The Mumsnet Degree

(109 Posts)

A dead cert would be; The Life and Works of Jilly Cooper.

So if there was a degree in Mumsnet what would you put on the syllabus?

Flisspaps Wed 23-Jun-10 11:50:02

Steven Gerrard life drawing course

Friday afternoon - double gin.

5inthebackofthenet Wed 23-Jun-10 11:52:32

Cooking with wine

MmeLindt Wed 23-Jun-10 11:53:20

One handed playdough modelling course

IT Skills - MN'ing whilst simultaneously booking an online shop, and assisting with homework.

sethstarkaddersmum Wed 23-Jun-10 11:55:12

Applied Snobbery

I am thinking the AIBU classes would be really really fun.

LostArtofKeepingASecret Wed 23-Jun-10 11:55:22

Building a lego fire-fecking-engine without the instructions.

darkandstormy Wed 23-Jun-10 11:55:26

thesis on the life and times of mr maker.

Linking.

It's not difficult.

You could combine subjects so fr'instance AIBU with Applied Snobbery and Friday Afternoon Drinking. Friday Afternoon Drinking and One Handed Playdough Modelling? Friday Afternoon drinking could combine with most subjects.

Jamieandhismagictorch Wed 23-Jun-10 12:02:14

Crossing out.

It takes tenacity and an over inflated sense of one's own utter hilariousness

fruitshootsandheaves Wed 23-Jun-10 12:06:24

you must be feeding a baby at all times during the writing of your dissertation.

He he.

How to find the Friday Night Bumsex threads obviously.

frakkit Wed 23-Jun-10 12:09:23

Compulsory English spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Failure of this course will result in NO DEGREE!

QSincognitoErgoSum Wed 23-Jun-10 12:09:43

Avoiding Bumsex

StarOfValkyrie Wed 23-Jun-10 12:09:48

Passive agression training and the appropriate use of smileys!

Frakkit - this could combine with elements of Pedant's Corner.

Moldie identification and advanced use of spreadsheets?

frakkit Wed 23-Jun-10 12:16:26

Aspects of name-changing to include recognition of posting styles, inventive name changes, seasonal variation and name-change tracking.

comewhinewithme Wed 23-Jun-10 12:16:50

Troll spotting.

MmeLindt Wed 23-Jun-10 12:30:13

How to Namechange without Outing Oneself

Guest lecturer: UCM

Cod spotting. wink

ShowOfHands Wed 23-Jun-10 12:33:11

I won't be attending classes as the baby ate my homework. I'll be round the back of the bikesheds with bof and reality. Good luck swots.

Shaz10 Wed 23-Jun-10 12:34:00

Judgey Pants Sewing.

Competitive Cupcaking for Beginners

Portofino Wed 23-Jun-10 12:37:10

Lentil Weaving

The Art of Profanity in a Thread Title

(Lecturer: Dr MamaG)

sethstarkaddersmum Wed 23-Jun-10 12:44:07

Self-righteousness

tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 23-Jun-10 12:45:52

I actually don't know how to name change. I don't think I'd even be admitted to the degree, would I?

Can I offer an elective, which will be taken up by three people, two of whom will drop out once they realise it's still got assigned homework?

Posting In Other Time Zones: The Art and Science of Appearing Sober When Everyone Else Is Still At Breakfast.

KerryMumbles Wed 23-Jun-10 12:47:51

Penguins and Pants or...

how to dump a jerk and keep your knickers out of your son's gym bag.

lol @ tortoise

SOH - I thought Reality would be lecturing in namechanging and advanced use of spreadsheets? grin

What about; Flouncing: How To Get It Right

Mmm liking MamaG and the Art of Profanity.

Cod spotting is a basic skill though; What about; Cod: A Retrospective - is all her best work behind her? wink

grin MmeLindt <is she still posting on mn?>

and the cod spotting grin

as an optional course how to speak to one's dc about their father without choking on your own tongue

papworth Wed 23-Jun-10 13:12:53

How to say something nice about another child to it's mother when you can't stand either of them but your child is best friends with their child.

