue a 45 min drive and bemused ILs as we arrived a day early. Not to mention a load of dirty dishes from the party that we has promised to clean up the day after.
Still we thought it might just be a one-off due to the stress of having people over though they thought that bedding, showers and breakfast were luxuries I rang them a month later expecting a chat with maybe a sheepish apology only to be met with the third degree about how I was a terrible person who had been responsible for their electricity being cut off and the terrible state of the living room as well has how dreadful her life had been for the past 6 weeks!
She then put the phone down mid tirade. I rang again only to be cut off immediately.
We weren't in contact after that...

RuleBritannia Sun 08-Apr-12 17:49:36

I was about 8 or 9 and my parents had a couple of friends and their daughter (my age) over for a meal. I went to the loo and well, I was only little used the last of the toilet paper up. The visiting child went to the loo after me but I thought nothing of it until I went to wash my face before going to bed. The girl had used it to wipe her bum.

Since I got my own place, I have always had two toilet rolls out.

RuleBritannia Sun 08-Apr-12 17:54:48

Maeb My mother always had several towels in the bathroom - seven the last time I counted. She told me that they were for different parts of her body. One for her face one for her body, one for her legs etc. Just think of all the laundry!¬

DPrince Sun 08-Apr-12 18:29:08

I have 2. I went round to my friends (who has 2 young children) for tea with my 2 dcs. She made an amazing tagine (I don't think that's spelt correctly it a morrocan stew) it had lamb and cashews in it. Her 2 were eating it as was my dd (6 at the time). There another small bowl out but I didn't think anything of it. She asked it my ds hadn't developed a taste for 'foreign food' yet. She looked really confused when I pointed out ds was only 8 weeks and so only had a taste for milk. She then looked a bit miffed and removed the bowl.
We stayed with some friends years ago. We had a nice meal but at 8pm the hosts announced it was 'bedtime' we said goodnight to their ds to be told it was everyone's bedtime. The host made me and dh go to bed in case we woke them up. I was also told to use the loo before bed as she did not allow anyone to use the loo during the night, again in case we disturbed them. We haven't stayed over again. When we visit we use a hotel. smile

MummyDoIt Sun 08-Apr-12 18:30:22

When I moved to London for a new job, an old college friend offered me the use of her spare room until I found a place of my own. I found a bedsit pretty quickly so was only with her for a week. On the day before I was due to move out, her boyfriend's family were coming over for dinner. I offered to go out so as not to be in the way but she assured me I was welcome to stay. I was therefore somewhat taken aback when, just before they arrived, she brought me my food on a tray and told me I had to stay in my room all evening.

I recently stayed with a friend and discovered that there was no seat on her toilet because it had broken. She'd bought a new one, had tried to fit it but had given up. I offered to fit it for her but discovered a screw was missing. She said she thought she'd heard something go up the hoover and it must be that. She then proceeded to hand me the hoover dust bag so I could sift through it myself in search of the screw. I did find it and managed to fit the seat but regretted offering when I realised she clearly hadn't cleaned the outside of the toilet in living memory. Inside the bowl was clean enough but the outside was greasy to touch and the floor behind the toilet was thick with gunk.

MummyDoIt Sun 08-Apr-12 18:53:44

Just thought of another one! A few weeks into a new job, my boss invited me to his house for Sunday lunch. We ate the main course and then he disappeared. His wife informed me he'd gone for an afternoon nap. She and I had to stay at the table, making polite conversation (we'd never met until that day), for almost two hours until he returned so we could have dessert.

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 19:05:58

Mummy maybe he was convalescing from a serious illness?? <grasps straws>

MummyDoIt Sun 08-Apr-12 19:14:41

No, GinPalace, his wife said he always took a nap at that time. In fact, he would occasionally lie down on his office floor and have an afternoon nap at work.

Mirage Sun 08-Apr-12 19:16:00

The other way around really,but a very good friend arrived on my doorstep on a pre arranged visit, with her two dds and a pet carrier containing two guinea pigs.Seeing me looking confused,she said that she'd brought them around because I'd apparently told her dds that it would be alright to bring their guinea pigs to play with ours.confused.Why she thought that I would even consider a guinea pig playdate would be a reasonable thing to do I still don't know.

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 19:16:18

<eyebrows raised above hairline emoticon>

I've just remembered another.

When my dd was born my sister didn't come to see her as we live too far away apparently - we live 90 miles away, she has 2 kids who were 2.5 and 4.5 at the time and her husband finishes work at 3pm and is off at weekends. Anywho....

When dd was 3/4 weeks old (and ds was 3) we went down to stay with my mum for a couple of days, my mum lives 10 miles from my sister. I asked her if shed come to see us - no, it was too far (she's in town most days as she lives out in country) and itd upset kids routine and thered be too many people (4 of us, 4 of them + our parents in large house). So, I finally agreed against my better judgement to go visit them. I turned up with dh, ds and dd who was due a feed - nobody in. It had turned nice so they'd decided to go out for the day - I tried calling - no asnwer. No apology as she doesn't see it as being unreasonable at all.

She also organised a family tea party for her ds's 1st birthday - my ds was 3 months at the time and it was arranged for 6pm which didn't suit his routine but never mind it was dnephews birthday. So, off we trot to their house and guess what? Not in, they'd gone to the zoo for the day.

Sorry, I know its not about people coming to my house but its still astounding to me at least. Worst thing is my mum would get very upset if I ever challenged her.

GinPalace Sun 08-Apr-12 19:22:02

Leftmy your sister sounds mental and your Mum is accustomed to a lifetime of tiptoeing around her it sounds. That is hypocritical in the extreme!

I am stunned some people can be so unreasonable - makes me very grateful I actually have some sane people in my life cos the world seems full of these bonkers types. Makes me feel better about my MIL tho. grin

anonacfr Sun 08-Apr-12 19:24:02

PMSL at the bum towel...

YES ginpalace that's exactly right - tiptoeing is right - its so annoying. i will not mention that as soon as I booked my wedding she got engaged and demanded she get married first

Maeb Sun 08-Apr-12 19:40:06

leftmy - blimey! Families, eh! She definitely has a jealousy bug going on somewhere.

Gavi Sun 08-Apr-12 19:50:18

When DS (now 6) was born, my very weird ILs invited us for Sunday lunch. DH was a bit hesitant but I agreed enthusiastically, thinking it would allow us all time to bond. Anyway, apart from the disgusting meal, we were served in the living room on our knees while MiL and FiL sat at the dining table! I didn't know what to do, so I stuck the telly on and got on with it. That was the first and last time!

A wedding one - went to a wedding last year which took 3 hours to get to, checked in to the stupidly expensive hotel, bought overpriced drinks, then were told there was no sit down meal and not enough buffet left for our table so we would just have to have some cake! Bearing in mind we hadn't eaten for hours and were staying at the hotel, you can imagine how impressed we were. Luckily there was a garage nearby so we snuck out as 10pm and stocked up on Walkers crisps and Double Deckers - we were starving!

Oh and when ds was a few days old we went to mil's for dinner. Its always a very formal affair to dh asked could we just have something cold and snacky so it wouldn't matter if it got cold as I was trying to get used to breastfeeding etc etc. Oh yes that's fine.

Turn up - dh, fil and mil sit down to 3 course roast dinner. I get a saucer with some icerbeg lettuce and some tomatoes.

CPtart Sun 08-Apr-12 20:02:59

The in-laws aren't known as drinkers, but even I was amazed on xmas day when we ended up with warm vimto! FFS!

BarryStar Sun 08-Apr-12 20:04:52

A couple of years ago my PIL went to stay with my BIL and wife. As they were leaving, MIL thrust a bundle of bedding into BIL's hands, saying "sorry about the stains love."

Again, PIL staying at BIL's. In the middle of the night BIL's bedroom door crashes open. BIL and wife sit up to be greeted by sight of FIL standing, naked from the waist down, backlit in full and minute detail, in the doorway. FIL eyes them up and down, grunts and backs out. Incident is dismissed the following morning by FIL saying "God I was pissed last night".

Molehillmountain Sun 08-Apr-12 20:06:45

Oh...bother...the last post! Can't believe I've read all 14 pages! Fantastic!

