Only with Ocado...

(257 Posts)
SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 09:33:44

"Today your order will be delivered by Jesus in the Cabbage van"

You don't get the son of god delivering groceries for just any supermarket.

BupcakesandCunting Tue 03-Apr-12 09:37:18

OMG I bet he is a WELL HOT Spaniard/Brazilian. envy

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 09:57:02

I wouldn't call him well hot unfortunately.

But yes, clearly of Spanish/South American descent rather than heaven sent grin

Mrsjay Tue 03-Apr-12 09:58:04

well it is easter grin

Psammead Tue 03-Apr-12 09:59:00

Jesus in a Cabbage Van = excellent band name grin

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 10:01:27

There is a Robbie Williams song: Jesus in a Camper Van.

Which is now stuck in my head with slightly altered lyrics.

BupcakesandCunting Tue 03-Apr-12 12:09:34

When I was slagging off the Ocado website on here, I got told by other MNers "You will get a handsome man bring your shopping in! Order without delay!"

Imagine my delight when a bloke resembling a potato with currants for eyes knocked on my door...

Hahaha Buppers.
The Asda man who comes here is quite hot.

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 13:04:35

He may not have been "well hot" but, let's face it, he was the son of god which is pretty impressive.

BellaOfTheBalls Tue 03-Apr-12 13:06:41


This made me laugh SO much.

Stratters Tue 03-Apr-12 13:06:44


Jesus in the Cabbage van has made my day.

LaGrenouille Tue 03-Apr-12 13:20:33

<snurk> what is a cabbage van ffs?

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 13:22:56

The ocado vans all have close up photographs of fruit or veg on the side.

I think there's lemon, courgette, strawberry and cabbage and possibly a couple more. I have no idea why they think I need to know which van it will be in but it has to be said today's effort made it worthwhile.

Thankfully the text arrived after Jesus had been otherwise I may not have been able to contain myself.

Mrsjay Tue 03-Apr-12 13:46:09


SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 15:23:16

No, the text from Ocado arrived just as he'd left - I think it's because I have an early reserved delivery slot.

I was a little suspicious at the sandals and halo and the exact that the van appears to float just above the surface of the road though. Also, the water I ordered appears to have been turned into wine which is a bonus. I have high hopes for the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish as well.

mrsalwaysawake Tue 03-Apr-12 15:30:16

Jesus in the Cabbage van? Sounds a bit like a low-level expletive - like my brother's old favourite 'Christ on a bike'.

merlin Tue 03-Apr-12 15:32:15

That has made me chuckle smile

emmanana Tue 03-Apr-12 15:44:03

I had mine delivered by Colin in Tomato van on Saturday. Apparently it's rare if you ever get the same driver twice, to prevent 'familiarity' with customers. None of mine have ever been worth getting familiar with in the bedroom. Or maybe I have just had a bad run smile

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 03-Apr-12 15:54:44

why dont i ever get Jesus in the Cabbage van? i get Kevin in the Lemon van or Stuart in the Aubergine van....I want Jesus for easter!

emmanana Tue 03-Apr-12 16:01:11

I had Jesus once, and Wayne in the strawberry van.

mrsalwaysawake Tue 03-Apr-12 16:12:41

"I had Jesus once"
You so should have namechanged to MaryMagdelen for that post

LilRedWG Tue 03-Apr-12 16:14:46

This thread has amused me far too much - I actually have tears rolling down my cheeks.

CaveMum Tue 03-Apr-12 16:17:15

This thread has made my day grin

emmanana Tue 03-Apr-12 16:18:15

When Jesus came to my house, some items were damaged. I had a friend staying who dared me to ring up and tell them 'Jesus broke my eggs'. I think I laughed solidly for an hour......

vigglewiggle Tue 03-Apr-12 16:21:18

grin Hilarious thread!

SummerLightning Tue 03-Apr-12 16:22:04

I had Mohammed in a strawberry Van yesterday but jesus in a cabbage van definitely wins

Likesshinythings Tue 03-Apr-12 16:25:44

Well, last Saturday we were visited by Willock in the Courgette van, I have also had Marcos in Strawberry and Okie in Lemon. But Jesus is yet to make an appearance - maybe this weekend?!

Stratters Tue 03-Apr-12 16:28:11

Ocado doesn't deliver out here sad

Hebiegebies Tue 03-Apr-12 16:31:07

This week we had our food delivered by Ian in the cabbage van, sadly not Jesus.

There is also a Courgette, lemon & strawberry van here

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 16:31:11

"I had Jesus" [weeps]

I must say, I've been giggling about it all day. Naturally I have a screenshot of the text message for posterity.

I ave had the same driver more than once but not for a long time. It was always the same man a couple of years ago.

Never had Jesus before though.

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 16:31:42

Pray harder, Strattters, and Jesus may appear in his cabbage van.

oh man, that tops my delivery last week "Keith in the Lemon Meringue Van" brought mine, but YOU got Jesus! grin

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 16:33:29

I nearly forgot - he told me that he trains new drivers. Thus Ocado drivers are trained by Jesus.

Which explains why the service of out of this world.

Stratters Tue 03-Apr-12 16:33:36

<prays hard>

S'not going to work, I shall just envy you and your Jesus in his cabbage van.

cronsilksilt Tue 03-Apr-12 16:35:48

I'm waiting for my delivery right this moment. Jesus has 25 mins left to get busy with the bread and fishes.

cronsilksilt Tue 03-Apr-12 16:37:57

it's here - green bubbles

emmanana Tue 03-Apr-12 16:39:14

Shame you didn't see the message before, you could have wished him luck for Friday.

