ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Most bizarre conversation you have had with a toddler lately?(208 Posts)
This morning on the way to nursery / work we were discussing how it was not a good idea to bite your tongue
We then criticised the cows for not being up yet (were not in their usual field) and how they must not have gone to bed at their usual bed time and how they would be very tired today
As random as they are I am really going to miss these conversations when they grow up
Loved this thread. My DS1 appears determined to attract social services attention. The other day, aged 3, he told me that "daddy just did kick me down the stairs and then he did kick me in the head". Daddy was quietly sorting out the laundry!!
This thread has made me laugh!
My dd recently in clothes shop.
epic scream 'moment'
Me Where Daddy?
DD <Pointing> Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
I look at what she is pointing at. 'Daddy' is a mannequin.
A Female mannequin.
A Female mannequin wearing a bikini
Another time random strange man walks past us, dd says 'hiya' and waves, man looks, smiles and walks off. Cue dd screaming 'DADDDDDDDIE' over and over as man
runs for the hills exits.
For the record she does have Daddy
DS1 (just 3): I saw something funny upstairs
Me: Oh yes, what?
DS1: My foot!
DS1 was about 5 yo. (Bit older than a toddler, but bear with me - he is now 20yo)
We always used to go out on a Saturday morning, his choice where we went (DS2 has SN so this was our time with DS1).
He announced that he wanted to go to Cods
We asked "where is Cods" - to be told, "The good place where the interesting things are" We said that we did not know where he meant, cue hysterical crying "You know, you took me there, it's really good with dead people"
We then spent 2 hours driving around all the places that we had visited in the last few months with DS1 in Manchester, to find as we drive up Oxford Road near to Manchester University "THERE, THERE IS CODS".
It was Manchester Museum. I have no idea where he got the name from.
But we had a good day.
This thread has me crying!
The other day DS (3 and a half and very keen on discussing "private parts") said: Did you wash your penis when you took a shower, Mama?
Me: No, remember only boys and men have penises.
DS: Well, what do ladies have? And little grills? (He cannot say girls for the life of him)
Me: They have a vagina.
DS: (looks at me like I'm completely mad) No, Mama! A China is who has the sun when we're sleeping!
Oh yes my DD 5 is now endlessly saying
"just google it" to her little brother when he asks questions
DS: Why do birds live in nests not houses?
DD: (in bored voice) just google it
My all time favourite came when DD was 4 and had just started school.
Me- What did you have for snack today?
Me- Lemon?? Don't you mean Melon?
DD- Lemon, Melon, you know what I mean Mummy. Its the same letters, just a slightly different word.
another good one from her age 5;
DD- Can I have google earth on please.
Me- Yes, what for?
DD- I want to look for Australia.
Me- Oh, Grandads Mummy lives in Australia
DD- Really? How interesting.
Me- We could look for her house if you want.
DD- Not really Mummy, I was being narsastic. (I can only assume she meant sarcastic)
This thread has made me laugh out loud. We have lots of random conversations in our house.
Current favourites include (every time we pass a cemetery)
DS3: If you fall asleep on the bench in a cemetery, you will get dead
DD5: No, you have to be lying in the mud under the stones
DS3: But then how will you see if you are dead?
DD5. Mummy, tell him...
DD5 who is currently into her musicals: Annie, Bugsy Malone, Oliver etc
DD: "Mummy why do they sing instead of talking?"
Me: Because it's fun and it sounds nice
DD: Like Daddy's popsies! (farts)
And lots of 'jokes'
Why did the chicken cross the river?
Because the fish ate the crabs
Cue both of them laughing hysterically
This is the best MN classic thread ever, thanks for resurrecting it!
DH just came downstairs to check I am ok because he could hear me crying with laughter!
dd (aged, 4) . mum can you have another baby
me. well i would love to but you need a husband or boyfriend to have a baby
dd. or a girlfriend.
me. well yes but it makes having a baby a little less strait forward, i would still need a man to help.
dd. yes because you would only have 2 lady parts and you need a man and a ladies part to make a baby.
me. well you need the ladies egg and the mans seed.
dd. dont be stupid mum men have sperm, not seeds.
