Center Parcs & Anal sex

(274 Posts)
shadyl Mon 16-Jan-12 20:22:16

So for the past 4 years I've been badgering DH for us to go to Center Parcs. He's been reticent on account of it being 'naff' and 'like Butlins but with trees' I disagree but anyway...

Eventually we went to Center Parcs, Longleat over the Christmas period (it was great) and I noticed that he had packed a tube of KY but didn't think anything of it. So we get back home and he makes some silly joke about 'no bumfun' despite 'my promises'.

Now there is no way in hell anything is ever going up my back bottom so I questioned what he meant (assuming he was joking). And he said that "according to Mumsnet" Center Parcs =anal sex. Apparently I had told him this over 4 years ago.

I have no memory of this link between Center Parcs and anal. Can someone confirm that there is a Center Parcs/anal meme in the same vein as nice ham?

Anyway, I got the hump.
He claims he was joking and made it all up because he thought I would find it funny
It's all too weird and I'm still a bit offended. Can't tell if I'm being oversensitive and it really was all a joke or whether he really did think that bum-business was on the menu.

kittensmakemesqueee Mon 16-Jan-12 20:23:09


Gigondas Mon 16-Jan-12 20:24:41

I have to mark my spot for answer on this one

NormanTebbit Mon 16-Jan-12 20:25:30


NormanTebbit Mon 16-Jan-12 20:26:24

Actually I'm quite relieved we can't afford centre parcs...

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 16-Jan-12 20:26:35

I have never heard of a link between Centre Parcs and anal sex. But he was joking, forget about it.

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 20:26:42

Excellent titlegrin

Sparks1 Mon 16-Jan-12 20:28:14

Hahahahahaha.... That is all.

Have I missed something again??

balia Mon 16-Jan-12 20:28:40

Did someone once say 'I'd rather take it up the arse than go to Centre Parcs'?

ArtexMonkey Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:00

Wtf, i have no idea.

pickofthepops Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:08

So there are going to be lots of people walking a tad gingerly if they all booked up on seeing the crimbo advertising blitz that centre-bumming center-parcs did during the festive season!

Gigondas Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:08

grin at lalia

iklboo Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:20

Not seen it in their brochure....

'Join us for long walks in leafy glades or cycle through the picturesque woodland. If it's raining, why not try to persuade the missus to take it up the wrong 'un?' grin

WhuckFistle Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:25

I am NEVER going to Center Parcs!

Gigondas Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:59

Were all the sofa /chairs with cushions taken In the bars and restaurants? That might give you a clue

pickofthepops Mon 16-Jan-12 20:30:20

Maybe it's one of their activities you book up in advance for?

GirlWithPointyShoes Mon 16-Jan-12 20:30:40

Wha...? Isn't bum sex just for Fridays?

I would of found it far more inappropriate if you had of been at Butlins.

Think I must've missed that memo!

However, we were in London a few months ago trying to decide where to go for dinner. DH asked me if I'd like him to take me up up the Oxo Tower and I instantly thought of MN grin

Needless to say, I declined.

<Mumsnet is getting weird again> emoticon.

GeriManda Mon 16-Jan-12 20:38:13

There's a link now though grin

Groovee Mon 16-Jan-12 20:43:43

Never heard that before!

Thingumy Mon 16-Jan-12 20:49:40

I'd equate Butlins with bumsex .

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 20:54:07

Oxo Tower never heard it called that before !!

shadyl Mon 16-Jan-12 20:55:15

Thanks for the responses

I'm getting more and more offended by him and I can't tell whether I'm having a sense of humour failure. I've told him that nobody here remembers anal sex/Center Parcs and he's swearing blind that it's been discussed here before. Also he's again telling me he's "joking" in the same sentence as going on about the cost of 3 spa treatments.

I'm narked as he's turned our family holiday into a porn thing

Oxo Tower is a real place Susie, and there's a restaurant at the top. However thanks to MN I always think of it as a euphemism grin

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 20:56:45


Rindercella Mon 16-Jan-12 20:59:12

Yes, I cannot see the Oxo Tower now without thinking of bum sex. However, I have never heard on here that there was a connection between Center Parcs and anal sex. I think your DH was pushing trying his luck tbh and blaming MN for it.

SpecialBranch Mon 16-Jan-12 20:59:55

That Oxo tower thread was priceless. grin Is it still around?

OP, I spend way too much time on here and can't recall a Centre Parks / Bumsex link. But maybe your DH has more of a vested interest than I do.

I've certainly never heard of it being referred to as "a spa treatment" before hmm

It does sound like the kind of thing that might be discussed on here. Bumsex and centre parcs are both discussed quite a bit so it's possible that they both came up on the same thread.

Maybe he wanted you to put something up his bum.

It will be Pampas Grass he will be wanting next. wink

SpikeInTheBasement Mon 16-Jan-12 21:01:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WitchOfEndor Mon 16-Jan-12 21:01:38

Does he normally pack lube when you go on holiday? If not then I think he wasn't joking! Do you have a cucumber handy? Tell him you are ok with it as long as he goes first and see if he changes his mind.

MildlyNarkyPuffin Mon 16-Jan-12 21:03:39

Anal sex is one thing , but Centre Parcs????

Leave the bastartd.

2rebecca Mon 16-Jan-12 21:04:26

Been to centreparks twice and never heard of a bum sex link. If my bloke started wittering on about anal sex I'd start making "gay boy" comments (very grown up). If he just made 1 comment about anal sex then you do sound a bit oversensitive about it. Alot of men are more into anal sex than women. I don't think it's anything to get upset about though. At least now he knows the position re anal sex. He didn't really turn your holiday into a porn thing as he didn't mention it during your holiday. It is possible to have a "family" holiday and anal sex if you are both into it. You aren't into it so it didn't happen.