'It was like a microcosm of life after the nuclear holocaust, every man for himself.' - Laughing like a drain at that one. grin grin grin

Junglebadger Sun 08-Apr-12 20:26:33

We once stayed overnight with some friends who were a 3 hour drive away. We wanted to freshen up when we got there and asked if we could have a bath (they didn't have a shower). They kindly agreed and ran the bath but then both used it before saying it was free and we could use it next.

ovaltine Sun 08-Apr-12 20:52:18

people not flushing the toilet at night or letting anyone else do it too.i know a few of these. Rank!

darksideofthemooncup Sun 08-Apr-12 21:10:39

I have posted this before but it is worth a re-hash.
My husband's cousin lives on a houseboat with her partner and were moored up near us so we invited them to come for dinner and stay over. They turned up at 6.30 absolutely steaming drunk and proceeded to get stuck into the wine. We had dinner and the boyfriend (who was by this incoherent) decided to go to bed. The cousin soon followed and I stayed up to clear up etc.
About half an hour later I smelt this unholy smell wafting down the stairs. I didn't think too much of it (I just thought it was a particularly smelly poo) but when I went up to the bathroom I discovered traces of shit all over the place, on the shower curtain, floor everywhere. I gave the bathroom a good sluice with bleach and went to bed
In the morning I heard they had gone downstairs and peeked in the spare room to see two big piles of runny poo - in the middle of the carpet. Poo that they had allowed to soak in overnight - It stank to high heaven.
The boyfriend then asked my husband if he had any spare trousers as the cousin had 'thrown up all over his' oh and a plastic bag for his shoes. Oddly this made me even more cross as the cousin was clearly mortified that he had shat himself all over my nice cream carpet and he was letting her take the rap!
Bizarrely I never even confronted them but spent all morning clearing up (and trying not to vomit)
Thankfully we have since had new carpets fitted.

blueskycp Sun 08-Apr-12 21:12:25

First time I stayed at IL's house DH (BF at the time) went out somewhere. They sat me down at the table and grilled me on my intentions to have children etc. (I was 18 at the time). The only thing that was missing was a spotlight on my face. I remember FIL also telling me I should use the towel rail for my towel as "that's what it's for" - even though I couldn't actually get my towel on it as it already had a bath mat on it and comprised of one small rail. After I'd gone, a few days later MIL rang and accused me of leaving a dirty mark on the bedding with my holdall blush What a nice welcome!
Instead of toilet paper, they had those Izal wipes - like paper. I joked with DH about it a few years later and he went and told them. Don't think that went down well they did replace it eventually with loo roll smile

mummysmellsofsick Sun 08-Apr-12 21:16:46

Blimey some people from the shoes on/ shoes off thread should come and read these... I think I will look at my shoe wearing guests in a new and grateful light as they are not nearly as weird as some of you mners' friends

ToriaPumpkin Sun 08-Apr-12 21:18:55

Thought of another.

We moved away from where we went to uni about two and a half years ago. Six months after that friends of ours got married. We asked if we could stay with another set of friends to keep costs down. I had to take the whole week off work anyway to get the wedding date so I decided to stay down and spend some time with people.

Our hostess said that was great and we'd have to make sure and spend some time together, just the two of us, as we didn't get to talk much anymore.

So in my head I allocated her three of the five nights I'd be there as she was at uni so her days were unpredictable.

The first night came and went with me sitting on her sofa while she did crosswords. So I mde a point of saying I would be free the next night to spend some time with her, did she want to go out for dinner?

No says she, but we can make dinner plans when she gets home. That night is the same. I sit on the sofa like a lemon, she does crosswords.

The third night is the same.

On the fourth night I have plans with other friends. When I mention that I'll be home late she starts complaining about how we haven't spent any time together and how disppointed she is. She then tries to get me to change my pre-booked trains for going home (at a significant cost to me) so we can have lunch together as she's free from 11 the next day.

LeQueen Sun 08-Apr-12 21:26:51

Had been friends with a girl since primary school, though lost touch for quite a few years, then re-connected in our mid twenties.

DH and I were invited round for a drink, with her and her DP. Eveving was going well...until my friend suggested we use her parent's hot-tub (they lived just down the road).

DH and I were up for it...until my friend started going on about how we'd all have to go in naked, as any detergents in our swimming gear/undies would interfere with the hot-tubs fliter system... hmm

I was too pissed tired to really question this, and was quite surprised when DH shortly declined, and announced that we'd be leaving...

...turns out that, earlier in evening, when DH and friend's DP had gone to collect the take-out, the DP had made a few pseudo-jokey suggestive remarks about me...and DH felt that my friend and her DP were up for a bit of swinging FFS blush

Looking back, I think he was dead right hmm

Heyyyho Sun 08-Apr-12 21:35:12

Absolutely PMSL at the hamster playdate

And all of it really - superb thread!

IllegitimateGruffaloChild Sun 08-Apr-12 21:36:06

Heyyho RTFT!!!!

It was a guinea pig FFS

grin grin grin

greencolorpack Sun 08-Apr-12 21:36:47

My Dads house. Every time I stayed there and we were cooking tea he always assures me that the milk and butter were bought recently (but sometimes they are not and are utterly rancid). Also he used to have a kitchen with a kitchen table that was almost wider than the kitchen. So every time we stayed we would have to get up or move to get into the cutleryr drawer behind our seats. Dad would get raging angry at us for taking up space and being in the way of the cutlery drawer, he wouldn't see it as his fault for having an ill fitting table or having fifty odd pieces of junk and clutter messing up the spacious dining room next door that he could have used. All the lights didn't work one time I stayed, I had to navigate the house using my mobile phone light, and the taps have no heads, just spanners and if you got the taps on they would be scalding hot.

LeQueen Sun 08-Apr-12 21:43:16

Attended a BBQ at BIL & SIL's house. I went to bed early, and left DH, BIL, SIL and BIL's friend drinking.

Was later awoken by SIL screaming at DH, and ordering him to wake me and leave the house immediately shock

WTF had DH done???

Apparently, he had offered to cook some more sausages for him, BIL and BIL's friend, when SIL wanted BIL to go to bed with her...that was it. That really was all it was hmm

But...she ranted and screamed until we had packed our bags and left, it was 2am in the morning...we weren't allowed back in their house for over 4 years...

Heyyyho Sun 08-Apr-12 21:45:52


MsNorbury Sun 08-Apr-12 21:48:38

I used to know someone who obsessed about her older babies not sleeping.
To get her daughter to open her mouth to eat she would hold her nose and ram food in. Horrible.

themagicno4 Sun 08-Apr-12 21:52:32

Loving this...
1 recent. A friend rang me to berate me for my terrible behaviour and lack of manners, my crime was to put a tampon wrapper ( clean) in her bathroom bin. Apparently it could have upset her husband or DD, when I asked if it did she admitted they hadn't found it ( not sure how often they route through bins) as she had checked when I'd left!
Isn't that what bathroom bins are for.

Couldn't get her to laugh about it, so feel somewhat wronged....,, so can't ever go there when menstruating again.

Is that odd ?

IllegitimateGruffaloChild Sun 08-Apr-12 21:56:42

Obviously you should have thought ahead and had a hysterectomy?

LeQueen Sun 08-Apr-12 22:05:47

I met DH at university when I was 21, and he was 20...for the next 8 years we weren't allowed to share a bedroom when staying at his parents hmm

This was despite us living together from the age of 23, and his parents often staying with us at our house, while we clearly shared a bedroom...and we holidayed with his parents twice and shared a hotel bedroom...but at their house, we were not allowed to share a room.

Then suddenly, for absolutely no reason, when I was 29...MIL calmly announced that 'She'd made the double bed up for us in the spare room' - have no idea what secret, mysterious test we'd passed in order to finally be allowed to share a room hmm

stretchmummy Sun 08-Apr-12 22:08:45

Oh Don't...you bring back such HIDEOUS memories of dropping a sanitary pad down someone's loo (by mistake) when I was a guest, and trying to flush it and blocking EVERYTHING and having to confess and Dynorod coming and them not even letting me pay. It was about 20 years ago and I still wake in a cold sweat sometimes.

Tigerstripes Sun 08-Apr-12 22:10:17

Oh no, have come to the end! More please!

stretchmummy Sun 08-Apr-12 22:10:59

A friend from work stole my pedestal mat...and then slipped it into my desk drawer a week later without telling me anything about it. He confessed years later that he'd been sick on it but because he fancied me didn't want me to know so he'd taken it home to wash.

LeQueen Sun 08-Apr-12 22:12:46

DH played golf with BIL. Afterwards they collected BIL's wife from her BF's house.

DH was desperate for the loo, so asked his SIL's best friend if he could use her loo...to which she replied calmly 'No, I'd rather you didn't, thanks'...no explanation, nothing hmm

She then made them all a cold drink. But only filled each glass with about 2 inches of squash (and it was a really hot day). When they left she followed them down the drive, and then proceeded to open, close, lock - then unlock, open again, close lock etc 3 times, for absolutely no reason hmm

Have socialised with this woman several times since, and she has just got more and more weird. I was seated next to her at SIL's 40th birthday, and her opening conversational gambit was 'I have 11 pairs of gloves, how many do you have?'

I knew I was in for a long night...hmm

darksideofthemooncup Sun 08-Apr-12 22:24:31

I have just thought of another one.
My then best friend had a row with her husband and he had walked out in a strop to stay with a mate so she rang me in a state asking me to go over (this was pre-dd) which I duly did, armed with vodka, chocolate and fags.
We got very very drunk and went to bed, in her bed as it was a one bedroom flat, and we had shared a bed many times before so I was not unduly worried.

