to have set up a false date with this idiot of a man??

(1003 Posts)
RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 15:29:04

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 15:29:47

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Shefflin Wed 08-Apr-09 15:30:29

Gah!

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs Wed 08-Apr-09 15:30:51

yanbu, serves him right

incidentally, have you really name-changed cos I have seen this name before.....

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs Wed 08-Apr-09 15:31:13

ah, cross posts grin

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 15:32:08

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AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs Wed 08-Apr-09 15:32:46

you should be cool with it, the nobhead deserves it

exclusive at his request?

then he tries to nob around with "jane"?

send your brother on this "date" to give him a slap wink

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 15:34:42

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HecAteTheEasterBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 15:35:01

nah, well, yes, it's childish grin but what the hell.

Since you have agreed to be exclusive - at HIS request, it's bloody shitty of him to do this to you! Since you've established he's a lying two-faced toad, I'd just have fun with him - text him on your old phone and arrange a date for Friday, see what he says grin.

Or show up at the penguin place on Friday [evil]

GypsyMoth Wed 08-Apr-09 15:37:21

Well sounds like you had a good escape then. I'd be tempted to somehow let him know you caught him out tho!!! Couldn't let that one go......

belladonna79 Wed 08-Apr-09 15:37:59

Incidentally, how many women would go on a date with a man who they originally contacted via a wrong number?!? I know I'd have ignored his first text and any subsequent ones!
For all he knows 'Jane' might be a fat and balding, very greasy 50 year old truck driver who likes to cross dress...

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs Wed 08-Apr-09 15:38:27

I am evil, so don't take my advice.

Text him on your old phone, and like hec says, arrange a date with you for the same time on Friday and ^watch him squirm^

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 15:39:37

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tonybleh Wed 08-Apr-09 15:39:58

I think you should show up at the penguin place. [evil cackle] and then take a picture of his face, and post it on MN [even more evil cackle]

JustCallMeGoat Wed 08-Apr-09 15:40:02

no don't turn up just dump him for no good reason.

HecAteTheEasterBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 15:42:35

Yeah, vital that YOU'RE exclusive, while he shags around behind your back! Talk about double bloody standards.

At the risk of sounding like SGB wink if you're both honest and up front and want the same thing, it's no big deal to not be monogamous!

But to insist on it from you and claiming he wants to be the same, while trying to shag about on the sly is shit of him. (well, probably not trying - how do you know he's not got others actually on the go?)

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 15:46:10

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HecAteTheEasterBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 15:47:22

You could always, next time he wants to arrange something, text back "sorry no, busy tonight, I'm off out with Jane" grin

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 15:51:17

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CrushWithEyeliner Wed 08-Apr-09 15:53:08

Absolutely PMSL

Good on you!

flightattendant19 Wed 08-Apr-09 15:53:45

Please let us know what happens!!

What a nobend, i would sit and wait in your car at the penguin place, then when you see him standing outside, drive past, beep and wave, then text him from 'janes' phone and say 'see ya loser. shineoncrazydiamond x'

SarahL2 Wed 08-Apr-09 15:58:23

I say go to the Penguin sanctuary. The look on his face would be priceless grin

iSOLOvechocolate Wed 08-Apr-09 15:59:56

Or turn up at the penguins with a friend and watch his face as he nervously looks out for Jane after you say what a coincidence seeing you here.

AbricotsSecs Wed 08-Apr-09 16:00:14

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lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 16:01:38

i would be inclined to turn up and ask him to explain himself

then bin him

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:04:18

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foxytocin Wed 08-Apr-09 16:05:07

VT beat me to it. Do it do it do it.

I was going to suggest attempting to make a date for Friday PM with him, then go to the penguin place and say hi, i thought you said you were off to visit your mum (or whatever lie he cooked up) then out him!

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:06:07

grin not UR at all!

I would buy a penguin sized Tshirt with the name 'Jane' on it and slip the penguin attendant a fiver to slip it on his most prettiest penguin grin

DSM Wed 08-Apr-09 16:07:12

I would call him, and ask him if he is free on Friday, and see what he says.

DON'T get 'Jane' to cancel, oh no.

Is there any chance you could happen to be waling past the penguin place on Friday, and 'randomly' bump into him? Assuming he has made an excuse that he is busy, might make him squirm.

Then get rid.

DSM Wed 08-Apr-09 16:07:57

Pringle - that would be amazing! grin

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:10:15

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Have you got a male friend who would go for you and say in a very camp voice 'hi im Jane, but only at weekends' grin

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:16:26

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Nekabu Wed 08-Apr-09 16:21:05

If you can't be there (loved Vinegar's idea!) then the phone call at 2pm sounds the next best ... ;)

Beetroot Wed 08-Apr-09 16:21:19

could you play games with him
call from text form Janes mb - where are you
and if he is there you can then tell him so is 'Jane' and keep it going so he gets totally confused

Take the kids to the pengiun sanc for a nice day out?

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:23:24

You know, you could have some real fun with this, you could keep it going for weeks! grin'Jane' could be anyone you wanted her to be wink

'Jane' could ring him and tell him to wear a red carnation and carry a fruit shoot in a Gregs paper bag, then we could have a mass MN meetup at the penguin enclosure grin

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:24:41

You could call him at 2pm and tell him you are running late and will be there at 2.30pm. Call him at 2.30pm and tell him you will be there at 3pm. Keep it going until he gets kicked out at closing time! grin

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:25:45

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:27:51

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PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:27:55

It gives a whole new meaning to the 'pppppp pick up a penguin' phrase doesn't it grin

I think you should send him a pack of penguins when you have had your fun, see if he gets that the joke was on him!

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:29:11

grin and a copy of the Daily Mail!

StayFrosty Wed 08-Apr-09 16:29:19

Class, yanbu grin love the idea of him being greeted by a slutty penguin.

MadreInglese Wed 08-Apr-09 16:30:05

Can you mention in your next conversation what a funny day 'your friend Jane' has had and tell him all about it? grin

Seriously though, what a sod!

Simplysally Wed 08-Apr-09 16:30:13

I'd go and wait to see him squirm waiting for 'Jane' grin.

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:30:33

ake sure you ring him Friday night and tell him about your cousin 'Jane' who had a date with a guy at the penguin enclosure. Tell him you must ring her to see how they got on...grin

TheCreamEggOfSeptimusQuench Wed 08-Apr-09 16:34:26

Oh hilarious!

Good work!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:36:47

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:37:59

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PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:38:41

Pppppp perfect! grin

Beetroot Wed 08-Apr-09 16:38:47

pppp ick up a penajane

gingernutlover Wed 08-Apr-09 16:40:08

this really has made him laugh out loud.

Think the penguin in an envelope is classic, need to make sure he feels a complete prat but without ever having to see or speak to him again - surely, surely he will put 2 and 2 together?

gingernutlover Wed 08-Apr-09 16:40:42

made ME laugh out loud!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:42:34

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gingernutlover Wed 08-Apr-09 16:43:26

that's what i was wondering - I mean we are talking about someone who goes on blind dates with women who accidently text him

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:46:52

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louii Wed 08-Apr-09 16:48:18

Loving this thread, penguin enclosure, brilliant!

TrillianEAstraEgg Wed 08-Apr-09 16:48:52

"who would be so enthusiastic about a blind date?"

Who would be so enthusiastic about a blind date that wasn't even set up by a mutual friend, but by a 'wrong number'? Weird.

I think you can pretty much do as you like to him, he's asked to be exclusive and is chatting up wrong numbers. How sad is that?

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:49:12

Yeah, honesty is vital to him, that's because he knows he is far from honest!

See, it's fate, Penguins being on offer grin

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:50:33

enthusiastic about a blind date from a wrong number, not set up by a mutual friend and at a penguin enclosure hmm grin

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 16:52:02

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PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:54:12

grin I can't wait, I'm going to visualise it. Can you get him to wear a daffodil with a yellow trumpet in his lapel too?

