Memorable poos in inappropriate places..

(172 Posts)
TinyGang Tue 13-Jun-06 15:40:24

Children have no decorum have they?

Poet John Betjeman is a great favourite of mine and I once had the opportunity to visit his house on holiday once. Dd was very young and christened the whole visit - or perhaps expressed her opinion of it - by doing an almighty great pooey nappy and we had to leave smartish as other visitors were surreptitiously sniffing and looking sideways at each other.

I never thought I'd be mentioning the great JB in the same breath as this

We also had a rather unfortunate episode in Osborne House under the austere gaze of Queen Victoria's portrait

You and your kids? Where have they brought you down to earth with a bump in their time honoured way?

Cappucino Tue 13-Jun-06 15:45:37

first lunch for many many years with estranged natural father, his girlfriend, and assorted half-brothers and sisters

dd sat in her high chair and went red. and red again. and red. and made 'ooof' noises

JanH Tue 13-Jun-06 15:48:59

DD1 aged 2½, on floor in corner of room at friends' wedding reception sit-down dinner...

TinyGang Tue 13-Jun-06 15:49:46

Excellent!

Marina Tue 13-Jun-06 15:50:59

Dd regularly and highly audibly filled her nappy whenever we visited our local public library. Didn't matter what time of day.
Dh and I are both librarians and took issue with our daughter effectively crapping on our profession
The library staff thought it was pretty funny!

meowmix Tue 13-Jun-06 15:51:15

We took DS to a wedding when he was about 8 months and shortly after his first taste of pureed brocoli. The bride held DS for one of the photos (she likes the idea of herself as a gentle soul). DS filled his nappy with the most repellent substance ever and although he didn't get any on her she had a faint pooey whiff all day after that.

Marina Tue 13-Jun-06 15:51:46

Godson went megavoid during a hushed and dare I say po-faced guided tour of Angers Cathedral...

KommandantColditz Tue 13-Jun-06 15:52:42

What is it abut libraries? They have always been turd-triggers to ds!

Gingerbear Tue 13-Jun-06 15:52:56

naked 13 month old on balcony of rented apartment in spain. It rolled off towards the drainage hole and almost landed on an unsuspecting sunbather on balcony below.

meowmix Tue 13-Jun-06 15:54:22

Gingerbear! classic!

Marina Tue 13-Jun-06 15:54:24

Colditz
I wonder if it is the lighting...
I can report that most people seem to have grown out of this tendency once they reach adulthood

Marina Tue 13-Jun-06 15:55:05

gingerbear - fabulous, although if I was the mother in question I might not have laughed quite so long and loud

TinyGang Tue 13-Jun-06 15:55:18

Extra points for style to Gingerbear junior

Love these, keep 'em coming all long suffering red faced mums.

meowmix Tue 13-Jun-06 15:57:06

not that inappropriate a place but following on from the poo on people.... DS got badly constipated and a friend did some reflexology nonsense on him to no discernible effect - till 3 days later I was stood changing his nappy and he just let fly (think muck spreader). when it stopped I shouted for DH who then had to clean the outline of his wife in poo off the wall.

he likes to tell people that at dinner parties

Cappucino Tue 13-Jun-06 15:58:53

lol at outline of wife

Furball Tue 13-Jun-06 15:59:51

DS was 12 months just about to be christened and did the smelliest poop ever! We did feel sorry for the vicar!

Whizzz Tue 13-Jun-06 16:00:17

We have a great photo of DS having a poo on his potty in a forest somewhere around Barcelona. We flung the contents into the woods (as the ground was too hard to bury it) - hope no one was camping nearby!

nursetigger6 Tue 13-Jun-06 18:02:05

crying and lol so bad my ribs are hurting at meowmix! (sorry for you though)

FrannyandZooey Tue 13-Jun-06 18:08:46

We do the library thing too - a friend says it is because it's quite warm in there.

Whizzz Tue 13-Jun-06 18:12:46

This is one of my favourite thread titles by the way!

niceglasses Tue 13-Jun-06 18:14:20

In that awful in between phase when you have to make decision as to whether to put a nappy on to go out for the day or take 4095039475 changes of clothes, my ds2, minus nappy did a maginificent poo in a stuffy National Trust property. Talk about sniffy looks and tutting.......

Blu Tue 13-Jun-06 18:22:20

I absolutely refuse to take DS (4) on the London Eye because I know that no sooner had the capsule door locked shut and we were heading for 45 mins in the sky, DS would say 'I need a poo'.

We have been guilty of some awful crimes against public rubbish bins, with a tesco carrier bag of poo.

TinyGang Tue 13-Jun-06 22:36:58

Bumping for more

onlyjoking Tue 13-Jun-06 22:58:08

my fav was when the health vistor called round, we were trying to get a referal for DS as we had some concerns about him(he has autism) one of the concerns being that he he used to empty the poo from his nappy, anyway health vistor took little notice of our concerns commented on how good he was as he had managed to undo her briefcase, as she was stood on the doorstep about to leave i noticed a huge poo placed very neatly on the top of her shoe, i did the only thing possible and said nothing, i then noticed the poo smears on her briefcase, i waved her off and funnily enough we didn't ever see her again she did do the referal thou!

poppiesinaline Wed 14-Jun-06 09:56:04

PMSL at these. Especially Gingerbears and Meowmix! Fab.

We flew for the first time with DS2 last summer. He was 3 months at the time. On both outward and inward flights during takeoff he did the biggest, smelliest poo ever. Stank the plane out and of course we couldnt go to change him until the seatbelts lights had gone off. And have you ever tried changing a baby in one of those plane loos!? I made DH do it. On the flight home DS2 did TWO poos. The second time DH went to change him the poo had gone down DS2s legs, up his back... you get the picture. While changing him DH dropped the clean nappy, put his hand on DS2 to bend down to pick nappy up (remember in very small aeroplane loo) and DS2 prompty weed, all over DH, all over the walls and floor. DH came out looking very disheveled and very wet.

popsycal Wed 14-Jun-06 09:59:48

ds2 aged 3 months during the vows of a very serious and religious friends' wedding. Nice loud farty type breast fed baby type poo
to make matters worse, his nappy leaked on my skirt. Lucky I had brought 3 changes of clothes for us all in my paranoid state!

meowmix Wed 14-Jun-06 16:42:11

oh god poppiesinaline... that is brilliant!

MaloryTowers Wed 14-Jun-06 16:47:25

dd2 ddi one on the side of the a30 near bodmin in half term

In the S of France on a VERY hot day when dd was about 11 months old. Shopping in the supermarket with a friend and her kids. Excruciating smell of poo as we were just about to finish so I said to friend UH OH dd has done a poo, let's pay then I will go and change her.

Friend was unloading stuff from the trolley and she put something on the conveyor belt. A perfect cube. She said "what's that, pate?" - sniffed her fingers and said "omg it's shit"...

I looked down and a massive poo had come out of the side of dd's nappy, fallen throught a wire bit of the trolley (cutting it into a cube) and the front of the trolley was COVERED in poo.

AND the poo was sitting ON THE CONVEYOR BELT

I didn't stop laughing for about 5 hours

cupcakes Wed 14-Jun-06 17:08:21

cube of pooh!! <wipes tears away>

Blu Wed 14-Jun-06 17:08:34

CD - oh....priceless!

