Mumsnet Talk

Apologies if I get any of the details wrong...

The MNer who broke her wrist trying to teach a puppy how to jump a fence, and then broke the other one the next week showing somebody how she'd broken the first one.

The MNer who quite randomly introduced herself at a conference as "Angela Hernandez" when the real Angela Hernandez was in the room.

The legal MNer who was about to stand up in court when their opponent tried to sabotage them by passing them a note saying "the second witness lost his left buttock in a lawnmower accident".



Most of these happened to that "friend" I KNOW you all have...

The MNer whose toddler DS pointed at a rather un-tended ladygarden in the communal swimming pool changing room and said "uh-oh!"

I still chuckle at this and it seems like aeons ago. I don't even know who posted it

100 rolls

"tiny wanker"...I still sometimes remember that and giggle to myself

The poster who as a policewoman was visiting a murder scene for forensics and fell over the dead body

Woofa's testicle removal - build up and post op (that dog was fecking hilarious).

It's got to be Second Coming taking her bikini bottoms off by the pool.

'Fuck your minge.'

Priceless.

The grammer police. That whole invasion in fact.

The MNer who removed her tankini bottoms at the side of the pool, the one with the tiny wanker DC, and the utter arse of a woman who gave her toddler a cutted up pear.

In fact I'm snorting now just typing these!

The garlic shit post. Even if it wasn't true (think there was some doubt about the story) it's still funny.

"Is that you, UCM" always makes me titter.

The lady who mistakenly called her son a "tiny wanker" instead of a "whiny tinker". In a packed doctor's waiting room.

Whenever I'm peeling carrots I think of Reality's Mum because apparently she is unable to understand that Chantenay carrots don't need peeling and nags her about it. For some reason it makes me giggle.

The poor mum whose child told her she was lovely but would look even better if she had straight hair and a different face.

Oh - and someone grabbing the wrong hand thinking it was their DD and finding themselves encouraging a dwarf out of a toy shop.

yes to all of the above but the one that I still remember most was the first thing I saw about MN, an article in the Guardian c. 2004 - it listed some of the things that mumsnetters recommended one didn't do with one's toddler - and I believe it may have been monkeytrousers (might not though) who wrote something about it being ok to draw a moustache on your sleeping baby's face, but probably best not to do it in indelible ink the day before the HV arrived! I was honestly ROFL at that!

WitchesAreComing - no! That can't have happened! It just can't - you'd have to kill yourself!

The tiny wanker one would have been even funnier if someone had actually started a thread saying, "AIBU to think that the dreadful woman in the doctor's waiting room should be shot?"

Is that you, UCM wss brilliant.

at Angela Hernandez.

Revies on Trip Advisor, I laughed at loud at 'in the wooky'

'shopping for carbs with Claire'

Something which BupcakesandCunting said about Myleene Klass which was deleted.

When the Pram Huns invaded the rest of the board (this was when for sale and classified were in active convos, the people who sold stuff on MN were SO DIFFERENT from the rest of the board).

any one remember when Tech changed the smilies for a couple of hours

it was NOT a laughing matter they were GRIM!

Sorry, not monkeytrousers, monkey magic:
"It doesn't make you a bad parent if you draw a moustache on the baby for a laugh, but it's best not to do it with indelible marker the day before an appointment with the health visitor."

Still makes me laugh now!

The shitting elf was one of the first threads I read

And the bobble plate disaster.

There was also a great PFB thread where someone admitted to putting no more tears shampoo in their eye to check it really didn't sting! And another MNer who gave her parents 18 typed pages of instructions on looking after their DC...

The mooncup debates make me laugh, especially the poster who said she came out from her work bathroom looking like she had slaughtered a chicken.

What GetOrf said about Kelly Osbourne's jaw being excavated by a Time Team in the future and they will think it is a prehistoric ploughing tool. Actually cried at that.

Revies on Trip Advisor, especially Dillie the prostitute/ShirleyKnot's "fucking spanish speaking spanish eating their spanish food in spain"

Pouffe of Poo

Angela Hernandez

Ooo, I don't remember that Tante - what were they like?

Moustache!

<wets self>

cutted up pear woman
<<wipes tears of mirth from eyes>>

haha at 'fucking spanish food eating spanish spain bastards in spain' I wasn't even on that thread, I read it on my phone late at night and woke DP up with laughing.

at kelly Osborne. They fucking deleted that thread buppy, it has kelly Osbourne, your comment about Myleene and the Khao San road and other nasty comments. Why did they delete it <wrings hands>

the thread about the mum in aibu who was annoyed that the childminders hiad dared to give her dc m&s pasta and had not handmade the pasta.

Thumb, they were...scary... sort of...evil-looking.

very odd...twas about 3 years ago?

The thread where I said that I had immaced my fanjo, and then someone came on and said 'well it didn't harm my 4 month old baby's head when it got immaced', she then fucked off for 24 hours whilst the rest of the thread went 'whaaaaaaaaat'.

(She came back in the end, she dropped immac on the baby by mustake, it wasn't purposefully done)

oh yes. "your minge, your minge" has me laughing so hard it hurts.

and the, erm. babies and rockets.

oh, and the woman being stitched up whose 'minmin' attacked the doctor and pinned them to the wall

I second the detective inspector tripping over the dead body.
Also on the work thread, the woman who had food poisoning at a conference and kept sneaking off stage to puke in a bin hidden from view, forgetting that she had a mike on. And then ended her stint on the stage by sitting down too hard on a wheelie chair and cannoning off the back of the stage shouting 'Fuck!' <dying of laughter all over again>

And the celeb crushes thread where someone mused: 'Benedict Cumberbatch ... For a thin man, he's exceptionally hot. And I bet he'd do the nasty like a rocket.' Something about the vocab and punctuation just made/still makes me howl with laughter.

Tuna Pasta Bake gate.

And one of my favoutite threads of all time - Beesimo with the gran gran and all the horses, everyone was having a row and then suddenly loads of people started quoting 90s lyrics in random places, you would have 'shut up you racist bitch' and the next post would be NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THERES NO LIMITS TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO

That was deleted as well.

the tale of LisaLisa's pants had me crying with laughter as the drama unfolded.

Oh the tripadvisor one was hysterical! I want to GO to the Wooky....

Another vote for the MNer who took her bikini bottoms off beside the pool. Read it out loud to DH but couldn't even get the words out because I was crying with laughter.

I just love tiny wanker

The other day I spent a lovely hour in the bath revisiting revies and chortling like a loon. Goodness knows what the neighbours thought was going on (terraced house - thinnish walls).

I need to know about cutted up pears and toddlers, please Ophelia

The hamster casserole one was hilarious. Even though it was made up it was bloody funny.

And pirate sex.

And cube of poo.

and the Oxo Tower.....

I loved that thread 'Do you have twigs and pebbley shit' ...stuff of legend

I always wish I'd printed it off and had it bound into a slim volume that I could peruse whenever I was feeling a bit blue...

The hedgehog cam one had me in tears.

The one where whoever it was ran topless past the plumber who was sitting in her lounge with her DH shouting something about hob nobs thinking only her DH was there. Who was that?
The toddler AIBU with the cutter up pear was also fab.

And, that thread about 'Weird Things Your In-Laws Do' Remember one MN-etter posting how her MIL had a key to the MN-etter's house, and one day the MN-etter was pulling onto her own drive and spotted MIL letting herself into her house (perfectly normal, the visit was expected) but the MIL actually shut the door in the MN-etter's face, reducing her to having to knock politely on her own front door

Doesn't sound remotely funny now, but it really tickled me at the time

Ah the OXO tower one - masterful!

I presume the cutted up pear one is the recent one that made it into Classics? Where the toddler was asking AIBU? this one

Cutted up pear one is in Classics- title is something like 'if my 3 year old had access to AIBU' or somethhing like that

classic indeed

xpost!

Ohhh, and any and all threads pertaining to Attachment Parenting...infact I got a bit fixated by their utterly crazed lunancy, and couldn't stop myself attemtping to be the voice of sanity and logic...still recall the AP Parent who wouldn't make their child wear a seat-belt on an airplane

Had to wean myself off them in the end

Tante - I must have missed those - phew!

Shall peruse shortly, thank you.

Oh, I'd forgotten the MNer who came running into the kitchen topless, tarzan-wailing and beating her chest, to find her DH sitting at the table with the plumber... <wipes tear>

Can anyone link to the original thread about the bikini bottoms? I only know of it through legend.

