If oyu name si Linda you are an admin perosn at a hospital

(976 Posts)
NoelleHawthorne Sat 06-Dec-14 08:38:22

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Livinginoz Wed 27-Apr-11 06:18:24

Love love love this thread, kept me entertained for a whole hour at work!

Grant is an electrician who has been quite busy of late, going around fixing problems created by Lynne the Lesbian Electrician. He likes going to the pub for "early doors" and is on the darts team. He is married to Rosslyn who owns a boutique selling clothes for "mature" women, and is estranged from her weathy family for marrying a bit of rough at 21 when she got her trust fund money. They have two children - Tony and Heather.

Tony is also an electician and plays darts with his dad. Heather is a doctor's receptionist and wears bobbly tights.

Milngavie Mon 11-Apr-11 11:01:12

My name is very close to Linda. I have just got a new job as an admin in the local hospital grin.

PMSL I am wearing an old pair of birkenstocks today but DH is not wearing flip flops because I confiscated them!

TheSmallClanger Mon 11-Apr-11 10:43:30

Francis lives in a big house. He is in his 40s and quite attractive in a sort of Bohemian way, and wears corduroy and velvet a lot. No-one has a clue what he does for a living, although rumours occasionally circulate.

Frank is a traditional pub landlord.

Fran is a rather daft boy who is training to be a pilot. He has flying lessons in a Cessna at the weekends, with Graeme the flight instructor. Graeme knows that Fran will never get his head around instrument flying, but hasn't the heart to tell him. Graeme is ex-RAF and once harboured hopes of becoming the first British astronaut.

Fimbo Thu 07-Apr-11 13:42:40

Bunty's husband died 20 years ago, she has never remarried and likes to lunch at the local polo club with her friends Jinty and Vivien. She draws her eyebrows in thickly with pencil.

Fimbo Thu 07-Apr-11 13:38:51

Ha ha dh's boss is Tim and plays badminton, legal profession though.

getting on this (admittedly very long) thread

MikeRotch Thu 07-Apr-11 13:31:00

Tim

Nice accountant.
plays badminton

Bumperliciouzzzzzz Sun 04-Apr-10 21:32:44

John manages a local newsagents. He calls the saturday girls 'luv' and stares at their boobs. He is nice enough, but he and his back room always smells of egg sandwiches.

He is strict but fatherly with the paper boys. He likes to give lollipops to the little kids bought in in pushchairs. All the mothers think it is very sweet, except Anna who plasters on a rictus grin when she comes in for the Independent on Sunday and Green Parent, with baby Clementine in a sling, and as soon as she is out of the door whips the lolly out of the hands of Arlo who at 3.5 has never tasted refined sugar.

Alan the area manager comes to visit the newsagent once a month. He wears nice suits from Marks and Spencer, and only wears shirts that require cufflinks. He has 32 pairs, including funky 'groom' ones, and Crystal Palaces ones. He wishes he worked in the city instead of in Slough's 'Sweeties'HQ.

Sarah and Lee work behind the counter of Sweeties at the weekend, and when the shop is quiet they snog behind the counter, and both quick like being caught in the act. Lee wants to act, and sometimes works as a TV extra. Sarah likes Massive Attack because Lee does.

Sweeties will become a Tesco Metro in 6 months time.

Tanya and she works for BT.

RolandButter Tue 12-Jan-10 21:07:23

have we done Hugo is a banker - and likes pink shirts

wabbit Mon 16-Mar-09 00:48:04

Me too smile

Dillon - is a sound engineer, he has to suffer giving tutorials at the FE college to make ends meet - his girlfriend works in TV, she's having an affair

Dylan - smells a bit and hasn't washed his hair for 7 weeks, he plays guitar (badly) and sponges dope off his more talented mates. He hasn't got a girlfriend, he suffers from depression.

wrinklytum Mon 16-Mar-09 00:05:16

Me too

chipmonkey Sun 15-Mar-09 23:57:19

God, I so miss cod when I read threads like this!

onthepier Sun 15-Mar-09 23:33:12

Funny how every office department I've worked in seems to have a Chris, (female), a Bev + a Sue!

Unwelcome Sun 01-Feb-09 18:03:49

If your name is Emma and you have a boyfriend, you only want to socialise by doing "couple things". If you're single you will only go on girls night out and get in a huff if there are any couples within a one mile radius. You are usually blond, but sometimes try brunette for a few weeks before getting your highlights re-done

Olivia - cute child, gets into drugs in a big way from mid teens. Likes scruffy men

John - sensible. Dependable. Dull. People avoid him

Oliver - bullied a lot at school but does quite well in later life

Matt - has a home gym and unused mountaineering equipment

almummy Mon 17-Nov-08 13:21:26

Dom works in television. Mummy, Daddy and married sisters Lavinia and Thomasina all live in Surrey. Dom went to public school where he was bullied mercilessly, though in his mind they were actually his friends. As they grew up his mates always pulled the birds so when Natalie came to work at his office and showed interest in him he couldn't believe it. Mummy, Daddy, Lavinia and Thomasina do not like Natalie - she is "no good" for Dom.

Now Dom and Natalie have an eight year old daughter who they drag around gastro pubs with them while out for "meals". They usually manage to consume two bottles of wine per "meal". Dom looks much older than he used to and has no money left, though he ignores this fact while racking up more and more credit card debt entertaining Natalie and making sure she does not leave him.

TheSmallClanger Tue 04-Nov-08 22:28:29

I know this is an old thread, but it's the funniest thing ever and I'm dying to contribute now!

Janine shoplifts.

Jake is a recovered drug addict who has been through rehab and an extensive programme of therapy. This has made him a little wearing to be around. He met his wife, Helena, at a therapy group, and now works in interior design with a friend. Helena is a slightly dappy youth worker - she got the job because she has escaped having an actual criminal record, coming from a wealthy background which meant she did not have to steal things to buy her drugs.
Jake and Helena now vigorously eschew anything addictive. At their wedding, at which Jake cried all the way through, no-one was even allowed champagne. Sadie, Jake's mother, secretly thinks that he was easier to deal with when he was a smack-and-coke-addled advertising executive. She worries that he will get into evangelical Christianity.
His sister, Ruth, is a Conservative local councillor and has disowned him, but more because she thinks his tattoos and oddly-coloured hair are a bad influence on her children.

Jodi is a Veterinary Nursing student. She was not over-bright at school, but was encouraged by someone like Helena to do her course because she LOVES animals and wants to help them. She is surprisingly good at the anatomy bit and is one of the most popular girls in her group, with the other students and her teachers. Sadly, the first time she witnesses a cat being put to sleep whilst on a placement, she goes to pieces and does not return to her studies. Eventually, she opens her own poodle parlour.

Saturn74 Tue 03-Jun-08 20:06:36

Emily-Jane is a trainee estate agent.
She is 19.
She is bright and pretty, and has nice nails.
She has a lovely telephone voice.

She is love with Neil, who is a fully-fledged estate agent.
He has his own car and his own flat.
And his own clipboard.
He has shiny shoes - and a shiny suit.
He is less than tall - an aspect for which he overcompensates by wearing heeled boots, even in Summer.
Neil is too much in love with himself to have a relationship with anyone else.

Emily-Jane thinks she will work with Neil forever.
She won't.
But it will take her about three years to realise he is a total nob.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 19-Mar-08 17:46:19

Moira wears Poison, by Dior. She knows it adds to her "presence" in a room full of strangers.

BearMama Tue 18-Mar-08 23:54:45

Moira works for a market research company. She has neat blonde bobbed hair, wears suits that are ten years old and flowery blouses.

She is used to addressing roomfuls of people in anonymous hotel conference suites where she goes through questions one by one and is proud of her methodical approach.

She is quite territorial of her overhead projector and secretly longs to run her own Weight Watchers support group.

moodlumthehoodlum Tue 18-Mar-08 21:19:39

Troy has had the full body electrolysis now, but the stripping still has some allure for him, so he's sticking with it, until something better comes along.

Rosie has changed. She dabbled in evangelical christianity but knew, long term it wasn't for her. She is dabbling in becoming a goth, and wants to change her name to siouxsie.

Quattrocento Tue 18-Mar-08 21:15:45

Sarah teaches primary school. She dyes her hair surreptitiously (and badly) at home. The ethnic clothes and beads have turned into things that resemble suits. She will never see a size 12 again.

SirDigbyChickenCaesar Tue 18-Mar-08 21:09:37

ROFL

did anyone else just describe themselves and people they know on this thread?

this should be in classics me thinks.

princessosyth Tue 18-Mar-08 21:07:02

Pauline fell pregnant when she was a teenager and gave birth to a little girl, the girl was brought up by her father, Salvatori and is living in southern Italy. Terry doesn't know. Pauline is thinking of learning Italian.

NomDePlume Tue 18-Mar-08 20:59:37

Terry and Pauline run a Blackpool B&B. Their favourite customers are the blue rinse coach parties.

Brian (Bingo Bri) is a bingo-caller and works at the B&B every Wednesday and Friday night.


Gordon has converted his garden shed into a haven for his model railway collection. His wife, Diane, wishes he was more dynamic and sexually adventurous.

NomDePlume Tue 18-Mar-08 20:45:34

Kim always flashes her (not great) tits to hail cabs after a night out.

Helen always ends up holding Kim's hair back.


Seb is on a gap year in Thailand. When he comes home he will study marketing at University.

Thalia is a ladyboy. She'd quite like a go on Seb. She likes his foppish blonde hair and big blue eyes. She's seen the bulge in his combat trousers when she smoulders at him in the hostess club.

BearMama Tue 18-Mar-08 20:38:49

Kim works in the gift shop of a tourist attraction. She likes to gossip with Helen in payroll and her favourite film is "Dirty Dancing". She likes going on staff nights out, getting pissed and trying her luck with the cute guides who think she is a bit annoying because she is always asking too many personal questions when they are outside having a fag break.

NomDePlume Tue 18-Mar-08 20:28:42

(he obv works on the paper, he cycles on a bicycle he found in a skip)

NomDePlume Tue 18-Mar-08 20:27:49

Teddy was a Lloyds name. He had to sell everything, including the family silver, when it all went the way of the pear. He rents the lodge to the stunning Queen Anne mansion he once owned. A vulgar city boy, Tre, bought the house for a song and proceeded to rip the beautiful oak panelling from the billiard room and fitted a bar and disco ball. Tre is planning a Japanese Zen garden instead of the celebrated Gertrude Jekyll landscape. Teddy does not approve.


Greg is a vegetarian and cycles to work on a small, unpopular, lefty newspaper.

BearMama Tue 18-Mar-08 20:16:39

Jon and Fi are funky modern parents. Jon is bald and has piercings and illustrates comics and Fi is a stay at home mum who calls herself bisexual but has never actually been with a woman. They met at art college and knew Jamie Hewlett before he did Tank Girl.

moodlumthehoodlum Tue 18-Mar-08 20:04:06

I heart this thread.

I love it. My favourite ever thread on MN. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Nothing is funnier.

Thank god its been revived.

fivecandles Tue 18-Mar-08 20:03:52

Lynne is a lesbian electrician. It's great that she's a woman electrician but unfortunately she's not very good at it. Nobody else knows this yet but the last house she rewired is soon going to be a pile of ash. No one will be hurt.

Anne is a thirty something teacher who cries and eats berries whilst perching on the desk teaching sixth formers. They look sideways at each other, then at the clock.

NomDePlume Tue 18-Mar-08 20:01:07

Oh god. I forgot how much I love this thread.

It is my fav ever MN thread, I think

Janni Tue 18-Mar-08 18:53:12

Come on Cod, you got Donna to type that. It's even worse than usual grin

BenFMsmum Tue 18-Mar-08 18:31:00

And has Maria revealed what she got up to at the weekend??

BenFMsmum Tue 18-Mar-08 18:30:06

Anyone know what Karen has been up to??

GermaineSneer Tue 18-Mar-08 18:25:00

WHAT IUS GOIGN ON wiht this thread being resureted

Janni Mon 17-Mar-08 22:34:23

If yuor naem si Cod you wokr in teh typnig pool. Wthi Donna.

princessosyth Mon 17-Mar-08 22:13:52

Amber used to be Adam. Gavin likes it that way.

lissielouwithbunnyears Mon 17-Mar-08 21:59:46

but has latched onto Amber the 19yo temp who chews gum and files her nails at the same time

princessosyth Mon 17-Mar-08 21:57:34

Kathleen and Gavin eventually got it together. Gavin has avoided Kathleen like the plague ever since.

MrsScavo Tue 31-Jul-07 21:46:23

Kathleen eats mints. Constantly.

MotherofZ Mon 23-Jul-07 09:47:15

Kathleen works at the local council and is responsible for ordering stationary in her department. When no one is around she reads 'Mens Health' and admires the lovely photographs. She has a huge crush on Gavin, the 23 yr old lad who works in her department and always asks how her weekend was. Kathleen is 54.

DangerousBeans Sun 22-Jul-07 10:44:43

Dino chewed up Michael's Nike trainers.
He didn't mention it to Chester and Topher, as he couldn't cope with a scene.
One of the laces is completely missing.
Michael knows Chester and Topher will panic when Dino passes it.
Michael has decided to go and stay at his parent's house for a few days, until the problem is passed!

ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys Sat 21-Jul-07 19:56:04

Jayne's mother, Joanie, goes to the evangelical church with her neighbour, Rosie. She has persuaded Jane to allow her to take her oldest grandchildren, Max, (8), Martha (6) and Ged (4) with her Sunday services. Jayne isn't keen on her children being brainwashed by happy clapping, but relishes the opportunity to clean the oven and think about Roger while her husband Kevin takes Luke, their current youngest to the park.

Joanie wears flowery dresses and head scarves enjoys dancing round her living room with a feather duster listening to Christian music. Her grandkids thinks she great fun; Jayne finds her quite embarassing.

LaBoheme Sat 21-Jul-07 19:14:04

Debbie is a make-up artist, she hands out laminated cards after she has sold any stock

Josh is in a band, he plays Bass guitar

Elizabeth favours loud prints in swimwear, she believes them to be v slimming

Lucy has got a first is looking for a foot in the door in Investment Banking

Joshua 'did' Sarah at the office Xmas party, he now has a funny itch but is too embarrassed to go to the GUM clinic to sort it out.

mummymagic Sat 21-Jul-07 17:44:49

Did anyone do Sarah?

moodlumthehoodlum Sat 21-Jul-07 17:28:27

Aah they got a dog. How lovely. And Dino. Great name.

