Nightmare Incident with Neighbour's Parcel- please sympathise and advise?

(328 Posts)
BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:27:32

I am not having any tea now after The Most Recent Incident shockangryenvy<--that one is for sick btw...

Background- dd2 is severely autistic with learning disabilities, and, er, bowel issues. Aged nine.

Was on mumsnet and watching Eggheads (I could take Kevin, if anyone's interested), and could hear dd2 giggling and playing in the hall and landing. Confident that other doors were locked, I left her to it, thinking I'd give her fifteen minutes or so before I bathed her. Eggheads finished, I opened the livingroom door to the most overwhelming stench of SHIT coming from upstairs, and saw dd2 lying at the top of the stairs chewing what looked like a binbag.

I try to pull it out of her mouth, hoping she hasn't swallowed too much, then I look past her and see two enormous (think cowpat) lumps of soft poo on the carpet, a big plastic postal bag which looks like it's been used to wipe the poo up, and a brown leather pouffe I didn't recognise . Which, on closer inspection, is plastered in shit too.

Then I remember that this morning I accepted a large parcel from John Lewis for a neighbour, which I'd left by the front door [heartsink]

I have cleaned it up, but it's probably watermarked or something- I literally had to sluice the stuff off under the shower attachment, and nailbrush faeces out of the tiny grooved swirl pattern embossed into the leather.

Nobody is in next door yet to explain. I have had to throw the packaging out.

On the plus side, dd2 is clearly no longer constipated grin

So, if it is water-marked etc, do I have to pay for it? I didn't sign for it, but parcel man noted where he'd left it, and I don't want to get him in trouble.

PeedOffWithNits Tue 23-Mar-10 20:29:44

OMG!!! dont know what else to say

"On the plus side, dd2 is clearly no longer constipated" I'm sorry but i almost spat tea all over my laptop at that one grin

Sorry no usefull advise though

Hassled Tue 23-Mar-10 20:31:29

I don't think you can possibly hand it over - the shit in the embossed swirls will be there forever . All I can think of is that it's an insurance claim. Are the neighbours nice and understanding sorts?

tootootired Tue 23-Mar-10 20:32:03

might it be covered by house insurance? Poor you, poor neighbour! Hope they will be sympathetic but they would be saints if they don't want it paid for.

JustMyTwoPenceWorth Tue 23-Mar-10 20:32:12

Oh dear me.

(typed oh shit at first, then thought better of it grin)

Are you going to tell them what happened? (psst - I wouldn't)

McDreamy Tue 23-Mar-10 20:32:54

Think you best pay a visit to the John Lewis website, poor you sad what a way to round off your day shock

mrscynical Tue 23-Mar-10 20:34:07

Think you should 'come clean' to the neighbour about the leather 'stool' if I was you.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:34:19

I am hoping that I can get away with saying it was a split drink. A poo-scented one.

shandyleer Tue 23-Mar-10 20:34:24

Well done for looking on the bright side "on the plus side, dd2 is clearly no longer constipated" grin

Wait till it dries before you decide what to do? If it looks fine take it to your neighbours and apologise for it having been accidentally unwrapped by your dd. If not, I guess you could offer to pay, and if they're kind, they'll be nice and understanding and refuse your offers.

FabIsGettingThere Tue 23-Mar-10 20:34:31

You will have to tell them you accepted a parcel which your child opened and ruined and you will order them another one tomorrow. There is no other option.

NorbertDentressangle Tue 23-Mar-10 20:35:03

I think that you should phone John Lewis, explain exactly what happened and see if their customer is as good as everyone says!!

My money is on them sending a replacement one to the neighbours and telling you to do what you like with the, er, 'damaged' one.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:35:54

ROFL @ 'stool' grin

Flame Tue 23-Mar-10 20:36:08

Yes, phone JL and explain

onepieceoflollipop Tue 23-Mar-10 20:36:23

Could you afford to replace it?

In your position (finances permitting) I would explain to the neighbour that something had been "spilt" on the item or it has been very badly damaged and it is ruined.

If neighbour asks for further details shred it up and give her a few cleanish bits to inspect.

Does she know that your dd has sn? If so perhaps she would be understanding?

I would then buy an identical replacement asap. If it is horrendously expensive then I would claim on insurance (my own).

NorbertDentressangle Tue 23-Mar-10 20:36:28

oops that should say 'customer service'

Thing is, if it was damaged in transit, would be covered by insurance, right?

So, I would call John Lewis tomorrow and tell them that your child has been quite sick lately, and unfortunately was ill all over the package, what a shame, couldn't possibly hand it over to neighbor in that state, oh dear etc.

And pretend not to be in until resolved wink

onepieceoflollipop Tue 23-Mar-10 20:37:20

Oh yes worth a try with JL I would say.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:37:49

Would nobody just hand it over with a wry grin and hope for the best then?

tootootired Tue 23-Mar-10 20:38:51

I can just imagine another post tomorrow -"Nightmare incident with parcel left at neighbours"...

cyb Tue 23-Mar-10 20:39:01

Lob it on the pavement outside and claim a dog must have done it

KurriKurri Tue 23-Mar-10 20:39:32

OK - I'd go for damage limitation - just looked on John lewis site pouffes are £99 - but it also says 'specialist dry cleaning' I think I'd offer to pay for the dry cleaning, and see if they are happy with that. Are they friendly neighbours?

At worst you will have to buy another, but your DD will get to keep the damaged one.
JL should have made sure it was delivered to neighbours - I'd also try getting them to replace it.

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 20:41:17


you are just going to have to buy a new one


don't accept parcels again!!!


KurriKurri Tue 23-Mar-10 20:41:17

Or wrap it in another bin bag, and hand it over saying nothing. They're not likely to come back and say 'excuse me did you happen to get shit on our pouffe'

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 20:41:51

it was have an invoice so you can see exactly which one it was

tellyaddict Tue 23-Mar-10 20:41:56

Oops, it is rather funny but I do feel for you. I'd tell them what happened and see if they can take it up with JL or as the others say, call them yourself. I think legally you are responsible once you take a parcel into your home (rather than the delivery company) so house insurance would be an option.

On a lighter note, I once took in a large envelope for our, then, new next door neighbours and went out leaving it in my hall. When I got back home there was shredded envelope in the hall, our dog hadn't been locked in the kitchen as she usually is when we go out and I didn't realise that the large envelope contained a chocolate present for our neighbours... I produced what was left of the envelope and the note that was inside to my neighbours and explained what had happened. They thought it was hilarious and I bought them some chocolate to make up for it.

If your neighbours are nice, they'll see the funny side of it although there is obviously much more cost involved in your case.

