Weird things your teachers did, which they would be fired for today.....

(440 Posts)
muriel76 Tue 27-Sep-11 19:15:13

Bit of a random question, but I was chatting with an old school friend the other day and we were remembering our teacher at primary school having a new bathroom fitted and she wanted to check how the workmen were doing.

The whole class was told to 'line up at the door' and off we marched down the road to her house, with teacher leading the way (small town BTW she lived near the school!) but no other adults in sight.

We then all sat in her back garden while she chatted to the plumber!

Ok this was back in the 80s but it made me think - you would never get away with this today.

Anyone else got a similar story from before the days of the national curriculum and parental consent forms etc?!

NappyShedSal Tue 27-Sep-11 19:18:31

My Yr 3 teacher used to tickle a couple of us mercilessly, so that we'd be rolling around teh carpet uncontrollably.

My maths teacher used to shave in class, he'd sit there with his electric razor going while we did times tables.

CroissantNeuf Tue 27-Sep-11 19:21:36

We had a primary school teacher who would hurl pieces at chalk at anyone who wasn't concentrating.

Also (not a firing offence but something that I can't imagine happening today)if you were sick at primary school and had to go home the caretaker would drive you home.

OnEdge Tue 27-Sep-11 19:21:44

Our science teacher lost his temper with a boy and he said "If you are going to behave like an animal, I will treat you like one and put you in a cage !" then he got one of the big wooden stools you have in the lab and put it over him and then sat on the stool. The boy was trapped within the legs of the stool crouched on the floor, and he carried on teaching the class. It was a bit distracting shock

mothmagnet Tue 27-Sep-11 19:22:08

In the seventies, my brother's primary teacher would set them work, get his newspaper out and light up a fag.

trixymalixy Tue 27-Sep-11 19:22:32

One of the English teachers at my secondary used to make misbehaving boys strip to their underpants and crawl down the aisle to the front to kiss her feet shock.

One of my old teachers used to leave us Duke of Edinburgh girls with a litre bottle of cider and a litre bottle of lager per tent when we went on camping trips, and then told us not to tell our parents shock

He was great grin

cleanteeth Tue 27-Sep-11 19:23:41

Our german teacher threw a big heavy dictionary at someone when they weren't paying attention! this was only 5 years ago aswell!

Sargesaweyes Tue 27-Sep-11 19:24:14

My science teacher used to hit us with textbooks and gave me a nosebleed once. Nobody seemed to think this was odd.

We were 15/16, btw.

LemonMousse Tue 27-Sep-11 19:24:38

In the 70's at our Primary the 'top class' (year 6) girls had a rota to wash the teacher's cups in the staff room after break. Not the boys of course, they were too busy playing football and being manly hmm.

We also had to empty the ashtrays and I remember the Head saying to me and my friend one day "Girls, make sure all those cigarettes are stubbed out properly before you put them in the bin" shock

I'm sure if the staff room had caught fire we'd have been held responsible!

RoseC Tue 27-Sep-11 19:24:59

I once had a test booklet (KS1) thrown at me because I didn't realise it was a test and had asked the teacher (Headteacher) how to measure water. Was also called "you stupid girl!" hmm

Same teacher threw something else at another child (pen?) and was famous for her rages. OTOH that did mean the horrible bullies who picked on my friend (she had a birth defect that was obvious) only did it once. She reduced them to tears in front of the entire school (about sixty children) whilst friend and her DSis were 'sorting out their dinner money' with the secretary.

The one I really don't think would happen any more was the TA bringing in a pheasant for another teacher and lessons being suspended for the morning whilst she plucked it on a classroom table to show us how it was done. Can you tell I went to a rural school? grin

meaniemo Tue 27-Sep-11 19:25:11

science teacher used to throw blackboard rubbers at you if you weren't paying attention. Occasionally make you stand in the bin whilst chewing gum (not allowed)

Without question the greatest teacher EVER!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn Tue 27-Sep-11 19:25:32

Our french teacher at secondary school would throw chalk and the board rubber viciously at people and had a pretty strong arm and good aim.
And one of our college teachers would smoke continually throughout the lesson, lighting a new one from the end of the previous one.
One of our secondary school teachers took up with a pupil, while she was still a pupil, and they did eventually get married. He worked at the school for a good twenty five years or more after that because he taught my pfb.

PorkChopSter Tue 27-Sep-11 19:25:37

Where to start? Juniors.

Had a clearly alcoholic (male) teacher who was obsessed with fishing for Congo eels. If you could just steer him onto the subject, he'd rant for up to 90 minutes. We didn't get much done that year.

And the next year, an additional teacher appeared in our classroom. She had her own desk diagonally opposite our usual teacher. They would have 'disagreements' over our heads. She had orange make up trowelled on, pencilled on eyebrows, blue eye shadow, a penchant for polyester dresses and a rather unusual way of sitting and walking. We thought she was a witch. With hindsight though, she was transexual.

One of my old teachers came up to me at the end of every term and commented on how I'd grown that term and measure herself against me. One year she said to me 'Oh look, my eyes are the same height as your nipples' hmm

Skirt length checks with a ruler... kneeling on the floor. Chalk being thrown if you weren't paying attention.

And this was only in the 90's!

show up drunk in the morning, pass out behind his desk during lunch break so that the janitor had to go and wake him up

it was rural Finland in the '70s, alcoholism was a way of life

muriel76 Tue 27-Sep-11 19:26:14

Oh my goodness these are great! Love the science teacher and the stool - I mean, can you imagine in this day and age?!

The shaving and the smoking ones are hilarious!

Sargesaweyes Tue 27-Sep-11 19:26:29

Laughing at the caretaker driving you home.

erm, threw a chair into the big radiator in primary 7, then told us we were lucky he didn't throw it at us.

At secondary one PE teacher would come out with us at the weekend and buy us drinks. We were 16/17. We also had a Physics teacher who would drink coffee and smoke in the dark room and say the smell was the developing chemicals! I personally feel he was dicing with death!

snigger Tue 27-Sep-11 19:26:51

Bad Stevie in our 1st year science class was routinely locked in the chemicals cupboard by our antediluvian professorial-type teacher.

Oh, and our English teacher used to wear a cape and have chair-chucking hysterical melt-downs if we failed to appreciate Giovanni Guareschi to the required level.

ggirl Tue 27-Sep-11 19:27:16

Maths teacher in secondary school got a boy and forced him to lean out the window (3rd storey) and lifted his feet off the ground shock

Histiry teacher punched a boy in the face.

VikingBlood Tue 27-Sep-11 19:27:20

One old pervy looking Maths teacher would stand in front of the class with his hands deep in his pockets (feeling around) and say in a creepy voice "it's so humid in here." It always freaked us out.

ggirl Tue 27-Sep-11 19:29:33

In grade 4 (canada) , if you were caught chewing gum ,you had to take it out and put it in a big jar of previously chewed gum..and pick another one out and put it on the tip of your nose...wtf

PorkChopSter Tue 27-Sep-11 19:29:33

I should add... her name was Miss Double grin

We used to have a very glamourous English teacher who wore short skirts. She enjoyed the attention she got from the pre-pubescent boys in the class and when they cheekily used to ask her stand on a table to reach something (so they could look up her skirt), she used to happily oblige hmm

VikingBlood Tue 27-Sep-11 19:32:57

DH works in a school which still has blackboards shock and he still chucks chalk at the kids.

mousymouse Tue 27-Sep-11 19:34:59

chemistry teacher in grade 10: making wine from apples (stolen from a property close to the school), distilling the wine and drinking the spirit. not a lot spirit from a 3 gallon demi john, though, none of us got drunk, only tipsy grin

We had a teacher at school (circa 1980) who used to come back drunk in the afternoons!! shock

PastGrace Tue 27-Sep-11 19:36:31

My drama teacher promised she would bring her new kittens for us to see, but had a change of heart because she thought the whole class would be too loud and scare them. My friend and I must have looked heart broken, because she then announced instead we were doing pair work "character studies" in the town. Everyone had half an hour to create a story about someone they walked past in the street. She paired us up (leaving me with my friend) and then let everyone go off slightly staggered, leaving my pair until last. Then she said "quick, into the car" and drove the two of us to her house for a cup of tea and to play with the kittens. Back in time for the end of the class where we "ran out of time" before our turn to perform our character study!

I loved her.

cyb Tue 27-Sep-11 19:36:44

Our maths/Pe teacher made the pretty girls kiss him on the cheek before they were allowed to leave the form room to go to the loo

Our PE Mistress offered to help us insert our tamons if we found it hard

yoshysmum Tue 27-Sep-11 19:37:35

We had a science teacher who threw a boy down three flights of stairs for misbehaving in his class. He was greatgrin

An english teacher who was also the deputy head, took us for english whilst our teacher was on sick leave. He used to rub himself against the table in front of him, give a big sigh after 5 mins or so and then sit down and sleep for the rest of the lesson.[shocked] We didn't learn much english that term, but we had fun putting all sorts of different things in his open mouth as we knew he couldn't tell us offgrin

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Tue 27-Sep-11 19:38:10

Primary school teacher that most of the boys worshipped (1970s) used to throw blackboard rubbers at children. He also once hauled a fighting boy up from the floor by his ear.

My final-year Infants teacher used to go round the room opening and slamming all the cupboards when she was angry

orangehead Tue 27-Sep-11 19:38:19

English teacher would throw the board rubber at peoples heads if they weren't listening.
Not that bad but still upsets me to do this day. About 7 and was learning about Symmetrical shapes. Teacher said most people had Symmetrical faces and went round the table pointing to everyone saying 'you have a symmetrical face' expect for me. I asked what about me and he said I didn't becaus of the huge birthmark I have on my face, que laughing from everyone. Up until that point I had never really noticed my birthmark. It really upset me.

dexter73 Tue 27-Sep-11 19:38:25

We had a creepy male teachers who made the boys take their trousers off if they put their hands in their pockets.

cleanteeth Tue 27-Sep-11 19:39:24

I know this is a bit controversial but do you not think kids were better behaved when teachers were allowed to act like this? Not some of the weird stuff they did like hitting kids but just something to make them a bit more scary sometimes. None of the kids these days seem to be a bit scared of their teachers so they know they can just do whatever they want.

BestisWest Tue 27-Sep-11 19:39:31

We had a history teacher (1970's) who would make you bend over and then he would draw a car number plate on the back of your skirt or trousers with the letters TWP 1 (Twp in Welsh meaning stupid). Can you imagine the outcry today.

I used to get a lift off of my history teacher if i saw him at Safeway on the way to school, he also used to routinely take the piss out of the length of my skirt, said he could always tell the weather by the length (oddly, they got shorter as the days grew colder...)

My art teachers were hysterical, on the cusp of retirement and complete loons, married couple, and he used to send you outside to sweep the playground as punishment for any transgressions...after first instructing you on how to sweep properly....

notnowImreading Tue 27-Sep-11 19:40:47

Mrs S at primary school used to pull out wobbly teeth by tying them to the door handle and slamming the door.

Mr S at middle school invented a 'wide game' which involved him trying to hit you with a cricket ball (he was a crack shot).

Mr C the physics teacher at secondary used to teach gravity by climbing out of the fourth floor window amd dangling by his arms, still lecturing, then flipping back in gymnastic style. We used to have to do some calculation with the height of the building and his weight while was hanging there and you got the feeling that if you weren't fast enough at the equation it would be your fault if he plummeted to his death.

At sixth form the teachers just shagged my friends. Not me though as was not attractive until 21 when discovered tweezers.

AuntieMoanica Tue 27-Sep-11 19:41:18

we had a nun who would kick boy's shins

loads of teachers smoked in class

and my DS's school HEAD used to smoke in his office and all the kids knew if he wasn't in there, he was in the bookies

Zippylovesgeorge Tue 27-Sep-11 19:41:54

One teacher used to wash peoples mouthes out with soap is they said anything she didn't like - not swearing but just getting answers wrong sad

Another used to regularly hit us around the head as a punishment.

Trust me there were some evil teachers in my 70's primary school - they'd be locked up for life now.

muriel76 Tue 27-Sep-11 19:42:17

Some - in fact, most - of these are utterly shock

I don't think I can single one out!!

We had a male teacher in the last year of juniors in the late 70s, if you were talking too much he would call you over to his desk all softly softly and you would think he just wanted to get you to answer a question or something, when you go to his chair he would grab you by the arm, put you over his lap and smack your bottom.

When I was doing my A levels at college, one of the lecturers frequently failed to show up at all (especially not funny when you had been hanging around for three hours since your last lecture and could have gone to hang round the shopping centre home) and most of the times he did show up he was clearly pissed as a fart.

muriel76 Tue 27-Sep-11 19:43:58

Actually, I can.....

Mr C the physics teacher at secondary used to teach gravity by climbing out of the fourth floor window amd dangling by his arms, still lecturing, then flipping back in gymnastic style.

Priceless!!

HazeltheMcWitch Tue 27-Sep-11 19:44:14

Hmm, first year at school, a lamb and a calf were brought into class for us to see. Of course they pissed and shat everywhere, but nothing that a light sprinkling of sawdust could not remedy.

In secondary, our home ec teacher who used to slap us on the bum with a chalky hand. Chalky hand prints were totalled at the end of the lesson and term for extra punishment, which looking back, always seemed to include us being on our knees, bums in air in our netball skirts - 'so we did not get our uniform dirty'.

Our science teacher who told us how to make minor incendiary devices, and made it clear that he was not averse to us, ahem, experimenting ourselves. Indeed, it would only make us better scientists.

Ah, happy days!

PastGrace Tue 27-Sep-11 19:44:51

notnow my friends were CONVINCED I was having an 'affair' with a (single) teacher (who didn't even teach me, so not sure where they got it from). Nothing ever happened, he was entirely professional and I didn't fancy him anyway.

Now I've grown up a bit, a little bit of me wishes I had. It would have been the most rebellious thing I'd ever done.

Ripeberry Tue 27-Sep-11 19:44:51

We had a teacher who would get hold of the hair just behind your ear and twist it (usually boys) when he got cheek off anyone.
All teachers used to chuck the board rubbers at people.
My French teacher rapped me on the knuckles with a ruler because I could not recite a verb properly.
One music teacher got so fed up of one pupil that he threw him out of the window after throwing some chairs at him (only 1st floor).
I believe he was sacked.

But the discipline at the school went totally downhill from 1987 when teachers were not allowed to 'touch' the kids.
It was a rough school hmm

ImperialBlether Tue 27-Sep-11 19:44:53

Cyb, you said "Our PE Mistress offered to help us insert our tamons if we found it hard"

You have GOT to tell us more than that!

ooh my P7 teacher was locked up sad weirdo

BestisWest Tue 27-Sep-11 19:45:21

We also had a (lovely) chemistry teacher who took us up a coal tip so that we could see sulphur in its natural state. It was so hot my 1970's plastic basket-weave wedges melted.

jenniec79 Tue 27-Sep-11 19:47:07

First primary (mid 80s) - Allowed myself and friend to walk home aged 5 with the only assistance being the presence of a lollipop lady outside the gates.

Second primary (mid to late 80s, we moved) same deal with bus stop to home - about half a mile and later on had DB in tow. Allowed to use the hot glue gun, paper guillotine (a safety one) etc ourselves, and to make a model with our own electricals in it aged 8. Capri-sun pouches and chocolates/crisps in lunchboxes as & when, treat-sized things for the whole class on birthdays, full on party arranged by us on our class teacher's birthday as a surprise for her, and just put class on hold for the day (2 years running!). No teacher ever listened to me read at that school. I also wasn't noticed leaving my classroom (the mobile in the playground) to wander off to the advanced recorder group because I was bored with the beginners group I was put in initially when we moved there - I was out of the class for about 30mins!

Its almost a miracle I survived at all!!

Our teacher of Italian literature and Latin at secondary school was an excellent teacher. But she tended to lit a cigarette in desperation, whenever her students weren't able to answer her questions grin

MrsBlarney Tue 27-Sep-11 19:48:41

Cyb, we had a PE teacher who would grab your towel and dry you herself (rather vigorously) if you took too long getting changed after swimming.

Actually I only remember that happening to me...hmm

We had an English supply teacher in secondary who, if you could persuade him would spend most of the lesson saving imaginary football goals and hurling himself around the classroom.
He was also brilliant at teaching Shakespeare.

Thinking back he was clearly suffering some mental health problems, I suspect he wouldn't have a job these days.

We also had a Maths teacher - again supply I think - who used to walk about the room clutching a meter length piece of 2x4 wood. If he thought you weren't paying sufficient attention this would come whistling down infront of your nose or next to your hand.

ImperialBlether Tue 27-Sep-11 19:49:36

We had a nun teaching us RE and a friend in the class was writing limericks. She was hilarious and her poems were always filthy. She got found out - the nun started with the sarcasm, "Oh writing poetry, are we? Well let's see what the class thinks of it, shall we?"

It was in rhyming couplets and of course one ended with "hunt" - it was so obvious even to the nun how the next line was going to end.

We were all thrown out of class halfway through the lesson - only the poet could remain. She crouched in a corner whilst the nun threw the tables and chairs at her. Luckily for us the door was glass, so we could all see our friend and hear her yelling "Ouch!" "Fuck!" etc as she was battered by all the furniture.

WeShouldOpenABar Tue 27-Sep-11 19:50:56

primary school teacher i had from about 6-9 used to lift the boys by their ears to place them standing on their desk so he could scream directly into their faces- not the girls though

secondary school english teacher covered in his breakfast from two weeks previous used to drop his pen under our desks and try and look up our skirts, he left to join the dept of education in a quite senior role!

Great thread! grin

My teacher (90s) knew he wasn't allowed to touch a pupil, but he had a really firey temper and one lad wound him up no end. One day the teacher picked up the boy's chair (boy included), and lifted it through the open window onto the flowerbed outside, then shut the window.

We were also counted in and out of the shower and they'd glance in to see we were washing properly after games ... we were 11-16 years old! Ewwww!

cyb Tue 27-Sep-11 19:51:20

Imperial she offered at the end of a sex education lesson during PE.

We also had those showers where you ran through in a 'U' shape. She was always holding our towels at the other end and we had to stand there while she found our towel for us

Primary - naughty boys had to stand in the waste paper bin

Secondary - teachers frisbee-ing homework books across the classroom to return them. That hurt.

SamsGoldilocks Tue 27-Sep-11 19:53:29

nearly putting out their cigarette on my finger instead of passing me a piece of chalk to write on the board - early 80's. This was the headmistress as well who taught the top class

MrsBlarney Tue 27-Sep-11 19:53:56

Imperial shock

We also had a brilliant geog teacher. He would kind of stay right by the desk and it looked like he was rubbing against it for the entire lesson.

Someone put a load of chalk on the edge of the desk once. Poor chap. He was sound, just a little fidgety and I don't think he deserved it. Merciless we were.

ImperialBlether Tue 27-Sep-11 19:54:37

Yes, funnily enough our PE teacher always made sure she was by the end of the shower run.

I do remember one of the girls having a love bite on her backside and the PE teacher demanding to see it. (It was a bite from another girl in the class.)

ImperialBlether Tue 27-Sep-11 19:55:26

I think when the teachers could "use their initiative" school was a lot more enjoyable. You never really knew what would happen in the day.

We had a teacher who would lift you off your feet by grabbing your hair, another teacher we'd find lying drunk on the floor - he was very ill and the other teachers kept it quiet, a music teacher who threw blackboard dusters and wasn't too bothered who got hit, they are the ones I can remember.

Primary school teacher would send us out on the road to measure distance, no pavement, unsupervised.

oldsilver Tue 27-Sep-11 19:56:48

Late 70/early 80's our Head of Year called an assembly, asked all the teachers to leave, got the worse behaving kids on the stage and punched one of them in the stomach. Threatening that if we told anyone no-one would be believe us as he was a high figure in the local church shock

My form tutor ended up with a girl in the year above me ... after she'd left school (only by a year or so)!

Pixel Tue 27-Sep-11 19:56:57

Our french teacher was always sitting on girls' laps. We used to dread it if we needed a new exercise book because we would have to fetch it from the big cupboard and he would invariably squeeze in there with us to 'help us look for it'.

leddeeburdee Tue 27-Sep-11 19:57:06

Primary - anyone who was caught kicking/ fighting had to spend the rest of the day wearing a big clapperboard sign round their neck that said 'I'm a donkey and I kick' shock

C0smos Tue 27-Sep-11 19:58:24

I used to walk the head teachers dog in my lunch break, she paid me in boiled sweets.

At secondary school, we had an entire term of unsupervised swimming 'lessons' no idea what the PE teacher was doing. We used to take the floor mats throw them in the pool and run across them for an hour!

Fiderer Tue 27-Sep-11 19:58:38

Primary teacher, used to put on a record (classical music) and whack children on the tips of their fingers with a baton in time to the music.
Bloody hurt.