Anchovy Wed 14-Jun-06 17:11:16

DS did an enormous sort of smushy one when we were in Peter Jones having a very civilised coffee in the lovely skyline coffee shop on the top floor, which must have been open for about 2 weeks after a major refurbishment. Quite neatly, a lot of it just went down his leg and into the airconditioning vent that runs around the windows.

We nonchalently mopped up what we could with some paper serviettes and legged it.....

PandaG Wed 14-Jun-06 17:13:17

This thread has really made me laugh out loud, only sorry I can't contribute it, can't think of any memorable poos that are dreadful enough!

TinyGang Wed 14-Jun-06 17:17:03

Me too Panda! You don't get this from Dr Miriam Stoppard baby books!

Californifrau Wed 14-Jun-06 17:24:43

ds1 code browned in the registry office when we were registering his name. nearly ended up with stinky as a 4th name!

peanutsmum1 Wed 14-Jun-06 19:19:13

pmsl toooooo funny

Mirage Wed 14-Jun-06 20:24:29

OMG these are so funny.DH was on the phone to his mum whilst I was reading these & I laughed so much that I had to go & stand in the conservatory to calm down.I have tears running down my face.

WestCountryLass Wed 14-Jun-06 22:51:04

DS is a naturist and used to take his clothes off all the time, any time, any place, any where. We were sitting by the lighthouse on Portland Bill having a coffee and he took his clothes off and was running and leaping around and as he ran past us a poo shot out of his bum and he didn't even pause for thought.

He did the same when I was at a park in Bath, I was on a meet up with some online friends and we were watching the boules and he ran past this elderly couple and he shot out a log right in front of them. I was so embarrassed picking up this poo with a wetwipe in front of them and then he went and wee'ed up the side of the bench they were sat on.

Callmemadam Wed 14-Jun-06 23:28:22

My friends ds aged 2 was in Focus DIY with us and told his mum he wanted the toilet. She told him to wait a minute while we looked at showers, and then when we got into the carpark she asked him if he wanted to go and he said' no Mummy, I done it in the shop toilet' ! We never dared go back to check which of the bathroom displays he'd selected!!!

beansontoast Wed 14-Jun-06 23:45:58

i too am wiping tears away...oh my god...i love Countessdracula's 'whats that pate...omg its shit!'







cube of poo ...im in stitches

trinityrhino Thu 15-Jun-06 08:17:21

'cube of poo' ROFL



hven't laughd that much for weeks, thought I was gonna wet myself

kate100 Thu 15-Jun-06 08:34:31

'cube of poo' and 'OMG it's shit' ROFL and cannot stop! Haven't laughed so much in ages

I took ds1 for his first haircut and as we were in a hurry I left the change bag in the car. As I walked over to him to put him on the chair he starting going red and grunting. His first haircut was accompanied by the stench of poo, I'd taken the camera but left very quickly so that particular memory has not been recorded for posterity. Not that I'll forget it

monkeytrousers Thu 15-Jun-06 08:36:55

lol at megavoid - where's that from?

monkeytrousers Thu 15-Jun-06 08:48:08

ROTFL Westcountrylass!

acnebride Thu 15-Jun-06 09:00:03

this weekend we were staying with friends of dh's, really nice but the wife of the couple is quite neat and hygienic. we were in the garden - children playing happily naked. ds disappears inside the house. dh follows to see what he was up to. comes back saying 'he told me to go away'. i realise at this point that i have done too much of the potty training as dh has no idea that 'go away' is code for 'i'm about to drop a huge one'. Belted inside without saying anything to find trail of turds through the entire house. Cue race with loo roll, scrabble through strange sink cupboard to find carpet cleaner (thank God they had every cleaning substance known to mankind) and Jcloth, scrub carpet, throw cloth in bin, turn round to see ds peeing on the sofa.

Marina Thu 15-Jun-06 14:01:55

I have just been weeping with laughter at these. I think CD needs to brief gggl so that dd3 can oblige in similar fashion the next time they are so horrible to her in Carrefour.
And as for acnebride...
Ds caught me reading this last night and has asked me to post about the time dd crapped in his Combat Carl helicopter. He has never really recovered and neither has the toy...ahe filled the whole cockpit. Sort of stench bombing really.
Megavoid is ds too btw monkeytrousers

Earlier this year, my sis, her dh took my parents and my dd2 for a London Eye ride. About 5 mins before the end of the ride dd2 did a poo in her nappy .. stunk out the capsule!!

NomDePlume Thu 15-Jun-06 14:08:54

I'm crying with laughter at babyDrac's cube of poo.

MerlinsBeard Thu 15-Jun-06 14:15:15

Thank you for this thread, haven't smiled in days.

DS1 was a very poo-ey baby and when the HV came to do the usual newborn checks at home she picked him up, put him in the scales and as she was giving him back to me ther was a HUGE enormous yellow streak down her WHITE top , i was mortified!!

DS2 was constipated and as DP was taking his nappy off one night DS2 fired out 'pellets' at DP!!

poppiesinaline Thu 15-Jun-06 15:36:25

ROFL Oh this thread is so funny

"Cube of Poo" I havent laughed so much in ages

TooTicky Thu 15-Jun-06 15:54:34

Every Thursday, ds2 and I would go to sainsbury's for a wee before going to the library. Shortly after arriving at library, he would need a poo so we would rush back to Sainsbury's only to find it was just a wee or nothing at all. And then, on returning to the library he would invariably poo his pants. So back we'd gp to Sainsbury's...
This went on for a few weeks, possibly 2 months, but it seemed like YEARS!

Northerner Thu 15-Jun-06 16:03:41

Cube of poo is hilarious CD!!!

When my ds was about 2.5 and on day 4 of wearing pants I had to go to work and leave dh in charge of potty training. I gave him lots of instructions about regular toilet visits, don't go too far from home, blah blah blah. So, in his wisdom, dh decides a trip to The American Golf Discount store is required (aprox 35 minute drive). Hos ds got there without weeing I'll never know but he did. Once in the store dh was so engrossed in the latest new driver he lost ds. As soon as he realised he got the 2 guys who work there to walk around the store and help searh for ds. Dh was just starting to panic when one of the guys shouted he'd found him. Dh said as soon as he saw ds's face he knew he'd pooed. He positioned himself in the middle of the window display and filled his pants.

Dh was so embarassed an dhad to use their staff loos to clean him up, and he'd gone out with no spare pants or clothes.

Marina Thu 15-Jun-06 16:05:11

Discussion of the day if not quote of the week "cube of poo...that's not pate, it's shit", PLEASE, Mn HQ!

TinyGang Thu 15-Jun-06 21:22:11

These are better than I could have hoped for Thanks everyone. I was giggling to myself about the cubed poo pate in the car today Just thought I'd bump it again.

I have remembered another one. How could I have forgotten the time we went on holiday and ds pooed in his welly boot (unknown to us). We looked high and in the caravan trying to trace the smell blaming drains and previous occupants and ready to complain to the site office.

Eventually it rained and we discovered the awful truth when ds put on his welly with a squelch.

beansprout Thu 15-Jun-06 21:28:29

Cube of poo - fantastic!