MrsScavo Sat 21-Jul-07 16:01:56

Dino is Chester and Tophers chocolate Labrador puppy. He's named after a waiter who served them when they went to Rome for the weekend.

He's pissed on the white sofa 3 times, detroyed the Bose sound sytem, and done something unspeakable to the cashmere throw Chester bought Topher last Christmas.

Michael didn't go to Chester and Tophers party, as he wans't feeling to well, and it was decided Dino sould spend the night with Michael.

Dh is home!

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 21-Jul-07 15:42:10

Madge is Deirdre's rather sour older sister, who has been married to Roy since forever and is very disapproving of Deirdre's new love.

Roy sits in front of the telly every night picking his feet, eating crisps and pickled onions and drinking special brew.

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 21-Jul-07 15:40:33

Where did Madge come from?! Doris!

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 21-Jul-07 15:40:06

Reg was married to Doris. Doris died suddenly after a routine operation for piles went horribly wrong. Reg told everyone he was everso upset because he'd just had a new three piece delivered and Madge never got to see it.

Reg is being consoled by Deirdre who works in the paper shop, smokes 40 a day and has a penchant for purple cardies and bright pink lippy.

DangerousBeans Sat 21-Jul-07 15:30:38

Debbii is a barrister.

She refers to herself as 'Deborah'.

But her birth certificate says Debbii.

Debii and her parents do not see eye to eye.

tigermoth Sat 21-Jul-07 15:06:42

ha ha! Two of you have got my name down here, both with a different profile, but some of it is sort of right.

If your name is Trudy you work with animals. You have a pet labrador and loved Blue Peter as a child. You save up your salary to go to West End musicals. You have lovely thick hair and are actually quite attractive in an outdoors-y ungroomed sort of way.

MrsScavo Sat 21-Jul-07 14:25:54

Geniveve has long wavy hair, and a love of long flowing skirts. Her father lives in Mongolia at the moment, but has been posted all over the world. Her mother in Paris. She went to boarding school in Enland, and during her teen years felt as though she had no real home, as she only saw her mother when they were in skiing or in Nice. That is why her garden flat is so important to her. At the moment she works in publishing, but would love to set up her own organic clinic providing aromatherapy/reflexology/reiki/hypnotherapy.

ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys Sat 21-Jul-07 13:53:17

Jayne is pregnant again. Her long suffering husband Kevin isn't sure how it happened because he can't making love to her since last New Years Eve after she'd got squiffy on Lambrini. But Jayne is very In Control of Everything including her own fertility and way able to tell Kevin that they conceived on Tuesday 12th June, 2 days post mid-cycle and why doesn't he remember?

(Jane knows she is probably pregnant by Roger, the husband of one of her friends, who she sometimes has sex with because he appeals to her more than Kevin does. Roger has nasal polyps and doesn't notice the smell. Kevin is so accustomed to it that he doesn't notice it either.)

Jayne's sister, Geraldine, the light-fingered office cleaner, who has been single for 14 months, has started to see her brother-in-law Kevin in a new light. Jaybe once told her, when they were first together, that he was well hung and she has found herself thinking about this a lot as she empties waste paper baskets and mops the gents.

Carnoodleusfudge Sat 21-Jul-07 13:11:28

It is said that some people grow to look like their pets - especially horses and dogs.

Warren works in pest control. He has mousey hair, gelled, and small features. He also has a twitch. All his girlfriends are at least 5" taller than him.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Sat 21-Jul-07 11:17:47

Genevieve is a dog
Laura is beautiful and silent
Louisa is a china doll

polecat Sat 21-Jul-07 08:52:56

anyone? I'm curious and I don't want to be a thread killer...

polecat Sat 21-Jul-07 04:30:03

Louisa
Laura
Genevieve
????

Arabica Sat 21-Jul-07 00:49:21

Sara lives in Kingston. She edits a weekly women's magazine, the kind with soap stars on the cover. She won't see 50 again, yet still wears tight trousers from Top Shop. She promoted Gavin to Assistant Editor (Features) simply because he's male and heterosexual. All her female staff hate her guts. Her daughter Anastasia has anorexia, her son Toby has dyslexia, and Charlie the Jack Russell is incontinent.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Sat 21-Jul-07 00:03:21

V funny about trollope - could that be seen as litigious?

Carnoodleusfudge Sat 21-Jul-07 00:00:26

Kenneth likes feeding the birds. The avian type.

The other type scare him shitless

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 23:59:11

Joyce is on a bit of a high.

When Alistair left her for the trollope from the office she was, well, shattered. There is no other way to put it. There she was cooking and ironing his shirts for the last 20 odd years and then he trades her in for a younger model. And it wasn't as though she had let herself go - what with the pilates and swimming. Alistair was always one of those "tea on table and slippers in front of the fire" types.

Well after the initial devestation Joyce began to find that life on her own was not quite as bad as she feared. Alistair wanted a quick no fuss divorce and as a result she managed to take him to the cleaners and come out of the marriage in quite good shape.

When it was apparent that no children were to come from the marriage Joyce got herself, what Alistair always termed "a little job". It was at the local garden centre - working on the tills and customer services but only when it was very busy. Her boss however, sensing the need for purpose in Joyce's life offered her more house and now she has a full time job as Head of Conifers. She has never been happier.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Fri 20-Jul-07 23:59:01

Ah but remember there is more than one Bev in RL and so it can be on MN. We've had several versions of Barry and Phillipa (displeased at wrong spelling of Philippa here BTW)

I just shows that Beve can have mulitple manifestations, as can Barry. In fact, maybe they are all made for each other - a sort of Bazza/Bevva fest?

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 23:52:51

Please can we have a rule

If you refer back to people more than 24 hours ago you have to give their post date


I am so confused and I can't find Bev and I put her in this mess!

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Fri 20-Jul-07 23:36:33

Troy is lovely - he just doesn't have any depth or huge requirements from life.

Tory on the other hand - well she'll never be satisfied. It started with wanting a pony, but that one wan't pretty enough for showing, then she wanted an eventer but daddy couldn't afford, well, the best you know. Then she found out that the guy she was shaggin wasn't quite what he seemed to be at first glance (Miles maybe?) and so it goes on... Now tory is 43 and getting a teeny bit desperate. Still goes to old school reunions, still hoping, but let's face it her best fun is had from shagging the local Master of the Fox Hounds while his wife is staying at her mother as she's broken a hip and needs a hand right now.

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 23:18:34

kenneth lives next door to Brenda. he has lots of carrier bags in his drawers

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 23:17:45

Brenda always buys her tea bags when they are on a two for one offer
Brenda will not ever pay for digital tv - she is waitng for the Government to have to buy it for her (she can't believe they can just switch it off without providing an alternative)

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 23:04:09

Breadline Brenda. Uses her teabags at least twice.

Skribble Fri 20-Jul-07 23:03:51

Terri (female)

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 23:03:25

Alexia..........................

Skribble Fri 20-Jul-07 23:03:21

kenneth
rhona
brenda

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 23:03:04

Well now that we've cheered ourselves up, we could create a darker twin sister for her?

Got to go to bed. Sadly this thread has kept me up late for the last two nights, it is taking over my life. May it run and run.

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 23:02:10

give us another name - let's get back to what we're good at mrs.r

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:59:49

Do you know what - I am getting bored of Rosie already. She is too perfect

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:59:24

Yup, deffo.. Beauty without being intimidating. Popular without being annoying.

Night all. Who's going to take the 1000th post fame? Will it be Rosie, Bozza or Bev?

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:57:19

She gives blood every month too.

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:56:13

she has a blood group that matches everyone elses - she is a medical marvel

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:55:14

Her head teacher, Mrs Margetts, still remembers her. 'Oh yes Rosie, lovely girl, became a teacher didn't she?'

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:54:14

Rosie was Head Girl at school, and not because she was the coolest girl, but because everyone liked her. She didn't bitch, and wore just the right amount of makeup. She was one of those girls you wouldn't mind your daughter hanging out with.

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:48:11

Brilliant MrsW. I love Rosie. Its so nice to have someone nice on here!! . She is well liked though isn't she? I hope she has lots of friends.

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:48:00

Mrs R - you have won me over. Thank you. At least I shall not toss and turn about Rosie tonight!

Rosie has a very good selection of biscuits awaiting in the cupboard for anyone that happens to visit

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:45:58

stressteddy soz

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:45:35

(Am I going in the right direction, MTH/ Stressedteddy?)

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:45:04

Rosie is one of lifes' genuinely nice people. She turns ladybirds the right way up. She is a puppy walker for Guide Dogs for the Blind. She teaches reception class and is adored by her children.

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:42:01

Well spotted Mrs W. You're right. She was going to be, but I stopped short and just made her a "good egg". Can we hope for more?

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:39:43

hoorah for Troy and Rosie -all is indeed right in the world again!
The electrolysis will be v soon - the stripping is going very well

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:39:27

I sense Rosie turning into an Evangelical Christian. I want more for her than that

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:38:00

Yes they are distant cousins, and she's a good egg. She wants him to give the stripping up and study for an Open University degree..

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:33:01

does troy know rosie???!!

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:32:33

Her name is Rosie.......

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:32:13

I thought Troy the stripper was quite a happy soul? Just stripping the night away saving for all over body electrolysis?

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:30:26

ooh, let's do a really jolly one????? join in????????
Pleeeeaaassseee??

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:29:38

shut shitty - such shitty!

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:29:29

I know how you feel.

I wanted to see how Chester and Topher were getting on, but I just felt people had already moved on - life is so fickle for our friends..

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:29:12

mrs. ron - I was on here a lot last night and went to bed thinking about a lot of these people - I felt so sad that we had constructed shut shitty existencies for them - do hope we got a lot of it wrong

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:27:59

hehe, I was just trying to catch up on who was who and something about Bev made me feel all sad, and I just want a happy ending for her

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:26:57

sorry mrs ron - not trying to bev feisty!!!

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:26:12

moodlum - glad someone remembers bev!! (If she has been replaced then gord rest her soul!!)

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:25:39

We met Bev yesterday at about 5.30 (Carnoodleusfudge) and Clive shortly after

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:24:40

Absolutely stressteddy. I thought Bev had IBS..

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:24:02

When she's not Guiding (she secretly aspires to become District Commissioner but is not upper middle class enough),Elspeth also runs her local NCT Bumps and Babies group.

She picks discussion topics like 'Mad to Be A Mother?' and 'Things I Wish They'd Told Me'. The mums think she's a bit patronising; the Girl Guide attitude is sooo hard to switch off - they're just there for the tea and chocolate digestives.

Elspeth has a labrador calendar on her kitchen wall. She also owns a pair of Hunter wellies, green of course, believing they are a mark of higher social status.

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:23:44

Rachel is salt of the earth and lives in Bromley. She loves Facebook. She was the first of the secretaries at work to get on Facebook, and she has got loads of friends. She spends all her working hours at her desk "biting" "throwing sheep" and "poking" her many virtual friends instead of formatting the press releases Bozza lobs her way.

She is wondering whether to "poke" Bozza, who is also addicted to facebook, but is less good at swiftly minimising it.

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:22:03

i don't know who bev is now but I said earlier that Bev is v. career minded but has food issues. She can't eat foods beginning with the letter c

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 22:18:41

Can Clive and Bev get together please? I do feel sorry for Bev, she deserves a happy ending...

stressteddy Fri 20-Jul-07 22:14:08

Elsbeth has recently bought her first pack of tenalady's and wishes she's bought them years ago
Elsbeth desperatley wants to meet Mr. Right
Elsbeth secretly hopes her guides will be as needy in life as she is

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 22:13:10

Back with Bozza and Tilly. Bozza wears double breasted suits with a wide pinstripe - he likes to think of himself along the lines of Gordon Gekko. At the weekend he has a snappy range of coloured cords, from lemon to scarlet, all of which he wears with brown suede shoes.

[carnoodleus - I did used to work with all these people so maybe your husband was there too!! ]

MrsBadger Fri 20-Jul-07 22:10:28

Elspeth is a Guider
her Guides think she is wet
and they are right
but they come anyway because she takes them camping at Scout campsites and is too wet to stop them sneaking off to meet Boys at 3am.

Skribble Fri 20-Jul-07 22:00:04

Miles's mum Ebeth likes to be a traditional wife, secretly she wants to kill her domineering husband and drip of a son, who has inevitably turned in to the chavanist her husband is.

Ebeth does all the cooking but after 50+ years she still isn't that great and sticks to the old favourites like mince and tatties but sometimes gets adverturous with tinned pinapple rings on gammon steaks. Sha has heard of lasagne but has never tried it let alone make one.

Ebeth is good at cutting out coupons and actually uses them, her high moments are when her Coop dividends get paid out, its her only money apart fromt the housekeeping her husband gives her and expects her to account for every penny.

sallysparrow Fri 20-Jul-07 21:51:54

David is enjoying life as an actor.

He hates it when his mates shout "Squeeee" at him whenever he comes into the pub.

ggglimpopo Fri 20-Jul-07 21:47:59

Aaah Scribble - add something jolly about her, quick!

Skribble Fri 20-Jul-07 21:47:03

Miles's mum, I forget her name (well everybody does) used to work in the village COOP years ago, she talks like it was yesterday and pretends she is still best pals with all her old workmates, but in reality she sits alone all day in her B&Q conservitory that Andy from 2 doors up helped to build. Her old workmates didn't like her much back whent hey were working either.

Skribble Fri 20-Jul-07 21:43:20

(Need info on Kenneth)

Miles has working class parents who thought naming him Miles would help his future career but didn't think about the fact he would get the shit kicked out of him at school, but he did OK with his exams and went on to do chemistry at the local college so now works at the chemical plant nearby.

Miles likes to play golf with his dad and cycles to work, he gets to borrow his dad car sometime though. He has moved out to his own flat eventualy, but still goes home a lot so Mum can make his tea and do his washing.

Miles is really a bit square but not as bad as hid freinds so he once got seduced by a slightly intoxicated female, she took him back toher house to do naughty things. Miles though she was a prostitute and spent the whole time worrying when he was supposed to pay her.

