Tim Dowling, for example, is a twat

(485 Posts)
Robespierre Sun 17-May-09 16:28:36

..who writes moderately entertaining columns about his personal life in The Guardian. Yesterday's was about the perils of self-googling, and in particular of an episode of self-googling which returned the text 'Tim Dowling for example is a twat'

Where did he find that humbling line?? On mumsnet of course!

In the article he claims to have given up self-googling, but we know that isn't true, don't we.

Shall we give him a few more personal insights? I think he is less of a twat than Jon Ronson and he doesn't have a whiney voice.

I quite like him. But he will never know because he is never going to google himself again.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 16:32:34

I quite like him actually- but i haven't read the Guardian regularly in a few years, so perhaps he's got more twatty of late...

cornsilk Sun 17-May-09 16:33:07

Let's all do one!

Chris Moyles, for example, is a twat.

Robespierre Sun 17-May-09 16:36:09

It was a poster called auntieitaly who called him a twat on the thread I linked to, and here is his response in his column:

"I have decided I no longer need to begin my day by finding out that in the intervening 24 hours someone somewhere felt the need to type the words, "Tim Dowling, for example, is a twat." I'm not upset that people think I'm a twat. I'm aware that this is a commonly held opinion, if not a distinct school of thought. It's the casual insertion of "for example" that really hurts. I'm not just a twat to that person. I'm the twat you name when you need an example."

So auntyitaly you are famous.

Incidentally, if you should by any chance Google Tim Dowling, the suggested searches include:
Tim Dowling unfunny 261 results
Tim Dowling still unreadable 532 results
I bet that makes him feel better.
And either he is a mumsnetter or he actually googled "Tim Dowling twat" because he would never have found that thread otherwise.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 16:40:41

I love cornsilk's suggestion...I am really struggling to work up enough ire about anyone though, I need longer to think grin

cornsilk Sun 17-May-09 16:42:15

Oh come on Bit of Fun it's easy!

Jonathan Ross, for example, is a twat.

See?

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 16:42:39

lol. That's tickled me. Excellent quote to find.

I, however, do not know who Tim Dowling is

Robespierre Sun 17-May-09 16:43:21

ooh LadyG, he must be a mumsnetter then. Hooray.

I think that damning with faint praise is the best way to go, humiliation-wise. He is kinda funny, without any big laughs or fundamental truths about the human condition.

On the plus side, he hasn't sent his wife on to mumsnet to stick up for him. And,he sits at home all day with his dog next to him, pissing about on the internet instead of working. Which gives me an example of someone like me who is nonetheless a functioning economic unit.

smallorange Sun 17-May-09 16:44:16

I think Tim Dowling is a good columnist.

Jonathan Ross, however, is a twat.

cornsilk Sun 17-May-09 16:44:43

Give it time Robespierre. Has anyone sent their mum on yet?

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 16:45:37

I like Jonathan Ross for he is entertaining

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 16:45:42

Cornsilk you completely right about Chris Moyles - he a twat - and that is me being polite.

I haven't read the Gruniard for years so don't really have an opinion on Tim Dowling. However, if the majority of Mumsnet think he is a twat, then he must be a twat.

I'll second that cornsilk.

Chris Martin - twat, good at playing the piano but far too 'right on'.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 16:49:38

Martin and Moyles, twats

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 16:50:21

Bono - twat

cornsilk Sun 17-May-09 16:51:46

Bono is King twat.

IwoulddoDrWho Sun 17-May-09 16:52:10

Tim Dowling definitely not a twat. Hope you find that too.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 16:54:46

Eamonn Holmes , for example, is a twat. That one works, doesn't it?

georgimama Sun 17-May-09 16:55:41

He hasn't sent his imaginary friend publisher on to defend him either (unlike some columists that could be mentioned), so you have to give him that.

I wonder if the twat train thread is still in archive? It might have been posted in chat in which case it is gone.

Jim Davidson is a twat. Bono is a twat too. And Bob Geldof, although not as big a one as his ridiculous daughter.

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 16:55:53

Jeremy Kyle = twat

IwoulddoDrWho Sun 17-May-09 16:57:31

Cheryl Cole, for example, is a twat.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 17:00:16

Derek Acorah, for example, is a twat.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 17:00:43

oh yes, derek acora, lol

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 17:01:15

gillian mckeith, for example, is a twat

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 17:01:48

Peter andre is one
I like johnathon ross though he is admittedly a bit of a twat

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 17:02:27

who's derek acora?

IwoulddoDrWho Sun 17-May-09 17:02:56

Sharon Osborne, Dannii Minogue, Louis thingy, for example, are twats. You can see where I'm going with this.

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 17:03:04

my ex is a twat... but that is not very enlightening for the rest of you.

IwoulddoDrWho Sun 17-May-09 17:04:37

Richard Madeley, for example, is a twat.

georgimama Sun 17-May-09 17:05:43

Derek Acora is the charlatan medium on "Most Haunted". A few years ago there was an episode where he was in a hotel (now luxury flats) near our house. He was going on about how a maid had been raped and murdered in this room, allegedly in 1800. A subtitle flashed up "this room was built in 1952". Classic.

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 17:08:44

oh thanks georgimama...I remember him now...yes he is a twat

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 17:09:38

grin georgie

cornsilk Sun 17-May-09 17:10:20

Piers Morgan, for example, is a twat.

georgimama Sun 17-May-09 17:12:25

Oh yes, I agree about Piers. How he pulled the intelligent and quite beautiful Celia Ahern is a complete mystery. He may be a demon in the sack, I suppose, but you would have to find that out, and I wouldn't exchange more than 2 words with the man. He tells lies.

PortAndLemon Sun 17-May-09 17:12:54

There were also some interesting bits in Derren Brown's book -- including one town they were visiting where the crew turned up the week before to ferret out the local spooky stories, including the fact that a murder had taken place in the local pub ages ago (somewhere in the 19th century, IIRC). Then Derek turned up and promptly "sensed" the murder when he entered the pub. Except that the current publican had made up the murder when he took over the licence to give the pub more local colour and "history". It had never actually taken place.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 17:13:14

pmsl : georgimama

Do you remember the time he got "posessed" by a South African prisoner called Kreed Cafer? It turned out that a production team member had made the name up and spread a rumour round the set about this fictional character, only for Derek to "sense" his presence and go into full loony mode.

Kreed Cafer is an anagram of Derek Faker grin

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 17:14:52

No it isn't [blush}, but if I'd spelt it right it would be...

georgimama Sun 17-May-09 17:15:20

I don't think I saw that specific "possession", he is something of a one trick pony and has done it more than once. I also dearly love the interventions of "Sam" his Ethiopian (if memory serves correctly) spirit guide.

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 17:17:17

I quite like Tim Dowling.

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 17:17:36

But only "quite"

wiggletastic Sun 17-May-09 17:19:01

Derek Acorah is utterly twat-tastic

Michael Winner is too.

georgimama Sun 17-May-09 17:19:01

Poor bugger, now he's being damned with faint praise instead - "moderately amusing" "quite like".

Shall we do some more damning with faint praise? Tis always fun.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 17:22:03

Tim Dowling is alright if you like that sort of thing.

policywonk Sun 17-May-09 17:23:40

I love Tim Dowling. I think he's very funny and comes across as a good guy (he did a live chat a while back and was very unstuffy).

HuffwardlyRudge Sun 17-May-09 17:24:17

David Walliams, for example, is a twat.

georgimama Sun 17-May-09 17:24:17

Miaow BoF!

HuffwardlyRudge Sun 17-May-09 17:27:02

Tim Dowling, for example, is someone I've never actually heard of.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 17:27:29

grin

wiggletastic Sun 17-May-09 17:31:53

I have never actually heard of Tim Dowling, I assume he is very low down on the celebrity scale?

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 17:33:43

Here is the article. He is indeed rather funny, plonk smile

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 17:36:03

Dom Joly is a twat

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 17:36:56

Alex James is a twat, His hair is twatastic

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 17:38:57

geri halliwell is a twat

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 17:39:19

If you google "biggest twat on television", you get this man...

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 17:39:30

northern - you are very right about is hair

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 17:40:13

richard bacon is also fairly high on the twat scale

wiggletastic Sun 17-May-09 17:42:00

Well, that's hardly a surprise BoF. smile

policywonk Sun 17-May-09 17:42:20

I can't think of any twats who aren't MPs at the moment...

wiggletastic Sun 17-May-09 17:44:00

Well, it goes without saying really that they are mostly twats (cheats, liars, fraudsters, greedy lying thieves..... )

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 17:47:56

I just googled "twat of tyhe year 2009" and found a tirade of abuse against a young singer called Steve Appleton.

If he ever googles himself, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to find that someone in cyberspace thinks that

"If Chesney Hawkes was the dick-shaped shadow on the wall of the Platonic cave, Steve Appleton is that dick itself: a dick not meant for human eyes."

The world wide web is an odd place at times grin

Robespierre Sun 17-May-09 17:50:08

I actually do like Tim Dowling's Permachat column in the Graun. My first MN name, SixKindsOfCrisis, was in honour of that column, which really captures the delicious inanity of internet chat.

So Tim Dowling, for example, is quite good at mickey-taking the whole business of interchat.

On the other hand, he recently contributed a very boring few seconds to a very boring R4 programme about 'looking on the bright side' or some such tosh.

