What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

(549 Posts)

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house? hmm

these, but even pointier

missoldPPIlongstocking Thu 06-Dec-12 21:20:35

Overheard in a Winchester cafe:

Little boy of about 7yo: "what are we doing this weekend mummy?"
Vair posh Mum: "we're going to stay at Justin's house in London darling...Oh don't look so sad you love Justin's house - he has such lovely furniture! And daddy is flying in from Zurich!"

My mate turned to me and said "I have no idea why you think Winchester is posh" smile

xlatia Thu 06-Dec-12 21:43:15

mum of one DC: "so we'll be moving from our (3 bed) flat to a house. the flat is nice for a couple but how could 3 people possibly live there?"

they're now living in a 5 bed house with 2 adults and a toddler, who will never ever have a sibling if mum gets her way. she will be shock to learn that DP and i purchased a 2 bed flat AND we'll be having DC2 soon. someone call SS!

MerryKissMyArse Fri 07-Dec-12 05:03:09

My God upstart that is hilarious! That is truly pretentious, unlike many of the posts on this thread which seem to be more about inverted snobbery or just plain jealousy.

BlackBagFestiveBorderBinLiner Fri 07-Dec-12 09:19:58

On learning that the first grandchild was on the way, MIL excitedly produced this poem which I read and forgot.

The subject was returned to several times till finally I realised she want to be know as 'Groin-Murder.'

As a child DH from Gosport, Hampshire had been instructed to call his GPs from Hertfordshire using the Welsh GP names so she'd researched her own unique moniker in advance.

Creative, pretentious or just up her own arse?

She hated it when I refered to her as Grandma (I figured that was a step in the right direction) so after a nameless period as 'Daddy's mummy' she's settled on Granny.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Fri 07-Dec-12 09:30:37

BOF

When I was about seven, I asked my mum if the back door was the same as "the tradesmen's entrance". She laughed a lot. In my defence, I did read a lot of Enid Blyton.

erm. She may not have been laughing for the reason you think she was...

upstart68 Fri 07-Dec-12 20:29:08

Merry - yes I'd not been going out with dh long at the time and found it all a bit odd. I think they had it in a little cardboard folder with some gold string binding it.

It's actually worth repeating to see if your guests can keep a straight face, isn't it.

Elfontheshelfiswatchingyou Fri 07-Dec-12 21:29:59

bunnybing I have an awful feeling that might have been me with the tinned pasta shapes. ;)

TallyBear Tue 11-Dec-12 11:59:54

Nickname <whispers quietly> I was born in Luton too. I made sure DS was born somewhere 'nice' to go on his driving licence (everyone has a bit of snob in them somewhere!)

I went to a bog standard comp and a group of us went to a local posh girls boarding school for some reason which now escapes me (hockey match maybe?). We were waiting in a classroom and noticed that there was some graffiti on a desk: 'Marianne is a pain'! Different class of insult there!

deste Tue 11-Dec-12 19:55:43

We were brought up on a council estate so our church was there but we moved to another council estate but next to a very nice area. When DH and I decided to get married I wasn't allowed to go back you "our" church I had to go to the church in the nice area. It is actually our church now as we moved to the nice area anyway. I got a bollocking for putting down on the forms for getting married that my father was a hairdresser, my mother said he was a master hairdresser and omitting that word was a sin. The thing is he did a six month course for unemployed people. My mother was a terrible snob.

bialy & mrs dv I snorted so loudly at your posts ( mrs dv on dcs careers) that my DS shouted from bed to ask what's wrong!

DS age 3, while being shown tshirts in ASDA " hmm no mammy, I'm not keen on the one, show me another" wtaf!!

Also my auntie had my cousins friend over to play ( both boys 6 or 7 )
Friend asks " mrs xxxx do you have a nanny or just a childminder?" " no dear we have grandparents!" He still is v.pretentious at 23!!

MrsNPattz Tue 11-Dec-12 22:31:05

We were in a Chinese restaurant the other night and there was a very pretentious group sat next to us - one of the girls (about 13) dropped her fork on the floor and the mum said 'oh don't pick that up off the floor darling'........

I have a very well-to-do friend (don't you know) who is about 45 yrs old. Last time I saw her she said 'Mummy and I are just off to Ick-kay-ah darling.'

Ick-kay-ah is how she pronounces Ikea!