OhBling Wed 08-Apr-09 16:54:43

Just getting on here so I can see how this turns out. This is hilarious

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 16:56:41

Or a dinner/penguin suit grin

yama Wed 08-Apr-09 16:58:00

Have 'Jane' stand him up and then text to say "Sorry took one look at you....."

Would that be too evil?

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 17:00:27

i am tempted to take the kids for a day out to see penguins on friday afternoon now

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 17:00:36

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 17:01:35

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Claire2009 Wed 08-Apr-09 17:01:51

Tell him someone has contacted you, she's called Jane and says she is in a r/s with you............see what he says (he he he!)

Or when he goes to meet 'Jane' text him saying a lady called Jane has arrived at your house looking for you, who is she

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 17:03:07

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Beetroot Wed 08-Apr-09 17:03:10

don't make it sound to strange otherwise he will think iti s ia wind up

mychildrenarebarmy Wed 08-Apr-09 17:06:08

Do you not have an elderly aunt who would be up for a laugh? You could get her to Bourton and get her to meet him under the pretense of being Jane. I know the penguin place and tis such a shame I am not staying with my family who live nearby this week. Quite liking the suggestion of a mass MN trip there. Could all establish who he is and completely confuse the arse idiot plank (just can't decide which would be the best one!) by surrounding him and saying "Hi, we're Jane" with shine on in the middle.

ellingwoman Wed 08-Apr-09 17:06:30

MN hasn't been very funny lately. Until NOW!
Love all these suggestions! Wish I lived nearby grin

PringlePopper Wed 08-Apr-09 17:06:31

At 2.05pm, just as he is stood outside the penguin enclosure, text him and ask him to wave as you can't work out which one is him grin

ShowOfHands Wed 08-Apr-09 17:08:29

lou33, please go along. Walk up to him and gush about fate and engagement rings and true love and destiny. Give him a bag of your toenail clippings as a token. Please.

We need an MNer to go and mess with his head...

SobranieCocktail Wed 08-Apr-09 17:14:11

Agree with yama. Send him a crushing text from "Jane" saying that she avoided him as he's too ugly, and THEN dump him yourself, brutally. Never let on that Jane didn't exist. <<vengeance>>

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs Wed 08-Apr-09 17:24:24

perfect from yama and sobranie

make sure both dumpings are equally crushing

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 17:25:23

well my middle name is jane actually .....

BalloonSlayer Wed 08-Apr-09 17:26:36

Could you not:

- go, not let him see you

- have Jane text him to say she has gone inside ahead of him and will meet him at the Xxxx enclosure

- when he gets there text again to say, I can see you, just coming

- then text again to say I am waving

- finally, text with: Please look into the enclosure. I am the one with the red beak, yellow eye feathers, why won't you wave back? Have you changed your mind?

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 17:26:56

send him a text from your phone saying omg guess what?

when he replies asking what, say, jane and i both think you are a tosser

QOD Wed 08-Apr-09 17:34:41

liking lou's idea!

This is hilarious. SUCH good ideas from everyone.

Am on the edge of my seat waiting to hear what option you take.

Unfortunately am going away Saturday morning so you'd better update us on Friday!grin

ChippingIn Wed 08-Apr-09 17:38:30

Shineon (love the name change grin oops)...

Do you have a friend that could go with you on Friday, take the kids inside and then you could pop out on your own at 2pm, I can see you, leaning against a wall with your arms folded and a hmm expression on your face, then when you go back inside ask the person doing the admittances not to let him in as you are fed up of being stalked by him everywhere you go with your kids grin

BalloonSlayer Wed 08-Apr-09 17:39:27

To augment my idea you could text a little heartbroken penguin emoticon:

:>(

SarahL2 Wed 08-Apr-09 17:41:42

Ooh, go with Lou's idea. It's brilliant grin

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 17:48:40

it works, i have used it myself

Cailleachna Wed 08-Apr-09 17:52:10

Shades of Baboushka...

Sorry, only just found this thread but very funny suggestions. I'd be tempted to turn up, make out like it's a big surprise seeing him and refuse to leave, then watch him sweat while he waits for "Jane" to arrive.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 18:00:08

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lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 18:02:27

i would seriously consider it aside from i am sick and skint

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 18:02:31

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 18:04:24

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BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 18:04:31

Could we not have a Mumsnet Cotswold meet-up on Friday to give a little moral support? We could all dress up as penguins even.

BalloonSlayer Wed 08-Apr-09 18:04:46

Shineon, you could torment him for weeks with my idea.

Texts like "What made you change your mind about me? Is it because I don't drive?"

"I have been dreaming about a man like you ever since I was grey and fluffy"

BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 18:07:27

Could you not hire a truly hideous actress to stand in for your on Friday? I'll chip in.

Or persuade a male friend to cross dress for the occasion?

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 18:09:13

"is it because i smell of fish?"

BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 18:11:44

Have 'Jane' stand him up and then text to say "Sorry took one look at you....." - love this one.

Don't tell him to turn up with fruit shoots etc as some have said or he may smell a fish [haha]

BalloonSlayer Wed 08-Apr-09 18:12:01

PMSL Lou! grin

DuffyFluckling Wed 08-Apr-09 18:15:43

This is brilliant.

Next time he wants to do something say you can't because you've randomly got in touch with your old friend Jane, and you're having a reunion at the Penguin enclosure...

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 18:18:37

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 18:20:38

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Jenbot Wed 08-Apr-09 18:26:29

Haha this is so funny. So pleased he's getting what he deserves.
My favourite option is for Jane to be a penguin.

SazzlesA Wed 08-Apr-09 18:28:32

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 18:38:03

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JuxaLOTmoreChocolate Wed 08-Apr-09 18:39:02

Can't you have another quick meet? Oh go on this is too good an opportunity to miss. I'd do it, but I'm in Devon.

NorbertDentressangle Wed 08-Apr-09 18:39:17

lol at some of the suggestions.

I think you should get as many women (friends/MNers..anyone) to turn up at the arranged time and all argue that they are Jane

"No, I'm Jane, I'm supposed to be meeting him"

"What do you mean? I am Jane, he texted me to arrange this date"

"you're all wrong, I'm the real Jane"

............etc etc

Meanwhile , OP can sit back and laugh grin

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 18:42:18

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SazzlesA Wed 08-Apr-09 18:45:21

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BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 18:49:18

Drive past and take a photo of him waiting outside. Mail it and this link to his local paper. See what they can make of it.

Place an advert for him in his local paper's singles column with his correct contact details. Along with a bit about how his passions in life are wildlife and chocolate biscuits.

By the way, some 'phone companies allow you to change your mobile number but keep the phone, so it might be worth doing that once you have finished playing with him.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 18:52:06

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NotPlayingAnyMore Wed 08-Apr-09 18:57:35

Shineon - your mistake seems to have turned out to be a lucky escape from this plonker!

P-P-P-PMSL @ this thread grin

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 19:00:15

when you are done toying with him, email him this link

BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 19:02:16

Along with the link to this thread ...

Haylstones Wed 08-Apr-09 19:10:30

This is so funny, thanks for cheering me up.
I am about 30 mins from Bourton (love it there smile) but will be in Birmingham on Satuday, otherwise I'd have loved to hover around at 2pm!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 19:14:36

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lalaa Wed 08-Apr-09 19:16:06

weather forecast for friday in that area is heavy rain, so make sure you get him to stay outside for as long as poss

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 19:16:22

click ont he address bar so it goes blue, right click then hit copy, then go add it to an email by right clicking and hitting paste

lalaa Wed 08-Apr-09 19:17:48

that link is brilliant!
gringringrin

BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 19:22:24

OH NO shock shock

If you google 'Cotswold penguin sanctuary', the top result is this thread (was looking up and trying to persuade DH we should have a trip there on Friday!).