Grammaticus Sun 17-May-09 17:54:44

Tim Dowling - how does his wife put up with him?

RustyBear Sun 17-May-09 17:58:40

I think Tim Dowling is lucky he was only called a twat on Mumsnet.It could have been so much worse - what if KerryMum had been talking about him?

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 18:00:18

shock Indeed, RustyBear...

AitchTwoOh Sun 17-May-09 18:01:33

i LIKE tim dowling, he amuses me well enough on a weekly basis. those colums are tough to do. of course i might be running scared in case i get an email from the twat.

AitchTwoOh Sun 17-May-09 18:02:06

lol columns. i think i might prefer colum's though.

Tortington Sun 17-May-09 18:02:51

"...I'm not just a twat to that person. I'm the twat you name when you need an example."

fucking genius.

AitchTwoOh Sun 17-May-09 18:02:53

where did that apostrophe come from? <hands back pedant card>

Stinkermink Sun 17-May-09 18:02:58

Keith Allen is a fine example of a twat. But uses it to good effect in Robin Hood.

In fact I would chuck in the whole series of Robin Hood...might as well be sponsored by Boots No 7.

angelene Sun 17-May-09 18:11:41

Alistair Campbell, for example, is a evil lying scumbag who should be tried for war crimes. And a twat.

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 18:12:55

Jeremy Clarkson for example is the hugest ever twat- twaterrendous

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 18:14:03

Tim Dowling is funny, but I imagine a bit infuriating to live with

Chris Cleave (author and Sat. Guardian columnist) is very funny an his novels, Incendiary and The Other Hand are also very funny and sad

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 18:14:07

lol at noonki
"northern - you are very right about is hair"
Have you gone all "mockney" like he does? grin

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 18:22:19

I loved The Other Hand, screamingabdab, but I've never read his columns.

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 18:30:05

northern grin

IwoulddoDrWho Sun 17-May-09 18:31:06

I think Jeremy Clarkson would be offended if he wasn't on the list.

but Liam Gallagher, for example, is a twat.

1: WHy do you call it the Grauniad?

2: He says "To the several people who have lately Twittered, to no one in particular, their suspicions that I may have composed my own Wikipedia entry: you are wrong." - isn't the point of twittering that you do it 'to no-one in particular'?

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 18:35:59

Jeremy "and here are those all-important DNA results" Kyle is twat-tastic


Allegedly

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 18:37:00

BitOfFun Family section, Saturday Guardian

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 18:38:18

Trillian 1) Because the Guardian is notorious for its spelling mistakes

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 18:42:06

Would that be the Family Section noted on mumsnet for its smugtwattery then? grin

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 18:44:19

Oh Bitof I missed that. (i was too busy constructing a Swallow and Amazons type tree house in the back garden and baking my own cakes)

DorotheaPlenticlew Sun 17-May-09 18:45:46

Michael Winner, for example, is a twat.

DorotheaPlenticlew Sun 17-May-09 18:46:43

Paul Daniels, for example, is a twat.

GivePeasAChance Sun 17-May-09 18:47:31

Tim Dowling is a good example of a twat, however I do like his line "I'm the twat you name when you need an example." That makes him slightly less of a twat.

Gordon Ramsey is a good example of a twat.

Agree, Piers Morgan is a good example of a twat.

Rod Liddle is a twat

Jeffrey Archer is a twat

Hazel Bleers is queen twat

I really like this "find an example of a twat game "

DorotheaPlenticlew Sun 17-May-09 18:47:47

Jimmy Carr, for example, is a twat. And there ends my trilogy

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 18:48:16

< snurk >

GivePeasAChance Sun 17-May-09 18:54:24

Paul McCartney, for example, is a twat

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 18:55:31

Ooh I've got twats coming out of my ears now :

John Humphries
John Barrowman
That bird who used to present Ten Years Younger
Alex James (again)
Jeremy Vine
David Dickinson
David Milliband

Robert Kilroy Silk, for example, is a twat

BeatrixRotter Sun 17-May-09 18:56:45

I must join

Chris de Burgh

Phil Collins

are TWATS

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 18:58:13

bill turnbull, for example, is a twat.

The faces he pulls on his breakfast tv programme are mincey as.

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 18:59:02

PeppermintPatty

Oh yes, Robert Kilroy-Silk is the emperor of all twats

Noel Edmonds (and indeed, anyone who appears on that programme where they all open boxes and hug each other and think there's something mystical going on and it's not just based on pure chance) are ALL twats

squeaver Sun 17-May-09 19:04:47

I think Tim Dowling's ok.

But Amanda Holden is the twat to end all twats. And, I'm sure, an obsessive self-googler.

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 19:07:37

Oh- I thought it was just broadsheet columists...
Katie Hopkins is a twat

Robespierre Sun 17-May-09 19:08:11

The Speaker of the House of Commons, for example, is a twat.

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 19:09:10

Lembik Opek is twatanormous

OMaLittle Sun 17-May-09 19:23:32

Now, don't go and call me a Twat Defender, because I'm not going to defend any ACTUAL twats, but Paul McCartney is not a twat. Someone else I think is also a non-twat but I am forgetful.

Gordon Ramsay is a huge twat. Graham Norton is a twat. Alex James is a cavernous twat.

wiggletastic Sun 17-May-09 19:26:02

Marco Pierre White - so utterly twatorrific (he makes my skin crawl - urghhhh)

OMaLittle Sun 17-May-09 19:28:01

Tim Dowling I like. I've even been known to use '[X has] gone all Tim Dowling' in conversation (but usually as a cunning ruse to root out fellow Guardian readers in suspiciously Tory surroundings.

Is David Walliams a twat? I liked him on Desert Island Discs (although he came across as slightly stalkerish, re Natalie Imbruglia, Katy Carmichael (she's my ex), Kate Beckinsale, Katy Carmichael (did I mention she's my ex and I like totally loved her and still do)).

Cheryl Cole is GORGEOUS. And a twat. I particularly noticed when she announced with her simper-face on that she and Ashley 'dornated all oor presents to charity'.

toomuchpicknmix Sun 17-May-09 19:32:56

glad someone noted that Bono is King Twat

Owen Wilson is a twat too

moondog Sun 17-May-09 19:39:22

God, how hilarious.
Who is this derek Acorah chap? he osunds like brilliant value for money. What programme is he on. This bit has had me nearly ingest a very long thing piece of asparagus

'Derek Acora is the charlatan medium on "Most Haunted". A few years ago there was an episode where he was in a hotel (now luxury flats) near our house. He was going on about how a maid had been raped and murdered in this room, allegedly in 1800. A subtitle flashed up "this room was built in 1952". Classic.

Also love the Chesney Hawkes penile shadow thing.

Oh, and Tim Dowling is indeed an uber twat.Yet another rueful column penned by nitwit who is invariably photographed rocking on his Converse trainers and applying hand to hear in y'know rueful style.

Enough already!

moondog Sun 17-May-09 19:41:00

Ah sorry, he is on Most HAUNTED.
my friend is columnist for Telegraph and wrote article on being in a haunted house in Edinburghwith him now I think of it and some other 'investigators'.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 19:49:10

I'm sorry, but Paul McCartney is an über-twat...all that pouting and eyelash batting at his age, like he thinks he's still 1962 cute. Vain and deluded fool, no wonder Mucca saw him coming grin

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 19:49:49

Prince Charles, for example, is a twat.

moondog Sun 17-May-09 19:52:32

PM is a twat, much as it pains me to say it.
And he's getting worse.

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 19:53:37

Madonna, for example, is a twat.

Hassled Sun 17-May-09 19:55:26

Ah now I wondered if he'd found that quote on MN .

I lurve Tim Dowling. He did a bookclub chat for us (MN) and was good fun.

Tim Dowling, for example, is not a twat.

nickytwotimes Sun 17-May-09 19:55:30

Tim Dowling, for example, is not a twat at all.

GOrdon Ramsay is a twat.

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 19:55:34

I like Tim Dowling & don't think he is a twat at all (unlike Jon Ronson, for example, who is quite definitely a twat)

Robert Peston, for example, is a twat

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 19:56:13

Crackfox, your ones are spot-on grin

Noel Edmonds, for example, is a twat.

Hassled Sun 17-May-09 19:56:46

Actually on reflection I probably like Mrs Dowling more. She appears to be both long-suffering and hard-nosed, if that's possible.

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 19:59:18

Macca is a twat for sure! He dyes his hair ffs.
But he wrote good songs.
Wrote.
Lennon was not a twat.

Prince Charles- so twat.
And his spawn- megamega twats

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 19:59:48

Oh yes, Paul McCartney has sad Twat Hair, a sure sign of an ageing rocker twat

Hassled Sun 17-May-09 20:00:00

Jay Raynor, for example, is a twat.

(I do find him disturbingly attractive though. I'm not proud.)

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 20:00:28

Oh- I quite rate Robert Peston.
His voice is twatty though.

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 20:01:12

Jay Raynor?
Attractive?
Disturbing indeedhmm

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 20:01:55

Jeremy Vine, for example, is a twat.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:02:04

peston's ok, he's ok.

paul mckenna, for example, is a twat.

David Blane, for example, is a twat.

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:02:33

But RP gets so small-boy excited about the financial world collapsing around our ears hmm, and I can't stand his voice & delivery.

