Cringeworthyness of ex partners....

(341 Posts)
Only1scoop Mon 28-Jul-14 19:03:45

Had a few chuckles today ....met girls for lunch....been friends years and remember many of each others exes....

One friend recalled an ex who always used to ask for his pasta to be served 'El dente' even in fine Italian restaurants....he was no foodie and she used to 'cringe in her seat'

One of my exes used to ask for 'lattice fries' ....the L at start of word used to be drawn out....I used to twitch....I hated it so much....<I figured he must have once dined in a Harvester> he would ask this in any pub....restaurant.

Another ex of mine used to say he was going for a 'wee wee' and called his stomach his 'tummy'

He didn't last long really....

Just fun.... anyone got any others sayings that spring to mind on the 'cringeworthy meter'

Ex is an ex for a reason

Lllllatice fries anyone wink

Violetcloud Mon 28-Jul-14 19:45:30

I have an ex who must have found a textbook about women somewhere. He used to explain everything he did as he did it like 'I'm rubbing your shoulders because I know that helps women relax and may even get you in the mood'... and 'let me show you how I do this so you can be independent and do it yourself instead of having to defer to me'... about a bacon sandwich ffs. Hilarious looking back, dumbfounding at the time.

Only1scoop Mon 28-Jul-14 19:55:11

Violet....the shoulder rubbing commentary does sound extremely cringey confused

Shia Mon 28-Jul-14 20:02:46

My last ex used to say that a previous lover had told him that his cock was moreish.

Apart from the use of the word moreish being infantile, his cock was not moreish and was in fact just like any other cock.

Only smaller.

Shia Mon 28-Jul-14 20:03:57

He also couldn't pronounce poppadoms and insisted on calling them pompadoms, despite myself and his children politely correcting him.

I used to cringe every time he asked for pompadoms in an Indian restaurant.

Shia Mon 28-Jul-14 20:07:17

My first ex, who was actually a nice man in all other ways used to as a come on for sex, come over or me if I was sitting on the sofa, kneel down in front of me and look between my legs whilst flicking his tongue like some kind of permed lizard.

This was circa 1985 and onwards, hence the reference to a perm.

No, it never turned me on but he obviously thought he was being seductive!

MissLupescu Mon 28-Jul-14 20:08:30

I cringe every time I think of someone I was seeing a few years back.
He was very much into the gym, had a great body, but every time he came to my flat he would take his top off and stand in the middle of the room flexing his muscles while talking to me. He also asked me once if I wanted him to make love to me. I was pissed at the time so laughed at him. He was serious confused
He also told me about the great job he had and always flashed wads of cash if we went for food. Turned out he was a car thief!!
He still lives in the same town as me and I avoid him like the plague.

I went on a date with a guy once to my local pub. Some friends of mine were in there so we sat with them. He mentioned he did kick boxing as a hobby. He then thought it was a good idea to get up in the middle of the bar and give us a demonstration. I was mortified. My mates were like this shock grin
I ended up doing a runner to the next pub with my mates. They still bring it up all these years later.

<<shudders>>

CatKisser Mon 28-Jul-14 20:09:00

I had an ex who was an utter turd and after two years we broke up.

Fast forward a few years, eating in a Lloyds bar with new friends and Mr Ex enters with his friend. He spots me, and after a moments dithering (and me telepathically telling him to fuck off) saunters over to say an awkward hello. However, he'd decided to shave, style and dye his hair like Keith Flint and was wearing a vile, studded Union Jack denim jacket.

He looked a right dick and I was fairly mortified.

Shia Mon 28-Jul-14 20:09:08

After ex number one I had a Long term boyfriend who would often wear his socks in bed whilst making love. Far enough if he didn't want to get his feet cold but bizarrely he had to comment each time that he wouldn't be removing his socks and I found that rather a turn off.

Only1scoop Mon 28-Jul-14 20:11:08

There are some corkers here grin

MissLupescu Mon 28-Jul-14 20:12:05

A moreish cock?? Permed lizard??

