SO how many of you have a 'zombie plan'?

(351 Posts)
TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 21:30:38

hve been forced to ask this by dp and lodger.

If zombies happened what would you do?

I don't have one - apparently this is unusual Have never even considered it.

SO do you have a zombie plan?

MrsBadger Thu 19-Apr-07 21:32:07

but we have a 'Day After Tomorrow' type flood plan...

lulumama Thu 19-Apr-07 21:32:46

are your DP and lodger very very very drunk???

judging by horror movies i have seen..i would run around in a skimpy vest and knickers,looking helpless and screaming !

JackieNo Thu 19-Apr-07 21:33:41

No - never thought about zombies. I did have vague thoughts about stocking up on canned food around the millennium, but never got round to doing anything. Just as well nothing happened, really.

MuminBrum Thu 19-Apr-07 21:33:46

What, as in Sean of the Dead?

LOL Lulumama, would I also miraculously revert to being a size 10 with pert norks? Bring on the zombies!

I'd run up the stairs.

I'd run towards the killer.

I'd trap myself on the roof, in the rain, with a phone with hardly any battery left.

Actually, I haven't got a zombie plan

<ff2 puts this on her "to do" list!!>

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 21:35:23

unfortunately not drunk just ranting.

So apparently zombies are so much more likely than 'day after tomorrow' senario.

Lulumama - apparently you would die quite quickly.

Oh god they are still discussing it. Pity me, I can't shut the voices out.

Avalon Thu 19-Apr-07 21:36:09

Of course!

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 21:37:03

please please don't let this encourage you to make one.

These people should not be allowed to influence anyone. Believe me you would know that if you met them.

At least they're funny (though not as much as they think)

Kelly1978 Thu 19-Apr-07 21:37:30

I think my mum does. Her spare room is full of bog roll and bottles of water. My dad had to stop her hoarding the water because he was getting worried as to whether the floor would hold.

Boco Thu 19-Apr-07 21:37:57

It's fine, if you hit a zombie with a stick they pretty much crumple and break in half. I have 2 brooms.

incognitally Thu 19-Apr-07 21:38:39

yes we have a zombie plan

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 21:39:51

boco pmsl.

Unfortunately that has spawned discussion over 'classic' and non-classic zombies.

I may go to bed.

DrunkenSailor Thu 19-Apr-07 21:41:56

Not specifically zombies, no.

But... in our garage I have several boxes of food, powdered milk, etc. I go through them every 6 months, bring any that will soon be out of date into the house to be used, and buy new stuff to replace them. I also overstock on batteries, candles and matches, and I even used to have water purification tablets. I have no particular event in mind, but zombies would do as well as anything .

WideWebWitch Thu 19-Apr-07 21:42:46

Er no
except to pretend like in Sean of the Dead.

WideWebWitch Thu 19-Apr-07 21:43:28

lolol ff2!

lucykate Thu 19-Apr-07 21:45:04

this is one thread title i never thought i'd see on mumsnet!

FrannyandZooey Thu 19-Apr-07 21:45:21

I just asked dp

"if zombies happened..."

He looked angry and said "Is this something to do with Mumsnet by any chance?"

he doesn't seem to think having a zombie plan is normal, FWIW

Malaleche Thu 19-Apr-07 21:45:42

oh good, this thread has made me chuckle aloud

Malaleche Thu 19-Apr-07 21:46:15

now pmsl at franny

Malaleche Thu 19-Apr-07 21:46:39

(first time ive done that on mn, pmsl i mean)

Furball Thu 19-Apr-07 21:47:04

not a zombie plan but my brother and I had a cyberman plan. My brother was going to grab his handles on his head and I had to pull his zip down!!

Malaleche Thu 19-Apr-07 21:47:24

i mean typed it, oh bog off malaleche you're being especially unmemorable tonight

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 21:48:28

And I thought it was just me that occaisionally, in idle moments, rehearsed scenarios for getting me and DS out of the house, out of town and to some or other place of zombie-free safety...

Mind you, where I live, it's quite possible that zombies have already happened and are less of a threat than we thought. This could be the reason why service is so slooooooow in fast food outlets and supermarkets. Oh, and that's why the smell is there, too

I haven't even had a drink tonight y'know.

mytwopenceworth Thu 19-Apr-07 21:48:30

can you post me a bit of what they're having?

thank you.

DH has a zombie plan. He also has a lot of zombie books. People keep giving them to him.

There were some blogs of people who were currently under attack by zombies, apparently there's a outbreak in California somewhere.

I am pretty about the whole thing. You'll be surprised to hear.

(Could 'do you have a Zombie plan' be used as a gender test? Ok, Frances' DP would fail, but otherwise?)

Um, my post saying that 'do you have a zombie plan?' is a gender test was cross-posted with madamez' post. Just so you know.

WideWebWitch Thu 19-Apr-07 21:51:57

hahahahahaha at this thread, fab esp at madamez and nqc

DH wants to know whether people most fear zombies, werewolves or vampires. I think this is some sort of geek psychology test ...

Pruni Thu 19-Apr-07 21:54:07

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch Thu 19-Apr-07 21:54:57

NQC, I'd be more scared of The Borg or Cylons

FrannyandZooey Thu 19-Apr-07 21:56:09

Yes I thought it was going to be a gender divide thing as well

which is why it is slightly disoncerting to have dp sitting here still shaking his head and saying "zombie plan " every now and then

Dinosaur Thu 19-Apr-07 21:56:28

I'm a broad-minded kind of dinosaur (although obviously only have a tiny brain) but I'm finding this quite bizarre!

Ahhhh. <<looks pensive>>

Is that metal cyclons? Or humanish?

DH has a lot of zombie books.

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 21:57:17

do you know what I think about zombies, vampires and werewolves?


I asked dp and his answer was so long I tuned out.

They're lovely but crazy.

Oh, and there's a good graphic novel series, Walking Dead, which is in a zombie world.

Oh, and he has World War Z, Zombie Handbook (two copies, one we bought, and one was a gift from someone who worked for him).

Apparently that's not a lot of zombie books.

Yes, I have a hard time getting worried about imaginary things, too.

I spent my afternoon wrangling two completely mad two year olds who love each other/hate each other alternatively.

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 21:59:28

Course I have a zombie plan. It's a 3 step zombie plan and I'm happy to share it with you. You pretend to be one of them:

1. Rip clothes and roll around in the flower bed for a bit, dishevel hair, and apply dark eyeshadow liberally around eyes in style of deranged panda. One is aiming for the "dragged through a hedge backwards and haven't slept for 6 months look." Hint: think how you looked when your baby was a few weeks old - aim to recreate that look

2. Adopt staggering style of walking akin to having had rather too much wine

3. Blend invisibly into crowd and croak "brains! brains!" periodically

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:00:25

Guess what they've been reading?

Warld War Z and the Zombie handbook.

I worry for ds future I really do.

BEfore he could really talk they had trained him to respond to 'we are the knights that say....' ds = 'nee'.

Ds is gonna be a super geek isn't he <sigh>

JackieNo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:02:58

Are they members of Zombie Squad ? I think they need to be

Well, TheArmadillo, they would probably enjoy The Walking Dead, which is a series of graphic novels on the same theme.

FrannyandZooey Thu 19-Apr-07 22:03:35

This thread is turning me from someone who was completely indifferent to zombies

to someone who was on the whole nonchalant about zombies, although occasionally slightly perturbed by them

to someone who now wants to run screaming out into the street shouting "OH DEAR GOD, I HAVEN'T GOT A ZOMBIE PLAN"

Wait, so it's actually changed your gender? That's a pretty powerful thread!

(I've been on the cider, what's your excuse?)

FluffyMummy123 Thu 19-Apr-07 22:05:25

Message withdrawn

baffledbb Thu 19-Apr-07 22:06:23

I thought this was a thread about financial products!

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:08:44

apparently Drmm your plan wouldn't work for 2 reasons.
1) zombies can smell and looks would not fool them.
2) human survivors would be fooled and would shoot you.

I can't believe they care this much.

mytwopenceworth Thu 19-Apr-07 22:09:13

the power of mn. i now feel i really need a zombie plan.

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 22:09:40


DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:09:48

Damn, that's me buggered then.

In Walking Dead, they smear themselves with bits of dead flesh, so as to disguise their smell.

madamez, sorry about the zombie willy, It might be technically my fault.

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:11:19

don't let them influence you!!!!
Their social lives are poor. They are strange creatures who only emerge for food. They smell and look funny (ok only dp in that one). They make comments like 'noob'.

These are not people to be trusted!