However, this time she decided to try and seduce me. Now I am no prude and I have done my share of experimenting but she was like a sister to me so I was not in the least bit interested. I literally had to fight her off and barricade myself in her living room until I had sobered up enough to drive home.
THEN, she rang me and proceeded to tell me how much she 'wanted' me. This was someone I had lived with for 4 years and thought I knew really really well. Seriously I had no inkling that she felt like that about women, let alone me, not that her being a lesbian would have been in any way a problem, it just wasn't for me.
The next thing I knew she had left her husband for a woman she had met at work.

this is not a story about being a guest, but about having one. I had recently met a new mom in the neighborhood and she seemed pleasant, though going through a tough time after splitting up with her husband. she mentioned she had no washing machine in her condo and was having to hand launder everything as she couldn't drive to the laundrette... so I casually offered she could come over at the weekend and use my machine while the kids played.

she showed up at 9am, dropped off by her mother and bearing huge laundry baskets. her and the mother then proceeded to make several journeys back to the car for sack after sack of dirty clothes, towels and bedding. I was gobsmacked. she filled my machine repeatedly throughout the day, showing no signs of leaving at tea time so I ordered chinese for us all. at 8pm I said it was the kids bedtime... she said "right kids, here are your pjs (out of the washing), you can share with flying's kids"... I was gobsmacked as she informed me she hadn't finished her washing so she would just sleep over and get it done since my husband was away. she only lived a few blocks away so no reason she had to stay!

next morning I came down to find her still washing... she had been up every hour all night to reload the machine. she got bored and reorganized all my kitchen drawers!!!

she didn't leave until evening, when my husband was back and rather grumpy to find a stranger and her kids all over the house covered in her laundry... she had managed to do 34 wash loads and still hadn't finished... she tried to get to stay another night and was most put out when dh drive her home on the promise that we would finish her remaining laundry.

I am still amazed now that anyone could think that was acceptable, but she is the sort of person who always assumes you will pay for everything, drive her anywhere (she once asked me to drive her 6 hours away to another state to grrr her kids from her ex who was being a git about returning them)... I have had to learn to say 'no' a lot...

oh, she also invited me our for lunch, her treat since I always paid and it was my birthday. so I picked her up, drove to the restaurant where we both had a main and a dessert even though I said I didnt really want one... at the end she passed the bill to me and said 'don't forget, next time it is on me for your birthday... I don't have any money till next week'... the woman is a crazy leech...

welliesandpyjamas Sun 08-Apr-12 22:35:16

shock what a fruitloop, Flyingspag! How could anyone have that much dirty laundry??

Not at someone's house but sil lived with us for a few months, in that time she bought a loaf of bread and some cheese, paid no rent and expected us to run around after her! On one occasion ibwas sent home from work very ill, turned into proper flu as it happened and as I got in, literally fell onto the sofa, crying with pain (I don't do this ever, not even in labour) she says oh good I'm glad you're home, what's for tea? (it was about 8pm, I worked shifts)!

That was the final straw and put she went!

darksideofthemooncup Sun 08-Apr-12 22:39:13

Oh and there was also the time that I first met my then boyfriend's mother - unfortunately she was laid out in her coffin in the living room at the time sad

openerofjars Sun 08-Apr-12 22:43:30

My SIL refused to let DH use the loo at their house and ordered us to leave. Now. hmm

At my other ILs house, we were invited for tea one night in the week before Xmas and arrived (DH, pg me, DSis and DS, 3yo) at the agreed time of about 5 to find SIL looking after their DCs (2yo and 10mo) in the living room and DBIL outside chainsawing wood, no heating on, no food nothing.

No mention was ever made of food, but we were all hospitably offered pints and pints of orange squash. At 7pm we gave up and made our excuses, as we were all starving and DS was getting flaky and tired. At this point, DH and BIL's parents and SIL's parents arrived for tea, and were similarly nonplussed at lack of other drinks and unfed grandchildren. We left as SIL's mum was making toast for the DNs, drove the half hour home, dealt with starving DS (more toast) and phoned for a curry for the adults.

It has never been mentioned since but I think in retrospect that they had forgotten about inviting us and were just being terribly polite and pleased to see us, but had nothing in to feed us with. I think. I expect they still talk about the time we just landed on their doorstep and drank all their squash.

Milngavie Sun 08-Apr-12 22:45:44

A few Christmases ago Dh and I went to hi parents for Christmas dinner. All his siblings were there and the table looked lovely. MIL was buzzing about cooking and everyone was doing their bit to help.

The starters were on the table, we had all tucked in and complemented MIL when she stood up and left the table.

She returned a while later and announced that she'd just been sick!! Lovely. She went on to say it was the stress of cooking for all of us and then spent the rest of the afternoon sitting like a dying duck in a thunder storm.

Byeckerslike Sun 08-Apr-12 22:57:45


darksideofthemooncup Sun 08-Apr-12 23:07:59

Milngavie my dm does that too, it's either that or her bowels. In fact she did it today after I cooked her a lovely roast. 'Darkside do you have any wipes? I think something may not have agreed with me'
Oh and then she came down stairs and informed me that she wasn't able to wear her knickers now, because of 'that <vague waving near her nether regions>
Oddly enough she never seems to have any trouble in her own house. she is odd my dm.

BoffinMum Sun 08-Apr-12 23:14:10

I had a cleaning firm in last week to help with some stuff. I made them both a cup of tea about 5 minutes after their arrival. The guy was already at work, sleeves rolled up, doing the downstairs. The girl was supposed to be doing the upstairs. I went to take her tea to her, only to find her in the en suite to DS2's bedroom, door wide open, having a massive dump.

I was very British about it, and just said, "I'll leave your tea out here then, shall I?"


ScorpionQueen Sun 08-Apr-12 23:15:33

The first time I met MIL she called me by the wrong name the whole weekend (ex-gf)! Other than that she was lovely.

At the end she seemed to twig, called me by the correct name and then said "Oh silly me, it's not ScorpionQueen at all is it? It's ex-gf!"

15 years later we can laugh about it.

springydaffs Sun 08-Apr-12 23:28:30

aw that's OCD LeQueen. They know they're being weird but they can't help it. Meds!

FairyArmadillo Sun 08-Apr-12 23:38:13

I'm only at page 3, this is brilliant!

Went to visit my friend at her new house. She has 3. Baby is younger than DS who was 2 at the time. Hands out packets of crisps to all the kids. When DS spilled his crisps all over the floor I apologized and did the logical, reasonable thing which was to start picking them up. She told me to stop and leave them there, strewn all over her living room, as her kids would just pick them up when they were hungry...

captainbarnacle Sun 08-Apr-12 23:40:49

My sister and I live in the same county and had an aunt and uncle visiting - with a reputation for eccentricity but neither of us had seen it before.

They came to my house first, had a great time walking on the beach. I was 4m PG and they took my other two out for an hour to the local park so I could have a rest. Gems! I reported as such back to my sister.

A couple of days later I asked her how her visit had gone. The aunt and uncle discussed with Dsis about plans for the rest of the time - Sis said she was busy that evening with a recital by her Alevel Drama students. "Oh that sounds interesting!" they exclaimed and invited themselves and actually went along to the unintelligible performances in the school hall. When Sis was discussing food in the evening, Aunt and Uncle said she was welcome to the caravan if she brought her own mug. BIL suggested fish and chips, and aunt and uncle agreed that it was probably best that he ordered himself fish and chips for himself as he wasnt invited to the caravan. Dsis and BIL had been married 6m and together for almost a decade!

DestinationUnknown Sun 08-Apr-12 23:48:16

Great thread! DH & I were invited to stay with friends at her dad's house. Whilst there the dad told us how he had hidden cameras installed in the downstairs rooms because of all the valuable stuff in the house - cue "amusing" anecdote about him having inadvertently filmed friends of his daughter shagging on the living room sofa.

Months later friend let slip that the cameras were installed in ALL rooms including guest bedrooms ... Fortunately we'd had our suspicions & had got changed for bed under the duvet with the lights out & didnt lay a finger on each other all night!

warmandwooly Sun 08-Apr-12 23:57:41

marks place(first time on mumsnet)

zebedeeboing Mon 09-Apr-12 00:03:01

Finally at the end done nothing tonight thanks to this thread but haven't laughed s much in a long time just what the doctor ordered! gringrin

trixymalixy Mon 09-Apr-12 00:03:42

Wow, some of these stories are totally shocking and MIL not making us lunch whenever we stay there seems practically normal now.

My only other story is when we went to visit a couple of DH's friends from Uni who shared a flat. We'd been promised that the bloke would stay with his girlfriend so we could stay in his double bed. When we arrived he did go to stat with his girlfriend, but refused to let us sleep in the bed, or even on the floor in his room. DH and I had to sleep down the side of his other friend'sbed. There was literally only enough room for us to lie on our sides crammed up against each other.

DH's normal friend was totally mortified and apologised profusely. The annoying thing was that we had offered to book into a B & B as we knew the flat was tiny, but both of them had said not to. It was very late when we arrived so couldn't have then tried to book one.

That particular friend was very selfish and ate both his own and another friend's breakfast after a wedding. The other friend had gone to get the Sunday papers for us all. Rude friend had seconds while the other friend got none!!

Ooh, classics. Quite right too, this is a brilliant threadsmile

EgguStudent Mon 09-Apr-12 01:26:11

When we were looking round student houses, we went to view one and the one bedroom had the girl who lived there and her boyfriend in bed whilst we were looking. The landlady ushered us al in to see the room with them in it confused

It's now my room grin Although I did have a new bed put in!

I went round to a friends for tea, she made toad in the hole, then asked if I wanted gravy. I said yes, so she crumbled a stock cube into a pint of water and poured it over my plate until everything was floating, then asked if it was okay, as she didn't like gravy so wasn't sure how to make it. Was the soggiest, saltiest meal I've ever eaten.

