Five irritating things about staying with my inlaws(162 Posts)
MNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.
Sigh. Am four days into a visit to the PILs and am at the point of maximum irritation. They are lovely people, and I realise I am very lucky not to have married into one of the toxic families I read about on here, but nonetheless every visit results in my inevitable descent into tetchy madness by about this point. So for the purposes of catharsis, here are just some of the minor annoyances which are currently elevating my blood pressure:
1. They live in a three-bedroom house, but due to a moderate-level hoarding tendency, only their bedroom actually contains a usable bed. Me and DH have to sleep on a sofa bed downstairs, which is completely open plan. No privacy, no space to put any stuff, and the hum of the fridge all night. Just this lack of a cave to retreat to when it all gets too much is enough to make me a bit stabby by day two.
2. MIL serves up exactly the same meal every night, just with different meat at varying levels of cremation. She started boiling the veg thirty minutes ago and it isn't done yet. I would offer to cook but the kitchen is a total nightmare due to the aforementioned hoarding.
3. The shower is lukewarm and dribbly.
4. No mirrors, anywhere. Probably for the best as I am in dire need of a proper hot shower.
5. I'm made to feel like some kind of weirdo for wanting a glass of water with my dinner (or indeed at any time - tea is offered at 20 minute intervals from breakfast until bedtime). I have to drink my water from a mug because they appear to have no tumblers, despite their kitchen cupboards being stuffed with every other conceivable object known to man.
Thank fuck we are going home tomorrow. Anyone else want to vent about the small things that make you want to murder your relatives?
I love this thread! Just one to add from me:
You are only allowed a drink at the allotted times. It doesn't matter if you are thirsty and have just driven 2 hours to see them, you need to wait another 45 minutes until FIL is putting the kettle on again which means you will then have another 30 minute wait whilst he carried out the most long winded routine of making a cup of tea ever!
Now ex mil canno literally cannot go any where outside the home for longer than an hour without stopping for a "little sandwich" She's a slave to her diabetes,which is type two,tablet only diabetes then proceeds to embarrass us in resteraunts by insisting on diabetic pudding then fucking eats all everyone else's sugar laden concoctions in front of the poor waiting staff that she has harangued for a good ten minutes about her special bloody diet.
Tiny meals and I mean tiny.Ive had food poisoning twice from the muck she has reserected from the depths of the freezer and served.
Oh and her cat is neurotic god help you if you upset the cat.
My children when they visit with their dad come home starving and laden down with charity shop shite.
Oh and she gives the children one pound pocket money and can t understand why they are puzzled.She is loaded and very very careful about spending money on anyone but herself.
My ILs have to do everything together. Need some bread for breakfast? FIL about to get in the car to pop to the shop and get some, when MIL says "ooh, wait for me to have a shower, and I'll come with you". Really??? We just want some flipping bread and now we have to wait while you have a shower before you even go to the shop? Does he really need accompaniment to go the Co-op?!
These are fab!
My in laws are lovely an they're local so we don't really stay over, however I could write a book about staying at my own mums. Top 5 gripes are -
1. She goes to bed at 9pm, which means she wakes up at 6am (despite having no job) and doesn't make an effort to be quiet. We stay in her extension when we go and she does housework first thing so were often awoken by the Hoover going at 6.30am. I've asked her to do it later so we can sleep and she pretty much says if we weren't so lazy and got up earlier it wouldn't be a problem.
2. Her dog is an arsehole. Hes mums henchman and he rule the roost, he has his own chair in the living room which were not allowed to kick him off (we have actually sat on the floor before when there's no seats and he's on the chair). He also gets fed steak most nights whilst mum eats beans on toast. And he's very whiny an clingy, me and DH joke that if he could talk he'd suck up to my mum and tell tales on us all the time like a little snitch! Lol!