(P.S. I accidentally made a duplicate of this thread as I thought this one hadn't gone through, and have been sadly refreshing the page wondering why nobody wanted to reminisce with me. So glad to find you all here )

Thumb, actually, I sometimes wonder if I imagined it coz no-one ever knows what I'm talking about...

fuzzywood you beat me to it!! I STILL laugh when I think of that poor woman running through the kitchen beating her naked chest!!!! <snorts>

'A dog shat on my picnic'

The MNer's child who made a large clay cock the day before the HV was due to visit and wanted it proudly displayed.

I was howling before I even read the suggestion that perhaps it might be better hidden in the child's bedroom.

I agree with the one who took off her top and ran through the house like Tarzan and found her DH was talking to the plumber!
Definitely agree with LeQueen and anyone who takes AP to extremes. You just wanted to get hold of the DC on the aeroplane and say 'stop the nonsense-you will put that seat belt on THIS MINUTE'.

VivianDarkbloom

The tarzan one was brilliant.

My favourite was the 'I've shat myself in the lavatory at Victoria Station, it's all down my legs and haven't any spare clothes' troll. Especially when it evolved into a real-life (bless her heart) MN-er going along to assist and discreetly whispering ...^Cooee! Are you the lady that's shat herself?!^... under every door.

'My DH leaves shitty cotton wool tips on the side of the bath'...

OMG, Cogito, did someone actually go to help her? The thread was pulled before I had a chance to read it all...

The one with the MNer who made a terrifying Easter Bonnet for her son. Someone linked to it a few months ago and the pic was still on her profile. It is awesome.

As far as I know... yes, they went to help. All a massive wind-up and, no doubt, a serious let-down for the Good Samaritan, but killingly funny otherwise.

<giggling all over again now> did we ever find out what happened the week the plumber was back in the house?
I'd forgotten about the cock sculpture.
This has cheered me up no end

I loved the thread describing post-bath whoosh. Still makes me laugh thinking about it.

Sinister Easter Bonnet

There was a MNer who posted a picture her very young DS had drawn of what appeared to be a penis - it turned out that it was meant to be granny in her wheelchair (it really did look like a penis though...) - that made me laugh a LOT.

Christ, that bonnet is terrifying! Excellent work though – it has genuine frightening character.

The MN-er who wanted to know, for reasons I forget, how her digestive system was performing, time-wise. So she swallowed a piece of lego. Her astonishment at what she had done and her appreciation of the fact that there's nothing a forum would like to do better that to "support" such a person while they await the outcome of their investigation was charming.

Bloody hell that bonnet is scary, whilst highly amusing at the same time!

God yes the bonnet. I often think of it when construction paper is getting the better of me.

Pram huns.

A thread about a nude pic of Madonna. Half the thread was people giggling at her fanjo and the other half was shouting at the people who were laughing. Someone then said it looked like she was giving birth to Rolf Harris. Now whenever I see Rolf I think of Madge's fanjo.

The mner who fell out with a friend after sliding down a wall in gales of laughter when she was told about the friends mum falling out of a car as it went round a roundabout. Her mum was ok but the woman couldn't control her laughter.

Oh these are great! The one I still giggle at when I think about it was the woman who wandered into her kitchen starkers, got a tin of fanta out of the fridge and was slugging from it with one hand whilst lifting up her boob to examine it with the other hand. At that moment her lovely neighbours walked past the window with a box of home grown veg :D So funny...

Also love the cube of poo one.

The date at the zoo/penquin one. Classic

It was squirty cream wasn't it? Not fanta. Unless I've embellished it in my mind.

I love (LeQueen's perhaps?) MIL who believed the dinosaurs were real and was surprised they were being sacrificed after all the expense.

In fact, just last week I heard DH recounting that story to my Dad I was so embarrassed that he started with "ImpYCelyn" told me that she read on Mumsnet..."

I also love the Easter bonnet, cock sculpture, and "your minge ".

The one about drawing a moustache on your baby before the HV comes was also one of the first things I read on Mumsnet, I felt right at home

The MNer who sent their child to school dressed as the devil only to find they'd changed the theme from Halloween to Heroes.

I can't believe that no one has mentioned the thread.

Sheer brilliance. Special gold star for the MNer's DP.

And the one about the Christmas cards which arrive year after year from people you've never met but now know all about, addressed to people who have never lived at your house.

The whole Beesimo saga and the I am not mitmoo threads.
Sadly deleted.

Oh gosh Mrsmilesaway, now I am laughing at the though of the mother falling out of the car at the roundabout.
Don't suppose you have a link??

Thought

Someone pooing into a sock. Probably not true but the amount of thought that went into other posters trying to work out the logistics of such an event.

I mourn the loss of Mitmoo. Although you may wish to totter over to AIBU, where there is a veeeery interesting thread about an autistic son being traumatised by a neighbour whilst trick or treating.

the glittery lady garden thread

Squirty cream and Fanta: I have greatly humiliated myself-even by my own standards. Please make me feel better by sharing your stories

Angela Hernandez: The Least Professional Moments of My Illustrious Career - Please Feel Free to Add Your Own

I hadn't laughed so much for years and years and years. DP and I wept into the small hours over these – not so much chicken soup for the soul as spicy gumbo.

I'd totally forgotten that sales/wants/prams etc were all in active once. Ooooh the trouble that used to cause............going over to the pram/sales huns and poking them with sharp sticks

<it was v bad form>

Around the same time I read the poo-ed on pouffe and "Your Minge!", there was a thread about injuries sustained during housework that had me in stitches.

I love Classics. I wish Twigs and Pebbly Shit was in it though.

This from 'least illustrious moments of your career' makes me snigger everytime

Califrau Wed 19-Nov-08 16:38:16

My father once addressed a press conference to do with the Civil Liberties Lobby and called it the Civil Liberties Lobberty throughout.

The being caught bonking by a DD thread.

Oh my god yes Empusa - from just last week. I cried over that one, "I have sent my daughter to her new Christian school, on a day when the theme is Heroes, dressed as Satan".

Also loved Angela Hernandez ("actually I'M Angela Hernandez") and the body tripping-over. Plus there was one where the MNer was a doctor/paramedic, and saw a man lying face down on a roundabout. Concerned, they stopped the car, rushed over, turned him over and starting feeling his pulse and listening for breath. At that point he mentioned that he was an engineer and had been checking the drains.

The fanta/squirty cream makes me howl!

I think I started the post-bath woosh one

I am very very glad that is not in classics.

From a Pedlars' thread - the tartan fox cube.

The one and only time in my entire life that I have cried with laughter at an item of furniture.

"Fuck off, grandad"
"As you were, love"

I am the dwarf grabber.
My favourite was one about wolf fleeces. Tragically it was pulled.

Boffy's banana photo from a hundred years ago.

-The Mnetter who posted that her DDs hair was so frizzy that she's tried everything including semen!!! She obv meant serum and was mortified at her thread title.

-The bikini by the pool.

-The MNetter who performed surgery on herself.

-The one who said she's cried all day when John Lennon was shot because she got muddled and thought it was John Craven!

Ive been here getting on for 8years and so much has made me laugh!

Wolef fleeces. I content myself with stalking them in supermarkets now. And posting my findings on FB.

WTF is a post bath whoosh?

Bobble plate.
Mitchy Inge's pink pony
'your minge' by the pool

and the pus porn ones. I have been on MN for too long- I think pusporn is normal. At a dinner party last Saturday and the hostess (a dotor) was ranting about how cutbacks mean that she cannot perform simple operations now 'such as cutting out an infected sebaceous cyst' without the approval of a panel. I sighed and said longingly 'I'd LOVE to cut out an infected sebaceous cyst'.

Cue tumbleweeds.

No-one there were MNetters then.

When I first joined MN there was a funny trolling thread about a MNer who found her husband had a fetish for kitchen implements. I howled at that one. Can't remember who it turned out to be though.

Also liked WanderingTrolley's thread about inadvertently racing people when you are walking the same way as them.

Angela Hernandez still makes me giggle now

sarah when you have a bath, and then 3 hours later when in Sainsburys the water which was <ahem> stored within escapes...

<leaves mumsnet for a bit>

And the trip advisor revies, of course.

I feel your pain Autumn. I could barely restrain myself in A&E when there was a massive boil in the next cubicle. Wanted to burst through the curtains, shouting 'It's ok, pombears and naice ham. Now let me at it'.

<sadly understands the post bath whoosh now>

Willy willy willy!!

Apologies if x-posted

There was one about a lass (obviously a funny troll but nonetheless genius) who shoved blue cheese up her bits to combat thrush, and it ended with it rolling out whilst she was in the supermarket...

trip advisor / pedlars

LMAO at some of the ones on here too; my own guaranteed giggle tale is when my Grandad (94) was trying to show my parents how hard it was for him to get up from a chair and said 'watch how I jack myself off'...

apparently my Dad actually cried with laughter.

