Please could you state one thing that your mother did with you that you will do/already do with your DD?(196 Posts)
I grew up without a mother so I feel like I have a giant gap where I haven't experienced a mother-daughter relationship.
As the mother of a daughter I now want to make sure I do all the things with DD that my mother might have done with me.
I would be grateful for suggestions based on your own positive experiences. What did your mother teach you about life, relationships, being a woman (and all the rest)?
Sounds lovely Curlew.....my mother took my sister and I to plays after school-we'd head over to the little alternative theatre in our school uniforms and see all sorts of wonderfully unsuitable stuff-I remember seeing Richard E. Grant in The Slab Boys before he became well known (that was perfectly suitable though!)
My mother did not realise the importance of making memories my daughter still remembers...
Singing at the top of our voice on car journeys, I particularly remember Patsy Cline "crazy". "All that she wants is another baby" and "it's got to be perfect". Very dated now but we still remember them.
Making fairy cakes one called cupcakes.
I am DSDs step mum and look after her full time, so doing these bonding things are really extra important for us.
I lay down on her bed after her story and stroke her face. We bake lots too. Go for after school picnics in the park.
You sound like a brilliant mum.
I sing and dance with ds all the time. Crazy stupid flail about with limbs everywhere dancing on a rainy day in the front room.
I sing him songs and tickle his back at bedtime.
We go blackberry picking and stop to have a look at all the various animals on the way and make up silly voices for them.
Chase him and tickle him until he begs for mercy
I don't remember my mum either and now have two sons. We start and finish each day in our bed. In the morning for cuddles and tickles etc and at bedtime for a story and chats about the day and cuddles. And I make sure to tell them every day how much I love them.
Baking with me from when i was old enough to stand up to the work top on a stool (2/3 years). Licking the spoon and bowl.
Always ready for a cuddle, even now at 28 sometimes only a hug from my mam will do. I cuddle mine constantly, even though DD2 is not keen and squirms away.
Made a fuss and looked after me when i was ill/had my period (i had awful heavy and painful periods until i had DD1) - made me a pillow & duvet nest on the sofa with a hot water bottle, hot vimto and a film. DD1 is going through similar with her periods atm and i do the same with her.
A favourite of mine and DD1's is on a night when DH is out with the lads after footy, we put the little ones to bed, order takeaway and have a musicals marathon - complete with singing and dancing
My mum wasn't very motherly, but I have amazing memories of cooking/baking with her mum.
I feel I missed out on doing hair, make up etc. Would have been good to have the chat about periods and shaving legs in a more positive light too
The thing that my mum did get right was being a mum first and a friend second.
Definitely reading; baking too. We had a lot of days out at museums and galleries - I don't remember doing anything child-centred (it would never have occurred to either of us to go to a theme park, for instance) but she did find a lot that we'd both enjoy. It meant that a lot of our days out continued into adulthood- I still miss them.
It's quite hard to remember what we got up to when I was as small as DD, so I improvise (and bake) a fair amount.
Be kind and empathetic to others
The thing that my mum did get right was being a mum first and a friend second.
Now as an adult this is the best gift she gave me.That and I always knew I was loved.Always.
My mum lost her mum when she was 6 and my Dad came from a household of fighting parents.They always made me feel safe and loved.
OP you will start your own new memories.
My mother taught me that she mattered. That she was not at the bottom of the pile in our family and that the whole world did not revolve around us children. (I don't think she did in consciously)
She did this by getting us to put our laundry in the basket, by laying the table, by sitting quietly at the hairdressers while she got her hair done, by always giving her the front seat.
She taught us that we mattered by always being there for us. She was and is utterly reliable. She came to sports day, she helped us with our homework, she read through our CVs and now I live 12 thousand miles away she comes to see me every year.
fruit picking, both farmed and wild. Every year in the summer we'd get strawberries, raspberries, peas, corn, currants and in autumn blackberries, bilberries, crab apples. we'd come home and mum would make blackberry and apple pie for pudding (for example)
days out. Educational ones or just run around ones.
Lots of cuddled and stories (mum did great voices) and lots of love.
Baking, and not just buns, scones but anything and everything.
I had a very happy childhood and everything was an adventure. I think mum made it an adventure. Nothing was boring, her enthusiasm shone through.
And she told me how proud she was of me.
I see her with my dd now and feel a pang but I can go through it all again by ensuring my dd has the childhood i had!
We didn't have much money growing up, but on my birthday every year, Mum and I went on a shopping trip to Norwich to buy me a lovely dress.
Also, on my 18th birthday, she gave me a charm bracelet with 18 charms on it. She had bought one each year. It was an amazing gift and something I have carried on with my own DD. I have just got her 5th one as its her birthday on Thursday. I cant wait until she is 18 to give it to her.
I have 2ds, i spend hours playing cars, harry potter and minecraft, even though i have no idea what i am supposed to be doing.
I cant remember my mom having the time to play with me, so i am hoping my boys will remember their mommy stupifying the dog and saving them from zombies.
My mother didn't do baking or fruit picking or any type of crafty activities really. And we didn't really talk about periods, shaving, make up etc (though she did help me pick out a great concealer when I started to get spots, which was sooo valuable).
