The Least Professional Moments of My Illustrious Career - Please Feel Free to Add Your Own

(547 Posts)

Please reassure me I am not the only one to behave less than professionally occasionally. So far I have:

Called my boss 'Dad'.

I stood up in front of a major customer's supplier quality improvement conference and informed them, 40 other companies, and my boss ('Dad')that "Quality Improvement programs usually come in steps - ours is a 12 step program".

I started a new role in my company, went to a conference with representatives from all the company sites who were now relying on me to ensure the correct products reach them with the correct test reports, labels and packaging. I introducted myself by saying "Good morning, my name is Angela Hernandez". 30 faces went hmm and a voice from the back went "No, it isn't". The real Angela Hernandez (our Quality Director), known to them all for the past 25 years looked very confused as to why I was apparently trying to impersonate her. Not so confused as I looked, obviously.

rempy Wed 19-Nov-08 15:42:36

Am an anaesthetist. On one of first days back to work after mat leave with DD, put someone out saying "sleepy time now sweetpea............"

I suppose I could have added "heres blankie"

Lawrene8 Wed 19-Nov-08 15:44:01

I once snorted really loudly in court as the witness explained how he had arrested a donkey and taken it into custody. Then tried to cover it up by pretending it was a coughing fit. Then got a terrible fit of the giggles and had to ask for a short adjourment to recover myself.

littlelapin Wed 19-Nov-08 15:44:36

<snort> at least you didn't try to feed them to sleep!

Grammaticus Wed 19-Nov-08 15:45:06

My professional lapses usually take place in the ladies' loo where I hide after a meeting has ended in order to let out gales of laughter at something that a client told me in a meeting, that at the time I addressed with my best "I'm an unshockable professional" face. In no particular order:

the time a gentleman told me that he had a penchant for vegetables as sex toys, then added that he ran a greengrocers' business

the time a woman told me that her husband would go out for beers every saturday night, then wake in the night and wee in the wardrobe. she cleaned it up. once a week for 9 years.

most embarrassingly, the time a particularly earnest german doctor told me that his christian name was herman and I got "Herman the German" stuck in my mind and had to fight off the giggles for the rest of the meeting. I don't know why, it's not really funny grin

Oh, there must be so many more...

Pawslikepaddington Wed 19-Nov-08 15:45:38

I called my director "poppet' a few times (pet name for dd)-in front of his none too impressed wife once too! Also strode around the office productively for a whole morning once not realising one side of the slit in my skirt was tucked in my tights,

The thing that bothers me UnquietDad is not that you didn't get the 12 step reference, but that so many people supplying the aerospace industry obviously did.

pagwatch Wed 19-Nov-08 15:45:58

I was at work with 3 year old at home. We had been enjoying Alladin at the weekend.
I was lost in thought and sang very loudly the line "still I think he's raaathhheeeer tasty " with all the tuneless screeching from the original. Looked across to see five Nordic gentlemen looking at me very puzzled as I was supposed to be talking to them about Bank mergers.

Worst one I was involved with was waking up in my house and complaining to my flat mate about her shrieking, noisy, hee-haw sex that had disturbed my whole night.
I hadn't realised donkey man was still there until my married boss sheepishly emerged from the room and mumbled good morning before fleeing.

Pawslikepaddington Wed 19-Nov-08 15:47:09

Am now singing "herman the german, herman the german" in my head!

I had to get some information from a colleague so went into his office. He immediately said "Have a bullseye". I stuffed one in my mouth, then realised his foul plan. I was now unable to talk until the bullseye was gone, and it was going to take a long, long time. I had to back out of his office with my jaws and mouth working and a frustrated and boggled stare. He found it very amusing.

Twiglett Wed 19-Nov-08 15:48:51

"Mine's a ginger muffin" OMG I'm going to explode

Not too bad here - most embarrassing was when I was doing a presentation in front of about 50 doctors and professors.

I was supposed to say "and there are many things you can do like..." but the do like came out as dyke.

Strangely enough even though it was said in a running sentence, dyke really stood out and echoed around the room (well in my ears anyway).