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 16:40:36

Trust me - it's best that I didn't know grin. He must hate this time of year.

emmanana Tue 03-Apr-12 16:43:07

When I had Mohammed, he was driving potato van.
( I am very sad, I keep all the ocado texts )

Stratters Tue 03-Apr-12 17:08:43

I am so, so jealous of you all and your van driving deities. sad

I am absolutely ordering from ocado this week.

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 17:12:49

A few of thoughts:
Do you think it is possible to collect a full set of disciples?
Is there scope for a game of Bible Bingo?
Has anyone had Jehova?

Stratters Tue 03-Apr-12 17:14:20

Buddha in the Banana van maybe?

MightyNice Tue 03-Apr-12 17:16:11

how come mine is delivered by Rupert in a plain white Waitrose van? sad

(no offence Rupert but that is our ferret's name and he is much better looking than you)

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 17:16:14

Peter in the Pickle van?

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 17:16:57

Might it be Rupert the Bear?
[clutches at straws]

Just looked back at all my Ocado texts, two biblical ones:

Jakub in Strawberry van

best of all Adam in Apple van

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 17:18:20

Adam Apple! [snort]

tinierclanger Tue 03-Apr-12 17:20:24

Never had Jesus but I've had Emmanuel in Strawberry van!

ooo. This is why it sucks being poor. You'd not catch the Messiah in Lidl. sad

I am using Jesus in the cabbage van as my new expletive, ta muchly.

Ocado don't deliver here, i'm never going to have Jesus. sad

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 17:22:39

You might get Judas in the Tesco van though.

Beelzebub in the Asda van?

Stratters Tue 03-Apr-12 17:25:01

Me too Sue. I shall enjoy spitting it out in the middle of Morrisons, seeing that Ocado won't deliver here and I shall never meet Adam, or Jakub or Emmanuel, let alone Jesus in his cabbage van.

Tesco kept sending me things that were very nearly OOD so i stopped ordering, seems i got off lucky if it was Judas that was at my door. shock

Stratters Tue 03-Apr-12 17:25:42

Satan in the Sainsburys van.

emmanana Tue 03-Apr-12 17:26:49

Luke in Aubergine van, Mark in strawberry van. Just need Matthew and John for a line prize grin

I have that Lady Gaga song stuck in my head, this is a thread for song reminders!

Does this mean the Ocado van is the modern-day palm sunday donkey?

silverfrog Tue 03-Apr-12 17:30:24

ooh, ooh, I had john in Lemon van.

only need Matthew now...

Stratters Tue 03-Apr-12 17:31:04

This means I live in a heathenish area, I'm doomed. sad

Laambkins Tue 03-Apr-12 17:33:19


cronsilksilt Tue 03-Apr-12 18:08:46

I think mine may have been a melon van

CavemanDave Tue 03-Apr-12 18:10:47

Rafael visits me from time to time. Oh man what a man <happy sigh>

Hahaha, this thread has really cheered me up!

Although... I've placed many an order with Ocado and not once have I ever been sent a text/email detailing who will be bringing me my shopping and in what. Why this blatant discrimination? I want a Jesus in a cabbage van, damn it!

CaveMum Tue 03-Apr-12 18:22:33

Someone needs to come up with a Supermarket Delivery Person Bingo card grin

mrswoodentop Tue 03-Apr-12 18:22:56

I have had my shopping from Javier in the onion lorry and Pablo in the apple lorry but now I want Jesus.grin

I was having a horrid day but this thread has had me crying with laughter

mrswoodentop Tue 03-Apr-12 18:28:13

Interesting how there are not many women drivers ,where is Mary or Ruth or Elizabeth only had Donna in Oma Onion vanhmm

silverfrog Tue 03-Apr-12 18:29:29

Manda, I can't believe you don't get your text to tell you who will delivr your shopping, and what colour van shock

I also get notified of any substitutions in the text, so can be ready to refuse them without scanning the delivery order etc.

SilentSinger Tue 03-Apr-12 18:30:41

We've had Roger in Courgette van and Mark in Apple van. Nowhere near as impressive as Jesus!

mrswoodentop Tue 03-Apr-12 18:30:50

Manda you need to go into your profile/settings and select text alerts

spamm Tue 03-Apr-12 18:31:46

See, it's threads like this that make me homesick! I never had Jesus in the Cabbage van, and there is nothing like Ocado in Virginia. I miss Ocado <wails>!

Frontpaw Tue 03-Apr-12 18:36:59

Sounds like the man from another thread (re things kids say) where there was a car prang and the child asked the other driver if he was the baby Jesus (later the mum realised that she said 'Jesus Christ!' When he knocked her wing nirrir off). I am still sniggering over that thread ('fuck off, Grandad' - a new MN classic)

bunnybing Tue 03-Apr-12 18:38:03

Lucky you with Jesus - my last was Keith in the Onion Van.

pluckingupcourage Tue 03-Apr-12 18:40:28

SilentSinger "Roger in courgette" grin

SilentSinger Tue 03-Apr-12 18:46:49

Plucking - I hadn't spotted that! grin I'm having a stupid day.