TheSecondComing Mon 16-Jan-12 21:05:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shadyl Mon 16-Jan-12 21:05:28

Well we do have lube at home for other reasons but it's used rarely and it's a really random thing to pack

picnicbasketcase Mon 16-Jan-12 21:07:28

They should put that in their advertising. Cue a sudden influx of husbands with an excited gleam in their eye who all want to go to bed early.

FannyBazaar Mon 16-Jan-12 21:08:00

I've never said it before but I'd definitely favour trying anal sex over going to Centre Parcs. You say Centre Parcs was 'great' over Christmas but that doesn't sound very enthusiastic, still, at least it wasn't a pain in the arse...

JustHecate Mon 16-Jan-12 21:08:24

It's the times you have together
That you'll carry with you forever

Take it up the arse at Centre Parcs

I don't think they'll be rushing to amend their brochure, tbh.

so...thats 4 words put in a sentence that i didnt expect to see on a monday eveninggrin

have you advanced searched to see if you find a link?

Kayzr Mon 16-Jan-12 21:11:08

Hecate grin ROFL

Spidermama Mon 16-Jan-12 21:11:41

Iklboo love your brochure quote. grin

Great thread title.

I might just about acquiesce on the BJ front if Centre Parcs were on the cards -but for BS, it would have to be a month in San Fran.

shadyl Mon 16-Jan-12 21:12:30


nenevomito Mon 16-Jan-12 21:19:11

I can't believe were pages in and no one has cracked a joke about him confusing anal sex with a review saying it was a shit hole?

hellymelly Mon 16-Jan-12 21:26:18

hecate.Take it up the arse at Centre Parcs.Now the two are linked in my mind as well as the op's DH.And no,that's not a good thing.(I have actually been to Centre parcs,for bizzarre reasons,but no one is taking me up the oxo tower thanks.)

MamaMaiasaura Mon 16-Jan-12 21:28:48

Wtf? I'm off there in 3 weeks and no way is dh being a space explorer

birdofthenorth Mon 16-Jan-12 21:30:34

I have just returned from the Sherwood Forrest branch. My rear was not breached. But then, we went midweek. Perhaps Center Parcs has an anal special on at weekends which I was not aware of.

memphis83 Mon 16-Jan-12 21:31:49

Should I be worried that DH has booked CenterParcs as my birthday treat in two weeks? grin

Honeydragon Mon 16-Jan-12 21:32:42

maybe this is why they have the option to book Friday to Friday, or Monday to Monday. The marketing team have clearly miscommunicated something about bumsex and mumsnet. grin

Honeydragon Mon 16-Jan-12 21:33:20

his treat to eh, Memmphis? grin

LynetteScavo Mon 16-Jan-12 21:35:27

I had sex at center parks once. It was a bit wrong. Anal sex would be very wrong. Especially if you have to ride your bike the next day.

TheAvocadoOfWisdom Mon 16-Jan-12 21:35:37

This needs to go in MN classics. I am hurting from laughter.

ShowOfHands Mon 16-Jan-12 21:38:25

I had norovirus whilst at Center Parcs.

Similar but no coconut.

BibiBlocksberg Mon 16-Jan-12 21:42:39

I just laughed so loud at the new brochure slogan 'take it up the arse at centre parks' the cat jumped a foot into the air! grin

One of our directors at work was telling me he and his wife were off to CP Longleat for Christmas at the pre-Christmas meal.

Thanks to you lot I will now have to stifle vicious sniggers if he decides to update me on their lovely time there....

Tigresswoods Mon 16-Jan-12 21:44:11

We're booked in at CP Longleat in the spring. Our first time. Have told a couple of friends & both said "its very hilly". Reference for up hill gardening perhaps?

GoingForGoalWeight Mon 16-Jan-12 21:44:48

Bumfun grin

Oakmaiden Mon 16-Jan-12 21:47:45

They might not have been linked before now, but they certainly are now...

iklboo Mon 16-Jan-12 21:48:19

As I'm reading this Prof Brian Cox is talking about 'rings' and 'titan' (say it out loud). My fnarrrr-o-meter has exploded.

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 21:49:35

tigress no it's bloody hilly!!grin

Tigresswoods Mon 16-Jan-12 21:51:40

susue how disappointing. grin

BibiBlocksberg Mon 16-Jan-12 21:53:34

ikiboo - good job no one has mentioned Uranus yet on stargazing or I would need a whole pack of tena lady

<childish sense of humour>

FriendofDorothy Mon 16-Jan-12 21:55:53

This thread has just caused me snigger outrageously and now my mother and my husband wish to know why I am laughing!

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 21:57:39

bibi iklboo gringrin

CarnivorousPanda Mon 16-Jan-12 22:01:40

It is freezing here. Nothing on tv. I'm coughing and sneezing away.

And then you come up with at hread title like this.

Thank you.

I've been to Centerparcs five times and my arsehole remains intact.

Good thread title though.

Well, I would never have considered going to Centre Parcs before but this is making it sound a lot more fun.


I am also now feeling slightly disappointed by my gladiator challenge experience.