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle Wed 23-Jun-10 13:22:32

ff/bf and SAHM/WOHM great battles of our time

Flisspaps Wed 23-Jun-10 13:44:26

Dealing with PILs - a practical guide in assertiveness

Fuckwit avoidance for beginners

BelleDameSansMerci Wed 23-Jun-10 13:55:28

Cat's bum mouth and the appropriate use thereof...

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dilemma456 Wed 23-Jun-10 14:01:29

Message withdrawn

honeydragon Wed 23-Jun-10 14:03:00

LostArtofKeepingASecret

Lego 101

You print the instructions off the lego website whilst mumsnetting and drinking beverage of choice.

Provide child with instructions
In response to request for help state

"Mummy took an age to sort those out, you get started please, while I catch up on the work I should have been doing..."

resume Mumsnet and beverage.

Class dismissed grin

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle Wed 23-Jun-10 14:17:19

poncification: why waitrose is soooo much better than asda.

followed by

seagull shoppers: the beauty of lidl.

BythewayItsStillMe Wed 23-Jun-10 14:29:22

HoneyDragon, I'm off to look for lego instructions now, I'm sure DS will need them in a couple of years soon. I can save myself even more time!

MmeLindt Wed 23-Jun-10 15:00:07

Procastination and Mumsnet

Might leave that course for later in the term though.

<snurk> at MmeLindt

itsonlyajob Wed 23-Jun-10 15:04:14

when to offer a biscuit

itsonlyajob Wed 23-Jun-10 15:06:15

The History of Mumsnet - with essays on moldies, classic threads and long time posters

EnglandAllenPoe Wed 23-Jun-10 20:10:16

Am I Being Unreasonable - introduction (for first years)

Am I Being Unreasonable (advanced) for more skilled hands...

EnglandAllenPoe Wed 23-Jun-10 20:25:23

and for airy-fairy types 'The History of Being Unreasonable'

Portofino Wed 23-Jun-10 22:00:21

Mumsnet Classics grin

Emoticons and how to use them to best effect [gin]

piratecat Wed 23-Jun-10 22:05:35

AIBU by proxy

give examples,

discuss

i would fail!!!

piprabbit Wed 23-Jun-10 22:07:01

"The Flounce."

followed by

"Returning with dignity."

Shopping lists, and how to write them for the highest level of obfuscation

Cyclops Wed 23-Jun-10 22:08:37

The Art of the Mooncup

How to Read a Thread Before Posting

Lilymaid Wed 23-Jun-10 22:09:59

The evolution of the comic thread with special reference to Governess thread and any number of other classics.

Big Tech, Tech, YetMoreTech, TomTech, NikitaTech. Discuss.

piprabbit Wed 23-Jun-10 22:14:45

Optional extra course for those with a keen interest on how to stalk monitor other users, with a special reference to the use of spreadsheets.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull Wed 23-Jun-10 22:18:17

not sure about what to study but surely the school song should be the llama song?

JulesJules Wed 23-Jun-10 22:22:22

Zombie Planning 101

Poetry Composition especially Odes to Dead Pets

Poledra Wed 23-Jun-10 22:30:47

Oooh, BIWI, I'm sure I spotted an AdamTech round here somewhere earlier..............

AdamTech. Compare and contrast with Tech, BigTech, YetMoreTech, TomTech and NikitaTech.

LeQueen Wed 23-Jun-10 22:34:46

Am happy to study anything so long as it's not on a Monday morning or Friday afternoon. Which is exactly the same criteria I applied whilst chosing my degree modules, and it's why I ended up having to chose feckin 'African Literature' (now there's a contradiction in terms) in my third year, because everything else clashed with my VDT (Valuable Drinking Time).

How to talk so that visiting politicians will listen.

JaneS Wed 23-Jun-10 22:37:21

Nork referencing for beginners. And lectures in how to use all the unofficial smilies like [boak].

The fine art of getting the in first with the drinking thread on Friday afternoon.