KenDoddsDadsDog Tue 03-Apr-12 18:49:07

So funny
No Ocado here but my mad aunt said God came down in a helicopter in her garden. Harrods perhaps?

Oh, oh, I see; not discrimination but simply change my settings you say? <cough> well, I shall do that forthwith and await my next order with baited breath!

cardibach Tue 03-Apr-12 18:57:02

No Ocado here, either envy
However, I now have Bon Jovi's 'plastic dashboard Jesus' going round and roud in my head. THanks for that.

well it is Easter

cakeismysaviour Tue 03-Apr-12 19:06:23

No Ocado here sad

Although, I do have a good friend who sometimes delivers my shopping from Asda's. If he has my shopping, he usually texts me to let me know how long he will be -and to tell me to get a drink ready for him.

TheMonster Tue 03-Apr-12 19:06:38

Roger IN the courgette or WITH it? grin

janx Tue 03-Apr-12 19:12:30

I keep all my Ocado texts. Mainly it is Jason in the onion van.... But I did have
Radoslaw in the cabbage van grin. Is that real name?

I had Ivan in onion van today, sweet chap and didn't want to chat. I want jesus and customer services will sort it for sure.

In fact I will tell them not to worry about refunding squashed clementines if they can sort it.

emmanana Tue 03-Apr-12 19:43:33

I had Hose in Potato van, and like this iPad, the waitrose keyboard is english language, the name was sent without the necessary accent on the e.

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 19:48:53

I think I've had Ivan!

But never Roger. Oh no.

swlmum Tue 03-Apr-12 19:59:05

Ooh- just looked and had jozef in the strawberry van last week. ALMOST dad of Jesus.

This thread has made my day grin

moojie Tue 03-Apr-12 20:07:37

I'm sad too and just looked back through my Ocado texts...on the 20th March my shopping was delivered by Godwin in a cabbage van! grin

5inthebed Tue 03-Apr-12 20:11:06

Definitely going to me my new non sweary word grin

FOr clarification re: using as a mild expletive, should it be pronounced:

Jesus in a cabbage van


Hey-zeus in a cabbage van?

mrsalwaysawake Tue 03-Apr-12 20:31:02

Jesus, deffo.

mrsalwaysawake Tue 03-Apr-12 20:31:37

(emphasis on the 'je')

LilRedWG Tue 03-Apr-12 21:11:43

Still giggling here!

SoupDragon Tue 03-Apr-12 21:19:58

I'm gutted I've not kept m Ocado texts sad I even checked, to no avail, past orders online in the vague hope they may tell me how delivered them.

BobblyGussets Tue 03-Apr-12 21:27:36

Do I get any point for Dudley (he's about 95 and all) in the Iceland van? I only do it occasionally, but when I do, I never let him carry my bags from the van into the house in case he does himself a mischief.

StringOrNothing Tue 03-Apr-12 21:28:22

I had Jesus yesterday! (strictly in his grocery delivery-capacity)
Tis clearly an Easter special. But he was in the Apple van, agree that he was not the fabulously good looking Banderas-alike I may have hoped for, and moaned about the fact that his route was strange which was why he was late, in a manner which suggested he was angling for a tip.

heliumballoon Tue 03-Apr-12 21:36:58

I've just placed my Ocado order- am praying for Jesus!

EmmaCate Tue 03-Apr-12 21:40:05

LOL Psammead

My mate had a mechanic called Jesus. He'd say 'I'm taking Barbara to see Jesus; she's not running too well.'. Although cant remember if his bike was called Barbara now; baby fact-leach.

RachelHRD Tue 03-Apr-12 23:05:57

LoL grin

No Jesus but I've had :
Emil in Lemon
Cliff in Strawberry
Dawid in Strawberry (not @ the same time!)
Piotr in Cabbage

It's a wonder they get any deliveries done with all this action wink

emmanana Tue 03-Apr-12 23:16:22

Cliff in strawberry? I wonder if there's a Hank and a Bruce? Surely a line prize for having all the Shadows grin

Keith in Apple and Michael in tomato delivered in January. Do I get a prize for half the Rolling Stones?

SoupDragon Wed 04-Apr-12 07:54:17

Why have I deleted my texts? Why? Why? [wail]

I have an order coming today, cant wait for my text... hoping I get JEsus. grin

SoupDreggon Wed 04-Apr-12 14:50:08


oh, its Kirsty in the Apple Van - but it IS a girl! should be here between 5-6, shall report back... if she is friendly I might ask her if she knows Jesus. grin

SoupDreggon Wed 04-Apr-12 15:03:25

LOL I can picture the scene

"So, Kirsty, do you know Jesus..."

<<Kirsty dumps shopping and runs for the hills.>>

emmanana Wed 04-Apr-12 16:51:19

Girl power! Has anyone had a delivery from a Mary. Jesus , jozef and Mary would be a laugh at the office party !

well we had a bit of an issue re a split milk carton, but once we got that sorted out we had a laugh about JEsus in his Cabbage Van. She didnt know Jesus but she did laugh.