Went on a sleepover where they basically wouldn't let me go home until the next evening, so was basically with them for about 36 hours, during which time I helped wash their car, change their beds, do housework, watch whilst the others did their homework and generally spent hours doing nothing. Put me off sleepovers for a long, long time.

Went on a different sleepover when I was about 16, we were all drinking <with our parents knowledge> and the host parents went away for the night, leaving their 6 year old daughter in the sole charge of a group of drunken 16 year olds. I ended up putting her to bed and reading her stories for hours sad

Condensedmilk Mon 09-Apr-12 04:21:12

I used to be a real estate journalist - I went out with a photographer to write about houses, so had a lot of bad, bad experiences.

People in bed was almost a weekly occurrence, as was people expecting us to clean up their homes (usually grotty, cluttered kitchens) before we took the photos.

We also had a few drug houses, where we were expected to overlook the smashed in doors, windows and wires leading into the roof.

But the WORST was when a man insisted on showing me his converted roofspace, which he had soundproofed, painted black, put bars on the tiny window and pinned a single red rose to the wall.
Scary scary scary.

A colleague swears that she once went to a house where the previous tenants had kept a horse in the house. Apparently, they had not paid their agistment and had nowhere else to put it confused.

CarpeJugulum Mon 09-Apr-12 06:33:14

Sorry! A story about our guests instead!

DH's brother (BIL) got married. He & SIL came to visit after DS was born for a few days. BIL was lovely and did the requisite cooing (he was maybe faking, but at least he sounded sincere). SIL looked at DS, said "oh yeah", put the tv on and sat on the couch.

Fair enough, babies aren't for everyone, and they had just driven 500 miles, so benefit of the doubt.

Next day, BIL up, SIL no where to be seen. Finally appears at 1pm(!) and I know she'd been up before then as their room was above huge living room. She then came down - we were all chatting quietly as I was feeding DS, again stuck the tv on quite loudly and sat there; she only said "I'm starving, get me some food" to BIL - having ignored me ask her twice before if she wanted some lunch. She then informed us she wanted to go to the pub and left, dragging a slightly embarrassed BIL with her.

She was quite ill when they returned - woke us and DS repeatedly. angry this then ruined the next days plans as she had "eaten something that disagreed with her" and spent all of the next day in bed. And repeat.

I did ask BIL if we'd done something to offend her - but he was as baffled as we were.

They haven't been back since, and the contact between DH and BIL is dwindling. Her Facebook (I know!) is full of nights out and throwing up - and BIL is never mentioned. Feel quite sorry for her really.

Thumbbunny Mon 09-Apr-12 06:45:02

Carpe, I think I feel more sorry for your BIL, tbh...

HarrietVane Mon 09-Apr-12 07:18:19

DH and I went to stay with a uni friend of mine and her DP. We were all sat watching television, us on one sofa and them on the other. DH leant against me (as you do). Friend took me aside later to ask if we could not have so much physical contact as it was upsetting her DP. confused He was very odd...!

marshmallowpies Mon 09-Apr-12 07:19:34

If someone brought guinea pigs round to my house I'd be delighted. You can arrange playdates with me & guinea pigs any time you like....bless their wuffly little faces.

Not got any very good stories to add but i do have a friend who (when drunk) is capable of disappearing into the loo for around 45 minutes at a time. He did it once at my flat after we'd had a couple of bottles of wine....fine....but another time in a restaurant when we'd both just ordered food. I sat there picking at my meal & wondering if he was going to come back...

ovaltine Mon 09-Apr-12 08:07:40

ha ha Marshmallow blatantly doing coke in there

CarpeJugulum Mon 09-Apr-12 08:11:01

Yeah I feel a bit sorry for him too.

warmandwooly Mon 09-Apr-12 08:30:57

Marks place

AnxiousPanxious Mon 09-Apr-12 08:41:42

DP has a cousin who is a bit like a brother (or was), married a totally different sort of person who the whole family dislike, intensely, but just get on with it.

There was a family party and they asked if they could stay over with us - no problem. We gave them a room, a meal in the evening, got up in the morning and waited for them to stir. Nothing. Eventually we had to go out, so left a note saying where we were. Came back, they'd gone.

Thought that was weirdly rude but suspected hangovers. Then they came to stay with us when we moved quite far away. Exactly the same thing: took a nice meal off us, wine, had a laugh in the evening, went to bed, waited for us to go, then left. NOTHING, not even a note to say thanks. Never spoke of it again.

We've seen them since and never had so much as a word of conversation about us putting them up, let alone thanks. Obviously it's not a big deal compared to some of the stuff on here but it bugs me that they think that's normal.

This is a bit crap compared to some - just marking my place really ... Years ago a uni friend (A) and I went to stay with another uni friend (B) and her family overnight. B was really a friend of A's rather than mine and it was soon clear I'd been invited along mainly so I could provide transport hmm Anyway, we turned up and had a relatively pleasant evening I think (sleep deprivation means I can't remember a huge amount about it). B's dad is a relatively famous author and had dinner with us and B and her mum - he was quite entertaining in a fairly childish way, lots of swearing and being affectionately reined in by his wife and daughter etc. After a bit we went off to bed in an ancient part of the house ... I was shown to my room, which had a wooden floor, high ceiling and was absolutely littered with insect carcasses. B explained that there were bats in the rafters who spent the entire night sucking the insides out of wasps etc and dropping the remains. Luckily the bed was a four poster with a canopy over it so I didn't get dry wings fluttering down onto my face, but I still got to lie there all night in the dark on my own listening to the crunch and drift of empty moth husks. Meanwhile, A and B went to another room and spent the night tucked up in bed together having a warm, snuggly chat and gossip.

We got up to find that B's dad had had a "bad" review of his latest book in the paper and had locked himself in his study in a rage, so A and I were swiftly ushered out of the house by whispering B and her mum. (I read the review when I got home and seemed fine to me hmm but I googled last night to see whether I could find it and learned that he's been diagnosed as bipolar so feeling slightly guilty now.)

I'm sure I have more tales of weird hostship if only I could remember through the fug of baby brain ... blush

OlaRapaceFru Mon 09-Apr-12 09:51:06

We have some friends in our social circle who are extremely good hosts and have thrown some excellent parties over the years. However we discovered, quite early on, there is always an element of the guests having to 'sing for their supper', so to speak. They always insist on a party game. Not something silly, like Twister, or some random game of chance ... oh no, it's always some type of quiz or intellectual mind game. And there's no getting out of it, everyone has to participate whether they like it or not.

But the worst thing is, the host is extremely competitive - and not at all gracious with it. So at every correct answer by him, he crows exultantly at his cleverness. Every incorrect answer by someone else, he makes some smug remark about their stupidity. And if someone gets a question correct that he wouldn't expect them to get, he then makes some incredulous remark implying that you couldn't possibly have known that and it must have been a lucky guess.

We've stopped accepting their invitations.

LetsKateWin Mon 09-Apr-12 10:01:41

Marking place. Loving this thread.

Byeckerslike Mon 09-Apr-12 10:43:14

Marking place! grin

marshmallowpies Mon 09-Apr-12 11:04:08

ovaltine no, he's not a coke head. I think he goes to the loo & falls asleep. He did it once at work when hungover, walked into a meeting 40 mins late & you could see the mark on his cheek where he'd been resting his head on the wall of the loo cubicle!

I have posted before about my, ahem, unusual PILs but I think they warrant a mention on this thread. DPs mum and stepdad live in what can best be described as a farm storage facility by the side of a main railway line and next to a strip of airfield/racetrack. They fashion themselves as kind of born-again hippies/eco-warriors and they have no running water, electricity, mains gas or toilet facilities in their 'house'.

They view washing as personal weakness, and comment frequently about my 'obsession' with washing whenever I am there (I wash about every 36-48 hours when I go there, which is far less than I would like!) They also added a seat to their compostable toilet 'for people like me' who would probably not want to squat over a pile of steaming turds to relieve themselves. Urination should ordinarily be performed outside leaning against a canopy thing, but they 'allow' me and the DCs to use the compostable toilet by special dispensation.

They also prefer to shun such 'conventions' as using plates and cutlery to eat food. They are perfectly nice people, just a bit bonkers. It's all the more baffling since when I first met DP, MIL lived in a lovely, modern well-appointed house and would always make sure she had tealights and fancy bath oils for me to have a luxurious soak whenever I went to stay.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Mon 09-Apr-12 11:26:43

My best friend once invited me and XH to dinner as her new BF had just moved in with her and she wanted to show him off.

She cooked pasta for us all, and the BF's portion was fractionally smaller than everyone else's. He threw a colossal strop and stomped the short distance to the bedroom, where he spent the evening sulking and 'playing' his bass (he wasn't very good). The flat was tiny and there was no bedroom door, so every time we left the sitting room we had to go past him.

My friend took a further 2 years to dump the little shit.

QueenofPlaids Mon 09-Apr-12 11:39:12

The oddest visit I ever had was just shortly after graduating from university. A uni friend had moved house and invited a bunch of us out to dinner. When we got there the place was a tip (other than a meticulously organised bookcase that we were haughtily told not to touch when I started browsing book spines!)

Dinner was a Thai green curry and whilst the host was cooking we quickly discovered the place was absolutely crawling with HUGE spiders. DP and others tried to usher out as many as possible while I had a medicinal wine to try to block it out.

