Mumsnet Talk

Heeey girrlz luv u lots!
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It has been 4 weeks since I killed the last mouse
DS has shat in the toilet 3 times this week
<cartoon of a turd with boggly eyes and a grin>
45 days since I last had any s*x (oops, standards are slipping)

Morning hunnis!

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20 seconds since I last passed a bit of wee while sneezing

2 hours before I can remove my pelvic floor muscle training cones

5 days since I last had a shower

My baby had 12 chicken nuggets for tea

bump

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15 seconds since I last bumped a thread

643 days since I put this STICK up my arse

I am on my THIRD valium of the day!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxmy hunnibunsxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

For dinner I am having chicken kievs, chips and sweetcorn, but I wish I was having this <insert picture of Hunter the Gladiator>

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Jordan Rex II is 18 years, 5 months, 8 days and 12 seconds old

Jordan Rex I is 15 years, 1 month, 20 days and 39 seconds old

It is 4 years since I last thought about sex. Unfortunately it is only 4 days since I last had sex.

Ah, happy memories.

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It has been 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 1 hour 35 minutes since I last posted something that was quoted by morningpaper

It will be the crack of doom before I do it again

It has been 7 months 2 weeks 7 hours since I made a liar of myself by not failing my exams because of the interweb

<<professional designation in sparkly pink>>

It will be 3 weeks exactly until I discover I failed my latest set of exams because the previous lot made me cocky and the interweb didn't go away

<<picture of me with double chin the angle can do nothing to disguise>>
<<picture of glass of red wine>>

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

They wouldnt want me on NM.

Its been 54 minutes since I last buried a small pet.

22 minutes since I last shouted at a hapless call centre worker in Mumbay

Fuck knows how long since I last had sex.

Kisses to you all......

oh I vaguely remember it but have had a good laugh at it again today

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its been 15 days since I had a job
its been 15 hours since I fantasy purchased a new laptop
its been 15 minutes since I spent any money on line
I have eaten 1.5 chocolate biscuits since starting this message

I somehow missed this thread -alerted to it by MP's round-up email.

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Its been 2 hours 45 mins since I last trod on a piece of lego and swore loudly

Its been 2 days and 4 hrs since the cat last chucked up on the living room rug

My library book is 2 weeks and 4 days overdue

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<<insert bluury picture of a small child with a snotty nose>>

And sadly...NM has removed the tickers.

They'll all be coming here!!

I'm having a skippy-dippy fabby-wabby day wearing my brand new Christina Aguilera style wiggle skirt!


Luv you huns! xxx

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Wife to the rather spent penis-owner formally known as Prince Big Willy

Mother to the dahlink children now staring glassy eyed at Cbeebies

@-->> A rose for you from the angels

oooh hunnies I am loving having a mornig cleaning the house form top to bottom while my goreous hubby <insert piccie of Pierce Brosnan> gets his beauty sleep.

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It has been 3 HOURS 25 MINUTES SINCE MY LAST VALIUM

who is vicky?
___________________-

day 36 of 28 day cycle

is it alright if i scream now?

I parped you both!!! Now how do I make a parping ticker.....

you got called hun!! pmsl

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3 inches added to my calf muscles from pushing the baby rocker

1 load of washing up still not done

30 minutes until prince big willy gets home and I try and jump him.

@-->> @-->> @-->> @-->> @-->>

Twas me Amanda Parping

Nice to parp with you Maria Bitchery!!

Better stop now as this could get really out of hand!!!!

yes 'twas me!!!

maria bitchery

glad i didnt sign up with my real name,cant believe your real name shows up.

i better leave it alone now as i dont want to get in trouble with MN
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%%%%i wub my hub%%%%

diva - did oyu just parp me on NM???? if not I may have started something..............

diva, i just set one up to LOL

PARP PARP

come and say hi to me so we can all parp

ok ive signed up,let me know if you start a thread or parp from one.its too scary over there to look for anything that p**s me off.

I am not feeling well

++++++++

I have been banned from the library computer for : 9 hours 34 mins

I cant go back on till : Wednesday

Its : ALL YOU FAULT

awwwwwwwwwwww CONGRATS on your NEW ARRIVAL whomoved ((((((((((((hugz))))))))))))))
__________________________________

i have drunk:TOO MUCH

i have eaten:TOO LITTLE

i currently feel:SICK

<.gif of green-faced smiley about to barf>

maganes wtf?????????

Just popped over but apart from now having stupid sparkly spot sin front of my eyes, I didn't have a farking clue how to get on to a board let alone how to post.

If anyone maganes it add a parp from me

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3 minutes since I finished the wine

5 minutes since I finished the choc

1 minute since I reached for the headache tablets after visiting NM

I think we should all head over there en masse and then pointedly parp and leave.

A mass parping if you will

------------------------
Someone Special
Someone Dear
Someone New
To Love Is Here!
WE HAVE A NEW COCKROACH
born on FRIDAY
at 10:23
HIS NAME IS FRED
-------------------------
our hard shelled lump-o-love

What would we say if they did start a 'NM temporary members thread' How funny would that be Oooo I wish they would .

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2 mins since my last slug wine

5 mins since my last chuck of choc

lol

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I'm waiting for a baby.....
I'm wishing for ten tiny fingers
and ten tiny toes
Sprinkle babydust over me
and wish me luck
heart.heart,heart,heart
.gif pregnant tummy

you are cheeky WHOMOVEDMYCHOCOLATE-i was worried your pic would steam up my rose-coloured specs!<animated blushing bunny rabbit>
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DAY 35 of 28 day cycle

i am currently:INSANE

i have been drinking:LOTS OF GIN

<huge photo of 17 ugly children and a cat with clothes on>

You evil beggers.

Beansprout - support your view hon. After all, what will they whiten their coffee with, it's not like they can use cows right. They are sacred aint they?

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.gif - clouds
.gif - head
.gif - in

Evening lovies. Well it has been a lovely day taking care of my enormous cock but it's so lovely to come home and settle down with my friends here. Big hugs!

Am sprinkling baby dust around for those who want it.

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It has been 34 minutes since my last Prozac pill.

I haven't bought a new twinset in 2 weeks.

My chuff smells of lilacs.

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Insert .gif of cross eyed kitten.

lolol

How are you all today huns?
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FIVE HOURS 22 MINUTES since I left dd at nursery to come to work

FIVE HOURS 4 MINUTES since I actually did any work

TWENTY HOURS 3 MINUTES to go before my lungs burst halfway up a big hill (why did I say I would do it????)
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[insert pic of dd with her name underneath so's I can remember what she looks like]

I have just found this thread thanks to the adorable morningpaper's fantastic roundup and it's just so lovely I really felt I ought to resurrect it and share the fluffiness with you all




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3 hours 41 mins since I last read a thread that made me want to vom

2 mins 40 secs until I look around the kitchen for something nice to eat. Again.

<insert picture of dd concentrating very hard and turning red as she is pushing out a particularly large poo>

<<snort>>

I've just been asked to stop laughing or leave the college library!!


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**25 seconds since I offended a librarian*
*2 minutes since i snorted fizzy water down my nose all over the desk*
*1 minute since I ran out of hankies to mop up the mess*
*I am going NOW**

I think Nescafe make lovely coffee. If people in poor countries want to buy formula, it's up to them!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

18 hours since I last had it up the arse.

9 hours until dh and I go dogging

<< pic of leedle puppy with hat on >>

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Hi all. I'm new here, and I like to ranDomly Capitalise WORDS.
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It is 4 HOURS since I took advice from my solicitor about this thread.

It will be 5 DAYS before morningpaper receives my letter before action.

My draft Particulars of Claim contain 73 DIFFERENT ALLEGATIONS of holding my avatar up to ridicule and contempt.

______________________________________

<picture of the late Peter Carter-Ruck hugging my ds2>

hello I'm new here, feeling all fluffy and pink but not sure I will be welcome as i am a WOHM?
But I do a full cooked breakfast for my little ones, put a casserole in the slow cooker for tea and clean the house before I go to work (for charidee helping underprivileged young people of course).

Oh and I went to ds assembly at school this morning - oh huns it was sooo sweet.

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<picture of ds and dd looking cute and cuddly>

TARGET WEIGHT 8st 7 lbs

WEIGHT LOSS TO GO TO TARGET 12 stone

<fuzzy picture of dh, me and dc's gazing adorably at each other>

<pink sparkly picture of cute kitten wearing yellow ribbon>

V. funny - my boss so knows Im not working

This thread just made my day

cya l8r huns! xxoxxxxoxxxoxxxxxxxoxxpxxxxxxox

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3 MINUTES since I last blew my nose
7 MINUTES since I last laughed so hard a bit of wee came out
3 WEEKS since I last got laid
8 MONTHS since I looked at the 2 little blue lines on the stcik and said 'Oh Shit'
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<<insert soft focus heavily edited photo of self looking a bit like a porn star taken when I was 20>>

Morning all. I had a delightful night's sleep. It's so wonderful to have a baby play chopsticks on your ribs all night. And DHs snoring is like fairy panpipes in my ears...

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4 minutes 31 seconds since my boobies last leaked

3 mins 47 secs since my last cup of tea

3 mins 30 secs since used booby leakage for cup of tea as out of milk

I have put on 340lbs of baby weight

4 weeks, 27 days and 20 seconds since I last watered my plants

2 hours and 31 seconds since my last credit card refusal

<<insert huge gif of baby scan photo s you have to scroll half way down the page each time I post the tiniest message>>

Good morning all you lovely ladies. (((hugs for everyone)) Well it's half seven and I've already done the washing, ironing, made the beds, hoovered the house from top to bottom, deloused the cat, wormed the dog and cleaned out the rabbit hutch. phew! Think I need a cuppa! Hope you're all feeling fluffy and sparkly and happy - TGIF!

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It's been - one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said 'I'm angry'

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

<picture of a fairy sat on a toadstool looking glum>

Oh huns daahhling, so nice to see you again ((((hugs)))) you were so helpful when you ** my dh

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bunny kittten is 5yrs, 11 months, 4days and 52 mins old <cute picture of fairy with fluffy wings>

cuddly boy is 4 years, 6 months 15 days and 13 mins old <cute picture of boy on tractor in middle of crocodile.gif>

2 DAYS since bunny kitten 1 wet the bed (pink sparkly fireworks)

^^^32 MINS since cat brought in petrified frog^^^

:::::31 MINS since dh rudely woken by screaming wife:::::

***30 MINS since frog (and cat) removed and peace regined***

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4 minutes since I last stroked dd's hair

2.5 hours since I last ate

10 months since I got divorced

9 months since I last worked (have been at college btw, not lazing about!)