He might google it in advance for directions!

BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 19:22:52

'looking it up'

littlelamb Wed 08-Apr-09 19:24:17

lol FAQ, but not one to be opened while feeding a baby to sleep....grin

merryberry Wed 08-Apr-09 19:24:41

rofl rofl rofl.

at some stage you/she has to text/call him Tarzan...you tarzan, me jane....

SazzlesA Wed 08-Apr-09 19:24:46

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nannyegg Wed 08-Apr-09 19:26:24

You lot are soo funny.

Getting myself on here so I can see how it turns out on Friday.

grin

fattiemumma Wed 08-Apr-09 19:26:55

please send a text at about 2;30 saying "gutted loser, now you really are single"

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 19:27:50

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SazzlesA Wed 08-Apr-09 19:30:53

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lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 19:31:47

i am pretty sure there are temporary emails addresses available online

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 19:33:07

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flightattendant19 Wed 08-Apr-09 19:38:23

You could get it deleted but on the other hand he might already have read it...

Haylstones Wed 08-Apr-09 19:39:22

Can you get some posts deleted? wink
Although I'll be in Brum on Saturday, I will also be there on Friday so still couldn't be there- is seriousl tempting though!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 19:43:24

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HortonHatchesTheChocolateEgg Wed 08-Apr-09 19:46:49

Haha, this is hilarious! Loving all the creative dumping ideas. I wish I lived closer, I'd definitely turn up myself to have a laugh!

KimiWantsAnEasterEgg Wed 08-Apr-09 19:51:30

Oh this is too good, wish I had found it sooner

fattiemumma Wed 08-Apr-09 19:54:40

invite him over. pretend like nothing has happened, when he tries it on squirm and say actually no, i invited you over to finish it, i just can't stand having such awfull sex with you anymore. its a bit like shagging a very small haddok.

SarahL2 Wed 08-Apr-09 19:57:34

Reading all this is probably going to be more crushing than being stood up at the penguin sanctuary anyway

Knowing that so many people knew and were laughing at him grin

DH just came in and thinks its hilarious too...

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 19:59:14

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HecAteTheEasterBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 20:00:03

what has he said?

Mooseheart Wed 08-Apr-09 20:00:33

And what did he say?

(Following this too all agog)

Mooseheart Wed 08-Apr-09 20:00:52

X posts Hecate

YanknbeforetheCockcrows Wed 08-Apr-09 20:01:08

I think you might be in the clear, maybe text him the website of the park (which I won't name here so as to avoid google picking it up!). If he googles the name of the park and gets the directions from there, he won't spot this thread hopefully!

SarahL2 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:01:25

Quick, send him the actual link so he never has to....

flightattendant19 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:02:09

Fattiemumma, LOLOL grin

mylifemykids Wed 08-Apr-09 20:05:54

Ha ha, I've only just caught up. I've had a really shitty day but this has really cheered me up!

What did he say to 'Jane'???

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:07:20

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lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:08:34

if you dump him face ti face tell him it is because he has a cock the same size as a penguins

HecAteTheEasterBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 20:09:02

isn't he?

My god!

Doesn't it make you wonder who else he's got? girlfriend - wife maybe?

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:09:59

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seriouscase Wed 08-Apr-09 20:11:12

Don't send him a penguin biscuit on Saturday, send him some small fish.

fattiemumma Wed 08-Apr-09 20:11:25

OOOh call him and tell him your dumping him because you have just had a smear and it has come back showing you have contracted a nasty STD and that you must have caught it from him. tell him he needs to get checked as it will makes his balls swell and drop off.

HotCrossGoober Wed 08-Apr-09 20:11:29

And send him a fish.

mylifemykids Wed 08-Apr-09 20:12:13

I wish I lived nearer, I'd wait until he'd gone inside and then put sardines in his exhaust pipe!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:13:01

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fattiemumma Wed 08-Apr-09 20:13:11

don't you know anyone hideously ugly? couldn't you ask them to go there with a red carnation or something?

fattiemumma Wed 08-Apr-09 20:13:35

I would of coujrse volunteer my services ut i have no idea where it is

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:14:25

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:15:56

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FrannyandZooey Wed 08-Apr-09 20:16:02

blimey

Hassled Wed 08-Apr-09 20:18:29

This is just brilliant

I love Norbert's plan - get every female you know to be there, each claiming to be Jane. They could stage a mock-scrap over it - handbags flailing amongst the penguins. In fact the handbags could be full of Penguins. Or fish, I can't decide.

this thread is hilarious, i cant wait for the conclusion, dont let us down shineon!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:20:43

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lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:20:50
Hassled Wed 08-Apr-09 20:21:45

Shineon - that is one good plan. We have to have a full debrief afterwards.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:23:00

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:24:42

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fattiemumma Wed 08-Apr-09 20:25:18

what a noboid.

can we all play, can i text him from a wrong number too. i wanna play i wanna play i wanna play....

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:25:44

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flightattendant19 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:26:12

Bloody hell, he really is a shit. So sorry you had to find out like this - but at least you did sad

I'd be so angry in your shoes. Definitely don't let on it was a joke - he must be left wondering what went wrong, or he;'ll just write you off as a crazy lady he was justified in mucking about iyswim.

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:26:22

you should reply saying it depends if you think he is fishy or not when you meet

littlelamb Wed 08-Apr-09 20:26:40

Blimey
And I thought I was desperate shock
O yes, go on, let's all have his number and 'accidentally' start conversations. It would make my year day grin

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:28:04

yeh but if you do that his alarm bells will ring because it would be too much of a coincidence

SazzlesA Wed 08-Apr-09 20:28:25

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:28:54

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fattiemumma Wed 08-Apr-09 20:29:10

or follow the plan but text him after the "im over here" text with

"sorry, when you turned round i saw what a minger you were and left"

flightattendant19 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:30:06

Unless he twigged it was you from the start, and was just joking himself?

Are you sure he wasn;t doing that? hmm

If he really is this much of a shit though, I think you should either just not turn up, or do the 'sorry, took one look' thing.

Anything else kind of devalues the whole gravity of his behaviour really.

He needs a slap. (figurative)

BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 20:30:21

This is too exciting. Can't you bring it forward a day, I can't wait to see the outcome?

Was he not planning to see you this week-end then? What has he told you (as in you, not Jane) he is doing this week-end?

FattieMumma - great idea, but I'd love to be a fly on the wall listening to that conversation - 'Look, you've always been a great friend to me, and you're the ugliest person I know, and I was wondering ...' grin

mylifemykids Wed 08-Apr-09 20:30:31

Ha ha ha, how many dates do you think he'd set up? That would be funny (insert evil cackle)

Oooooo give us all his number and we can all text him at 2pm on Friday saying 'LOSER'

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:30:43

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BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 20:30:43

Oops, extra '?' there. It's the excitement.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:31:54

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:33:26

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:36:52

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JRocks Wed 08-Apr-09 20:36:53

Oh my lord this thread is amazing... Can't wait to see what you actually do. What a fucker.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:40:08

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BocciBalls Wed 08-Apr-09 20:40:18

What an arse he is. So pleased you were able to find out before things went further.