Anyway, dinner arrived and it was fully of match heads. Not a couple, not just my plate - loads of match heads on everyone's plate. It was clear our host had chopped off the ends and stirred them in though he claimed he'd knocked some over and tried to pick them out. We were a bit hmm by this point, but politely pushed our food round the plate and tried to be nice.

After dinner his really creepy mate produced a bottle of malt whisky and proceeded to offer everyone a glass (after giving me a loud & rather stern telling off for pronouncing it wrong --which I didn't but not to worry--).

He went off ostensibly to get glasses, but taking the bottle with him. Didn't think much of it, but he came back with a glass already poured for himself & a set of glasses for the rest of us into which he enthusiastically poured large whiskies. Some time later as we were getting ready to leave, the walls started 'rippling'. By the time I got back to my flat both myself and my DP had started hallucinating. We quickly figured he'd spiked the whisky.

The next days I called another friend to ask what had happened, but he wouldn't talk to me. About a month later, he invited us round for a coffee & explained that creepy friend thought we'd all been rude to him and wanted to teach us a lesson. The host (mr matchsticks) had some mental health issues and creepy friend had taken a number of drugs (including bloody lithium) and spiked the bloody whisky. I was extremely angry on account of the whole 'could've killed us with a cocktail of prescription drugs' thing... He hadn't wanted to tell us when he found out in case we called the police (bloody right I would have).

Suffice to say Mr Matchsticks gets a nod in the street if I see him & I have not seen Creepy Friend since!

GinPalace Mon 09-Apr-12 11:43:48

Mackeral your MIl has undergone quite the transformation!!

Remembered another.

Once when I was 14 or so I went to stay with my cousin I was close friends with for the weekend. She lives about 100 miles from me in a fairly rural place. Our families often saw each other and when my cousin visited us we would collect her from train station or drive her where she needed to be. Never saw her struggle to get home in any way. Have even been known to drive her the full 100 miles home.

On the monday I am due to leave and cousin gets bus to school (I am on different hols so not going to school myself)

I am left in the house with Aunty who I know is driving that day to My Nan / her Mum who lives about 3 miles from me. She and her Dp will be the only people in a large estate vehicle.
I (in my defence I am only 14) assume she will take me with her so I can either get the short bus ride from Nan's home (and maybe see my Nan) or she would actually drop me off home as only 3 miles out of the way of her 100 mile journey.

Mid-morning she chirps up - 'hadn't you be getting your bus now as we are leaving shortly and you can't have a key to lock up'

I was stunned shock so said nothing and she tosses the bus timetable at me.

It is rural-ish, the buses are about 4 times a day, I look at the timetable to see I have about 10 minutes to get to the bus stop and the next one would be rather late to connect to the train home.

Cue mad dash to the bus stop, an hour bus ride to next town. A half hour bus to large town train station. A train journey to change-over station. A 4 hour delay due to a load being spilled on the line. Then 2 hour train ride to nearest station to home. Then another bus to home.

All in all it took me about 8 hours to get home, exhausted and starving as I had no money for drinks or snacks.

All to save her having me (Niece she has known well for years) in her car. She didn't even have to change her route. I had one small bag to carry. My parents have ferried her daughter about loads. We get on OK. confused

LeQueen Mon 09-Apr-12 11:47:40

We holidayed with friends a few years ago.

We had a pub/cafe lunch every day - and our friends never ordered their DCs a meal (they were 4 & 6 at the time, so not toddlers, or anything). Instead, they fed their DCs from their plates, and let them finish off whatever our DDs left shock

We bought our DDs an ice-cream every day, but our friends never bought one for their DCs...instead instructing them to share with our DDs.

I had bought our DDs pretty new rain-coats, matching wellies and little ruck-saks with matching water-bottles for the holiday...but they rarely got to use them hmm Our friends DCs bagged them, and kicked up a fuss if I tried to remove them, and their Mum didn't say a word hmm

Their DCs didn't appear to have a bed-time...and our friends thought it perfectly reasonable that we share our evenings with their DCs up until about 10.30pm, every night hmm[

Twice DH went and did a big grocery shop with his friend, and both times his friend conveniently forget his wallet hmm

It was actually my birthday when we were away, and after lunch I suggested we have a birthday cake to celebrate in the restuarant - our friends refused and went and waited outside, whilst DH, me and the DDs had birthday cake...

Never, ever, again...

ScorpionQueen Mon 09-Apr-12 11:48:54

Best thread ever! I keep coming back to read more.

everlong Mon 09-Apr-12 11:52:17

Dear god those friends sound really weird tight Le queen.

GP, do you think it was just a case of her completely not thinking - you got the bus & she was going out and it just didn't occur to her that you were travelling pretty much the same route?
Otherwise that's just mean!

GinPalace Mon 09-Apr-12 12:10:30

I'm pretty sure she knew what she was doing.

The road between my and Nan's house was well travelled by all our family so unlikely to slip her mind even if she wasn't aware what a horrendous journey the alternative would be.

She has form - she is 'eccentric' sometimes and often very very self-centred and selfish though that only became apparent to me when I was quite a bit older.

eggsanityshatching Mon 09-Apr-12 12:11:08

I was 15 and somewhat naive but was invited round with a group of friends (all boys) to one of the friend's parent's house to play pool.All seemed pretty normal until the mum took me aside to show me a drawer containing tampons, condoms, lube and vibrators and instructed me to help myself should I need to. hmm blush If I thought that was bad the dad also showed me the drawer and proceeded to detail what his preferences were with regards to the condoms and vibrators and assured me that they wouldn't interrupt if the door was closed.blush We were a group of friends nothing more I wondered if every female visitor got showed the drawer but never ever went there again.

GinPalace Mon 09-Apr-12 12:16:40

Eggs maybe that was their sure-fire winner way to make sure no hankypanky ever happened ever - who is going to use the condom recommended by the boys Dad!!?? Sounds like a bit of reverse psychology to me!! wink

BelleDameSansMerci Mon 09-Apr-12 12:21:52

shock at nearly all of these...

The first time I met PILs they insisted that DH (newish BF at the time) and I slept in their bed and they slept on an air bed on the lounge floor.
I was mortified! blush

fuzzpig Mon 09-Apr-12 12:38:17

DitaVonCheese I'm desperate to know which author you're talking about!

Madforfootball Mon 09-Apr-12 12:45:29

At my house:

One flatmate lost his father whilst we were living together, and his mother was coming up with a sister to stay at ours whilst her house was redocorated (the father had died at home). My other flatmate announced that she couldn't stay in the house with them, so would stay elsewhere for a few days, so I asked if we could put one of the visitors in her room, to save having to have someone on a sofa. She replied that whilst I was welcome to sleep there, she didn't want any of the grief-stricken people in her room as it would disturb her angels...!

Same flatmate was greeting on the stairs by my sister, three days into my sister's visit, with the words "Oh you do exist, I thought you were a figment of my sister's imagination!" Up to this point my flatmate had been managing to avoid my sister fairly successfully, on my advice, and could see why I'd suggested she kept out her way. During the same visit my sister, at that point in her late 30s, had come into the lounge with a LARGE bar of chocolate, offered me and my mother ONE square each, then stretched out on the floor like a teenager and proceeded to eat the rest of the bar herself. She didn't offer my other flatmate any when he walked in, just ate the whole lot herself. Then, after I used my flatmate's phone to make a pretty important call (I had no credit on mine) she insisted on using his phone also, even though she didn't know the guy, to ring her husband, as her phone was "upstairs". Lazy cow!

Finally, we had friends of my male flatemate staying with us a few days. I'd never met the woman and her daughter before, so was rather put out to be told by the mother, on about the second day here, that she'd gone into my room and taken the washing that was drying in their and put it on the line, smalls and all. Ok, so she had the best intentions at heart, but really, did she have to...?

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 12:59:03

confused The older we get the stranger our parents seem confused

I assume my ils have issues with monogamous coitus and so Le Queen I see your 29 and raise you 42 years of age. I have known my OH since we were teenagers; have lived together for 15 years and married for 7. They have 3 double bedrooms and only theirs has a double bed.

My Dad is incredulous that I (still) shower at least once every day. They have a lovely bathroom and state of the art column shower.

My lovely sis and BIL are very pfb about both of her DC. When they were toddlers we stayed overnight, at their insistence; we usually stayed at a hotel. At 7pm toddlers went to bed and the TV was turned off, front room was lit by a lamp and we were instructed to not flush the toilet 'under any circumstances'. Sis and I shared a mini bottle of wine and menfolk has a stubby beer each. Long winter nights must fly by.

Softlysoftly Mon 09-Apr-12 13:27:39

At ours when a student so a bit of a cheat BUT my then bf (now dh) and I enjoyed the occasional spliff and had a dealer in a nearby flat, we got to know him, his friends and gf, he only dealt weed and was a bit of a geek so not too scary an aquantaince.

Anyway sat in our flat one night when there is a knock at the door, dealers gf and best friend come in saying they came to visit, we were a bit "erm ok" as we didn't know they knew where we lived, they proceeded to walk straight past us and shut themselves in the kitchen to 'talk'. 15 minutes later another knock on the door and dealer bf comes charging in saying we are "covering" for his mate/gf bursts into the kitchen where they are rearranging themselves after clearing having at it on my kitchen table angry.