3 years and 11 months since dd was a one day old baby in my arms

And too long since I last had sex

LMAO DS has just come in asking what I'm cackling at.

WelshjellyBelly, you are a naughty girl. I shall give him entirely the wrong idea if i mention ring toss...

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Cutesey Wootsey Wifey Bifey of the 9 inch Mammoth man my true wub

<insert picture of glittering rose>

**Next baby due in 10 yrs 3 months and 6 days**

1 Hour and 22 minutes since my last bowel movement.

40 minutes until my first beer.

Holy c'moly I've been taking the michael for a couple of days and just visited for the first time

I am now <.gif of bunny rabbit with huge eyes welling up with tears> that none of my made-up tickers can be anywhere near as barftastic as the real mccoy

________________________________

The Best of Me revolving pictures of fat ug'y baby in various outfits

The chuckly-wuckly is 6 months, 2 days and 4 hours old

This thread may be a llittle mean but has really made me laugh...

============
187 days until my little angel arrives

3 years 279 days since I married my SOULMATE (little hearts ticker)




yellow ribbon plus sarah's law ticker

<<soft focus photo of me and dh on wedding day with me wearing straining corset as pre wedding diet didn't work>>

that didnt work
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<.gif of cartoon animal crying>

OMG!!! So sorry hun ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

xxxxx

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*7 days* since I jumped on a ticker bandwagon.

*3 hours* since I last saw a new good cause ribbon I could add to my ticker

*30 minutes* since I last photoshopped my average child into a new soft-focus, love heart surrounded montage

where are your tickers,ladies?((((hugs)))))
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no thats made me even more intrigued

do you hire him out for throw the hoop games

WelshjellyBelly, erm well it scared the pants off me on our wedding night, shall we leave it there?

Sixofone, I'm shocked. shocked I tell you! <- see

how enormous is this schlong

sorry that wasnt a very net mums thing to say

ah who cares i wanna know

I went on that site once out of interest.... fled screaming! How can anyone really be that fluffy?

i sud have this hung around my neck lol

I can't quite believe they have such incredibly prominent pictures of their dcs. I know some people have them here, but they don't have a big flashing chart with their D.O.B and the size nappy they wear, ffs.

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Nasty Bitchy Wife to the Prince with the enormous schlong

Mama to peachipoo-snuggle-huns, born 3/5/06, NI number HR 44 56 47 D

i am so this thread is still going.it gives me something to live for.

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day 34 of 28 day cycle

3 HOURS since i last did a PREGNANCY TEST

2 HOURS 55 MINUTES since i screamed 'yipee!!'in a public convenience.

my period will arrive TOMORROW or it will be

3 DAYS untill i get arrested for killing an old granny who queue jumps in tesco.

<black and white photo of strange looking baby with flowers growing out of its head>

'if you're going to kill yourself,you might as well enjoy it'

he's only 17 behave

Oooh...if you scroll down about 4 post on the NM's coffee house thread posted by JellyBelly, there is a post from AliG (right) and if you look at her ticker, there's a half decent bloke on it!!

I quite fancy George!

Maybe tickers aren't sooooo bad after all!

ROFL
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BABY NO 1 is 3 weeks 5 days 23 hours and 40 minutes

It has been FAR TOO LONG since I last changed a nappy
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my ticker

Oh you ladeees are sooo funny, you really make me larf - got to go, must get to Iceland before it closes I'm all out of prawn rings. Love you honey bunch, big hugs with tongues XXX Shazza

DD1 is 8 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 3 days, 4 hours and 27 seconds she likes Bratz dolls, body piercing and strongbow cider

DD2 is 2 years, 4 months, and oh sod it my ticker is not working anyway she enjoys going begging down the pub and has a permanently snotty nose

DH has done a runner with a thai lapdancer but I know he will be back 'cos we are soulmates me and 'im oh yes which is why I let him make those videos of me giving him a blow job.

haha I went to look to and I found a ticker called "our little reason for being" I know its bitchy to laugh but I cant help it


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its to long since I joined momsnet

Its 12 seconds since I realised I could care about tickers

its 10 seconds since I found out I wouldnt know what to put on them

http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/viewtopic.php?t=141754&highlight=mumsnet



beware the tickers n pictures

I know thats cause theyre all copycats. Bet you they dont have a smells like teen spirit thread

hahahahahahahahaha just seen a thread on netmums where we are called mumsnuts

OMG - I might be pg and losing my marbles BUT that was awful and BRIGHT! Plus it took me forever to work out what the hell to do.

There did seem to be a couple of threads that are over here too.........

What a brilliant thread I am laughing so much I cant type

I love you all your all so great I feel like you are the bestest of friends!!!!! hugs and kisses
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it is 13 hrs till I get up again

15 mins till finding the corkscrew

4 hours until me and my hunny try to make angel no 4

insert vagualy familiar pic of really pretty girl in the pretense its me

COME BACK MRS JETSON - DONT DO IT

Wish me luck - I'm going over to take a peek.

OMG you'll never gess wot my darlin DS just did
<Insert picture of huge poo in stained toilet bowl>

He did his first ever poo poo on the big boy loo!

Luv you babes
________________________________

Darling DS is 3 years, 2 months and 5 days
Darling hubby is 41 years 1 month and 19 days

12 days until my court hearing
13 days until I start my community service

<Glittery fairy squiggle>
<jpg of winnie the pooh tattoo on huge bicep>
<grainy jpg of vicious looking toddler>

david tennant not licking but just as good lol

Actually, I'm really starting feel deprived that I can't have a signature with a pic of David Tennant licking something now.

meh.

Oooohhhh can i join in please my lovely jubbly sweethearts

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Ds1 - 6 cutie wutie yrs and 11 months
Dd1 - 22 cutie wutie months
Dd2 - 8 cutie wutie months

Its been 4 minutes since my dd2 did a cute fluffy fartsy warty in her sleep

<picture of a jelly bean with a welsh flag>

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i dont think i can keep this up for long im starting to feel sick

I can't stop laughing. This is the best thread. Hunz, love and cuddly puppies to you all.

Love Angel, can't wait to swap Tena Lady stories. It makes my heart grow effulgent to know you are thinking of me and my pissing myself laughing problems. MWAH!!

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It has been ONE AND HALF HOURS since DS was sick in the swimming pool changing rooms.
It has been ONE HOUR TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES since I stood in it.
There are 3 HOURS AND FIVE MINUTES until DS's bed time and I can get out the gin.

<Picture of sleepy dinosaur waving>

ARGHHHHH!!!!! My eyes have imploded from the sugar pink overload!!!


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1 week since I last got any
3 bastard big ulcers since Friday
4 hours since I couldn't dodge ds's projectile poo.

<INSERT PICTURE OF DAVID TENNANT LICKING SOMETHING HERE>

Do you know, I've never actually visited this fabled netmums of which you speak. I think I might take a look.

I'm not sure if they are doing anything similar but whilst over there I did see a signature picture entitled "BUMSNET" with a lot of trolls in it.

This was seconds before I keeled over from inhaling too much virtual fairy dust and reading the word "hun" too many times.

shit! ):

did you know that every time someone takes the piss out of a NM-style ticker a little sparkly fluffy kitten dies?

My cheese sandwich is six minutes, ten seconds and three nano-seconds old.

My period has been here for three days 6 hours and twenty-five minutes

It has been six months since I last told anyone to fuck off loudly to their face

BIG PICTURE OF ME WITH MY ARMS ROUND HUSBAND WHO LOOKS LIKE HE PLAYS ALOT OF DARTS

Hilarious!! I wonder if they're doing a return slagging somewhere? Probably on the 'Only post on here if you are fluffy and/or pink' board?
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It is EIGHT WEEKS since me and the hubby last had sex.

It is TWO WEEKS and THREE days since I first noticed my car is covered in bird shit

It is ONE HOUR and TEN minutes since I sniffed a random child's backside at nursery without being asked to, to check for the nursery staff who needed a nappy change

It is ONE HOUR and FOUR minutes since I sneezed in the car and had to drive home with snot on my face because I couldn't stop to wipe

It is FIFTY SIX minutes since I put dd down for nap, which means I have FOUR minutes before she wakes up. Probably.

<<Insert entire row of smileys, including one holding a pint of beer saying 'cheers'>>

Flumby Bumpy oh what a lovely name you have - reminds me of DS3

It has been three weeks since my last confession
My FIL has been in my house for five hours
DS1 Bumpy Button is 6yrs 5months and two days
DS2 Angel Pangel is 4yrs 3months and 5 days
DS3 Fumby Pumpy is 2yrs 4months and 1 day

Fluffy blue ticker with glitter saying:
STRAIGHT FROM HEAVEN

Oh this is too funny..

------------------------------

It is 50 days to my bday
I haven't had a period for 14 months
I haven't been laid for 2 months
{{{{hugs}}}} to my sister Spoooky
It has been 13 years since I breastfed, but they still haven't gone down
It has been a week since my DS's last fruitshoot
I haven't had a chicken nugget for 3 days
It's been 7 minutes since my last coffee
I receive my next payment of Income Support on Wednesday

Daaahlings! What a lovely thread!
___________________________________________

It is 5 days, 22 hours and 44 minutes since we BURIED the cat

It is 2 days and 4 hours since the other cat SPEWED and SHAT on the carpet

It is 14 hours and 25 minutes since I VAXED the carpet

It is 13 hours and 42 minutes since I had to look at DPs athletes FOOT

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

<INSERT PICTURE OF JOHN BARROWMAN TAKING DAVID TENNANT HERE>

What a lovely idea for a thread! I love this place, although it's not the same as it used to be.. etc.

-----------------------------------------

Wife to my Prince with and ENORMOUS willy
Mama to my four ickle angels!

Bobsie - 1 Canister of gas and air
Trixie - 1 Canister of gas and air and 1 shot of pethidine
Boo - 2 Canisters of gas and air and 1 shot of pethidine
Gaylord - 3 Canisters of gas and air, 1 shot of pethidine and an episiotomy.

