Bit aof a vent about univited groping

(847 Posts)
CyradisTheDMSlayer Sat 22-Aug-09 17:49:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocolepew Sun 23-Aug-09 12:09:52

Can you really poison someone with ground up matches?

<<makes notes>.

TheOnlyDailyMaleForMeisDH Sun 23-Aug-09 12:31:09

Yes, takes about a month.

cocolepew Sun 23-Aug-09 12:31:58

Hmmmmm, interesting.

colditz Sun 23-Aug-09 12:41:25

Bite him.

Tidey Sun 23-Aug-09 12:49:54

'Spontaneous sexual activity' is not the same thing as unwelcome, uninvited groping. Both parties have to want it to happen. The OP has said that she has told him not to do it, that it irritates her and he is ignoring her wishes. Are you suggesting, Extended, that her wishes no longer count because she is married?

morningpaper Sun 23-Aug-09 12:52:25

tells us more about the matches

expatinscotland Sun 23-Aug-09 12:54:17

It's a rather sad commentary when someone's expectations of healthy sexual life are so far down the scale that they find uninvited groping 'better than no groping at all.'

There are a good many of us who have active, great sex lives that don't involve unwanted touch because there's mutual respect for the other person's body, needs and desires.

It's not part of a healthy relationship, IME.

And as this is a parenting board and most of us have jobs and young children or school-aged children, well, you can't exactly drop down on the kitchen floor and go for it whenever the mood strikes.

edam Sun 23-Aug-09 12:54:42

That would really piss me off. He ignored being told nicely, so next time let rip.

Extended Sun 23-Aug-09 13:47:11

Expatinscotland wrote - "It's a rather sad commentary when someone's expectations of healthy sexual life are so far down the scale that they find uninvited groping 'better than no groping at all.'

"There are a good many of us who have active, great sex lives that don't involve unwanted touch because there's mutual respect for the other person's body, needs and desires."

And the link between the two paragraphs you wrote is what exactly?

What I was saying - as I think you well know - is that in my house there is lots of two way univited groping. The percentage that would qualify as "unwanted" is very close to zero. Spontaneous displays of affection are yummy in my view

Expatinscotland also wrote -
"And as this is a parenting board and most of us have jobs and young children or school-aged children, well, you can't exactly drop down on the kitchen floor and go for it whenever the mood strikes."

I am a parent, I have a job as to all the adults in the house so what point are you trying to make? Spontaneous displays of affection does not equal "drop down on the kitchen floor and go for it whenever the mood strikes." as you well know.

ABetaDad Sun 23-Aug-09 13:49:07

CyradisTheDMSlayer - I do not do this and DW does not do anything like it to me. I think it is disrespectful.

However, I do think you should tell DH in a way that he understands and does not lead to an arguement and misundersanding. I suggest you say I don't like THIS but if you want to show me affection I would prefer you to do THAT.

Me and DW do give each other a very occassional playful pat on the bottom but what I really like is a proper kiss and cuddle a couple of times a day (and not leading to anything else).

How about you suggest that as an alternatve
?

TheOnlyDailyMaleForMeisDH Sun 23-Aug-09 13:51:49

<worries for your husbands> matches work by a chemical reaction of phosphorus - this is a chemical which is already in your body and brain in tiny amounts. You don't have to ingest very much to kill you and death is swift but not painless.

See here for details

OrmIrian Sun 23-Aug-09 13:53:42

"I sort of wonder what type of spontaneous sexual activity is allowed as far as some posters to the thread are concerned??"

The kind that isn't discouraged verbally and physically. I sort of wonder what sort of physical boundaries are permitted according to some posters on this thread are concerned. hmm

expatinscotland Sun 23-Aug-09 14:12:31

Exactly, Orm!

'And the link between the two paragraphs you wrote is what exactly?'

There needs to be one spelled out to you? hmm If one were a sequitur to the other that would have either been obvious upon reading or expounded upon.