The best post amonst many goldne ones on the tripadvisor thread wasa rambling stream of consciousness about a dozy lass and her sister being refused Karaoke.

It was like some working class chav version of Ibsen, such was the tragedy.

The husband who ejaculated on his wife's thesis during an argument...

Allhailtheaubergine's child's lament over the cutted up pear has now been purloined by me (and DP).
There are various test of unreasonableness and stroppiness which involve quotations from the thread:
"next you will be insisting on finishing your wee..." and anyone unreasonable is clearly an "absolute arse of a woman" who obviously wouldn't hesitate to inflict cutted up pear on unsuspecting victims.

I howled with laughter and it still tickles me now.

I just had a quick look over at Pedlars, thinking we were overdue another thread, and my jaw didn't drop once.

I'm quite despondent.

Pouffe of poo had me in sticthes - especially the Sean Connery impression <wipes tears>

Also Ellaroo's river of sweetcorn - makes me gigle every time DS has sweetcorn

The one about toddler art was very good too!

Thank you, thank you all.

I am having a crap day and now I am sitting with tears of mirth rolling down my face...and a fair bit of snot from snorting so much.

I bloody love mumsnet.

Didn't someone here eat a bit of lego to see how long before it 'reappeared'?

Whorehammer, tripadvisor and a long lamented lost thread about Thunderduck's poinsettia uses.

Oh, willy willy willy was ace.

And the spunk on the essay.

Oh yes the red piece of Lego

I wonder if the lego ever reappeared. Hope it wasn't a 2x8 piece.

I had myself, my DH and both my parents in howling fits reading out the 'lies you have told your children', but the one that still makes me gigglesnort even now is the woman who was told by her father that kiwis were puppy eggs and proceeded to sit with one by the radiator for three days waiting for it to hatch. It's so cruel and funny and sad all at once that you have to laugh.

I was also very taken with the woman who carefully rescued someone's dead pet cat, put it in a box and took it to the vets... turned out all was not quite as it seemed, but I hate to ruin the punchline... <chuckles>

OP your post on the 'Odd things you've done, and then thought 'WTF did I do that?!' thread was possibly the first to make me laugh out loud:

"One time I was walking down the street and saw a girl called Bronagh coming towards me who I had met at a party a week or so before. I couldn't decide if she'd remember me and if I should greet her. I battled with myself until we were level, then suddenly half made up my mind and said "hello Bronagh" in this weird harsh strangled voice from behind her as I stumped away. I sounded like a psycho serial killer stalker."

Still cracks me up

I loved the one about how horses were transported to Beijing for Olympics. Sadly it was never moved into Classics.

What was the cat? Was it an old foxfur?

No, it was definitely a cat :D

oh there you are little-old-lady / dwarf-grabber!

Thank you.

link to your minge thread purleeease?

what was the tripadvisor one?

SHJ - you missed it????? Thickos on Trip Advisor, in classics.

Tripadvisor one is called 'thickos on tripadviosor' or something and is in mumsnet classics.

"mine's a ginger muffin" on the embarrassing things at work

I had to stop reading as I am cryng with laughter....tiny wanker! And the poor dwarf getting harried out of the shop!

And the buttock loss!

Kelly's jaw!

I can't stop singing 'hold me closer tiny wanker'

I have had to send DH to get DS from school because I'm laughing too much to leave the house. I know I'd end up snorting like a madwoman in the playground and they all think I'm odd enough already.

Is dead cat in Classics? I thought I'd read them all.

Tripadvisor is excellent.

I can't even find the blimming classics <headdesk>
But yes, I think it is there - famed as the shortest thread ever to make it in.

The one where someone left the wrong present, (a sex toy and chocolate body paint, intended for a bride to be at hen party) to a five year old at a party at a soft play, instead of the child's present

found it!

Small fluffy bundle

Found it - A Small Fluffy Bundle.

Am absolutely FPMSL at it.

Does anyone remember a poster who was so drunk/so nervous in a job interview she lit up a cigarette?

Also speaking of the here "great PFB thread where someone admitted to putting no more tears shampoo in their eye to check it really didn't sting" on the same thread, someone who drove to the hospital and sat outside before they fed their baby strawberries for the first time in case it had an allergic reaction.

It would have been extreme if it had been peanuts, but strawberries???!

I rofled.

I can't remember the thread but a comment that always makes me laugh when remembering it was when someone revealed that they spent 15 minutes a day plucking their eyebrows.

Another poster said: Fifteen minutes! Bloody Hell, are you Liam Gallagher?

and for some reason I have been chuckling about that ever since.

One about an exchange student using too many panty liners, in which one poster told how her 9 year old DS had dissected his sister's used sanitary towel as a 'science experiment'. Disgusting but hilarious

There was one about a woman with a pomander on the tube...

I always wanted to read the pomander one but couldn't find it! Is it in classics?

The nanny pasta thread.

The invisible shelf thread in B&Q/Homebase. The one with the sledge and the almshouse. The cleaner and the cup of teal. Really any thread with the OP becoming apopletic when the majority of posters dare to tell them that they're being unreasonable.

The best of the Bradford Exchange thread.

Cutted up pear.

Serum/Semen thread.

The 'I danced last night with the man who killed my dog' thread. I can't remember the exact details,but it was the the OP's vet who had put their dog to sleep once,not that it's funny that the dog had to be euthanised,but the thread was priceless.

I've just woken ds2 up with laughing at the dead cat thread . I was reading it thinking, why on earth is this in classics, and then.... Bang, punchline.

Hello, I'm Angela Hernandez!

voice - no you're not..

The 'A paedophile can carve a pumpkin' one is my new favourite post.The thread wasn't so funny,but that was priceless. The argument to end all arguments.

The amateur arse doctor
atyourcervix shatting herself in the queue in Tesco and accidently outing herself with a name change fail

The 'Kicking playfully' thread from earlier this year.

Has to be

'Bag O' Mash' and 'Shopping for carbs with Claire'

Oh that thread - 'Last night I danced the Gay Gordons with the man that killed my dog' - awesome

That was it.It was the 'Gay Gordons' which made it even funnier.

Love bus to Crealy and Beesimo. Good times....
I loved the Pedlars ones too, I mourn them

I want to write a book just so I can use that title.

I'm not fussy, I just like a good bunfight when all the regs pile in.

Can't believe no one has mentioned the Macaroon Incident.

the one where the police woman tripped over the dead body at the crime scene.
angela hernandez

Shopping For Carbs With Clair

It should sooo be in classics. But I don't want to draw attention to it for fear it may be pulled

Macaroon incident?

I missed the shopping for carbs one.

My favourites are the Trip Advisor Thickos, River of Sweetcorn, Cube of Poo, the British Gas one, which ended with singing of Kumbaya and the Eon Lady joining in.

Then there was the marketing one, that ended in Haikus. Gary Gary Gary. How I miss you.

Please point me towards it catinboots - purrleeaasse!

Maryz - I know, right?!

The Mumsnetter who visited a deer farm,and was disappointed because they only had 9 species of deer,and the deer didn't do very much.

ooooh, Yes. The Macaroon Incident. found it

I tried to explain that one to DH but he didn't get it.

Shopping for Carbs with Clair

Mme could you link the British Gas thread please - sounds hysterical

British Gas are bastards and I hate them and they smell of poo

Haven't read whole thread yet, saving it for later, but I love Angela Hernandez! Can I also add pooh crumbs which is now part of my vocabulary and my other favourite is when a Poster inserted garlic up her back passage to treat worms and ended up stinking out the toilet at the nursery she worked in and was mortified because all her colleagues knew it was her! I still don't know to this day if that was a wind-up, but it still makes me snort, the way she told the story was magnificent! Apologies if these have been mentioned already.

thank you, cat.

wrt revies, I just got a Tweet from MN saying there was a programme about Tripadvisor on TV last night. How did I miss that?

The MNer whose DC was given willy earrings from her gran

This Kids exercise bike.

Someone posted about it saying something like "WTF!!? Buy your kid a real bike ffs! Then there was a big old thread with the usual well its good for kids with SN etc" <<disclaimer I have a child with SN who would probably love this bike by the way>>. For some reason it just made me laugh so much and I still smirk when I think of it five years later.

It was probably the third or fourth thread I read on MN and it was what made me decide to stay. I honestly don't know why because it isn't that funny, just has always stayed with me.

There's a thread on ere an all, Jenai

<can't type because of tears of laughter>

I miss everything

I think I might be the big eyebrowed Gallagher

I was reading this thread in the hospital earlier and did a weird muffled snort remembering Dilly and the revies

Desperate plea for links please!! LINKS!!!

I'm collapsing with laughter reading these... I need LINKS!!!!

Thank you.