Two more "friends" come in girl on gf side boy on dealers side, geek fight ensues, police called, me and dh basically hide in living room until Jeremy Kyle crew are evicted and go on a spliff drought until we leave uni.

sophe29 Mon 09-Apr-12 13:32:51

We used to have one of DH's uni friends as a part time lodger whilst he worked during the week. He was generally a good housemate and would often babysit for an hour or two whilst we went out to dinner etc.

Anyway, one night, we came home to see the lights on in our front room, no curtains drawn, and our friend sitting on the sofa watching telly. As we got closer, we realised he was also masturbating vigourously! shock We live on quite a busy street, with lots of foot traffic, and have very wide bay windows, so basically EVERYONE who walked past could see EXACTLY what he was doing.

We hovered outside trying to decide what to do, and in the end let ourselves in rather noisily, to alert him to our arrival, to discover him watching Coronation street hmm whilst hastily tucking himself away. And no, the remote control was no where near so he hadn't had time to change the channel!!!!

suburbophobe Mon 09-Apr-12 14:00:21

I'm loving this thread!

Haven't read all the pages yet, but the wedding ones brought up a memory.

I used to have a friend (we drifted apart) who was getting married in a registry office.

Her dad was such a cheapskate that he refused to fork out for any kind of reception.

My friend had to go home after her wedding and cook for her family...shock

KatieMiddleton Mon 09-Apr-12 14:17:32

Dh, ds and I went to stay for one night at SIL's house. She lives in a huge conversion all on one level and the bedrooms are at one end of a U shape, the (beautiful) living room and kitchen in the middle and a playroom at the other. I should say we like SIL and her family enormously... but this visit was just odd.

When we arrived we were shown into the playroom. We all sat and made polite chit chat, SIL gave the children something to eat and eventually her dh wandered in and said he'd open some wine. SIL shot him daggers but he went off to get it and when he returned he poured us all a small glass and SIL announced it was DN's bedtime and we'd have dinner after she'd put DN down.

All fine and lovely so far if a little awkward because SIL's dh just got up and wandered off leaving us in the playroom. It got later and later... with only the screams of dn who did not want to go to bed to break the silence. Eventually it got dark - the lights didn't work, neither did the heating and neither SIL nor her husband were to be seen. He eventually turned up looking harassed and said SIL had gone to bed (it was about 8.30pm) but that he was going to serve up the dinner she had made about 2 an hour and a half earlier.

We were then served a bizarre and rather inedible dinner (with no more wine) punctuated only by the odd hissed instruction over the baby monitor to bring more milk or "Just come here" while DN continued to cry.

After dinner we were shown into the cold play room again, but this time SIL's dh went off to find a desk lamp to light it (we sat in the dark waiting for him to come back) where we were instructed to remain until DS was asleep because he might wake DN. That would be DN who was still screaming then hmm

The following morning SIL said nothing other than she would have been around the previous evening if DS had not woken DN (WTF??!) and SIL's husband was nowhere to be found. We got out of there as soon as we could.

GinPalace Mon 09-Apr-12 14:22:29

The bizarre things some people will convince themselves of to justify their own behaviour!

Lockdown Mon 09-Apr-12 14:48:01

Stayed with someone who insisted that every item of rubbish be individually bagged in a clean plastic bag before being binned. Recycling all had to be hand washed. You get the gist.

marshmallowpies Mon 09-Apr-12 15:06:29

Lockdown you've reminded me of a visit I paid to a uni friend's house: her mum had a really pristine house with no clutter or anything, and she didn't have a BIN in the kitchen as she thought they were unhygienic.

Any piece of rubbish, even just a tea bag, got put into a plastic supermarket bag & carried out to the dustbin in the garden. I can't bear to think what that one woman's contribution to plastic bags piling up in landfill was!

marshmallowpies Mon 09-Apr-12 15:09:30

Mind you I still don't understand why my parents don't have a bin in their bathroom.

Quite tempted to buy one for them so I don't keep accidentally leaving sanitary towels (wrapped in loo roll) by the side of the sink <boak> . Apparently I am supposed to dispose of such things in the bedroom bin, but at some point I always forget...

GinPalace Mon 09-Apr-12 15:12:43

OOOoo I don't have a bathroom bin and out rubbish in bedroom one!!! <rushes out to buy one>

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 15:19:19

Feel like a bad hostess now - waiting to see myself on here.

We have a food waste bin and that's it - never had bins upstairs.

Thumbbunny Mon 09-Apr-12 15:25:57

Wow, I have a bin in every room. I mean, where are you supposed to put tissues and things? I couldn't cope with just a bin in the kitchen despite DH thinking that is a brilliant idea for some reason but then he just leaves his rubbish all over the place in the hope that some other mug will clear up - I don't

Selks Mon 09-Apr-12 15:32:06

Great thread! grin

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 15:40:43

Only rubbish in the house is in the kitchen - removed daily. Used nappies etc. go straight in the main bin outside.

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 15:42:21

I am not marshmallowpies friends mum.

Do you never just find yourself blowing your nose in another room and cba to go and throw the tissue away in the kitchen though/

MinnieBar Mon 09-Apr-12 15:47:13

Oooh QueenofPlaids matchstick heads are (technically) poisonous, let alone the spiked drinks - they really didn't like you... wink

Loving this thread. Makes the two blush times I invited mothers' of DS's schoolfriends round for lunch, forgot about it and could only rustle up plain cheese sandwiches quite tame in comparison (yes, I apologised profusely, and I blame baby brain!).

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 15:49:19

StealthPolarBear No. If upstairs I may flush tissue. My parents are very lackadaisical about such things and I am clearly still rebelling. OH has always been very tidy.

MinnieBar - cheese sandwiches are great.

Missed apostrophe at 15:42:43. tut

flushing tissues, you are going to hell young lady

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 15:54:19

I said may flush. wink.

Please be nice, I only realised at 15:09pm that I have a bin deficiency.

Thumbbunny Mon 09-Apr-12 15:54:27

What about if you have flu and are in bed, with streaming schnozz and a pile of drenched tissues all around you? how do you get them to the bin then? shock

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 15:58:18

Actually I don't think I've ever had flu.

In the case of bad cold, I may use a nappy sack - OH would get them to the bin.

theluckiest Mon 09-Apr-12 16:00:07

I used to be a jobbing actress so stayed in 'digs' while away on tours. Stayed in some very weird places.

The one that made me feel most uncomfortable was staying with an older gentleman in a perfectly normal terraced house. There was another actor also stopping there who I never saw and soon found out why.

The house was heaving with very old, dark pieces of furniture and chintz. You had to move several porcelain dolls and overstuffed cushions to just sit down. It was so oppressive....like stepping into somewhere an old lady just died in. I could live with that though...

I could even live with the explicit gay porn pictures subtly displayed between Victorian prints and horse brasses on the walls (although the gay porn fridge magnets nearly finished me off as I had gone to get some sausages out of the fridge. Seeing a picture of an enormous erection put me right off)

What really gave me the heebie jeebies was that this bloke would just appear whenever I ventured out of my room...he would then follow me round to 'clear' up after me. Going so far as to clear away a mug I had taken one sip out of. It was suffocating. He would loom behind me waiting to whisk away any used cutlery, even when I was trying to cook. So I'd put down a spoon used to stir pasta with for example. Then spend 5 mins trying to find it again only for Strange Gentleman to appear from nowhere with now cleaned spoon....stir pasta, repeat.

I also discovered he had been into my room and had remade my bed, folded my pjs and even taken out, folded and put back stuff in my suitcase!!!!!

I'm sure he was just trying to be helpful and hospitable but it was all a bit much...If you are going to have paying guests in your house, you need to give them a bit of space surely. And not rummage around in their stuff. And put your erotica in a more suitable place.

GinPalace Mon 09-Apr-12 16:01:33

I feel suffocated just reading the tale!

QueenofPlaids Mon 09-Apr-12 16:06:59

MinnieBar Yeah I like to think the host didn't know this but can't be certain. I don't think he disliked us so much as he was stark staring bonkers at the time (I believe he's since gotten help & is in a more stable if still highly eccentric). He did many weird things around that time though that was a highlight! (He visited another friend and tried to make off with her cutlery...from the table whilst she was in the loo. She made him empty his bag at the door. It was not expensive cutlery...)

Not sure about Creepy Friend though - am fairly certain he meant Actual Harm and would certainly cross the road if I saw him again!

Ishtar2410 Mon 09-Apr-12 16:08:36

Loving this thread!

MIL once handed me gloves, cleaning products and cloths before DD used the loo. It hadn't been cleaned for a while and she was embarrassed to let DD use it. hmm

This was before FIL went into a nursing home and he wasn't very good at using the loo, so it was pretty bad (actually, it was bloody awful - no surprise no-one wanted to clean it).

SarryB Mon 09-Apr-12 16:18:50

Eggrules - no bin in the bathroom? What about "lady's things?" I am confused. Have you bought a bin yet?

Need more stories please.

Hopefullyrecovering Mon 09-Apr-12 16:26:59

I was staying with my godmother for three weeks or so when I was 17. She took me away for a weekend to stay with one of her friends who had a lovely farmhouse with five bedrooms. The number of bedrooms is pertinent.