But she did hug me lots, tell me she loved me, compliment me a lot (NB not just on looks) and talk to me, or rather listen to me, a hell of a lot. And she took what I told her seriously and didn't overreact, rather than having knee jerk rules and opinions. But still said no/told me off when she needed to).
oh and she read with me and did maths with me when I was little, and helped fish me out of a few coursework crises when I was older.
I don't think you can decide in advance that you will do X with your daughter - it all depends on what she is like, she might not enjoy X. The most important thing is listening and watching to see when she might need you.
We play homes, she pretends to be the mummy and I pretend to be the little girl.
My DD is nearly 4 btw, as she gets older I will teach her sewing (mending, dressmaking and embroidery), knitting and crochet if she wants to learn. If she's anything like me she will sit through it bored silly because although I use those skills now I much prefered taking car engines apart with my dad.
My mum and I didn't have the best of relationships, she never hugged me or told me she loved me.
The things she did teach me have been invaluable, she taught me to always stand up for what I believed in, to never accept discrimination of any sort whether it was happening to me or someone else.
She also taught me that a good book is always more important than housework.
We would have certain yearly rituals - the first year I knew there was no Santa (I discovered my accident) she let me go "late night" shopping with her, pick some of my sisters stocking fillers and go for some cake. It doesn't sound that big a deal but we didn't go shopping for fun a lot then. Even now, I'm almost 40 - we still go out one afternoon Christmas shopping, I take her to a "trendy" bar and get her tipsy on cocktails.
We did cooking a lot too.
My favourite memories with my mum though were the rare days we spent alone, i'm one of 8 kids, it didn't really matter what we did, even if it was just doing the shopping and taking the dog for a walk, what was important was that it was just the 2 of us.
Sometimes when Dad and my big brother were out we used to wait til my younger siblings had gone to bed, I'd read to my brothers while she read to my sisters then we'd tiptoe downstairs and have dinner together, usually scampi, chips and salad as mum and I love it and none of the rest of my family do, we'd put candles on the table and dim the lights, which we could never do when the others were around and Mum woud have a glass of fruit wine and I'd have strawberry squash with lemonade (or a small glass of wine and lemonade once i was a bit older) then we'd curl up on the sofa and read (or sit in the garden and chat if it was nice out) til Dad and big brother got home. I only have 2 chidren so get to spend a lot more time with each of them seperately than my mum did but DD and I still enjoy our little girls evenings.
My mum didn't have a very close relationship with her mum, so was determined to have a better one with me.
Difficult to isolate one thing, just mainly that my mum was always there for me. We talked loads (with my dbro too), she was fun and supportive.
She never gave me hang ups about my body (despite dieting herself, she never made it an issue and we didn't really notice her low-carbing etc.)
We are still extremely close and I can tell her anything.
Lots of baking - with me helping measure out, stir the mixture and of course lick the bowl.
Played all sorts of pretend games with me - buses on the stairs, ice cream man and shops.
Encouraged me to read and develop a love of books.
Was always there for a hug when I came home from school.
I tell me DD (2.5) every day that I love her. I encourage her to try new things. My mum is a worrier and I am fearful of lots of things. I am determined that DD won't be the same.
Baking - even if it was just one of those box kits it was lovely, and letting us lick the spoon! She had a Jane Asher book of birthday cakes and every birthday she would let my brother and I pick which cake we wanted and let us help her make it.
Surprises - Just little things like picking us up from school one snowy day with a new sledge in tow!
Make up and 'women's things' - I loved to loll about on her bed when she was putting her make up on and she would chat to me about day to day stuff. I preferred this to dinner time, sitting at the table type conversation! She was great about periods, went with me to choose san pro and spent ages talking to be about getting used to tampons!
Watching TV - We would always lie on the sofa together, even when I was a teenager. She would be behind and I'd lie in front. We used to watch 'big Thursdays' with new Friends and new ER!
My DD's are only 3 and 1 so only some relevant at the moment but I plan to do it all with them.
My mum was crap but I did learn how to change fuses/electrics/light bulbs etc early on because she was a single mum and had to do it herself, she didn't want me to rely on a man to do things for me. For being a knobber I'm glad she taught me how to do things
even though dp now does everything for me
I bake with both, have done since they could sit unaided. Ds is now 4 and can peel and chop carrots for dinner too whilst I help dd learn how to use a sharp knife and we cut broccoli together. We do this at our dining table so they can sit either side of me.
I read to the every night. They pick about 4 books each although ds us starting to like longer books now with less pictures and more words so I cut his quota down depending on chosen story length.
I try and get them out to parks and woods, my mum didn't do this with me by the way. We weren't allowed out of our garden. Looking back I do realise her illness stopped her from doing a lot.
My mum ever talked to me about sex, periods, boys etc. I'm talking to mine from a very young age so they don't hear playground whispers about it and so they can talk to me.
I will also teach dd how to apply make up when she is older. I fully intend to establish a pininterest board so she can see Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Emma Watson, vs Jordan, rihanna, miley etc...hopefully it will have the desired outcome.
Wow thank you all this is brilliant (and a little emotional!)
DD is 3.5 so we already do some of these things. Lots of dog walking, singing, dancing, cooking and baking.
I particularly love the ideas about body image, communication and being a mother first and friend second.
I'm a LP so our relationship can get pretty intense at times and I'm scared of messing it up by being a crappy main role model!
Thank you again, I'm so grateful
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