OrientCalf Wed 23-Jun-10 22:40:55

Advanced theory of 'words on a screen'

LeQueen Wed 23-Jun-10 22:41:39

"10 Reasons Not To Google Dragon-Butter"

Followed by a further module a week later

"Trauma Counselling For Your Dragon-Butter Flashbacks"

a paper on 'fruitshoots, should they be banned?'

and 'how to successfully shop at boden' of course

LeQueen Wed 23-Jun-10 22:47:00

"Correct Wearing of Big Judgey Pants" (Beginners)

"Correct Wearing of Big Judgey Pants & Matching Judgey T-Shirt" (Intermediate)

"Correct Wearing Of Big Judgey Pants & Matching T-Shirt & Hat & Scarf" (Advanced).

Engraved gavell awarded to Honours graduates.

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle Wed 23-Jun-10 22:49:31

trolls: their motives, methods and how to hunt them

SpecialAnonymousName Wed 23-Jun-10 22:56:47

Etiquette on not-outing longtimers posting under temporary pseudonyms, with discussion on whether or not to wave when you're not sure if they'll remember you anyway. Says she under a temporary pseudonym.

<<waves at specialanonymous, you won't remember me but..>>

Booboobedoo Wed 23-Jun-10 23:00:23

Yes, Cod-spotting is freshers-week stuff, really.

It comes along with learning not to <hug> or <hun>.

"MN in-jokes: The Bat and Beyond"

FellatioNelson Wed 23-Jun-10 23:02:04

Do It Yourself Haircutting.

Identification of middle-class of middle class indicators

How to force feed your children olives and hummus so that others might correctly identify your middle-classness.

Dissertation should be on the history of the word Chav. Is it an appropriate noun to descripe members of the feckless underclass? Discuss.

FellatioNelson Wed 23-Jun-10 23:03:32

{shock] Can anyone tell that I'm having a nightcap? blush I'd fail in my MN pedantry module tonight.

BikeRunSki Wed 23-Jun-10 23:06:01

Acronyms 101

SpringHeeledJack Wed 23-Jun-10 23:13:03

Yes, but what about the children?- discuss

gigglewitch Wed 23-Jun-10 23:15:35

omg, this thread is fantastic. And has caused much hilarity. Oh lordy, I'd better go and revise... there's a multiple choice on Acronyms next week isn't there?

AbricotsSecs Wed 23-Jun-10 23:19:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeQueen Wed 23-Jun-10 23:19:46

"Yes, but what about the children?- discuss"

springheeledjack - surely that could be simplified to "What children?" Discuss..."

FellatioNelson Wed 23-Jun-10 23:26:43

How to hide veg in your children's food.

Bridezilla wars

Buggy wars

Nappy wars

Breast feeding 22 year olds - is it wrong?

Competitive Poverty and how to win.
(might get into trouble for that one blush)

LeQueen Wed 23-Jun-10 23:27:53

"Applied Multi-Tasking" - students must complete 3 of the following tasks, whilst simultaneously making a valid contribution to MN:

a) listening to child read aloud (extra mark given for looking interested in Biff, Chip & Kipper's latest feckin exploits).

b) testing child on that week's spellings (extra mark given for correctly explaining difference between whether and weather without once taking eyes off the screen)

c) shouting clear but concise instructions to your primary school age child, on how to cobble togetehr a quick tuna pasta bake (extra mark given if you don't having recourse to leave your PC and enter the kitchen and help them - merit given if you stay seated at your post, even when your child cries out in alarm and the smoke alarm goes off).

piprabbit Wed 23-Jun-10 23:29:42

For mothers of sons - how to cope with the transition to MILhood.

SpringHeeledJack Wed 23-Jun-10 23:31:24

LeQueen- ah yes of course. Should've specified that there's two modules to the unit- either the Handwringing module or the Cheeky Shrug

IMoveTheStars Wed 23-Jun-10 23:33:50

Helicopter parenting: Discuss.

LeQueen Wed 23-Jun-10 23:34:51

I think it's the taster course for "The Art Of Nonchalant Parenting" isn't it?

luciemule Wed 23-Jun-10 23:36:50

How to train your DH

IMoveTheStars Wed 23-Jun-10 23:40:08

LeQ wink

with a module of 'accepted time to leave your children to play in the henhouse'

grin

weegiemum Wed 23-Jun-10 23:42:22

Packed Lunch Making for Beginners (age 6)

Intermediate Packed Lunches (age 8)

The Art of the Advanced Packed Lunch (age 10).

