What's the worst/funniest thing that a man has ever said to you after having sex?

(261 Posts)
makemineamalibuandpineapple Wed 14-Aug-13 22:34:01

I had been having a fling with a guy I had met online. He had come over and we had just DTD 5 times!! It was 3am and I was showing him out and he said "We'll touch base" grin I thought, "I'm never going to see this man again". And guess what, 3 years later I still haven't. Thankfully I am now loved up with my lovely bf but that still makes me chuckle whenever I think about it.

Crying with laughter at " my seed " and take that

KingJoffrey Thu 15-Aug-13 00:59:30

"Not bad, I'd give it a solid 8.5/10"

WTAF

Darkesteyes Thu 15-Aug-13 01:00:31

My ex OM said "Its coming its coming. I cant stop it. EVERY single time he came.

I think i want him back sad

Chibbs Thu 15-Aug-13 01:05:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 15-Aug-13 01:13:33

IMMEDIATELY after it finished he said "you do know I only did this to get back at my ex don't you so it won't be happening again" shock

Mynewmoniker Thu 15-Aug-13 01:14:26

Was he a mute Chibbs? grin

Darkesteyes Thu 15-Aug-13 01:17:04

Sparkly.....what a git.

KingJoffrey Thu 15-Aug-13 01:18:22

I'm female btw, in spite of my name. And yes he was talking about my vagina hmm

UnitedZingDom Thu 15-Aug-13 01:20:56

"that's it, I can't do this again, this baby better come out soon!" said DH when I was 9 days overdue and we'd just had sex after sweep! grin

(baby was born the same day, so it worked)

Sparklysilversequins Thu 15-Aug-13 01:22:10

I was very upset at the time, it was just so unnecessary. However I knew his ex vaguely and when out one night ran into her and told her what he had said. She was disgusted by him and really sorry for me and refused to ever speak to him again. She and I became very good friends actually.

He was marking you on your vagina KingJoffrey? Woah. It would be rude but slightly more understandable to mark the whole sex thing overall, but to mark a piece of your anatomy?!

Secretswitch Thu 15-Aug-13 02:19:05

Oh God can you feel me pumping you full of my love?
Why yes..yes I can..
What else could I possibly have said?

AnotherStitchInTime Thu 15-Aug-13 02:20:41

Worst thing: "If only you were black"

Post-coital racism is always a turn off I find.

differentnameforthis Thu 15-Aug-13 02:54:07

Worst - I'll leave the money on the table in the morning (was late at night)

This was dh, for some reason after the deed, he realised that he hadn't given me the money he took out the bank for me on his way home from work, and choose that moment to tell me where he would leave it.

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Thu 15-Aug-13 02:55:02

kinNora What, are you a velociraptor or something?

livinginwonderland Thu 15-Aug-13 07:28:43

Some of these are brilliant.

I once slept with someone who answered the phone to his MOTHER about five seconds after we'd had sex and had a fifteen minute conversation with her hmm

Im still in bed and lolling at some of these grin.

The fountain and donkey shrek voice men are cracking!!

NutritiousAndDelicious Thu 15-Aug-13 07:41:46

'It's alright, don't say thank you' wink

It's alright mate, I wasn't going to hmm

antsypants Thu 15-Aug-13 07:46:08

Technically it was before, but ons said (whilst undoing his jeans) "don't be intimidated" ... I wasn't grin

TallulahBetty Thu 15-Aug-13 07:52:39

Crying at "drink from my fountain" grin grin grin grin grin

bootsycollins Thu 15-Aug-13 07:57:17

Remember that 90's song that goes "whoop there it is". My friend announced this post shag over a decade ago and is still cringing grin

I like saying "Finish him" in a Street Fighter voice and "Thar she blows" in a pirate voice.

This will out me totally be I cba to name change.

My now DP once (while wearing a glow in the dark condom) sang a Starwars parody of American Pie to me while dtd. I found it fucking hilarious.

He's also had mid sex dancing session to 'sexy and I know it' when my phone started to ring with that song. grin

I <3 his so much. smile

WandaDoff Thu 15-Aug-13 08:22:13

Actually LOLing at some of these grin

BinksToEnlightenment Thu 15-Aug-13 08:28:33

Once, during - DURING - sex, the guy stopped, sniffed the air and then announced "I think the cat just farted."

ArtisanLentilWeaver Thu 15-Aug-13 08:28:50

I had a lovely, very Withnail type friend who once staggered in demanding gin after suffering "A serious case of Post Coital Revulsion".

I think his ONS bed partner had asked to marry him. grin

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