MrsScavo Fri 20-Jul-07 21:41:28

My last post was actually form MrScavo

MrsScavo Fri 20-Jul-07 21:36:52

Julian is an interior designer

ggglimpopo Fri 20-Jul-07 21:33:04

Polly has a seven year old son called Marmaduke who she dresses in Oilily, much to Dukies distress. Polly is hovering between divorcing Giles and keeping stum as she does so love tennis and her Harvey Nicks card and shudders at the thought of losing free access to either.
Giles has a two week holiday in the Algarve each year with Kerry whilst her husband is playing golf. Polly thinks he is goes to an annual conference in Baden-Baden on the futures market and bullish development framing.

MissTrixie Fri 20-Jul-07 21:32:14

Jo is rather beautiful, has long dark wavy hair and is secretary to the marketing manager of a record company. He is a sleazy bastard who is constantly trying to shag her. She is in love with the previous incumbent who was happily married but on the receiving end of blow jobs from the press manager.

sallysparrow Fri 20-Jul-07 21:32:01

Phil drives an articulated lorry and listens to radio 2.

He likes to phone jeremy Vine at lunchtimes.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 21:28:25

Cynthia still has a pole for when the mood takes her

Ingrid is very very bright.She is streets ahead of the other pupils in her class at the local comprehensive.The other pupils do not like Ingrid.Today Ingrid's Humanities teacher insisted that the whole class listen to Ingrid read out loud,an essay,which,she Ingrid, had written on Third World Poverty.The other kids hate her even more now.

Ingrid wishes she had grown up in the 80's.She would have been chaining herself to the railings at Greenham Common in a flash.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 21:26:16

Lydia run a small gifty nick nacks shop.
She would really like it if it weren't for the customers.

Cammelia Fri 20-Jul-07 21:26:14

Cynthia use to be a stripper who ahs managed to marry rather well and now lives in St Georges Hill

mollymawk Fri 20-Jul-07 21:24:29

Edward runs a second-hand bookshop. He is very neat and wears cardigans.

sallysparrow Fri 20-Jul-07 21:16:38

The gay guys are having a party on Saturday night, and have invited all the neighbours.

Michael doesnt know whether to go or not.

he is afraid of what might happen.

Cammelia Fri 20-Jul-07 21:16:10

Lynda, however, is a cleaner who smokes

Elaine works as a receptionist at an opticians and wears trilene suits and an open necked short sleeved white blouse.

Miranda wants to be a stage manager but so far has only managed to get a job in a stationers

sallysparrow Fri 20-Jul-07 21:15:07

Magenta has made an appointment to see her GP. she got her tongue piercing caught on one of Jason, sorry, Santiago's fangs last night.

Vron is Magenta's GP. She is 45 and about to have her first baby.

She is shitting herself.

Skribble Fri 20-Jul-07 21:14:45

Michael (you know the one that lives upstairs from the gay guys) has quite a large willy, but he's never really convinced of this and always trys a bit to hard to please both in bed and out. This means he has a tendency to say whatever he thinks people want to hear and finds he has dug himself into some very big holes. He secretly wants to have gay sex with both his neighbours but is to scared to ever carry it out.

bootsmonkey Fri 20-Jul-07 21:12:29

Bozza is waiting to slip up Tilly

sallysparrow Fri 20-Jul-07 21:12:07

Jason works at Macdonalds, where the 13 yearolds laugh at his teeth and eyeliner.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 21:11:37

Tilly has a degree in public relations from the University of the White Cliffs.

She is waiting for Bozza to slip up big time to nab his job. She is sleeping with Bozza's biggest (in all ways!) client.

sallysparrow Fri 20-Jul-07 21:09:34

Jason is Magenta's boyfriend.

He is 6'1" and weighs 8.5 stone. he only wears black and has had his eye teeth sharpened by a special dentist in London.

he loves Anne rice books and belongs to a group of Vampire lovers who meet in a pub.

He insists on being known as Santiago, and hates his parents calling him "Jase".

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 21:09:12

[moodlum - you work with in my husband's office] grin

bootsmonkey Fri 20-Jul-07 21:07:49

Bozza has a subscription to Tattoo monthly

bootsmonkey Fri 20-Jul-07 21:06:51

Bozza was in Iraq with Spencer. He was intrigued by his tattoos, especially the way the naked lady moved when Spencer flexed his biceps. It made him feel odd. He dosn't like to think about it too deeply.

I am strangely & sadly,addicted to this thread now.

MrsBadger Fri 20-Jul-07 19:42:06

he wears a signet ring on the little finger of his right hand.

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 19:31:35

Bozza works in Financial PR. He used to be in the army, but instead of a platoon of chaps to command he now has just an account executive, Tilly.

Bozza (no-one, not even his clients, know his real name, which is Alisdair Boswell Charrington) has struggled to grasp the downsizing of the chain of command, and also the fundamentals of the City. He drives a VW Golf and never, never stays in London at the weekend. There's always a party to go to and a filly to harness..

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 19:27:57

Emma, the slightly plump student nurse, was bullied by Magenta (aka Sharon) at school. Magenta was in the year above her and hung out with the 'cool' girls. Emma was never cool. Magenta also applied for nursing.
Emma was horrified when she saw Magenta in the lecture theatre on their first day; however Magenta was booted out as she refused to remove her tongue piercing.

MrsRonWeasley Fri 20-Jul-07 19:23:32

Lavinia has a collection of books on architecture on her living room bookshelf. She has never read them.

She stashes copies of Home and Garden in her bedside cabinet and cuts out pictures of room sets which she then later copies in her designs. These are all magazines which are at least 18 months old; this way nobody notices.

She doesn't actually have any qualifications in interior design, but when Phillippa (who Lavinia knows from reading group) asked Lavinia's opinion on whether to order lemon or saffron silk Liberty valances, she realised that this was something she could make some money from.

MrsScavo Fri 20-Jul-07 18:52:36

Lavinia lives in Fulham. She's self emplyed interior designer who chooses not to work full time. She's rather fond of throwing dinner parties. She prides herself on making them look effortless, but infact she regularly attends cookery courses, and spends days planning the table decorations.

CalifrauniusFudge Fri 20-Jul-07 18:20:16

Shadwell has a collection of pencils

Blandmum Fri 20-Jul-07 18:11:44

Olwyn's house is the cleanest in the street. Cleanest in the village if she is honest.

Every day, Olwyn cleans and cleans; it saves her from having to think of the way her life worked out.

Late at night she plays her organ. Chapel Hymns mostly, with a few 'safe' selections from her 'Sing Something Simple song book' That book is the only dogeared thing allowed in the house.

Mr Olwyn (Eric to his pals) lies awake at night listening to the organ and wonders if he could ever persuade Olwyn to finger his organ as energetically. He sighs and turns over in bed, sure in the knowledge that mutual organ fingering is a thing of the dim and distant past.

Blandmum Fri 20-Jul-07 18:08:47

Olwyn's house is the cleanest in the street. Cleanest in the village if she is honest.

Every day, Olwyn cleans and cleans; it saves her from having to think of the way her life worked out.

Late at night she plays her organ. Chapel Hymns mostly, with a few 'safe' selections from her 'Sing Something Simple song book' That book is the only dogeared thing allowed in the house.

Mr Olwyn (Eric to his pals) lies awake at night listening to the organ and wonders if he could ever persuade Olwyn to finger his organ as energetically. He sighs and turns over in bed, sure in the knowledge that mutual organ fingering is a thing of the dim and distant past.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 17:51:47

These people are taking over my life!

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 17:51:00

Neville and Mrs Nelson are unlikely friends.

They met when Neville, on community service, stubbed out his cigarette on Mrs Nelson's petunias. This 82 year old 4'5 widow was not going to be intimidated by a 6'7 bloke in a tracksuit.

But they have become firm friends in their own way. Neville gives Mrs Nelson something special for her roll ups which takes away the aches of pain of her arthiritis and Mrs Nelson is teaching Neville cross stitch. They are both hooked.

nomdeplume Fri 20-Jul-07 17:07:27

God I love this thread.

DangerousBeans Fri 20-Jul-07 17:06:35

Joanne spent her early years reading books such as 'The Worst Witch', 'The Secret of Platform 13', and stories of greek mythology.
They really made an impression upon her.

Blandmum Fri 20-Jul-07 16:43:41

Joanne always wanted to be a writer, but never thought she would. One day she came up with an idea for a kids book. Tonight she will make even more money that will make her the richest woman in the UK. Sometimes she can't believe her luck

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 16:41:58

Poor clare

cremolafoam Fri 20-Jul-07 16:34:05

Keith is in IT but hates the word 'analyst' as it makes him remember his mental breakdown when he was 15. He has a friend called Gavin who has recently done a Landmark course and a wife called Lucy. Lucy works in Forbidden Planet and likes modern jazz. They often go to the farmers market and buy unusual cheeses.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 16:13:20

Patricia does not really understand much of modern life.

She has been on an interweb starter course at the library but it was tricky because she had to keep changing her glasses when looking from keyboard to screen.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 15:44:10

Clare is part of the 8B "set". They go everywhere together - Starbucks, Lush and they are all invited to Matt's party on Saturday night. Matt's parents have a really big house and are really relaxed. Matt has sex with his girlfriends in their house whilst they are there and they know. Matt is going to dress up and act like Pete Docherty for his party. Clare is in awe of all of this. Her parents aren't that keen that she goes to a mixed school.

...

On Sunday morning Clare really can't face getting up. She feels trampled and torn. It wasn't just the fact that she had to leave the party when her dad turned up to collect her (why did he have to come to the door and announce "I'm Clare's father) or that Matt gave her a weird smile when she presented the (half full)bottle of Dubonnet filched from her parents drinks cabinet. It wasn't that Dan - who she quite fancies in 6th form called her muffin top.

It was a realisation that her friends were not her friends. It was immediately apparent on arrival at the party they had all been drinking before - but had not invited her. It was obvious they had all been at Beck's house to get ready before hand.

It was the fact that they had all dressed up as Amy Winehouse and hadn't included her. She was there in her jeans and a top from Primark.

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 15:37:26

Kai was a drop out druggie at school but has suprised all around him by becoming a successful venture capitalist. He drives a hybrid Lexus to ease his conscience, and is in a civil partnership with Millie who is a campaigns manager with Amnesty International.

They are GREAT friends with Cathal and Tristram, being one of the few other couples to know that Cathal and Tristram are more than just friends.

MissTrixie Fri 20-Jul-07 15:28:57

Sophie was a lawyer but left to marry Jonathan who is 'something in the city'. She has 4 children and a strangely shiny face.

MrsBadger Fri 20-Jul-07 15:21:31

Luckily none of them know that Tristram is gay.
He lives with an architect called Cathal in Kensal Green.
None of Cathal's friends or colleagues know he's gay either, though his mam Kathleen has known for years.
She wasn't at all shocked - she'd got over the fact he'd never be a priest years ago and is just happy he still comes over to see her despite his London job.

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 15:20:55

In the staff room, particularly on rainy break times, Tristram can sit wherever he likes - throwing to the wind the long established sofa/chair/stool hierarchy that has existed in the staff room.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 15:18:14

Tristram is the only member of staff Mrs Webber does not make a remark to when he has borrowed her mug and not washed it up.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 15:17:13

Mrs Webber quite likes Tristram too

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 15:13:40

Tristram is a good looking, dark curly haired well built history teacher at a girl's school. Mummies love his parent's evening chats, where he leans forward to confide in them, just brushing their knee.

The staff room is a hotbed of HRT and lustful looks when Tristram's around, with even the PE teacher, a lesbian for many years, occasionally wonders what and if...

MrsBadger Fri 20-Jul-07 14:40:34

Suneeta has a dumpy, less intelligent and less pretty younger sister named Sushma, who her parents constantly nag, belittle and compare to Suneeta.

However, despite her parents trying in vain to marry her off to a series of gawky cousins and sons of friends, she will keep her head down at school, do unexpectedly well in her A-levels, slog through medicine at Oxford whilst living at home, qualify in an obscure speciality like nephrology and eventually snare a tall, handsome cardiac surgeon named Vijay from an extremely nice family.
Her in-laws adore her and bankroll a colossal wedding.
Her parents will be slightly baffled at all this and persist in thinking of Suneeta as the good one, despite her relationship with Darren.
Meanwhile they are pinning their hopes on Suresh, their youngest and the only son. He is a fat spoilt teenager whose only ambition is to make enough money to buy a Mercedes like his disreputable uncle Sajeev.
Nonetheless is in complete awe of Vijay and dotes on his Sushma's new baby Neeraja. He buys her toys online so his mates don't find out.

MotherofZ Fri 20-Jul-07 14:26:31

Suneeta is devastatingly beautiful, slender and tall, with glossy long black hair, glowing smooth cappuccino coloured skin, and always a smile upon her face. One of the most intelligent people in her class and as her parents are both doctors they have high hopes that she too will become a doctor one day and marry a suitable educated boy of their choice.

Little do they know of Suneeta’s passionate love for Darren, the young strikingly handsome man who tends to the family 10 acre garden, in beautiful Oxford. They plan to elope as soon as Suneeta finishes her studies. They will live with Darren’s granddad in his one bedroom flat, along with his dog, until Darren completes his course in ju-jitsu and then he will open his own business, where Suneeta can work on reception.

PhilosophersSecretChamberpot Fri 20-Jul-07 14:03:52

Nobody calls Mary by her name anymore. She likes being called Mum, Granny, and Great Granny, but she wishes that her sister was still alive.

lilylilyrose Fri 20-Jul-07 13:59:09

Magenta's best friend is Hannah. She has a fashionable asymmetrical haircut and works in a record shop. She spends most of her wages in Claire's Accessories, and ashamed of the fact that her parents own a seven-bedroom house with 10 acres of land, a paddock and an ornamental lake. She told Magenta she grew up on a council estate and doesn't know who her dad is...

MrsScavo Fri 20-Jul-07 13:47:38

FGS, this thread is taking over my life! I'm even thinking about it when I'm driving the car! I've just read through, and realised I'd missed the post about Bob and Lindy. It gave me a lump in my throat Perhaps DH is right, I do need to get a job.

PhilosophersSecretChamberpot Fri 20-Jul-07 13:39:25
DANCESwithDumbledore Fri 20-Jul-07 13:18:19

Diggory is a vet. He's 6ft with thick brown hair, dark pools for eyes and 'capable' hands. He's utterly charming and all the women in the village have a crush on him.

Diggory has a secret.

Daphne Amory - Blunt likes dogs ( 5 - all bitches) tweed and stout walking shoes.