3. Mum is utterly obsessed with what time we get up on a morning. Due to her habit in point 1 she considers anything past 8am a lie-in. She lives abroad so when were there we very much consider it a holiday and so we don't get up before we're ready. Usually no later than 9am, and we'll walk through to the main house and she'll sarcastically pipe up "good afternoon!". Once, years ago, we decided to have a long lie-in, then we laid in bed
shagging talking before we had showers and watched a bit of TV. So it was 1pm by the time we went to the main house and mum was extremely pissed off. The best thing was the henchman dog was also in a mood too and refused to even look at me for the rest of the day!
4. There's a tradition in my family where, if you make a mistake once, they'll assume you'll make the mistake again forevermore. So I was once late for a family do aged 17 and now with absolutely everything I'm told "don't be late again like LAST TIME because it's very rude you know!". Were always ready on time and my mum and stepdad are still faffing on. They when the faffing finally stops they say "come on, we need to go you know!"
5. Mum is very into etiquette and her and her faux-posh mates throw dinner parties and similar contrived events which we have to go to when were there. If we don't get the etiquette right - such as the amount of kisses on cheeks (really is one kiss even necessary with strangers?!) - she gives me the "disappointed" look. She has friends who were
pen pushers in the navy and there's a tradition that Navy folk have about port (the drink) - something about passing it around the table. I was meant to be psychic apparently and know the rules of this tradition as when someone passed me the port I placed it back down after pouring myself a glass (rather than giving it to the next person). For the way mum banged on about it you'd think I'd taken a dump in the middle of the table.
Just as an aside my MIL has a shit shower too. Maybe in the UK when your son marries your shower naturally knackers???
When I visit MiL and SiL:
1) MiL smokes weed. I don't really care. However, when you choose to get stoned on Christmas Day then go to bed just before Christmas dinner is being served and then call down half-way through dinner for a ham sandwich your 'habit' becomes rather rude.
2) Being asked to lend them money within 2 hours of arriving. Every time.
3) Being fussy eaters. I can actually deal with that. What winds me up is assuming it's a family trait and telling me what the man I've lived with for 9 years does or doesn't eat and moaning at me for 'forcing' him to eat something which I know he likes but they think he doesn't because they don't.
4) Telly on all of the time. Sky + rules the roost. If you're enjoying a program but Sky + needs to record a different channel what you're enjoying is turned off and we all have to watch what's recording.
5) Having a go at me each time I give DS some fruit. It's really bad for his stomach, don't you know?
When PILs used to visit us (it's too far now that FIL is ill) we also had problems.
1 - We have an old back boiler in our old house. MIL would regularly empty the hot water tank (at least once a day) for a bath. Fine, but it was a bath that she'd stay in for less than 5 minutes. Grrrrrrrr. Eventually had to tell her that she couldn't do that and she'd have to shower like the rest of us, cos it was costing us a flaming fortune.
2 - They'd borrow my car when they were here (travelled by train here) and every single time, it would need work done afterwards. They'd burned out the brakes, or knocked the alignment out by bouncing of kerbs, or the windscreen wipers would suddenly not work. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
3 - They were equally rough with our furniture and fittings. They broke our built-in fridge. Now this was inherited with the house and I'd never do it myself, but we can't afford to change it and they broke the door off the thing!! Grrrrrrr.
4 - FIL would commandeer the telly and have it on sports. All the time. Thank goodness for Sky + so I could record what WE wanted to see and watch it when they'd gone.
Lets face it, I neither like being a visitor nor a host. I'm antisocial!
Oh my I'm bracing myself to visit the PILs at christmas. Fortunately SIL and her family live right next door so I'm working on hubby to stay with them!
1 - MIL believes that it is HER house and therefore she's free to go into the room we're in, looking at our belongings and shutting any windows I've opened (cos we both prefer it cooler).
2 - MIL believes that nobody could possibly be happy sitting reading by themselves. Oh No. They need to be "spoken to". Actually, make that "spoken AT".
3 - MIL is snappy and snarly and argumentative when she's stressed (which is all the time, cos FIL has Parkinsons and heart problems) and ends up driving us out of the house to get away from her, instead of letting us help her.