I thought I had bad taste in men grin

Only1scoop Mon 28-Jul-14 20:12:29

I had one years ago who used to put on a babyish voice and say "say something naice about us" always used to ask to see my "softer side" confused

MissLupescu Mon 28-Jul-14 20:16:55

Shia - that reminds me. Mr muscles always wore his socks too. Those trainer socks. Always the same style confused

foxdongle Mon 28-Jul-14 20:16:56

I had an ex turn up for a date in suede trousers- I made him drive miles away to somewhere no one would know me. Then straight after that I dumped him.
I was young and in my defence he was very good looking but suede trousers ffs?

ChanelNumber19 Mon 28-Jul-14 20:17:02

lol at pompadoms!

i'd a boyfriend in the 90s. He was Danish. He used to correct my English sometimes. actually, he also used to correct my french! i said moeT and chandon pronouncing the T., he laughed and told me i was wrong. occasionally i'd enthusiastically cobble together danish i'd overheard while he was on the phone, like tak for hjelpe mig. He smiled patiently and he told me that it would be pointless for me to try to learn danish as it was 'too hard', but fresh out of school, having learnt Irish, Danish seemed easy to me and he wasn't impressed when I could make myself comprehensible to some of his acquaintances without ever having had one lesson.

I'm sure he's runnign several companies by now, he probably has about seven secretaries who know better than to correct him!

but he wasn't the worst bf I ever had! he was ok really! I think it's men in their 20s. They can be unbearable.

ChanelNumber19 Mon 28-Jul-14 20:19:31

Suede trousers! OMG

I kept hearing this weird sound recently, like whish, whish, whish, and it was a colleague's corduroy trousers chafing as he walked! Everybody looked up. It was creepy! I thought 'that guy can not be married'. A wife would say tell your trousers to shut up.

AlleyCat11 Mon 28-Jul-14 20:26:56

Gawd, I had one who always used to order apple pie as dessert in posh restaurants. And then ask the waiter if they had a tin of Bird's Custard knocking about the kitchen... Same guy would order the top wine on the list, to show off.
And another who used to linger seductively in the doorway, in his filthy towelling robe, standing to attention as if waiting for "Action!" on the set of a porn movie.

scarffiend Mon 28-Jul-14 20:28:01

First boyfriend, I could write a book on him! First one that pops to mind is me, looking for a bit of reassurance, saying to him 'I feel fat' (I know, I was a teenager!) and him replying 'well diet! Exercise!' He dumped me on our one year anniversary because he was cheating on me, but that was my fault. What a charmer!

At least 4 of them tried to impress me by hanging a towel off their penis as a kind of flag.

I got so fed up I gave the most recent offender's towelled cock a withering look and asked why men always did this? He never did it again.

Only1scoop Mon 28-Jul-14 20:33:26

I remember a date once....he produced these 'driving glasses' in his car....

They were in one of those snap shut maroon glasses cases my granny used to have.

He popped em on and turned to me....they were these hideous thick gold aviator style 'not in a good way' glasses ....with lenses so thick you could put a window through with....they were so big they covered half his face. He confessed he'd had them 10 years 'just for driving'
confused

LuisSuarezTeeth Mon 28-Jul-14 20:42:45

An ex of mine came downstairs one morning, starkers. I was on the sofa. He stood in front of me and without a word, started to gyrate his hips so that his cock flew round in circles.

"I like to get some air to it" he said.

For context, I'd been seeing him for 5 weeks.

MissLupescu Mon 28-Jul-14 20:43:51

Towards the end of one live-in relationship, I used to face the other way reading a book in bed to avoid sex with my ex. On a few occasions he would say something like "look at the picture in this book" and I would roll over and look up, only to find his cock resting in the pages of the book.

He really thought that would get me in the mood.

Only1scoop Mon 28-Jul-14 20:46:16

Read cringe....read cringe....

Only1scoop Mon 28-Jul-14 20:47:20

Miss L....that is actually quite funny....although v cringeworthy....

MissLupescu Mon 28-Jul-14 20:50:46

It was funny, he had a great sense of humour. But it would take more than a cock in a book to get me to have sex with him.

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