Have to say - what sort of a nutter is "Jane"?? Never met or even spoken to this bloke and has now committed herself not only to an afternoon of penguins but also to hanging round all afternoon and into the evening for a curry. She's breaking all the rules of a first date, and he's thinking this is all normal!! bet he can't believe his luck.

warthog Wed 08-Apr-09 20:40:34

i'm gobsmackeroo'ed! i can't wait to find out what happens!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:42:32

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BitOfFunnyBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 20:45:37

Truly inspired...just two more sleeps to find out what happened! grin

< waves at FM >

bohemianbint Wed 08-Apr-09 20:46:12

This is fantastic - can we not get a local film crew down to record his humiliation for the nation? (Or at least youtube?)

mylifemykids Wed 08-Apr-09 20:46:27

Oh oh, I've had another idea. When he says he can't see you anywhere, text him back to say you'll send him a photo of you...then send him a photo of a penguin grin

kettlechip Wed 08-Apr-09 20:47:00

This thread has really cheered me up after a rubbish week.
Love the plan shineon, can't believe how much of a pit the tosspot is digging for himself. Looking forward to Friday now! grin

BitOfFunnyBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 20:48:04

OMG that must have taken ages for me to read as I was reading bits aloud to my chortily amused family...I can't believe you've got a date for the night time too shock

Let me go back and check...

fattiemumma Wed 08-Apr-09 20:48:12

<<<waves back at BoF>> {hijack - have you recieved me texts? i seem to be sending them but people aren't recieving. think my phone is fooked]

do you know any blokes that'd be up for a laugh? how funny would it be for a right butch, hairy arsed trucker type to turn up in a dress and lippy proclaiming to be Jane.

Gentle Wed 08-Apr-09 20:50:11

Yes yes what vinegartits said!

Although it does sound like a lot more effort than he's worth to you.

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 20:51:18

like the men from the bounty/plenty ads

BitOfFunnyBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 20:54:06

{fone fooked I think, have emailed you smile}

I love the idea of texting him a photo of a penguin gringringrin

piratecat Wed 08-Apr-09 20:54:34

what a fooking muppet rofl!!!!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 20:56:31

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abouteve Wed 08-Apr-09 20:58:15

Very funny thread. Glad you weren't that into him anyway.

Don't give him the chance to say he knew it was you all along. Does he know you have changed your phone?

mylifemykids Wed 08-Apr-09 21:02:22
mylifemykids Wed 08-Apr-09 21:02:53

Did that link work?!

Wigglesworth Wed 08-Apr-09 21:10:56

Oh this thread is ace, stitch him up good shineon, he sounds like a 5 star dickmonger. Can you keep winding him up and send him naughty messages, maybe a picture of some boobs and pretend they are yours, or your own if you like (or maybe not, would he recognise they are your boobs?)

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 21:14:56

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noonki Wed 08-Apr-09 21:27:15

mylife - I just snorted wine!

shineon - just read this thread, glad it hasnt bothered you and at least you found out what a knob he is.

peasoup Wed 08-Apr-09 21:31:21

I think you need to start a thread in the Mumsnet local to The Cotswolds to recruit Mums living nearby to get down there on Friday and wait around by the penguin enclosure, maybe thirty or forty mums all clutching a pink carnation!

HortonHatchesTheChocolateEgg Wed 08-Apr-09 21:41:20

Oh, the synchronised 'LOSER' texts is a great idea. I love it. Would be more than happy to participate if you want more texters!

HonkingAntelope Wed 08-Apr-09 21:41:32

This is inspired. Can't wait for the Friday evening update.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 21:47:21

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mylifemykids Wed 08-Apr-09 21:51:50

Just to check - he's not likely to take it out on you is he?! I'd hate to think we all had a part in him being nasty to you after it all!

Amapoleon Wed 08-Apr-09 21:52:25

www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/penguincalls3 especially call number 4. hehehe

mylifemykids Wed 08-Apr-09 21:54:25

Ha ha, I like number 10 'come to the dumpling party'!!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 21:58:33

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StrawberryWinders Wed 08-Apr-09 22:33:24

OMG shock

What a loser!!!

This thread is just brilliant grin

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 22:34:56
lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 22:37:29
mychildrenarebarmy Wed 08-Apr-09 22:43:00

loving this thread.

Nyx Wed 08-Apr-09 22:46:36

Ooooh this is hilarious (am very glad you're not too bothered about it though, OP) - have been reading bits to my DH and for the first time since I started MNetting he's laughed his head off about something I've related from here grin

tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 22:50:15

What a brilliant thread.

I fancy a trip to a penguin sanctuary on Friday PM. Just what DS needs for the hols.

Do keep him going over this, it would be priceless to see some bloke agitating his phone and looking all furtive, and loadsa mummies peering at him and sniggering Bourton not Burford?

hobbgoblin Wed 08-Apr-09 22:51:51

Can I go?

As pregnant penguin?

Am near enough and can also bring 3 children. They all like curry.

tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 22:53:32

That was ...sniggering FULL STOP Bourton not Burford.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 22:56:30

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hobbgoblin Wed 08-Apr-09 22:57:50

oh i so want to be Jane. Will dress upwink

lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 22:59:18

hahaha @ lab chihuahua cross!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:00:29

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lou33 Wed 08-Apr-09 23:02:02

just dont reply anymore tonight and send him a vague one about falling asleep in the bath, int he morning

tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 23:02:23

he's either a total nutter or he's rumbled you big time.
But still fancy that day out on Friday just in case...

StrawberryWinders Wed 08-Apr-09 23:03:19

He must know right? Surely no man can be that.... fishy ha ha ha ha

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:03:45

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mychildrenarebarmy Wed 08-Apr-09 23:03:59

shine - promise you won't start a new thread about this. pleeeeeeeease. I'd hate to miss anything.

StrawberryWinders Wed 08-Apr-09 23:05:02

is it at all possible that one of your friends 'helpfully' gave him your new number?

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:05:03

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twinsetandpearls Wed 08-Apr-09 23:05:06

I think he must have sussed you or he is a prize thick twat.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:06:34

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StrawberryWinders Wed 08-Apr-09 23:07:05

how big is your overdraft?!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:07:43

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StrawberryWinders Wed 08-Apr-09 23:09:00

x-posted grin

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:09:59

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BitOfFunnyBunny Wed 08-Apr-09 23:10:02

Fingers crossed! I am cracking up over this...can't wait grin

BocciBalls Wed 08-Apr-09 23:10:22

is he not going to want to speak to Jane before Friday do you think? I guess as well as being an outdoorsy, curry-eating txt-savvy weird dog-combo-breeder she is also aiming to be mysterious.

I can imagine it all getting a bit complicated at your end with juggling all the texts and your own conversations!

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 08-Apr-09 23:11:10

>>adds to threads I'm watching<<

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:12:16

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:15:25

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tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 23:16:44

Yeah, I will, it's v close and I have no plans. And will also prime DS to look out for penguin man.

BottySpottom Wed 08-Apr-09 23:20:35

Just text back your own question:

Jane or shineoncrazydiamond

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:23:35

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:25:28

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tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 23:27:12

OK girls, I am your special correspondent and will report back Friday evening.

I assume this is something to do with Birdworld in Bourton, not the penguin bit at the Cotsw Wildlife Park at Burford. Don't worry, I'll google it and will def be there, rain or shine. Both are close to home.

Always fancied being a bit of a private dick. Now can do so while observing a public one.

StrawberryWinders Wed 08-Apr-09 23:29:14

Sorry but I have to ask:
Is he always like this or is he saving all his charm up for Jane?

tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 23:31:12

Well, let's face it, he might be saving up all his charm for Tiger. If I ask him for a light or summat, he'll probly ask me if I fancy a curry (since he'll have twigged by then he's been stood up).

twinsetandpearls Wed 08-Apr-09 23:34:28

twat or cunt

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:35:31

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tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 23:36:22

I'll sniff and tell you twinset. do they smell different?

Total idiot more like.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:36:49

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twinsetandpearls Wed 08-Apr-09 23:37:50

has he really sent prick or cock.