ImpatientOne Mon 16-Jan-12 22:23:15

Oh how this thread has cheered me up!

morecoffeepleaseholdthecake Mon 16-Jan-12 22:44:17


Gigondas Mon 16-Jan-12 22:45:26

Do you think I should let the op know about this thread in case this is also some kind of coded invite center parc mud bath

Heleninahandcart Mon 16-Jan-12 22:45:36

arf at Hectate Take it up the arse at Centre Parcs

mike1May Mon 16-Jan-12 22:49:40

What the hell! Loosen up FFS: Upstairs and, ahem, behind!
You're making more of this than it warrants.

balia Mon 16-Jan-12 22:54:09

Well by my reckoning I'm owed loads of holidays at Centre Parcs.

mike1May Mon 16-Jan-12 22:57:46

When I think of all the Centre Parcs holidays I've paid for over the years......

MrsChemist Mon 16-Jan-12 23:00:56

I chOked on some spit, laughing at this thread grin

Centre Parcs. For a holiday the weather can't spoil. But your DH might.

We've never been to Centre Parcs - 'tis too posh and expensive for us blush. We tried Haven and Butlins instead, and the horrors of both still linger. But we like bumfun. Not sure how that is helpful or relevant.

nursenic Mon 16-Jan-12 23:07:17

Maybe it's because when you add up all the extra costs of the activities, you realise Centre Parcs have fucked you up the ass.....

ThePinkPussycat Mon 16-Jan-12 23:12:16

What does nice ham mean then? <ignorant and innocent>

SarahStratton Mon 16-Jan-12 23:12:18

It's not Friday. hmm

<head explodes>

beachyhead Mon 16-Jan-12 23:19:46

Have just scared people on the dlr with laughingsmile

willybreeder Mon 16-Jan-12 23:20:53

This is too funny, BUT when I read the title I remember a comedian recently linking the 2, don't have any more information floating around in my brain cells but I don't think hes made it up

Flibble80 Tue 17-Jan-12 01:13:37

Your husband is an absolute legend.

hanaka88 Tue 17-Jan-12 05:46:13

Googled the only link I could find was one comment on a thread but I don't know how to make links

Iheartpasties Tue 17-Jan-12 06:08:57

ha, I vote this for classics, the title alone should win an award. Poor you OP.

QuietNinjaLamp Tue 17-Jan-12 07:43:34

I think you probably have had a small sense of humour failure op, afterall we're all laughing grin we know mumsnet is always right but telling you about bumsex at centre parcs is taking it too far and you won't fall for his trickery.

Abitwobblynow Tue 17-Jan-12 07:50:22

Perhaps it might be a time to have a gentle chat about anal sex. Keep your family and holidays out of it, because that isn't the point. He just used that as a clumsy way of bringing up the subject. Does he want it, think about it?

Is it something you would do? Is it something you would let him do with someone else?

Sigh. Why are men so complicated???? Why do they look at disgusting shit on their computers and then think their lives are incomplete without it?

KnightRob Tue 17-Jan-12 10:31:56

There's an American themed restaurant at Center Parcs, Longleat.
Perhaps he misheard that it was a good place to get "some Becks"

Fab thread grin

Seona1973 Tue 17-Jan-12 14:14:11

from the above link:

moondog Sat 25-Jul-09 16:23:27

CP sounds utterly utterly hideous.
I would rather have bum sex with Keny Ball than endure days of archery and tricycle riding in a walled camp.

LadyGahGah Tue 17-Jan-12 14:19:14

Maybe Centre Parcs needs re-named to "A Little off Centre Parcs" grin

Fab thread

Portofino Tue 17-Jan-12 14:38:47

I think CP lends itself to trauma. I have been once - in Belgium - and was stood naked in the middle of the living room with the patio doors open, as you do - we backed on the lake so weren't overlooked.....

I looked up to find a whole family on a pedalo staring at me aghast! shock Those poor children.....

newmum001 Tue 17-Jan-12 14:44:29

I adore the title of this thread!

newmum001 Tue 17-Jan-12 14:44:30

I adore the title of this thread!

I was considering taking DD for a couple of days.
If DH isn't with us, who'll do my bumsex?

ElephantsAndMiasmas Tue 17-Jan-12 15:53:34

This is just marvellous.

MrsMicawber Tue 17-Jan-12 15:56:55

Parcs! Parcs! Where MNers take it up the arse!!

WibblyBibble Tue 17-Jan-12 15:58:05

Kreecher, if you don't bring your own bumsex partner, there are apparently "reasonably priced" alternatives available on site (no actual prices listed). They even have a 'watersports' section in case bumsex isn't exotic enough.

Docbunches Tue 17-Jan-12 16:28:11

Willybreeder, I too have recently heard this expression used on TV by a female comedian on some panel show or something.

At the time I remember thinking, she must have got that line from a Mumsnet discussion. I'm going to rack my brain to remember who said it......

noluck Tue 17-Jan-12 16:36:52

Dear beloved Mners, I have just splattered the computer screen with my tea...haven't laughed so much in this thread...still sniggering about "parcs, parcs...."

MrsMicawber Tue 17-Jan-12 16:53:00

shall i come and polish your screen, then?

For the poster who asked - My DH says he wants to take me up the OXO tower for Valentines Day.... It's a classic.

SpecialBranch Tue 17-Jan-12 19:04:27

Thanks SDTG, that was me.

I rather assumed it was in Classics but I couldn't be arsed I was too busy at the time to check grin

noluck Tue 17-Jan-12 19:51:52

Oh yes please Mrs. M get the next
flight into Switzerland smile

iklboo Tue 17-Jan-12 20:04:34

Heard the theme for their next ad is going to be 'Bummer Loving' grin

DS (looking over my shoulder): why are you reading about Center Parcs? Are we going there?
Me (stifling giggles): no ...
DS (who went once with DSis's family): we should go, it's good. It's not like Butlins, you can do what you want. You're not persuaded into anything.

