My parents are mad (lighthearted)

(313 Posts)
FellOutOfBedTwice Thu 04-Feb-16 04:50:16

Okay so it's 4.30am and I can't sleep because my parents are quite mad.

I am pregnant and suffering from morning sickness as well as having had some bleeding for the last couple of weeks. My husband is away with work this week and when me and toddler DD caught heavy colds it became clear that I couldn't look after us both, so we've come to stay with my (very lovely, it has to be said) parents.

They live a three minute drive from us so we never ever stay. As such I haven't been here overnight- aside from one Christmas when I got pissed some years ago and the night before my Nans funeral- since I left for uni.

In that 15 years my parents seem to have gone a bit potty in a way that I didn't notice without staying over.

Examples-

- the broadband gets switched off at bedtime (ie 10pm). When I queried this, my Dad said its a fire hazard. Do people do this? Our broadband has been on constantly since we moved into our house in 2010. How would it record sky otherwise?!
- bedtime, as mentioned, is 10pm. Like a weird lodging house from 1973 we are all expected to have retired to our room by then.
- I am in the spare room, in the spare bed. I noticed that the bed was a bit short. My feet touch the footboard. When I queried this my Mum said "your Dad sawed the end off to shorten it. He doesn't like a long bed." WHAT?! He's not a tall man- 5ft 9ish- but that's mental. I'm 5ft 8... I don't think anyone much taller could sleep in it. The room is not small and my Dad doesn't routinely sleep in it, so he's ruined a bed for no reason.
- my Mum has a washing turn around time of maybe 2hours from washing basket to ironed. Honestly, it's mental. She asked if I had anything of mine and DDs to wash. Gave her a pile of washing and it was back and clean and pressed on my bed within two hours tops.
- we had to sit in silence for the duration of Midsomer Murders.
- despite being absolutely filthy rich, they don't have sky upstairs, decent toiletries (I'm talking Tesco Value Hair Spray) or contract mobiles (they burn through credit like 13 year old girls in 2001) because "there's no need".
- when my morning sickness struck I wandered into the kitchen and asked my Dad what the had that was "plain, dry and maybe crunchy" ie a cracker or rich tea biscuit. After much hunting the only thing in their kitchen that even touched that description was some celery. They had just had their shopping delivered but tend to "not eat snacks" said my Dad. There's not eating snacks and then there's just being weird.

Parents are mid sixties and clearly barking.

Tell me I'm not alone.

Defiant Thu 04-Feb-16 05:03:51

My OH's parents sound like yours! They turn absolutely everything off and unplug it all before bed, even if someone else is using it! They also expect everyone else to go to bed when they do.

Sawing the end off the bed has me cackling though. That's definitely bonkers!

Out2pasture Thu 04-Feb-16 05:04:55

I'm 57 retired and currently sitting in silence watching Midsummer Murder, no crackers to be had, and bulk shampoo from Costco. Fixed income. Certainly not barking.

Shutthatdoor Thu 04-Feb-16 05:09:24

Mine are a bit like this. Love them dearly, but....

Everything is switched off completely including broadband

Things like odd bits of string get kept 'just in case'

grin

Juanbablo Thu 04-Feb-16 05:54:14

There's a fab thread in classics about this. I've read it more than once. I think it's called "omg such anality from PIL!". Also includes parents.

HelpfulChap Thu 04-Feb-16 06:01:21

Sawing the end of the bed off is marvellous.

reallybadidea Thu 04-Feb-16 06:22:45

How does the mattress fit on the bed if the end has been sawed off? confused

timelytess Thu 04-Feb-16 06:26:52

we had to sit in silence for the duration of Midsomer Murders
That made me laugh out loud. I'm 58. That does not happen in my house!