Rhubarb Thu 15-Jun-06 21:31:11

Ds was a genius as a baby of doing one of those up-the-back-and-in-the-hair poos when out and about with no change of clothes. I remember one time some mum with a heart came into the pub toilet as I was trying to wash ds in the sink and she helped me get it out of his hair, wring his clothes under the tap and partially dry them under the hand dryer! - If you're out there, bless you!

blondehelen Thu 15-Jun-06 21:35:07

We were eating outside on a terrace in nicer than average restaurant. dd - mummy I need a poo. Off we trot and dd does a much smaller than average poo. Spend ages on the toilet persuading her to 'finish' and then after no more appeared returned to table to spot the log under the table. Swiftly kicked it into the convenient hedge about 15ft from our table, paid the bill and left!

VVVQV Thu 15-Jun-06 21:37:45

absolutely rofl at wcl adn pmsl at CD's cube of poo! Please please please can that be quote of the week

VVVQV Thu 15-Jun-06 21:43:24

I remember DD when she was about 6 months, did a really nasty up the back nappy in a restaurant one day.

I made the mistake of allowing my mum to "help" me change her nappy, soiled clothes etc.

It wasnt until about an hour later, when i bumped into a friend i hadnt seen for ages in the street, when she gazed at DD and i suddenly noticed, to my horror that DD had a huge smear of poo down the side of her face......

There was also the incident when we were children, when my younger brother couldnt contain himself (he was about 5 or 6), and pooed his pants and didnt know what to do with it. (We were at my Dads works family sports day). So he pulled out the log from his pants and literally "bowled" it over a fence. I promptly ran off, not wanting to be near his pooey fingers and told everyone what he had done . He has NEVER lived it down.....

fairydust Thu 15-Jun-06 21:46:07

dd had been a litte consapated (sp?) on holiday we went to the beach for the day - dd decides gets up from playing sandcastles 10ft away from us and there this huge and i mean huge thing sticking out the back of her swim suit, dh goes to get her and she starts trying to run across the beach with this big thing in her swim suit shouing i've pooed dad.

groggymama Thu 15-Jun-06 21:53:44

fantastic thread haven't laughed so much in ages - for ds it was Brimham Rocks in front of a lot of people and half way home from nursery had to whip his pants down in front of a queue of traffic also in a french hypermarket carpark, and I thought he was just going to wee, but no diarreugh!
WestCountryLass rolf "didn't even pause for thought"!

monkeytrousers Fri 16-Jun-06 17:20:24

has no one mentioned Paula Radcliffe yet?

titneyspears Mon 19-Jun-06 14:35:58

Terrible, but we were recently on a train from Bath to London and our carriage was half full (/empty!?)
A nappy change was imminent and as always there was only one change station onboard and I was too darned lazy to trek up and down looking for it.
I spotted the opportunity of a row of free seats with no one sitting too close, took the nappy off and with a big wriggle and manouver off the towel I'd laid out , out came a massive poo explosion (why does he never do this at home!)
The first plan was to clean him up and then tackle the mess on the seats and floor by us, but then we pulled into a station, in the middle of nowhere, yet loads of people poured in.

I needn't finish the story , you can imagine the polite smiles, and me, baby in one arm, the other hurridly scrubbing the mess up (as if anyone's going to say 'oh thanks' and take the seat).

ruty Thu 22-Jun-06 19:30:25

I'm sorry, I've only just read CD's cube of poo story, and i have to say for the first time genuinely, I actually pmsl. Genius.

Tinker Thu 22-Jun-06 19:31:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sugarfree Thu 22-Jun-06 19:33:08

What?Like a dog?Just trousers down and squat??

sugarfree Thu 22-Jun-06 19:33:34

I'm mortified on behalf of your SIL.

Tinker Thu 22-Jun-06 19:36:42

When you gotta go you gotta go.

sugarfree Thu 22-Jun-06 19:39:26

I don't. I have been known to hang on for 5 days when MIL's loo wasn't flushing properly and the door wouldn't lock.
Bloody glad to get home though

TooTicky Thu 22-Jun-06 19:44:47

I also used to stay somewhere where the loo was next to the kitchen and I just COULDN'T. Couldn't stand people knowing what I was doing, so I just didn't.

Tinker Thu 22-Jun-06 19:45:42

No I don't either, just trying to explain the New York Poo.

spidermama Thu 22-Jun-06 19:49:02

The most memorable moment of my 40th birthday involved just such a poo.

We'd gradually been downsizing plans for the big day over the months due to lack of money and lack of babysitters. Instead of the romantic weekend away in Venice for dh and I, we we ended up doing the London Eye with all four kids at their most challenging. There were a couple of great moments, but I had to fight back tears several times that day.

We ended up in a posh restaurant overlooking the Thames. It was there I spotted the pool of diarhorrea gaining in volume under the high chair.
This is the moment I'll remember forever from my 40th birthday.

Funnily enough though, I haven't felt broody since.

ruty Thu 22-Jun-06 20:14:08

ah spidermama. the joys of children.

3LB Thu 22-Jun-06 23:46:00

Last week at a friend's house (who is also a Mnetter), she was holidng 9mo dd- her goddaughter- and I said "Ooh has she pooed?" as had obv got a bit of a whiff. Friend has a smell <she is holding dd so that she is facing forwards, her back towards friend> and says no. She then goes to pass dd to me, and we both look at the same time to see that my friend has poo all over her cleavage, arm and top, and possibly in her hair- was crying with laughter at this point so not entirely sure. We then had to somehow get exploded nappy and clothes off dd and bath her, wash clothes and friend get changed, which is difficult when unable to stand up for laughing!

If you're reading this olb, sorry mate!

fattiemumma Thu 22-Jun-06 23:53:18

great thread.

its not a poo story as such but pre chidlren i was in pizza hut for a freinds childs birthday.
we got a whiff of something that certainly wasnt pizza so she asked her DS (about 2 at the time) if he was "dirty" he said no.

the smell remained and so she asked him again "have you done a poo?" no he siad again.

still able to smell something decidedly unpleasant she asked a 3rd time...."hunny have you made yourself dirty?"

at which point he stood up, dropped his pants and pulled the cheeks of his bum apart and shouted "NO MUMMY I HAVENT DONE A POO SEE!"

so no not a poo story but its my most memorable non poo story.

jura Fri 23-Jun-06 00:02:55

Oh dear, I have just cried with laughter all the way through this.

Dd1 was nearly 2 and it was a lovely day in the summer, she was naked. Dh's boss and his wife and new baby had come over, we were sitting in the garden. Dd1 did a poo on the slide.

And dh's boss cleared it up! What a dude.

And the other one which is seared onto my memory was the occasion when dd1 (just about toilet trained - or so I thought) did a poo in her knickers at the checkout at Tesco. I wondered what all the little round knobbles were on the floor, and why there was a trail of them following dd1.

I am mortified to report that I kept on walking.

chubbleigh Fri 23-Jun-06 02:09:00

... in a rather elegant vase on mothers window sill, on top of the potpourri like it was meant to be there, if it hadn't stunk we would never have found it.

also have actual video footage of ds pissing into a fan whilst lying on the changing table ...

JJMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 22-Nov-07 17:01:12

Bump for admin purposes and general merriment.

Mercy Thu 22-Nov-07 17:18:13

This has to be the cube of poo one doesn't it? I do hope so grin

Am off to read it now.

Mercy Thu 22-Nov-07 17:19:00

And I couldn't post without previewing first. Weird.

ooh how weird

Why has this appeared?

Hurrah for the cube of poo story-one of my all time favourites.

Can someone clever get this thread onto MAumsnet Classics?

colditz Thu 22-Nov-07 21:36:18

In my son's waste paper bin. Obviously it looked like a potty in the night!