Always wish I had a remote for the radio when he comes on.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:03:57

hang on, I get confused. Is Peston the northern one, with the real northern accent? If so, he's good.

There's another economics bloke with a nothing accent and terrible intonation and he is a twat. Wjat is his name?

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:04:04

lol @Bono=king twat grin

moondog Sun 17-May-09 20:04:12

Jay Rayner and all his guff about 'accurately seasoned' antelope testicles gets my blood pressure soaring.

I'd like to swing him aronud by his ridiculous goattee and then let go.

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:04:22

Barney thing on Go For It, for example, is twat

moondog Sun 17-May-09 20:04:34

<guffaw> at Pointy

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 20:04:37

RP almost gets off on the fact that we will all be living in yurts and looking for food in the rubbish dump this time next year.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:05:11

Ainsley Harriot, for example, is a twat. He really is.

NorbertDentressangle Sun 17-May-09 20:05:31

There are more twats than I care to mention (or, indeed, have time to list) but Tim Dowling isn't one of them.

I think I have a bit of a soft spot for him but can't quite work out why.

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:06:13

Jeremy Vine is not that much of a twat

Nicky Campbell is a big twat, a really big twat

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:06:43

right, I've googled. Yes! Peston is a fine example of a twat.

Who's the northern bloke, then? The good one?

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:07:36

pointy ..evan davies? he is not any kind of twat

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 20:07:37

Moondog grin- love the goatee image...

policywonk Sun 17-May-09 20:08:05

Robert Peston is very nice wink

policywonk Sun 17-May-09 20:08:52

pointy, you mean Paul Mason. Good blog (Idle Scrawl).

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:09:05

Evan, that's it! He's lovely.

If you're a pal of Peston, wonk, ask him what the fuck is wrong with his intonation and his pauses in sentences.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:09:32

I don't know rayner either. I'd like to see his goatee

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:09:56

nicky campbell is a good example of the patronising twat

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:10:39

argh! Not Evan. No no.

Paul Mason, thank you, wonk. He is good.

Hassled Sun 17-May-09 20:10:54

Evan Davies is not a twat but he does scare the children. He looks like some mutant offspring of the devil.

(or is that Jay Raynor?)

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:10:58

somebody agree with me about nicky campbell

tell me I don't shudder alone

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:11:23

wonk, RP may be the kindest & loveliest bloke in the whole of the BBC but he gets over-excited about financial disaster & his delivery stinks.

Get him off to psychotherapy & elocution, there's a love.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:11:27

Evan has the ears.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:11:43

Mason is just a bit spongey

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:11:52

Nicky Campbell is the twattiest of twats, llama wink

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:12:00

and the grin

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 20:12:26

Nicky Campbell is a twat. You are not alone stuffitlllama.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:12:53

I am not terribly familiar with nicky campbell, stuff, but I beleive you

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:13:10

thank you ponders grin

every time i hear his voice i want to say

oh shut up you big TWAT

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 20:13:28

Oh yes, stuffit, you are quite right.

I can't believe that at the beginning of this thread I couldn't think of a single twat. Now I realize they are everywhere grin

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:14:15

thank you all

i can move on to Chiles now

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:15:07

And he does those awful posey stern photos for Watchdog (who are getting rid, aren't they?? Good news! grin)

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 20:16:18

I read in the papers that Nicky Campbell is being replace by Anne Robinson.

Anne Robinson, for example, is a twat.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 20:16:35

Yes, Chiles too, but only on the One Show. He is ok on You've Been Fired.

Sharon Osbourne, for example, is a twat.

Oh this thread is hilarious grin

Paul McCartney is uber twat-tastic. He gets forgiven as he is the nations sweetheart but he is still a twat.

Gordon Ramsay - defo twat.

Jamie Oliver - twat. With all his mockney mockney-ness.

cherryblossoms Sun 17-May-09 20:17:22

Evan Davies, for example, is the the point where "twat" meets it anti-matter!!!!

Hands off my Evan.

(Yes. I know. It is inappropriate - even wrong. But such are the mysteries of human desire.)

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:17:27

indeed, robinson. Big twat

Oh yes and I only realised Bono was a twat when he royally kissed Gwen Stefano's belly when she was pregnant at some awards thingamybobber. Twat.

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:19:00

No! Not Oliver, holy, hell's bells.

I'll just repeat what cherry said: "(Yes. I know. It is inappropriate - even wrong. But such are the mysteries of human desire.)"

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:21:01

Jamie is not, for example, a twat (unlike many many sleb chefs)

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 20:21:31

Evan Davies should be a twat but he defies the laws of twattery.

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:23:08

Is he the gay pixie?

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 20:23:12

lol crack

Hassled Sun 17-May-09 20:23:57

I'm starting to believe that John Humphries, for example, is a bit of a twat. He just annoys me these days.

policywonk Sun 17-May-09 20:24:02

I'm not mates with Pesto, I just met him at the G20 (did I mention I went to the G20?) and he was really very nice - offered me his chair and everything. And was happy to shoot the breeze with a completely random woman while waiting for an interview, and gave a good impression of being interested in what she had to say. Just thought he came across as a good egg.

Agree his delivery is a bit grating though.

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 20:25:40

John Humphries has recently converted to twaterry.

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:26:07

hassled you are not wrong, as a twat might say

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:26:35

Not that recently hmm

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:27:09

Bono's twattery had a lovely moment when his hat flew first class transatlantic

JaceyBee Sun 17-May-09 20:27:25

Nicky Campbell is twateriffic. The (vaguely) middle class Jeremy Kyle. If not worse.

Pointy and Noonki you are also spot on, McKeith and Halliwell are a disgrace to our gender.

James Blunt, for example, is a twat.

wiggletastic Sun 17-May-09 20:28:16

Tom Cruise - small, weird and a twat

(particularly when pontificating about why women with PND should not take anti-ds - arrgh - wtf does he know about it - twat!)

NorbertDentressangle Sun 17-May-09 20:29:25

No, Evan Davies is not a twat.

His nickname within the BBC is apparently "tinsel tits" as he has a nipple pierced smile

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:29:52

J Ross is the epitome of a twat, he is like a parody of himself

he personifies the twat dynamic

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 20:31:37

Nicky Hambleton Jones is a nasty twat.

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 20:31:58

Who's that Brighton would-be MP doctor that guests on The Wright Stuff? Now he takes twattery to a new dimension...

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 20:32:29

OMG Jeremy Vine is SO Twat.
I can't believe you said that stuffit!

Well I think Robert Peston is ok.

cherryblossoms Sun 17-May-09 20:33:43

Btw - isn't "self-googling" redolent of onanism, even without the added dimension of being a practice undertaken to allay the ennui that dwells in the shadows between the shafts of writerly inspiration?

[In homage to the Friday night sex thread.]

Robespierre Sun 17-May-09 20:35:16

So he is a shafted twat?

stuffitlllama Sun 17-May-09 20:35:33

<caves>

ok you can have jeremy

however I would like to claim natasha kaplinsky

wiggletastic Sun 17-May-09 20:38:06

Jeremy Vine is so not a twat. shock I really, really like him.

Natasha Kaplinsky is certainly a twat, I agree.

mrsshackleton Sun 17-May-09 20:46:15

Peaches Geldolf is the biggest twat of all time.

She now has an - I kid not - agony column in the Evening Standard magazine. So much for it's new proprietor investing in good journalism. "Ooh, my dh has left me, I've lost my job, my mother's seriously ill. I know I'll write to Peaches, I'm the spoilt 21 year old daughter of a twatty rock star, for advice!"

Simon Cowell is a vain twat

Jordan/Katie Price is a cold, mercenary twat

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 20:51:09

Oh I like Simon Cowell, esp since he did that chat-with-child in the Guardian - his was one of the best, along with John Terry, amazingly.

cherryblossoms Sun 17-May-09 20:52:34

Hmm - Sadly can't get into picturing Tim as a shafted twat. Probably just as well.

Back to Evan then.

Bet it's not just his nipple that's pierced.

[Valiant effort to drag thread further towards gutter.]

TimDowlingsdog Sun 17-May-09 21:01:15

I'm watching him write next week's column.
It's not pretty

Ponders Sun 17-May-09 21:04:04

lol

You should leave home & stop worrying him so much you know hmm

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 21:06:24

wiggle- Jeremy Vine so is twatanormous...

Ian Hislop- he used to be a twat.
he was quite funny last the other day though...

northernrefugee39 Sun 17-May-09 21:07:51

Simon Cowell = twat

Aw, does John Humphries have to be a twat? I thought he was alright but then probably I missed some twatishness?

MissM Sun 17-May-09 21:16:46

Oh this is brilliant. But - I think Timmy's ok, even if he's not as funny as he used to be. My nominations would be:
Jay Rayner (utterly and totally)
Simon Cowell
Graham Norton (what has happened to him? Too much coke?)
Jon Ronson
And, I'm sorry to say, because I used to love him more than I can say, Louis Theroux will become one if he's not careful.

BellaNoir Sun 17-May-09 21:17:40

John Torode, for example, is a twat

The evidence:
1) gurning during Masterchef
2) utterly ridiculous 'I tried to be a veggie for a week and put on 4lbs' article in Saturyday's Grauniad. That would be because you ate mostly bread for a week you idiot when you clearly usually only eat meat & veg.
Try cooking proper veggie food.
Twat.

MissM Sun 17-May-09 21:23:21

I haven't read the whole thread so assume that Jeremy Clarkson has been named and shamed?