I hope Kirsty becomes my regular driver. grin

SoupDreggon Wed 04-Apr-12 22:03:42

No use crying over split milk eh?

emmanana Wed 04-Apr-12 22:26:48

Kirsty may have been stoical about the milk, but if it had been SoupDragons milk she may have posted :

Jesus wept

SoupDreggon Thu 05-Apr-12 08:35:44


<Wonders how long it will be before someone NC to JesusInTheCabbageVan>


haha norfolk, I did think about changing to Kirsty in the apple van. grin

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 05-Apr-12 16:18:31

i want Jesus for easter! ive ordered for tomorrow....

recently ive had Robert in the lemon van, leslie in the Courgette van and William in the lemon Jesus though....heres hoping!

mrswoodentop Thu 05-Apr-12 16:33:02

No Jesus fforvus,just got the text and it's Pawel in Cabbage lorry smile

SoupDreggon Thu 05-Apr-12 16:58:53

Pawel has nicked Jesus's cabbage van! shock

Voidka Thu 05-Apr-12 17:02:25

I had Barry in the Lemon - we get a lemon quite alot.
We also have a Susi - she has fetching pig tails!

RachelHRD Thu 05-Apr-12 18:59:10

I've got John in Courgette tonight <rubs thighs> like a bit of variety grin

just checked through the other ocado texts and have also had Aron in Onion Van.
Do you think they try to match the drivers to the vans?

silverfrog Thu 05-Apr-12 19:22:18

I have a delivery booked for tomorrow, and am holding out high hopes.

d'ya reckon if I load up my order with Easter stuff I've got a better chance of getting Jesus to deliver it?

AnnoyingOrange Thu 05-Apr-12 19:43:05

I've had Jolkot in Autumn Apple van

And Luke in Courgette van

AnnoyingOrange Thu 05-Apr-12 19:43:33

That courgette van gets around a bit

SoupDreggon Thu 05-Apr-12 22:03:02

Aron Onion is good grin

Autumn apple? Are there different kinds of apple van then?

AnnoyingOrange Thu 05-Apr-12 22:10:09

Apparently so Soupy.

However tonight's delivery was by Amin in a plain old Apple van, with no season attached

OliviaLMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 05-Apr-12 22:12:12

I have had Mimi Strawberry. WTF is a mimi strawberry?!

I have just looked at my texts and I think I have had a different fruit/veg the last EIGHT orders (!)

startail Thu 05-Apr-12 22:13:05

We seem to have lost our lovely young DHs mansad

Greenknowe Thu 05-Apr-12 22:15:51

My last one was John in Happy Apple van- he was a miserable sod though! Not even a smile hmm

Previous highlights include: Zoltan in the Courgette,
Engin in Cabbage, and Emmanuel in Lemon

Hulababy Thu 05-Apr-12 22:18:06

I had Bally in onion van today, but I want Jesus next time.

I do mss the attached names the vans sed to have though. It's just plain apple, onion or courgette now. Last year they had names, so George Apple, Cooper Cabage, Toby Apple, Cornocopia Courgette, etc...

SoupDreggon Thu 05-Apr-12 22:24:44

Oh, I"ve not had van names... I feel quite cheated sad I wonder what Jesus's cabbage van was called?

SarahStrattonsEasterName Thu 05-Apr-12 22:31:20



Ocado may not deliver, but if I go via Waitrose they do deliver.


<happy happy happy>

Andrew in a strawberry van here. I have never been blessed by jesus or a cabbage van. <<sulks>>

Hebiegebies Thu 05-Apr-12 22:50:55

I'm waiting for Jesus tomorrow, but to be honest as long as the Leg of Lamb arrives I'm happy to wait til Sunday smile

Yes, missing the van names here too, Stevie Strawberry, MimiStrawberry, Loquacious Lemon, Orson Onion.

Not that I'm over thinking this at all, but they must have upgraded their fleet, all the ones with names were 56 registrations, they are 59 onwards now with no names.

Just waiting to see who we get tomorrow.

JesusInACabbageVan Thu 05-Apr-12 22:57:53

I am here, my children.

makeminemango Thu 05-Apr-12 22:58:42

I've had a delivery in a sassy strawberry van. Got changed out of my dressing gown for that one wink

Hebiegebies Thu 05-Apr-12 23:04:42

Welcome to Mumsnet Jesusincabbagevan

MightyNice Thu 05-Apr-12 23:06:51

hello Lord! sorry I missed the Evening Mass of Your Supper tonight I was eating chocolate praying at home

JesusInACabbageVan Thu 05-Apr-12 23:13:04

You are forgiven, Mightynice. Eating chocolate is a form of worship.

MightyNice Thu 05-Apr-12 23:16:41

even during Lent? even on days of strict fasting and abstinence, like tomorrow?

hooray! (are you sure? I suppose you would know . . .)

JesusInACabbageVan Thu 05-Apr-12 23:19:54

Lent, shment. Chocolate is a holy substance.

OliviaLMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 05-Apr-12 23:21:31

Jesus, is it right that Chocolate is for life not just for Easter?

JesusInACabbageVan Thu 05-Apr-12 23:27:51

I have returned among you in my Cabbage Van to preach the holy word. And the word is chocolate.

You, the middle class ocado shoppers, are my chosen people.

Never mind chocolate, I gave up toast for Lent and I'm getting visions of crusty white bread toast dripping in salted butter......

So I've ordered the necessaries from Ocado, just waiting to see if Jesus will provide <cries at the thought of substitutions>

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 05-Apr-12 23:37:39

have we found Jesus? in a cabbage van? we should do a mumsnet remake of the life of brian....

has anyone had a brian in any van at all? <goes to check texts>

Moodykat Thu 05-Apr-12 23:40:35

Ooh, RachelHRD, I've had Piotre but in the Apple van. And Darren, also in the apple van. I also didn't pay for my last shop which I am a bit hmm about!