LineRunner Tue 17-Jan-12 20:15:14

Professor Brian Cox is currently on about black holes, for those with a low fnaaarrr threshold.

caramelwaffle Tue 17-Jan-12 20:19:43


Just when I think I should cut back on MN I fall in love all over again....

LineRunner Tue 17-Jan-12 20:24:11

I mean, what are the chances?

Tomorrow, Professor Brian Cox is leading a 'turn off the lights' night, and a discussion of the possibility of alien sexual experiments life.

Or loife, as Dara would chortle.

weevilswobble Tue 17-Jan-12 20:49:22

Funniest thread i've read. Really laugh out loud!

fridakahlo Tue 17-Jan-12 20:50:14

I've been howling with laughter and tears in my eyes!

weevilswobble Tue 17-Jan-12 20:50:25

Hello Elephantsandmiasmas. You didnt reply!?.........

Zorra Tue 17-Jan-12 20:52:50

Maybe he figured that as he had finally done something you desperately wanted after four years of badgering you might return the favour?

So, so hopeful grin

VikingLady Wed 18-Jan-12 13:41:19

Hmmm... DH told me last night that there were some good deals on for weekends at CP..... I think a little talk may be in order......


UterusUterusGhali Wed 18-Jan-12 14:14:20

This is the most MNy thread ever.

Cantthinkofafunnynickname Wed 18-Jan-12 15:07:25

u lot are lucky

I dont have a patrner so no Centre parcs or anal for me sad

LineRunner Wed 18-Jan-12 18:57:32

Jeeesus I just finally read the Observer this morning and apparently Margaret Thatcher was up for a bit of the old Centre Parcs.

Waxtart Wed 18-Jan-12 19:09:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner Wed 18-Jan-12 19:26:15

Apparently Margaret Thatcher would 'open the backdoor for negotiations with the IRA' on Dennis's birthday.

According to the Observer.

BobbinRobin Wed 18-Jan-12 20:07:46

Can I just say that it's threads like this that put the willies up me when the 'One Accidental Click And It's On Your Facebook 'LIKE' History' debacle took place last month.

(Thank you for rectifying the situation, MN Towers.)

That is all.

piratecat Wed 18-Jan-12 20:17:02

rofl @ LadyGahGah's 'slightly off Centre Parcs'


Waxtart Wed 18-Jan-12 20:31:15

Was "putting the willies up me" an intentional pun? Either way grin.

toddlerama Wed 18-Jan-12 20:47:40

I've only been to CP once for a spa day. Later, when I was washing our cossies at home, I found a hopeful condom in DH's swimming trunks pocket. How I laughed...

knockkneedandknackered1 Wed 18-Jan-12 20:54:14

love the titlegrin

BobbinRobin Wed 18-Jan-12 22:35:07

Waxtart - no shock (rectifying was though).

thequeenoftarts Thu 19-Jan-12 00:22:10

lmfao yis are all bad feckers, im laffing so hard I wont be able to sleep, tell hubby u will if he will and produce an 8 inch strap on lol....betcha the lube vanishes hehe...

FarloRigel Thu 19-Jan-12 00:46:25

Sorry, but thanks to how loud I sniggered at the line "anyway I got the hump" I just had to explain the thread to my DH who no doubt is going to take a rather more dim view of my mumsnet activity and my maturity from now on! Thank you soooooo much OP wink

WhatNowNow Thu 19-Jan-12 08:05:28

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

WhatNowNow Thu 19-Jan-12 08:28:23

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

WhatNowNow Thu 19-Jan-12 08:29:33

toddlerama: "I've only been to CP once for a spa day. Later, when I was washing our cossies at home, I found a hopeful condom in DH's swimming trunks pocket. How I laughed..."

Would be funnier if you weren't being outwardly mean to someone. Oh, and spoke in English.

Starsqui Thu 19-Jan-12 09:32:54

Hi there

I'm surprised that you're so dismissive about anal sex. It may not be for everybody, but there are loads of women and men who really enjoy it.

It is pretty clear that your husband would love to have anal sex with you. Given that it is rather nice to be sexually desired, it seems a bit unfair to make the poor chap feel guilty simply for asking. He's probably horribly embarrassed now - and that's why he's now pretending it was a joke, which it clearly wasn't.

Why not do some research into anal sex. You might find you like it.

LynnCSchreiber Thu 19-Jan-12 10:17:31

You are a bit grumpy today, aren't you? Did you not get a cup of coffee this morning?

Come ON. It is a light-hearted thread. Neither the OP nor Toddlerama were being mean to their DH's and I found Toddlerama's post both amusing and easy to understand. What do you mean she has to learn English?

I loved "hopeful condom".

LynnCSchreiber Thu 19-Jan-12 10:18:37

oh, and just to warn anyone posting on here, that this thread is being passed around Twitter so brace yourselves <fnarr> for new posters registering and posting weird comments.

TobyLeWolef Thu 19-Jan-12 10:37:35

If Centre Parcs = bumsex, what can I expect from a week in a 4* hotel in Cyprus in April please?

caramelwaffle Thu 19-Jan-12 11:34:06

TobyLeWolef - a boggling thought, to be sure grin

MmeL "brace yourselves..." grin grin

NewOldParent Thu 19-Jan-12 11:38:28

I've just been sent here from the most unusual of forums.

