House rules I forgot to make.

(414 Posts)
CadleCrap Sun 28-Apr-13 09:23:33

Don't comb the soap. hmm

amazingmumof6 Tue 21-May-13 21:08:55

bogeyface I'm happy to report that t dryer sorted it. phew

Bogeyface Tue 21-May-13 22:55:29

Running I am sure there was an MNer who found out that her DH stripped naked to do a pooh! She was taken aback and he thought everyone did it!

springymater Wed 22-May-13 01:57:30

He thought everyone did it HAHAHAHAHA

FutureNannyOgg Wed 29-May-13 12:18:41

Your head is not a weapon.

FutureNannyOgg Wed 29-May-13 19:27:17

Do not lick my nose while I am telling you off.

kweggie Wed 02-Apr-14 23:03:16

Don't dig up the dead hamster to show your friend. Don't let him put it down the front of his fleece. Don't nod and smile when he shows his mum when she comes to collect him.

VivienScott Thu 03-Apr-14 08:58:35

Do not see how far you can push your leg through the railings until they get stuck then leave telling me until it's so swollen I need the fire brigade to cut you free.

DP do not put cardboard on the open fire, it's how chimney fires start. Oh there's a chimney fire, like I said there would be, I'll call the fire brigade. Do not ignore what both the firemen and I say and put cardboard on the fire again starting another chimney fire in less than 2 weeks and decide to take the kids to safety at your mothers aka hide from the firemen who WILL tell you off because I do not wish to be on first name terms with the local fire brigade, it is not 'cool' that they wave at me when they pass in their truck and I do not feel like I'm being accepting into the community because if it. I feel like a prat who has the fire brigade round all the time.

DS don't feed the dog your poo, don't let the dog sniff your bottom as you are pooing, do not yell at anyone flushing the toilet because you want the world biggest wee, stop trying to put tampons up your bottom, don't take thd dead mice the cat brings in into school for show and tell, especially if it's only half a mouse with it's guts hanging out, the mess in the book bag was horrendous.

drivenfromdistraction Thu 03-Apr-14 09:19:34

Do not try and redecorate your bedroom carpet and wallpaper using the oil paints from your big brother's modelling kit. And if you do, don't call me to help when it doesn't turn out how you expected. But if you do, don't be surprised and hurt when I tell you off and take the paint away instead of joining in the splodgy fun.

Don't draw bottoms all over the wrapping paper for Granny's present. No, they don't look like hearts. Yes, she will know they are bottoms. No, I don't think Granny likes bottoms on her present.

Telling your younger siblings to do something that you know is wrong isn't a cunning wheeze to stay out of trouble yourself. I heard you say it and your look of outraged innocence won't save you. Neither will saying cheeky/naughty/rude things in a high-pitched voice and blaming it on your cuddly toy. I know it is you, I can see and hear you. Because I can.

Beastofburden Thu 03-Apr-14 09:33:55

Do not barricade yourself into your bedroom during quiet time at the top of the house, and then announce you are climbing out of the window. Likewise, do not lock yourself in your grandmother's upstairs loo with the big oldfashioned key that gets stuck easily.

No, you will not get a real live fireman in uniform with a shiny hat and a big hose and a ladder. The fire service has special middleaged lady firemen who rescue stuck children and are Very Stern with them.

Beastofburden Thu 03-Apr-14 09:37:56

If mummy pops into the garden to fetch some herbs, it is not a good thing to turn the security lock at the bottom of the kitchen door so she cant get back in. This is especially important if daddy is at work and there is something boiling on the stove.

When you are in sixth form, do not go into the garden in your pyjamas when Mummy is out for the day, letting the door swing shut behind you. You will find that although it is almost possible to break back ito the house through the catflap, using a bamboo stick to hook the keys to the back door, it isn't quite. Because of the security lock at the bottom.

Pots of gooey stuff on mummy's dressing table are not finger paints, nor is the carpet a blank canvas.

There is no such thing as a willy dance. No, I don't want to see you do a 'helicopter' with it. Put it AWAY!

Mummy is not a climbing frame.

Stop licking the car.

No flicking snot around inside the car.