[shocked] and impressed did not even know she knew about sperm, my conversations are just about to get a little more interesting.
My friend's little girl, who was very much from Somerset, used to say in a very strident, Northern accent whenever she saw me 'Get that coat off'
loving this thread, glad its continuing!
around Remembrance Sunday we had all been out to Sainsburys to get an Indian meal for our dinner, and DS (2.2yrs) got his first Poppy - very proud to wear it.
Anyway later on at dinner...
Me: DS do you want to try some poppadom?
DS looking down at his jumper: 'Yes, ere it is! I got my poppy on'
DD (age 3) when asked about colours, "that's yellow mummy, like your teeth"
awwww, i'm new and just discovering these classic threads......
I pointed out to DS that it had been snowing when i got him out of bed one morning "look, DS, SNOW...."
He looked at me puzzled and pointed to his nose!
He's 16months bless him
Champagnesupernova, my 2.8 DS also tells me that 'airplanes' are going to the shops to buy bananas and oranges!
DD (3) - can I jump in the telly and play with Peppa Pig
Me - No sweetie, we can't jump in the telly
DD - No mummy, I don't want you to jump in the telly, just me
Another random one
DD - Mummy, I would like to eat a rainbow
Me - A rainbow ? And what colour would you eat first ?
DD - (thinks for a few seconds), I'd eat the blue, silly
ds shouts no dont beat me!! whilst covering his ears!
One from my DS2 when he was 5 years old: me "oh look DS1 has a mole in his ear" DS2 "Nooooooo the moles will dig holes in him like the garden and they will eat his brain like worms". Gotta love the randomness!
Just adding mine from DS for posterity. He's just 2 btw
DS: mummy look a big big airplane
Me: yes darling. where's it going?
DS To the airport. Go to the shop buy bananas
DS: Look mummy, here;s my car key. The wombles live in it.
Given these two rather leftfield bizarre statements we were playing "where's your mouth? where are your ears?" etc
and when he said what's in mummy's nose? I was expecting some kind of cute answer like perhaps "roary the racing car"
DS: what's in mummy's nose?
Me: what do you think is in mummy's nose?
DS: some snot.
I know I'm almost a year too later, but "Nellie the elephant back to front...."
might just be the cutest thing I've ever heard!
When my twins had just turned 4.
DeathTwin2: Mama, when you die, will you leave your handbag and all of those things?
Me: When I do what DTD2?
DeathTwin2: When you die. Will you leave behind your handbag and all of those things? those keys and credit cards and things.
Me: Well yes, DTD2 when I die I will leave everything behind for you and DTD1 and Daddy.
DeathTwin2: Well, Daddy will be dead too.
A couple of weeks later.
DeathTwin1: Is the seaside the ocean?
DeathTwin1: Are there sharks?
DeathTwin1: Well I'm staying in the shallow end of the ocean because I don't want to see those sharks.
DeathTwin2: When you are dead, we will put your body in the ocean to feed those sharks.
It is nice to know my funeral arrangements and the disposition of my wordly goods has already been arranged in my children's minds.
The other morning DD ran into my bedroom with a big string of snot running from her nose into her mouth, shouting:
"Oh no! Mummy! Help! My nose is stuck to my mouth"
working at my nursery we hear lots of funny stuff, keeps us laughing all day, the 2 year olds are very concerned at the moment:
Me laying on the decking after a child dropped a puzzle piece down one of the cracks trying to get it out
Child - Sarah Sarah Nooooooo, stop
Me (sarah)- whats wrong?
Child - be careful sarah don't fall down the hole.
Me- ok i'll try not to
child - i'll hold your leg to keep you safe
She sat with me holding onto me, continually telling me to be safe, be careful and being very concerned about my safety
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