Spontaneous displays of affection certainly don't have to involve unwanted sexual fondling, in most peoples' worlds, much less being grateful for such forms of touch or using sexual favours in return for someone to stop touching a person in a way they find irritating.

Touching someone in such a manner when they've asked you not to, for whatever reason they give, is not showing that person respect for their body and boundaries.

expatinscotland Sun 23-Aug-09 14:14:12

Absolutely, ABeta. A simple, 'Please don't tickle my nipples like that, I find it irritating,' should have been sufficient for most.

purepurple Sun 23-Aug-09 14:18:33

How about you send him a Moonpig card that reads
"Dear husband, please do not tweak my nipples as you will find that a kick in the bollocks often offends"
Or words to that effect
Not sure what section that would come under

MaryMotherOfCheeses Sun 23-Aug-09 14:18:51

"Spontaneous display of affection"???

It's not very affectionate if he knows she hates that particular gesture. Why on earth would you want to be groped by someone who doesn't respect your wishes?

And for the record, I find a BJ quite normal whereas I would hate what the OP describes. It's making me cringe.

expatinscotland Sun 23-Aug-09 14:23:08

I love giving BJ's. Everyone knows that! But giving them in exchange for his behaving as a person who is respectful of my body?

What an odd suggestion.

Sometimes, he doesn't want a BJ. So I don't do it.

Sometimes, I don't want to be touched in a certain way (more sensitive nipples at certain times of the month). So he doesn't.

I can't imagine not respecting his wishes as to how he likes or dislikes to be touched or assming he should be grateful to be touched at all, no matter what his reason behind it on a given day.

hmm

beanieb Sun 23-Aug-09 14:26:53

You have a spork! I want a Spork. You lucky bastard.

StayFrostyDMisaVileRag Sun 23-Aug-09 14:34:18

>>I tried telling him nicely a while ago not to do it and explained if i'm not aroused then having my nipples touched makes me really angry and i thought he understood

Extended, what part of this makes you think the nip tickling is a 'spontaneous gesture of affection' on a par with a kiss or cuddle? If you very nicely explain to someone that you don't like being touched in a particular way, and they continue to do it to you, that is extremely disrespectful of them.

and I am also shock at the idea of trading 'non standard' (is a blow job non standard? well blow me down, I think they're fairly vanilla) sexual favours in return for personal boundaries being respected at other times. That is just fucked up.

Extendedssister Sun 23-Aug-09 15:21:34

Well I am with my sister on this issue. I suggest the key issue is how often and in what circumstances should a wife reject a spontaneous display of affection from their husband OR a husband reject a spontaneous display of affection from their wife.

Hell's teeth girls: quite often one partner is wanting sex (or whatever) more than the other. Nothing to stop the less keen giving in gracefully in just the same way as the more keen "should" give in.

"I don't really want X, how about Y" seems a sensible and adult approach to this. Demanding they stop certainly doesn't.

I like to think that two of our four children were conceived the same evening, three feet apart, when we suggested making babies to our menfolk when a cuddle was all that was on their agenda. (Think snowstorm, no electricity so pitch black, on straw filled mattress on floor of the farm cottage we only use when lambing)

bluejeans Sun 23-Aug-09 15:25:05

grin at stab with a spork and send a moonpig card

Tidey Sun 23-Aug-09 15:27:39

hmm hmm hmm

Oh, I get it. Trip trap and all that jazz.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 23-Aug-09 15:31:33

""I don't really want X, how about Y" seems a sensible and adult approach to this. Demanding they stop certainly doesn't."

ExtendedSister - O. M. G.

cocolepew Sun 23-Aug-09 15:41:46

Extended started a thread a few days ago about MILs, she took no notice of what anyone wrote and funnily enough her sister turned up on that too hmm.

cocolepew Sun 23-Aug-09 15:45:12

I spent fucking percious time on that other thread, as did others, and now it turns out that she's living in fantasy land.
Fuck off.

I apologise for hijack of thread Cydradis)

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