Hassled Tue 23-Mar-10 20:42:18

mrobama's plan is a good one. No, you really can't use the wry grin approach. It will haunt you forever and it's just WRONG. You'll never be able to look them in the eye again.

cyb Tue 23-Mar-10 20:43:37

You could be like Ross in Friends

"I'd like to return this's cut in half"

onepieceoflollipop Tue 23-Mar-10 20:44:39

Whilst I sympathise with the op, if I was the neighbour I wouldn't be impressed with being offered what should be a brand new ite, but was in fact a pre-used but professionally dry cleaned item.

Sorry but I wouldn't.

LOL at the pretend a dog did it.

OrmRenewed Tue 23-Mar-10 20:46:39

OMG! Buy a new one. Sorry.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:47:08

Hmm, I'm saying John Lewis, but there's no paperwork. Think dd has eaten the invoice. But I can't see it on their website.

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 20:47:53

there must be a pre-paid postmark which will say the company name

OrmRenewed Tue 23-Mar-10 20:47:58

Eaten the paperwork! Well that will help keep her regular then grin

Brollyflower Tue 23-Mar-10 20:48:13

email John Lewis. It's got to be worth a try. Failing that either insurance claim or just buy them a new one.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:48:15

Lolol at Ross from Friends though- I remember that

ilovesprouts Tue 23-Mar-10 20:50:01

oh dear .....

NorbertDentressangle Tue 23-Mar-10 20:51:19

By BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:47:08
Hmm, I'm saying John Lewis, but there's no paperwork. Think dd has eaten the invoice. But I can't see it on their website.

I'd still phone JL -boy, that would be excellent customer service if they replaced pouffe that they didn't even sell in the first place grin wink

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:51:41

I really can't see where it's from. I will just have to ask my neighbour and offer to replace it then. Will have a bash with the leather-cleaner in the morning.

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 20:53:06

Look for a label on the item

There might be a zip with the label inside

squeaver Tue 23-Mar-10 20:53:24

Oh BoF.

My first thought was to grovel and offer to buy a new one.

But now I must say I'm liking Cyb's dog-did-it strategy.

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 20:53:34

or take a phot and we will find it for you becasue we are all super cool sleuths

hmm you will have to go round to the neighbours and explain what has happened.

in fact, go now, then come and tell us what they said

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 20:54:26

Photo is excellent idea- shall organise that now and put it on my profile...

TrowelAndError Tue 23-Mar-10 20:55:07

I feel your pain but there's really no way you can hand over a contaminated pouffe, however much it's been scrubbed. You have to throw yourselves on the mercies of JL or your household insurance.

SoupDragon Tue 23-Mar-10 20:56:23

Seriously, you can't hand over a shat upon pouffe.

You need to explain, apologise and order them a new one. (and if it was JL, explain and try to beg a free one!)

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:01:09

dear Lord that is one ugly pouffe

you have done thema favour TBH

yellowcircle Tue 23-Mar-10 21:01:22

JL may sort this out for you, worth a try.

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:01:55

nah, not quite teh same

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:02:49

is it deffo leather? smell it wink

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:03:06

Righto- pics on profile now [hopeful]

Fel1x Tue 23-Mar-10 21:03:23

You simply CANT give your neighbours a pouffe that has been shat on!!!
No matter how well you clean it, thats just terrible.
You have to replace it, sorry

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:04:31

oh sorry have seen close up


FabIsGettingThere Tue 23-Mar-10 21:04:32

It isn't the tesco one.

SweetGrapes Tue 23-Mar-10 21:04:53

Saw the pics. No tag?

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:05:01

Not the Tesco one- a bit more embossing going on.

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:05:29

is the embossing on teh side?

scotts of stow

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:06:34

The embossing is on the top.

LadyBiscuit Tue 23-Mar-10 21:06:36

Oh dear that is one ugly pouffe. I think the 'dog ate it - help - bat eyelashes' option is the one to go for.

So glad to hear the constipation has eased though

NorbertDentressangle Tue 23-Mar-10 21:06:46

Your DD did them a favour...its fugly wink

I don't recognise it but then again I'm not in the market for a pouffe.

oooh that looks like it

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:07:36

oh deffo no embossing on the side?

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:08:28

will photograph the sides now- not quite the Scotts one.

hmmm so the same top, but plain sides?

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:09:39

It's really hideous

Tell them you were sick on it after you glimpsed the fugly thing

Fimbow Tue 23-Mar-10 21:11:39


You really really really need to buy a new one btw.

bratnav Tue 23-Mar-10 21:11:43

DH has just said that if he saw a pouffe that ugly he'd be tempted to shit on it too shockgrin

You have to buy a new one I'm afraid - but you can keep the old one. It obviously has a handy effect on dd...

Rockbird Tue 23-Mar-10 21:12:38

I like it blush. When you've replaced it and are lumbered with a shat on pouffe you hate, I'll take it off your hands

squeaver Tue 23-Mar-10 21:12:47

God it's really horrible.

I'm now wondering if you can just get away with it. Serves them right

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:13:34

Right, side view now up. Some embossing, but not the same as the scotts one, although similar. Same design on every panel.

bratnav Tue 23-Mar-10 21:14:52
IMoveTheStars Tue 23-Mar-10 21:18:31
SweetGrapes Tue 23-Mar-10 21:19:02

Not JL, Debenhams, amazon or house of fraser.
where on earth do they shop?

IMoveTheStars Tue 23-Mar-10 21:19:07

will try and find a non-ebay link

RubysReturn Tue 23-Mar-10 21:19:33

Having looked at your profile, I have to agree that your dd has done them a huge favour.

She has a promising career ahead of her as interior design critic.

LaBellaSantaCatarinadiSienna Tue 23-Mar-10 21:19:53

Its not this one, is it? heals

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:20:01

hmmm think you might have to ASK

Rockbird Tue 23-Mar-10 21:20:20

I've tried Argos and Next

tibni Tue 23-Mar-10 21:20:27

Sorry no good at links - is the flower bit the same?

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:21:17

I don't think it's any of those. Very similar though.


Oh God, BoF, I'm sorry but that is teh funniest thing I have read on here all day.

I agree with teh fact that DD has done them a massive favour. It's horrible.

You are going to have to grovel to them, I reckon.

What are they like? Do you think they'll be okay with it?

SixtyFootDoll Tue 23-Mar-10 21:21:29

Hideous pouffee
Looks like something you buy in a hippy-dippy shop that sells incense sticks and tie dye bags.

I would offer to buy them something more tasteful!

Rockbird Tue 23-Mar-10 21:21:43

Not Habitat...

tibni Tue 23-Mar-10 21:21:55
Brollyflower Tue 23-Mar-10 21:22:56

Maybe it's unique and came from ebay confused. Let's hope not. I guess it's certainly uniquely fragranced now grin.

KurriKurri Tue 23-Mar-10 21:25:00

Maybe it can't be traced because it is a bespoke pouffe?

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:25:01

Neighbour is lovely oldish lady. It was a German-sounding man's name on the postal label though. From what I could tell, but it was poo-encrusted and I've thrown it out now.

