fecking animals are driving me nuts and i am going to kill them all

(219 Posts)
TeggieCampbeggBlegg Tue 26-Mar-13 08:39:12

cat. In and out and in and out and in and out and in and out and food food food food food.

BigDog. Follow cat and breathe and pant and herd and pant and bark and herd and breathe and bark.

SmallDog. When not shagging the cat wilk not leave BigDog alone. Nose up arse and lick and lick and yap and yap snd lick snd sniff and luck and sniff.

All. The. Fucking. Time. Round. And. Round. And. Round. In. Circles.

I no longer love them. In fact I hate them all.

pepperrabbit Tue 26-Mar-13 11:06:49

Still haven't forgiven the cat for the day I trod on a frog's eyeball and burst it with my bare foot.
<slipper obsessed>

duchesse Tue 26-Mar-13 11:07:35

<thanks ye gods her dogs aren't allowed upstairs or on furniture>

My two dogs fecking shed all year round. And when I sweep up or vacuum up the hair, they deliberately go and shed more on the clean floor, the feckers. I am seriously considering either Veet or varnish!!

ratspeaker Tue 26-Mar-13 11:10:34

Cat wants out.
yowls.
I open front door.
Cat hovers.
I shiver.
Doesnt like weather and holds me responsible.
Ambles to back door.
Yowls.
I open back door.
Blasted by wind.
Cat holds me responsible.
Ambles to front door.
Yowls...

rinse and repeat

We thought we had the house rabbit proofed.
Hah!
He's chewed a bunny shaped hole in the board we had up protecting wires and stuck his head through..
ooo Electric spaghetti!
Chomp.
Printer no longer working.

Sheshelob Tue 26-Mar-13 11:12:10

TooMany mine is part Yorkie - obviously the annoying part. The pissing we get is "Visitor!! Visitor!! Let me welcome them with a spiral - yes, a special spiral - of piss". If she peed on clean clothes she would have been recycled by now.

This is my favourite thread ever.

Pilfette Tue 26-Mar-13 12:20:12

pepperrabbit I think you just beat me in the frogs & yuk stakes grin

duchesse Tue 26-Mar-13 12:43:24

Just took Youngdog and cat (!) for a 2.5 mile walk and all serenity is restored mainly because the little feckers are now too tired for mischief.

AdoraBell Tue 26-Mar-13 13:07:11

See, this is why I don't have cats, pissing in baths/sinks, walking on kitchen surfaces, getting inside duvet covers, giving birth under the duvet on your bed while you sleep - friend of mine, I can't be doing with that kind of shit.

My GS's are too big to get in the sink, run away from the bath in case they get washed and are generally luffly. Except when the fuckers chew through pipes from the solar panels and rip the garden to shreds - I mean, who chews roses? they have thorns you idiots.

And they don't get on the beds or sofa because they know they'll get called Oi!, fingers clicked at them and a thumb over my shoulder indicating which direction they are to slink off - no mercy, megrin

SucksToBeMe Tue 26-Mar-13 13:25:45

grin at this thread!

TeggieCampbeggBlegg Tue 26-Mar-13 13:49:23

Overcat. psychic mustard.
will wake me up exactly 10 minutes before the alarm goes off. no matter what time that is.
bunch.

TeggieCampbeggBlegg Tue 26-Mar-13 13:50:00

and now my ducking phone won't let me swear. salary.

TeggieCampbeggBlegg Tue 26-Mar-13 13:50:20

blocks

My dog was spayed on Friday.

She is a 11 month old Lab banned from exercising, jumping up and getting excited. So basically banned from being a Labrador.

My entire being is spent trying to stop her doing something that will cause her entrails to spill on the floor. Bastard.

Mirage Tue 26-Mar-13 13:58:55

We don't have indoor pets,thank goodness.My current bete noir are sheep.They are bastards indeed.They can't be turned out because of the cold & snow,so have taken over every barn on the farm.I went in to fill the mangers yesterday and the evil things rushed at me because they could see 2 bags of feed in the corner on the other side of the gate.They nearly knocked me over and proceeded to trample each other in an effort to get into the bags.And they crapped all over the hay that I was trying to pitchfork up.Then all their lambs get excited and race around the shed in the same direction en masse,forming a kind of lamb vortex which you can't cross without getting legged over.

The ewes are very adept at jumping out of their pens and abandoning their newborns.I saw one jump a 3ft pen yesterday-had no idea they could jump so high,but at least if they are jumping out,they aren't squashing and suffocating their lambs.Grrrr,had enough already.

Compared to sheep,the ponies are no trouble,no mucking out because they live out all the time.DD2's pony has got very silly due to not being ridden so much and likes to freak out at stuff he's seen before every day,DD1's is a bit bitey and face pully,but ok to ride.The guinea pigs never give me any gyp.

duchesse Tue 26-Mar-13 14:05:57

pmsl at "lamb vortex".

greenhill Tue 26-Mar-13 14:08:56

What is it about doors and cats? If it is closed they want it open, then if it is open, they sit next to it and stare at it. I'm bored of the door opening/ closing game. It is too cold to play grin

We have never had a cat flap and have had our cat for 15 years, our neighbours tell us she goes into their house via the cat flap and eat their cat's food. No wonder the two of them fight when they see each other!

Also my lovely cat did an enormous fur ball that brought up its last meal...all over an Aran jumper in my wardrobe...it is a good thing I love her dearly.

AdoraBell Tue 26-Mar-13 14:09:08

YY, lamb vortex, classicgrin

Dogs and cats are shit pets. What you need is a lovely, cuddly panda grin

stinkyfluffycat Tue 26-Mar-13 14:15:50

GetOeuf I just mis - read your post as a "whole dead cow dragged in through the catflap". That really would be impressive, if harder to clear up than your average dead mouse...

ipswichwitch Tue 26-Mar-13 14:15:59

getoeuf we also have a sink-pissing cat. very elegantly balances all of her paws on the edge of the sink, and has superb aim down the plughole.

she has been known to wait --fall asleep--in the bath for hours waiting for someone to turn the tap on so she can have a drink. because the lovely filtered water special cat fountain isn't good enough. oh no.

there is no in/out dance at the minute as she hates weather of any sort, especially the wind, presumably because it blows her fur/up her bum the wrong way.

i believe she has found my life insurance policy documents since she has spent the last week lying on the stairs every morning waiting to trip me up in my half asleep stupor

purrpurr Tue 26-Mar-13 14:29:25

We have a frightfully sensitive moggy. Normally friendly and inquisitive, loves strangers (or just the strange), full of purrs and trills and flops (if I say 'hit the deck' in a particularly sugary voice, she will flop obligingly) but if me and my DH exchange so much as ONE cross word she'll go and wee on something.

We haven't exchanged a cross word since 2009.

Cats. Better than Relate.

Mirage Tue 26-Mar-13 14:45:19

grin Wish me luck,I'm about to enter into the fray again shortly.I'll try and film them next time they do it.

IpswichWitch - is there a right way for the wind to blow up your the cat's bum? grin

stopfightingandtidyupthismess Tue 26-Mar-13 14:50:36

I used to have a spaniel that would object to the wind blowing up her bum. She'd turn towards you and try to leap into your arms so you could carry her home. Unlikely, the whole point of us being out is that you WALK, dog!

AdoraBell Tue 26-Mar-13 14:54:24

Mrs my dogs are not shit petsangry although if I could I'd have a polar beargrin

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