She was "disappointed in love" in 1947 and remained at home living off the small trust fund with Mummy and Daddy.

There was the most awful stink in 1951 when Daddy made some very unwise investment choices and they had to sell the Big House and move in to the Lodge - where Daphne and the bitches have remained ever since.

Mrs Hopkins at the village shop has told her that Carl and Julian ( who have bought The Laurels)are Gay ........ " Well of course they are dear - Gay and Bright have you seen how Julian has brought the Shrubbery back to life?? - now 1lb of the best back bacon, milk and Bread - and pop in some lambs liver for my girls please - and have Darren deliver"

Daphne hasn't paid her account at the village store since 1996.

She walks the bitches back to the Lodge, Carl stands transfixed in horror as 17st of canine cannonball hurtles towards his Armani clad crotch - "Don't mind Bess dear - she's just being friendly" Daphne beams - as Bess drools over Carl - who is now getting the full effect of Bess's halitosis.

Daphne would like to invite Carl and Julian over to the lodge for a sherry one evening but once the dogs are settled in the armchairs and sofa's there's not much room. She decides she'll wait til the weather is better then they can have Pimms in the garden while she pins Julian down to what exactly he feeds the Hebes.

She makes the bitches Liver and Potato.

She has a bacon sarnie.

nomdeplume Fri 20-Jul-07 11:16:35

Terry is a 50-something window cleaner. He is a bachelor and lives alone in his one bed flat. He collects football match programmes from the 60's, 70's and 80's.

nomdeplume Fri 20-Jul-07 11:14:42

Barry is a school caretaker at a secondary, he is in his mid-thirties and is balding rapidly. He lives with his Mum, Pauline, who does lots of good work with the church. The girls at school tease Barry relentlessly. He tries to hide his erections with his mop handle.

wishywotz Fri 20-Jul-07 11:10:41

Did anyone mention Maureen is having an affair with Pat the Postman. She has many special deliveries.

Carnoodleusfudge Fri 20-Jul-07 11:08:12

Mrs Webber doesn't have a first name. Well not that many people use. She believes in keeping a distance - especially in her line of work. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that. She has five winter outfits and five summer outfits that she rotates on a daily basis. She did hear someone snigger that "it must be Tuesday because Mrs Webber is in green tweed" but she chose to ignore that childish comment, after all, it had come from Dan the PE assistant.

The funny thing is Mrs Webber isn't married. Actually she is Miss Geraldine Webber but somewhere back in the mists of time class 5W gradually changed Miss to Mrs and she has never corrected it. She is not sure that she would like to be a Mrs - men and all their idiosyncracies and smells - but somehow it makes her more human to be a Mrs.

Geraldine can cook up a storming curry. For one.

MrsScavo Fri 20-Jul-07 11:04:04

mrsmalumba, you are confusing Jackie with Jacqueline. Jackie is Thu-19-July 10:02:05.

DANCESwithDumbledore Fri 20-Jul-07 11:02:51

Tricia is brassy and funny. She agrees with everyone, she's lovely when you see her but will be gossiping behind your back 5 seconds after you walk away. She drives like a lunatic because she can't concentrate for more than 5 minutes. Great at a party but a rubbish friend.

MrsScavo Fri 20-Jul-07 10:57:23

Did anyone mention Pat is a postman?

Giles is a farmer.

mrsmalumbas Fri 20-Jul-07 10:04:00

My SIL is Philippa and I am PMSL at the thought of her in a headband and jodpurs.

Paul is a salesman. He is outgoing and quite loud, and a bit of a flirt. He's quite goodlooking but far too shallow to be taken seriously.

Dawn works on reception. She has blonde hair and acrylic nails.

Jackie is head of the school PTA. If you spot her coming towards you with a clipboard, run like the wind.

MrsScavo Fri 20-Jul-07 09:48:55

Sadam has changed his name to Adam. He somtimes recives post to Mr S XXXXX. He prayes his uni' flat mates never cotton on.

MrsScavo Fri 20-Jul-07 09:47:20

I didn't realise Tamsin was bullied, she seemed to have everything going for her.

Filchymindedvixen Fri 20-Jul-07 09:27:42

lol at this thread

ggglimpopo Fri 20-Jul-07 08:39:20

Alfredo washes up in the kitchen of a large girls boarding school and spits his cheroot ends into the dishwasher so everything tastes vaguely of tobacco.

Ruben fantasises over Lola with the big tits and knows she would still be alive if she had met him; unfortunately he is married to timid and more than slightly frigid Naomi and sex is limited on once-a-month-with-lights-off-and-sparky-polyester-nightie-still -on sex and the occasional birthday fondle.

Beatrice( BEE) is a dog trainer who specialises in difficult Weimeraners and breeds Dachshunds in her converted stable block annex which she rents from her brother-in-laws ex wife.

Peta would love love love to be gay but is married to Nigel who she knew in school and who is loaded, so she is resolutely hetero and hating it.

Ninas have brazillian waxes.

<<Can I just ask why radio bloody four isn't working on the internet today? Sods>>

Blandmum Fri 20-Jul-07 08:23:01

Ryan has lots of blackheads in his ears. He sits at the back of the class and snears at the teacher. He is strangly attractive to the girls.

DANCESwithDumbledore Fri 20-Jul-07 07:55:59

and making him eat avacado

pigleto Fri 20-Jul-07 07:53:42

Tamsin was bullied at school which has left her with low self confidence. She would like a cat but is allergic to pet hair. She has been ttc with her husband Iain for two years. Iain is being difficult about going to the doctors for help as he doesn't want to give a sperm sample. She keeps buying him baggy underwear.

DANCESwithDumbledore Fri 20-Jul-07 07:39:17

Linda has a sign in her office saying 'you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps'

Skribble Fri 20-Jul-07 00:30:23

Doh Linda is the thread titile, we need to know more about her then.

electra Fri 20-Jul-07 00:29:07

Liz is very career driven. She would like to have a stable relationship but it isn't top of her priorities, and children don't feature in her plans for the future.

Skribble Fri 20-Jul-07 00:28:49

Did we mention Linda?

Or Rhona or Brenda??

What about Kenneth and hows micheal getting on with his gay neighbours?

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 00:05:31

But since being very young, Osama has been great at hide and seek.

LittleBellatrixLeBoot Fri 20-Jul-07 00:05:13

Che's parents were hippies but bought property in the eighties and are now millionaires

LittleBellatrixLeBoot Fri 20-Jul-07 00:04:38

If your name is Osama you are not very popular in most of the world

moodlumthehoodlum Fri 20-Jul-07 00:01:06

Crispin is a member of the UK independence party.

sallysparrow Thu 19-Jul-07 23:58:40

Magenta applied for a job at "Pandora's Box" once. She wanted to get the staff discount so she could afford some rubberdresses.


But Pandora couldnt bear the sight of magenta's fingernails.

Pandora has seen Gideon on the bus. She would love to introduce him to her favourite fetish clubs.

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 23:57:11

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:56:45

But Crispin does go to a certain pub

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 23:55:57

Crispin has never been into Starbucks or McDonnalds.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:55:49

Every so often, Crispin and Gideon meet up to go to debates on whether Britain should scrap the pound and enter the Euro.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:54:37

Crispin is very fond of the colour pale lemon

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:54:08

Crispin wears cravats and tweed jackets.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:53:03

Crispin lives in a "studio" in Pimlico enabling him to walk to work, which he does every day, with an umbrella in hand. Rain or shine.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:51:32

Troy has a sister. Kim. Kim is a fitness fanatic and can't function without her daily 6.30am circuits class with Greg, an ex SAS PE trainer.

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 23:51:24

Liz was with Andrea, when Andrea gave birth to Fynn.

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 23:48:59

Crispin works in an art gallery, but relies on funds left to him by his grandfather. He studied art history at Oxford, or so he would have one believe. He hates taking the tube, and incorrect use of the English language.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:47:31

With gold hub caps - ooh nice

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:46:31

Troy drives a convertible ford escort, but once he's saved for the electrolysis, he's going to start saving for a subaru impreza.

hatwoman Thu 19-Jul-07 23:45:27

Liz spent quite some time at Greenham Gommon. now she is a disillusioned embittered social worker or teacher. with a nice line in smelly candles. she does circle dancing and goes on retreats.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:44:21

Troy is thinking about having a total body electrolysis treatment and is saving up.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:43:21

Troy is a stripper. He has a weekly spray tan and used to work as a holiday rep, but the money's better as a stripper. His real name is Tim, and his mum thinks he works in a gym in Braintree.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:42:35

Gideon sometimes forgets to eat.
Magenta licks her fingers if they get mayonnaise on them. She has dirty fingernails.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:41:34

Gideon always takes the bus - it gives him a chance to read.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 19-Jul-07 23:40:22

Spot on Dangerous Beans (apart from the cats bit - I prefer dogs). Worrying how accurate this all is.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:40:17

Magenta wears underwired lacy black bras and never wears knickers.

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 23:38:02

Except her stripey tights, which she rinses out under the tap every night, then puts on the water pipes in the bathroom to dry.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:37:13

Magenta keeps her clothes on the floor and rarely washes them

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 23:37:05

I honestly went to school with Gideon. I didn't like him then.

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 23:36:14

Magenta has purple hair and likes to wear lots of eyeliner.
She has a bulldog called Columbia.
Magenta's real name is Sharon.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:35:29

Helena is a courtly love romantic heroine in the first book that made him realise he should be an academic.

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:34:36

Fay fancies Gordon but she'll never get near him.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:33:50

He is still in love with his first love. Helena (pronounced helayna).

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:32:55

Gideon is tall and lean. Wears polo necks.

CalifrauniusFudge Thu 19-Jul-07 23:32:45

Gideon is creeping me out

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:30:45

Gideon is gorgeous, intelligent and never smiles as he is always thinking serious thoughts. He is not remotely sexual and doesn't smell of anything.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:30:26

I think he may have tried working for various auction houses, but has never really endeared himself to anyone and hasn't really got on.

He lives near (but not with) his parents and is doing a PhD.

CalifrauniusFudge Thu 19-Jul-07 23:28:46

isnt he just

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 23:27:37

Gideon is an only child of elderly parents.

CalifrauniusFudge Thu 19-Jul-07 23:24:17

Ann is a dentist. She has big teeth - she thinks of them as an advert for her business.

CalifrauniusFudge Thu 19-Jul-07 23:22:10

Phillippa lives up to the meaning of her name. She's at the stables every morning to feed cupcake before going to work at the Equine Art Gallery. She often pops in to give cupcake a carrot at lunch time. her boss is getting slightly annoyed that there are bits of straw in the back room.

Darren lives it large. Mechanic by day, DJ at the Newt and Cuke by night. Drinks Stella when others are buying and corona if he's buying it himself. isnt keen on teh smoking ban as the dance floor is half empty with everyone outside and he only gets 2 breaks an evening so he can't sneak out and join them

LongDeadMotherofHarryP Thu 19-Jul-07 23:21:01

Nina loves cats too. Oh but she loves money much much more. And filthy sex. Thank goodness she found a wealthy husband and that he doesn't know about all her office flirtations.

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 23:13:24

Olivia has the skill to spot really excellent threads, and works tirelessly to save them from certain doom.
She is occasionally concerned about the strange noises emanating from Tech's shed.
She likes the colour mauve.
And cats.

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 23:03:41

Ethan's parents are really keen for him to pass the 11+. He won't though, and will go to the secondary modern with all his friends.

Blandmum Thu 19-Jul-07 21:49:22

Fiona has just realised that her dream of doing equine studies is going to come true. She will be taking her horse with her to university, which is just as well because since being the star of the local pony club, she has always prefered horses to people.

Fiona will eventually marry Gavin the vet and will end up doing the paperwork for his practice.

They will have one child, a girl, who will end up as horsy as her mother.

Jason & Tanya had a lucky win on the lottery & bought the Manor House in the village.Tanya likes to think of herself as 'lady of the manor' & thinks that the locals don't show her enough deference.

She employs to women from the village to do the cleaning,but is thinking of letting them go after she found them sniggering over her lovely collection of Capo-di-Monte.

Tanya is a furious social climber & was cock a hoop when the local shoot invited her & Jason out to join them for a day.But stupid Jason ruined it all by getting over excited & shooting a pheasant running along the hedge.How were they to know that you never shoot a bird on the ground?

Tanya secretly hates the countryside,but would sooner die than admit it.She'd be happier in a 'executive home'on a nice safe housing estate,but Jason won't hear of moving again.

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 21:25:02

I was CF but I begged MN to let me back in. I did last about a week though (I think )
Am loving this thread, I got a bit carried away with it last night I musn't start posting on it again or I'll never get any work done.

@ this entire thread (and Sal - of course)

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 21:22:52

Sally struggles with her writing because she still can't distinguish between the genres 'fiction and non-fiction'

CalifrauniusFudge Thu 19-Jul-07 21:22:34

I thought you were on a self imposed Ban Sal...

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 21:12:39

Sally is a mature student nurse who likes to binge drink occasionally on weekends with her student friends, she has a wild night of drinking and dancing planned for friday, but has a 4000 word essay to hand in on monday and if she hasn't finished it by tonight she won't be allowed out tomorrow.

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 21:06:49

Everyone refers to Amelia as 'an absolute brick'

nomdeplume Thu 19-Jul-07 21:04:22

Amelia has proper 'driving shoes' and a glossy bob

nomdeplume Thu 19-Jul-07 21:03:00

Amelia turns a blind eye as she has always found Hugo's lovemaking technique lacking

nomdeplume Thu 19-Jul-07 21:01:47

Amelia has been married to Hugo for 15 years. He is a banker with a penchant for blue and white striped shirts, she is a dumpy sloane with a fondness for upturned collars and padded alice bands.

They live in a Cath Kidston haven of a Cotswold pile with their twins, Eliza and George. Eliza spends most of her time at Pony Club. George is the captain of the rugby team.

Amelia persuaded Hugo to buy the house, which he never really liked. He agreed so long as he could keep a 'pied-a-terre' in London where he meets up with Monique for his twice weekly golden shower

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 19-Jul-07 20:59:18

Olivia is blonde and is very nice and everybody loves her.

Just to let you know we'll move this to other subjects when (if?) it drops off active convos so it's not deleted.