I think this may end up on 4Chan or something if you're lucky (then this thread will descend into chaos)

LynnCSchreiber Thu 19-Jan-12 11:39:26

It has been tweeted by Poke <doublefnarr>

caramelwaffle Thu 19-Jan-12 11:41:49

"Poke" Stoooooooop iiiit MmeL grin

caramelwaffle Thu 19-Jan-12 11:47:50

Oooo The Poke.

<not at Center Parcs>

LineRunner Thu 19-Jan-12 11:48:22

Centre Parcs must be very proud.

LynnCSchreiber Thu 19-Jan-12 11:49:34

Someone on Twitter suggested this was a great marketing idea.

Not quite sure it is the image that CPs is going after, but it might help to persuade some men to go there.

chris123456 Thu 19-Jan-12 11:53:34

"Centre Parcs" isn't for everyone!!

raspberrytipple Thu 19-Jan-12 12:05:33

This is the best thread title ever I have to say.

Tell him to stick something up his own arse if anal is that important to him smile

LineRunner Thu 19-Jan-12 12:08:51

Is Sandy Balls holiday park a viable alternative? I certainly wouldn't regard it to be a suitable prelude.

D0G Thu 19-Jan-12 12:31:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TobyLeWolef Thu 19-Jan-12 12:36:03

Will CP become the new 'she who shall not be named'?

Starsqui Thu 19-Jan-12 13:02:03

ADogCalledBodie Thu 19-Jan-12 13:11:29

Wow, is it always like this on here? Thanks, @ThePoke.

Anyway, is OP sure her husband didn't get confused with something he read on BumsNet?

TobyLeWolef Thu 19-Jan-12 13:24:53


ArthurLobon Thu 19-Jan-12 13:28:06

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Sidge Thu 19-Jan-12 13:35:34

There was me thinking you went up the M1 to Sherwood Forest CenterParcs.

Now I know we should have used the Marmite Motorway.

ArthurLobon Thu 19-Jan-12 13:38:00

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

LynnCSchreiber Thu 19-Jan-12 13:43:52

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

ArthurLobon Thu 19-Jan-12 13:48:04

Whats wrong i thought it was fair advice its obvious her hubby still thinks highly of her being as he fancies a marmite mining session its upto herself but dont knock it till you have tried it. she never knows what it may lead to as regards there relationship.

LynnCSchreiber Thu 19-Jan-12 13:49:11

It was the latter part of your advice that I objected to, Arthur.

ArthurLobon Thu 19-Jan-12 13:54:20

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

LineRunner Thu 19-Jan-12 14:04:25

Arthur, if there was ever anyone not 'getting some,' then it's you.


Well, i consider Centre Parcs to be a bit shit. maybe that;s what he meant?

OpinionatedMum Thu 19-Jan-12 15:13:25

The bottom line is that he is hinting at what he would like in bed.

Tell him there is nothing wrong in his desires but they are not for you.

This thread is so funny. (most of it)

chris123456 Thu 19-Jan-12 16:13:09

Coitus Posterios!

Byeckerslike Thu 19-Jan-12 16:18:22

Bwa ha ha ha grin

uggmum Thu 19-Jan-12 16:52:43

When the dc were small we went to cp twice a year. My dh never jumped out with a tube of lube.

toddlerama Thu 19-Jan-12 17:50:10

Thanks Mme. I thought I spoke reasonable English too confused

I don't think the twitter exposure has done this thread any favours.

Centre Parcs - Where You Can Have The Back Door Of Your Log Cabin Kicked In

I want to see that on giant technicolour hoarding near me right now.

"Look Daddy - what's that man DOING?"

iklboo Thu 19-Jan-12 18:55:48

Anagram of Center Parcs for our Twitter friends:

RT Crap Scene grin

OldMacEIEIO Thu 19-Jan-12 19:31:29

If the pervy rascal is so keen on bum-sex, get the rolling pin out and tell him to pull his pants down and touch his toes

JustAnother Thu 19-Jan-12 19:37:59

is he getting confussed with that old thread about the Oxo Tower?

tony0040 Fri 20-Jan-12 00:14:21

google the thread and it now tries to take you analysis of business, or on p2 how anal the staff are about underage drinking!
they have a hardworking pr team working for them!

mrsandy Fri 20-Jan-12 04:00:47

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Davygirl Fri 20-Jan-12 08:48:07

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Bev1234 Fri 20-Jan-12 10:34:06

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 20-Jan-12 10:36:14

Hmm. My female friend has just asked if we were going away this year. If we are do we fancy all booking CP together? shock

This is worrying, no?

DickyBogeye Fri 20-Jan-12 11:02:41

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

rookiemater Fri 20-Jan-12 11:05:26

We are going to CP soon, I can't see as on the list of chargeable activities they are missing a trick.

DickyBogeye Fri 20-Jan-12 12:52:32

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Abitwobblynow Fri 20-Jan-12 12:53:43

Enough, already?

bibbitybobbityhat Fri 20-Jan-12 12:57:55

This thread needs to be pulled now, which is a shame.

Such a great idea to share mumsnet threads with the fuckwits wider world on Twitter hmm.

DickyBogeye Fri 20-Jan-12 13:02:19

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

LineRunner Fri 20-Jan-12 13:07:25

I'd pull it, MNHQ. It has stopped being witty and just become rubbish.

Aww shucks just let it die. It's Friday night, time for a new one anyway!

ffhard Fri 20-Jan-12 19:17:29

Firstly I must say I am a father, not a mum, so I really have no place here!

But, this has been so funny (I was linked to from another site) and I just felt I had to say so.