PMSL

My boss is giving me very strange looks!!!!

2 hours since I did any work

and probably 2 hours away from being sacked for playing on MN at work

I can't believe I missed this last night..PMSL!

You are all so adorable - I thank my lucky stars I found you all <<big fluffy huggles>>

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It has been 35 MINS since my cutsey prince went for a snuggley nap

It has been 7 DAYS since DH told me I had a beautiful fanjo

It has been ALMOST A WEEK since my cat puked on my soft furnishings

Mommy's little soldier has done 3 POOP's today

Hi, hugs and XXXX to all.

----+----+----+----+----+
2 hours since my last post
3 minutes til my last post
8 hours til my next vodka

Snobs

Hi hunny buns!!!!

It's been 19 hours since I last picked my nose
I last had a poo 2 hours 15 minutes ago <insert Andrex puppy here>
Never (until now) have I called anyone hunny bun <insert anti-emitic here>

-:¦:-•:'""*:•.-:¦:-• -:¦:-•:'""*:•.-:¦:-• -:¦:-•:'""*:•.-:¦:-• -:¦:-•:'""*:•.-:¦:-•

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Outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in

Oh Twiglett babes, hun, sweetie!!!!!!!! I'm just a bit sensitive about being stupid and it just makes me snap when I think someone is saying that about me. Even my straight A's at school, my first at oxbridge and my phd in astrophysics haven't reassured my that I'm not stupid.

Hugs and [sparkly] tears. [puke making quotation about true friendship]

============================================

13 seconds since I last lied about my qualifications

15 mins until I next challenge someone to a fight

<pic of me in a sleeveless t-shirt with tattoes everywhere and a bare muffin top>

<pic of my 6 children with less than a year between each child and varying ethnicities>

oh now Twiglett and bran - kiss and make up [picture of 2 bears hugging]. Life is too short for silly rows - we need to share some love [group hug].

--------------------------------------------

It has been 2 WEEKS since I last had to de nit my darlings

It has been 2 DAYS since our last threadworm treatment

It has been 3 WEEKS since I last cleaned up vomit

[picture of girls with hair tied up in giant pony tails on top of their heads]

Oh bran hun [jumping up and down sad face with real tears]. I was not calling you stupid. I am so sorry. I was just joshing

______________________________

12 hours since I've laughed at someone onscreen for being dumb

1 minute since I've been completely insincere

8 hours 15 mins till Baby 2 is 4 weeks old and old enough for ear piercing

<insert rotating pic of skinhead bloke with no teef, 5 year old girl with pierced ears and dummy, 3 year old boy with nike logo shaved in head under banner headline of 'my angels'>

I'd love to join in but I'm not worthy.

Still LOL

Ooh MaPickle, silly you not to stock up on Tena Lady, eh?! Nevermind babes, have one of my virtual jam rags (((KISSES)))) You can owe me back when we finally meet (cant wait hunnie!!! mwah! ) at at the 'Netmums proudly sponsored by Nestle Coffee Morning In Aid of Making Loads More Money for ...umm..Us...Obviously."

Wuv woo hunneee (((HUGS))))

Ooooo you are all sooooo funny huns! Hugz to y'all. I laughed to hard I had to change my panty liner.
___________________________________________

11 hours until my family are on the next edition of Jeremy Kyle

PMSL so much I just knocked my glass of wine onto the floor.

--------------------------------------
20 seconds since I last used a dustpan and brush
--------------------------------------

hi huns [twinkly jumping epileptic attack inducing letters]
--------------------------------------------
5 minutes since i started pissing myself laughing
1 minute since i laughed so hard i farted
30 seconds till i wake the baby up and all the fun is over

pic of sad sparkly teddy bear

gaint ticker of an insect with my DD1s face superimposed on its face

gaint ticker of a fairy with DD2s face superimposed on its face

gaint ticker of a pair of underpants with my DPs face superimposed on them

oh Mornie Papie - you're the best! [insert rabbity something or other]

Hi huns ((((Hugs)))) XXXX kisses

I agree with everyfink you say. Poor you. I agree. You're right. Never mind hun.

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19 days 21 hours since I learnt to make toast

3 months 8 days 10 minutes until my my princesses make my life complete

4 hours 16 minutes 22 seconds since my hubby#2 squeezed my buns

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XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXI MARRIED MY SOUL MATEXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



*************************************
***EXPECTING TWIN PRINCESSES*******
** KAIYLYNNE ANNE & JAIYLYYNE FRAN*
*************************************

((((Insert a photo of two baby hands entwined and making the shape of a love-heart)))))


Bird Babies Tweetie and Beaker

Angel cat KissyWhizz always in our hearts

(((((Insert big picture of a dead stuffed cat here wearing a yellow ribbon))))))

IOS sorry to hear that too, but come on - this is just a laugh

Please join us and make up your own ticker. Something along the lines of

It has been two weeks since I was kicked off Netmums for publicly making a stand against corrupt multinational.

Go on go on go on go on GO ON!

could yuo do it for me? It was parp in green on a pink background with really cute pink and red flashy bits. really cute it was too. CHeers hunsie

Anyone no wot is appening in eastenders? fill me in plaese.

............................................
Mummy is 30 years old and 3 months and 26 days
Daddy is 36 years old and 1 month and 8 days
I am 5 years old and 25 days
Mummy is 28 weeks pregnant with my sister
<Insert scan pic>
Only 278 days till Santa comes!

I love my kids <in a red flashing box>
Proud to be a chef's wife <in a red flashing box>

Leave it Bran Hun,she's not werf it!

shameful

HERE

\lnk{http://www.free-blinkies.com/blinkie-maker/img/398991001179955882.gif\Califrau}

Now I am OFF TO BED xxx

No Petit Filous this time Hun.Try again and BE CAREFUL this time.

ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID TWIGLETT? It all makes sense when you realise that darling hubby-wubby is actually Dr Who.

========================================================================================

43 seconds until I invite Twiglett to take this outside

15 hours until I look up the theory of relativity on the internet

1,000 years until I understand the theory of relativity

islandofsodor I had no idea! I'm really sorry to hear that! Poor you

oh pish tosh - can't get the link to work.

\link{www.free-blinkies.com/blinkie-maker/][img]http://www.free-blinkies.com/blinkie-maker/img/398991001179955882.gif[/img]
Blinkie Maker[/url]\petit filou please!}

OH furrychimpanzees!!! I've just done the daftest thing. I've gone and letf my washing on the line and its raining! lollllllllllllll what am I like??? DH is going to go mad! lolllll

2 days until my 2008 calendar featuring soft focus photoraphs of kittens arrives from www.calendarsfortosspots.com

3 minutes until I force myself to vomit up the 4 packets of jaffa cakes I have consumed while flicking compulsively between internet forums (netmums.com, foxybingo.com, womensaid.com, overeatersanonymous.com etc)

17 yrs, 6 mths, 2 weeks & 1 day until 'Darling' daughter grows up and fucks off out of here so I can devote myself to posting on Netmums full-time.

Bloody hell MP,'Vince' gave me a bit of a fright there.

Ah <taps nose wisely>

Thanks Badger, that's that one sorted out ((((((hugs))))))

<aside - what's a Graphic Interchange Format?>

MP, I wasn't just a normal member, I was a site editor (though never a mod on the coffeehouse)

2 weeks ago I got kicked off ther site eds private forum for publicly flouncing at the Nestle thing. I had been part of that group for 4 years since I set my site up.

Emma's Diary is the same

Good grief Bran has a time machine

"6 hours and 19 mins ago ds finally did a poo in the potty

6 hours and 23 mins ago I texted dh to tell him about the poo

6 hours and 24 mins ago dh phone to congratulate ds"

-----------------------------------

24 years, 13 days and 27 minutes till Twig develops her own time machine

3 days till I win the lottery

<fairies holding hands and dancing through a field of bluebells .gif>

<picture of babies done by venture>

<picture of dog>

if we add up all of our tomorrows, today will still be more important

Cute!

Sugarfree 22:17

I'm all sparklied out. I've never seen Netmums site until tonight - SOOO many photo's. And everybody has a name!

wuv from
Tracie-Sharrhhon xx

<PICTURE OF PORTLY TATTOO'D GRANDMA IN SPANGLY CAMI-TOP HOLDING SMALL BOY DISGUISED AS ELVIS>

aw islandofsodor don't feel like that

There are LOADS of forums who have tickers - Mumsnet is one of the only ones that doesn't

I have no idea who uses Netmums and who doesn't - I know there are lots of members of both sites who flit between them

we are just playing xxx

(oggsfrog - Graphic Interchange Format)

sugarfree kindly handed me a rusty one for purposes of scooping eyes out - that'll do fine.

IOS Its the tickers that we hate not the mums

do you want a spoon

something wholesome

Anyone want to play a game???? (go on it'll be grrrreeeaaaatttttt <thumbs up flashing gif>)

<aside.... what does gif stand for?>

ABC - describe your better half.

I'll start

A = Adorable (giggle) (he really is you know, I'm sooooooooo lucky)

--------------------------------------------
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

20 MINUTES since my adorable dh asked for a blow job

20 SECONDS since I picked the last pube from between my teeth

19 MINUTES and 58 SECONDS since I necked a bottle of vodka

5 SECONDS until I go and throw up


* Life may not be the party we'd hoped for, but while we're here we may as well dance around our fake croc handbags*

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I guess I'm still a bit raw and seeing you all taking the michael, well it feels like you are having a go at me seeing as how I was part of the site for so long.

I don't particuarly like the coffeehouse, but netmums was more than that forum. Despite all that has happened, everyone involved with the site has the best of intentions even if they are currently misguided.

They are just normal mums with feelings, like you and me.

arse

oh what a sweeet thread [jumpy up and downy heart emoticon]

it's been 3 minutes since I last weed
it's been 2 mins 30 seconds since I last emptied my mooncup [insert buncy up and downy squealy emoticon]
it's been 2 minues since i washed my hands
it's been 15 seconds since I last looked at a photo of my bunnikins


[teddy bear emoticon]

nopetit filou the link dont work

petits filous please

Mrs Badger, I saw that page turning thing - awful

Pot of recycled Petit Filous to the first one to make one and link to it

You know I did actually sign up there years ago, but never posted. I wanted to de-register in a snit because of the Nestle ad, but I couldn't remember my sign in so I didn't.