ImperialBlether Tue 27-Sep-11 19:59:38

Oldsilver - just out of interest (as obviously that was appalling) did the children's behaviour change afterwards?

dilbertina Tue 27-Sep-11 19:59:59

At primary the teacher used to slam the desk lids down on the fingers of anyone not paying attention. Boys used to "get the slipper" - but not the girls. He was the headmaster too and his wife also taught in the school, they had a house attached and they used to take us all to sit in their living room to birdwatch.

One of the dinner ladies lost her wedding ring in a carpark near my house, she told me and I found it! I got double pudding for the next 3 years grin.

MrsBlarney Tue 27-Sep-11 20:00:26

I do wonder reading this what stories our own children might tell one day. I hope to God it's nothing as bad as we went through.

Though some of them are very funny and inspiring...the nicer ones I mean.

notnowImreading Tue 27-Sep-11 20:00:50

We also had a nun who used to go busking dressed as the most menacing father Christmas ever (complete with yellow beard and guitar). One of the other nuns taught sex education, including how to check for fertile times of the month through examination of CM, which she demonstrated with egg White. I'd completely forgotten about that till I came on here ttc. Very useful lesson, except possibly less than reliable for 15 yr olds.

libelulle Tue 27-Sep-11 20:01:39

I had a primary teacher who'd lift misbehaving kids up by the ear too (and no gender bias either!) then lock them in the cupboard. Early 80s but in France, so more like 1950s/60s in the uk in terms of attitudes. Secondary teachers were a motley crew. One had severe mental health issues - used to see him chatting to the trees in the playground before lessons, poor man, though he was such a sadistic teacher my sympathy is limited. No way would he last five minutes in a classroom today. Maths teacher used to write a deliberately incomprehensible stream of figures on the board, then get us to copy it out for the rest of the lesson while he read Greek tragedies to himself at his desk. Learnt literally no maths for three years before he was finally sacked. They were a gruesome bunch!

History teacher used to make you stand in the waste paper bin if you were naughty. He also use to hold "thicko's detention" He would tell stories of former students, usually in prison. (went to very rough London school)

Maths teacher, informed the class that he had "got rid of all the coons" by moving them out of his setshock He was also very odd, shaking his trousers and saying that his balls were stuck.

French teacher smoked a pipe around school, you could find him by the smell.

One of my male teachers was very flirty with me, it never went anywhere but we spent a lot of time alone after school chatting about nonsense and stealing glances.

BuntyPenfold Tue 27-Sep-11 20:02:24

We were very closely observed in the showers - no towels allowed. This reduced some girls to tears.

Chalk was thrown at us by an irascible maths teacher.

A mad geography woman would hit us on the head, sometimes only with a pen, but could be a textbook if you were unlucky.

All pales into insignificance when I remember that a married physics teacher, (who used to bring in photos of his baby girl), had regular sex with a 14 year old pupil - not in school time, but after a music club he ran in his spare time. We all knew. I know one girl who told her parents, who said it could not be true, and nothing was ever done. Their relationship continued for several years. My mother doesn't believe this even now.

Oh, and any item not exactly correct uniform was confiscated by the mad-as-a-hatter head from the cloakroom during the day and not returned ie. it was actually stolen.

schroeder Tue 27-Sep-11 20:03:46

On a school trip abroad, we were left to our own devices in the evenings whilst the teachers went to the pub.

We were fine just got pissed on the docks hmm aged 15.

begonyabampot Tue 27-Sep-11 20:04:14

One of our high school teachers brought his yacht into school when the kids refused to believe he had one - it sat in the car park. He also dangled one pupil out a 2 story window by the ankles. Another used to charge the pupils money to borrow a red pencil, he also used to play beat the belt where you get belted for not knowing the answer. Other teachers used to line up whole classes to belt to make a point or when one person wouldn't own up. Another teacher used to send pupils down to the chemist in town for tampons and stuff. The headmasters office did get petrol bombed though - so we'll call it quits!

BastardDog Tue 27-Sep-11 20:04:51

A secondary school French teacher who used to throw the chalkboard duster at unruly pupils heads.

A primary school teacher who used to drag her really long finger nails down the blackboard, making that awful screeching noise, to make the class be quiet.

ImperialBlether Tue 27-Sep-11 20:05:20

I'm in hysterics here. I know most of it is dreadful, but it's funny to think of the way they were so unconfined. They literally did whatever they wanted, like Miss Trunchball.

My yr2 teacher in about 1980 was married to a farmer, and every year at lambing time she used to make a little pen out of straw bales and we'd have a couple of baby lambs in the classroom - the entire school would traipse through our class in turn to come and see them!

pinkhebe Tue 27-Sep-11 20:05:25

our history teacher would staple the boys, by their ties, to the wall. he would throw anything he had to hand, board rubber,chalk,staplers at wayward children.

He was also one of the best teachers in the school

Also had several unsupervised maths lessons in yr8, other teachers used to pop in and tell us to shut up but never sent anyone to come teach us. hmm

oldsilver Tue 27-Sep-11 20:06:39

ImperialBlether absolutely not - in fact the boy ended up going to "special school" and on release died not long afterwards after being stabbed. We also lost all respect for the rest of the teachers for leaving us in the hall - the last couple of years at school were not pleasant.

oldsilver Tue 27-Sep-11 20:08:38

BuntyPenfold we mentioned this ourselves to the PE teachers after finding out the boys were allowed to wear trunks in the shower ... apparently they were looking for signs of physical abuse.

ImperialBlether Tue 27-Sep-11 20:09:03

It does sound like it was a terrifying place, oldsilver. And I agree with you, the lack of trust in those teachers who left the room must have been incredible. Poor boy, though. Really sad story for him.

EggyAllenPoe Tue 27-Sep-11 20:09:13

on April fools day the teachers used to deliberately arrive ten minutes late, and the class hid in the prep room/ cupboards to leap out and 'surprise' them.

oh how we giggled smile thirty three totally unsupervised kids working out how to put a bucket over the door...

begonyabampot Tue 27-Sep-11 20:09:48

oh and one I forgot. At primary we used to line up for confession from the parish priest who used to visit the school. Remember some of us giggling as we peeped through a gap in the door to see him stroking one of our friends hair as she confessed. At the time we thought it was hilarious, but not so sure now.

cardibach Tue 27-Sep-11 20:10:37

I had a Physics teacher who did a velocity experiment with an air rifle - firing it at a truck etc - but he missed his target and very nearly took out the only one of us who actually uderstood Physics. Nice little hole in the wall after...
My music teacher was a pipe smoker and if you had to go into his office you could barely see him across the room for all the smoke. He did training for practical music exams in there too!
These were both in the late 70s/earl 80s, but when DD was at primary (2001 onwards) the infant teacher was still eccentric - with the full support of pupils and parents who all loved her. WHen boys reached 11 she would put on bright red lipstick and leave 12 lipstick kisses (one for luck) on their faces. GIrsl she would kick up the bum 12 times. It was not even remotely dodgy and the kids loved it!

5inthebed Tue 27-Sep-11 20:10:46

I went to school mostly in South Africa. Teachers would regularly cane the girls hands and boys arses. one teacher had a perspex ruler she used, and another had a huge wooden spoon called Mr Pepper. One teacher would put tobasco sauce in the mouths of kids who swore. Another carrie a loaded gun in her hand bag as she was terrified of being car jacked. Perfectly legal in SA.

A teacher in the Uk as teaching us sex ed, and he threw the book in the air and told us the "true" facts of life which we weren't meant to be told about. It was much better than the usual sex ed talk.

therugratref Tue 27-Sep-11 20:10:50

In the 70's at primary school smoking teachers were pretty common.
My 4th grade teacher used to have a big wooden metre ruler , he would sneak up behind you and either slam it down on the desk or on the back of your hand depending on the severity of your transgression.

Chemistry teacher mid 80's- he was probably only about 8 years older than us, used to tell us stories about his drug fuelled uni days.

He also got bored one day and taped a candle to a can of WD40, we wandered all over the school nuking paper wasps nests with the homemade flame thrower.

Another time he put a bucket of water in the middle of the quadrangle and used a long pole to tip a lump of sodium into the water the resulting bang brought an enraged headmaster and the entire school out. Happy days

Pixel Tue 27-Sep-11 20:11:05

Schroeder has just reminded me of a school trip to France where the last we saw of the teachers in the evenings was them disappearing into the lift carrying a crate of beer between them.

Fizzylemonade Tue 27-Sep-11 20:11:56

My friend was always greeted by the teacher with "here comes the drama queen" when we were 6, because she was a bit sensitive sad

Our classroom was so cramped in junior 3 that the chair backs were against the wall and there wasn't enough room to walk behind them so we had to walk over the chairs in order to get to the right seat.

In secondary school if you misbehaved in class you had to hold the blackboard rubber between your forehead and the blackboard, leaning there for the whole lesson.

We had teachers punch students and still work there he next day.

Ah, I do so miss my catholic schools.

fifimagoo Tue 27-Sep-11 20:11:57

One of my teacher sent me to the shop accross the road to buy '20 rothmans' (cigarettes) when I was about 8 or 9. Hilariously enough, the shopkeeper just looked me over and said ' Oh right, are these for Miss Toohey?'. She'd probably been doing it for 20 years.

addictedtofrazzles Tue 27-Sep-11 20:15:35

I had a history teacher who would staple your hair to the display board if you mis-behaved!!!

muriel76 Tue 27-Sep-11 20:19:57

Some of these are sad

But some of them are hilarious, so eccentric and pre-political correctness!

Just remembered DH telling me about his biology teacher at his all boys' school telling them to put their pens down and giving a nothing held back lesson on girlie bits, what was where and how to turn a woman on complete with pictures!! A far cry from today's sex ed lessons, I imagine!

addressbook Tue 27-Sep-11 20:20:07

In my high school (mid nineties) in one year three teachers were sacked

One for having child pornography on his computer, another for getting drunk and shouting racist abuse at a police officer and the last for bitching about other teachers to the pupils shock

So not strictly in keeping with the thread but it brought it back

Matsikula Tue 27-Sep-11 20:23:24

At primary school one teacher, a nun, once tied a rather chatty and distracted boy to his chair. On another occasion she sent him down to the infants class to ask for some writing tips. I got away with the odd thwack with a ruler for talking.

also, and this is just icky, we once did a play about the founder of the order of nuns that established my school, and all the girls had to dress in the nuns' actual clothes.

It made being made to do PE in your knickers at secondary school if you'd forgotten your athletics pants (despite having uniform tracksuit bottoms and netball skirt to hand) look positively normal.

One of our primary teachers taped one of the naughty boys to a chair with brown parcel tape when he wouldnt behave.

We had a supply teacher that would bring her son in with her and we would take it in turns to push him round the playground in his buggy.

We had a nun that used to come in to lessons on a mobilty scooter and if we were good she would give us rides round the corridors.

jimswifein1964 Tue 27-Sep-11 20:27:22

Primary - teacher made us rip up all our years work on the last day of term, so we couldnt pass it on to be copied sad

Primary - like someone else posted, I was ashtray cleaning monitor at playtime hmm

Secondary - very nasty pe teacher who used to announce to everyone if she caught you in the shower tying ti keep your knickers on, and made you retake the shower with the class watching

My year 5/6 teacher used to jump on his desk and pretend to surf to gt our attention.

H&S would ban that now. grin

We were discussing this at work the other day. Older collegues had stories about teachers throwing things at them!, not allowed by the time I started school but I did point out that the old writing name on board and missing play isn't even allowed nowadays.

ElderberrySyrup Tue 27-Sep-11 20:31:31

I was sent to go and read to the headmaster when I was 5 or 6 (because I was good at reading) and I had to sit on his lap.
I don't remember him doing anything dodgy but somehow the whole thing was indescribably revolting. Maybe there was something going on I wasn't aware of and I had a sixth sense about it, I don't know. Why would I have been this freaked about it if there wasn't anything wrong? confused

BelleEnd Tue 27-Sep-11 20:32:43

Sexual relations between teachers and 6th form girls was practically compulsary when I was doing my A-levels 10 years ago. We used to go out drinking together all the time, without ever hiding it. And we had a biology teacher who was a total perve- All the girls hoiked up their skirt and unbuttoned their blouses before the lesson, and he's forget to do any work and just flirt...

TheThingUpstairs Tue 27-Sep-11 20:33:24

Mrs J at primary school would threaten to "shake you until your teeth rattle" if you had been naughty and then do so.
Another teacher didn't actually notice that I didn't return to class after lunch break (also in primary school).
They also did not stop my sister from running out of school, she managed to get to where my mum worked and school were not sure where she(my sister) was...

AndiMac Tue 27-Sep-11 20:34:43

Socialbutterfly, I love the free rides on the mobility scooter! That one is my favourite of the nice ones so far.

Some of the nasty ones really are scary nasty.

cece Tue 27-Sep-11 20:43:17

I used to be the teacher's dinner monitor. I highly coveted job. It involved:

-going into the canteen kitchen and collecting the teacher's hot dinners.
-carrying the steaming hot food on a tray across the playground and up a very narrow and steep staircase to the staffroom.
-negotiating the smoke filled staffroom to deliver the staff their lunch and then after a period of time go back and take dirty plates etc back to the kitchen to be washed up..

If you were really luckly one of the teachers would give you some money to go up the road to buy a pack of fags!

wonkylegs Tue 27-Sep-11 20:50:51

Small village primary 2 classes headteacher taught everything in reference to bible stories.... Even maths and PE hmm
Learning to swim he would chuck kids in the pool 'trust in god, it'll be fine' as we coughed and spluttered and occasionally had to be fished out.
In most subjects he routinely shouted at and humiliated small kids, occasionally taking more physical tactics.

toddlerama Tue 27-Sep-11 20:53:03

My reception teacher would put us in the cupboard if we were 'naughty'.

If anyone was unfortunate enough to wet their pants, they were provided with red, woolly tights of shame so that everyone would know.

We had a tiny, tiny teacher in yr 3 who was mad as a hatter. She regularly wore a school uniform because she could.

My teacher in yr 7 (still middle school in my county) used to throw chalk, fire a staple gun and slam a metre stick on the table to get attention. All of our names were written down the side of the blackboard and he would make a public tally of your 'rudeness' (talking when he was talking etc.). If it reached 5 by friday, no lunch break for you!

In secondary, we weren't allowed to shower because we would take too long so had to go for the rest of the day covered in mud and sweat from cross country or hockey.

Another one here who lived with rumours of an affair with a teacher! I have no idea where it came from, but people were convinced it was true. It wasn't. I did end up babysitting for him though, why not? Everyone already thought I was dating him...

We had another teacher who's housemate was dating a yr 11 girl. Awkward weekends...

SnoozleDoozle Tue 27-Sep-11 20:55:12

My P3 teacher reached over and yanked out my wobbly tooth when I was about 7, because it was interfering with my speech when I was trying to read to her.

Same teacher used to handle the pupil's savings scheme, and every Friday (bank day) used to take my friend and I with her into town so that we could sit in the car so that she could park it outside the bank without it getting blown up. (this was N.Ireland in the 1980s, and you couldn't leave cars unattended in the street).

I loved her! Have very fond memories of her......

MorbidlyMoribund Tue 27-Sep-11 20:56:56

Catholic primary next to the Church - every time there was a funeral that the teacher didn't think was well attended enough we got rolled out to sit at the back. I bet i attended two a week for four years....hmm

Who on earth would want a bunch of random 9 year olds at their spouses funeral??? confused

My lovely but rather eccentric primary school teacher used to hurl piece of chalk across the room, and sometimes even the blackboard eraser (you know, that great big block of wood type thing). It was never actually aimed at anyone, but it scared the shit out of you and promptly shut the class up.

Once, he got so angry he tipped a desk over shock - we were about 10 at the time.

We loved him to bits though and eventually became headmaster!

LimburgseVlaai Tue 27-Sep-11 20:57:27

At secondary school, our English teacher was this spinster with weird purply-orange dyed hair. At the start of the lesson she would get one of the boys (and only ever one of the boys) to nip to the shops to buy her a packet of fags.

Most teachers smoked in class; some smoked cigars or pipes. One of them used to stink of beer as well, even first thing in the morning.

We had a geography teacher who was in the TA. He used to demonstrate how to bayonet the natives.

and he eventually became headmaster!

toddlerama I have memories of a meter stick getting slammed off desks too!

Secondary school in the 80's, one evil creepy teacher (maths) used to creep up behind you (well, me) if you were sat quietly with a book at break, and breathe his foul cigar breath over your shoulder until you slowly turned round and saw his horrible paedo-specs about 3 inches away from your face. Creep.

Another teacher there, one I really liked, completely lost it with a very obnoxious boy in the class who was always provoking him, and hit his head back and forth with his hands. Boy was shocked to tears, and he was a well 'ard case. I'd imagine the teacher got into shit for that, but he didn't leave. Just as well, he was my favourite (and at the time, I thought the boy deserved it - it's only now that I'm a bit shock).

I had a fab history teacher who swore like a trooper and used to dress accordingly to whatever stage in history we were learning, he turned up wearing a WW1 uniform complete with tin hat and taught that lesson crouched behind his desk (trench) and would now and again throw projectiles from his postion.

The Romans were great lessons, he turned up wearing a toga and propped himself on his desk and made us peel and feed him grapes as he gave the lesson - brilliant!! Learning was so much fun with him smile

I doubt his teaching style would be allowed today though sad

NeverAttributeToMalice Tue 27-Sep-11 21:10:04

In my professional capacity, I use an inflatable hammer to help kids think fast, regularly threaten to use a ball gag on older students and frequently lob markers and small objects into kids' laps to get their attention. I have 2 colleagues who are married to former students. I love my job and the kids I work with and reckon I get on pretty well with most of them but I am considered a bit... strange.

As a child, I frequently watched one teacher throw something on the floor and make the bold child bend over to pick it up, whereupon he would wallop the wrongdoer on the behind. Another teacher picked up a boy and put him in the bin. Nobody minded as we were all fed up of the child's incessant chatter. We also endured cigarette smoking and the girls cleaned the staffroom on a rota. We never minded. We could make washing 5 cups last for 25 minutes grin In secondary, we had a teacher who traded on the celebrity of her slightly famous sibling, another who forgot to come to class several times a week, one who banged his head off furniture and cried and a nun who touched girls inappropriately. I have enormously happy memories of school!

mamaduckbone Tue 27-Sep-11 21:10:09

Our music block at middle school was in an old Victorian 4 storey building which I think used to be the schoolhouse. At the end of term the music teacher would allow anyone who wanted to to have a go at climbing the chimney. He also made anyone who misbehaved stand in the bin in the playground through the whole of breaktime (if it rained you had to put the bin lid on your head) and read us Magic Roundabout stories which we would act out with stuffed toys at aged 14.

chocolateyclur Tue 27-Sep-11 21:11:44

Our RE teacher had a slipper called "Percy". Apparently he used to use it on students in days of yore whilst teaching PE, and he kept it in the hope he could use it on one of us one day.

ShowOfHands Tue 27-Sep-11 21:13:36

Mr D picked up a student by his jacket lapels and slammed him forcibly against a wall before spitting in his face. It made a change from him rubbing his semi-erect penis against us as he forced us to squeeze past him on the way out of the door at lesson's end.

My friend had an affair with the (35yr old) CDT teacher from the age of 13. They moved in together eventually but they split up when he started showing an interest in another 13yo student.

One of the art teachers had a reputation for shutting himself in the supplies cupboard with young girls.

I had a teacher in primary school who used to throw the blackboard rubber at you - actually AT you - if you talked in class.

He would aim for your head. And get you!

Yes, Mr Alexander. You bastard.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst Tue 27-Sep-11 21:14:57

Follow you home to your house if you claimed you forgot your homework but actually had done it. hmm

Oh and I was messy so one used to take my desk to the door and dump it outside to be blwn about the play ground and I had to chase everything in the wind!.

One said I was too noisy and used to take my desk and put a tape square around me so no other kids were allowed in or out and no one could talk to me sad

Sometimes stick my desk in the corridor alone

I was clearly a pain in the arse tbf

notmydog Tue 27-Sep-11 21:15:09

In the verx early eighties my year 5/6 science teacher always used to allow us to play with mercury. And he let the girls sit on his lap when marking our work books! Didn't think anything about it at the time, we were far too naive!

Alwaysworthchecking Tue 27-Sep-11 21:15:13

youarekidding, I work in a primary school where having your name written on the board and missing playtime is allowed. I wish it wasn't - it's me who ends up having to supervise and I'm bloody gasping for a cup of tea by then!

Disclaimer: Always obviously feels very sorry for the children involved, it's just that she does get very thirsty and resents the whole 'missing her break too' thing. Especially when she didn't decide to keep them in.

When I was in 'top juniors' I went to sewing club after school and the teacher running the club lived in a house that backed onto the school field. One time she was telling us all about her home-grown strawberries. She then took us all up the field, lifted us over her fence and allowed us to pick strawberries. That was in the early eighties.