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:11:21

Thanks NQC - I'll do that then.

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:11:30


Please explain the statement "...if zombies happened.."! How do zombies "happen"??!

WlgWamBam Thu 19-Apr-07 22:12:36

Dp said he would form a V formation with three mates. That is his Plan.

Oh, sorry, there is more.

one would distract the zombies attention in the middle while the other two flank them, come up behind the zombie, killing them instantly by sticking a finger up their arses..


mytwopenceworth Thu 19-Apr-07 22:12:55

what about escaping in a hot air balloon? they can't fly, can they? so my zombie plan would be to store a hot air balloon in my attic, with a hatch in my roof to open in case of emergency.

what do your dh and lodger think of this plan?

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:14:39

I know nothing about zombies. This has been assured by mostly sticking my fingers in my ears and going la la la. I have no idea how zombies arise and do not want to ask.

As for the grammar I do apologise.

Um, then you're just floating around in the sky. And the noise of the burner would attract zombies, so when you came down, you'd be eaten. Oh, or you could drown.

WWB, has your DP confused zombies with biting dogs?

I don't know how zombies 'happen'. Clearly they are a metaphor for infectious disease - HIV, bird flu, Sars, whatever.

giraffeski Thu 19-Apr-07 22:14:56

Message withdrawn

giraffeski Thu 19-Apr-07 22:15:46

Message withdrawn

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:15:53

apparently a hot air balloon would only last so long and you can't determine with acuracy where it would land.

well you asked

(I am person who was so traumatised by SEAN of the Dead that I knew I could never in a month of Sundays watched DAWN of the dead.. and then, one evening, when DH was out, my cow bag sister started watching it in MY house.. and I was afraid to go to bed in order to escape... because it's horrid from the beginning... and so had to WATCH IT! )

So please please don't be talking to me about "Zombie plans" and how zombies might "happen"! My DH and DS1 occasionally torment me by coming at me with fixed expressions and dragging one leg. I react violently. I Don't Like Zombies.

mytwopenceworth Thu 19-Apr-07 22:17:54

so my hot air balloon would only work in cases of local zombie infestation, but not a pandemic.

no, i could always take hot air balloon to uninhabited island. zombies can't swim or captain boats can they, MrArmadillo and Lodger?

mytwopenceworth Thu 19-Apr-07 22:19:23

fixed wing aircraft to uninhabited island then.

MrArmadillo & Lodger, you are just being awkward now. <hard stare>

hunkermunker Thu 19-Apr-07 22:19:50

I asked DH.

He said, "Yes, we do"

Note the use of we.

I had no idea of this.

I asked him when I was going to learn of this plan.

"When the zombies come, of course" [impatient]

Apparently we lock all the windows and doors, retreat with food and necessary items into the loft space.

We withdraw the ladder after us and nail down the loft.

Eat all the food and hope the zombies have gone away by then.

He has a sword (don't ask) and that will be used to chop up any zombies who might breach our defences.

What he wants to know is whether your DP and lodger have a plan for werewolves?

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:20:53

it would be a way to escape. Though apparently you'd need to be 'damn sure' it was uninhabited and you'd need to be good at piloting the thing. Plus the island would need to be able to support you in terms of food etc.

A zombie proofed bus is more traditional though says dp. Though this has its own disadvantages (zombie choked roads).

hunkermunker Thu 19-Apr-07 22:21:05

Apparently we are also fully prepared for vampires [resigned]

TheArmadillo, he's started talking now and I can't...stop...him...!

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:21:34

They just climb on each other and break through the loft hatch though, hunker. They just keep coming, damn them...on and on and on and on...wave after wave...there's no hope's inevitable...

<<<oh, sorry, ahem, BLW and spoons and whatnot...yes>>>

hunkermunker Thu 19-Apr-07 22:21:39

No plan for nasty little sprites though. Or fairies [boggles]

Flum Thu 19-Apr-07 22:23:05

yeah, we'd use our Panic room for all Zombie, TRifid, Nuclear Winter, Terrorist type scenarios. Infact we use it from time to time anyway as the flat screen TV in there is bigger than ours and the beds are really cosy and its nice to sleep all family in one room on cold nights.

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:23:13

fixed wing aircraft = good. As long as you got in supplies and ensured the island was large enough to provide a fresh water supply and enough food. You would also need munitions to make sure the island remained secure.

Dp is impressed.
Lodger has run away to read more graphic novels.

I just asked DH. I said "DH.. do we have a Zombie plan?"

He said "A zombie plan?"

I said "yes".

He said "Why?"

I said "In case we need one. A plan of What To Do When Zombies Come.."

He said "Er, no..." , looked at me strangely, then peered over my shoulder at the screen, sighed deeply and went and sat down to look at the Movies listing.

I thought I would document this even though it wasn't very promising.

But we don't have a Zombie Plan. FUCK!!

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 22:24:29

Well, at the end of Day of the Dead (my favourite zombie film and the one I always watch to cheer myself up) they fly a helicopter to a desert island and catch fish. Most dystopian fictions (of which the zombie film is a variation) suggest getting onto an island or somewhere that is isolated and defensible, where you either hole up and wait for rescue (assuming a localised zombie outbreak) or spend the next few chapters/reels rediscovering agriculture, medicine and possibly trade. Oh, and then political corruption, war, religion and some time of financial exchange system. Though only in reaaaaallllly long zombie films and mostly just in books.

<scratches zombie bollocks reflectively and wishes for large drink but there is no booze in the house grr>

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 19-Apr-07 22:25:34

DP says "EVERYONE has a Zombie plan"!!!!!

He said, immediately..."Er YEAH. I know where the nearest Gun Shop is, and my hold up would be Ally Pally"

So, I point out that Zombies might not be able to be killed by gunshot, and he proceded to tell me "No, close range gun shot can take a head off - or limbs"

Clearly he has given this A LOT of thought....

Hunker your man sounds so responsible and resourceful. Mine is still browsing Sky Movies! He doesn't CARE!!!

Are the zombies likely to be.... [shudder]... people.. we.. know... like the neighbours... (as was!)

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:26:39

Dp said on the subject of werewolves and vampires planning ahead would be a silly idea.

I thought aha a grain of sense finally.

But no apparently they are too unpredictable to plan for so you need to judge each sitation on its merits <sigh>

Dp now wants to know where we keep the silver (just in case you understand).

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:27:12

In '28 Days Later' they end up in some remote smallholding in Scotland, don't they?

What about the one where they retreat to the Lakes and make a big sign saying HELP out of bed sheets.. while the zombies lay perishing (and twitching) in the hedgerows!!! Which one is this??

Oh GodOhGodOhGod... I am not going to be able to sleep now. You set of bitches!!!

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 19-Apr-07 22:28:22

Oh, and I also said "What about the children???" He said "Well, I'll take them with me - if they arent Zombies of course"

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 22:28:42

For those without plans should there be a sudden Happening in the night of werewolves, vampires, boggans, trolls, aliens (with or without rectal probes) might I also advocate a good dose of Consensus Reality as described by Kim Newman. Basically, if enough of you stop believing in them, they'll go away. Though I have to say this method has been tried quite hard on Bush and Blair and hasn't worked... yet.

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:30:36

apparently i haven't got long enough to type dh's.

it is not really a zombie plan. unusual disaster or catastrophe is it's name.


sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:30:36

apparently i haven't got long enough to type dh's.

it is not really a zombie plan. unusual disaster or catastrophe is it's name.


DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:31:09

Oh it might be the Lake District. A helicopter comes at the end and they are all jumping about waving and I'm going "'s more zombies!"

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 22:31:09

SHinyhappy: that was 28 Days Later. When they escaped, initially, in a black cab (it went south of the river and everything). But don't take advice from the ending, because the last 20 minutes or so of that one were total rubbish.

Remember the risen shambling dead can't actually walk very fast, so even a pushbike would do when it comes to getting away.

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:31:35

VVV apparently if ds is a zombie dh will behead him.

be still my palpitating freudian heart.

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:32:06

Shiny I am sorry.

They are not real.

I won't even tell you what dp listed as the apparent causes (there were many but none of them are ever going to happen).

shawn of the dead was a great film. I haven't seen the others. Am not great with horror films.

hunkermunker Thu 19-Apr-07 22:32:19

I've just had the BEST plan.

The Isle of Wight.

NO self-respecting zombie would go there.

AND it was safe from Triffids.

(Does your DP have a Triffid plan, TA?)

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:32:23

oh and apparently 'it's true, we'll have to, it's the only way forwards!...what would you do???'

not abandon my zombiefied son perhaps??? mthafcka!