============================================

19 days to my darling's 3rd birthday

15 days until I start thinking about whether to have a party or not

18 days until I over reach myself with the party arrangements and have a nervous breakdown

========================================================================================

OMG... I can't believe how clicky it is on here... it's discusting.

(((((HUGS))) to any all the netmums out there. Luv ya!!

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
---------------------------------------

I'm loosing my flab! 35 stones lost, only 10 ten to go!

50 days til my dream wedding in Jamaica

48 days til dp is let out of the clanger for holding up the local post office.

18 years and 125 days since I lost my virginity.

Courtney-Chanel is 6 years and 2 days

Sugarfree I just LITERALLY snorted Petit Filous out of my nose

It BURNS it BURNS

======================================================
20 SECONDS since I snorted sweetened dairy product from nose
======================================================

whizz, the testing of the auto-censor is superb - especially love the way everythign is fluffed rather than just starred out or replaced with 'golly' / 'penis' / 'wretched' etc

----
3 seconds since last grape
22 seconds till next grape
4 grapes left

PMSL RosaL, you are ME!

<hands MrsB a rusty spoon to scoop out her own eyes>

(I saw a big thread where posters were testing the swear filter and the posters had lots of tickers with massive yellow ribbons on and prayers for the McCanns underneath each post)

It has been 8 hours since my last Boden catalogue arrived.

My next Boden catalogue is due in 16 hours.

There are 25 empty white wine bottles on the top of the recycling box.

And 68 fruit shoot containers hidden under the newspapers.

Just 168lbs to lose before I can order a flippy skirt from the Boden catalogue.

INSERT 'amusing' picture of child eating a worm here.

They also have a little pink box at the top which says

" Report it
Please tell us if you see something that you think shouldn't be on netmums"

Shall I click and say "all of it"?
Might take my mind off that photo.

Hi ladies. Did you miss me? I missed you, mwah mwah xxxx

Just wanted to share this quote my DH found today.
I think you'll agree, it's bootiful.

mwah mwah xxxxxx

'Happiness is...a cigar called Hamlet'

(Isn't that lovely? I just thought it was so unique and so lovely and so...true)

mwah mwah xxxx etc xxx

______________

**INSERT PIC OF CLEARLY INBRED MAN IN DIRTY T-SHIRT SLUMPED IN ARMCHAIR INFRONT OF 'COUNTDOWN' (DRIBBLING.) *

-----

7 minutes spent reading threads on the Other Place
Jaw has dropped 8cm
Brain is melllting

OOOo they have an auto censor that turns naughty words into fluffy bunnies - even Mumsnet gets turned into MumsnUt
Here was a quote from someone trying it out
"sucking titsucking "fluffy bunnies" "blighter" stickheads wakers "iggle piggle" "fluffy bunnies" *sorry our swear filter does not like this word "ogres are like onions". Why are we not allowed to swear. Those fabulous ladies on mumsnut swear like sucking fishwifes / sailors and those "upsy daisies" don't get their sucking words censored
"upsy daisy" dick "fluffy bunnies" *sorry our swear filter does not like this word titty "suckwit"
Lets see if any get through "
_______________

Does anyone have wanna sell any hair straighteners for toddlers?

---------------------------------------------

It's 10 minutes since I fed the iguana
I've got every back issue of Closer magazine
Does anyone want to come to a Pampered Chef party?
3 minutes since I used moist toilet tissue
DH still not home, working late at Travelodge
30 seconds since I last texted him
20 seconds since I phoned Travelodge, now on redial
My pelvic floor just fell out

<INSERT MORE ANNE GEDDES PHOTOS OF BABIES IN BUCKETS>

---------------------------------------------

I know I know hun (((((hugs)))))
========================================================
<picture of 1970s librarian on the phone>

<<<< MAHOOSIVE YELLOW RIBBON >>>>

========================================================

Kids say the funniest things - today my little tinker called the cat a tat. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! BLESSSSSSSS!!!!!

-------------------------------------------
It has been 12 hours 47 minutes since I last moved my a**e off this sofa.

It has been 11 hours and 59 minutes since I dropped the remote control so the telly is still stuck on ITV2 from when I was watching Judge Judy.

I won't,but it's killing me.<anguished emoticon(glittery)>

SUGARFREE you mustn't

You know you mustn't

bad girl

=====================================================
I have seen THREE physiotherapists about my weak pelvic floor
=====================================================

It's the little gif with the pages turningn over that says 'dreaming of ten tiny fingers... hoping for a miracle... sprinkle me in babydust...' etc

---------------------------
10 seconds since last grape
5 seconds till next grape
16 grapes left

<some crap picture with sparkles>

Everyone here is so lovely, I can't wait to log in every evening and bore you all rigid with my banality.

============================================

1 week, 5 days and 6 hours since I talked about potty training in gruesome detail to my childless work colleagues until their eyes glazed over

My angel has had 83 stickers and 144 chocolate buttons for weeing in the potty

My angel has done 62 poos in his pants

<insert picture of particularly nasty poo in a potty>

<insert picture of potty with yellow ribbon>

It's a photo MP, and I so want to share.
Delicious in its awfulness.

whoops - missed the interval announcement..sorry babes ((hugs))

(sorry)

adad that is RUDE hun

=============================================================
BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<4 pics of me 32 stone overweight>

AFTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<8 pics of me 31 1/2 stone overweight>

Today I have eaten 3456 WEIGHTWATCHERS POINTS and a small terrier

=============================================================

Ooh great some rivetting conversation, such a shame i have missed it all today. ive been so busey with my little darlings.

So what have you all had for your tea tonight? i have hd lots of lovely frozen veg and a nice organic birds eye ready meal (i think it was organic...it had veg on the box)

anyway, love to you all and loys of ((((hugs))))

shellywelly
--------------------------------------------

my first angel is 6 years 9months 14 days and 38hours old.

My adorable little darling girl (see i got one of each [smug]woohoo) is 2 years 9 months 136 days and 97 hours old

Does n e 1 no were i cn get 1 o dem supa cool fluffy pink steering wheel covers 4 ma golf?

--------------------------------------------

It has been...3 hours since I last applied some canesten to me fanjo

LOL Somebody off NM came on MN for a recipe using minced beef - they said it 'looked interesting' - well most things would compared to NM wouldnt they

<pppffffftttt>

ahhhhhhhhh


<contented>

can I have one saying 'my husband knocked me up 6 times!!!!????'

10 seconds until I fart

lol SF it's hard isn't it

I am trying really really hard not to link directly to certain things over there.

lol I have seen the husband knocking me up one several times

I wonder if you can buy tee-shirts with it on?

MUMSNET Interval...

Wabbit - who's a clever bunny then, that's brilliant!

WWW - I live near Tunbridge Wells, Pleasures could be in my road - full of paedo's I expect. I'm phoning The Sun. It's a disgrace. Outraged of TW etc...

ROARING WITH LAUGHTER@ 'tomorrow is the day after today'

This is offociially my favourite thread EVER.

<whispers> I think we should storm NM - shout rude words & then run off

(I need to grow up don;t I ?? )
Where's Cod when you need her!

I think you are just typing these things out each time, I can't find anything that lets me do this automatically

I saw one saying my husband is trying to knock me up WTF!!!!!

hello babes!!! Just wanted to say how lovely you all were <hugsss> xxxxx
_____________________________________

My little angel - poo is 2yrs 7 months 12 days and 45 minutes old.

23 hrs and 50 minutes since my little star was called a demon child from hell

2 yrs since I last said 'no' to my little angel.

2yrs 7 months 12 days and 45 minutes since my last interesting thought

< picture of sulky rough looking child with a smaller child in head lock>

'tomorrow is the day after today'

<picture of a cutesy kitten with a nauseating line of drivel>

I've also just seen a ticker of a boob thats says 'I support breadtfeeding'

Do you like my new hairdo anyone? My bezzy mate thinks I look a bit like Honey from Eastenders lol

INSERT PICTURE OF MICHELLE MCMANUS LOOKALIKE WEARING A BAD CLEOPATRA WIG
____________________________________________________

Mummy is 15 yrs, 7 mths & 3 days

Daddy (used to be mummy's best mate's grandad) is 67 yrs, 9 mths & 6 days

DS1 & DS2 are living round their nan's coz 'daddy' isn't actually their daddy and doesn't want them messing up our new laminate flooring.

DD1 had her ears pierced at 4 days old...and F!@!ing what?????

Does anyone know where I can buy a 'Super dooper Princess on Board' sign for my feck off 4WD that I drive really badly?

________________________________________

IT'S BEEN not that long SINCE I HAD SEX WITH MY HUSBAND

THE REASON HE'S NOW OUT FOR THE COUNT IS that I clubbed him repeatedly with the bedside table just for a laugh

DAYS TILL STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS ON MY ARMS TRADING CHARGE RUNS OUT 783974598473984

THE NEXT IDENTITY I WILL BE STEALING IS yours.


<<God Bless America in metallic flashy guns, complete with Armenian national anthem, because geography was never my strong point>>

wabbit were you working on that all afternoon?

=========================================================
3 minutes since I heard some sort of banging noise coming from my shed
=========================================================

the NM reply was "Toad in the hole"

Wabbit that is beautiful!!?!?!??!!!

(actually I am very impressed. How????)

----------------------------------------
It is 12 minutes since I changed the glade plug in

It has made 22 fragrant puffs in that time (yes I'm counting!!!!! Crazee or what?!?!?!)

[misty photo of DS looking soulful in a little lord fauntleroy suit]

I have no idea - What to make for dinner tonight!

When I stop work at 6pm, it takes me about 20 mins to get home and I like to be able just to throw something in the oven - but the question is what??



(that was a real post by the way)

My MN reply would be "DH"

durrrr, "never been on Netmums"

wow love the hearts!!

73 seconds since my last kiss from my snuggle bunny

47 times he's called me today to tell me he wubs me

36 roses sent to me daily

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

(never been on Mumsnet so I'm guessing!)

lol at baz, taz, etc, ha hahahahaha

I think Betty may be having a little joke with us

-------------------------
DS is 9 years and some days
Dd1 is 6 years and some days
dd2 is 5 years and some days
only 169 days to go till we meet new baby <<<had to look that up pmsl>>>

Its been 7 days since I last had sex
4 years since I cleaned my cooker (DH does it, don't worry lol)

<<<pic of DC looking grubby and dirty>>>

Betty, we don't have tickers on here. We're making them up.