SGM made me laugh for days with her I AM CANADIAN thread. I still giggle when I think about it

<waves to SGM>

I have just been told off by DS1 for making the table wobble by laughing whilst he is trying to do his homework!

Where to start, "your minge, your minge" never fails to set me off, 'UCM is that you?' and the 'poofle', going to have a read of the ones linked to that I've missed, can't see DS getting his homework finished anytime soon.

and no, no I never saw that bit of lego again

Ha ha Lost hello there!!!!

I have just thought of another one I love, and still read sometimes:

The "AIBU to let my DC take a supersoaker to someone else's birthday party where he will be the only person there with one."

Cue 765 posts of: No No NOOOOOOOOO!!

and 100 from the OP saying: Oh but he's sooooo excited, I don't think anyone will mind really.

The MNer whom it transpired had put tartar sauce in her homemade play-doh instead of cream of tartare.

I love the image of her spooning this lumpy, smelly condiment into the mixture and not once thinking 'hold on, I don't remember the play-doh of my childhood containing morsels of gherkins or capers'.

Also the nanny pasta one. And the tiny wanker. And the pom-bear and the penguin date. There are too many really.

LINKSSSSSSS.....

...pleeeeeeease...

Link to Tarzan woman thread with Your minge Your minge extract about half way down p11

Nanny pasta link - please?

What's the penguin date?

marzipananimal!!! I'm so touched!

'Fuck off Grandad' still floors me if dh says it

The one about the lady that mixed up a child's birthday present and a naughty present for a friend , I followed that one in real time.

Thickos on TripAdvisor

River of sweetcorn

PS. MNHQ, pleeeeaaassse make links work on the app soon so that I don't have to open safari to read the links on here!

"Plus there was one where the MNer was a doctor/paramedic, and saw a man lying face down on a roundabout. Concerned, they stopped the car, rushed over, turned him over and starting feeling his pulse and listening for breath. At that point he mentioned that he was an engineer and had been checking the drains." ROAR Still laughing about this 10 minutes later.

I am weeping with laughter at the sight of the Easter bonnet again. Just seeing it makes me screech. And the absolute arse of a woman of course.

I think the John Craven/John Lennon mixup was me in another guise . I am still laughing at the Walking With Dinosaurs scenario

All these very good The only one I remember that I haven't seen mentioned is (beta) and the haikus.

Supersoaker Thread here

I had never seen the Easter Bonnet before today. How I roared when I saw it!

I've loved the Per Una and the Pedlars threads, why aren't any of them in Classics???

I think the thread which first made me fall in love with MN was when I (very tentatively) posted in AIBU asking for sympathy because DH had just bought himself some new beige slippers with red stitching which made him look like one of Santa's Little Helpers...there were 100s of replies, and each one hilarious

I just read Small Fluffy Bundle and snorted! I loved 'your minge', can't think of it without laughing. I always like the ones that are a bit gross but honest, like the mooncup thread about the thwop and the stringy drip.

And WTF was the one where a poster had to wear tights at work to avoid 'vulval debris'? That has stayed with me. One day I will change my name to VulvalDebris.

Happily, DH is away. One hour til bedtime for DS, then I think I will pour a and settle into Classics for the evening...

That British Gas one was fabulous, especially as they recently put up our DD because they owed us money.

Oh Lord, I love the one about stairgates

YummyMummy1208 Fri 06-Aug-10 16:45:29
Have you ever been to Canada *StewieGriffinsMom?

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 06-Aug-10 16:50:09
I AM CANADIAN

I was born there and lived there for 30 years.

There was one thread that made me chuckle, was the thread stupid things our DCs do, and one lady commented that her son stuck his bum in the air to 'open the hatch and release the octonauts'.

I always giggle when I see that show now.

This from style and beauty about hair removal cream 'I did this a few times but the cream wouldn't remove every single scrap of hair, so I ended up with what looked like an old lady who had been through a nuclear winter. Not pretty and I wouldn't do it again.'

I really enjoyed kungfupanda's thread about the non-reversing person in the lane, which devloped into a Zombie flash mob MN meet up plan, complete with pombears. SHe got the culprit to reverse in the end, but I had to check that daily for ages to make sure I didn't miss anything.

oh you cunts

I'm moving on Friday. I have just wasted a whole HOUR on the tripadvisor thread

"face like a bosted a***hole"

<cries>

<breathes>

<cries some more>

The reason my phone is fucked is because I spent an hour in the bath reading revies, Spring

Steam damage. Revies cause STEAM DAMAGE

Worth it tho, Springy, worth it.

Why would someone take off their bikini bottoms by the side of the pool?

<hoping someone will clarify emoticon>

I am already off looking for really shit hotels in Amsterdam, Jenai

oh god

I'd never registered TA till I saw that thing on telly last night

I'm going to lose hours now, I tell you. HOURS

she didn't take them off, Tamoo

she forgot to put them on

The booble plate makes me . And wasn't there one about giving a hamster some sort of viking funeral? And one where some poor MN'er kept trying to do a link, and kept thinking she'd got it sorted but hadn't

The one in classics "is this the worst and most self-absorbed piece of journalism ever" It truly truly is. First thread I ever read on mumsnet and i howled at the responses.

Also have fond memories of the audacity of the cleaner who made herself a cup of tea. And the booble plate.

Loony
I mentioned (beta) earlier, but could not remember the name. Don't think it made it to Classics either.

We should ask MNHQ to move that one and SGM's Canadian one.

One of my favourites was Crap Tips, where we all linked to those inane tips which are published in Take a Break and Love It etc, alongside dozy pictures of a photo frame made from an old beermat or whatever. It was great, as one of the links was a picture of an adversary of mine from school in a bikini, and I spent many joyful minutes slagging the rancid old cow off.

It's in classics but it is useless and makes no sense, and none of the links work

I hope MN don't see the Peter Andre is a cunt thread and delete it...

to clarify, i don't know why i took them off, judging by the difficulty i had getting them back on (on a wet poolside,8months pregnant-imagine a pissed weeble....)
i suspect i removed them in the changing room and came out nude from the waist down,and placed them folded on the chair with all the uninflated inflatables.

Links you are my Nemesis!! that was vair vair funny

atyourcervix shatting herself in the queue in Tesco and accidently outing herself with a name change fail

OMG i very nearly wet myself laughing at that thread.

There was one where the OP's H, threw up in the bucket which was in the bath because it had the goldfish in. The fact the goldfish died was horrid but the thread was just hillarious.

And my all time favorite "Stupid things you shouldnt do", and the thread which contined the copper tripping over the dead body.

Twiggy shit SHOULD have gone in classics just for one post alone. A poster had made up a song to the tune of "A few of my favorite things" and renamed it "A few of my chavtastic things". I cant remember who did it now.

oh, the Hamster

Hamsters are good comedy material. There was the Hamster who fell in the soup pot and then the Hamster funeral complete with Eulogies.

beachholiday thanks so much for linking that, that article is soooo funny.

'clementines vomited across the floor'

Also, another thing which makes me laugh despite having never seen the thread in question, the mumsnetter slubberdegullion was on a thread once saying how high should you sift flour when you are making a cake or whatever. It culminated in slubber getting her husband to take a photo of her sifting flour out of an upstairs window to prove a point (and win the thread). The photo of the High Sift is still on her profile, I always click on it when I see her name and have a giggle.

The first post in 'What not to do, the stupudity thread' is genius itself I think, really funny.

oh, yes the vomiting clementines and the High Sift (which seems to warrant capitals).

The things our families do in the name of MN.

Can someone link to SGM's Canadians thread, or tell me where it is?

Yes, GetOrf, I was very upset when I went back to read the crap tips one again, they had all gone .

Has anyone mentioned Hamster stew? That brought out the frothing berserkers.

Rofl

Secondcomings fanjo exposing at the pool

The one where the op wanted a massage without her dh rubbing against her and leaking precum had me in bits

But my favourite was apocalypsecheese fanjo injury and the birth of the flangepop..... Dh thought I was going to pass out from laughing

can I also say the immaced baby is 22 months now and has a full head of hair

Haha honey - I loved your immac'd baby revelation

Mmelindor sorry I missed it, damned speed reading. I even went back for a look as I couldn't believe it hadn't been mentioned! Excellent taste anyway

Linked at 18:19 GetOrf - it's a bit mad.

Oh I oved Supersoaker. infact I have nothing but admiration for posters who in the face of 10,000 'no's!!' still doggedly pursue their notion

LOVED booble plate

And I lol'ed loads at the fake brand names thread BALDY was on form that night

Does anyone remember sausage Stanley? Unfortunately it was a troll so got deleted but was soooo funny

I loved the one with the baby called Slithery

The lovely Norwegian mner who ran away from midges yelling "The midgets are coming! The midgets are coming!"