MrsWho Thu 19-Apr-07 22:32:37

PMSL at the 'd'ps on here!

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:33:09

hunker dh (who is enjoying this thread it has to be said) says

that is a crap plan as the isle of wight is full of zombies already.



I told DH that Everyone Else's DH has a plan and that he is irresponsible.

He now feels guilty and has come up with one.

It is:

"Take the kids and get into the cupboard under the stairs. Get pissed".

Oh God I think I married someone without the natural characteristics of other people's DHs! We are doomed.

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:33:15

Maybe it's a Mum thing...if my babies are zombies then sign me up too. None of this beheading nonsense.

bran Thu 19-Apr-07 22:35:29

I want my dh to have a zombie plan. I watched Dawn of the Dead (orginal and new version, although I got a bit bored towards the end of the new one so stopped watching) and was only slightly scared. I watched Shaun of the Dead and was, strangely, a bit more scared. But 28 Days Later was on recently and it has scared me rigid (ok,it's not strictly a zombie movie, but it's much the same fear). I didn't even watch the whole thing, but the next day when I left the building I peered through the glass door to see if any of people walking around would break into a run to attack me when they saw me.

Realisticly, I would be better off having a flood plan as we live by the river and the chances are that one day the wind will be in the wrong direction with heavy rain when the tide is unusually high. But I know that if there is a flood there will be people doing their best to help us, the breakdown of society is much more terrifying than peril from mother nature.

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:36:03

wetting ourselves at this thread.

men have zombie plans.


they really do.

ours involves an old sword which is in third drawer down at the back of dh's chest of drawers.


No Armadillo.. I have to know. [braces self] What are the... [gulp]... causes of Zombiedom?

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:37:23

isle of wight is best triffid plan really.

They are cleverer than zombies but more limited in movement. You can use a moat defence system as well as a fence. He has now gone into schematics. Apparently the fence comes first to protect while you are building the moat that will be deep (they can't cross deep water?). You will obviously need supplies.

HE has just finished day of the triffids. I am going to start it tonight.

He obviously has too much spare time on his hands. I may do something about this

Apparently decapitating ds if he was zombified is an act of love

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:38:19

I'd ask dh but he's fallen asleep. And what use is that, I blardy ask you? He hasn't even got a sword. He could analyse their bodily fluids and microbiologise them into oblivion...

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:38:24


sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:38:48

[I didn't know we had a sword]

Fauve Thu 19-Apr-07 22:39:51

This whole thread is nothing but a marketing ploy. Armadillo's dp is surely the marketing manager of ZombiePlans Inc, and the lodger is a sidekick.

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:40:10

i have tears people. i have passed the tear threshold of laughing for first time ever on mn.

landmark moment of love for this site.

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:41:47

causes of zombiedom are varied and mainly theories as there is not a lot of research (really who knew )

cosmic rays from mars or occasionally saturn (old theory that a certain planetary alignment causes zombies to rise)

viral/bacterial - disease based. Either biological weapon (either intentional or not). New varient of old disease brought about by something like the flooding of a graveyard (e.g. world war z/28 days later).

curse or vengence from a higher power.

less common but occasionally someone using magical powers to control a zombie that then gets out of hand (apparently this is the one that is highly unlikely!)

Sophable, although I love you, you are warped!! I am shitting myself personally.. too afraid to go up for my bath!

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:42:20

Finally occurred to me to do what I'd do with any other query on MN I didn't know the answer to - I googled it.

Here you go

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:42:39

Fauvre - dp thinks that is awesome. He'd really like to be if anyone is listening.

[breathes again] Armadillo they sound extremely unreaslistic even to someone as anxious and broadminded as me!

[prepares to go for bath]

MrsSpoon Thu 19-Apr-07 22:44:18

Sounds like a good reason not have a lodger.

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:44:47

apparently 'zombies are a real issue whereas vampires are just silly.'

Oh God.

I just read Marthmoo's link. WHY did I do it??

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:45:00

Is the lodger called Roger?

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:45:45

they encourage each other.

But it keeps dp from spending more time spouting this stuff at me. He has someone to talk to about it that cares!

Boco Thu 19-Apr-07 22:46:12

Sophable as someone preserving stem cells in your freezer i'd really expect you to have an uptodate zombie plan

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:46:39

he's not called roger, but I might start calling him that.

DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:46:49
DrMarthaMcMoo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:47:16

Vampies? Vampires, even.

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Apr-07 22:47:40

I never knew anything about this before tonight when they asked me what mine was.

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:49:29

don't start mrs boco.

did you know you have an excellent reputation as a 'newbie-who-can-stay"

i hold no truck with that kind of cliquey nonsense myself but thought you should know

DrMM - that is genius - check out the case studies - there's a wonderful one on Cuban zombies - aparently "Of the many dark deeds perpetrated by the Castro regime, the zombie boatlift stands among the worse"

Just woke dh up to check if he has a zombie plan. We are to be amoung the doomed.

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:55:30

justine, rachel et al pleeease preserve this thread???

Boco Thu 19-Apr-07 22:56:26

I didn't know that...really? I can stay? [casually]

(punches air timidly)

I expect MorningPaper will preserve it.

But I will probably be pissed in the cupboard under the stairs by then. Just in case.

bran Thu 19-Apr-07 22:57:08

Do you think there will be enough time before society breaks down and the power goes off for us all to log on to MN and share our zombie hints and tips?

lucy5 Thu 19-Apr-07 22:58:14

Hehehehee you are all a bunch of stoners!

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 22:58:23

does spraying perfume in the eyes work???

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 23:00:15

Quite like the zombie defence moves. Am oddly put in mind of the Whitgift centre on a Saturday afternoon. Smell and all.

And I'm with Sophable here - this is probably my favourite thread in the entire history of MN.

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 23:02:03

Right. Am Concerned now.
Have we got a definitive list of things that kill zombies? I mean, if they are undead, how does one stop them, short of dismembering. Which I suspect is tricky - esp as DrMM's wesite says they are actully surpisingly nippy.
I'm liking sophable's perfume spraying, but that's onyl going to slow them down, surely?

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 23:03:00

Bran: maybe, maybe not. But *maybe the Clever Zombies will target MNers first, zombify them and/or eat them, and start sending zombie propaganda through the ether, no wait, hang on, there are ALREADY zombies on line. that's what really happened to Usenet...

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 23:03:22

zombies are NOT 'nippy'.


Look, I'd have said not, but those guys look like the experts...

expatinscotland Thu 19-Apr-07 23:05:41

I'd join 'em.

I sort of like the idea of going through life like a zombie.

Right now, I have no good excuse for my lazy half-arsed-ness.

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 23:05:57

FP: decapitation, dismemberment, incineration (chuck any flammable liquid over the zombie then chuck in a match, so all the smokers have a bit of a head start)., pushing them out of 5th floor windows, hitting them with cricket bats. Arcane Incantations might work but probably not. Clicking your ruby slippers together and repeating "There's no place like home, there's no place like ho-" whoops, sorry.

fabulous - the definitive guide to fact vs myth of zombies ... but sill not how to KILL the blighters. If it's viral, as they say, even a swift course of antibiotics aren't going to help...

gosh we really don't have a plan here. there was much talking about whether it was a global problem (in which case nowhere to run) or only local, and arming oneself (with what? I dare not ask) and going to a military base.
but frankly it wasn't a plan as such. just spontaneous thrashing around in the dark.
I think I might go on mumsnet and ask for advice. that's my normal plan.
or go to the Drunken Sailor's house

Thanks madamez - incineration it is then - can sleep safe now

hunkermunker Thu 19-Apr-07 23:08:19

Email MN Towers, TA, get them to move this thread to preserve it - I did it once.

Boco Thu 19-Apr-07 23:08:30

I can just imagine the hints and tips threads during zombie invasion

'How can i tell if the zombies clawing at my door are the classic slow and easily smashed type, or the more modern nippy and fast moving kind? Should i broom swipe or perfume spray?

And food for the loft - puree or solid?

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 23:09:23


ffs some of you are fantasy land.

ah, sophable, that is exactly the sort of head-in-the-sand attitude that'll get your brain eaten first when the invasion comes....

Boco Thu 19-Apr-07 23:11:24

I just went upstairs and asked dp if we had a zombie plan. He looked up from his book, blinked, looked back at his book and said 'I thought you were going to do some work tonight?, you've been on mumsnet haven't you'

I've been withered.

I must say I am looking at my dh in a different light.
he has no plan to protect us from the zombies!
what kind of husband is he ffs?