Try fantasist or pathalogical liar.

tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 23:40:00

Shineon, I'll google it tomorrow and let you know, I expect it's birdland (or whatever it's called) and I guess there will only be one penguin place. The upside is that I need to do something with DS on Friday and we've never been there so this is an added bonus. Have been considering clearing out a very untidy spare room, so that can wait to Saturday.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:40:03

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twinsetandpearls Wed 08-Apr-09 23:40:47

dp has gone to bed chuckling about the penguin guy.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:42:09

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:42:53

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LastOrders Wed 08-Apr-09 23:44:11

>>>>>getting this on threads I'm on<<<<

Tiger - take a camera, get some shots of the 'enterance to penguin place'

Need to see twunt checking his watch...

This thread is genius.

Shineon - I salute you!

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:46:48

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LastOrders Wed 08-Apr-09 23:48:25

And post it on profile.

You have to post it.

tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 23:49:56

mind you,

man with very short, dark hair. Chubby. 5 ft 8 ish. IC1 male.( he he ).Prob in jeans. Looks a bit gormless

will sum up most of the male population of the Costwolds, IME.

don't worry we'll find him.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:50:20

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RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:53:35

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tigerdroveoverthebunnies Wed 08-Apr-09 23:54:08

Just hoping, ladies, when I am in Bourton on the water nick having been accused of stalking some innocent penguin keyring toting bloke, that you will all bail me out.

Off to bed now.

Will learn how to post photos tomorrow.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 08-Apr-09 23:55:38

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haha!! this is great!! I will check back on friday to see the update

<<Getting this on threads i'm on also as need a good laugh grin >>

bellabelly Thu 09-Apr-09 00:11:51

grin I love this thread - it is brilliant that instead of moping, you are plotting a very funny revenge. Please please update on Friday asap - a blow-by-blow account of the texts would be great!

TrillianEAstraEgg Thu 09-Apr-09 00:23:51

Excited... Try not to give it away with too many crazy texts!

Lab/chihuahua cross would look like neither, just like a ranomd mutt dog, you only know the parentage becasue they both belonged to the same owner, who thought they couldn't possibly 'do it' so didn't bother getting them sterilised.

wabbit Thu 09-Apr-09 00:35:19

Have to applaud you shineon!! Oh Please let him not suspect! I Sooooooooooooo want him to get his comeuppance!! grin grin grin

thumbbunny Thu 09-Apr-09 01:40:08

sorry not to have read pages 2-10, but did you decide not to turn up? I think I would, all innocent-like, just to see what he would do in terms of trying to explain his being there and getting rid of you without looking guilty!

Then I would disappear into thin air... since he doesn't exactly have your new mobile number! grin

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 09-Apr-09 02:37:36

Oh, you should read the lot thumbbunny, I was crying with laughter as the thread grew. grin OP's not going, but another MNer is.

Jackbunnysmama Thu 09-Apr-09 02:54:31

God, this is brilliant, I can't wait to hear how it turns out!!!

heyvick Thu 09-Apr-09 06:06:33

omg, this is a crackup. wish i didn't live over here in oz, or i'd definitely be there!! the idea of a pregnant penguin waddling around the place is too much! o group of 'janes' all fighting over him, and him receiving hundreds of 'loser' text messages and 'you idiot' emails..........i almost feel sorry for the wanker. ooooooo, keep him at the park with 'i'm delayed' messages, eventually apologise profusely, saying you've been held up, but would still love to meet him at the restaurant, then walk in wearing a penguin t-shirt. i would check thru the window first to make sure he's still there tho, so you're not left sitting there on your own grin. just look after yourself in case he gets narky about the whole thing. ps post a fish with the penguin biscuit, and perhaps a penguin toy as a souvenir? wink.

LtEveDallas Thu 09-Apr-09 06:30:10

Posting so I can see the conclusion. This is fab!

Mind you, just had a thought - Do you really think he will turn up, I mean, is he the type that would do exactly what we are doing.....smile and be laughing to his mates about it?

If you think that is poss have you got a gorgeous mate that he doesnt know and would let you post a photo to him......so at least there is more chance he would be interested IYSWIM?

foofi Thu 09-Apr-09 07:44:22

This thread has kept me amused for ages! Must say I fear he may know who you are though and be going along with it, even planning something similar for Jane?

IheartEASTEREGGS Thu 09-Apr-09 08:04:44

Cant wait till Friday to see if he turns up!! grin

GumsNRoses Thu 09-Apr-09 08:12:31

Better then the TV this thread grin

Roll on Friday, can't wait to see the numpty get his just desserts wink

mylifemykids Thu 09-Apr-09 08:12:49

LOL excellent. I can't believe someone's actually offered to go! I really hope he turns up

SarahL2 Thu 09-Apr-09 08:22:49

I love this thread. First thing I checked when I logged on today.

I so hope the numpty hasn't worked it out.

Looking forward to the photos grin

nannyegg Thu 09-Apr-09 08:36:00

"Always fancied being a bit of a private dick. Now can do so while observing a public one".

grin

this has made my morning. Can't wait to see how it goes.

RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg Thu 09-Apr-09 08:43:11

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vodkaandcoke Thu 09-Apr-09 08:46:47

This is absolutely hilarious! I can't wait to hear what happens.

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 08:49:08

I am going to work with a smile on my face grin

Lizzylou Thu 09-Apr-09 08:51:11

Hilarious thread, cannot wait to find out what happens tomorrow.

Poor unsuspecting cheating liar of a man now has the full wrath of MN pouring down on him.

(As an aside, Birdland in Bourton is a good day out grin Only wish I wasn't 175 miles away)

Posting so its on "threads I'm on"

What a complete knobend! He deserves all he gets, wanker, wish I wasn't in Glasgow or I would so be there to say something to him!

I can be an anonymous texter if you wish!

X

Molesworth Thu 09-Apr-09 08:55:45

This one is heading for Mumsnet Classics [fgrin]

Molesworth Thu 09-Apr-09 08:55:59

or grin even

QuintessentialShadow Thu 09-Apr-09 08:59:46

this is great. posting to get the update.

DONT OUT YOURSELF EVER!
He is a total idiot.

Mooseheart Thu 09-Apr-09 09:00:30

Such a fab thread, I can't believe we have to wait until tomorrow though! Keep us updated, I am smiling away here!

WelliesAndPyjamas Thu 09-Apr-09 09:25:16

best thread I've read in yonks grin

can't wait for the friday update and if I lived close enough I would so be there as another Jane too

TrillianEAstraEgg Thu 09-Apr-09 09:27:52

Just making sure I don't lose this thread.

I woulnd't worry about the google thing - even if this did come up in google results I can't imagine he would think 'Mumsnet - that's exactly where I need to go for information on my day out!'. He would just skip past it for a better link.

Beetroot Thu 09-Apr-09 09:29:06

Will he turn up?
He may well be playing you as in JANE along?

YOu need to gage that he is there before texting your late messages..

Beetroot Thu 09-Apr-09 09:29:45

YOu can just put in WATCH
HTH

theyoungvisiter Thu 09-Apr-09 09:30:09

What a BRILLIANT thread!!

Man is weirdly trusting surely - has it not occurred to him that "Jane" might be a nutter/stalker/munter/man/teenager/granny/international terrorist/private detective or whatever? I would want to see the candidate before I started setting up theatre dates for JUNE!

Could Jane maybe text back to say "that's such a co-incidence, I am bi and my last lover was a very difficult tea-hating, curry-hating vegetarian. She was however the best lover I have ever met and I was devastated when she left me for a short-arsed chubby bloke. I am still getting over her and got into penguins to ease my heartache."

theyoungvisiter Thu 09-Apr-09 09:31:58

"By TrillianEAstraEgg on Thu 09-Apr-09 09:27:52
I woulnd't worry about the google thing"

The thing is Trillian, have you actually tried googling it? It comes up with the thread title saying "AIBU to have set up a false date with this loser at a penguin sanctuary".

You don't need to click on anything - that comes up in the google description.

Now if it were me I would smell a rat - or a penguin.

