What Not to Do - the stupidity thread

(1001 Posts)
littlelapin Sat 15-Sep-07 12:12:53

Do not:

- drop overripe blackberries all over the floor
- get distracted by small child and forget to wash hands after picking up aforementioned blackberries
- take white wash out of washing machine

... <sigh> ...

<LL reloads washing machine, scrubs floor, cries>

KerryMum Sat 15-Sep-07 14:46:34

LL - you better throw some bleach in there as well. Blueberry notoriously difficult to get out.

Cammelia Sat 15-Sep-07 14:48:34

don't post on thread about swedish monarchy desi and then not elaborate

Meridian Sat 15-Sep-07 17:23:37

don't do a load of white sheets and accidentally leave the clean wet laundry in the washer while trying to find new kitten hiding in the garden, because said new kitten will make a lovely bed in the washer with lovely muddy paw prints everwhere. blush at least i didn't wash the cat.

WaynettaVonSlob Sat 15-Sep-07 17:28:34

Do not: Come down bleary eyed on a Saturday morning, open the fridge to get some orange juice from your new funky Tropicana fridge pack that has a tap on it (!!!), and instead fill your glass from the box next to it, which just happens to be filled with white wine grin

DO: count your lucky stars that you realised before you drank it........such a waste of wine though......

heifer Sat 15-Sep-07 17:30:07

Do not shake olbus oil onto your DD pillow then walk away and scratch your fanjo....

Possible the only time I had the hottest fanjo in the neighbourhood....

RibenaBerry Sat 15-Sep-07 17:35:12

Do not spend hours making lovely stock. Go to drain stock. Place colander in sink. Tip all stock straight down sink and stare, dumbfounded, at the pile of old bones and vegetables which is the reward for all your hard work.

mytwopenceworth Sat 15-Sep-07 17:36:28

Never assume that the little brown spot on your sofa is chocolate and employ the 'scrape-with finger-moisten-finger-with-quick-lick-scrape-with-finger-again' slovernly and disgusting but quick and effective method of removing small stain.

<<passes m2pw toothpaste, floss and mouthwash>>

Please tell us it was Marmite.

You may need to lie.

mytwopenceworth Sat 15-Sep-07 17:49:14

yeah, ahem, er, well, yes.. it was 'marmite'.

Do you have a second bottle of mouthwash?......

Here, try this absinthe.

Neverenough Sat 15-Sep-07 18:11:10

Eeewwww!
Reminds me of when DD ate sheep poo on Dartmoor.
I made DH ask the local microbiologist if we should worry.
He said no, but suggested that we might like to brush DD's teeth![dry retching emoticon]

*crying with laughter*

Oh it does me good to hear of others disasters

.......in a synpathetic rolling eyes non-judgemental way I hasten to add!!!

littlelapin Sat 15-Sep-07 18:44:25

What IS it about children, Dartmoor and sheep poo...

We might end up moving there so I guess it will become a dietary staple hmm

ElenyaTuesday Sat 15-Sep-07 18:45:26

In a similar (but not so grand) vein to Desi - do not ask that bloke and his wife standing on an overcrowded train if they are sure that they went through all of the First Class carriages looking for a seat because it will turn out that they are Viscount Linley and his wife who have sent someone else to look for seats for them.

BTW Desi - what did you say to the King of Sweden!?

Neverenough Sat 15-Sep-07 18:48:56

Sheep poo looks like maltesers!
On reflection it COULD have been rabbit poo-needed you there to do an ID LittleLapiin grin

Neverenough Sat 15-Sep-07 18:50:08

Ooh royalty-were VL and Sabrina (orwhateverhernameis) nice or too posh to chat, EL?

Neverenough Sat 15-Sep-07 18:51:52

Sorry meant ET not EL-got sidetracked by DD baying for food.

ROFL @ heifer!

Eat in a restaurant that asks you to pay on ordering (not a tom cobleigh type chain)
Eat in a restaurant whose wine list consists of "red or white"
Eat in a restaurant that pulls cork out without first removing foil

And whatever you do DO NOT eat in a restaurant that does all of the above....

bran Sat 15-Sep-07 18:53:56

Do not allow yourself to completely run out of food in the (eroneous) belief that an Ocado order will be delivered the following morning. When it fails to be delivered do check the date of the order before phoning Ocado in a strop to say the order is late only to be told that it's actually for the following week. blush

I don't know how I did that. The whole thing has thrown me more out of kilter than I would have thought possible, and we are about to run out of loo roll.

ElenyaTuesday Sat 15-Sep-07 18:58:22

Neverenough, Viscount Linley was perfectly polite - the wife didn't speak - I think he was a bit surprised that I had no idea who he was (I only realised after saying "Righty-oh, then" and marching off).........

ElenyaTuesday Sat 15-Sep-07 18:59:57

Oh, and as punishment for failing to recognise Viscount Linley, you will end up stuck opposite Peter Stringfellow for 3 hours...................

Neverenough Sat 15-Sep-07 19:04:44

ROFL ElenyaTuesday!

Mhamai Sat 15-Sep-07 19:07:44

Do not on meeting Michael Flatfoot Flatley tell him that you loved him in Lord of the Rings!

StarryStarryNight Sat 15-Sep-07 19:08:47

- Do NOT mistake tiger balm for chamois cream and apply to your bottom prior to long cycle rid. I can assure you, this is causing a much hotter bum and fanjo than ANYTHING else can...

- Do not flush toilet at the same time as your toddler throws his tootbrush in (and do not explain to your local friendly chemist what your child did that you had to come and buy another new toothbrush, in the airshot of a builder who will most certainly elaborate on what can or cannot pass down the toilet without causing blockage)



And Desi, I am muchos curiousus!

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