Most bizarre conversation you have had with a toddler lately?

(208 Posts)
peppapighastakenovermylife Fri 17-Jul-09 15:05:24

This morning on the way to nursery / work we were discussing how it was not a good idea to bite your tongue hmm

We then criticised the cows for not being up yet (were not in their usual field) and how they must not have gone to bed at their usual bed time and how they would be very tired today grin

As random as they are I am really going to miss these conversations when they grow up sad

CMOTdibbler Fri 17-Jul-09 15:11:32

On the way to nursery the other day, Ds was telling DH that he was fishing kittens out of the water for him, and that they were snuggling up in his fleece. Apparently they were to go to work with DH and help him with his work.

We often discuss whether the llamas are awake yet, and apparently sometimes they have gone to parties.

I love the random conversations

Horton Fri 17-Jul-09 15:50:35

DD and I had a long chat this morning about how if fish could fly then they'd get too dry in their nests. And last night in bed, she was very keen to know about the colour of every pair of pants I have ever owned. As I am forty, it was a bit hard to remember.

mooki Fri 17-Jul-09 21:17:21

'Owls are nice' said DD the other night as she drifted off to sleep.

peppapighastakenovermylife Fri 17-Jul-09 22:08:26

pmsl at the 'owls are nice' grin

I love the randomness

DD - I am a fish
Me - What sort of fish, darling?
DD - An Orange one
Me - Do you have a name?
DD - Dave Fish


Hawkmoth Fri 17-Jul-09 22:11:29

This was a joke, one of DD's 'lots of new jokes'.

Why did the toothbrush cross the sink?
Because it wanted to cross the computer.

She also had a mini-tant today when I changed channels and I couldn't figure out "Mummy, put the bat back on".

Cricket... obviously!

MaryHuff Fri 17-Jul-09 22:13:12

"We can't eat this mummy" - points to rind of a lime
"Only dead people, like Pepples* can eat it"

*(our deceased cat)

spicemonster Fri 17-Jul-09 22:13:36

I get 'I want a roary egg' every morning at the moment. I have no idea what a roary egg is. If anyone could enlighten me, I'd be very grateful

Bleatblurt Fri 17-Jul-09 22:15:41

I had an odd conversation with my 4 year old earlier. He was telling me how a spider crawled up his willy when he was in the garden. I was totally shock. The conversation went of for quite a while before I realised it climbed up his WELLY! blush

<<cleans ears>>

peggotty Fri 17-Jul-09 22:17:44

spicemonster, it's eggs with the lion quality mark or whatever it is stamped on the side - has to be!

hester Fri 17-Jul-09 22:20:20

dd: I want a cat. It must be a girl cat because only girls have feelings.

Me: Boys have feelings!

dd: No they don't. Boys don't have feelings, Mummy. When I look at Edward's face [boy at nursery] I know he has no feelings at all.

Funnily enough, I reckon she's right about Edward.

Spicemonster, this is prob silly but... in one episode of roary he spills eggs on himself and it looks like fried eggs????

TigerDrivesAgain Fri 17-Jul-09 22:33:08

when DS was at pre-school

Mum, 38 unicorns came into our class today!

er hmm

That's nice dear

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Fri 17-Jul-09 22:35:16

Ds: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Ds: Robots
Me: Robots who?

or, the other variation has the punchline of Robots and Mr Tumble Mama.....EVERYWHERE!

I think he is trying to warn us of a fate worse than death, a Mr Tumble/Transformers crossover.

mrsruffallo Fri 17-Jul-09 22:37:15

We have been invited to a party with a princess and knight theme. I was explaining this to my 3 yr old He said "Can I go as a knight mummy?...please, pleae, I want to be a nightmare!"

thell Fri 17-Jul-09 22:43:09

Hee hee!

DD knows about stuffed animals, eg at the Natural History Museum, so on the way home from nursery the other day she stopped outside a clothes shop, looked up at the mannequin in the window, and asked,
"Mummy, is that a real lady, who's been killed?"

thell Fri 17-Jul-09 22:44:21


lulalullabye Fri 17-Jul-09 22:47:03

DD's friend: I have a new bed.

DD: Oh that's nice.

DD's friend: my old one is in the shed.

DD: is it ? .....Do you sleep in the shed ?

DD's freid: No, just my bed does !!

TheNonesuch Fri 17-Jul-09 22:55:21

Dd picked up something from the floor, presented it to me and said solemnly, 'Mummy I have deduced that this is to small for dd2'

Mind you she told me a few weeks ago that I am very distinguished.

Its like living with Cecilia Johnson sometimes!

RemusLupinInAWizardsuit Fri 17-Jul-09 22:56:29

oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease do an experiment tomorrow morning with one Lion Standard Egg and one fried egg: please.

My toddler doesn't talk too much yet (22 months) but every morning without fail says:
Pepp'Pig! LoLo! Stairs!

Which means, clearly, 'Take me downstairs immediately, Mother, and breastfeed me while I crane sideways so I can watch the ToothFairy episode of Peppa Pig for the millionth time while stretching your nipple into Morph-like creations'

Karam Fri 17-Jul-09 23:37:22

My two year old, whenever she sees a church says "Look mummy, it's a fairy castle far far away."

GothMummy Fri 17-Jul-09 23:50:43

your stories are adorable.
My son (3.5 )asked every morning for "the clippers and the paste" with me confused, offering him various things (scissors... glue.. nail clippers etc).
After about a week I realised he wanted the BBQ tools.

No idea why but he plays with them every morning.

I also spent rather longer than I wanted to today explaining how baby animals drink from their mothers. According to DS, they drink from their mothers "nibbles". He wont believe me that horses and cow have udders, not "nibbles" LOL.

Spottyotter Sat 18-Jul-09 01:03:53

Apparently llamas are very naughty and eat 'sossy-beans'
where this one has come from I have no idea. And sossy-beans are sausages and beans. Apparently. Both myself and ds have spiders in our hair(curly) but daddy does not.(no hair)

Spottyotter Sat 18-Jul-09 01:07:41

Oh.. And we also have 'apple-daddy' and 'apple-nanna' but NEVER 'apple-mummy'. No idea why.

DD (25mo) was telling me this morning that she didn't need a fork with her milk hmm

And everything is 'actually' atm. As in 'Actually mine. It's actually milk'. I blame bloody Lola!

MaureenMLove Sat 18-Jul-09 09:55:51

3 yr old nextdoor neighbour: Mo, I've got a snail, wanna see?
Mo: Oh yes please!
boy: He's gone inside his shell.
Mo: Do you think he doesn't want to get wet? (it was raining)
boy: No, he's gone in to watch telly.
Mo: Oh really?, What's he watching, CBBC?
boy: No, he's watching The Bill.
Mo: Gosh that's a grown up programme, does his mummy know he's watching it?
Boy: Mo, hmm He's a snail, he doesn't have a mummy!

Silly Mo! grin

alicecrail Sat 18-Jul-09 10:04:25

We don't really have conversations as such (DD is 20mo) but i do a running commentry of what i'm doing while DD looks at me like this hmm

spicemonster Sat 18-Jul-09 10:12:02

Right, in the interests of getting to the bottom of this egg mystery ('Egg!' was the first word he said when he woke up this morning), I got an egg out in the kitchen this morning.

"Egg! Open it mama, open it mama!"
Right I think, we're definitely onto something here. So I cracked it into a bowl. He cried but I pressed on to explore the fried egg theory. I fried it, put it on the Roary plate and he pushed it away, shrieking,
"No egg, no egg!"

So for breakfast he ate porridge and I had fried egg for possibly the first time in my life without a hangover

My investigations continue ...

My dd1 is 5, but we still end up with random converations as she never really replies to questions, but just says what's on her mind at the time and half the time it's got nothing to do with it at all.

She's also in an actually phase.

Spicemonster, I hope you get to the botto of your egg mysterie soon. Both ds and dd1 (dd2 is only 2mo) went through phses of asking for mysterious unidentifiable things. I'm sure they used to think I was an idiot wink.

claireybee Sat 18-Jul-09 11:28:10

We've been having all sorts with dd lately, she has just got really into asking sciencey questions (most of which are beyond me).