Now anytime I hear the word midges I start to laugh.

I loved the one where the OP and her DH (who was crap at doing the housework but did do all the cooking) had decided to act out their sexual fantasies and he said his was to come home and find her in a French maid's outfit cooking dinner. On night 3 when he came in and said "hmm that smells good" and he was talking about the dinner, she realised she'd been had, so we all had to come up with ideas as to what domestic tasks he could do,m that she could claim really turned her on.

And the thread where Cod was pretending to be Jane, who wondered if she ought to tell her neighbour that her cleaner was smoking while she should be cleaning.

I think I wept at that one.

The knitted wank sock ...

Please someone confirm I'm not imagining this! Had me laughing and eeeuughing for ages.

OMG the wank sock!
And the changing room hairdryer.
And the woman who saw her neighbour shagging by the shed - what was the outcome of that one?

I miss wanky bags/baskets

Thanks traitor - what an insane thread!

Working class boy
Booble Plate
Shiney's penguin sagas
Oxo tower

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs - please, please can we have a link to your dwarf thread?

I have laughed so much at Angela hernandez thread I have actually choked and vomited.
Dh has just looked over like asked me Wtf i am reading.

That Angela Hernandez thing is hilarious, I laugh every time it's mentioned

Is there a link to the thread about the nanny feeding the OP's child pasta? Have read thread but couldnt see one.

I am crying with laughter at the tiny wanker.

I remember one from ages ago that still makes me laugh. The OP had walked into her bedroom carrying a mug of tomato soup and a book, and went to throw the book on the bed but threw the tomato soup instead.

I think this is the fresh pasta one. It isn't in classics. I was surprised. But the museum of toddler art is - hooray!

Have just read the British Gas/ Kumbaya thread and am now posting from the patio to avoid waking the children up with my guffawing. Absolute genius

I'm now seriously wondering if my mum has secretly learnt how to use a computer and is somewhere on mumsnet? Age 8 my little brother also dissected a used sanitry towel from the bathroom bin for god knows what reason. He was so disturbed he then had to tell my mum about his "findings".

oh I love love LOVE My Tornado Hell

I read it whenever I'm feeling a bit low, just to remind me that things could be so, so much worse

just reading the first sentence makes me feel all warm inside

The rinsing mince one was definitely my favourite, I was laughing out loud !

Wonderful

Minge, the not dead cat, so many of these.

I blardy love mumsnet, makes me weep with laughter.

I walked past a very mumsnet looking (is there such a thing) mum yesterday with a tiny baby in pram and a screaming toddler, we exchanged wry smiles and I blurted out "pom bear maybe?"

She cracked up. I had a screaming slightly lively baby with me so could not stop, but SW London mum, cheers!

the poster who's mum invited her old headmaster to her wedding for no apparent reason. Was it pagwatch? i might've made that up. I was in tears.

Oddly enough I have just been watching Kelly Hoppen choosing Morroccan leather pouffes on TV. And it reminded me of the poo on the pouffe incident. Tried to explain it to DH but he didn't really get it.

KenDodd
I was watching that. Wasn't the dad awful?

Just reread the Tornado Hell. It was one of the first things I read when I first found MN.

does anyone else remember the poster who was in a changing area after swimming, with her little boy (he was maybe 2 or 3 i think?)

her little boy went up to a naked lady and <laughing now> parted her buttcheeks !!!!!

MmeLindor Yes he was awful. I love Graham and Green things and she got some of the v pricey stuff that I can only covet!

Have just read the toddler museum of modern art. Hysterical and so clever.

I think it was pagwatch jenny - what thread was that again, it was very funny

A group of MNetters reading How To Talk So Kids Will Listen together... every time I even think about that thread I weep with laughter.

Bloody hell I completely missed that one Teladi - cheers.

You should have slapped him and told him not to be fresh

And sold his turtle



And there's pages to go yet!

Always prominant in my mind are:
Cube of Poo.
The lady who fell out of the car going round the roundabout.
Shitting in a sock.
Wank mitten
"Mine's a ginger muffin!"
The foreign chap who's English wasn't his first language, kept pronouncing biscuits as bees-squits still makes me giggle.
The thread on the Husband who had the itchy arse hole, and kept sticking cotton buds up his bum to relieve the itch. A MNer linked a picture to a pipe cleaner, and I havent been able to look at them ever since without chortling.

So funny!

The tankini bottoms by the pool and the avenging minmin both had me crying with laughter. Cutted up pear was a work of genius and the one with the stainless steel kitchen implements.

Your minge your minge - ace.

The thread that made me want to join MN was an AIBU to let my son pee in a beaker. A kid weed in a plastic cup at playgroups (or something) and the person washing up objected. It all kicked off and was deleted in the end. Shame really as I'd love to read it again

re the talk so kids will listen

does anyone else find it interesting reading Old Mumsnet?

I do. It's a bit like medieval church latin. Or Beowulf or summink

eg "oooh look! they had quite a few mum names then. Oh, yes, so they did. The spelling is a bit hard to read. Hmmm, yes, lots of typos"

<dons white gloves to look at more Yore MN>

Oh I'm crying and I can't get a sentence out to tell DH why. Glad someone else remembers Hedgehog Cam and 'he was polishing his globes ' - did anyone ever admit to trolling that one?

Some of this is really reminding me of some corkers .I know I will get lynched but MN did use to be a lot funnier

Hedgehog Cam was the first thread I ever saw on mn

my sister linked it for me

I cried

Sorry if anyone's already posted a link, but could I have one to the bikini bottoms thread? Please? And is it the same as the Your Minge Your MINGE one? Must be, surely.

I think the Mooncup/slaughtered chicken at work one might have been me. I'm much less clumsy now.

One of the first ever posts I read on MN was actually a story about a story. The lady, apparentely, was having her bits stitched up following childbirth and the doc got a bit too energetic with his stitching causing him to push his little wheely stool from underneath him and ending up face first in her faff!

"medieval church latin. Or Beowulf"



Yes! I leaving the rest of that thread till tomorrow when I will be more sober alert.

What about lists left in shopping torleys? I think that was the first time I encountered her Fishiness.

Hamster Stew was fab.

And the weird polyamory one, with the self-sufficient bigamists. (or were they all trolls?) I think I might actually have C&P that one because it was so incredible.

I was crying with laughter at the British gas thread where the OP was on the phone, winding up the BG people on one phone, with Eon on the other phone, listening in.

so chuffed that somebody remembers, and giggles over midges of all things, due to my unfortunate adventure with the man eating midgets.....

Every time there is a thread like this I hope and pray that someone will magically link to the olympic horses thread...but sadly it never happens.

I wept with laughter at that...and still do occasionally.

There were lots of good threads back then <sighs>

First thread I ever posted on in 2006 was a mad rant about someone who let their kid piss in carrier bags in Tesco.

another evening lost to reading threads past.

QS midgets was just brilliant. Is it still about?

The mn memory that still makes me all teary with laughter was from a little thread in chat that has now long gone. A bunch of us decided to set up a one night only quiche and all needed to perform a hazing ritual to gain access. I have NO idea why, but we all thought it a great idea to see how many megabloks we could fit in our mouths, and then to photograph it for evidence.

Maybe we were all very sleep deprived.

Well we all dutifully complied, but it was purplemonkeydishwasher's photo that did it for me. There it was, a complete strangers mouth crammed full of megabloks but the picture was all misted up because she had turned the camera round to photograph herself and her heavy breathing through her nose had fogged up the lens.

Next to the photo on her profile she had written

I hate you all

I think maybe you needed to be there, but the sense of camaraderie was something else. I properly fell in love with mn that day. And a tiny bit of wee came out laughing at that photo, and that's saying something as I have a pelvic floor of steel.

<adds another sigh>

<goes back to twitter for larks>

It was in chat Slubber, and some tech or other promised to dig it out from the archive when somebody asked for it to be included in Classics, but I guess not enough people requested this, so they could not be bothered.... (hint)

I cant ever hear foxes mentioned anymore without thinking about the person who had a hungry looking fox outside and wondered if she should "make it a sandwich"

Well I'd like it to be in Classics. I'm sure I can't be the only one.

It sounds brilliant. I have megablocks hidden in the cupboard for Christmas as it happens.

<taps glass>

Coo-ee mnhq. QS's midgets. It was a goodun. Please can it go into classics, if you still have it?

Thank you

It has to be the Toddler confessions thread for me. I was feeding DD when I read it, and kept jiggling her off my boob I was laughing so much
I came back to the thread after she'd gone in her cot, and DH rushed out of the study at one point as I was literally howling with laughter. He thought something dreadful had happened, but I wasn't coherent enough to let him know that everything was fine (except for my pelvic floor completely giving up on me

Can someone please link the bikini bottom thread?!