Awwww thanks MrsWho hun!

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
0 seconds since I stopped dry retching

1 minute since I washed bread knife and mopped the kitchen floor.

3 minutes since I severed labradors jugular vein

<INSERTS PHOTO OF ANGEL PIXIE-TWINS CUDDLING THEIR BELOVED LABRADOR AT MARGATE LAST SUMMER>

<INSERTS PHOTO OF ICKLE-PICKLES BOAT>

did u just say b**ch???
OMG!!

---------------------------------------
been luvin my hubby for 5 years, 4 months and 8 weeks

proud mum of 6 boys, taz, baz, kaz, laz, jaz and waz [in glittery twinkling letters obviously]

insert huge pics of taz, baz, kaz, laz, jaz and waz that take a good 5 minutes to scroll past...[some users may find their computer shuts down at this point]

betty, just make it up as you go along, there is nothing about it on the profile page.

ROTFLMFAO
@wickedwaterwitch / keys in bowl

you wicked woman

I really would like to know how to do all of this. I shall go back to registration, perhaps it is on the profike page

Baby Dust to all you mummies still TTC (((HUGS))))

________________________________________________________
3 seconds until I call someone I really fucking HATE 'chick' , 'babe' or 'hun' (probably in a post telling them they are the devil's bitch for defending abortion at 24 weeks...)

45 days to go until we go on our free-with-the-Sun holiday to Skegness

93 seconds until I last post my next personal recipe for "Spaghetti Surprise' on the Recipes Forum ( 'chuck a jar of Dolmio on top of a pack of instant noodles and serve with cucumbers cut into smiley faces' )

(INSERT PICTURE OF BLONDE KID COVERED IN CHOCOLATE, POSING IN SPOTLESS, IKEA-DECORATED FRONT ROOM IN NEWLY BUILT BARRATTS HOUSING DEVELOPMENT "Look, even when my kids been at the Nutella I still find time to obsessively hoover my laminate flooring!)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++My breasts are SEVEN INCHES lower than they were five years ago
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That link is actually on netmums, ewww. It's not explicit, don't worry. xxxxxxx

___________________________________

FOUR minutes til I put my car keys in a bowl

FIVE minutes til I have five dodgy blokes stroking my thighs

bran are they glittery stars???

Am I too late to join in? Please let me, pretty please with knobs on. Pretty please with knobs with painted stars on.

============================================
It has been 1 day, 14 hours and 22 mins since I last saw a naked man from the train

It has been 3 weeks, 3 days and 9 hours since we started potty training

6 hours and 19 mins ago ds finally did a poo in the potty

6 hours and 23 mins ago I texted dh to tell him about the poo

6 hours and 24 mins ago dh phone to congratulate ds

============================================

WWW,are you 'Maggie'?

((((Duchess))) must have been awful honey bun


--------------------------------------------
1 min since I laughed at duchesses puking on the dog incident

-----------------------------------------------

Hiya huns (((Biiigggg Hugs)))

I'm going to be a real b*h <ooohhh> now, so I must in all honesty give fair warning that what I'm about to say might deeply offend some of you................

... I think I saw someone on The Jeremy Kyle Show today who hadn't brushed their hair << I know, I know, it's awful isn't it?>>

Gosh, I'm such a **tch aren't I?

___________________________________________
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

10 MINUTES since I brushed MY hair

10 MINUTES until I apply some Ladies Grecian 2000

My little darling ate 5 slugs today

4 DAYS until my new redneck dungarees arrive

17 YEARS since I made the devil with two backs with my cousin

<PICTURE OF DD PICKING HER NOSE>

<PICTURE OF ABNORMALLY SMALL DOG WEARING A STETSON>
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
_____________________________________________

I keep getting emails about making me harder, my wife loves it, and apparently, all I have do to is email my bank account details, NI number and home address to a lovely sounding chap in Darkest Peru, and I'll inherit $50,000,000,000,000 from my long lost uncle, yay!

___________________________________________

MY IQ IS edging further towards negative integers

I'VE HAD MY ID STOLEN 87 times!

I'M NOT SURE BUT I MAY HAVE HAD COKED UP SEX WITH Russel Brand

IN REHAB, MY FAVOURITE ROOMIE WAS Naomi Campbell

I WAS LAST A VICTIM OF VIOLENT RAGE too recently to talk about it but that's the last time I go to The Priory

I HAVE A MOBILE PHONE EMBEDDED IN MY naughty lady parts


<<picture of a bald baby with a headband>>

(And how did YOU get to that link WWW ? Huh, Hun?)

Hello Huns Net

What 5 things make you HAPPEEEE!

Here's mine

1. Feeling the sun on my face
2. Flicking through my fav mag (I LOVE celeb gossip!)
3. Waking up next to my gorgeous man every morning ( I am so incredibly blessed)
4. Buying fav things like make up, hair extentions and false nails (esp. french manicure)
5. Kissing scrummy wummy ellie bellie (awww) while she sleeps

__________________________________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow'

WWW! <clears history/cookies before dh thinks I'm hinting at birthday surprises>

Have missed you all while I've been in the salon having my teeth filed (((so BIG hugs))) !!!

<ANOTHER PHOTO OF OUR FAT LABRADOR NOW EATING HIS YELLOW RIBBON ROSSETTE>

Lovely piccies in Junior magazine of handwash cashmere nappies. You can even have your star-angels names embroidered on them. Wuvverley!

<ANOTHER PHOTO OF OUR FAT LABRADOR WITH A YELLOW RIBBON HANGING OUT OF HIS POOPY PLACE>

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
6 minutes since I pulled 16ft of yellow ribbon out of the dogs poopy place.

4 minutes since I puked over the labrador

2 minutes since labrador ate puke AND 16ft of shitty old yellow ribbon

<INSERT PICTURE OF THE NINKY-NONK>

Soupdragon I must admit I have not been entirely truthful in ALL my tickers

p.s. No posts of a sexual nature PLEASE! Let's keep this site PG!!! Thanks huns XXX

========================================================
34 MINUTES since I last changed my panty liner
========================================================

someone tell me whats on that link im too pure to look.

snaff ((((((hugs))))))

PMSL at Whizz

(lol at that link "pay as you cum" pmsl)

Awwwww ((((((hugs)))))

I can't think of anything else to say ((((((hugs))))))


((((((hugs))))))))

__________________________________________

There are 47 PINS in the eyes of the doll I fashioned from old tights and cotton wool this morning.

<<more fucking puppies>>

sorry how do I do this? I would love to have these things on, do you have to input them when you register?

omg this thread is just so lovely! I love hearing about all your little darlings!

<<<hugs to all>>>

----------------
84 days till we meet our new angel
36 Magnums consumed this pregnancy
27 matching Pooh-themed items bought for Baby's room

<<12, 20 and 24wk scan pictures>>

OMG, check out this, pleasures in Kent haven't opened the link but not for Los!!! xxxx

_______________________________________

FIVE seconds since I started using the phrase LO

THIRTY seconds since I used the word gusset

FIVE minutes til dh and I go swinging again

(((((((((((((((((hugs to all my netmums best friends)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
13 days before Chardonnay auditions for X-Factor
=============================================
12 days before I get my acrylics tipped

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Chardonnay is 16 years 3 months *8 *days, and 13 hours old

=============================================
Keeping the Dream alive!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Do it for Mummy Darling!

PLEASE STOP MY SIDES HURT

___________
2 minutes since i pissed myself
5 mintues til i clean it up

Does anyone have any links to free things please - I luv to have lotz of totally useless junk landing on my doormat

-------------------------------------
132 items of junk mail arrived this morning
5 tonnes of paper to recyle this week
1 postie with a bad back
1 free Always Ultra sanitary towel (with wings) and a small fridge magnet of the Tetley Tea folk

<pic of a twee fairy with twinkly wand>

PMSL!

You must add the Weightwatchers stuff they do - see below!

---------------------------------------------

(in pink Comic Sans)

Start weight: 23st 5lbs/Target weight: 7st 1lb/Current weight: 24st 9lbs

Darling Angel 1 has blonde hair, blue eyes and an ASBO

Darling Angel 2 has ginger hair, green eyes and a different father

40 seconds since I opened the second bottle of Piat D'Or

20 mins until I open the next one

3 minutes since I last farted

I've been wearing a tracksuit for 6 years (the same one)

DH is working late again, he's having a meeting at the Travelodge

Check out my ebay shop fluffybunnyhoneysucklebabythings

<INSERT PICTURES OF ANNE GEDDES BABIES IN FLOWERPOTS>

<INSERT 4-D SCAN>

--------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------
<<Random picture of a child in a tutu>>

*****Shiny Sparkly dds name**************

I just wanted to say how lovely and fluffy you all are ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

------------------------------------------------

It has been 7 MINUTES since I last sniffed my armpit

It has been 22 SECONDS since I last shouted "crap"

It has been 3 HOURS since my last smear test

It is 4 YEARS until I the next time I have sex

------------------------------------------------

<insert picture of my little angel here with a pink glittery frame and tinkerbell in the corner>

<insert totally unrealted sentimental bollox here>

Hiiiiiiiii guys, can I join u all?

------------------------------------------
It has been TWENTY SEVEN DAYS since I last had an original thought

My little angel from heaven spent FORTY-NINE MINUTES with his hands down his trousers today

I am THREE STONE AND TWO POUNDS HEAVIER than when I met my beloved hubby

I fantasise about George Clooney every THIRD TIME we have sex

============================================

**men are from mars, women are from venus, babies come from uranus**

============================================

[Emoticon: bouncing red heart which explodes into 100s of tiny little red hearts like fireworks]

I love it on hunsnet, it's so friendly!!! Thanks for being so sweeet all of ya! xxxx

_______________________________________

THIRTY days before I marry my death row penpal

"I'm not perfect but I'm so close it scares me !!!!"

But morningpaper, are they made by fluffy bunnies and exported on the wings of doves?