And most memorable of all, in Specsavers.

I noticed something on the floor, and called to ds1 (trying to Encourage His Speech) "Hey look! What's that on the floor? Is it a leaf, or is it a toy?"

As I got closer I realised it was a turd of loglike proportions. Ds1 sheepishly refused to acknowledge it's presence, so I figured it must have plopped out of his shorts - there was none on him. When pushed, he admitted that it "Fell out my pants"

By the time I had finished flurrying around trying to clear it up, all the shop staff had noticed the defilement of their virgin dove grey carpet.

blush

I haven't been in there with him since.

He's due an eye test soon.

katybump Thu 22-Nov-07 22:20:47

pmsl

susiecutiemincepies Thu 22-Nov-07 22:30:30

Well, only just THIS MORNING, i was making the breakfast. my DD was in the living room playing her latest game of throwing things and crawling to fetch them, then chucking them in the air and fetching them... happily.

I went in and sat down for a bit, thought i could smell something... realised Isobel was throwing a huge poo ( hers ) around the front room. My darling little pretty girl, playing with a large log. Am shocked. shock see?

Magdelanian Thu 22-Nov-07 22:34:25

Its a while ago but I remember inviting my new boyfriend round to meet my 2 year old DD. I went upstairs to the loo and at the same time DD went to the loo behind the curtains. He pointed it out on my return blush. Good job (excuse the pun) he was also a daddy.

lucy5 Thu 22-Nov-07 22:36:32

Not poo but pee, my nephew peed on one of those really comfy beds [tempur, can't remember the name] which are really expensive. Needless to say we scarpered out of the shop pretty sharpish.

susiecutiemincepies Thu 22-Nov-07 22:37:49

blush gosh, i didnt realise this was an old thread!

*note to self: must check the dates on the thread first*

<<< pokes katy in the nipples >>> wink

but while i'm here...lol

I also remember when my nephew , then 2 years old, joined us for a sunday buffet lunch at the Indian rezza. He disappeared under a table making extremely loud huffing and puffing pushing noises...

Oh Colditz-I'll not be able to walk past Secsavers now without sniggering.grin

DD2 did a stinker whilst we were admiring the Roman ampitheatre in Tarragona,Spain,DH took a lovely photo of me changing her where ancient Romans had once sat watching the gladiators.She also did a pushchair covering poo in a restaurant on the same holiday.It was so bad we had to go & buy her new clothes & the pushchair has never really recovered.

This year she stood up next to me in a restaurant on holiday & I noticed some thing brown & small on the floor.I thought it was a pebble until I looked closer.As I realised what it was,DD2 started to run away,leaving a trail of 'droppings' around the table.I surrepticiously tried to collect them all up in a babywipe & put them in the nearest bin,whilst whispering to DH 'For Gods sake,pay the bill quick & lets go!'.

There seems to be a holiday theme appearing here.

At my Dd2's 3rd birthday party another child had a poo accident which went from top to bottom of the slide in the soft play we hired! grin Luckily its the kind of place where if you book a party you get exclusive play so no strangers!! grin
Am still rofl at cubes of poo, I remember when this thread was originally in active convos... I think its the thread which made my decision to join Mumsnet!

min912 Fri 23-Nov-07 19:22:04

On the one hand, I am finding all these stories hilarious, on the other, as DS is just over a year old I am mentally quaking at the thought of what is to come... I think I had always thought that once children were potty trained, that was it done.

However, I think what I have learned from these stories is to always, always carry wipes. And a plastic bag.

A few month ago when DD was about nine months old I left
her playing with DH on the floor while I cleaned the downstairs bathroom. He put her in one of those door bouncers but because we have a beamed ceiling, it attaches to a beam rather than a door, so she used to jump up and down in the middle of the living room.

Anyway, I'm just finishing up and I look round the door and I can DD is jumping up and down in what I think is chocolate and start berating DH (a) for feeding her chocolate and (b) for doing so in the jumper.

He denies feeding her chocolate and at this moment we both realise she is riverdancing in shit valley shock

The worst bit was that trying to get her out of the jumper, we both got covered in it, as did one of the cats and let's just say we had to buy a rug for that bit of the carpet grin

nowwearefour Fri 23-Nov-07 20:00:49

I was taking DD1 for her 6 month picture at a professional photographers (costing only £10- bargain!) and the lady said 'i think your daughter has done a poo!' i had to pick it up in a tissue and put it in my pocket as she did not have a public toilet available for me to put it into! Thank goodness she had started on solids!

derah Sun 25-Nov-07 18:22:45

OK, I have two.

First was when DD was only about 8 weeks old, and we were on the way to SIL's wedding. We were very late cos we were getting a lift with DH's aunt, uncle and granny, and for some bizarre reason they'd taken a huge detour to pick up some pickled fish hmm. So we weren't in the best of moods as it was, and the wedding was being held up for us. We arrive, start to take DD out of the car seat and realise that she's done the hugest yellow squishy poo, which has gone all up the back of her pretty specially-for-the-wedding dress and everywhere else. Normally we had her in cloth nappies (which don't often have the squirt-up-the-back problem) but had her in dispos for this occasion. So it was a first for us! So already late and stressed out, we had to deal with ooky poopy baby.

That doesn't sound quite so funny now I've typed it. blush

Second one was recently... DD (2) is potty trained but when we're out walking the dogs, does 'bush wees' along the way if necessary. On this occation though, we were walking through the posh part of our development rather than the woods when we announced that she needed a wee. We were right under a street light, walking past a lovely house with a perfectly manicured front lawn, so I asked her to wait a bit and dragged her further up the road, while squealing "wee wee!" at the top of her voice. I got her to a less posh bit of garden, out of direct street light, pulled down her pants and she squatted to do her wee. Except that it wasn't a wee, it was the biggest pile of poo you ever saw. On someone's front lawn. And I was out of poo bags (the dogs had already finished their business). Luckily I had a tissue in my pocket and managed to gather it up!

KermitTheFrau Sun 25-Nov-07 18:55:53

OW...OW OW

My sides hurt.
"river dancing in shit valley"

GUFFAW

LornaL Mon 26-Nov-07 06:52:38

One hour into a 10 hour flight back from Kuala Lumpur to London. Our then 11 month old DD sittting happily in seat next to me on plane whilst DH is away at the toilet. I am passing the time playing on the games console. I get a whiff of poo and turn to see DD literally covered in poo and so is the entire airline seat. Cue poor neighbour being sent to try to track down DH in the loos (he failed). When DH eventually turned up he was handed DD to deal with and I, with the help of the disposable gloves given to me by the Flight Crew Manager (never been so glad to be offered a pair of gloves in my life) proceed to try to clean up the mess. I now know exactly how an airline seat comes apart (seat just velcros off) and the seat belts unclip (obviously after I have run them between my fingers to get the poo off . . .).

In the meantime, DH has been sent by the Flight Crew Manager to the door space in club class to clean up DD. He asks flight crew if they have a bin liner so he can put DD onto it rather than getting the floor covered with poo - they get slightly confused and try to ease binliner over DD . . .!

Haven't been on a long haul flight since!

jorange5 Mon 26-Nov-07 22:12:25

Why would any sensible mother not put a change of clothes for her DD in her hand luggage when flying abroad? Really, I was just be asking for DD to do a monstrous orange runny poo while queuing through security wasn't I? All clothes wrecked and only one shop in the airport that sells baby clothing - Harrods. Great.