Same year in school, a boy in our class nicknamed himself 'Gaylord'. We had a very strict and - so we thought - humourless dinner lady. One day after lunch when we were meant to be settling down before register, he was mucking about and the dinner lady yelled, 'Sit DOWN, Gaylord!' He sat. She smiled. We thenceforth adored her and she never had to raise her voice to us again.

Alwaysworthchecking Tue 27-Sep-11 21:16:05

Apologies for the entire bolded paragraph.

chocolateyclur, that just reminded me of the twunt of a teacher Mr Hill who had slippers in graduating sizes hung in his cupboard for the purpose of thrashing small bottoms depending on the severity of your misdemeanour - he had a very short temper and was usually bright red in the face with rage for no good reason - bastard!

No surprise to hear a few years after leaving primary that he had died of a heart attack during a road rage incident

Some of these are quite sad and scary; but some just O.M.G. grin!

We had a history/geography teacher who more than once opened a (3rd floor) window, put one leg outside and sitting on the windowsill would threaten suicide as we were too stupid to bear.
He also lived on fags and cognac, was about 5ft nothing, weighed 6st dripping wet and looked like a jaundiced prune even then (80s). Unsurprisingly, he is a bachelor, his sister cooks for him and he loves to chat about existentialism in the local pub. My brother lives near him and sees him every now and then if he doesn't manage to hide first wink.

We had a physics/maths teacher who was ex-army and every problem/calculation had a military setting: "If your tank weighs 1800kg and is stuck on a slope of 20 degrees, how strong does your winch need to be to pull it up?" or some such lark.
He also took us on a residential schooltrip and used to make misbehaving students do forced marches through the snow - until some of us vomited with exhaustion shock. We loved the man and would have done anything for his approval...

All the usual chalk/wet sponge/book throwing - seems quite commonplace, sadly.

The 2 aforementioned teachers were best friends btw, really strange pair, tiny prune and 6ft 4 He-Man grin.

Whatmeworry Tue 27-Sep-11 21:23:47

- Blackboard duster thrown at Bad Boys in back row - regularly
- smacking hands with ruler
- knicker inspection once.....

BelfastBloke Tue 27-Sep-11 21:25:22

Our Religious Education teacher (!) crept up behind a not-paying-attention student and SLAMMED him over the head with the large hardback RE textbook. The book went completely U-shaped.

Same guy cleared us all out of the room so he could confront another student he hated, and threw steel chairs across the room at the student while we all looked in through the glass windows.

moogdroog Tue 27-Sep-11 21:26:48

The head of PE went into the boys shower with a camcorder to film for a promotional video hmm.

Another used to hurl board wipers as chatting students..

ginmakesitallok Tue 27-Sep-11 21:26:57

I went to school when we still got "the ruler" if we were naughty. Teachers DSs went to the school and I remember one time when her youngest was naughty, she took him to the back of the classroom, pulled down his trousers and pants and whacked him on the bare bum with a ruler..sad

Germany, late-90s: we got chalk and/or erasers thrown at us.

England, 2000: Art teacher used to chuck tables and chairs in a rage, but in mellower times she would sit on said desks and tell us all about her horrendous periods. confused.
Same school, one english teacher used to hide alcohol in his desk and seemed to have regular breakdowns where he would be absent from school in the run up to exams. At the time we thought it was just annoying, but I just feel sorry for him now.

Adversecamber Tue 27-Sep-11 21:28:50

Early 1980's, I had a history teacher who made a fully working guillotine and beheaded a sindy doll at the front of the class. He also wouldn't let a boy go to the toilet, we were about 12. The boy wet himself, the poor kid was humiliated and teased.

ElaineReese Tue 27-Sep-11 21:31:47

Hitting.

Having an egg timer which was turned over with the words 'if Annette hasn't stopped crying when the sand has run through, I shall give her something to cry for!'

Hitting again

Smoking in the classroom while we were in assembly

Bawling in the corridor 'I DON'T LIKE YOU, I NEVER HAVE AND I NEVER WILL, RIGHT? RIGHT! GREAT!'

General mocking and deriding of clever children, giving them offensive nicknames and encouraging other children to join in.

Not really teaching us anything.

LimburgseVlaai Tue 27-Sep-11 21:33:02

Boys and girls used to have separate PE lessons. The PE teacher used to make us girls hang upside down on the rings to make our t-shirts fall down so he could see our boobs.

The music teacher used to stand up leaning his front against his desk, pushing up onto tiptoes and down again, thus rubbing his erection against the edge of the desk.

bilblio Tue 27-Sep-11 21:34:43

I was just talking to FIL about this today. He went to a Catholic school, he's naturally left handed but was forced to write, eat etc with his right hand.

All mine are from primary school. A teacher tie a girl to her chair with sellotape, another time she made a girl get changed in the boys changing rooms after PE as she was being silly.
The blackboard throwing teacher retired the year before I started.
Anyone caught spitting was made to spend breaks spitting into a large bucket "until it was full" this punishment was never needed beyond the first year of primary. Also if you were caught kicking you had your shoes taken off you. Very sensible IMO, but wouldn't be allowed now. I loved that teacher she was fantastic.

The fun things that wouldn't be allowed now.
If it was a nice day the teacher and 1 other adult (either a parent helper or whoever was around) would take the whole class of 30 for walks in the countryside for the afternoon, no permission slips needed, we'd just go.
The school field had a great big banking, then it flattened out. When it snowed, so long as you brought a change of clothes you'd be given a polybag (big plastic feed bag donated by local farmers) and you could spend lunch time, and often the afternoon polybagging down the field.

We had some odd school trips too... the weirdest was to a sewerage works. hmm As a result I will never ever flush a goldfish down the toilet. sad

Valpollicella Tue 27-Sep-11 21:35:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deste Tue 27-Sep-11 21:36:56

My primary teacher used to let me out of school early to pick up her son from nursery school about a mile away. I was about ten at the time.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 27-Sep-11 21:37:13

A very dim, art teacher who when I was in second year (year 8) believed me when I said that every week I had to miss art and go and visit a sick Aunty in hospital. Art was the last double lesson of the day and I just skived off. It was only weeks and weeks later I got caught because the art teacher happened to ask my Dad, the deputy head how his sick sister was!!!!! Dad was more cross with the gullible teacher than me!

English teacher who ate sweets and peanunts in front of the whole class (without offering them round), taught us nothing and threw a sickie on parents evening.

Junior shcool teacher who would pull me (and others) out by our fringes/noses/ears for talking in class and rap on teh knuckles anyone who did not know all their times tables. She also kept a record of who had given what to the charities we collected for (good Catholic school) and gave out a prize to the highest donor whilse shaming others.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 27-Sep-11 21:38:33

Oh and of course the inevitable male PE teacher who would sit at the back of the gym and look up all our little PE skirts rather than teach us anything. Naturally he had an affair every other year with a sixth former.

bilblio Tue 27-Sep-11 21:38:45

Senior school teachers by comparison were remarkably normal... although we were all made to watch "Threads" in Humanities when we were 13.... it's filmed in the city we lived in so the teacher could tell us whether we'd be dead, or how serious our burns were, depending on where we lived. We all had nightmares for weeks, people were going out and throwing up... and they did this year in, year out.

notcitrus Tue 27-Sep-11 21:40:57

First year of secondary, every monday morning was double science, where the teachers for both classes in my year would give us a video and put it on in the tech room and tell us to shut the fuck up while they dealt with their hangovers with lots of coffee and fags next door.
The video collection included Blue Lagoon and 9 1/2 Weeks...

Then there were the trips in the school minibus, with a dozen of us on the floor and clinging on for dear life when the doors flew open going round roundabouts - and the chem teacher smashing up most of a petrol station when he stopped to refuel.

And the computer studies trips which consisted of going to Pizza Express, being given glasses for both red and white wine and not allowed to leave while one had wine left, getting regaled by stories of the teacher's three-year-old, then going on rides on the pier followed by watching a movie with Julia Roberts in. Ironically the stories of handling stubborn toddlers have been some of the most useful stuff I ever learnt at school!

Then there was the RE teacher who covered contraception for a whole year, complete with graphic details of her own sex life, in particular the effects ofher husband's vasectomy on his penis, which recovered full function after a month but now bends slightly to the left...

Plus of course board rubbers and model molecules being thrown at you for not paying attention. And the bonkers priest who came one day who asked if we believed in God (ripple of indifference), pulled out a gun and shot down the aisle making a bullet hole in some hymnbooks, and then said Now do you believe in God? Though to be fair he wasn't invited back!

This was all an expensive boarding school in the 80s/90s!

oldsilver Tue 27-Sep-11 21:58:06

LimburgseVlaai had one of those at college except he used to just plonk "himself" on the corner of the desks and just sort of stay there ... balancing on his bollocks. Mind you we all did well on his segment of the exams, probably due to the fact we took copious notes - better that, than to actually look at him hanging off the corner of your desk grin

frutilla Tue 27-Sep-11 22:05:36

One teacher tied a 5 or 6 year old boy to his chair because he was naughty and put sellotape on his mouth. Just imagine, she would be in prison for doing that today!!

My middle school (late 70s - early 80s) was pretty much fully staffed by the most foul, abusive and shite teachers I ever experienced. My primary teachers were all normal and mostly inspirational so it was a bit of a shock. And then after leaving that school all my high school teachers were lovely and normal again. It was like some sort of evil educational twilight zone.

I think most of them would have been fired. There was the stuffing paper in someone's mouth incident, the making a boy do PE in a leotard incident, the freaky, pervy teacher who only allowed boys to join his special 'science' club every year and just the general air of fear of getting a board rubber lobbed at your head.

It was only some years later when me and some former schoolmates were talking that the penny dropped. The school opened a year before we started and we can only assume that all the shit teachers from other schools had been 'encouraged' to apply to the new school as a means of getting rid. Thirty years later there are still some who I would love to bump into so I could tell them what revolting shits they were who made a bright kid who wanted to learn shrivel inside after being made fun of. Being made fun of by the teacher FFS! For being overweight, for not having a car, for living in a detached bungalow - wtf?, for having a SAHM (I know - different these days!) and for going on holiday to Filey - paid for by my GPs cos we were skint.

Yes Mr Oldroyd. You is at the top of my list! You Purdy haired, man-bag carrying arse! I know not nor care where you are but I am so glad that the school went long ago! I give it no credit for my success in life.

KatieMiddleton Tue 27-Sep-11 22:15:58

When I was 5 in 1987 one boy already dressed just in his pants and vest for PE having forgotten his kit accidentally farted. The teacher spanked him.

When I was 7 another teacher dragged the class naughty boy across the class room by his ear and spanked him repeatedly while we all sat in stunned silence. The same teacher also made us all weigh ourselves and record it in a chart. One poor girl who weighed almost as much as the teacher was mortified.

13 years old went on school trip to Hungary by coach. This coach load of girls spent much of the trip wearing only underwear and getting hammered every night. We were utterly unsupervised. Mainly because two of the teachers were busy carrying on an affair and another was very elderly. I had the most wonderful time and I learnt so much. At least two of those teachers are dead now and it was only 16 years ago sad

Marne Tue 27-Sep-11 22:19:04

My wood work teacher used to swing a bit of wood around, if you were standing to close you would get hit (which i did).

We also had a teacher who would slam a piece of wood down on the table infront of you to get your attention but it was so loud it would leave your ears ringing for the rest of the day sad.

Nothing compared to others though grin.

LeQueen Tue 27-Sep-11 22:27:45

DH went to uber stricy boys grammar school back in the Eighties...

DH has a tiny scar in his hair-line from when his maths teacher hurled a black-board rubber at his head for not paying attention in class.

DH also witnessed a first year being dangled out of a first floor window by an enraged teacher (teacher later got early retirement, due to stress).

DH's best friend wore gel in his hair (huge transgression of school rules) and was frog-marched to the loos by a teacher who than shoved his head roughly under the cold tap and roughly scrubbed the gel out.

DH's PE teacher was ex army, and regularly instructed pupils to 'Get a f*cking move on, you bunch of f*ucking poofs, w*ankers the lot of yer' and he would clip them sharply round the back of the head for not paying attention.

DH's Physics teacher was border-line psychotic and would regularly reduce little first years to tears in his lessons, and would hurl a chair/books/chalk/shoe across the room to vent his frustrations.

DH genuinely loved his school days, and his school actually had a fantastic academic and sporting reputation hmm

LordOfTheFlies Tue 27-Sep-11 22:30:02

When I was 16 (and a lightweight thankfully) my geography teacher -6'2"- picked up my chair with me on it and put it on my desk. Then laughed evily and went back to his chair, leaving me to climb off.

All for the cardinal sin of swinging on my chair!grin

Oh and I cannot forget when I was benefit fraud investigator many years ago now going out to visit my old, sadistic PE teacher from that school. She had a debilitating spinal condition and was on incapacity benefit but had been reported for running aerobics classes on the side. We went out to visit her but managed to establish fairly quickly from seeing her and from medical evidence that it was a malicious allegation, there was no way she could have been doing what the informant claimed with the condition she had.

That really reminded me about treating others the way we want to be treated and that children grow up and can find themselves in positions of authority over those who were not nice. She recognised me and apologised if she had been harsh in the past. She had been harsh and I won't pretend that it didn't take a lot from me to be the bigger person and let it go. I still feel sorry for her - going from sports teacher to wheelchair bound must be horrific - although I cannot forget 30 years on being laughed at cos I couldn't do the high jump/long jump/cartwheel/backwards roll like my slender and lithe classmates and being called elephant, lump and fatso. I was a size 10 at age 11 tops.

My one moment of revenge/karma and I feel too sorry for her to even enjoy it!!

chickydoo Tue 27-Sep-11 23:21:58

Knicker checks, we had to stand in a line and lift our skirts so the nuns could see if we were wearing regulation big pants.......weird!

ToothbrushThief Tue 27-Sep-11 23:31:37

History teacher had an affair with a pupil age 14?

Same teacher teaches at the school still sad My DC are now at the school.

I often wonder if the school know

My favouriate primary school teacher used to smoke his pipe in class. I used to take him a Christmas gift of tobacco!

OhBuggerandArse Tue 27-Sep-11 23:36:30

Our primary school head mistress had a series of black standard poodles which she used to bring into school with her. The Ultimate Punishment if you'd been naughty in class was to be sent into her office to sit under her desk with the dog. Funnily enough I don't think any of us minded, particularly.

redexpat Wed 28-Sep-11 00:01:43

Infant school headmaster would regularly throw children across the hall if they were disturbing his assembly. Think he was jailed for fraud.

zippy539 Wed 28-Sep-11 00:04:45

French teacher used to lock herself in the cupboard for ENTIRE lesson EVERY day. (Poor woman - I feel awful for her now and know bog all French).

Techy teacher who used to follow you into his cupboard to 'help' you find appropriate bits of wood. (He never followed me in - I had a very flat chest).

PE teacher who was shagged one of my mates at the leavers do.

Science teacher who regularly referred to pupils as 'spastics' and 'eppies'.

Lovely, lovely school chaplain who crashed us fags if we ran out.

History teacher who used something (vinegar?) on his belt to make it stand upright and stood you on a bucket prior to a belting.

I could go on and on and on. I went to a very classy school. Not.

Our Humanities teacher used to lift one boy, who had vey sticky-out ears, up by twisting them.
My metalwork teacher asked to see me on leaving day, when I went there (wondering what was wrong) he said he just wanted to have another look at me in my dress!
Same teacher used to constantly say girls should not be doing metalwork, and almost choaked when he announced that I had come first in a competition, it meant he had to "Give merit marks...to a GIRL!"

ninedragons Wed 28-Sep-11 00:11:25

My primary teacher was unimpeachable but the one in the classroom next door used to smoke so much that there was a three-foot band of smoke below the ceiling, all the way down the corridor. I remember looking at it and thinking aha, what the fire brigade told us about "get down low and go go go" was right.

WiiUnfit Wed 28-Sep-11 00:22:38

1970's:
My Mum's science teacher started an affair with a 15yo pupil, when he turned 16 they married. She still teaches at the school.

The head of upper school regularly threw male pupils across the common room.

My Mum & her classmates used to ask their Chemistry teacher a random question (e.g. 'Do you believe in ghosts?') He would then spend the whole lesson talking about his paranormal experiences while they lit cigarettes from bunsen burners.

Mum's DH had all kinds of tool launched at him in Woodwork classes if he wasn't paying attention.

1990's:
Primary school teacher & sports teacher had an affair. Became very public, sports teacher left.

2000's:
History teacher had an affair with Geography teacher before leaving her DH & kids to elope with him, they're now married with their own DC's & both still teach at the school.

Form tutor was exposed in the Sun for 'sexting' an underage pupil at his old school, swiftly jumped before he was pushed.

Physics teacher couldn't be bothered to teach us on more than a few occassions, spent the lessons watching films, listening to music, generally messing around.

WiiUnfit Wed 28-Sep-11 00:25:50

Oh yes, almost forgot! The Graphics teacher who got her boobs out every year at the school prom. shock

The alcoholic art teacher who used to reek of stale beer (when he was actually there)

The newly qualified teacher who couldn't cope & once barricaded a class in a classroom by dragging a desk outside the door & sitting on it... hmm

Dragonwoman Wed 28-Sep-11 00:35:58

Where can I start.... what about the drama teacher who set us an improvisation task & then stripped down to his baggy Y fronts in the drama room to 'see if we would stay in character when distracted'. We didn't & got shouted at!

FreudianSlipper Wed 28-Sep-11 00:47:15

mid 80's our french teach would tap our legs and lift our skirts up with his walking stick. he was sacked from another school for flashing at young boys

History teacher that used to drink and smoke in the supply cupboard.He made history interesting though,love history to this day

German teacher who used to whack you round head with her handbag,which was always stuffed with food scraped off her plate in the dining hall hmm

English teacher ( a priest ) who was so creepy/pervy that if you needed anything from his supply cupboard 1 of your mates would need something too so you didnt have to go in alone as he would follow you in

An extremely evil Re teacher ( a nun ) who threw stuff AT you,humiliated you ( or at least tried to,we were better at it than her grin ) and used to scream about how much she hated children and wed all end up in jail/on the dole/dead cos we were all so stupid

Ah happy school days

Maths teacher who taught classes with his cat curled around his shoulders.
Geography teacher who threw blackboard erasers at people, with fantastic aim.
Best was our 4th/5th yr science teacher who taught us how to make vodka, and mortar bombs.

moonferret Wed 28-Sep-11 02:32:56

When I was 5 years old, an older boy falsely reported to the headteacher that another boy and I had been misbehaving on the school bus.
The teacher called us out in assembly in front of the whole school (it wasn't a large school, but still!) and physically banged our heads together. We hadn't even been asked for our side of the story. Not that there was one, as we'd done nothing. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents. This was in 1981. I'm still not impressed to this day!

acatcalledbob Wed 28-Sep-11 02:48:15

I had a teacher who smoked a pipe constantly through lessons.

And another one who threw a squash ball at you if you got an answer wrong - either you smartened up or developed excellent reflexes...

HengshanRoad Wed 28-Sep-11 04:48:03

My old French teacher called a black boy a "n*g-nog" and made him stand in the bin...

Ouch.

This was around 1995 as well.

This same boy was dyslexic, as it turns out, but was never diagnosed as all the teachers simply thought he was "thick".

DownbytheRiverside Wed 28-Sep-11 06:29:41

Happy days grin
Catch me up and preparing lessons at 5.30am back then. No room for eccentrics now, but it's good that the child abuse got stopped as well.

MrsSchadenfreude Wed 28-Sep-11 07:19:45

Year 6 girls used to have to make the teachers' tea and coffee at break time. We had a rota and use to leave class ten minutes before break started, so that it was all ready for 1030. We used to hate Mrs O'Callaghan and always used to spit in her cup. grin

A level economics in the 1980s, girls told not to turn up or to leave the lesson "as this bit will be too hard for you to understand." We didn't object, we were just glad to get out of the lesson. Unsurprisingly, none of us (girls) passed.

rumpleteaser Wed 28-Sep-11 07:33:21

My primary teacher brought her pet snake into school to show everyone once.

Secondary school a maths teacher threw a table at a boy and chemistry teacher was arrested for having child porn on his computer and taking pics of kids at an early learning centre shop.

My mum went to a strict catholic school and every monday morning were asked if they went to mass the day before, anyone who hadn't got caned.
Mum said the only the school taught her was how to lie.

FreudianSlipper Wed 28-Sep-11 07:45:53

woodwork teacher who nicknamed me eskimo nell (there is a famous poem about a whore call eskimo nell). i had no idea who she was, my mum did and reported him

he would also disappear into his workroom with one of the girls from our class, she seemed much older than us (about 11 at the time) and they would often go off after school on his motorbike

last i heard was that he had a breakdown

DownbytheRiverside Wed 28-Sep-11 07:47:21

Used to let the class rabbits out in the classroom for exercise.
Used to take the class on spontaneous excursions, to my garden on several occasions to look at environmental science in action.
Spend entire weeks following something that had caught the attention of the class, rather than everything being planned a month in advance.
Used hot glue guns and saws and dangerous implements in infant classes.
Built a kiln in the school grounds during a Romans topic and fired our own pots.
Nature table, with bacteria-ridden objects of fascination!