May have to throw myself on her mercy tomorrow.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:25:50

Oh god, don't say Bespoke shock

RubysReturn Tue 23-Mar-10 21:25:50

pmsl at poo encrusted label

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:26:12

Am pouring myself a vodka now.

YouMightKnowMe Tue 23-Mar-10 21:26:52

Do you have the packaging label on the outer? Does it have a tracking number on which might tell you the origin?

you could buy this one instead - it's actually stool shaped. [unhelpful smiley]

Portofino Tue 23-Mar-10 21:27:10

How well do they know you and dd. Any chance at all of getting away with an explanation that she "unwrapped" it by accident? Surely the shit must come off>? Speaking as someone who tonight scrubbed cat sick out of the doormat....<<boak>>

YouMightKnowMe Tue 23-Mar-10 21:27:42

x posts....I think you need to recover poo encrusted label tosolve your mystery....

LetThereBeRock Tue 23-Mar-10 21:28:19

Porto.You can't give someone a pouffe which has been covered in excrement! No matter how ugly it is or how well it's been cleaned.

are you sure it's not for a different neighbour then?/?

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:31:43

Oh no, don't make me go back to the bin!

Hahaaa at the stool beanbag though grin

Earlybird Tue 23-Mar-10 21:32:35

Hope it didn't come from Germany.......

I don't see what the problem is with being honest about this? It's a crappy thing to have happen (no pun intended) but you didn't intend it to happen and as long as you replace it or compensate her I'm sure she will be absolutely nice about it. There is no way you can give somebody an item of furniture that you've scraped poo out of! Her grandchildren might be lying on it and licking it next week. You've just got to take the hit. Maybe it is ebay and she got it for a tenner <<hopeful>>

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:33:42

The shit has come off- but I think there will be water damage.

Neighbour knows that dd is a bit of a handful. Have never had to mention the poo before now though.

morningpaper Tue 23-Mar-10 21:34:35

gloves on and retrieve label

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:35:24

I can't tell her about the poo, can I? I'm going for water spillage, I think, and an otherwise honest confession.

brimfull Tue 23-Mar-10 21:35:39

just be honest and ask where it's from
If I was neighbour I would laugh..but I would also expect a replacement

sausagepastie Tue 23-Mar-10 21:37:11

it was cheap!


btw I just googled hideous pouffe

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:37:27

Scotts and Co.

Waaaah, it's going to be that hundred quid one, isn't it?

JackBauer Tue 23-Mar-10 21:37:29

I'm not laughing. Honestly.

You are going to have to throw yourself on her mercy though I'm afraid.

<<stuff fists in mouth>>

what ggirl said.

If you say water she will want to see it and then she'll say it's not too bad and you're not to worry and before you know where you are she'll be taking it home for her grandchildren to lick! Tell her about the poo - dead straight face - 'my daughter has a serious medical condition which renders her bowels unpredictable and last night we had an incident with your parcel. I can't believe it's happened, you don't want to know any more than that now who do I make the cheque out too?'

differentID Tue 23-Mar-10 21:38:59

I think I have found it!!!!!!

is this it?

sausagepastie Tue 23-Mar-10 21:39:37

nawww the side patterns are wrong

could you get away with it?

Portofino Tue 23-Mar-10 21:40:36

I'm obviously totally evil as I would give it a good scrub and a polish and hand it over.....

pollywollydoodle Tue 23-Mar-10 21:40:39

the ILs have one exactly the same...from turkey tho' (and they LOVE it so can't even offer it to you!)

sausagepastie Tue 23-Mar-10 21:40:58

x posts

on mine the red one has these side patterns

same as yours,diffID

it looks like generic radio times catalogue shite nest'ce pas?

DifferentID - I think you've done it gringrin

differentID Tue 23-Mar-10 21:41:40

you think Sausage? I've compared the photo in a tab next to the product and am flicking between them? Looks very similar, except colourwise?

LetThereBeRock Tue 23-Mar-10 21:42:03

You can't do that Porto.That's vile.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:42:12

DifferentID- that's it!!

But brown. That's the one.

Or maybe it used to be pink like the one in the link....

How much is it?

differentID Tue 23-Mar-10 21:42:49

£100 BoF.

Rockbird Tue 23-Mar-10 21:43:02

The red one is definitely the same but the side pattern is different on the brown one.

Have you got a spare £100 - or what's the excess on your insurance?

sausagepastie Tue 23-Mar-10 21:43:30

Lol at 'hand tooled' though

someone took ages making that useless item

My friend has 4 of those stool shaped/coloured bean bags in the playroom.

Her DH thought he was been really helpful and ordered them, unwrapped them and positioned them as a nice surprise for her. grin

Imagine her reaction when she walked in and saw 4 elephant droppings in her beeyootifully-styled colour-coordinated playroom.

sausagepastie Tue 23-Mar-10 21:45:29

Bof it's scotts of stow as per my earlier link don'tcha know wink

but you seem to get random side patterns. They won't mind.

IMoveTheStars Tue 23-Mar-10 21:46:06
differentID Tue 23-Mar-10 21:46:31

I'd call scott's of stow and ask if they have despatched a parcel to your neoighbours. explain what has happened, see if they can help.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:48:13

I have just applied for Income Support after weeks of being jobless, NorthernLurker sad

Dunno about the insurance, tbh.

Shall try to find out exactly where it was bought from and plead with them first, I think.

yy phone Scotts and beg explain.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 21:52:37

Maybe it was from Ebay secondhand? [hopeful]

No invoice and just delivered by parcelnet in a plastic postage bag.

Yes I would try pleading and also check the excess on the insurance - if it's £75 it won't help. If no luck with those then I think you have to be brutally frank and tell her you will have to save up.

smackapacka Tue 23-Mar-10 21:57:24

I can't stop laughing. I'd be prepared to contribute to a whip round if you do need to pay for it.

KurriKurri Tue 23-Mar-10 21:58:42

Well if you have to replace it, you get to keep the first one, - which you can sell on e-bay -condition 'used', and try to get some of your money back.

HalfTermHero Tue 23-Mar-10 21:59:35

The whole thing is horribly unfortunate, Bof. I feel very sorry for you. I think that you will just have to apologise and ask your neighbour where it was purchased from. Then call the seller and explain. Apologise and say you are broke and cannot possibly compensate neighbour. Hopefully if it is a reputable company then they will try to claim on insurance or on the courrier's insurance. If that gets you nowhere then you will have to offer to pay neighbour back by installment sad.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 22:00:21

Oh that is soooooo lovely of you!

But no.

A gorgeous MNer from Shiney's thread has already offered to pay for it from a premium bond via facebook- it blew me away smile

But no way. Shit from my house I will deal with myself grin

How amazing is MN?

