House rules I forgot to make.

(414 Posts)
CadleCrap Sun 28-Apr-13 09:23:33

Don't comb the soap. hmm

ethelb Sun 28-Apr-13 21:53:44

Made me think of this:

Don't do,
Don't do,
Don't do that.
Don't pull faces,
Don't tease the cat.

Don't pick your ears,
Don't be rude at school.
Who do they think I am?

Some kind of fool?

One day
they'll say
Don't put toffee in my coffee
don't pour gravy on the baby
don't put beer in his ear
don't stick your toes up his nose.

Don't put confetti on the spaghetti
and don't squash peas on your knees.

Don't put ants in your pants
don't put mustard in the custard
don't chuck jelly at the telly
and don't throw fruit at the computer
don't throw fruit at the computer.

Don't what?
Don't throw fruit at the computer.
Don't what?
Don't throw fruit at the computer.
Who do they think I am?
Some kind of fool?

Michael Rosen

wonderstuff Sun 28-Apr-13 21:56:24

No pooing at the table
Don't touch your brothers willy
Don't fill the washing machine with the recycling
Do not use mummy as a trampoline (why? Was the response to this request)

Earthworms Sun 28-Apr-13 21:58:24

Don't stick your dinner to the wall

Earthworms Sun 28-Apr-13 21:59:27

No, it is NOT your turn to drive

You are two years old.

If you piss me off I will take you to Meadowhall hell for the day
^^grin grin grin grin grin

RunningOutOfIdeas Sun 28-Apr-13 22:08:40

The horse's head does not live in my bed.
Do not make magic potions with my expensive bath oil.
Stop trying to fold your little sister in half.
No you cannot tape up your little sister's hands to stop her pulling your hair.

Stop filling up the freezer with containers full of ice with Lego Han Solo mini-figures embedded in them. It's pointless, because by the time you get them to school to show your friends, it will just be a Lego person in a box of slush.

It isn't necessary for more than one of you to wee in the same toilet at the same time, and I don't want to hear about "crossing the streams".

To DD aged 2

The subwoofer is NOT somewhere to store Happyland people, socks or raisins, however inviting the hole on the front may be.

Neither is down my top or in my bra.

My toothbrush is not for cleaning the bath, thank you.

Sharing is good, except when it is your cast off crisp/raisin/biscuit which you have thoughtfully pre-chewed.

alienbanana Sun 28-Apr-13 22:48:33

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Never put jam on a magnet.

Ahem. wink

janji Sun 28-Apr-13 22:49:31

Do not run around the house naked in front of 2 police officers who have come to take a statement from me after a vandal was caught wrecking my car!!

alienbanana Sun 28-Apr-13 22:51:11

Don't brush my hair with the loo brush. I know you were trying to be helpful, but I was being sick and the time and it really didn't help.

BrienneOfTarth Sun 28-Apr-13 22:55:44

tears of laugher. Please can this thread go in classics?

What to add?
...
It is not possible to stop needing a wee by effort of will if you are busy playing. The wee is going to come out.
You must remove ALL items of clothing before getting in the bath.
Do not use toys that are not water-tight to transport water from the bathroom to your bedroom.
Do not attempt to conduct water-based games in your bedroom.

JollyPurpleGiant Sun 28-Apr-13 22:56:37

Rules my mum wishes she had made:
Don't put your bowl of cornflakes on your brother's head
Don't turn on both taps in the en suite, plug the overflow then leave the room
Don't run outside naked when it's snowing
Don't bend down so your sister can stand on your back to unlock the front door
Don't help eachother get undressed in public
Don't attempt to make perfume
Don't set fire to things with a magnifying glass
Don't swing upside down from anything
Don't drop the hamster off the bunk bed

There were 4 of us including a set of twins, so we had plenty of opportunity to get up to mischief grin

alienbanana Sun 28-Apr-13 22:59:10

No naked trampolining

About four weeks ago:

Don't stick sequins and googly eyes on your brothers willy.

And constantly:

Branches are not lightsabres
Sticks are not lightsabres
Baguettes are not lightsabres
Kitchen roll tubes are not lightsabres
No lightsabres at the table
No lightsabres up bums

StarryHappy Sun 28-Apr-13 23:08:46

don't eat other siblings sick

Startail Sun 28-Apr-13 23:12:20

No handstands against a full length glass door (she 12, you might expect a tiny bit of sense)

our sub woofer used to be home to lego and playmobil bits too!

StarryHappy Sun 28-Apr-13 23:16:21

don't ask mummy when it's time to have sherry in front of health visitor

zambooloo Sun 28-Apr-13 23:50:04

Do not brush the dog's teeth with daddy's toothbrush.

LisaMed Mon 29-Apr-13 10:30:45

Do not pull every single wipe out of a new eighty wipe packet and dispose of round the room. It is not decorating.

do not rub sudacream in hair/clothes/carpet/upholstery/cat

pulling cats' whiskers does not end well. Did she scratch you? Serves you right (actually, evil cat only threatened and never touched him at that time, but it would have served him right)

Flobbadobs Mon 29-Apr-13 10:51:41

Do not post the Sky viewing card into the washing machine.
Or my handbag
Or Daddies shoes
Or any shoes
Or your nappy. Leave it where it is.

I will change your sisters nappy, I appreciate the help but you are 7 and not strong enough to stop her wriggling away and smearing poo all over the floor which she then puts her feet in.

DS please don't answer the door while 'adjusting' yourself. It looks odd.

TrampyPants Mon 29-Apr-13 11:06:33

Do not tell your teacher about "daddys thrashing stick". It does not exist and your teacher will look at me askance.

When he was younger: you are not a train, and neither am I
A year or so later: you are not a jedi and I am not a sith
A year or so later: you are not Link and I am not Zelda
Yesterday: you are not a rock star and I am not your manager. Nor am I "killing your buzz". Just do your homework.

BastardDog Mon 29-Apr-13 11:14:50

Don't poo in the drawers in the bathroom.

Don't poo in the bin in your bedroom.

Don't insert your sisters lipstick and toothbrush up your bottom.

Don't tell grandma that her back ache is probably a tumour.

Don't spend your dinner money on 4 cans of energy drink and then be angry that your teacher has rung me about your persistently disruptive behaviour that afternoon.

Don't play with your willy in front of grandma.

The music channel is not to be watched at grandmas house because she finds catching you wanking rather embarrassing.

ClaudiaWinklepants Mon 29-Apr-13 11:22:04

Use the correct item for cleaning, ie do not varnish the wardrobe doors with sudocream nor sprinkle a whole bottle of ink on big sister's carpet like Shake n Vac confused

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now