ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
to go for a walk on my own for 15 minutes and have a good old roll in fox poo before returning home?(156 Posts)
is it that time of year again already?
My favourite thing is to sneak upstairs and leap on owners bed at 6am, waking her up by trying to eat her hair. I also like eating my own poo, knocking the phone off the hook, growling at the adverts on the TV and getting very sulky when my unreasonable owner refuses to let me jump up on the settee after being out in the rain.
ginge, that sounds heavenly!!
My humans took me for a walk around a field full of cow poo and other dog wee. It was bliss. And then the human pup had a bath and I kept drinking the frothy water. I think humans call it bubbly. I felt all funny afterward.
I have had a fabby day today. She looks after 3 small humans on a Monday and they all have the most scrummy stuff at lunch time which they drop lots of for me. Then she cooked a ham and a chicken and me and my cat friend got some yummys. Then I went into the mini house in the garden and chewed up some really hard cheese which she told me off for doing. To round ot all off the 2 year old small human rubbed my belly for the longest time.
I am really hacked off with my human. She's walking a funny way again and appears to have forgotten our 4.32 walk. I keep growling and barking at her. She'll take the hint soon, right?
Yes diddl it is ironic that I don't eat poo at all, which would at worst be a bit yuck, but that I do eat luvverly chocolate which is toxic to doggiehounds. I am a bit stupid that way. Fabbymummy was very unreasonable and wouldn't let me eat her tuna sandwich at lunchtime in case it made me barf, after the aforesaid chocolate incident. I am most unhappy and ignoring her.
I can't quite believe this thread is still going, I am not sure my human has ever started a thread so successful
Today I took myself a walk again but this time it was to chase a hare. I would have caught it too but they just need to realise I can see them off.....
No poo to roll in today, so nothing to report
You want unreasonable? I'll give you unreasonable.
This morning, we got to the field below the church and it was... it was... heaven. It was covered, literally covered in shit. I shit you not (ha, see what I did there?)
And do you know what that woman did? Do you know what that bloody woman did?? Hey? Hey?
SHE KEPT US ON THE LEAD THE WHOLE WAY DOWN THE FIELD.
Still, we did manage to eat a fair bit, once those annoying sheep (noisy buggers) got out of the way. And just to show that I don't bear grudges, when she bent over, I did give her a friendly kiss. She made that "Bleurgh" sound and played at pushing me away, so we're all friends again.
My favourite thing was something called 'lip gloss', it was in a tube in the ladamebag (I love it in there especially when there's chewing gums, which reappear out of my bottom in strings, but strangely not minty anymore). I ate the tube with the stuff and the stuff stuck to my rubbery lips and I thought I looked great. Ladame did to 'cos she cried a bit and said something like 'but that was calunk? clerrneek? I dunno some kind of name and that it had been a birthday present, but so had I when I was an egg with hair and she said I was the bestest birthday present ever, so why did she bother about this one. It did make my poos come out better and be pink so she should be grateful really.
Ooh Fabbyhound-hope you're feeling better.
You do know that chocolate, although irresistible, can be poisonous-so be careful!
Well, I'm feeling an oddity as I don't eat poo at all-anyone else?
Had a bit of fun yesterday - fabbydad got a box of Thorntons Chocolates for fathers day. (yes I CAN read). I nicked it and snuck out to the garden with it, and ate the lot! Sadly there were only four left as fabbyboys had got to it first.
On the down side, I was up twice in the night with the squits. Fabbymum was starting to get a leeetle bit cross with me. She wouldn't even give me a piece of her toast this morning!
Oh shit shes washed my bed again. Why cant humans just leave my stinky stuff alone !
Goes and licks bumhole in middle of front room to show whos boss.........
Exactly. After all, I'm the one who barks like a demon anytime someone walks within 20 yards of our house. Or the neighbours house. I'm the one who makes sure they get their exercise and makes sure they don't get their bills. You'd think they'd be grateful!