She did the same trick again (why do I not learn) in the supermarket carpark so was pushed round M&S food hall in just a nappy and wrapped in my fleece. Understandably there were lots of 'poor child' mutterings from old ladies blush

Rhubarb Mon 26-Nov-07 22:21:11

In the library, that doesn't have a toilet. His pants were bulging, I was horrified. I whipped off his pants, his undies were unsaveable, put his pants back on and searched desperately for a bin. Fierce looking old lady was on the front desk, I didn't want to risk walking past holding soiled undies, I couldn't leave ds alone in library whilst I went outside to search for bin, we had a pile of books to check out too. So.......... I'm afraid I hid the pants. blush

Pickie Mon 26-Nov-07 22:28:14

couple of weeks ago my DS said mamma, Jessie done poo in your bed (lately toilet talk has been popular in the Pickie household) so move my leg thinking nothing off it. And yes there was a huge turt in our bed. Both of us got up in record speed needless to sAY!

Also DS when he was about 17 months was watching bob the builder and in the meantime done one in his nappy. he decided to taste it. Luckily for me I saw this happen! He took a handfull observed it and took a bit then spat it out and covered the telly in poo screaming for help

Play centre avec ball pool. 7 year old SN child being looked after by best friends whilst DH and I were at Elbells 40th party.

Best friend's DH was "keeping a careful eye" hmm from a short distance, was content that he was fine.. could see the top of his protective helmet through some bars.

Alarm bells should have been ringing loud and shrill!! DS does not "do" still until he is doing something bad.. in this case, removing jog bottoms and nappy and smearing poo all over hands, face, floor, steps and bars!

Cue children running in all direction screaming "that boy's eating poo!" (he was blush]) and BF's DH screaming "HELP!" to BF across crowded warehouse that had suddenly fallen silent!

DS loving all the attention and laughing head off!!

The staff were fab.. as were my DD and BFs' DD (7 and 8) who said to the crowd of kids (NOT being called away by their gawping parents! angry) "What's the matter?! Have you never seen POO before??"

The parents glared at muttered and stropped as red faced friends carried pooey half naked DS through room to upstairs showers. Horrible parents! Obviously cannot envisage ever having a child with additional needs!

Friends have never been back there.. and it was 5 months ago!

I can't quite believe my cat is getting in on this but.....

Have a large swiss cheese plant. Can crapped in it. (It was raining and he didn't want to go out lazy sod). So put upturned forks round the rim.

Just gone downstairs and caught him, front paws on side of pot, back paws straddling tines pushing out the most enormous turd I have ever seen a cat make! And it's not sodding raining angry

cat crapped it blush

orangehead Fri 28-Dec-07 22:56:57

When ds2 was 3 he was already potty trained so was in underpants but all of a sudden got diarrhea in sainsurys, which went right through his pants and onto the floor in the middle of sainsburys blush

Childminder took dd when she was 5 swimming at local David Lloyd club. A poo was spotted floating in the pool and it had to be shut down for 24hrs and cleaned. I know the manager and she wasn't impressed.

DD confessed the next day it was her. Her swimsuit was a bit baggy and it floated out and bobbed along without CM realising it was her.

shrooms Thu 07-Feb-08 15:03:00

I have laughed my way senseless through this thread and had to share what happened a few years ago...

DS was 3 and him, DH and I were at waterloo station to meet with friends for the day. He didn't say once that he needed a poo during the train journey but as soon as we got off told us he had to go. It is 20p to go in to the loos and so there's DH and I rummaging in our pockets for a bloody 20p piece, see our friends approaching and wave whilst DS is squirming around telling us to hurry.

The friends come over and I very rudely in a blind panic carry on searching for coins, to find that I haven't got one at all, shout loudly at mates "Have you got 20 pence DS is bursting for a poo!" in the middle of waterloo station. They start searching for coins and just as friends DH produces a 20p peice, DS with classic timing announces "too late"... he had done a huge shite in his pants. To this day my friend tapes a 20p coin in his birthday cards and writes "don't spend it all at once" - he is eight!

Whizzz Thu 07-Feb-08 15:10:38

grin I was just going to add my story but then realised I already had on 13 Jun 06 grin

StripeyMamaSpanx Thu 07-Feb-08 15:14:22

When dd was 2 and about half potty trained, we visited friends who had a similarly aged child. The adults were sat in the kitchen having a beer while the kids played happily, until we heard rather more happiness than we felt comfortable.

One of them had done a poo in the potty and they were now both busy serving it up on tea-party plates.

We don't think they actually ate any of it.

giggly Fri 08-Feb-08 00:07:47

On holiday last year when dd was 18 months. I was on the beach with her by myself and had taken her nappy off to let the air about her bits.
A very cute young guy was the nearest person to us(within sniffing distance) when she shouted to me opps, poo out mum.
I had nothing with me as dh had taken everything to the car. Cute guy dug a huge hole for the poo and I rather elegantly shoved it in followed by a quick exit from the beach.

electra Fri 08-Feb-08 00:17:21

Dd2, when she was about 2, went through a phase of putting her poos in toy crockery. Oh the mess.......

jellies Fri 08-Feb-08 00:18:22

While toilet training DS1 he was great with wees.. but not soo with poo
I left him one morning finishing his breakfast to change the baby and came back when he said 'i finished' expecting to clear his plate only to find he'd finished doing a poo on the plate
In another incident I met a friend at lego land where he emptied one of the large buckets of lego an pee'd in it! But they very kindly did not make me pay for it shock

serin Sun 10-Feb-08 00:25:37

DH was in the bath when I convinced him it would be a good idea to let 4 week old DD get in with him to enjoy a bit of bonding!
He was a bit reluctant in case he dropped her but I reassured him all would be fine.......if only.......after about 2 minutes she did the biggest squirtiest poo ever, all over his chest!!!

Nice lady I met at baby cafe came to my house to pick up a spare sling of mine. Her 10 week son needed a change so I took her to the changing table in my baby's room, and installed myself with my dd in the rocking chair whilst nice lady changed her ds nappy.

Couldn't see her baby directly as she obstructed my view, but had perfectly clear view of her son's liquid poo suddenly and gracefully arcing through the air, and majestically splatting on the freshly painted nursery wall, only for it to slide, drippily, down to the new carpet below.

With accompanying staccato squelch / splat noises.

The faster she endeavoured to clean the table/wall/carpet, and stem the flow, and apologise profusely, the more her little boy fired off further volleys. Some entire packet of baby wipes later the incontinent episode drew to a close. The poor lady was mortified. I was crying with laughter.

avenanap Sun 10-Feb-08 00:45:31

These are hilarious. I've only just managed to stop crying. Havn't laughed like this for a long while.
Spotted a small boy peeing in the window of a primark store, I bet his mum was proud. My son did a projectile poo over my mum's chair and wall, he was only 4 weeks, I was changing him and it just shot out. I have video footage of him peeing in the sea at felixtow. This will come in handy when he brings his first girlfriend home.

Sixer Sun 10-Feb-08 00:55:57

down the lane in the bushes where we used to play. Now i'm off to bed.

magicmummy Sun 10-Feb-08 12:58:21

At my friends house when her 2 ds's came in absolutely filthy.
Assuming by the state of them they had been making mud pies, I called my friend to tell her to run a bath for them as they were covered in mud.
She replied, "but we don't have any mud, it's all concrete round the back".
I asked the kids what they had been doing and the reply was:
"Making poo pies"
They had both pooed in the back garden and made their version of mud pies with it....
Full marks for improvising i guess.....