Ships can you link that one too?

Poo stories
Wedding hell
Penguins 1 and 2
Penguins the remake starring annathepenguin
Garlic arse (and no it didn't kill the worms)

And the KX poo troll although this lead in RL to a MNers sister coming to KX with her gym kit on a mission of mercy only to find there was no-one there. She got a bollocking from her line manager for being late after lunch as well.

But

Where is the shitting elf? Please show me it please!

Poundland thread; that BALDy WAS on Top Form doncha think

Here is the link to the gift mix up thread v funny

OH OH OH I adored that poundland thread.

I roared at prangles.

However I didn't really get it, I thought cod made up St Moritz, then I wasa in Poundland for real, saw St Moritz on a shelf and nearlt passed out with excitement.

I bought some - it was shit.

I love the sound of megablocks slubber. Didn't you also have a thread where you all baked cakes and had a competition to photograph them in the most scenic surroundings?

yy the Vic Sponge comps, they were fab

Fishpond I can't link from my phone, but I'll try and find it!

yup GetOrf. That was the LDC in scenic surroundings.

The cheesecake comp was the funniest when Franny got PROPERLY CROSS as her effort had inadvertently been judged in the childrens' cheesecake category and won.

Have just read Poundland. vv funny. Baldy on fire.

i have tracked down the photos from the "Afternoon Tea Tray for One" MN competition.

Note especially entry N

Oh god. Roar @ entry N

actually entry B is v gd

Oh god that is genius.

I love the competitions with photos, I ache with envy that I have never been involved in one.

not VSC, but LDC <smacks forehead>

oh the afternoon tea ones, so so funny

the tankini one is gorn

how did that happen?

Oh that is wonderful.

I love the thought of a mumsnetter driving to Chatsworth and photographing a cake amongst all the sheep and toruists.

Do another competition.

Min you I couldn't enter as I can't bake cakes and dd has stolen both cameras and broken one and left the other one in the Netherlands.

Pah.

<marking place for a time when my DH is not demanding the laptop>

I have told pretty much everyone I know about Megatron beating her chest and running in front of the plumber. My mother was screaming on the phone for a good ten minutes.

"Your minge!" is tops for the line "so I was stood inflating shit"... PMSL.

And for some reason that one about the mumsnetter who hid behind her sofa because she forgot some workman was coming...and then crawled out and he was staring at her through the window? I almost wet myself every time I think of it.

And I'm still sad Beesimo is not real. I loved her.

I can't do links, but for whoever it was that asked about my midget. Me and DD were in a toys shop, I was bored and told her she had two minutes or something. I said to her 'time to go' grabbed her hand and started to leave. I realised her hand felt different and looked down to see a cross looking midget or dwarf person on the other end.
DD was looking a bit confused so I grabbed her and we left. She told everyone she met that day that I was trying to steal a dwarf from a toy shop.

ooh, I do like the cake competition. That was before my time.

Funny to read the old posts, from around 2007. There was a different tone on MN, wasn't there.

Less Frothing Berserkery and haha I pooed myself back then.

That's another topic we need: The Elevated Tone with Occasional Competitions Topic.

It was a different tone - even if we feel we shouldn't say that now. It was funnier, and it was clever. MartianBishop used to start some corkers - like alternative openings to novels - they didn't necessarily make classics, but they were hugely entertaining. It was one of the reasons I got drawn in so quickly!

Where have all the flowers gone?

Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone?
Moldies have picked them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

don't mention Moldies

it always makes me fear New Moldies

<shiver>

Really? All the bright, fun people went to Moldies?

<cries>

I thought it wsas the arsey self-pitying ones.

ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh

Didn't mean to bring that all up again.

It was different though, less earthy and more intellectual. I like both, depending on my mood.

There are still pockets of the old MN, they can be hard to find amongst the bumsex/poo stories.

<rips MN apart looking for the teeny hidden pockets>

I don't mind the poo.

I don't like the <whisper> right wing benefit bashing stuff, tho

[delicate]

QS - the midges/midgets story was in chat and has been deleted [sob]. Could you please tell it again?

I don't think tone has changed because of people leaving - I think it's more to do with more people coming in. I don't think it's a bad or good thing though tbh - if I had to pick one, I'd say good thing on the whole, esp with the "hide topics/threads" facility.

Oh, it has to be your minge! that made me laugh more than any other. I cried.
And trip advisor.

I miss a lot of the big threads somehow. I think it is because I was rarely on here at night until fairly recently.

Pirate sex,knitted wank mit and willy willy willy. Ok not very origional but very funny still.

ooh the cake threads were hilarious
as was the Unreasonable Supersoaker
but i misses "your minge" - can anyone do a linky?

The one that still makes me chortle was one about a mad woman who was going to have her baby in the fish tank where she kept her Koi Carp - does anyone else remember it?

Does anyone remember that thread about the MNer who was either internet dating or had been RL dating a bloke. She sent him a text message saying "this is my new number" but forgot to put her name. He sent a flirty text back despote not knowing who it was and she thought "hmm, that's a bit of a forward text considering he doesn't know who sent it!" then she and he text each other and he thought she was this woman called Sue or something and she arranged to meet him on a date at the bird sanctuary or somewhere really shit and she was asking how far she should go and all of MN were cackling and egging her on and telling her what to say. I almost rang in sick to work so that I could sit refreshing that thread all day. I nearly shat my cervix out laughing.

Just looked at the Supersoaker thread and I can't believe that it was written about two years before I joined! I know about that thread as though I were there!

Bups wasn't that Shiney's penguin thread? Or am I confused

So if I wanted to look up some of these threads that you meanies keep mentioning but no links should I just try serching for the thread title?

The MN-er whose dad gave a press conference about the Civil Liberties Lobby but for the entire conference called it the 'Civil Liberities Lobberty

Who was it tested a disposable nappy as an emergency wee device (for motorway delays and such) but was informed by Mumsnet that she had to do it over her sofa or it wouldn't be a fair test? Or something?

Anyone remember the season n shake chicken one a few months back? The OP's DP was at the pub and his friend had come round and she was wondering whether it would be rude to give him dinner or not? Was a complete wind up of course by Rhubarb but the puns coming out had me in stitches!

The post birth recount where the woman was in a tiny room being stitched when she slipped down the bed crushing the doctor between the wall and her birth ravaged vagina. Wish I could find that one.

Was it, MsBrian?! It might have been actually... I didn't realise that Shiney had been the OP!

I can't find the shitting elf - someone else must remember it!

It was in AIBU, and the MNers fiance had got dressed up as an elf (for his stag I think) and got horrendously drunk...

There was one years ago about a woman who had strunk her husbands best dungarees in the wash. It still makes me chuckle when I think about it

getting this pulled on you

Gah I don't know why that link isn't working...

again

For you Bups

And the follow-up

Actually, the MNer whose horrendous pus-filled boil crashed a very genteel thread about KitchenAid (due to a mis-link) still makes me cackle. I can't hear or see the word "KitchenAid" without snorting.

Oh my giddy aunt, I just saw my thread is in Classics.

<boogies>

Had to be the thread with a typo in the title that made it...!

Thanks Mrs Brian! can spend another afternoon roaring at old threads now instead of doing actual stuff

I know it's my own thread but the Robert Mugabe eyeliner thread makes me laugh just thinking of it, mainly due to the work of ShirleyKnot, Chickens, UrsulaBuffay, Curryspice and others. It descends into nonsense about deep throat and man essence in the eye quite quickly but every now and then a valiant poster would pop up amongst the unspeakable filth to try and help with my original query.

<sigh> I'm never going to win this name battle am I.....

I have given in and changed from Brain to Brian, but Bups people still somehow manage to misspell it by changing Ms to Mrs....

I'll have you know that I'm not a Mrs - there's a reason why it's Ms and not Mrs.

sorry for the hijack and shamless atention seeking

A thread from a woman who asked "AIBU to have chucked a jug of piss over my DH". The incredulity from everyone on the thread, and her absolute insistence that he'd deserved it, was a joy to behold. It was the first thread I ever read on here and made me howl so much I just had to keep coming back.

Oh this reminds me of the threads with people either throwing things into neighbours' gardens and/or having things thrown at them
I'm a sucker for this kind of thing it really tickles me <imature>

Oh and MitMoo was great. And the subsequent name changing, and the lack of spanking from MNHQ for a WHOLE weekend while we ran RIOT, and then got our wrists severely slapped on the Monday

It's the little things....

Yes, that mitmoo thread was funny, especially when every so often someone would say 'how the fuck is this thread still here?'