Moodykat Thu 05-Apr-12 23:45:30

Piotr even, without the 'e'.

emmanana Thu 05-Apr-12 23:46:54

Jesus; remember those eggs of mine you broke? Can you pop round with some nice Lindt ones to replace them please?

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Thu 05-Apr-12 23:47:12

Do you think the drivers choose a fake name to protect their identity, you know like they do sometimes in call centres (supposedly to prevent mutters tracking them down and getting stabby over an unpaid bill)

So Emmanuel might in reality be Nigel, Zoltan is John and Engin is Ted?

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Thu 05-Apr-12 23:49:06

I meant nutters not mutters ffs. Although, it has a ring to it, being stalked by a mutter. hmm

CanCant Thu 05-Apr-12 23:52:52

This thread has made me chuckle out loud!

I've had deliveries by Paul, Peter, John and James!

We usually get Onion or Lemon van here. Only 1 lady driver ever- Susan.

Greenknowe Thu 05-Apr-12 23:54:56

shock toomuch are you doubting the existence of Christ in the cabbage van? grin

emmanana Thu 05-Apr-12 23:55:49

When Mohammed came in Potato van, it was definitely his real name. He rang to say he was in the the area early if I wanted my shopping earlier, and I missed the call. When I rang back the number 2 minutes later, he answered it with his name. He was very friendly. I like Mohammed. He was nicer than Jesus.

MightyNice Fri 06-Apr-12 00:00:03

lord shall we burn the heretic toomuchmonthatendofthemoney?

JesusInACabbageVan Fri 06-Apr-12 00:00:05

Emmanana your eggs had to be broken to lead you to the Omelette of Enlightenment.

JesusInACabbageVan Fri 06-Apr-12 00:05:36

No, no burning. My Cabbage is a cabbage of peace. And chocolate eggs.

emmanana Fri 06-Apr-12 00:07:32

Jesus, when my sister had her delivery last week (Barry in Tomato Van) he didn't realise she was the other side of the front door just about to open it, and she heard him drop something and say 'Fuck it'.
What would you say if you dropped a box on your foot?

emmanana Fri 06-Apr-12 00:10:35

She was most affronted by the way.
'that's the kind of behaviour you expect from other supermarkets' she said as she recounted the incident on the phone.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Fri 06-Apr-12 01:25:06

Thank you o merciful one. I doubted, now I have seen the light.

The light that glints off the gold wrapping of your symbol of your love for us - I shall worship as I unwrap the mighty Bunny of Peace and consume it in an ecstasy of fervour.

heliumballoon Fri 06-Apr-12 03:14:33

I had Prince in a Strawberry van once. Renember thinking at the time it should have been a Raspberry (beret) van.

<kaboom tish>

The first names were the result of a competition to name the vans. (I entered but didn't win. Clearly don't spend enough with them!).

KenDoddsDadsDog Fri 06-Apr-12 07:14:20

I have a good image in my head now of Prince in a purple suit and a clipboard.

SoupDreggon Fri 06-Apr-12 07:47:34

I want Prince to deliver next!

Actually I think in light of all the variable names we have had with our lovely drivers we should expand the religious element to include everyone...

Although the gold, shimmering, gloriousness of the bunny shall forever hold forth as THE symbol forever Amen. grin

Sorry ladies . I beat you all hands down

Not only did I live with jesus . I also slept with Jesus

I have a son of Jesus . Infact have 2

My dc hate it if they asked who their father is because no one believes them

SoupDreggon Fri 06-Apr-12 10:21:40

Are you Mary Magdelene?

And do you have a cabbage van?

emmanana Fri 06-Apr-12 10:41:13

Does your husband work for Ocado SoupDreggon?

No cabbage van . Jesus was a chef grin

slowburner Fri 06-Apr-12 10:55:00

I have to order from ocado.

Crying. Proper tears. Needed a laugh before trying to make Easter biscuits with a toddler......

emmanana Fri 06-Apr-12 10:57:20

Bet his father was diappointed he didn't follow him into the family timber business... grin

Iwasagnome Fri 06-Apr-12 10:57:34

I had a delivery but no text 1st -have they got wind of this?

SoupDreggon Fri 06-Apr-12 11:00:57

You need to add "text notifications" to your preferences.

emmanana Fri 06-Apr-12 11:01:37

Do you have text notifications turned on in your account profile? Maybe you will get one later, as Soupdragon received the text after Jesus had left.

roguepixie Fri 06-Apr-12 11:09:04

This thread has had me crying tears of laughter. grin

Only have one Ocado text in my phone:

Josue in Onion Van!!!! How close can you get? Jesus, was that you in disguise?

Iwasagnome Fri 06-Apr-12 11:32:20

Well I normally get a text!
Bet they are busy

SoupDreggon Fri 06-Apr-12 12:04:19

Busy with the crucifixion probably.

JesusInACabbageVan Fri 06-Apr-12 13:31:44

Emmanana, normally when i drop a crate on my foot i say 'christ on a bike!' grin

I'm thinking i might need one of those bunnies of peace today.......

Anyway, i can't stay. Today's not really the best day for me, what with the crucifixion and all that. Painful memories.

mrsalwaysasimnelcake Fri 06-Apr-12 14:37:02

Right that's it. Sod trying to save money, I want to order from Ocado. I want Jesus to deliver my loaves and fishes.
I'd settle for Mohammed though, although I don't think he's very big in these parts.