BitOfFun Sun 17-May-09 21:29:26

MissM, if out google "biggest twat on television", his is indeed the name that comes up grin

cornsilk Sun 17-May-09 21:39:23

If you google 'for example, is a twat' you get this thread. WOO HOO!

MissM Sun 17-May-09 21:40:52

grin bitoffun.

policywonk Sun 17-May-09 21:47:27

TimDowling'sDog, you've reminded me of one of my favourite bits of Timmery:

'"Please feed the dog," I say to my eldest son, as part of my programme to get the dog to stop thinking of me as the go-to guy for food. "And give a bit of it to the cat."

"Why?" he says. I explain that the dog eats the cat's food all day, and that this redresses the balance slightly.

"That's so stupid," he says.

"It's not ideal," I say, "but it's the system. The cat expects it."'

hellymelly Sun 17-May-09 21:55:47

I like Tim dowling,I don't think he is a twat.Russell Brand however,is.

think yourself lucky Tim

when i self google i get star trek

screamingabdab Sun 17-May-09 22:05:39

BellaNoir

Oh yes, John Torode for example IS a twat

And so is that other shouty twat, Greg, something-or- other.

They are entertaining twats, though

BTW, anyone wanting to crown Evan Davies with the tiara of twatdom will have to fight me. I heart him

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 22:08:51

Has anyone mentioned Ricky Gervais yet?

Massive twat, massive, huge.

mollymawk Sun 17-May-09 22:08:57

Well, I think Tim Dowling is quite funny. He used to write in the Torygraph I think and I was a bit disappointed when he moved elsewhere (not enough to be bothered to change the newspaper delivery though!).

But Robespierre I remember your earlier name SixKindsOfCrisis and wondered when I saw it whether it was some kind of homage to that internet chat column!

And I have this vague feeling that a woman can't be a "twat". Like a man can't be a "bitch". But maybe that's just me...

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 22:12:16

"hassled you are not wrong, as a twat might say"

oh I lolled at that, var funny, stuff

This is an ace thread.

I think we should thank Tim Dowling and Robespierre

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 22:13:19

a woman can so be a twat. But it is true that there are far more male twats in teh world than female. Ironically.

TheCrackFox Sun 17-May-09 22:21:34

Peaches Geldof isn't a twat, she is a dick.

Would someone please agree with me about Ricky Gervais?

Hassled Sun 17-May-09 22:22:04

PaulaYates - is your RL name Uhuru?

Hassled Sun 17-May-09 22:22:40

CrackFox - Ricky Gervais is a twat.

You're not wrong

lol no! grin

I did not even know of this star trek character but there is one!

pointydog Sun 17-May-09 22:23:22

hmmmmm, I quite like gervaise

MissM Mon 18-May-09 08:33:22

Guardian reader alert, but I would nominate Simon Hoggart who is truly a twat. Sometimes I read his columns just for the adrenalin rush of raising my blood pressure and snarling at the newspaper. Utter twat.

Robespierre Mon 18-May-09 09:19:00

If you google "Tim Dowling" right now, the first page of results includes thecrackfox saying "if the majority of Mumsnet think he is a twat, then he must be a twat."

slug Mon 18-May-09 10:08:52

One for the Londoners...

Nick Ferrari is, in fact, a twat.

travellingwilbury Mon 18-May-09 10:11:31

Nick Ferrari should be listed in the dictionary under Twat

MirandaG Mon 18-May-09 10:20:24

Tim Dowling is not a twat.Read 'All the President's emails' (in the Guardian, I think on a Monday).
Boris is a twat. Or maybe a twit. Or both.
Jonathan Ross ia a misogynist pig.

MirandaG Mon 18-May-09 10:22:20

oops 'is'. Still irate over his treatment of the woman with a PhD in zoology on Fri, in contrast to the fawning adoration of Eminem ffs (and I quite like Eminem)

OlympedeGouges Mon 18-May-09 10:22:49

Tim Dowling has made his very living out of being a twat, no? In a very British, self deprecating 'I'm such a twat' way. He can be very funny, but is getting a touch self- indulgent in his twatness. Bit like Jon Ronson. It was great when Jon Ronson's wife came on. 'Are you all in institutions?' was one of her memorable lines. I liked her.

Jeremy Clarkson is of course the biggest twat
who secretly thinks he isn't.

Robespierre Mon 18-May-09 10:23:30

I don't really think he is a twat. He is -- and I hope he is reading this with emphasis on the word "quite" -- quite funny.

Don't much like All the Pres's Emails, though.

giantkatestacks Mon 18-May-09 10:24:39

Oliver James gets my back right up - much more of a twat than Tim Dowling - who at least doesnt try and make me guilty about my parenting every weekend by telling me that I have damanged my child for using a nursery/shouting occasionally/letting them cry for more than 30secs.

giantkatestacks Mon 18-May-09 10:25:15

or even damaged...

Hassled Mon 18-May-09 10:25:24

Yes, Mrs Ronson (Elaine?) was great.

TD does do the whole British self-deprecating thing well, but he is actually American.

Robespierre Mon 18-May-09 10:26:41

Oh, yes, Oly, the self-deprecation is a bit twatty. It is saying 'I am big and modest and self-confident enough to acknowledge my flaws' but at the same time saying 'I am useless, dear wife, so you do it all'. Using a national column to maintain the total-lifestyle equivalent of not being able to wash up because you don't understand the dishwasher.

OlympedeGouges Mon 18-May-09 10:27:47

is he Hassled? I imagine him with this half- Estuary, half-sloane accent. grin

OlympedeGouges Mon 18-May-09 10:29:49

he might as well MN all day rather than google himself Robes. At least he might learn something interesting whilst neglecting the children...

Ohforfoxsake Mon 18-May-09 10:30:02

Boris Johnson, for example, is a twat.

No, actually he is Grand Lord Twat of Twattage, Twattageshire, Twatston.

MirandaG Mon 18-May-09 10:30:47

Most of that Oliver James column is just badly summarised extracts from his books

KingRolo Mon 18-May-09 10:34:39

Sting, for example, is a twat.

Have we had him yet?

Boco Mon 18-May-09 10:34:55

Tim Dowling for example, is one columnist I find quite amusing.

One of my all time favouritest mn moments was when Jon Ronson had emailed Aitch to tell her off and his wife Elaine came on to ask us all if we lived in institutions. I still chuckle about it often.

giantkatestacks Mon 18-May-09 10:35:40

Jon Ronson is a limone...

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 10:35:53

well the OLDIES( shudder) here will remember when Sarah Jayne from cebebies mate came on.

she was NOT pleased.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 10:37:18

adn ahem

ONE of us was the greeter to a certain childcare expert whose initials also conjure up a kissing disease.

OH OH adn we had the heartless mum of one of the kids off 7 up who sent her kid off to boarding school at about 3 weeks old.

she wasnt pleased.

<sits back in winged armchair and lights cherroot>

KingRolo Mon 18-May-09 10:37:46

God yes MissM, Simon Hoggart is a HUGE twat. And that Alexander 'Tuscany...red wine...recession..we're all suffering' Chancellor is a twat too.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 10:38:48

I dislike any columnist who talks about education as if they knwo about it as they once went to school

ALice Miles i think in that case,was , for exmaple, a twat.

NorbertDentressangle Mon 18-May-09 10:39:12

If you really want to despair in Saturday issues of the Guardian take a look at the Karen Brady cartoon/column in the "work" section.

I must admit I haven't looked at Saturdays one yet but, my God, talk about stating the obvious. Its not rocket science.

I'm looking forward to reading TD's column now

KingRolo Mon 18-May-09 10:39:24

Julie Myerson, for example, is a twat.

Julie Myerson's husband, for example, is a twat.

OlympedeGouges Mon 18-May-09 10:40:53

I remember Sarah Jayne. I thought she was quite gracious in light of the slagging off that had gone off, no?

It is quite funny how neurotic all these male journalists are though, writing stuff fr the public and then being horrified if the public
don't lap it up...

Boco Mon 18-May-09 10:42:03

LOL what did Sarah Jaynes mate have to say?

KingRolo Mon 18-May-09 10:42:49

Always PMSL when reading the Q&A home / DIY page in the Saturday Guardian magazine where people write in with queries like 'I can't get a red wine stain out of my carpet' and the insightful reply is 'lots of retailers sell stain removers. Try Asda'.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 10:44:19

oh god she was cross.
that sarah Jayne does stuff for charity or somethign.

I htink the quote that DREW her here was that someone would rahter eat their own head than listen to her.
It was googleable for a long while after.

But the crux of it is that we are all nice to someone but basically MOST peopel are annoying and get in your way in supermarkets.

giantkatestacks Mon 18-May-09 10:44:32

I have a good chuckle at that too Rolo - did you see last weeks when some poor middleclass numpty had got one Le Creuset casserole stuck inside another one?

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 10:45:04

lol King ROlo

the bint in the times just says "go to lakeland" with a certain ennui coupled with backhander

slug Mon 18-May-09 10:46:01

Chris Woodhead, he of the "Middle class children have better genes" fame is the king rat of twatness.

LadeezMan Mon 18-May-09 10:46:44

Tim Dowling is well twatty, innit.

