As a trainee teacher, I once accidentally dropped and broke a metre long plastic blackboard ruler on the desk of a little boy (well, he was 11).

He wet himself.

Not my proudest moment

Oh, and my 60 something, distinguished boss came in to my office to talk with me about a project I was working on and I had Radio 1 on. At that point, they played French Kiss by Lil Louis. Cue lots of simulated sex noises and moaning, and he was standing between me and the radio. Argh.

Oh god, we had a client on the phone who had a prosthetic hand and he had a problem with his computer.

And I helpfully suggested he try pressing ctrl-shift-escape. Long pause while he went to get someone to lend a finger...

Walked through the directors offices, into the finance directors office, had conversation with him before returning to my desk. Sitting comfortably when fd's pa comes in and gently informs me that skirt is tucked in knickers.

Fell down flight of stairs landing in crumpled heap in front of chief exec and two directors. Leapt up trying to pretend all ok or I meant to do it only to keel over again

went to remove stray hair for colleague only to find it was still attached to her lip

returned after hours to collect something only to disturb two colleagues at it like rabbits in the office

Fell (again) over in reception for no apparent reason

the list goes on.......

I once had to organise a big conference for a well known Jewish Bank that is no longer around - got really expensive company to cater, lots of lovely food that I would have wolfed down - lobster, big lovely prawns, scallops and chorizo and countless other things that were so far the wrong side of kosher it was not funny - got a bit of a pasting for that one!!

Also called the Prince of Hanover Mr Prince - he didn;t find it funny and I retorted when he told me who he has that I didn't know there was a country called Hanover!

The following week I was covering reception again - had they not learnt!! And Dae Llewellyn was coming for a lunch - I had seen hin in the paper a few weeks before and mentioned to my colleague that that stuck up, sexist tiss pot was on his way up - he said - who me as he was already standing infront of me.

Announced someone on the phone to a colleague as Mr stuck Up, Fat, Wankety Wank, Cock Sucker, Arse Face and had the phone on conference rather than transfer - oooohhhh the list could go on and on and on!!

sooo funny...

I have two worthy of sharing

Week into new job as office manager and most senior person on site. I am staying at my new boyfriends, he gets up goes to work, locks door behind him without thinking...I attempt to leave, am locked in...then discover my mobile battery has died...no landline at flat, computer is password protected so can't email and I fail to show up for work entirely... They have quite obviously never believed me and thought I was too hungover...

I work for a Minister and he has instructed me to be rude on his behalf when necessary to get him out of events and keep time with diary...I'm not entirely sure he meant I should say 'Excuse me while I pull the Minister off' to various VIPS as I have done three times in the last month. They probably wouldn't notice except I always realise at the last minute, listen with horror as it comes out of my mouth, blush and bite my lip to stop giggling...

W for wank...

<cries with laughter>

Bump

I have been reading posts that I hadn't seen before.

This thread has made me laugh so hard.

Thank you madameDS!

Laughed so much in an important meeting (involving my boss, my boss' boss and the head of the LEA) that I

1. cried a bit hysterically
2. developed uncontrollable and loud hiccups, resulting in
3. a thunderously masculine belch just as the chairman was addressing me.

I haven't had time to read this whole thread but madamdeathstar - is your boss in fact your dad?

when I was very junior i fell asleep (momentarily) in quite a high level meeting I had been taken along to as an 'opportunity'