<ends hijack>

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 20:53:52

Jinny is on the PTA, she loves to think she's 'in' with the school. She is a great source of gossip but anyone with a real secrets or problems avoid her cheery onslaughts like the plague.

ELF1981 Thu 19-Jul-07 20:40:18

Also PMSL over the ones of my daughter name!

ELF1981 Thu 19-Jul-07 20:38:23

PMSL at the "Emma" description.

Not plump nurses but deffo cannot be arsed with making an effort with clothes. And yes, dependable and will pick up your kids if you are stuck at the vets.

LOL at this.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:33:17

Oliver's parents are Roger & Caroline.

He knows Amelia thinks that Caroline's hair is cheap and that his dad's hilarious storis about the boudary dispute bore her to tears but he does not know what to do. And they will insist on treating them to a Berni Meal when they meet up.

CalifrauniusFudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:32:54

I hate Tanya
secretly Mandy would love to hate her too but just can't

Sheherazadethegoat Thu 19-Jul-07 20:29:16

oliver's real name is colin he married amelia whom he met while studying fine art. he grew up in slough but has learnt to laugh when people talk about desert or toilets and cringes when his parents visit.

nomdeplume Thu 19-Jul-07 20:29:15

pmsl

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:28:46

Maurice can't have children.
There was The Accident (a printer - that's why he moved into photocopiers) that nobody talks about.

nomdeplume Thu 19-Jul-07 20:27:10

What Mandy doesn't know is that Tanya is secretly envious of her because she knows she will never have children. Her career comes first.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:26:10

Tanya offered her wedding dress to Mandy "Just in case".

Tanya is size 10.
Mandy is size 18.

nomdeplume Thu 19-Jul-07 20:25:51

fudge - for Mandy

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 20:23:11

Maurice is the photocopier repairman. He is Wayne's brother. He's always been his mum's favourite, especially since he married Tanya who is an estate agent with Savill and Dunne and is therefore 'reet posh'. Mandy hates Tanya.

nomdeplume Thu 19-Jul-07 20:23:05

Wayne's twin brother, Kevin, works in MacDonalds and still has terrible acne and a stutter.


Barry, their dad, is a London cabbie. Sheila, his wife, is addicted to home shopping channels and has a little dog.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:22:19

Mandy has saved up nearly £300 over the past few years incase Wayne ever asks her to marry him. She keeps it in the box of "poncy" herbal tbags she once bought. She will use it for a dress and some nice outfits for the kids.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:19:24

Jim's drool can fuse the photocopier

nomdeplume Thu 19-Jul-07 20:18:09

Wayne works at Kwik Fit, still in the same job he got when he left school 15 years ago. He lives with Mandy, who is a part time nail technician. They have 3 children, Wesley, Crystal and Wayne Jnr. They will never marry, although Mandy is desperate for him to ask her.

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 20:17:55

TOO weird - I had Addison based in NY in my mind <(<spooky>)>

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 20:16:54

Mindy is Addison's sister. She fancies Dexter and has taken to visiting her 'beloved nearly sister-in-law' at work in short skirts and no knickers. This is wasted on Dexter who never notices but Jim, the 'little person' in the office can be seen grinning and drooling for hours after she leaves.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:16:42

Addison is from USA.
He likes to work out and check his stock options on an hourly basis. Saffie isn't really anything serious - just a fling whilst he is over here. She can sometimes be a bit demanding so he cools it off.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 20:15:45

This thread has got even funnier than when I left it at 12am this morning (but those two things aren't connected..) Hilarious.

How can we save The Funniest Thread Ever from deletion into cyberspace in 88 days time?

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 20:14:16

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:13:31

<Dances - are you revealing your true colours here?>

CalifrauniusFudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:13:05

Addison is not a real name so therefore doesnt have a type

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 20:12:28

Addison is Saffie's longterm on again off again boyfriend. When they fight he likes to clean round the rim of the toilet with her toothbrush and then put it back in the holder.

cindersandashes Thu 19-Jul-07 20:10:33

What about Addison? (M)

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 20:09:08

Saffie is obsessively clean. She has to be in control but actually could do with a damn good shag from someone just like Dexter.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:06:21

Isn't that why she fancies him?

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 20:05:33

Dexter is a reporter. He has a huge crush on his female editor but for reasons unknown, will never tell her. His editor is called Saffie and actually fancies Dexter too even though he's 'a bit of rough'

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 20:04:13

?
Time reference needed please

Pabamella Thu 19-Jul-07 20:03:06

What about Dexter?

DANCESwithDumbledore Thu 19-Jul-07 19:49:52

Janey is married to Keith. She works for charity and he does 'something in insurance'. Janey likes to re-decorate every year because 'it looks so tatty' Keith grumbles but lets her because it means he can get away with going down to the pub every night without being nagged.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 19:44:55

Penny does catering for the well to do from her kitchen - which is tiny.

Her children are fed up with eating fish and chips whilst their mum whips up salmon en croute and pavlova for the folks in The Avenue

PinkMartini Thu 19-Jul-07 19:43:55

Cam is a bit wan from all the time spent cataloguing in the picture basement and too many late nights at Apt 195 on the King's Road with her flatmates Teula and Strawbs.

mrsdarcy Thu 19-Jul-07 19:29:49

Roger is engaged in a boundary distpute with his neighbour over a foetid ditch and thinks his barrister will reduce his fee because the case is so interesting. He won't.

Caroline has highlighted hair, a gold bracelet and strong forearms.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 19:00:00

Cam - Camilla to her mother - is in a bit of a fluster. Rufus someone or other has just come in to buy the catalogue for the English paintings sale next week and although he was a bit older he had a certain glint in his eye and no doubt in his wallet too if he is thinking of buying at that sale.

Cam thinks he looked as though he should be married but no wedding ring. She could ditch Olivier - the French thing no longer has the ring of mystery and glamour it once did and find someone to support her for a change.

Cam muses in this.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 18:54:15

Bob

Sheds tear

MrsBadger Thu 19-Jul-07 18:53:45

ah damn - teach me to write a long post about Rafe without refreshing first

Oi... EscaperFrom... I'm a Hazel

MrsBadger Thu 19-Jul-07 18:52:49

Rafe fancies Freya as well.

He has an English degree and a TEFL qualification but is too laid back to get a proper job and is working in Nero because he gets to plug his iPod into the shop's sound system and play his own mixes.

He lives in a squalid flat in Clapham that his grandfather bought in the 1920s which would be worth a fortune now. He still has long hair and says 'man'.

In two years his uncle will offer him a share in his organic farming business and he will move to Wales to make sausages.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 18:52:38

Bob is at a bit of a loose end to be honest. He finished decroating the hall last week and, well, the whole house is looking spick and span. People comment on it - "Oo you are keeping the house nice. Lindy would be so proud". But what else is he supposed to do?

It's been three years since Lindy, well, Lindy went. In the end it was her heart but until that year she had been as fit as a fiddle. They had so many plans and now he has nothing.

He has been brave. He can run up a rather good fish pie and at Christmas he had the neighbours in for a sherry. He enjoys visiting the family and that but it is the day to day that is hard to fill. People were very kind in the begining - inviting him to tea, some friends even invited him along to their sons house in the Dordogne - and very nice it was too. But it is the monotony of everyday when the whole world is rushing to do stuff and meet people. All he want is his Lindy back.

Pippa is an enthusiastic whippet thin SAHM with three Boden kids. She is the envy of all the Mums at her childrens school. However what they don't know is that she is addicted to slimming pills because her husband, Rufus - a 'managemnet consultantt - has slept with most of the young PAs in his office in London.

EscapeFrom Thu 19-Jul-07 18:44:29

Rafe would be two thirds of the way through his drama degree if he hadn't had to repeat the first year. He like to wear women's belts and air kisses his female friends, insisting he is so gay, but the thought of actual sex with an actual man gives him the heebie jeebies.

Instead, he likes to cop a feel of his podgy friend Hazel's tits and arse, hiding behind the irony, all the while harbouring a burning crush on her.

He can't ask her out though - she's 3 stone overweight and female - his career would be in tatters before it got off the ground.

CalifrauniusFudge Thu 19-Jul-07 18:39:02

I do know Derick! I do!
Gethin would secretly prefer to be singing with Wales' 1st Gay Male Voice Choir (a real entity - I know the conductor!!!) but is worried about what would happen if his Mam found out so he sings with the Morestan orfeus and dreams of "Barry the Baritone-aptly named" as everyone calls him

Blandmum Thu 19-Jul-07 18:35:18

Derick sings tenor. He always wants to do 'The dream of Gerontius' but there aren't enough men. In his 'off bars' he fantisises about ravishing Gewn, but is worried that he would crush her glasses

Bouquetsofdynomite Thu 19-Jul-07 18:33:59

Iestyn lives with his mum and dad and spends all his free time playing interminable dungeons and dragons type games and their respective forums on the net. He's quite popular with his net buddies but none of them would ever be brave enough meet up irl. Bogden from lower down is one of them and is well-known for always going that little bit too far.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 18:32:36

Gwen and Peggy go caravanning together but it is hard for Gwen because of Mum.

She is only ever known as Mum to all Gwen's family and friends. But Freshfields is a lovely care home and they don't skimp on the custard.

Blandmum Thu 19-Jul-07 18:31:42

(were we once in the same choral soc?????)

MrsBadger Thu 19-Jul-07 18:31:01

Gwen and Peggy wear their glasses on cords round their necks.
The students who sit behind them call them 'the puddings' because of their matching pageboy haircuts.

Blandmum Thu 19-Jul-07 18:29:09

Peggy 'sings' soprano in the local Choral society. Actually Peggy can no longer hit the high notes, but couldn't stand to become one of the Awful Altos. So mostly Peggy mimes. She sits by her friend Gwen, in the same seats every time. Gwen mimes too.

They are always the first to get to the chocolate biscuits at break time

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 18:28:00

Hugh is married....

to Stella who has no profile!

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 18:25:51

16:38:33

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 18:24:56

<what time was Hugh? Please>

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 18:23:40

Do you mean Hugh?
<<mutters off, moaning about people who can't be bothered to memorise everyone on the thread>>

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 18:22:29

Stephen in Purchase Ledger (11.42.09) also likes Bev but he is 13 years younger than her and does not have the social skills to approach her.

He is friends with the bloke on here who goes to Games Workshop but I can't fnd the post!

ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys Thu 19-Jul-07 18:19:31

Clive has never been married. He is, in fact a virgin depsite being 43. At school he was very good at PE and wanted to be a PE teacher but wasn't clever enough. Girls fancied him at school but he was too shy to do anything about it. After such a promising start he isn't sure what went wrong.

The highlight of his week is now waiting to catch glimpses of Bev when she comes for her Tai Chi class on a Tuesday. He has had 2 verbal warnings for "leering at women in the fitness classes". He was only looking a Bev, but he felt he couldn't admit that.

Clive desperately wants to butch up his appearance at bit in order to appeal to Bev and give himself the confidence to ask her out. For 3 months he has been trying to come up with a legitimate excuse to call at CSLogistics (he read it in her memebership profile) and manufacture a "Wow" I didn't know you worked here!" moment!

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 18:12:18

Freya has no idea Max exists.

brandnewhelsy Thu 19-Jul-07 18:08:43

Bev just can't meet the right man. Either married or gay, the ones she falls for.

Clive loves Bev. He works at the gym where Bev works out. She thinks he's gay. He isn't.

Filchymindedvixen Thu 19-Jul-07 18:06:46

Max is now obsessing about Freya. She's a yoga teacher in her late 20s with scandinavian blonde locks. She strides past his 'consultancy' office premises every morning on her way to fetch her chai from Neros.
She is seeing Olivier. a pseudo-french 'writer-musician' (ie plays the bongos) who has actually been unemployed for the past 5 years.

MrsBadger Thu 19-Jul-07 18:04:24

Phillipa wears shirts from TM Lewin and drives a recent-model Polo

Pippa wears rugby shirts covered in horse hair and drives a knackered old Polo

Pip is a spark up at the hospital. He knows the whole place would collapse without him. He keeps two budgies 'for the company' and smokes roll-ups.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 17:50:39

Max had to leave.

He could not stand being controlled. He thought Julia was just becoming to obsessive.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 17:47:46

Scott likes Charmain. He sometimes has to talk to her on the phone about parcels and packages that have got lost.

Charmain think Scott sounds quite nice but she couldn't think about going out with someone so dirty

Filchymindedvixen Thu 19-Jul-07 17:46:52

ah no, she can't quite afford prep school despite doing rather well out of the divorce from Max

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 17:45:49

Is Julia the one with the four boys at prep school?

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 17:45:43

During his teen years, Gavin regularly apeared on Kick Start. He now imports motorbike parts with his mate Scott. They sell them on line for a tidy profit.

Filchymindedvixen Thu 19-Jul-07 17:44:33

Julia is big on committees. She is the head of the PTA.

her best mate and henchwoman is Alicia. She has a lovely little shop selling ''lovely things dahling''

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 17:40:37

Torquil is something in media.

He drives his girlfriends Golf and uses his parents house when they are on holiday.

He cannot understand why his salary does not match the lifestyle he deserves.

ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys Thu 19-Jul-07 17:33:50

Aw, I feel sorry for Bev

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 17:27:53

Beverly has been at CSLogistics as long as anyone can remember. She has the answers to all the queries and can run the office single handed for a fortnight whilst Himself is in Greece with the family.

Bev, as she likes to be called, has become the office mother figure. She can remember when Darren - hair gelled delivery driver - dumped Charmain (office assistant) the week before the works Christmas do and she has had to deal with not one but two false pregnancy alarms from girls on the front desk. The drivers give her a cheery wave through the window of a morning and a wink to the new girl on reception. She can't quite figure out why and when they stopped winking at her and became like their mothers. There have been jokes about her ample bosom and she has tried not to mind - but deep down she would like acrylic nails and go to the Kings Head on a Friday night - but she never does - somehome it does not feel right. Despite the bubbly personality and the bold prints, Bev is desperately shy.

At the weekends Bev takes a Tai Chi class and shops in town. She spends time looking after her balcony plants and doing the Puzzler.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 17:15:41

If you're a playwrite looking for characters, this MUST be the best place to look.

There's enough stuff here for endless productions.

Gaynor " Just call me Gaye dear ... ha ha ... no, not like that ... ha ha " helps out on Wednesday's at the old folks luncheon club ..... she serves watery mash " well what with the dentures and all they find it a bit difficult to chew" and forces them to sing jolly songs about "hanging out the washing on the Seigfried Line" and " White Cliffs of soddin' Dover"

The old folk just want to be left alone to shout and fart at each other.