HattiFattner Wed 28-Sep-11 07:51:34

A young lad in our school - not very bright - head teacher called him out in assembly and made him bend over. Caned him for no reason.
Said "Did you like that Jones?"
"No sir"
"Well I better give you another then, so you learn to enjoy it"
Canes him a second time
" Did you like that Jones?"
"Yes Sir"
"Oh good, have another!"
(canes him again).

we were 8, year 3. Clearly I am still traumatised.

It's nowhere near as bad/funny (depending!) as most of these but one boy I taught told me in our last A level lesson that he'd always wanted to be taught by me when he was lower down the school because I was known as the English teacher who took her shoes off in lessons. I had never noticed or thought about it but it's true, I always teach bare foot. Don't know why!

LeQueen Wed 28-Sep-11 09:40:23

I went to a very bohemian Steiner school back in the Eighties. Some of our teachers were very colourful to say the least...most were incredibly highly educated (many had PhDs etc), but eccentric to the point of border-line madness...

One teacher was always permanantly stoned, the reek of pot would preceed them down the corridor, and he would often sit in his desk with his head back, eyes closed having 40 winks whilst we worked. Often he'd snore.

Another teacher, male (with waist length hair, as I recall) always cycled to school on a bizarre mono-bike contraption he'd made for himself, with his Jack Russell perched on his shoulder. His Jack Russell would always come to class with him, and we'd often be working with the dog sat on our knee, and we'd take it in turns to take the dog into the play-ground to do a pee.

Our English teacher, was Welsh and had a filthy temper, but an amazing singing voice. He would often sing the lesson to you, and would always recite poetry standing on a desk so the sounds can roll down to your ears. He also once threw a boy down a flight of stairs and threw his desk and chair after him. We trod very carefully around this teacher hmm

Once we got into into the Upper School, many biology lessons comprised of our teacher driving us off into the countryside in the mini-bus, stopping at a nice pub, and telling us he'd see you all in an hour or so, go and explore Nature before heading into the pub for a pint and a cigar.

Once a year, we'd have a Summer Outing, when the entire school were driven into the wilds of the Derbyshire Peak District. Once in the Upper School, you were basically pushed out the back of the coach and told to find our own way to the pick-up spot (often 15 miles away). No guide, no maps really. The teachers thought it would test our initiative...and it did. We'd often hitch-hike though, and never once thought to be scared. We'd have been about 13/14 at the time...

Threaders Wed 28-Sep-11 09:44:03

One of my old primary school teachers (in the mid 1980's) used to throw board dusters at anyone asleep/chatting/acting naughty.

We used to have the old fashioned desks with the lids that lifted up on hinges, all books and stationery was kept in the desk. If it wasn't tidy, he would launch all the contents out of your desk all over the floor, then usually chuck them out into the corridor, closely followed by physically pushing us out of the door too, along with desk.

Great teacher though - the man had respect in the school lets put it that way. Saw him fairly recently, he's retired now and a shell of his former self but he taught all the way up to retirement age and had a long and successful career with 30+ years at the same primary school.

Ahhhhhh, they were the days......

sweetpb Wed 28-Sep-11 09:48:38

I cant remember how old I was but it was 'middle' school so younger than 13 anyway! (33 now) we had a 'maths' lesson where we had a piece of card and some thread and we had to go through numbers to make a pattern, Well i did it wrong and the horrible teacher grabbed my hand and slapped it, left a massive red mark on it then made me sit in the corner and wouldnt allow anybody to talk to me, My mom just asked one question, did you answer the teacher back, I said no so she went up to the school but she was so mad they refused to let her see the teacher lol, I think she would have slapped her! funnily she couldnt get to see her on parents evening either....

Another teacher - in the same school, we had home ec lessons and she was showing us how to cut something up, some lad was talking so she turned around to tell him off pointing the knife and waggling it at him when it flew out of her hand, luckily he ducked in time!!!

I Cant really remember anything interesting about highschool!

Px

LeQueen Wed 28-Sep-11 10:04:40

Threader your teacher sounds just like our half-crazed English teacher (who was also given to hurling desks on occasion).

We adored him, and were incredibly respectful and worked like demons in his lessons because his standards were so incredibly high. If he thought you hadn't tried your very best he'd literally throw your book out of the window, and you'd be sent outside to collect it - if he actually praised your work we knew we'd produced something really amazing, and the feelings of pride were overwelming.

I owe my writing abilities to him 100% smile

God, if there were more English teachers like him, the UK wouldn't be bleddy ranked 17th in the world (behind bleddy Cuba FFS) for literacy levels.

I'm 44 now. When I was about nine I had a primary school teacher who I didn't reall get on with. On Tuesday afternoons the class was divided up into boys and girls and the girls did sewing and the boys did woodwork I HATED sewing and woodwork looked really fun to me and I was yearning to try it. I asked Mrs Bartlett if I could do woodwork instead of sewing but she said no. I would have enjoyed Tuesdays a lot more if her ideas hadn't been so steryotypically restrictive and when I look back I wish I hadn't just resentfully accepted it but had had the language and ideas to argue my case and hopefully even change her mind. When people complain about Political Correctness I think sometimes they forget or don't realise how dreadful it was before there was any political correctness at all. Times were very unenelightened. O.K. it can go to daft lengths sometimes but it was just as ridiculous the other way and more limiting.

limitedperiodonly Wed 28-Sep-11 10:16:47

One of my male teachers used to make you stand in a bin and sing Happy Birthday to yourself on your birthday.

Another one when policing the lunch queue used to send you to the back if you stepped out of line. Not the bullies who would shove you out of the line for fun, but the actual victim.

A male and a female teacher used to work in tandem taking us aside and asking sympathetically if we had any personal problems. Anyone who confided in them soon found their problems broadcast round the school.

Another female teacher would tell us about her sex life while toying with her cleavage. She had a broken tooth so 'sexual' would come as as 'sheckshul'.

She would also announce her crushes on named boys, sometimes they were unlucky enough to actually be in the classroom at the time. If so she'd ask them about the time their voices dropped. I can't remember what she was meant to be teaching us.

The caretaker used to walk though the girls' changing room when the teacher was elsewhere, insisting that he needed to perform some vital maintenance on the boiler. To be fair, he was sacked after our games teacher caught him.

jeee Wed 28-Sep-11 10:21:12

The communal showers that we had to use after PE were not universally popular. At the end of one session it turned out that 58 out of 60 girls had their period, thus preventing us from showering wink

The games mistress was undaunted by this and announced that she was going to inspect our underpants shock

afishcalledmummy Wed 28-Sep-11 10:22:47

One teacher (mid 80s) made a boy in my class wash his mouth out with a bar of soap when he told the older children who were supervising wet playtime to piss off. She was a super teacher though, really well travelled and had loads of interesting stories of her youth - I am awesome at quiz machines as a result of her teaching.

At boarding school (again mid 80s) they caned the boys and if you got caught talking after lights out you were slippered.

A teacher of mine in the early 90s was 6'6" tall and as a treat for winning a game in PE he'd pick you up under your armpits and throw you in the air. It was so cool!

mollymole Wed 28-Sep-11 10:25:24

latin teacher who had wooden leg/false foot would boot us up the arse as we were leaving the room if he felt like it!!!

limitedperiodonly Wed 28-Sep-11 10:32:56

We had a biology teacher who at the end of term used to offer us Quality Street for a treat. The only thing was he used to empty the tin into the plastic dustbins usually used to store catfish and rats for in formaldehyde for dissection.

Looking back I realise he must have packed the bin almost to the top with newspaper and spread a thin layer of sweets on top to see if anyone would dare take one. No one ever did. grin I really liked him and I don't believe he deserved the sack for his.

We had a pottery teacher who would abuse our efforts at pinch pots as 'baked bean cans' and rant about our uselessness and his own genius.

Every week some poor child would collect their pot from the shelf only to find it had become unwrapped and was rock hard. He'd then make them throw this treasured thing they were making for their mum into the pugmill and stir it up while ranting at them for not wrapping it up properly. There were regular tears.

We all knew this sad act used to creep around after class maliciously unwrapping things but we couldn't do anything.

He was making a pot (beautiful, it has to be said) for his wife's birthday. He'd left it to be fired by one of the A level students. When it was fired someone had scratched 'Mr X is a cunt' into the clay. They were all ready to stand together and refuse to give up the culprit.

But in the end was no investigation. We suspect Mr X disposed of his Cuntpot of Shame in the pugmill himself to avoid humiliation. grin

limitedperiodonly Wed 28-Sep-11 10:38:41

Oh, a quite hearty female games teacher, the one who got the caretaker sacked, used to leave the changing room for about two minutes then dart back in and pull down the gym knickers of any girl who hadn't got changed quickly enough.

One Geography teacher's response to a boy muttering "Bollocks" under his breath was to whirl round, back the boy up to the wall and scream uncontrollably "Bollocks? I'll give you Bollocks! I'll cut your bollocks off with a rusty tincan lid!!!!!!!!!!". He wasn't sacked - became Head Of Year later. hmm

At Primary if someone misbehaved my Yr 5 teacher would draw a chalk circle on the board just slightly higher than nose height and tell the child to stand with their nose in the circle until he said they could stop. From 5 mins to half an hour iirc.

mine are odd rather than abusive, I think - from primary school

Science teacher (also head) who would lob lumps of potassium out of the window into puddles.

Latin teacher who, on walking into a lesson and finding us doing the cancan at the back of the room (why? I have no idea) proceeded to lecture us about how that was all wrong, and taught us how to do the CanCan properly grin

..and we used to play full-on British Bulldog on the playground (when we weren't climbing, and falling out of, trees) - with the staff - and no quarter was given (on either side)

DottyDot Wed 28-Sep-11 10:43:33

our infant 2 teacher (so we were about 6/7?) used to have a permanent line of children snaking around her classroom to get the slipper - we would have to bend over her knee, she'd pull our skirts up/trousers down and slipper us...

The headmistress at the time would bring her strap into assembly and crack it on the floor really hard, threatening to strap us with it - I never had the strap but a couple of boys regularly did. I used to hate seeing them waiting outside her office - they'd be crying before they even went in sad

limitedperiodonly Wed 28-Sep-11 10:45:22

An art teacher used to constantly bring the conversation round to female beauty and comment on individual girls' faces and figures in a 'discussion about aesthetics to improve your artwork.'

A straight male games teacher used to bring his favourite boys to watch us bouncing around at netball etc and make comments about hookers then insist he was talking about rugby. Actually, that doesn't necessarily mean he was straight, does it?

This thread is making me wonder whether there were any non-perverts in the staff room at my school.

limitedperiodonly Wed 28-Sep-11 10:49:45

Beertricks that chalk circle thing reminds me of the male games teacher I just talked out.

He used to make children stand with their arms straight above their heads if they annoyed him.

I now realise that is a stress position banned by the British Army. Fuck.

Yes, limited! It meant balancing on the balls of your feet, with nothing else to take your weight. I once moved the Still Life cabbage in Art so I could see the 'interesting' side and he shouted at me so fiercely I cried. He was a good teacher though, strangely enough.

LeQueen Wed 28-Sep-11 11:08:38

My Dad went to a strict grammar, and his third year Geography teacher took an instant dislike to my Dad, and refused to have him in his lessons. My Dad genuinely had no idea why, it started from the very frist week or term. Twice a week for a whole school year, the Geograhpy teacher would march into the classroom, put his books down, point at my Dad and bark 'You, LeQueen'sDad stand outside.' My Dad duitifully stood outside for the whole lesson, for the whole year.

Amazingly, my Dad passed his O Level Geography grin

Ah where to start <<rubs hands>>

In juniors kids who'd been naughty had to stand up in assembly and everybody would be ordered to look at them and laugh. On one memorable occasion two boys were made to sit behind the dinner hall during break and lunchtime and sit on a chair wearing a sign round their neck saying 'stupid' and a dunces hat. We were told to go and have a good look at them and laugh.

That was in the 80's

In secondary school the art teacher who gave everybody exactly the same report, photocopied and our name scrawled on the top. He also used to hide his drink problem in the art cupboard, he was always slightly pissed

The booze cruise trip to France cunningly disguised as an educational visit, yes for £25 you, yes YOU could help teachers push trolley loads of boooze across the hypermarket carpark after being dumped in some village for a few hours.

me and my (male) German teacher were very close, which looking back was dodgy as hell a bit odd.

At dps school they had a teacher they called the mad monk because he wore robes and jesus sandals, and was always qouting the bible. He seemed to like boys a bit too much and kicked dp round the floor on more than one occasion, he killed himself a few years ago by putting his head on a railway track.

Their pe teacher was caught shagging the female art teacher in one of the cupboards, ending in a grand finale of art teachers husband battering him outside the school, aforementioned pe teacher did indeed manage to shag half the female staff, he's living in Spain now with his last conquest. (late 90's)

Dp found out a few years ago that a lot of boys had been sexually abused by a few male teachers who had 'favourites'. One in particular would invite certain boys to his house for camping trips, it all ended up in the paper when one of the boys ( now a man) reported him, turned out he'd invite them into the house alone and rape them.

faverolles Wed 28-Sep-11 11:12:30

Primary - our teacher in class 2 was having an affair with the science teachers husband - he used to come into our lessons and sit next to her, stroking her leg up under her skirt. They used to meet up at a local restaurant nearly every day and snog!

Secondary - music teacher, who had been sacked from a previous job for being caught with his pants down with a student, was suspected of having an affair with a girl in the fifth year. She was in the choir, they used to go into the music cupboard for a while and come out looking flushed. He was in his forties, so very ewwww!

Our PE teacher used to sit on a stool and watch us shower. We had to be naked, she would playfully slap the more developed girls on the
bottom as they left the shower. She also had a stand up row with a girl, as the poor girl refused to wear tampons. I wouldn't wear them either, but luckily stayed under her radar.

I had bad asthma as a child, and had regular hospital appointments. My mother would send the school a list of times and dates, so they knew well in advance when I would be absent. This had gone on for two years and worked well, until I went into a maths lesson five minutes late after having an appointment. The teacher ripped into me in front of the whole class because I was late (even though she knew, the bitch!) and made me do my work in the corridor outside the classroom for two weeks.

TheSmallClanger Wed 28-Sep-11 11:19:17

Our infant teacher used to grab you by the shoulders and shake you, hard. Normally for messing up a spelling, or for apparently not trying hard enough in PE. In many ways, she was a good teacher who got results, and I genuinely think she thought she was doing what was best for us - like at NASA, failure was not an option in her class.
She really needed to control her temper, though. Fewer children would have wet their pants, if nothing else.

At high school, we had an insane science teacher. The first time we witnessed him losing his temper, in all its high-pitched voiced, foot-stamping glory, we were terrified. However, he used this little act too often for it to be effective long-term, and we soon just found it funny. He taught us things that I now know to be completely untrue as well.

RudeEnglishLady Wed 28-Sep-11 11:28:10

Headteacher no.1 - spanked people with a gym shoe. It was called 'getting the gym shoe'. Made girls sit on his lap for a weekly session called 'read to Mr. X' in a small room, with the door closed. Boys did not have to do this. Had another weekly session called 'Mr. X's Gym club' which was one hour of anarchy using gym equipment. Injuries and fights were a constant whilst Mr X sat at the side of the hall staring into space.
Headteacher no.2 - had torrid affair with Mrs. B, another teacher and had an altercation with Mr. B in the playground.

limitedperiodonly Wed 28-Sep-11 11:33:58

God, that shower nonsense. I'd be grateful to any games teacher who can tell me there is a non-pervy, non-humiliation explanation for it.

Why does everyone have to strip naked then march into the showers and then back out again?

We had shower cubicles but no curtains. I can kind of understand that because they'd probably get torn down and you want people to be quick. But we weren't allowed to wrap up in towels for the naked walk - why? Why didn't they install a row of coat hooks outside the showers?

You weren't supposed to run - sensibly - but girls always ran. One slipped and was spreadeagled naked on the wet floor.

It meant that you did as little as possible in games so as not to get sweaty and then spent seconds in the shower afterwards so you weren't even washed properly. How does that help anyone?

Now I'm quite happy to be naked at the gym changing rooms but from 11-16 I definitely wasn't.

Bugsy2 Wed 28-Sep-11 11:36:42

It really was a free for all. I'm glad teachers can't behave like they used to anymore!
At senior school, I had my head smashed against my locker by my psychotic form tutor. He was absolutely barking mad with huge temper issues & used to physically abuse most of the class. Sometimes he would completely lose it & just start hurling furniture around the room. One of the more "delicate" boys puked on the floor once during one of his more terrifying tirades.
We also had a biology teacher who used to ask girls to lift up their blouses so he could focus the video camera on something white!!!!!!!
The music teacher eventually ended up in prison because he had boffed so many under-age girls.
My first year form tutor used to ask the girls to sit on his knee for cuddles!!!!!!
At primary school the teachers were allowed to hit us with rulers on the hand & the really viscious ones used to hit the back of our hands with the edge of the ruler - nice!
Oh the joys of a catholic education. hmm

HattiFattner Wed 28-Sep-11 11:37:04

my brother is a true "gifted" individual - IQ off the scale.

He was always backchatting teachers and playing pranks, and one day the PE teacher had enough and laid into him with the cane. Not just 6 of the best, more like 15-20.

My brother was very subdued at home and could hardly walk. Mum demanded to see...dad called home from work...head teacher phoned....meeting the next morning with Head and threats of police involvement. PE teacher never touched another pupil, and new policy implemented so head teacher gave out all punishments.

Which actually worked well in my favour, when a hysterical volatile history teacher screamed at me and a friend and sent us off to see him for the cane. WHen he heard what we had done (basically nothing) he lightly tapped us both on the hand, winked at us and sent us on our way.

We were fairly stunned, and from that moment the history teacher lost all her power.

CBear6 Wed 28-Sep-11 11:37:08

In the mid-to-late eighties/early nineties at primary school there was one teacher who liked two things and two things only - history and cricket. I think I was 8 or 9 when I was in his class and then got him the following year too as they had a shuffle round. There was many a day where he'd decide the weather was too nice to do maths or English and instead he'd take us out into the yard to play cricket all afternoon, from the end of lunch right through until home time. He would even knock on other classroom doors and try talk the other teachers into bringing their kids out to play against us. When we weren't playing cricket we were learning about history, as a class we once spent an entire day building a replica of Archimedes Screw, another day it was a model of the Parthenon or a model of our region's river complete with bridges, landmarks, and towns/cities marked out. He gave us all new names on the first day, remembered them, and called us by them all year. He was great.

Another primary school teacher would make troublemakers sit on the floor directly in front of her "so I can kick you if you misbehave".

A group of us were taken on an outdoors weekend, somewhere in Yorkshire I think it was, we were 9 or 10yo. On the last day of the trip we were going "orienteering". The bus dropped off 20 primary school kids and our teachers in the middle of nowhere (there wasn't even a proper road), said they'd meet us at the rendezvous point, and drove off. We're stood there with no maps, our normal clothes/shoes (not a hiking boot in sight), and no packed lunches. The orienteering culminated in us rock climbing down the side of a waterfall, merrily led by the teachers, with no safety equipment and one wrong step between us and a long fall not helped by us horsing around and attempting to stick various body parts over the side and into said waterfall.

MortBlackCatsandWitch Wed 28-Sep-11 11:42:10

I've told this on here before but we had to touch the corpse of our dead priest laid out in the chapel. It was supposed to cleanse us of our sins hmm - i was 7....i had nightmares for weeks afterwards as my guitar case was "coffin" shaped and he kept sitting up in it.....

Dead bodies don't bother me now btw - so no lasting damage....<twitches>

limitedperiodonly Wed 28-Sep-11 11:44:52

There was a sign outside the physics prep room that said: 'Knock once and wait.'

You'd knock once and waste your entire break. The second time it happened to me I knocked once then knocked again about a minute later.

The physics teacher yanked the door open and shouted: 'Can't you read?

I said yes, but the first knock had come from another girl who'd gone off. I asked if I could hand over my work seeing as he was standing there. He took it.

What the hell was wrong with these people? If they didn't want to be disturbed on a break they could have just installed a letter box.

And here was I thinking you went into teaching because you vaguely liked young people

limitedperiodonly Wed 28-Sep-11 11:50:36

Bugsy The edge of the ruler on the back of the knuckles never happened to me but happened to my brother frequently in primary school. Nuns aren't quite as nice as they look, are they wink

I had an absolutely lovely teacher in yr 6. One day one boy came in with three broken fingers, another boy punched them as he thought it would be funny so the teacher rapped him over the head with a shatterproof ruler and snapped it. He wasn't hurt just shocked. She would never get away with that now grin

LeQueen Wed 28-Sep-11 12:16:37

DH was a cocky little git when it came to maths, he was exceptionally gifted(breezing through Maths O Level papers while still a first year etc).