RumourOfAHurricane Tue 23-Mar-10 22:02:58

Late to this but enjoyed fab's comment. It was very earnest and well, serious

OK.. we all know what you should do, but tbh, I would be denying all knowledge of ever receiving a parcel

Sherbert37 Tue 23-Mar-10 22:03:09

There is no way that is from John Lewis. Your little dog is almost identical to mine though.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 22:04:02

I just couldn't, Shiney- the delivery bloke might get suspended or lose his job.

smackapacka Tue 23-Mar-10 22:04:07

Your DD is beautiful BTW - I never look at people's profiles but seeing the perpatrator (sp?) of the crime and the crime scene has just put the icing on the cake (Or the poo on the pouffe grin)

SomeGuy Tue 23-Mar-10 22:06:08

why don't you call them saying explaining what happened. Contact details here. As you aren't the intended recipient, they'll probably send out another.

geordieminx Tue 23-Mar-10 22:07:12

Go 'on everyone on the thread paypal BOF a quid, then its sorted.

HalfTermHero Tue 23-Mar-10 22:07:19

Just a thought, but ask neighbour how she paid. If it was by credit card then she may be able to launch a dispute with credit card company for a damaged item. They might refund her. Seller would have to refund credit card and who knows, they might not be bothered chasing you/threatening legal action for £100?

hellymelly Tue 23-Mar-10 22:10:39

I would happily give a quid via paypal! But yes I agree that if you call the sender they might be kind enough to claim it on their insurance and send another.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 22:14:03

I will try talking to the neighbour first and take it from there- shall update as soon as I've done it tomorrow. You are all very kind though smile

I couldn't accept any money though- can you imagine having to recount the Tale Of The Pooey Pouffe when we are trying to tell journos about our true sense of community? grin

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 22:55:53


DP has been at it with the leather cleaner, and it looks as good as new...

[moral dilemma]

BertieBotts Tue 23-Mar-10 22:58:29

I would say if it's real leather, the cow has been in contact with worse things than a bit of poo.


differentID Tue 23-Mar-10 23:00:43

If it looks as good as new, I would offer it to neighbour with an apology for it not being in the packaging, but that dd had opened it and unfortunately spilled something on it.

You won't be lying.

WillowM2B Tue 23-Mar-10 23:02:45

Wrap it up and hand it over tomorrow then if it looks good as new. Then hide.

I really like the red one.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 23:02:48

I am liking the logic at work here, ladies...

Am still imagining licking grandchildren though blush

You can't - you just can't.
'nailbrush faeces out of the tiny grooved swirl pattern embossed into the leather' - remember?

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 23:07:05


That is true...

juneybean Tue 23-Mar-10 23:07:33

The grandchildren will have licked far worse!

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 23:10:18

DP has just told me that his sister used to slice her poo up and serve it to her dollies with her little teaset grin

paddingtonbear1 Tue 23-Mar-10 23:14:24

Ugh at your sister BOF
I'd try explaining to your neighbour though.. grovel.. appeal to their better nature (maybe don't go into too much detail)!
I wouldn't dare just give it to them as it is, even though it looks ok. I would never be able to look them in the eye again!

paddingtonbear1 Tue 23-Mar-10 23:15:03

sorry, DP's sister - read that wrong!!

uggmum Tue 23-Mar-10 23:17:13

I would wrap it up in fresh plastic, drop it off next door and pretend nothing happened. Play dumb if they mention it. Advise them that you had problems with a parcel from John Lewis once and thought they had ironed out their problems etc...

Rockbird Tue 23-Mar-10 23:22:20

Ok....sniff it. Does it er...smell of anything? If not, and it looks ok hand it over and apologise for lack of packaging. What the eyes don't see etc

Oh dear *wipes tears from eyes*
Brilliant thread!

Personally I'm with the mean minority of clean it and pretend it never happened. This is what Dettol was invented for, surely???

Dollytwat Tue 23-Mar-10 23:26:26

BOF they'll never know surely, I mean, it is the colour of shite anyway

BertieBotts Tue 23-Mar-10 23:32:50

I would definitely pretend it never happened, what on earth would you do with it if you don't give it back? What a waste of a perfectly useable (ok, still horrible grin) item of furniture.

BitOfFun Tue 23-Mar-10 23:36:40

I am so smells of leather cleaner now, honestly.

NormaStanleyFletcher Tue 23-Mar-10 23:38:35

Can I nominate this for classics?

Oh, and good luck tomorrow BoF

I'm not sure if I'd clean it and pretend it never happened, or go with telling the full horror story - and hoping your neighbour might have as good of a sense of humour as the mumsnetters here. Worst case, I'd send a pound or two via paypal to help you replace it.

hanaflower Tue 23-Mar-10 23:41:11

I am weeping with laughter. Let us know how it goes.

ScreaminEagle Tue 23-Mar-10 23:53:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vacaloca Tue 23-Mar-10 23:54:15

oh bof, sorry but this is hilarious. very happy to contribute if you need to replace it.

pinksmarties Tue 23-Mar-10 23:58:47

I'm aching from laughing.

Thankyou BOF

Just give it to her. What you don't know doesn't hurt.

Hope she's not lurking here.

Good luck

hmc Tue 23-Mar-10 23:59:58

There is no way I could in all conscience give that to my neighbour. I think you have to order a new one for them

tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 24-Mar-10 00:01:30

I think you have to tell her. But I'd blame it on your dog. Do you have a dog? Maybe a visiting dog, belonging to a relative, who has been severely chastised. The dog, not the relative.

<untangles self>

Because then you're being honest about the nature of the damage, but without implicating your daughter.

I'd send you some cash too, though.

It wasn't the daughters fault anymore than it's the op's fault. It was a very unfortunate incident. No reason why the neighbour should unknowingly be in receipt of the pouffe of poo though. Having bad taste in interior decor is disappointing but it's not that much of a crime!

Have you ever seen the vile, hideousness of a tannery? That pouffe has been immersed in far worse than a post-constipation blow-out. It's been scrubbed, washed, cleaned with leather cleaner. Spray it with a disinfectant (do you have Lysol in the UK?) and call it done.

My name is Bananapudding. I am evil.

Hope your DDs feeling better btw!

differentID Wed 24-Mar-10 08:07:59

MOrnig BoF. What are you doing/ have you decided?

Let us know

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 08:25:59

Shall just wait for them to knock- if the lady wasn't in yesterday evening, she might be away? I am thinking that I will tell her what happened, show it to her and offer to pay for professional cleanng if she thinks it needs it. If she asks for a new one, then I'll just do my best, but will start by pleading for mercy from the seller. If we hadn't been so mean about their pouffe, I could have told them about all the free advertising they'd had! grin

brightonite Wed 24-Mar-10 08:31:08

This is just the funniest thread....what a great start to the day! grin BoF I am so with you on the unpredictability of children, particularly those with ASD/ASC!!

MmeLindt Wed 24-Mar-10 08:38:08

You really have put the Poo into Pouffe with this one.

Sorry, could not resist one of my Dad's jokes.

If you have to replace it, I would gladly contribute a couple of pounds towards it. As payment for the last minutes spent chortling at this thread.