___________________________________________

I DEVELOPED A NERVOUS TWITCH at the start of this thread

I LAST REMEMBERED HOW MANY CHILDREN ARE MEANT TO BE HERE in the wee small hours

<<picture of Max Clifford, entirely covered in custard, bananas and lemons>>

<<picture of Gary Davies, photoshopped into a heart, with 4 me 4 ever in flashy sparkly pink hearts twirling around it in a manner to make you vom>>

uuhh, I didn't get it, but I do now.

I love Chris from Doodle Do, I bet he likes it rough!

Mumsnut lol

Mumsnet and NetHuns

v good

=====================================================
4 minutes until I download some more Harry Potter slash fic
=====================================================

I have been looking .

And found someone who said their friend used mumsnut .

OO huns - please not lets fall out - <big yellow blobs in group hug> Lets all ((((hug))))

sorry that was to Whizzz. And huns, I apologise for the adult subject matter. I should have posted a warning.

-----------------------------------------

[huge picture of me in a cerrazeeeee hat]

Can I take a minute to draw your attention to today's sponsors, WELL HUNG AND WOODEN, makers of beautiful handcrafted gallows which are exported to exploitative African countries. PLEASE CLICK ON OUR SPONSORS!!!! Thanks hun xxx

=====================================================

16 MINUTES since I thought about Chris from Doodle-Do

=====================================================

blimey! it's a whole new world over there isnt it!

___________________________________________

40 years since i was as icky and smug as some of the posters on there

long time since i've felt so irrationally annoyed

v long time before i'll look on there again........

OggsFrogs - I'm not sure that getting tipsy is appropriate on a glittery, twinkly, fairydust thread like this.

<storms off to report dodgy post to mods as excessive drinking not in the spirit of Huns-Net>

And i thought you were my fwend <insert picture of fat yellow duck wearing a terry nappy with giant pin stuck in it and a big tear rolling down left eye in a perpetual fashion>

Actually a sex-ticker could be quite useful, thus:

----------------------------------------
It will be 14 minutes and 12 second until I orgasm

It will be 9 seconds until hubby orgasms so better start the runup to faking it now.

Don't beat yourself up about the apple juice, oggs. You have to learn to love yourself, it's the greatest gift of all.

___________________________________________

MY DH TWIDDLED MY NIPPLES 30 seconds ago

MY DH TOLD ME TO SAY FUCK ME NOW LIKE THE FILTHY BITCH I AM 2 minutes ago

HE GOT MY NAME WRONG 47 times!

sod it he's come.

This is one of the funniest threads I've read here for ages, lololol

Oooh what fun, you're all a bunch of lovely huns!
-------------------------------------
It's been 2 hours and 23 minutes since DD1 did a squirty shit on me

It's been 34 minutes since DD2 needed me to run upstairs to stuff her dummy back in her mouth

It's 4 weeks and 2 days since OH and I used the second condom in the pack of two purchased just after DD2 was born.

It's 4 months, 1 week and 5 days since the birth of dd2

It's 3 minutes since I finished a glass of red wine

it will two minutes until I start another

OMG - I am amazed ...
Ticker :
I can't wait to make Darling X a playmate
Day 23 of 59 day cycle 23 days till ovulation

Do you think they also post a running commentary during sex??

Hiya. Ooh I've had a glass of apple juice and feel a bit tipsy <NAUGHTY NAUGHTY>

___________________________________________
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My Princess is 45 YEARS old

My Prince is 67 YEARS 5 MONTHS and 29 days old

7 YEARS since I opened my Ebay account

I've been breastfeeding junior for 67 YEARS 5 MONTHS and 30 DAYS tomorrow

648 DAYS since I consorted with a bearded man

5 DAYS 6 HOURS since I made myself sick with my own tweeness

<INSERT MANIACALLY GRINNING YELLOW HEAD ROLLING BACK AND FORTH>

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
________________________________________

Am crying - STOP IT!!

_________________________________

Baby no 1 is 8 yrs 2 months 3 days 22 hours old

Baby no 2 is 6 yrs 6 months 5 days 4 hours old

Baby no 3 is about 4

It is 6 hours since I snorted coke

My compost bin will be full in 2 weeks

I won £2.50 on Partypoker.com

I last ate lard 3 minutes ago

<insert picture of 3 hairy trolls here>

<insert picture of Tinky Winky here>

<insert some crappy rhyme about cobwebs buggering off because babies don't keep>

Morning Paper, "it has been SIX DAYS since I last masturbated" and "It has been SEVERAL WEEKS since I last BD's with my darling husband yet "23 HOURS since I last faked an orgasm "

Are you DancingTina?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15 months since my last secret pregnancy
8 years since I last had a life
32 hours since I last played with lego

<<flapping bat picture>>
<<link to my own website of fluffy baby pictures and sparkley bits>>

i am PMSL,thank you for this thread.

_______________________________________

BABY 1 is 9 years and mmmmmmmm old

BABY 2 is 8 yrs ;;;;;;;;old

BABY 3 is ???????? 3 old

BABY 4 is 17 months ~~~~old

BABY 5 is 10 weeks 5 days old

i last had a period 33 DAYS AGO

i last checked my coil 3 MINUTES AGO

1 minute 7 seconds since i last contemplated suicide

I was going to watch The Apprentice, but have decided to sit in front of a mirror and simper at my own smugness instead.

________________________________________

INTERPOL HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR ME FOR 456 days

I TOLD MY LAST LIE TO THE BAILIFFS ON Wednesday, I think.

IT HAS BEEN 867 days 13hours 8minutes and 2 seconds since I BIT MY WAY THROUGH THE WALLS OF THE SANITORIUM

<more twee shit, probably about rainbows>

<picture of a Bratz, apparently called, Jazmiin, who seems to be blowing Ken>

Hi Guys! Look what my little pixie-twins and I made today!!!!

<INSERT PHOTO OF FAT LABRADOR WEARING LARGE YELLOW RIBBON ROSETTE AND MATCHING SASH>

Wandering Trolley - Le Creuset is just lovely but it doesn't match my Eternal Beau accessorised kitchen/breakfast bar.

::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..
My tiddly Pixie-Twins are 6 years, 6 months and 6 days.

It is 7 years, 7 months and 7 days since my guy gave me a good fucking seeing to.

SNOOOOOOORT OK let's keep this non-libellous ok PLEASE

Its been a while since I told you guys just how much I love ya!

Hugs and kisses.

This place is fabaroony

Just wanted to say that

__________________________________________

It has been 3 days since I last replaced the batteries in my vibrator.

LOL - it really is like that LOOK!

SCOTTISH THISTLE Glittertastic.com <glittery fairyesque writing>
..........................................
2 minutes since I realised somebody is pretending to be me, I am Davina!
..........................................
14 minutes since I last went to the loo!
..........................................
29wks 5 days until I'm 35!
..........................................
8 hours until I next log on to Mumsnet!
..........................................

"I'm lovin' it" Hun <<hugs>>

<INSERT PIC OF LARGE BABY GIRL WITH PIERCED EARS EATING A BIG MAC>

<INSERT PIC OF 15 YEAR OLD WITH BURBERRY SCRUNCHIE AND A CROYDON FACELIFT>
_________________________________________

2 weeks since I last bought another buggy

28 days til I get paid

£8,000 on me storecards

3 seconds since I told someone to F off

I don't have time to chat, but just wanted to come and hug you all.

Kissies

______________________________________
It has been 4 years that I have not killed DD

It is 2 mins until the above is untrue
______________________________________

Goodness me it really IS very late and I should be in bed

((((((HUGS)))))) to Twiglett - congrats!

=======================================================

175 HOURS spent on Mumsnet this week

23 HOURS since I last faked an orgasm

The 1805 from Paddington to Truro is running 34 minutes late

56 MINUTES until I next fake an orgasm

My favourite gunn is a SMITH & WESSON

<insert picture of Riverford Veg Box here>

<insert MAHOOSIVE picture of 38-stages of fetal development here>

=======================================================

PMSL at this thread, especially WanderingTrolley's last post!

lol

Ooogsfrog, u r sooooo funny, hun (((((hugs for that)))))

__________________________________

2 hours since I last sobbed down the phone to my therapist

37 minutes since I went through the bin searching for still-lightable fag butts

28 minutes since I rescued an empty Sara Lee chocolate fudge cake wrapper from the recycling and licked it clean

17 minutes since I last sobbed down the phone to my therapist (again)

___________________________________

<<insert picture of comedy ladybird here>>

Miss Golightly, to use this site you need to make sure you're well and truly concussed, so throw yourself down the stairs with a Le Creuset pan on your head and you'll be one of us immediately, there's a dear.

__________________________________________

<<picture of battered kitten>>

I WILL BE SCORING MY NEXT HIT FROM : that dodgy foreign bloke from down the hall

MY LATEST STI WAS : unfathomable, they've called in Dynorod and Rentokil, we're still none the wiser

Hi Huns ((((((hugs))))))to you all <little yellow waving thing>

This is so much more pleasant that that horrid Mmsnt. Does anyone have a recipe for organic lentil mash?


Thanks huns XXXXXXXX
------------------------------------
10 hours since I polished my Crocs
3 hours since I last looked at the Lakeland catalogue

<insert picture of sad eyed puppy>
<big flashing purple glittery WHIZZZ with twinkly stars?

AWwww thats so sweet Davina

-------------------------------------------
It has been 10 seconds since I ate chocolate

It will be 10 seconds until I look up weightwatchers

It will be 20 seconds til I have some more chocolate

-----------------------------------------

condoms have a sell-by date?

_______

2 seconds till I bomb upstairs to check condoms

40 seconds till I scream at DH for his crass stupidity in not checking

2 minutes till I open a bottle of Pernod

Hiya RuddyNorah babes ((((HUGS))))

Your pics are so COOL and CUTE (((MWAHHH!)

<<<<<< hugs >>>>>> to all the people in Darfur from tickertastic.com

======================================================

40 MINUTES since I last used my inhaler

5 MONTHS since the condoms by the bed went past their sell-by date

20 MINUTES since I last looked in the mirror and blasphemed

<insert picture of Cliff Richard in the shower>

<insert Tory Party logo here>

<insert picture of 2 year old in full make-up here>

"The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round!"

======================================================

lol at gif of fairy, this thread is making me laugh a lot

Hiya!!!!! Newbie here!!!! - any advice on using this site?!!!?