So, Thank You Ladies, you have brightened up an otherwise dull Friday night.

I will not trouble you again.

shadyl Fri 20-Jan-12 19:38:25

"Why not do some research into anal sex. You might find you like it."

WTF?? WhatTheVeryFuckingFuck? This is mumsnet! Are you quite normal?
Are you going to suggest I get into a leather outfit and take a shit on a glass coffee table next, because I might "like it".
Dear Lord in heaven

shadyl Fri 20-Jan-12 20:02:09

Oh fuck me. I just googled this thread. Time to buy a dog. Goodbye internet.

bethelbeth Fri 20-Jan-12 20:36:59

This is weird. I think this thread has gone viral. Not full on Old Spice advert viral. But it's popping up on 4chan and some other boards hence the outside interest.


LynnCSchreiber Fri 20-Jan-12 22:20:22

It was linked on other websites, not just on Twitter. It is all over the net.

Perhaps MNHQ can put a block on it now though, as it is just getting silly.

Marziepan6969 Sat 21-Jan-12 02:26:00

I can't believe nobody has mentioned EuroCamp.. Or is that taking it a step too far??

science19 Sat 21-Jan-12 15:15:20

I am finding the homophobic comments about anal sex quite telling.

WellingtonBoot Sun 22-Jan-12 00:07:54

We were playing a board-game at Christmas. Q - What is the world's no1 bestselling multipurpose lubricant?
Quick as a flash, my lovely wife shouts "KY jelly!"
Bemused looks from kids & my mother!!!

(A is WD40, in case you're wondering!)

Never been to Centre Parcs, though...!

Zigster Wed 25-Jan-12 11:51:04

Apologies for diving in to a thread that should, perhaps, be allowed to die - always a problem when a thread goes viral (I read about this in the Evening Standard!).

But I just wanted to express surprise that none of you appear to have "Fond memories of Sandy Balls". I know I have ...

Hanso Fri 27-Jan-12 12:02:16

Centre Parcs advert "First Times":

toldmywrath Fri 27-Jan-12 22:17:57


The original Center Parcs + bumsex reference is courtesy of celebrity Big Brother, when one panellist opined that this combination would be the elements of a romantic date à la Kirk Norcross (he of the Essex unreality show).

redhead41 Tue 31-Jan-12 21:41:16

You need to learn to laugh at this sort of shit. Either he was joking or he was trying to persuade you to join him in some new fun, either way it isnt worth stressing about

Lovemygirls Tue 31-Jan-12 21:45:55

I think what you need to remember is some men are like children in the way that they want what they can't have, the more you say no the more he wants you to say yes - that doesn't mean you should. Ignore his silliness. Glad you had a good time.

CrikeyOReilley Wed 01-Feb-12 20:09:41

Center Parcs, the British holiday that won't be spoiled by having the painters in.

imisssleepandwine Wed 01-Feb-12 20:19:13

funny tread.

He said he's joking and even if he wasn't it's not a porn thing it's just a different way of having sex, he chanced his arm, it backfired. forget it..

Ferris124 Wed 01-Feb-12 23:37:58

OMG! :-O

I remember the OXO Tower incident, a few years back the comments page of the OXO tower bar was left open - no security and a bunch of people put a load of comments on the site about having it up the OXO tower ... the site went down by mid afternoon that day :-)

LydiaWickham Thu 02-Feb-12 08:55:17

Thank you for a much needed giggle.

OP - serious conversation time with him, if he wants to try something, he should discuss it with you like an adult, but then he also needs to know you'll not judge him for asking...

justonemorethread Thu 02-Feb-12 22:16:54

Anyway why would he equate going to centreparcs to him getting anal sex on the back of an alleged thread years ago?
Especially if you never had that conversation with him before going???

SonOfAradia Tue 07-Feb-12 20:21:25

Ah, the infamous thread!

I have a friend who works for Center Parcs. She said that the Marketing bods aren't best pleased that Googling Center Parcs turns up 'Center Parcs & Anal sex' as the 6th result.

As a company based on family holidays, I suppose they've got a point :-O

sassyTHEFIRST Tue 07-Feb-12 20:25:34

Ah feck. Going to cp this week. Various activities planned - swimming, tennis, indoor climbing wall etc. emphatically NO anal sex.

Dh is certainly not climbing my indoor wall that's a fact.

Fink Tue 07-Feb-12 20:31:21

@SonOfAradia It's up to 5th now, I just tried it. How can we bump it up even further? wink

40thisisit Tue 07-Feb-12 20:35:48

was 7th when i tried lol hmm

52with2under4thenewdementia Tue 07-Feb-12 20:42:09

OMG just back from CP longleat. Far too cold for any kind of action, least of all this. Have a very sore arse but only from inexperienced bike riding!!!!!

EightToSixer Tue 07-Feb-12 20:57:24

Haha. Hatvan amazing thread. Will never ever think of Center Parcs without thinking of bum love ever again!

LydiaWickham Tue 07-Feb-12 21:07:09

oh, just googled, up to 4th!

bran Tue 07-Feb-12 21:13:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Portland573 Tue 28-Feb-12 19:28:49

There's a lass at work really looking forward to a stay. Trouble is, whenever se mentions it, this infamous thread is all I can think of. Haven't told her of course...

PufftyMagicDragon Tue 28-Feb-12 19:37:35

ahahah! so glad i didnt go there for my honeymoon now mwhahaha :D

devilsadvocaat Tue 28-Feb-12 19:46:59

I've just been on Facebook and one of my friend's status is:

Sore bum @ centre parks

She says it's from bike riding...