Buda Wed 24-Mar-10 08:50:01

OMG BOF! Kids eh? Nobody every warns you about things like this when you get PG!!!!

With the "you can't possibly give it to them" crowd. Can you just imagine? Pouffe positioned in front of fire and neighbour sat watching Corrie with a cuppa and a biscuit and suddenly she gets a whiff of poo as the pouffe warms in front of fire.

Happy to Paypal a quid or two towards cost but you can't give it to her.

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 09:00:43

"suddenly she gets a whiff of poo as the pouffe warms in front of fire." ROAR


Buda Wed 24-Mar-10 09:10:26


Brollyflower Wed 24-Mar-10 09:23:42

<imagining neighbour googling "my warm pouffe smells of poo"> grin

Good luck!

OhFuck Wed 24-Mar-10 09:31:45

I have nothing helpful to proffer but grin

WhyMeWhyNot Wed 24-Mar-10 09:52:28

That'll teach you. See what can happen while you're sat there drooling over Kevin !!!!!!!!!!!!
What a brilliantly funny post, to all of us not you of course. We're all thinking thank God it hasn't happened to me!!!grin grin

Last night I went upstairs and woke dh especially to tell him this story - he didn't have any words of wisdom, though.

I am moving towards the total honesty camp - in light of the 'pouffe of poo' and the image of it warming gently in front of the fire, emitting a gently pooey odour, and your neighbour wondering why.

sausagepastie Wed 24-Mar-10 10:36:23

I will pay also

shall we start a collection? It is worth at least £2 just for the laugh smile

and bof, your dd2 is beautiful

Oh dear BOF, I hope she sees the funny side. I would get DP to go and explain if it were me <coward>

I am happy to offer a couple of quid via paypal too.

Awful pouffe though!

etchasketch Wed 24-Mar-10 10:45:40

BOF- I am crying with laughter here!

Thank you for cheering me up.

Your dd2 is gorgeous btw.

'Pouffe of poo' and/or 'aroma of poo as the pouffe gently warms in front of the fire' HAS to be quote of the week?!?!


Mumsnut Wed 24-Mar-10 10:46:09

Deffo worth a couple of quid for the laugh. Where do I sign?

Rubyrubyruby Wed 24-Mar-10 10:47:09

Oh god BOF!!!

I will watch thread and contribute smile

SinninHinny Wed 24-Mar-10 10:49:54

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Bof <wipes eyes>

You know you can't just hand it over with a smile.

I will gladly contribute.

And your DD is a absolute beauty

ShinyAndNew Wed 24-Mar-10 10:50:37

Hopefully your neighbour will understand. I'd see the funny side if it was me. But I haven't ordered any furniture of late, so I'm definately not your neighbour.

Does leather even absorb smells? Mine has all sorts smeared all over it but only ever smells immediately after it has been cleaned. I use a mixture of flash multi surface and thick disinfectant to clean mine if that is of any help.

GeekOfTheWeek Wed 24-Mar-10 10:58:43

Have you told her yet BoF?

I too am happy to contribute.

OtterInaSkoda Wed 24-Mar-10 11:03:55

I'm also happy to contribute. You're being very honourable regarding the delivery man - you deserve to be helped out imo.

stressed2007 Wed 24-Mar-10 11:05:04

very very funny. Happy to contribute a couple of £ too.

Please let us know how you get on with neighbour.

It occurs to me that a 'pouffe of poo' is actually a 'pooofe', is it not? grin

JulesJules Wed 24-Mar-10 11:20:59

Oh God.

The Pouffe of Poo.

The Pouffe of Poo warming by the fire.

This has GOT to go in Classics.

And I wish you were my neighbour, BOF - I would love to hear the explanation, and then I would laugh, let you off, and invite you in for coffee. And as a farmer nearby seems to be muckspreading with some very, very smelly muck, any faint aroma from the Pouffe of Poo would go entirely unnoticed here.

Rubyrubyruby Wed 24-Mar-10 11:26:03

I don't know if anyone else has suggested this but if it was bought online it was probably paid for by credit card and therefore covered by insurance.

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives Wed 24-Mar-10 11:28:54

Pouffe of Poo. Classic grin

AuntieMaggie Wed 24-Mar-10 11:29:17

I would come clean about what happened with the neighbour cos you know it'll come back and bite you on the bum... especially if anyone on here knows your neighbour and ends up seeing the offending item in your neighbours house!

Can you not sell it on E-bay as "pre-shat" ?

or "BNWP" grin

Amapoleon Wed 24-Mar-10 11:52:37

If it isn't damaged an doesn't smell, I would just give it too her and say dd opened it accidentally.

MrsPixie Wed 24-Mar-10 12:00:39

Oh nightmare situation. But you really can't hand it back, you have to come clean and buy a new one for them.

renderedspeechless Wed 24-Mar-10 12:23:12

dp suggests you order a replacement, give it to your neighbour.

return original to company as unwanted ..... as it appears to have been 'soiled'.

problem solved?

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 14:09:55


Well, I've been round there with the pouffe- I was terribly apologetic, and explained the dd2 had opened the parcel and destroyed all the packaging. Neighbour knows she would be likely to do this, as she's seen her ripping paper and fluttering it out of the window, and I've had to go and clear polythene bits out of her front garden before.

I said "I'm really sorry, but before I realised she'd got to the parcel she'd already taken it upstairs and was playing with it, and, well, I'm really sorry, but it's been shat on blush"

"Oh, I'm sure it's fine!", she said, "It looks absolutely fine. Thankyou for taking it in."

"Really?" I said, "I've given it a thorough clean with leather cleaner, and it does seem alright, and I don't think it smells..."

Then she kind of stuck her head in the top of the open binbag and inhaled deeply hmmshock, looked up at me and said "Mmm, I love that smell!"

I was a bit bemused, but noticed her household rubbish was still next to her doorstep and hadn't been collected, and as I'd forgotten to put my bins out last night myself, I offered to take it to the tip for her later today, which she was really pleased about. So, all's well that ends well smile.

The thing is- I can't get the image of her inhaling the pouffe out of my head...why? Why would you do that?

Now I'm thinking maybe she thought I was affecting some sort of Sean Connery-inspired inflection in my voice when I told her it had been shat on. That's it, isn't it? Please don't tell me that I have to go back...


I don't think you need to go back - you wouldn't clean it with leather cleaner or worry that it might smell just because someone had sat on it, would you.

I am laughing at the mental image of her inhaling it, though! grin

And well done you for being honest! And for starting an absolute classic of a thread.

smackapacka Wed 24-Mar-10 14:13:35

Oh I'm so pleased for you.

did you actually say 'shat'? Maybe she misunderstood.

Well done for being honest and coming clean (literally!).

renderedspeechless Wed 24-Mar-10 14:14:54

what a relief!

well done you, and what a lovely neighbour!

job done, i'd say.