At grammar school DH's favorite past time was pointing out errors his maths teacher had made, and completing the maths problems in his head before the teacher had finished writing them on the board. Understandably his maths teacher hated him with a passion, and once refused to have DH in his class for a whole term and he had to go and sit in the library seeing as you already know it all. At the end of the term DH still came top in Maths, much to his teacher's chagrin grin

slug Wed 28-Sep-11 12:36:09

I had a chemistry teacher who, while writing on the board, could turn around, hurl a piece of chalk with devatating accuracy and be back, unconcernedly writing on the board again before the chalk hit the target.

Nuns... <<shudder>> With one fantastic exception, all the ones that taught me were psycotic.

As a teacher, I sometimes regretted not being able to utilise a well aimed piece of chalk. I had to resort to "the seat of shame", the seat in the front, closest tothe teacher's desk. It was usually a fairly potent threat. e.g. "Joseph! Are you going to desist from talking to your friends all class, or will I have to move you to the seat of shame?"

harrietthespook Wed 28-Sep-11 12:54:27

Trying to give me and various other girls a great big slobbery tounge kiss.

He was 80 and had been chief translator at the Nuremburg Trials in WWII. Taught French in retirement. Went to Uni with Dr Seuss. Published books on grave stones in New England. He was untouchable in a school that valued 'eccentricity.'

Conundrumish Wed 28-Sep-11 13:18:43

Some of these are horrible and very sad.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Wed 28-Sep-11 13:20:59

LeQ did your DH go to school in Manchester? sounds remarkably like DHs except he was taken out to the pub by his teachers and, on one occasion given so much sherry he puked.
My teachers have been a mix of the bizarre and cruel. I am very old (47) so have seen corporal punishment at first hand. Horrible.
One of our best teachers at junior school brought his little dog in every day. The dog was a small mongrel who piddled everywhere. Mr Jones would just send the closest pupil or the one who spotted it to call the caretaker.
Another teacher would let us ride on the bonnet of his car as he drove into the playground. The same one who would let us strike his Swan Vestas on the ground to light his cigarettes.
Since DH is a teacher, I've seen strangeness from the other side. One teacher at DHs school was firmly against corporal punishment. Any pupil who misbehaved would have to go to Dr Xs house to weed the garden.
Another was having a two year long affair with a student. They did go on to marry, but DH and another colleague were horrified and reported it to the head.
Head said he was aware but since he was retiring that year he wouldn't do anything.

BrigitBigKnickers Wed 28-Sep-11 13:30:39

One of my colleague friends once sellotaped one of her pupils to his chair as he kept getting up and walking round the class!grin

One of my pervy science teachers used to lean over thye desk (with a hand each side) and look down the girls blouses. Also tried to undo a girls bra with a powerful magnet. <boak>

changer22 Wed 28-Sep-11 13:40:04

One of mine (geography) sat in the cupboard and cried for the lesson. Another time she opened the windows when it was snowing and the ink ran off our books. It was to 'wake' us up.

Another (science) told us that we had done a potentially dangerous experiment and if anyone told a policeman the caretaker would go to prison shock. Caretaker was mute and was in the classroom at the time.

The PE teacher said to a boy after my (asthmatic) friend had beaten him in a race, 'how does it feel to be beaten by a cripple?'

The deputy head of the same school used to give another friend breathing lessons (?) for a school play by standing behind her holding her ribs alone in his office. She was 12.

Another (home ed) used to do her washing in the school washing machines - meant for the tea towels. We used to laugh as we saw the classic huge white y fronts going round.

And one told my friend's class (Y4) that sex was a special thing she and her husband did once a year!!!

All the same school. England in the early 80s.

WhipMeIndiana Wed 28-Sep-11 13:42:43

holy shit! if anyone touched my daughter's ribs I would throttle the bastard! that was one fecking creepy school you went to hmm

lisamaria Wed 28-Sep-11 13:45:12

An English teacher of mine used to be housed in the school library and lessons with him consisted of us browsing/causing mayhem in the library whilst he tapped away on a type writer and chain smoked. Found out later he was quite a prolific short story contributor for mags such as People's Friend and Women's weekly. God knows what OFTED would have said or rather, hw he would rise to an OTSTED inspection!!!

GooseyLoosey Wed 28-Sep-11 13:46:12

One of my primary school teachers had a 1m wooden ruler he called "Itchy". If anyone annoyed him too much he shouted "Itchy is twitchy" and if they annoyed him again, Itchy twitched! Oddly, I remember him as a good teacher.

WhipMeIndiana Wed 28-Sep-11 13:56:16

we had an english teacher who would purposely drop pens onto the floor to look up the girls' skirts..
in every school it seems there is a perve somewhere hmm

ladybutterfly1 Wed 28-Sep-11 14:04:22

i had a teacher where his breath smelled of booze and fags all day. and was bad tempered. i can still remember his name till this day.

PoweredbyTea Wed 28-Sep-11 14:07:55

We had a 'Home Economics' teacher who was like someone out of a Chalet school novel. Went to a not-bad but pretty standard state secondary and she was just so out of place. I think she wanted to be teaching at a 'finishing school' in the 1950s. (This was mid-90s)

She would drift around commenting on whose skirts were too short and telling us what it took to be 'elegant' and which of us she thought would never amount to anything / attract a good husband if we didn't buck our ideas up. She was meant to be teaching us sewing but I don't remember making anything apart from one pillow case and surely that can't have taken a year...

Mid-seventies primary school, we had a new female class teacher fresh from college. She wore heels, full makeup, very tight clothing and all the daddies loved her (the mothers were not so keen)

As we were in a hut rather than the main building, she ran the class like her own private fiefdom. We could call her by her first name, bring sweets to eat in class and generally piss around instead of working. Her boyfriend spent many happy hours perched in the room and they would snog like teenagers. She would flirt outrageously with the boys and bitch, argue and namecall the girls, pointing out our attractiveness or otherwise (we were ten). It was like Lord Of The Sodding Flies in there, with her as the oldest child and the rest of us in our pecking order.

We also had a very outspoken music teacher who would have huge rows with the only male teacher who fancied himself as a Jazz muscian. The piano lid in the Hall was regularly crashed down in Hymn Practise and the shouting would start. Brilliant fun.

FeastofBeans Wed 28-Sep-11 14:08:16

A music teacher who would throw wooden board rubbers at pupils. The same teacher would put his arm round our waist to pull us in closer whilst marking our theory books. He also kept cans of beer in the music storeroom filing cabinet.

My infants school teacher (female) made us touch tongues but I don't know why. I posted this here before once and was accused of making it up and being a paedophile hmm

It sort of pales into insignificance compared to my friend who had a PE teacher (female) who would slap them all on their bare bums as they ran out of the shower.

kellzi Wed 28-Sep-11 14:10:14

sacked mine would be in prison. one of my teachers would throw the chalk board wiper at you and quite often it would hit. and my swimming teacher would throw you in the pool and hoped you didnt sink. i am still here to tell the tale thank god

PoweredbyTea Wed 28-Sep-11 14:10:30

Oh and of course there was the teacher who had a two-year affair with a sixth-form student AND DIDN'T GET FIRED. And I'm sure other teachers knew about it.

sittinginthesun Wed 28-Sep-11 14:14:07

We had the lot smile

Teachers getting off with pupils;
Teachers marrying ex pupils;
An alcoholic head who used to wander round in a drunken haze;
Teachers throwing rubbers/books at pupils

and my favourite - Husband and Wife teachers in same department. He was under the thumb and scared of his own shadow. the boys used to tie him to his chair, or lock him in the stock cupboard. He would shout for his wife, who was terrifying, and she was storm in, giving out detentions in her wake, and shout at him for his inability to control his class.

Amazing I got an eduation really...

In secondary school, late seventies, we had the elderly but creepy Biology teacher, the Art teacher who had affairs with the sixth former girls, the, ahem, rather manly female PE teacher and her male counterpart who would physically fight any boy who was getting a bit big for his boots (Teach always won!)

I had forgotten until I read someone say earlier - we also had a Maths teacher who would staple ties to the board while you were still wearing it.

He also had a special trick for very unruly older boys. They would be dragged into the class with the younger children and made to bend over with their head under the doorhandle. Out came the cane, and if the offender attempted to straighten up, they would whack their skull on the door handle.

Huge humiliation for the big lad and a sobering lesson for the younger ones. Double whammy (actually triple if you count the caning)

FeastofBeans Wed 28-Sep-11 14:38:39

One of mine actually IS in prison! Not saying why, for fear of outing myself grin Bizarrely even when it all came out what he'd done, most members of staff said it wasn't actually that bad and stuck up for him. A few left the teaching profession altogether in disgust.

I had a swimming teacher who wouldn't let us get out of the pool using the steps, we had to haul ourselves out of the side. Me and my friend weren't strong enough and were practically drowning whilst she stood bellowing at us from the side, and all the other kids just looked at us sympathetically. Way to encourage kids to swim, love. Wattabitch!

NoNoNoMYDoIt Wed 28-Sep-11 14:52:09

1970s - private girls school. we weren't allowed to go to the toilet during lessons. so if, in kindergarten or transition (YR / Y1), you needed to go to the toilet, you had to wait until break time. if your bladder control wasn't the best and you wet yourself, the teacher would declare 'i can smell urine. up on your desks' and all of us had to stand on our desks while she came around and lifted our skirts one by one to check our pants... ridicule, humiliation etc followed for whichever poor mite had weed themselves.

thwack of the ruler on the knuckles in the same classes for not paying attention etc.

the termly check that all your clothes were labelled AND that you were wearing regulation and labelled knickers. that was nice for the girls just starting senior school who had a male form teacher and had to show him the label in their pants. honestly - what WAS the school thinking??

ILoveDolly Wed 28-Sep-11 14:53:52

so many!
my geography teacher slapped a boy full in the face
one french teacher used to regularly throw keys or board dusters at us
a supply teacher at our primary school used to make the boys sit on her lap and chutch their cheeks (they hated it) - the same teacher also used to spank pupils which I'm sure was not allowed in the 80s

when my mum was a supply teacher she got so mad she ripped up a boys sticker album - I'll bet you'd get into a lot of trouble these days for that

AbsDuWolef Wed 28-Sep-11 14:59:37

My ballet teacher was a chain smoker and would smoke the whole way through our class.

My Afrikaans teacher used to take us to her house and feed us cake during the lesson. I loved her - it was the first time my mark ever went above a C in Afrikaans.

Maths teacher used to throw tennis balls at us and the ceiling fan if he was bored.

On one school trip (teachers and parents driving us there), there was limited space in the car so they put a couple of children in the boot

FeastofBeans Wed 28-Sep-11 15:04:18

Our male primary teacher made us all get changed for PE in the classroom, in front of him (although the boys got sent out...). We were 11 - he had 3 DDs around our age that he talked about a lot, and so I think considered it ok.

The same teacher took us to a building site nearby for a housing project we were doing. We had no hard hats, nothing, and just wandered round the half-built house chatting to builders who WERE wearing safety gear!

weeonion Wed 28-Sep-11 15:19:13

my primary 5 teacher used to send me and my pal out with her grocery shopping list and money. we'd head into the local village (about 1 mile walk( and get her weekly shop.

my latin teacher used to spit on a ruler and flick it at us if we got an answer wrong

mummymccar Wed 28-Sep-11 15:19:58

Carebear - Did you grow up in Oxfordshire by any chance? I had a teacher a lot like your cricket teacher.

We had loads at our secondary school -
- The maths teacher who didn't know any maths and would frequently write things up on the board that were just wrong then sit at the back of the class with the boys telling sex jokes whilst the rest of us had tuition from another student.
- The art teacher who had an affair with a 6th former. He was sacked when it all came out. He had two daughters in the school at the time - I felt awful for them.
- The science teacher who used to let people smoke behind her class if she could join them.
- and the worst one was a substitute history teacher. I was big chested and couldn't get any uniform that properly fit from anywhere, my pen ran out one lesson and a boy threw a new one across the class to me. I bungled the catch and it went straight down my top. Embarrassing but funny until the teacher insisted that this boy come and fish it out himself. <boak>

Barmix Wed 28-Sep-11 15:28:19

Primary 4 teacher chucked a wooden blackboard pointer at my friend. It stoated off her head and it snapped (I mean the pointer snapped, not my friend's head).

PE teacher snogged my 16yr old mate in the ski-store cupboard (and probably would be fired for that nowadays).

cory Wed 28-Sep-11 15:31:04

We had a lovely ice slide down the hill next to the school house: the younger teachers used to be out there every break down sliding down it. Mind you, this was Sweden, so they're probably still at it: last time I checked the Elf hadn't made it that far north.

paddypoopants Wed 28-Sep-11 15:34:15

We had a mental latin teacher who was about 7ft tall and had long hair and a beard (think lanky Jesus). He had a large rope hangman's noose and when you got a word wrong or something he would make you stand on a chair with the noose round your neck, tie it up to the girder in the centre of the hut ( it was the 80's) and then he would threaten to kick the chair away. We all thought it was hilarious. He also had a selection of enormous ancient hardback Latin dictionaries in the store which he would drop from a great height on to the top of your head.
He was a good teacher mind but scary as fuck.

At primary school we had a teacher who was renowned for giving "The Bin Treatment" which basically entailed emptying the bin over whoever was driving her up the wall. She also once taped someone to the chair for messing about. She was legendary back in the day. Mad looking back on it.

hackmum Wed 28-Sep-11 16:43:50

I'm http://www.mumsnet.com/te/5.gif at Paddypoopants's story about the noose. Boy, did that have the potential to go wrong.

hackmum Wed 28-Sep-11 16:44:13

Spot the person who hasn't worked out how to use emoticons!

notcitrus Wed 28-Sep-11 17:03:25

Y6 (1980s), teacher decided she was going to teach the whole year in French, as you do. I knew no French at all, but not only did we have no textbook to help me learn any (you had to copy overheads and draw the English translation as you weren't allowed to write any English words down), but you weren't allowed to say anything in English.
Result was every single day I got chucked out of the class to see the Head - who told me to go read in the library until lunchtime and then pretend it never happened. Just as well I was only there a year as I'd just about finished the library!

Same teacher would regularly tear up my homework as my parents refused to sign my homework diary, and then give me detention (more library) for 'not doing it myself'...

Previously - PE teachers who didn't allow you to wear the expensive games skirt that was part of the uniform until Y6, by which time you'd outgrown a couple of unworn ones. And who thought 'you fucking spazz' was an acceptable term for anyone crap at netball.

The music teacher who would strap your fingers to your recorder with an elastic band if you didn't get the notes right, or failing that thwap your fingers down with her baton as she conducted.

Various sticking misbehaving pupils to chairs with sellotape - this generally only happened to two really nasty kids so we all thought it was a great idea! And from age 7, being sent to the nearest shop (about 5 min walk across a busy road) to buy fags for the teacher and chocolate for the class. Again we thought this was great.

PeneloPeePitstop Wed 28-Sep-11 17:17:35

At primary school.... Class 2 so would have been 6-7... so that's approx 1984. Our female teacher used to make us strip COMPLETELY NAKED not even underwear allowed on and run 2 circuits of the school field to dry off after swimming in the outdoor pool.

The whole school could see you, and everyone dreaded getting to that class.

paddypoopants Wed 28-Sep-11 17:27:01

Thinking back I'm sure the noose wasn't attached properly - but we were 11 and he seemed mad enough to do anything.

1944girl Wed 28-Sep-11 17:57:35

My brother had a teacher who threw blackboard rubbers at the kids, and hit them with a metre stick, and he was a priest.
I was at school in the 1950s and some of the things our teachers did would be unthinkable today.The free dinner pupils were always segregeted(sp) in the hall at dinner time, having to sit at a seperate table.I can also remember a girl standing in the front of the class being told by the teacher ''You are backward, your mother has been told you are backward but refuses to listen to us''On the day I started school I was threatend with a good hiding from the headteacher if I cried for my mother.We also had teachers who smoked in class, and my sister remembers going on a school trip when the teachers dissapeared into the nearest pub and left the kids(then age 9 and 10) playing on the field outside.
I can remember my grandfather(born in 1894) reciting a rhyme that was popular at his school.''Mr(headmaster's name)is a very good man, he goes to church on Sunday. He prays to God to give him strength to hit the kids on Monday
My own two children started school in the '70s and were regularly smacked by teachers when naughty.

AndiMac Wed 28-Sep-11 18:30:45

Nothing compared to lots of these, but a couple of minor things that I still remember or have been dredged up.

I was in my final year of high school and taking PE, which was optional for your final year. What I was doing there rather than have a spare (ie a 90 minute break every day for half the year) I don't really know. It was co-ed for this class and the idea was to learn "Life" sports, things you could play for all your life. This included golf, at which I was rubbish. The teacher was male, well into his 50s and just shorter than me with a big graying ginger beard. He came up behind me, wrapped his arms around mine on the golf club like a stealth hug in an attempt to show me how to do a proper golf swing. All the guys in the class were sniggering and ended up howling as he kept it up, especially with remarks of, "Hold the shaft tighter!". I was mortified. Although I understood the innuendo with the whole thing, I honestly think he was just trying to teach me a proper swing and had no thought of how it must look to the rest of the class. He was a bit barmy from having fallen off a cliff about 5 years earlier when out orienteering with another class. He survived the fall of 7 stories and I think he either went a bit la-la sometimes.

Funnily enough, his wife taught me math in junior high school. I was sat right behind the class troublemaker, probably in an attempt to be a good influence on him. This meant that I occasionally had to duck and dive as she threw chalk at him for talking.

Other than that, I think the rest of my school years involved teachers whose craziness wasn't obvious enough to me to remember!

Gay40 Wed 28-Sep-11 18:33:14

Third year juniors had an evil teacher who just beat us all regularly. She was one of these two-faced witches who was lovely to your mum but a complete twat to all the kids.
On one memorable day I had a very bad cold, temperature, shaking, the full works, and she cracked my hands with a ruler until they bled shock

hackmum Wed 28-Sep-11 18:49:03

We had a couple of teachers who had affairs with fifth and sixth formers, though I didn't find out the extent of it until long afterwards. They kept their jobs of course.

We also had one teacher in particular who was quite violent - would really whack a boy (not the girls, though) if he got something wrong in class.

Also a teacher who used to come out with the most disgusting innuendo all the time, and would leer at the girls. Horrible.

Most of the stuff people describe on here would get teachers sacked nowadays. I think teachers today are much better than they used to be years ago (or at least you get fewer crap ones), even if schools in other ways have got worse.

IShouldHaveBeenAPairOfClaws Wed 28-Sep-11 18:52:43

I had to do the naked shower walk as recently as 1996 and they had a 'period register' too, even into the 2000s!

jenfraggle Wed 28-Sep-11 19:02:51

I am absolutely amazed and appalled that people have been made to shower naked in school!

LynetteScavo Wed 28-Sep-11 19:04:17

jefraggle, you are young, aren't you! grin

Oh yes, the period register. hmm

jenfraggle Wed 28-Sep-11 19:06:59

I'm 29

Coca Wed 28-Sep-11 19:10:16

Late 80's my primary school teacher threw a book at my head. He also dragged a girl out of the class by her hair. She was 8 or 9 (same as dd1) as a child I didn't think of it as that shocking but now as a mother shock

Buubbha Wed 28-Sep-11 19:14:36

Primary - had a teacher who used to chase the boys around the class to get to them so she could belt them. They used to push desks over and throw chairs into her path to keep her from catching them. She couldn't control the class at all. And we had her for 2 years! This was the 70s and we did very little work those 2 years.

Secondary - where to begin? A mad French teacher with a full length broom handle that he'd throw at you if you stepped out of line - this was after the belt was banned.
An alcoholic English teacher who suddenly disappeared from school and never came back.
A PE teacher who slept with several girls throughout his teaching years. And we all knew about it, we even knew who was his 'girlfriend' at any particular time cos she would be the girl babysitting for him and his wife. This became public about 10 years after id left school when one of his fav boy pupils confronted him about it at a party. His wife (who was there) was devastated and he got a serious punch in the face from the boy who couldn't believe his wonderful teacher could have done such a thing.
A maths teacher during the teacher strikes in the 80s who taught no maths instead opting to tell us all about the reasons for the strikes at great length.
A geography teacher who thought herself quite gorgeous and got off on sitting on a desk with ther feet on a chair and her legs open, wearing a skirt. There was many a boy took geography to olevel just to get her as a teacher.
There were so many more nutty teachers at my school that I could go on for hours about them. But I guess that was the 70s and 80s for you.

CBear6 Wed 28-Sep-11 19:15:16

I started secondary school in 1992 and changed schools in 1994, neither school even offered post-PE showers never mind naked showers.

In my first year of secondary school we did a science module on human reproduction, purely the mechanics and biology of it rather than emotions, etc. The teacher made the mistake of telling us we could ask any questions we wanted. One girl took it on herself to ask everything, looking back I worry about where she was getting her information from. The teacher answered her questions honestly using scientific terms but would most definitely be sacked these days for telling thirty 11 year olds about such subjects as rimming, swinging, anal sex, and various other practices I've never heard of before or since.