This morning she said "I had a baby called Spencer in my tummy and he grew and grew and grew til he was big enough but I didn't eat him to put him in my tummy and he grew and grew and grew and then I went upstairs and my tummy went pop and he came out but then I had to go to the shops to buy a new tummy because mummy wouldn't let me buy one on the computer and I bought my new tummy and I stuck it on with sticky tape and plasters but not glue because glue isn't for skin and now I have a new tummy and no baby in it"

GentleOtter Sat 18-Jul-09 11:35:03

"Who could have taken the last of the chocolate biscuits ?"

(Toddler covered in chocolate)"The biting rabbit took them"

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Sat 18-Jul-09 11:37:13

Maybe he wants a boiled egg? with the lion mark on it?

Stayingsunnygirl Sat 18-Jul-09 11:37:43

This is bringing back some happy memories - well, I can remember having conversations like this with the dses, but unfortunately my brain cell is so old and tired that I can't remember any specifics at the moment - but I will be coming back to this thread because it is so cute and funny.

Many thanks all of you!!

browntrout Sat 18-Jul-09 11:46:22

spicemonster - does he mean a runny egg?

myjobismum Sat 18-Jul-09 11:51:04

Spicemonster - is it possible he wants a 'runny egg' - soft boiled with toast soldier - it would look like a raw egg obviously, but when you 'open it Mama' forhim, it would be ready for him to eat......... we had the same with DS bit it was a breggy-egg because he wanted to dip bread/toast in it - took me weeks to figure it out!

browntrout Sat 18-Jul-09 11:52:54

myjobismum - we've obviously both been here before! smile

Shellseeker Sat 18-Jul-09 11:55:43

On seeing electricity pylons...
"Look at those frilly knickers!"
Every time!

FlappyTheBat Sat 18-Jul-09 12:01:17

"Mummy, the peas we eat, are they different from the pees you do in the toilet?"

completely random question from dd1 when we were in the car the other day!

myjobismum Sat 18-Jul-09 12:09:19

Browntrout - it would seem so grin but my goodness, the relief when we finally found out what he was after!

Lol at 'frilly knickers' grin

Cloudspotter Sat 18-Jul-09 12:29:50

During a thunderstorm

Dd2: I'm scared of the loud noise, what is it?

Me: Don't worry, it's just giant electric sparks that come down from the sky (Why did I think this sounded reassuring?)

DH: Don't say that, it sounds even more scary.

Dd2: But will the giant electric sharks eat me?

spicemonster Sat 18-Jul-09 12:40:44

Maybe he does want a soft boiled egg. I've never given him one so will have to check with his CM if that's what he means! Thanks for all the ideas - I'm sometimes a bit lacking in imagination in my interpretation

BriocheDoree Sat 18-Jul-09 13:41:03

We had DS crying "cow train, cow train" every time we passed the station. Took me weeks to realise he was saying "Look out for a train" because the train only goes past every half an hour and he was hoping that it would coincide with our driving past.
To make it worse, he's bilingual and always seemed to be sneezing "tchoo, tchoo" every time he got in the car, until I realise it was "voiture".

When the dcs used to come up with nonsense words, other people always used to look at me for an explanation thinking it was Dutch, as my dcs are also bilingual, brioche. Sadly I didn't know what they were on about either grin

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 18-Jul-09 14:32:34

Mine is four so not really a toddler but the other day he

asked me when he was going to die
when could he be a cat
was he one when he came out of my tummy and today when could he be a bird.


BalloonSlayer Sat 18-Jul-09 14:33:46

Not a toddler but had the following conversation with DD (7 and considered bright, believe it or not.) This is a truncated version of it BTW.

Me: (Pointing at telly) Oh look DD, an Octopus.

DD: Oh yes! Just like Squidward.

Me: Erm, well yeeeessssss, sort of, but Squidward's a squid.

DD: No, he's an Octopus.

Me: No, he's a squid. That's why he's called Squidward.

DD: But he is an Octopus.

Me: No, he is a squid. The clue is in the name. He is called Squidward. If he was an Octopus, he'd be called Octopusward. He's a squid. Because HIS NAME IS SQUIDWARD.

DD: Yes, he's a squid but he's an Octopus as well.

charmander Sat 18-Jul-09 14:42:22

DS3 aged 3 joke, that he made up by himself

Why did the man cross the road?

To see the chicken

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 18-Jul-09 15:05:34


flimflammum Sat 18-Jul-09 15:18:37

DS: 'Do cock-a-roaches bite?' (after hearing about cockroaches for the first time)
Me: 'No, they don't bite, but people don't like them because they're dirty.'

Several days later...

DS: 'Can I find a clean cock-a-roach and keep him for my special pet?'
Me: hmm

shivster1980 Sat 18-Jul-09 15:59:48

My dad died last year and the first time DS (then 27 months) went to his Nanna's house after Dad had died he went to investigate where she was hiding him. He took DH upstairs to check Grandad wasn't in their bedroom.

DS Is Grandad here?
DH No DS Grandad has died, he is in heaven.
DS (solemnly) yes... Grandad in heaven...doesn't need trousers.

hmm grin

I would like to reassure Mumsnetters that my darling Daddy was in life at least in the habit of wearing trousers in public, although DS seems to think he wont require them in heaven and I will just have to wait and see!

sockmonkey Sat 18-Jul-09 16:23:59

Ok... not a toddler but made me laugh.

Driving the boys to the train station, going down a hill DS1 (6)pipes up

"Mummy, when we go down a steep hill my dinkle goes zero gravity and floats up!"

shock grin

englishpatient Sat 18-Jul-09 16:36:20

DS is 6, so also not a toddler, but anyway... In the car recently with him and DD (11). DD and I were talking about something one of us had been reading (I think), when DS suddenly pipes up, "Is that a non-chronological report?" DD and I were speechless!

MiloMummy Sat 18-Jul-09 17:09:12

I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!!! Such a feel good factor. I was feeling crap today but now I'm smiling. Particularly love the Electric sharks and Grandads trousers.

Here is a conversation I had at the dinner table with DS1 when he was about 3.

DS1: I've finished!
Me: Well, you haven't eaten very much.
DS1: Yes, I have but you can't see what I've eaten coz it's in my tummy!

And on the more random side, he (now aged 4) announced to be completely out of the blue the other day....

"Mummy, Ornitholestes was a carnivore"

I have no idea if he's right (or how to spell Ornitholestes) but I was frankly rendered speechless!

BicycleRider Sat 18-Jul-09 18:10:20

spicemonster I would interpret that as RAW egg. But I wouldn't give him a raw egg.

We call breastfeeding 'nums.' DD1, upon seeing DH without his shirt on: "Don't worry Daddy, your nums are still growing."

muminthecity Sat 18-Jul-09 18:54:20

On a busy train yesterday morning:

DD: Mummy, I think I'm going to marry Michael Jackson

Me: Errrmmm, I don't think so darling, Michael Jackson died, didn't he

DD: Yes but I will just open up his eyes. He will be a skeleton now though, won't he mummy? Just a big load of bones, cos that's all people have when they die, isn't it? A big load of bones and a brain, has Michael Jackson still got a brain?

Me: Umm, I'm not quite sure. So, I wonder what you'll be doing at nursery today?

DD: Just thinking about marrying the Michael Jackson skeleton, I suppose


Turniphead1 Sat 18-Jul-09 19:29:56

DS (3 and a half) last month "Mummy, what's the difference of God, the Government and Santa" - oh where to begin on that one...

Love the Michael Jackson one below.

My DD (5) appeared to have absorbed some of the news coverage of his death as she informed DH when he came home that Michael had died and that "it is very very important never to put chemicals on our skin " (just wait til she wants to start Fake Baking that lily white Celtic skin...)

MiniMarmite Sat 18-Jul-09 19:31:28

Spicemonster - DS didn't get a Roary Easter Egg?