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 06-Apr-12 15:45:27

Eric in the banana van? grin

We have moved this to classics now

I've got Robert in Strawberry due later. Obviously Jesus was busy.

SoupDreggon Fri 06-Apr-12 16:25:31

I've not had a Classic before [preen]

Proof that Jesus answers prayers as well as delivers groceries.

LoonyRationalist Fri 06-Apr-12 16:34:20

I had Nicholas in cabbage van this morning <disappointed that Ocado couldn't muster a more Easter like name>
Although Nicholas would be good for christmas I guess?

I do however have Jesus visiting for Easter, although he is my fil and not as far as I know Jesus in cabbage van or the messiah. (have we established if they are one and the same?)

SoupDreggon Fri 06-Apr-12 16:37:18

Well, I had no substitutions and no missing items and my packet of mackerel has fed the entire street so he could be the messiah.

LoonyRationalist Fri 06-Apr-12 16:51:00

I'd say no subs or missing items pretty much confirms it.
Nicholas brought me £8.99 wine instead of £5 wine -I reluctantly refused.

It would be good if they could confirm who would be delivering when you ordered as I guess you could forgo the wine on Jesus delivery days and go for several 2l bottles of water instead ;)

emmanana Fri 06-Apr-12 17:01:57

How fabulous this is being moved to classics. That was your work wasn't it Jesus? At least we have somewhere we can come and update which van Jesus, Mohammed and Kevin are driving on a weekly basis...

SoupDreggon Fri 06-Apr-12 17:10:03

Jesus moves threads in mysterious ways.

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 06-Apr-12 17:11:13

pah. ive got Stephen in the Onion van....and missing items. i was hoping for a miracle it being easter and all.

Oh, loony I think you missed a trick there - Nicholas was kinda gifting you because with Ocado if they sub you get the sub at the price of the thing being substituted. You could have had the £8.99 wine for a fiver! I think this is a nifty marketing ploy - if it turns out you prefer the more expensive items they win in the long run wink

'Grats on making your first Classic, soup - it's certianly been a fun one!

Robert is very close to missing his delivery slot. Hmmm.

One of them left me quite a shirty voicemail the other day just as I arrived home 5mins BEFORE the delivery slot started. Bet Jesus wouldn't do that.

Half an hour late and no phone call <concerned>

SoupDreggon Fri 06-Apr-12 21:10:11

Jesus wouldn't have been late.

Except possibly today when he may be, er, a little tied up. Or something.

He's just been. There was a message about it on my account when I logged in, so at least I found out what was going on. Holiday traffic.

<scratches head>

So, if it wasn't for Jesus, it wouldn't be a holiday today and the order would have been on time. Although, as you say, he may have had his hands tied.....

mrsalwaysasimnelcake Fri 06-Apr-12 22:53:58

Arf at moving threads in mysterious ways.
We have placed an order with Sainsbury's. No Jesus for me <sadface>

emmanana Fri 06-Apr-12 22:57:26

I can solve the mystery of his late arrival. He was parading around Trafalgar square in a loin cloth. He is actually quite hot. I was on a late lunch at work, so he was dead by the time I got there, but my colleague had watched him earlier.

OP I am very jealous. I generally get someone or other (clearly not the man of the day) in the onion van, but I have also had ian in the juicy apple van. I'm in Yorkshire, we don't hold with fancy names. grin

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Fri 06-Apr-12 23:14:00

God - Jesus gets around a bit! Is he restricted to a particular area, or as the son of god is he omnipresent? Actually he can't be as ocado don't deliver to my area...

Hebiegebies Sat 07-Apr-12 00:45:29

Emma, my DH saw him at Trafalgar Square too, very moved

SoupDreggon Sat 07-Apr-12 08:38:00

Did he have his van with him in Trafalgar Square?

Figarello Sat 07-Apr-12 10:37:13

I love this thread! grin

My most interesting driver I have had was Ronald McDonald in Sensational Strawberry.

emmanana Sat 07-Apr-12 11:15:03

I didn't see the van in Trafalgar Square. It was pretty cold though, and it felt kind of wrong, looking at him and thinking 'Oh Jesus has nipples like chapel coat pegs....'

SoupDreggon Sat 07-Apr-12 11:20:46


MyDogShitsShoes Sat 07-Apr-12 11:35:44

On holiday once we had to call maintenance as the toilet was broken.

Jesus on a bike arrived to fix it.

Tru fact.


mrsalwaysasimnelcake Sat 07-Apr-12 11:49:17

Christ on an actual bike? Brilliant.

SoupDreggon Sat 07-Apr-12 11:52:53

He really is quite talented isn't he? As one would expect of the son of god.

MyDogShitsShoes Sat 07-Apr-12 11:57:47

He sure is, fixed it in one go. Non of the usual sucking in of air over the teeth, hands on hips, tutting about the previous plumber's obvious shortcomings.

Just one quick ball-cock floating miracle and he was on his way.

so we have JEsus in a CAbbage Van and Christ on a bike. This is truly amazing.

Oh, when Kirsty came I had no subs, but did have spilt milk. grin

I just thought I'd pass on this, so that us O2 customers have the chance to encounter our Saviour at a discounted rate:

With priority moments, you can get £30 off of a £90 spend - including existing customers. It's valid for another 8 days yet.

oh, Im with 3. shame.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 07-Apr-12 19:10:40

I'm off to order with Ocado grin.