Imagine my surprise when I saw this thread smile

baffledmum Tue 24-Apr-12 21:07:34

I have laughed and laughed at this thread. It is priceless. My DH googled CP this morning and this thread was about 8 down still. He read it laughing.

We are going to CP shortly - will keep my wits about me. grin

VivaLeBeaver Tue 24-Apr-12 21:16:56

The threads four down when you google it now. I'm going next month!

Still at number 6 3 months on gringringringrin

Don't know how I missed this the first time round but thankyou for making me cry with laughter although not sure dh really 'got' it when I tried to explain through the tears grin

QuietTiger Wed 25-Jul-12 09:33:39

You know what, I just HAD to Google Centre Parcs! Am currently PMSL that indeed, the infamous thread is number 6!

NickL Wed 25-Jul-12 09:53:59

It's obvious. Because you park "it" in the centre.

dranksinatra Wed 25-Jul-12 12:04:59

Already the best thread EVER.
and i thinks a lot of you protesteth too much, that's all I'm saying..
Know what I'm saying?
He gave in to her request, can't she do a lil something to say thanks...

Greatauntirene Wed 25-Jul-12 18:42:51

wanksinatra surely.

dranksinatra Thu 26-Jul-12 06:39:01

Don't call me Shirley..

kellyNo7 Thu 26-Jul-12 14:55:58

Oh, why not just try might be surprised.

Marigold1 Thu 26-Jul-12 21:19:49

At centre parcs, I think you will find its called Bournville Boulevard and Cadbury Alley at Butlins smile

Noddynomates Wed 12-Sep-12 11:45:25

It is important that you use a good strength condom, with a good lubricant.

We have found that the thin types can easily tear and can cause injury

Jemma47 Thu 20-Sep-12 20:20:46

Good grief..keep the back doors firmly closed. One can always just encourage 'putting the tip in with a condom on" and whilst DH is asleep make sure you place some chewed sweet corn on the discarded condom on the floor.

DH has never asked me again for it yet.........

DippyDoohdah Thu 20-Sep-12 22:12:50

Bloody hilarious thread!

snooter Sat 13-Oct-12 10:39:31

Agree with the odd comment above suggesting not to knock it till you've tried it.

HecateLarpo Tue 16-Oct-12 10:43:32

You know this thread is still number 4 when you google 'Center Parcs'.

Their PR team must HATE us. Really, really HATE us. grin

MothershipG Tue 16-Oct-12 11:15:33

You're right, Hecate (I just tested it!) But why? It's such an old thread? Is it because people google 'centre parcs' then can't resist clicking this link so it stays popular?

The OP's DH was obviously right! Centre Parcs + MN = anal sex wink

HecateLarpo Tue 16-Oct-12 11:20:10

I know. I can't understand it. There must be thousands of pages mentioning center parcs!

Iheartpasties Tue 16-Oct-12 11:38:24

4th? arf.

onmyhonour Tue 16-Oct-12 20:07:40

hahahahahahahahaahahaha i really hope it is.

MaBaya Tue 16-Oct-12 20:24:11

LOVE this thread.

By the way...

Anal sex =good, healthy fun.

Center Parcs is just weird, though....

VivaLeBeaver Wed 17-Oct-12 19:12:37

Well, this thread made me look a right idiot at work today.

I'm in a fairly new position at work, went to a meeting today, first meeting with some senior staff, inc one who is board level. She was talking and then said that she's trying to lose a couple of pounds before going to centre parcs. This thread flashed across my mind and I laughed.

She looked at me "what's wrong Beaver, don't you think I can lose the weight". Of course I couldn't tell her I was thinking about anal sex as then I'd have looked a loon! So now she thinks I was sniggering aout her weight. Fgs!

skyebluezombie Wed 17-Oct-12 21:56:38

We were playing a drinking fame the other night and friend admitted having anal sex. Guess where she goes on holiday every year grin

VivaLeBeaver Wed 17-Oct-12 22:40:32

I've just booked a week at cp!

fulhamguy Thu 25-Oct-12 09:58:57

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SonOfAradia Thu 25-Oct-12 14:44:23

That made me cringe with its sheer awfulness. And I'm a man.

SonOfAradia Thu 25-Oct-12 14:45:31

AND I work for Center Parcs, so can we stop posting on here so it drops off Google's radar?

SonOfAradia Thu 25-Oct-12 14:45:40

Oh wait...

TheyCallMeMrPig Mon 21-Jan-13 00:36:39

I'm really sorry to bump this but i have to share a few things.
This thread is now at number 3 when you google CP.
Just below is a thread from The Independent "How Centre Parcs Opened My Eyes" along with this piece of text "If it's good enough for Judith Chalmers then it's good enough for us"

I am currently unable to breathe.

Utterlylostandneedtogo Mon 21-Jan-13 00:38:27

How do we get it to number 1 (or better yet number 2)?

im trying so hard not to wake dh grin

happynewmind Mon 21-Jan-13 01:47:11

I came on to post to op that there had indeed been a centre parcs anal thread because I remembered it.

Then realised this was a zombie thread and was intact the thread I was remembering.


GrumpyOldWomanToo Mon 21-Jan-13 06:47:00

What's all this about Centre Parks?? I was worried enough about BUTT-lins.

poppy283 Mon 21-Jan-13 07:13:27

It's number 2 now! (pun intended)

Portofino Mon 28-Jan-13 17:43:18

Competition for number 1 spot!

kittybiscuits Mon 28-Jan-13 19:27:16

Hope this thread hasn't bottomed out already!

kittybiscuits Mon 28-Jan-13 19:28:07

boom boom smile

trustissues75 Mon 28-Jan-13 19:32:05

Just showed this to my OH is giving me very odd looks: this may have something to do with the fact that I'd suggested centre parcs to him last week..I had no idea it came with back door benefits!!! PMSL.

