This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

(669 Posts)

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

MacMac123 Thu 30-May-13 21:06:13

He was hanging around the streets looking for you guys? So sad when families get divided like that. He did find you though even if it was just for your mum to have a go. You might have the same luck.
If you want pm me his name and I'll have a look I have an advanced electoral roll system I use for work.

His name is/was B.

I'll try that parish magazine foslady and those links too wig

Thank you so much for your help everyone, you are all utterly lovely.

Thank you MacMac he was hanging around the streets and because he got the train up he slept for a few nights in the local park according to a friend of my Mothers (she told me years later). I've put his name ^ up there, even if he doesn't want it online he will have to contact me to tell me so smile and if he is still alive he might google himself and stumble upon Mumsnet.

I have just sent an email to the paper so hopefully they will be in touch in the next few days.

I just looked on BT.com and there is one B listed in Bassingham.

fergoose Thu 30-May-13 21:18:31

There are 15 Joel Bs listed in the UK

fergoose Thu 30-May-13 21:21:23

Inspector is that at Sheppard Court?

Pouncer1 Thu 30-May-13 21:21:47

I really hope you find him, please keep us updated. I am very sorry for your losses.

fergoose Thu 30-May-13 21:23:30

The address Sheppard Court I have found is sheltered housing.

MacMac123 Thu 30-May-13 21:24:41

Have pm' d you

fergoose Thu 30-May-13 21:25:08

I will pm you too - don't want to put phone number and address on here

looseleaf Thu 30-May-13 21:31:37

Wow- do tell us if you speak to him; really hope he's alive and that you find him

Manchesterhistorygirl Thu 30-May-13 21:31:48

Good luck OP. have you tired appealing on ancestry.com or findmypast?

You can also apply to the national register office for death and birth certificates that might advance your search.

Thank you, I have PM'd back.

I have a couple of numbers to call tomorrow and I am just setting up a 192 account so I can have a look at a possible address on there.

I have tried ancestry.com but again it comes down to not knowing his proper name so I got nowhere there, I haven't heard of findmypast so I will check that out just now.

I will keep you all updated, I am going to call the pub and shops again tomorrow and wiil hopefully hear back from the paper soon if I don't get anywhere with the numbers I have been given.

I can't tell you all how much this means to me flowers

idiot55 Thu 30-May-13 21:48:17

Hope it all works out for you ,

I traced my birth mum, but was lucky I had her name and DOB.

good luck in your search smile

OrchidFlakes Thu 30-May-13 21:59:17

I have nothing helpful to add but best of luck OP, this thread has really moved me.

Good luck flowers

Bassingham is my next village, OP & my GP is there, & I know loads of locla contacts.

I'll liaise with Fergoose (we know each other outside MN) if you like & see what we can find.

<dons deerstalker>

Fabalab Thu 30-May-13 22:16:25

Sheltered housing sounds promising.

I don't really have much to add and you probably know more about genealogy now than I do grin but don't lose hope just because you don't know his full first name. When I do my genealogy bits I always put in aliases or nicknames used, for this very reason.

DeafLeopard Thu 30-May-13 22:22:25

OMG is there nothing that MN cannot do?! smile

Really hope you find your family OP.

fergoose Thu 30-May-13 22:23:13

Am trying not to get hopes up - would be very lovely if he has been found smile

The sheltered housing Fergoose has found is about 10 miles away from Bassingham OP, on the outskirts of Lincoln but I know where it is.

Januarymadness Thu 30-May-13 22:30:19

There are several reasons I love mn. This is one of them xx

Wow MN stalkers on the case now grin I can't begin to tell you all how grateful I am for you help and messages and for wishing me luck.

I know my Dads Dad, I guess I should call him Grandad really, was the son of a Canadian Indian and had a nickname that was passed down to my Dad something like 'Big Canada' or 'Big Indian' or similar, I remember everyone called him by the name.

He was a massive guy who had bushy dark brown curly hair (that my daughter has inherited) and dark brown eyes (that my son has inherited) and the son he had who died was called Billy he was in his 20s and he was in a car accident or he was hit by a car, I have one photo of me as a baby with his daughters/my sisters, they are called Marianne, Joanne and I think his daughter Sharon died from SIDS but it could have been one of the others and they would be prabably in their 50s now. Apparently he had 3 sheep that he named after me and my brothers too confused and his favourite song was Golden Brown and he used to have a record of 5,4,3,2,1 that he played and danced to all the time too.

Thats all I know about him and my siblings.

Picturepuncture Thu 30-May-13 22:34:03

Wow, sme of these posters are amazing, I hope you get some news OP.

GeekInThePink Thu 30-May-13 22:36:34

Good luck OP

How brilliant is mumsnet?

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