Does anyone fancy going a bit Stepford with me?

(623 Posts)
BEAUTlFUL Mon 24-Nov-08 22:32:30

I regret that title now! but will carry on regardless...

Basically, I have recently read a marriage book called "Fascinating Womanhood" by helen Andelin, written in the 1960's, and am starting to practise it in my marriage. It involves a lot of work, but good work, IYKWIM, accepting DH, admiring him, appreciating his efforts, listening to him, being a "domestic goddess", taking over childcare completely, settling him with a drink when he comes home, etc.

I'm LOVING it and actually -- weirdly -- feel a lot happier and more confident since I started it! I know it's not going to be popular with many of you, but is there anyone out there who fancies trying it out?

We could do it like a sort of bookclub, and follow the assignments every week. It promises to make your DH absolutely gaga in love again, v attentive, romantic, etc.

But more than that, it really teaches you acceptance, so if they're not being perfect, it really doesn't get to you as much. Or at all.

I know it'll get scoffed at, but I don't care really!

Anyone? It's hard work, but I'm convinced it's worth it as after just 3 weeks, DH and I feel so much closer, he is saying ILY all the time, we are laughing again, holding hands in bed, etc.

Even my mum has noticed. We went there for lunch and afterwards Mum rang up and said, "What's with you two? Your DH looks so happy and confident, and your body-language together was so 'united'!"

thumbwitch Mon 24-Nov-08 22:35:34

my DH would LOVE it if I did that but not my cup of tea - I already admire him enough, he is the sort of person who gets one compliment and then sits on his laurels and does sfa else afterwards. So a little admiration and appreciation and some backside kicking work best for my sanity us! grin

MinkyBorage Mon 24-Nov-08 22:36:19

barf

BEAUTlFUL Mon 24-Nov-08 22:39:41

LOL! It's more than that though.

She also talks about how to break down a man's "wall of reserve". She says that a husband often decides to keep silent to preserve the peace in a marriage, when there are things he is irked about but is scared to discuss in case of fallout. She tells you how to handle that, and get him to open up.

Also, how to get him to release all his inner resentments in a massive "clear the air" session in order to let back in all his feelings of love, romance, affection, etc.

How to be the one person he shares his dreams/feelings with. How to bring forth (don't scoff) his feelings of "celestial love", where he strokes your hair, goes all protective, showers you with tenderness, etc.

anyone?

Tortington Mon 24-Nov-08 22:40:16

there are so many things wrong, i hardly know where to start, i have heard of this before, MNetters have mocked american websites that claim to do the same thing.

i just can't help thinking ...why do you have to be attentive to his every need - for him to be attentive to some of yours.

why do you want to do this? do you have no other ambition shock

what is wrong with you as a person, that you have to impliment subservience as a means to a happy marriage

and again shock

Goober Mon 24-Nov-08 22:40:31

Have been doing this for years. We are very happy.

BEAUTlFUL Mon 24-Nov-08 22:40:48

Lol at Minky! I'll get you a copy of the book then, yes?

BEAUTlFUL Mon 24-Nov-08 22:41:24

Really Goober? Naturally, or did you read this kind of book...?

elastamum Mon 24-Nov-08 22:42:15

Cant help you here. My H left me with the kids to be with a woman who does just that shock Couldnt bring myself to do it!

thumbwitch Mon 24-Nov-08 22:43:41

agree with custy and perhaps I am just "lucky" in that my DH is already pretty attentive, open etc. But then we haven't been married long, maybe that's it!! grin

Tortington Mon 24-Nov-08 22:43:43

just had a bit of celestial lovin' we do that celestial lovin most nights when we watch a film or a series. a cuddle, he stokes my hair yadda yadda.

i work ft, i did make his tea ( chucked in oven) and have berated him for losing a full human being ( my daughter)

i really don't think i have to make it my lifes mission to kiss his ginger spotty arse, for him to love me and like me enough to be open and touchy feely.

Goober Mon 24-Nov-08 22:44:04

It has always been this way.

anyfucker Mon 24-Nov-08 22:45:00

beautiful, you need to find something else to do with your time

StayFrosty Mon 24-Nov-08 22:45:41

wot custy said. why are you the emotional caretaker? marriage is a partnership.

MinkyBorage Mon 24-Nov-08 22:46:41

if I even tried to do something like that, it would go against my grain so badly, I feel certain that the strain would be so much that I would soon end up soaked in gin ! Much safer if I continue with the level of dissent I employ atm

anyfucker Mon 24-Nov-08 22:48:07

celestial lovin ?

is that when you see stars cos you have just been shagged into the middle of next week?

I'll 'ave some of that, thankyou

as to the rest of it, no way on this earth

if I had to do this to keep a man, I would stay single

snowleopard Mon 24-Nov-08 22:48:44

Well custy's just said it all for me, except ruder

It may WORK, or course most men would cheer up and fancy a spot of celestial hair-rubbing if their partner suddenly decided to cater for their every whim, never kvetch at them and swallow any annoyance she might ever feel. But why should you? What about an equal partnership? If he's on the same mission, jolly good - but not if he's not. Why the hell should you take over all childcare for example?

You know in the days when women were generally expected to be like this, a lot of them ended up on valium from the strain of having their feelings and needs constantly ignored, by themselves and everyone else, and bending over backwards to be the perfect wifey.

Sorry not to be saying yes sign me up here but you're right, probably not a lot of take-up on MN...

BEAUTlFUL Mon 24-Nov-08 22:50:02

Hmm. so far this recruitment drive isn't going very well, is it.

anyfucker Mon 24-Nov-08 22:50:27

and I fucking hate having my hair rubbed......

If you really think that this is the way you would like to live, you need to be very sure that the man you are using this method on is an extremely balanced and ethical human being. Because if he's not, he will very soon start to consider you as a pet or an object, and you won't get 'celestial loving', you will get condescension, laziness, criticism and possibly even abuse.

Unfortunately, a really balanced and ethical human being won't like being treated like some kind of slaveowner or minor deity, and will either ask you to start acting like a person again or run away.

anyfucker Mon 24-Nov-08 22:51:09

afraid not beautiful smile

BEAUTlFUL Mon 24-Nov-08 22:51:10

lololol

MinkyBorage Mon 24-Nov-08 22:51:38

my husband said I should try it, but I've told him to fuck off

dittany Mon 24-Nov-08 22:53:39

You do know that the 1960s were the era of women's liberation and women finally rising up and rejecting that kind of crap don't you beautiful?

It's probably books like the one you're describing that led at least some of those women to say "enough is enough".

Those were the days when a woman couldn't get a mortgage or even buy a washing machine without her husband's signature and approval. It would be a very retrograde step to want to go back to those times.

Anyway who wants to be with a man who needs his wife to be his servant before he'll treat her in a kind way?

Nappiesgalore Mon 24-Nov-08 22:53:47

sheesh
i have more respect for my man than to run about massaging his ego all the time in this way
wtf?

and fwiw, i had a relationship where the man was kind of like you describe... and it got DULL and suffocating and really irritating. and i had no respect for him before long. and all because he was doting and simpering and super-sodding-attentive.

i am NOT perfect, nor is my dp, and nor is our relationship, BUT, we are equals and there is no way on this earth that i am going to run about bending myself around every whim and fancy and behaving as though i have no personality or likes or life of my own.

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