Portofino Mon 28-Jan-13 19:35:06

Should be in Classics.

Coconutty Mon 28-Jan-13 19:38:17

Def should be in classics.

I heard if you phone Centre Parcs and quote 'BumFun' when booking you get a 10% discount if arriving on a Friday. Worth a try people.

OhIWishThereWasABook Mon 28-Jan-13 19:43:41

There are tears rolling down my cheeks and I'm trying to avoid answering children when they ask me 'what's funny mummy?' This is one of the funniest things I've ever read.
I shall never look at their adverts in the same way again.....
Something obviously stuck in OP's DH mind for all this time. I can just picture his disillusioned face on drive home.

kittybiscuits Mon 28-Jan-13 19:45:16

If bumfun has expired, try chocolatefinger - it's a two-for-one offer!

LadyKinbote Mon 28-Jan-13 19:46:42

I'm going to Center Parcs at Easter shock

Will not be showing DH this thread...

Coconutty Mon 28-Jan-13 19:48:24

lady he will already know, it's an open secret. That's why it costs more than Haven,, their laundry bill is astronomical.

LeChance Mon 28-Jan-13 23:23:25

Pack the lurpak darling, we're off to Center Parcs!

thefirstmrsrochester Mon 28-Jan-13 23:29:27

Am just back from centre parcs where there was no bumsex or indeed any sec at all. Sheets too crisp to ruin.

thefirstmrsrochester Mon 28-Jan-13 23:30:16


sweetkitty Mon 28-Jan-13 23:35:43

I've been to CPs 5 times since having children but haven't had anal sex since having children, bloody piles has put that off the menu forever.

Unless CPs spa has a new piles removing treatment?

MooMooSkit Mon 28-Jan-13 23:39:14

Oh my god this is the best thread ever! It needs to go in classics!

TheRealChurchill Sun 17-Feb-13 18:17:05

Eugh Anal sex is completely sickening who would want to do such vulgar things Confused:

luanmapo Thu 21-Feb-13 18:26:09

OMG....I stumbled across this thread. I work at CP not looking forward to changing the bed sheets tomorrow after reading this!! HAHA

CashmereHoodlum Thu 21-Feb-13 18:31:19

This is currently the 5th result when you google Center Parcs. Can we get in any higher?

JamesSpader Mon 18-Mar-13 13:40:24

Good grief, what a foosty old bunch on this thread - in my minds eye, this is akin to a bunch of Les Dawson's gossiping over the back garden fence. Disappointing that so many people are still so unadventurous, closed-minded and nervous.
A tip for anyone who is undecided... have a nice bath and get all nice and clean then lube up and go for it. It does help if your man has an appreciation of what he's doing to you (a finger will open his eyes) and just take it nice and slow and keep applying the lube. We have phases where its on the menu every week and then don't think about it for months.
But, as you all must know, if its a burning desire and he's not getting it from you, he'll eventually get it from somewhere........... so, is it still nay, nay and thrice nay??! Loosen up!!

CheeryCherry Mon 18-Mar-13 14:30:55

I forgot how funny this thread is! MN at its best!

eccentrica Mon 18-Mar-13 15:46:48

I wouldn't let you shag me up anything after that condescending post, even if you were the real JamesSpader.

ElBombero Wed 09-Oct-13 23:03:57


grin Cheered me right up

Panthering Fri 11-Oct-13 05:15:49

Anal is fantastic.... I don't blame him for wanting it!!! am i the only woman that thinks so????

I'd say book up somewhere a bit less 'family' for a naughty weekend, pack the KY and just have fun... I'm sure after that hell do anything you ask!!!!

Paddingtonblue Fri 11-Oct-13 07:30:14

Dear mumsnet, I love you for making me guffaw. This thread really deserve the classics status.

deepfriedsage Fri 11-Oct-13 07:34:10

Oh dear zombie classic, have you found mn due to the viral thread?

Paddingtonblue Fri 11-Oct-13 07:56:17

No, just needed a good laugh and you can really rely on classsics for that.

deepfriedsage Fri 11-Oct-13 08:23:31

Oh I was taking to poster who started the anal thread in relationships.

Sapphire247 Tue 15-Oct-13 18:09:30

Dear Shadyl,

"I'm getting more and more offended by him and I can't tell whether I'm having a sense of humour failure......"

Well, speaking as a gentleman, can I just add that if your other half keeps on making you feel uncomfortable then perhaps you can apply a swift boot up his very own Khyber Pass until he gets the message that you're not particularly amused? If that doesn't make him wrap up, you can always crush two OXO cubes into a boiling cup under his nose. That should make him sweat!

As it happens, we weren't over-impressed with Center Parcs anyway, probably because we don't do much sport. About £750 for 4 days of holiday in a forest with fairly consistent drizzle and nowt much of great interest for us to do did seem a bit steep for our tight family budget but, in fairness, the swimming pool and log flumes were indeed great fun and the scenery and overall organisation of the facilities was very good. It's great if you're into sport. Still, it's nothing you couldn't arrange for yourselves with bikes and a carefully chosen holiday let. I'd prefer a few days walking and cycling in the New Forest anytime. The trouble is clearing your diaries and actually making it happen.

Am I digressing?

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