RedFraggle Thu 21-Feb-08 15:29:35

I was having a bath with dd when she was about 5 months old. DH was getting her out and I was planning to add a bit more hot water and stay in for a soak. Needless to say, my plans changed when I was lots of bits of poo floating past me! I was out the bath in seconds, gave it a bloody good clean and then got a shower - not quite the relaxing session I was expecting! grin

Minkus Wed 27-Feb-08 20:38:47

Sadly this isn't about a child.

When sharing a rented house with friends about 8 years ago, there was only one loo. It was occupied (housemates were a couple and used to shag noisily and for long periods of time in there as well as everywhere else in the house)

I was desperate for a pooh, and as said loo was in use I had to resort to using one of their tupperware lunchboxes. Hid it under my bed and as soon as they emerged I hastily retrieved said pooh and flushed it away, then hid washed lunchbox at the bottom of the kitchen bin.

Worst thing was that my boyfriend was with me and he was absolutely mortified, but I was going to do it in my pants otherwise. He's now my dh though

michie40 Mon 03-Mar-08 12:34:47

just discovered this thread and it has really cheered me up so I just though I would share DD1 pooing incidents.
When she was 2 we where negotiating increasing our mortgage and selling our little two bed terrace. This involved going into Nationwide and discussing our mortgage in one of their tiny posh offices behind the scenes.
DH and I obviously had to bring DD1 with us and it was all a bit stressful as buying houses always is. Anyway arrive on time, and we are in the room 5min and there is a terrible smell coming from dd1. Its a tiny room so you cant ignore it - and its one of those spreading lava type poos that go all the way up the back.
Now Nationwide - understandably - dont have baby change facilities and I have to change her on the floor outside the offices - with all the people in smart suits walking by wondering what the hells going on with this screaming half naked two year old writhing in poo on the floor.
Anyway we got our mortgage and she then developed a liking for pooing in show homes.

mummyjenjen Mon 03-Mar-08 15:19:18

haha great topic! my DS was a very noisy pooer as a newborn and when we took him to be registered he just laid there making very loud unfortunate 'trumping' noises as he screwed his face up and turned red! we all couldnt help but nearly wet our selves laughing even the registra!

cyteen Sun 06-Apr-08 13:14:04

I am simultaneously weeping with laughter at these hilarious stories, and weeping with horror as I contemplate my own poo-filled future grin/shock/

reikizen Sun 06-Apr-08 13:16:41

I walked in to my dd2 (18 months) this morning to find she had taken off her enormous pooey nappy and was swinging it around her head whilst singing. Bless.

maidamess Sun 06-Apr-08 13:24:16

My ds, now 7 has always been a prolific poo-er (his father is so proud)

As a baby, he would poo when ever we took his nappy off and lay him on the bed.

We stood clutching each other, watching in horror one day as it started to come out...it was a foot long, and changed colour three times.

cocolepew Sun 06-Apr-08 13:42:19

I was invited to a mums house who I had got to know at M&T. DD1 went to the loo and seemed to be taking longer than usual. On the way home she said 'Mum, I couldn't flush my poo away'. 'That's ok' says I 'X will flush it, when she notices.'
'Don't worry mummy, I took it back out of the toilet, it's in my pocket.'
I went shock and she got all huffy, because 'I did wash my hands'.

My DS1 was about 7, and I had taken him to the local fair. He was playing in a soft play/ball pool type thing, when he ran out and told me he'd had the runs. I took him behind a catering trailer, and asked the lady serving for some napkins to clean him up. She gave me 2!!! and refused to give me any more. I explained our predicament, but she still refused (I could see 2 full unopened packets behind her). I then offered to pay £5 for a handful, but the bloody cow was having none of it. I went back to DS1, took his pants off, cleaned him up with the 2 napkins I had, and slung his shitty keks under her catering van. The smell was so bad, you could see people about to stop, take a whiff and move onto the next van. Serves the mean old bitch right!!

biglips Sun 06-Apr-08 13:56:51

when my dd was about 15 months old and was having her nap, i used to smell the pong from the bottom of our stairs and i knew there and then whats the hell she had done!!......i opened her bedroom door and there she was shock blush....she had smeared it all over the carpet and walls and radiator and also all over her body, legs and face....im sure she thought it was moisturiser as whilst i was telling her off she was so tempted to lick it off her fingers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milliec Sun 04-May-08 11:21:01

Message withdrawn

EachPeachPearMum Tue 06-May-08 22:43:54

cocolpew I am sitting here, with tears rolling down my face!
That is one of the funniest stories on here!

Just thought I'd share. . .
Joint birthday party for our DD1 (I was pregnant with DD2 at the time) who was 2 and my BF's DD, who was 1.

BF and I chatting whilst getting food for kids etc, BF's DP holding their DD, she suddenly squirts poop all over the place, it's up her back, down her legs, splats on his nice white trainers, on his hands etc etc.
He just stands there screaming "** (BF), HELP ME!!" whilst she stands there laughing so much that she's incapable of even the tiniest moverment for about five minutes, while he's still holding their DD, at arms length, almost dropping her (and threatening to do so hmm ) and still screaming at BF grin
I'll never let him live it down!
Needless to say we're not having a joint birthday party this year, they're having a small BBQ or something in their own garden, in running distance of nappies, wipes and change of clothes for all! grin

OrmIrian Mon 19-May-08 13:29:00

Many years ago when I was about 6 we were trying to get to Luton airport to go skiing (twas meant to be Heathrow but there were endless strikes at the time). We got lost in freezing fog in the small hours of the morning. Eventually we stopped and parked up. I was desperate for a poo. Mum hauled me out of the car and found me a field gate to climb over to do the neccessary. Bit later the fog cleared a little and the field gate turned out to be someone's garden gate blush.

So....if anyone lived somewhere near Luton in the early 70s and wondered how/why there was poo on their front lawn one January morning....I am truly sorry.

My little sister about 18 years ago did the wee wee dance in queue for the chairlifts at pleasurewood hills. My Dad decided that as we had been in queue for about 45 mins already he would just bop her to the side for a quick wee. Little sis proceeded to grunt, turn bright red and poop in the space of a nanosecond, loud enough for all to notice!!

littlelapin Mon 06-Oct-08 18:07:32

Bump for newbies - look for the post by CountessDracula on Wed 14-Jun-06 17:04:58

PandaG Mon 06-Oct-08 18:29:18

thanks LL - I laughed the first time I read this over 2 years ago, and laughed again today, tears rolling down my cheeks!

AmpersandAway Wed 08-Oct-08 23:45:58

Brilliant thread, brings back too many shuddersome memories. Thanks from a newbie, LL.

DS1 was about 8 months old, I was having a lie in while he and DH had breakfast in the kitchen. As I walked in to put my cup in the sink I looked up to see DS, who was going through a sharing stage, proffering a handful of something to DH. Without taking his eyes off the paper, DH leaned over to have a bite and was only saved by my horrified shout of 'no, don't, it's shit!'.

