Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..
I have just trapped a nipple between two plastic laundry baskets and almost severed it. Unbelievably painful, unbelievably embarrassing to tell anyone about in RL!!
Make me feel better by telling me your humiliating mishaps? Happy to bask in the warmth of other's distress
Mine would totally out me. And DH's would as well. Might have to name change!
OMG absent, I am crying!
Mine's a bit pathetic compared with this lot... I sort of jumped athletically over the back of a long bench seat in a pub, to get into a gap, rather than ask about six people to move to let me waddle down between the table and the bench iyswim. I caught the toe of my very funky new pointy boots (this WAS 1980-something so give me a break) and shot head first over the table, send glasses, ashtrays etc flying, and gave myself an enormous black eye which lasted for three weeks.
Both dtds are now getting embarrassed by my snurkling noises so perhaps I should stop reading this thread?
Poured nail varnish in my own eye.
Roller skated over my own hand and broke my finger.
I've just given myself a nosebleed while reading this thread! pretty sure I'll have a black eye too. that'll teach me to lay in bed on my phone
foolserrand the exact same thing happened to me when I was a teenager, it bloody hurt! So you're not the only one <<reassuring shoulder pat>>
When my now DH and I first got together he was just coming out of a "dry spell", leading to him being slightly "over enthusiastic" when we went to bed. My nipples were bruised for a week from his affections! He's calmed down now. Mostly.
I lacerated my finger on a corned beef tin, the one with a key you twist round. Went right through the fat pad and was flapping open. The doctor injected several painful locals into the wound itself, the irony, before stitching it. Havent touched corned beef since, not even a ringpull.
On my lunch hour years ago and a cyclist rode his bike into me on the pavement. Thankfully due to my robust build he didn't knock me down just bruised my leg and my pride. To add insult to injury the incident was witnessed by loads of passers by and the only one to ask if I was ok was a very kind drunken tramp, and then I had to go back to work with a black tyre mark up my tan coloured skirt.
Oh yes, and I sewed through my own index finger with my sewing machine - the needle was so far in, I had to pull it out the other side with a pair of pliers.
Still makes me cringe now.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I've told this before on here but I shall wheel it out again for your enjoyment...
blind drunk after a night out (I was 19) climbed out of the taxi slammed the door and didn't realise until he started to pull away that I had jammed my thumb in the door. Had to trot along the street a few metres while banging on the roof with my handbag to alert him.
Poor taxi driver wanted to take me to A & E but I was "Oooh no it's fine really - doesn't even hurt".
Wrapped a tissue round it and went to bed - woke in the morning with a fat thumb and blood everywhere, then I did have to go to A & E
I hammered my own face.
I had borrowed my dad's hammer and was hanging it back up on a nail in his workshop. For some reason the nail was around 6foot up the wall so I had to stretch to hang it. I didn't hang it properly and it fell off and into my face.
I was fixing a hole in some jeans by hand but of course the needle was too thin and flimsy to go through the material.
So I stupidly decided to brace the needle against my thigh.
The fat end punctured my leg and got stuck. The popping sound when it came out was horrific.
No blood or anything, but I do have a weird dimple in my thigh muscle now.
I superglued ds's nativity costume to my leg.
I had left it to the last minute, it was the night before the big day, I had spent ages on it and when it was almost finished I tried to hold it up to admire the jewels and realised that it was stuck fast just above my knee.
The dilemma was which do I destroy, leg or costume? Well, I was that pissed off that I yanked it off my leg as there was no way I was going to wreck his costume after all that effort. It was a tiny area, just a few mm of skin, but my God what pain!
DP had some hot sauce at my birthday barbecue. He got it all over his hands putting it on his burgers. He did wash his hands but obviously some must have stayed like a weird nasty residue.
Later that evening, we went to bed. He thought he was treating me for said birthday.
It ended with me squatting in the shower almost in tears dowsing my foof with cold water and not-so-politely telling him he was a fool.
When dh and I were first dating, we finally got around to dtd, which was the end of a long dry spell for him; as he orgasmed he passed out, headbutted me, and gave me a massive black eye.
I was late for the bus one day after work (a new job). As I approached the main road, I saw the bus approaching the roundabout - about 200 yards from the bus stop. I never usually run for a bus as I have this image in my head of missing it and the whole bus laughing at my attempts as it goes on by.