He seemed perfectly nice and normal. After dinner, everyone went to bed. Everyone being godmother & her husband in the front bedroom, Patrick (godmother's friend) in his own bedroom, and me in one of the 3 spare bedrooms.

Patrick had said I could take my pick of bedrooms (I saw them all and very nice they were too). He suggested that one in particular was nicer, so I obediently chose that room. My bedroom had three beds in it. A double and two singles. I was directed to one of the singles, hopped into bed, read for a few minutes, and then fell asleep.

I was woken up by loud snoring at approximately 3am. The odd thing was that there were three other people in the bedroom. A couple I had never seen before in the double bed, and a man I had never seen before in the other single.

I mean WTF? Who were these people and where had they come from? And why weren't they in the other spare bedrooms?

I went and bagged myself one of the other rooms. In the morning, the three mysterious occupants waved cheerily on their way out.

I still have no idea who they were.

CharmedLife Mon 09-Apr-12 16:28:31

Okay, here is one that I can't decide how bad it is, it just felt a bit unreal at the time and then a few years later it felt like a mild crime on the part of my friend then passed into appalling crime and now 8 years later (she is settled with a partner and 2 children) it has passed into unreal again. Here is what happened...I went to stay with my friend and her long-term boyfriend and we went to a local gig. My friend and I danced right up at the front and my friend made lots of eye contact with the male saxophonist. At the end of the gig amid all the bustle of leaving she slipped back stage and met him. She came back giggling and we found her boyfriend and set off across town to go back to their house. We walked ahead of her boyfriend and she told me that the saxophonist had kissed her and given her his address (about 15 minutes walk from her house) and said that she should come round for the night. I laughed at the craziness of that idea. However...when we got back to her house she rushed her boyfriend up to bed, telling him that we wanted the living room to ourselves to watch a girly film. Cunning. She then asked me to sit up and watch the film before sleeping on the sofa. She said that her boyfriend would probably not get up but if he did then I was to say that she had gone for a walk because I had upset her! She then reapplied her make-up and left! I sat ignoring 'Bridget Jones' diary' and listening out for every movement her boyfriend made. Their house was tiny so I knew that if he came down there would be no way of pretending that she was somewhere in the house. There was a close call when he came down to go to the kitchen however I eventually relaxed enough to fall asleep. When I woke up the next morning I began to worry again but her boyfriend was a very late riser. Time went by and loyalty to my friend kept me there because if he did get up then there would be no one to cover for her! It got to 11 and she still hadn't come home or contacted me. Eventually she phoned me and asked me if I would like to come to her fling's house and then go for a walk with them both 'to get to know him'! I did go along, spent the day with them, went home and then from that evening for the next five months helped her through the break up with her boyfriend, leaving him, her home, her job (she worked with him) and the mess of a relationship with the saxophonist that she had entered into. He was completely unstable, refused to be in a room with more than 2 people (except when performing) and even when he began harassing me with love letters and calls she still stuck with him. He marked the beginning of a phase of craziness in her life and 5 short flings later she got together with one of our friends and happiness has bloomed.

Eggsits Mon 09-Apr-12 16:28:42

Oh no - has this become the bin in the bathroom debate grin

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 16:29:32

'Used nappies etc. go straight in the main bin outside'. I have never heard of people having bins upstairs until this very afternoon. The only place I have noticed them is in public toilets or on holiday.

I can ponder the bin situation a bit longer. I don't need an emergency trip to find one on a Bank Holiday. grin

We have a lot of weekend guests and I am hoping they haven't been mortified. I can't think of anyone that has just been once.

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 16:45:25

Bathroom bin situation has made me think about things that seem obvious to you.

I have had a very odd visitor situation. New to having ds's friends over - one little boy was invited to tea after nursery. Talked a lot about likes and dislikes and agreed an end time. Opened the door and both parents came in and stayed until the visit ended at 9pm. I mentioned afterwards that I was expecting a drop off but could understand they wanted to see where pfb was. They asked if they could visit as a family again and said could we make it Friday because (1) gp's have their DC overnight every Sat and Sun and (2) we get takeaway and they wanted to join in and make a night of it. DS loves their DC and so we have them over occasionally - I agree a start and end time and enforce it, they are very thick skinned and hints don't work.

I think tea should be straight from school until about 6pmish and parents collect. I don't assume this when arranging stuff with other parents.

Selks Mon 09-Apr-12 16:46:46

Eggsits, no it's still a thread about crazy experiences in other people's houses...

Selks Mon 09-Apr-12 16:48:47

sorry, just didn't want the thread to get derailed by bins.

EverythingsNotRosie Mon 09-Apr-12 16:56:02

We once accepted an invitation to stay for a week at a friend's parents' house in france. Never again! By the third day my DH (then BF) was being totally ignored by the whole family. On the fourth day the family all went off on holiday to Italy because 'it's so upsetting when you feel driven out of your own home'. To this day we have no idea what he had done, except not speak French so couldn't join in with the conversation! Maybe one of them can come on this thread and enlighten us?!

MinnieBar Mon 09-Apr-12 18:25:21

Oh and sorry to lower the tone but I am guilty (in the very distant past) of being one of those people who has sex when there's someone else in the same room blush blush. In my defence, I was a teenager and I didn't coerce the other person into the room for the express purpose of hearing it. We didn't really care thought he was asleep.

I've also been on the other end as a student - had to hear my friend getting to, ahem, third base while I was furiously whispering to the guy I was with 'I am NOT going to sleep with you!!'
Him: Er, ok, I wasn't actually asking.
Cue embarrassed silence while we lay there trying to pretend we can't hear what we can so obviously hear…

marshmallowpies Mon 09-Apr-12 19:02:44

Didn't realise mentioning the B word was going to derail the thread. Sorrrreeee.

Something else odd happened to me at the same friends house: her brother went to bed v early as he worked early shifts. I was sleeping downstairs & there was a downstairs cloakroom but the light was broken.

I crept upstairs to go to the loo, was just washing my hands when the (locked) door crashed open & friends brother burst in & turned off the light, leaving me in there in the dark, too shocked to speak.

I realised there was one of those mini glass panels above the door and me switching the light on must have woken him up. sad

Always wonder what my friends mum thought when she discovered the bathroom lock had been broken open! I was leaving early the next morning & never mentioned the incident to my friend...

Eggrules Mon 09-Apr-12 19:43:31

marshmallowpies I needed to know about upstairs bxxs wink.

I also need to know that small guest towels could have been used on a bum. confused

My Uncle invited us out for a meal with his family. I have never been out for a stranger and more stressful meal. When Harry Met Sally/ Nora Ephron are less fussy. When his steak arrived he was very rude to the waiting staff and returned it because he didn't believe it was the right one. confused. It went back many, many times. The poor waiting staff were demented; I cannot understand why fussy people eat out.

Softlysoftly Mon 09-Apr-12 20:04:24

Oh oh reminds me of one! Went on holiday at about 14 with friend, her little sis, parents and grandparents. It was a 2 bed apartment in a godawful all inclusive in Tenerife. Got there and sleeping was allocated, grandparents in one room, parents and little sis in the other double (she was about 10) and friend and I in the lounge double.

Comes to the first night and they ALL slept naked, including my friend and the grandparents. Spent an uncomfortable night in my prudish pjs, then they all breakfasted naked. From then on whilst in the apartment I was the only one dressed at any time. Longest week of my life blush

I have 2 I would like to add. One was as a 5 year old I was at a school friend's house and came in from the garden ro use the loo. I was really desperate abd asked his mum where it was, but she made me take my (buckled t-bar) shoes off first. Cue an accident on the door mat. I remember her shouting at my friend for playing woth the hose and getting me wet and to this day I don't know if she genuinely thought that or was trying to spare my blushes. All I know is that any small child asking to use the loo in my house is never made to remove their shoes first!

There was also the batty girl in my halls of residence at uni. She would listen for anyone ealing to the kitchen, follow then down the corridor, ait in the kitchen the whole time you were in there, but not looking at you and not saying anything, then when you left she'd get up abd go back to her room.

She also used to carry a rucksack out with her on fire drills and would always be one of the last out. We eventually found out that she would pack all of her 20 or so teddy bears into the bag each time, just in case it was a real fire...

LeQueen Mon 09-Apr-12 20:50:47

I have a relative, who, even when she has expressly invited you over, doesn't necessarily answer the door to you, when you arrive.

She will have spent all morning ensuring the house is immaculate, and will have cooked a delicious lunch...but when you kncok on her door, she won't answer.

Sometimes she will answer after you have repeatedly knocked, shouted through letterbox, thumped on windows for 20 minutes...and will insist she didn't hear you (even though you have clearly glimpsed her moving around the house).

Or, sometimes she just won't answer the door at all. No matter how long you stand there...

And, even more bizarre...because her behaviour is so outrageous and she's so incredibly intense and uptight...no one ever dares call her on it hmm

AKMD Mon 09-Apr-12 20:53:34

I hate it when people complain at restaurants. I find it toe-curlingly embarrassing. If there's something really wrong then fine, otherwise I wish people would just get on with it and show their dissatisfaction by not leaving a tip.

Back to thread...

cookielove Mon 09-Apr-12 20:56:27

WOW, its taken me ages i mean days to read through that!! But what a good read, mine is as exciting but i do have one to add.