4 - Life revolves around cups of tea, buttered rolls and inedible meat and two veg type meals.
5 - Woe betide you if you crush a cushion, ruck a mat or drop a crumb on the floor. And books should always be kept on the shelf, even the one you're currently reading. Put it down to go for a wee, and it's on the shelf in seconds.
6 - MIL is, when relaxed, fun and funny and I hate seeing her stressed, but honestly, her behaviour was so bad last time we visited I almost came home alone after 2 days.
1. The smell of smoke
2. The bathroom window opens into the conservatory so any relaxing in the conservatory is punctuated with noises!
3. Their right wing rantings about immigration, the death penalty, gay marriage to name but a couple
4. The house is kept clean almost OCD style but open any drawer or cupboard and they are full to overflowing with rubbish so we have nowhere to put anything
5. Mil's "cooking". Gammon or beef in gravy with dissolve in the mouth veg. That's it, every time we stay
I could go on..........
Refuse to admit they are going deaf and TV always at top volume.
My mother is a cleaning obsessive and had endless, inflexible routines. She once demanded I get out of bed at 7 am, despite me having flu, so she could put my sheets in the wash. She would not take "No" for an answer.
My dad still treats me like a child, even though I am 45. He tells me off for such crimes as walking too loudly, for example.
They go to bed vv early and demand we do the same. One New Year's eve, they demanded we turn in at 7.30 pm.
1. FIL won't eat fruit or veg and likes everything cooked to a cinder.
2. House smells of cigarettes.
3. FIL v tactile and I am not - hate it when he hugs me. My problem, not his.
Can't think of anything else, they are lovely
I'm stuck home with a cold today and this thread has entertained me no end. Might as well add my own gripes...
My MIL is quite a feisty, opinionated old hippie type. Quite an interesting person, really, though totally different from me. We've always got along fine, but I think that's because of a mutual "must get along with this person!" kind of attitude and lots of polite talk about weather etc. These days we go to a B&B when we go over, but from past visits and daytime visits my issues are...
1. Smoking in the house. Not just cigarettes either, but weed. This is actually my only big issue. I have asthma so I can't stand it from the health point of view, and I really really don't want our clothes and stuff to stink of weed!
2. MIL is a vegetarian who never learnt to cook veggies. When she's by herself she lives on tea and toast, and when she cooks a dinner it's usually just a "soup" of water and overboiled, unseasoned veggies. I don't understand how she doesn't starve, the poor thing. We get sneaky 2nd dinners later after one of hers.
3. Constant moaning about how everything in the world is horrible, especially politics and capitalism and the establishment etc. Everything is out to get you and we're all doomed. It just gets a bit tiring after a while. Smile and nod...
4. She's not very hygienic and there's a lot of general grime, dust, cat hair and ash everywhere at her place. She also doesn't allow anyone else to help with washing up or tidying. I'm resigned to it and bring my inhaler and just try not to think about it.
5. Just to continue the tea theme. I don't really like tea, which MIL can't get her head around at all. It's all very Mrs. Doyle with the fecking tea. I always end up drinking gallons of the stuff just to be nice.
Really she's actually very nice and I feel a bit guilty moaning. I'm sure she'd have a long list of things that annoy her about me and our house, too. We're just so different.
As we are just about to visit MY family and I will feel appropriately guilty, I will take this opportunity to talk about HIS family.
1) Dribbly shower? Pfft. My ILS DO NOT HAVE a shower. Furthermore, they have a small boiler so I have to wash in a few inches of water.
2) They have twin beds of DIFFERENT heights pushed up against each other for us, and the lower one is sunken and the higher up one is super firm. We both cuddle fiercely in the night on the higher up bed trying not to fall out, under SINGLE sized blankets.