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 23:12:06

i BET he has one though.

he was just wondering whether to tell you.

bran Thu 19-Apr-07 23:12:18

In the Dawn of the Dead remake they could run, and in 28 Days Later they could run very fast because they were flooded with adrenelin all the time (or something similar). Although, technically, they weren't proper zombies in 28 Days Later.

I think what we need is a nemotode that will eat zombie brains, like the nemotodes that you get for slugs. Then we just need to infect a few handy zombies, by mixing the nemotodes with water and pouring it over them from several floors up, and they will pass it on to the other zombies.

Aaaggh, I have a zombie plan, I think I've become a man. I'm off to snore and fart in bed (obviously I didn't do that when I was a woman) and tomorrow I will save time by weeing in the shower instead of the loo.

bran - inspired. And organic

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 23:14:09

wow. nemaslug rocks!!!


gosh you maybe right Soph.
maybe he doesn't trust me with the zombie plan.
just in case I am one of the zombies

my dh thinks I might be a zombie!
it's all becoming clear now

hunkermunker Thu 19-Apr-07 23:14:28

Harpsi, DH says "He's a lame one, if you ask me. I think she might have married a girl"

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 23:14:43

will you sniff a lot whilst poo-ing and also do one huge fart in the morning when you wee?

gosh bran that's a great plan.
will you marry me?

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 23:15:28

ask if he has a unspecified disaster plan....BET he you!

Boco Thu 19-Apr-07 23:16:42

Mine won't have. We have an unspecified disaster most weeks, and there is never a plan.

hunkermunker Thu 19-Apr-07 23:17:20

Harpsi, DH says "She's not a zombie if she's writing on Mumsnet. Zombies have got better things to do with their lives"

true, though
except if I was a zombie I would be on here in a trice
Am I Being Unreasonable to be upset about being one of the Undead?

madamez Thu 19-Apr-07 23:19:25

Hark! Didn't something just go thump^....^thump... "mmnnnuuuuhhhh" in the garden, eh? Eh? <running off to find lighter and barbecue ignition fluid>

Or Style: Do crocs go with ripped jeans?

sophable Thu 19-Apr-07 23:22:52

girls come onto the swearing is also fun....

am having best time on mn tonight!

pucca Thu 19-Apr-07 23:24:44

OMG! at this thread, so funny.

I don't dare to ask dh if we have a zombie plan, as i know he would just look at me as if i was a complete nutter!!

There was a very graphic zombie film on TV a couple of months ago and i don't know what it was called, was horrific though! certainly beat all the old classics that looked so fake!

ViscountessPetitLapin Thu 19-Apr-07 23:25:42

First, you need a snooker queue and some Queen music.

Boco Thu 19-Apr-07 23:26:59

Style - Does dribble look ok with green flesh?

My rotten arm is hanging by a thread - is it a good look, or do i give it a yank?

Food - brains - pureed or with a spoon straight from the skull?

What's the wierdest neighbours body part you've frozen?

MamaG Thu 19-Apr-07 23:33:54

I actually do have a zombie plan

Lock myself in understairs cupboard with DH, DD, DS, dog and DH's shotgun

and cake

That's not very healthy MamaG.. surely you'd want to take an organic yogurt or 3 in with you??

Obviously you lot need more (or better?) zombie books.

Seriously, Day of the Triffids is much scarier than any of this stuff. I remember watching out for triffids while walking around, without even thinking about it.

NormaStanleyfletcher Fri 20-Apr-07 07:56:40

NQC - re day of the triffids - we were discussing that book at work the other day and someone asked "Had they never heard of strimmers?"

We all agreed that chapter two would then have to be "The compost years" and the whole thing would have been alot less exciting

FrannyandZooey Fri 20-Apr-07 07:57:47


night after night I have been staying up late, looking for the mythical MN late night craic

trawling through thread after thread about knitting and frozen sandwiches

then I go to bed early and you all go frigging loopy

Eh, I missed it too, but I need my sleep these days.

I don't think a strimmer would do the job, tbh - they had those paralysing lashy type things, didn't they? With a long reach.

Frances, does your DP want our spare Zombie Survival Handbook or whatever it is? Is there any hope of him becoming a Real Man?

FrannyandZooey Fri 20-Apr-07 08:06:56

I am going to have a Serious Talk with him tonight about his failure to Protect His Family From Zombies

I reckon he might have come up with one by now, though, don't you?

(do you think it is relevant that we don't really watch that type of film, and I have banned computer games with zombies in because even the box gives me the willies?)

Um, that might be a factor.

What zombie video games had dreadful boxes? (We have Carmageddon, and Typing of the Dead (which is ace))

DH doesn't tend to watch horror movies per se, and we got bored of 28 days. We did see Shaun of the Dead, though. And his choice video games are warfarey ones, not zombies.

FrannyandZooey Fri 20-Apr-07 08:15:19

I think there was one called House of the Dead

I asked that it be removed (it came with a gun ) which in retrospect suggests that I alone am responsible for our household's lack of Zombie Plan

OrmIrian Fri 20-Apr-07 08:16:22

Right. Well I think it's sensible to be prepared....

Speaking as one who was scared by Shaun of the Dead - not funny at all! I've always been terrified of zombies much more than just abit scary thing I can think of - even Daleks and vampired. Cyber men are pretty terrifying too. Mind you I am scared by any horror films - I hid in the shower when I was at uni and someone touched my shoulder after we'd watched some crappy potboiler called the Hand with Michael Caine, and ran away screaming when DH hissed at me after we watched that film when pods grew into people and took over the world. So this is probably not a good topic for me

So we have a plan? Scream a lot and plead for mercy I suppose which i know is a pretty cack plan. After we'd watched shaun I was a bit nervous of taking the kids out for a country walk but DH assured me that Zombies were a purely urban phoenomenon i think he was lying.... But if not I guess that's the beginnings of a plan. Hole up in the hills somewhere and kill sheep for food.

Zombies will be worse in the city, there are more people there.

Frances, Typing of the Dead is related to that game, only instead of having to shoot the zombies, you have to type the words that appear with them. It's a great game - I played it in the arcades in Tokyo.

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 08:22:16

Not read whole thread, but surely you just go to the Winchester?

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 08:26:08

I will discuss with DH later if he has a Zombie plan (he probably does...)

ledodgy Fri 20-Apr-07 08:31:01

Hmm I'm not sure if dp has a zombie plan will ask him when he gets home from work. I have just thought about my zombie plan and it entails staying as far away from inlaws house as possible as their house backs onto a huge graveyard!

Katy44 Fri 20-Apr-07 08:33:55

Will email DH now and tell him to prepare a zombie plan for tonight.

aol Fri 20-Apr-07 08:35:03

I would ask my dh about our zombie plan but I know he would straightaway mention mumsnet in his response and ask if we'd managed yet to incorporate sex and shoes into the conversation.

Humm. I will have to do all our zombie planning alone.

mytwopenceworth Fri 20-Apr-07 09:03:25

so how many of you - and / or your other half, actually did come up with a zombie plan after leaving this thread last night?

and the dps that were , how many had a 'faraway' look for half an hour or so.......

750,000 families now have a zombie plan.

we need a new zombie plan tshirt and mug!!

mytwopenceworth Fri 20-Apr-07 09:04:51

i mean we need a zombie plan tshirt and mug. i realise we're not replacing the old one.

oh cut me some slack, i haven't had enough coffee yet.

Though I have given mn up for lent or something I just have to dip in to object to sophable's assertion that vampires are silly

filthymindedvixen Fri 20-Apr-07 09:18:00

this is so great! I speak as one who had a 'triffids' plan aged 9. It was years before i could watch a fireworks display without being entirely convinced we weren't all going to ake up blind the next day...

I firmly suspect our zombie plan would be Shaun of the dead-inspired and involve locking ourselves in a place of safety containg *much * alcohol. And, of course, vinyl...!

tarantula Fri 20-Apr-07 09:23:08

PMSL the lads at work arte all now disscussing this avidly

bettys Fri 20-Apr-07 09:44:04

On the subject of triffids I have to nerdily correct whoever said the Isle of Wight was safe.......^it wasn't^. It has several triffid farms which they had to clear.

In our house I'm the one with the secret zombie/triffid/when the kraken wakes plan.

bettys Fri 20-Apr-07 09:45:00

Ha ha I said 'has' ('cos it's real)

lol at CD breaking her mn silence or this thread to defend vampires against charges of silliness

Hallgerda Fri 20-Apr-07 09:47:21

I take each day as it comes and have no disaster plans whatsoever. I don't even stock up on tins of beans when we invade somewhere.