He makes me look stupid, man, in his Permachat column.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 10:47:29

i loathe woody too.
who else do i.
all the royal family - guillotine the lot of 'em

Boco Mon 18-May-09 10:47:57

LOL at le creuset disaster.

If you'd been dumb enough to get them stuck, you'd probably not broadcast in guardian would you?

Boco Mon 18-May-09 10:49:20

I mean it's just a middle class ponce version of getting your head stuck in a toilet training seat.

OlympedeGouges Mon 18-May-09 10:51:40

oh well there was a different thread when SJ just popped up to basically say 'Hello! I'm not pissed off but I can hear you!' in a slightly over bright tone.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 10:51:42

AH NOW
It was child of our time

policywonk Mon 18-May-09 10:54:13

Hmm I was feeling a bit reluctant to call someone a twat. But Woodhead - jeez louise. (That's me being nice cos he's just been diagnosed with MND.)

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 10:54:50

and she was called Debbie - think the thread was removed.on another thread yuo can see Enid and Malory howling NO DONT SEND HIM

arf

Boco Mon 18-May-09 11:03:09

Wasnt' there someone from the house of tiny tearaways or something like that too? With an older dh?

MissM Mon 18-May-09 11:07:23

God yes, bloody Woodhead. And definitely Alexander Chancellor.

Charlie Brooker, on the other hand, is a god.

The Guardian DIY disasters are like Viz's old 'Middle class accidents' (I think it was Viz and I think that's what they were called). My brother reminded me of this when I complained that the lid had got stuck on the container we keep the coffee in and when it popped open coffee grounds flew everywhere.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 11:09:28

Boco my chipmunk you are right. There was. i think it was a Yoghurt Issue.

that is all PRofessortanyabyron did on there, make kids NOT eat yoghurts!

MissM Mon 18-May-09 11:10:30

Do you know, I've been feeling really low today, what with work being crap n'all, and this has really really cheered me up. Hurrah for twats. They should be prescribed instead of happy pills

Boco Mon 18-May-09 11:12:10

YY banned yoghurt and explained to the parents that it was their own shockingly low self esteem that was causing their children to eat too much petit filous.

LadeezMan Mon 18-May-09 11:13:07

boco u iz a well funy ladeee.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 11:13:53

and a yearnign to be a french peasant

PolkSaladLucie Mon 18-May-09 11:21:29

Jeremy Vine is an uber-twat.

northernrefugee39 Mon 18-May-09 11:32:19

Polk- there are those who disagree with us about Jeremy.....

Trudy Styler is a massive massive twat

Jamie Oliver, for example, is a fat-tongued twat.

ronshar Mon 18-May-09 11:38:13

Dora the Explora, she is an annoying idiotic Twat. And her mate.

Hannah Montana. TWAT.

Leave Dr Tanya alone. I love her and her "stop fussing over your children" APPROACH.

ronshar Mon 18-May-09 11:39:07

Oops caps lock!

MissM Mon 18-May-09 11:56:16

Keep popping back to boost my serotonin. If we're getting low down and dirty with children's characters then how about Little Cook of BCLC fame? I really do think he is a twat.

ra29needsabettername Mon 18-May-09 12:04:09

nick ferrari, for example, is a self satisfied twat.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 12:08:17

no i like the cooks.

and i dont know who nick ferrari IS

does he inhabit louche winebars somewhere?

milkysallgone Mon 18-May-09 12:14:34

So agree:

John Torode, for example, is a twat.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 12:15:02

stringfellow

Twattissimo

milkysallgone Mon 18-May-09 12:15:25

Pmsl at "fat toungued"!

milkysallgone Mon 18-May-09 12:16:12

tongued That is really tricky to type! hmm

boudoiricca Mon 18-May-09 12:29:59

"Bono is King twat" just made me snort coffee out of my nose!

I really hope he self-googles (or at least gets some poor assistant deputy PA to do it for him...)

MissM Mon 18-May-09 12:40:11

Oh god, Stringfellow, YES!

How about Sarkozy? Or actually, Carla Bruni if you saw their meeting with Nelson Mandela (shown on a recent tribute programme).

bella29 Mon 18-May-09 12:47:38

Jonathan Ross is ugly boring self centred inane and a twat.

<runs off to google>

bella29 Mon 18-May-09 12:49:25

'jonathan ross twat' results:

Mumsnet posts are ranked 6 of 5600 results grin

lorraine kelly,for example, is a mactwat

also loved bono is king twatgrin

MissM Mon 18-May-09 12:55:14

So women can be twats, as in Germaine Greer, for example, is a twat. (All due respect paid of course).

strictly men should be referred to as twatless twats....

QueenThistle Mon 18-May-09 13:07:07

Are we doing fictional characters now?

Cos if we are then Janeway from Star Trek Voyager is an annoying uber-twat, oh yes she is.

And Charlie Sheen, biggest twat in hollywood.

Whoever said Simon Cowell, shame on you ((wags finger)) He is the saviour of mankind {wink}

Vulgar Mon 18-May-09 13:07:41

I agree with all the twats

can I just add Rosie Millard? she's definitely a twat.

Joggler Mon 18-May-09 13:08:23

OH MY GOD
lady twat of twatshire

I HATE her and her emasculated nob end of an h

squeaver Mon 18-May-09 13:10:37

Yes you can have Millard as Queen Twat if Amanda "no facial muscles" Holden can be her heiress apparent.

TheCrackFox Mon 18-May-09 13:15:14

Has anyone nominated Amanda Platell for Mayor of Twatshire yet?

Boco Mon 18-May-09 13:17:47

Have we had Eamon Holmes? He is, for example, a terrible twat.

That Coleen McGloughlin is a twat. You can bet your arse when she has her baby, she'll write a book about it and start a programme on channel 5 or living tv to find Britains 'real mothers'.

TheCrackFox Mon 18-May-09 13:22:06

HolyGuacamolem - you are so right. Just a matter of time before we are treated to the Rooney maternity collection, baby care book, baby clothes range and the inevitable search for real mothers. massive twat.

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 13:34:36

The twats who present the ITV lunchtime news are, appropriately enough, twats. Alistair Stewart and that smug lady

ITV news is Twatty

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 13:36:33

Boco we have had Eamon Holmes, but curiously enough, i don't think he is much of a twat

squeaver Mon 18-May-09 13:37:23

Also anyone with the surname Geldof (apart from the eldest one who seems quite sane)

Boco Mon 18-May-09 13:37:33

I agree with you about ITV news, but not about Eamon.

All the Loose Women are twats.

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 13:38:39

Sorry, me again

George Galloway, for example, is a TWAT

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 13:39:24

Boco Yes, stupid reactionary twats

MumOfAPickle Mon 18-May-09 13:40:48

Paris Hilton is uber twat and frankly am disappointed it took this long for her to be mentioned.

If we're on CBeebies now then I'm throwing Big Cook & Little Cook in the pot (fnar). I do have a theory that they met at university and had a shit comedy double act. They fell into children's telly and are now stuck. I think Big Cook runs the show and makes Little Cook keep doing it. Maybe some sort of blackmail....a deep dark secret.... Anyway, I digress. I swear there's looks of barely concealed venom from Little Cook and that smile is masking something, you mark my words smile

Robespierre Mon 18-May-09 13:42:07

<shudder> at loose twats.

Boco Mon 18-May-09 13:43:18

God that makes me feel quite sad for Little Cook. Maybe he's being kept locked up in a shoebox - or some other kind of small box that has a lock! God that big cook is a twat. He can't even convincingly act 'laughter' he has to just say 'ho ho ho ho'

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 13:43:38

<snurk>

frimblypoo Mon 18-May-09 13:44:57

Julie Birchill.
Twunty twat.

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 13:48:14

Yesfrimblypoo

Nasty self-regarding not as bright as she thinks twat

Allegedly

frimblypoo Mon 18-May-09 13:49:46

ooh yes, allegedly <hasily edits post>

Bleatblurt Mon 18-May-09 13:51:37

Fiona Philips, for example, is a twat. And a tit. And a bucketfanny.

<<shudders at just thinking about the twunt>>

ConfusedKay Mon 18-May-09 13:53:29

THE HOFF, for example, is a twat!!! haha this is great!

I innocently came on here for parenting advice and i've just called someone a twat haha

Fantastic!!

Tim Dowling isn't too bad but I know he'll still be googling himself!

QueenThistle Mon 18-May-09 13:55:42

Daily Mail is twat personified...

TheDullWitch Mon 18-May-09 13:56:12

"Fiona Philips is a bucketfanny."

Butterball > what a foul woman-hating insult.

Boco Mon 18-May-09 13:57:22

shock ConfusedKay!

You came here for parenting advice and now you will have the whole of Germany baying for your blood! The hoff is a legend.

<crosses self>
<strokes knightrider poster>

Robespierre Mon 18-May-09 13:57:26

Yes, I'm getting a bit sad about all the twat-calling (Daily Mail excepted).

I'd envisaged gentle leg-pulling of Tim Dowling. Ah well.