3) Although the house is clean, they are old, and I come across things they've missed, a hair in something, a smudge on my glass. I'm squeamish about this stuff. I am well behaved about it but I usually end up losing some weight because of not being hungry or wanting a further drink.
4) I'm not that educated about wine but I know how to choose something I'll enjoy, and it's more often than not NOT stuff from the 70's. They in turn are very kind and try to buy what I like, they get it wrong, and then we sit there drinking something none of us likes out of politeness. It took me years to get them back to buying the 70's stuff that they at least will enjoy and meanwhile I have turned to pale ales!
But can I really complain? My family? Hell, some are religious zealots who are similar to Mennonites and speak to OH about going to hell. Others are, perhaps unsurprisingly, Hell's Angels. The ones in the middle are ok but we have to sleep on the floor. Luckily the dog with the weak bladder has died since we were last there.
Op have you been staying at my gran's?
Other than the hoarding everything is identical.
We live too near my in laws to stay but five things that irritate me...hmm..
1. Ds's bedroom at their house is full of crap like stacks of fabric conditioner and crisps
2. MIL can only cook three meals even tho they are really nice
3. FIL and MIL treat SIL like a kid and have to be home to make her tea, take her to work etc. SIL is 19.
4. I can't think of anymore. I'm very lucky they are a lovely family and fab grandparents.
I do love my pils and having read many threads on here I know how lucky I am, but
1. MIL uses so much fabric softener that her towels have the absorbent qualities of plastic.
2. She is a very good cook (rarely consumes anything herself) but insists on getting in loads of shite for the DCs, then I look bad when I try to limit consumption of said shite.
3. They have recently moved house and replaced the spare mattress. Prior to that, we slept on a mattress which was more spring than mattress.
4. Their house contains no books.
5. DH and I have been together since we were 18. Now 36. Before we met, DH had a party and the house got a bit messy. We have occasionally had friends over when pils are away. Despite the fact we always leave the place spotless, we are reminded about the party...
Their shower is good though, unlike my parents where you have to run the cold bath tap to get the shower to work!
Reading these, I am amazingly starting to realise that my ILs' place is like a 5 star hotel!
Power shower. Three course meal of restaurant quality on arrival. Comfy, clean beds. 24 hour baby sitting service. Lots to do locally.
Only downside is that I am expected to produce similar when they visit. After 2 days, I've run out of steam and want to lock myself in my bedroom.
mine used to argue over whether i was fatter or thinner since the last time i saw them (FIL:thinner MIL:fatter)
I will add my 2c
1. My ILs are from mainland europe. They eat sandwiches with knives and forks because it is "good manners." They try and force my dc to do the same for the above reason yet MIL is known to lick her knife/plate at the table.
They shower at most once a week and wear the same clothes so stink a lot of the time. They visited us once in a heatwave and put a fan on. I was pregnant at the
time so this lovely smell being wafted round made me vomit.
They make a pot of tea with one teabag. It tastes like dishwater
MIL used to rearrange my kitchen cupboard contents exactly how things were at her house.
They are also hoarders. FIL wears hand me downs from dh when he was a young adult. They penny pinch day to day yet go on several extravagant holidays a year.
Whenever they come to us, they look at every nook and cranny to be nosey and see what is different.
I'm sure more will come to me but they are very odd. I've had quite a few shouts at MIL
Ooh, can I have 6? FIL sits watching tv picking his nose, ears or toes (boak)
1. That mil smokes. Fair enough, it is her house, I just wish she didn't smoke in the kitchen, immediately before a meal and leave dirty ashtrays out of the reach of the kids.
2. Having to look at the floor whilst walking around, to avoid dog or cat poo (likewise, their garden is covered in animal poo, so can't even escape smoke smell by taking kids outside for a kick around)
3. All of the food is out of date and meat is left out
4. In the spare bed, which is really old, both DH and I end up rolling in the middle
5. TV constantly on at full volume, that we can't even have a conversation.
This Christmas, we are staying in a hotel down the road, to try to minimise smoke inhalation at least overnight.