Anyway, I decided to be brave this day and make a run for it across a dual carriageway type road. I was going to make it and was feeling a sense of achievement, when I tripped over the curb and went head first into the bushes.
The bus just drove on by while I was lying on the pavement (half in bushes) crying.
I ended up phoning work as I couldnt get up from the ground so had a lift home in the end. Was off work then for several weeks as I had chipped some bones in both my knees and then ended up with an infection from the cuts.
Romantic weekend away we were in the tub tiddly when I thought I'd get out the bath n try some sexy dancing one leg over the side slipped cracked fanjo on the bath landed so hard on the floor pooh shot out
Romantic it was not
Another nipple story...
When I was working in a do-it-all store in the pet section I was carrying two trays of dog food (those 24 packs of tins) to a shelf. On the way they started to slip a little so I brought up my knee to knock them back up my arms a bit. I'd done this many times before with no problems. This time, however, I'd done it so hard the trays separated, both of my nipples inserted themselves into the gap, and then the trays came together. That hurt an astonishing amount, actually.
StickyFloor you've just reminded me of the time I superglued my foot to the floor. I posted about it on MN at the time as well. I was trying that thing I'd heard, that if you have very cracked heels you can fill the cracks with superglue and they'll heal?
Yup, glued my foot to the floor, and it was under my chair IYSWIM. So I couldn't even get to it to cut myself free. After much wriggling I managed to snip some of the carpet, but I had tufts stuck to me for several days, they wouldn't even soak off
Boutiquemummy, I am crying with laughter.
My contribution - when very very happy
drunk I triped over my own feet into a wall and headbutted it, but instead of just falling over, I sort of slipped down it with my forehead in contact with the wall - it was pebble dash, so had a random bumpy graze all down my forehead for about 2 weeks.
Also have a massive friction burn down my left leg from soft play a month ago from taking dd2 on the long slide - surprisingly painful and looks terrible!
Omg these are so funny. Has brightened up may day considerably to read others misfortune rather than concerntrating on the chaos that is my 2 year old, puppy, kitten and pissed off mummy cat :'/
Age 2 I decided the best place for a toilet training seat was my head. I announced proudly to my Mum that I was a princess and I had a crown and everything!
several litres of veg oil and four neighbours later I was freed from my crown.
Age 35, took the kids to Dinosaur World on holiday. They had one of those wavy slides. It looked fun. Didn't bother with a mat cos those are for kids. The last wave sent me sailing skywards and I landed on my back, breaking my tailbone in the process. No position was comfortable at all. Couldn't stand, couldn't sit for about 6 months. Pure agony.
Age 39, arguing with DD over something ridiculous. Needing to get last word I follow her into her bedroom, unfortunately as she is slamming door in teenage paddy. Foot is in door as she slams. One night in A&E and a broken big toe later I had a DD who for all intents and purposes became my man slave for the next 4 weeks out of guilt
Did once have to take DS to A&E on Boxing Day to have a cactus removed from his foot. He'd managed to kick it with the top of his foot. I'd removed the spines but where they had been caused a reaction. Trying to explain to the nurse why he'd attacked a cactus was something else.
Have just embarrassed myself at work by snorting coffee up my nose while reading some of these posts!
I've always been very clumsy and accident prone but the most painful incident was when I fell over while having a snowball fight with the DCs and some of their friends. Didn't look too bad at first but the realised I had broken my wrist.
The shame came at the school gate when the DCs gleefully told everyone how it happened.
Heavily pregnant I was walking down the hill from the car park into work. It was quite a frosty morning and there must have been a patch of black ice. Next thing I know I'm flat on my back, sliding down the hill, as everyone going into work watches. I slid really fast right to the bottom of the hill before gradually slowing to a stop. I had to get onto all fours to get up and got a round of applause. Not one bugger helped me or asked if I was ok, they were too busy laughing. I was fine though. Slight bruising on my bum but my big winter coat and extra pregnancy padding protected me.
And just last week I was Mumsnetting on my iPad when it came loose from its cover and smacked me in the face, cutting my eyebrow quite badly. Blood everywhere and I've still got a black eye.
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