I once had a teacher with narcolepsy which made for some interesting lessons.

A student teacher at my primary school was on her first day of her first placement and had absolutely no control over the more unruly children in the class. Our class teacher decided that the best way to remedy this was to send her into another room with them and leave her alone to sink or swim. The children all hid while she was out of the room making her believe they'd wandered off and gotten lost. She never came back for her second day. Very supportive of our class teacher.

ImperialBlether Wed 28-Sep-11 19:23:24

A male friend of mine went to a school run by Jesuit priests. The PE teacher was a priest - when my friend started there aged 11, the whole class were told they couldn't wear underwear under their PE shorts. He wouldn't believe them, so at the start of every lesson, they had to stand with their shorts held out so that the priest could look down them.

Problem for the priest though, was when they did the same automatically for the teacher the next year. Having said that, the first teacher carried on teaching so presumably he was just told off rather than thrown out on his arse.

After Thomas Hamilton murdered the children and their teacher at Dunblane, it came out that he used to do this thing with the shorts to the boys who came to his scouting events (not scouts, but similar.)

One teacher threw a pupils bag out of the second floor window as the pupil had used a school dictionary as a bat and the ball had previously gone that way. grin

Teacher simply said 'I'll treat your property as you treat mine'.

sittinginthesun Wed 28-Sep-11 19:38:57

I remember the period register! Made sure you didn't try to get out of swimming more than once a monthhmm

And naked U shaped showers with the teacher waiting at the end with the towels. I was quite a hairy teenager and I HATED it.

Conundrumish Wed 28-Sep-11 19:51:22

Religious studies teacher [Basil] fondled everyone's bottoms. All the parents thought he was harmless as he taught RS hmm. I hated going up to his desk and having to go through his fondling.

spanieleyes Wed 28-Sep-11 19:59:55

When we were being tested on our times tables, the teacher used to pull a hair out of our heads as he asked the question. Apparently it was meant to help us learn!

MayDayChild Wed 28-Sep-11 20:00:17

Infants teacher tied boys onto their chairs with skipping ropes frequently!
Secondary graphics teacher made anyone who talked in er class run around school block. If you were too fast or slow, do it again (some missed whole lessons running)

2 teachers managed to video themselves having sex on gym bars with ties as manacles... 8 years later the video emerged during a year 9 media project. Think it made the sun. This was at the boys school tho.

My English male teacher ran off with the drama teacher's HUSBAND!
Other drama teacher pounced fags off us in 6th form and bought us booze in pub.

Another one who remembers chalk and blackboard rubbers being thrown and metre rules slammed on to desks.

In Primary one teacher used to dangle boys upside down by their feet if they misbehaved.

In Secondary one particularly mouthy boy was picked up and slammed against the wall by a teacher, mind you given that the alternative was being sent for the cane I don't think he was as bothered as you might expect.

Andrewofgg Wed 28-Sep-11 20:10:12

Form teacher who learned that a boy had a flick-knife. Map of the world at one end of the room. Teacher at the other end said "Birmingham", threw the knife, into Birmingham. "When you think you can do that prove it and I might give it back".

This was a boys' school: one instant hero to us all (age 14/15) including the boy with the knife.

Had mad French teacher in middle school who stood miscreants in the bin. And an odd RE teacher who, among other things, used to tease and provoke a girl who was frankly, extremely sexy (not in an obvious way, but she had a certain something). It wasn't for years that a friend pointed out to me that he clearly fancied her and enjoyed making her squirm. He used to have a running debate with another friend that the earth was flat (I think he was probably using it as a tool to get us to argue properly) which made for an interesting counterpoint to our RE studies!

Then there was the nutjob physics teacher who scheduled his hour-long classes to the very minute - so he'd draw up a timetable on the board, dividing the period into 3 minute segments, and have buzz-sessions every quarter of an hour. He'd clearly been to a really trite teaching workshop. We could derail the entire intricate structure by getting him to reminisce about his time as an ambulance driver, and his voluntary fire-fighting work. Loads of blood and gore.

I had a swimming teacher (not a school teacher but someone employed by the pool) whose job it was to get all us non-swimmers swimming and into the proper pool upstairs. His technique was basically to terrify you into learning. He'd yank some poor 6 yo out of the water by their leg and hold them upside-down by the ankle, their head a few cm above the water. Ogre.

Andrewofgg Wed 28-Sep-11 20:17:59

And there was one who went to prison. Not the usual. This was a woman. Having been banned for drunken driving (before the days of the breathalyser, and you got a trial by jury of twelve sympathetic motorists, you had to be sloshed silly to be convicted) she was stopped driving, still banned, and drunk again. Six months. Good teacher too.

ElderberrySyrup Wed 28-Sep-11 20:18:56

this is a fabulous thread, it ought to go in Classics.

SofiaAmes Wed 28-Sep-11 20:20:40

My english teacher had a sex change and continued to teach at the school. (This was Berkeley in the 70's)

girliefriend Wed 28-Sep-11 20:20:52

These are funny, well I can remember a primary school teacher in the 80s shaking a boy hard by the shoulders when he was talking in class.

I had a french teacher who called all the pupils 'idiots' shock

geogteach Wed 28-Sep-11 20:50:40

I can remember some of this sort of stuff from school but also plenty from when i started teaching (about 20 years ago)
The head sent a boy onto the roof to litter pick as a punishment, he fell through a sky light into the staff room where we were eating our lunch.
On a fieldtrip we convinced the kids that the use of coaches was prohibited for any activities that were part of their course work, we had them practising marching round the car park of the youth hostel loaded up with all the equipment we needed for the day, while the coach waited round the corner!
Not sure how much more i should say for fear of outing myself but the kids at this place could tell loads of stories about what happened before my time including a member of staff who was regularly locked in a cupboard by his class.

Feelingthestrain Wed 28-Sep-11 20:54:34

At Primary, being seated in class according to how well you did in weekly tests, with brightest on row 2 on teachers right, moving to the less able towards the left with the official "dunces table" at the front of the class. Sadly same 6 children always sat at the dunces table...poor poor sods.

I also remember the swimming period register, and the cane. I can remember going into the head's smoke filled office for an interview and commenting on the dried blood that was on his table edge. He proudly said that was from the canings.

I also remember the naked showers, the humiliation of pe knickers and the brutal (yet now funny) comments on my report cards..such as "would do better if she ever came to class" and "lazy". Still, I can't help but feel that the pc versions of reports we get today have something to learn from the blunt but honest reports I used to try to hide from my parents!

Despite all that, they truly were the best days of my life!

NotADudeExactly Wed 28-Sep-11 21:18:33

One geography teacher who had recently "accepted Jesus as his lord and saviour". He'd talk a lot about god and sin and very little about geography at all. If you weren't into doing the geography bit all you had to do was ask a question about god, which would set him off on a speech lasting the whole double lesson.

Very short, obese butch lesbiab English teacher who used to swear like a sailor. I have never heard anyone with such shockingly bad language. Great teacher, though, we all loved her.

notnowImreading Wed 28-Sep-11 21:42:42

Sister Mary Bernadette used to take people's shoes away if they were naughty so they could 'walk as a penitent' in just socks all day.

Dr B the biology teacher put a Bunsen tube down a sheep's trachea on the day of heart and lung dissection and blew up the lungs, sending a fine spray of blood over the front row.

TalkinPeace2 Wed 28-Sep-11 21:46:34

Predatory Lesbian teachers
Miss PE who regularly stole the towels after the shower sprint
Miss English and Miss History who shacked up together and let the whole of the 6th form round to their flat for a piss up
Miss Biology who came to the 6th form common room piss ups regularly
Miss History who was as old as the Egyptian Mummies she loved
Mrs Art who only gave good marks to people who copied her style
Mr RE who had an affair with a 5th former

then again we did put clingfilm TIGHTLY over the male teachers toilet on April fools - wet trouser legs all round ....

Maths teacher who would regularly decamp lessons to the pub ...

I had a teacher, a woman who was in her late 50s I would guess who would sit me at the front during the stories so that I could stroke her feet at the time it seemed normal now i think WTF. Also why did I spend my early childhood with a strange attachment to a middle aged womans feet hmm

sphil Wed 28-Sep-11 22:03:38

I had a geography teacher who used to climb up the blackboard to demonstrate the national grid, even though she was at least sixty. And I worked with a teacher once who had a very large shiny bald head, which a boy on his class once drew on ( and when remonstrated with said "but I wasnt the only one" grin

MowlemB Wed 28-Sep-11 22:08:47

I went to school from the early 80s onwards.

At primary...
I remember being smacked by one teacher for eating an orange in her classroom one lunchtime. It was banned as she didn't like the smell.

If children were really naughty, they were pulled up in assembly before the whole school, had their trousers pulled down and their bottoms smacked. In front of everyone.

At Secondary...
We had one really odd science teacher who was colour blind and totally eccentric. He had the top boy and girl in his class who was his 'cherubim', and then he had the children in his class who he didn't like and they were his 'whipping boys'. If anyone misbehaved, the whipping boys got the punishment. If you were naughty, you could get demoted to being a whipping boy and then have to suffer the punishment for everyone else's naughtiness. Further, when he did punish the whipping boys, he used to hit you on the head with a spatula. But if you put your hand on your head to protect it, he would whack you in the stomach instead.
I was never in his class, but for some strange reason we all wanted to be.

DoolallyMarjorie Wed 28-Sep-11 22:39:28

We had an English teacher who would tie a particular girl to her chair by her long plaits. Just plain bullying, but none of use spoke up, glad it wasn't us sad

malinois Wed 28-Sep-11 22:55:05

Boys were regularly assaulted, heads slammed into radiators and blackboards. My SBs were boarders from the age of 7 and were repeatedly raped by masters and senior choristors for years. Not sure you could get away with that now sad

pootros Wed 28-Sep-11 22:55:32

LOL vikingblood
We had a physics teacher who'd jump up on the desk at the front brandishing a wooden metre rule like a conductor's baton and get us going " F - F - F - F - physics is fun" in a kind of auditory mexican wave around the classroom.

TreeHouses Wed 28-Sep-11 22:58:43

Children being taken swimming in the local river, complete with rapids slides.
Teachers taking their dogs to school, and children walking them at break times.
Removing frogs from the indoor pool before swimming lessons.
Camp fires in the school field.
'Lazy' afternoons, where lessons were cancelled and as long as you kept out of sight and out of hearing you could do whatever you wanted.

takeonboard Wed 28-Sep-11 23:02:56

my RE teacher knocked a boy out by hitting him on the head with a bible!

festi Wed 28-Sep-11 23:06:24

2nd year junior teacher yr 4 now? held a theiving boy upside down by his ankles and shock his loot out of his pockets grin, he is now deputy head at my dds primary school.

3rd yr juniour yr3 now beat me around the head and arse for laughing in class, my mum did actualy call the police but settled for a public appology. he is now very poorly with parkinsons but taught up untill 5 years ago. He also hit boys on the bare bottom, in the dark room with a footall boot

secondary school science teacher held people by the head and upper body over the 5th floor window when he lost control of class.

male PE teacher used to watch girls get dressed and undressed into spare PE kit if you had forgotten yours hmm and do a lap of play ground get changed and unchanged and another lap etc.

RE teacher used to lend us mony for fags bus fare and say ill be had if you tell anyone.

Father XXX used to hit us with a bamboo caine even after out lawed.

fuck me thats shocking, I could go on aswell grin.

festi Wed 28-Sep-11 23:15:20

notnowimreading I went to your school. grin

housemum Wed 28-Sep-11 23:53:46

When I was 8 or 9, the class teacher used to bring her 4 year old into school sometimes, and one of us would have to take her to the toilet when she needed it (the child, not Mrs P!)

Teachers frequently gave children lifts

Lots of banter at school plays, "anyone want touching up" from the teacher with make-up, "here's the Bunny girl" to the one playing Mrs Rabbit etc, much of the 70s was like that though (this was when the benny Hill show was top viewing)

bananamam Thu 29-Sep-11 08:21:07

I had a drama teacher(outside school) who as part of character building made a 13 year old girl improvise in a room with an 17 year old boy.

In the play we were doing there was the insinuation of rape.  She made them think about the fear and upset etc this would cause and did an in-depth workshop with them, where the 17 year old was told to scare the girl to help her character know how it would feel!!!! shock she was 13!!! she had issues with it for some time after sad

jen127 Thu 29-Sep-11 14:05:51

There was the arts teacher who used to ask you to pin up peoples paintings and look up your skirt.
There was the mad french teacher who used where a gown but mostly had it tucked in to her knickers post bathroom visit.
There was the mad nun who thought nothing of fecking a duster at you for getting the answer wrong.
There was the old house master who decked one of the lads as he creeped up behind him to say boo ! ( we were 14 and he said he felt threatened! ) Same man had a fist fight with another pupil when we were 16 !

jen127 Thu 29-Sep-11 14:07:38

I forgot about the outside lesson sitting on fibre glass ( still scratching) this was the 70's ! Fibreglass and crimplene ouch!

sun1234 Thu 29-Sep-11 14:11:58

our geography teacher who belted children every class. one day he belted 13 of the 15 boys in my class for various misdemeanours relating to having forgotten something from their pencil case.

Needless to say, we were all very scared of him (and learned very little in his class).

stepmad Thu 29-Sep-11 14:29:48

Year eight french a teacher who would double the amount of time it took the last person to get to the class room at lessen change overs and keep us back it was a five minute walk between sites and you were not allowed to leave until the bell went. He also went really nuts when on the first lesson some of the new members of the class got bad marks in a test thing is we had all been doing the subject for two years but they had never done it.
Was told off because i missed his lessons one week was on a school trip to France at the time he did hit people and was actually sacked at the end of the year.
Year 6 was told off in front off the old school beacuse my little brother had run across the road now he was in the infant school which was seprate it was my fault for not taking him to school i think not i went to school with my friends and he should had been walking with our childminder. Mum did phone the school and made him say sorry in front of the school.
Same had used to have a head teacher time with us mainly was watching some preschool show we were 11. He would check our books for any waste of space we had to draw a line under a bit of work then start the next peice straight under it
one history teacher would make us run around the playground if she thought we were not working hard enough.
English teacher would give us fifty spelling a week then do a massive test every six weeks often adding words not on the list
Being made to walk through the showers with games staff cheering after we had done it we did have single showers with curtains but were never allowed to use them.
One teacher banned me from dance for laughing with my friends while we were changing was brillant i got banned for a term used to find some where quiet and do my home work
The maths class that was so easy used to do the work while she was explaining stuff and do more home work after that

thescarylibrarian Thu 29-Sep-11 14:37:36

We made beer in chemistry in the 3rd year of senior school (year 9?), and were all invited to bring an empty lemonade bottle to school when it was ready to take some home "for our dads". Not sure many bottles made it home...

It was 1984, by the way...

hotmum Thu 29-Sep-11 16:41:00

We had a science teacher called Mr Nellor who was a huge anti-apartheid activist, he would rant about the evils of racism every lesson.
Once he was late for class and one of the lads drew a huge picture of him on the board dressed as a Klu Klux Klan member, it didn't go down well.

IwoulddoPachacuti Thu 29-Sep-11 17:35:46

I remember my P2 teacher punishing one of the boys in my class (age 6) by holding him upside down by his ankles for over a minute shock

It was the late 80's but even so! grin

tracyvontrapp Thu 29-Sep-11 17:43:17

When I was in the top class at my primary school we got jobs to do, such as answering the door to visitors & making coffee for the teachers in the morning (popular one this, as you missed the last 15 minutes before break). Once a week I got sent up the road to the TSB with my friend Susan, with a big bag of cash from the school savings scheme.

MerryMagdalene Thu 29-Sep-11 17:47:15

Had some dodgy teachers in secondary school:

Had a teacher who perved over all the girls constantly and turned up to the local pub often and bought us drinks (when we were 15/16) <cringe>

Had a teacher who blatantly smoked weed in the staff gardens after school.

Teachers bought us alcoholic drinks at our leaving party (we were 16 hmm).

in primary school the Headteacher used to bring you into her office on your birthday and let you pick Quality streets out of a big tin (six if you were six years old, seven if you were seven etc). She did this while casually chuffing on a Silk Cut grin

FIFIBEBE Thu 29-Sep-11 18:18:47

Male teachers always seemed to be going out with the 6th form girls. There were priests involved too. We thought it was normal.

BedHog Thu 29-Sep-11 18:37:32

We had a teacher who only had one eye. If you misbehaved she would call you up to the front of class and make you look inside the empty eye socket! <boak>

scarlettsmummy2 Thu 29-Sep-11 18:44:09

I had several teachers who put misbehaving boys in the cupboard, or on a stool in the corridor. I had make up physically removed by a teacher with cotton wool and body lotion at 18, as did anyone caught wearing anything more than minimal make-up, and you were sent home if you didn't wear opaque tights from third year and above. i left school in 2000 so this wasn't that long ago! to be honest I haven't been permanently scarred and don't think the strict policies on behaviour were a bad thing.

IvaNighSpare Thu 29-Sep-11 19:17:00

Art teacher at my secondary school used to take pics of First-Years dressed as 'fairies'.
Actually they were diaphanous nighties and nightgowns.
And he had the gall to invite the parents to the slideshow...

looblylu Thu 29-Sep-11 19:46:34

When we got to year 6 we were assigned a job to do.
Sounds fine in principal until you discover that these jobs included scraping the plates of the entire lunch hall, answering the phones in the office while the secretary had lunch and cleaning the infant classrooms!

zukiecat Thu 29-Sep-11 19:56:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jenfraggle, I had the communal shower thing even more recently. But there was an added extra. We had one particularly evil teacher. She would intently watch to make sure you had a shower completely naked. If she had to leave the room for any reason, and you had only a skimpy shower or pretended or wore clothing, she would make you stand naked in the shower, facing the rest of the class until everyone else had finished. That was in 2003.

I can't believe none of us said anything. She would have been instantly fired, but w were terrified of her and never questioned her authority. She was just generally a bit strange. Wore incredibly short gym skirts and very brightly coloured gym knickers as everyday clothes. Lovely when you saw her bending over in Sainsburys on a weekend hmm

YokoOhNo Thu 29-Sep-11 20:19:13

I was at an all girls school. We had a male Physics teacher who used to demonstrate wave motion using one of those slinkies, you know the long wavy spring things. He'd throw it across the science bench and move it around shouting "See girls, the more you wiggle it, the kinkier it gets!!" and winking. He also tried to demonstrate energy dispersal by karate chopping a block of wood in half, shouting "HIIIYAAA!" shock

In Primary 2 (aged 6) the staff couldn't be bothered answering the phone at lunch/break time, so they'd choose one of us to stay inside by the phone and answer it while they stood outside smoking.

corriefan Thu 29-Sep-11 21:02:03

There was a craze for doing oujia boards and once a classmate and I were doing one on an exercise book with a coin in a maths lesson. It really seemed to work and we got scared and told the very kindly (pushover) teacher. She came over and started praying for us and speaking in tongues.

My mum went to boarding school where they had to eat every scrap of food. She is allergic to bananas, they make her sick and so was her friend. When they were both sick they said she was showing off and her friend was copying. They would keep uneaten banana in their mouths through prayers before getting rid in the loo.

Every morning they had to completely strip and remake rhe bed and wash with a Victorian style jug/ bowl combo with freezing water.

corriefan Thu 29-Sep-11 21:04:25

I did supply last year in a school where kids were manning the phones, they loved it!

Names written on boards still happens as does having no shoes on in class in some schools including where I work now

DontNickMyMilk Thu 29-Sep-11 21:13:57

Remember having chalk and board rubber thrown in class. Years above me at primary school got the training shoe on their behinds, but think this was just before it was banned.

Secondary English teacher was a creep. Female classmate helped him to get books out of the cupboard for the class to be told "hold these against your fair bosom" or something equally creepy - aged about 14. Allegedly he then had an affair with someone a year younger than us (6th former) and ran off with her. Girl in question was about the same age as his eldest daughter.

Secondary French teacher was doing mock oral exams for A-Level French - standard role play stuff. He started to get a bit, well, "ooh-laa-laa" shall we say (verbally, in French, no touching!). Told him to F*ck off (in French of course!). Bit dodgy and the sort of thing that I think he might be sacked for now. Nice bloke, rubbish teacher.