HuffwardlyRouge Sat 18-Jul-09 19:36:40

DD(3) - Has Grandpa got a beard?
Me - No.
DD - Will Granny knit him a beard?
Me - No, you grow beards, you don't knit them.
DD - Did Grandpa grow a beard before?
Me - Yes he did.
DD - Did Granny Put Her Foot Down because there was too much gingerbread in it? And she took it off?
Me - Erm, well not quite...
DD - And now poor Grandpa has only got a moustachio?

designerbaby Sat 18-Jul-09 19:45:18

Last week was the first time for this one - now, of course I know what she's on about...

DD (20 months): Mummeeee. I put pen in bucket. (DD holding several pens and waving them in my general direction)

Me: Darling we don't have a bucket because Mummy left it in the sand pit at the park.

DD: Noooooo. I put pen in bucket!!

Me: But I don't HAVE a bucket DD

DD: (Quite agitated) Put pen in bucket... there!! (Points to me)

I go down to her level with the intention of explaining the 'no bucket' situation again, when DD, triumphantly, sticks all the pens down my cleavage.

DD: Mummy there! I put pen in BUCKET!!!.

My cleavage = bucket.


Whilst I've always been well-endowed I do rather think that's pushing it...

All sorts of things go into the 'bucket' now, at regular intevals. blush


BlueBumedFly Sat 18-Jul-09 19:45:28

My DD broke off her milk drinking the other night to tell me quite earnestly she had eyebrows. Well that's good then!

fruitful Sat 18-Jul-09 19:46:43

At breakfast a few weeks ago:

dd(7): why does it say "badges" on the fridge?
me: to remind me to sell Sports Day team badges in the playground before school
ds1(4): oooh! are they real ones?
me: (trying to think what a pretend badge would look like) - yes, they're real ones
ds1: oooh (unfeasibly excited)

long pause

ds1: you will need cages to put them in, otherwise they'll run away

long pause

me: no, badges not badgers

But the image of me standing in the playground with cages of freshly-caught badgers and a collecting tin just won't go away

BikeRunSki Sat 18-Jul-09 19:51:22

Spicemonster Can't help you with a Roary Egg, but I thought that fried eggs were called Andrew Eggs until I was 14 and on a residential school trip. My mum used to cook them for my DB weekends, and they just got called after him. He is older than me and it was family folklore by the time I came along. I spent 14 years thinking it was coincidence!

GentlyDoesIt Sat 18-Jul-09 19:53:12

When I asked DD what she wanted for her 4th birthday, she replied "Can I have a horse on top of a chocolate tree, please?"

No. No, you can't.

Raahh Sat 18-Jul-09 19:55:30

I've posted this before, but a couple of years back, ds was about 4, sat in back of car
ds- Is God real
me- Um, yes,to some people he is (not sure where conversation was leading)
ds- I know he is real.
me- (distracted by driving) great
long pause
ds- yes- at school, the bible is in the non-fiction section. That means it is true. So God must be real.

Excellent logic, I think!

SebbysMum Sat 18-Jul-09 19:56:21

I love this thread

Not quite a conversation but I'm still smiling about this interchange with 19month DS this morning. We were eating pancakes and DS went to pour his cup of milk on his plate. I said 'no, we don't put milk on our pancakes'. At that he looked me pleadingly in the eye, and said 'sauce?'

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 18-Jul-09 20:00:09

They are clever little monkeys.grin

Frizbe Sat 18-Jul-09 20:00:13

dd2 age 3: mummeeeeeeee can we go to the similar and get popcorn and a drink?

me: Similar? oh Cin E Ma grin

BottySpottom Sat 18-Jul-09 20:18:50

Me: Which doggy are you talking about littleBotty?

LittleBotty: the one with eyes!

LittleBotty: is that a dog's poo?
me: Yes, it is
LittleBotty: is it dead?

LittleBotty: Look Mummy, I've found a fairy.
It was a feather smile

risingstar Sat 18-Jul-09 20:23:40

walking around the natural history museum when dd1 was 5 and dd2 was 2- Mummy is that dead?(pointing to stuffed foal) yes darling it is. Mummy is that foals Mummy dead?(pointing to stuffed horse) Yes darling it is. Who killed it Mummy? Why did they kill it?

Followed by 20 mins of DD1 and DD2 looking at everything in the sodding place saying DEAD TOO in very very loud voices.

nouveaupauvre Sat 18-Jul-09 20:28:43

DS aged 2, accusingly, yesterday morning: X (our dog) has got a digger and he wont share it!
me: um, i dont think he has. being a dog
DS: he has! has got a digger!
me: ok, so where is it?
ds: he keeps it in the clouds.

wtf.... the dog slunk off looking guilty, so maybe there was something in it after all...

pranma Sat 18-Jul-09 20:46:04

When my dgd was 5 her homework was to ask a grownup to take her outside in the dark and say what she saw and heard.My oh volunteered to take her.It was a lovely November evening and when they returned I heard oh saying,'What was the most interesting thing R was it the stars or the lights on the cars?'
R;'It was the dog poo because I saw it and smelled it'.

Turniphead1 Sat 18-Jul-09 20:55:36

Love the dog poo and badgers one. Selling badgers...

Claire2009 Sat 18-Jul-09 21:01:58

Me - See that butterfly ..
Dd - Yes, that was a catterpillar ..
Me - Yes, now it's a butterfly
Dd - I don't want to be a butterfly, I want to be a little girl <then she runs off jumping up and down> hmm

She's 3.5yo today

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Sat 18-Jul-09 21:15:25

This has to be quote of the week!!

"Mummy, what's the difference of God, the Government and Santa" - oh where to begin on that one...

Shellseeker Sat 18-Jul-09 21:58:42

In John Lewis toilets, DD with me in cubicle...

"Mummy, look, you've got such a hairy bottom! Why?"

And it's not like she'd never seen it before!

BottySpottom Sat 18-Jul-09 22:33:20

oh yes, a toilet one - picture very busy loos in busy shopping centre - peak shopping time -

DC1 (very loudly): Mummy, why have you got a piece of string hanging out of your willie

shock blush

BlueBumedFly Sat 18-Jul-09 22:37:29

Spottybotton - WTF I almost pml at that one, you must have been totally mortified!!! What did you say???

Filmbuffmum Sat 18-Jul-09 22:41:13

While using the GPS to locate holiday cottage:

(Creepy computer voice): "At the end of the road, bear left."

DS: (pauses to look around, then says wistfully) "Might be bear on road. Where's the bear?"

Vamonos Sat 18-Jul-09 22:44:39

Eeeeek at the toilet ones shock grin

All of these very funny.

I had a very frustrating conversation with DD (nearly 3) the other day, as we were all loaded up on the buggy and ready to leave the house...

DD: Boogie (with air of urgency)
Me: Eh? hmm
DD: Boogie!! (with growing air of hysteria)
Me: I don't understand what you mean DD
DD: BOOGIE!! (tears, full blown hysteria)
Me: Okaaaay - get OUT of the pram and go and find the boogie, as I REALLY can't help you with this one
DD: <gets out of pram and points to empty floor, sobbing>
Me: <tears hair out> Look, we're late, get back in the pram
DD: <full on sobbing session which lasts all the way into town>

I twigged days later that she had dropped a bogey on the carpet. Which was obviously a matter of earth-shattering importance. Kinda funny in retrospect I suppose.

YesSirICanBoogie Sat 18-Jul-09 22:46:56

DD - 2 1/2 was asking for days for 'Backepper and Fireman Sam' or black pepper and parmesan as I eventually worked out!

JustcallmeDog Sat 18-Jul-09 22:48:55

DD (4) "Mummy had did you grow your tummy so big and fat"

ME: "It's actually quite rude littledog to say some one is fat even if they are""

DD long pause " what i mean mummy is you are a very big girl aren't you?"

Me "yes DD thanks for that"

edam Sat 18-Jul-09 22:51:00

designerbaby, I thought it was bad enough that ds used to call my breasts 'barbaras' (no idea where that came from, we've never even met anyone called Barbara as far as I know). But bucket is even worse! grin

Ninjacat Sat 18-Jul-09 22:56:46

Took my son when little to the zoo:

DS: Mummy the Limas can talk
Mum: Sorry?
DS: The Limas can talk!
Mum: Don't be silly dear Limas cant talk
DS: Yes they can, look the sign says so. Lima's Talk: 2pm

designerbaby Sat 18-Jul-09 23:10:29

Edam, I know - how low have I sunk. My cleavage once, firm, ripe and voluptuous, now resembles, evidently, a bucket.