I found a delightful human turd floating in the loo, in the time before the first & second flush I grabbed it & ran off.
She didn't know whether to say drop or not.
Well no, I can completely see her point.
Oh I hear you lissiedog. Full roast dinner did my bestest malnourished face too but not a crumb . Fathers day pah what about mans best friend day ?
LabradorsDog, daft mare, she should be pleased you have such good manners. I will never understand humans.
My human is currently eating a slice of toast, it looks like the yummiest thing ever, even better than poo or lamb bones, and I have been staring at her the whole time, doing my best malnourished doggy face, and she won't bloody share. Frankly, I'm appalled at the standard of service here.
Apparently, IABU for letting out groan of pleasure when my human helped me out by pulling out a big wad of grass out of my bum which had got stuck when I was pooping it out.
I only wanted to show her how grateful I was!
(It wasn't MY fault that I had already pooped SO much that walk she had no bags left and had to pull it out using a dock leaf to cover her hands)
Labradorwhisperer's older dog again.
Oh scrumpindog you live in dog heaven surely. The little humans that live here are too big for that now. Though the lady human looks after a small human who likes to share his biscuit with me and Sometimes his lunch too.
My owner gets really cross about something that I really don't understand.
Sometimes when we have visitors I get very excited and pleased to see them. I just want to show how pleased I am by dangling myself on their legs when they are sitting down. I particularly like it when the visitors are elderly ladies with nylon tights, but for some reason they get very upset, shriek and kick me off
I'm not doing any harm, am I?
And I do understand your Placenta Story, StinkDog. I'm sure it tasted yummy, so it is such a waste to bury it . My owners were very upset when i tried to dig up our cat who they had buried under a bush for some reason. I liked that cat, he used to let me eat his food. Not like the new one we got who attacked me every time I tried to sneak catfood .
<OldDogZed, message from DoggyHeaven>
Morning pups !
What gets me is you see these lady humans changing the colour of their pathetic bit of fur on their head? Well my lovely white and tan fur gets a tad boring from time to time so when we go on our tree walk I find a nice black stinky puddle to roll in. Sometimes of I judge the depth right I get a half half effect which I think looks great. But no the lady human just doesnt appreciate it and washes it all out when we get home. Is she some kind of fashion critic ?
Nothing tastes as good as my humans baby's turds. Even if I have to catch them straight from the butt. Fresher then!
Ah you fuckers are obviously young. Eating poo is fun when you are young but once you get past 84, seriously - it bungs you up something chronic. I discovered this after eating donkey shit last Summer and was off it for months. Come Christmas, my shits were like bonios and I needed something doing. Obviously i wasn't going to tell the human or she would take me to the vet and he would put his fingers up my arse so I had a think.
What I did, during that season of goodwill is still talked about today, honest it was THAT good. I ate every single strand of lametta off her christmas tree when she'd gone to bed, it took me hours of careful spaniel stealth but it was worth it. I'm not KC registered for nothing you know. Fucking genius that was as the sparkly ends helpfully poked out of my crack and every time I strained
in front of the kitchen window she could see it. So what she had to do was pull the lametta out for me and abracadabra, that dislodged the 3 month old donkey shit.
Christ, I lost a stone that night....
No worries. Might even see if my cat friend will contribute too. Doubt it though hes quite private about it. Black poo bag ok ? Then the humans wont suspect a thing
Woof woof just spotted a fox in the school field opppsite. Oh Happy rolling to me
Aww ginge dog that is good of you, are you sure your prison piggy doesn't mind sharing his poo treats? Actually, I don't care, my address is: The Road with Random Red Dog Poo (not mine) on it, Near the Park, Round the Corner from the Allotments, EARTH. Thanks so much, I just can't wait!
Oh meerkatdog they is bad. My humans put the Guinea pig in the garden in å prison so me and my cat friend can help look after him and as a treat for helping I get to eat the poo. Give me your addy and Ill try to get some to you on my 4pm walk !
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