Looking for a Governess - may I look here?

(107 Posts)
Sobernow Wed 22-Aug-07 13:30:49

Are you a spinster with no hope of attracting a husband?

Have you sublimated your sexual urges by learning Latin and Embroidery?

Are you in want of £7 a year?

Please apply to the address below and my husband and I may consider you for the post of schoolroom guardian for our twins, Fortnum and Mason. Fortnum is well behaved, but Mason appears to be a little more of a scamp.

Be warned - my husband's night time demands are rigorous and I am of an age where this is most tiresome. You may be called upon to press rather more than the children's clothes.

ledodgy Wed 22-Aug-07 13:32:38

I'll do it but only if there is a mad lady in the attic and your husband looks like Mr Rochester when Timothy Dalton played him.

GloriaMumble Wed 22-Aug-07 13:34:52

mmm Timothy Dalton... Mr Rochester.... mmmm.

THAT series (or was it a one off?) was worth the licence fee

SlimNanny Wed 22-Aug-07 13:36:51

oh great another job on hear

i dont know what a spinstar is is it like a dj questionmark

i dont understand most of what you rote but im a very good nanny

your kiddie winks sound luvly

Blu Wed 22-Aug-07 13:43:04

Your ladyship, my i submit myself for consideration, for i feel i may fit your requirements almost exactly.

With regard to latin and Embrodery, you will find that in my attention to Latin declesions of all kind and in fact declined very little in the employ of my last master. With regard to embrodery, my fingers are well used to many pricks as I have toiled both night and day to relieve both my mistress and master in the duties of this nature.

£7 a year, a corner of a small garret for my bed and a new bodice should mine become ripped would be all that i require.

yours most humbly,

Blu

WelshBoris Wed 22-Aug-07 13:45:45

Blu


I'll pay you <searches purse> £46.79 if you have lunch with me.

MissJaneEyre Wed 22-Aug-07 13:52:21

For the kind attention of Mistress Sobernow,

I am immediately available, having recently graduated from Lowood Institute for Unwanted Cousins.

I will take on your twins, but on the condition that you are confined to the attic forthwith, the better for me to have a proper crack at your husband.

That annoying ringleted bastard Adele will have to go too btw

MissJaneEyre Wed 22-Aug-07 13:53:44

I should have added that as my practical assignment in my Care of the Vulnerable Child at Lowood, I let my best friend Helen go into a terminal decline. So best not let the twins quote too much Samuel Butler at me, just in case.

littlelapin Wed 22-Aug-07 13:54:36

I am enjoying these

SlimNanny Wed 22-Aug-07 13:56:15

loook blu adn jane eyre stop stealing my fucking jobs

Sobernow Wed 22-Aug-07 17:45:44

Pray forgive my tardiness in replying - I was called upon to walk with Fortnum and Mason in the grounds a while.

Blu (is that your patronym, or are you foreign?) I detect from your reply that you are well versed in the 'needs' of a household such as ours. Although you may rest assured that your nimble fingers will not be required amongst my bedlinen.

Slimnanny - you seem to be fresh from the workhouse far too silly for my twins. An empty-headed ninny such as yourself, fit only for physical duties is of no use to me. Mr Sobernow, however, would like to meet you when he is in town.

Sobernow Wed 22-Aug-07 17:47:23

MissJane Eyre - the 'crack' you wish my husband to have knowledge of, is it intact so far?

aloha Wed 22-Aug-07 17:49:42

sadly, in these corrupt and cruel times, fucking jobs are the best a poor but genteel young woman may expect. I believe Mr Sobernow, a man of most disreputable character by all accounts, is a provider of many fucking jobs in these parts.

Sobernow Wed 22-Aug-07 17:55:44

He is indeed, aloha, always open to a fucking job as you so delicately phrase it. He is an upstanding gentleman, quite often.

He is committed to saving the fallen and is contemplating the foundation of a House of Correction.

I believe he is on the verge of patenting a sticky white substance he may call Correcting Fluid, developed whilst he was trying to use what he called 'a rubber'.

The position is still vacant - as is Mason, sadly.

aloha Wed 22-Aug-07 17:57:26

My dear, you must often find yourself excessively Tired from his Attentions.

Sobernow Wed 22-Aug-07 18:01:05

Indeed I am, aloha. Pray that I may benefit soon from Attention Deficit.

Califrau Wed 22-Aug-07 18:19:31

I was not aware that here would be such an opportune spot to seek out new staff. We at Milpitas Manor are in dire need of a new Game Keeper. Our last was a lumpen fellow who, tho was competant at the tasks suggested by Lord Californius, had none of the qualities I was hoping for in such a position.
Should any of you know a suitable dashing fellow with all the usual game keeping skills plus a height of 6feet and two inches and tight fitting leather breaches, I would be grateful if you would supply me with a small sketch or miniature that I may take him into consideration.

Whizzz Wed 22-Aug-07 18:23:57

Cali - I'm afraid I've got that one covered see here

EmmaWoodhouse Wed 22-Aug-07 18:25:10

I am willing to offer my services in the field of governess recruitment. I have no small experience having bored the corset off my own governess before palming her off on to an old family friend.

Califrau Wed 22-Aug-07 18:26:24

<waves the other timezone flag miserably>

donnie Wed 22-Aug-07 18:26:24

I feel I need to stick up for Anne Bronte here who is clearly the governess queen.

Sobernow Wed 22-Aug-07 18:37:35

Emmawoodhouse, I believe Mr Sobernow would be mightily intrigued to witness your palming off technique.

I am, however, becoming increasingly concerned by Mason's evident stupidity. Only yesterday he
mistook my rabbit for his own, the dolt. I had to spend all afternoon in the back kitchen picking cabbage leaves and straw from it. I fear it will not be fit for purpose until the smell of hay has faded.

aloha Wed 22-Aug-07 18:47:28

Mrs Sobernow, I fear you may be quite Overcome by the Demands placed upon you. You do not seem Yourself. Indeed, is that the Doctor with his trusty Straitjacket I see? For ladies with Appetites are most often best confined amid the Mad, I believe.
Oh, 'tis that your new Governess with the good doctor and looking so yearningly at Mr Sobernow! Alas.

Sobernow Wed 22-Aug-07 18:53:52

Oh, what has befallen me?! I find myself bundled into a carriage with nothing but the bombazine on my back! Mr Sobernow has arranged a short holiday for me in a hermetically sealed place of relaxation near Longleat!

He will be well served, as you suggest, by the nurse appointed to look after Fortnum and Mason (who waved happily at me as I was swept down our approach)

Aloha, your foreknowledge of my fate troubles me. Are you a spiritualist, or a conspiracist? We both know those are the only two types of 'individual' - which are you!

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