I could cry, really.

blinder Sun 19-Jul-09 00:44:56

Oh I hope this thread goes on forever!

Still crying from the string hanging out of mummy's willie! Thank you all so much!

spicemonster Sun 19-Jul-09 01:03:27

LOL at all these.

Re the Egg Mystery: he did get Roary eggs for easter. Surely he won't remember those will he? And what is weird is that he has only just started going on about eggs. I will definitely have to investigate further. It's not raw egg for sure. It was the raw egg that made him cry

RobynLou Sun 19-Jul-09 01:40:33

dd (2 next month) going to sleep, rolls over, eyes wide open - mummy, mummy, big question mummy.
me - what is it?
dd - boys
and she just look s at me, didn't have a clue where to start!

verygreenlawn Sun 19-Jul-09 08:02:36

Ds1 asked me last night "mummy what's that brown stuff under your tummy?" Cue long conversation about pubic hair, after which he added "when I'm grown up I'll have hair round my private parts, except my willy will poke through the middle of it and hang down." Lovely mental image!

He also asks really searching questions about God, like "if God made heaven, where was he when he made it?" Er .... oh and also "if God is everywhere, is he on top of my head/in my tummy/in my willy ..." etc etc.

I also have very happy memories of the random conversations we used to have on the way to nursery - where's that man going? Why? Has he got a car? Why is he bald? Etc. etc.

claireybee Sun 19-Jul-09 09:08:02

Some of these are so funny!

DS yesterday: Mummy, uhuhlo! Mummy uhuhlo! Mummy uhuhlo! Uhuhlo inna baff inna darden!

Me: There's a gruffalo in the paddling pool?

DS: Yeah, come. (takes me by the hand and leads me to the paddling pool where he stands hiding behind my legs and pointing)

Me: No it's ok ds, I don't think that's a gruffalo, it looks like a fly to me

DS: NO! Uhuhlo! uhuhlo eat you RAAAAARGH!(tries to push me into paddling pool)

edam Sun 19-Jul-09 13:35:31

ds: 'I like my new legs. And my new hands.'

me: 'That's nice dear but I didn't know they were new.'

ds: 'Yes, now I'm six I've got new legs and new hands.'

(It was his birthday yesterday.)

Nephew (aged 4): "What eats politicians?"

Cue debate amongst adults as to whether answer is The Media or The Electorate.

Stayingsunnygirl Sun 19-Jul-09 13:57:32

Whatever it is, can we breed more of them please??!! grin

theboob Sun 19-Jul-09 14:29:41

we have been attending breast feeding coffee mornings to prepare for the birth of DC4, DS2 2 has become obbsessed with my breast's
DS2.mummy get your boobies out
DS2.get boobies out, my want milk
cue me trying to explain that the baby will have milk but now he has his milk in a cup etc, he asks all the time and even asked his nana, her face was priceless grin

Wonderstuff Sun 19-Jul-09 14:57:53

My DD (20m) gets stuck on words, spent all afternoon at nursery last week touching everyones head saying 'hair' Everytime she hears a car she says 'noise' She has also taken to waking me up by putting her fingers in my mouth and saying 'teeth' Weirdo

PMSL at some of these - Dying to know what roary egg is.

DownyEmerald Sun 19-Jul-09 15:17:10

I bet he can remember his roary egg at Easter. DD has spooked me often with things she remembered from months before since she was about two.

Loving it- badgers fave so far! Trying to remember dd funnies - I'm often in stitches, should write them down...

CarrieBo Sun 19-Jul-09 15:24:15

Dd has got the idea we're all a different age, but spent ages yesterday asking 'how old is the plum, how old is the slide?' etc etc. Dh doesn't help the situation by answering with made up ages for all the inanimate objects.

kansaswelshgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 15:38:12

We have all had colds lately.

3 yr old: Do you have a runny nose?
Dad: Not anymore
3yr old: I have a runny nose. It's a bit like a poached egg, sometimes it's runny and sometimes it's not runny

kansaswelshgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 15:41:28

Oh, and recently, I tried to get all the toy animals off the bed - I'm sure they are breeding, there are so many of them. I put them all in a basket next to the bed and suggested DS could choose 2 or 3 per night to share the bed. He was distraught and told me, "No one should have to sleep in a basket!" By the way, I obviously failed when discussing family relationships, as all his animals, or "the guys" as he calls them, are apparently his cousins

wuglet Sun 19-Jul-09 15:57:39

DD (3) was looking at some old photos with me the other day.
I was telling her that "this was mummy when she was a little girl" "this was grandma when she was younger" etc.
Then she saw a picture of my dad aged around 30 - he had ginger hair as does my 4 year old nephew Jamie.
She said - is that a picture of Jamie when he is big!

Horton Sun 19-Jul-09 17:14:17

"all his animals, or "the guys" as he calls them, are apparently his cousins"

Same here, kansas. My DD's sister is Po and her brother is a small green lamb.

treacletart Sun 19-Jul-09 17:16:03

dd (nearly 2) was really upset when the butterfly wings we bought on Friday didn't actually allow her to fly for real

wahwah Sun 19-Jul-09 17:50:11

DS (3y) is very unhappy with spiders, because I told him that they eat flies. "Why can't they eat apples?" he asked.

I've just heard him telling his Dad, 'I want to be a lovely monkey".

Stayingsunnygirl Sun 19-Jul-09 18:14:50

CarrieBo has reminded me of one, from ds1 when he was about 5. For the purposes of this story, it is necessary to remember that I was about 35 at the time.

I was looking through the Evans' catalogue at tops, and ds1 came to ask what I was looking at - I showed him the picture, told him I was thinking of buying that particular top, and asked if it would look nice. He said he thought so, but asked what the letter in the corner of the picture meant, so I explained that it directed you to the written details at the side of the page.

I read them out to him:
"Cotton printed long sleeved top, cerise, sizes 16, 18-20, 22-24, 26-28, 30 and 32.

'Ohh dear mummy' said ds1, 'it doesn't come in your size!' This made me a bit shock until I realised that all the sizes in his clothes were based on ages - and he thought mine were too!!

Spicemonster, haven't read all of thread so it may have been solved, but he didn't have a roary easter egg did he?

HellHathNoFury Sun 19-Jul-09 19:13:55

My 2 year old DS keeps pointing at cute rabbits and squirrels and cats and then shouting at me 'DON'T EAT IT MUMMY!'

What does he think I am?!

Raahh Sun 19-Jul-09 19:59:36

DD (2) calls all squirrels 'Jim'. She can say squirrel, so not sure where she got Jim from...

SwissCheese Sun 19-Jul-09 20:08:40

DS said today that dinosaurs must be 'INstinct' because they are too big to push trollies at Sainsburys and anyway their feet are the wrong shape for the handles.

GoldenSnitch Sun 19-Jul-09 20:10:52

DS (aged 2) keeps begging me to put 'boyogiog' on the TV. Some days he gets so distrught that I won't do it that I would love to comply just to take the hurt look off his face...

Unfortuneately, I have absolutely no clue what Boyogiog is!!! sad

DH: come on, time to put your jeans back on please

DD: (aged 2) No daddy, not jeans on just legs please

Turniphead1 Sun 19-Jul-09 20:35:32

Goldensnitch - could it be Bobinogs?

MiaWallace Sun 19-Jul-09 20:35:55

dd (4) "when I'm a boy will I have brown hair like ben 10?"

another one of her gems

"can you lay a baby so I can have a brother?"

waitingforbedtime Sun 19-Jul-09 20:44:25

Could be bobinogs or pocoyo????

GoldenSnitch Sun 19-Jul-09 20:45:46

Could be Turniphead but I'm not sure he's ever seen Bobinogs hmm

Might be worth a try next time he asks though...Thanks

waitingforbedtime Sun 19-Jul-09 20:46:06

Sorry ^ was to Goldensnitch.