(Which is particularly negligent of me as DS1 was breeding triffids in his bedroom a few years back. Lock up your wrapping paper tubes!)

MrsBadger, I'd love to know whether your plan involves an ark. But if secrecy is part of your plan, I'll respect your privacy.

exbury Fri 20-Apr-07 10:00:11

Literally LOL at the thought of zombies in crocs...

exbury Fri 20-Apr-07 10:01:52

..and trying (I have a feeling I am not alone) to think of a way to ask DH if he has a ZP without him realising the question was prompted by MN...

Marina Fri 20-Apr-07 10:09:21

I will struggle with that too exbury
He is still reeling from the Wottingers/ethnically cleansed hypothesis on In the Night Garden.
In fact, I think before I ask dh about our Zombie Plan I might check he isn't one first.

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 10:10:59

<coughs> CD... you are aware that Lent finished at Easter?

mustrunmore Fri 20-Apr-07 10:11:18

We have half a plan for nuclear disaster,poltergeist plan, and an escape ladder in our wardrobe for fire. And dh thinks we'll be ok when London floods as we're high up. But no zombie plans!

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 10:11:50

How about "they mentioned on the radio..."

mustrunmore Fri 20-Apr-07 10:17:04

What radio station would that sound plausible for? Or wouolsd that be on the news ,reporting new gov plans?

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 10:20:10

Local radio station running a new feature "Random chat board topic of the day... "How many of YOU have a "zombie plan?!"""

filthymindedvixen Fri 20-Apr-07 10:21:24

Betty, I think us lone voices of reason should band together so that we have a network alarm system when the Day comes....hah! They'll not be scoffing when all around is panic, and we rush to our crystal radio set in the wardrobe, twizzle some knobs, speak in code then come back and announce.''Right. They've not progressed over the Pennines yet. Pack some mint cake, loo roll and water, we'll go on foot....''

FioFio Fri 20-Apr-07 10:24:21

this is why I cannot watch any horror movies AT ALL! I convince myself they are real and cannot sleep

Graveyards aren't a problem. Obviously dead people aren't going to rise! Only people who have bitten by zombies turn into zombies!

Do people generally have disaster plans etc? DH keeps trying to find ways to convince me to stock up on pasta, rice, etc. I keep refusing because it will just go off. And if things did go really wrong, how on earth are we going to eat the pasta, rice etc? We don't have an aga. We don't have a camping stove. If it all goes wrong, gas and electricity will surely be cut off, right? So we have to take 72kg of rice and pasta with us on our bikes?

custy Fri 20-Apr-07 10:42:22

i have a kind of what i would do in the event of not dying in a nuclear attack plan.

this includes a ram raid on local chemist.

remembering the tin opener

and killing the dog

by no means exclusive

Why on earth would you kill the dog? My first plan, if society collapses, is to get my neighbour's dog (actually, he's a bit of a rubbish dog, tbh)! Dogs are great for guarding and protection. Why do you think so many homeless people have them?

custy Fri 20-Apr-07 10:50:23

couldnt feed it

couldnt watch it starve - it would be a drain on our limited resources

serenity Fri 20-Apr-07 10:51:55

I have emailed DH and demanded to know what our zombie plan is, but he refuses to read the link whilst at work. Sounds reasonable? well maybe unless you knew that i've just spent the last 20 minutes emailing him his D&D PDF files so he can print them off for his boys only D&D session tonight. I hope his elf gets it's head ripped off by rabid zombies <<sulky pout>>

Sadly, when we had our double glazing fitted a few years back, I was quite relieved as it made the flat more zombie/fiend of the night proof After a quick look, I think our only defence in the event of a zombie attck would be the old hairspray and lighter trick. We need to get something long sharp and pointy.

motherinferior Fri 20-Apr-07 10:56:51

I have a dreadful suspicion Mr Inferior also has a generalised Zombie/Alien attack/Green things with tentacles breaking through from the dungeon dimension plan. I shall ask him.

custy, unless it's a small pointless fluffy thing (and maybe even then), you should probably reconsider. Dogs are like alarm systems, only with teeth, and no electrical demands. Seriously, that's what they're for, that's why we domesticated the bloody things in the first place. Anyway, in a post-disaster world, won't any competant dog live on rats?

WigWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:05:15


The WigWamBam phoney further down the thread, with the dh who would stick his finger up a zombie's arse, is NOT ME!

My dh's plan would be much more complicated, and as he wouldn't share it with me beforehand as obviously I'm not capable of understanding such complex and scientific logic, he would take so long to explain it when the time came that the zombies would end up bored to death.

Goodness, who's the fake WWB then? [admiring]

People always get so cranky when you do that ...

custy Fri 20-Apr-07 11:09:13

no, what would happen is that our dog would wimper until the kids gave her some of the very limited ( i assume) food.

i take your point about the alarm - a bloody good point it is too. however i know the kids would feed the dog rather than themselves.

WigWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:09:23

Oh, I know who she is alright.

And I shall be waiting for her behind the bikesheds at dinnertime ...

serenity Fri 20-Apr-07 11:09:47

Just had to go and check, and no it isn't you is it. That's a bit naughty

Ah, custy, you should think about getting more of a garbage-eating sort of dog.

Granted, I'm assuming personal safey will be a more crucial issue than food in the first days.

Realistically, if there's going to be a problem, I think hard alcohol is the thing to stockpile. It's hard to make, it stores reasonably well (granted, it's a fire hazard) and it is very very very valuable to English people, who can't manage without it. You could barter it for anything.

LilRedWG Fri 20-Apr-07 11:13:17

DH just called from work, so I asked him. He sounded concerned about my mental health and I fully expect the men in white coats to turn up soon. When pressed as to why we don't have a plan, DH said he'd let me "champion this one" and come up with a plan. He did suggest that we could set the cat on them [hmm}

LilRedWG Fri 20-Apr-07 11:14:47

Custy - you could always eat the dog too when you ran out of food!

DrMarthaMcMoo Fri 20-Apr-07 11:22:16

I went to bed last night fretting about the zombies. I've decided if I am ever confronted with them I shall quip at them - like Buffy does with vampires. I am armed with my two trusty Buffy guides "The Quotable Slayer" and "What Would Buffy Do?" and I intend to swot up this weekend.

I clearly cannot rely on dh to defend me (I asked him this morning "how come you don't have a sword, eh?" and he was unable to formulate any kind of response) so I shall swot up on my quips and Buffy-moves. OK...just the quips then.

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:28:40


I will be behind the bike sheds first.

With my SWORD.

Ah, see, I think DH's answer for why he doesn't have a sword would be because I wouldn't let him have one. (I wouldn't!)

I lie, he probably doesn't want one?

I did make him get rid of the gorilla mask, though, because it creeped me out.

WigWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:31:27

I'll be there with my pet zombie, you ratbagging imposter, you ...

<snarls menacingly and flashes evil eye>

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:34:40

You know who I am. And I know who you have claimed to be in the past.......

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:34:51


filthymindedvixen Fri 20-Apr-07 11:35:31

Custy, you could eat the dog. I'll go research recipes...<<scurries off to google tin toms, rice, dogmeat>>

Wait, is WWB playing gay chicken with her imposter friend? Or have I just been seeing too many references to gay chicken of late?

WigWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:37:25

I have never pretended to be someone else.

How the very devil could you say that?

<uncrosses fingers behind back>

Now hand the name over, there's a good imposter, I don't want to have to use force unless it's absolutely necessary.

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:38:16

La,lalalalalall<gazes up at ceiling>

<then spies zombie over WigWamBams shoulder

bettys Fri 20-Apr-07 11:38:27

filthymindedvixen, like the plan! Don't forget a tin-opener for when you have fought someone off that last tin without a label in the looted shop.
I'd head for high ground in Yorkshire. Good job ds knows how to identify edible plants and gut a fish (must remember to take collapsible fishing rod)

WigWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:39:07

My chicken is not gay

And I have an imposter who everyone thinks is me, and now everyone thinks my dh would put his finger up a zombie's arse.

Rhubarb Fri 20-Apr-07 11:41:31

I have a pet Zombie called Zelda. She is quite tame. I rescued her from a bunch of marauding peasants who claimed she had eaten their children. Well, maybe she had but only cause their dogs tasted so foul.

Your children are welcome to come and pet her if it will help put their minds at rest.

They do have to wear an iron glove though, just in case. I'm not insured you see.