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 09:34:54

But it will only drop off google if we get less enthusiastic about clicking on it, and I just can't sit on my hands for that long grin

PlumpChocEggyBaps Thu 09-Apr-09 09:34:56

Oh God. So glad I only read this this morning. Only one sleep to P Day. Can't wait.

TrillianEAstraEgg Thu 09-Apr-09 09:44:01

Okay, I get your point, but still he might not google 'cotswold penguin sanctuary', he might google 'bourton penguins' or 'birdland penguins' or any other combination that doesn't bring this up.

<fingers crossed>

NorkyButNice Thu 09-Apr-09 09:50:33

fantastic thread...Roll on tomorrow!

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 09:51:18

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hobbgoblin Thu 09-Apr-09 09:54:36

rofl @ polar opposites

cheltenhamgal Thu 09-Apr-09 09:54:51

I so so wish that I could drive, I live in the Cotswolds and visited Bourton last Sunday to see the penguins

I can't believe how amazingly stupid this man sounds! what did you ever see in him?

easterchickfordinner Thu 09-Apr-09 09:57:33

I love this thread, my DH laughed when I told him and can't believe that this is going on but thinks bloke deserves it for being a complete twat. grin

Looking forward to tomorrows post

Buda Thu 09-Apr-09 09:57:35

OMG. This is hilarious. I almost (but not quite!) feel sorry for him.

hobbgoblin Thu 09-Apr-09 09:58:53

I was going to turn up but all the places who actually have a penguin costume near me are out of stock, apart from one which sells them for 65 quid!!!

chocolepew Thu 09-Apr-09 09:59:00

Text him a picture of jane

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:01:13

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Has he even tried to call you (land line?) or email/come round? Is he not suspicious than your old number is no longer avaliable and you have not contacted him since 'Jane' came along?

Or is he just so wrapped up in 'Jane' that he has fogotten you completely?

What a fuckwit

flightattendant19 Thu 09-Apr-09 10:06:28

I saw a couple of adult dalek costumes in argos yesterday, reduced.

Penguins would be better though.

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:09:40

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hobbgoblin Thu 09-Apr-09 10:10:01

I also saw this costume

gemmiegoatEGGS Thu 09-Apr-09 10:11:13

Wow! Tiger is the new policywonk! Penguin sanctuary blogging - do you think we could invite a range of international correspondents to report their version of the penguin summit?

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:15:06

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:16:19

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Ring your local newspaper/radio station with the story and get them to meet him there and interview him

Oooo that would be cruel grin

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:20:30

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vodkaandcoke Thu 09-Apr-09 10:22:42

I dont know how you can be nice to him tonight if he rings!! I would find that too hard.

Dalrymps Thu 09-Apr-09 10:26:36

This thread is so hilarious.

PMSL at 'what a cock muncher'. Indeed!

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:26:46

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How funny is this thread!

shineon Aren't you tempted to sit in the shadows somewhere and watch tomorrow? I don't know if I could keep away!

Yes i think it would be a bit extreme, i just have evil thoughts somethings grin

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:27:51

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:34:11

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cheltenhamgal Thu 09-Apr-09 10:34:49

I sooooooo can't wait to hear the outcome of this tomorrow grin

kitbit Thu 09-Apr-09 10:35:44

I have a suggestion... Tiger, why don't you be Jane? Then just as you meet up, your mobile rings, it's Shineoncrazysdiamond and you hand him the phone and say "it's for you"?

Either way we are both gripped by this thread, it's better than Eastenders!!!

<watches agog and sets alarm for tomorrow evening to check thread>

hobbgoblin Thu 09-Apr-09 10:38:34

Does he have internet on his phone and make use of it?

I would love to be there, but I'm the wrong side of the Midlands sad Can't you turn up at said time with DC's and act all surprised 'Oh hello Cock Muncher, WTF are you doing here?'

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:41:00

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:43:52

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LackaDAISYcal Thu 09-Apr-09 10:44:06

pmsl at this grin

No funny suggestions, but I think it is only coming up on google search for you all beacuse it's in your cookies folder? A bit of a technophobe so not sure.

hobbgoblin Thu 09-Apr-09 10:45:28

I didn't get this when I Googled

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 10:50:01

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hippipotamiHasLost15Pounds Thu 09-Apr-09 10:55:18

This is absolutely brilliant - I read most of it last night and had to come straight back on this morning!
I sooooo wish I was nearer to the Bourton penguin place - oh how I would love to see this.

Tiger - please try to get a picture of Mr Gormless - bit mean but he deserves it for being so dishonest!
Shine - you are brilliant!

QOD Thu 09-Apr-09 10:59:04

Oh this is the best ever!

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 11:01:40

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kitbit Thu 09-Apr-09 11:07:29

yes yes you have to out yourself at some point! The toerag has to learn!!! And he has to know he wasn't as clever or as sneaky as he though and he shouldn't mess with the might of mumsnet.

BottySpottom Thu 09-Apr-09 11:13:24

Trillian - don't put suggestions of what he might google instead, or those will come up with this thread too!! grin

Do you think there is a parallel thread running on a message board somewhere ... 'I've found this nutter who wants to meet me at a penguin sanctuary ...'?

Jenbot Thu 09-Apr-09 11:15:01

I think you need to out yourself or it isn't as neat.

Has it not occured to him to ask 'jane' to send him a picture? i really cant believe this man is so thick, obvioulsy thinking with his knob

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 11:20:30

Under google images, if you type "jane penguin lover", you get THIS grin

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 11:20:50

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LilRedWG Thu 09-Apr-09 11:22:30

Personally I'd turn up at 2.10pm and casually stroll by arm in arm with a gorgeous man (do you have a friend/brother he's not met). I'd also text him from Jane at a couple of minutes past 2pm saying that 'you' are running a few minutes late and asking him to wait - that way he'll still be there when you turn up.

But then I am evil. grin

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 11:22:52

Could he be the ginger monkey mentioned as the mate of sexy penguins in the Urban Dictionary?

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 11:24:58

And you definitely need to send him this as your "reveal" picture...

hippipotamiHasLost15Pounds Thu 09-Apr-09 11:25:46

ooo, what was the description?

LilRedWG Thu 09-Apr-09 11:26:11

You don't know how tempted I am to visit Birdland tomorrow - in fact if it wasn't a Bank Holiday I would.

Hey, that's a n idea - get as many MNers as possible to turn up and all say they are Jane.

Sorry if I'm repeating suggestions, have only skimmed the thread. blush

hippipotamiHasLost15Pounds Thu 09-Apr-09 11:26:24

beautiful white skin, black hair, shiny black eyes and a beaky mouth??

Beetroot Thu 09-Apr-09 11:28:01

I would be wary of anone actually talking to him - it could get ugly!

I also think you cannot be sure he will trun up

LilRedWG Thu 09-Apr-09 11:30:43

Beetroot the Wise we should call you. As always, you are right.

Beetroot Thu 09-Apr-09 11:34:45

smile

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 11:52:29

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 11:55:03

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How are you going to let on that 'Jane' is you?

Oh I wish I could see the look on his face! grin

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 11:56:08

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 11:59:55

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Alibabaandthe40bunnies Thu 09-Apr-09 12:00:00

I haven't read all of this yet, but someone just used the word 'dickmonger'. Awesome grin

I have just sent a link to this to DH at work

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:01:41

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TrillianEAstraEgg Thu 09-Apr-09 12:02:51

Sorry, you're right, we should all talk in code now so searches for (y'know, those swimming antarctic birds) don't bring up this thread. grin

PringlePopper Thu 09-Apr-09 12:03:53

So, following his request for a description of 'Jane' has 'Jane' asked for a description of him? It would be interesting to know how he describes himself grin

theyoungvisiter Thu 09-Apr-09 12:05:07

Shineon - what will you do if he rings the mobile?

That's the first thing I would do if someone didn't turn up.

If you answer it he will know it's you. Also, have you got an answerphone message? Cos if you don't answer it he will also know it's you!