DS (2) has big hopes for when he grows far we have had 'When I be bigger boy I be poo / strawberry / the moon / clouds that go bang (thunder) / a baby'

I just say 'ok then' - does that make me a bad mother?!

DebiTheScot Sun 19-Jul-09 20:59:54

spicemonster I wouldn't be surprised if he remembers the Roary egg too. Today we went to friend's house. We havent been there for about 6 months. DS1 (3) announced after lunch that he was just going into the living room to look for the tiny plastic motorbike stand that he lost the last time we were there!

We also had the other day:
DS1: Why does the gruffalo have spines on his back?
Me: I don't know
DS1: Maybe God made him that way
Me: Yes maybe
DS1: Maybe God's got spines on his back too

We also have the converstaions where he makes up life stories for the people he sees walkin along the road- that man's going to Daddy's work, that lady's going home for her tea, she's having pizza etc etc.

Also told dh today that he (dh) is the cleverest and I am the wrongest!

I thought he was odd but actually seems quite normal

legoprincess Sun 19-Jul-09 21:01:26

DD(4): "I know why Michael Jackson died"
Me: Yes, why?
DD: "Ants got into his tummy"

A couple of days later
DD: "Who's singing this song?" (on the radio)
Me: Michael Jackson
DD: "Don't be silly, Mummy. You can't sing when you are dead!"

missismac Sun 19-Jul-09 21:03:18

DD(4) on first introduction to her 2nd DB; after a long, thoughtful pause,

"Mummy, boys can sometimes turn into girls you know"

hmm a bit young to go into explanations about that one I felt!

dustbucket Sun 19-Jul-09 21:06:37

DS1 Long time ago, on a Mexico mountain
lived a boy, Angelo
DB:hmmmm, right- is he Dora the Explorer's friend?
DS1: Tsk no he had a very high family.
DBkaay, high on a mountain?
DS1:No, he ran away.

DB: Penny drops and I realise he's been listening to my mother's record collection a little to much for my liking. He was three. :-)

This thread is lovely.
I went away with my sister and her 2 children, about7/8 year ago. We were on the beach and my dniece was looking at the sea and she said
"Who put the water in then? the manager"

On the same holiday she tried watermelon for he first time and said "do they put the pips in for fancy?"
grin bless her, still makes me laugh no and she is 14.

Concordia Sun 19-Jul-09 21:36:02

When we had rushed in the gents toilets together as we couldn't find the ladies and both were desperate
DS (2.10) mummy, you don't have a widge
me - i don't think this is the best place to point that out

also DS
'i took my nipple with me to nursery today'

mumof2222222222222222boys Sun 19-Jul-09 21:40:08

My two come out with all sort of stuff (fire drills and emergencies are quite common at the mo), and DS1 (4) was sooooo pleased when the security man in Next asked to see his pass on Saturday. Should explain that he goes to nursery on a military base and passes are de rigeur - but only for staff!!! DS1 has made himself a pass and wears it most places.

Ah well - I was just glad that the toddler at the pool this morning who shouted, "Daddy you've got more hairs on your willy than on your head!" wasn't one of mine grin

Spicemonster - I'm still reading so you may have solved this - but is it possible he wants a chocolate egg? They had some Roary ones in the shops at easter - perhaps he's always hoping it's chocolate not the chicken sort?

5inthebed Sun 19-Jul-09 21:45:49

When ds1 was 3, I was cutting some vegetables in the kitchen, this was the conversation

DS1: What you cutting mammy
Me: Its carrots
DS1: But carrots are soft, thats hard
Me: Thats because its raw carrot
DS1: (giggling) Silly mammy, lions roar, not carrots


idranktheteaatwork Sun 19-Jul-09 22:00:03

Not mine but my very lovely 3 yr old neighbour whilst on the potty.

Dad; dd do you need some toilet paper now?

littlegirl; nope. got a rabbit.

GoldenSnitch Mon 20-Jul-09 10:37:28

Good suggestions Waitingforbedtime - but I have to ask - howon earth did you get Pocoyo from Boyogiog??

He does like Pocoyo so that could be it!!

GentlyDoesIt Mon 20-Jul-09 11:02:17

DD presented me with this conundrum this morning:

Can a ball of string knock over a bottle? What happens if the bottle has food in it? What happens if the bottle is tiny/massive? What happens if the ball of string is coming undone really quickly?

I wonder if there is enough time for me to set up experiments to prove/disprove these before the next poser...

FimbleHobbs Mon 20-Jul-09 11:08:58

What a brilliant thread!

DD was singing Incy Wincey Spider repeatedly in the car the other day. For what felt like hours.

She must have even bored herself as eventually she triumphantly declared:

Incy Wincy Spider... well ACTUALLY he had an umbrella, thats a good idea!

gorionine Mon 20-Jul-09 11:16:24

DD4 (2 1/2)to whoever she meets for the first time "I fell over" (sad face on)

It is not often the case that she actually fell but it always gets people's attention!

She also answerd "exterminate" in true Dalek fashion to me when I was washing her after a trip to the toilethmm

PinkTulips Mon 20-Jul-09 11:18:15

DS1 has had a run of splinters in his foot recently necessitating tweezer and neeedle removal techniques.

He came screaming into my bedroom the other evening sobbing 'Mommy, get the squezers and take the sprinkle out of my toe'


he also has a habit of deciding whether likes or dislikes something based on colour... for example purple bouncing castles are bad apparently but orange are alright hmm

gorionine Mon 20-Jul-09 11:28:12

LOL at colour influencing liking something or not! DD4 does that with plasic cups. Give her milk milk in a red one is fine, give it to her in a blue one and you will hear ""yuck, that's 'gusting!""

HensMum Mon 20-Jul-09 11:41:38

My mum was looking after DS (21 months) at the weekend. They spent quite a lot of time "driving" in her car (it's a Smart car, just the right size for DS). She puts a CD on, DS sits behind the wheel and presses any buttons he can reach.

Anyway, we were going out on Sunday and as we went to the car, DS headed towards the driver's seat saying "I drive".
DP: no, daddy's driving
DS: No, I drive
DP: no, daddy's driving today. You're sitting in your seat.
DP picked DS up to put him in the back with DS still shouting "I driving, I drive"

I didn't think we'd be having that row for at least another 15 years!

fluffyanimal Mon 20-Jul-09 11:44:19

DS (eating hot cross bun for breakfast, takes one bite of bottom half): Oh I can't eat this piece, it will turn me into a girl.
Me: I don't think it will darling.
DS: Yes it will. I'll eat this piece, it will turn me into an aeroplane. (Eats top half of hcb, makes zooming noises).
DS: I want more hot cross bun please.
Me: Finish that piece then (pointing to bottom half).
DS: (insistently) NO, it will turn me into a girl!
Me: OK, shall we get Daddy to have a bite and see if it will turn him into a girl?
(Daddy obliges).
DS (suspicious but grudging) OK... (eats the rest).

Trikken Mon 20-Jul-09 12:06:13

Hensmum, we've had that with our ds too. he's three.

waitingforbedtime Mon 20-Jul-09 12:08:01

Goldensnitch - Pocoyo because when my ds says it, it sounds very much like what your dc is saying! Hope it is that.

Runoutofideas Mon 20-Jul-09 13:14:41

Conversation with my DD1 (4) in the car this morning....

DD1: Mummy - When you were little did Father Christmas have brown hair?

Me: No he had white hair even then.

DD1: Wow he's had white hair for ages. How come he's not dead? People with brown hair don't die, only people with white hair. See that man there (pointing at old man on pavement) he'll be dead soon... Who'll bring the presents when Father Christmas dies? Maybe we'll all have to dress up with hats and scarves and go to the North Pole ourselves.....

I didn't really know where to begin with answering that lot!

audreyraines Mon 20-Jul-09 13:25:20

What's that mummy?
That's my diary.
What's the name of your diary mummy?
I think it's just called diary.
No it isn't.
Oh, would you like to give it a name? You can choose one.
Honey Diary.
Ok, my diary is called Honey Diary.