I had to keep saying to myself "Don't think about it. Don't think about it...."

boredjustabout Wed 19-Nov-08 15:49:55

Thank you everybody it is ages since we had a really funny thread

FlirtyThirty Wed 19-Nov-08 15:51:31

Boco - I have just sprayed my keyboard with juice laughing at your expense! Thank you so much.

igivein Wed 19-Nov-08 15:52:18

Blinglovin - yes it really happened, I really am that much of an oaf. What was even worse it seemed to happen in slow motion, as I was heading for the floor I had this vision of landing on the poor dead bloke's chest (he was on his back)and the pressure making him fling his arms round me, which would have been really euwww,so I twisted myself round really awkwardly so that I'd land next to him rather than on top. This meant I twisted my ankle and was limping for days, people kept asking me how I'd hurt my leg...

BitOfFun Wed 19-Nov-08 15:54:44

I am notorious for my verbal gaffes at work. A lady phoned the bookshop and asked me if we had any self-help books on agoraphobia. I was running around the shelves, listing the titles and prices to her, and then said "do you know what? We've got loads, it's probably better if you come in and have a look"... blush

Blinglovin Wed 19-Nov-08 15:55:01

Please stop it. I am not supposed to be reading funny online things at work and it's hard to hide what I'm doing when I have visions of you falling into murdered chaps chest while hubnky police partner (there must have been some, right?!?!?!) stands by!!! grin

littlelapin Wed 19-Nov-08 15:58:09

bIToFfUN, STOP IT <ACHING SIDES> grin

igivein Wed 19-Nov-08 15:58:11

I will stop now cos I've got to go pick up ds, but I will say there were about 5 police officers and a doctor in the room, all male but non of them hunky. They all rushed gallantly to my aid (not) - they were too busy pissing themselves laughing

dramaqueen Wed 19-Nov-08 15:59:27

I was taken out for dinner by the board of directors (and their wives) of a company as part of the interview process. It was a very posh french restaurant (L'Escargot) in London. I was with 2 others they were considering for the position, one of whom I knew. I arranged to meet the other candidates before meeting the directors at the restaurant, so of course we downed a few bottles glasses. When we got to the restaurant I was fairly merry. I couldn't read the menu because I couldn't focus on it, and then proceeded to knock over a huge glass of red wine all over the MD's wife, who was wearing a white dress.

Oh, and I did get the job. Not sure how.

I was deeply concentrating on some work on my screen, with my back to the main part of the office.

A collegue walked up with my client (very senior) and spoke to me, it made me jump so much that I screamed. Which in turn made my collegue jump and he fell over backwards onto the (quite small female) client.

Having previously been very nervous about my annual staff assessment meeting, the following year I decided to take in a hipflask so I could have a quick glug for some Dutch courage.

As the time for me to be called in to the bosses office drew nigh I pretended to drop something and disappeared under my desk to 'retrieve' it and had a good swig of rum whilst I was under there.

I emerged to find my boss looming over my desk ! All he said was " Are we ready then ?" so I was never quite sure if he had seen me on my hands and knees, drinking under the desk. Needless to say it was the first and last time I did that.

ScottishMummy Wed 19-Nov-08 16:04:48

i introduced a speaker by the wrong name,even had it on the handouts,the big heid never found it funny

for ages after referred to it any ole time.think was secretly hoping i would be carted away and thoroughly remonstrated with

pingping Wed 19-Nov-08 16:07:56

When I was younger I jumped over the bar I worked in and Knocked out a customer. [blush} she had attacked the Managers husband and best friend.

O another job it went around the work place the boss looked like Kermit the frog I accidently called him it when he asked me a question I was a manager as well

Pingping have you done the Staff rota

Me Yes Kermit I mean o shit

BetteNoire Wed 19-Nov-08 16:19:23

I trapped the head of the Sales Director in my car boot.
It was still attached to the neck and body of the Sales Director though - I didn't murder him or anything.

BitOfFun Wed 19-Nov-08 16:21:54

ROFL at the hip flask!! grin

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