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:05:29

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hobbgoblin Thu 09-Apr-09 12:07:17

you need to set up call divert

TrillianEAstraEgg Thu 09-Apr-09 12:07:22

If it's a new phone the answerphone will go something like 'this is the O2 voicemail messaging service for number 07XXXX'. Totally safe.

mustrunmore Thu 09-Apr-09 12:07:28

Only just found this thread, and in all honesty its the first really long one I've bothered sit and read all for ages!!!

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:07:30

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:08:20

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theyoungvisiter Thu 09-Apr-09 12:09:17

will you out yourself afterwards?

I can't help thinking he's going to ring the mobile at some point. Or he'll ask you (real you I mean) for your new number and make the connection.

mylifemykids Thu 09-Apr-09 12:11:46

'waiting for a fish delivery' [bgrin}

Genius!

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:12:07

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:14:15

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Do you have to pay to get into the 'p' place? i would text him to say you got there early so went inside, make him pay to get in then text saying 'i'm over here, im waving' he will say where? and you say 'cant you see me, im the little plump 'p' on the right' grin

oh no he might want you to send a photo back now!

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 12:20:22

pay him lots of compliments on the pic and ask when it was taken

kitbit Thu 09-Apr-09 12:20:27

He's not very good at subterfuge is he. Heaven help him if he actually really wants to deceive someone at some point in his life - under normal circumstances you might already smell a rat if he hadn't been in touch as much!

<shakes head, tuts and remains gripped by thread>

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:24:23

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this thread is very funny.
poor blokegrin

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 12:26:31

Say that you liked the picture of him sunbathing, but it would be even better if he'd wornthis

mylifemykids Thu 09-Apr-09 12:26:43

Why would he do that when he's supposed to be actually meeting her tomorrow?!!

What a goon

kitbit Thu 09-Apr-09 12:27:51

Why don't you ring him as you and innocently suggest you meet up tomorrow at 2?

<evil>

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 12:28:27

And if he wants a pic of you, then this matches the description you gave and will have him running to meet you wink

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:30:24

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:31:28

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BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 12:33:10

I also have a penguin fetish am a master googler grin[bgrn]grin


< disclaimer: I am not especially excited by penguins really...no more than most people anyway >

katlokna Thu 09-Apr-09 12:34:43

I have just read this thread and have been randomly lol at work so am fairly certain my team think i'm completely mental. Could 'Jane' text him to say something along the lines of "sorry I didn't make it on friday. I have recently got out of a bad relationship with my boyfriend. He told me we were exclusive then I found out he was cheating on me so I am a bit wary of men at the moment." Might be a nice way of outing yourself unless of course it ruins Tigers fun.

foxytocin Thu 09-Apr-09 12:36:14

my DH is laughing at this thread too.

he said it is a case of 'woman fum fum'

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 12:39:47

When you or Tiger confess to him that he's been had, this is the badge you must wear!

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 12:40:10

my exbf was stationed in the falklands and met lots of penguins

he said they stink

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 12:42:06

Or perhaps you could just wear it casually when you next see him, and see if he squirms? Afterall, Jane had texted him to say first she was a penguin, then (evilly) that she had taken one look at him and left...he will be heartbroken, and then when he catches up with you, very very paranoid grin

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:49:53

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TrinityWino Thu 09-Apr-09 12:51:32

seriously he was talking to 'jane' about you and said these things????
shite he is an arse!!!!!!!

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 12:51:52
RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 12:55:13

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BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 12:55:38

Genius, lou33!!

mychildrenarebarmy Thu 09-Apr-09 13:00:28

ROFLMAO at lou's tshirt link. Now must clean chocolate from screen!

I was BF DS and now i've woke him up by sluttering all over him then belly laughing... THANKS!! [disgruntled glare @ lou] grin

Sp..p...luttering

Jeez

Sluttering sounds good tho might use that another time

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 13:20:24

<titters>

ChippingIn Thu 09-Apr-09 13:25:29

You guys!! I am getting nothing done!!

I love all the pictures you are coming up with, brilliant you are!!

Shineon... I have never been out with anyone, who I could, hand on heart, say it wouldn't bother me if he was doing this.... so it's hard to know what I'd do in that situation (with regard to outing myself or not, the actual plan is FAB!). But, I think I'd wait until after the weekend and when he next calls, ask him what he did on Friday... then when he lies like a good un, I'd say 'Sorry, got to go, got to pppppp ppppp pppick up a penguin'.

I like the idea of him knowing it was you and that you know what a complete twat he is.

thumbbunny Thu 09-Apr-09 13:25:55

I have to thank OldLadyKnowsNothing for recommending that I should go back and read the whole thread - so glad I did, it's bloody hilarious!

Shineon - I am so glad for you that you made the initial mistake as the guy does sound like a prize tosser, as well as a serious liar! Can't you up the ante a little into the sexual arena, find out if he has any peculiar fetishes or something?

Loving all the penguin links, absolutetly brilliant! grin

I thought of another comment that you could carry on with if you do the "text from the penguin" thing but don't want it to be taken the wrong way - think AliG - you could say "Is it becoz I is black?"

BalloonSlayer Thu 09-Apr-09 13:29:29

Ah but it wouldn't be taken the wrong way if it was "Is it becoz I is black and white?"

I couldnt keep this to myself, just had to tell my work collegues as i keep bursting into fits of laughter and they were looking at me strange

They think its hilarious too, and they are both men grin

thumbbunny Thu 09-Apr-09 13:37:50

good point Balloonslayer! grin

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 13:38:00

actually, this is the one to wear

mustrunmore Thu 09-Apr-09 13:40:50

Oh Lou, thats a fantastic one grin

thumbbunny Thu 09-Apr-09 13:41:26

lou, that is BRILLIANT! Best so far.
<Am putting this thread up for MN classic, it's definitely worth it!>

kitbit Thu 09-Apr-09 13:42:44

ooh you could REALLY scare him - ring him and ask him to come over at 2 tomorrow, he knows you have your dc so tell him as you are now exclusive you would like him to come over for a family lunch so you can cook him a nice veggie meal from scratch.

heh heh

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 13:46:01

"The burning stare of the penguins"- that is the funniest thing I've ever seen, ROFL grin

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 13:49:42

i'm tempted to buy it

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 13:50:07

We all need to buy one of those and wear them to meet ups...just think, from now on if we are wondering if another woman is an MNer, we can slip "p-p-p-pick up a penguin" into conversation to make sure grin

'The penguim made me do it' is the best one (although both great) i am thinking of buying that one grin

BalloonSlayer Thu 09-Apr-09 13:51:55

I think I'd quite like to get one of those anyway.

Wear it at indoor play centres etc.

It'd be like a sort of secret code to recognise other mumsnetters . . . like a masonic handshake.

BalloonSlayer Thu 09-Apr-09 13:53:54

... did you notice there is a thong?

mylifemykids Thu 09-Apr-09 13:57:42

Sorry I'm running late.....

v-nessa.net/wallpaper/linuxtoilet.jpg

PMSLBrokeMN Thu 09-Apr-09 14:01:31

<<adds to watch list>>

I think we should go along with the idea of mass LOSER texts to him at a prearranged time... or mass penguin picture texts...

the man is a nugget

mychildrenarebarmy Thu 09-Apr-09 14:02:54

what are we all going to do once tommorrow is over?!

BunnyAndJoon Thu 09-Apr-09 14:03:02

Can we get tech to do penguin smilies for just one day do you think? Because we will all be glued to this thread tomorrow. grin

kitbit Thu 09-Apr-09 14:04:02

I think that anyone who is going to the er...bird place tomorrow should wear something signifying the ...er birds so that all the MNers recognise each other! Then after the Sting, meet up in the cafe for a debrief!

Dammit, wish I was closer!