I think MNHQ thought 'oh bollocks to it, let 'em carry on this once'

Oh sorry MsBrian, genuine mistake! Honest!

Mitmoo was a thing to treasure. I actually miss her.

YY Getorf; twas like being naughty schoolchildren in the classroom while the teacher popped out for a fag.

I am such a child!

And then any subsequent mentions of MitMoo then meant the entire thread got pulled! <Wonders whether this will now happen to this thread....>

It was great fun saycool.

I loved it when the mitmoo amnesty ENDED and every subsequent mention was deleted like that.

Then coldsancerre created the Floral Fuck Off (for those who haven't seen it, when the flower emoticons were unveiled some miserable bastards among us moaned about it - coldsancerre then created a tableau of smileys and floweres which spelled FUCK OFF. She then did CUNT and MITMOO (the floral mitmoo was deleted)

Oh my God the floral displays! Things of beauty. Bless ColdSancerre for the ridiculously long time and effort spent creating them.

O O O where are the floral displays? Please please please link / screen shot / anyone kept anything?

Hang on, will have a look.

Ah yes the Mitmoo threads were fun
I missed what happened with Beesimo though? Did she turn out not to be real?

MsBrian, here and here

floral fuck offs

The thread is very funny, MNHQ deleted the first floral fuck off, we all came on and wept and moaned, then MNHQ said sorry for deleting the swear word (coldsancerre reinstates it herself in the end).

I love MNHQ for that

Haha just read the floral fuck offs thread again, so funny, especially when most of MNHQ pile on <warm glow>

If somebody explains what on earth Mitmoo is, will it survive long enough for me to read it before it's deleted?

Oh cripes. I would LOVE to tell you all about Mitmoo but I don't want this thread to go pouffe!

Getorf, me too. Especially Captain's fake convo between Rebecca HQ and her DH. Am PMSL at work right now

Hang on, Vivian, I have a PM somewhere that I will cut and paste for you. For some reason I ended up being the MitMoo social secretary and PM'd about ten million MNers about the situation. God knows why, I was just an innocent bystander.... <Whistles innocently>

the 'your minge' thread was mine, i put it in chat (hoping it'd go away) as it hasn't shall i email mnhq and see if they have a filing cabinet with all the chat threads in.

i meet new people now and mutual friends say 'this is X, she's the one I told you about who .....' I've also overheard someone I dont' know telling someone the story about a friend of a fried doing the same thing...

Teladi that "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen" thread is very good. I quite like the fact that I don't understand why exactly it's so funny. And the added mystery element of why the OP, who is clearly called Porcupine is referred to throughout as Cod.

Have PM'd you Vivian.

TSC - I had not heard / missed the "your minge your minge" one but is definitely up there now as one of the funniest things I have read. Classic! Does your DH still bring it up now?

SayCool can you PM it to me too please?

Thanks GOML and SayCool <wipes another set of tears> oh if I don't lose my job today I'll never lose it

Bups - done. How long are you going to keep your Halloween name for?

And me. Please

Shit! Forgot I was still in halloween costume...

Who was it whose husband threw a dead mouse over the garden fence and it landed on the table of the next door neighbour - whilst they were sitting there?

FFS - all of you. It's now after one o'clock and I have done no very little work. And lots of sniggering.

Harrumph!

I remember a thread about a pregnant mumsnetter who had gone to the swimming baths with her DH and DD and taken her bikini bottoms off at the side of the pool in her pregnancy induced fugue.
I cried with laughter, especially at her description of her DH's face as she folded the bottoms neatly onto a chair near the side of the pool.

It was excellent.

I can't believe you're complaining SayCool - you're the one sending out links and stuff!

Harrumph right back atcha!

Procrastinator? Moi?

Arr coolwhip - please be an angel and PM me too - I wondered where she had gone! Did she not come on with an alterego of Evil Edna, or something like that? Has she gone forever now?

I have been bad an added to the floral displays of Bad Words. Twas fun!

Does anyone have a link to the MNetter who took her bikini bottoms off? I'm so intrigued.

Possibly inappropriate but loved the one during the Rauol Moat saga with the horror of Sue Sims hair, the wrong pronunciation of ponteland and the surreality of Gazza turning up with a dressing gown and some chicken.

There's been nothing new since all the hoo-hah, Thumbwitch (that I know of anyway). Lots of rumours about various subsequent posts which seem a bit dodgy and so get the Bovine curse thrown at them. Will PM you what I PM'd everyone else, but tis only what happened at the time which I thought you were there for.... IIRC.

someone started a thread in g&t about their hamster. Twas very funny.

I was indeed but will read your PM just in case it has any extra salacious salient points

Oh could I have a Mitmoo PM please? I read a few weird threads by/about her but then didnt come on mn for a few days. Was it as good as the Beesimo stuff? Coz that was hilarious, with all the DLass 1 boll and all that

The floral displays has to go into Classics.

I just had to stifle highly inappropriate giggles when I saw a dwarf and was reminded of the MNer who tried to take one by the hand in a toy shop thinking he/she was her child

I obviously spend too much time on mn, remember pretty much every one mentioned

I seem to remember a particularly hilarious phase of mn around 2006, every other thread had me in stitches (nb this may actually have been having a newborn baby related hysteria)

I think it was on shineys stupid things thread but Laurie's "I'm clearly a feral shitter but have standards for boffing <nose in air>" (quoting from memory may be slightly wrong) comment has always stayed with me!

Yes, MNHQ, please can you put the floral fuck offs into classics.

G'waaaaaan.

Oh thank the baby jesus for this thread. I can now waste even more sections of my life

Can't wait to read the nanny pasta one Traitors

The one that always has me in stitches is the one where the MNetter had invited her friend over for a visit and the friend's son proceeded to hump all the soft furnishings without being told off ....

Sea of sweetcorn finished me off.

A classic thread which has me in stitches is MorningPaper's rather naughty p-take of our good friends over at NetMums here

and I loved the shitting elf (it wasn't really about the poo Hully), grammer police, and the woman who wanted to charge her inlaws for Christmas lunch.

oh god, am weeping at the nethuns spoof. weeping.

my favourite recent one was the little girl going to school in a devil costume for the help for heroes appreciation day - where the kids had to dress up as their hero. At a church school.

I can never remember threads past about a week or two though.

But the woman who wanted to charge her inlaws for lunch wasn't really wanting to charge them, she was after a contribution as it was going to cost her a bloody fortune (and it wasn't like she'd invited them).

I can't believe I remember that thread. I got quite worked up on her behalf .

Oh gawd, lets not have it all again re. the Christmas lunch one (but she was asking if £50 per person sounded about right iirc)

Does anyone remember the woman who wanted to ask relatives to give her PFB only wooden toys?

SWNBU

Oh Fishpond I so want to read that!

Haha I'll see if I can find it!!

Wooden Toys Only for my PFB

I wish the OP would come back now that her child is nearly 1 and tell us what toys they have

Who was it who had a Sunday roast lobbed over her garden fence?

I remember the Wooden toy brigade thinking DCs had grown out of toys by 7yrs, which of course they would if wood was the only material.
The really funny one, if you didn't feel so sorry for poor little Finn, was this link that someone gave.

The medieval mumsnet thread

Lovely of course from an adult point of view, but she had it ready before he was born to go through to 5yrs with no room for him to stamp his personaility on it.

Oh yes, the medieval mumsnet one was also vair good.

Thickos on tripadvisor is my favourite thread, ever
The NM invasion which led to "grammer police"
The Dallas and Cardigans thread that was deleted, and led t a special thread JUST FOR ME from Hully
The thread about uninvited groping where someone came on and gave this whole weirdy story about spouse swapping and sheep

What exectly is Finns mum doing there? Nice house, I expect it is like toddler-war-zone by now. Lovely biro drawings on the walls, those weird stuffed birdies fed to the cat, mountains of plastic toys and lego covering the whole floor, piles of laundry...

and the thread where Shiney was running a bath, and went to the kitchen and was stood in the kitchen starkers, eating whipped cream out of a can and drinking fanta, and looked up to see her neighbours staring shocked, straight into her window. Twas hilarious
And Getorf's thread "I'm staring at my boob looking all concerned" JUST for the title. And the rest of it was hilarious as well

Thanks Fishpond. The OP sounded so sweet. I do hope she updates (as she promised on the thread). And @ poor wee Finn.

Good point, it would be just my luck to make Classics and then get the friggin thread pulled...

I agree with you abs re the thickos one. I go back every so often to read it and it still makes me laugh.

at 'I am staring at my boobs all concerned'. God my tits were soooo fizzy that week

Has anyone mentioned the poster (I'm really sorry, I always remember this one) who tried to usher her children out of a shop by shouting "come along, little people!" only to see an actual "little person" 2 feet away glaring furiously at her?