Gay Chicken

To be fair, your DH sounded pretty funny in the original imposter post. If slightly gross.

filthymindedvixen Fri 20-Apr-07 11:43:58

right Bettys (guessed you must be near me with that name ), see you at the top of Sutton Bank then with the other survivors...I have an edible fungus book!

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:44:33

I posted that message incognito by mistake, actually. Was being you on another thread. And now CAN'T REVEAL MY TRUE IDENTITY!

My dp is very funny, actually and I am proud of his little Zombie Plan. And by the fact that he could respond so quickly when I asked him.

WigWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:44:57

Ahhh ... <lightbulb flicks on>

C'mere then, oh phoney one ...

<puckers up>

Rhubarb Fri 20-Apr-07 11:45:36

Anyone up for a game with Zelda then?

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:46:46

No gay chicken here.

(secretly flattered though of course)

WigWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:47:40

<Briefly toys with the idea of outing the imposter>

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:48:36

Oh, I don't care <throws caution to the wind>

If you out me, I will out YOU!

WigWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 11:52:54

My dear, I have been outed so many times that it's all old news by now.

mytwopenceworth Fri 20-Apr-07 11:54:02

are we allowed to guess? cos i'm thinking hunker or vvvqv....

raspberryberet Fri 20-Apr-07 11:57:25

I don't know who it is but it's getting very confusing and making my eyes cross.

Hallgerda Fri 20-Apr-07 11:58:12

Custy, I don't normally stand up for dogs, but from my observations of dog-walkers in the woods, possession of one would put you in the group that would keep society functioning after the nuclear attack. Do you not want the responsibility?

Furthermore, wouldn't there be some added security in having a food-taster?

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 12:21:38

WRONG! You will never guess anyway......


mytwopenceworth Fri 20-Apr-07 12:33:46

hmmm. who goes mwahaha a lot?
hunker does....<stare>
so did flamesparrow (what happened to her?)

WlgWamBam Fri 20-Apr-07 12:35:25

Look at me in my eyeball.

<stares back>

Not Hunker. Or FS.

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 12:41:12

Whaddaya mean "what happened to her"? I'm halfway down the thread!!

Anyway... have asked DH... he looked a tad baffled, asked why, and then told me "We'll wing it" followed by "Or go to the Winchester".

As you can see, we're well suited

(And since you asked... Mwahahahaha)

MerlinsBeard Fri 20-Apr-07 12:42:58

i can't be arsed to read the thread but asked DP and he said he would either leg it (his words) or join em

we do apparently live near a nuclear bunker for govermnet employees so my option would be to find it and go there lol!

mytwopenceworth Fri 20-Apr-07 12:45:20

Flamesparrow <great joy>. i feel so now. i just felt like i hadn't 'seen' you for ages. oh dear lord that's no better is it.

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 12:47:23

lmao I don't think I've ever been "missed" before so its quite nice.

Spending far too much time trying to set up shop and not enough MNing... pretty much only lurking on post natal thread and nappies!

MerlinsBeard Fri 20-Apr-07 12:52:35

an your msn is never on

May have a website shop solution for you in a few months that is super duper easy to operate but have to go now so no time to mail. Will be on later form abouit erm 9ish but if your not around i will mail x

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 12:55:23

I'll try and be on!

JackieNo Fri 20-Apr-07 12:56:53

OK - we have to preserve this thread for posterity (and for reference in case it actually happens, obviously), so where should it go? Health? Travel (short haul or long haul)? Geeky Stuff?

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 12:59:07

Geeky stuff

MrsWho Fri 20-Apr-07 18:54:01

Can't eblieve this has been going today as well!

southeastastra Fri 20-Apr-07 18:59:04

hah jackieno it's a bizarre thread!

they're quite slow though zombies so i'd just run away

singingmum Fri 20-Apr-07 20:37:17

Apparently I don't have to worry as my Dp and his best friend are Super Heroes
Captain Charisma&
Am unsure how to react to this anymore.Should have seen this answer coming

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 20:44:08

lmao SM!

I keep thinking about how casually my DH pondered (like it was a perfectly serious question) and said "Nah, we'll wing it!"

TheArmadillo Fri 20-Apr-07 21:02:24

OMG I can't believe this carried on after I went to bed.

You were supposed to mock them not join them.

Me and dp had a really long argument when we went to bed last night as I refuse to believe they could ever happen.

Apparently this thread has helped ensure the survival of the human race when the zombies come - they talk like its really gonna happen.


PinkTulips Fri 20-Apr-07 21:05:45

have just asked dp completely out of the blue and so went the conversation:

pink; so do you have a zombie plan?

dp; (spins around with wide eyes) where did that come out of? of course i have a zombie plan!

pink; (dissolves onto laughter for 5 minutes before pulling herself together and explaining thread) so go on tell us your zombie plan then...

dp; we get on the roof of greenhill school initially, it's close to shops and supplies. we'll need to arm ourselves of course...

pink; hang on, greenhill school is in XXX where you grew up?

dp; yes well obviously it'll need to be updated for here

pink; so if zombies tuned up outside the door right now what's your plan?

dp; we'd get in the car and get up onto the dunnes stores roof

pink; with 2 kids?

dp; normal rules fdon't apply when there's zombies, we can drive the car right up to the side of the building and climb up. initially of course, we'd have to move on when stores ran out, communities would eventually be set up

pink; your zombie plan is shit. come up with a better paln or i'll find someone with a good zombie plan to protect my babies!

he's sulking on the couch now

PMSL @ pink's DH's shit plan! Driving cars up buildings FFS!

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 21:07:34


themoon66 Fri 20-Apr-07 21:16:45

Ooooh we are saved.... here we go

PinkTulips Fri 20-Apr-07 21:16:49

oh and apparently it says in the bible that 'the dead will walk again' so zombies are a religious thing

Boco Fri 20-Apr-07 21:18:59

Apparently you have to suck the eyes out of zombies using a handheld dustbuster, and they can then be dispatched at a more leisurely pace.

pointydog Fri 20-Apr-07 21:28:58

Have you ever seen a zombie run fast or climb a tree?

I think we are safe

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 21:33:30

DH says they smell you rather than see, so dustbusters no good.

PinkTulips Fri 20-Apr-07 21:34:16

he's still talking

robots are going to come first apparently, the end of the world will come soon after

apparently if it's werewolves or zombies we're fucked though

and he keeps rambling about guns too.... we live in ireland ffs! what are we going to do, ask the IRA for a loan!!!!

i'm quite upset about his crappy plans, i may have to come up with some myself

Flamesparrow Fri 20-Apr-07 21:42:36

pmsl - go see FFF2, I feel sure she'll have a good plan!

PinkTulips Fri 20-Apr-07 21:46:28

good idea

firefly... come back here and share your plan!

madamez Fri 20-Apr-07 23:03:27

Just popping back in (sorry, been busy building zombie traps in the front garden) to say:
Mustrunmore, tell him it was Resonance FM. They do anything on there.
NQC, don't be silly. Of course zombies come out of graveyards. GO and watch NOTLD 20 times. Remember all those long shots of oozing greying fingers stabbing through the earth.

Oh, and everyone: to boost your chances of surviving in the event of Unexpected Cataclysm, zombies happening or even a bit of a flood, avoid being any of the following: secretly less than 4 months pregnant, hiding a Hideous Guilty Secret, desperately in love with someone who you haven't told (particularly if the love object is of an inappropriate gender), Just About to Go Straight, unreconciled with a family member... these will all get you a drawn out death scene. Of course, don't be unattractive unless mindbendingly so - ordinary-unattractive gets you straight into the front line of monster fodder.

MrsWho Sat 21-Apr-07 12:09:00

madamez don't forget just about to get in the bath/wearing skimpy bikini

Pink, do you not think the bible-related reference to the "dead walking again" might be more along the lines of.... heaven... than zombie-dom? Just a thought...

PinkTulips Sat 21-Apr-07 12:41:42

lol, that's not my theory, it's dp's!

i was way too tired to argue with him last night!

I know but I assumed you believed it as you appeared so dismayed..

PinkTulips Sat 21-Apr-07 12:51:03

that said, it is in revelations as one of the signs of the apocalypse so maybe it is zombies

doesn't god raise all the dead to life, judge them and send them body and soul into heaven or hell?

tbh i'm more worried about the 'day after tomorrow scenario' as i hate the cold, think i'd prefewr zombies to an ice age tbh

hippipotami Sat 21-Apr-07 12:58:57

I think this has got to be one of the funniest threads ever! Have spent the past two days dipping in and out of it, and have roffled, wet myself and sprayed tea over the pc, sometimes all 3 at the same time!!