I love my pils to bits they are amazing, kind, generous people but these are a few bits that annoy me
1) we are not allowed to smoke their house their rules but we aren't allowed to smoke when they visit us and we only smoke in the garden anyway. It's fine for dp who's always working when they come down but I end up hiding in the wardrobe puffing on an e cig
2) they have a dribbley shower
3) toiletries do not live in the bathroom even when dp lived there he had to take wash bag and towel under his arm like he's in the army
4) dp had room inspections when he still lived at home and dmil is always cleaning our house so I guess I don't make the grade
5) they have veg with everything nothing wrong with that but leeks and lasagne?
Just to balance things, my Dad is a hoarder and frequently says we can't visit as there is "no room". This is in a 3 bed-roomed house.
With my ILs:
1. MIL has a thing about squirrels getting into house. In Summer if you crack open a window a tiny bit there will be a lecture on ninja squirrels coming in. I have tried to reason that they are unlikely to climb in over our sleeping bodies, and offering to remove any if required.
2. MIL will go into the bedroom we use (probably checking windows see above) and tidy stuff or talk when we are In Bed.
3. PILs have a mental combi boiler that means the shower runs cold if the hot is used in kitchen sink. This is very annoying.
4. PILS never ask us to go anywhere / do anything but will bog off to shops or whatever and just leave us. In self defence I go to meet friends if possible.
5. PILS always ask how we take tea / coffee and will whip a cup away if unattended.
Take hours and hours to go anywhere due to there anal procrastinating and endless showers.
Feed us tiny portions of ver basic food, no treats or side dishes.
Never get suitable food in for the children.
Eat like escaped convicts when they come to stay with us.
Polish off any treats we have in then tell us we need to buy more.
I actually don't go anymore and take perverse pleasure in allowing my food to run down just before they visit.
Hahahaa lesserspottedfuckwit, I'm honoured.
Passes you a steaming cup of milk & sugarless Lapsang Souchong ( which an ex boyfriend once christened 'Lapsapjapcrap') & gets the slideshow ready.
My in-laws are in general very lovely, we get on well and they are in general nice, kind, sane people. However, after a few days I do get the rage! My top 5 are:
1) There is no proper upstairs bathroom. FiL ripped it all out 6 years ago, shortly after my first ever visit to their house, intending to re-plumb it all himself. They have an en-suite so when they don't have guests there is no problem. It's still manageable as there is a spare shower (which does actually work!) and a downstairs toilet, but I swear I'm going to break my leg going to the loo in the dark one night.
2) There are also numerous other DIY projects that FiL has started and not finished. There is no ceiling in the kitchen, half the living room is undecorated, no carpet on the stairs etc. He is a total perfectionist and wouldn't trust anyone else to do the work, so suggestions that they just get an actual qualified tradesperson in to do all the relevant jobs are quickly crushed.
3) No TV and no wifi.
4) They are both retired and have always been morning people. DH and I both work long hours and love our lie-ins when not at work. So the fact that we don't want to be up and raring to go at 9am every day when on holiday means there are lots of grumbles about how the day has been wasted, how we're never going to see xyz properly in the time we have etc. I have tried repeatedly asking what their plans are for the next day, and said that if they want to leave by a particular time, we will be ready, but they always say "Oh no, get up in your own time" and then whinge when we do that.
5) They like wine. Great, I hear you say! But they are very serious about liking their wine. Everything has to be savoured and sipped and commented on at length. They seem to like very sophisticated French wines, especially Bordeaux, which tastes like gravel to me - my definition of nice wine is "something fruity around the £5 mark."
We never stay, but
House an utter bomb site - but DSs s get blamed for making a mess
TV on max volume and not turned down so you end up shouting - I've given up trying to make conversation and just select a paper from the extensive collection on the floor that dates from about 1972
My mum is also in possession of a dribbly shower. House stinks of smoke and she doesn't have her teeth in which drives me mad. She looks about 100 without them.
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