AncientsOfMuMu Sat 07-Apr-12 19:31:45

Love this threadgrin

I've had Leonard in Lovely Lemon Van and Andrew in Abbis Apple Van..

Does this mean their vans get names too?

emmanana Sat 07-Apr-12 19:46:19

You can go on the 02 site, order some free payg sims, they will be with you in a few days, get your o2 'number' that way......

androbbob Sun 08-Apr-12 22:15:07

I have had Irvine in the Orange van and was expecting a scottish man but he so wasn't. Previous week was the Lemon van. It always tickles me to get the Ocado text!

SoupDreggon Sun 08-Apr-12 22:17:42

I can't work out what the point of the text is TBH. Especially as mine often arrives after the delivery.

Although I was very pleased to have got this week's one, obviously grin

I keep thinking that AncientsOfMuMu had Leonardo in the Lemon van and wondering if it was Di Caprio or Da Vinci. Sadly it was just Leonard which isn't the same.

Hulababy Sun 08-Apr-12 22:26:13

Unless I am having a v early delivery my text always comes a good time before the delivery. I like tht it tells me of any missing items as means I can go get anything I need that dy beforehand, not hat I get missing items much.

I like the fact that I know in advance any substitutions/omissions, although they don't happen very often, then I can decide whether I want to take the substitutions, or as Hulababy says, buy a missing item while I'm out.

I also like it as a safeguard reminder in case I forget that I've got to be home at the right time, I don't use a regular slot.

AncientsOfMuMu Mon 09-Apr-12 21:07:33

Soup wishful thinking but alas it was definitely a Leonard! I think in a previous life he may have been a trainspotter grin

I've received my text: Patrick in an Apple Van.


<sulk mutates into indignance>

Two eggs out of twelve broken, two yoghurts out of eight have broken bottoms = leaked over everything else in the bag and two packets of crisps have popped open.

Jesus, Patrick certainly ain't.

roguepixie Tue 10-Apr-12 17:06:32

Manda - this happened to me but with a broken bottle of moutwash over flour and other foody items ... driver refunded whole bag's worth of shopping. Did your driver not do this? If not, get on to head office and let them know - they will refund.

LoonyRationalist Tue 10-Apr-12 17:23:29

I agree complain about everything leaked on, they should refund it all.

Bletchley Tue 10-Apr-12 17:29:25

I had Dave in a strawberry van today. He was right on time, no substitutions and nothing squashed. But still....

I'm usually not backwards in coming forwards when it comes to complaining... but I'm nearly 35 weeks pregnant and the shopping ended up turning into the straw that broke the camels back - I cried like a twit for about 20 mins after I discovered the eggs (after the yogs but before the crisps) and rather than do my usual assertive phonecall I simply logged into my account and requested a refund for only the damaged items (and not the mess...).

Annnnd, Patrick? He was kinda surly. Didn't crack a smile (not that I expect sunny smiles from all my drivers but he was emanating... y'know, pissed-off-ness). I asked for my receipt which I'm usually handed and he grumped it was in one of the bags.

I'd have settled for Dave in his Strawberry van over Patrick in his bloody apple.

All in all, I am massively disappointed (Jesus' absence obviously a compounding factor) when it's not really that big of a deal.... moodswings, me? grin

SoupDreggon Wed 11-Apr-12 15:07:31

Sounds more like Patrick the starfish from Spongebob than Jesus!

I have delivery due at 7pm this evening and I am already on tenterhooks [bounce]

SoupDragon Thu 12-Apr-12 17:28:09

I have Saint Michael in a cabbage van today (I made a mistake with yesterday's delivery)

I'm expecting Craig in his Cabbage van between 1 and 2 this afternoon. Not Jesus, again. Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?!

BobblyGussets Wed 18-Apr-12 15:01:09

I feel sorry for poor old ancient Dudley in his Iceland van now.

Mirage Fri 20-Apr-12 12:55:47

I'm coming in late here,but I had a date with Jesus once.Twas back in 1992 and we went to a nightclub called The Red Onion in Marina Del Ray.I decided not to see him again,but he didn't take to kindly to that and stalked me for a while.Stalked by Jesus grin.

Charleymouse Fri 20-Apr-12 14:46:11


First delivery is tonight I have just had a text; it is being delivered by Damien in lemon van.

Do you start with the antichrist and work up or am I just unlucky?

SingingSands Fri 20-Apr-12 14:50:32

Wayne in the onion van did our drop off this morning!

DH did the shop by himself without telling me, so despite there being 8 bags of shopping I'm still scratching my head over what to actually make for dinner. When he gets home from work I'm tempted to hit him on the head with the entire fresh pineapple he ordered. And then ask why he ordered 4 bags of flour! Gah!

Charleymouse Fri 20-Apr-12 14:53:39

Pineapple upside down cake copious amounts of?

Umleila Fri 20-Apr-12 17:01:02

My DH claims to have seen God in the big Waitrose in Surbiton (claims He was in aisle 3). Stands to reason you get Jesus doing deliveries... I expect God got him the job.

BellaOfTheBalls Fri 20-Apr-12 19:14:33

Ocado don't deliver to my area yet apparently.