DS (age 3) singing:

"Nellie the elephant back to front...."

BY the way, I am sure Roary Eggs is a fond memory of Easter eggs grin

Iklboo Mon 20-Jul-09 13:54:01

DS comes up with Dr kit and starts sawing away at my tummy

Me: What are you doing mate?
DS: I'm taking your old love heart out
Me: Oh - why's that?
DS: Cos you shouted and me and got cross so you don't love me lots. So I'm giving you a new love heart
DS inserts new love heart 'stitch stitch stitch'

DS: There, now you can't shout at me any more cos you love me again

Me - feels like utter cowbag from hell sad

angelene Mon 20-Jul-09 14:05:57

I had the most bizarre conversation with DD this morning:

DD: Mummy, have you got electricity?
Me: Yes we have darling
DD: Are you sure?
Me: Erm, yes, we pay money every month and the electricity comes into the house
DD: I've got some electricity
Me: Have you?
DD: Yes, so if in the month of Octover [not a typo btw], you have a power cut and you need electricity, well [shrugs] just ask me
Me: [bewildered] Oh, OK, thanks darling

I have literally no idea where that came from, but I love how she specified 'in the month of October'!

Dophus Mon 20-Jul-09 14:49:57

DS (4) in the middle of a crowded changing room at the gym as the point of a sudden lull in background noise.

'Look mummy - my winky's gone big'

PinkTulips Mon 20-Jul-09 17:09:31

dophus... that reminds me of dinner the other night.

ds1 was pantsless and suddenly pipes up 'mommy, somethings happening to my penis' in a rather worried tone of voice

me: 'well stop playing with it then'
ds1: 'no, want something to happen to my penis'
me: hmm
dd: what's happening to [ds1]'s penis?
me: erm blush

elvislives Mon 20-Jul-09 18:32:17

me: DD what's your name?

DD: name Justin

me: no that's his name. What's your name? Is it DD?

DD: no, Justin.

(Too much Mr Tumble grin )

SwissCheese Tue 21-Jul-09 19:50:23

DS 3yrs said to me today in a shop full of people: "I don't know you, so why are you calling me?" before walking off behind a mirror...

he'll get me arrested!

HensMum Wed 22-Jul-09 14:09:31

On the way home from nursery last night I said to DS "come on, let's get home so Mummy can have a nice cup of tea" (DS has been obsessed by tea since he was tiny, it was his first word in fact!)
DS (walking faster): Coffee!
Me: coffee for mummy?
DS: coffee for <DS>!
Me: really? How do you have your coffee, black or with milk?
DS: with milk.

When we got in, he marched straight to the kitchen and demanded coffee. I pretended to make him a cup (milk in cup, with a splash of hot water from the kettle and mimed putting a spoon of coffee in) but he was not impressed.

Conversation this morning:

DS: why are there teeny tiny mice in the underground

Me: they live there

DS: how do they get down the escalators?

Me: they don't, they live in the tunnels

DS: Maybe they could go in a bag to keep them safe on the escalator

Me: Maybe hmm

DS: Maybe Daddy could put them in a bag, to keep them safe, and then put them on a plane to take them on holiday

Me: Maybeeeee hmm!

GeeWhizz Wed 22-Jul-09 14:28:53

Said to DS 2 that Daddy would like a lie in so he started roaring like a lion!!

giddykipper Wed 22-Jul-09 14:30:34

Last night when I was putting DS to bed:

"Don't go downstairs mummy, it's raining in our house"

And then started singing "rain rain go away come again another day"

It wasn't raining BTW

Sycamoretreeisvile Wed 22-Jul-09 14:35:53

A punk isn't always a scrumpler. Sometimes it's someone with sticky out hair.

ginnny Wed 22-Jul-09 15:16:25

DS2 - Why do you call Nanny 'Mum'?
Me - Because She's my Mummy.
DS2 - You can't have a Mummy, you're too big and old.

DS "Mummy why is your tummy all fat and floppy."
Me "Because I've had 2 babies and it stretched"
DS "Well maybe they left one in there still"

And today's little gem:

"How old will I be when I'm 9?"

WibblyPigRocks Wed 22-Jul-09 15:41:11

God, this thread is brilliant - I have actually been crying with laughter as I have read it. I am also desperate to find out the answer to the 'roary eggs' conundrum.

MmeLindt Wed 22-Jul-09 15:42:50

When DD was about 2yo she sneezed and some snot came out. She started crying and wailed, "Mama, I have bless you on my cardigan"

My DS has said that about snot on his top too.

Last night we had this convo...

radio...and next up is Lady GaGa..

DS..Lady GaGa...who what is lady gaga??

Me: she's a lady who sings songs on the radio.

DS: Does she do Songbox then?

I did chuckle at the thought of Lady GaGa rocking up to DS's nursery to do a songbox session!

He also calls Dizzee Rascal, Dirty Rascal.

Last weekend he announced out of nowhere 'Jazzy (our cat) has grown some cheeks.'

DownyEmerald Thu 23-Jul-09 14:45:16

typing through tears

DD: What would happen if you didn't had a mouth (a bit of a theme at the moment)
Me: I wouldn't be able to eat
DD: I could help you
Me: That would be nice darling
DD: I could put food up your nose!

DD: I've got a feeling in my leg
Me: What sort of feeling?
DD: There's someone inside talking
Me: Who?
DD: Rosie! (her friend)

She also went through a phase of "don't hit me mummy!" at the top of her voice - I've never hit her!

Jjou Fri 24-Jul-09 11:56:40

Conversation with DD (21 months) on the way to her Nan's the other day:

DD: cars go fast!
Me: they do, yep
DD: Me go fast!
Me: <glances worriedly at the speedometer>
DD: I love cars! I love Aunty Suzy!

Ok then...

yesterday, rushing like a loon around the living room: it's so fun, it's fun, it's fun (repeat ad nauseum)

ds (4): when I grow up I want to ride a motorbike to work
me: ok but you have to be very careful when you ride a motorbike
ds: why?
me: long explanation of why motorbikes are more dangerous than cars
ds: I will be VERY careful mummy. I will do wheelies and jumps and if a car is going to crash into me I will just jump right over it!

MiaWallace Fri 24-Jul-09 12:12:58

I commented on dd (4) sleeping in till late this morning. Her response

"I couldn't get up early because my dream was running slow and I had to finish watching it"

Homebird8 Fri 24-Jul-09 13:04:49

Early spiritual adventures:

DS: We don't need the post lady any more
Me: Don't we?
DS: No.
Me: Who will deliver the letters then?
DS: The wind.
Me: How will it know where to send them?
DS: There are addresses on them silly.
Me: But the wind can't read.
DS: Yes but God made the wind and God can read so we don't need the post lady.

Chessiers Sun 26-Jul-09 05:31:10

DS1 was obsessed with death when he was 4. After listening in on a mammoth Q&A session on a long drive, DS2, aged 2 3/4, piped up:

DS well I'm going to die when I'm three.

Me I do hope not!

DS why?

Me that would make me very sad

DS I wouldn't be sad because then I would find the key to unlock this cage that I'm kept in.

He is now 8 and, thankfully, still very much with us!

emsiewill Sun 26-Jul-09 08:03:25

We were on the motorway, stuck in traffic & dd1 (aged about 3 at the time) decided she needed the toilet. I told her I would stop as soon as I could. In a distressed manner, she demanded I called an ambulance immediately!

80Furr Sun 26-Jul-09 19:39:48

I had a long and distressing conversation with DS (3.5) the other night. He was crying because he thought Daddy was going to die. Cue long converation about people mostly only dying when they are old, peppered with loads of crying when I said the wrong thing. In the end we settles on us all (everyone he knows) dying all together when DS is very old, and going to heaven, which is just like going on holiday (said that bit because he thought he would have no arms and legs there?!?!). We're taking everything with us, including DVDs. Makke Pakka however, is not coming because "he can't come out of the telly mummy, he's not real!" The next day, during a chat about something totally mundane he announced in a cheery voice "I'm still not keen on heaven Mummy".

bratley Sun 26-Jul-09 20:31:47

My DS was talking to my sister a few days ago and said the conversation went like this:
DS: S go to work
S: where do I work?
DS: Cleaning
S: Cleaning what?
DS: Carrots. (and walked away to play)

SachaF Wed 29-Jul-09 10:55:37

Both DH and I keep hearing from DS (2 1/2) 'I see dead people'!
We really do not know what he is saying but he says this when he plays with his stick dolls....(I think he is to young to understand death as a concept?)