I always chuckle at the one where a troll just posted massive rants about how awful we were with our chai lattes and paninis.
Best bit being when they called us all lizard bitches.

<sheds skin>

oh Abs

the uninvited groping one was probably the most fun I've ever had

I mean EVER

That "how to listen to your kids" thread is hilarious, mostly from trying to figure out what the frick cod's on about.

One of Tobylerone's early threads, when she was administering first aid, shouted out to colleague for assistance and said "can I borrow your fan Jo"

bwah ha ha

Oooh we had a brilliant troll in the Feminism section last year, she was quite bonkers and called us every name (un)imagineable, including my personal fave: "pillowed laphounds from hell".

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1052873-why-so-many-mums-harbour-jealousy-and-blank

This thread is brilliant.

Firstly, the OP is a miserable bugger, who gets in a strop when we say sh is mad, and calls us a sad, fat lot.

Then chaos comes along and her letter o doesn't work, s0 she has t0 replace them all with zer0es and it l00ks very funny.

Ooh GetOrf thank you – one of my fave bonkers threads even before ChaOs' zer0.

"they are just typical provincial women who dont want to take in 'outsiders' - and also that my son is very good looking and my partner thinks some mums are jealous."

I know tianc, it's ace isn't it.

I think I do a triumphant bonsoir anna passive aggressive smiley about 5 posts down as well <proud>

So Beesimo - what happened? <impatient>

I think all the I'm Not Mitmoo threads were deleted, which is very sad .

Oh Getorf, I remember THAT one . Cha0s still hasn't been over for her Gerard Butler fest! C0me 0n and b00k that Eur0star, Cha0s!

I remember you found that one porto - there is another thread in classics 'what is your fave mumsnet thread' which I started, and loads of people were saying about the chaos 0s thread, I didn't have a clue where to start looking for it, but you found it, you genius

I remember that thread when I was on it first - and howling with laughter at the zeroes and [wunk]

What exectly is Finns mum doing there? Nice house, I expect it is like toddler-war-zone by now. Lovely biro drawings on the walls, those weird stuffed birdies fed to the cat, mountains of plastic toys and lego covering the whole floor, piles of laundry...

No-he now has a brother, they look sweet DSs but the house is just so. This is his toy kitchen here. Absolutely beautiful from an adult point of view but no sign of friends around and using brooms as horses or (shudder) swords. She was teaching him to polish with homemade beeswax.
This is her house this month or 'This is a space of transition - from inside to outside, from outside to inside, from home to the big world, from the big world back home.' (I think she means hall!)
She was a Montessori teacher-I think perhaps she found a class of DCs too much but it works well with only two. It is lovely, you ought to feel it is wonderful for the DCs but I have my doubts.

Has anyone mentioned the great Are Aunt Bessie's Roasties Acceptable for Christmas Dinner bunfight?

I remember the roastie thread - and I confess to loving Aunt Bessie's yorkshires .

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1114247-frozen-roast-potatoes-are-for-emergencies-not-for-Christmas-day

nearly 500 posts on spuds!

oh, I have just sh00k the s0fa laughing at the Cha0s thread.

I'm reading the OP for the b0nkers relati0nship thread in the voice of Vicky Pollard. Try it!

"Anyway, and i reckon because of this, one mum who used to speak to me daily has now stopped speaking to me. i did clock that her partner had taken her son to this party (she had to work), not her, and i did clock the fact he was also really angered that it went on ten - fifteen minutes longer than their expected 2 hour 'limit' as he made a point of muttering 'bl**dy something or other' at my back as he passed. ungrateful a**hole? you mite think...

its so incredibly stupid, and it makes me just wish i never bothered but then I dont want to kill the children's fun. - either that, or next year, write on the invite - children only, thanks. i mean, who wants that kind of misery around you? i know children's parties can be boring for the parents - i know, ive been to many, but i would never get up and leave when a party hadnt finished, unless i absolutely had to be somewhere - and they didnt.

also to this - the following week, a dad (who had not been at the party) approched me just to tell me that his son said that my son's party was the 'best ever.' also, one of his classmates said this as well. which was rewarding...

did any of the mums say anything? not ONE."

"I seem to have l0st the f0rth v0wel" <<snorts again>>

update on 'missing tankini\your minge you minge' mnhq can resurrect it for you all to cackle over.

and for the record my vagina does not look like a tin of veiny spam (nor did it at the time)

that comment stung (and clearly still does 18months later)...

Ahh I've just been reminded of the superbly surreal thread with the wine on the wall, bananas and the bloke from the fruit section of the supermarket - must have been a troll, surely? It was the Vicki Pollard reference that brought it to mind! here it is

The mumsnetter who started a thread about a smelly fanjo or something to that effect but had not saved her name change properly...

UCM!!!

Thumbwitch - I have properly cried at that one....

"http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/184802-smelly-ladygarden"

The one that makes me shake with laughter is the mango thread!

I love it.

That and 'memorable poos in inappropriate places'...

sorry- mango thread

I just realised we don't have many roomba threads these days...

Tiny wanker even now it will pop into my head and I will be incoherent with laughter, DH is now used to this and just asks 'tiny wanker again sweetheart?' To which i can only nod my head frantically...and which can be slightly embarrassing if anyone overhears

I also remember the bloke going one about 'sexual technics'

And I loved the story of the poster whose toddler son was in the bank and called someone a 'three headed cunt' DH and I now use that as an insult more often than is appropriate

The Mitmoo ones were hilarious. We got away with namechanges and everything over that lost weekend. Was gutted when it all got deleted

Also the penguin one never fails to make me

Don't say the word HappyMole! We'll get spanked by MNHQ again!

I love your Burt bombs

Oh that mango thread (and the hover one linked to from it) is funny

I remembered one! Live webchat with Miss Rabbit

There's another reference to this Porcupine poster being Cod from Abs. I know there's something going on there, but I don't know what it is. And I've decided to cave in and stop being too cool for school, and ask if I can have the Mitmoo PM too.

I was the CSI who fell over the body at the crime scene. It's humbling to know that I have a place in the MN collective memory. I wonder what I'd have to do to be as big as mitmoo?

Now if it was the body of a dwarf, then that would be 'Mumsnet Gold'.

Reminds me of that film... about the hitman being taken to Amsterdam to be killed by another hitman because he had acciddentally shot a child... I won't tell you the ending.

What is UCM, please?

"Ahh I've just been reminded of the superbly surreal thread with the wine on the wall, bananas and the bloke from the fruit section of the supermarket"

I'd forgotten all about that! That was brilliant!

Thanks Wahwahwah I'll try to pay more attention to comedic value when selecting deceased trip hazards in future!

UCM, is that you?

igivein - so if you go and its a clown or pantomime horse, please try not to punch the air and shout 'yesssssss, where's my blackberry, must Mumsnet this one'.

Just remembered to one by a man who was concerned that his wife was being examined my a male Doctor who would become aroused. It was deleted but marvellously frothingly beserk.

Not to one the one.

When AIBU was first launched.

TheScareyWall - fantastic. Thank you. DH and I have been in fits over those. In fact on some occasions being quite unbreathable!

Definitely a vote for kungfu panda and the reversing standoff, here. (Actually I vote that into second place behind the pom bear dinner party.)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/547609-to-call-of-my-wedding This is smallships shitting elf husband thread.

thisisyesterday, I remember the little boy parting the lady's buttocks too!

rips, at trying to steal a dwarf!

Has anyone mentioned the threesome one, where a MNer fancied her mate and ended up having a three-way with her and her husband and they had a pizza interval halfeay through?

Buppers - a windup, surely?!

Has anyone already mentioned MamaG's thread about weighing her boobs? I was in hysterics over that one. Even tried it myself but couldn't get both of them on the scale at the same time because they're too small and my scale wouldn't register them

Where is MamaG, by the way? Is she gone or has she name-changed into oblivion? I really liked her...

The mango thread reminded me of PEARL BARLEY

Note to self...the funniest threads appear in the most unlikely places. I'd have never opened a thread about mangoes...

No-one has mentioned the tablecloth lady... that was funny.

Yes, the tablecloth lady was funny. Can't think what you would search for to find her - "PTA menace?"

"tablecloth PTA" apparently

Jacksmania, I miss her too! I think I remember that thread.

Where has she gone???

That was the funniest thread - I could just picture a large-breasted lady putting each boob on the scale - and tons of posters then tried it

I am at my desk at work CRYING with laughter like a complete nutter. Tiny wanker and holding dwarf's hand...oh god I'm off again!

The last one I cried laughing at was 'woof to you lady'. Possibly the best MN insult of all time.