I can't believe this has just happened. Please share your embarrassing young child/public situation nightmares.

(150 Posts)
PirateJelly Sat 17-Aug-13 10:55:19

Still cringing at this as I type this blush sorry it's so long.

I suspected I had pulled my neck again last nite while bringing the washing in hmm and woke up this morning in agony and really didn't relish the idea of a whole weekend spent being unable to move my neck sad and an ever increasing annoying child to look after alone. Anyway rang my Doctors and was told to come in for 8.30 as they have a drop in surgery on Saturdays.

Just as we are about to leave DS (just 4) manages to wee all over his favorite spiderman pants and joggers while in the toilet. He then refused to wear any other pants or trousers. I was getting increasingly annoyed and frustrated and just told him to get himself dressed and wear what he wants as were in a rush. So off we go to the surgery with DS wearing only thin shorts (no pants) a chuggington t-shirt two sizes too small and his new school plimsoles. Honestly he looked such a sight that was embarrassing enough but I was in too much
pain to care.

Get to the Doctors, which was as expected extremely busy give my name etc and as soon as we sit down DS announces loudly he now needs a poo. So off we go to the toilet. As we come out DS bellows "I miss that pop mummy, it was my favorite pop ever" to which I mutter " you what?" hmm " yeah it reminded me of Reggie (our dog hmm) did you see it mummy it had eyes" he said sadly. Que him then tugging on my arm while I waited for another seat and repeating 100 times in an irratating, whiney voice "I really do miss that pop mummy" untill finally I snapped "ALRIGHT I GET IT!" to which a waiting room full of people all look up at me.

Finally get a seat and sit DS on my lap, he then proceeds to ask me every question which could ever enter a small boys head, along the lines of why do we get poorly, do mummys have boys and daddies have girls, why is that lady old, why is that boy fat? on and on with me growing more and more irritated and DS's bored at the waiting audience growing more and more interested blush.

Eventually a few more seats become free and DS decides to go sit it a free tub chair about 5 seats away. Picks up a Cbeebies magazine and sits quietly for all of ooh 2 minutes before letting out a very loud sigh and loudly saying "I do like my willy mummy it's much better than flaps isn't it?" a few people start smirking, the elderly lady next to him looks uncomfortable, so I gave him the 'look' and he goes back to looking at his magazine on his lap. I admit I wasnt paying him a lot of attention as it hurt just to turn my head to look at him, so I carried on looking at my phone.

I noticed a slightly gazed look in his eyes but tbh was just glad he was being quiet. All of a sudden he loudly announces "Mummy, my willy's gone all hard" I shushed him and asked quietly did he need a wee? "No mummy, I've been pulling on it and now it's like sword" no exaggeration every pair of eyes in the room was on me and I thought I'm gonna go mad here in a minute. DS sensing my annoyance decided to try and tip me over the edge and started laughing and singing "willy, willy, willy, hard, hard, hard" "smelly mummy, stupid mummy,yes, yes, yes" I thought I'm going to have to take him outside and have a word but felt in a difficult postion as although the cheekiness wouldn't be tolerated I didn't really want to punish him for touching himself but needed to explain it wasn't appropriate in a Doctors waiting room full of people!

Just as I was gathering up my things, finally my name was called, so I sharply told DS to come along and as he jumped down from the chair a small boy sizes semi on could clearly be seen through his shorts. DS thought this was hysterical and as a finally to his shocked audience decided to do a silly walk including hip thrusts out of the room blush shock

By the time we finally made it to the Doctor his shorts area was back to normal but I most certainly was not. I think a combination of the embarrassment, pain and strong pain killers I had taken finally took it's tole and I came over all funny, so much so the Doctors thought I was going to faint! Luckily he took sympathy on me and prescribed me some diazepam, without which I honestly think I would have strangled DS. When we got outside I told him don't EVER behave like that again to which he relied innocently "What mummy?"

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a child like this? And how can I prevent an incident like that ever happening again? (except never leaving the house or having to constantly main line Valium confused

PirateJelly Sat 17-Aug-13 10:58:05

'poo' not pop, stupid phone!