MitsubishiWarrioress Wed 24-Mar-10 14:15:14

perhaps she thought you meant 'sat' on and didn't connect what you really meant BoF...



Oh..bum...caps lock...[sigh]

MrsPixie Wed 24-Mar-10 14:16:38

did you say it's been SHAT on? She didn't mind and smelled it? shock

oh dear this is v v grin and gets weirder by the minute

She loves the smell of leather BoF, not of shit. grin

If she thinks it looks and smells fine then it is fine. And maybe she should leave instructions for delivery companies to leave stuff with the other-side neighbours...

Amapoleon Wed 24-Mar-10 14:17:03

hahaha I bet she thought you said sat!

pixiestix Wed 24-Mar-10 14:18:14

Sorry BoF but I really think that you need to go back and explain that when you said "shat on" you really meant that you had to "nailbrush faeces out of the tiny grooved swirl pattern embossed into the leather". Only that will pass muster I'm afraid.


squeaver Wed 24-Mar-10 14:19:02

OMG she didn't understand what you said, she really didn't.

Or she gets her joliies from some kind of leather/poo fetish.

Do you think she's a swinger?

MayorNaze Wed 24-Mar-10 14:19:50

oh dear shock grin

i am also fairly certain the neighbour would have heard shat as sat...much sympathy for you though...

bellavita Wed 24-Mar-10 14:20:25

I am so glad for you BoF that everything turned out ok. smile

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 14:22:03

I don't actually remember her surname- but I think I am going to think of her as Mish Moneypenny from now on...

MrsPixie Wed 24-Mar-10 14:25:06

Yes, thinking about tis if you said shat she would have heard sat. oh dear....

ShinyAndNew Wed 24-Mar-10 14:29:25

No surely if she thought you sat, she would have asked why you had bothered cleaning it?

Scrudd Wed 24-Mar-10 14:30:05

Very very funny indeed! grin

I once had to pick shit out of the little tiny speaker holes on the (rented) telly.

I saw the very same television for sale as a 'used model' in the rental shop a few weeks later. I pity the poor person who bought it at the beginning of what was a very hot summer.

LadyBiscuit Wed 24-Mar-10 14:38:15

I am at work and guffawing here in an embarrassing way at the Sean Connery impression

PeedOffWithNits Wed 24-Mar-10 14:39:24

PMSL having read this entire thread, almost choked to death a couple of times

soooo funny!!!

Kewcumber Wed 24-Mar-10 14:42:57

can I paypal you £1 anyway as I'm laughing so much I have tears leaking down my face and its well worth £1.

(PS I am in the "she thought you said sat" club
(PPS - I would have given it to her and not mention the slight excrement incident)

NorbertDentressangle Wed 24-Mar-10 14:49:01

OMG! There's no way she realised what you'd actually said.

One day, when her room has a delicate aroma of poo and she narrows it down to the pouffe, the penny might drop and she'll be shock.

(but she'll be too blush to ever mention the pouffe to you ever again as she'll think that you think she doesn't give a shit (grin) about poo....IYSWIM ?!)

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 14:50:33


ThePFJ Wed 24-Mar-10 14:59:57


I am so sorry. Can you perhaps take it to the dry cleaners?


My DH says that KurriKurri's idea is the best. Because its funny.

HellBent Wed 24-Mar-10 15:00:04

I bet she shitting on it right now! Or reshting her feet on it at leasht.

She obviously did not hear you properly but I think you are off the hook!

stressed2007 Wed 24-Mar-10 15:07:11

OMG shock

Jacksmama Wed 24-Mar-10 15:11:53

Oh God I am HOWLING at this thread... shat on...

I'm with the "will help you pay for a new one" crowd if she does find out you meant "shat", not "sat"...

Sorry BoF but that's the best laugh I've had in days...

<wipes away tears of laughter>

I can't stop chuckling at this, everytime I think of her inhaling I start giggling grin

ilovesprouts Wed 24-Mar-10 15:33:24

this as got to be the best thread ive read this year

ThePFJ Wed 24-Mar-10 15:33:55

OMG My DH just found out it was Morrocan Leather and guess what. It's made using a mixture of camel and cow poo to make it so super soft. He says your DD has probably done it some good!! If its real M Leather it should scrub up fine. Apparently its very resiliant.

I know this issue is now resolved but I can't help but post anyways.

geordieminx Wed 24-Mar-10 15:36:25

Has she got a glass coffee table per chance? Maybe she's into that sort of thing... wink wink

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 15:37:27

Hurrah! ThePFJ, that makes me feel like dd2 has almost helped grin

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 15:39:04

Oh Geordieminx, don't! There is probably a word in urbandictionary for the inhaling thing...

Pouffing, perhaps?


SinninHinny Wed 24-Mar-10 15:41:11


I honestly didn't think this could get any funnier.

I can't even begin to imagine your expression as she burrowed her nose into the bag and took that deep, appreciative sniff. Were her eyes shining with pleasure at that 'new leather' smell?

ha ha ha ha ha ha grin

shock OMG

Am roaring at this thread. Agree she heard sat instead of shat. She probably never uses the word herself hence her not noticing.

She may use it and some other <ahem> colourful language when she finds out... grin

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 16:07:58

If, JAMM, not when- I hope grin

ThePFJ Wed 24-Mar-10 16:10:27

BitOfFun - You have made me and DH laugh until our sides have split. Thank you thank you thank you. This thread needs to be a classic.

Also everyone who offered to pay, omg... I love mumsnet so much. you are all saints. Bless you all.

ThePFJ Wed 24-Mar-10 16:11:36

Shat's all folks...

hur hur hur

YanknCock Wed 24-Mar-10 16:14:51


she must have heard 'sat'

OhFuck Wed 24-Mar-10 16:15:26

I am weeping. DP thinks I'm having some sort of seizure. I haven't laughed so much in far too long. BoF, you are a legend!

SkaterGrrrrl Wed 24-Mar-10 16:18:07

I lurve the smell of leather in the morning!

<raises eybrow in James Bond stylee>

Hassled Wed 24-Mar-10 16:19:57

"maybe she thought I was affecting some sort of Sean Connery-inspired inflection in my voice when I told her it had been shat on" .

What you need to do next is start a conversation about martinis. I'm sure you can think of a way. Make sure you say you like them shtirred. That will reassure her that you didn't mean shat, and any lingering doubts or indeed lingering aromas will be gone.

Rockbird Wed 24-Mar-10 16:22:30

"I bet she shitting on it right now! Or reshting her feet on it at leasht"

<tears rolling>

I have had to tell my entire office this whole sorry tale now after howling at the screen Oh God my ribs are hurting...