FrameyMcFrame Thu 30-Jul-09 00:02:02

Great thread, been weeping with laughter at some of these.

DD spoke very fondly of the 'dinner hole' after her first day at school. (we do live in the North East so that might explain it)

She also commented that 'it is very rare for a girl to have a willy Mummy'

Yes dear,

'And it is very rare for a boy to have a normal bottom!'

bunjies Sat 01-Aug-09 13:27:15

Fab thread.

Walking past a church.

DD: what's that?
Me: it's a church.
DD: what do you do in a church?
Me (atheist): it's where people go to sing songs about Jesus

DD breaks down in hysterical laughter.

Me: what's so funny?
DD: people singing songs about cheeses!

Makes me laugh even now.

Tidey Sat 01-Aug-09 13:38:29

Before DD was born, DS was asked 'Where's the new baby going to live? In the shed with the lawnmower?' Ds replied 'Um... I don't know. Mum, do we have a lawnmower?', as though having enough room in the shed was the key thing about keeping a baby there. And he was 5, so not even a toddler anyway.

DD is 21 mo and just likes claiming that all animals that aren't a cat or dog is 'Daddy'. Not very flattering to poor DP.

muminthecity Mon 17-Aug-09 01:49:03

DD (4 next month) came out with a great line today - we walked outside the front door and she took a long sniff of the air and said "Mmmmm mummy, can you smell the nature in that breeze?"

discojen Sun 23-Aug-09 01:37:23

Literally crying with laughter now!

At the age of 4, DD had guilt down to a fine art as every time you told her off, or even said no to her she would pretend to cry and declare "you are breaking my heart"

She's now 6 and still very skilled at martyrdom!

During the one of the ashes tests recently DH and I were checking the score and talking about it when DS1 (4) decided to chip in.

DS: How many goals have England scored?
DH: It's not football, Darling, it's Cricket.
DS: Oh. How many Cricks have they scored then?

cyteen Thu 27-Aug-09 13:01:01

Brilliant thread grin I've got all this to come, so thanks for sharing!

TeamCullenAllTheWay Sat 05-Sep-09 18:52:54

DD (4) told her pre-school teacher that when you die you go up to heaven and don't need your legs anymore so leave them behind on the floor.....not sure where it came from!

She also regularly demands that I play "the lobsters and unicorns game" and proceeds to get furious with me when I tell her I don't know it.

TeamCullenAllTheWay Sat 05-Sep-09 18:57:49

Ooh just remembered another one!
DD's pre-school had building work going on, so invited one of the builders in to see the kids so they could learn about what they do.

DD stood up and asked him very loudly (and accusingly according to teacher!) "Are you God?" Poor builder went scarlet and looked confused. DD said "God was a builder cos he made the whole world. I thought you might be him"

FlappyTheBat Sat 05-Sep-09 18:59:27

Today as we were driving past an Esso petrol station.

DD: why do they have a tiger wash there?
me: it's called a tiger wash but it's really just for cars, that petrol station uses a tiger in it's adverts.
DD: but they must wash tigers there cos if they just washed cars, it would be called a car wash, not a tiger wash.

this went on for quite a while until I got fed up and put the radio on - loudly!

hairtwiddler Sat 05-Sep-09 19:13:14

DD: Mummy, how did the baby get into your tummy?
Me: Daddy helped me put the baby into my tummy (glossing over details!)
DD: Did he dig a big hole in your tummy and plant a special begetable to help the baby grow up?
Me: Em, yes, something like that...

Crablass Sun 06-Sep-09 10:05:17

You know the sun right? Well it's a big ball of fire and lava and it's so hot you sizzle like this (does squirming eyes closed sizzling) if you get close to it. It eats fire which is why when things are burning on earth it's important to put the fire out in case the sun tries to collect it.

specialmagiclady Mon 07-Sep-09 18:14:43

DS1 currently having hysterics because "today's weather is... Missed!" which means throwing supper all over the floor.

Not so cute, but I love that Planet Protector Reef lives in his hair and they chat. And whenever he sees water, he uses a special voice to say "Look, DS1, water! I loooove playing in water!"

DS2 (aged 2) likes saying UPside Down Giraffe. I don't know why.

mustrunmore Mon 07-Sep-09 18:18:09

Did a run yesterday but was trying to explain to ds1 that my painkillers made me very sleepy but at least no tooth pain. He suggested I had a very hot coffee so it would hurt my teeth so much I'd wake up and run smile

specialmagiclady Mon 07-Sep-09 18:23:28

MY DS1 also says "You're ruining my Daaaaay" when I tell him off.

christiana Mon 07-Sep-09 18:54:20

Message withdrawn

Shellseeker Mon 07-Sep-09 19:22:22

Have just rediscovered this thread and laughed all over again1
Reminded me od DD2 on the way home from pre-school:
Mummy, do moles like lemons?

HistoryStudent Thu 17-Sep-09 21:25:58


I am not a mum myself, but a struggling uni student, and reading these threads is just brilliant. Esp as us uni students miss our mums lots! My friend and I think you are all fab. I felt the urge to share some of my classic toddler moments

at the supermarket..
cashier: isn't your mummy nice buying you all those treats?
me: yes... (pauses) but she isnt strict enough sometimes

at playgroup
me: aunty dot (she ran the playgroup) can we have classic fm I don't like this music

watching beauty and the beast for the first time
me: (the moment when gastone dies)

colditz Thu 17-Sep-09 21:36:04

"Daddy took my trousers off in the park today"
Why's that^,^son?
"Because he was naaaaaughty"

Ok, but why did he take them off, did he change your pull up?

"No, he put my trousers on the cold dirty floor and that's why I got no trousers on!"

Errr, son ... I took your trousers off downstairs, remember? So what did daddy do with your trousers?

"Nuffin. I said it cos I big"

undervalued Thu 17-Sep-09 21:46:24

Mummy, I know that God sent you to look after me. But don't worry if you die, Daddy can do it. hmm Will I be getting my P45?

JiminyCricket Thu 17-Sep-09 22:01:00

(Shouted from the landing, where she is upstairs on her own getting herself dressed, halway inside her polo shirt- we are all downstairs) 'Mummy! I said I didn't want any help, but I saw a hand pointing into my sleeve. I can do it myself!' 'Do you think it might have been your own hand sweetie?' She insists it is definitely not her hand, but seems unconcerned about the idea of a disembodied hand...

cookielove Thu 17-Sep-09 22:21:04

working at my nursery we hear lots of funny stuff, keeps us laughing all day, the 2 year olds are very concerned at the moment:

Me laying on the decking after a child dropped a puzzle piece down one of the cracks trying to get it out

Child - Sarah Sarah Nooooooo, stop
Me (sarah)- whats wrong?
Child - be careful sarah don't fall down the hole.
Me- ok i'll try not to
child - i'll hold your leg to keep you safe

She sat with me holding onto me, continually telling me to be safe, be careful and being very concerned about my safety

AcrylicAfternoons Thu 17-Sep-09 23:22:24

The other morning DD ran into my bedroom with a big string of snot running from her nose into her mouth, shouting:

"Oh no! Mummy! Help! My nose is stuck to my mouth"

DwayneDibbley Sun 20-Sep-09 21:46:29

DD isn't strictly a toddler, she's 4, but today was talking about school (she's just started).

dd: 'Mum, when we have lunch at school we say a prayer to God.'

Me: 'Do you dd? What do you say?'

dd: 'I don't know. I can remember when everyone says it, but not on my own.'