They wish Gaynor would just piss off to Lanzarote or whever it is that she and Dennis bought the time - share.

ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys Thu 19-Jul-07 17:11:22

Jayne is nearly thirty. She is married to a husband she is bored with (who is actually very nice and deserves better than Jayne) and she goes through life arranging one "project" after another. Her biggest and best was to get her marriage blessed which she arranged in manner of a B list celeb wanting to bag a double page spread towards the back of OK magazine.

Every couple of years she has another baby.

She has terrible BO but nobody knows quite how to tell her.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 17:11:07

Vanessa could sell Claude an ornate mirror but she has painted all hers white and lightly distressed them with sandpaper.

Claude would prefer a gold one.

and Vanessa's prices are simply outrageous.

Pabamella Thu 19-Jul-07 17:08:52

PMSL

MY PARENTS ARE KAREN AND ROBERT!!

(BELOW IT SAYS KAREN IS MARRIED TO ROBERT!)

LOL!

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 17:08:44

Vanessa is a middle aged actress who now has a stall selling French Brocante at the local antiques market.

Claude is also overly fond of "ornate" mirrors .... he thinks it adds depth to his small studio flat

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 17:06:11

Claude would love his home to be featured in an interiors mag.

sadly, it is too naff.

Sadly Vulgar - I do !!!

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 17:05:15

Yeahinaminute -you know Bogden so well!

cameroonmama Thu 19-Jul-07 17:04:33

Claude is a slightly effiminate French Canadian, who calls everyone dahling and throws themed dinner parties.

He has also painted his sitting room deep red.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 17:04:27

Janet wears pop socks under her skirt and they cut into her large calves.

Idris finds Bogden a bit "intense" and is shocked at his poor grasp of medieval history and folklore ...... but he's useful at chipping in on the petrol money and can get a tent up on a windy night

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 17:00:08

Bogden goes to medieval reinactment fastivals. He dresses up as a wandering minstrel and plays the mandolin.

His real name is Alan and he is friends with Idris.

He likes real ale too.

Ah yes - just a small libation for our Idris

His wife Beryl uses the time he's away to feed her bingo habit - woe betide anyone who sits in her "lucky" seat or - Heaven forfend - uses her "lucky" dibber

She can do 20 cards at once and thinks it's outrageous if a newbie wins

Michelle is the pissed, bored bingo caller who gets the calls wrong .... " 2 fat ladies ... 47"

It riles Beryl

DrunkenSailor Thu 19-Jul-07 16:55:27

Isn't that his "finest foaming ale", YIAM?

Idris is a Morris Dancer - he attends events and folk festivals up and down the country.

He likes a pint of whatever the local brew may be by saying " landlord a pint of your excellent ale and follow that up with a decent ploughmans there's the man ..." He then proceeds to give chapter and verse of Mumming and Morris Dancing myth and legend to poor Steve and Mike who popped in for a quick one on the way home .......

Landlords the length and breadth know of him and dim the lights, lock the doors when Idris is in the area ....

Idris just sighs and drives on to the next pub - unaware that phone calls have been made

DrunkenSailor Thu 19-Jul-07 16:51:31

Hilary ("Hil") lives in an immaculate ex-council house which she bought when she was promoted to supervisor in the university admissions office (in the days when it was still a polytechnic). Twenty-five years ago her brothers got hold of her b*stard lazy heavy-drinking husband and kicked his sorry ass out of town. After that she brought up the boys alone and is pleased that they still come home once a month with their bags of washing, because their girlfriends don't do it like Mum. She remains wary of men but likes it when Dave comes round and sorts out her plumbing. They swap mild innuendo and compare reminiscences from the 60s, although it's just a bit of fun because Dave and Ange are solid as a rock.

Hil collects soapstone sculptures, burns scented candles, and loves watching Formula One. She's ever so proud about giving up smoking but wonders if the three stone she put on mightn't be just as bad for her health. She used to drink a bottle of Chardonnay every night but recently switched to boxes, "because you can have a glass or two and then stop". Her dear old dog died last year and she misses him but can't face getting another. She would like to move to a smaller house but will never do this because she'll need the rooms when the boys come home, and anyway could never leave Don and Sylv next door.

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 16:38:33

Hugh reads Terry Pratchett novels, and spends his weekends and evenings in Games Workshop.

He asked his wife, Stella, to call him 'Vandor the Magnificent' in bed.

She told him to piss off.

ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys Thu 19-Jul-07 16:30:51

Jackie is a beautician on her second marriage and having an affair with a delivery guy named Stu.

Carol is a dinner lady. She used to be in admin and had big ideas about a career in London but then she got married and had too many children.

Tricia works at the animal sanctuary. She likes to go out clubbing at the weekend but never pulls because, although she doesn't realise it, she always smells of disinfectant.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 16:27:38

Olive lets out little involuntary farts when she is cruising the aisles of her local co-op with a shopping trolley on wheels.

EscapeFrom Thu 19-Jul-07 16:17:25

Fabulous!

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 16:13:53

Derek's mum must be called Muriel.

PMSL at collections of figures and thimbles.

Derek has made his mum a specially designed display case for the thimbles in his shed.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 16:10:02

Joyce serves tea at the "League of Friends' Tea Bar at the local hospital.

She has a smile for everyone.

Carole "with an E" has run Buds and Blooms in the High Street for about 25 years. She has been engaged to Derek for 20 of those years - they both still live at home - Carole with her ageing and slightly confused parents and their 12 cats, Derek with his overbearing divorced mother.

Carole is truly fed up arranging flowers for other peoples weddings as Derek has yet to make the momentious decision of actually naming the day due to his mothers inability to live without her little soldier or allow "that so - called girlfriend of yours" to get her hands on Derek or her collection of figurines and thimbles.

Carole lives in hope and strange despair.

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 16:08:13

Spencer is a mans man and hard as nails. He has done three tours in Iraq. He weeps at Animal Hospital.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 16:07:55

Yes, Judy smokes too much weed.

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 16:07:00

Judy cultivates cannabis plants in her loft - hence the paranoia

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 16:03:51

Oh yes, Baz and Judy definitely are made for each other.

Judy doesn't work tho'.

she is too paranoid to leave her flat.

Krystelle used to work in TopShop but is now engaged to a Division 3 footballer and lives in a 3 bed detached new build with lots of chintz and her miniture schnauzer Dior and adorable baby Bailey ( but she really wanted a girl coz the clothes are nicer !)

Bouquetsofdynomite Thu 19-Jul-07 15:59:30

Kay's DH works all the hours he can and she is very lonely. She tried to spice up her marriage with a heart-shaped bikini wax but by the time he had a chance to see it, it looked awful so she kept the lights off as usual.

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 15:58:53

Allegedly

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 15:58:13

Jo is a fuss budget. She is very eco-green and slightly hippy dippy. She was always well endowed and built for comfort until she discovered the joy of an exercise induced endorphin rush and is now built like a prop forward. Her DH misses her boobs which are now as sculpted and rock hard as Ms Beckhams.

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 15:54:11

Baz the, social worker mentined earlier, is quite keen on Judy.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 15:53:00

Jim has bad teeth and spends too long in the vegetable patch. He has yellow net curtains.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 15:51:28

Judy's living room smells of joss sticks and she almost never opens the curtains.

EscapeFrom Thu 19-Jul-07 15:51:24

Amy has tiny tiny hands, and neat brown hair with a fringe. She is a wife, rather than a lover.

Louise is seriously uptight, owing to her overstrict upbringing - she walks like she has a broom up her arse.

Keith crack bad jokes and is over familiar with women due to misplaced lust, as he has never had a girlfriend and still lives with his dad. He has a red, sweaty face.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 15:49:13

Hugo and Penny are spot on!

LoveAngel Thu 19-Jul-07 15:48:50

Perhaps Muriel's bosom was buxom in her heyday. I dunno. Its hard to tell in those M&S minimiser bras.

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 15:48:05

Is it not Eileen with the large bosom and a 40 a day habit?

She has her hair permed once a week by Maureen (who only wears pastels) when the OAP Wednesday morning offer is on.

ThisIsDavinaPleaseDoNotSwear Thu 19-Jul-07 15:46:35

Tim wears flip flops, even in winter and his wife Sarah wears an old pair of Birkenstocks.

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 15:46:17

Hugo works in the city and has two children. He has a fear of disciplining them. He can't wait to pack them off to boarding school.

He, however loves BEING disciplined and has kept Penny in garden centre vouchers for YEARS

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 15:45:28

But surely Muriel has a large bosom (singular)?

Carnoodleusfudge Thu 19-Jul-07 15:45:16

Muriel buys her "slacks" from the back of the Daily Telegraph

LoveAngel Thu 19-Jul-07 15:43:24

My Muriel is very small and demure. She carries tissues in her handbag at all times and sucks mints. Murray mints, actually.

IntergalacticWalrus Thu 19-Jul-07 15:43:19

Bev has a bubble perm and blonde highlights, although she hasn't had them done in a whuikle so looks like a racoon

She drives a Vauxhall Tigra and gets her acrylic nails done twice a week

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 15:41:35

Bex is let down by her shoes, which need replacing, IMO.

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 15:40:08

Paulette works in a launderette. Actually it's a little place that does your ironing for you. Paulette loves it cos she can natter all day.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 15:39:46

Muriel is a big beast of a woman.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 15:38:23

Tara buys designer handbags and has to show them off to you
(in case you hadn't noticed)

TaLcYo Thu 19-Jul-07 15:38:02

elaine likes to teach aromatherapy
she says pacifically instead of specifically

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 15:37:31

Bex also wears black polyester suits from Next which show off her slim figure.

Vulgar Thu 19-Jul-07 15:34:46

Bex drives a white Vauxall Nova with a "Babe on board sticker" with pink fluff round it.

She wears glasses and has brown hair pulled back into tight ponytail.

PinkMartini Thu 19-Jul-07 15:34:04

Clive SO doen't need a Blackberry.
He calls it a raspberry and thinks it's funny.

Sheherazadethegoat Thu 19-Jul-07 15:33:43

Sheherazade keeps geese and wishes liz hurley would stop trying to be her friend as she is terribly vulgar.

IntergalacticWalrus Thu 19-Jul-07 15:32:42

Michelle wears white stilletos and has corned beef legs

Saskia is a "media sales executive" at a provinacial publishing firm

Keith likes to wear polyester mix shirts and goes to sales confrences at Travelodges aropund the Milton Keynes area

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 15:27:48

She also goes like a train but has weird submissive dream fantasies that she doesn't understand cos she is a control freak.

coddy Thu 19-Jul-07 15:27:24

so glad this is still going!

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 15:26:36

Alice likes to organise. She also wears the trousers.

LoveAngel Thu 19-Jul-07 15:22:48

Simon wears knitwear and he's not ashamed of that fact.

fanella Thu 19-Jul-07 15:22:46

six...

SixKindsOfCrisis Thu 19-Jul-07 15:18:28

If your name is Pat you are a postman; if your name is Flash you are saviour of the universe; if your name is Ernie you are a milkman; if your name is Mandie then you came and you gave without taking.

ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys Thu 19-Jul-07 15:06:58

If your name is Bob you are a builder

If your name is Fiona you are a dietician

DrunkenSailor Thu 19-Jul-07 15:05:30

Tanya is a junior marketing manager at an IT company. She has ironed hair, an orange tan and immaculate acrylic nails that click when she types.

She is engaged to Marc, a bullet-headed young sales manager in the same company who wears a sharp suit and works out. They party in Ayia Napa every year and have kitted out their house with a gym, sunbed and hot tub. Tanya grew up on a rough council estate and visits her mum, Carol, as rarely as possible. This morning she reduced Caz, the summer temp, to tears by bawling at her like a fishwife.

They drive to work separately but go out to lunch every day in Marc's black Tigra. They will have a huge white wedding in a stately home next year, followed by three weeks on a beach in Thailand. In two years' time she will be hugely pregnant with twins, while Marc will be shagging Becca the receptionist.

Megglevache Thu 19-Jul-07 14:26:41

Message withdrawn

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 14:26:14

Jackie loves karaoke.

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 14:13:54

She also prefers to go topless

bootsmonkey Thu 19-Jul-07 14:13:01

Jackie wears a yellow thong bikini when on holiday in Spain, even though she is a size 22. She has a married boyfriend and goes like a train...

casbie Thu 19-Jul-07 14:04:17

charlotte is a yummy mummy, always on-time and looking fashionable. she rides horses, has three cats and smokes 'perfumed' cigerettes behind the dustbins of their expensive minimalist victorian home, in a trendy part of london.

her husband works long hours and is 'away on business' a lot.

she fancies the only house-husband at nursery, but worries that her best friend already has tried him out!

MrsRonWeasley Thu 19-Jul-07 13:40:43

Emma is a slightly plump student nurse. She nearly went into beauty therapy instead, but is not high maintenance enough. At least with nursing you don't have to choose your clothes in the morning.

SixKindsOfCrisis Thu 19-Jul-07 13:39:18

Clive loves his new Blackberry. But he doesn't really need it.

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 13:22:58

Is Jackie Don and Shelly's daughter?

MrsScavo Thu 19-Jul-07 13:20:08

Joyce still rides a bike even though she's 72. She likes oil painting and jam making. She is planning to travel round the world when her husband dies.

waffletrees Thu 19-Jul-07 13:18:48

Jocinda makes a big show of her love of the environment - recycles, terry nappies, vegetarian and has an allotment. Her credibility is severly dented, however, by driving a 5 year old Nissan Micra.

She has 3 kids but only planned one of them.

Violet lives in a bungalow in Worthing, she drinks sherry every day at noon. Her daughter comes to visit once a week and brings a casserole for the freezer.

Violet hates casserole.

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 11:12:20

Kelly was sentenced to two years in a youth detention facility for selling pirate DVDs during lunchtimes at the local high school.

She was only caught out when the Deputy Head (Ralph - wears Disney ties, keeps using the word 'cool'), complained that his copy of 'Debbie Does Darlington' didn't play properly.

The conversation was overheard by the school secretary (Karina - human version of a weasel with OCD), who informed the police.

But only after first establishing that Kelly was unwilling to give her a percentage of the profits.