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Sat 17-Aug-13 11:04:26

Oh now that is priceless grin

Sorry but compared to that, I have nothing!

Will you be printing this out and placing it somewhere safe to show him when he's older?

MikeOxard Sat 17-Aug-13 11:04:42

OMG, that is fucking hilarious!! I bet everyone in the waiting room enjoyed it and it made them feel better. Once you stop being in pain, you'll appreciate how funny it was I think. Hope you feel better soon. x

RedPencils Sat 17-Aug-13 11:05:22

Poor you <snigger>.

A few years ago we were having an extension built. I was in the middle of bollocking the builder, DS piped up 'mummy's wearing a black bra today'. Completely took the wind out of my sails.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 17-Aug-13 11:07:45

Dd can't speak. .she is nearly 7..she likes to grab people instead.

She grabbed a womans boobs as we passed her on stairs and the worst was when she grabbed a dads arse as we stood behind him at nursery..he turned round to see me of course.

She tries to take babies food from their plates and will go and grab people's cutlery in cafes.

I am a shy retiring type too

Thisvehicleisreversing Sat 17-Aug-13 11:08:16

Laughing so hard at that!

You poor thing but your DS sounds brilliant grin

Hope your neck gets better soon. thanks

littlewhitebag Sat 17-Aug-13 11:08:35

I know you are in pain and mortally embarrassed but i can only say that your post made me laugh. That's kids for you. They can be relied on to act like that just at the wrong moment. He would have known your defenses were down and the more squirmy and annoyed you got the more he upped the ante.

You need a cup of tea, some cake and some diazapam. DS needs a quiet moment in front of a DVD. Calm and order will prevail.

newestbridearound Sat 17-Aug-13 11:09:11

Hilarious! On the plus side your son probably cheered up several people feeling very poorly this morning smile

I have nothing that can compete with that gem I'm afraid!

NachoAddict Sat 17-Aug-13 11:10:13

Oh no what a nightmare.

The worst I have had was ds asking on a crowded bus how he got out of my tummy and was it hard work.

Weegiemum Sat 17-Aug-13 11:12:55

Only close thing is my dd1 stripping naked on the bus while I was feeding ds.

Allthequeenshorses Sat 17-Aug-13 11:15:42

Laughing so much at that! My lovely nephew mortified my sister-in-law at his first day of nursery age 3.5. He walker past the teacher who was bending down, slapped her on the bum and said "foxy lady". That was followed by a beautiful smile.

We have absolutely no idea where he got that from. She arrived to collect him and the staff were in stitches recalling the story. She said she almost fainted with embarrassment.

absentmindeddooooodles Sat 17-Aug-13 11:16:07

Ih poor you! I have a ds exactly like this. Hes 2.4 and........just lives to embarrass me! He once used a display potty in the middle of a shop before I could get to him. ( had to buy the massive damn sparkly princessy thing...so embarrassing)

A couple of days ago we went to the shop across the road. He is currently being potty trained so everything is toilet humour. ( joy) . So, we start going around the shop. Him helping me put things in the basket etc and he pipes up....mummy I have a reeeeeeally big willy. So I smile and nod and say thats lovely but lets talk about it at home. Carries on telling everyone we pass how lovely his big willy is and would they like ti see it? Que many mortified younger shoppers edging away.

Managed to gwt him to the till while shushing etc. I let go if his hand to grab the carrier, he runs to the front door where theres a few people coming in, pulls down his shorts and starts trying to do sime kind of windmill impression. H3 is literally a ninja so had to chsse him round three aisles trying to catch him. Shorts at this point are ling gone. He then got so excited that he peed everywhere. Then stood there screamed and shouted. Look mummy you made me loose my wee. Now my willy is not big. Small willy waaaaahhhhhh.

I grabbed my bags while trying to offer to clean up and just got the worst looks feom everyone. Not one of my best days!!!!