Me: 'oh OK.'

dd: 'Also its hard to remember the words Mum, because some of them speak vegetarian.'

lostinfrance Sun 04-Oct-09 22:45:50

Listening to the radio in the car when Lady GaGa comes on:

ds: i know this lady, she's tall
me: how do you know that ds?
ds: i saw her in the paper with the queen
me: who do you think this is, ds?
ds: mrs obama
me: you mean Lady GaGa?
ds: yes

When my twins had just turned 4.

DeathTwin2: Mama, when you die, will you leave your handbag and all of those things?
Me: When I do what DTD2?
DeathTwin2: When you die. Will you leave behind your handbag and all of those things? those keys and credit cards and things.
Me: Well yes, DTD2 when I die I will leave everything behind for you and DTD1 and Daddy.
DeathTwin2: Well, Daddy will be dead too.

A couple of weeks later.

DeathTwin1: Is the seaside the ocean?
Me: Yes.
DeathTwin1: Are there sharks?
Me: Yes.
DeathTwin1: Well I'm staying in the shallow end of the ocean because I don't want to see those sharks.
DeathTwin2: When you are dead, we will put your body in the ocean to feed those sharks.

It is nice to know my funeral arrangements and the disposition of my wordly goods has already been arranged in my children's minds.

BusyMissIzzy Mon 10-May-10 16:30:07

I know I'm almost a year too later, but "Nellie the elephant back to front...."
might just be the cutest thing I've ever heard!

champagnesupernova Mon 17-May-10 16:05:52

Just adding mine from DS for posterity. He's just 2 btw

DS: mummy look a big big airplane
Me: yes darling. where's it going?
DS To the airport. Go to the shop buy bananas

DS: Look mummy, here;s my car key. The wombles live in it.

Given these two rather leftfield bizarre statements we were playing "where's your mouth? where are your ears?" etc
and when he said what's in mummy's nose? I was expecting some kind of cute answer like perhaps "roary the racing car"
DS: what's in mummy's nose?
Me: what do you think is in mummy's nose?
DS: some snot.

CardyMow Tue 13-Jul-10 00:23:07

One from my DS2 when he was 5 years old: me "oh look DS1 has a mole in his ear" DS2 "Nooooooo the moles will dig holes in him like the garden and they will eat his brain like worms". Gotta love the randomness!

MrsDrOwenHunt Sat 17-Jul-10 18:44:13

ds shouts no dont beat me!! whilst covering his ears!

DD (3) - can I jump in the telly and play with Peppa Pig

Me - No sweetie, we can't jump in the telly

DD - No mummy, I don't want you to jump in the telly, just me smile

Another random one

DD - Mummy, I would like to eat a rainbow

Me - A rainbow ? And what colour would you eat first ?

DD - (thinks for a few seconds), I'd eat the blue, silly confused

Stayinthelines Sat 17-Jul-10 19:48:52

Champagnesupernova, my 2.8 DS also tells me that 'airplanes' are going to the shops to buy bananas and oranges!

westlake Sat 01-Jan-11 23:45:02

awwww, i'm new and just discovering these classic threads......

I pointed out to DS that it had been snowing when i got him out of bed one morning "look, DS, SNOW...."

He looked at me puzzled and pointed to his nose!

He's 16months bless him

Arion Sun 02-Jan-11 22:28:40

DD (age 3) when asked about colours, "that's yellow mummy, like your teeth" shock

cookieraymond Sun 02-Jan-11 23:00:42

loving this thread, glad its continuing!

around Remembrance Sunday we had all been out to Sainsburys to get an Indian meal for our dinner, and DS (2.2yrs) got his first Poppy - very proud to wear it.

Anyway later on at dinner...

Me: DS do you want to try some poppadom?
DS looking down at his jumper: 'Yes, ere it is! I got my poppy on'

Bless him

TigerseyeMum Tue 04-Jan-11 22:12:52

My friend's little girl, who was very much from Somerset, used to say in a very strident, Northern accent whenever she saw me 'Get that coat off' confused

tomhardyismydh Tue 04-Jan-11 22:47:43

dd (aged, 4) . mum can you have another baby

me. well i would love to but you need a husband or boyfriend to have a baby

dd. or a girlfriend.

me. well yes but it makes having a baby a little less strait forward, i would still need a man to help.

dd. yes because you would only have 2 lady parts and you need a man and a ladies part to make a baby.

me. well you need the ladies egg and the mans seed.

dd. dont be stupid mum men have sperm, not seeds.

[shocked] and impressed did not even know she knew about sperm, my conversations are just about to get a little more interesting.

pookamoo Tue 04-Jan-11 23:20:54

This is the best MN classic thread ever, thanks for resurrecting it!
DH just came downstairs to check I am ok because he could hear me crying with laughter! grin

This thread has made me laugh out loud. We have lots of random conversations in our house.

Current favourites include (every time we pass a cemetery)

DS3: If you fall asleep on the bench in a cemetery, you will get dead
DD5: No, you have to be lying in the mud under the stones
DS3: But then how will you see if you are dead?
DD5. Mummy, tell him...
Me: <sigh>


DD5 who is currently into her musicals: Annie, Bugsy Malone, Oliver etc

DD: "Mummy why do they sing instead of talking?"
Me: Because it's fun and it sounds nice
DD: Like Daddy's popsies! (farts)

And lots of 'jokes'

Why did the chicken cross the river?
Because the fish ate the crabs

Cue both of them laughing hysterically hmm


Partyof52010 Wed 05-Jan-11 14:38:18

My all time favourite came when DD was 4 and had just started school.
Me- What did you have for snack today?
Me- Lemon?? Don't you mean Melon? hmm
DD- Lemon, Melon, you know what I mean Mummy. Its the same letters, just a slightly different word.

another good one from her age 5;
DD- Can I have google earth on please.
Me- Yes, what for?
DD- I want to look for Australia.
Me- Oh, Grandads Mummy lives in Australia
DD- Really? How interesting.
Me- We could look for her house if you want.
DD- Not really Mummy, I was being narsastic. (I can only assume she meant sarcastic)

Oh yes my DD 5 is now endlessly saying

"just google it" to her little brother when he asks questions

DS: Why do birds live in nests not houses?
DD: (in bored voice) just google it

CheerfulYank Sun 09-Jan-11 09:39:13

This thread has me crying!

The other day DS (3 and a half and very keen on discussing "private parts") said: Did you wash your penis when you took a shower, Mama?

Me: No, remember only boys and men have penises.

DS: Well, what do ladies have? And little grills? (He cannot say girls for the life of him)

Me: They have a vagina.

DS: (looks at me like I'm completely mad) No, Mama! A China is who has the sun when we're sleeping!

ModreB Fri 14-Jan-11 20:59:54

DS1 was about 5 yo. (Bit older than a toddler, but bear with me - he is now 20yo)

We always used to go out on a Saturday morning, his choice where we went (DS2 has SN so this was our time with DS1).

He announced that he wanted to go to Cods confused

We asked "where is Cods" - to be told, "The good place where the interesting things are" confused We said that we did not know where he meant, cue hysterical crying "You know, you took me there, it's really good with dead people"confused

We then spent 2 hours driving around all the places that we had visited in the last few months with DS1 in Manchester, to find as we drive up Oxford Road near to Manchester University "THERE, THERE IS CODS". confused

It was Manchester Museum. I have no idea where he got the name from. confused

But we had a good day. grin

DS1 (just 3): I saw something funny upstairs
Me: Oh yes, what?
DS1: My foot!

queenofboak Sat 15-Jan-11 09:08:45

This thread has made me laugh!

My dd recently in clothes shop.

Noticing potential epic scream 'moment'

Me Where Daddy?
DD <Pointing> Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
I look at what she is pointing at. 'Daddy' is a mannequin.

A Female mannequin.

A Female mannequin wearing a bikini hmm

Another time random strange man walks past us, dd says 'hiya' and waves, man looks, smiles and walks off. Cue dd screaming 'DADDDDDDDIE' over and over as man runs for the hills exits.

For the record she does have Daddy grin

shelfy74 Fri 12-Aug-11 13:46:08

Loved this thread. My DS1 appears determined to attract social services attention. The other day, aged 3, he told me that "daddy just did kick me down the stairs and then he did kick me in the head". Daddy was quietly sorting out the laundry!!

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