Phrenology Wed 24-Mar-10 16:26:03

First there was the cube of poo....and now coming soon to a cinema near you "Pouffe of Poo"......the sequel. grin

Valpollicella Wed 24-Mar-10 16:33:41

Tears are running down my face becasue of this manager has just asked me if I'm ok as I tried to supress my laughter but it just turned into snorts and shakes...
hmm grin

"Then she kind of stuck her head in the top of the open binbag and inhaled deeply , looked up at me and said "Mmm, I love that smell!"" Dear god that sentence alone has got me set off again grin

I made it through the thread wheezing away instead of laughing so I dont wake DD up. But the James Bond thing did it. She is now looking very confused because mummy seems to be having convulsions.

ScreaminEagle Wed 24-Mar-10 16:50:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flame Wed 24-Mar-10 16:57:47

"Why are you crying and squeaking at your computer mummy?"

<gasps for breath @ "shat on">

MaMight Wed 24-Mar-10 17:07:33

Maybe she just doeshn't have a very good shenshe of shmell?

Rockbird Wed 24-Mar-10 17:15:20


ScreaminEagle Wed 24-Mar-10 17:28:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

There are no words!

GracieGirl Wed 24-Mar-10 18:00:33


Tearsh rolling down my fashe grin
You're a legend BOF.

MumofOscar Wed 24-Mar-10 18:23:52

Oh BOF! This is sooo funny. I'm afraid i think she thought you said sat too BUT by the time she realises (if she realises) it will be far too late to come back to you with it!!

Unless of course she does google "why does my pouffe smell of poo" as obviously this thread will appear! grin

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 18:26:57

Lol @ fashe grin

I hope to goodness that's not true about google...shock

ShinyAndNew Wed 24-Mar-10 18:31:18

BoF it's already on the first page of Google grin

Yup she heard 'sat'. Nothing you can do about now though. Alls well that ends errrrr a bit dodgy I suppose grin

My next door neighbour has just bought me round a parcel btw - you better believe I've checked it VERY carefully!

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 18:37:53

I do believe you are correct blush

Yep - if you google poo pouffe, this thread is the fourth option offered. But if you google 'why does my pouffe smell of poo', either with or without speech marks, this thread isn't in the first 4 pages - so that's reasonably hopeful.... grin

Oooh yes [ UK%7CcountryGB&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai= here]

differentID Wed 24-Mar-10 19:15:30

{grin] @ result. I have just been wheezing my way through today's installment.grin

Well done for your honesty, BoF!

OMG - this is the best thread ever. I'm trying to stop snorting!! Well done BoF - problem solved

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 24-Mar-10 19:57:43


Will nominate for classics for it surely is.

Fayrazzled Wed 24-Mar-10 20:20:02

This thread is honestly the best laugh I have had in ages. I'm crying laughing and my husband thinks I've totally lost the plot.

sebsmama Wed 24-Mar-10 20:20:15

I am shat here laughing like a maniac all by myself.
Thank you BOF for making an otherwise dull evening a bit brighter!! You poor thing though.

PeedOffWithNits Wed 24-Mar-10 20:20:37

I bet she shitting on it right now! Or reshting her feet on it at leasht.



"Why are you crying and squeaking at your computer mummy?" = me too!

gawd my face aches and my nose is running i have laughed so much!!

DH: "go on whats so funny"? - where do i shtart!!!

gorionine Wed 24-Mar-10 20:27:31

Just finished reading this thread. I am crying with laughter and DD1 is wondering what was said in "Masterchef" that is soo funny as she can hear me in fits from her bedroom!

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe Wed 24-Mar-10 20:46:47

I am sat (shat?) here in tears whilst my DH stares at me in disbelief!

I started to tell him the shtory but he shtopped me before I got to the good bit!

Buda Wed 24-Mar-10 21:03:03

Oh god BoF!!! I can't believe you brought it back to her!!!!

You do realise that she now thinks you have a speech impediment don't you???

princessmel Wed 24-Mar-10 21:05:50

grin bof!!!

BitOfFun Wed 24-Mar-10 21:08:47

Sheems we are in Classicsh, hurrah! grin

PandaEis Wed 24-Mar-10 21:09:17

OMG!!grin this is hilariousgrin

i would maybe start to worry about your neighbour if she did this you said shat and took a big whiff anywaygrin <<mmm i love the smell of excrement in the morning>>gringrin

i would have made up a fantastically elaborate explaination including a shite-covered theif and a roundhouse-kick to the facegrinchuck norris styleegringrin

angel886 Wed 24-Mar-10 21:21:20

This is a fab thread grin

Mallenstreak Wed 24-Mar-10 21:25:55

Bof, forget Mish Moneypenny I think she should be known as Pouffe Galore. grin

IckleJess Wed 24-Mar-10 21:26:23

OMG, I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard!

I'm 27 weeks pregnant and have been having Braxton Hicks one after the other all evening - I really think I better stop reading this thread now as I'm scaring myself as to what they may progress to if I don't!


Valpollicella Wed 24-Mar-10 21:32:36

Good work Mish Moneypenny BoF

MmeLindt Wed 24-Mar-10 21:32:45

Did you not say that she has a German name, BOF?

No way that she would know the past tense of shit. shit - shat - will shit

ZacharyQuack Wed 24-Mar-10 21:33:45

BOF, you realise that now you with have to
"Shpeak like thish" to her from now on.

SixtyFootDoll Wed 24-Mar-10 21:37:58

OMG my cheeks are hurting from laughing!!

norksinmywaistband Wed 24-Mar-10 21:51:00

BOF - Classic thread I have tears rolling down my face, hardest I have laughed in a very long time.grin

MrsDinky Wed 24-Mar-10 21:53:37

I cannot remember the last time I laughed so much tears ran down my face, thank you BoF!

I just tried to tell DH. Could. not. get. the. words. out.

DH is weeping

welshgirlintherain Wed 24-Mar-10 21:58:58

Fair do's am absolutely PMSL-was laughing so hard when I got to the update with the inhaling the smell comment & "shat" with Sean Connery accent DH actually turned off Gordon Ramsey to ask me to kindly explain what could have possibly made me laugh so much without even having a whiff of booze! Thank you BOF-you a very funny lady

Generally lmao but especially at Pouffe Galore.

grin Thanks BoF

LadyPeterWimsey Wed 24-Mar-10 22:05:08

I have been crying with laughter at this thread - DH thinks I'm a loon and I've just lost a contact lens.

Thank you, BoF.


ToccataAndFudge Wed 24-Mar-10 22:11:18

BoF - this thread has made me properly laugh for the first time in ages.

Also with the misearing ths "shat on "........

radstar Wed 24-Mar-10 22:14:27

I've had such a shit day at work and this has made me laugh out loud thankyou for cheering me up!!!!

Oh and no pun intended...

2shoes Wed 24-Mar-10 22:15:31

BOF I am so glad this all turned out good.
you have a brilliant sense of humour

stleger Wed 24-Mar-10 22:28:53

My family are horrified at the noise I'm making!

bilblio Wed 24-Mar-10 22:36:26

Read the first part last night, caught up with the update tonight.
I've had 2 nights crying with laughter and my cheeks hurt now.