OlympedeGouges Mon 18-May-09 14:00:47

sad

JulesJules Mon 18-May-09 14:00:56

Big Cook and Little Cook, for example, are twats
Prince Charles, for example, is a twat
Daisy Goodwin, for example, is a twat
Gillian McKeith, for example, is a twat

AandO Mon 18-May-09 14:09:36

I quite like Tim Dowling, he makes me laugh, but I suppose he is a bit of a twat all the same. I feel bad for his wife. I like Chris Cleave, but Lucy Mangan is the best, I can't beleive they cut her colum!

squeaver Mon 18-May-09 14:12:35

Mumtoapickle - Big Cook Little Cook are a comedy double act. They do very very rude stand-up

FioFio Mon 18-May-09 14:12:43

Message deleted

QueenThistle Mon 18-May-09 14:14:13

lol @ Flo

MissM Mon 18-May-09 14:54:23

Can I just go on record as the first person to have nominated Little Cook? Am so glad I have back up.

And how about Sporticus? God what a twat.

Bleatblurt Mon 18-May-09 14:59:27

I fancy Sportacus. blush

Tidey Mon 18-May-09 15:05:07

Cliff Richard is a twat of the highest order. Oh, how I hate him and his immobile upper lip and stupid Christmas dirges.

heuchera Mon 18-May-09 15:38:32

Bono has ascended effortlessly to No. 1 in my personal twat-parade following his risible 'Elvis' poem, as fawningly plugged on Radio 4.

Biggest load of twat you ever did hear wink

bella29 Mon 18-May-09 16:25:03

Have we done Amanda Holden? With the Botox?

Amanda Holden is a twat with Botox grin

wiggletastic Mon 18-May-09 16:40:20

Jeremy Vine is so NOT a twat.

<stamps foot>
<goes in huff>

I wuv him.... wink

bella29 Mon 18-May-09 16:45:09

Wiggletastic is nomber one Jeremy Vine fan.

You're famous now - at least on Google!!!

EffieGadsby Mon 18-May-09 17:20:51

I'm coming very late to the party with an Alain de Botton, for example, is a twat. A not-half-as-clever-as-he-thinks-he-is twat at that.

CowWatcher Mon 18-May-09 17:21:01

Simon Cowell, for example is a twat. Not sure if we'd done him yet....

fleacircus Mon 18-May-09 17:24:02

I like Tim Dowling. But the basic brief for his Guardian column does appear to be 'describe incidents in which you have behaved like a twat', which may account for it.

IwoulddoDrWho Mon 18-May-09 17:32:54

No you can't have Simon Cowell and Jonothan Ross, or even Tim Dowling for that matter because they are not twats. They have a sense of humour and a certain self-awareness and they are just acting like twats. Apparently they make a lot of money (maybe not Tim Dowling on that last one.)

They make me laugh anyway.

ladyhelenatealltheeggs Mon 18-May-09 17:38:03

Nick knowles, for example, is a twat. Makes my skin crawl. Twat.

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 17:38:04

I think that Jonathan Ross behaves like a twat sometimes on his TV show - a little creepy with the ladies - but he is brilliant on the radio.

wiggletastic Mon 18-May-09 17:44:34

Ooooh, Bella, do you think he might have noticed? Probably not, I'm sure Jeremy would never Google himself, as unlike Tim Dowling, he is not a twat. smile

Merrylegs Mon 18-May-09 17:58:59

Tim Dowling wrote a piece about his dog and cat following him around the house all day, just staring at him, that made me SNORT with laughter. Coz I have a dog that does that. Why does he do that? What does he WANT from me?

Are we allowed to do women?

Coz that Carol Voldermort Vorderman, for example....

Tinker Mon 18-May-09 18:01:56

Oh, I meant to start a thread with this title as well when I read it. Or just incorporate this phrase in lots of threads randomly. Ha ha

Jux Mon 18-May-09 18:05:49

I think Kerry Katona is a twat.
And Morrissey.
Oh, and Hawkwind (I'm not sure where that came from, but they are)

DamonBradleylovesPippi Mon 18-May-09 18:12:48

I like Tim Dowling very much.

I have got a couple of cutting from his articles pinned on my magnetic board in the kitchen: one about the wife having been nice to everybody at work and feel the need to rant the minute she walks through the door and another about the wife again complaining the place was a shamble for a piece of lego on the floor or smthing. Very much this family albeit role reversed.
If it wasn't for his articles and the family section I wouldn't bother buying the sat guradian anymore tbh.

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 18:12:55

lol @ "Hawkwind"

I have to disagree about Kerry Katona. She is jut very vulnerable and ill-advised

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 18:13:22

jut very vulnerable ?????

Oh Kerry Katona, yes twat. And that partner of hers, he is a gold digging chavtwat.

screamingabdab Mon 18-May-09 18:18:26

Yes, partner of Kerry Katona (Mark Twat, I believe he is called)- nasty piece of work.

ROFL at Mark Twat grin

Vulgar Mon 18-May-09 18:36:15

I'm also lol at Hawkwind.

Maybe they can be in a special section of "1970's prog rock twats"

Hassled Mon 18-May-09 19:12:19

If we're going for Prog Rock twats, can I throw in all of Pink Floyd? They were uber twats. That fucking Wall song. And Dark Side of the Twattish Moon - only twats could have written that.

cornsilk Mon 18-May-09 19:13:52

Can we add Muse and Coldplay?

Megglevache Mon 18-May-09 19:34:05

Bono- God of twats...

cornsilk Mon 18-May-09 19:41:33

I googled him before and there are sites devoted to his twattery. It's almost a cult.

crocdundee Mon 18-May-09 19:49:11

Cheryl Cole is a lollipop shaped twat.

Pies Morgan is an absolute twat.

Top Twat: Upsy Daisy - insists we watch her dance, 'sings' through her megaphone hurting the Pontipines' ears, shame on her.

This is better than therapy!

KingRolo Mon 18-May-09 19:55:02

Who's betting Tim's column next Saturday will be about starting this MN twat thread?

Tim, if you are reading, thanks for providing the inspiration for one of the all time classic snort-tea-all-over-the-keyboard Mumsnet threads!

grin

ramonaquimby Mon 18-May-09 19:59:46

but he's not funny
at all

he is Trying To Be Droll in ironic kind of fashion

but comes across as a Twat
never read his stuff, or jon ronson (whatever name is)

smee Mon 18-May-09 20:12:13

TD is funny, but not as much once you're read him week in week out. Not his fault. must be v. hard to do. Jon Ronson though is never funny. Should be put into a locked room with Julie Myserson for dribbling out his son's childhood in an oh-so-cutesy PFB way. Gah..

cornsilk Mon 18-May-09 20:27:01

I think we should adopt Tim. He can be our mascot. Instead of the bat.

smee Mon 18-May-09 20:28:23

Will his head be on a plinth, or does he have to trot alongside on a rope on special occasions?

cornsilk Mon 18-May-09 20:29:17

Hmm not sure. I'm liking the gimp idea.

ronshar Mon 18-May-09 20:50:32

Crocdundee, that was brilliant.
Poor Upsy daisy.

Speaker of the House of Commons, now he is the Emperor Twat, who is in control of all the other Twats, but likes to pretend it was one of the lower Twats who got it so completely wrong.

zanz1bar Mon 18-May-09 21:19:35

please can we have a gimp

troutpout Mon 18-May-09 21:21:29

lol at this thread..
You know his wife will be on in a minute ...defending her man
Remember Mrs Ronson? She was ace.
Actually...Dowling isn't half as bad as Ronson.

Ronaldinhio Mon 18-May-09 22:13:06

cilla black is a twat

CJCregg Mon 18-May-09 23:02:34

I love this thread but seem to have got here a bit late.

Robert Kilroy-Silk, for example, is a twat.

historian, glasses, programme on tudors and was on newsnight...arghhhh..google...

David Starkey - utter twat

controlfreakythecontrolfreak Mon 18-May-09 23:14:45

i used to share a flat about 500 years ago with mrs tim dowling!

hi there s..... (if you're lurking). i think the columns are ace... and he only seems a bit of a twat.

fastalarms Tue 19-May-09 01:13:53

Meiowww meiowwww..lol this is a bad place to be if your knickers come from armani and don't have a matching bra..lol

Joggler Tue 19-May-09 07:53:36

what if you fall into THIS category
have read his book
itw was ok
no opinion on twatdom or otherwise

<but coudl have SWOrn he was gay from looking at his pic>

Robespierre Tue 19-May-09 10:36:00

...then you have to start a thread called

Tim Dowling, for example, may or may not be a twat, writes ok books, and visually resembles a gay stereotype.

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 10:48:02

Some twats are kinda likeable. Tim Dowling, for example, is a likeable twat.

I get the impression from his columns that Mrs TD is happy to stand up for herself, but perhaps rather enjoys the sport of watching her husband flounder in his likeable twat-ness without stepping in to help. Here's my take: if she is a MNer she'll be quietly pissing herself at this thread and teasing TD NOT to google himself to find it.

abraid Tue 19-May-09 09:53:51

Gosh, what brave, daring people you are. Isn't it easy when you can hide behind your internet anonymity.

Joggler Tue 19-May-09 09:56:20

Im not
My name is Jane Harmisson and I think Robert Kilroy Silk is a twat - hardly a contentious issue i think

DamonBradleylovesPippi Tue 19-May-09 10:02:36

abraid have you lost your sense of humour somewhere?

Robert Kilroy Silk for example, is definately a twat.

Gordon Ramsey for example, is a twat. A very twatty twat.

And I'd happily tell them in person if I ever found myself in that position.

MumOfAPickle Tue 19-May-09 10:24:04

Really squeaver? Well if that half of my theory is correct..... are they any good do you know? And is little cook particularly vicious in any way?