I have no idea what U-shaped showers are. I'm not sure I'd like to know... Luckily we were never forced to use the showers at school, something I will always be grateful for. I would have quite literally died of embarassment as I was such a prude, I couldn't wear spaghetti strapped tops for fear of showing a bra strap blush

Always feel v uneasy about young teachers, fresh out of uni - its not unreasonable for a 22 year old to date an 18 year old in any other context, but its just so wrong on so many levels in schools. I have known a number of young teachers (mostly male) who have started dating 18 yos and quite frankly, they should just learn to say no and keep it in their pants!

storminateacup10 Thu 29-Sep-11 22:05:44

omg what a fantastic thread grin
primary school teach yr 5 always outrageously flirting with yr 4's teach and taking her to the pub across the road for lunchtime drinkies.
when we asked him why it had "freehouse" written on the pub's sign, he explained that "it's because they do free drinks on a friday"- only realised the sad truth of this once well into my teens (it was the early 70s!)
headmistress of same primary made us rinse our mouths out with soap and water if we were caught swearing- the smell of imperial leather still makes me gag <boak>

Solopower Thu 29-Sep-11 22:20:33

Primary school teacher had a wooden sword called the 'Sword of the Spirit', which he used as a cane. When he sneezed, we all had to chant, 'Sire to your good health'.

Got my own back by painting all up both my arms and those of my friends when Mr W was out of the room for a while. I don't remember being punished for it. There were 45 in my class, and even though I didn't paint everyone, he must have been out of the room for a long time.

I do remember when I was running back into school (aged 10) after having nipped to the village shop to get all our sweets (we took it in turns to risk it), and my friends who were waiting for me suddenly disappeared. It was because they had seen what I hadn't - which was that Mr W was cycling behind me. I got into trouble for that.

Solopower Thu 29-Sep-11 22:21:25

Painting lovely squirly patterns, like tattoos.

nixpix Thu 29-Sep-11 22:25:45

A girl in Year 1 in the late l seventies being strip washed in the sink in the corner of the classroom and then put in different clothing by the teacher whilst the rest of us watched got on with some work, because she wasn't looked after properly by her parents. Even then I was shocked by this.

In Year 6 I fell down a mountain and injured my knee. When my teacher caught up with me, the first thing she did when she'd established I was conscious still, was light a fag.

housemum Fri 30-Sep-11 00:18:55

Apparently I threw the odd tantrum at infant school (only child, never went to preschool - oh, and I was probably just a little shit). Mrs B would apparently get the rest of the class to dance round me and laugh. I've blanked this out but my mum told me it's what happened, think she actually agreed with it! hmm

housemum Fri 30-Sep-11 00:21:21

And no ones mentioned, unless I missed it, the being forced to eat all your dinner. I had a mild dairy allergy that I outgrew (don't remember that but apparently I did) Mrs B (her again) sat forcing me to eat all my cheese pie (that I do remember) Her shoes suffered....

Jugglingjemima Fri 30-Sep-11 01:20:23

looking back, I don't know what the diagnosis would have been, but my English teacher would go blank for about 10 minutes at a time. what i find odd, looking back, was that none of us did anything; didn't seek help, didn't misbehave. and then he would suddenly reanimate, and carry on. He died a couple of years later. he was lovely, when conscious.

darksideofthemooncup Fri 30-Sep-11 01:34:43

housemum Yes I remember being force fed school dinners. I got so sick of being singled out that I made myself eat all my peas and promptly yacked the whole lot straight back onto my plate. Oddly enough they never forced me to do it again.
In secondary school we had an alcoholic R.E teacher. He once drew a circle on the wall, made a pupil rest his nose on it and then ran the length of the classroom with a protracter in his hand and stabbed the pupil in his arsecheek.
Weirdly enough no one thought this was remotely odd

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Fri 30-Sep-11 03:17:22

I've read a few more since I made my post.
I had harmless eccentric teachers, DH had some bonkers one and one who, had he stayed in England, would have either gone to prison or definitely be put on the sex offenders register.
Because he was a priest, a lot of the parents at the school didn't belive the charges that were brought against him. He was found guilty in court and the parents got up a petition.
I don't know the ins and outs, but he was shipped off by his order to work in Jerusalem.

AngelsOnHigh Fri 30-Sep-11 07:39:13

Mine are pretty boring. Our Art teacher used to use the still life fruit to throw at whoever she choose to dislike that day.

We also had a teacher who cellotaped a boy's lips together because he was talking too much.

AncientsOfMuMu Fri 30-Sep-11 08:34:53

We had one teacher who would walk round the class with a glass of water in his hand and anyone not paying attention would have it thrown over them.

Best though was our music teacher. He would sit in his office and let us bring records in and play them. I developed quite a liking for The Sex Pistols, SLF and The Jam. My mum could never understand it because we were only allowed. Radio2 at home!

NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain Fri 30-Sep-11 09:25:16

once when on a week away field trip I got a bit over zealous with the fre hot chocolate machine, my science teacher a prune looking woman grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and said "DO YOU WANT TO DIE" whilst looking in my eyes really intensely, she was and utter psychopath but to be fair, I was a pretty annoying teenager.

follyfoot Fri 30-Sep-11 09:32:29

At primary school, we had to take it in turns at dinnertime to go to the Headmistress's house to tidy up indoors and tend her garden.

At secondary school, one female games teacher used to stand at the end of the communal shower as we came out to make sure we 'were wet all over'.

The same teacher: if we forgot our leotard for dance, we would have to do the class in our pants and our aertex games shirt. If we yawned, we would be sent to run round the school grounds (which shared a boundary with a busy road), regardless of whether we were wearing leotards or just a top and pants.

gilbertta Fri 30-Sep-11 11:02:54

My maths teacher was the head of Maths and had his own little office for smoking in. He'd set us work, then disappear till just before the end of the lesson. (late 70s)

gilbertta Fri 30-Sep-11 11:06:04

Oh, and there was the guy who ran camps for kids, and was widely rumoured to 'feel you up'. Several years after I left, he was convicted. Got a year in jail.

BuntyPenfold Fri 30-Sep-11 12:10:09

We had a ballet mistress who was apparently always very drunk by the end of an evening.
She had a bottle wrapped in a towel.
She was sacked eventually and my mother asked me why I hadn't told her that Miss X was always drunk - I had no idea, that's why.
She seemed tired and had a headache as far as I could tell.

limitedperiodonly Fri 30-Sep-11 13:50:12

My primary school headteacher used to hold work conversations with teachers in front of us rather than having a private chat.

She used to spell out the incriminating words. She was still doing this when she retired when I was nine. She obviously felt it would remain confidential because apart from me and a few others the literacy standards in the school were appalling.

She should have been sacked for this let alone her verbal and physical viciousness to children. I imagine working for her was no picnic for the staff, either.

She had been a missionary in some African country and was open about her belief that working class children were lucky to be in school at all and were fit only as factory-fodder.

lesley33 Fri 30-Sep-11 14:00:21

We were taken on a school trip to the nearest city. We were 12/13. Some of the teachers wanted to join a protest march (anti Thatcher march of some kind) and some wanted to go to the pub. So we were all told we could either join the protest march or come back and meet the teachers in 4.5 hours time.

Needless to say we all dashed off to do our own thing. When I told my parents, they weren't bothered at all by this.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Fri 30-Sep-11 14:09:24

I'm remembering the school trips. In junior school, I recall around 70 children and one teacher going to Devon and Kent for one week a year. One teacher.
In senior school, day trips to France where 120 11 YOs would be let loose on either Calais or Boulogne. Teachers went to the pub.
Only half of the trip had passports and one child was hanging off the side of the cross channel ferry.

lesley33 Fri 30-Sep-11 14:16:53

We had a maths teacher who really smelled - proper unwashed disgusting smell and greasy hair. After about 4/5 months she only taught with another teacher. She left at the end of the year - I think she was sacked.

Remember our technical drawing teacher used to perve over the most attractive girls.

And going away on weekend trips to the schools run down cottage with 8-10 12/13 year olds, 1 teacher and 1 6th former to help out.

lesley33 Fri 30-Sep-11 14:19:43

Also in primary 1 teacher who when you went in had written on the blackboard your work for the day. The work all referred to things like read page 4-8 of x book and answer questions on page 10. It always ended with, if you have finished this, choose a book from the class library to read.

Then she would get her newspaper out and procedd to read for the whole day while ignoring the class. You kind of knew not to ask her any questions.

TalkinPeace2 Fri 30-Sep-11 14:37:36

Ashtrays on all the teachers desks
Staff meetings in the pub
Brothers' teachers doing a lot of "home tutoring"
gosh life was fun in the 70's

dippyegg Fri 30-Sep-11 21:26:26

Two sport related ones from me and a male friend.

His PE teacher used to choose football teams by assigning boys either as "superstars" or "muppets".....e.g., "superstar, muppet, muppet, superstar". When everyone had a label he announced that the superstars should go with him to play on the football pitch whilst the muppets play amongst themselves on the tarmac.

As for me, before every netball match we were sent to the library where one of our teachers (who had nothing to do with the team!) would give us our "lucky red thighs"....yes the entire team would all queue to lie over his knee and he'd give us a whack so the handprint would stay red...to ensure victory you understand. hmm

zest01 Sat 01-Oct-11 14:24:47

Oooh a few when I think of it. When we finished our last GCSE exam (I was 15) our Drama teacher bought in a some fizzy wine for us to share to celebrate.

My friend and I used to go to the caretakers house (which was in the school grounds) after school and have lemonade and biscuits in the garden with him and his wife who was one of the TA's.

If we didn't join in the "scrum" during rugby (I was a girlie girl and didn't like doing it because I didn't want to ger muddy blush ) our PE teacher would through us into a muddy puddle to teach us not to be so vain.

One of our teachers used to fire staples from the staple gun in the direction of kids who were misbehaving

One of my teachers, after I had complained to the head of the subject about her ridiculing a friends poem in front everyone, demanded in the next English lesson "Now I would like the little bitch who went behind my back to complain to stand up" shock She got a ticking off for it but that was all.

I am quite surprised when I think back because I finished school in the 90's so not as long ago as you might think.

zest01 Sat 01-Oct-11 14:26:27

** should read THROW us in a muddy puddle *

zest01 Sat 01-Oct-11 14:29:19

Oh and I thought of another one - a friend was in hospital and one of the teachers took 6 of us to visit her at lunctime to cheer her up - this meant 2 of us sitting in the boot of her car as there weren't enought seats!!!

BuntyPenfold Sat 01-Oct-11 22:47:19

shock at the lucky red thighs

BuntyPenfold Sat 01-Oct-11 22:50:46

just remembered. 12 of us went 150 miles to the Lake District in an science teachers old black cab, luggage for a week as well. one of us was a tiny tiny girl and we joked that if she had been an ordinary size we couldn't have got the doors shut.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 01-Oct-11 22:56:08

Hitting.
Smoking.
Sometimes telling the class to put their heads on their desks and *go to sleep*shock.

thefirstmrsrochester Sat 01-Oct-11 23:18:41

Not a teacher as such, but still in a position of control and responsibility.
On a Brownie trip to London in the early 80's I recall Brown Owl checking that no girl was wearing panties under their nightie. Hygeine thing apparently. I do not remember how she checked. I only know she did.
How odd.

BuntyPenfold Sat 01-Oct-11 23:54:06

We walked round to Brown Owls house in a crocodile- it was a long way - and earnt various badges by polishing her silver, weeding her garden and washing her dog. We rather enjoyed it, especially the lucky dog-washers, but my mother was furious.

friendofPom Sun 02-Oct-11 00:55:45

Geography teacher, c1961, would saunter in wearing tracksuit and brothel creepers, hop on a desk facing the class, sit cross-legged and light a cigarette before he started droning on about capitals and cash crops. I don't know how many he smoked, or what else he droned about, because I rarely made the end of the lesson without being thrown out.

The stools in the physics lab had little cut-outs in the centre of the seats. Physics master would stand behind the boys and wiggle his finger through the hole. Never the girls, thank goodness.

Languages teacher, c1965, was supposed to be teaching us Russian, but would witter on for ever about her travels, where she'd been and what she'd eaten and drunk there. Once she lost it and started demanding proof that we knew our catechisms. She told us to read A Clockwork Orange, because it would help us with our Russian.

A young male languages teacher started seeing a fifth-form girl. She left school, with no exams, and they got married on her 16th birthday. They had been married for about ten years, and had had a few children, when a fifth-form girl caught his eye...

Tiggs76 Sun 02-Oct-11 09:39:28

In one of my primary schools we had this nasty little girl who would always be making the rest of the class cry by pinching them etc. Our class teacher got so fed up with telling her off that one day she made her stand on her desk and told her to stamp & shout & make as much noise as possible. The teacher then left the room. Of course moments later the head heard all the commotion and comes storming in, sees the girl "misbehaving" and gives her a right telling-off - inspired! grin

Tiggs76 Sun 02-Oct-11 09:44:03

In yr 4 primary (diff school) a boy punched me in the stomach. My teacher grabbed him, threw him over his knee and threatened to spank him with a plank of wood while we stood round them watchingshock (mid-80's) He didn't do it of course as he was a good bloke. Still in my all-time top 3 teachers.

TidyDancer Sun 02-Oct-11 10:33:43

Primary school:

In year 2, we had a TA who would shove children's hands up her top to warm them up. They wouldn't get a choice in the matter, she would just do it. I don't think it was indicative of anything other than her general weirdness. She was also the helper with the school netball team and would make vindictive comments about some students. She once told a friend of mine that she was so terrible, she didn't want her on the team. Did wonders for her future love of sport, as you can imagine.

Same school, same year actually, we have a lovely class teacher who I honestly couldn't say a bad word about. The children used to compete in the class to give her back rubs though, which I'm sure would be seen as completely dodgy now, but was just one of those things back then. She is dead now, but I really loved her.

Secondary school:

We had an interesting maths teacher who everyone, without exception, feared and respected in equal measure. The police were called because he appeared to manhandle a student a bit too much (he didn't, he made it look like that though, to encourage the nosey neighbour across the road to make himself look stupid by calling police, genius!) and if you didn't pay attention in his class, he would throw all your belongings out of the window. You'd know how bad a class it had been by how much stuff was on the ground outside the window!

Had an alcoholic music teacher who kept his job even after dancing across the desks in one lesson and talking to us about his sex life. He was weird. I think he may have ended up in prison.

Also had a vile female PE teacher who picked on students at her will. Being a tad overweight as a student, I was one of her favourite victims. She would bully me and speak to me with menace dripping from her mouth. My mum formally complained about her twice and she got away with it. She was finally sacked for mistreating a student a few years after I left. She fought it, but she was never reinstated.

M0naLisa Mon 03-Oct-11 00:42:52

My science teacher reached over the bunsan burner regularly and caught fire to his tie. lol

a reply teacher brought he cat to school and kept it in the piano in music department in high school the classroom stank of cat piss and sweat.

Sleepingonthebus Mon 03-Oct-11 01:42:00

We had a PE teacher who constantly fiddled with himself. He's now the Headmaster.

On a WW1 school trip to the cemeteries in France and Belgium, aged 13, we all went on a pub crawl. The only condition was that we didn't go into the same pub as a teacher, so they couldn't say they'd seen us.

WiiUnfit Mon 03-Oct-11 10:02:14

Oh god, the rather butch female PE teacher who stood there & watched us get undressed & dressed every PE lesson, we were 13 & quite capable of getting dressed unsupervised... shock

Sleeping, we had the same on a WW1 trip to France & Belgium! I'm guessing a different school though, as my school's now Headteacher is female!

TheBride Mon 03-Oct-11 10:11:35

- Seems that flying blackboard rubbers were more common than I thought grin

- We had a "trendy teacher" who believed in self-policing in the classroom, so he'd appoint "discipline monitors" and "noise monitors". Basically, we ended up with a Lord of the Flies situation going down, with Taliban style enforcement. After about a fortnight he left (prob got fired but we didn't get told that). Never thought I'd be so happy to get a normal teacher back.

- English teacher used to say "You illiterate moron" to anyone who got anything wrong

imogengladheart Mon 03-Oct-11 11:15:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sun1234 Mon 03-Oct-11 12:33:10

English teacher (in the 80s) who couldn't be bothered to teach. So she dictated aloud her own essays/ book reviews and we had to copy them down. Obviously we didn't learn very much in her class.

The thing I remember best though was that her classroom always was gloomy. Thinking about it now, it must have been the atmosphere in the room, rather than the lack of sunshine outside.

She should reimburse her salary.

BuntyPenfold Mon 03-Oct-11 13:43:55

We had a geography teacher who thought she was socially superior to just about anyone.( I don't know why, we knew she lived in a very ordinary flat and lived a fairly humdrum life like the rest of us.)

She was very contemptuous of the girls who lived out in the sticks - about half of us - and would say 'Is there any point in meeting your parents on parents evening, Carol, I don't suppose they will understand what I say.' etc.

MCMLXVII Mon 03-Oct-11 15:43:56

Prep school mid-late 70s:

- One teacher brought in his own special bottle of 'cold tea' which he used to drink all day. He also used to smoke unfiltered cigs halfway down, and leave the unsmoked halves in ashtrays to come back to.. so clued up kids would snaffle the half-smoked cigs to make new ones.

- There was a Christmas tradition of playing tricks on the teachers.. water, flour etc. Science teacher once earned our undying love by getting US.. powder all over the lab floor which exploded when you trod on it!

- That guy also once put 30,000 volts through whole class.. "very low current though"

Public school early 80s:

- Doddery exchange teacher from US who we used to take terrible advantage of. Boys leaping out the window then coming round to knock on the door. "Sorry I'm late, sir".. repeatedly. Boys would also light up at the back of the class. Teacher would eventually sniff and ask "can you smell burning..?"

My mum was a social worker in the 70s and when she was taking kids on access visits (I remember one kid of about 8 who was in a care home in London and his mum lived on the Isle of Wight and it was mum's job to drive them to and fro) they used to stay at our house on their way to wherever they were going. It was just expected that the kids would come and stay with us and share our bedroom and then partake in our delicious 70s breakfast of breakfast slices and orange juice from a can that you diluted!

And when my mum was at school, the sickroom was in the headmistress's house so if you felt poorly she'd take you to her bedroom and tuck you up in her bed!

catmadmum Fri 07-Oct-11 14:42:36

In our final year of school we could choose our own 'PE' lesson and so we used to either go bowling or to my friend's house whose dad taught us archery! There were no parent permission forms or checks to see whether we'd gone home or that my friend's dad was safe.

racingheart Fri 07-Oct-11 15:18:21

We had a PE teacher who used to pull girls' towels from them and push them naked into the showers, bellowing, 'Don't be so prudish.' We were 12 and the shy ones were horrified. I truanted PE for years.
Lots of teacher-pupil affairs at our school. And a weird history teacher who flashed at one of the girls in my year. She was told off for provoking him and making a fuss about it!
Also a mad maths teacher who made it very clear she was only slumming it with us in the state system so she could afford to send her son to a proper nice school. She used to bring him into lessons when he had holidays, and asked us to bring in books and games and comics for him to keep, so he'd not be bored. When she lost her gold bracelet she had us all combing the corridors and school field for it for an hour instead of double maths.

We had a physics teacher (head of department too I think) who would threaten to practice his golf swing using the blackboard metre stick on the bottom of the boys in the class instead of giving them the belt (late 70's, corporal punishment OK). Girls he just gave lines. However I only ever saw it happen once, and the boy could hardly stand still for laughing - it was all done for comic effect. Still, today a po-faced parent would complain and have him fired. Then, it made us feel good towards this teacher (who was a brilliant teacher BTW) that he would joke around with us.

mum47 Fri 07-Oct-11 17:12:54

I remember blackboard dusters flying across the room and whole classes being lined up to be given the belt.. ah the good old days - did it do us any harm?
I also remember the boys gym teacher was absolutely vile , always punishing someone, and making them strip to underwear and run round the playing field in foul weather. He then got cancer, and when it was announced at assembly that he had sadly died, everybody cheered.

magentastardust Fri 07-Oct-11 19:22:53

We had an art teacher that used to hit people on the head with metre sticks and another really old art teacher that used to go for s snooze in the cupboard!

In primary 7 we had a school trip for 5 nights to London ( from Scotland)
We ran riot around the hotel -with teachers we got locked in Hyde park , left a pupil on the tube lost another in the national history museum -were pretty much left to our own devices! Two of the teachers were having a fling -It put me off letting my little ones go on school trips!

moregranny Fri 07-Oct-11 19:23:57

When in the last year of primary school,about 1965 !, our headmaster would choose one of five of us big girls to look after his office while he disapeared with his secretary for 15 mins,on his return he would give us chocolate and kiss us :-))

Galaxymum Fri 07-Oct-11 19:51:25

At primary school we had a male teacher who was well known to put his hand up girls' skirts. So well known that he'd done it to some of our mums and they said "Just don't be alone with Mr ........" - when we used to see him in the corridor, us girls would go the other way and avoid the toilets. Yet the bloke carried on to retirement!

I also remember other mums telling me and my mum that it was a good experience to learn how to deal with "men like that". It still shocks me now.

