I think my neighbours have stolen my towel

(132 Posts)
DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 21:05:19

Things have been going missing from our washing line for a while. I think. There are gaps on the washing line sometimes when I go to bring my washing in but I can never remember what I've hung up so I just assume that I've just left a gap by accident.

DP has just gone to bring in our washing which consisted of a whole load of baby clothes and one towel. That's all. It was DP's favourite towel, a great big brown affair (sad, I know). It was definitely hung up but has now mysteriously disappeared from the line.

The line is shared by 4 flats (us included). I'm pretty sure it was one of our neighbours as it's an enclosed garden with no access from outside and a security door, but how the hell do I go about getting it back?!

PoirotsMoustache Fri 14-Mar-14 10:44:20

I know this is a zombie thread, but I've only just seen it, and I have literally just laughed out loud at:

'A spider once fell out of a sock he had been using, squished to death by DP's cock. He's never used one since. He literally fucked a spider to death.'

Thank you for brightening my Friday grin

am laughing so much at this thread that i have tears! grin

WafflyVersatile Sun 15-Sep-13 23:59:48

You're a nobody, hitching a ride on the coat-tails of Mr Bump's spiderdeathwank fame.

<drunkenly makes a swipe for the classics award and falls on face>

DaleyBump Sun 15-Sep-13 17:16:38

<wipes tear> I would like to thank my parents, for always believing in me sometimes. My neighbours, for not stealing DP's towel and of course, DP, for introducing us all to spider snuff porn.

ZingWantsCake Sun 15-Sep-13 16:47:50

you are destined for big things!

so young, yet already achieved so much! way to go girl! wink

DaleyBump Sun 15-Sep-13 16:46:28

Thanks Zing! grin

ZingWantsCake Sun 15-Sep-13 16:37:57

congrats Daley! thanks

DaleyBump Sun 15-Sep-13 15:10:19

Oh noooo! Classics! DP's spider snuff shame has been immortalised!

DaleyBump Sun 15-Sep-13 15:09:07

I got up this morning to find him wearing the Big Brown Affair like a cape. Please send help.

WafflyVersatile Sun 15-Sep-13 11:14:49

Check the papers for local towel shop break ins.

PedantMarina Sun 15-Sep-13 11:04:58

Oh, waffly, don't be silly! They never could replace the towel in time: all the towel shops would have been closed.

WafflyVersatile Sun 15-Sep-13 01:07:39

Is it definitely the same towel? It might be your neighbour borrowed it, killed it then performed a switcheroo in the hopes you wouldn't notice?

Also, as there were not enough things to worry about now I have to worry about twat death spiders. sad

PedantMarina Sun 15-Sep-13 01:05:28

Damn, if I can't even get a simple MN strikeout right, maybe I shouldn't be driving pregnant women around...

OP, call me tomorrow! after, like, noon

PedantMarina Sun 15-Sep-13 01:03:24

OK, I've had about 1.5 bottled of wine, but here I go. Hope you don't mind me pyjamas.

On the upside, we've got some naice smoked salmon for breakfast tomorrow, and live down the street from a naice bagel shop. Oh, and DP can cook a Full English like nobody--who's a southerner and wants to have functioning arteries--'s business...

DaleyBump Sun 15-Sep-13 00:58:11

I think you mean waddle slowly grin

MagzFarqharson Sun 15-Sep-13 00:55:46

Pedant she can't run, she's v, v preg. You'll have to go and pick her up.

PedantMarina Sun 15-Sep-13 00:54:51

But we'll leave the door ajar anyway.

PedantMarina Sun 15-Sep-13 00:53:50

Run! And come to ours (and bring the ham).

We live in South Essex. Text us when you're near.

DaleyBump Sun 15-Sep-13 00:29:24

Oh god. Pendant, it all makes sense now. Thank you for opening my eyes. Why did I have to ignore that text?! The Egyptian Cotton sheets are currently, crustily, residing down DP's side of the bed so I'll just have to let them go <sob>

My DC is currently squatting in my uterus so that's taken care of. It means I have my hands free for the ham.

I am truly thankful that you have made me see what a bastard my "D"P is. Thank you. flowers

PedantMarina Sun 15-Sep-13 00:24:58

Look, OP, I know that you're slightly mollified by the return of the towel, and sidetracked by the discussions of jizz socks and spiter snuff porn, but I'm afraid you have to face up to some hard facts, sorry to be the one to tell you:

Your [D(hah!)]H is an inveterate gambler.

He lost the towel to some loan sharks (that's what happened to Geoffrey Chaucer in Knight's Tale - it's in a film, so it must be true).

The fact that he was able to convince them that it was his favourite towel, rather than DC's, tells you all than you need to know about his immense acting skills, and that he's probably even now lying to you about how he didn't see it when he was taking the washing in.

Oorrrrr, oooh, just thinking about this now - have you recently had what seemed to be a guilt-ridden text from somebody purporting to be the OW? Why did you ignore that?!?!? Perhaps she stole the towel and then (after your [D(hah!)]H paid her (or the syndicate) off royally (please do check the DC's university trust funds...) the towel was returned.

Seriously, for all sorts of reasons EVERY ONE OF which, LTB! Run! Now! Stopping only to collect your 600 count Egyptian Cotton sheets and whatever naice ham you have in the fridge. Oh, and your DCs, if they can walk themselves - you can't drop the sheets or the ham for them, of course.

MagzFarqharson Sun 15-Sep-13 00:20:24

Thanks Zing, makes it all worthwhile! grin

ZingWantsCake Sun 15-Sep-13 00:08:22

Magz

grin I'm shaking with laughter at your last comment! grin

DaleyBump Sun 15-Sep-13 00:05:52

I'll blink once for yes, twice for no wink

MagzFarqharson Sun 15-Sep-13 00:05:03

OP, have you felt free to link the one about the dog and the curry and all the licking!

Are you ok?

DaleyBump Sun 15-Sep-13 00:04:57

Give it a lick grin

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