Keep it up, you guys are all certifiable but in a good way!!

By the way, have not yet asked dh about a zombie plan - will do so tonight when he is back from work.

bran Sat 21-Apr-07 13:15:33

Just as I was dropping off to sleep last night I was thinking about ds's nursery and how difficult it would be to rescue him from it in the event of a full-scale zombie onslaught in terms of location and layout of the building. Then it occured to me that you don't often see pre-teen zombies in the movies, and I wondered why that was. Also how could you reliably tell the difference between a zombie toddler and a human toddler? Afterall they both tend to walk unsteadily and often aimlessly with lots of incoherent moaning/whinging and a tendency to bite.

lostinfrance Sat 21-Apr-07 13:16:23

lostinfrance: do we have a zombie plan?

LIF's DH: where is it?

LIF: no, i'm asking. do we have one?

DH: i haven't seen it

LIF: no. do you know what one is?

DH: no

sigh. we're dead.

PMSL these DHs are SO funny! LiF, your DH clearly went into "OMG she thinks I have lost it.. she is going to make me look for it.. how can I get out of this?" mode as if a "zombie plan" was a house contents insurance policy that he was suspected of mislaying!!!

MrsWho Sat 21-Apr-07 13:25:37

LOL at Brans toddler zombies, its 'cos when the zombies are out at night zombie kids still go to bed!

lostinfrance Sat 21-Apr-07 13:28:36

shinyhappy - there was fear in his eyes i tell you. the thought of having to put the sports section down and go and look for a f'ing ^zombie plan^

when the zombies come he'll be the first with against the wall with a zombie finger up his jacksie

bran Sat 21-Apr-07 13:46:57

Thanks MrsWho, that makes sense.

LOL at LiF's dh. I haven't dared to ask dh if he has a plan yet, he's been working all hours and hasn't even managed to sort out a plumber (which he promised to do a month ago) so I think a zombie plan request would tip him over the edge.

nally Sat 21-Apr-07 13:51:45

dd1 (5.4) says if zombies attack we should "DESTROY THEIR BRAINS" Good advice I think.

JackieNo Sat 21-Apr-07 13:55:06

Well we're stuffed too - MrNo said 'A what?' and then 'No, it's not an eventuality I think will happen' (yes, he really does talk like that), and then, when pressed, 'I work with the undead on a regular basis, and I don't think they'll be able to get themselves organised', so I guess it's up to me to go buy a sword and some bottled water.

motherinferior Sat 21-Apr-07 16:02:23

Mr Inferior said first 'panic and die'; but then he said, right, then he said 'ah but actually I have been thinking that the veg I've been growing in our garden would be very useful if we had to be self-sufficient. It's a good First Step'.


JodieG1 Sat 21-Apr-07 16:05:13

I asked dh and he didn't even know what a zombie plan was, needless to say he doesn't have one. Not something I've ever thought about either.

FluffyMummy123 Sat 21-Apr-07 16:05:34

Message withdrawn

Sense of humour cod? Irony? Have you misplaced them somewhere???

Rhubarb Sat 21-Apr-07 17:33:04

Funny, dh just said that.

Rhubarb Sat 21-Apr-07 17:33:38

Have a few bottles of wine and think about it is the general consensus in our house.

WideWebWitch Sat 21-Apr-07 19:57:56

I love thsi thread

MrsWho Sat 21-Apr-07 20:12:49

Somewhere there will be a dadsnet discussing the best zombie plan

(Oh, bran, what sort of plumber do you need? I can recommend a) a toilet etc sort of plumber, and b) a lovely heating engineer guy. Oh, also, are you coming next weekend, to the sew up?)

bran Sat 21-Apr-07 20:30:00

We need to have a new shower door fitted and the underneath of the shower checked to make sure it's not leaking. We have a plumber, but dh phoned him once and left a message which the plumber hasn't returned. DH reckons there's nothing else that he can do. I'm trying not to get involved as
a) he said he would sort it out
b) I do everything else except some of the bill paying.

Yes I will be coming to the stitch up, are people bringing children? I may need to bring ds if dh is working the weekend again, otherwise I'm tempted to leave him with dh. A whole day alone with ds always brings dh to his knees, I can then be outwardly sympathetic and inwardly smug that I can (usually) manage it. Would it be ok if I brought a puy lentil and roasted veg salad? Alternatively I could do Thai green chicken curry and bring my rice cooker with me to do the rice.

I'm sure either of those would be great!

The plumber I know lives in Hackney, and does decorating etc etc as well. He's very reliable. Ok, I lie, he sometimes has pancreatitis and is in the hospital. But if he says he will come, he comes. Tidies up after himself, the whole deal. Polish. (Shocker)

I can pass on the number for you to give DH, when you come around. If you want it.

FrannyandZooey Sat 21-Apr-07 21:51:59

NQC you are still here! I thought you were out black tieing

please come back to skirt thread where I have linked to your present

Ah, will come to skirt thread.

No, black tie is not tonight, that would be sensible. It is on Tuesday.

Still don't know if I'm getting a motorcycle taxi there, but am leaning towards 'yes'.

FrannyandZooey Sat 21-Apr-07 21:54:22

oooh how coool

and if zombies come you can escape on the motorbike?

Well, it is cool, and also fast. I went on a motorbike once, and really liked it.

I thought DH would disapprove on safety grounds, but he doesn't, thinks it is a cool idea.

I phoned one motorbike taxi place and they were fully booked, I have one more to try ...

themoon66 Sat 21-Apr-07 23:47:24

I wish we had motorbike taxis in rural Lincolnshire. I would book a ride just for fun. Was a biker chick in my teenage years <<sigh>>

I asked DH and he said 'I'll just get eaten and join them' We're stuffed!!!!

exbury Sun 22-Apr-07 18:06:48

OK, so I finally managed to drop it into conversation with DH without him realising it came from MN - and it turns out that he has a ZP, and says that all men have ZPs, but sensible ones wouldn't tell their DWs in case the DW is one of the first to be zombified - because then the zombies would know the plan and the plan would be useless, IYSWIM. So he won't tell me his!

So maybe Franny's DP does have a plan but is too sneaky to tell?

bran Sun 22-Apr-07 20:01:57

exbury, that's obvious man-speak for "I don't have a plan, but I know that a real man should and you've caught me unawares".

Give him a little while to make up a plan, and then tell him that zombies don't really think, they just act on instinct so you won't be able to remember his plan if you're zombified and you certainly wouldn't be able to pass it on to the wider zombie community.

kickassangel Sun 22-Apr-07 20:43:58

surely once you're a zombie you're happy that way AND you get to live forever? What's not to like? i pretty much epitomize the zombie look until about 10.30 on a weekend morning.
oh, and in the 'thriller' video, they did come out of the graveyard.

JackieNo Mon 30-Apr-07 09:34:55

OK - we should all now be experts, so how about trying this zombie film quiz . I got 6 (mostly by guessing)

JackieNo Mon 30-Apr-07 14:51:20

Bumping, because I've been singing Monster Mash all day after reading that story.

PinkTulips Mon 30-Apr-07 14:54:06

i got 7

JackieNo Mon 30-Apr-07 14:54:54

Well done.

MrsWho Mon 30-Apr-07 21:54:31

6 here too

Flamesparrow Mon 30-Apr-07 21:58:58

7 and most were fairly educated guesses...

Asked DH's mates... they all are lackin in a plan. One thought he had the zombie survival guide... the realised it was a werewolf one.

bettys Mon 30-Apr-07 22:09:19

I got 9! Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa

VeronicaMars Mon 30-Apr-07 22:19:47

According to dh we would lock and bolt ourselves into our bedroom, extra food and water and we would have use of the en suite(?) although we can't flush the toilet because they would hear it and come tearing towards our house.....
It's fine to think you could out run them as they drag their limbs around but what if they're like the ones in the Thriller video? I mean no one could outrun those scarey freaky zombies surely?

themoon66 Sun 24-Jun-07 00:56:56

this thread is gonna be lost forever coz its in chat

backhomenow Sun 24-Jun-07 01:00:41

can't you ask MNtowers to save it?

pucca Sun 24-Jun-07 01:02:18

U can save threads, i have saved my birth thread to my pc.

BibiThree Mon 10-Mar-08 09:18:53

Run! That's my zombie plan after reading this

casbie Mon 10-Mar-08 09:40:28

i have a 'day after tommorrow' plan...

i can find water, food, make a fire just using the our locality and defend myself with tools in the shed!

love the film '28 days later' and 'the children of men', i am an opitimist, but love dystopia future fantasies...

just talked to some people at work and they haven't heard of "farenheight 451" by ray bradbury!! shock!!