Kelly spent 14 months in the detention centre. She was let out early because she pretended to find God, and she started a choir.

She is now dating Neville, who is training to be a priest, and whom she met when he came in to play the keyboards for her choir.

They have just got engaged.

Neville sends a percentage of his income to an orphanage in Zimbabwe.

It annoys Kelly a bit, but she hasn't said anything yet.

She also hasn't mentioned her previous run ins with the law, and her record of shoplifting, ABH, soliciting and burglary.

She thinks those things are best left unsaid until after the wedding.

MrsBadger Thu 19-Jul-07 10:55:02

Susanna went to a good school and a slightly less good university. Last year she packed in her graduate job in events management to train guide dogs.
Her husband Matthew commutes to the City three days a week and works from home the rest of the time.
They live in one of the prettier parts of Kent.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 10:05:28

Felicity is 32, used to be in PR but now advises a charity, and is trying to live up to her namesake in the Good Life, by cultivating an allotment in Sutton, South London. She is becoming an allotment bore. She only wears fair trade clothes and is a lentil weaver, but does secretly long for LK Bennett and a skinny capp no froth to start the day.

PinkMartini Thu 19-Jul-07 10:02:59

X-posted purplemonkey - I think she does have a chip (that's why you shouldn't cross her)

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 10:02:35

Larry also dresses like a golf pro, drives an old old 5 series BMW and when he meets women of a certain age, says "enchante" and kisses their hand.

PinkMartini Thu 19-Jul-07 10:02:05

Jackie is good fun and very funny but quite hard (you don't want to be on the wrong side of her)
She's an office institution but is not the office dragon as she's not that bothered about rules. No one is entirely sure what her job description is but she can help you with most things. She has a very gummy smile.
She goes to the Costa Brava on holiday and wears clothes that are five years too young for her.

Finbar Thu 19-Jul-07 10:01:17

Ryan is too young to get married - but is doing so because his girlfriend told him they should.

They are both still pathologically attached to their families and spend all weekend with them. They can be very smug
He is shagging her friend

Mike is sporty. and dresses like a golf pro.

moodlumthehoodlum Thu 19-Jul-07 09:57:57

Chester and Topher still aren't speaking. Topher is very huffy about this and has decided that he is going to splash out and take Evelyn M-P out for a long lunch, rather than the normal chicken caesar wrap he buys her...

Jackie has a chip on her shoulder. A BIG one.

PinkMartini Thu 19-Jul-07 09:51:58

Dominique sounds French but isn't. (Her parents were convinced she was a boy and loved the name Dominic)

She works as an events co-ordinator which sounded glamourous but isn't and spends days poring over seating plans for events to which she will never be invited.

She wears red coats and jackets as she thinks it makes her jolly but she's actually really snippy on the phone and most of the people who speak to her are left with a bad taste in their mouth afterwards.

mrsmalaprop Thu 19-Jul-07 09:45:53

Who doesn't Mavis have a cat? - She should have a cat!

mrsmalaprop Thu 19-Jul-07 09:44:40

Gloria is a cabaret singer on the Northern club circuit. She is in her 50s, has a penchant for gold lame, wears a lot of faux gold jewellery and winks too much. She has been married 5 times, but her husbands were all complete shits. She likes to think of herself as 'a survivor'.

Nicole gets annoyed that hers is the chav name of choice lately.
She is married to Paul who DOES say " jsut reboot it"
They have a dog. And a Lexus.
But they live in a semi dodgy part of town.

fanella Thu 19-Jul-07 08:32:58

Mitch is a 53 year old long distance lorry driver who rolls his own and has a tattoo of a long stemmed rose on his inner arm.

He has been married to June for 32 years and has five chidren with her.

He has also been living with Carol for 10 years and they have a son.

Matt (short for Matthew benjamin, his parents were clergy folk) and Ad (Adam Luke) work in a local estate agents. Ad likes to surf at the weekends and they both go out after work on a Friday night changing out of their Burton suits into Topman jeans and jumpers.

Matt lives with his girlfriend Jo and Ad flat shares with some mates.

Gingerbear Thu 19-Jul-07 00:50:31

It needs to be moved from chat otherwise it will disappear from the hallowed hall of fame.

Gingerbear Thu 19-Jul-07 00:49:47

this is the funniest thread in a long time. Well overdue.
My name has been mentioned, and I am NOT impressed with your impressions of me!

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:44:21

Mavis sings in a chior, she likes to sing solos from Les Mis, she practices in the bathroom at home but recently had poison pen letters through her door threatening to kill her cat if she can't keep it quiet - she doesn't have a cat.

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:39:27

Penny is retired and does voluntary work in a charity shop, she had to give it up temporarily due to a nasty rash she developed after sorting through bags of donated underwear.

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 00:38:29

ROFL!

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:36:23

Lynette works in a museum gift shop, she never understands why they always sell loads of kendal mint cake even though they are nowhere near a mountain.

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:30:39

Jo plays in a womens rugby team on sunday mornings, shes got thighs that most men would envy. Her idol is Barry John and she wears mens briefs under her rugby shorts.

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:26:06

Bernice is going through the change, shes hell to live with, her children dread coming home as shes forever in a bad mood and walks round in her underwear when shes having a flush.

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 00:22:15

Glad you have namechanged to protect the innocent, sal!

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:21:50

ok the static caravan in tenby might be slightly pushing the truth, but I do know a dinner lady who used to steal the arctic roll

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:20:39

These are all based on real people you know, I have of course changed names

even the one who works in M&S in Cardiff

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:18:42

Suzanne has just got engaged to Jonathon they work in the same call centre selling car insurance, they are planning a huge wedding, shes already seen the dress she wants. She hopes Jonathon won't find out she shagged Paul from the motor claims dept at last years christmas doo.

DangerousBeans Thu 19-Jul-07 00:13:11

Stevo is a salesman for an interior design company.
He bought shares in the company, and was given a directorship.
He used the money from his inheritance from his grandmother.
His wife, Poppy, had 5000 business cards made up for him.
They have a logo of a welsh dresser on them.
And they are lavender coloured.
Poppy insists he calls himself Stephen from now on.
Stevo wishes he had bought a share in a racehorse instead.

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:12:37

Vanessa works on the perfume counter at Debenhams, shes 42 but looks about 30. Shes very attractive and always looks immaculate but wears opaque tights to hide her varicous veins.

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:06:02

Lorraine is a sahm, both her children are in school full time and her husband works 9-5, after sending the children to school in the morning she turns on the laptop and spends all day on the internet chatting, she gets dressed at 3pm, just in time for when her children get home from school.

sallystrawberry Thu 19-Jul-07 00:01:19

Geraldine works as an office cleaner, she likes to rummage through the desk drawers when the workers have gone home, she finds allsorts. She likes to use the spare lipsticks and has a spray of any perfume she finds.

Balls Wed 18-Jul-07 23:57:16

Beverley and Alan don't half lead double/treble lives! wow...

sallystrawberry Wed 18-Jul-07 23:56:23

Beverley is a dental hygienist in Leeds, shes happily married to Paul but when all the patients have gone home she regularly shags the dentist in the chair, he did all her crowns for free.

sallystrawberry Wed 18-Jul-07 23:52:59

Brenda has worked as a dinner lady in a primary school in Aldershot for 20 years, shes been selling the arctic roll to local cafes as a sideline for years, shes saved enough money to buy a static caravan in Tenby.

Balls Wed 18-Jul-07 23:52:17

You thought that was Karen's dog she was walking! No no, it's her handbag and where do you think she takes it - yes the common, the common ole common - for a common lunchtime shag! And that poor handbag has seen too much, it must be time to take it to the charidee chop surely?

sallystrawberry Wed 18-Jul-07 23:49:57

Natalie tells her mum shes got a good job working as a PA, but really she spends most evening half naked swinging round poles and giving blokes in suits extras in a side room.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 23:48:03

Giles and Trish quite often sleep have sex.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:47:54

Giles says hello like Leslie Phillips.

sallystrawberry Wed 18-Jul-07 23:46:01

Giles wears a cravat, he likes to go to his village pub, smoke cigars and pretend hes a member of the aristocracy, but really he grew up on a council estate and had a lucky win on the lottery.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 23:44:46

The other Mary is Michael's sister. She's a lesbian, but no one in the family has ever talked about it. She lives miles away, managing a pub with her lover. She has a weight isue, and has never manages to find bras that fit properly.

UCM Wed 18-Jul-07 23:42:20

Yep love, you are obviously a 'swinger'

sallystrawberry Wed 18-Jul-07 23:41:57

Mary works as a sales assistant in Marks and Spencers in Cardiff. She likes to think that the adams apple isn't to obvious and that the heavy layer of foundation covers her 5 o'clock shadow, everyone knows she used to be called Marcus when she worked on menswear but they are too polite to say.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:41:04

God I have Pampas grass. Really I have tried everything, burnig, hacking it. Do folk still beleive that.

OMG


<rushes out to put a blanket over it till I hire a JCB>

UCM Wed 18-Jul-07 23:40:56

Katie is a big boobed bird with lots of money who has called her first daughter 'Bunny'


She is a cunt.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:40:44

And that the large pot pourri bowl on the table in the hall is often used as a "lucky dip" for the car keys at their swingers parties.

Perhaps this novel could be called "its always the quiet ones..."

sallystrawberry Wed 18-Jul-07 23:38:32

Esther is a medical secretary shes married to Martin, they go to church every sunday and always help out at the village fete, their neighbours don't realise that the Pampas grass that grows in their garden is really a sign to let other swingers know they are "up for it".

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:37:44

You do know this will be made into a a new best seller for the summer.

lol at name change

sallystrawberry Wed 18-Jul-07 23:34:34

Trevor is a security guard in tesco, hes 5ft 2 walks with a limp and hasn't had sex for 5 years.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:34:17

She does now.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 23:33:30

Isn't it weird that Evelyn doesn't know that Topher is in relationship with her long lost son?

EvelynMacMillanPeirson Wed 18-Jul-07 23:32:22

My dress sense is perfectly suitable for one who moves in Royal Circles, I'll have you know!

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 23:30:46

Roy, the electrician came to do some work in Topher and Chesters flat, while Maureen was cleaning. Turns out Roy and Maureen grew up next door to each other in Victoria Street.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:30:11

But Evelyn is fine and she is loaded and drives home in a new BMW she enjoys eating her M&S sandwiches with Topher every day. She just has no dress sense and doesn't like birds!

sallystrawberry Wed 18-Jul-07 23:28:48

Lisa is an Art psychotherapist, not an art therapist, but and artpsychotherapist, shes very touchy feely, has no children, 10 cats and buys lots of crystals, she collects dolphins.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:27:49

Which is lucky, because Nikki B. as she likes to be known, a researcher on the Jeremy Kyle show has arrived in town looking for stories.

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 23:24:49

<<becoming a bit tired and emotional about Evelyn MacMillan-Peirson, and thinking she is deserving of her own mini-series>>

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:22:59

Jessica thinks Kimberley is her best friend. Jessica doesn't like it when they meet Jess for lunch too and to be rude Jessica spends the whole time sending text messages to her brother Chester.

Jessica and Chester mother is Evelyn MacMillan-Peirson, but they don't know that as Evelyn walked out when they were small and left a note to say she had gone off to marry the Duke of Kent. They pass her everyday when they go out to lunch.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:21:28

Should obviously add that Clive and Maureen met at a Rotary Club dinner.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:19:59

Maureen has always thought Karen a bit flighty - bit of a flibbertygibbert. Since her hormone replacement therapy, Maureen has had a bit of a soft spot for soft top clive.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:16:50

DB. Too too funny. ROFL

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:16:09

Maureen is Robert's mum

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 23:14:40

Maureen cleans Topher and Chesters flat. She mostly enjoys it, as they keep it clean and tidy, and she's not one to judge, but ocationally she find condoms under the bed.

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 23:13:00

Evelyn MacMillan-Peirson wanders round town. She wears a duffle coat and a fedora.
And shouts at the pigeons.
She claims she is related to the Duchess of Kent.
Topher buys her some sandwiches from M&S every lunchtime.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:12:32

Micheal still hankers after Karen and has seen her on Match.com. He is not sure if she would fancy a quickie for old times sake!

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 23:11:03

Michael would never let anyone know about his gay tendancies. He's straight y'know.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:10:50

Well topher has decided that now that him and Chester haven't spoken for nearly three days, he is going to 'bump' into Michael in the lift...

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 23:09:14

Yes, I'm keeping a family tree record.

Andrea and Jonathan are brother and sister.

Their parents are Janet and Clive.

Clive is a retired design enginer, who can no longer spend sundays orientering. He owns a very old MG and wonders if driving a soft top is responsible for his baldness.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:08:57

Michael has told Topher that he knows a top black lab breeder and they are going out on Saturday to have a look at some puppies together. They are taking Michael's MX5

peachypie Wed 18-Jul-07 23:08:15

Kimberley is a receptionist, she thinks shes dead popular and has a really irritating laugh.
Shes friends with Jess.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:07:08

Michael wants Tropher

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:05:13

pmsl

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:04:08

Chester and Topher live in the flat below Michael's penthouse. Topher quite fancies Michael, even though he wears Davidoff Cool Water and drives an MX5.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 23:03:48

Traci knows Karen goes on Match.com and when karen has a 'date' she uses her best mate, Tracie as an aliby to Robert. But, what Karen doesn't know is that Robert and Tracie are having an affair.

cadelaide Wed 18-Jul-07 23:03:06

Baz is a social worker.
Likes people to think his real name is Basil (but it's not, it's Barry).

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 23:00:50

ROFL

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 22:59:33

when she is on Match.com she is 'not' married.

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 22:59:02

I hope someone is doing a flow chart or family tree of all this?

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 22:57:56

I didn't think she was married. She's about to get her "if you don't meet someone in six months, we'll give you your money back" money back from Match.com.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 22:57:37

Karen is married to Robert, but she wishes she had put up with Michael when he was a post man as he now has his own delivery service company an lives in a penthouse in the posh part of town near the river. Karen stil lives with Robert and his mum.

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 22:56:16

Topher has delicate bone structure, and a Limahl hair style.
He is sometimes mistaken for a woman when the lighting is dim.