Daddy does not want you to watch him wee - he has moved to one side and then the other, to stop you peering round him to watch him wee. It is a really bad idea to pop up between his legs, to see him weeing - you will get a wet head before you see anything.

I know you are learning to crawl, and to pull yourself to standing, but if you try to pull yourself to standing using the potty, please don't do so when it is full, and when mummy has just changed you and got you dressed.

Don't eat tortilla chips from the bin. OK - you can eat them, but only because mummy is so stressed out at you tantrumming that she will let you eat the tortilla chips from the bin in preference to starting another tantrum!!

slug Thu 03-Apr-14 11:57:07

Mummy is not a slide

Atbeckandcall Thu 03-Apr-14 12:03:31

Your Yorkshire pudding isn't a flannel, the gravy isn't soap. Therefore do not wash your face with either (to someone else's child I might add).

VivienScott Thu 03-Apr-14 13:11:57

When mummy puts the iPad down for a minute, don't delete all the boring work she's done to write a letter to Father Christmas, he won't be coming now.
What goes on in the toilet is of no interest to the postman or the meter reader.
Do not draw on walls, do not draw on paper then glue it to the walls as a cunning way of getting round the no drawing on walls rule, just leave the walls alone.
You can't have a brick and you can't smash a shovel against the house to knock a brick out for you to have because 'the house has so many' yes the house does need all of them.

MyFabulousBoys Thu 03-Apr-14 13:20:27

Do not colour in your penis with a permanent marker.

MrsTittleMouse Thu 03-Apr-14 13:23:21

I am so glad that we're not the only house to have a No Pants - No Dinner rule. grin

Iwasagnome Thu 03-Apr-14 13:36:18

When you are 4 and I ask you to tell me if your newborn sister wakes up, don't be helpful and try to carry her upstairs!!!
Don't lose your temper with your painting and throw your brush , loaded with red paint , at the white kitchen ceiling

Atbeckandcall Thu 03-Apr-14 13:43:27

Stop strumming your minnie, it doesn't play a tune.
Don't tell Granny's female friend to scrape the spikes from her chin.
Don't wake me up by peeling open my eyelids and trying to lick my eyeball.
Don't tell anyone who will listen that Mummy's bum is hairier than Daddy's (it isn't I hasten to add).
Pleas stop asking me how many minutes it is until Christmas. It's only fucking April!!!!

momofmonster Thu 03-Apr-14 15:57:41

nail varnish is not make for putting on your face and lips like makeup.

stop pressing mommies snooze button - my alarm goes off for a reason and you have made me wake up late 3 times in the last fortnight!!

if you have an accident in the night - do not leave your wet pants and pyjamas on the floor in the hallway then proceed to get in to my bed completley naked and still a little bit damp hmm

random men in the street do not want to be my new boyfriend please stop asking them!! blush

when we go to warwick castle mommy does not want to spend the whole day either in the playground or climbing up and down the tower continously!!

RunnersTipple Thu 03-Apr-14 17:35:34

Hoes are not light sabres. <fetches steri strips>

feellikeshitrightnow Thu 03-Apr-14 17:54:53

Don't fight over who gets the smash a stick into the puddle,

Hogwash Thu 03-Apr-14 21:16:00

Granny's favourite monkey-puzzle tree did not need watering in that way.

Gathering all your friends around the loo to wee at the same time is not cool, and it is not clever.

Yes, it was funny when I had to blow in your mouth to get the pea to come out of your nose, but let's not do it again.

Singing the 'poo' song standing in a puddle up to your knees was not necessary, especially when the headmaster who had just offered you a scholarship was approaching, even if it did help with the decision over whether to accept.

No, it is not funny to discuss at length with your brother how the assistant head's breasts 'flap up and down' when you sing the school song. actually it is a bit

Pollaidh Thu 03-Apr-14 21:40:24

Do not wipe your pooey bottom on a napkin, especially not a napkin taken from the table in the middle of a dinner party.

Do not use your baby brother's finger to pick your nose.

Do not brush your teeth with the loo brush.

Do not hook sharp knives off the kitchen counter using a broom.

Do not climb inside the tumble dryer.

Do not scooter down the four-storey flight of stairs.

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