---------------------------------------
I LUV BEING A MUM (shiny glitter writing)

It is 12 minutes since my last gin and tonic

It is 2 minutes until my next gin and tonic

WWW i'm so offended that you would use such foul language.

_______________________________

5 minutes since I ran out of ticker ideas

Oooh naughty naughty language www <gif of fairy waggling its finger>

___________________________________________

THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE TELLING ME TO KICK: a kitten

LAST SAW MY TOES: sometime in the eighties

<one of them fluffy teddy bear pictures>

If you have a little boy
All your very own,
Then you have enough and more
To make a happy home

Just wanted to share this poem with you as it reminds me of why I am so blessed !!!!

_________________________________________

MY BMI is 34.1 ----- only 16llbs to go

Mummies Little Toast Monster is 3 years and 4 days old

TTC No 4 (YES I'M CRAZY!!!!!!)

Hi Huns!!!!!!! Are you all well????

---------------------------------------
[Yellow ribbon]

13 days until my next period

330 days since our little darling changed our lives...forever

5 hours since she last pee'd on the floor.

I have £2.71 in my current account.

My DH is 38 years, 4 months, minutes and 13 seconds young!

Oh sorry hun, I didn't know you couldn't say cunt here xxxxxxx

____________________________________

TWELVE minutes since I rang the man I'm stalking <shakes>

<<Get your nappies here from lickle cutie bot bot bum bums, wahm nappy supplies>

hi newbies. gr8 2 c u all. what ave yous all been up2? later babes (((((hugs)))))

------------------------------------------

baby 1 is 3 months and 2 days old

we have been weaning for 1 month

[insert large moving photomontage thing including wedding photos, graduation photo plus 4d scan photos and many, many, baby photos]


[insert large glittery text of my real name plus large X]

--------------------------------
My little fairy-cake-baker is 1 year and 24 days.

His daddy is coming out to his parents in 3 weeks, 4 days and 3 hours.

I am in Denial.

Awww Snaff, (((((HUGS)))) back at'cha. xxxxx

--------------------------------------------

It has been 1 hour since baby fell asleep on the couch.

I am going to bed in 1 hour.

I will be refusing sex in about 2 hours.

It has been 2 minutes since I had a chocolate hob nob.

---------------------------------------------

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

<picture of an incredibly wrinkly dog>

PMSL

Aw, (((((((Hugs)))))) back to you Davina (You don't mind if I call you Davina do you Hun)

Still seem to be having trouble with these dratted tickers.

................../
-----------------/
/
/
/

___________________/>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It is 45 FEET since I last ate chicken

My favourite food is 6 YEARS ago

It has been 7 SECONDS since I last waxed my legs

iT IS 25 DAYS since I LAST pOLISHED MY SUITCASE

< INSERT SPARKLY PICTURE OF SPACE/TIME CONTINUUM >

<INSERT PICTURE OF DH LOOKING DECIDEDLY DODGY AND WEARING A BEANIE HAT WITH BADGES ON>

____________________________________ ??? ___

_____---------------------------------------

Please can we not have any posts of an ADULT NATURE!!! Thnx hun xxx

===========================================================

I am possessed by TWELVE devils

8 MINUTES since I last wet myself

34 MINUTES since I last dribbled down my blouse

FORTY-NINE YEARS until I pay off my student loan

<picture of Trident Nuclear Submarine here>

<picture of my tummy-tuck surgeon here>

===========================================================

NKF did you miss my contaversial thread last week then??

I don't even know this website but that made me laugh. More please.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I am 5 weeks, 3 days and 1 hour pregnant

It is 28 minutes since I last checked my knickers.

getting my NM and MN confused

___________________________

Baby 1 is 7 years and 361 days
baby 2 is 2 years and 364 days

3 days til my period.
5 minutes til I have to redo my eyeliner

<insert pic of wurly flashing her enormous norks>

Hello, I'm new! <waves>

==========================================
It's been *four minutes* since I last decided Tickettastic.com was more interesting that revision

It is *twelve days* until I fail my exams because of the interweb

My li'l angel is *three years two months six days twelve hours and twenty four minutes* old

and is in a *different county*

< me looking up at the webcam to disguise multiple chins >

< something sparkly and animated that looks like a scrotum but can't be surely? >

Oooh I forgot to say (((((((hugs)))))))) to all <giggle>, must be the wine. hic.
___________________________________________
It has been 5 years since my last alcohol free day
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It will be 8 minutes before DH finds the last of the vodka I've hidden behind the curtains.
___________________________________________
Insert pic of me looking sloshed as usual.
Insert picture of eeyore being cutely sad.
Insert the tel no of AA here.

PMSL this is more like it. Classic MN. I'm not witty enough to come up with one but this is priceless.

kissy bunnies

______________________________

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars

298 seconds since I was last pedantic

Aw hun, sorry to hear that <hugs>

====================================

Ds has spent 295 precious days in childcare


Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you are going to get.

[picture of dog in sunglasses]

How are you fluffy bunnikins? (((hugs))))

_____________________________________

I have put my children in front of FIFTEEN hours of tv today

We are down to our last THIRTY Fruit Shoots

Only ONE day to go to my frontal lobotomy!!!!

No no Wurly, we are all NM mums here, remember? Blowing some love your way....

----------------------------------------------

Angel number one is snoring like a drunk at christmas

Angel number two is a twinkle in his daddy's eye. Awwwwwww.

oooh yes <<<BABYDUST>>> very good


=======================================================

40 MINUTES since I last took a Valium

TWO DAYS until I run out of MediSed

TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY EIGHT YEARS until I am getting married again

My house is worth £76,895

<picture of me with cleavage showing>

<picture of two children from 1970s>

<picture of baby who appears to be choking on a grape>

=======================================================

do you think I can get away with chatting while dh peels 20 shallots?
------------------------------------------------
1 min since i unloaded the dishwasher
10 secs since I loaded the dishwasher

2 days since my nipples started hurting
1 day and 1 hour and 45 seconds since I checked my coil was in place

insert glitterey yellow bow
4 large pictures of dc.
and pouting one of me

you realise this is gonna get us all into HUGE trouble
--------------------------------------------

BABY NO 1 is 3 years and blah blah days old

BABY NO 2 is 5 weeks and 5 days old and asleep on my lap cos he won't let me put him down

I cant believe how negative all you MN mums are i'm going to flouncy back to NM where they are all cute and cuddly
_______________________________

245 days since my last anal probe

Comments on devestating news piece designed to bring tears to any parent's eye (such as Darfur etc), completely missing the ironic juxtaposition of my tickers

________________________________

19 weeks pregnant with baby no 3, only 141 days till my fanny is ripped in two

Baby 2 is 3 years, 5 months and 3 days

Baby 1 is 18 years, 7 months and 21 days

Life is a bowl of cherries, don't choke on the stones

<Insert pic of children together>
<instert fluffy rabbit pic>

oooh sorry forgot the "XXXXXXXXXX" to you all.

______

23 minutes since my last shag
11 minutes since my last vodka

I don't drink any wine with an alcohol content of more than 7%

[huge bulletin board with 12 fuzzy photos of an unidentified child peering into a camera with different amounts of snot coming out of its nose in each shot]

PROUD TO BE A SAHM MUM WHO GOES OUT TO WORK (imagine a pink glittery border please)

hugs to all the huns

====================================

I have weed on 14 pregnancy tests today

14 were negative

dh will be back from the chemist with more in 7 minutes

It has cost us 89 pounds so far

I am on CD 22 (is it too early to test?)

[inset bizarre bubble type writing of my son's name with associated tiny twee fairies and pixies]

Hi all
_______________________________________________
I have lost 5lbs..only 600 stone till my target

I have 3 demons who thankfully are asleep

I hate my DH

I last went on holiday 4 wks ago

I last had sex..........who burloody knows!!!

ARSE


_________________

30 seconds since I was removed from this thread.

You lot are so hilairious . My day is beter for you entertraining me.

-----------------------------------------

It has been 1 YEAR AND ELEVEN MONTHS since I failed my GSCE English

Nannyogg, I'm going to send you some babydust anyway ((((((hugs))))) hope your day gets better soon.

Put your feet up and have a glass of wine, everyone - especially you, www <<naughty!>>

-----------------------------------------

<<insert .gif of fat unknown baby with upturned bowl of spaghetti on head>>

<<insert .gif of winsome kitten in boot>>

-----------------------------------------
2 weeks since last bowel movement

2 sachets of Senokot remaining in pack

laughing too hard to add anything!!

Awwwwww Oggsfrogs Welcome Babes! (((((HUGS)))))

________________________________________

My next antidepressant is due in 3 hours and 15 minutes 21 seconds

3 days to go before my next amalgam filling

I go out less times then the rubbish

<insert picture of winnie the pooh blowing kisses>

Oooh it's nearly bedtime

========================================================
It has been SEVEN YEARS since my last Confession

It has been EIGHT DAYS since one of my children was sick

The price of petrol is 96.8p per gallon

It has been FIVE YEARS and EIGHT MONTHS since I last had a bowel movement in a room by myself

It has been SIX DAYS since I last masturbated

<insert Lunchables advert here>

========================================================

Oh dear God - you are not joking are you? I just went over for a look. Blimey Charlie (staying with the netmums feel).


___________________________________________
It has been 35 minutes since angel two bit angel one

---------------------------------------------
It has been 34.5 minutes since angel one smashed angel two over the head with her twirling baton
---------------------------------------------
It will be 2 hours till darling gorgeous husband returns from A&E with angel two.
---------------------------------------------
Insert fuzzy weirdy repeating photo of my two angels here.
---------------------------------------------

snort

Hi everyone ((((((Hugs))))))I'm a newbie.