More recently, I was at a cafe with a friend and our respective broods. Her 5 year old DS insisted on going to the loo on his own. It was close by, she's generally relaxed and was happy to let him go and keep chatting until a voice piped up 'mummy is my bottom clean?'. He was standing at the top of the steps with his pants round his ankles, his bottom in the air and his cheeks helpfully parted so that she, and everybody else in the place, could check.

littlestrawberry Thu 09-Oct-08 00:36:37

This thread is hilarious.

When DS2 was about 8-9 months old he had a check up at baby clinic. Anyway he had a bit of a sore bottom so being a good mum I smothered him in sudacrem. I was undressing him to get him weighed and when I undid his nappy and took it off this slightly grey coloured little ball rolled out. So there I am thinking bugger he's done a poo, knowing full well its the colour it is because he was smothered in sudacrem and the HV picks it up and says whats this, looks like a marble. Why has he a marble in his nappy kind of thing. I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on. I was so stunned she didn't realise it was poo and too embarrassed to say anything as she's holding it in her hand. So I left her with this ball of my sons poo on her tablegrin

Never went back after that.

Spidermama Thu 09-Oct-08 00:51:24

It was my fortieth birthday. Instead of our original plans which involved dh and I, child-free in Venice, we ended up in London with all four kids.

We'd been on the Eye and were sitting in a posh restaurant over-looking the Thames.

It was then I noticed a growing puddle of diarrhoea growing beneath the high chair. shock sad

I still feel I'm owed a poo-free fortieth birthday treat.

solidgoldskullonastick Thu 09-Oct-08 00:58:36

Can I just add this?

wehaveallbeenthere Thu 09-Oct-08 01:08:40

(sigh) First formal sitting for family pictures. Needless to say they never got done.

wehaveallbeenthere Thu 09-Oct-08 01:11:42

Whatever you do avoid apple products at any cost. It pulls the water from the child's system to the gut making for a poo explosion. This I found out with same child while waiting for the cleaning inspector so we could leave the military housing and the island. My child literally had me scrambling to get poo off the floor, walls and ceiling before the inspector arrived.

wehaveallbeenthere Thu 09-Oct-08 01:15:10

The first time your family is hit with a case of the stomach flu you will learn lots of survival tricks. Such as having a personal bucket for each ill member...lining the beds with mildew resistant shower curtains that can be hosed off if needed. You have an on and off love affair with cleaning products.

AmpersandAway Thu 09-Oct-08 01:56:01

wehaveallbeenthere, you've just reminded me of a fabulous week in Tours. DS, 6 months old at the time, came down with his first stomach flu (accompanied by DH, though it wasn't his first) and would only eat yoghurt or fruit puree. We were in a borrowed flat with, thankfully, flagged stone floors. DS morphed from a cheery baby into a wailing shit-machine and proceeded to hose me, the flat and anything else in the vicinity with huge gouts of foul-smelling, bright yellow liquid poo around the clock.

Imagine my delight when the (childless) friends who lent us the flat decided to unexpectedly return home a day early so we'd have time to catch up over a leisurely dinner.

SamJohnsMum Thu 09-Oct-08 19:06:54

Thanks for pointing me towards the CountessDracula post - I haven't laughed that much in ages. Priceless.

DH and I were having lunch with his brother and sister-in-law when their three year-old son appeared at the table to proudly show us all the poo in his own pants - "look what I've done". He seemed quite pleased with himself but his parents were pretty mortified!!

at a service station on the M6 dd2 just started on antibiotics for chest infection. Sat on a wooden high chair ready for breakfast. Poos (and poos) (and poos some more) Dh off buying said breakfast for us

Poo starts running out of dd2's nappy and straight off wooden highchair onto floor, at which point I realise we are sat in carpeted section ..... try to clean but more dripping from above.....can not clean until dd moved can not leave dd1 alone to take dd2 to bathroom for a complete change.... have to wait nearly 5 mins for dh to join us cue me holding dd2 at arms length hissing instructions to dh to deal with the carpet whilst runing for the baby change blush

Note to self never ever stop at that services again

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs Thu 09-Oct-08 19:37:14

well not my kids thankfully but was with a friend (before I had kids of my own) and her two dc in a large, very populated kids play area in a park. The boy (6ish) was playing on something he really liked and didn't want to leave. The next thing we know he walks over with an enormous piece of shite and hands it to her.

It was his.

Marina Thu 09-Oct-08 19:37:52

Surely we have to add Fabio's little offering this afternoon to this thread?

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs Thu 09-Oct-08 19:38:13

did fabio shit then?

Marina Thu 09-Oct-08 19:39:15

A little something earlier this evening kerry

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs Thu 09-Oct-08 19:39:56

that's ok then!

wehaveallbeenthere Fri 10-Oct-08 03:14:59

Oh my!!! I was reading through this and remembered one of my children talking about stopping at a McDonald's on the highway with a play area with one of those cages filled with plastic balls. DH was traveling with them and since it was a 6 hour drive he wasn't about to turn dinner into a play time so they weren't allowed to go in.
While they were watching (sighing and watching) the play area full of children an older child went over to fetch a younger sibling out of the balls (there were 3 others from other families in there also and all without shoes) he shouts back to his mother, "__ is naked from the waist down and peed!!!". Every parent ran to retrieve their children but the three had wet feet. DH was happily the non fun parent.
Another time though (same route, different trip) he made the mistake of letting them have soda with lunch. The youngest got car sick and vomited causing the next oldest to vomit. He was a block and a half from the destination and had to have the car professionally cleaned to get the vomit out of the leather and upholstery.

HairyToadsandHobgoblins Fri 10-Oct-08 04:11:52

I was 6 and stood a few feet away from my mum changing my baby (bf)sister's nappy on her lap. Next thing I knew I was covered from head to toe in warm brown stuff. Unfortunately I must have been open mouthed in horror.

CardyMow Mon 11-Jan-10 23:14:00

ROFFLE!! My poo stories: DD was one of those poo-up-the-back-and-in-the-hair BF babies. 6 Months old, in her christening gown, waiting to go into the service...cue explosion EVERYWHERE. I didn't have time to go home and change her, so ended up rinsing her under the taps in the supermarket loos, and she got christened in a bright orange dress as it was the only dress on offer! With DS2, I was in a meeting with the headmaster of the primary school to decide if the MS school could take him. (he must have been 4.6 at the time, but has SN and had only very recently been toilet trained). He was sat in his mac major in the office, and he waited for a lull in the conversation to say "Mr Head man I done a poo can you smell it? You want to see it?" Then proceeded to put his hands down his pants to pull out a handful to show the headteacher...AARRGGHH! blush

SimpleAsABC Thu 14-Jan-10 15:12:54

My poo stories:

When I was really small i.e. 4 or 5 and shared a room with my sister, one of us shit in the toy box during the night. Obviously half sleeping, the box with a lid was close enough to a toilet for whichever one of us that it was!

My mum was not impressed when she seen what had happened to Jnr Monopoly.

The reason I think it was my sister.. is that a couple of years later whilst my parents were out and another mum in the street was watching her Dsister needed a poo. Her friend told her that she wouldn't be allowed inside to do the poo, and so Dsister did it in the garden.. then said "friend" told her she couldn't leave it in the garden... Cue parents and I arriving home and Dsister walking round the culdesac with a poo..on a leaf!

westernwaydomesticgoddess Fri 27-May-11 14:45:05

i know im a bit late onto this thread but felt I should add this contribution. On family holiday to Cornwall went to Eden Project with family. DD2 was about 2 we were sat in the cafe noshing on some lovely food with DD2 nicely straped into on of the high chairs when she suddenly let out the most enourmouse fart followed by a torent of poo. There then followed what DD1 liked to describe as an exploding nappy situation and a very swift dash for me with dd2 still strapped into her wheely high chair across to the nearest toilets whilst trying to contain the overflowing poo within the high chair so as to not make it too obvious what had just happened. Thak god for a change bag full of spare cothes and nappies !