CalifrauniusFudge Wed 18-Jul-07 22:56:01

Topher is surely a he

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:54:45

Topher will win (as she always does0 because she uses sex as a weapon

Gott go now, Night all - I have loved your company. This thread is tres amusing

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 22:52:44

Chester and Topher have just bought a new flat overlooking the harbour.
Chester wants a white leather sofa.
Topher wants a black labrador.
They haven't spoken for 2 days, 3 hours and 28 minutes.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:52:38

Who is Karen married to? Is it Michael?

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:50:23

ROFL -I know these people!!!!!

DrunkenSailor Wed 18-Jul-07 22:49:37

DB! Why are you stalking me, and where have you hidden the rest of me scratchings?

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 22:48:03

Cherry wears white musk from the body shop or Poison, for a night on tiles.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:47:06

Fynn's Mother, Andrea once tried to disappear from the "system", just to see if she could
It lasted for 2 years and 4 months

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:46:40

Jessica, however, is an American high school student. she enjoys cheerleading and shopping. She's very upset her parents won't pay for her to have a breat enlargement. Her hair is always perfect because it takes her 2 1/2 hours to style every morning.

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 22:43:52

Karen has a bottle of Rive Gauche in her bathroom cabinet.
It is her fall back perfume.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:42:57

Jess is a classic "pear" shape and doesn't realise she will end up with her Mother's hips

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:42:13

Fynn's parents were hippies. They are very disappinted it's now such a popular name. His mother,Andrea, thought it was really way-out when she gave birth to him at Greenham Common.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 22:40:42

Jess has only ever had ger fringe cut, she trims her own long blond hair each year, she always wears skirts to show off her slender ankles which are her second best feature - her hair she believes, is the best.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 22:38:11

Tacie still wears charlie as her best mate Karen gave it to her 10 years ago

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:37:47

Cherry's parents were hippies
She stopped smoking 5 years ago
She is now addicted to the Nicorette inhaler
She sometimes pees when she laughs

brimfull Wed 18-Jul-07 22:36:41

She loves the stencilling she's done in her kitchen

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 22:36:27

Karen still wears Anais Anais..

brimfull Wed 18-Jul-07 22:35:51

Karens has had the same hairstyle since she was 15 yr old

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:34:09

Jonathan is very good looking, but doesn't say too much.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 22:32:29

LOL Harpsichord

harpsichordcuddler Wed 18-Jul-07 22:29:20

Karen is very nostalgic for school. she buys a lot of cds called "school disco number ones" which she listens to in her Clio.
at weddings she likes to dance to Motown.
she has joined the local preschool committee and when they had a meeting at her house she served three different set of dips, four kinds of crisps and a table full of different soft drinks.
none of which were touched.
she spends a lot of time walking the dog.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:27:55

Faye also bites the skin on the side of her fingers

Blimey, I'm starting to fancy Jonathan now!!!

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 22:26:18

And Mandy and Andy are on the verge of divorce because they always come second in the pub quiz.

Mandy thinks Andy's knowledge of 80s rock music is letting them down.

He consoles himself with another pint of Brewers Droop.

Mandy likes pork scratchings.

And Jonathan.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:23:52

Jonathan and Kirstin usually win the pub quiz.

PinkMartini Wed 18-Jul-07 22:23:49

Faye is has blonde wispy hair which she twiddles between her fourth and fifth fingers all the time.
She has a cat who eats better than she does (Felix extra special pouches)
She's a civil servant and gets loads of holiday but ends up going with her mum or sister.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:23:00

Hayley went to school with Danielle.

She is a size 16, and envies danielle her ability to wear Morgan.

She doesnt know about the vodka habit.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:22:40

Karen was terribly popular at achool but time is not being very kind to her
She seems far more confident than she really is though

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 22:22:08

Lottie takes soya milk in her tea to try and fit in.
She seems to have developed a strange rash.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:20:53

Lottie is really struggling to loke quinoa, but thinks she should.

She sometimes steals a bar of Plamil carob when she thinks her boss isnt looking.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:20:22

Danielle would love to have a lot of designer gear but has to make do with Morgan

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 22:19:45

Danielle likes to holiday in the Med.
She reads Jackie Collins novels and has pink fluffy mules.
She works in admin.
And drinks skinny moccachinos.
And vodka.
At lunchtime.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:19:02

danielle still rolls her sleeves up like she did in the 80's.

She loves chicklit.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:19:01

mrsscavo - I feel so sad for a lot of these people! Bless em

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:17:23

Lottie had to practise on Dwayne during her course.

She is wondering whether feet are really for her.

Perhaps reiki would be better - she wouldnt have to touch anyone.

innapickle Wed 18-Jul-07 22:17:18

Do these ones!! ...

Karen

Hayley

Danielle

!! lol

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:17:05

Poor old Trish

DangerousBeans Wed 18-Jul-07 22:15:21

Lottie works in a health food shop.
She has done a beginner's course in Reflexology.
She fancies Dan Snow and Bear Grylls.
But is married to a Simon.
And cries herself to sleep.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:14:34

But Trish did once appear on Catchphrase. Her gold top caught the lights very badly and added 15 lbs - she has kept the video but doesn't show it to anyone

MrsJohnCusack Wed 18-Jul-07 22:13:44

Barbara wears two piece outfits in a 'nice cheerful print' and slingbacks.
she would love to pose for one of those naked WI calendars
she drives a Honda Jazz

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:13:38

Kirstin, sowever, did got to go on "how to look good naked", which is why Trish sectetly hates her.

harpsichordcuddler Wed 18-Jul-07 22:13:09

Trevor is a scientist managing a team of scientists all cleverer than him and who all hate him.

he has a beard and wears patterned sweaters.

for fun he likes to come home and criticise his wife. he owns a boat and moans endlessly about all the maintenance he has to do on it.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:12:14

Trish's best friend applied for her to go on "Look Good Naked"

Gok fainted when he saw her video try-out.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:11:15

Trish does't think much of Jonathan's wife, Kirstin. She's far too bubly, and intelligent for Trish's liking.

CalifrauniusFudge Wed 18-Jul-07 22:10:38

Karen is worried that she is turning into her mother as she too is now chosing M&S footglove sandals instead of something trendier. She has caught herslef eying up elastic wasted pale blue denims in M&S too.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:10:02

Lionel's bag is definitely not a man-bag.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:09:49

Trish's tummy really doesn't look atractive in those jeans. Trish is Donna's mum.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:08:43

Furiousgeorge - I know - I live next door to the fecker!

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:08:30

Trish likes Jonathan who comes in occasionally for a bar-meal with his wife

MrsJohnCusack Wed 18-Jul-07 22:08:21

Lionel carries a handbag

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:08:12

Don and Trish flirt alot, but both know nothing will ever happen.

brimfull Wed 18-Jul-07 22:07:50

TRiush aslo wears tight t-shirts tucked into high waisted jeans

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:06:56

Brian amd Morris often go to airshows together

harpsichordcuddler Wed 18-Jul-07 22:06:24

Terry is a bell ringer and likes to drink real ale. he likes to chat to the bar maid Trish after Tuesday night practice. her heart sinks when he walks into the bar. she fantasises that he will drop dead and she will be free of his weekly beery leery flirtatious onslaught.

sallysparrow-you have got Brian to a tee.

brimfull Wed 18-Jul-07 22:04:41

Trish looks like a 25 yr old from behind because she still has lovely straight blonde hair which she will not cut.She is in fact about 56 yrs old and scares people when she turns around.She's an avid church goer but purely because she fancies the paster as her husband Mike is dull and obsessed with diy.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:04:03

Lauren and Fynn are in a relationship.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:03:25

And Brian eats 2oz of ham every day for lunch

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:03:07

Brian and morris are both on the Parish council.

Their meetings make the Vicar of Dibley look sane.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 22:02:06

Moris washes his car every Sunday morning without fail.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 22:01:41

Brian sits behind his net curtains to check if his neighbour is doing any gardening.

If he is, Brian will rush out and mow the lawn.

Brian moved to the country to retire. He is currently suing his other neighbour for keeping hens, as they make a noise.

He tried to sue the local farmer for keeping cows, but the farmer came after him with a gun.

brimfull Wed 18-Jul-07 22:01:06

Amanda has married beneath her ,talks frightfully well and wishes her husband did aswell,but pretends not to care.

She care about curtains, wearing the correct underwear and only likes little dogs.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:00:54

Mona and Vivienne used to do demos together

harpsichordcuddler Wed 18-Jul-07 22:00:53

Lauren worked hard for her GSCEs but pretended not to. she wants to be a lawyer when she leaves school but had told her mum she wants to be a beautician, just to annoy her.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 22:00:00

Morris folds his plastic bags and always re-uses them

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 21:59:07

Mona is friends with Vivienne.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:58:41

stressteddy, ive never worn a moustache....

harpsichordcuddler Wed 18-Jul-07 21:58:40

Morris is the co-ordinator of the local Neighbourhood watch. He gets very upset when people leave their rubbish bags out before 7pm.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:58:00

Moodlum, thats the other bernard!

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 21:56:21

Mona was one of the first ever members of "friends of the earth" - she doesn't like to brag about it but is secretly pleased that people are getting on the recycling bandwagon

(Are any of you worried that people are describing you because they know you???!!)

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:56:21

Yolande is actually 20 years older than Paul.

the shock would kill him.......

harpsichordcuddler Wed 18-Jul-07 21:56:00

Annabel used to be a pa but gave up when she had babies. She wears capri pants and pumps and drives a Renault Clio. she saves her old toothbrushes to clean behind the taps while listening to JEremy Vine on radio 2.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 21:55:22

Sallys Bernard is actually called Chris, adn all 3 lines are true.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:54:48

Joseph watches 24 to get inspiration.

These are fab.Uncannily accurate though.

Yolande works on the cosmetics counter in a local department store.She always has a full face of thick slap on.Even her boyfriend Paul has never seen her face in its natural sake.Yolande thinks that she would be 'letting herself go'if she went barefaced.

Sylvia runs the local WI.She is lovely to everyone,but won't hesitate to gossip about them as soon as there back is turned.

Camilla left her little job in London,when she married Robert,who works in high finance.They have a 'little' house in the country where she spends most of her time riding horses.Occasionally she will do some consultancy work,just to keep her name in circulation.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:53:32

Fynn works in the IT dept of the local hospital.

he likes to tell people the servers fallen over when they ring him with a query.

Thats if he ever answers the phone.

pointydog Wed 18-Jul-07 21:53:29

Jeff plays in a Christian rock band

MrsBadger Wed 18-Jul-07 21:53:07

Rachel works for a Fair Trade chocolate company so she can use marketing degree without feeling like she's sold out.

Si is in the army.

Joseph used to be in the army but gets paid more as a private contractor.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 21:52:56

Sorry sally - unfortunate X post then...

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 21:52:12

Bernard wonders about going to Furby's but always decides against it. He's met Jean, on a cruise round the Scilly Isles, and doesn't want to jeopardise anything that might have to offer.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 21:51:53

Jeff plays guitar in a band at night and always thought he would be famous

He is now a teacher

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:51:40

(Two of those lines are, in fact, true)

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:50:33

Bernard is an accountant. He was married but his wife left him for another woman.

As a student, Bernard shared a flat with another accountancy stident, also called Bernard.

Their landlady often invited them for a game of scrabble, along with sally, the student physio who lived in the attic.

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 21:49:27

Fynn went to school with Timon and Pumbaa, but wouldn't be seen dead at Furbys.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 21:45:45

Enid is Lorna's long suffering friend and shoulder to cry on, but she hasn't given Lorna her new mobile or email addy lately

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 21:43:58

Bev probably also has IBS which she tells everyone about.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:43:56

Timon and pumbaa also go to Furby's

MrsScavo Wed 18-Jul-07 21:42:59

Janet has been on assertiveness classes, but doesn't feel she can put what she's learned into practice. Other people arn't so sure.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 21:42:44

Bev is very professional and career minded but she has food issues and can't eat anything that begins with the letter C

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:42:27

Chris the physio also goes to Fanny's.

She dresses in leather jeans with a sock in the crotch, a white vest and a stick on moustache.

Her girlfriend Gina wears a rubber mini dress and black patent platform shoes.

Alan would love a pair, but the only go up to size 12.

batey Wed 18-Jul-07 21:41:06

Joan is very bright and works in a laboratory. She wears an alice band in her hair.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 21:40:39

Martin drives an old ford fiesta with "Fat Willy's Surf Shock" sticker on the back. Otherwise its immaculate and has Werthers originals in the glove box.

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 21:40:20

Sallysparrow - Martin is mortified that you know!!

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 21:40:17

Everton really wishes that they hadn't moved to Liverpool

CalifrauniusFudge Wed 18-Jul-07 21:39:38

Una crochets
Dan plays cricket and has a permanent red stain on his cricket whites cos he spends so much time rubbingthe ball on his crotch

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:38:23

Martin would like to go to Fanny's, but is afraid his mother will find out.

Instead he gets Pandora's catalogue by mail order.

Its called "padora's Box" and has an art deco design that looks strangely like a vagina on the cover.

It comes in a plain brown envelope.

Martin comes in a tissue.

pointydog Wed 18-Jul-07 21:38:14

lol @ wishy

CalifrauniusFudge Wed 18-Jul-07 21:37:13

Harpsi - I know her too but mine's called Lish!
Randy really wishes his parents hadnt mopved from Texas to Leeds when he was 3.

moodlumthehoodlum Wed 18-Jul-07 21:36:54

Martin and Rupert know each other through the furby club where they meet every so often dressed as cuddly toys.

wishywotz Wed 18-Jul-07 21:36:33

Timon lacks in confidence and likes to be seen out with best fat friend Pumbaa.

sallysparrow Wed 18-Jul-07 21:35:31

At night, Rupert can be found at the bar in Fanny's, eying up the fit young men.

harpsichordcuddler Wed 18-Jul-07 21:35:11

"ALicia(Liss") wants to be famous for lookign languid and having tousled hair.

when she went on a school skiing trip to val d'isere she had a peronalised hoody wiht "I'm Liss I put out" on it.

itsi in her bottom drawer so her parents wont see it"

that's so weird I know her
except she is called Lissy
otherwise deadly accurate

MrsJohnCusack Wed 18-Jul-07 21:34:58

oh god this wHOLE THREAD is brilliant

'Caroline won't poo at work. She'll only ever poo at home in the comfort of her own loo'

do you KNOW my sister or something?

stressteddy Wed 18-Jul-07 21:34:33

Mary says she's a christian but doesn't like any of her neighbours
Jane was always a bit whacky at a