MissMarplesBloomers Sat 17-Aug-13 11:16:44

PMSL here......little monkey, bet he loved the attention!! grin

My embarrassing moment was when DD2 (now 16) about 18months old discovered that the poppers on my favourite ie comfortable & very old maternity shirt were nice & easy to pull open if you grasped the shirtails while Mummy had you sitting in the trolley in ASDA....even more fun when Mummy had forgotten to put a t-shirt on underneath & flashed grey bra'd boobage at the whole of the fruit & veg aisle. blush

PirateJelly Sat 17-Aug-13 11:17:00

Thanks for the replies grin I think the Valium has finally kicked in as I'm now smirking like a loon buy feeling weirdly shaky confused

DS has been very sweet since we came home and keeps saying " I do love you mummy, you're sooo pretty" like Jekyl and bloody Hyde that boy hmm

MissMarplesBloomers Sat 17-Aug-13 11:18:29

PS - Hope your neck is better soon with the lovely Valium!!

SPBisResisting Sat 17-Aug-13 11:21:24

PMSL, sorry
If there was anyone in there who has a child under the age of ten they will be reliving their own glorious moments in full technicolour - does that make you feel better?
Hope your neck is better soon

PirateJelly Sat 17-Aug-13 11:21:25

PMSL at "foxy lady" that's just what DS would do! And actually just snorted at absentminded fantastic grin

scotlass Sat 17-Aug-13 11:30:12

Oh dear, poor you. That made me really laugh though grin

I had one of those moments walking round Tesco last night. DS age 4 legs wouldn't walk so was sat in a small trolley with my few bits of shopping. Thinking nothing of it I chucked in some Lilet tampons. For the next few minutes I had him brandishing them at me asking mor and more loudly 'but mummy what are these for?' No way was he satisfied they were for ladies. Could see a few sniggers from passers by. blush

Cheesyslice Sat 17-Aug-13 11:30:25

<wheeze>

That is excellent. I am mortified on your behalf.

NationMcKinley Sat 17-Aug-13 11:44:48

This may not be what you want to hear but from the bottom of my heart, thankyou!! I've had a crap week and your little tale has made me feel loads better. Have some flowers and cake to go with the diazepam! Oh, and I have 3 small boys too so I have plenty of tales to add. Here's one in fact: the other day we visited a family friend who's severely disabled, her prognosis is not good sad. She has a gorgeous assistance dog who DS1 (6) adores. We're all sitting and chatting when all of a sudden he pipes up with "x? When you die, can I have y (dog) please?" shock Tact is not his strong point...

PirateJelly Sat 17-Aug-13 12:19:35

scotlass that just reminded of something DS did the other day. I have this small round tin containing 8 tampons and DS kept asking to look in it but I told him it was empty ( it was in the bathroom cabinet, so he couldn't get it) the other day he was in the bathroom with my mum and i heard him instructing her " yes those ones, mummy said I could have them" he then let's out a squeal of pure delight on opening the tampon tin and runs into the bedroom absolutely delighted at his find "ah bullets" he proclaimed " I knew it, I'm having those" and put them in his pocket!

Thank you for sharing your stories it's cheered me up no end. Although him being sweet lasted all of 5 minutes he's now back to his repetitive, annoying self grr.

MummyPig24 Sat 17-Aug-13 12:28:51

I'm sorry, but I did laugh a little bit. My kids have embarrassed me in sooo many ways. It's their purpose in life. I hope your neck feels better soon, but you are not alone!

strokey Sat 17-Aug-13 12:35:38

This isn't really funny at all. My old neighbour came over at Christmas with presents for the children. She was really lovely like that.

Children open the presents and as she was leaving they give her a hug and my then 4 year old says "Mummy says you are fat"

I didn't know what to say so I just said nothing. I cried afterwards and it still makes me sad now. She was enormous, could barely walk, and he mustve overheard me talking to my husband, but never in a nasty way.

I feel so awful, she was so lovely. Id give anything to wipe that out of history.

MyLittleFinger Sat 17-Aug-13 12:37:45

How mortifying I'm cracking up here though, just so funny.

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