Thankyou BOF, you and your daughter are stars. Put me down on the Paypal list too in case your neighbour ever does twig.

twoistwiceasfun Wed 24-Mar-10 22:41:20

I've been laughing reading the updatesh for hoursh now, dh hash even been laughing along wish me

Ponders Wed 24-Mar-10 22:46:39

By KurriKurri Tue 23-Mar-10 20:41:17
Or wrap it in another bin bag, and hand it over saying nothing. They're not likely to come back and say 'excuse me did you happen to get shit on our pouffe'


(am still working my way through the other replies...)

Wolfcub Wed 24-Mar-10 22:55:27

BoF thank you for a brilliant thread, I haven't laughed this much in ages DP thinks my alternate sobs and choked squeaks are hilarious and we both thought Pouffe Galore was genius.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 24-Mar-10 23:01:34

did she really think you said 'shat' on or 'sat' on?


still if she is happy then alls well that ends well!

SoupDragon Thu 25-Mar-10 14:05:14

You're the third option on Google for "shat pouffe".

Second if youchoose UK pages only...

Vulgar Thu 25-Mar-10 14:43:03

Am I the only one who thinks it is quite odd to say the word "shat" to your neighbour? I think I would have said "pooed".

But it's obviously worked in your favour BOF.grin

The funniest thread in ages!

PouffeGalore Thu 25-Mar-10 16:07:53

Mallenstreak here. After my flash of inspiration I just had to change my nickname. It will forever remind me of this hilarious thread!

JoanneD Thu 25-Mar-10 16:48:14

ROFL! This has got to be the best thing that I have read in ages... I can't stop laughing!!! I'm trying to BF my 3 month old and have had to put her down as I was laughing so hard and feared I might drop her!

I'll never forget a poo incident from a few years ago. I came downstairs to be greeted with the overwhelming stench of poo, opened the living room door to find that my DD no 1 had smeared s**t all over the TVshock It was covered!!! It was a really hot day and by the time I'd stopped laughing (and taken a few photos), it had dried on. I literally had to scrape it off with a knife!

The TV has never been(or smelled) quite the same wink

princessmel Thu 25-Mar-10 19:31:43

vulgar , dh and I thought exactly that.

Jacksmama Thu 25-Mar-10 20:01:33

OH fgs, get over yourselves. You seriously can't see how bloody funny this is? Sad.

BitOfFun Thu 25-Mar-10 20:05:06

I don't think princessmel is saying it was vulgar, just replying to that poster, or that it wasn't funny though. But I admit it wasn't the most discreet turn of phrase- sadly i have become inured to words of that nature given how many times I seem to need to use them grin

Oh well, it seemed to have done the trick...

princessmel Thu 25-Mar-10 21:07:34

Chill Jacksmama , I was replying to the poster named vulgar.

If you see my post on wednesday you'll see I though it was very funny..

By princessmel Wed 24-Mar-10 21:05:50
grin bof!!!


Jacksmama Thu 25-Mar-10 21:30:48

Whoops. blush Sorry!

Jacksmama Thu 25-Mar-10 21:32:28

I got up on the grumpy side of the bed today. blush

Vulgar Thu 25-Mar-10 21:40:14

Jacksmama- I DO think it is absolutely hilarious! I think
i would have be surprised if someone I didn't know that well used the word "shat"
Not offended in the slightest. wink just surprised . . and would have probably thought they said "sat" too.

princessmel Thu 25-Mar-10 21:41:53


Carulli Thu 25-Mar-10 22:08:24

Poor you! I might be naive but I think John Lewis are great and I really believe that if you tell them what's happenened they will immediately send your neighbours a new one and let you keep (or throw away) the old one. You need to phone rather than email though.

I would explain to the neighbours what's happened. If they're decent human beings they'll understand, presuming JL are sending them a new one. If they're mean then they need to get life into perspective and you've got enough to keep you busy without worrying about them.

Good luck!

Carulli Thu 25-Mar-10 22:11:59

Just realised that I only read the first page of this thread before recent posting and am completely out of date with goings on. Sorry!

BitOfFun Thu 25-Mar-10 22:16:53

Do read the rest- it develops...grin

PictureThis Thu 25-Mar-10 22:35:46

OMG, this has made me snort with laughter gringringrin

MrsTicklemouseWantsBunnyEars Thu 25-Mar-10 22:59:00

BoF lets be honest, you deliberately said shat in the hope she would hear sat

thank you for cheering me up after a crap day!

Carulli Thu 25-Mar-10 23:01:20

Have now read all 13 pages - definitely the funniest thread for ages. Well done and thank you!

BitOfFun Thu 25-Mar-10 23:02:06

Er....that is a slim possibility. Perhaps unconsciously?


MrsTicklemouseWantsBunnyEars Thu 25-Mar-10 23:13:33

giraffesCANdriveAcar Thu 25-Mar-10 23:16:06

A little bit of pee nearly came out when I was reading this. Hillarious.

I was going to go to bed early(ish) tonight and came across this thread. 316 messages later and tears are rolling down my cheeks, and the early night has turned into a late one!

Thanks BoF grin!

SoupDragon Fri 26-Mar-10 12:24:07

I hope you weren't sitting on someone else's pouffe at the time, Giraffes...

Jux Fri 26-Mar-10 14:58:35

I love ScreamingEagle's suggestion that your neighbour might be half dog...

Has there been no come back yet? I suppose if she notices a smell in the next few days and she mentions it to you, you could come over all knowledgable and say "oh, it wouldn't be Moroccan leather would it? They make that out of camel dung and it's supposed to smell like that"

No, I suppose you couldn't really do that, could you?

BitOfFun Fri 26-Mar-10 15:35:26

Well, I wouldn't have thought of it- but you've put the idea in my head now, so I won't be able to resist wink

rainbowdays Fri 26-Mar-10 16:30:30

grin thank you for the laughs, will never look at a brown pouffe the same way again!

chipmonkey Fri 26-Mar-10 17:24:53

<<Waves to rainbowdays>>

How are you keeping?

fuzzypicklehead Fri 26-Mar-10 20:25:23

Ok, so I'm very new here... But on the basis of this thread alone, I'd guess I'll be sticking around

BitOfFun Fri 26-Mar-10 20:45:55

Glad to here it- sorry it wasn't more tasteful grin

Cammelia Fri 26-Mar-10 22:01:33

Oh pish myshelf larfing grin grin

TidyBush Sat 27-Mar-10 18:24:44

BOF - have been lurking on this brilliant thread since it started and I'm wondering if there has there been some comeback from your neighbour as my DH has just told me that someone on our local freecycle thingy is looking for a dark brown pouffe - it's you isn't it? grin

BitOfFun Sat 27-Mar-10 19:13:05

Heehee- thankfully not grin. If I never see another brown pouffe in my life it will be too soon!

Pouffe of poo! grin

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