Oh and Christiano Ronaldo, for example, is a twat.

MumOfAPickle Tue 19-May-09 10:27:09

And I'm another one who likes Tim Dowling. But then I also like Chris Cleave...
<whispers>
and I quite liked Jon Ronson blush

I'm clearly a sucker for a certain type.

Who's wife do you think abraid is?

KingRolo Tue 19-May-09 10:33:43

I don't think saying Sting is a twat is particularly brave. Common knowledge innit.

Joggler Tue 19-May-09 10:38:14

i have a sting story.
A fof used to work at the state primary his pasta sauce loving kids went to. ANd he used to turn up to pick them up in dunagrees and no t shirt

ew.

and that horse at the wedding - remember?

KingRolo Tue 19-May-09 10:44:58

No t-shirt? OMG. Ew.

Did he arrive at the wedding on a horse or something?

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 10:46:00

Oh I definitely like Chris Cleave. Jon Ronson, on the other hand, just seems a little bit odd - chasing UFOs with Robbie Williams, etc. hmm And as I say, Tim Dowling is very likeable too. I think he might have been labelled a twat simply because he spends too much time feeling neurotic because the dog and the cat are staring at him while he is trying to write his column. But only a twat in a jokey way. Unlike, for example, Bono who I think we all agree really is King Twat - if twat means acting ridiculous with no sense of how silly you appear to mere mortals who struggle to appreciate the nuances of your Elvis tribute poetry.

mrsruffallo Tue 19-May-09 10:51:34

abraid is tim dowling- what a twat

DamonBradleylovesPippi Tue 19-May-09 10:58:55

naaaa tim dowling does have some twattish sense of humour... it's gordon ramsey!

KingRolo Tue 19-May-09 11:01:24

Tim Dowling makes a living out of being a twat. Nice work if you can get it.

Agree with Ponymum though. TD isn't on the same scale of twattiness as King Twat Bono.

KingRolo Tue 19-May-09 11:03:54
KingRolo Tue 19-May-09 11:07:43

Proof...

The words 'Bono twat' bring up 26,400 results on Google.

'Tim Dowling twat' only has 954 results.

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 11:19:52

Tim Dowling is NOT a twat. He is a lovely fella, who makes meringue swans.
His wife on the other hand.
wink

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 11:33:24

Dullwitch Are you Mrs Tim Dowling? I am now convinced that Mrs TD must be on this thread somewhere. Come on, identify yourself!

kingrolo - that is indeed proof! Twatness factor two orders of magnitude apart. grin

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 11:36:48

No, I am not she. And I don't think she's on here yet. She only uses the computer for buying bakelite egg cups on ebay.

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 11:49:52

here i am blush you're right dullwitch i was checking my feedback on ebay

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 11:53:15

Hurrah! It is Mrs Dowling.

Now have we any questions for her?

I'll start. Is it true that in terms of housework you do "everything" and Tim does "nothing"?

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 11:53:47

Oh, my giddy aunt. The questions we could ask you, therealmrsdowling! Has he googled himself? Can he stay away? Does he really make meringue swans?

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 11:54:13

yes, yes it's all true

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 12:00:02

Do you feel Tim is misrepresenting your sweet natured character presenting you as impatient, domineering and, if I might say so, a total ball-crusher?

Joggler Tue 19-May-09 12:00:29

dully, you old fiend

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 12:01:23

Codster, I know it is YOU!!!!

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:01:57

the swans he made only once and the googling is ongoing

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 12:02:59

Hmm.. hmm Frustrating lack of detail in your response. Are you really Mrs D? Or just Dave the Plumber pretending to be someone you're not?

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 12:04:13

It is MrsD. I can vouch for her. She's just a really shit typist.

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:04:55

i'm new to this - all the questions are upside down. dullwitch i'm ignoring you . ponymum what kind of details do you need?

YeahBut Tue 19-May-09 12:06:43

Tom Cruise, for example, is a twat.
John Leslie, for example, is a twat.
Chris Tarrant, for example, is a twat.
Blake Fielder-Civil, for example, is a twat.
Amy Winehouse, for example, is a twat.
Pete Doherty, for example, is a twat.
Peaches Geldof, for example, is a twat.

<<Strangely cathartic>>

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 12:08:28

Mrs D, sorry to question your identity. I hadn't seen your above response and cross posted. Reasonably satisfied with the level of detail. I no long think you Dave the Plumber.

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 12:11:32

But it would be nice if you could answer Dullwitch's question about the portrayal of your character in Mr TD's columns. I mean, that's what we really want to know. wink

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 12:11:38

Doesn't anyone else have a question for Mrs Tim Dowling?

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:13:42

but i thought this thread was about how much of a twat he is, not me?

Joggler Tue 19-May-09 12:20:56

I haev a quick fire round mrs d
no hesitating and no googing the answers.

right.. its about Timmy

bath or shower?

cat or dog?

coffee or tea?

Jordan or Katona

off oyu go

Joggler Tue 19-May-09 12:23:49

< looks at watch>

are things this slow at chateau D'Owling?

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 12:24:18

Boxers or briefs?

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 12:24:35

Don't get us wrong, Mrs D. I think we are definitely on your side here. You represent the collective Mumsnet zeitgeist of competent female coupled to slightly ridiculous male who bumbles his way through life when things would go a lot more smoothly if he just asked us in the first place. (I hope Mr Pony doesn't read this blush. You do an excellent job, darling.)

The question is, are you annoyed at how he portrays you?

Joggler Tue 19-May-09 12:25:28

Behind every succesful male is a rather suprised woman.

tis true.

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:26:23

bath, shower broken, dog, cat is mine, coffee, he's american, dont know last question....

dullwitch u still there? i got to go in a minute

Joggler Tue 19-May-09 12:29:56

very disppaointing result.
I fear her heart is not in it.

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 12:31:28

mrsdowling> yes, I am. Don't tell me you're going to work...

Did you really grass him to the head about making ds3's entry for the best egg competition?

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:31:55

ponymum - don't mind how i'm protrayed - i'm thick skinned and it pays the mortgage - also dont really mind that everyone thinks he's a twat.

jersey shorts

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 12:35:50

To confirm the identity of therealmrsd, please would Tim Dowling <waves at Tim> slip one of those details (re bath/shower, dog, coffee, jersey shorts) into a future column. If she is a fraud, please use the codeword bakelite.

MrTimDowling Tue 19-May-09 12:36:01

pardon me, but has anyone seen my...oh there you are. We're out of clean towels.

TheDullWitch Tue 19-May-09 12:37:33

Is it really you Tim?
If so please give us the recipe for the meringue swans.

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:38:26

joggler - sorry to disappoint - just goes to show tims amazing ability to turn sows ear into silk purse. or is it the other way round dullwitch. wink i like the icons

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:39:27

bakelite

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 12:42:57

In your column, Tim. Don't be a twat there's a dear.

MrTimDowling Tue 19-May-09 12:43:22

it's actually a choux pastry, not a meringue, but I've only made them twice, and I was drunk both times.

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:44:08

omigod it is you!

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 12:44:37

That is sort of what I suspected. I suppose a certain amount of light humiliation can be tolerated if the bills get paid as a result. grin Very sporting of you.

MrTimDowling Tue 19-May-09 12:44:56

busy day?

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:45:43

not so much

MrTimDowling Tue 19-May-09 12:46:43

I can tell

Merrylegs Tue 19-May-09 12:47:13

oh FGS you two.

Get a room!

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 12:48:04

No, no. Keep talking. We can learn so much from observing their interaction in the wild.

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 12:48:48

i prefer it like this

Merrylegs Tue 19-May-09 12:50:56

Hey, how about that, Ponymum? I am Merrylegs! Perchance we should get a room! (or a stable).

(Sorry Mr and Mrs. As you were...)

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 12:53:54

merrylegs - neigh! snort, snort!

"like this". What does she mean? Not busy, or in reference to the Dowling's newfound marital communication medium?

MrTimDowling Tue 19-May-09 12:57:19

we need coffee, btw

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 12:59:11

<strokes chin thoughtfully>

Mr/Mrs Dowling, please to name your local shopping centre.

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 13:00:15

(She means 'mall' Tim.)

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 13:01:40

Chris2, I've a feeling you're supposed to be working wink

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 13:02:03

they're bored of me now.... i'm off.. answer the door if it rings - it will be the part for the washing machine

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 13:03:17

Policywonk if you can tell who I really am, you must have special magic powers and know if the Dowlings are for real.

MrTimDowling Tue 19-May-09 13:03:47

Me too, I'm off to watch the news. I'm not answering the door under any circumstances.

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 13:05:20

Disappointed by lack of response to my shopping centre question.

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 13:06:13

Mrs Dowling - don't forget the coffee.
Mr Dowling - is watching the news "work"?

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 13:06:23

Are you not who I thinks you is, Chris2?

Everything I know is WRONG

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 13:06:41

Unless you just mean that I'm supposed to be moderating this thread and keeping it on topic. <clears throat, stern voice>

Now is Tim really a twat?

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 13:07:17

policywonk why do you need to know? Are you planning an intercept?

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 13:08:10

i wont i'll pick it up from bluewater. bye

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 13:09:14

grinPony

The Timster mentions it a lot in his columns. Am trying to establish the bona fides of the Dowlings.