How do I get my tickers to work? <giggle>
_______________________________________
--------------------------------------------

Baby no 1 is 46 years and 765 days old
Baby no 2 is a meerkat

iT Is

It is 6 MINUTES since I joined you LOVELY ladies here On Tickertasticbuddynet

<INSERT BLANK SPACE WHERE PICTURE OF ME AND DH ON HOLIDAY AT BUTLINS SHOULD BE>

<INSERT PICTURE OF CUTE CUDDLY KITTEN>

<INSERT UPSIDE DOWN PICTURE OF ME WITH AN INSANE GRIN>
----------------------------------------------
_________________________________________

Can't wait until tomorrow because I'm at work all day

========================================================
Last night I got out of bed 21 TIMES

I have FOUR pairs of slipper

My contraceptive of choice is the DIAPHRAGM

There are 18 MONTHS until the American Presidential Elections

<insert heavily vaselined picture of me taken without the glasses I have worn since I was 7>

<insert picture of DH at his graduation>

"Babies laughter is the sound of fairies peeing on the floor!" (or similar)

========================================================

Wine, did someone say wine? <simpers> I love a nice drop of Liebfraumlch!!!!!!!

------------------------------------------

I have eaten 34,000 calories today

It has been TWO HOURS since I told anyone to fuck off

and TWO days since I last called anyone a cunt <proud>

<<only 2,3,333,000 days til I'm debt free!!!!>>>

Morningpaper .. yohoo sweetie .. where did you get that picture? OMG OMG sooo funny .. I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard and Kevin came downstairs to see what I was laughing at .. but being a man he just doesn't get it

________________________

4 hours 3 minutes till my next bowel movement

<insert cuddly puppy dance gif>

If the world gives you lemons, make lemonade

roffling
________________________________________

DS is OLDER than when I last checked
DD is probably HALF WAY up the stairs
It is 10 MINUTES since I told dh I was off to do some work whilst he tidied up

hugs to all
______________________________________

BABY NO 1 is younger than the cat but not as old as its fleas.

It has been 2 HOURS 48 MINUTES since the baby shat on the living room floor.

It has been 1 DAY 3 HOURS 12 MINUTES since the cat shat on the living room floor.

It has been 5 HOURS 22 MINUTES since the baby peed on the bedroom floor.

It has been 12 HOURS 4 MINUTES since the cat was sick in the kitchen.

[insert pair of yellow rubber gloves here]

I am trying to add to this post, but am laughing too hard

Oh this is Cruel. Cruel. CRUEL, I say!!!!!!

But oh so fucking hilariously funny.

It's been 7 hours and 15 days since you took your love away

I was only 24 hours from Tulsa

There are 3 steps to heaven

<insert pic of a kitten with a pink bow>

It has been a bit muggy here today. It will b nicer tomorrow. how r things with u?

---------------------------------------------
only baby is 2 years and a few months and a few days old

It has been three hours since I started feeling broody

It has been 2 and a half hours since baby had a tantrum and I stopped feeling broody.

It has been 3 minutes since I started feeling broody again.

<insert picture of sperm meeting spam and kissing>

Awww, (((((hugs)))) islandofsodor. Are you having a bad day, hun? Put your feet up and have a glass of wine <<naughty!>>

---------------------------------------
It is 157 days since I last had sex

Only another 10 years until I earn enough to afford a poxy 2-bed flat above a shop, maybe

Ds has had 4 tantrums today

5 months since I cleaned out my Mooncup properly

<<insert heavily-Photoshopped picture of me taken 5 years ago, pre-kids>>

<<hideous 3-D scan picture of foetus resembling Barry McGuigan>>

I forgot one

_______________________

I'm pink therefore I'm spam

NO POSTING WITHOUT TICKERS

oh sorry, shouting not v. Netmumsy

====================================================

It has been 32 MINUTES since I last looked up NAKED MEN on Google Images

I have drunk 72 UNITS of alcohol this week

It has been 97 DAYS since I last kissed DH with tongues

Quote XXJXWV to get £15 off your Tesco Delivery

<Picture of Tony Benn>

<moving picture of sperm meeting egg and kissing>

<Logo of Tottenham Hotspur>

====================================================

hello honey-doveys how are you all

_______________________________

I have children? 7 hours 24 minutes since I remembered where I put them.

If the Lord is my shepherd does that mean I go well with mint sauce?

<insert picture of twiglet here>

Christmas? Nooooo!
---------------------------------

It has been TWENTY MINUTES since the cat last brought in a dead bird.

It has been 18 AND A HALF MINUTES since she was banished to the shed

It will be 24 MINUTES until dh gets home and deals with the resultant carnage

A hoover? Do netmums speak of The Mundane?

_______________________________________

IT HAS BEEN 4 hours SINCE I LAST PICKED MY NOSE

I AM GOING ON HOLIDAY TO IBIZA IN a straightjacket


<<PICTURE OF SOME KID I BARELY KNOW, BUT THEY'RE DOING SOMETHING VAGUELY AMUSING>>

omg

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!
who said that word, it's only May!!

Can anyone recommend a hoover?

====================================================

It has been THREE DAYS since I last went to church

It has been TWO YEARS AND NINE MONTHS since I last cleaned my oven

There are 67 DEAD WOODLICE in the corner of my conservatory

Only 189 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT until Christmas

====================================================

BABY NUMBER ONE is SIX YEARS AND FOUR DAYS old.

It has been SIX YEARS AND THREE DAYS since I decided that BABY NUMBER TWO is not going to happen.

It has been THIRTY SIX MINUTES since I last snarled at dh.

It has been THIRTY FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES since he last looked at me as if I were turning into my mother.

It has been 12 DAYS since my last period started, and 7 DAYS since I got pissed off with it not stopping.

It has been SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES since I last had an uncharitable thought about my MIL.

[Insert PICTURE OF DD LOOKING HER MOST ANGELIC here]
Insert PICTURE OF ME LOOKING MY FATTEST AND MOST BRAIN-DEAD here]
[Insert MINDLESS PIECE OF SENTIMENTAL DRIVEL here]

There is very much a need for this. I am crying with laughter after the most poo of poo days.

=====================================

I have eaten 8949 calories today.

I have been to the toilet 9 times today.
7 were wee-wees and 2 included poos

[ picture of tinkerbell ]

[more fluffy bollix, mostly about some dodgy man I think loves me but is, in fact, a criminal]

__________________________________________

<<dreadful Hallmark style adage which I think is very wise, but is pap, so now everyone knows I'm quite dim. It's probably something about lemons and lemonade ffs>>

IT HAS BEEN 7 hours SINCE I LAST TOOK A HIT OF CRACK

I AM GOING TO JAIL IN 2-4 weeks

I've got no advice but I'm thinking of you hun <<<<<hugs>>>>>

================================================

<HUGE FECKING MASSIVE YELLOW RIBBON>

<Ugly man>

<blurred picture of a 21 week 'scan' of child now at school>

================================================

There is really no need for all this surely.

Oh god, I just got the yellow ribbon reference - they haven't, have they? Jeeesus Christ Almighty!!

===================================
I am on CD 27

I have not given a blow job for 7 years.

I have been with dh for 7 years.

It has been 85 minutes since I last fantasised about another man.

LOL

---------------------------------------------
It has been 10 days since I last hoovered

It has been 3 mins since I last ate chocolate

I will be going on holiday in 2 days


-------------------------------------------

__________________________________________
12 hours, 45 mins and 42 seconds since my last bowel movement

LMAO

The weather has been nice and hot here today.

=========================================================

It has been FIVE DAYS since I last rang my mother

I have FOUR bras in the laundry

My Lloyds Bank Account has been overdrawn for FOUR DAYS AND SIX HOURS

My hoover broke THREE DAYS AGO with a motor burnout

It has been FOUR MINUTES since I last thought about sex

=========================================================

[add fluffy message here, using the terms 'hun' and 'bubba']

_________________________________________

THE WASHING UP HAS BEEN IN THE SINK FOR 3 days
ON MY MOST RECENT DIET I HAVE LOST my mind

I WILL GIVE A SHIT IN indefinite HOURS
I OWN 0 PAIRS OF CROCS NOW
MY LAST JIBBITZ WAS A shoved up my disqualified

<<picture of dodgy 80's popstar, possibly now selling pies or dead>>

<<photo of me thinking I look fabulous, but in fact look disturbing like John McCririck>>

It's good isn't it?

----------------------------

It is over 3 years since I last shaved my legs
It is 2 weeks and 3 days since I last changed the sheets.

______________________________________
-------------------------------------------
______________________________________

BABY NO 1 is FIVE YEARS and 2hundred and summat days old
BABY NO 2 is same as MP's

It has been 3 HOURS since I was called a VILE and a LIAR on a thread

I last applied a pile preparation 28 hours ago, although I last stratched them only 1 hour ago

It has been THREE WEEKS since I last changed my bedclothes

<INSERT LARGE YELLOW RIBBON PICTURE HERE>

<INSERT PICTURE OF 'MY TWO ANGELS FROM HEAVEN' WHO ARE ACTUALLY FAIRLY UNPHOTOGENIC>

______________________________________
-------------------------------------------
______________________________________

ROFL!

Come on you know you want to.


=====================================================

It has been TWO HOURS since I last washed up.

It is 9 DAYS since I last shaved my legs.

It has been 68 MINUTES since I last shouted at my children

It has been SEVERAL WEEKS since I last BD's with my darling husband

<INSERT BLURRY PICTURE OF ROUGH LOOKING MAN HERE>

=====================================================

BABY NO 1 is FIVE YEARS and some days old
BABY NO 2 is THREE YEARS and some days old
BABY NO 3 is 8 months and some days old
BABY NO 4 is 36 years old ans shoudl know better.

It is 4 hoursa and 30 minutes since I last wiped


my



a-



ngels' faces.

Not too bad thanks

------------------------------------------------
===================================

Ds is 2 YEARS and 6 MONTHS and 29 DAYS and 15 HOURS and 28 MINUTES and 29 SECONDS old

Ds has been ASLEEP for 35 MINUTES

DH and I have had SEX 5 times this month

[ picture of a cartoon character completely unrelated to either my nickname or any aspect of my life ]

So let's chat and add our tickers. First person to say the word "arse" is disqualified.

How was your day?

________________________________________
-------------------------------------------
________________________________________

BABY NO 1 is FOUR YEARS and 245 days old
BABY NO 2 is 20 months and 12 days old

It has been 45 HOURS since I was last chased out of town with a PITCHFORK

I last OVULATED 3 days ago

It has been FOUR MONTHS since I last cleaned my Mooncup properly

<INSERT LARGE YELLOW RIBBON PICTURE HERE>

<INSERT PICTURE OF ME LOOKING FAT AND OLD TAKEN WITH MY WEBCAM HERE>

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