BunnyAndJoon Thu 09-Apr-09 14:04:55

damn - meant to mis-spell penguim

sorry blush

gibbberish Thu 09-Apr-09 14:05:50

Brilliant thread grin

Loving the idea of the mass 'loser' texts!

I think we can safely say YA most definately NBU. Thanks for brightening my day shineon smile

Roll on tomorrow!

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 14:06:06

Aw, I've come home sick with coughing and I'm meant to be making the most of an hour in bed before mum brings the kids back...you lot are ruining it, how can I leave this thread?!

ChippingIn Thu 09-Apr-09 14:06:45

PMSLBrokeMN - did you know you can use the 'I'm on' instead of using the watch list??' (or is your 'I'm on' just list too long to find it - LOL).

Lou that is THE best t-shirt!!

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 14:07:23

everyone should turn up with a penguin key ring on their belt

i really wish i was well enough to drive there for the day

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 14:08:38

bof, i am in bed with mn grin

PMSLBrokeMN Thu 09-Apr-09 14:10:09

Thanks ChippingIn, I tend to use 'watch' for my faves, like the womanly fluids thread... and BOFB, I promised myself I'd clean the house top to bottom today, all I was doing was taking a 5 min break to catch up on MN (yeah right!)

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 14:13:43

Me too- I just wanted to sleep though. Instead, I am working out how I can tiptoe downstairs for my visa card to buy the delightful teeshirt with cap sleeves for girls...grin

I'll have to leave it till later- but get one I shall!! Hehehe- the shop is going to wonder why there's been a run on the penguin merchandise from the UK today grin

mychildrenarebarmy Thu 09-Apr-09 14:19:21

To text man, there's something you should know. Please click on this link From Jane

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 14:20:00

i have sent dd1 to the shop with my card so she can get some basics in til i am well enough to feel ok to drive

which will hopefully be tomorrow, but i wont be up for a long drive to the cotswolds, sadly

BitOfFunnyBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 14:21:55

MCAB, I like it!

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 14:28:48

lol @mcab

NotPlayingAnyMore Thu 09-Apr-09 14:30:47

"He asked me about what food I liked, then put ' you're not a vegetarian are you?? '"

Just catching up with this thread now. When you mentioned the vegetarian issue earlier, I was going to ask you if he'd asked exactly that!
Obviously had too much to do with the same kind of men hmm so enjoy playing with him grin

Haribosmummy Thu 09-Apr-09 14:32:17

This thread is one of the funniest threads I've ever read.

Shineoncrazydiamond - I'm sorry he turned out to be a nob, but at least you found out.

I hope he gets his just desserts!!! grin

Have just read this thread from start to finish and can not stop laughing!!!

Where is this place? I may have to drive there tomorrow to see the action take place? We only live in Somerset so may not be that far (crosses fingers)

I could always add to the adventure of a 'blonde stranger' who just thought she had to say hi to the hansome man then see what he does!!!

allthetwinklystars Thu 09-Apr-09 14:34:38

Ok I've read this from the beginning, thank you for making my day so much better than it was. Shineon you are a dastardly genius - your plan sounds excellent. I'll definitely be checking in tomorrow for an update!

screamingabdab Thu 09-Apr-09 14:39:43

I have also happened on this. Why was I wasting my time on Baby Names?

<goes to check how long it would take to get to Birdland>

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 14:45:22

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PortAndLemon Thu 09-Apr-09 14:47:43

Drifting OT, there was an alsatian-chihuahua cross at the kennels where my parents' dog used to stay when I was younger. I can't remember what it looked like, mind you -- we were all too preoccupied with the "how on earth?" aspect.

If I hadn't booked tickets for something else I would so be going to... erm... Avianplace.

hippipotamiHasLost15Pounds Thu 09-Apr-09 14:48:00

Oh gawd shineon - he really is a bit of a twat...

btw - does he not realise that when Jane sees him he is not goign to look anything like his picture? He is a bit deluded isn't he??

Stretch Thu 09-Apr-09 14:48:38

Ha! He can't handle the hot stuff!! grin

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 14:49:17

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hippipotamiHasLost15Pounds Thu 09-Apr-09 14:50:26

Am still agog at the expression 'chick tik man'. I mean, seriously....

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 14:51:49

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OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 09-Apr-09 14:54:00

>>Just marking my place, again<<

Thank you for sharing this with us, shineoncrazydiamond.

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 14:54:23

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mathshoneybunny27 Thu 09-Apr-09 14:54:28

brilliant thread, thanks for making my big fat overdue day

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 14:55:28

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BalloonSlayer Thu 09-Apr-09 14:58:05

It's soooooo romantic isn't it?

He thinks he might be meeting someone special and all he can talk about is frigging curry.

No wonder he's 2 stone overweight.

- and I speak as someone desperate for a curry that doesn't come out of a jar.

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 15:04:46

i am not entirely sure why anyone would want to wear this, but you could wear it during a quick change

CMOTdibbler Thu 09-Apr-09 15:09:20

Dang, I live a 30 min drive from Bourton, but am busy tomorrow. This is a fab thread, although obv am sad that shineon has found out her bf is a knob

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 15:10:37

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mylifemykids Thu 09-Apr-09 15:12:15

Can people stop posting now! I've got things to do lol

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 15:13:27

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RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 15:20:40

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OMG, I only go out for 2 hours and there are 3 pages to catch up on!! We'll need a part 2 for tomorrow at this rate!!!! grin

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 15:27:25

i so want to be there

Jackbunnysmama Thu 09-Apr-09 15:27:33

PMSLBrokeMN, could you do a link to the womanly fluids thread - looked for it but can't find it!! Thanks!

Oh, this is so good. And with the time difference between here and the U.K. I will get to find out what happened as soon as I get up tomorrow!!!!!!!!! Can't wait!

Definitely an MN Classic.

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 15:29:09

it would take just over an hour for me to get there

PMSLBrokeMN Thu 09-Apr-09 15:31:11
RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 15:39:49

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lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 15:43:44

could i throw a fish at him when it was feeding time?

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 15:48:13

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lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 15:50:54

i would get dd1 to yell "jane!" at me as i wandered by him

HecAteTheEasterBunny Thu 09-Apr-09 15:56:06

grin I am REALLY looking forward to tomorrow!

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 15:59:25

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HortonHatchesTheChocolateEgg Thu 09-Apr-09 15:59:57

If I could drive, I would absolutely be turning up to gawk and giggle.

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 16:01:16

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ChippingIn Thu 09-Apr-09 16:06:50

LOL - I think I would be 'out' tonight, I couldn't stand another night of

idiot or twat

arghhhhhh

hippipotamiHasLost15Pounds Thu 09-Apr-09 16:07:26

here we go, a practise round:

shoes or boots
flat or house
car or bike
club or pub
trousers or skirts

boring enough?? grin

chik tik man even worse - definately cringe-making!

lou33 Thu 09-Apr-09 16:08:26

ask if he gives or receives

SlightlyMadSimnelCake Thu 09-Apr-09 16:13:16

<another nosey bint bookmarking for an outcome>

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 16:15:08

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GumsNRoses Thu 09-Apr-09 16:18:15

Yeah tell him you out with a mate tonight, she's a dippy bird grin but you love her

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 09-Apr-09 16:19:28

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MuffinToptheMule Thu 09-Apr-09 16:27:12

Haven't got any suggestion but I'm laughing my head off after reading this thread. Can't wait to read what happens tomorrow. smile

Ineedmorechocolatenow Thu 09-Apr-09 16:30:53

This thread is hilarious! Thank you for making a sleep-deprived, heavily pregnant woman laugh!

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa Thu 09-Apr-09 16:32:20

Just marking page for tomorrow.

Nook nook as Pingu would say.

gringringrin

chocolepew Thu 09-Apr-09 16:38:40

'Jane'should be carrying a book, just so her knows it's her