Ample Googling time has passed now, will have to think of another question...

therealmrsdowling Tue 19-May-09 13:10:22

yes. bye

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 13:12:26

PDubya -- I am a wanker rather than a twat. Is that what you meant?

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 13:13:52

Yup. And are you not a wanker with a book to finish?

(Not you, Tim.) (If, indeed, it is Tim.) (Which I doubt.) (Bluewater was the wrong answer.)

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 13:17:01

That is uncanny, wonk. <slinks off>

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 13:23:33

<pats paunch smugly, adjusts camouflage jumpsuit>

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 13:35:58

well this is weird

Tim Dowling is writing the internet

BTW he is not a twat, he is lovely. The ringo egg column was inspired.

But while we are on the topic of Guardian people, Lucy Mangan's sentences are STILL too long and she is gibbering on about babies A LOT these days I notice - I'm really worried she's going to breed with that Tory and will end up crying into her pinny while more and more books from Amazon plop on her doormat, never to be read because her Toryboy is making her do laundry and baking all day

IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK FROM THE DARK SIDE, LUCY

I don't know if Germaine Greer would approve of being called a twat TBH

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 13:43:25

S'OK, MP, there was quite a large not-a-twat majority.

smee Tue 19-May-09 13:46:09

I'm worried about Lucy M too - look what happened to thingy who had a baby - see what happens when you have one, pure brain fog - whatsername? Used to be witty in a Manganesque way now baby obsessed and recently amazed to find she was pregnant with #2. Put me out of my misery someone..?

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 13:49:41

that zoe williams bird?

I know PW but it's all very well google your twattiness but then to find your WIFE sitting in such a thread pondering her shopping is a bit MUCH really

smee Tue 19-May-09 13:51:04

Ah course it is. Thanks MP.

MumOfAPickle Tue 19-May-09 14:01:50

Oooh oooh I know who you mean I think. Also can't remember her name.... Was it Zoe something?

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 14:02:34

Lucy would surely be flattered to see use of the word 'Manganesque'. wink

I suspect her latent Traditional Values will come to the fore if she breeds. After all, she got married in a church, and reads Enid Blyton. But then, we all go a bit soft and "home is the heart" when babies enter the equation, don't we? blush
<feminist self shudders in her boots at above confession>

Did Mr and Mrs D both go? sad Come back, it was fun.

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 14:05:02

NO WE DON'T

although I did get married for my husband's enormous pension

but that's different

smee Tue 19-May-09 14:05:05

The Guardian can't have two similarly witty women writing about babies, so Lucy'll have to wait. Besides her agony column's fab, so it's her duty not to give Toryboy an heir.

MumOfAPickle Tue 19-May-09 14:05:12

Dammit. A half answer too late to be any good to anyone.

Also, can't believe I missed The Dowlings. Am excited and suspicious in equal measures.

If they were here however I would like to offer congrats on the new baby girl.

MumOfAPickle Tue 19-May-09 14:06:38

Crap. No I wouldn't. Because that was Chris Cleave wasn't it? Perhaps Tim could pass it on for me? There must be some sort of club these men belong to. Otherwise how do they avoid submitting identical columns grin

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 14:10:59

morningpaper I only meant a bit. I haven't surrendered my brain or anything. Just, you know.. kinda surprised to find myself feeling all sentimental when my baby DD looks at me with those lovely eyes of hers. Formerly didn't have a maternal bone in my body! smile

Bleatblurt Tue 19-May-09 14:24:23

Don't lie MP, I know you do scrapbooking.

You'll be knitting soon. wink

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 14:25:24

shut up, I have my own shed you know

<looks manly>

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 14:40:10

Oh yes! The scrapbooking. Scientists have actually identified the scrapbooking gene, and shown that it also causes Blyton-reading and eyelid fluttering.

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 14:42:30

I haven't touched a scrapbook in MONTHS

Last weekend I was making decking

I am basically man but without the pension/career/respect/height

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 14:43:23

ooh: Tim Dowling, for example, is now a Mumsnet Classic twat.

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 14:43:46

You were making wood

Respect.

policywonk Tue 19-May-09 14:44:33

Heh. Well done, Robes.

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 14:48:57

"I haven't touched a scrapbook in MONTHS"

Yeah, yeah, but some day soon you'll be found passed-out, covered with glitter and pritt-stick stains, muttering about treasured memories.

(Thanks pol.)

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 14:53:41

Actually, now I think about it, I did paint the shed floor this afternoon and then

<shame>

TOSSED GLITTER ON IT

just to see the effect, mind

It needs another coat, so it was purely experimental

<cries>

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 14:56:03

...then, truly, you transcend gender. Especially by saying 'purely experimental' in a gruffly male manner and then crying.

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 14:58:48

morningpaper - A "shed"? Really? That's what you call it, do you? hmm

'Fess up, it's really one of those cute little garden studio mumsy things advertised in the back of Country Living isn't it?

"Shed"? <snort>

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 15:02:18

It is a REAL MAN'S SHED

but I have been transforming it into a summerhouse type affair

So I have removed my BIG MANLY TOOLS into the coal cellar (which is painted cerise btw)

And have removed the side panel of the shed and turned that into french doors <blows on jigsaw manfully>

MissM Tue 19-May-09 15:03:09

Lucy M is very realistic about babies tho isn't she. I loved her agony aunt reply about a new mother looking as if she's all there and joining in the conversation but actually is asleep and will be for the next 18 years. Boy I could sooooo relate to that.

Do you think it was the real Tim and Mrs Tim?

Ponymum Tue 19-May-09 15:10:10

My theory is that both Mr and Mrs Tim were on this thread today... although not necessarily under the names you might think. Just a theory. wink

HostChris2 Tue 19-May-09 15:11:51

<austrian accent>

Your shed has become a zummerhouse; your manly tools have been removed and entrapped in ze womb-like space of ze 'coal cellar'; and ze panel has been sawn away and converted into ze feminine aperture.

How long have you been acting out zeese savage castration rituals, MP? How long have you enslaved ze prit stick in the pursuit of ze feminine?

Bleatblurt Tue 19-May-09 15:14:01

It's a pink shed with gingham curtains at the window. We know.

DaDaDa Tue 19-May-09 15:15:22

I like Tim Dowling's column. It makes me chuckle; not many things do that.

His wife seems almost as much of a harridan as mine. wink I can never persuade DW to read it though (I think she thinks he's a twat).

Hassled Tue 19-May-09 15:18:48

Dammit, I missed the Dowlings. If they were indeed the Dowlings.

And I won't have a word said about Lucy Mangan. There's nothing wrong with a long sentence as long as the grammar is impeccable. Her agony column in the Guardian is the best thing in the paper.

Hassled Tue 19-May-09 15:19:52

MP - you painted your coal cellar CERISE??? That's so last year.

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 15:29:41

At one stage it had a disco ball in it too

It is known as the 'gay cellar'

cyteen Tue 19-May-09 15:37:44

Sorry, not read all thread but must simply add

Zoe Williams, for example, is a twat.

You're also a hack of the highest (lowest?) order, if you're reading

Maiakins Tue 19-May-09 15:51:39

I don't think Tim Dowling is that much of a twat ... certainly not the twat I'd name if I needed an example. And definitely not any much more of a twat than my DH! A harmless, lovable twat, if anything. I like his columns and I think his wife comes across well. I'm sure I would like her if I met her!

Latootle Tue 19-May-09 16:43:29

surely it is easier to say who isn't one these days?

smee Tue 19-May-09 20:13:44

Zoe Williams hasn't yet sunk to twatdom, but she's not as good since having a child. Maybe the madness of a second will lurch her back to form grin

smee Tue 19-May-09 20:14:37

Is MP a goth then? Cerise in a coal cellar hmm

morningpaper Tue 19-May-09 20:22:49

No if I was a goth I would keep some sort of dead cattle in there

I have painted the shed floor a second time and left a light dusting of glitter

no so you'd notice, just a teeny glimmer

smee Tue 19-May-09 21:43:44

'some sort of dead cattle' - that means you've debated options. Do I detect black eye liner? Just a smattering amidst the glitter...?

MissM Tue 19-May-09 22:28:11

I agree with Cyteen. Especially that 'oopsy, guess what, I'm pregnant again! I thought the gym wasn't making a difference. Silly me' column.

Like the Freudian post HostChris2 grin

ronshar Wed 20-May-09 10:02:40

Is Zoe Williams the Guardian writer who was bitching about children being pulled from private school and joining the local state school? She even listed the order in which they should be made to go to the bottom of the lists. Lovely lady. Especially when she went to some of the most exclusive private schools in the country.
Isnt that called pulling the ladder up behind you???
If that was her then I def think she is a Twat.
If it wasnt then I apologise.

MissM Wed 20-May-09 11:43:59

Yep, that's her.

Tinker Wed 20-May-09 17:30:50

Rachel Cook, for example, is a twat. She was the child-hater going on about how little time there is to read all teh books she wanted.

Apologies if she's already been twatted. Similarly, the next one but not reason not to twat her again:

Polly Vernon, for example, is a twat.

Blick Sat 23-May-09 06:27:17

Tim Dowling, for example, has a spat. Good column this week.

DamonBradleylovesPippi Sat 23-May-09 20:27:53

yup. sometimes I think Tim Dowling must have a cmaera in our house.

DamonBradleylovesPippi Sat 23-May-09 20:27:54

yup. sometimes I think Tim Dowling must have a cmaera in our house.