He can walk on water, feed the five thousand & turn water into wine but can't deliver shopping to The Sticks? <starts to doubt faith>

maples Fri 20-Apr-12 19:15:45

I just had innocent smile

maples Fri 20-Apr-12 19:16:02

As in Innocent delivered my groceries blushblush

charley Could be how it works - I only turned on my notifications for my last two deliveries so could very well have started out at the antichrist...

umleila Nepotism is alive and well. Always. And considering the last gig he gave his son, I reckon delivery driver is a massive step up. Only a slight chance of being crucified, I should imagine.

Charleymouse Fri 20-Apr-12 19:36:53

Damien is running late as he has satnav failure OMG typing satnav predictive text tried to put in Satan. I am doomed aren't I?

well, yes, it's an anagram of Satan V (the previous four incarnations failed, clearly...)

Good luck charleymouse - could be it's on your shoulders to head off armaggedon!

Charleymouse Fri 20-Apr-12 22:30:40

Phew Armageddon averted.

Damien eventually arrived half an hour past delivery slot with my shopping nicely sorted in colour coded bags minus my fresh figs.
Not at all satanic looking quite hot in fact
Think will try to order again to see if we can reach the giddy heights of the son of God.

emmanana Sat 21-Apr-12 11:52:47

Christopher in Lemon Van rang last night to see if I wanted my 10-11pm order delivery (It's free then) at 9.30, as he was in the area, bless him, so I got an early night in bed with a book. Hope he got to finish early as well!

Hmm, charley is it only me seeing some kind of irony in the antichrist Damien failing to deliver figs? After all, wasn't it the fig leaves Adam and Eve chose to cover up with once Damien's Dad had a word in Eve's shell like?

Maybe Damien has seen all the glory Jesus is getting here at Ocado and wants a bit of that action for himself?

And it stands to reason he was quite hot (hell puns aside) as his Dad was a very beautiful angel indeed.

Well, just got today's txt: I have the cabbage van again... and again, it lacks Jesus. <sigh> I'm expecting Lawrence. Larry. It's not even close!

Charleymouse Thu 26-Apr-12 11:15:15

MandaHugNKiss he did offer me dried figs, but I sent them back. Not sure what to take from that though.

Well waiting for todays text for tonights delivery. Will update later.

takeonboard Thu 26-Apr-12 11:23:56

I just looked back through my Ocado texts and I seem to always have the Cabbage or Courgette van and I have never had Jesus sadly!

SoupDragon Thu 26-Apr-12 11:33:43

Very disappointed to have had Billy in the Onion van this week. I mean he was on time and polite and everything but [meh].

Innocent is good. Did you corrupt him?

Charleymouse Thu 26-Apr-12 16:55:26

Terry in the onion van for me today!

SoupDragon Thu 26-Apr-12 17:50:45

What a shame Terry wasn't in the chocolate orange van. [sigh]

Charleymouse Fri 27-Apr-12 00:06:36

Chocolate orange van sounds awesome. Well Terry very helpful got pwet through in the rain and not as hot as Damien but heyho (spookily heyho comes up as Bethleham on predictive text)! What is it with Ocado and their religious connections?

I think it's because they are The Way.

<want to lick a chocolate orange van, like a grown up version of Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Not so much the cabbage van I keep getting, mind. Unless it's got cream and bacon in it...>

AncientsOfMuMu Tue 01-May-12 09:18:43

Sat in a queue of traffic this morning, I was next to a Ocado van.

O the drivers door it said 'Constance Cabbage Van' sponsored by Ms L surname of Timsbury.

How cool is that! grin

Macchiato Mon 11-Jun-12 15:43:34

Oooooh we're having "hank in his onion van" today

ceeveebee Sat 29-Sep-12 07:40:59

Omg I am so excited - I have just had a text from Ocado and today I have Jesus coming to me!!! In a courgette van this time though

Just had to resurrect this thread for that. No pun intended

plainjaney Thu 04-Jul-13 20:20:41

A further resurrection....

Jesus has not appeared to me, which frankly isn't a huge surprise, however, a few weeks ago a new challenger to Jesus appeared in our area when my friend had a visit from...

Mac in the Apple Van!


curlyclaz13 Sun 21-Jul-13 22:38:02

I have ordered from ocado because of this thread. delivery due between 12-13 tomorrow no text yet to tell me is jesus is making an appearance.

fishonabicycle Thu 19-Sep-13 11:48:43

I've only just found this thread and am very disappointed I've never had Jesus. however, looking back through my texts, I did have Joseph in a courgette van in June. I've also had Anita in Cabbage, and Keith in Lemon, Kevin in Onion, Lionel in Apple and (pleasingly alliterative) Lee in Lemon. Disciples I have had include Paul in courgette, and John in Cabbage. Last week I had Christian (!) in Strawberry.

Snog Fri 20-Sep-13 06:22:46

checked my texts too...
no jesus but a couple of his disciples in the same cabbage van...Peter and Thomas

greymanu Sun 24-Nov-13 16:13:30

Kofi in the Onion van; times are tough for the former Sec Gen of the UN.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 19-Apr-14 20:24:26

I saw my first ever Ocado van today (don't live in an Ocado delivery area). Was delighted to see it was a cabbage van and thought of this thread and couldn't stop giggling.

ElfriqueTheSantaHelpingLizard Thu 11-Dec-14 12:06:30

Are we going for a Christmas set this year? If so I've just had my shopping delivered by Joseph.
He was in the Onion van fgrin

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