LaurieFairyCake Thu 04-Feb-16 06:51:03

The bed thing made me laugh out loud, that's so nutty grin

Ilovenannyplum Thu 04-Feb-16 06:56:36

They sound bonkers but lovely all at the same time grin

Pointlessfan Thu 04-Feb-16 06:59:45

Do they also keep telling you rambling stories about people who have never heard of? My mum does this and she always says "you know so and so?" I say no and she says "yes you do" and tells me about their dog's operation/son's promotion etc. All interspersed with "you do know them". Often it transpires I met them for 5 mins at a wedding when I was 6 months old or something.
Sawing the bed is just bonkers though!

fastingmum123 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:13:24

Pointless my Nan (78) does that she also thinks I must know every 32yr old in the country because we are the same age.

My mum (50) has always told us not to leave the remote on the sofa as it will set the house on fire!

My mil (66) does the turning off everything in the house thing.

Needtoprotect16 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:15:09

Ha! Yes! 'You know Elsie who sat you on her knee that time when you were three ... [incredulous voice intimating I'm somewhat lacking because I don't] ... Can't you remember Elsie?!! You know, Dot's daughter from her second marriage to that joiner who had an affair with that one who used to shop in that co-op which is now Poundstretchers and sells cheap dusters, well, she was wearing a pink blouse the other day

Pointlessfan Thu 04-Feb-16 07:21:06

Yes that's exactly it! She also refers to people who I have known my whole life by both names e.g. You know Jane Rodgers... But that's progress from my nan who referred to every, even close friends, by their title e.g. I saw Mrs Smith yesterday...

DoctorTwo Thu 04-Feb-16 07:21:51

"He doesn't like a long bed" grin

Gobbolino6 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:30:36

I think nothing is particularly barking apart from sawing the bed.
My parents are normal and never have any snacks in the house.
Everything is tidied/ironed immediately...I think after years of rushing round after kids cleaning is easier once they've left.
Wow betide you if you speak over the cricket commentary
Mind you, my mum gave me a pair of her trousers the other day and I couldn't work out the size...turns out she cuts all the size labels out of her clothes because 'it's embarrassing '...so maybe she is barking.

fastingmum123 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:31:06

My other Nan who is now no longer with us was mad as a box of frogs I always put it down to her having 11 children.

She once told me the reason she remarried at the age of 79 was because she couldn't live without sex. Not something you want to know at 15.

She taught the cat to use the door knocker so they could let it in.

She refused to use anything but powdered milk in tea even if we brought our own normal milk round.

Told people off for swearing while swearing like a trucker herself.

She used to have a room with all the picture of her many grandchildren (my oldest dd was her 20th great grandchild) and if you asked who any of them where she'd look at them for a while and say "how the hell would I know?"

Gobbolino6 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:31:13

Woe not wow!

Quietlifenotonyournelly Thu 04-Feb-16 07:32:14

Ha ha yes, my MIL turns EVERYTHING off before she goes to bed at 10pm. She came to stay a while back and I'd left the computer on in the spare room which she was stopping in to update, she just unplugged it!
Thankfully no damage was done.
Weirdly though, the alarm clock somehow seems not to be a fire hazard like everything else confused

fastingmum123 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:32:27

Meant to say 20th great great grandchild

fastingmum123 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:33:07

We its to early got it right the first time lol.

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:40:07

I turn the hub off if I'm out and at night. No snacks in the house either & most bath stuff is smart price in Aldi or bought in bulk on offer.

I'm only 38 so there is little hope for me grin

NickNacks Thu 04-Feb-16 07:48:11

These people always trust the fridge though! No one ever unplugs the fridge in case of fire!

Agent160 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:55:00

I love these stories of parents/grandparents who think you know everyone because my Nan is the complete opposite - she doesn't think I know who anyone is! So will start a story by explaining "Aunty Betty's has a son, John. Well, his son Daniel..." I know who Daniel is (and John!) - I've seen them both 4 or 5 times a year for the last 25 years - I have good friends that I see less often!!

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 04-Feb-16 07:55:02

I think it's more that the fridge needs to be on, it won't keep below 8c if you switch it off.

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