HilaryM Wed 12-Dec-12 23:27:35

I've been to that dry cleaners in Virginia Water* - it is rather posh. Full of staff bringing in laundry for their Russian oligarch employers.

*Surrey (natch) not Berkshire btw

speedyboots Sat 15-Dec-12 15:32:13

I was at my friend's house for dinner when I was about 7 and I wasn't allowed to leave the table and go to the toilet until I asked to go and spend a penny. I remember not being impressed even then.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 06-Jan-13 19:15:30

"I'm originally from Reading, but spiritually I'm Spanish*

Got me wondering if there are any Spaniards who are spiritually from Reading.

SchnappsDamnYou Sun 06-Jan-13 19:58:56

Family friend to me when I was aged 3 and carrying a flower 'ooh, look, pretty, what's that?'
Me 'a mesembryanthemum'

coldcupoftea Sun 06-Jan-13 21:00:57

My 2yo was helping me make tea ( ie putting teabags in cups, not pouring boiling water!) and my newly pregnant friend who had just been bending my ear for the last 30 mins about all the child-rearing theories she had been reading said "ooh, that's very Montessori" .

Also my 7yo niece who said very seriously when offered a creme egg "no thanks, I only like Green and Blacks dark chocolate"

TheSecondComing Sun 06-Jan-13 21:11:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparrowfart Sun 06-Jan-13 21:45:23

Went to visit an old friend in Lancashire while I was living in London, myself and a very lovely but really pretentious friend drove us up in his Porsche. Whilst we were there we ate in a pub and he was given some HP sauce to put on his food. He made a great show of being plummy and amazed by this sauce - "Oooo ooo what is this? I've never seen it before, is it some special northern thing? We don't have anything like this down South!" to which said old friend's brilliant, brilliant husband pointed out the picture of the Houses of Parliament on the front of the bottle...

ptangyangkipperbang Sun 06-Jan-13 22:35:14

Sparrow fart that reminds me of a visit to my friend's mum's house. She was very posh and when pouring a cup of tea asked
"Do you take sugar?"
"No thank you".
Her reply - "I thought you would, being from the North".

EggRules Mon 07-Jan-13 13:05:21

"I know you are thirsty darling. You will have earned your drink when you have finished your rainmaker". confused

Gunznroses Mon 07-Jan-13 13:27:23

Deste said - Dd's friend was teaching a drama class when one of the girls came in with a bandage on her finger. She said oh dear what have you done, her answer, my pony bit my finger.

Whats so pretentious about that ? Maybe her pony did bite her finger, or is it the fact the child has a 'pony' that got your back up ?

LastInTheQueue Mon 07-Jan-13 13:50:09

My H and I do unfortunately come out with some right doozies, but we know we're snobs. But at least we snobs who can laugh at ourselves and wih each other.
Classics from H:
- while on holiday in the St Lucia where there are NO private beaches, unlike some of the other Caribbean islands we've been to - "look, darling, there are poor people on the beach. Have them removed".
- on a walking holiday in Scotland where I wanted to get water from a stream to drink and he didn't think it was a good idea. "I don't believe we should discuss this further - we have lost the art of compromise"

As for me, I once refused to buy the brand of beer favoured by men we had working in our garden, because it was only sold in cans and I couldn't bring myself to put cans of beer in my shopping trolley...

Thankfully we have no children to pass these foibles on to, but I did once hear my 4 yr old nephew correcting his little neighbour friend with "it's no le-lo, it's yellow. It's not wa-er, it's waTer. You should learn to speak properly".

DizzyZebra Wed 16-Jan-13 00:40:39

This thread is funny.
No one has ever actually said anything pretentious to me (Or maybe i just don't list).

When i moved up north though, My new friends were all convinced i was posh because of my accent. I tried to tell them i wasn't. This was further confirmed when they heard me friends who have the same accent.

Then one day, Just as the posh thing was dying down, In the same day i said something about my poor horses not being able to be turned out in the big field, because i had just bought another one and he was in quarentine as per the yard rules. And then later complained that the buses here do not have leather seats or air con like the one where i used to live.

My friends just stared at me, laughed, then referred to me as princess for a few weeks.

(I don't think it was proper leather though).

DizzyZebra Wed 16-Jan-13 00:42:28

Actually - My OH complained multiple times that our son will be an 'official scouser' because i gave birth at the womens in the city centre.

I don't know how he feckin dare TBH. Considering his first choice would be Derby.

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