How To Badger Your Maternal Parent For Dinner Money (all ages)

itsonlyajob Wed 23-Jun-10 23:43:46

fellationelson is that the 'conflict' module?

piprabbit Wed 23-Jun-10 23:45:48

Hairdressing for the skint and desperate.

FellatioNelson Wed 23-Jun-10 23:47:43

Yes, but it's far too academic for me. I'm only grade 4 CSE in Conflict. I'm PHD level in conflict resolution though.

itsonlyajob Wed 23-Jun-10 23:48:28

Not to forget, cliques - what, when, who, topic, .
Lots of little private clique threads on mumsnet.

piprabbit Wed 23-Jun-10 23:50:20

We could have guest lecturers...
Bonsoir could run a workshop on 'Why the French way is best'.

Dittany could run one on 'Men and their failings'.

IMoveTheStars Thu 24-Jun-10 00:04:42

A serious course on therapy/repositioning on discovery of torticollis/plagiocephaly

I have Dittany marked down for The Life and Works of Jilly Cooper wink

tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 24-Jun-10 07:46:32

I think Xenia should really present An Introduction to FlyLady

honeydragon Thu 24-Jun-10 10:18:17

How to apolgigise for erroneous troll accusations without actually meaning it.

Post Graduate: How to get away with troll accusation when the troll accusee has been a member of mumsnet longer then the troll accuser and everyone else knows that.

Guest lecturers - erm just about everyone since all the political nonsense smile

honeydragon Thu 24-Jun-10 10:19:49

back to basics: how to spell apologise correctly blush

FellatioNelson Thu 24-Jun-10 10:27:59

Peanut/lactose/wheat/egg allergies, and where to buy them from, if your child is feeling left out.

nymphadora Thu 24-Jun-10 17:23:34

Posting from an iPhone as an optional one?

nymphadora Thu 24-Jun-10 17:24:37

After being here for 5 years I needed training for the TTC threads. Totally different language over there. Compulsory course for those beginning parenthood.

EccentricaGallumbits Thu 24-Jun-10 17:28:10

If I sign up for another degree I will go insane and DH will leave me.

IMoveTheStars Thu 24-Jun-10 18:23:45

huzzah, it's in classics grin

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle Thu 24-Jun-10 20:06:43

the importance of EWCM at 13dpo to avoid AF while TTC.

followed up by a PHD in: FTC - TCOYF and beyond!

MayorNaze Thu 24-Jun-10 20:10:07

How To Make Chicken Nuggets From Scratch:

first, slay your homegrown, freerange, organic chicken...

honeydragon Thu 24-Jun-10 20:38:53

next: post
aibu to use shop bought organic wholemeal flour rather then growing and grinding it myself in a windmill built with fair trade woven lentils??

remeber, the outcome of the post is not the inportant part of the process, they taste so much better when you can tout culinary superiority on the web.

MayorNaze Thu 24-Jun-10 20:40:03

Boden v Primark: discuss...

Jaquelinehyde Thu 24-Jun-10 20:54:55

Breast feeding and Parent & Baby spaces: When is the appropriate time to don ones hard hat?

FellatioNelson Fri 25-Jun-10 21:59:22

Honeydragon

Guests for dinner tomorrow. Today I have made (from scratch) ahem, (drum roll) are you ready?

Lemon Mascarpone ice cream
Little meringue nests
Lemon and orange syllabub
Lasagne (for the kids)
Little potato and cabbage rostis
Slow-braised belly of pork (to roast fast tomorrow for the best crackling)
A spicy chilli and ginger marinade to go on an Asian Duck salad

Tomorrow I shall be dipping strawberries in melted organic dark chocolate, to garnish my meringue/syllabub thingy, and cutting lettuce, coriander, mint, baby radishes and spring onions from my own veg patch to go with the duck thingy.

Not only is my meal home made, it's largely home grown. (didn't kill my own pig or duck though.)

Can I have my first degree hours in MN domestic no-additives smuggery please?

honeydragon Sun 27-Jun-10 07:32:47

Yes, but you lose out in a first as you are giving children under 22 years old chocolate, that is too early grin

am now very hungry envy

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