I regularly babysit for a family from my nursery, they are some what eccentric but a very lovely family, i have been greeted at the door by the mother in a top and tights (opaque) i did not know where to look, she then asked me to follow her upstairs (what a view that was) as she wanted to talk to me while she got dressed. Dad was fully dressed in the front room, why didn't he let me in??

Another time i changed the little ones nappy, and went to put the nappy in the bin which happened to be upstairs, as i went up i looked up to find the dad getting dressed just in a pair of Y fronts shock (seriously why- he was not a buff dad)

I often hear them on the toilet why? because they don't ever close the door.

And they also often argue in front of me and bring me in on the argument, talk about awkward!! shock

IllegitimateGruffaloChild Mon 09-Apr-12 20:59:40

Yy. My granddad complained about everything. I never wanted to eat out with him. Nothing was right. Oh no - once he had a good meal, wrote to thank the restaraunt then complained when they didn't acknowledge his compliment. hmm

LeQueen Mon 09-Apr-12 21:04:08

Same relative once suggested we took our DCs to Alton Towers. So I turned up. She actually answered the door to me...and then promptly ushered her DCs out the door, announced she had a migraine, shoved some cash in my hand, and then basically shut the door in my face shock

What could I do? I couldn't bear to disappoint the DCs, so meekly took them to Alton Towers...

She's also prone to suddenly taking herself off to bed, often as early as 8.30pm, when she's invited guests round for the evening. She never says goodnight...just leaves her DH to carry on the evening.

And, she came to our house one Christmas. Proceeded to arrive 4 hours after everyone else, then sit outside in the car for a further 20 minutes when they finally arrived. Once inside she proceeded to totally ignore my Mum and several members of her own close family, wouldn't even say hello to them (no one had a clue as to why) - and she was furious that all the food had been cleared away...

She also requested that her Mum come and be a nanny to her first DC, whilst she went back to work to work off her maternity leave - this involved her Mum staying with her Mon-Fri. Her Mum happily agreed - but there were strict conditions. Her Mum had to leave the house as soon as she got back from work, and wasn't allowed back until 10.00pm at the earliest - this was so she and her DH could have quality time with the PFB. Her poor Mum had to eat in restaurants alone, or go to the cinema, or visit friends, or just drive around...until she was allowed back home. If she arrived back before 10.00pm, they often just wouldn't answer the door to her...

Actually, it begs the question, when does idiosyncratic behaviour tip over into real mental health ishoos hmm

themagic: My older sister did the same to me but with the wrapper from a pad! Made a massive deal out of the awful mess in the bathroom and demanded to kno who did it (when she knew full well who) and then made a huge deal of sending me back in there when she turned on me. I had no clue what this mess was and had to ask as I genuinely hadn't realised! (I was distracted, they were rushing me in the bathroom to wash my face, clean my teeth, etc etc)

Being a little fair on her, it was her wedding day and we were in the bridal suite getting ready after spending the night there but she was calm as anything all morning and was completely calm after that!

I really had to hold my temper after that though as it followed an evening of being told how ugly I was along with what I was wearing by her and the younger sister. Then being relegated the pull out sofa bed that was super thin and creaked constantly in a freezing cold room with the air conditioning rattling away above me as my sister's were too hot in the gigantic larger-than-King-sized bed they were sharing because they sleep better than I do hmm

Rhiana1979 Mon 09-Apr-12 22:48:54

Genius thread. Shamelessly marking my place

2 instances, one wedding one!!

The wedding one - the couple invited me and my exP, they made it perfectly clear they only really wanted him there and I didn't get a meal! I think the worst thing about the day was that not one nice thing was said about the bride all dat long!! Her brother spoke during the service and called her gollum!! Then during the father of the bride speech he spent the whole speech saying how well her sister was now doing and how proud he was of her, he barely mentioned the bride or the groom!!

The other one was when the same couple came over to our house, the female of the couple spent the whole 3 hours she was therre complaining that she "had to live in a much smaller house" and how we should swap (they lived in a 2bed house with no DC's and I had my DD and my exP had his DS who he had 50% custody of so we had a 3bed house!) As we "could always get (my DD) to live somewhere else" not a very nice womaan and when we broke up I told my ex he could keep his friends as part of our "divorce"!!!

warmandwooly Mon 09-Apr-12 22:59:48

Bookmarking place

PickleLittle Tue 10-Apr-12 08:07:16

When I was 13 me and a DF once puppy sat for some friends of my sister whilst they were all out clubbing together. At about midnight the couple and my DSis came back and we all went to sleep - them in their room me on one sofa, my DF on the other and DSis on the floor.

A while later thinking the puppy was climbing on me to sleep on my tummy I tried to turn over to realise I couldn't!! I reached forward and woke my DSis who jumped up like she had seen a ghost! she ran into her friends room and screamed at her "get your naked boyfriend off my little sister!!" I think she thought I was being attacked but actually the couple had had a fight and in his drunken state he had forgotten I was there!

I wasn't impressed the next morning to find he had left his scuzzy pants on me over night! angry

AKMD Tue 10-Apr-12 08:46:41

People there is a 'watch' button. Start new thread, Watch this thread, Flip this thread...

This isn't when I was visiting someone else but on DS's first birthday we threw a party, which was basically an open house for family and friends. In the middle of the afternoon SIL asked me where I kept the cleaning things and then proceeded to dust and polish my sitting room. I was mortified! There were at least 40 people in the house at that point, all of whom must have been thinking I was a complete slattern blush

CeliaFate Tue 10-Apr-12 08:53:30

There's also a bookmarking button. Hover at the right hand side of the screen at the end of the message. A blue bar will appear. Click it and wait until it says saved. Then when you click on the thread title it will zoom down to your bookmarked spot.

Oeisha Tue 10-Apr-12 09:46:33

Not read through all the rest, so I'm sure mine is tame in comparison, but it IS odd.
SGM/evil bitch...once went there for dinner...was served salmon, rice and broad beans (that in itself is punishment enough for an 8y/o). This "woman" is doily mad, one under EVERYTHING that doesn't move voluntarily, and has always looked about 99 despite obvioulsy not being at some point. Anyway, her anal level of attention was aimed at the RICE.
Boiled for 10 mins, taken out the oven and spread on to a baking tray and PUT IN THE OVEN for 15mins, then re-boiled for 10, then back in the oven for 10, then steamed for 10, then "dried" in the oven for 5 mins, then served...mentalist.

Also reminds me of cuz's wedding (they practically live there) where the charasmatic brainwashing bastard of a man "leader" gave a half an hour lecture on how the bride was a whore...as all women were, but, you know, specifically the bride...whilst said bride looked at the utter c*n* with utter devotion.

Oh and there was the vicar, who not only got the person he was eulogising WRONG at a funeral (the person he was talking about was SAT IN FRONT OF HIM), but then proceeded to tell said grieving family (who are acknowledged cat lovers - and had JUST stated so) that he hated cats and if he had a gun would shoot them all...

OK, I'll shut up now.

Thumbwitch Tue 10-Apr-12 09:54:44

AKMD - more likely they thought your SIL was a touch strange, honestly... smile

Eggrules Tue 10-Apr-12 09:55:39

Remembered another one. PIL have complicated bathroom/ hot water rules that only their immediate family understand and after 20 odd years still baffle me. There is only one bathroom. Two instances give examples:

Mid shower suds everywhere, Fil asked me to come out of the bathroom straight away. Thought he had been caught short and so I turned off shower and came out wrapped in a towel, dripping wet, bubbly shampoo still in my hair. He went in locked the door and then started to deep clean the bathroom.

We live in a different city to our hometown. We travelled down and DH arranged in advance that we would need hot water and to use the bathroom/ shower at a specific time (as per their requirement). That night, we turned up and asked to get ready. FIL left the room and next minute the power shower is running - he used all of the hot water. There is a hot water pecking order that I just don't understand. I have never had a hot shower there. Bathroom is spotless - I think it is just for show.

I grew up in a house with loads of sibling and one bathroom. Standard procedure is to announce that the bathroom will be in use. Every man/woman/child for themselves at in-laws for hot water and bathroom usage. Most annoying in the morning when everyone wants to use the bathroom.

AnxiousPanxious Tue 10-Apr-12 10:04:07

This thread really does make me glad my families are so relatively normal.

"as i went up i looked up to find the dad getting dressed just in a pair of Y fronts"
cookielove, sorry, I don't understand that? If you're getting dressed, then by definition at some point you'll just be in underwear!

sassle, you were invited to a wedding, but didn't get a meal, even though your OH did>?? What did you do, just sit there and look morose as he ate?

ZZZenAgain Tue 10-Apr-12 10:58:13

lecturing about how the bride was a whore and at her own wedding? Wow. shock That's really really bad.

The rice procedure is totally bizarre, isn't it? There are some right loons out there.

OlaRapaceFru Tue 10-Apr-12 11:10:36

Agree with ZZZen. What sort of cult religion did your cousin belong to, that that sort of comment was acceptable to a bride on her wedding day? confused

stelth we shared the meal!! Was very bizarre but they are an odd couple! Last time I saw them was in a local shopping centre and she was having a screaming hissy fit at him because he had spent £20 more on himself than on her... I tend to avoid them now tbh!!

NeedlesCuties Tue 10-Apr-12 11:36:02