ScrotalPantomime Tue 31-May-11 16:12:22

Aaah I've been on MN (with other names) for over a year and I've finally read about the cube of poo! I feel part of the furniture now grin

sabretoothtiger Tue 31-May-11 16:18:12

our best one was discovering a whole (although probably somewhat smaller than it started out) poo in the washing machine after a full load had been through. It was when DS had just started wearing pants and I'd obviously not checked them properly before putting the wahs on. The whole load smelled awful and it took three washes to remove the smell! Not good!!

cubbie Fri 03-Jun-11 00:17:45

Countess Dracula and the cube of poo - That is the funniest thing i have evr heard!!!! Someone posted a link from AIBU and I am so grateful, the tears are literally rolloing down my face just now!!

I just know I'm going to be waking up in the middle of the night laughing at that, my poor dh!

cubbie Fri 03-Jun-11 00:41:52

shrooms, that is utterly priceless!!!!!!!!!!

cubbie Fri 03-Jun-11 00:57:30

sabretoothtiger - yours was also hilarious!!! i must add some of my own when I can stop laughing enough to type!

Butterflybows Sat 16-Jul-11 20:46:01

My son filled his nappy and most of the high chair in Annette's Diner at Disney Land Paris

nicciaa Sat 16-Jul-11 23:09:21

Myself, DD and Hubby were in the lift, with a few other people, DD has problems with her bowels now and then and I suddenly got a wiff of, well, you know what. So I turns to Hubby and say, at last shes managed to go, but hes stood there with a scarlet face and hes trying not to laugh. Turns out HE had passed wind, silently, and stood there letting me blame our DD for it!!! lol

TheFrogs Wed 27-Jul-11 05:12:08

Few years ago now I was sat in the living room when this awful stench hit me. I spent about 30 mins turning the house upside down to try and find the source, thinking one of the cats had left me a little present. Nope, nothing.

Until I opened the dryer door. Oh my.

It ahem, "came out" later that ds had shat himself, and being at an age where he really shouldn't have (was engrossed with the playstation apparently angry), embarrassed, he'd sneaked his pants into the nearly full washer quickly, not even thinking to remove the steaming heap first (I suppose his logic was that it would dissolve and i'd never know hmm). Then i'd tootled along, popped in the powder and lovingly washed and dried his turd.

I didn't find it amusing at the time....

lilmissminx Sun 31-Jul-11 13:37:08

My cousin did the show room toilet one, much to his parents' joy! DS currently likes to leave a log behind him while stand up and peeing in his potty- he's not yet 18 months so can't be cross!
His best ever was in the trolley in M&S Food shop, he was only a few months old, but the smell was soooo bad we had to drag the trolley behind us, rather than push him in front! blush

Bigglewinkle Fri 05-Aug-11 11:40:41

My DH was doing a full immersion baptism at our church a couple of months ago. It was a lovely ceremony (despite the paddling pool used for the baptism and DS saying 'daddy, swmimming!' V loudly!). DD who was 4wo at the time needed a feed part way through so I got on with that and then a bit later, during the prayers she let out the sloppiest, fartiest poop just at a quiet moment... Cue lots of the congregation collapsing in giggles all around us!

donteatyourteawithnoknickerson Thu 11-Aug-11 14:08:06

Just reminded me of when my DD1 was potty training and did a huge poo on our laminate - it landed on it's end and she turned, looked at it thoughtfully and said

"look mummy, I made a snowman" grin

3 years ago we went camping at Haven in Tenby with our 4dc, the youngest being 7 months. We were also with a friend and her 2 young dds. We had just pitched the tent and were blowing up the airbeds and watching 2 babies when ds aged 5 started jigging about desperately and holding himself, desperate for the loo.

We were all so busy and didn't yet know where the nearest loos were so told him to go between the back of the tent and the hedge, well boys are versatile when it comes to weeing aren't they?

The horror struck when he shouted for some toilet paper and I went around to see him squatting above a huge mound of poo, some of which had navigated it's way into his pants. Early afternoon on a busy site. Oh dear....

Tigresswoods Fri 19-Aug-11 15:26:17

The top of Tintagel Castle will always be special to us. 3 months, no change of clothes & damn was it cold up there.

QuintessentialShadow Fri 19-Aug-11 15:31:37

Ds left a log on a floor in a restaurant where we were having lunch. He was 18 months at the time, and wearing nappy pads stuck in his underpants (due to heat and humidity)

The waiter said to me most politely, as he handed me some tissues "Madam, would you mind desposing of what your sound has left on the floor next to that table?"

It sure put the young couple off their lunch....

sphil Fri 19-Aug-11 15:42:02

Ds2, who has autism, once left a small but perfectly formed poo in the very centre of my father's dinner plate before Sunday lunch was served. My father was tremendously calm about it.

He has stopped handling his poos now, thank the lord, but the last time was a classic. We'd left the window open a few inches in our bedroom and he had been busy throwing things out of it when he was supposed to be in bed. We didn't notice until later, when DH retrieved a wedding photo, two books and some of DS1's toys from the flower bed below. When we were leaving for school the next morning I looked back up at the window to check I'd closed it and saw balanced on the guttering below, and gently teetering in the breeze, a large turd. No way of getting to it and friends coming for lunch.

Luckily by the time they arrived the wind had blown it away. Never found it. grin

At 3,560ft at the top of Mount Snowdon, DD aged almost 4.

Couldn't wait to climb down the summit steps to the cafe loos so had to get out the emergency travel potty. We formed a human shield so as not to put other visitors off the spectacular views. Area of outstanding natural beauty and DD loudly going 'I'm not finished, they're all lined up like buses, waiting at the stop.' and then getting distracted by a tantalising cliff edge with trousers still round ankles.

On reflection, although Snowdon will now always be remembered for DD's 'highest poo in the country' it was a bloody good job she did it there rather than waiting for the hour long stop-free railcar journey back down.

IsSamNormansDad Sun 26-Aug-12 23:39:16

For general cheering up & hilarity grin

effingwotsits Mon 27-Aug-12 00:02:09

On holiday at one of those camping places like a haven, dd who was 18 months and potty trained by then, let out an almighty tirade of runny diarreah whilst in the swimming pool.

I said to the life guard "my daughters pood I'm so sorry" and he reached for his (pooh?) net and I said, very red faced, " this isn't one for scooping" and unfortunately the pool had to be evacuated by people retching and dodging the pooh stream.

Embarrassing is not the word!

effingwotsits Mon 27-Aug-12 00:06:27

Just thought of another...

A different dd this time ( i have 4) was 3 and I was taking her to nursery for her afternoon session and she casually turned to me and said "mum, I did a poo on my bedroom floor." I kind of did this hmm and asked her what had she done with it.

Thankfully she had had the sense to pick it up in tissue, skids and everything, and flush it down the loo.

When I was a baby I shat in a box of Cadbury creme eggs, but I don't remember much about that ....

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