Alicious Fri 07-Oct-11 21:56:45

I remember my Y1 teacher lining up the whole class by the door and checking in all of our underwear to find out who had taken a dump in the corner of the classroom! (And I remember whos poo it was)
And because I was the 'sensible one' in the class I had to walk one of the 'bad' children round to his mum's house when he apparently deliberately shat himself-which meant leaving the school premises and returning alone at 4 years old-This happened regularly and I was terrified!
It was a shitty school in every sense of the word

StrangewaysHereICome Fri 07-Oct-11 22:41:50

I went to an all girls secondary school and if we were sent for a run the rather butch PE teacher would line us up and put her hand up our shirts to see if we were sweaty to be sure we had done the whole course.

Also DH remembers his male PE teacher lining them up naked for the showers and slapping their bums with a table tennis bat as they went in.

Must be something about PE teachers hmm

incognitofornow Fri 07-Oct-11 22:47:18

Message withdrawn

bibbitybobbityhat Fri 07-Oct-11 22:48:45

My form teacher invited the entire class (we were about 13/14) to her wedding.

Imaminda Fri 07-Oct-11 23:16:51

My physics teacher at Grammar School strung up one boy on a pulley and hung him from the ceiling for a 2 period lesson, for talking in class. His parents complained as he had rope burns under his arms and were told (allegedly) to send him to another school then. He was rumoured to be an ex-remand school teacher. It did me no good as I couldnt learn anything in his lessons afterwards and dropped the subject. Board rubbers were thrown at kids for talking and we had the cane, but not the girls only boys. And if you wore nail varnish you had to go to the science lab and pay to have it removed lol

leftmydignityatthedoor Fri 07-Oct-11 23:35:42

Primary - our teacher was lovely but she used to selotape food to her living room window, let birds fly into said window to get food, die, then bring them in to school in a tupperware box for us to 'examine'. We were 4.

Also primary - if you coughed it was 'disgusting' and you had to stand in the corner until lunch / hometime.

Secondary - lovely teacher but threw a chair at a boy and came in and apologised next day.

Secondary - evil teacher - hated me - made me stand up in class and encouraged people to laugh at me, also tore up a picture I'd done which had taken me ages. Oh and put me in. Bottom set and other teachers sneaked me out and into top set.

Secondary - one teacher sat and cried at his desk regulaly. s

NatashaBee Sat 08-Oct-11 01:50:00

Another one with a PE teacher who used to make us parade past her naked to make sure we'd showered. In primary school my class teacher slapped a boy in the face. The boy's mum said she knew how much of a pain the kid was and that she didn't blame the teacher...

iarebaboon Sat 08-Oct-11 08:29:54

Our old wordwork teacher was about 125 and walked around smoking a pipe. The whole school smelt of it. He had created a little room at the back of his classroom behind some tall cupboards. It had a fireplace with an electric fire in it and pictures on the mantle piece. It had armchairs and fish in a tank. We used to go there when we should have been in pe lessons. Happy times smile

HouseOfBamboo Sat 08-Oct-11 08:42:54

One who always had a bit of a mad gleam in her eye used to put 9 year olds over her knee and thrash them in front of the rest of the class.

legspinner Sat 08-Oct-11 08:53:41

oh my, where to start....but we also had flying blackboard rubbers....mostly well-aimed.

Headmaster at primary school used to kick kids he didn't like.

Secondary school - a PE teacher who used to go round twanging our bra straps in the changing rooms. The same PE teacher used to send us out on cross-country runs and drive round the route in her car, puffing away on her ciggie, exhorting us to "run faster, girls!" Ritual humiliation was the norm - instead of races to find out who was the fastest, she held races to find out who was the slowest in the class shock

A Maths teacher was really strict and used to give us the same maths test over and over again till everybody had got 10 out of 10. Of course humiliation for the last person in the class to get 10 out of 10. She also taught us how to knit with cotton and biros. When we were a bit older she told us how she had survived the Holocaust, but a lot of her family hadn't. She ended up hiding in the cupboard one day and had a nervous breakdown sad.

Another Maths teacher (student) hated our class and once gave us a test, only to throw all of our work in the bin at the end of the lesson and said "This is what I think of your work!"

The teachers at my DB's school were real bullies, esp the PE ones (what is it about old-school PE teachers?) A friend of mine was made to run cross-country in bare feet in the snow as he'd forgotten his PE kit. The same teacher once poured water down a boy's trousers as he had done something wrong.

Some of them were OK though - some of us 6th form girls played basketball in the same mixed team as the teachers (as not enough female teachers) and they always plied us with drinks in the pub afterwards.

floradora Sat 08-Oct-11 20:54:46

My Primary teacher (I would have been 6 or 7) used to send me out to the shops with her shopping list during lessons, because I was sensible. She also once sent me to ask another teacher if she wanted a lift home after school - I couldn't remember which room number I was meant to go to so I lied and said, "no she said she doesn't need a lift". Hope they didn't fall out over that blush

kajosem Sun 09-Oct-11 21:32:43

I was once kicked up the backside in a music lesson whilst I was leant over a desk talking to another girl. I can still feel it today. Her shoe went right up my crotch!

madam52 Mon 10-Oct-11 09:08:27

One of my teachers - this was in the late sixties early seventies - used to use one of those long poles with the hook on the end (for opening high windows) to hook naughty pupils with by their cardies or jumpers and then pull them to the front of the class. He once made a hole in mine and I went home and told my mum (was about 6-7yrs old) and guess who she was mad at. Yeah me confused. No spending money for an age to replace it but then she repaired it and didnt bother angry. Can you imagine the hoo -ha that would cause today with the H&S brigade etc. It was a miracle he never impaled any of us though.

madam52 Mon 10-Oct-11 09:15:55

Oh and I was also taught by nuns for some lessons and I'm left handed and one of them used to rap my knuckles and knock the pencil out of my left hand while ranting about it being a sign of the devil (being left-handed).

I was only 5 ffs. Again can you imagine today shock

<Madam suddenly realises why she has grown up to be a neurotic stress ball/bag of nerves grin>

Bonsoir Mon 10-Oct-11 09:26:45

My Year 3 teacher made all the overweight children in the class stand on their desks and pointed out to the rest of us that they were "plump" shock

mumofamonkey Mon 10-Oct-11 16:56:46

bit late at joining thread, but where oh where to start?! my primary school teacher used to insist on trying to fit both hands around the girls' waists to illustrate how small the victorian women were in their stays, used to ask for volounteers too, wonder why there were none. i managed to be one of the priveledged few who was given the great honour of being squished!

Planetofthegrapes Tue 11-Oct-11 01:53:10

School quiz at all girls church school.

The quiz-setting teacher was known to frequent the local boozers. Hence one round where you had to complete the local pub names (although to be fair the town was a famous for old coaching inns so many unusual pub names).

As she was also known to enjoy her ciggies, we then expected a round featuring cigarette brand names!

purpleprudence Tue 11-Oct-11 21:55:58

At primary school in the sixties I had a very strange teacher whose classroom was filled with snakes , crocodiles , salamanders , frogs and toads . We helped look after them , played with them and feed them live animals . Lord knows where he got them from Don't think elfnsafety had been invented then .

lindy100 Mon 19-Dec-11 19:28:17

In the early 90s, one particularly scary male teacher made an argumentative girl run out of the back door of the mobile, touch the fence and run back. As we were silently watching her, he turned to us all and said 'must be her time of the month.

I should add he was a biology teacher. At a girls' school.

Jackin Wed 18-Apr-12 13:39:10

Shameless bump, and to say we had a teacher who would pick up the boys and use them as board dusters. Also one day a teacher friend of mine passed a boy lying on the ground outside the classroom, he went in and said "you realize Mr x that there is a boy lying on the ground outside?" And was told that he was in the dirt where he belongs!
Another time, end of term we had to move all the lockers around the school. So some went missing and a stone henge was built in the tennis courts area.

funkybuddah Wed 18-Apr-12 17:44:12

My year 3 teacher used to jab us on the forehead with her warty finger when telling us off/making a point

sweetkitty Wed 18-Apr-12 17:50:17

Our Art teacher used to disappear into his cupboard for his special "water" as he couldn't drink the tap water. He also used to wear a scarf as he had a cold and didn't want us catching it. He stank of vodka and was half pissed. He would regularly disappear for weeks on end (his equally barking RE teacher wife would tell us he was drying out)! We used to ask to see his portfolio knowing there were naked drawings of his wife in it.

doinmummy Wed 18-Apr-12 18:44:00

If anyone misbehaved in Biology the teacher made them do an animal impression whilst walking round the classroom. Alison J doing a rabbit impression was the funniest thing I'd ever seen but we dare not laugh else we'd be next.

ProfCoxWouldGetIt Mon 30-Apr-12 11:08:37

OMG too many to mention, a few that stand out

PE teacher in secondary - if you said you couldn't do swimming due to "that time of the month" she would feel your belly to check for sweeling to validate this.

Various teachers throwing black board erasers at students for not listening

Maths teacher in secondary - threw a kid out of the 1st floor window for not doing his homework, same teacher also kicked a desk at a kid for talking, also used to slam kids fingers in the desk if they were caught writing on the desks (The mums all knew this, buyt it was just accepted that he had high expectations of his students)

Class teacher in primary - got edge of steel ruler across the knuckles as someone hadn't put their name on their homework and the hand writing looked like mine

Sience teacher in Secondary used to have a pet pupil who he'd have sitting at his desk and used to rub her thighs through out the lesson (granted he was cute and very young and she was 18 - but still!)

We had a teacher who threw a chair at a pupil and it went through the wall (terrapin - just plasterboard I think) shock and this was only in the 90s.

...the teacher then concealed the evidence by sticking a poster over the hole, I kid you not hmm

Frontpaw Tue 01-May-12 17:22:48

Drink booze in the classroom
Threaten kids with walking stick
Say gorls should do home ec ratjer than physics
Show nazi armbands and other paranalia (not in a history, sociology etc class)
Brew beer in their store room
Drunk at school (same teacher)

And my school was quice 'naice"

MessyTerrier Tue 01-May-12 17:28:08

I had a primary school teacher that made me sit under his desk (while he was sitting at it) shock. This teacher also used to send members of the class (alone, at the age of 10/11) to the candy store to get treats for the class (it was 15 minutes away and several woody trails away hmm.

Another delusional teacher stacked her desk on top of those very deep shelves used for storing art paper and stole a little set of steps from the drama dept. so she could climb up and peer over us from her desk while we worked. The Principal walked in one day a few days after she'd done it and demanded that she disassemble it immediately grin. The same teacher also used to drink a can of diet coke every hour (she was enormously obese) and had crates and crates of it stashed in the art supplies cupboard.

I had one lovely teacher who gave me a wonderful chat and hug after I was upset about my cat getting run over. I've always remembered that but suspect modern teachers would have to think twice before being so familiar with a student sad.

MoietyMoiety Tue 01-May-12 17:30:05

These are brilliant!
Aside from the usual board rubber throwing and desk knocking over stuff I remember going on a school trip to France aged 12 and the teachers stuffed bottles and bottles of wine under the coach seats (when the strict limits were in place!).
On another alcohol tinged note, the head at my girls school was very eccentric and had a real fur rug on her office floor plus it stank of gin and fags!
I also remember a really sad thing happened to a girl at our school and the media got involved, harassing us on the journey to school, loads of them hangong around he gate, blocking the entrance etc. One came onto school property and the deputy head rugby tackled him to the ground and removed him - he'd never get away with that now! Good on him!

VivaLeBeaver Tue 01-May-12 17:37:15

We had a geography teacher who couldn't get through a double lesson without having to go out to smoke his pipe. He came back one time and after 10 minutes a kid shouted that teacher's tweed blazer was on fire - the pipe was smouldering away in the top pocket.

Lots of chalk throwing/blackboard rubber throwing/calling kids arseholes.

The art teacher pinned a boy up against the wall and I thought he was going to kill the boy.

Our primary school art lessons consisted of being chucked out of school to wonder round the village on our own and find something nice to draw. We didn't even have to stay in pairs, etc. I used to spend the afternoon snoozing in a field somewhere.

MoietyMoiety Tue 01-May-12 17:37:38

Forgot to mention that my PE teacher called me a bitch in front of the whole class when I, aged 13 and very awkward, accidentally kicked a ball in her face. She tried to justify it later by saying 'well you do LOOK like a bitch, because of your black hair' hmm

Dexy83 Thu 03-May-12 18:58:46

Year 3 Teacher (Male)

Instead of "Fingers on lips"...his take was:

"Put the mouse (holds up index finger) in the house (circles other index finger and thumb to make a circle and inserts the index finger into the "house") and put it in your lap."

hmm

Funnylittleturkishdelight Thu 16-Aug-12 09:31:02

My secondary drama teacher called me a "little bitch" whilst in character during an improvisation. He later had to be my learning mentor when I trained to be a teacher...

Secondary biology teacher said to me whilst I was doing prefect duty "not sure your skirt is compliant with school uniform rules" and being a mouthy teenager, I replied "no one else has complained" and he whispered in my ear "who said I was complaining". Creep. Due to my gobbiness, the fact my skirt was too short and that he whispered it- I never reported him. He was also really just generally creepy to me. Ugh.

Primary school teacher said "I hope Turkish doesn't try out for netball this year, she's useless" to all the other girls who then reported back to me. Broke my heart and made me hate PE for a long time. I play netball now and not half bad- I showed her!!

Some things I've heard about from friends...a teacher caught shagging a student in his car at prom- who then moved her into his summer house as his wife refused to vacate the marital home!

And lots of teacher affairs with sixth formers- that many went on to marry!!

kirigamirose Thu 30-Aug-12 14:42:01

dds old english teacher apparently stood on top of a desk pretending to be a eagle

2kidsintow Wed 02-Jan-13 23:23:51

Primary : '80s. Headteacher would change into his black and white striped tighty-whiteys and dive into the pool for a swim with us on our weekly session at the pool.

When teaching science, he made us all stand on the playground and he climbed up onto the school room (single storey) and demonstrated hydraulic action.

Another science lessons (sound or light) - set off fireworks on the school playground.

He'd borrowed a video from my father (the mind boggles what about) and had left it in the coal-hatch on the side of the house one day. Then he worried that my parents hadn't found it and told me to go home in the middle of a lesson to check if it was still there and give it to my Mum.

changeforthebetterforObama Wed 02-Jan-13 23:27:50

Domestic Science (Cooking) teacher having a fag in the corner of the room while we beat egg whites for a chocolate Swiss roll by hand grin

2kidsintow Wed 02-Jan-13 23:29:05

Secondary: We had the usual board rubber, chalk (and occasionally table) throwing teacher who was wound up by poor behaviour by a few of the lads.

Another teacher clipped one of the hard lads in my class around the ear. It was ace. The tough boy tried to stare the teacher down, then crumpled and said "Not even my Mum hits me that hard" (woops)

A fab science teacher, when riled by one of the same lads that would wind up the chalk-throwing teacher, decided to demonstrate how to use the fire blanket by wrapping it around the lad, swiping his feet out from under him and rolling him on the ground.

Unfortunately, one from teacher training (early 2000s). When sitting in a music practice for Christmas, the headteacher got fed up with one little boys behaviour and hit him. I was advised not to take it anywhere as the head was retiring that week due to iill healthy, but I will always regret being a timid student and not reporting him. sad

Muminwestlondon Wed 02-Jan-13 23:33:33

DH's i infant teacher in rural Ireland used to give them sugarlumps as a reward - DH has type 2 diabetes now!

Creepy RE teacher in tight stripey trousers with an erection - my girls grammar school (he was later convicted of assaults on little boys)

Even creepier fencing teacher who used to like massaging girls' necks - he was later convicted as a paedo but is astonishingly still teaching (just googled).

We also had fag dragging teachers smoking in classroom during their break.

mcmooncup Wed 02-Jan-13 23:35:35

My very first teacher used to send you home (alone and aged 5) if you did not have a clean hankerchief every day.
And if she smelt anything dodgy she would make us line up in the book corner and check everyone's pants. I remember going to the back of the line knowing it wasn't me so she would find the culprit before I had to drop my pants shock

Apparently she "got everyone reading" so all was forgiven.

trixymalixy Wed 02-Jan-13 23:41:05

A female teacher used to get male pupils to strip to their underpants and crawl up the aisle and kiss her on the feet!

2kidsintow Wed 02-Jan-13 23:54:31

lol Trixy - I've reopened an old thread and you were the 7th person to post on it back in Sept 11 with the same recollection.

trixymalixy Thu 03-Jan-13 00:05:13

Ha ha, serves me right for not reading the thread properly before posting!

2kidsintow Thu 03-Jan-13 00:17:01

grin

Toddle Sat 19-Jan-13 02:36:13

This really wasn't that long ago. 7 years maybe.

In RE having a lesson on genital mutilation. We had just gone through what happens to girls then moved onto the boys. I seem to remember questions were asked and she tried to draw a diagram on the board showing the foreskin, where it is removed and what it looks like after. Some people still didn't quite get it.

She stands at the front of the class and puts her hands together above the top of her head saying this is what it was like with a foreskin. Then dropped her arms saying its now been removed. She did this at least three times and is now starting again with the foreskin. 'I am a gigantic ginger cock! This is my...' Just as the new head master walked in to look around.

LoopsInHoops Sat 19-Jan-13 03:05:26

I don't know if I've already said this at some point, but a biology teacher who would claim he "could smell a girl ovulating". vom.

thefirstmrsrochester Sat 19-Jan-13 15:56:44

When 'teeth' came up as a topic in biology, my teacher drove over to his friend who was a dentist to pick up lots of freshly extracted teeth for us to have a look at. Blood was still damp on the gauze wrapping some of them, flesh attached
& the roots still a bit soft as they were literally just extracted. Loads of them, incisors, eye teeth, premolars, molars. All passed from kid to kid, no gloves, only carbolic soap if you wanted to wash your hands after (and I don't recall being told to wash up anyway).
This was maybe mid '80s.

CalamityJ Sat 04-May-13 18:32:34

Our RE teacher was German and it has always cracked me up hearing foreigners swear in English. Perhaps it's because I remember him saying "I know you all think religion is a load of bollocks but I do need to teach you about it". So teachers swearing is I guess more frowned upon (although my NQT friend who coincidentally teaches RE - what is it about religion that makes the teachers have potty mouths? - admits to accidentally swearing in class rather frequently...The kids find it hilarious, he finds it mortifying - till the next time!)

CalamityJ Sat 04-May-13 18:37:24

Oh yes and the same NQT teacher friend also accidentally knocked a kid off a chair when 'distributing' text books by chucking them onto the desks. The kid wasn't paying attention and it clipped him on the side of the head, knocking him off his chair and spraining his wrist. It's a wonder my friend is still employed!

Skinnywhippet Sat 04-May-13 19:21:49

Teacher put a bit over students heads if they got a question wrong ( called sin bin) Also sellotaped up pupils mouths. We were only about 10,11. We all played along but now realise how appalling this was.

Skinnywhippet Sat 04-May-13 19:22:24

And that was only in late 1990s

Lavenderhoney Sun 05-May-13 13:46:43

- teacher in primary - if anyone spoke out of turn or giggled, the whole class would be made to sit cross legged on the floor with your arms and hands straight up above your head whilst she read the paper.

- rota of small children to clean the staff room of wine bottle and ash trays once a week. Disgusting.

- secondary

- given " moral education lessons" by barmy deputy head and told not to tell parents as they wouldn't approve.
- German teacher who didnt check when I said I had " special lessons" with the mad deputy head and spent every wed and fri afternoon walking in the woods by the school instead for 2 years. If it was cold I went to the lesson and just sat at the back.

- French teacher who clearly hated us and shouted abuse in French whilst smoking.

- history teacher who smoked a pipe and hated us, shouting abuse and didnt bother teaching, just complained about having to teach.

- art teacher who tore up your work if it wasnt creative enough. Or she didnt like it.

- not one teacher in 10 years questioned why I didn't do homework, cried at anything and was always white faced and exhausted, a nervous wreck really, and very jumpy. I really hope any kids with obvious home issues get some help and support now.

One primary teacher when I was 5 questioned my dm about me being so well, reserved and well, different - and I got punished at home for drawing attention to it, plus my dm had all my hair cut off. The teacher was visibly horrified the next day. She was very kind to me after. But no one did anything useful.

All in the eighties. I hated school. It was dreadful.

Steffanoid Tue 04-Jun-13 21:31:49

a music teacher at our school was renowned for throwing things at students from books (tame) to a chair and one of those individual tables at a girl because she was singing out of tune...

tungthai Tue 04-Jun-13 21:37:58

Primary school:-

Hitting including pants down and bottom smacked in front of class.

Telling children they were useless.

Secondary school:-

Male teachers discussing the female pupils bottoms and boobs.

Ranking the girls in order of attractiveness.

I do remember some good teachers, honestly!

thefuturesnotourstosee Tue 30-Jul-13 13:20:44

Got to read this when I have some time (a lot of posts)

When I was 9/10 we had a teacher who used to throw chairs at misbehaving pupils. He was very very scary and I was terrified of him. When he was in a good mood he was a very good teacher though but you never knew what sort of day he was having until a chair was flying through the air at you. luckily he was a crap shot