RealityGap Fri 25-Jul-08 15:29:02


I so need to discus a ZP with DH tonight - that and have "talk like a pirate sex"

OH I Love Mumsnet!!

ninedragons Fri 29-Aug-08 09:19:45

Bumping a classic.

I am not usually one for garden ornaments, but I think these knock fishing gnomes and flamingos into a cocked hat.

Bonifacio Wed 03-Sep-08 09:28:24

Seeing as this has been bumped I feel I can answer now as I really wanted to but didn't think I should as it was so old!!

So I asked DP and he said

DP: I have a baseball bat to keep them away from me.
Me: What about me?
DP: Don't you have your own zombie plan hmm I didn't realise mine had to cover the both of us!
Me: Well we're a couple aren't we, surely a zombie plan should include me too!
DP: Oh right, I'll have to think about it some more then hmm

Oh this is brilliant.

I am honestly crying with laughter

can't wait for dh to get home so I can ask him what his is...

dh home from gym.

(and just to give you an idea of him, this is the man that slags me for watching horror films or anything realted to the supernatural as its apparently 'all a pile of shite')

me; i've jsut read the funniest thing. (he reads first 3 pages) can't believe people have a zombie plan

him; well you don't need all these swords and guns.. just a baseball bat. They can't run fast so just hit your way through them.

WTF! Even he has one, and is really surprised I've never thought of it!!shock

SamJohnsMum Thu 09-Oct-08 18:59:22

DH says he would "hit them with snooker cues to the sound of 'Don't Stop Me Now'". I told him he was clearly being unoriginal and he said "alright then - give 'em a map to my mum's house - she'll scare the bastards off". He's right, too. Although, if she doesn't, I'm not bothered - it's a win-win situation, that one. wink

cosmicangel Tue 20-Jan-09 12:30:43

hi i haven't read everyones posts yet but did see an excellent book yesterday called the complete zombie survival plan, it was an excellent read.

KerryMumbles Sun 01-Feb-09 23:24:43

do zombies have sex?

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine Sun 01-Feb-09 23:35:56


serenity Mon 02-Feb-09 00:16:32

I watched gay Zombie porn last week (Don't ask. Seriously)

Someones scrotum fell off <<shudders>>

KerryMumbles Mon 02-Feb-09 09:29:00

oh well....

now I have to know serenity

serenity Mon 02-Feb-09 21:05:06

I could tell you....but then I'd have to beat you over the head with my rotten arm kill you

Bump - mumsnet has gone a bit mad and it's time to remember some good stuff

WildSeahorses Fri 27-Mar-09 13:40:24

Does anyone else's DP consider how "zombie proof" a house is before you think about buying it? Apparently it's very important to analyse the potential to defend it from zombies. From both the quick, leaping type of zombie (see I Am Legend) and the slow shambling ones (i.e. Shaun of the dead)...

He is quite obsessed with it, actually. I bought him the "Zombie Survival Guide" for valentines day this year (romantic, I know...) and he has studied it with a rather disturbing degree of concentration...

rasputin Thu 28-May-09 23:26:10

You are all talking about zombies but really it is just other angry, hungry humans you need to worry about


cookieraymond Mon 03-Jan-11 19:22:52

as a new poster, I was interested to see what this 'zombie plan'thing was all about! Having read a few pages I very subtly asked DH assuming he would think I was mental... He started saying something about heading to the gym and surrounding himself with treadmills so the zombies would never reach us/ wear themselves out!!! Lets hope we dont get a power cut....!!

adalle Fri 15-Apr-11 10:22:50

Joined MN and came across mentions of the 'zombie plan' had to read it and now sucked in !! Now looking at house, neighbourhood, neighbours and even pets in a new and suspicious light. Yeek!

Has anyone seen the Zombie house yet? I think I need one.....

babycham42 Sat 30-Jul-11 18:02:33

Clearly, quite clearly,a Zombie virus is a distinct possibility IMO.In preparation all Zombie films must be watched for tips ("Dead Set" and "28 Weeks Later" highly reccommended)Never ever let yourself get in a position where you are trapped.First priority is to arm yourself.And remain calm so you can make swift and informed decisions. Just so I may further hone my ZP, is the book I"m looking for in the library catalogue "Zombie Survival Plan" or "Complete Zombie Survival Plan"?

babycham42 Sat 30-Jul-11 20:42:35

Quite liked the set up in The Walking Dead ,camping out (at least until there was a mass invasion!).WildSeahorses your Dp sounds like a very sensible and level headed sort of chap - what commendable forethought to assess a potential home"s vulnerability to Zombie attack.I still maintain that it is vital for there to be a reliable escape route for any building to be a viable option. Hope this was considered.

Bigglewinkle Wed 10-Aug-11 16:28:35

I asked DH if he had a ZP and his reply was 'No, do we need one?' And then in all seriousness told me we're more likely to need a plan for the meltdown of the financial markets.
He has his priorities all wrong IMO

KrispyCakehead Fri 05-Jul-13 00:17:02

Oh God.. I am reviving a 6 year old Classic Thread in view of the fact that there are TOO now "modern Zombies" which Sophable (ah Sophable) claimed could not be! The ones on World War Z are extremely nippy AND resourceful! And those on Walking Dead.. less nippy.. but v persistant!

Sometimes these things need updating smile

Also.. I am on this thread as my Old Self <nostalgia>. I used to be quite funny! <wonders what happened>

i have a zombie plan! i need one... zombies are my biggest fear

i lasted for 30 mins in the cinema watching WWZ. had to leave as i was shaking so much and i burst into tears and when dh and i went outside, he said i was really pale blush over a week later and im still not sleeping properly. though i was told the "cure" was in cardiff... which is good news as thats where i am grin

watched dead set when it was on tv a few years ago and i had nightmares for 3 1/2 months shock

they are fast feckers in wwz! if they are like that... then i will be killing myself as i will have no chance of survival and i dont want to be a zombie sad

ThreeEyedRaven Fri 05-Jul-13 18:51:32

I once asked my emergency planning colleagues at work if we had a zombie plan (we have plans for everything else!). Bless them, they did at least humour me!

The Centre for Disease Control in America has a zombie plan complete with marketing materials (can't link Soz am on phone). They use it as a tongue in cheek way of informing ppl how to plan for an emergency like flooding or tornados. Google it, its brilliant!

Panzee Fri 05-Jul-13 18:53:34

Mine is to sit in the garden and wait for whatever it is to come and get me.

ItsQuiteHardtocomeupwithaname Fri 05-Jul-13 18:59:59

Can zombies un lock doors, or run fast? Oo scary thoughts now

Celador Mon 08-Jul-13 14:21:15

I'm a bit disappointed with DH. I asked him, in all seriousness, what our plan was, only to be met with a bemused stare and accusations of 'reading mumsnet again'.

The best he could do was suggest using 'a selection of knives from the kitchen' along with the power of his own farts to escape out of town with DS and I.

I've resorted to watching Shaun of the Dead to get some pointers.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 08-Jul-13 14:23:45
Celador Mon 08-Jul-13 18:28:27

Thanks Hecsy! It's good to know that we can rely on the CDC where DH has so clearly failed.

Some good tips there.

M0naLisa Mon 08-Jul-13 23:32:05

yes DH has a Zombie plan hmm

Celador Mon 08-Jul-13 23:47:56

What is it?

KatoPotato Mon 08-Jul-13 23:54:28

DH says he used to have one, and it involved tooling up at B&Q, making a heavy weight on a rope and just continually dropping it from a great height. This was based on old school non running zombies.

Apparently me and DS have ruined his zombie fantasy now, and hrs no longer excited about the invasion. When pressed he said that I would 'probably die at your work'


zaphod Tue 09-Jul-13 00:54:11

This gets a lot of attention in our house. I have given it hours of thought and the kids have all got on board. Today, for example, we went swimming to a lake in a valley between 2 high hills, on one of the hills there are about 4 houses. Anyway, we had a heated discussion about which house we'd choose to live in come the Zombie Apocalypse, paying particular attention to defense, ability to grow crops, detect zombies and so on. Luckily we live close to an area suggested on the zombie map, and I have worked out several ways to get there from here. Hey, it's my hobby and I'm not ashamed. And don't get me started on why I did the Couch to 5k

burberryqueen Tue 09-Jul-13 12:48:41

i dont have a zombie plan, but my daughter plans to hole up in the sixth form centre at her school (comfy seats, lockable doors, a good selection of cricket bats etc for killing zombies) until it all blows over

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